#like the only reason I write is for validation

[revelboo]

Would it be okay to request an Inexperienced scenario with Brainstorm and Perceptor? I love your writing for the inexperienced scenarios and as a girlie who hasn't been with anyone, I heart setting my first into the hands (or servos, in this case) with the scientists.

Sure! 🔞 Mass displaced mechs 🌶️ fem bits mentioned

Inexperienced

Brainstorm x Reader x Perceptor

• Flustered as they both wait for your answer, you chew on your bottom lip. After spending all your time with them, getting to know them both and falling in love, the three of you haven’t gotten that far, the two bots trying to let you move at your own pace. Which has been glacially slow. Apparently not realizing you’re too shy to make a move, too embarrassed to admit you’ve never done this before, that you’re inexperienced when it’s obvious they’re not. They’ve invited you to join them, coaxed you, but you keep hesitating.

• You’re going to say no again. You always do and even though he tries not to take it personally, Brainstorm can’t help but wonder if it’s him. If you’d say yes if it was only Perceptor asking you. Knows he can be a lot, that he’s too opinionated sometimes, but if he doesn’t speak up, it feels like he fades into the background. But when you smile at him? Or ask questions and listen to him explain his projects? He feels seen. Validated in a way he’s desperate for. Loves Perceptor, but the bot can get lost in his own work and doesn’t always have time for him. And he worries that if he asks for more, Percy might resent it. Resent him.

• “We’re not trying to pressure you” Perceptor says, and he vents loudly when Brainstorm mutters ‘I am.’ Glaring tiredly at the other bot as he shrugs, Perceptor reaches out a hand and smiles when you lay your hand in his, let him run his servos over the back of your hand, feeling your warmth and your delicate bones under the skin. So unlike them. ‘It’s just interfacing, no big deal,’ Brainstorm adds as your face flushes, shoulders lifting slightly. Embarrassed. “We don’t mind waiting for you to feel comfortable with this,” Perceptor says and he kicks Brainstorm when he growls that he does mind.

• Flustered as you look from one to the other, then to your hand in Percy’s, his servo sliding against you. He’s always so patient where Brainstorm is all demands, the two polarized so you feel like you’re being pulled in two different directions sometimes. Falling for both of them for different reasons and when they’d explained that they didn’t mind sharing, that they were already together and wanted you with them, it had been surprising. But you’d wanted to say yes that first time. “You’re not. It’s just, I haven’t done this before,” you manage and Brainstorm clears his vents. ‘What? Threesomes?’ Well, that, too. “No, sex,” you whisper, wishing the floor could open up under you and swallow you as they both just freeze, staring at you. Judging. Know they’re judging, because you’re judging yourself.

• That wasn’t what he’d expected. And Brainstorm just stares at you as you avoid their optics. That’s why you keep shutting them down? “So I could be your first?” He growls, spike stirring behind his modesty panel at the thought and Perceptor’s optics narrow. “Ruin you completely for fleshy, human spikes and valves?” Grinning behind his mask as you just put your face in your hands, he knows Percy is about to punch him most likely, but he can’t let go of that thought. Needs to be the first to touch you, to have your trust, feel you come apart.

• Why is he like this? Venting as he gently squeezes your hand to get your attention away from Brainstorm, Perceptor smiles. “We’d take care of you. Go slow and if you want to stop, we can,” he coaxes, thankful that Brainstorm has the sense to not contradict him. Because if you want to stop, they will even if he has to drag the other bot away. ‘Okay,’ you say, voice so soft he almost misses it. Trusting them.

• Percy tugs you gently into him, his free hand cupping your jaw and neck as his mouth covers yours. And Brainstorm squirms his palms down your pants, startling you as he growls against the back of your neck. You lose track of whose hands are where, whose mouth is on your neck, your shoulder. Stripping with Brainstorm’s impatient help, hearing Percy growling at him to slow down. Every touch heating your blood, hearing their fans click on, the rumbling and heat of their internal systems against you. Naked, you’re eased down, lying back against Perceptor as Brainstorm’s mask retracts and his cheek brushes your inner thigh, those weird cables at the corners of his mouth rubbing against you. Self conscious as the bot between your thighs vents, mouth sliding against your inner thigh before his lips brush you and you arch with a gasp.

