#lidocaine+toe

[corneliaavenue-ao3]

Unfortunately, the pitt fanfiction has captured me. Also unfortunately, not every fanfiction is written by a medical professional so I have to ignore some medical inaccuracies

[featseungmin]

12:04 am

bang chan x reader fluff, established relationship; approx. 500 words; warnings: foot massage

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

It’s late. The hotel room is mostly quiet, save for the soft sounds of the television that plays in the background. You’re not really sure what’s on, some nature documentary, maybe. Neither of you are really watching it, anyway. 

You sit at one end of the couch, both of Chris’s feet in your lap. His skin is still soft from his shower. The adrenaline from the night’s concert has finally worn off, and things have calmed down as you wait for a text about the food you’d ordered earlier. 

He hisses as you press into a tight spot on the bottom of his foot. He’d gone into the concert knowing full well that he’d end up here by the end of the night—in so much pain he can barely stand, let alone walk—so you’d been prepared. His chronic pain is nothing new. But that doesn’t mean you don’t hate seeing him like this. 

“Sorry,” you apologize softly, easing up on the pressure just a bit. 

“Nah, it’s helping. Just-“ He inhales sharply through his teeth as you massage the inside of his foot. “Just fuckin’ sucks.”

“I know, baby.”

You reach into the box beside you and pull out one of the plastic-wrapped lidocaine patches you’d stolen from the group’s physical therapist. The patches aren’t very big, and you’ll need a few if you want to put them where they’ll be most effective. There’s three on his other foot already, and you know that this one is always worse. Thankfully, the box was full when you’d nabbed it. 

Gently, you use the pad of your thumb to smooth the patch onto his skin, right along the arch of his foot. Then, another just under his toes. Two on top across the bridge. One following the curve of his heel. When you’re satisfied, you pull a sock carefully over it all in hopes of keeping your hard work in place. 

Your hands come to rest on his socked feet and you watch him in the dim light of the bedside table and the tv, scrolling through his phone in a rare moment of relaxation. He’s got one arm folded behind his head, propping him up off the armrest of the small couch. His other hand rests against his chest, gripping his phone a little awkwardly. He really is beautiful, even with half of his face cast in shadows. It’s rare you get to study him like this, and you take the time to commit the moment to memory. 

“What?” he asks, eyes shifting from his phone screen to meet your own. He giggles nervously. “What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, squeezing his feet gently. “You’re pretty. That’s all.”

A shy smile blossoms on his lips, and he tilts his phone closer to his face to hide it. You squeeze his feet again, thumbs ghosting over the fabric of his socks. It’s nice to know you can still make him smile through the pain, even after years of knowing him. 

Your phone buzzes, signaling the arrival of your food. Chris moves to stand and you swat at his legs until he raises his hands in defeat. You’re taking care of him tonight. You’ll happily take care of him every night if he’d let you. 

[in-sufficientdata]

I am a klutz, yes.

I have more things that I could add but I keep forgetting them while typing other ones.

**The problem with the foot surgery is that since the bone broke and there was also a laceration, they had to treat it as an open fracture, which means irrigating the wound. Which means numbing the foot. Which means inserting a giant needle into the center of the foot and injecting lidocaine. And in the process, discovering I am resistant to lidocaine, and I had to be injected 3 times to get the foot numb enough to do the surgery.

[lovesickonmybed]

Hello! Just found your blog. I loved your stories with Billy Eddie and wedgies, and I need more. I liked the one where the reader gave it to herself and he says that he’ll help her explore it. I just imagine like him randomly forcing her into a very painful/uncomfortable hanging one at random times for various hours, or doing other wedgies and forcing her to keep them for a long time. Stuff like that, and I would love more of you’d be willing to write it!

First of all thank you sm!! So sorry this was so late but I at least got punished for taking so long lol.

NSFW under the cut and warnings for wedgies, humiliation, degradation, brat taming, and dub-con.

After finding out that you're into wedgies your roommate had started giving you them around the house. You'd be in the middle of doing the dishes and the next thing you know you're being lifted off the floor and your panties are being rocketed between your cheeks as Eddie lifts you up and then runs off laughing.

On one of your days off you're sleeping peacefully in bed when Eddie comes barging in and grabbing the leg holes of your panties, pulling them upwards until the fabric stretches to fit over your shoulders. You squirm and whine uncomfortably as you try to remove it but he slaps your wedgied ass hard. "Go back to bed, nerd, I did you a favor."

