#it's not feeling very much either of those things anymore

[helyanwe4608]

Okay, so I have a lot to say about this entire AI debate. And I hope this is a “nuanced” take and something that will make someone who’s in the same position that I was in a year ago, see sense.

This is a long text, so hear me out, read to the end and if you disagree, feel free to say so. Just remember I am a person and not just a username. Got it? Good.

Last year in spring I was in a shitty place mentally. I stayed up through the nights either sowing, crocheting, playing BG3 or “writing”.

I put writing in quotes, because I wasn’t so much writing as prompting. “Write a paragraph about XYZ” mostly Gale or Halsin fluff or advice I needed or comfort when I felt like I could not go on.

And believe me, I am very aware of how pathetic that sounds, but I was in a DARK place and all I wanted was an escape.

AI was that escape for me and I threw caution to the wind for the little dopamine hits I would get when it made me feel seen/ understood or just offered a distraction.

After a while I started wanting more than just promoted scenes and snippets, but I lacked the creativity, or rather the mental capacity to write this myself. So I kept prompting scenes and putting them together in a word document.

When I got on reddit and tumblr, I was confronted with many people’s negative opinions about AI and at first I dismissed it as fear mongering or just distrust.

English is not my first language and I told myself I wouldn’t be able to create this diversion for myself anymore if I did not use AI to “write”. And as long as I didn’t actively feed anyone’s work into the AI and I “edited” what I received, I was fine, right? I didn’t make money from my writing, so it’s not cheating.

Over the winter, my mental health improved, I got help and my energy returned to me bit by bit. I wanted to get back to writing because during therapy (and a stay at a clinic), I had learned again how healing it can be to string your own words together to express yourself.

I don’t remember the post I saw, or if it was here on tumblr or a insta-story by an author I love, but they essentially asked “What part of the process are you actually skipping when you use AI? The feeling? The catharsis of finding the right phrase? The learning experience?”

I also started seeing the patterns in how AI “writes”, repeating phrases, logical errors and how it can only produce a mimicry of real emotions and experiences. Because it is not human.

And I know there are 1000 other reasons to be against AI. The theft of intellectual property, ecological impact, the way people wanna use it for therapy treatments… and I agree to all these arguments.

This text is more directed to those who were like me and used AI to write because they wanted more content of something that gave them joy or kept them afloat. And who lacked the confidence and capacity to write it all themselves.

In spring, I started writing my current longfic project “A Wayward heart of Emberlight”, my self-insert Galemance BG3 fanfiction.

To say the first chapters are rough around the edges, even after a lot of revision and rewriting is an understatement. But I made them. They are mine.

I’ve learned a lot about myself by writing for Ada and by seeing her through the eyes of her companions, I think I’ve learned to see myself in another, better light as well.

Had I continued using AI blindly, my self-image would never have changed, neither would I have improved my writing or my English at all.

Yes, I need to look up words a lot, yes, I use a thesaurus so I don’t use the same word 8 times per page. And yes, I am not a fast writer. But that is perfectly normal for a writer?

The further I get away from the nautiloid, the more freedoms I take and the more I need to do this thumbtack-and-string conspiracy theory thing to keep my subplots together and the romance burning slowly.

But now, anytime I read a comment and the reader tells me they related to Ada’s struggles, with her anxiety or depression… I just feel seen. Really seen. By another human and not a robot.

Someone with a heart and a mind and a soul read what I wrote and they were moved by it. Never had a dopamine hit like that from anything AI made.

So, if you are like I was a year ago and you don’t see the harm and you feel like you’ll never create anything without AI, listen to me when I tell you that you are selling yourself short and doing yourself a massive disservice.

Ask people to beta read your drafts, post any cringey or rough oneshots you want. It’s fine. They will fit right in here, on AO3 or wherever you post them.

But please do not use AI to create less than mediocre content based on stolen property, that will never truly sate you and actively hurts the community of writers.

Hey. I think I hate you.

[deikshen]

Shen Yuan wakes up confused—apparently, he's just transmigrated and some villagers pulled him out from underground. They believe he's some kind of forest spirit. Oh, well, all right, Shen Yuan assumes that he can adapt. He doesn't know much about forest or being a spirit of, but his body has enough qi to grow crops much faster and stronger if he does it carefully. He's far enough away from all the gossip, and little by little, his village is... pretty much protected by himself

His qi not only makes crops grow, but also drives away beasts. The trees in the forest bordering the village are strong and fierce, nearly impossible for demons or beasts to penetrate. It is the safest place, according to Shen Yuan - although he is curious, he has a very strong sense of responsibility for that place. So! He can stay there for an unlimited amount of time, he wants to believe

Except a few months later, the rumors just come out. Something like the Demon Emperor, a book of something from Chunshan, many dramas. Shen Yuan has no idea what's going on– There aren't too many rumors coming out either. It's as if, once people get in, they just decide to stay. Not many merchants they return to where they came from, and basically, their village grows and sustains itself quite well

But for some strange reason, cultivators are coming? Shen Yuan has no idea why. He's not kidnapping anyone. Everyone is free to leave if they wish. But nobody wants to. So what's wrong with that?

Cultivators cannot prove that there is anything evil in the village (or in Shen Yuan, for some reason?) that makes people stay against their will. But... they don't leave either. First are the cultivators in dark blue robes, then black robes, then young disciples in robes of various colors. They all arrive one day and decide that the village is the best thing that ever happened to them, and they decide to stay. Some cultivators are giving classes to other young people, others have forged relationships, some have already settled into houses!!

When the golden robes arrive, wow, that's a disaster. Shen Yuan is actually a bit fed up. Some of them try to destroy the forest blaming it before deciding to stay, and Shen Yuan himself saves their burning asses. These disrespectful guys!

