#its really depressing...
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alientopsurgery · 9 months ago
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kinda fucked up how i keep mentioning how im not eating enough and not once have any of the doctors i've seen has brought up how much weight i've lost. i lost 8 lbs in the past 5 weeks, and 4 of those were just last week, between doctor's visits... i've seen it though. i get measured before every visit. its printed on the front page of my after visit summary.
but i'm fat, so i guess i should expect that. even when i tell my mom about it, prefacing it with the lack of appetite, she says its "good!"
....
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fairsweetlonging · 23 days ago
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svsss body swap au where shen qingqiu and liu qingge swap bodies, and while shen qingqiu (either yuan or jiu could work!) is having the time of his life with the full power of the bai zhan war god, liu qingge is having a very rude awakening on how much chronic illnesses suck and how much pain and discomfort sqq is in every single day.
liu qingge finds out how awful without-a-cure is, it's blocking his cultivation and leaving him helpless, and it hurts, too, a constant ache that lingers in the back of his mind. it takes mu qingfang calling him out on his behavior to realize that he's been lashing out at others out of his own discomfort and frustration. the only relief he gets is the cleansing of his meridians, but to take all those brews every day and be dependant on his martial siblings for his base health is really frustrating, because he can't do so many things he used to be able to do without second thought.
meanwhile, shen qingqiu arm-wrestled every peak lord and won, cleaved a mountain in half, ran a marathon for fun, and approached every dangerous animal he could find to study them because his strength and reflexes get him out of tricky situations every time.
shen qingqiu: i just ran eighty miles and im not even sweating !!
liu qingge: i tried to circulate my qi and now i have a horrible migraine
eventually they switch back; liu qingge is very relieved, glad to be himself again. shen qingqiu is keeping up a brave face, but the constant discomfort feels a little worse now he knows what it's like to live without it.
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deathricedrawn · 1 year ago
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i'm ready to try
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jackalsraised · 1 year ago
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some new sad girl guy spring dialogue for sebby!
also bonus bc its summer 13 now and i already gave him a bouquet
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3liza · 14 days ago
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Patients with POTS can often seem anxious in clinic. However, a misinterpretation of physical symptoms such as tachycardia and tremulousness might account for some of this apparent anxiety. When formally assessed, POTS patients did not have a higher incidence of major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders, or substance abuse than the general population.6 Using the Anxiety Sensitivity Index, there was a trend toward less anxiety in POTS patients than the general population,6 and the elevations in POTS correspond to blood pooling in the lower extremities, and not to anticipatory anxiety.21
to a certain extent the explosion of research and especially the cultural embrace of somatoform disorders (ie, the Body Keeps the Score stuff) has been a massive step backwards in healthcare, but in particular for women. because now every time you have some sort of actual cardiac episode you have to convince everyone in the room you arent "just having a panic attack"
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tea-cat-arts · 1 year ago
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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redrobin-detective · 2 years ago
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I think one underrated tragedy of Ice King's scars is that he probably took away Simon's sense of levity.
Like in his very limited appearances before Simon is consumed by the crown we see he's kind of a silly dude. In his introduction video, he only put on the crown in order to playfully tease his fiancee. Plus watching him make light of the loneliness and general misery for a young girl in a broken world. He was a dedicated man, who was generous and loved with his whole heart and threw himself one hundred percent into everything he did. He was also a fun lil guy.
But after almost a millennia of being a mad man, the brunt of every joke, someone who only existed as a broken caricature of himself and couldn't be counted on to take anything seriously, I imagine he was done with it. Now he wants to focus back on his academic endeavors, on his role as a father figure in Marcy's life, on being a proper adult. Any attempts to be silly could easily remind everyone - including himself- of Ice King, something he's eager to avoid.
So his jokes and jibes and general lightheartedness turned to sarcasm and self deprecating comments.