After a long day at work you come home exhausted and over everything. As soon as you step in the door you're grabbed by Eddie. He shoves you face first against the front door and grabs the waistband of your panties, pulling till it reaches your mid-back. "You have a good day at work, loser? I'm shocked you didn't end up hanging by these granny panties in one of the fitting rooms, you would've deserved it for being such a loser."

You cry out in pain and try to tug your panties out of his hands but he's stronger than you. He starts leading you back to his room, "Eddie what the hell?!" You exclaim, trying to get away. He pulls your panties tighter and holds it close to him like a leash.

"Keep walking, nerd, unless you want the wedgie to end all wedgies." You let him manhandle you into his bedroom as he drags you over to his closet door. He picks you up by the leg holes of your panties and attaches them to the coat hooks on his closet door. You're forced onto your tip toes so you're not hanging by your panties.

"Eddie what the hell?!" You exclaim, trying to free yourself. He slaps your hands away and grabs his handcuffs.

"Behave, goddammit. You used up the last of my hairspray so you're gonna stay there for awhile. You're in timeout but for nerds," he explains as he handcuffs your hands in front of you so you can't even try to get yourself down.

"Seriously, Eddie? I had a shitty day at work, get me down!"

He laughs in your face, "Nuh uh, you're gonna hang out until you can cool off, got it nerd?"

"Eddie I swear to god when I get down from here-" You yell.

Eddie cuts you off, "Sorry, do I need to gag you too or?"

"No! No gags!" You exclaim.

"Then you better keep your pretty mouth shut and chill out, got it nerd?"

"Got it..." You mumble.

You're forced to dangle by your panties for almost two hours before Eddie decides you've earned your freedom. Eddie is kind enough to get your some lidocaine cream and an ice pack as an apology.

[whumpfish]

Extractions! (Tooth vs. Nail)

I've been wanting to do this one for a long time, for all you torture fans out there...

So I metabolize lidocaine like a motherfucker, and any time I get a local, I always have to get a second one halfway through whatever is being done. For the most part, doctors and dentists listen to me when I say this... for the most part.

Tooth

(The oral surgeon did not give me my second shot when I asked for it.)

1. Any fillings you have will collapse under the pressure of an extraction, even a medicated one. (I'm not sure if this is true for metal ones; all of mine are plaster.) It produces a half-crunch, half-thunk sound that reverberates in that half of your skull and sounds absolutely terrifying.

2. The pain of an unmedicated extraction is acute and radiating at the same time. The acute part feels more like having a stiletto stabbed upward into that space than a tooth taken out in a downward motion.

2a. In maxillary extractions, the stab goes straight up, and depending on the location of the tooth, that stab can feel pointed anywhere from your eyeball (frontmost) to right into your brain (rear).

2b. Mandibular extractions* stab downward from the chin (frontmost) to the hinge of your jaw and straight down your throat (rear).

3. The radiating part spreads like a flower blooming, from a concentrated central point outward in a rolling movement.

4. Your ears might pop like an airplane taking off as that blooming pain reaches the hinge of your jaw. Sometimes only in the one ear.

Nail

(I have been doing minor self-surgery** for years because I am genetically predisposed to ingrown nails, and if I don't catch it in time, they grow straight down and I have to extract them to be able to trim them. If I really don't catch it in time, they grow straight down and then curl backward, and I have to get an actual surgeon involved.)

1. Self-surgery, split off edge of nail, 0 to 1/2" down and backward: You have to wiggle these in a sawing/rocking motion back and forth in order to get that tiny bit of root to let go, and when you "saw" backward it feels more like a steak knife than a butter knife, this time moving with the direction of the nail. Then it reverses when you actually yank.

1a. The yank hurts more than the sawing, sharp like a stab from a steak knife instead of one being pushed in slowly.

1b. You will get the best whump out of a whumper splitting off the edges of the nail and doing this and then yanking the middle part

2. Medicated: Locals in the toe/finger area hurt like a bitch. They're sharp and needling like a stiletto to a paper cut, then if someone tried to pry that cut open. At the same time, they feel hot, almost burning. (Hotter than anesthetic being pushed through an IV, if you're familiar with that sensation.) And there are so many nerves involved that just the first round of locals takes 3-4 shots.