However, he also begins to... have a certain curiosity. Is there really something in the village? Something mystical, or strange? His searches show him nothing unusual or artifacts there. Ask the cultivators, and he notice something quite worrying: those who arrived first remember practically nothing of their previous life. Or if they remember, they don't give it any importance: their current life is what matters

Those in golden robes, newly arrived, are the most communicative: many people have been disappearing without a trace, those sent to investigate never return, a huge and leafy forest It emerged from nowhere where there should have been a village... In fact, they used to care, but not as much anymore. The food is delicious, the people are so friendly, why would they want to come back?

Shen Yuan is actually not only starting to worry, but also starting to feel a bit of a deja vu feeling. Didn't he read that somewhere?

He has a hard time remembering. When he does, he wants to hang himself and die. That's the damn plot of wife number 73 from PIDW! A sickly cultivator who created a body with a Sun-Moon Dew Mushroom, and when she woke up in that new body, her power was so great that it engulfed her entire village! She nourished the crops, trees, even the flow of the river to bring in more fish, and everything corresponded to her qi, and therefore, no one wanted to leave her orbit. It's not that everyone was trapped in that village, it's that everyone was trapped in her

Then Luo Binghe came, broke that spell with his magic papapa who for some reason taught her to have control of her qi with the excessive use of his cock, and voila, a new wife

But that's ridiculous, Shen Yuan thinks. This body is not just male, it's his. He even looks a bit like himself!! For that to happen, he would have had to be alive in this world, created this body... But he doesn't remember that happening!! And if he doesn't remember it, it didn't happen, right?

When Luo Binghe arrives – with a strange backstory with his Shizun whom he wants to revive ??? and a daily fight with the very much alive and not dead Liu Qingge ??? too crazy under Xin Mo's power ??? and without wives or harem ??? – Shen Yuan is not only actually very worried about what the hell happened to the plot, but actually fucking scared. What the hell is going on here!?

[chaptersleftunwritten]

Tortured Artist - 1

Blurb: Every year Hawkins High hosts a grand art exhibit to celebrate the rising talent within their creative departments, but on a whim, you choose someone new for your muse, and things go South very quickly.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, mild obsession (?), possible stalking (?) slow burn, pining, distorted self worth, academic overachiever, stress, smoking, kissing.

-

“I can’t believe I’ve wasted so much time on you!”

Your voice is a hatred laced whisper as you face off with the art project you have been working on for the last 4 days. You have stared at it for so long that you have been driven to the point of despair and malice.

Nothing looks right.

Nothing about it feels right, either.

And the weirdest thing of all was that you had never felt more inspired than you did right now. Whilst creating this body of work you were sure you could float with the creativity flowing through your veins. Your brain was bright and ripe with beautiful ideas— and your muse? He was irreproachable. Perfect in every sense of the word.

But executing those ideas… it proved to be much more difficult a task than you had anticipated.

Because whatever you painted, whatever you drew and whatever colours you used— it had to be everything. It had to reflect him. His incomparable soul. His renaissance painting eyes. His grin. That fucking grin.

You laid awake at night thinking about that smile. His teeth. The crinkles by his eyes. The scrunch of his nose.

And maybe you could blame the artist within you for being so obsessive and observant. But when reality hits- and it hits fucking hard- you know that Eddie Munson isn’t just your muse.

Not anymore.

And what started off as innocent is now relentlessly torturing your psyche.

And with the deadline for the upcoming art exhibit fast approaching, you had no other choice but to start your project over again.

From the empty bones, and up.

-

“I keep hoping that tomorrow will be different. That it’ll be better but it never is.” You wipe your paint spotted hands on your jeans, adding a layer of lavender over the array of many other colours that already adorned the denim garment. You rest yourself steadily against a nearby table, watching Steve closely as he studies your canvas.

“I know you’re looking to me for advice right now— but honestly, this,” he points to your painting, gesturing clumsily to the whole thing, “This looks sick, dude. I can’t critique it.” Steve folds his meaty arms over his chest, his round eyes meeting yours momentarily before you are standing up to make your way over to the nearest open window.

“I dunno.” You sigh softly, twirling a cigarette between your fingertips and breathing in the fresh air from outside before you decide to finally spark it up, “I can’t shake the feeling that I’m falling behind in some way. Like- I’m not hitting the mark I’m supposed to with this one.”

Your painting looms over your shoulder like a darkened cloud shrouding you in dread. You couldn’t decide on what medium to work with, or if you wanted to do portraiture or take a more abstract route. Either way, you knew that if Eddie saw it, he would be disappointed and probably absolutely mortified.

What would he say?

What wouldn’t he say? That thought frightened you the most.

The words he would leave unspoken. The thoughts about you that he would bury…

It sickened you. So much so that you flick away near enough a full cigarette.

“Who is it?” Steve asks from across the room, his bright red gym shorts contrasted in a way that pained your eye sight against the cream linoleum floor, “In the painting, I mean?” He doesn’t bother looking over at you, his narrowed eyes too focused on the canvas as he tries o play detective.

Luckily, this buys you a few moments to gather yourself physically and also some time to think of a tiny white lie.

“Uhhh-” You break.

Blew it.

“C’mon, you can tell me.” He is looking at you now, wiggling his thick eyebrows at you with hope that his comedic side will somehow coax some sort of confession from you. It doesn’t. Matter of factly, it only makes you more determined to conceal the individuals identity; considering the fact Eddie and Steve were relatively close friends now.

“It’s Nancy.” Thinking quickly on your feet was never one of your strengths, however Steve seemed to hum in satisfaction as he looked back to the painting. Maybe the unruly brown hair alluded promisingly at Nancy Wheelers appearance, rather than Eddie Munsons.

“I see it now!” He exclaims happily whilst snaking his fingers through his freshly styled hair. He never did tell you which products he uses- to this day it remains a mystery.