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fight-for-what-you-love · 5 months ago
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I Do
Colbie Caillat
╾━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━╼
◃◃ II ▹▹
Jeeeezzz guys. It's only been a day and everyone's already sick of your antics. Again. You'd think they'd be more reserved considering what they went through to get here.
But forget everyone else- they just got MARRIED!!! Who can think of anyone else when they're this happy??
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momentomori24 · 4 months ago
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I may just be insane about this but does this feel like foreshadowing to anyone else. In this scene we see her trying to replicate the skill of someone else (her mother) and failing to achieve the same results that they would. That feels really specific and it's driving me insane.
Like, we see this come back again in the aftermath of the trial. Diana has repeatedly voiced her admiration for Wolfgang's ability to speak and inspire those around him in the darkest of times, saying she wished she could do the same. We see her pour her heart out and give her own speech to inspire the others-- except the reaction that she receives is cold and miserable, far from the newly kindled warmth and hope Wolfgang was able to create every time.
Diana is a chameleon. Her whole thing is to reflect, to replicate and to adapt. Do you think that this small scene where she tries to make a butterfly out of her hairclips-- a butterfly, an animal associated with transformation and change-- and the end result looking nothing like what she wanted it to be is a metaphor for her future character arc? She has declared that she wants to follow in Wolfgang's footsteps, wants to become something new, but do you think that by the end she ends up being the furthest thing from him? Do you think that by the end she will be left distorted, fundamentally wrong? Do you think that if she could see what she will become in the future, the only emotion that she can muster is horror as she gazes at a stranger that's supposed to be herself? That by the end, she won't be able to recognise herself, because there's no "her" left anymore?
#project eden's garden#p:eg#p:eg spoilers#diana venicia#wolfgang akire#it makes me think of her in the imitation artwork#the way she is more “normal” than everyone else. that she's smiley and friendly and colourful but her eyes are completely vacant. glassy#everyone else's ranges from horrifying to morbidly cryptic to depressing yet they all feel infinitely more “real” than she does#they say the eyes are the window to the soul yet hers are mirrors that only reflect the people in her sight#and in one you can see her face. expression hardened and determined with purple eyes similar to wolfgang.#and then the one where you see diana look at her imitation self covering her mouth in horror at what she sees when she looks into its eyes#and it's so unbelievably similar to when she watched wolfgang get electrocuted to death#and it feels to me like it's emphasising how his death will be her spiral into losing herself entirely failing to be like him#which makes sense. because she has an idealised image of who wolfgang was#wolfgang was someone who was also scared. who also struggled. who had his own insecurities and fears and secrets#wolfgang had parts about himself he hated and tried to be a better person than he thought he was presently#and he has an idealised image of his own mum. dedicated his life to be like HER#she chases after an idealised picture modelled after another idealised picture unaware that the standard she's pursuing never existed#diana corruption arc i can feel it#i can see her character going downhill mentally from here and honestly i'd love that but i would be upset cuz she deserves better#but i feel like her story will be one of transformation gone horribly wrong#which makes her such an interesting antagonist and contrast to how damon's development will likely go#anywho just rambling here in the tags don't mind me much#i just really like diana and i don't rant about her enough XD#momento rambles
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tangledinink · 2 years ago
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Did leo deal with his pregnancy differently or was it the same as donnie?
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Leo's pregnancy was very different from Donnie's! For him, quite frankly, the pregnancy was the easy part.
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the really hard part came after.
[ ✩ the gemini ✩ ]
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vacz · 6 months ago
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I present to you my idea of a alternative bad ending for Wirt...
THE HUNTER
Instead of Beast!Wirt is Woodsman!wirt
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After accepting the deal with the Beast, Wirt became the new lantern barer in hopes to keep Greg alive. He took the job to cut down the ellewoods and make them oil to feed the lantern so Greg's soul would never turn off, exactly what the woodsman used to do with his daughter. But as different from the woodsman, Wirt does know where the ellewoods truly came from, so the Beast has decided to take advantage of it and included him a little bit more into his chase for new victims. Now having Wirt helping the Beast to guide lost souls to the wrong path, it has become so much easier for the Beast to trap new souls
Wirt's role was this for a time: Becoming the new woodsman and finding lost kids to give them wrong directions or ideas. Despise how much he refused in the beginning, soon the Beast made him understand that this was the price for his mistakes, unless he wanted to Greg pay the price instead...
