#jason... my friend jason todd...

[hearthomelesbian]

*girl who only has second hand batman knowledge voice* jason todd...

[harveylikestoart]

Why would you kill him like this…

[prlssprfctn]

Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his surprise, he quickly gains millions of followers and a loyal auditory. The only problem? Jason has no idea that these people came here not necessary for recipes.

Jason: Geez, my followers had been pissing me off lately.

Dick, confused: Huh? Why?

Jason: They keep commenting ATE. Like, dude? Fucking where? I am not eating in my cooking videos. What is the fucking point?

Tim, choking: Oh my fucking God-

Jason, making an angry text post for his followers: YOU ALL. STOP COMMENTING "RAW". MY MEAT IS NOT RAW. I AM A PROPER COOK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Cassandra: Maybe it is time to tell him...

Tim, Steph, Duke, in unison: NO

Bruce, awkwardly trying to have a conversation with Jason: Hey, lad, how is your cooking blog is going?

Jason: Uh, people keep commenting cryptid messages. Like, the last time I was showing the right way to tenderise meat for chops because apparently it wasn't clear and someone requested the whole video? Anyway, I did it, and the whole comment section was writing me "in bed, on the floor, on the couch, on a chair, against the wall, against the window, against the door"... Like, why would I do that, not in the kitchen?

Bruce, no less clueless: Maybe it some kind of challenge. Kids love trying new stuff in extreme places nowadays.

Jason: Huh. Maybe. Thanks.

Bruce, just proud to have a proper conversation and somehow a help: Anytime, Jaylad!

Damian, who was unblissfully educated on the slang matter by Tim (because it was his responsibility as a big brother to traumatise him), with his eye twitching: ...None of these words were in Quran

[starspilli]

back to my roots…

[redactedrem]

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

[ashenquill]

Thinking about the Bats suppressing their injuries and how yes, they have crazy high pain tolerance, and yes, they are in peak human condition, but ALSO, they do Too Much Shit sometimes and have definitely made injuries worse by accidentally ignoring them

Like, imagine one of them throws out their back doing something Totally Normal and Mundane so they just. Ignore it. Because I literally sneezed, it can’t be that bad, right?

(Spoiler alert: it is that bad)

Tim, moving more slowly than normal and grimacing every few seconds: damn maybe I pulled something

Jason, stopping by to pick up some things he needs while Bruce is out: ?? What’ja do?

Tim: I dunno, but my back really fucking hurts and I’m starting to get all numb and tingly

Jason: ?!?!?

Jason: How long has it been hurting????

Tim: I don’t know??? I guess, like, a few hours???

Jason: What did you do????

Tim: I DON’T KNOW, MAN, IT STARTED AFTER I SNEEZED

Jason, laughing: YOU HURT YOURSELF BY FUCKING SNEEZING????

Tim: THAT LITERALLY CANNOT BE THE CAUSE

Jason: I dunno man, kinda sounds like it

Jason, in tears: Maybe it’s time to retire

Tim: FUCK YOU IM FINE

Tim: WATCH I’LL PROVE IT

Tim, about to do a backflip: oh fuck- OW

Tim: *passes out from the pain*

Jason, still laughing his ass off: Nice landing, Timmy!

Tim:

Jason: Timmy?

Tim:

Jason: Tim?

Jason: oh shit—

[iminrage]

the batkids are strong in their own rights. they're used to protecting their friends and loved ones. they are the protective one in their teams.

however, whenever Bruce is around, all of a sudden they became kittens held by the mother. all those protective instincts? gone. they are now with their father and their job is to duck or satay away or run to safety when instructed. jumping in front of harm's way? that's dad's job. them's the rules.

[greenapplebling]

Tim: Who suffers more, God or us?

Jason: God will suffer when I get there

Dick: And that's why he won't let you die for real

Jason: Cursed with immortality? Outrageous...

Tim: Or cursed to spend your other life in the limbo

Jason: I'm banned from Hell too??

[neuro-psyche]

I think Dick and Jason would have multiple “what the actual fuck are you saying right now” with Tim and Damian when it comes to quality of life/monetary differences. Sure, Dick and Jason got used to Bruce’s “is $100 a good enough tip on a $30 bill?” shit, but hearing Tim talking about a new laptop he bought for $5000 literally is like a punch in the gut.

If they ever went on a cruise (which they totally wouldn’t because cruises are floating death traps), Jason and Dick would be in awe of the fancy amenities, where as Damian would be unsatisfied with the quality, since he grew up with every single amenity known to man. Tim would just feel like it’s all normal since the Drake’s were extravagant and travelled all over the planet.

Jason : My bedroom is bigger than my fucking apartment.

Dick : I could do a full gymnastics routine with the space in my room.

Tim :

Dick :

Tim : My room is normal sized…

Jason : You grew up in a mega mansion. I hardly think you’re the benchmark of a normal room-

Damian : I must agree with Drake. This room is frankly underwhelming.

Dick, staring wildly at him : What do you mean underwhelming- Dames there’s an aquarium wall in your room.

Damian : Yes. Underwhelming.

Jason :

Dick :

Jason : Do you want to-

Dick : Jump off the boat? Yes.

[meziniart]

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

[frownyalfred]

If you’ve never had to pick up an adult over let’s say 100 lbs I think most people don’t realize how fucking impressive it is that we see human DC characters (mostly the Bats, let’s be real) routinely lifting and carrying unconscious people for distances longer than a few feet.

Bruce carrying Dick’s body home after he died in Injustice? Insanity. He walked with ~200 lbs of dead weight in his arms (non-optimal carrying position too) without visible effort.

[rh1a]

tim: why would i choose peace when i can ruin lives instead?

jason, trying to remember how people think this is the moral one:

[prlssprfctn]

Bruce: I never got to see Dick's first reaction to the alcohol, because he tried it before as a kid. Same with Jason, he drank it without me being around. Tim got on his first party with alcohol behind my back.

Bruce: But at least I have Damian. Can't wait for his 21st birthday.

Dick: Yeah, I bet he would have a funny reaction, too!

Jason, sweating nervously, because he made little Damian sip on beer back when they were in the LoA: Y-yeah. C-can't wait.

[violent138]

Jason and Dick, both extremely unwell, chasing down leads in Blüd and taking turns during chases because one of them was overcome with a hacking fit or a sudden need to empty their guts somewhere.

Jason: *cough cough*

Dick: "Cover it."

Jason: *pointing at helmet*

Dick: "It looks weird as fuck."

Jason: "You're the one that got me sick, with your shitty excuse for a mask!"

Dick: "I warned you, I warned you I was sick, but nooo you had to stay over this weekend."

Jason: "I thought you were making shit up to get rid of me!"

Goon, tied to a chair:

Dick: "The polite thing to do would've been to stay home!"

Jason, coughing into elbow: "I came to take care of you!"

Dick, clutching his stomach: "Bitch please, I've spent more time taking care of you. Oh I'm gonna be sick."

Goon: "Maybe you two should go home and rest."

Jason: "Shut up. No wait, tell us what we want and then shut up. Jeez, Nightwing! Watch the shoes."

[daredevil-vagabond]

AND THEN COME MEET ME

[arkanaea]