“Hey, maybe you should ask someone with a totally different style to you? Flip it on its head.” He rubs his chin in thought, “Maybe someone who is still artistic but in a different field.” You admired Steve’s opinion, truly you did, he was always so quick to help you whenever you were in need and you respected him in the highest regard… but what he suggested next made your ribcage itch and burn.

“What about Eddie?” Steve walks toward you, talking with his hands as he always does, “Eddie Munson.” He says it like you don’t know who he is, “He has super freaky ideas that could totally bring this bad little lady to a whole new world!” Wrapping an arm around your shoulders he moves you with ease to stand in front of your work in progress, “Think about it…”

Your breathing is quietly laboured as you try not to lose your mind.

“It would be ‘dark meets light’… ‘flowers and rock n’ roll’ all that jazz, Y’know?” Steve continues, his voice is soft and sweet in your ear, lulling you into a trance that makes you truly consider it, “You could win that prize money.”

There was no doubt in your mind that the collaboration would stop the show and catapult you to first place but you’re not sure if you could morally do that to Eddie.

He would eventually figure it out, that the painting is of him, and what then?

He would scorn you forever. Kick your little brother out of Hellfire. You would ruin everything.

But the muse and the art… working together? It would be biblical.

Something that hadn’t been done before in the history of Hawkins High.

And even more so, the muse making the art themselves all whilst unknowing.

What Eddie doesn’t know can’t hurt him… right?

“So? We doing this?” Steve chirps with his hands on his hips.

You gnaw on your bottom lip for a moment, caught in the fog of contemplating the consequences. However, it only takes you a few seconds before you are nodding in agreement.

“Okay, Harrington. Let’s bring him in.”

-

“So, how exactly am I supposed to help?” Eddie’s face appeared more confused than anything else and the deepest parts of you longed to see that toothy gleam of his that haunted your dreams.

Steve ties the shoelaces of his white Reebok sneakers, “You’re not helping. You’re just… enlightening.” He stands tall again, amber eyes on Eddie, “What would you do in her position?”

Eddie’s lip pucker into an ‘almost’ smile, “But I’m not in her position.” His playful eyes flicker to you momentarily before he is dragging his gaze away, “ I wouldn’t have the faintest clue of what to do in her position, Steve.” His tone is taunting and provocative as he tries to arise a familiar annoyed response from Steve. Hoping that he will lose patience with him and send him back to that dark supply closet which he calls the ‘Home’ of Hellfire.

“I know that, Dingbat, but you can offer something to this that I can’t so—“ Steve’s body stiffens as he tries to assert himself strongly within the argument, if you could even call it that, “—suck it up and stop being such a big baby.”

Muddy eyes glare at each other for a moment too long and in their silence you can hear the thundering of your heart pounding beneath your skin. Your cigarette packet seductively calls your name from your jacket pocket but you find yourself frozen still— stuck with infatuation. Having Eddie this close to you was like exposing live electric wires to every nerve ending in your body. You should cry out, but it feels too good to stop.

“Fine,” Eddie barks as he tenderly ties his hair back into a messy assortment of something between a ponytail and a bun. You hadn’t seen this look on him before; he looked physically sharper and mentally focused, “Just don’t go shitting on my ideas, ‘Kay?” For the first time in minutes he is looking at you again, only this time he seemed a lot gentler, “You summoned me here so you have to hear what I have to offer. Sound good, Sunshine?”

You gulp away the dryness that had taken over your mouth and throat, nodding your head meekly and sticking out your palm toward him, “Shake on it.”

And there it is. The curved beam you had hoped to see since he walked into this studio. It was even more charismatic up close, “Shake on it.” He repeats your words back to you with a bucket of amusement snaking through his tone as his hand grips yours firmly. Cold metal rings meet hot skin and the contact nearly makes you gasp aloud. You felt intoxicated.

“Now…” He is gentle as he takes his hand from yours and you are left gutted with disappointment, your stomach plummeting to a new depth you didn’t know was possible, “Where do you keep the charcoal?”

You look to your canvas in a hurry, taking in its vibrant watercolours and somewhat dreading what Eddie was about to do to it. But somehow, you are speaking without resistance.

“They are over in that filing cabinet. Third drawer from the top.”

Fluffy hair bounces upon his head as he gallops toward the shelving cabinet, and whilst you looked at Eddie in what could be mistaken for regret, Steve looked at him with wonder and trust. Pride burrowing within his hairy chest at the fact he was the one who helped you execute this plan.

Although, Steve’s smile quickly subsides when Eddie slaps him firmly on the shoulder with a recognisable twinkle in his eyes, “You should order us some pizza, big boy.” Eddie perches in front of the canvas, like a bird on a wire as he admires the beauty that you have already achieved, “it’s gonna be a loo-ong night.”

-

“Can’t believe you did this,” Eddie’s voice is slightly breathless with disbelief, “You have somethin’ real special, Y’know.”

And you don’t mean to laugh, but you do. And it’s sad and it’s fruitless… and Eddie picks up on it instantly, “Right.”

“I’m serious,” He angles his body toward you, his knees are spread open wide on the small stool beneath him and his eyes are menacingly observant of you, “I don’t think you need my help. Not one bit.” His arms cross to hold his biceps, something he clearly finds comfort in, and you silently have to swat at yourself to look away from him.

He makes it so easy to stare…

“It won’t win me that prize money. Not with the plan I had,” Your eyes remain on the reflective floor beneath your feet, “It’s why Steve enlisted you.” Finally, you find the courage within you to look up at him and a hidden part of you began to scream, “I do need you, Eddie.”

The confession causes Eddie’s chest to seize and his heart to stagger drunkly. His brain searched for a time in his life that he had heard those words before, but he hadn’t. Not ever. No one ever needed him, not in the way you appear to right now.

How could he possibly walk away from you now? Not when you’re looking at him like that. Full of trust and subtle desperation.

Eddie wasn’t even close to an artist.