Until one night, Wirt had to confront a travel soul. A boy like him, wanting to save his little brother from the cruel breaches of the tree growing on his helpless body, and finally leave the woods with him, like Wirt himself once did. However, the Beast pressured and demanded him to take action himself, but unlike the old woodsman, Wirt did cut the boy down.
And since that incident, Wirt now has a new task to commit every time a new soul enters into the unknown.
He could barely sleep at night before, now he can't sleep at all. Wirt has stopped taking care of himself, at least he washes his hair and clothes once in a time but time itself seems so uselessly long for him until the point that things don't seem to matter anymore, nothing matters for Wirt, not even himself and his feelings... except keeping the lantern lit
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The Beast knows better than anyone that Wirt's mind has become so weak until the point that he can't even survive by himself. He had succeeded in destroying this boy whole identity, only leaving a white paper to work on, so now he tries mold Wirt according his own twisted needs. Ironically, thanks to the Beast's influence, Wirt remembers the reason why he has to keep going with this but also he slowly starts to see people in a similar way that the beast's twisted perception does; trees to feed the lantern, not ready to burn yet but they must be prepared.
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It's not surprising how much he has given up to the Beast. But unlike him, Wirt doesn't like to "play" or manipulate their victims, because he doesn't want to know them at all. Wirt already knows how these people will end, and he doesn't want to feel worse than he feels now, so he mostly tries to make his interactions shorter or cut them down directly, the quicker the easier it is for him to adopt this 'human dissociation' mentally
Of course, when he chooses violence, people tend to run rather than do what he plead, so he has to chase after them. Running after someone is exhausting for Wirt because he isn't that athletic in that aspect, and it's frustrating when he can't reach them. There are times when they manage to escape and some others that they don't
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Wirt hates running after them, because it makes the situation more torturous and he gets exhausted. But if they don't start running, he is the one who tells them to do so. He doesn't understand very well why he does this but he likes to think that is a way to give them a chance to escape so he doesn't have to be the one to end with them, after all Wirt wants to believe that he is not evil
And yet, at the same time Wirt finds some kind of satisfaction on it... He is scared of what he is becoming.
Of course, he has this little duality inside his brain. The Beast has done a good job to keep Wirt in his role but still that doesn't make Wirt's guilt disappear at all
At least, his guilt has been manifested into a voice, represented by the rock fact. Even if the rock fact was meant for Greg to make silly but un-true facts, Wirt's interpretation of his own rock facts are the cruelest truths he refuses to believe. The rock fact represents that honest and logical part of him that is still there, under the tone of the self hate Wirt has grown on himself.
Of course, when he is around people for a longer period than he feels he should, Wirt stops trying to act normal and let himself to act a little... dramatic, in hopes to scare them or "prepare" himself mentally to go and chase them down with the axe
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For this, he likes to use the rock fact. He always keeps it in his hair and uses it to try to re-create a rock fact like the ones Greg used to make, but instead of charming or adorable he looks insane, and he already knows that. Of course, he tries to re-create them seriously when he is alone but still fails miserably
Wirt does this in a poor intent to feel in touch with Greg, even tho they usually talk a lot with each other
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Jason Funderberker has been gone for a long time by now, so the Beast is the only company Wirt has left, but most of the time he is alone.
He doesn't devout that his brother is there anymore, after all, Now Wirt can hear Greg's voice coming out of the lantern so what would be a better proof than that?. Greg is the only person left who seems to not hate him or is scared of him, the little ray of sunshine in his poor cruel life. If you tell him otherwise, Wirt won't want to believe you, even if deep down somehow, someway no matter how delusional he may be... He knows is true
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Of course, I wouldn't recommend saying this because after having a nervous breakdown he will absolutely go after you with all pure rage.
