#just love me/cfs...

[theghoulofme]

currently banning myself from listening to music cause i can feel it becoming too much and i have a concert to go to in a week

[sanjarka]

feeling like sharing an unpopular opinion (at least i feel like it is)... i don't think people knew about peeta's pre games crush on katniss. like their classmates or his brothers etc. really don't feel that was the situation at all. peeta wears his heart on his sleeve in the games as a weapon, not as part of genuine, unavoidable and uncontrollable vulnerability.

[astriiformes]

Having a loved one with a poorly-understood chronic illness is hard and scary at the best of times, but right now with the federal government absolutely gutting funding for healthcare research, I am so seethingly angry that I might just starting biting people.

[deplcythebattery]

everyone: oh you're so lucky you get to stay home all the time!

me, chronically ill: ah. yeah. haha. lucky. i get to stay home. i don't get the fun parts of that though! i can't partake in my hobbies for more than an hour every two to three days :) i do get to watch a lot of tv though! oh you think that gets boring after a few hours? haha. yeah it fucking does. imagine that being the only thing you can do and then tell me how lucky i am

[siriuslylantsov]

ohhh yes i love it when people make me feel bad and embarrassed about being excited about something

[torchickentacos]

me after my mom called and said 'hey I found this old canon eos 400D with a bunch of lenses if you're interested'

[frankenyume]

Hello self ship nation... Oh to sleep next to my fictional bf...

[notruevampire]

I dunno if I'll ever get over not getting to see Starset back when I loved every single song they had put out or even when they finally put out an album with a single song I hated.

[leighjadeclimbedmtkilimanjaro]

The posing and Aurel laughing at him🤣

[madou-dilou]

"Gods -Sarai, get up. Just -what am I going to tell them ?"

[honey-skulls]

The fact that pots and cfs/me is incurable (I'm convinced that that's a lie, just like with "incurable" stuff like cancers, there is possible treatments, but doctors couldn't give less of a fuck about us and thus aren't doing research on what could help us) and this constant song and dance of fighting with parents and doctors to get help or even believed at all and going nowhere. And most importantly, that this is my new forever, and I'll NEVER be able to go back to what i could do only 2 years ago, is finally sinking in

And I'm only fucking 21, 20 when it started

I'm seeing people lamenting about not being able to do what they did in their 20s now, but i haven't even got to try adulthood at all before it got ripped away from me forever

How the fuck am i supposed to keep going knowing that no one will ever understand or give me help, i will constantly get not believed and pushed into crashes by doing the bare minimum, and everything i was planning and excited about doing because of the freedom of adulthood, be it learning new hobbies, travelling somewhere, or just where and how I'd like to move in and live in the future, has to be dumped in the trash

But yeah it's all anxiety in my head. Go take walks, loose weight, drink water, play less video games (i play around 6 hours a week) and go play board games at the public library, they say

Great

This is my new "life"

[pumpkinrootbeer]

ogfoofodoxx thinking about how the most defining character trait of haymitch is how protective he is. not in the sense it's the most obvious, but how all of his actions are fueled by this desire to protect. how hard he works at keeping katniss alive in the first games, him fighting to keep them from augmenting katniss's body, him yelling at plutarch to keep finnick from having to share his trauma, him being so involved in peeta's recovery and being the one to bring katniss home. him holding mayslee's hand as she died, fighting for plutarch to stay and rescue peeta, being the one to find katniss and finnick when johanna had an episode, begging coin to believe peeta's warning. it being heavily implied or either outright stated that he was one of the people who fought to protect effie.

makes me physically ill because no one does that for him. everyone who would of, died.

[pangyham]

GAH LONG POST..

xingqiu and chongyun have insanely good potential for angst my god. xingqiu in particular is so fun to think about in the context of chongyun. what do YOU know about chivalry boy

thinking about how he and hu tao kinda operate on similar notions of justice and all that shmick except hu tao is more strictly averse to disrupting the Natural Order (incredibly vague and generalized concept rn sorry) whilst xingqiu sets his principles more arbitrarily. chongyun's presence somehow foils a lot of his notable character traits. gestures hands vaguely in the air but sth sth hu tao would not approve of xq's moral infractions

perhaps im just reading too deep into this but shrugs ill admit something's changed in Me the last 2 years and coming back to xq and cy has me like. scratches head now hold on im not entirely sure if i even like the way xq treats cy. its kinda one of the main points of their dynamic- the whole.. pranking this oblivious guy who i really adore etc. but its deeper implications leave me a little unsatisfied and a little troubled (?).. in the long run i personally dont really see anything substantially appealing about their (leaning towards romantic in this context) relationship other than like ?? the tropes that mhy imposed upon them. they were created as a compatible Duo ykwim. they reference each other a lot in their lore and even in-game but.. idk maybe i just view them separately instead of a joint unit that anaylzing them individually revealed a lot of crevices and cracks in their ship that's built upon their mainstream appeal

but anyway i've thought a lot about them as a duo and is it nuts to say i like them as a romantic ship but if they were unrequited. i can see them working out but it necessitates a complete subversion and reconstruction of xingqiu (chara development basically LOL) on my part that i would totally invest myself in but im not entirely sure how to execute it

i like xingqiu a LOT as a flawed character. i wouldnt go as far as to say hes toxic, just very conflicted and insecure. hes a fun character to think about. re: the hu tao bit i mentioned above, i think they would have a really fun, witty, and transformative friendship

but anyway. yes i like xq and i still like xy. theyre just a bit more complicated now aha. im still capable of enjoying fluffy ship dynamics but lately ive been in a Character Study Mood ... mmm.. ive yet to organize my chongming thoughts

[yaoi-hate-machine]

waow i just walked over to an empty field and jumped and danced around to crazy music for 10 min bc i was feeling insane after watching live videos of one of my favorite vocalists. and now i am exhausted and sweaty as hell

[databent]

i really really gotta learn to get better at listening to my body and staying within my limits. i think i did wayy too much today i can already feel my chest aching worse than it has been for the past few days. told myself i was gonna take it easy but then wildly underestimated the time and energy cooking was gonna take me, and also pushed myself way too hard to get some aquarium cleaning done because ive been extra focused on that lately and thought i could handle it (the getting sweaty and shaky and physically exhausted afterwards says otherwise however). sigh

[leatherbookmark]

reading the notes of that one post that reposts a tweet about books using modern online slang and being painful to read and while some people sound like they genuinely don't like it, some sound like they're just repeating what they heard others say. and some act like having a character say "cool" would give them an aneurysm, which makes me wonder about their age