Sure, he had drawn up character designs for D&D but it wasn’t to this level of skill. His drawings paled in comparison to your work, which made it that more difficult for him to understand why you needed him.

However, as little as he knew about the art world, Eddie knew he would do anything to help you. Anything to keep you looking at him the way you are in this very moment…

“Okay,” He exhales deeply through his nose, “You ready for this?” He holds up a thin stick of charcoal that dusts his fingertips in black. You stare at it absentmindedly for a moment before accepting that whatever happens next is meant to happen.

And with a soft smile that doesn’t quite meet your eyes, you nod.

That was all Eddie needed, and with your stamp of approval he Gets. To. Work.

-

Next part here!

taglist: @colorful-white-ideas @littlered0000 @ali-r3n @daisy-munson @serenadingtigers @rainybloo28 @munson-enthusiast @godcreatoreli @littlefreckles4 @what-the-jams @tlclick73 @ameliapond1995 @thepurplelovewitch @somethingvicked @costellation-hunter @munsonzgf @emxxblog @ingridvasquez @sadbitchfangirl @im-julessssss @munsonburn3r @unclecrunkle @ziggeddie @yarafae @sidthedollface2 @kellsck @your-nightmaredoll @manitskatrina @georgeweasleyslostearhq

[sugarskies]

cw: discussions of past drug use and addiction

The best part about waking up next to Bob was that he rarely expected it.

Sure, there were nights when they fucked and either Bob didn’t leave or John didn’t leave and they woke up still together, still undressed. There were nights when he felt like shit, so he climbed into Bob’s bed and clung to him like a giant teddy bear.

But some of his favorite times were the nights when Bob sneaked in well after he’d passed out. When John fell asleep alone and woke up with Bob in his arms or hogging his blankets or completely sprawled across his chest.

He knew it would be one of those mornings when he felt the weight on his bare shoulder. When he opened his eyes to see the tangled curls tickling his neck. John reached his right arm over and tucked a lock of hair behind Bob’s ear. He pressed a kiss to Bob’s temple and closed his eyes, hoping to sleep a little longer or just enjoy the moment.

Then either he shifted, or Bob shifted, he wasn’t really sure. He only knew that the movement was just right enough or just wrong enough to send a shooting pain up his arm.

“Ow, fuck.”

John moved instinctively. He pulled his arm, clicked his shoulder upward as he tried to position it to be more relaxed. A wave of guilt washed over him when Bob groaned quietly. His eyes were just barely open, squinting and unadjusted to the light.

He reached his left hand up to John’s cheek, stroked his beard with his thumb as he mumbled sleepily, “You okay? Did I have another nightmare? ‘M sorry if I did.”

There had been just a couple incidents where Bob’s very visceral nightmares ended with John getting kicked or kneed. John didn’t mind. There were few things he loved more than being able to pull Bob into his chest when he woke, than making him feel safe.

“No, no, you’re all right. It’s just my arm. Remember I told you when I broke it fighting…?” John trailed off when Bob started to move. “Hey, you don’t have to—”

“Keep your arm there.”

But rather than leave, as John assumed he would, Bob just flipped over on his belly; turned his head toward his bicep instead of his chest. Bob gently lifted John’s arm and kissed the inside of his wrist, numbing the tingling and dull ache with his lips. He kissed in a line up John’s arm, past his elbow to the bottom of his bicep.

After a dozen kisses with relatively even pauses, John could tell when Bob fell back asleep before he reached the top. His lips were still pressed against John’s skin, warm breaths from his nose tickling the hair surrounding them. Worried he could somehow accidentally suffocate Bob in his elbow, John nudged him back into his chest instead.

“Does it feel better?” asked Bob, his voice thick with sleep. He nuzzled into John’s side, stretched his left arm across John’s bare belly. Bob’s t-shirt was soft, but his skin was softer.

“So much better.” John kisses the top of Bob’s head and curled his arms back around him without regard for how his left forearm still stung. “Better than the morphine, even.”

His inhale was sharp. “No, no, no, no, no. No, you can’t take that.”

“What?”

“I don’t want you to take that. Okay?” His eyes were still closed, still sleepy, but there was something about his speech that was almost frantic. Something about the way he dug his fingers into John’s side that deeply worried him. “Don’t take that.”

“I—” John didn’t even know what to say, really. He tightened his grip around Bob, tried to keep his own voice level when he explained, “I don’t take it now. Just in the hospital right after it happened. I don’t take it anymore. It’s not like I was ad—” Well, fuck. He couldn’t say that. Great going, dickhead. “I won’t ever take it again, all right?”

“That’s what I said.”

“What?”

“No, I don’t— I don’t want to tell you.” Bob elaborated before John could even ask why. “You’ll feel like an asshole if I tell you and I don’t think you’re an asshole. You’re not an asshole. Just don’t take that shit, okay? Never. Don’t ever take that shit. Promise you won’t take that shit.”

John hated making promises. He didn’t trust himself to keep them. But for Bob, he would do anything. “All right. I promise.”

“Okay. Is your arm okay?”

“It’s okay.” Not great but okay. “Are you okay?”

Bob nodded but didn’t speak. It was probably better to exist in the silence than to push for an answer that wouldn’t make either of them feel better. Except John already felt like an asshole for waking up Bob and bringing up drugs so he didn’t know how much worse it could get.

Until ten minutes later when he felt a tear stick to his chest. When Bob sniffed, squeezed John’s ribs until it hurt, and said in a whisper, “It was my gateway drug.”

Of course, Bob was right. Because he was almost always right. John exhaled slowly, tried to overcome the feeling that he was a complete piece of shit. Bob already said he wasn’t and if Bob believed he wasn’t then it had to be at least a little bit true.

“I was twelve,” Bob went on, and John’s heart shattered into a million pieces. “I was in a car accident. They gave me morphine to make me feel better and I was high for fucking, like, eighteen years.”