Now here are some questions and its explanations:
Where does this idea come from?
Where does the name "The Hunter' come from?
What's Wirt and The Beast's relationship?
Wirt, The Woodsman, The Hunter and The Beast
Where does this idea come from?
It's no surprise that it comes from the idea of a bad ending for Wirt, one that is more fitting with the logic of the series. Because let's be real;
If he accepted the deal he wouldn't turn into the new beast because The Beast's motivation was to survive, he doesn't seem to want a replacement or transpass the role to anyone. In that case he would have already done it with The Woodsman.
The unknown was completely fine with the Beast gone so is not that he is THAT important for the forest to need a replacement.
Also, remember this little scene? it's from chapter 1: The Old Grist Mill. When Wirt and Greg just entered the unknown and suddenly heard the Woodsman cutting wood, before talking to him, Wirt said:
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"Do you think it's some kind of deranged lunatic with an axe waiting out there in the darkness for innocent victims?"
So I thought; What if in the bad ending... He became that deranged lunatic?
Where does the name "The Hunter" come from"?
In the concept:
Since there are times when Wirt's victims escape, those who survived spread the word of a maniac who is wandering around the woods, looking for new victims, and once he finds them he will chase them until he can cut them down to the bone with his axe
They named him "The Hunter"
Wirt knows about his new reputation, since the travelers call him that once he reveals his real intentions, but he isn't really aware of all the rumors and stories people of the unknown had made about him, he knows that he will not like them but at the same time he is very curious about it. Some of them are true and others are just exaggerating. But at this point, Wirt Hunter had accepted that now he is one of the particular characters of the unknown.
In technical explanation:
In Over The Garden Wall we saw that most of the characters are named by "the what" for example: The Beast and The woodsman, they had no name by their own outside of their archetype. So I thought that in Wirt's case he would have a name like that, losing his own as a representation of how he has lost his own original identity. Wirt is no longer "the worthy one" anymore because he is more lost than the woodsman ever was, and there is no chance to bring him back, so he became "The Hunter" for the unique faction that makes himself distinguish from The Woodsman: The killing
The woodsman is just a man who lives in the woods and cuts trees, it just happens that the Beast used one to keep the lantern on. However.... The Hunter is someone that hunts, the whole point of a hunter is that he chases living beings and strap them, mostly for need. That is something The Beast himself does in his own way, which makes Wirt and The Beast more similar and unionite than the previous dynamic with The Woodsman, or even I dare say they are just alike; The Creature and The Man who hunts for surviving
Also, more into Bad End Friend's territory; Every evil alternate version has their own unique name, for example the icon trio, Bipper and Ice Finn (Also officially named "The Snowman") but then we have just "Beast Wirt" and until now NOBODY has come up with an actual name that fits him. I remember that someone already suggested the name "The Hunter" for Beast Wirt but it didn't make much sense (At least to me). However, in a woodsman context I think it could work better.
What's Wirt and Beast's relationship?