3. Unmedicated, grown down and backward, 1/2" to 3/4": The last time I went in, my surgeon said "given the amount of times I have to shoot you up, you'll probably hurt less if I just yank." (She was right.) This sumbitch goes in both directions, down/back from where the root is, then forward. The down/back is a stabbing pain. The forward is like somebody trying to pry open that papercut, a sensation probably caused by the fact that you are in fact messing with something stuck in a very small cut in the skin, in my case the cut was just caused by the nail that has now been removed.

4. If it is a toenail extraction, you are going to bleed significantly more than teeth or fingernails, because your body has to work harder pushing blood up through your leg veins than it does pushing it down into your shoe. Especially when you take a step. Ibuprofen makes this worse. If you take ibuprofen at all that day, expect your shoe to fill up when you take a step. (Mine did, scaring the tar out of everyone present, including me.)

Pain Intensity Verdict:

Teeth > Nails. By a LOT.

Happy yanking!!

*Because of nerve fuckery, dentists using the sonic cleaning tool despite my warnings results in a pain on the level of extractions, and the sensations described here are based on my experience with that.

**This never fails to horrify my friends. They'll see what I'm fixing to work on and say, "Oh ouch, that's bad, go to the doctor," and I'm just like "nah, just get me isopropyl alcohol and some office supplies, I got this."

[mydonkeyfeet]

I finally got an IUD today to hopefully help my monster menstruation. It was very painful (even with lidocaine, diazepam and naproxen) and I sang very loudly along to my noisy song playlist to avoid screaming. Afterwards I was sweating and nauseated and flushed, and I felt pain from my head to my toes. Apparently most people are fine with it, but that’s not me. Modern medicine, please do better ffs. I felt like a bamboo skewer had been run through me like a kebab.

PS - A male med student observed with my consent (I'm used to them often having med students and I always consent), and I was extra glad he was getting to observe someone who went through the procedure with A LOT OF PAIN!!! I hope he'll remember how awful it was.

[truths33k3r4]

( TW for minimal description of surgery, ptsd, trauma, mentioned needles, mentioned torture )

CHAPTER 11 - A Steady Hand and a Racing Heart

Lotus’ eye lids twitched and slowly slid open as consciousness swept through her body once more. Her fingers and toes tingled the smallest bit as she tried to stretch her tight muscles, but a quick flat pressure clamped down onto her left thigh, cutting off all movement. 

She took a deep breath through her nostrils, shuttering and nearly gagging at the fumes of antiseptic and rubbing alcohol. 

The bright light beamed above.

Something was holding her down.

Her mind began racing, just barely syncing with the rapid rhythm of her heart.

The flames of the past began burning into Lotus’ mind, filling her thoughts with a deep smaug.

‘ “ Lotus. You are safe. “ ‘

The calm voice of Donatello echoed to her. 

‘ “ Leo won’t hurt you. YOU CAN TRUST HIM. “ ‘

The smoke and sparks of her past slowly extinguished by the reminder of her present.

‘ I AM SAFE. ‘

She chanted those words over and over, almost like a mantra or a spell that she needed to repeat in order to keep it protecting her.

‘ I AM SAFE. I AM SAFE. I AM SAFE. ‘

All of a sudden there was a second voice she could hear. At first, it was muffled and joined with a low ringing sound, but that quickly faded to reveal it was Leonardo’s.

Lotus slowly turned her head so she could see the blue-clad mutant. 

“ L..lleooo? “

“ ~ OTUS! ~ Oh crap~ Uh ok~ ON’T MOVE. “

‘ “Don’t move” ???? Is that why he’s holding down my leg? What’s happening??? “

“ Wha’s goin on?.. Where.. where am I againn? “ Lotus slurred.

Leo’s eyes widened in panic. 

‘ HOW IS SHE AWAKE? She was exhausted!! I used the Lidocaine! She shouldn’t have felt anything!!  Wait. Ok, wait. Maybe she’s still numb.. She’s just- awake now. But that doesn’t mean the Lidocaine didn’t work.. ‘

Leo decided to test something out. 

He slowly and cautiously twisted the tweezers still in the incision in Lotus’ leg. 

“ -OW! “ Lotus’ face twisted in pain as her eyes opened wide. “ WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY- AKH! “

Leo stopped.

Time slowed as understanding crashed down on Leo like a tidal wave.

‘ She can still feel her leg.. the lidocaine wore off.. ‘

As Lotus’ eyes filled with fear, Leo’s became overwhelmed in dread.

