#jason: what

[batmen-and-birds]

Adopt me once shame on thee, Adopt me twice shame on me

Jason getting readopted as Red Hood and without either side knowing about the other's identity would be SO funny and honestly, the question of how isn't that hard to answer. It goes a little something like this:

Bruce, did not want to force young Jason into an uncomfortable environment/places where he could also be recognized even while undercover. Thus never letting him see or interact with the Matches Malone persona. Jason obviously hides his face and identity not only from the batfam but from his employees too. His plans are carefully hidden and any motive besides hurting the Batman and his new Robin are unknown.

So Bruce wants to know more about Red Hood and infiltrates the crime boss' gang to figure out his next move. Problem is- the moment they work together for a longer than a week Bruce realizes that the Red Hood is an obvious TEEN. A smart, competent and dangerous one but still. He then tries to connect to RH, now hoping he can bring him on the right path. Ofc Bruce is still riddled with grief of loosing Jason but the new kid crime boss reminds him too much of his son to stay away from too long.

Red Hood, sees a hard working, well connected henchman and promotes him to a higher position. With time he slowly bonds with this vaguely dad-shaped henchman and is getting comfortable with the mpan's paternal mannerism towards him. Jason learning that Matches hates the Joker's gut just as much as he does, bc that clown murdered the man's son helps immensely. Honestly, Jason's kinda impressed when the man confesses to nearly successfully ending Joker himself and only failing due to a series of unlikely events.

Then offers Matches a bigger role in his whole Revenge Plan, which Bruce reluctantly agrees to hear out.

Jason *presenting the most intricate murder board in existence*: -and Then I'm going to get Robin in his base in L.A. and beat the shit outta him. Just to show him I can, y'know? If the little bird really wants to fly that badly then he should expect someone to pluck him from the sky sooner or later! Matches : ...what if Batman is there? Jason: Well, Batman doesn't really care about his kids like you do. Y'know, letting them run around at night... but he IS paranoid as fuck... and Nightwing could.... now thinking about it...*proceeds to take down the board in frustration* UGH! Matches: Do you want me to bring you some tea while you to think about your plan some more? Jason: ........yes please

[redsray]

Red Robin Au where after Battle for the Cowl, Jason (instead of donning that ridiculous pill helmet) goes back to visit Talia and blow off some steam with the LOA; it's an effective way to do so at first, as long as he keeps Ra's at arms length and has all the Bats away from him. Except is that Timothy fucking Drake working with Ra's al Ghul.

So now Jason's like oh my god are you kidding me why is Tim here working with Ra's of all people??? Last he checked, Dick was Batman now and Tim was part of that gaggle of Robins in Gotham. Not here, in Nanda Parbat.

Tim, fresh from a splenectomy: Jason?!

Jason: What the fuck are you doing here?

Tim: ??? I could ask you the same question??

Jason: No the fuck you couldn't?? I trained with Talia and now I'm back here for a bit, and I'm not the one missing an organ right now?! Why aren't you back with Dickbat in Gotham??

Tim: Well. Let's say I'm not Robin anymore

Jason: ... Not... Robin?

Tim, scowling: Dick gave it to Damian.

Jason: Dick is Batman for like a month and already gave the traffic light leggings to a mini assassin? Nice.

Tim: Ugh

Jason: And... this was enough reason to run away and get impaled by assassins in Iraq? While working with Ra's al Ghul?

Tim: Well, not really. I need to find Bruce, and Ra's is the only one who will help me. Even if he's a freak of nature.

Jason: Bruce... are we talkin' about another Bruce or did I miss a memo? Bruce is dead, Timbo.

Tim: He's not. He's trapped in the timestream and trying to get back. And don't- don't tell me I'm going insane with grief or in denial. Laugh all you want, then leave. I don't need this shit again.

Jason: Trapped in time? Damn motherfucker can't even stay dead?

Tim: ... You believe me?

Jason: Sure. Not the craziest shit we've seen. I have a feeling you wouldn't go as far as Ra's if you were actually going off nothing. (mumbling) stealing my schtick. What a bastard.

