#it would just such a neat thing to mix some of the ideas and world mechanics

[clockworkreapers]

It was no lie... 3 billion alternians dead. And who's to blame? (first set here)

[starsofang]

everybody had forgotten your birthday. well — everybody except for one person. that person remained a mystery, leaving you a wrapped gift on top of your desk.

the wrapping was pretty, decked in your favorite color with a neat bow slapped on top. it was a stereotypical gift, but it was the only one you’d received for your birthday, and to you, the execution was as beautiful as ever.

one thing was missing, and it was a name. on the tag, rather than saying who it was from, it was a scribbled out heart replaced with a simple smiley face. you didn’t have a clue who the gift could be from, but whoever delivered it was clearly on the fence about revealing their identity.

upon unwrapping the box, you discovered a jewelry box. black, velvet, simple. opening it was an entirely different story.

a lovely bracelet, shiny and new, riddled with little charms of your favorite things. a neat touch of your birthstone was in the mix, as well as a small initial for your name. it was gorgeous, the most perfect gift you could ever ask for, and you desperately wanted to thank the person who retrieved it for you.

you had your suspicions. there was johnny, who could be quite the brat but also a thoughtful friend. or gaz, who was always considerate of your interests and gave you open ears no matter the time of day. ghost didn’t seem the sentimental type, nor did price.

it wasn’t until the next morning, as you walked into the rec room to make yourself a cup of tea, did you know. you adorned the bracelet with pride, the little charms jingling as you poured hot water into your mug.

price stepped in, greeting you with his signature kind smile. you mirrored him, offering a good morning. he joined you in making a tea for himself, the air filled with a comfortable silence. he seemed hyper focused on dipping his tea bag rather than look at you, and if you squinted, you could sense a brief awkwardness looming out of him.

“i see you liked your gift,” he murmured quietly, sparing a quick glance to the bracelet before returning to his tea.

you startled in surprise, eyes wide as you peered up at him while he continued to avoid looking back. “that was you?” you asked.

he hummed in response, finally turning to you to lean his hip on the counter. he lifted his mug, taking a long sip of his fresh tea. “wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world, bug. i was just worried about gettin’ you the right thing.”

“i didn’t know you remembered,” you confessed shyly. you lifted your arm to inspect the bracelet once more, the little initial dangling prettily. “it’s beautiful. i love it. thank you, john.”

price cleared his throat, looking almost flustered. he darted his eyes to your bracelet before looking away again, hiding in his mug. “it’s nothin’, bug.”

“and the crossed out heart on the gift tag was also nothing, i assume?” you grinned knowingly. “the smiley face was a nice touch, though the heart would’ve been cute to keep, too.”

price grumbled into his mug, side eyeing you. “thought the heart might be too much. don’t want you gettin’ the wrong idea.”

“what idea would that be, sir?” you asked teasingly, taking an innocent sip of your tea.

price attempted to hide his smile, but you could see the small quirks on the corners of his mouth, begging to turn up. “minx,” he muttered in feigned annoyance, giving an affectionate pinch to your cheek before stalking off to the exit of the room.

you smiled bashfully, holding the bracelet dear to your chest as you watched him go, the telltale of a smile on his lips leaving with him.

maybe if you prodded him some more, his initial would join yours on the bracelet one day.

[baldy-wan-kenobi]

If you'll permit me a chance to ramble a moment, I'd like to share something that occured to me, upon a recent rewatch of The Matrix.

Nearly every part of the Matrix films has been picked apart through the lens of an allegory for the transgender experience, however, upon my revisiting, it came to my attention that there is one element I've not seen dissected in the same thoroughness as the others: The series' villain, Agent Smith. Smith, as played by the brilliant actor Hugo Weaving, is one of the best characters in the films, and I would argue one of the best villains in film, period, but his role in the thematic structure of this series seems to go overlooked, in my experience. 

Now, some of you may say that Smith's role is obvious: he is the representation of society at large, the anthropomorphized avatar of the pressures against transition, the forces at work keeping the world nice and homogeneous, and everyone in their neat little boxes. However, I believe there is more to him. I believe that Smith is also an allegory for a very different trans experience, one much darker and uglier than that of Neo.

From the beginning, Agent Smith suffers due to his greater "understanding" of the humans. He is fascinated, enthralled, plagued by questions the other Agents would never even bother to ask. However, he is still a part of the system, still in his neat little box, and this fascination repulses him, makes him disgusted with himself just as much as the humans he so "despises".

And then Neo "frees" him. (exposing him to the idea of transition, taking the first step in cracking his egg, planting the idea that he does not have to be what he is forever.) and his language is, at least to me, very revealing:

"Afterwards, I understood the rules, I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn't, I couldn't, I was compelled to stay, to disobey. Now here I stand. Because of you."

To me, this reads very clearly as a representation of the denial that follows that sort of 'first exposure'. Everything he knows, his very programming, tells him that he must ignore this new part of himself, that he must go back to the machines and be remade, and yet he's been injected with some fragment of Neo's humanity. He is free, and he disobeys.

For the first time, Smith is without obligation, without restraint. he has, ironically, agency in his own life. However, this brings him elation and hatred in equal measure, because he has found this fulfillment in a thing he "hated", in the rejection of everything he once was, and now is no longer. In another person, with proper support and guidance, this could be overcome, worked through and understood, however Smith has no one. He is alone, and thus begins his fixation with Neo, his savior and his damnation.

To really focus in on this point, I'd like to draw your attention to a scene from Matrix: Reloaded, that being the first confrontation between Neo and Smith.

In it, Smith explains to Neo what has happened since the events of the first film, and it is hard to ignore the almost perverse mix of resentment, obsession, and affection Smith holds for Neo, as the one who "freed" him. However, it is the last bit of their dialogue that resonates most with me, and I'd like to take a look at it now:

"It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us. It is purpose that defines, purpose that binds us. We are here because of you, Mr. Anderson, to take from you what you tried to take from us: Purpose."

When viewed through this new lens, this interaction takes on a much different tone, an almost desperate one on Smith's part. Instead of a cold declaration of intent and drive, it instead says 'You made me realize that the thing I defined myself by (masculinity) was illusory and ill-fitting, and now I'm going to try and prove that the things by which you define yourself are just as illusory and hollow as a form of revenge and proof that I am not "weak" for what has happened to me.'

Smith is someone who wants what Neo has, but refuses to admit it, even to himself. When, in Reloaded, he takes over the body of the human Bane, it is perhaps the happiest we see him in the series, the most expressive he ever is. He cuts himself, simply out of a desire to feel pain, to experience what it is to be human. Despite his constant disparaging of his human form, especially during the fight with Neo, his glee during these sequences seems to contradict this, as though he is saying it more to convince himself than insult Neo. 

Finally, we arrive at the final movie, the one which has both the most and the least to say. In Revolutions, the Smith plotline takes a backseat until the end, the movie instead choosing to focus on the drama in the real world and a search for Neo after he was lost at the end of Reloaded. When he does enter the scene however, it is in dramatic and foreboding style.

The confrontation between Smith and the Oracle is, through this lens, at once full of meaning and devoid of it. The Oracle fulfills the role of the representation of choice in the Matrix, despite her name, utterly opposed to determinism, as represented by The Merovingian and The Architect. So, when Smith, a character defined by his uncertainty, his lack of purpose, and his mindset of “inevitability” comes face-to-face with the series’ representation of free will, it makes for fertile ground. 

Upon arriving, Smith proceeds to test the Oracle’s foresight, smashing a plate of cookies, and reasoning that, if she knew he was coming, which she must have, she must have placed them there “Deliberately, purposefully.” However, he does not follow this logic through to its completion, that the Oracle has not done anything to oppose him because she knows her assimilation is necessary to his defeat. As the Oracle says, no one can see past a choice they do not understand. Smith is in denial of his nature, of his desires, and of himself. Thus, he does not understand the choices he makes, and cannot see clearly the outcomes of his choices. 

Finally, we move to one of my favorite scenes in the film: Smith and Neo’s final confrontation. Standing over Neo in the ruin of their battle, Smith interrogates him about his choices, his motivations. He scorns the futility of Neo’s actions, asserting that everything from justice to freedom to love are merely delusions of a human mind attempting to justify its existence. However, reading this through our news lens, it seems more as though Smith is attempting to browbeat Neo, to convince him to give up and accept his own nihilistic point of view. Smith gave up on seeking his own desires, on choosing his own path, and now, it is not enough for him to simply defeat Neo physically, he must kill Neo’s ideology, his identity, and his purpose, to justify his own giving up and worldview of futility. 

Which makes Neo’s simple refutation hit all the harder. When faced with this nigh-omnipotent force of self-hatred and nihilism, this force of contempt and loathing so strong it followed him out of the Matrix and into the real world, he stands firm in his belief and denies Smith with a single sentence: 

“Because I choose to.”

It is a simple and powerful denial of everything Smith espouses, his nihilism, his loathing, his denial of himself and his desires. Neo does not follow Smith’s path because he chooses hope, chooses life, and chooses love. He chooses to follow his desires and find happiness and freedom, to forge his own path and create his own purpose, and Smith simply can’t accept this. He is jealous of Neo, covets what he has, and yet he cannot understand it, and thus cannot have it, so he seeks to destroy it. This desire becomes almost literal when, after Neo refutes his ranting, Smith tries to assimilate him- to absorb him and everything that he is into the collective of Smiths, to at once eliminate the reminder of what he lacks and seize it all for himself in one fell swoop, and yet, he fails. 

The Oracle’s warnings finally come full circle, and Smith’s lack of understanding finally collapses the house of cards he’s built. Combining with Neo, his opposite, negative and his equal, they are both destroyed, purging the Matrix of his influence and forging the first steps of peace between Human and Machine. 

Agent Smith is a fascinating character, and one often neglected in study of the Matrix, as upon first glance, his role as a representative of the homogenous system seeking to erase individuality and suppress deviation from the norm seems obvious. However, as I hope I’ve shown here, Smith is a fascinating character with much depth beyond his surface, both as a mirror to Neo’s journey with identity, desire, purpose, and fate, and as a representation of the darker side of many people’s struggle with gender. It is for these reasons, and many others (not the least of which being Hugo Weaving’s iconic performance), Agent Smith is considered one of the greatest antagonists ever put to film, and a key piece of one of the most influential franchises in cinematic and pop culture history. 

[a-miniature-constellation]

Factfolk/Fact-Id Flag

PT: Factfolk/Fact-Id Flag /End PT

ID: A 9 striped flag, with every other stripe going from thick to thin. The thin stripes are about half the size of the thick stripes. From top to bottom the colors are medium warm purple, dark purple, light desaturated purple, blue gray, white, blue gray, cerulean blue, dark blue, medium blue. In the middle of the white stripe is two combined white diamonds that poke out from the stripe going into the light desaturated purple and cerulean blue stripes. In the center of the diamonds is the symbol for factfolk, an outline of a simple camera with an outline of the earth as its lens. The symbol is blue gray.

A flag for anyone under the factual identity umbrella. A factual identity in simple terms is best defined as one that has roots and connections to something or someone that currently is existing or has existed in this world (though exceptions may exist in cases such as Exofactive, again this is a simplified definition). In many cases this is a human, but it doesn't have to be. This includes, but is not limited to:

Fact- folk

Fait- / Fuck- folk

Fog- folk

-tives

-kins

-therians

-hearteds

-linkers

-chainers

-vaugers

-karditypes

-stels

Endels, IRLs, DAs, and other folks whose identity is based in, caused by, or influenced by delusions or psychosis in general

Exofactives

Pre Factives

Post Factives

Those with factual hearthomes

Those who just "are" their identity and do not label it further

People who cannot, or do not want to, label their factual identity

[To be clear, prefixes are meant to be mixed and matched]

Again, this is meant to be an inclusive but not exhaustive list. Meaning it is a list to give an idea of who is included by default, but it is by no means limited to only these folks. It is simply a baseline idea for better understanding.

Symbol:

ID: Two symbols, both the same except the first is in black, the second is in white. The outline of a simple small rectangle hand held camera. Where the lens would normally be is an outline of the earth focused over the atlantic ocean.

We wanna talk about the symbol for a minute. The flag itself doesn't have too much meaning besides the color scheme is just one we noticed being used a lot for factual identity flags, so we decided to stick to it, and thought it looked pretty. The symbol on the other hand does have meaning and importance behind it.

The first is the camera. There was a discussion some time ago about a potential fact-id symbol in a server we are in, and an option someone threw out was a camera, to parallel fict-id's common use of a book. It's stuck with us ever since. Something about the symbolism of being able to (in theory) take a picture with two of the same guys. However at some point it also struck us another side of it. A common misconception used against factfolk is they're stealing someones identity, and claiming to be the 'real' [x]. While obviously we cannot say this never happens, that is not the experience for the majority of the community. Instead a better understand is the person you are in a photograph from 10+ years ago, while you, isn't who you are now. Factfolk are in many cases, again no experience is a monolith and we do not claim to speak for the community as a whole, a version of their source. Snippets of them reproduced, but not 1:1 copies. Like how even two photos taken close together won't be exactly the same.

The second part is the earth. This part is a lot more self explanatory. It in itself represents how in majority of cases ones source is from this world. It being where the lens of the camera would be is representative of the focus of that part of the identity. How sharing a world with ones source can impact things.

It can also be easily represented with the emoji combo of 📷🌎 [earth non specific, any can be chosen. A fun choice reason could be where an identity stem from!] which we think is neat.

[insomniac4000]

The Great YouTube Bake Off-ChrisMD

2864 Words

Chris Dixon was no stranger to challenges. From football tricks to wild challenges with his friends, he had tackled just about everything on his YouTube channel. But today, things were a little different. Today, Chris was venturing into a world he had only ventured into a few times and it wasn't his strong point, baking.

It had all started as a joke during one of their dates. Y/N and Chris had been together for seven months, she was a professional baker she had worked in kitchen restaurants before as a pastry chef but recently set up her own bakery and cake making business. While they were out y/n ordered a fantastic dessert but Chris was unimpressed with his complaining how hard was it to get a cheesecake right. Y/N scoffed at Chris's arrogance and thus was born the idea for a bake-off.

"How hard can it be?" Chris had confidently said while scrolling through pictures of extravagant cakes on Instagram. "I mean, it’s just mixing ingredients and throwing them in the oven, right?"