He began going through every mental checklist, every article, every book chapter. What could he have done wrong? He followed all the steps to a tee! WHAT WENT WRONG??

‘ How did the Lidocaine wear off?!!! I administered the right amount!! I did everything correctly. EVERYTHING! HOW IS THIS HAPPENING???! ‘

Leo cursed himself for not using laughing gas or something to sedate Lotus, but it was far too late for that now. 

And even if he had… would it have worn off just as fast?

Leo cut off his thoughts dead in their tracks as he brought himself back to the present.

‘ Ok.. Breathe Leo.. State facts. That’s what Don would say. State.. Facts.

..ok..

..Fact: I have a completely awake patient now.

Fact: The lidocaine has worn off.

Fact: That means I’m HURTING HER.

Fact: SHE’S AWAKE AS MY TWEEZERS ARE STUCK IN BETWEEN THE MUSCLES IN HER LEG. 

.. Ok maybe stating facts won’t help.. ‘

Lotus still had her eyes set on Leo as she witnessed the mental battle being fought in his head. His eyes darted back and forth, his lip quivered, and she could’ve sworn he muttered something about Don.. 

And then her consciousness betrayed her. 

Being aware of her surroundings also meant she would now be aware of what was happening to her body. A hot, searing burn quickly slithered up her leg, mixed with an icy sting of something.. moving.

..Something was moving.. IN HER LEG..

“ Ow!- ow- OW!! Agh- “ Lotus winced hard and gritted her teeth as the cold burn grew.

Leo’s breath became sparse and quick as he turned his head to Lotus.

He took a shuddering inhale.

His grip on the tweezers tightened.

‘ PLEASE LET THIS BE QUICK. ‘

“ Lotus.”

Lotus’ unblinking lavender eyes looked up to his.

She was terrified.

And it was his fault.

His voice refused to hold it's form in order to speak, so he simply mouthed the words,

“ I’m sorry. “

As quickly as he could, his wrist twisted and yanked up.

Lotus’ head buried into her plastron as a scream burst through her throat. She tried to grab for whatever it was that was causing the pain radiating from her leg, but Leo’s vice-like hold stayed firm and unmoving. 

“ AAAGKHH!!! “

‘ I know- I know- I’m sorry!! ‘

Lotus’ body tensed harshly as her toes curled deep into the surgical table, crinkling the flimsy surgical blanket underneath her.

Memories and nightmares smeared over reality, flashing Lotus back to being strapped down.

Gagged.

Poked.

Prodded.

ALONE.

Shadowy forms approached her with needles, saws, and scalpels. 

The items gave off a small shine like the menacing smiles on the forms’ faces.

Another scream crawled out of her mouth as Leo tried again to pull the implant out.

‘ WHY ISN’T THIS OVER. I GOT OUT. WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING?? WHY AM I STILL BEING TORTURED????!! I’M NEVER GOING TO BE FRE- “

“- HANG ON, LOTUS! IT’S ALMOST OUT! “

She shot her eyes open.

The shadows melted away.

The restraints faded.

The darkness vanished.

She no longer saw sinister scientists, but instead, a very focused, very scared mutant turtle.

His eyes didn’t glow with evil intent, but with..

..tears.

His hands were both shaking under the tight grip.

He looked just as terrified as she was.

Lotus tried to breathe again, but all that escaped her mouth were dry coughs. 

Her throat burned.

“ I’M SORRY, LOTUS, I’M SO SORRY. “

Leo jerked his head down to his shoulder and tried to rub off the blurring tears. 

He tried so hard to choke back the sob trying to weasel it’s way out, settling for shaky, sparse breaths. His heartrate sky-rocketed with adrenaline and stress, but he put all his focus into keeping a steady hand.

‘ PLEASE.. COME ONNNN..’

With one more final agonizing pull, the implant jittered inbetween the tweezers’ lips.

IT WAS OUT.

With a light *clink* it landed into the small surgical dish next to Leo.

He swallowed hard, and timidly looked down to Lotus.

Her head remained nuzzled into her plastron, while her whole body trembled in pain and fear.

‘ I DID THIS TO HER. ‘

Leo rubbed his wet eyes on his other shoulder.

“ .. I got it, Lotus..It’s out. “ Leo whispered.

Both Lotus and Leo heaved a weighted sigh as they turned away from the other to wipe away their tears.