His chuckle was filled with pain. John set his right hand on Bob’s scratchy cheek, brushed away a tear beneath his left eye, and cradled his face as he kissed the top of his head twice. His instinct was to say once more that he would never take it again but that clearly wasn’t reassuring to Bob. It took him a moment to find something else to say instead.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, hoping it sounded as sincere as he meant it. He wasn’t great at communicating his feelings. Sometimes it was easiest for him to just say what he wanted to hear. “This changes nothing about us.”

A short silence fell between them as Bob took a few low breaths before he murmured, “I’m sorry I hurt your arm.”

“No, you didn’t hurt me.” John slipped his fingers under the back of Bob’s t-shirt, dragged them along his warm, soft skin. “It feels better when I’m holding you.”

Bob turned his head to kiss the edge of John’s chest before he settled back in. It didn’t take five minutes for Bob to fall asleep again. And even though John was very much awake, he stayed in that bed until Bob was ready to move.

[majaloveschris]

I don't get this whole thing of they are pregnant but then everyone around them is the one revealing that... I want to say this feels oddly like the preemptive post by Justin's dad about the marriage to Captain America... IMO , it feels like they have tried everything for this girl to pop and nothing is working or has worked..a legit couple doesn't need the clout especially for someone who doesn't want the fame as she claims.

This paints Chris either as a very fake person for the last 20+years or this relationship is just for clout. Look at how Tom and Zawe announced their second child... Very simple and effective. Even with their first , it was simple.. they were also spotted out and about like normal couples do. His family or friends of family weren't making weird comments in strange post. And you cannot say that Tom and Zawe are not private, because they definitely are.

How on earth did Chris tether himself to these people... The constant trolling of fans is so strange..even though I truly believe all this is PR, I swear it has made me look at Chris very differently. He could have been such a respectable actor or personality even outside acting, with his ASP. But now we are just left with a reluctant actor and association with such horrible clout chasing problematic people.

And it’s not even just about the fact that a real couple doesn’t need this much clout but also the fact that apparently they are supposed to be a private couple. Like, which private couple does this? Private couples don’t have their relatives and friends going around spilling their private info, especially when we are talking about something as big as an engagement, wedding, or pregnancy. But they do the same thing as well, because those wedding articles were clearly from their teams.

If this is truly PR, I, too, don’t understand why it was needed. Chris was doing more than just fine but definitely better before this shitshow. He didn’t lack a job; he had loyal fans. Maybe he is getting money from this and more and better job offers, but nothing is going to give him back those loyal fans who were always there for him, no matter what. And people can try to twist and turn it however they would like to, but this whole thing definitely took a toll on his reputation. The fandom is not the same and will never be anymore. A lot of people won’t come back. I don’t know who told him this is a good idea (again, if this is PR), but this whole thing was a huge mistake, and he definitely ruined a lot of things he’d built up in 20 years.

[qoldenskies]

what exactly did the cc!brothers experience when they were cursed? was it like a blurry kind of vision? were they just helpless to watch themselves harass donnie? i know they were at least a bit aware, i think leo said smthn ab it in miner’s eulogy. they were aware of what they were doing, but was the curse genuinely messing w their heads to the point they couldn’t even tell what was right anymore ?

technically the curse manipulated their emotions, not their thoughts. it was a slow build of anger and disgust and apathy and hatred over the course of those three months, and the ways they acted in response all came from internalized self-justifications that they made up themselves. they might refer to kitsune's actions like she crafted them specialized torture, but outside of some things like them being thrown off every time they thought something was wrong, their brains came up with it on their own.

the thing is, they resisted it. leo kind of rode the waves from the start because being mean to donnie is built into their dynamic, but mikey's actively trying to spare donnie's feelings as late in the game as right after the closet. raph pulls back, he stops before he goes too far. but they couldn't tell anything wrong because nothing seemed wrong, it all felt like their own line of thinking at the time. raph felt like he was protecting his family (and making donnie better), mikey thought he was both playing around and getting back at his "abuser" (leo and raph's fault), and leo thought he was just giving donnie what he deserved, taking him down a peg, etc.

the thing is that like... when you hate someone, everything's a subject of contempt. ive found things to be utterly insufferable in the people who have hurt me that ive found deeply endearing in my close friends, or would defend someone else for because i dont think being mildly annoying should be greatly worthy of scorn. your brain comes up with double-standards because you HATE them, and you like to look for reasons. that's really how it went with the cl bros, because they couldn't resist those feelings. they'd only build and build, and there's no ignoring that level of hate and anger. it was meant to build to the point where they would be completely comfortable killing him, after all, and even then raph still mentions crying when he puts his hands around donnie's throat. he still loved him until the very end. he almost thought of killing him as a mercy.

this informs them pretty heavily post-curse in general. they remember how they felt, and they felt vindicated, relieved and entertained by his suffering. it felt justified for all the grief and annoyance he'd brought them over the course of their whole lives. and when it snapped, there was a moment where they had to falter and go "wait, what the fuck am i doing??" first. they came out on the other side remembering all of the little ways their brain rewrote history and all the shit they blew out of proportion out of anger, and they cant really do anything but doubt their own minds from then on. even when there's no kitsune to curse them, theyre going to live their lives in fear.

they're not the only ones who got boiling frog'd, after all... their weaknesses were used against them (raph's strict moral code, mikey's self-centered childishness, leo's struggles with feelings of inferiority and envy) as excuses to abuse their brother, and it's why they so seamlessly slotted into the roles they did. it made so much fucking sense to them at the time, and they're so disgusted with themselves in the aftermath. they said a lot of shit to each other, too, so a lot of it was propelled along by them making excuses for each other and enabling each other.

a world where they just had to helplessly watch would be a kinder one to them (raph especially who is repressing BIG-TIME). in the one they have, they dont know when it started, what parts of it were them, or if all of it was them, in a way (donnie doesnt know this either, which makes it worse. and they never get answers out of kitsune). so they will constantly doubt and blame themselves. donnie will trust them and they will continue to hate themselves for it. they overcorrect with unfaltering, unbreakable persistent love because that is the only way they know that theyre in their right minds now. they cant even admit to being annoyed with him for stupid small shit without wanting to hurt themselves atp.