In Wirt's perspective
Basically a case of Stockholm Syndrome: At first he felt more like a prisoner, The Beast was a figure who he should follow if he wants to keep Greg alive, he is more than Wirt and his power overcomes his young self. However as the time passed, Wirt realized that the Beast can also be very merciful and at the same time rightfully ruthless as his monstrous nature allows him, as he has 'shown' him acts of trust. For Wirt, The Beast is a dark but fair being, not as evil as everyone told. The Beast acts similarly like a father would do towards Wirt, but without that human openly caring love. He is strict and cold, but is for Wirt and Greg's own good
In Beast's perspective:
Wirt is nothing but an interesting experiment. The Beast has been manipulating every little detail of Wirt's surroundings, so he decides to obey him by own choice, which worked out way better than expected. He has seen Wirt changing to fit into his needs, becoming more useful and useful than last time. Anytime the Beast has thought he reached the limit, Wirt proves him wrong and finds a way to pass it and go on anyway. His determination is so fascinating to the Beast that he continues to see how far he could go
Their dynamic:
Naive teen being manipulated by his father figure to be useful for his plans or desires (but even more mess up)
Examples of this kind of dynamic are Rapunzel and Mother Gothel from Tangled (2010) or Hunter and Belos from The Owl House (2020)
Wirt has been alone for so long to the point that he holds tightly to anything that could give him a minimum sign of love, and The Beast knows that more than anyone
He has taken advantage of this, so by convincing Wirt to isolate himself and showing barely love, Hunter would listen and obey him without any doubt. It doesn't matter if The Beast is the main responsible for his situation, things have been twisted so much to that point that Wirt fully believes that this is all his fault. He must do the right thing at any cost, after all, he would do anything for the ones he loves right Gregory?
Wirt, The Woodsman, The Hunter and The Beast
These are the four identities Wirt adopts in the time on the unknown, like states of his sanity slowly decaying
Wirt
The anxious teen we all know and love, the guy he has been during his journey until the point where he faced the Beast face to face
The Woodsman
Wirt post-deal
At first:
He doubts that Greg may be in the lantern, and now he regrets his decision. However he doesn't know what to do now because the guilt for Greg will not leave him in peace, and so Wirt feels like he doesn't deserve to go home, he can't go back, no without Greg. So he still lives in the forest, feeding the lantern and hearing the Beast's words, however The Beast insists that Greg is indeed in the lantern, but Wirt isn't sure whether to believe him or not
Even if Wirt knows he needs the ellewood, like the woodsman, he tries to help and warns about the Beast to those who came into the unknown
The Beast warned him about helping people, but he didn't listen to him until one night. There was an incident where he almost lost Greg's light forever for the lack of ellewood. Since then, Wirt finally cooperates with the Beast
At last:
Wirt knows what he must do. He misguides those who pass through the way in forms to get enough ellewood for Greg, always making sure to keep himself distance and not get too close with them. However there are times where he can't NOT sympathize with the travelers and so he offers his genuine help
The Beast wasn't comfortable knowing that Wirt still kept helping people.
The Hunter
Wirt post-murder
At first:
After his first kill, Wirt felt so guilty that he stopped taking care of his health (He stopped eating, bathing, and stuff) and encaged himself inside the house with all the bottles of oil, fearing that he would hurt someone again
At this time Wirt started to hear the voices of Greg, the rock and the crying of the lost souls, and talk to them until he ran out of oil
When he finally went outside, his body was too weak to even walk and he fell on the grass unconsciously. At that moment the Beast thought Wirt died and so he was about to take off the lantern, but the boy's hands wouldn't stop grabbing it with all the fury. The Beast kept trying until suddenly Wirt woke up and said to him that as long as his brother needs him he would be still here. For his stupid unbreakable determination, the beast didn't see any other option but to take care of the kid
As he recovered, The Beast started to convince him of the idea of taking people as nothing but ellewoods he needs. Wirt didn't like it at first, but the Beast's kind act and the poor health state he put himself into finally made him accept the new task.
At last (actual state):
Most of the time he is alone, searching around the forest for more ellewood to feed Greg with, day and night. He doesn't fully sleep, he takes naps in the afternoon so he can be wake up all night as he wants. To eat he hunts animals, fish, rabbits and some other birds or frogs, whatever living being he finds. To entertain himself he recites poetry and sings songs that the Beast has taught him, all loud like someone would listen to him. At home he writes his poems and composes his own music, mostly for clarinet.
At times the voices are louder and other times they are quiet. If it's Greg then it would be a nice time, if it's the rock fact it's a guarantee he would be at least pissed off, and if it is the distant crying of the lost souls then paranoid it is.