Lotus’ body still shook as she tried to slow her breathing.

Leo, too, tried to calm himself down.

Lotus rose her head, looking to Leo with questions in her eyes. ( The same look as a child to their parent at the doctors’ office. )

‘ Is that it? Is it done? ‘

Leo’s brow tightened as his face became solemn once more. 

His grip that remained on her leg tightened with his expression.

That was answer enough for her:

‘ THIS ISN’T OVER. ‘

Whooooo that was a longer one! :)

Hope you enjoyed!

To God be the glory!

Masterpost <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[edgessunflower]

Period pains

Pairing: Victoria x Fem reader x Steven Richards

Description: Your partners help you with your nonstop period pains

Warning: Mentions of periods, hygiene products, and blood

The pain shot through you like a lightning bolt as you woke up leading you to sit up only to tear up at the puddle of blood on your side on the bed. You went straight to the shower and turned the hot water on to ease the unbearable pain from head to toe, meanwhile both your partners had woken up only to hear your muffled cries from the shower as Victoria sees the blood on the bed and Steven sees the droplets leading to the bathroom before he opened the shower curtain to find you in a ball as steam surrounded you and the only feeling you focus on is the water cascading down your body while the pain began to feel like your insides were being branded instead of stabbed then ripped apart like earlier as you notice stevie in the corner of your eye while victoria changed the bedsheets and went to the store for your go to emergency kit for your period pains, cravings, and extra pads since you never used tampons due to the extra pain they caused. "It's okay baby, I know it hurts" he helps you out of the shower and puts a heating pad on the bed while you dry off and take a pain reliever before eating wings since the three of you were on a break from being on the road, victoria comes home to find stevie lightly massaging and digging his fingers into your bloated belly and aching back as moans of pain pour out when stevie pulls you into his arms and uses his body heat to help with your pain when the heating pad became too much as you're sandwiched between them and watching each of your favorite movies and episodes of Little house on the prairie for the next half hour as the pain slowly dissipated thanks to the heat and Tylenol. You wake up later on to find victoria putting lidocaine patches on your back when stevie walks back in with a joint and Raven behind him who places a bag of edibles beside you since he would make them for you and you were one of the few people he cared about as he gently places a kiss on your forehead before messing up stevie's hair and leaving, you smoke for a bit after eating a light snack before stevie yet again massaged you and victoria gave you another tylenol to dull out the rest of the pain which made the two relieved at your relaxed state with stevie running his hands through your hair as victoria holds you in her arms for the rest of the night.

[tuesdayisfordancing]

Lmao someone finally asked how much pain I was in when asking about my toe? Feels no longer relevant tbh as I’m here for the procedure we already decided on, there’s no more diagnosing to do and my pain levels are about to change because I’m about to be stabbed deep with needles, filled with lidocaine, and then have my toenail removed!

[mar-sibilina]

House: Need to cut off a guy's head. Got to figure out if his pain's coming from his brain or his body. A stiff shot of lidocaine below the brain stem should numb him all the way down to his tippy toes. Cuddy: And hearing me say "no" over the phone wasn't good enough? House: I’m inconveniencing you because you inconvenienced me.

[ghostdata]

i have to tape lidocaine patches to my toes when my nerves act up bc my fnd and it always looks weird 

them his hooves

[deadweight-at7am]

My son had to have his toe nail partially excised this morning (if you don't know what it is, don't google it). The needle they use to numb your toe is rather... uh, large cannula. She was injecting him with lidocaine and he was about to leap out of the chair and kept going "CHILL CHILL CHILL!" I had to tell him to shut up. This is what happens when Gen Z kids panic, they tell the doctor to "chill". Lord have mercy. He eventually calmed down but he said it hurt a lot. I believe that, a needle in your infected toe doesn't tickle.

Anyway, it took less than 10 minutes in total. He was a big baby about it the needle but the rest went fine.

[sunnywalnut]

I completely understand!! While I'm young as hell, here's a couple things I've learned in physical therapy that might help:

-just because it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it won't later. If I lift my arms and extend my elbows all the way, it doesn't hurt, but it looks freaky as hell. Yes, the stretch is satisfying, but it makes sense as to why my elbows were the first things to start locking on me. If you notice your knees or elbows locking, don't be afraid to bend them a bit. When you stand or walk, when you're stretching, throwing things, whatever you do. Try to pay more mind to the way your body works. They'll tell you this in PT too. If you lock your joints while doing the exercises, you're actually doing more harm than good so try your best to relax.