[sonic-takeover]

Ah, Amy had learned not to get caught in Metal's pinch points while cuddling but the other way around hadn't been an issue for obvious reasons...be careful getting up guys. 😬

*It's more difficult than it usually is for Metal to boot up from sleep mode. He shifts, his body pulling in a deep draft of air, then releasing it. The action causes his body to relax. He opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling, admiring the elegant crown moulding that Amy installed in their room as he usually does when he wakes first. He's laying with his arms stretched out to either side, Amy curled up against his chest on one side. His body feels... Different. Sluggish. Clumsy. He lifts his free hand to look at it and nearly jumps out of the skin that he seems to now have. He has paws. Organic flesh and blood paws. With skin and paw pads and claws and dark blue fur. He watches as his hand begins to shake. His chest feels funny as his heart pounds faster. He must be experiencing the effects of adrenaline. He's afraid. He turns to wake Amy, but flinches when he sees her. She's not soft anymore. The shape of her pink quills is now constructed of steel, just like the rest of her, including her favorite dress. Her eyes are a screen much like his usual one, but her eyes glow green as they display the "eyes closed" image. Her cold metal hand rests on Metal's chest, her fingers laced through the longer tan fluff on his chest. Metal very carefully extracts himself from under her, wincing as his fur gets caught in her joints. Is this what Amy had to deal with before? Poor thing.. Once free, Metal climbs out of bed and walks to their mirror wall, closing his eyes as he reaches it. This isn't right. This isn't normal. He takes another one of those deep breaths to calm himself, then opens his eyes. In his reflection, he sees Sonic- No, not Sonic. Himself. His fur is darker, his quills shorter and curved upward rather than downward. His eyes are still that bright red as they were before, but now they're made of flesh. His eyelids are dark, and his paws are patterned like fingerless gloves. He gulps-- which is an even stranger sensation than breathing-- and places his hands on his own face. No, he doesn't look like Sonic. He looks like Metal. How he always felt he would look if he weren't made of steel and wires. His eyes sting and his vision becomes blurry. Why? What now? He rubs at his eyes and the fur on his hands comes back wet. Tears? He looks up as Amy shifts, sitting up*

Mmm.... Metal..? You okay baby- *She stops when she sees him fully. She stares for a long moment* ... W-Who are..?

*Metal reaches out a hand, wanting to warn her. His voice comes out of his mouth instead of his chest* ... Amy...

*She beeps in surprise at his familiar voice, then looks down at herself. A moment passes. Then she releases an ear-splitting robotic scream, a sound much louder than she could usually produce* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

((If you're wondering, I'm keeping the formatting of robotic text vs normal text the same as usual. This is just to make it easier to tell who's talking without needing to readjust! Everything within the switched plotline will have the #robot switcheroo tag! -Mod))

[chidoroki]

Wind Breaker ch186-187

We're gonna put Umemiya off to the side because he's just being a precious angel and truly did nothing wrong, but the others? Yeah, those are some very valid reasons to get pissed off. Constantly having to deal with dishonest people is enough to keep your walls up, and once you become that closed off where you can't even trust anyone anymore, all your emotions are definitely gonna get bottled up to the point where it breaks you.

Despite how painful this panel is, it's drawn real beautifully, like I can feel my throat start to burn with how loud Kotoha must be screaming.

Sweetheart please I know the people in your life have been so harsh and unfair but dear god don't go hitting yourself like this!

I'm so thankful that Ume steps in to restrain her so quickly but I can't get over that shocked yet hurt expression he has on his face. Like me, he probably never thought that Kotoha would cause harm to herself like this and watching those buried emotions reached their boiling point isn't any easier to witness. He even looks a bit scared and guilty, like granted he hasn't know Kotoha for long at this point, but the fact that he wasn't able to help her prior to this must hurt a bit too.

Say it louder for the people in the back! It's okay to be mad!! Oh boy, that's just an awesome thing to hear, honestly. Anger is such a strong emotion but it's always looked at negatively because of just the destructive nature it has towards everyone it can reach, including yourself, but one shouldn't just pretend that they just don't feel it at all. Let's face it, this world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, so anger is gonna be a common occurrence since there's always gonna be people, ideas, actions, etc that you won't agree with and that's fine, but we shouldn't let it all spiral out of control either or let the anger consume us.

Ume says you can get angry, so long as you don't hurt yourself, and then draws upon his own experiences about how tiring it is to always reject how you feel, whether those feelings be anger, loneliness, or anything else. His advice is to simply just accept your feelings, no matter how intense or trivial they might be, because each one is valid and you shouldn't feel ashamed, scared or hopeless to let others know what's going on in your mind. There's an edit I did years ago, revolving around the quote "But you see, there is a graveyard in my mouth filled with words that have died on my lips," and I feel as if that fits here too. I think about it often because.. yeah, I keep to myself far too much.

Not gonna lie, but I took Ume's suggestion literally and thought he meant he'd take all Kotoha's rage so I was half expecting her to hit him instead. I'm blaming that idea on her clenched fist and my hope that we see Kotoha throw at least one punch before this whole story ends, like you can't tell me she's been around Ume and the rest of Bofurin all these years and didn't learn anything about fighting. I mean, yeah, the events of ch1/ep1 come to mind when Sakura was defending her, but she was also surrounded by a bunch of dudes. Surely she can knock someone out when it's a one on one, yeah? (if not then shhh, let me swim in my own delusion.)