When someone crosses his way, it depends on how things are going to see how things will end. When he just indicates the direction you'll better leave as soon as you can, because the longer you stay and talk to him Wirt will act weirder in hopes for you to leave him alone, otherwise, if you cross the line with your words, he probably will run out of patience and starts to prepare the axe
But it also depends on how likeable he finds you. He could not care and warned you before he attacks you as usual, he could hate you so much to the point that he attacks you with no warning, he could like you and give you five seconds of advantage, and if he likes you a little bit more he would become obsessed with you and will maintain you inside his house so the Beast will not know about your existence as long you don't go outside
The Beast
The Beast (According to the Woodsman's words) is the death of all hope. How low would you have to go so you lost your whole humanity to become the living embodiment of one of the darkness concepts in human kind?
If Wirt ever became the Beast, he should have been falling in grace until the lowest point a person could go. So in my idea of The Hunter, I like to imagine that the differences between The Beast and Wirt would slowly fade away until they are one in the same
Inside The Hunter, Wirt has not only become lost in life but he has also lost his identity, his spirit, his desires and his home. The one thing left to lose is his humanity... His soul
The only thing that separates him from The Beast, is him holding on to the last piece of humanity he has left; Greg
Day after day his sanity is drifting away, but it's because of Greg's existence that he is connected with his humanity, because his actions are meant for Greg's surviving, not his
If Wirt descends to absolute madness and forgets completely about Greg but also openly enjoys his cruelest actions, to the Unknown's eyes, he would no longer be worthy of humanity, and as a punishment he would be cursed to be the successor of the Beast
And becoming worse.
Like I have been having this idea in my mind for a while now and I wanted to share it. I hope you liked my idea and the drawings I made because it really took me a lot of time trying to finish this post because you know... Christmas and happy new year (ah yes, what a happy post to show in these lovely times, yeah!)
SO WHAT YOU THINK?
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the-nothing-maker · 5 months ago
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Well, it's cold, cold, cold, cold inside Darker in the day than the dead of night
(Mel is my Aberrant Mind/aasimar sorcerer in @luposlipaphobya's campaign, Val Cardinal !)
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krisdreemurrs · 2 months ago
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season 2 jinx I hate you with my whole entire being. season 1 jinx please come home. everyone here is scared of you but I miss you regardless
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vervielle · 2 months ago
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Sadmethyst
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Also ik this ship is called Sadmethyst, but because its such a crack ship what if we called it Sadmeth. What then. Huh. What then
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bejewelledsquid · 4 days ago
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It is SO weird to see so much Aaron hate for acting the way he does. I feel like having your husband get sentenced to life in prison, then having your husband sever all contact and send you divorce papers, then losing your stepson because you have no legal rights to him, then watching your grandmother fail and die, then watching your sister slowly die, then finding out your mom has cancer, then finding out you have a cancer gene that you will pass on to any children - which is something you have wanted for years - only to then try and commit to moving on in some capacity by marrying someone you think helps and protects you from your worst self, just to have your ex-husband who you never thought you would see or hear from ever again crash your wedding day saying things can be the same as they were 6 years ago when they can never, ever be the same...I don't know man I also might be very altered and bitter and afraid.
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o-sunny-day · 6 months ago
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im bout to die yet the thing on my mind seems to nearly be nothing but you
IM SERIOUSLY PUNCHIN THE AIR RN idk why I cant decide between shitpost and actually sad stuff but enjoy this emotional whiplash doodle page and leave me be
again these are usually not on my main art account cause- i wanna save that for like FINISHED STUFF and SERIOUS CONCEPTS not shitposts and angst indulging stuff like this
Sans holding Papyrus’ head in place
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“Papyrus, Do You Want Anything?”
imna sob cause like WHY DID HE DO THAT. IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME HAVE A BREAKDOWN??? probably
There was this great video dubbing the entirety of the Sans fight, and for that line they made him sound like he wasn’t in his right mind and like he was gonna drift off to sleep any second AND I JUST CANT TAKE THAT
love it, highly recommended
youtube
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