-instead of avoiding the pain (especially if it's constant) do what you can to gain muscle around the joints. For the first few weeks, I went to PT around 3 times a week and was constantly in pain and fatigued. But with keeping with it, and keeping a consistent schedule, the fatigue became easier to overcome and the pain lessened. Joints are more likely to move if you've got less muscle around them(which sounds kinda stupid, but it's true. Sadly)

-instead of avoiding weak joints, focus on them. For me, that's my hands. Simple stretches like wrist flexes, finger touches and arm exercises have helped me in retaining my range of motion without being stiff. I do these everyday, since they're simple enough I can do while watching TV or scrolling on my phone. You can also lay your stiff/painful limbs down on pillows instead of tables or your legs to cushion it while you do your stretches. I find it helps.

-roll up a towel to tuck underneath your knee. If you're laying on your back and they're having you do leg lifts(or if you're doing this at home), don't be afraid to ask for a towel or something to put just behind your knee to keep it slightly bent. It not only helps you from locking up, but it also helps you realize what is a "normal" range of motion.

-if you're like me and lock up with heat, try ice. If ice makes you lock up, try leaving the ice pack out for a couple minutes to warm up first.

-massage guns are your friend, especially if you get muscle spasms or knots and your hands are too stiff to work them out yourself.

-muscle relaxer pads are also lovely, if you're not allergic to menthol. If you are, they also have lidocaine ones. Don't be afraid to cut them down to size to make them last longer.

For me, PT at first was a lot of people just making me do things I already was doing. Like stepping on stairs, stretching out my arms, standing on my tippy toes, and just regular stuff like that. I could already do those things so I was like????

But the more you put aside time to try things you already know how to do, the easier the hard stuff is gonna be later on. And it became abundantly clear that I wasn't doing those things as often as I thought I was.

I really hope this helps!! I know some places can really be a butt so I hope they get to working for you soon. Take care 💜

[bergiehasbreastcancer]

Chemo #2

In between infusion 1 and 2, it was Mother's Day. We all celebrated Bergie, made her a delicious meal, and took some pictures in the backyard. It was a beautiful day.

Soon after, Bergie went in for infusion #2. She was scared about going in, despite having gone through it once already. The daily injections are anxiety-provoking, accessing her port is terrifying because of the anticipation of pain, and thinking about how she is going to feel afterward is also demotivating. She reached out to some key friends, and I asked family to help bolster her courage. Everyone was so thoughtful and helpful. I just hate seeing her have to face these horrible experiences.

Things went smoothly during the visit. I put the ice packs on her hands and feet (the SuzziPad is fantastic for chemo treatment). She also brought a heated blanket, which helped her deal with the freezing cold fingers and toes. She didn’t have any adverse reactions, which is great. This time there was no space helmet scalp cooling, and she was happy to be done with that.

Later that day, Bergie went and got her head shaved. She read that it would be less painful if she just shaved her hair down to one quarter or half an inch. The person who cut her hair was so kind and helpful. Once it was all done, she told us the haircut was free and said just focus on getting better. We all teared up and Bergie gave her a hug. The kindness I have seen from loved ones, family, and perfect strangers has helped me keep going through all these tough experiences.

That day and especially the day after she started feeling a bit sick to her stomach. The anti-nausea medication makes her feel weird, brain foggy, and anxious though. Luckily it didn’t last and was short-lived when it did show up.

A few days the sores showed up in her mouth again. The cold sores also showed up again, lining her lips and going into her mouth. She had to take antivirals to combat those. They got so bad she had a hard time eating. She had to start rinsing her mouth with this concoction of liquid Benadryl, Gaviscon, and Lidocaine. That helped calm the sores down so she could eat. But there were plenty of days where all that worked to eat was cottage cheese, peaches, oatmeal, protein shakes, etc.

She went back to work 6 days after the infusion since the waves of exhaustion were letting up. She comes home exhausted every day, but she is happy to see the kids and working helps take her mind off how she is feeling.

After about 2 weeks, she started feeling better and better each day. It was easier to go on our daily walks, she could eat more, etc. It is so nice to see her have a bit of a reprieve in between infusions because it helps her have the strength to face another.

She even felt good enough to attend her work party. It was 60s themed, so we dressed up. It was a lot of fun and it was good to see her enjoy herself.