Meh.. I certainly don't blame you girly. Being treated so poorly by others suck, but by your own mother too? Damn. After recently seeing Kiryu's dad, Natsuki's mom and now Kotoha's, I'm kinda glad we don't dive too much into other character's personal family issues because all we get is trauma of some sort.

This entire page just.. hits real hard. I've gotten into plenty of arguments during my life where people would lose their temper, say some harsh things, then drop the situation completely only to act all normal and friendly the next time I see them, like.. sorry, what? Good for you if you can easily discard my feelings but I can't. Seeing them walk away or being forced to "just forgive them" doesn't mute the hurt, nor does accepting their weak, insincere apology mean I'm suddenly okay, especially when they're saying sorry just for the sake of doing so to make themselves feel better. Kotoha knows all this, yet we're told to forgive and forget so we can move on with our day, but the reality is that this isn't something so simple for everyone to do. Regardless of how close the other person is to you, their words can still hurt, actions can be painful, and memories aren't so easily forgotten.

You know someone really screwed up when you see Umemiya get this mad.

Sir, you are nothing but a child, how are you this wise? Oi, this is all supposed to be a friendly therapy session for Kotoha, not me too! It's no wonder he was able to change all of Furin and the town itself in just a couple years.

Quick! Someone give me this park's location now because I have a very strong need to visit this precious girl and give her several hugs!

And look how far you've come sweetie. I'm so very proud. Also love that Sakura is totally horrible at any sort of game. That panel was a nice, little laugh to end this emotional chapter on.

Now then, we're finally onto the chapter that got me all giddy in the first place. Hang in there a bit more Sakura, this stressful day is almost over for you.

Can I just say how happy I am that we just didn't immediately end this arc right after the trio left the orphanage? While I'm incredibly grateful that us readers got to learn about Kotoha's backstory, I really wanted Sakura to hear some of it too considering he seemed a bit curious about her back in ch182 & 183.

Umemiya you're such a cute, affectionate puppy I swear. Forgot if I mentioned it anywhere or not but I kinda prefer him with his hair down like this more than his usual style.

I mean.. Sakura's assumption isn't totally wild. No matter how grateful Kotoha is towards Ume for helping her chill out in the past, she does have a tendency to act indifferent around him, though I can't say I blame her either and I promise I'm not just saying that out of favoritism. Ume does like to push those boundaries a bit, ya know? Seeing him completely face plant into the ground upon hearing the possibility of Kotoha hating him was hilarious though.

Everyone shush up! Sakura FINALLY said her name! Out loud too! I noticed it instantly and y'all, I swear I had the absolute biggest smile on my face! It's insane that we had to wait this many chapters for it to happen, mainly because Kotoha was the very first person Sakura met, but this moment could not have been more perfectly timed. Way back in ch37 when Kotoha suggested that he should learn the names of everyone in his class, she told him that "calling someone by their name is a declaration of acceptance, that you are seeing them for who they are," so seeing him address her by name after he learned more about her and realized how similar they were was just *chef's kiss.* I won't lie but I panicked a tiny bit at the last two panels on this page because I thought she didn't catch on right away as she commented about something else..

But thank god she noticed it! Though Sakura has improved so much over time, he still only uses people's names on occasionally, so it's honestly just a funny realization that he genuinely believed that he called Kotoha by her name before only to blank at actually recalling one specific memory of him doing so because it simply never happened until now. She seems so ecstatic about hearing it too. And so am I if that wasn't clear enough already! I've literally been waiting for this since I watched ep12, which isn't really that long ago when ya think about it when compared to someone who's read the manga since the beginning, but it felt like a lifetime for me alright? Let me be happy.

Waking up hungry, getting slammed by a door, carrying a whole bunch of food, being surrounded by children, getting kicked and trampled on, giving piggy back rides and now stuck washing dishes.. Sakura is gonna go home and pass out after this eventful day for sure. We appreciate you!

See? You still got rewarded for your valiant efforts, even if he isn't fond of it.

It's amazing how well Kotoha adjusted to life her after Umemiya helped her those couple years ago. That moment in the park was so effective that she wanted to help Sakura from their very first meeting, which I think is really great since that whole confrontation she had with Ume didn't happen until a week after she first arrived at the orphanage. Also, I think I forgot to mention this anywhere earlier, but I love how this mini arc expanded on the who-helped-who chain. We've seen Kotoha assist Sakura since day one, but these last few chapters have expanded both ways where we learned that Umemiya was the one who originally helped Kotoha with her issues, which eventually leads to Sakura helping Natsuki adjust to life here by recalling the advice he learned from Kotoha. I'm glad we got to experience this full circle kind of moment.

What if I cried, huh? Why? Hell if I know. I just adore fun relationships where they can tease and respect one another as well as accept who they are wholeheartedly anyways. Not saying in a romantic sense either, because I doubt any ship is gonna sail by the end of this series.. unless it's something like Shizuka and Kanji where Bofurin and Roppo-Ichiza were already teasing the two about dating, but I honestly can't see anything happen with Sakura when he's already tasked with learning so much about himself, about others and how to become a better captain. I just gesture dramatically to him and Kotoha because hello please consider how they're such a great duo regardless. Every scene with them gives me great joy if you haven't noticed.

Ma'am you are literally so gorgeous, I'm in awe. I'll ascend into a higher plane of existence when these chapters eventually get animated.

Just take the compliments, Sakura! No need to hiss like a damn cat! Anyways, I'm quite surprised to see Kotoha apologize? Not because she never seemed like the type to do so or some other stupid reason, but because I feel like it didn't need to be said? Sure that one comment made Sakura storm out of the cafe that day, but since then, Kotoha's been steadily giving him advice (and food), gently nudging him to open up to others and suggestions of how to become a better squad captain. Her support towards Sakura is as clear as day and so unwavering, even going so far as to help him when he's sick. There was never any doubt that she wasn't totally on board with his goal once she started to see how significantly he was improving, but even so, I do enjoy that she felt the need to formally apologize to him regardless. Having this happen after he said her name for the first time is the icing on the cake because it adds a whole other level of acceptance to their bond too.