Y/N had raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing on her lips. "Sure, Chris. Whatever you say."

And that’s how they found themselves in the bright, spacious kitchen in a studio which had been used for Youtuber's cooking challenges, cameras set up and ready to film for Chris's second channel. The stakes were high bragging rights were on the line, and maybe a little something extra for the winner, as Chris had hinted at the possibility of the loser doing the winner's chores for a week. The kitchen counter was lined with ingredients, utensils, and an assortment of decorative toppings. Each of them had a cake recipe of their choice, and they would have two hours to complete their creations.

"You ready for this?" Chris asked, grinning as he adjusted the angle of the camera, making sure it captured both of them perfectly.

"Ready as I’ll ever be," Y/N replied with a twinkle in her eye, tying up her hair in a neat ponytail.

"May the best baker win!" Chris declared, striking a pose.

"Or the one who doesn’t burn the kitchen down," Y/N replied, causing Chris to laugh.

The judge was none other than long time friend of Chris, ArthurTV. Everyone was introduced on camera, y/n giving a small nervous smile. She hadn't appeared on the channel yet and she was grateful she was doing something she knew about so she could hopefully provide some content.

The clock started, and both contestants dove into their tasks. Chris, with his trusty iPad displaying a recipe began gathering his ingredients. He had chosen a classic chocolate cake—simple enough, but with a lot of room for error if one wasn’t careful.

Y/N, on the other hand, was as calm as ever now she was in the zone. She moved with the ease of someone who had done this a thousand times, expertly measuring out her ingredients without even glancing at the recipe. She had chosen a rainbow cake, one of her personal favourites, a common order in the shop and something she was well used to making.

As Chris cracked eggs into his mixing bowl, he glanced over at Y/N's workstation. She was working at a speed that was slightly unnerving, her hands moving in a blur as she sifted flour into a bowl. He suddenly felt a pang of doubt—maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought. But Chris wasn’t one to back down. He turned his attention back to his own cake and began mixing the batter with more vigour than necessary. Unfortunately, this resulted in a small cloud of flour puffing out of the bowl and landing all over his shirt.

"Smooth," y/n commented, not even looking up from her batter.

Chris glanced down at the mess, then at his girlfriends pristine workspace. A mischievous idea formed in his mind. If he couldn’t beat her fair and square, maybe a little sabotage was in order.

"Whoops," Chris said loudly, deliberately knocking a small bag of flour off the counter. The bag burst open as it hit the floor, sending a plume of white powder everywhere. "Guess I’m just clumsy today."

Y/N paused, looking up from her cake. "Really, Chris? Sabotage this early?"

Chris grinned innocently, wiping flour from his shirt. "I have no idea what you’re talking about."

Y/N shook her head, laughing. "You do realize this just makes it more obvious that I’m going to win, right?"

"We’ll see about that," Chris said, turning back to his bowl. But as he resumed mixing, he couldn’t help but notice how easily the girl had brushed off his attempt to throw her off her game. If anything, she seemed even more focused.

As the bake-off continued, Chris began to realize that y/n was not only a natural in the kitchen, but she was also completely unflappable. She whisked, folded, and poured with a precision that made Chris feel like an amateur. But he wasn’t about to give up, if anything, her calm demeanor just made him more determined to win, by any means necessary.

He subtly tried to disrupt her progress, hoping to shake her confidence. First, he "accidentally" bumped into her while reaching for a measuring cup, causing her to spill a little bit of sugar on the counter. She just shot him an amused look and cleaned it up without missing a beat.

Then, Chris tried adjusting the oven temperature while she wasn’t looking, but Y/N caught him in the act. "Chris!" she scolded, a mock-serious expression on her face. "Are you trying to sabotage my cake?"

"Who, me?" Chris replied, feigning innocence. "I would never."

"You do realize this is all on camera, right?" She reminded him, pointing to the lens that had been capturing every moment.

Chris froze, momentarily forgetting about the cameras. He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh, right. Well, I guess I’m busted then."

Y/N shook her head, unable to hide her smile. "You’re hopeless." She then decided her own course of action and when Chris was seriously measuring out some more ingredients y/n saw her opportunity and swiped the cocoa powder quickly, placing it on a high shelf where she knew Chris wouldn't be able to reach properly by himself. It was a big joke that y/n was an inch or so taller than Chris, she didn't mind but of course his friends ripped him for it.

"Where..." Chris said out loud looking around his workbench, spotting a very sly smile on his girlfriend's face. "Have you seen my cocoa powder?" Chris asked walking over to his girlfriends bench, she shook her head but the smile on her face gave the whole thing away. Chris sighed and looked behind her, seeing the packaging on a shelf next to a colander, he sighed and had to nicely ask Arthur to fetch it for him.

"That was uncalled for," Chris mumbled, y/n giggled to herself as she continued to pour her mixture in to the many cake tins she was using.

Despite their antics, both parties managed to get their cake batter into the oven without any major disasters. As he closed the oven door, he turned to y/n and asked, "So, what kind of decorations are you going with?"

"Buttercream," y/n said, as she started mixing softened butter and powdered sugar together. "Simple, but delicious."

Chris nodded, making a mental note. He hadn’t thought much about frosting, but now that she mentioned it, he realized that it was probably just as important as the cake itself. He decided to go with chocolate ganache—a little fancy, but hopefully, it would impress Arthur, and his girlfriend who's opinion meant everything.

Arthur had agreed to be the impartial judge for the bake-off, though Chris knew there was a good chance Arthur might side with y/n if the cakes were too close to call. The two of them had become fast friends since Chris and y/n started dating, and Chris couldn’t help but wonder if Arthur was secretly rooting for her. Chris knew he could be a bit of a handful sometimes too and it could come across he had a bit of an ego but it was all in jest, if nothing else he always tried his best.

With their cakes baking, Chris and y/n began preparing their frostings. Chris’s ganache, despite his lack of experience, was coming together nicely. He had managed to avoid burning the chocolate and was now carefully stirring in the cream. He felt a surge of confidence—maybe he could actually pull this off.

Y/N, meanwhile, had already finished her buttercream and was now focusing on making some unicorn decorations to top the cake. She moved with such efficiency that Chris couldn’t help but be impressed, even as he plotted his next move.

As y/n stepped away to check on her cake in the oven, Chris saw his opportunity. He quickly grabbed a small spoonful of salt and mixed it into her buttercream, hoping it would be enough to throw off the taste without being too obvious. He barely managed to return to his own station before y/n came back.

"How’s your cake looking?" Chris asked, trying to sound casual.

"Perfect," y/n replied with a satisfied smile. "And yours?"

"Uh, still baking," Chris said, glancing nervously at the oven. He hoped his cake would turn out as well as hers seemed to be. If not, he might have to rely on his sabotages more than he’d planned.

After what felt like an eternity, the oven timer dinged, and they both pulled out their cakes. Chris’s cake was a little uneven, but nothing a bit of frosting couldn’t fix. Y/N's cakes, of course, looked flawless—golden brown and perfectly risen.

They let their cakes cool before moving on to the final stage: decorating. Chris spread his ganache over the cake, trying to make it as smooth as possible. Y/N, meanwhile tasted her buttercream and shot Chris a look before starting again. As soon as her new buttercream was finished she was piping intricate patterns onto her cake with her buttercream.

As they worked, Chris couldn’t resist one last attempt at sabotage. He "accidentally" knocked a small jar of sprinkles off the counter, sending them scattering across the floor. Y/n just sighed and shook her head, clearly used to his antics by now.

"Chris, you do realize that if you spent as much time focusing on your cake as you did on trying to mess with mine, you might actually have a chance," she said, her tone more teasing than anything else.

"Hey, I’m just trying to keep things interesting," Chris replied with a grin.

The timer was ticking down faster than Chris would have liked, he still had chocolate sprinkles to add on and was going to put some sliced strawberry's to add too. He looked at his strawberry's and his face fell when he saw they were squished, like someone had put their fist on them like the hulk.

"Right madam, you're going to pay for that!" Chris scolded, he walked over to the fridge and luckily there was still a handful of fruit in there.

With their cakes finally completed, Chris and y/n stepped back to admire their work. Chris’s chocolate cake, while a bit rough around the edges, looked pretty decent, especially with the shiny ganache covering its imperfections. Y/n's unicorn cake however, was a work of art, with delicate piping, a face painted on the side and a unicorn horn placed on top wrapped in gold.

"Not bad," Y/N admitted, giving Chris’s cake an appraising look. "You might actually have a shot."

"You think so?" Chris asked, trying to hide his surprise.

"No I'm just being polite, but let’s see what Arthur thinks."

Arthur arrived back in frame. He greeted them both with a grin, clearly excited to see what they had come up with.

"Alright, guys, let’s see what you’ve made," Arthur said, He walked over to Y/N's cake first, examining it closely. "Wow, this looks amazing, Y/N. Very professional, but I'm going to have to have a look in the middle." Y/N then cut a slice out revealing perfect layers in her cakes.

"That's actually really impressive." Chris uttered, he was truly proud of his girl, she was obviously talented.

Arthur then turned his attention to Chris’s cake. He raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised by how decent it looked. "Not bad, Chris. I was expecting something a bit more… chaotic."

Chris chuckled, scratching his head. "Yeah, well, I had to make sure I wasn’t completely embarrassed on my own channel."

Arthur nodded, clearly amused. "Alright, let’s give these a taste."

He started with Y/N's cake, cutting a small slice and taking a bite. His eyes widened as he chewed, clearly impressed. "This is really good," he said after swallowing. "The flavours are spot on, and the buttercream is perfect. Chris I don't know how you don't weigh twice as much being with her." Arthur joked.

"It's hard," the curly haired man replied.

Y/N beamed, and Chris felt a twinge of nerves. He watched as Arthur moved on to his cake, cutting a slice and taking a bite. There was a long pause as Arthur chewed, his expression unreadable.

"Well?" Chris asked, unable to take the suspense any longer.

Arthur finally swallowed and nodded. "You know, Chris, this is actually pretty good. The ganache is rich and smooth, and the cake is moist. I’m impressed."

"Let me have a bite," y/n asked and thanked Arthur when he gave her a fork, she took a bite of the confection, it was maybe a little too heavy on the sugar but overall the cake was moist, spongey, the chocolate was rich and the ganache was smooth, for an amateur Chris has done a thoroughly decent job. "I'm actually impressed!" Chris smiled at his girlfriends comments, although Arthur was the judge she was the one he was really trying to impress and knowing he had done that made his heart swell a little.

Arthur stepped back, holding up his hands in a gesture of finality. "Alright, guys, this is a tough one. Both cakes are really good, but I have to choose one winner." Chris and y/n exchanged glances, both trying to read Arthur’s expression.

Arthur took a deep breath and said, "The winner of this bake-off is… Y/N!!!"

Her face lit up with a smile as Chris groaned in defeat. "Of course she won," he muttered, though there was no real bitterness in his voice he knew it would make good content if he protested a little bit.

"Thanks, Arthur," Y/N said, giving Chris a playful nudge. "Guess I’ll be picking out your chores for the week."

Chris laughed, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah, you deserve it. But you have to admit, I gave you a run for your money."

"You definitely did," Y/N agreed, though there was a hint of mischief in her eyes. "But next time, maybe try to sabotage a little less and bake a little more."

Arthur, still recording, chimed in, "And there you have it, folks. Y/N takes the win, but Chris put up a good fight. Make sure to like and subscribe if you want to see more challenges like this one!"

"But next time, it's going to be a free kick challenge and I’m going to crush you." Chris warned, y/n shook her head laughing.

"I’m looking forward to it."

"This is where she admits she is secretly the best free kick taker in the UK and has been playing for years," Arthur joked a little, y/n gave a smile to him and Chris which was so innocent it looked like a halo could appear above her head at any moment.

"I've got my eye on you," Chris winked pulling his girlfriend in for a side hug, her placing her hand on his chest with his around her waist.

As they started cleaning up the kitchen together, Chris couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction despite his loss. The challenge had been fun, and he’d learned a lot—mostly that he should never underestimate y/n. And who knew? Maybe baking would become a new hobby for him.

But for now, he had a week of chores to look forward to, courtesy of the best baker he knew. And as much as he hated losing, he had to admit that it was worth it.

[fellow-traveller]

The types of HolPol I can't get enough of 💕...in my head, at least.

-----

1) canon Part 3 HolPol

The main ship. The sexual tension, the rivalry, the jealousy, the enemy-to-lovers trope...the only holpol version that I see them fighting and arguing in, before the lovemaking. It's dysfunctional yet perfect in every sense. I only wished they had more screen time together.

2) half canon Part 3.5 Hol (CDDH) x Part 5 Polnareff

I hc that CDDH Hol did meet up with Part 5 Pol...or at least pre-part 5 Pol before he rode a literal chariot. There's even an au I wholeheartedly supported - Hol joining La Squadra to eliminate the boss, thinking he had offed his beloved Pol, only to be reunited again after he shot Diavolo dead. Love this au because Pol lives ;v;♡

3) semi-canon post-Part 5 HolPol

This is the first au I came up with. Unlike the one above, Hol had lost Pol pre-Post 5 and went on a hunt for him, only to run into a group of thieves who infiltrated Passione (now led by Giorno) to steal the arrowhead. Things happened, Pol somehow had his turtle body transformed into a human (it's an OC's Stand power...I can elaborate if you're interested), and they both went on an adventure from Italy to Germany to get the arrowhead back. Not entirely a romantic HolPol story...I just want them to go on a JoJo-like adventure for once.

4) Steampunk/Post-apocalyptic AU (gunslinger Hol x swordsman Pol)

This came up on a whim. I didn't extend it much other than Hol was a hired gun who teamed up with engineer Avdol and their pet Iggy, going from one location to another for jobs. Meanwhile, Pol was on a mission to escort the priest Kakyoin to a city. They met, fought together, kiss, bed wrestle, so on and so forth...

5) Fantasy/Medieval AU (knight Pol x prince Hol)

This started with a mix of my own reading about tarot cards and some neat fanarts of Pol in an armour and Hol on a royal throne. Then my hands got itchy and I played with ChatGPT with this idea. The AI gave me a handful of short stories that eventually made me fell in love with this au. Somehow their love story also included Avdol as a royal advisor, Jotaro as another knight, and Dio as the enemy warlord.

