#jeeves and Wooster;

[crownmemes]

Jeeves and Wooster Sentences, Condensed

(Sentences from Jeeves and Wooster (1990-1993). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"I was given to understand that you required a valet."

"Don't you like this suit?"

"Pardon me for asking, but are you proposing to appear in public in those garments?"

"Tell me, were you always like this, or did it come on suddenly?"

"Were you an outstandingly brilliant child?"

"I have said all I intend to say on the matter."

"Wake up! It's time you were dressed!"

"I will not do it. That's final. I simply will not do it."

"Were it not for the juice of the grape and the grain, weddings would be a thing of the past!"

"You're the most wonderful man in the whole wonderful world!"

"I must warn you that my patience is not inexhaustible."

"Stand up straight! Is that the way they teach you to stand nowadays?"

"Now, I'm not a complaining sort of chap as a rule, but I must say that in the future, you might want to be a little more careful!"

"I've not proposed yet, but I'm going to!"

"Is there any girl you haven't been engaged to?"

"Don't tell me you've broken the habit of a lifetime and actually found a job?"

"Do you realise that I don't usually get out of my pyjamas until five in the afternoon?"

"You're pretty cute, you know that?"

"With respect, I am capable of retaining more than one thought in my mind at the same time."

"Now, about this moustache - you don't like it, do you?"

"I shall ignore that cheap jibe!"

"Do be quiet for a minute and listen!"

"Where on earth did you go to school?"

"Kindly do not interrupt me."

"We're not going to have a difference of opinion about my hat, are we?"

"Let's not start this tedious argument again."

"I didn't know you were musical!"

"What is wrong with men today?"

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

“liking something in fiction doesn’t mean you condone it in real life” but instead of dark fanfiction tropes it’s about liking jeeves and wooster while being a socialist

[s-u-w-i]

White tie ✨ some drawings in appreciation of all the amazing Jeeves&Wooster fanfics writers who do their best to capture Wodehouse's writing style, spiffing 👌

[lithiumseven]

Jeeves and Wooster as incorrect quotes

Screen caps by @bluebassy

[thesunsethour]

imagine bitches in 2004 tuning into hugh laurie’s new show after two decades of watching him almost exclusively play loveable village idiots

[maomango-doodle]

Do I deserve these infallible hands?

[transfemmbeatrice]

texts from jeeves

[milquetoast27]

[0knesf1]

I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish this, but I like it as a quick sketch. I just finished the series, and it’s sad to admit how much I’m going to miss them

[starlightseraph]

he’s so silly - part 2/?

[crownmemes]

Jeeves and Wooster Sentences, Vol. 2

(Sentences from Jeeves and Wooster (1990-1993). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Do you realise that I don't usually get out of my pyjamas until five in the afternoon?"

"You're pretty cute, you know that?"

"I have the distinct feeling that I've only been asleep for ten minutes. What time is it?"

"I'm of the opinion that the young people of today are far more trouble than they're worth!"

"With respect, I am capable of retaining more than one thought in my mind at the same time."

"You really are a marvel, you know."

"Now, about this moustache - you don't like it, do you?"

"One day, when we are old and grey, we shall laugh about this - but, I think, with a tear behind the smile."

"I shall ignore that cheap jibe!"

"Do be quiet for a minute and listen!"

"Where on earth did you go to school?"

"Trying to be a dictator isn't all a bed of roses."

"What's the point in having a safe if you can't open it?"

"You've got to forget me. Let the past die."

"I don't want to! Why should I?"

"If you ask me, art is responsible for most of the trouble in the world."

"I can't tell you, sorry. It's a secret."

"Kindly do not interrupt me."

"What do you propose to do in way of entertaining your handsome guest tonight?"

"I'm sorry, unless you comply with my wishes, no more toffees will be forthcoming."

"One can have too much of sea air. It gets into the brain."

"You're a despicable little termite, you know that?"

"We'll have a quiet ceremony, I think. Just family and close friends."

"We're not going to have a difference of opinion about my hat, are we?"

"I will follow a few steps behind you. I would not like to be seen in association with that hat."

"If you think I'm going to stay here and have my skull cracked like a Brazil nut, you're very much mistaken!"

"Let's not start this tedious argument again."

"Where are we going to find a burglar at this time of night?"

"Do you think I don't see through your pitiful subterfuge?"

"You mustn't be naughty."

"Aren't you a little naughty sometimes?"

"I didn't know you were musical!"

"Do you ever feel like throwing open the window and shouting that the world is a wonderful place?"

"What is wrong with men today?"

[wishfulsketching]

Another one

They're just so silly

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

[hattersarts]

Jeeves & The Inherent Homoerotic Nature of Becoming a Mans Valet

[failedgrailknight]

A slow morning (for once)