• Glossa sliding against you as one of your heels squeaks on the berth as you try to push back, to escape him. And that’s not happening even if Percy wasn’t holding you. Mouth exploring your softness, tasting you, he growls. You’re alien, but your valve is familiar enough, but so soft, silken and slick inside. Finds the little nub of your node and you squirm when he sucks it. Your hands land on his helm, hips trembling. Not pushing him away, though.

• Cheek brushing yours as Brainstorm growls against you, Perceptor listens to your soft whimpers and moans. Sliding his hands over your heated skin as you buck your hips against the other mech’s mouth to urge him on. “If he does a good job, he can have a reward,” Perceptor murmurs and Brainstorm’s optics flick up to him hungrily. It’s a promise and a reminder that you’re trusting yourself to them to be your first, to be your mates.

• Squirming when his mouth on you feels like it’s almost too much, you gasp and your head falls back against Percy, grabbing onto one of his arms wrapped around you as you heat and Brainstorm doesn’t ease up. Your climax taking you by surprise as you cry out, feeling his glossa sliding against you, inside you. And Brainstorm rears up over you both, a hand braced on Percy’s shoulder before he kisses the other bot with your taste on his glossa to make you shiver as you’re pinned between them.

• Glossa sliding against Percy’s, Brainstorm rumbles as he releases his spike to pressurize against your belly, feeling you squirm between them. “I was promised a reward,” he growls when his head lifts, lips twitching. And Percy shakes his head at him, pushing until he backs off and Percy cups your cheek. ‘Come here.’ Brainstorm grips your hips, lifting you up to settle you against Perceptor’s mouth as the bot’s hands cup your sides. “Percy.” Smirking when the bot finally releases his modesty panels to reveal his valve and spike. Letting him choose which he wants.

• Staring up at you as his mouth slides against you, you’re already so slick from Brainstorm, but Perceptor wants to make sure you’re ready to take them both. And he groans as Brainstorm’s spike spears into him, hips snapping. Taking the edge off with him so he can go slow with you. Hopefully. You’re getting more confident, moving against his mouth as he sucks and licks and Brainstorm ruts into him. Right where you finally belong.

• You’re still humming from your last release, sure that you can’t come again and your body surprises you as he sucks you clit. And you’re depending on Preceptor’s hands for balance as you come apart, rocking against his mouth as Brainstorm drives into Percy, hearing the sharp sound of Brainstorm’s hips smacking into him. “Ride me, you set the pace,” Percy groans and you look back at his erect spike. “Take as much as you want.”

• Pausing mid thrust and buried deep when you look back at him uncertainly, Brainstorm reaches for you. Grinding against Percy, the bot’s thighs on either side of his hips, he helps you scoot back. Needing to move and to help get you settled, so his jaw is working with the effort to not pound into Percy. Wants to see you ride Percy. Then take him. Helping you lift up, face flushed as he reaches between your thighs and helps guide Percy’s spike to you. “Go slow,” he rumbles, watching you rock your hips hesitantly. Then press down and gasp. “Slow.”

• Hands on your hips as you hesitantly move on him, rocking yourself against his spike, Perceptor groans watching you. The head of his spike not even inside you yet and he’s struggling to be still, to not move with you teasing him and Brainstorm’s spike stretching him. “We can take a break if you need it,” he growls, almost certain you’re too tight to take him yet. That you’re going to hurt yourself trying.

• Slow. Hips rocking as you tease yourself with the slight burn of his spike stretching you, unable to look away from Percy’s hungry expression as he watches you. His and Brainstorm’s hands on you, helping support you so you don’t sink down on him too suddenly. Their patience so unexpected as you press down a bit, hips rolling and you tremble as the head of his spike suddenly sinks into you. And your head falls back against Brainstorm as you gasp. Feeling Percy stretching you, feeling the burn of him filling you, the pressure uncomfortable, edging into painful as you rock yourself and your heart goes racing.

• “Look at Percy. Feel good?” Brainstorm asks, trying to distract you as you tremble, breathing growing quick. Feels you trembling against his chassis as you squirm, getting used to the feel of Percy’s spike inside you. And he’s growling as he begins moving inside Percy, his thrusts rocking you on Percy. “He’s ours, isn’t he? His spike, his valve. Those belong to us.” Feeling when you take a deep, shuddering breath and begin to move with slow movements. Growing more confident as you go and his hands slide against your skin. “Let’s frag him senseless.” Hears you moan, head back against him as you ride Percy in uncertain little movements. Fascinated with watching you figure out what you enjoy, what feels good to you. Because you’re theirs.