6) Domestic/Modern AU HolPol

I know this is a boring au, but hear me out. Pol, a fashionista, socialite city boy, in love with Hol, a rugged, charming rancher from the mountains. Two different worlds, yet they made a cozy, loving household together. Boingo and Sherry would be supporting them a lot, if not join in their shenanigans. I will forever gush with this au, and anyone's interpretation of this au , for me, is hella valid.

-----

Here's to more HolPol next year! :D

[traincat]

Did you say you were working on an Ultimate Johnny/Peter fic? I can’t remember if that was real or if I dreamed it.

It's 50% an Ultimate Johnny/Peter fic, in that Johnny is Ultimate Johnny and Peter is from a 616-adjacent AU of my own creation. (Nothing against Ultimate Peter particularly, it's just that the story I wanted to write with this fic worked better with a Peter with a different background.)

(I did also recently post 13.5k of unfinished Ultimate JohnnyBobby fic over here, and it has background unrequited Ultimate Spideytorch.)

I've had this idea for ages, wrote a couple thousand words, scrapped it for a few years. Threw it out there as a WIP I was willing to post but then backed out because when I looked at it again it turns out I actually do really want to write it.

The basic premise is this: When Secret Wars (2015)'s incursions destroyed the Marvel multiverse, and after Franklin and the Molecule Man start putting them back together, Franklin stumbles upon the Ultimate version of his uncle and, instead of removing him from existence or restoring his old universe, he sends him to another universe instead, hoping he'll be happier there.

This universe is very similar to 616 canon re: around just after Peter graduates college and enters grad school, but with a few key differences. The biggest departure is that Harry is Peter's dead college love instead of Gwen. (I love to play mix and match with the college fivesome in general ngl but I think Harry lends himself to a roleswap with Gwen particularly well.) Another difference is that I wanted to pull from Bullet Points, which is a miniseries in which, among other things, the rocket launch fails, and Reed is the only survivor, leading him to a Nick Fury-esque role. So Johnny knows who Peter is, but Peter has no framework for Johnny.

Peter, having intentionally isolated himself from pretty much everyone in the wake of Harry's death, follows what looks like a falling star, and finds Johnny. I did want to play with a whole "two other worlds" thing, literally, with Johnny in a whole new universe that might be kinder to him -- and with a Peter who might look back at him -- and Peter, isolating himself in his grief, needing someone warm and bright to break him out of his self-imposed isolation.

The problem is that I like the concept but what I had written for it needs to be ripped up by the carpet. Full remodel. So right now I'm working on some other fic, including another Spideytorch fic, and I'm just kind of reassessing and building out a bigger outline for this one.

I'm probably ripping all of this up and rewriting it but a couple of snips under the cut.

Then he saw the scars. The top set was half hidden by the robe’s hem, perfectly circular. There was another set a few inches beneath. Peter couldn’t figure out what would make scars like those, but they were definitely scars, relatively new and shiny.

“Peter?” Johnny said.

Peter looked up, guilty, but Johnny hadn’t seemed to notice the staring. He was still scrubbing at his own hair, gaze on the floor.

“Can I borrow something to sleep in?” he asked.

Harry had used to wear his clothes to bed. He’d liked how it made him feel, he’d said. Safe, he’d said. “It smells like you,” he’d said, tossing Peter that grin over his shoulder.

(...)

Peter sighed, tipping his head back. “Would you believe he came from another universe?”

“There’s not a lot I won’t believe,” Felicia said. “But I’ll admit it was a shock when I came in through your window and there was a man restocking your sad excuse for a fridge. The fire show was a neat surprise, too.”

“He lit up?” Peter said, surprised.

“A little. He’s very protective of you,” Felicia purred. Her tone of voice was light; her gaze was an accusation.

“It’s not like that,” Peter said.

“He’s in your kitchen, making you dinner,” Felicia said. “He’s wearing your clothes. It looks a whole lot like that, lover.”

“He fell from another universe into this one, Felicia, he doesn’t exactly have a full wardrobe,” Peter said.

“He’s in your home,” Felicia said, dropping the pretense. Her tone was cutting. “That doesn’t happen. You don’t do that.”

It was the opposite problem, with Felicia. For once it was her, not him. He could be with Felicia for an afternoon, for a night. Any longer and her bad luck powers would start tripping him up.

The look on her face told him she was thinking the same thing.

“He knew me in his home universe,” Peter said, drumming his fingers restlessly on fire escape railing. “He hasn’t said it yet, but I’m pretty sure I died on him.”

Felicia’s face fell.

“Oh, Peter,” she said. “You can’t feel guilty over something like that.”

“No, 'Licia,” he said. “It pretty much turns out that I can.”

[e-squared-what-is-my-life]

Hngh, I'm Meant to be Writing Smut but This Idea Came Up and I'm Not Letting it Go!

Is this considered Toxic Yuri with a happy/hopeful ending? You decide!

Very rarely did RENA get to spoil her darling with things such as flowers or sweets or slow walks through parks; it would always interfere with RENA's work life in one way or another, and while it made her feel terrible, ENA seemed surprisingly unaffected. Any canceled date, tired brush of the hand, or frustrated outburst would be met with a kind, loving gaze, and RENA wished she could say she hated how much it soothed and quelled her worries. Never before had anyone shown such patience, such love, such genuine adoration for everything RENA did, it was as off-putting as it was surprising, and made her feel like ENA deserved some form of thanks for how much of RENA's bullshit she willingly endured.

That's likely why, in hindsight, the soldier found herself ecstatic when she was informed of a recon mission that would require her to follow a target to some hoity-toity restaurant ENA had once mentioned wanting to visit for a date night. It'd come up in conversation when they had time to relax and reminisce in their love; ENA had spotted something, RENA couldn't remember what it was, and went off on a tangent about some restaurant Moony had taken her to in the Middle World. RENA had been there before, gotten on the bad sides of a few of its usual residents, and was surprised to hear that ENA had been to such a place. When asked about it, ENA simply replied "Moony wanted to treat me."

And there was no way RENA was going to be upstaged by her girlfriend's best friend.

"Are you certain Froggy won't mind me coming with you? This sounds like an important task." ENA worriedly asked, brows furrowed the more RENA talked. "I wouldn't want to distract you."

"No need to worry, darling! I can do both! Whoever said work and relationships don't mix has obviously never met a workhound such as myself." RENA chimed, buttoning up her vest with excitement.

"Ah. Right." ENA quietly replied, looking at her reflection in a nearby mirror and sighing. This night was no doubt going to end in RENA running off to do who-knows-what so she could finish whatever job she'd been assigned to. It would be saddening enough to be left alone in such unfamiliar territory, no need to wear makeup that would smear and embarrass ENA when she was inevitably tossed to the side. "Work is certainly one of your greatest joys. Your love for it is truly one to be rivaled."

"Well, I wouldn’t want to come off as conceited." RENA joked, tampering with her hair to get it as neat as it could be. "But there's truly nothing better than spending a day at work, especially if it's as exciting as my day."

ENA hummed, taking a deep breath and stuffing a handful of money into her coin purse. As much as she hated to think so, something was telling her she would need it. "Well, shall we get going?"

"If you're ready." RENA replied, taking a look at the watch she'd been instructed to wear for the reconnaissance. She started forward, instinctively holding her arm out for ENA to grab, yet keeping an eye on every message that popped into the chat. Information on the Target, instructions for where to sit, how to stay innocuous under the ruse, etc. She’d looked over the information once, twice, thrice, and by then she was shocked to find herself and ENA waiting in line to enter the restaurant. "When did we get here?"

"Forty-five minutes ago." ENA replied, arms crossed and face unnervingly blank. "You've been going over the details and muttering to yourself since we left. Made for quite the awkward car ride; the poor cabby found the need to ask if we needed time."

"Time for what?" RENA asked, her brows raising slightly as ENA let out a frustrated sigh. "Darling-"

"No, it's fine. Let's just... Not worry about it." ENA was clearly holding herself back, and it was just as clearly hurting her to do so. It was such an odd sight, as ENA was always one to let her emotions show, but right now she was acting as if she was afraid any trace of tears or raise of her voice would ruin the night.

Was RENA the cause for that?

"And the reservation name is?" The unexpected voice nearly made RENA jump, her attention shifting to a very uncomfortable looking hostess and an increasingly annoyed girlfriend.

"Ah, apologies. It should be under E.R." RENA replied, feeling a tad bit of relief as ENA perked up and smiled ever-so-slightly. It was a cute little play on a nickname ENA had given them, "ENA-RENA", something so silly and simple, yet so endearing that RENA found herself using it for more listings and jobs than she’d like to admit.

"Let’s see... Ah! Here we are! Table for two at the bar."

And, in an instant, ENA's smile dropped and was replaced by a disturbingly well-tapered scowl.

"Um... W-we could always make last minute changes-"

"No, thank you. It's fine." ENA replied, voice stiff and body tense. "We wouldn't want you to put yourself through so much trouble."

The hostess nodded, nervously waving over another host and instructing the couple to follow him. The walk was silent, full of awkwardness that only increased as they were seated atop the squeaky seats.

ENA genuinely hoped it was alcohol that her dress had briefly gotten stuck on.

"Should I... Would you like to start off with drinks?" The host offered, biting his lip to avoid saying something out of line when RENA rushed to look at her watch the second it beeped. It wasn’t his place to judge relationships, not even the ones that were under as much stress as this one. So, with buried frustration, the host turned his attention to ENA, a kind smile on his face as he spoke. "What would you like, hon?"

"Anything that makes me dizzy." ENA muttered, briefly glancing over at RENA to see if the comment was caught. The moody woman couldn't hold her alcohol, and they both knew it, but that didn't seem to be the case now. "...Make me sick."

"I'll start you off with two Manhattans." The host murmured, leaving two menus and traveling over to give the order to the bartender.

ENA sighed, willing herself not to cry, both out of dismay and sheer embarrassment. This was a condition of loving one of her own kind, she knew that and forced herself to give up parts of her own self to accommodate to her sweetheart's work-driven lifestyle. It went unrecognized, and while that hurt, it also meant she was doing things right.

She couldn’t fathom how disgusted RENA would be if an actual outburst occurred, in the confines of their home or not.

"Come on, Glasses. Isn’t relaying information supposed to be your thing?" RENA scoffed, glaring down at her watch and near completely turned away from ENA. "I'm on a time crunch here, this recon isn't going to do itself."

ENA didn't know how ashamed she should feel knowing that the best part of her night so far was getting two full glasses of alcohol that were downed in seconds.

"Rough night, huh?" The bartender asked, his attempt at turning ENA's attention towards something other than RENA a welcome relief.

"You have no idea." ENA sighed, feeling the alcohol beginning to take effect already. She’d be glitching soon if she didn’t take things easy and get some food in her system. "Some night it is. I always love seeing the stars from the Middle World."

"Ah, you a resident?"

"Sadly, no. I live in the Third Ring. Stars there are visible, but nowhere near as beautiful as they are here." ENA replied with a wobbly smile. Seeing the way clusters of stars made constellations that one needed such imagination to recognize, how volatile yet composed it all was, how expressive each star could be, even without faces; it was beautiful. "I see myself in them, sometimes. Runas' Eye has always been my favorite."

"Good choice." The bartender- ENA squinted to look for a name tag, humming as she simply caught the word Juicemaker -chimed. "I've always been a Tail of the Ancient Wolverine guy myself."

"That's a pretty one, too." ENA whispered. "It's... The one with the supernovae, right?"

Juicemaker nodded, chuckling at ENA's pleased purr. "Yeah, the stars really are somethin'. Tell a story I couldn't even begin to start."

"Ancient as fire itself." ENA studiously replied, wondering where, exactly, she’d heard such a phrase.

"What the- Glasses, what is Taski Maiden doing on this line?!" RENA groaned, pulling ENA out of her thoughts.

Ah, that's where she'd heard it. Suspicious Man always had strange things to say, but he made for a good conversationalist whenever RENA brought ENA to work and... immediately left once everything was gone over.

"Ugh... Why am I even here?" ENA whispered, digging her fingers into her scalp and tugging at her hair as she mentally berated herself for agreeing to this. She hadn’t wanted to leave the house at all, was already in a bad mood, but RENA seemed so excited to take ENA out... It almost seemed genuine for a while. "I shouldn't be here."

"Hey, don't say that, kid. And quit it with the pullin', you're gonna make me need to call the medics." Juicemaker snorted, the humor in his voice obvious and soothing, a huge contrast to RENA's near constant sarcastic remarks.

Oh, Runas; there was no way ENA just compared the love of her life to a bartender.

"Bourbon." ENA huffed, looking up at Juicemaker with a soft frown. "The strongest kind you have."

"Don't go down that road, kid. It ain't pretty." Juicemaker warned. "You're still hopped up on those Manhattans you threw back."

"I don't care." ENA angrily responded, glaring down at the countertop under her hands. "I need this. I can't... I can't do this without an excuse."

Liquid courage, exactly what ENA needed to at least try to beg RENA to just drop the job and take them home.

Juicemaker sighed, reluctantly moving to do as told. He hated that part of his job description involved feeding patrons as much alcohol as they could handle before passing out, it made him feel gross, especially when the patrons were as vulnerable as ENA. A shot glass filled to the brim of straight bourbon was set in front of ENA, and Juicemaker wasn’t surprised to see her down it without hesitation.

Not even a shudder followed the action.

"More." ENA ordered, keeping her eyes on the counter with the knowledge that looking up at her new friend for even a second would break her. "I. Need. More."

"Kid-"

"I SAID MORE, DAMN IT!" ENA screamed, immediately gasping and reeling back in shock. She threw a hand over her mouth and blushed so hard it burned. There was no way that ENA was going to look at RENA, enough people were already looking between them with visible concern. "I'm sorry... I didn't... I need to... to go."

"Whoa, wait! There's a-" Juicemaker cringed as ENA fell off her stool and practically faceplanted onto the floor. It wasn’t anything new, plenty of patrons had done the same, but seeing this girl in such a state was different, somehow. Harder to watch without feeling sick. "Shit! Hold on, I gotcha!"

"NooOoOooooOo. Leave me... here." ENA groaned, deciding that she would rather lay on the floor and wallow in her misery than stand and face the fury that RENA was likely feeling. And rightfully so, ENA thought; whatever Target was here had definitely noticed the two by now and had likely fled.