[brianyololau]

4/9/2025

Today, I saw an ingrown toenail removal procedure. It was disgusting, and I was fascinated. Dr Mireles injected lidocaine into the toe and used a plier to grab the whole ingrown out. Then, with the plier on one hand, she used a scissor to literally cut the whole section out and left a pile of skin tissue left of the area of incision. So gory, yet, so exhilarating.

My PCP once educated this procedure to me when I used to be in volleyball and suffered from an ingrown. It was deadass like how he described, gnarly and painful. I'm so glad I never had that procedure and was able to continue my volleyball career.

The other day, I requested to take over a patient admission in the ICU because I knew that person. She was my patient in the ED over a week ago. I sat with her for 15 minutes to give a blood transfusion and shared a part of my life with her. We had a deep conversation about life's joys and sufferings. I met her mother and husband. She told me her doctor recently diagnosed her with lupus, and she was living every day with chronic pain and fatigue. She just had a child 4 years ago, and she was only 28. It was daunting to me how much responsibility she chose to accept into her life having a kid yet believing in a future and dedicating herself to building it with her family. I felt also warmed by the amount of faith and dedication she had to herself and future family.

She came back two days ago because she had a 20 minute seizure from the shower all the way to the hospital. When I went to the ED to gather information, her mother ran up and recognized me by my name. They told me they noticed enlarged lymph nodes on her throat and received a biopsy last friday, but she hasn't felt like herself ever since they gave her fentanyl for the procedure. Days after, she seized and ended up in the ER. She was immediately intubated. I specifically asked to assign myself to her in the ICU when she came. It was tragic. We put her on restraints because she was fighting the propofol at max rate. She was fighting through the versed as well, intubated. Later on, the echocardiogram showed an EF of 25% and that she was borderline cardiac tamponade. The only way to save her was to find a heart surgeon who could perform a pericardiocentesis on her before her heart gave out. It was already evening by that time, and it was unlikely she would get transferred out for a procedure over night. I left that day feeling terrible. Of all the people, she deserved to live. She deserved the chance to fight for her future. There was so much left for her to do. Her daughter shouldn't grow up without a mother. Her husband shouldn't be left to raise his daughter alone.

That was too harsh.

I prayed she would get the care she needed. Today, I came into work and saw in her chart that she had been transferred the night after. Her procedure was set to happen at 5 pm today. I was relieved. She fought with her poor little heart and lasted long enough for the procedure. I just hope the surgery went well and she made it out okay. She's been through enough. Early child, recent diagnosis of lupus, possible lymph node cancer, seizure, intubation, and now this? I really hope she is okay and that her family is too. I hope they continue to live happy and purpose filled lives.

[emofrogjuice]

april 2022

for context i have iih, and this is about my journey with the disorder, which i have been battling since April 2022. this recaps my feelings through that first month

wanna learn more about iih? visit:

without further ado, april 2022

‧˚₊⋅ ୨୧ ⋅₊˚‧

flowers on my casket

i’m laying in my grave

feel the pressure behind my eyes

feel the weight in my knees

this is what dying feels like

dry throat

i’m choking on blood and gauze

i’m choking on pills

i’m choking on the words that won’t come out

stitches in my mouth

pressure behind my eyes

i fantasize

fantasize about sleeping through the night

fantasize about seeing my face clearly in the mirror

magically waking up without any pain

but that’s doesn’t happen

because i’m dying

i’m laying on my couch screaming and crying

and i know i’m dying

the doctors said it was fine

my x-rays were normal

my blood is clean

my CT was perfect

but the fentanyl isn’t working

and the tylenol isn’t helping

and the heating pad is burning a hole into my neck

the lidocaine patches burn my nose

the icy hot does too

my veins are busted open

i’m battered and bruised

i haven’t showered in what feels like a year

i haven’t slept for what feels like two

so i’m begging the doctors

to peel back my skin and make me someone else

because this body is broken

this body is jagged

this body is dying

and i need to live

can’t feel my fingers

can’t touch my toes

my back won’t bend and my eyesight is fading

it’s getting harder to breathe

how does it feel to know you’re going to die?

well i guess i wouldn’t know

because it didn’t kill me

two years later and the only thing i left behind was a piece of my soul.

one that was left in those hospital rooms

one that was left on my couch after those awful, sleepless nights

one that i can’t get back

but i’m learning to live without

e. buckler

9/20/2024