• Denta gritted as you ride him and Brainstorm’s hips pump, Perceptor arches. You’re going so slow it’s almost torture as Brainstorm ruts into him. Your need dark eyes and soft noises off pleasure, Brainstorm’s snarls, and his own groans mingle together. And Brainstorm swears, hips snapping against him as he overloads, the heat of the other bot filling him tipping him over the edge and you fist his spike as he releases inside you and his head falls back, venting raggedly.

Starscream plushies

If any of you work in a doctor’s office and are tasked with calling with test results- if someone asks you a question you’re not 100% certain of, please don’t give the patient an answer. Just say you don’t know, so they don’t get blindsided when they go in for a follow up.

[mistress-riddle]

tom riddle x ravenclaw head girl!reader

✧ ˚ 　· . cw + req. some she/her pronouns used. i stand behind tom being a bitch. i was kind of yapping, it's 1.1k words... 'I was wondering if you could please write some headcanons for Tom with a Ravenclaw s/o who is extremely intelligent but absolutely sucks at Potions. They are both Head Boy and Head Girl. Ik it doesn’t really make sense if she’s Head Girl and bad at Potions but let’s just say she’s passing because she does homework and puts lots of effort yk 😭 — anon?'

✧˖*°࿐ i think it’s quite plausible for her to be a little challenged with potions and still receive ‘passing’ grades btw. we know that a pass in general is an ‘acceptable’ and that slughorn requires an ‘exceeds expectations’ to enter his advanced potions classroom (newt level). with that being said, she could be great at theory work (such as explaining the effects of a potion, the suitable uses for ingredients and where to find them…), it’s just that when it comes to actually mixing together the proper ingredients, she can’t seem to get the desired end result (so lets say her potion ends up becoming, i don’t know, turquoise instead of green or something like that). the potion may work, but it’s probably not as potent as it should be or it’s considered ‘toxic’ in the typical suggested doses.

✧˖*°࿐ personally, i don’t think tom allowed himself to be anything less than brilliant, and considering how he was one of slughorn’s faves (got away with asking a ‘hypothetical’ question about one of the most obscure dark magic practices, like come on now, that’s peak “english teacher and the athletic popular boys” level of favouritism), i feel like it is safe to say he probably received very high grades in potions, probably an outstanding every time. and if we take into account the cave, where we find the emerald potion (a.k.a. drink of despair) which must be drunk in order for it to disappear (iirc it’s his own creation? or it’s heavily implied that it is) and considering the fact that the potion was most likely not checked on for a while — i feel like it’s valid to assume since the last time he checked on it using kreacher, and did not expire, it could have been the case that the potion was/mimicked an everlasting elixir which means that the potion either never ran out or never became ineffective. and while we don’t have much information about how complex it is to actually create an everlasting potion, it can be assumed that it requires advanced potion-making skills and successful brewing which is hard for people unskilled/average at potion-making. and so, that whole meta was really just my way of trying to say tom is a nerd and probably got really high grades and therefore means he’d be condescending about being smarty mcsmarty pants to our poor head girl 😭

✧˖*°࿐ i imagine he’d make a few underhanded comments here and there like suggesting she should brew something and then following it with a “oh… nevermind!” and then quietly laughing to himself. like stfu mf. no one thinks you’re funny.

✧˖*°࿐ he gives me major ‘i won’t help unless you outright asked (read: begged) for my assistance and if i feel like it, only then will i help you’. i don’t think he’d feel threatened enough by anyone to consider being overtaken, which would have been a reason for him to avoid helping out, because hello? no one could beat him, he probably took every subject available like the nerd he is (narcissistic and a nerd? pick a struggle, you insufferable boy). so yes, if she asked him really really really nicely (i.e. offered him something nice in return which could range from sweets to a whole new wardrobe, his pick) then he would totally, condescendingly tell her to “add the stupid, blasted liver after the brew begins to boil like it said in the book, for fuc— oh, professor slughorn! i was just going over the instructions with…” fake. ass. he’s actually an ethnic dad teaching his kid maths btw, you’re crying and he’s trying to restrain himself from calling you an imbecile and finding 20 synonyms to follow it with. this is why dumbledore rejected you for the dada position, you prick!!