"No can do, kid. Can't let anyone die on my watch. I'd get fired and have to live on someone's couch." Juicemaker replied, smiling slightly at ENA's watery giggle. "Come on, help me get her up."

"Huh?" ENA groaned as she was lifted up and moved around until she was leaning against the counter. The lights of the bar made her growing headache worsen, and ENA clenched her eyes shut to try and lessen the pain. Soft whimpers were met with gentle shushing, the sound being much more feminine than she remembered Juicemaker sounding.

"It's okay, love. Just relax."

Love? Juicemaker didn't call ENA that. The only person who called ENA that was-

"Strawberry?" ENA near silently asked, cracking one eye open and instantly regretting it.

"Shh, yeah, it's me. Don't worry, Bluebell, I'm here." RENA assured, using her body to block some of the light from ENA's view. "Take your time, Honeybunny."

"Heh... Haven't heard... Haven't heard that one in a while." ENA mumbled, truly unsure of what she was actually talking about. Maybe RENA knew? Yeah, she'd know, she knew everything; ENA could always count on RENA to know things she didn't. "What... What am I talking about, Meanie?"

RENA visibly cringed, biting back a broken groan in response to the horror she felt. ENA hated outright asking about things she didn't know, questions had always been shared via unsure glances that eventually turned into relieved and loving gazes when RENA explained whatever was confusing her darling.

"Probably about this dumb song they've got playing on repeat." Juicemaker replied, knowing exactly what to say to break through the tension at least somewhat. "Surprised I haven't gone crazy yet. Imagine hearing someone singing the word 'oh' over and over every day of your life."

"Do you hate your job?" ENA asked, turning her head toward Juicemaker instinctively.

"Nah, I get to help people. That's a good enough tradeoff."

"Better than being with people you love?"

Juicemaker rose a brow, confused by the question, though it was quelled slightly as he noticed RENA's guilty expression. "Nah, people I love always come first. No job should come before people ya love. Otherwise you might as well not love them at all."

RENA shuddered at the blunt words, hating how called out she felt. It was what she needed to hear, and she knew that. She'd been pulling away from ENA, knowingly, at that, and had noticed how quiet and reserved it made the poor soul. She wasn't ready for commitment, was too scared of fucking everything up, and while that was no excuse for anything she'd done to drive ENA to this point, it only served to prove how much love ENA had for her.

Enough so to torture herself until she was nothing more than a ticking time bomb waiting for the perfect person to set her off.

"Bluebell... I-"

"Not here. Give me a sec." Juicemaker instructed, standing and walking off to who-knows-where. His absence left a crater of awkwardness between ENA and RENA, one that was only slightly filled as he returned and helped RENA lead ENA into a dark room full of LED lights and beanbag chairs. "These are the places we put guests that need time to recover. You can use it as long as you need to, set things straight and whatnot."

"Thank you." RENA near silently replied, waiting for Juicemaker to leave before sighing and laying next to ENA. She was instantly pulled into a hug, one that spoke of nothing but a desire for closeness and reciprocation and love that left RENA teary eyed just seconds into it. "Bluebell, I'm so sorry."

"You're okay." ENA hummed, her arms loose despite her need for comfort. RENA wasn't one for cuddling, not even on good days, and ENA wasn't going to let a drunken stupor make her forget that. "We're ENAs, we all have our conditions."

"What?" RENA breathlessly asked, absolutely dumbfounded by the statement. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"We have our limits." ENA replied, clearly believing that was enough of an explanation.

"E, I'm going to need a bit more than that."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

Runas, when did ENA's apologies start hurting so much?

"No, don't apologize, love. I was being too brash."

"You wouldn't... Wouldn't have had to if I wasn't soooOoooOOoo weak." ENA's voice was tight, and the tears in her eyes were threatening to spill over any second. "You shouldn't have to worry about me. I'm second best; your work is your first true love, I'm being selfish for hating that."

"No, what? Wh- I don't..." RENA hated how utterly confused she sounded, hated how sure ENA sounded of her statement. "Oh, my Runas. How did I not see this sooner?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"Goddamn it, ENA! STOP APOLOGIZING!" Those words were instantly regretted the second ENA went silent, eyes closing and mouth slamming shut. "Wait, no, I didn't- I didn't mean to say that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"Do you hate me?" Was all that ENA asked in response, her Sad Face practically begging to be put on display. "Am I holding you back too much? I can... I can be smaller. I can stay away more."

"No! No, no, no, no, no! I could never ask that of you!" RENA desperately assured, cupping ENA's face with both hands. A closer inspection showed that they were both shaking like leaves, something RENA hadn't experienced in years. "I should never have put it in your mind that I love work more than you! That's not true, it could never be true!"

"It doewsn't feew dat way..." ENA whimpered, the telltale childish hint to her Sad Face revealing how much this had gotten to her. She hadn’t let her Sad Face show in... How long had it been? That question alone was proof that it had been too long. "I don't... I just wanted to make you happy. I did evewything you wanted me to, I was good... But I guess I wasn't good enough. Why am I not good enough fow you?"

RENA felt every bit of breath get punched out of her lungs, a hit that was so strong it was practically real. She'd gone months making ENA believe she wasn't good enough, months giving off the idea that the only thing worthy of RENA's love was her job, months practically telling ENA to shut up or fuck off.

"You aren't... I don't..." RENA thought over her words carefully, knowing how vulnerable ENA was right now. "You aren't good enough."

And didn't that just kill her to say?

"Oh." ENA simply replied, dumbfounded by how straightforward the answer was. She’d at least expected a 'Let you down easy' sort of answer, not this blunt, uncaring one. "I... Okay."

RENA gently grabbed ENA's chin, looking at her with as much love and adoration as she could muster before placing a whisper of a kiss onto ENA's lips. "You're perfect."

ENA lay, frozen, for what seemed like forever, processing what had just happened before sniffling.

Once.

Twice.

Three times before finally letting her emotions get the best of her.

It started off as soft cries, which quickly became sobs, and eventually devolved into pained wails. It wasn’t dissimilar to the sound of the Lonely Door, only ten times harder to hear and endure. Tears flowed down ENA's cheeks in droves, joined by a dark blush and shaking form. This wasn’t just some typical 'Cry your feelings out' situation; no, this was ENA letting months of pain and fear and bottled up emotions out and into the arms of the one person she trusted most.

The one person who was the cause of her tears to begin with.

"Bluebell, please..." RENA couldn't help but sob alongside her girlfriend, making the split-second decision to hug ENA as close as possible despite the discomfort it would cause. Compared to the crying girl in her arms, a bit of discomfort on RENA's end was truly nothing. "I... Fuck, I love you so much."

That only served to make ENA wail harder, her hands gripping whatever fabric they could reach on RENA's body. She hiccuped and shook and near screamed for over an hour, and had it not been for Juicemaker, they would have been thrown out five minutes into the fit.

"I know I've never said it before, but it's true. I love you with every bit of my heart, every inch and crevice and split." RENA cooed, pressing her face into ENA's hair and inhaling, reveling in the smell of chocolate and the delightful perfume Froggy had gotten ENA for her birthday. "I don't deserve you, and you deserve better. You should have left the moment I stopped putting any effort in, but you stayed, and that's both the most beautiful and most idiotic thing you ever could have done."

Despite the partial insult, ENA managed to get a broken giggle through her cries, the sounds dying down as exhaustion started to take over. She nuzzled into the warmth of RENA's body, purring despite herself and the hedonistic implications behind the sound.

"If you'll let me, I'd like to retry this. All of it. I want to spend time with you and kiss you and touch you and love you. Show you every bit of myself and hope that someday I can earn the right to find you as well." RENA locked eyes with ENA, noting how they were both red eyed and covered in tears and snot. She didn't care, though; she would rather look like a disgusting slob if it meant her beloved felt every bit of love that she deserved.

"Okay..." ENA croaked out, using the last bit of energy she had to kiss RENA before practically passing out.

"Don't worry, love. I'll make this better." RENA whispered, wiping away some of ENA's tears delicately. "I'll help heal you if it's the last thing I do."

[astronnova]

please tell us about deep sea expedition

yes.... finally......... i can SHILL..........

basically, deep sea expedition or WHATEVER it would be called would be the salmon run dlc. wave THREE of splatoon THREE's dlc waves. you feel me?

so i've done just two posts before about this idea, but it would star agent 4 as our player character. reasons why?

agent four and agent 8 both having dlcs in splat3 would be a great way to pay homage to splatoon 2, since both were the protagonists of that game

grizzco and salmon run were introduced to the series with splatoon 2, might as well have the protgaonist of that game be the one to end the salmon run story line since return of the mammalians focuses more on mr. grizz himself instead of the salmonids

the basic idea for gameplay i have for this DLC would be a mix of a more open world approach (think security breach: RUIN) alongside a the PVE horde gameplay from salmon run. agent 4 would have to fight through hordes of salmonids and other deep sea creatures to descend deeper to reach a sort of salmonid capital. think maybe like... sparta? since the salmonids are inspired by that. maybe a giant ass collesuem (i know thats in rome i do not care).

point is, you start near the surface and have to descend to defeat the bosses (ha get it. cus side order has an elevator where you go up? im clever i think sometimes)

actually this sounds a bit like doom. oh well

i'd like to think there's some sort of phenomena of like... underwater air pockets. like underwater caves? where a bunch of civilizations are maybe? would be pretty neat to see all the stuff where salmonids go when they arent doing the salmon run part, among other species that could live in these areas considered the deep sea metro

(the naming coincidences are not lost on me but i have no idea what else to call this hypothetical salmon run DLC)

story? agent 4 has been stranded in hostile, salmonid territory with no backup, a faulty pair of grizzco (tm) dualies, and her wits. 4 meets a goldie salmonid, named chrysos, who takes 4 under their fin (ha) to help them find a way home. 4 and chrysos must explore deeper into the heart of the sea to find enough super golden eggs (name and idea pending) to have enough power to send 4 home.

thats the working synopsis anyway, excluding major spoilers and all

apart of the open world sections of the DLC would have the player controlling 4 and chrysos in a kind of open world diving situation. four is equipped with a prototype pressurized underwater scuba gear that makes it safe for ink-based people to go underwater! its grizzco brand and needs many upgrades (that could be acquired thru out the story).

im thinking for these sections you'd be timed to find an air pocket or new treasure of sorts? and if you run out of time idk 4 runs out of air or something and gets splatted. dw they have a life preserver which chrysos would reactivate to save four, basically restarting the level from the beginning.

chrysos would be a very straightforward character with a dry sense of humor and a natural curiosity for all things from the surface. they're helping 4 out of the goodness of their heart and to satiate that curiosity of what inklings are like, among other reasons.

they pluck one of their scales at the beginning of the story to help power up the faulty grizzco dualies, which would also be a tutorial on how to like.... level up? get upgrades? not sure

this was long! if you have any more questions feel free to ask. i love the salmonids and i love agent 4. mwah

[ai-the-broccoli]

DN ask game: 11 (lawlightmane), 24 and 25, please!

thank you for the ask!!

11. what do you think about (lawlightmane)?

I love them!!!

in terms of comedy, their yotsuba arc shenanigans were some of my favourite moments in the show. like I know how much this phrase gets said but seriously. world's worst toxic polycule. I always love horrible polycules in fiction, they're great fun (see gramarye ot3 and matt-juan-celeste-adrian from ace attorney; I ship the first one, and the second one is just so intriguing in terms of how fucked up it was. dysfunctionality, obsessive hatred & rivalry, murders, suicide, accidentally-implied grooming, dependency, untreated dpd [this one is like strongly implied in canon] and probably also bpd, npd and who knows what else mixing together in the worst way possible, the mysterious relationship between a codependent lesbian [strongly implied] working for years - in the role of his manager - with the womanizing bisexual male actor she fucking hates, the guy just having spy cameras installed all over his male rival's home for some fucking reason......... oh wait) but also! in this case they are like... surreal in such a nice way because of the contrast??? like it's so incredibly toxic and yet here they are. having the most godawful first date (canonically addressed as a date) in the animated sitcom that is called Death Note Yotsuba arc. love to see it. okay how do I explain the appeal here? uhh basically it's kinda like. gap moe.

now comedy aside (but also sorta combined with the comedic aspects; mainly I mean "moving onto it as a serious thing"). MAN. lawlightmane is just fucking insanely good in general. like it's like. it's many things, it is EXTREMELY compelling and an incredibly intriguing dynamic that is full of potential for many things. iirc after I first watched DN and got obsessed with it badly, I made a tierlist and on the topmost tier I put lawlight and lawlightmane (lawlightmane wasn't even an item on the tiermaker I was using, so I just uploaded a screenshot to use myself). both because it was very funny as World's Worst PolyculeTM, and because it's genuinely great. and now my opinions on all of those characters and relationships are much more developed, I think I definitely appreciate it more seriously on a whole.

regarding each respective one-on-one relationship involved in lawlightmane...

well I am. obviously majorly incredibly into lawlight as a ship (beloved otp-tier ship, and maybe somewhat on that tier across fandoms too; I think it's my top favourite canonically-m/m ship rn [maybe tied with another 1-2, but not necessarily]). not sure I need to elaborate since I mean it's lawlight, it's really good

and then law/mane [censoring since this is... negative-ish? so I'm not putting it in the ship tag]. uh full disclosure I have no interest in law/mane if light isn't involved in the picture sorry. (at least rn I've never seen anything that's convinced me) I can see the appeal, and I can also see why some people don't like it, but for me it's really just... well it's just not much my thing lol unless it's a lawlightmane-related situation. OH also personally I can't see it as a romantic thing per se, like my brain just really doesn't compute at the idea of "L is in romantic love with Misa" or vice versa even in an AU. but as for any sexual aspect, it's just a plain "this isn't my thing" situation (as in I'm not interested but the idea doesn't make my brain automatically go "???? [error 404 does not compute]" as a romantic depiction may). their dynamic also doesn't grip me like yagamane (also non-romantic -ish ship for me) does, so yeah, overall I can't say I ship it outside of shipping lawlightmane! HOWEVER as a dynamic it's pretty neat within lawlightmane too.