Tim, blinking: Wow. That... just wow. That was easy. Dick thought I was losing it with grief and so has everyone else.

Jason, shrugging: B is definitely stubborn enough to get lost in time instead of dying and, frankly, I know what being off yer rocker looks like, and this ain't it. I climbed out of my grave, for god's sake, is time shit really off the table? Wouldn't hurt t'look if the old man's still kickin'.

Tim: Uh-

Jason: First stop: away from Ra's, preferably. Talia's not bad, but Ra's is a whole other can of worms. Get up or I drag you.

[cleromancy]

also djfmfkfkvmg jason being like "the last time i dreamed about slapping you--"

[kerakeriza]

jason would be playing a game of fronthand backhand with damian if he heard him calling donna a harlot lol

[bruciemilf]

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

[tricksterly-conduct]

Brucie can Crash Out sometimes

[monochrome-genesis]

Prince of Gotham

(heavily inspired by this post op if you see this, I didn't want to bother you 🙈)

[starspilli]

younger siblings am i right

[gl1tchedj3llyfish]

BREAKING NEWS: EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED FATHER TRIES TO SHOW AFFECTION

Tiny Tim needs some validation and love.

[n0tsketchyy]

Jason started a side business as Gotham's most feared mediator. His success rate is 100%, mostly because people are too terrified to continue arguing.

Random Gotham Citizen: ranting My neighbor keeps playing music too loud—

Jason: What kind of music?

Citizen: Does it matter?

Jason: If it's good music, I'll ask them to turn it down. If it's bad music, I'll make sure they never play music again.

Citizen: ...it's country pop?

Jason: cracks knuckles Oh, we're gonna have a conversation about their taste AND their volume.

———

Steph: I heard you mediated a custody dispute between two villains over who gets to keep the hyena.

Jason: Harley won. Obviously. But now the hyena is trained to growl every time it hears Pitbull music.

Cass: Scary. But effective.

Jason: Put that on my business card.

———

Bruce: reading an official letter from the GCPD “Red Hood has resolved 34 neighbor disputes, de-escalated 11 road rage incidents, and mediated a PTA meeting that was about to turn into a fistfight over bake sale proceeds.” Jason. What are you doing?

Jason: kicking his boots off They weren’t resolving it themselves. I’m empowering the community.

Dick: By threatening to shove subwoofers up their—

Jason: Allegedly.

Tim: To be fair, noise complaints in Crime Alley are down.

Jason: Thank you, runt. See? Tim gets it. 

Tim: I didn't say it was legal. 

Jason: Details, Timmy. Details.

Damian: Fear is a valid deterrent. I approve. But next time, invite me. I wish to deliver an informed lecture on dubstep.

[batman-katflap]

When the Batkids all realise Bruce is so tooth rottingly supportive of his family, they start a competition to test just how far this support goes.

Jason makes tshirts with crude sayings and even cruder drawings on them.

Bruce wears them without question.

Tim makes an app that just tells you what your nut of the day is.

Bruce uses it everyday.

The rest of the clan try it themselves and only stop when Dick hires out a theatre and preforms a one man play slash interpretive dance for all the family.

Bruce is the only one to not pull out their phone or look bored even when the performance goes into its forth hour.

After that they realise there is no ceiling. They could do anything and Bruce will be behind them 100 percent.

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Damian: I quit Robin.

Tim: You can do that???

Jason: First I’m hearing about it.

Dick: Aww Dami what superhero name have you picked now?

Damian: I will become a doctor.

Dick: …

Dick: YOU CAN DO THAT??

Jason: You’ve done it brat. You’ve escaped.

Tim, still muttering: You can quit Robin? How long has it been?

[deadmaidclub]

stupid textpost sketches

[a-jasminator]

lazarus

[yourmum8609]

girls will look at a man and say “he’s just misunderstood” as he murders people

[community-gardenss]

did I not love them best? I who birthed, who nursed, who killed them?