Adding spit take to the list of unfortunate Sakura happenings for today. Pretty sure this ain't the first time either. I remember him spitting out coffee once Kotoha asked about who the grade captain was and again during Umemiya's chat after the fight against Togame. Gotta say though, this time is clearly Sakura's own fault. He stated he didn't like the herbal tea and yet he's still drinking it.

Very much excited to see some more first years! If they're anything like the dudes in our class then I'm sure I'll fancy them. Is it weird I'm kinda interested more in their character designs than anything else at the moment? like there's a ton of background characters in our class that I see sometimes and think "hey, they're kinda cute, who are they?" but never get any answers since they're just there to fill space. I kinda want to learn more about Mizuki, Momose and their teams too. I know we saw a little bit of them during that long fight the whole school had against Endo, but I don't remember any grand moments from either of them honestly.

Go meet the Furin boys. Lift your head up and properly look at people. Use people's names. Learn to rely on others. Those tasks have all been completed Now, a new Kotoha quest has been added: make more friends. I joke about it, but I love that Sakura takes her suggestions seriously and really sets his mind to achieving them to become a better captain.

New name, who this? I saw some people mention this might be the guy who ended up saving Umemiya in ch96, but that dude had three stripes on the sleeve of his Bofurin uniform, so it couldn't be him. It could be a different guy that this older third year and Sensei from the orphanage both knew apparently, but who knows. I'm quite curious about this mystery man and why his name alone would be enough to cause Kotoha to literally jump out of her chair so quickly.

Ah.. it may have taken three nights with what little time I had to gather all my thoughts together but I'm finally done. Bless. No idea if I'll continue rambling as chapters update. We shall see.

[sonoranbumblebee]

I know this is a joke (because I read the tags?) but my hot take is that it's ok because it was actually a setup. Things happen in threes. Carmy coulda/shoulda been there when Sugar needed someone at the hospital. Carmy coulda/shoulda been there when Sydney needed someone at the hospital.

I think the Fak lines in 3x09 "When we get there, we have to be respectful and very quiet." "Absolutely. Hospitals are sacred. The worst day of someone's life can be in a hospital." "Or the best day."

I feel like a fuckin vulture every time I think or write this, and I don't know what they're going to do to her, but I think something happens to Syd and she ends up in the hospital. If not Syd, then Richie, because Richie doesn't really have a default emergency contact anymore. Remember when he called Tiffany from the jail and got sent to voicemail? I think now that Tiffany is bound to Frank, Richie's in case of emergency contact in his phone is probably Carmy.

Plus, neither Syd nor Richie have any money or health insurance. In America after they check you in at the emergency room someone comes down to try and figure out if you have insurance. Carm's just going to hand over his credit card but that's only a short-term solution to their larger money problems.

I just saw someone on TikTok say "stop picking boys based on if they look good in a backwards baseball cap. This is the person who's going to accompany you through the birth of your children and the death of your parents." I don't think we're doing actual life or death but feels like life or death, very much in part because the producers like baiting JAW with scenes that actually might challenge his sickeningly talented ass.

Anyway, I predict Carmy has to be either Syd's grownass husband or Richie's grownass brother in a hospital scene next season, while simultaneously having a full-blown breakdown because those are his people and he doesn't know what he would do without them.

Listen, I just wanna know whose bright idea was it to have Syd talk Carmy out of taking her to the hospital.

I'd like to know so I can ask them where their head was when they came to that writing decision and why was it up their ass?

[sunieepo]

been thinking of quitting tumblr or at least... idk... using it really differently

i feel like scrolling the dashboard i'm just inundated with so many bad takes / sexism / racism / horrendous world news / doomerism / things i've asked ppl to tag but aren't (not upset about it because i get that i'm asking a lot). and i get that it's supposed to be funny/absurd seeing people online say bad takes but it just makes me feel pretty down sometimes. in general i think exposure to random people's takes on the internet is just very damaging to my mental health. same with the constant stream of awful news

i'm currently finally seeing a therapist to try to help me with some of my more serious mental health issues and i think i'm overall just much more sensitive now than i was in the past. especially with the sexism stuff man. and i get why people wanna post about and complain about bad takes they see online regarding this but... god, i'm just exhausted. i'm tired. i don't have any more rage or ridicule left in me. i'm just incredibly sad at the state of the world rn and i have no more energy left to feel anything but sad about it.

scrolling specific character/fandom tags is still pretty safe so i'll still have that, but... yeah, for similar reasons to why i left twitter, i'm kind of feeling evacuating my main tumblr dash if nothing else.

that or i could get really aggressive about muting/unfollowing people for posting untagged bad take shit, but i'm already only following about 200 users and my dash would literally just be a ghost town if i did this lmao.

shrugs. idk. tl;dr i'm a baby and my headspace is the worst it's been in years and i just don't have it in me anymore to tolerate being exposed to bad takes, even if i'm supposed to find them ridiculous.

[mbat]

i wish i could just press a button and fixate honestly. i miss fixating

[connormoving]

i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Contemplating the concept of "potential" when it comes to intelligence and realizing how heartbreaking Logan's "Dreams come true, that's news to me" line in the Crofters Musical.

[goldensunset]

re: the music rant I tagged you in I am so sorry for tagging you in my double-dose caffeine fueled haterism explosion post. truly was off the shits and did not realize how much random garbage talking points I was ready to spill on the first person to ask

but i love haterism…..

[iri-vail]

i love video games i really really really do but lately they have been testing me

[daisukekambehateaccount]

negativity ahead be cautious

is feeling indescribably shitty every single day even more so than normal for the past three months seasonal depression even if there are only 2 seasons in your country