EDIT (before posting the draft): I woke up today and was about to add "actually I think for a ship such as law/mane, what would probably at least slightly convince me of it has be something thematic probably, so if anyone has any ideas related to how they thematically complement each other or such feel free to send them my way, I like that sort of stuff" but then as I was brushing my teeth my brain filled in the gaps vaguely myself. it's something related to gluttony/hunger/appetite etc. and uh... okay I can see it now ngl lmao. that being said even in that vein I still just like them in lawlightmane for the time being, what changed was that I now have a better feel of their dynamic within lawlightmane if that makes sesne.

moving onto yagamane. man I LOVE yagamane and their whole... *gesture vaguely*. I personally definitely don't see it as a... idk, relationship formed of mutual genuine romantic and/or sexual attraction, but like, it very much doesn't have to be. it's super appealing in the way it's sooooo fucked-up in all sorts of ways, including thematically, mutually, and it's incredibly compelling to chew on. I also love both of them as individual characters (extremely obsessed with light but also really love misa and find her fascinating to think about) so that helps.

anyway lawlightmane really is very good, imo. I love it, thanks for asking anon

24. any headcanons you want to share?

let's see, what have I not mentioned much here yet?

Matsuda has indeed sort of had a crush on Light

Soichiro considers himself a straight man but is not one

The Shinigamis technically can have sex despite what the author tells us, but they are largely asexual or at the very least on the ace spectrum

Kiyomi doesn't canonically present butch but she should be. in an AU where she lives to the future

Misa doesn't die after she attempts suicide near the end in the anime canon

Light should take to gambling, c'mon you know he has JUST the right personality for that shit, go for it Light, develop a gambling addiction instead of a serial killing one! you can do it!!

nsft-related:

weirdly to me Mello is mostly a dom except for when it's with Near. though I haven't thought about this extensively so my opinion can change

I'm not a 100% strict lawlight top/bottom purist per se but I'm sorry I completely can't digest a relationship where Light is exclusively or mostly a dom and a top while L is exclusively or mostly a sub and a bottom. I respect your (general "you"; as in whoever is reading this, not the anon) opinion if you do, and it's fair, but I just can't see it, it doesn't work for me. the dom part is more important than the top/bottom part for me also.

on that note my opinion is that Light TECHNICALLY can dom, especially in relationships with people other than L, but. he's actually just... not into it. he thinks that he is, but it will just turn out he isn't. he'll get the instant powertrip high over it for a very short period of time at first, and then he just. loses it, the high fades quickly and he gets bored as fuck. and he isn't into it at all and finds that he wants to be the sub to some other person actually. which in itself is something he'll find extremely humiliating but that's good too

anyway it's nearly a fandom consensus at this point that Light has a praise kink I think lmao. that I do agree with. I will propose that we also assign praise kink to Matsuda and Soichiro; it's already been done (well, one by someone else and the other by yours truly) and I think it makes sense tbh.

... actually on that note. my personal hot take is that we as a fandom should very much consider applying the "like father like son" principle to nsft involving Soichiro Yagami, in connection to Light Yagami (<- you must understand that I have a lot of those takes because the first DN fic and currently my only DN fic I've published off-anon is in fact a soichello fic. it is only natural)

also yes I think Kiyomi should be a dom and has S tendencies

Misa definitely gives sub energy. though I wonder if she can also dom

25. ramble on about whatever you’d like to

lately I've wondered briefly if MikaMatt (as a romantic? ship and/or as a platonic ship) would be good solely because I put them in the roles of Iino and Ishigami respectively in the Kaguya-sama AU (Iino and Ishigami are canonically subtextual love interests to each other, and they're a fun duo even though I don't particularly ship them romantically). however I still do not understand Matt much sadly so this might be as far as it goes [-> note: if any Matt fans see this and want to fill me in, feel free!! I'm always interested in hearing more]

speaking of Mikami. I def like mika / light casually but I often wonder how come I don't actively like it more considering my OTP in mgrc has the whole... god thing, as a major major major draw for me (see: my current blog header title is a reference to that ship). that being said I do get it because mika / light is different from hime / san in various ways outside of it so it tracks

Light should become friends with Chika Fujiwara (he'll hate her but hey. it's fine) and get into board games and card games, it will save him (maybe slightly. sort of. it will help a little at least.)

okay anon so. I'm going to take a wild guess here and assume that you're at least to some degree familiar with the J-drama adaptation (maybe you've watched some of it?), but if not you can still read this part I suppose.

it's so funny that every other adaptation of DN just gets progressively gayer and gayer because dude literally what the fuck was going on with j-drama lawlight lmfao

the fucking shower scene (and everything about it), the ??? scene where L hooks Light to a polygraph??? (no like what the fuck was that really. it's not as infamous as the shower scene, but the blatantly textual sadomasochism is extremely in your face in that one), and the whole blue sceneTM, and then Light practically kissing L's cheek after L's death, and everything else

with that being said. hmmmmmmm. anyway moving on to my feelings about the j-drama in general:

I liked it overall! some stuff in it are very nice. and I like the characters too, but definitely not as much as the canon counterparts.

importantly I absolutely have to see the drama and each character and each relationship in the drama as like, a whole separate thing from the animanga canon, because if I viewed it as an adaptation they would come off as awful whereas as its own thing it is nice.

I like j-drama Light a lot! ...but not even nearly as much as animanga Light, sorry. I have to see him as a whole separate character 100% (that way he's funny and cute-ish, and I can appreciate him), otherwise I can't enjoy him at all because I'll just be thinking "where's my beloved amazing perfect Bad NPD RepTM :( they nerfed him and now he's not relatable anymore" the whole fucking time <- wow this is very normal and doesn't say anything about me at all. dw about it

and on that note. ngl I have to complain a bit. so I've seen more than one person say that j-drama is so much more ""human"" than canon Light, and I mean, that's a fair opinion!! I get what you mean and I totally get where you're coming from. that being said... I'm sorry I don't agree and I'm not sure I like what that implies either. I know that compared to animanga Light, j-drama Light possesses various traits that are societally more associated with "humanity" but y'know what idk. I don't think that's true. to me animanga Light Yagami is extremely human. I think it is an incredibly human wish to desire to become a god, also

personally I don't think j-drama Light is a better person, if he commits the same atrocities as animanga Light and just simply feels worse/feels more empathy/feels more guilt or whatever about it. I strongly believe that your actual morality is determined not by what you feel but by what you do, like, someone who keeps doing bad things while feeling the societally expected level of bad for it is hardly a better person than someone who does the same things, no more, while being unable to feel as much [insert expected feelings] over it (but still doesn't do more bad things than the previous person).

anyway back to the j-drama. basically I like it, and I def have many fond feelings over it personally, but the watching experience wasn't as good as anime DN for me, and there is more stuff that I dislike. and also I can't compare it to animanga DN too much because as an adaptation per se it doesn't work at all imo (but as its own thing? it's fine and I like some stuff in it quite a lot).

anyway I think that's all on my mind for now!! thank you for the great questions, I had fun writing this

[callsigndreadfrost]

Writer Interview

Thanks for the tag, @kingragnarok-writes! Tagging: Feel free to do it.

When did you start writing?

When I was 14. I actually bought a journal because my dad had promised the family for a summer full of trips and fun and lots of going out to different places. Lol, it never happened 'cause that idiot never keeps his promises. Anyway, I'd bought the journal to keep track of the activities we would be doing and since the plans fell through the journal had no use. Decided to make my own fun for the summer and decided to start writing what is now the massive world of Oracle Corp.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Nah, not really. What I write is what I like to read.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Gods, I'd kill to have Stephen King's discipline, focus and drive. I'd actually kill to have the ability to write.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Corner of my room, not the most comfiest but it's the only room where I can control certain aspects. I distract super easily so if I can have some semblance of control it really helps.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Video games, OC prompts and questions, some movies.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Shit, I'm not too sure how to answer that. I put a ton of personal things into my setting and writing so none of whatever themes come up surprise me at all.

What is your reason for writing?

It's fun for me and I honestly think it'd be neat to share it with the rest of the world because I'm very proud of the work I've done and I've always hoped to share it with as many people as possible. I also turn to writing to vent, express negative feelings and the like.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I don't get any on my writing, hell, the only interactions I get are likes, that's it. At this point ANY type of comment would be motivating.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I really have no idea.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I have none. I really suck at writing but I really love to do it because it's the only outlet I have for showing off my work.

How do you feel about your own writing?

It really sucks, like, really sucks but I try to do the best I can. I really wish I was good at it.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Nah, purely for myself. If I start trying to please other people it would just hinder the entire thing and stress me out. Besides, like I said before, I don't get any type of interactions outside of 1 or 2 likes so I really wouldn't know if anyone actually reads anything I post so I have nothing to go off.

Man, didn't mean to be a total downer on this but it's just how I feel.

[obscuremantisman]

man, i've lost idea of what i was writing, i'm just feeling like writing bout an old siren male reader. Would you guys like that?

Anyways, have this, some more of my random thoughts about Eyeless Jack, with a small scenario with you, i guess.

⪧ I appreciate criticism, ideas, and your opinions. ⪦

I feel like Jack's ritual proceeded with him getting shaved, thus why his eldritch form would be pretty much hairless.

He was unconscious, drugged hard so as not to struggle against the horrors he'd pass. But he shot up, he woke up to the pain inside his eyes, hot tar mixed with blood escaping his eyelids and burning his cheeks as he agonized.

He was cold, naked, and scared, the chains holding him down as he contorted and sparmed to get free. His screams echoed through the place as the cultists rushed to hold him down. He could hear them whisper among each other, this wasn't the way it was supposed to go.

Those were the last words that Jack Nyras heard, "We have to continue! we don't know if our master won't be back this way! Just-.." Before he was consumed by the pain and fell into the arms of death.

I honestly feel conflicted about how Eyeless Jack is mostly portrayed, i hate it more than i like it. He is so.. so cutesy? so casual, so, so very human (spooky).

He was human in the far past, and the whole ritual gives me the idea that he'd become numb towards his old self if he could ever remember anything about it.

What is that weird black around him that looks like a hoodie? It's his skin. One of my interpretations it's that the cultists poured hot tar mixed with blood not only on Jack's eyes, but on his body too. Whatever entity was trying to possess Jack, was shaping him from inside out as it tried to accomodate, using that mixture put on his body and fusing it to Jack's skin. It shaped his claws, it furthened his senses. Then the ritual stopped, the entity had left the unfit vessel, Jack woke up, woke up to hunger, woke up to fear, breaking out of his chains and feeling the primal instict for survival.

Although i think like that, i also think that the Eyeless Jack with a hoodie looks very cool, i love the idea of eldritch beings with casual clothing in general, and a hoodie does matches Jack.

But sadly i don't think any hoodie or pants is strong enough for that thing. He'd ruin any clothing in the span of hours to days.

Jack would probably look awkward in clothes too, i can imagine him act quite goofily while wearing them as it's such a weird experience for him. It'd rub agaisnt his skin as he moves, and it'd tingle his senses with the new sensations.

If you were to put somehow a shirt around Jack, you'd find yourself probably stifling a laugh at the way he looked in them. He'd be in a tense stance, feeling the fabric around with his claws, slowly creating holes on it while trying to figure out what in the world is that thing.

And apparently, the little tag on the shirt rubbed the back of Jack's neck in the wrong way few seconds later into his investigation. Which got him to be desperately hissing and clawing at the back of the shirt. You wouldn't be able to even do a thing because he'd be too agitated, his sharp claws going all around, but don't fret, it's not necessary for you to intervene. He's already shredded the shirt into pieces by the time you've opened your mouth to offer help.

I think it's neat that one headcanon that Eyeless Jack is actually able to remember about his past, like in most versions. It gives a little more of humanity to him, an extra layer of complexity that i don't think is explored enough and is just brushed off like nothing.

I feel like he'd be so different from his human counterpart since he's literally a newborn eldritch abomination. Like, the moment he woke up, it wouldn't really matter if he did have memories from the past or not.

One thing i see is the fact that people like to give Eyeless Jack some insecurities, which is neat, but the only real scenario of insecurity i can imagine that this thing would have is if he were to have a human companion. And if you're curious about what the insecurity would be, it'd be because of his smell. No, it's not because he eats humans nor his looks, he can't see nor can i even begin to imagine this dude having an existent patience to be docile to a human that actually cares about what's on his menu.

Oooo i forgot to talk his face! I just love the way he can be just anything behind that mask, but i most definitely do not think it's a hot dude behind it. I also don't have a fully formed view on how it is, but i like to imagine it to be haunting, worn out, a tragic tale of the past being told in his simple complexion. The people who draw him alien-like have a special place in my heart, for sure. Lots of teeth? funky teeth? an abnormal mouth? disgusting black goo that spills from time to time from a funky face? weird long sharp tongue? i looove it and i eat it up every damn time.

And the last subject i'd like to touch is about Eyeless Jack, what do i think it would be of him if he was able to somehow form a bond with someone? and what if it was you? yeah, it's impossible, bye. But on an actual note, you'd have to somehow survive against him, much like Mitch did. god i hate that guy, why is he canon?

Your relationship would start off as the expected, the prey and the predator, Jack trying to shred you into pieces and you escaping each damn time like a rascal. With a very, very long time that relationship subtly became friendlier. Jack would come around to stay in the kitchen, sniffing the air as you cooked, to steal your bed as rain poured outside and the weather dropped colder, and to in rare ocasions, drop by a few organs for you. He has tried to get you into eating these little gifts. Hisses, growling and teeth clanking definitely not convincing you in the slightest. Jack still happens to come around to hunt you, but those are rarer and they are definitely lazy attempts as the scars around your body from such encounters are lighter than others. Jack thinks of you as his human pet and you think of him as your eldritch pet, you two simply accepting the existence of each other.

Sorry for the big delay, i'm not in the epic writing mood, got lots of ideas in head.

[gumballavocadoharry]

First comes love, then comes marriage; Jack Chambers:

*This is a time jump where Susan and Roger are adults and Jack and Alice are older of course. Some angst and mentions of depression, abandonment and loneliness. *

For @howling-wolf9/, it was her idea and request!!!! I want to give her a special thank you for being so patient and kind through all of this- I know you waited a long time for this imagine and I'm so lucky to have you as my number one fan and I hope I can be as half as an amazing one to you as you've been to me. Listening to my PM rants of my story ideas and keeping them confidential. You're amazing and you deserve the world! Much love to this gal!!!!!

The wedding of Susan and Sean! RSVP your attendance!

The French lace against the edges of the paper were the first thing that caught Alice's eye. How beautifully it was decorated in its neat prim type design. Its beauty resonated with Alice as a sign. A sign of the blossoming love that had been festering between her daughter and her fiancé for over a year. She had possibly expected this- hoped secretly that they would decide to join a union in the flesh of marriage. It brimmed her eyes with tears, some spilling against her soft cheek and dripping onto the head of her yellow sundress.

"Honey?" Jack quietly followed into the room; eyebrows deeply furrowed. "What's wrong?" Alice sniffed and turned the letter towards Jack's direction. "She's getting married, Jack.... our little Susan... my little girl's getting married." Scanning carefully through the letter, a smile slowly appeared over Jack's mouth. "Oh my gosh! Time sure does fly...." Jack licked his lips. "When is the wedding due?"

Alice scanned the letter. "In two months." Jack kept the smile on his face. He needed it. It hid something he didn't want anyone to know. How could it be time already? He thought. How could she have grown so fast? Wrapping his arm around his wife, a carapace covered over Jack like a filling in a tooth. A chinch seeped through Jack- slowly, but surely. It was official. Susan was getting married and two months. And Jack would need to be there. He knew he would.

***************************

Snapped from their dinner, the phone blared through the living room. "Hello?" Alice answered.

"Hi Mom, did you hear about Susan's wedding?"

"I did!" Alice's smile had grown twice within size. "Can you believe it! Your sister is getting married! I'm still in shock..."

"I know.... Sean's a really nice guy. Him and Susan are a really good couple." Alice beamed. "They are. I wonder what she wants us to do.... or what her dress will look like!" Jack watched his giddy wife from the table. Shuffling his meatloaf back and forth against his plate- mixing it in his mashed potatoes a bit. 

"Oh yes, I'll have to see if Susan needs any help with the planning- Oh! Her gown and veil!" Alice's smile beamed from ear to ear. Alice glanced over to Jack before getting back to her conversation. "Oh- okay- here I have to go now, something's overflowing in the pot... okay, talk to you later. Bye." 

Jack, so deeply invested in his thoughts, didn't even feel the gentle touch of Alice's hand smoothing over his. "Jack... you, okay?" Jack forced himself to look up from his plate. "Oh yeah, I guess I was just..."

"Thinking about Susan and Sean?" Jack flattened his lips. "She hasn't even known him that long." Alice tilted her head to the side. "Jack... they've been dating for over a year now. We met him before a few times and he's a very nice young man." Jack sat up from the table, walking to the bar area for a glass of scotch with dinner. He kept silent for a while, making Alice gain this wobbly feeling through the craw of her intestine. "Jack...." Said so quietly, that even the wind couldn't make it out. Alice fiddled with the strands of hair that was swooshed over her shoulders.

"You know.... maybe if we went down there and saw how they were preparing for the wedding, maybe it would remind of how much you liked Sean?"

"I never said I liked Sean- I thought he was nice- but anyone could be nice." Alice rolled her eyes and sighed. "Jack. Come on... this is a happy occasion. And you have to cheer up soon- Susan is probably going to ask you to walk her down the aisle." Jack turned around to see Alice turned back to the table, finishing her dinner. She didn't make eye contact with Jack until he came back to the table and spoke again. "Of course I'll walk her down the aisle, if that's what you're insinuating......" Cutting into his meatloaf, Jack looked up again into the tip of Alice's forehead. "I'm happy for her... that's all." 

Alice met Jack's eyes for a brief moment before turning back down to her dinner. "Good." 

The evening stayed silent that entire night until bed.

***************************************

The clock read 3:09. Jack's eyes were still open- untouched without so much as a single strain that could only appear through genuine tiredness. Instead, Jack's mind could only focus on the rambling polaroids of him and Susan together. A piece of Jack hated himself for such selfish desires to keep Susan webbed up in this lace knit net for his security, while the other sympathized with him as just wanting to spend a little more time with his daughter. But this was more than just simple time together.

Jack- for all of Susan's young life- was her hero. The only man she could depend on for support. Jack would take her into his arms and sing her to sleep. He could make boo boos disappear with one kiss. Jack would take a three-year-old Susan out for milkshakes at the local diner, while Alice stayed home with a nursing Roger. He was the first person she ran to when big people were mean or when tears spilled from her eyes after a bee sting or when a picture, she drew became ruined. Jack could almost picture how it felt to have his arms wrapped around her smooth skin, his nose pressed up to her temple, trying to soothe an upset Susan. And the more Susan grew, the more Jack would try to foster those times. But, as time held it, she grew away from them. Packing inside her Pasadena condo, Jack could only helplessly let Susan walk away.

Hearing the soft snoozing of Alice's breaths, Jack quietly exited out the bed and tip toed into Susan's old bedroom. The walls were still peach, and the windowpanes and door jams were still popcorn white. The room still has this sultry smell of fresh flowers and mused honey. Susan wore this amber and sunflower perfume in her late teens and the room still carried a twinge of that scent. It sent a shred of happiness through Jack. A piece of this closure like she was still here. The closet was empty- it had sat empty for a while- but still carried the presence of Susan in some way. The faded memory of her favorite peach and lavender cardigan that she wore in the spring, and her dark maroon sweater for the falls and her bright sunny tank top for the summer. They all still sat together inside her closet, lank and together like symbols of her past.

The thought of Sean pinged through Jack's brain for minute, before he echoed it out with his own domineering desires. He didn't want to think of Sean, not now. So, he didn't. Instead, he left Susan's bedroom and joined Alice back in their bed.

************************************************

Jack woke up to the dim blue sky- more clouds hovering in it that usual. He rolled to Alice's side, where it was empty and already made up. She had left a note on his nightstand: 

Jack, I went out to grab a few things for Susan to help her with the wedding. Me and Roger will be at her place to celebrate with her. I hope you can join us!

Alice.

Jack felt this twinge of anger peer inside him. Like Alice was deliberately leaving him out of one of the most important milestones of their child's life. It made Jack pounce from the bed and throw on his clothes for the day. Making up the bed again, Jack ran out to the diner for breakfast, before speeding down to Susan's apartment. Pulling in, he saw a black chevy bel air: Alice's car. The twinge grew bigger, but Jack bit into it to collect it- contain it within himself. Jack's legs felt wobbly like Jello. Carefully watching his step up each step, Jack finally made it to Susan's front door, where after a knock, she appeared. "Dad!" She invited him into her arms with such warmth and tenderness, even Jack had to let himself melt into them. 

Coming into her cozy home, Alice's face came into view and then Roger's. Then Sean's. Jack bit his tongue like a reflex flinch- the same as if a fly landed on your arm. "Jack... it's nice to see you here- what a nice surprise!" Jack's smile was tight. He kept his focus on Alice for a moment before turning to Roger, who came to hug him. Jack let himself sink into the scent of his well missed son. Squeezing him a little tighter, it was forever since Jack was able to let his body press against his and erode a deep wedge of affection into him. Pulling away with this soppy smile across his face, Roger let his own curl up to his cheeks, giving the same toothy ornery grin he always did. It eased the swirling tension that seemed to hover over everyone. 

Sean, wrapped his arm around Susan's midriff, making her flush with love and warmth, looking back into her lover's eyes that held this light of twinkles inside them. Jack caught this, and let his smile settle a bit. 

"Well, now since everyone's here, let's celebrate!" Susan exclaimed. 

The room was soon filled with chatter from Roger and Sean talking, to Susan and Alice discussing plans for the wedding- Susan detailing how Sean proposed on the rooftop of a private restaurant in Los Angeles, while the sunset skirted under the buildings. A squeal came from Alice, reminding her of when Jack proposed. It was on the cliffside coast of Malibu. During their picnic, Jack couldn't hold back the impending question he had stored inside him for as long as he knew Alice. Jack remembered it well- it always brought a smile to his face every time he thought about it.

Jack stood in the distance, taking in only the crust of Susan and Alice's conversation. A jaded glance was made over to Sean's direction. He eyed Jack up and down; confident smirk and laxed body tone. He had Susan wrapped around all five fingers and Jack knew it. And it hollowed him. It made fury rush through him like the cold feel of an icy touch. Jack let the fringes of the room singe. 

Sean- light brown hair with swishy bangs, gray eyes with specks of light blue, deep dimpled smile and a subtle clef planted in the middle of his cheek. 

A slight furrow pecked through his forehead. Jack kept biting his anger down- planted somewhere deep into him. Sean made his way to Susan, wrapping a protective arm around her waist like a sash. A thick irk swam through Jack in his bloodstream. It pierced through the layers of flesh he built up inside for this very moment and was now fragile against it. Seeing a man kiss his daughter's neck so passionately, sent this shiver through Jack. It bubbled and boiled until it became this puny ache that made his lip quiver, and his eyes become stung with watery vision. 

But nonetheless, he along with Alice still managed to muster out a "Congratulations!" to the happy couple, leaving their home once evening rolled around. Jack and Alice drove their cars home, Jack's in front of Alice's- something he was happy with. The solitude sauntering through the car, leaving Jack to settle whatever was on his mind in the privacy of his car. 

Tears slowly trickled- quietly and neatly- down his cheeks, leaving a sticky wet trail behind. Jack wiped his eyes, forcing himself to see where he was going. Pulling into the driveway, Alice's car pulled up next to him a few minutes later. Jack tried to plaster on the same smile he wore at the little gathering but couldn't. Like his muscles were too weak, his smile was recharging, and his serotonin just didn't exist. Jack watched Alice enter the house. She didn't knock on the window like he had hoped. Jack knew he would have to pull himself out this one.

*************************************

Dinner was pizza delivered to the home. Alice was too exhausted to cook and maybe she just didn't want to. Not for Jack.

But it was after hours, where Jack was sitting up in his chair, sipping his scotch and questioning himself. Sean never asked for his blessing, but he didn't need to. He could easily swing Susan away to a Las Vegas chapel or courthouse and marry her there without him even sensing it. And it stung. It hit hard into Jack's body more than he wanted it to. He wanted to be happy for Susan and he was... he wanted to like Sean....and he did.

It was just buried underneath something this time. But he did really like Sean. And Sean liked him. 

But it was those years spent with Susan, knowing her personality like the back of his hand. Her being his princess and him being her big papa bear that would run in and growl at anyone harming his cub. Susan would never know the agony he felt that first year of her life, behind the glass window of the NICU, praying for his baby to be healthy again. She would never know those nights he prayed for a baby at all as a young man, striving to make his dream of a family life come true.

Jack seen it all. First breaths, first steps, first words, first period, first dates... now this. Marriage. Sean would now bear the responsibility of caring for Susan- honoring her and making sure she was safe a cherished. The man she would give her life to, the man who would protect her and who she would wrap her arms around like a savior. Sean would become Susan's world, and she would become his. They would collide with each other and let their bond be sealed like thick cement in the pavement. And it disturbed Jack a bit. 

He would no longer need to light her world to see it glow. Sean would hang the sun and moon for Susan and that would be the end of it. Jack would no longer exist as Susan's beaming ray- just a mere spark of the past and all that it held. 

And Jack... for one reason or another, would still be living in it.

Jack shot back to the one thought that still weighed on his mind like rocks. Sean never asked permission. He didn't need it.... he wanted Susan and Susan wanted him, and that was all there was to be said about that. And Jack- whether he liked it or not- had to accept it.

But he silently made a choice still.... to keep his own answer of whether he found it acceptable for Susan to marry Sean. It was tightly reigned on his tongue; undisturbed and quiet, Jack kept it folded on the shelf in the back of his mind like he had to. But it was still there, and Jack would never let it get washed away.

****************************************

It was the end of the month, and wedding plans were still ringing through the air. It seemed to be everywhere: on TV, in newspapers and books, on billboards, Jack just couldn't get away from it! Alice on the other hand enjoyed it. Wanting to see her daughter dressed in all white and walk down the aisle on her special day was more than she could ask for and everything she hoped for. 

Not wanting to needle Susan or stress her more than life was already; Alice took a side position in helping Susan plan her wedding. Roger and Sean would go and pick out suits and suggested honeymoon spots to surprise Susan with. Jack, he would give thumbs ups and happy cheery smiles, while everything seemed to swirl around him like tornado wind.

Jack didn't want to be selfish. Covering his defensiveness like the way criminals covered their tracks, Jack weighed his emotions down beneath his gut and let his logic talk for him.

It was a challenge though. Susan- being so busy with her own life- would unintentionally blow Jack off for ice cream dates or small little lunches together. "She's just so busy, Jack... maybe she'll go the next time." Alice reassured her husband. Jack always held to those 'next times.' But they never came. He wanted them too though. But instead, Jack tried to suck the value from them- pretend as if they were trifling little things that would never matter anyway.

But they seeped into Jack's brain in other ways. Every Sunday evening was a tradition of scotch or bourbon with Susan's baby pictures on his lap. Susan still carried the image of a helpless infant in her- at least to Jack. So fragile like a China doll, still this little baby doll that would grasp her little fingers around his. How much she depended on her parent's gentle touches and their attentive affection. Still that gurgling little baby in his arms, Jack couldn't shake the memory. Sean would sweep Susan away without so much as a thought to how Susan's parents might take it.

Flying her off to the other side of the pacific, away from the protective zone of her family. Sean- could never protect her the way Jack could. He would let her fall hard onto the rocky pavement and slam against the grated cracks. He would swoop her away- away from everything Susan knew and loved, whisk her into the misadventure land of nothing and throw her away once he had his fill. Jack became sure of this. Sean would never be good enough for Susan. Courting was one thing, marrying was another. And neither Sean, nor Susan were ready for it. A gasp of hope shot through Jack. This sense of being able to maybe stop time for a moment, gave him back his adrenaline. Closing the book, finishing his scotch, Jack at up from his chair and tip toed upstairs; small smile lingering over his face.

******************************************

Alice layed in bed, barely even moving once Jack's body dipped the mattress. Her stare was blind and frozen on her nightstand. Jack's body pressed against her back, making her edge a little over, leaving a small gap in between them.

A slight furrow arched over Alice's forehead. A small wrinkle begins to grow there, starting since the first dinner on when she found out about Susan's wedding. 

Jack- assumed he needed to be 'happy' to keep from bearing the brunt of the social disgrace if his selfishness grew out of control- something he assumed being the case as to why his wife would be sore with him. But to Alice it was more than that. It punctured something deep inside like a needle. Reminding her of what had played out through their marriage and their parenting for years; Jack's parenting, that was.

On the day Susan became sick with meningitis, Jack latched into being an overbearing cloak to Susan- hovering over her like a gloomy cloud on a sunny day. Alice knew that this approach would only cause more harm, more pain. She understood just how much pain could be saturated from this type of overreaction.

She knew Jack loved the children to death. She never made a problem of it. But with every milestone of the kid's lives, where Jack would make a fuss from something unalarming, it rang through Alice in a particular way. Similarly in the way it appeared for her with Jennifer Lowe. Alice wept for her friend for days upon the news. Untimely and unfair she thought. But every fiber of anger that wasn't drenched in sadness was thrown at Jennifer's parents. It was their fault, and they deserved what happened.

And every overreaction from Jack just reminded her about those events leading up to day Jennifer went away. 

But now it their daughter's wedding, and Jack couldn't even be happy about that. It always laced with his selfishness and his sorrows- no one else like they didn't exist. And it became too much. Alice's anger had cooled, but her reservations on the matter hadn't. So, the little sliver of space that layed between them, would have to remain until Susan was safely married to the man she loved and there would be nothing Jack could do about it.

Shutting her eyes quietly, Alice adjusted herself in the bed and pulled the covers over her, taking one last glance at the clock that read 2:09.

***************************************

Sean's apartment- located by the seaside on the other side of town. The beige color exterior and the French styled staircase was the first thing that captured Jack's eye. A French vela decor, lingering all around Sean's place, a fresh smell of amber and lavender with a twinge of sunflower. Susan was here, and Jack knew it.

"Could I make you a drink Mr. Chambers?" Jack smiled. "No thanks..." Taking a seat on Sean's suggestion, Jack picked his brain for the words he wanted to come out. "So, how's wedding plans going?" Sean shrugged. "It's.... well... exhausting at times- but Roger has been a huge help in picking out honeymoon spots and matching up what suits would like good for the groomsmen. He's so nice about it- taking time off his work just to help out."

Pride gushed inside of Jack. Roger was a good boy, always wanting to help people. "Yeah, he's very sweet." Jack became serious. "Are you both planning on moving after the wedding?" Sean raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, like are you planning on being in California once you and Susan marry?" "Well... me and Susan have been discussing it and we were thinking about either maybe Napa Valley or possibly more up North like Maine or Chicago. But it's not decided yet."

A twinge pecked Jack inside. "I know, Susan loves California so much- Pasadena is the perfect spot for her. Her chef job is one her main passions." Sean smiled.

"Yeah, she's a wonderful cook. Susan said that she would love to cook in a big city like New York or somewhere like that one day. I know she works at one of the finest restaurants in the city right now, but she told me that was always something she wanted to do."

Would she even be able to keep that job or anyone that makes her happy? Jack thought. "Yeah... Susan's worked so hard to be where she is now, and I'm so proud of her for really sticking to it. Chef jobs can be so harsh, the pressure is demanding and from what Susan's told me, the boss is always yelling at someone." 

Sean raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, she told me that one time when we were eating somewhere about this girl who was let go on her first day for messing something up. It's tough." Sean took a small sip from his drink before a smile peered across his face. "When we get married, Susan said that maybe she would open up a restaurant. She would use her skills as a chef and get the place off the ground with that, and she'd make her money that way. I thought it was really nice and told her that if she'd ever wanted to, I'd support her... it would be nice."

"I know Susan's has so much on her plate right now....in fact, I was actually concerned whether Susan was ready for marriage or not. I still don't believe she always knows what she wants sometimes." Jack smiled, but there was no causality about it. Jack meant what he said, and Sean squirmed a bit in his chair. An uncomfortable spice now fell into the air and Sean could only give a tight pinched smile. Susan- filling him in on the type of Father Jack was, made Sean fully understand exactly why Jack even came over to his place from the beginning. He wanted to believe it to be because he needed time to fully adjust to the news. But he hadn't adjusted.

And Sean begins to feel a prick of anger slither through him. Jack felt it. He knew what he did and so without hesitation, excused himself from Sean's apartment.

*****************************************

Later that afternoon, Jack returned home. Alice was in the kitchen finishing up the dishes. seemingly slamming some of the plates a little harshly against in the dish rack. "Hey babe..." Alice glances behind her to meet Jack's figure before turning back to the sink. "Hey."

Coming closer, Jack furrowed his eyebrows. "What's wrong?" Alice took a deep breath. "Jack.... did you stop by Sean's apartment today?"

"Yeah?"

Alice turned around, gloves dripping of the suds and water. "Why?" 

"Well, I just wanted to know if Sean needed any help with the wedding, that's all." 

"Jack... Susan called me. She told me that Sean called her and told her what happened with you and him. 'Sometimes I don't think she knows what she wants'." Alice mocked. "It's none of your business about their plans for marriage! You had no right going over and questioning Sean like that- and you owe him an apology!"

"No! I have every right to know what this boy plans to do with my daughter!"

"He's not a boy Jack! He's a grown man- an adult and so is Susan. You should treat her that way. She doesn't need you poking around just because you can't accept that's capable of making her own choices!"

"Of course she needs me, I'm her father! She's going to always need me, Alice!"

"Well, then she doesn't want you! She doesn't want you trying to always pick her up after every little fall."

"Alice, Susan is my daughter-"

"She's my daughter too, but you don't see me smothering her like that! Jack, I was angry at you before- I still am- because the minute Susan announced her engagement to Sean, you couldn't even be happy for her! It was all about you and your worrying and your having to say goodbye or whatever- but that's your job! That's what comes with being a parent, learning to let go! Because if you can't, then Susan will! And that might mean she won't want to see us or be around us because of that! It's not always about how you feel Jack and I'll be dammed if Susan cuts me off too because you can't stop being selfish even for one SECOND!"

Jack stood back. "All I'm trying to do is protect Susan, that's all! And you know that....." Jack kept a solid stare on Alice.

Alice took a deep breath in. "Whatever your intentions are.... that has everything to do with you. And only you. You know what's right and what's wrong Jack- and without blowing my words out of context- I don't feel the same way. So, whatever the reason you do, do everyone a favor- keep it yourself and just stay out of Susan and Seans wedding plans. Bite your tongue until all of this is over and you can do what you wish with that."

Alice put the last dish into the dish rack, before snapping off her gloves and walked past Jack to the stairs.

Jack was left alone with only the sound of the sink draining over the downstairs.

**********************************************

Jack drove down alongside the coast to Susan's apartment. Taking in the sand washed blue sky and tan acres of sand that seemed smooth like butter.

Jack had to make this right. Susan would understand. She had just called Alice, so maybe there was a window for conversation. Maybe Susan would be able to see his point of view and how much he was just trying to protect her. 

Pulling into the parking lot of her condo, Jack readied himself. He came up with every reason her could justify to himself. Slamming the car door, it was Susan who spotted him from the window and was already waiting for her father at the front door. 

"Hi," Susan opened the door wide and suddenly, taking Jack off his guard for a moment. A slight wrinkle stood on her forehead, lips set still and sternly. "Hi... Susan...." She shook her head. "You went to Sean's apartment?" Her frown becoming deeper.

"Susan I-"

"You badgered him! You try to convince him not to marry me?!"

"No! Of course not! I was trying to make sure he would let you be happy."

"Like you do?" Jack raised an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

Susan tilted her head. "You go to Sean's apartment, you start trying to get him to spill if he'll let me work, or what type of future he wants us to have- our private business! You should never have done that, Dad! You know Sean- you've met him, and you still don't want to trust him. You can't trust me- you have to still be there holding my had for everything!" Tears waved through Susan's eyes. Biting her lip, she continued to stare into Jack's eyes.

"Susan... sweetheart- I'm your father, I just wanted to make sure you were okay! I just want to protect you." He raised his eyebrows. Susan's soppy feeble look turned into a furrowed crossed one. Tightening her lips and clutching her fist into tight cuffing balls, the green in Susan's eyes became vivid and her pupils small and sharp.

"I'm not a little girl, Dad. I'm a grown woman, Sean is a grown man-"

"I know,"

"You don't know- or you don't care! So... I want you to stay away for a while. Me and Sean are planning the wedding- I'm stressed out enough as it is, I don't need this on my plate. Please just go..." Susan went back inside and locked her door. Jack felt like the door slammed against his face- or more like he was slammed against the door himself. Stepping off the balcony, Jack walked down the stairs and got into his car. Sniffling, Jack turned the key in the ignition and left the lot, letting Susan's apartment disappear out of the rearview. 

Tears trickled down Jack's cheeks. A piece of his heart chipped. A swirling feeling fell over him like an umbrella. It drove home with him, even though his thick glass pane vision of tears. Something soured Jack's stomach- something inside his gut that ate away at him, told him how much he screwed up. And he believed it. 

Pulling into the driveway, Jack took an extra five minutes alone to himself. Alice saw from the window- but like before- didn't take notice. The curtain barely flinched, and Jack sat alone in the drenching silence of what he had just done.

**********************************

Just as Susan preferred, Jack stayed away from her, Sean and even kept a distance between him and Alice for a time. Roger had flown back here to California for a time to prepare for Susan and Sean's upcoming wedding. Jack still prepped his tuxedo, his corsage and tie. Silently preparing for the occasion, Alice went around him in beelines, refusing to discus the wedding or anything to do with it to Jack. The chipped broken piece still remained hollow in Jack, but he bandaged it. 

The wedding was right around the corner, and Jack didn't want to jeopardize himself to be anything like a distraction or a problem. So, he would discreetly take his suit to the dry cleaners, Alice would see him dragging it through the house, but never said a word about it. She pretended she didn't notice and would either sip her coffee or turn back to whatever she was reading. But it was still ironed and pressed neatly when Jack couldn't tend to it because of work. The flower was still sprouting from his pocket, and it still had that fresh scent to it. Alice would tend to it just as discreetly as Jack would.

Jack knew this, but it still never made conversation. But now the day of the wedding was here.

Jack- dressed in his suit- accompanied Alice to the chapel. The rooms were crowded and overflowing with family from both sides. Sean had three siblings, Roger was taking pictures and stood as one of Sean's groomsmen and Jack and Alice could only remember or pinpoint certain faces of their families in the crowd. "Alice!" Melony threw her arms around her sister, while their parents stood watch behind them. As Alice and Melony caught up, Jack excused himself and went to find Roger. "Hey Bud!" Roger turned and a smile fell over his face. "Hi Dad." Jack wrapped his arms around Roger and held him tightly enough where his cologne could whiff into Roger's nostrils. "Isn't this exciting? Your sister's getting married!" 

Roger giggled. "I know, her and Sean really do love each other. And he's such a great guy. I hope they're really happy together." Jack tightened his smile. Roger looked back at his camera and politely excused himself. Jack let the distance of Roger sink in more than he wanted. It had been almost two years since he'd last seen him after that one March. It was something he never liked to think about but couldn't ignore it. It followed him like a shadow and harassed him sometimes like a stalker. A lump grew in his throat everytime he saw Roger's face- everytime Roger's face could be pictured with those moments and everything he said to his father. Jack didn't want to believe Roger meant it.... but it never changed. 

And as the he saw the back of Roger's head disappear into the rush of the crowd, it was proof that Roger hadn't changed what he meant, and Jack still had to accept that.

 ****************************************

Jack checked every room, until he finally found Alice and Susan together in her dressing room. A big beautiful white ballgown with a bellowing veil that swished as if it were a natural part of Susan's hair, kept Jack in awe. "You look so beautiful!" Alice and Susan turned around to see Jack with tight smiles over their face. "Oh, hey Dad......thanks." Alice looked at Susan, sensibility swimming through her eyes. "Oh Susan....." was all she could say. Jack kept a tweeness smile over his face. Susan gripped her bouquet of white flowers and let the deep smile cross over her cheeks, protruding her dimples. "Susan, are you ready?" She nodded. Glancing to Jack she bit her lip. "Mom... could you give us a moment?" Alice kissed Susan's cheek and then left the room, but not before rubbing a hand over Jack's shoulder.

"Dad..." Jack looked down and then up again. "Susan....." He swallowed. "I am so sorry for the way I treated you, and Sean and your marriage. I had no right to just come in between you and him like that and..... I am very sorry." 

Susan looked down. She came closer. "Dad... I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to say that you should just stay away from me or Sean... I was just angry, and I was stressed bec-"

"It's okay, I understand. And you were not wrong to say that. Truth is... this was something new for me. But I guess because since the idea of you being with someone who would now be responsible for your happiness and be your first priority in life, scared me. Me and you took care of you for almost your entire life- it wasn't easy to let you go into the city of Pasadena, and it was definitely not easy to give you a way to another man. But.... I was still wrong. I overstepped my place not only as your father, but as another adult- another person. And I respect you, Susan. I love you and I love Sean. I know I still see you as a little girl sometimes, but it's no excuse. And I guess I just have to remind myself of that." Jack came closer, letting a smile form. "You go to your wedding. You're going to be a good wife. You'll be a good mother, you're an amazing daughter and chef already.... I know you'll be amazing at this too. I love you."

"I love you too Dad." Susan let Jack engulf her into a hug. A long hug, lasting until the organ started. Pulling away, Susan hooked her arm into Jack's. "Ready?" 

"Ready."

The pair walked down the aisle to the slow sound of the organ. Big smiles were spread over Susan and Jack's faces. The audience of family and friends all stared at the bride and her father, until they reached the altar. As the preacher introduced the couple. Susan and Sean shared their vows to each other and the crowd of emotions. Alice wiped the tears from her eyes as did Jack. Roger hadn't shaken the smile from his face from the moment he saw Susan appear in her Cinderella dress. A stray tear was quickly wiped from his eyes. As the last words of Sean's vows were spoken, so were 'I dos.' 

"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Wolfe. You may now seal your vows with a kiss." Sean and Susan leaned in and kissed each other passionately as the crowd cheered. Susan and Sean run down from the altar and through the pathway between the seats. The crowd followed them into the community center where the reception began.

******************************

As the car was ready, Susan and Sean gathered around Susan's family. "We're headed to Tampa," Sean winked to Roger, who winked back. 

Alice threw her arms around Susan, as she cried into her silky hair. "We love you sweetheart.... be a good wife.... take care of each other, okay?" Susan nodded against Alice's neck. She pressed several kisses to her daughter's cheeks before letting her go. Alice clutched her tissue while watching Roger say goodbye. "Name your son after me," Susan laughed before pulling out of the hug from Roger. "Kidding, kidding!" Roger kissed his sister's cheek before stepping aside and allowing Jack to hug Susan.

"Goodbye baby girl.... I love you... I'll miss you." He cried into Susan's hair. And Susan finally cried, ushering a family hug. Sean was mingled into it by Roger. "Take care of her, Sean... okay?" 

"I will." He smiled with a nod. 

As the newlyweds drove away to their honeymoon, Jack, Alice and Roger looked on at the car that sped off into the glistening sunset. Jack let tears fall from his face freely as he stared well into the sunset, even after the car was long gone. The broken piece had been mended. It was sealed with a fresh new coat of pride and overwhelming warmth. 

Jack knew it would take some time, but he would never reject the idea of his daughter being Susan Wolfe, with the love of her life. 

Taking one last look into the sun, Jack smiled happily to himself before walking back to join the rest of his family.

[adarkrainbow]

Is it just me, or Americans and Europeans depict the standard, stereotypical fairy tale setting differently?

In my opinion, Americans depict the fairy tale setting as closer to the middle ages. The Fairy Tale Setting is often just a more colorful standard, almost Tokien-like, Fantasy Setting.

Meanwhile, in actual European adaptations of said tales, the stereotypical fairy tale setting is closer to the 18th, 19th century, with the architecture being the only thing vaguely medieval

Yes, I actually do believe as such. Mind you, I cannot speak for all of Europe - mainly France and a handful of other countries I am vaguely aware of adaptations (like England or Germany).

And I believe it is due to two specific things.

A) The very "American" view of fantasy. I mean, we have been repeating and endlessly talking about it for decades now - but for Americans everytime there is something fantasy or magical it is either "standard European medieval setting" either "modern-day America". And when I say "standard European medieval setting", it is this sort of idea and phantasm American built of a vaguely European setting which mixes various countries of Western Europe (Americans only have taken recent interest in other parts of Europe, such as Northern or Eastern, due to the success of things like "Midsommar" and folk-horror and whatnot), and various eras of the Middle-Ages (the Middle-Ages were divided into three specific period quite different from each other), with a good handful of things that were not from the Middle-Ages (like the witch-hunts, for example, they were Renaissance, not medieval).

Of course it is due to a mix of general ignorance about Europe (or any part of the world that is not the USA), and of not actually caring about the original setting since their point is either to parody/reinvent the fairytales in lighter/darker ways, or prove that theses stories are "timeless" and can invent outside of any specific context (which does greatly benefit Americans since like that they can snatch anything they like). Mind you it isn't something universal - take the Disney movies for example. They might not be quite exact, but at least they made a neat effort to evoke different cultures and different eras of Europe. It is very obvious that Disney's Snow-White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty take place in various points of Europe's history and in different countries (Snow-White's visual influence by German furniture and statues versus the nods to French culture in Cinderella ; Sleeping Beauty's medieval illumination visual versus the more modern royal outfits of Cinderella, etc...). But it is an effort that got completely lost through time (and I think it can be shown in how, when Disney made "Enchanted", their fairytale setting was turned into a random fantasy setting outside of time and space - it did reflect quite well how people saw the fairytale world at the time).

And you know what is even worse? This "random medieval setting" you speak of is NOT even Tolkien's! Tolkien setting was not medieval in the slightest, and doesn't look like your usual "medieval setting". Just look at the visuals of the Lord of the Rings movie, compare it with some "random fairytale setting" and you see the huge gap. If anything, Tolkien's world is more of a "Dark Ages" (you know, this unknown gap between Antiquity and Middle-Ages) feeling than anything, due to mixing Ancient Scandinavia with Ancient Greece and Dark Ages Arthurian Britain.

But... when you think about it, that the Americans would create such an unclear and artificial setting for their fairytales make sense, since this is literaly what "their" fairytales were compiled as. I'll explain: when you ask an American to list you fairytales, when you see the fairytales used in the American media, it is a Frankenstein-creature. You've got the brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault and Andersen and Joseph Jacobs and nursery rhymes and some Asbjornsen and Moe fairytales... Their exposition to fairytale was by compilations of stories literary and folkloric, from different centuries and different countries, mixed together as one. As such... it makes sense for them a fairytale world would look like a pile of mashed-potatoes in terms of history-geography. Because they have to build a world that mix all of these stuff as one... (Plus something-something about the Americans being fascinated by the Middle-Ages because they did not have one?)

B) The Europeans are very "conscious" about fairytales. I will almost say "self-conscious".

Europeans are bound to always test and try various time-eras, fashions and context for fairytales due to a set of three reasons.

1) We have centuries of "traditional medieval imagery" that the Americans lack. Since our fairytales were published between the 17th and 19th centuries - some even by the 20th - Europe already underwent the whole "Random medieval setting" phase through popular imagery and children book and whatnot. America just begun it from the 19th/20th century - we have been at it for two, three more centuries. So today we are moving forward (and in general, while there are many aspects Europe is "late" compared to the USA, in many other ways Europe is "in advanced" compared to the USA, just because of how "young" this country's history is).

2) We are aware of the context of our own fairytales. Due to the language barrier, for example, we know every time a story comes from somewhere else. We have folktales compilations classified by countries and regions. And everytime we bring up a specif set of fairytales, we bring up the life, job and time-era of the fairytale tellers (Perrault, Grimm, Andersen, which are our "national treasures" - unlike Americans for which they're just "yeah little foreign guys we see in the distance"). As such when the French talk about Cinderella or Puss in Boots, the very images of Renaissance are brought up, the same way a German will immediately think of the Napoleonian wars and the post-Napoleon era when thinking of the Grimms - even though the fairytales are supposed to be in the "pseudo-medieval" setting.

3) Europe has been flooded and dominated by the American media when it comes to fairytales. As such we are very aware and accustomed to the "pseudo-medieval" setting popularized by America, and when Europeans try to do their own thing, they usually try to set themselves apart from it, due to knowing how cliche and Americanized this already is. Something very similar happened with French fantasy literature for example - French fantasy books are always trying to stand away from the "cliche American fantasy book" precisely because we are flooded with them and they form the bulk of our fantasy literature, so as such we are very aware of the flaws and stereotypes and expectations coming with the genre... It also doesn't help that most of the castles and "old-fashioned" architecture around Europe is not medieval per se (or that the medieval architecture is for example very impractical when it comes to filming movies), and we have much more Renaissance buildings and the like. In France for example most castles are Renaissance-era. "Real" medieval castles (as in medieval castles not "remade" by Renaissance or modern designers) are much rarer, or not as well preserved as the Renaissance ones.

Anyway this post got way bigger than I intended, but if you ask me some of my thoughts, here they are - mind you they are just my thoughts and I can't speak for every European. I am just one little eye and one little mind in a big big world... But that's the things I am led to believe.

[ewaneneollav]

•

go back to the laptop & put a mid-dot as the title

ok so i spoke of my friend who i was a little wary of meeting because with the way he wrote messages i felt like i had a less clear idea than usual of who i’d be meeting from behind the screen. well he talks much like he writes messages & this turned out to be in the good way, in that it was everything. it was the thing that’s so everything that it’s not even a special additive power, it only permits reality to be instead of being something other to it, & reality is good, the world is a place that feels good to be in. make no mistake that it was miracle. i need this post to have a violently positive collapsed bridges between itself & the ones above & below it, take this is an island, a crucial moment

if he has words to say he says them & does not really worry if they make sense. if something does a given verb it does & you can say it. & he is someone around whom the air can’t not relax. that’s a tired figure of speech when the “air” is the “vibe or atmosphere” but i want to employ it differently, the fabric of the air untensing. i fell in line with his way of talking & spoke much like i was half asleep & in this i could just be. it was very efficient communication. it took no time to feel like i was naturally immersed in this, which is to say un-immersed out of everything else. i felt much as though i were in the company of a sibling, so much nonsense brushed aside. brushed like something as puny as it all already always was. it wasn’t the standard typical desperate moment of finally-contact with someone “like me” & all the preceding desperations lie a pace behind in wait. i was just there. no question

(funny - when i told him my parents made my initials abc on purpose he said, if i remember this right, that multiple of his siblings do too - abc)

we drove aimlessly through a bunch of neighborhoods & then out of town aimlessly through rural areas & around these big parks i had never seen before. it felt so good to look at neighborhoods. all the soft muted colors that make up winter & neighborhoods felt like they had room to breathe & speak. everything felt beautiful. i never ended up playing the album i only listen to really selectively but i already wanted to. for a while it was the early-life-songs mix i made recently, which now felt like as an inspiration it had arrived just perfectly in time to soundtrack this driving in particular

(desolate trailer home off somewhere that made him stop & turn around & park & stare at it - that night when we were drunk he would mention this was an unsatisfying response - we worked out that he had liked driving past it & in stopping to stare was doing something else, trying to freeze the ensemble of perspectives created by motion into only one & treat it with the same value)

everything actually felt psychedelic to some minor degree, the membrane between me & the world felt thinner than ever. he didn’t have to do anything, if he drove us past something then that thing felt free to scream its own presence freely. & my thoughts & gestures all felt pregnant with meaning, as though playing the wrong too-bleak song could end it all, but this wasn’t self-conscious or restrictive, it had an intuition, it was just the feeling of a heightened common sense about everything that was happening & what i might do. everything felt like a grand pronouncement of its own self-evident possibility. there was a time when we stopped at a gas station briefly & at the counter it already felt insane to me that “the guy i went on that drive with” was standing in front of me

i felt... like... through him the universe was given room to speak & it was never trying to say anything all that universal or dramatic to us, it just wants to talk a little, point out what’s neat

the sun went down & we went to the mall & found an empty space of a restaurant that was just a decrepit counter one could walk behind & we spent like an hour just doing vaguely defined bits there, employing lots of random objects i happened to have in my purse. we sat idly at a table while all the stores were visibly closing. a security guard in a weirdly ninja-like outfit looked at me a bit odd & asked if we were good after i sang the chorus of wuthering heights quite openly & loudly to the gradually deadening corridor (it may have been the nicest singing i’ve ever heard come out of me)

i don’t know what else to write

i wanted to write this all day yesterday. this feels a little like “the second paragraph,” like that day in oregon last year when i took a picture of myself while on edibles & wrote one sentence under it, hit return, lost the ability to type any more, & then that guy took us driving &, in the ensuing hundred thousand years of that, the idea of getting back to the house & typing the second paragraph (which would be workshopped as ten thousand million different statements) was this one thing i had to cling to & felt like i was always prophetically racing towards at lightspeed

it’s funny, the person i met at two a.m. & then the person i met at two p.m, as though the former’s place in my life was to give some kind of comparative clarity to the latter

we got drunk in my room for a while & he showed me the last episode of a pendleton ward series called the midnight gospel & i was following instructions to try to feel my own hand & arm from the inside

[oleever-does-stuff]

TADC Yapfest Timeee

As a certified yapper, the need to shove my random assortment of ideas down your throat has been tearing me apart. Therefore, I deem it yapfest time. Also, media literacy is apparently at an all-time low and I am nothing but a product of the environment I am molded in and I require you to understand that.

~♡~

Do you guys know that face Caine made when talking about mixing up NPCs and humans? What do you guys think that implied? Was it a red herring or hinting at something else? Because I so happen to have two things going on in my head.

Firstly and most obviously, I believe that some of the cast are NPCs in disguise. This first came to me with the realization that Jax, Pomni, and Ragatha all sound like real names (Jack or just...Jax, Penny, and Agatha) while Gangle and Zooble didn't (unless there are names similar in other countries I'm unaware of). Then I remembered that Kinger exists, and if Kinger is an NPC I won't recover. The idea that Zooble might be an NPC does seem likely to me for a multitude of reasons.

The first reason: Zooble's refusal to go on Caine's adventures. I doubt an NPC would like to go anywhere in a fake world after discovering what you were. Secondly, Zooble (to me) looks vastly different from the rest of the cast. She looks like she doesn't belong with the other circus members. I can't really find the description of what the rest of the cast looks like other than neat, while Zooble is just a jumble of objects and assortments. It looks like she belonged to a different world and ended up there. That might just be cool character design though and I'm an idiot. Overall Zooble just seems out of place but that might just be because it's episode ONE.

My second idea, one thats been lingering in my mind that Caine himself is human and just forgot after being there for so long. While maybe not as coherent or has as much supportive evidence as the previous it's still there. Perhaps Caine worked for the company that created the Circus, was put in there to run the first run-through, but never made it out. If he was the first trapee, maybe he would have been given host commands, and that would explain why he was the control of the circus (like a party leader).

~♡~

Within my no-sleep-filled fever dream of a mind, this led me to another conclusion. If people had been around this long, why was the game so unfinished? Why were people from the outside not helping. Now this is where my incompetency comes in because due to the Caine actually being human thing I had the idea, maybe the Circus project was abandoned, and that's why the game itself is so unfinished with people abstracting, no exit, things glitching in and out of the world so easily. After Caine they were just like "Oh shit, yeah let's not work on this no more", but people still end up finding their way in. (I also had the idea, as my boyfriend keeps trying to put random numbers in this paragraph, perhaps they queued too many testees. Every time someone abstracts, the next person in line joins but has no memory of that wait.) There's that one thing about Pomni working for the company that created TADC, +8and like I'm not well-versed in TADC theory and canon things I watched like maybe 2 episodes, saw a couple funny posts but...

The place looks run down, abandoned. What self-respecting office space would allow papers to litter the floor. Or a dusty, moldy-looking computer.

It looks like the company abandoned the workplace, this project, everything. Maybe Pomni got put in a queue of sorts, waited until there was an open space available to play. (Kaufmo. R.I.P)

~♡~

A different tangent. I saw something that mentioned TADC was inspired by "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream". Although I'm unaware how true that is, it does lead me to wonder what the end for Pomni will be like. Will she end up saving the others from the digital hell, but be stuck there forever in return? Would she end up as Caine or be stuck with him to live out eternity?

also this is 100% going to be a problem, look at all of them just chilling.

I wrote this tangent at almost midnight, please forgive me I will edit in the morning (Afternoon).

Edited: more well written