✧˖*°࿐ i think if you were his deskmate/station-mate or whatever, he’d keep his eyes on your potion whenever he’s finished with the necessary steps for his own, purely because he’s bored and is a nosey bitch who likes being an overachiever. “it’s anti-clockwise…” “you know you’re using a quarter instead of a half right now?…” “oh please, you forgot to add the feathers…” like just do it yourself atp. you’re being a menace, even though you might? maybe? possibly? infinitesimally? mean well and don’t want to see the potion blowing up in the poor head girls face or have slughorn walk past her cauldron with a click of his tongue and a disappointed glance of his eyes which in turn causes our ravenclaw’s lips to purse and eyebrows to fall. tom when he sighs and rolls his eyes but charms the ladle to stir in the right direction, adding the necessary proportion of ingredients all whilst looking like he wants to be anywhere but in the classroom he spends so much time in. (tom riddle softie era???? if only he actually wasn’t a dick smh)

✧˖*°࿐ but other than your little potions “floundering”, power couple i hear?? i think when it comes to head boy and head girl relationships it’s either pure love and/or respect or “i genuinely don’t know how you got this title when you’re so incompetent and losery, i think you should kys” which creates for hilarious dynamics ! i think, contrary to popular fanfic belief, tom needs someone who could challenge him a little (not so much that he wants to (and can successfully) destroy them but enough to make him suck his teeth and for his eye to twitch) and i think the most harmless way would be ‘academically’ because god forbid it’s actually magically, then he’s conspiring on how to bring about your downfall because how dare you be better than the most brilliant wizard alive who pushes the boundaries of magic and blah, blah, blah… anywho ! he would definitely appreciate an academic and curious mind who’s imaginative and willing to experiment with him. he thinks the pinnacle of romance is trading books and hanging out in the library so you’d definitely need to be someone who is willing to engage in magical (and sometimes non-magical??) debate with him.

✧˖*°࿐ i also absolutely do think he uses you as an excuse to check out the ravenclaw library because it’s all good and well that he can easily walk into the common room (i mean a riddle for riddle… come on now, it’s too easy) but he would definitely get multiple side eyes for walking in all willy nilly unless he had a reason, i.e. visiting his pretty, intelligent, and amazing head girl of a partner ! tom is not tom if he’s not scheming and plotting to use people to his advantage (even if he likes them romantically, it’s the poor orphan boy unable to make healthy connections in him)

✧ ˚ 　· . return to main masterlist?

[fungusrice]

You are a rare one because most Scream fans ship Billy and Stu together but I don't for many reasons. Most Stuilly stans refuse to acknowledge that Stu literally admitted to having a thing for Sidney at the end of the movie and he did it while Billy was unconscious laying on the ground....Stu betrayed Billy too by doing that.

Do you write fanfiction? If so can you write a Stu/Sidney story? Stu/Sidney have a lot of potential especially now that Matthew Lillard is coming back to Scream....

I'll eventually get attacks (and threatening phone calls) for yapping about these, but I couldn't care less. I always have a space in my fridge for more.🔪🫦💅

Hopeless shippers often refuse to recognise a shit load of facts that has been poking the eyes of the viewers, if it doesn't serve their headcanons. It is often them who know so little about the characters actual emotional and mental state, personality, background etc.

Some quick✨facts ✨about Stu:

Stu loved fucking girls

Stu obsessed over female bodies

Stu admired and looked up to Billy, because he was confident, determined, powerful, intelligent; something Stu admired and TRIED to be. He needed a "guiding" figure, that he didn't have in a form of parents nor as a possessed trait in himself

To add more to this "what he tried to become"; Stu tried to highlight his masculinity multiple times, not only when he was talking about how only a "man" could gut someone the way it happened (he tried to get some "compliments", "acknowledgement" from the friends, they wouldn't know he was the killer, but he would have taken it proudly behind closed doors), or when he lifted Tatum with ease, playing around with her weight as if it was nothing. You can also see how aggressive he turned verbally when Randy joked about how Stu couldn't be the killer, because it "takes a man to do something like that". He literally "lashed out", talking about how he'd gut him out in a second. Clearly took it personal, and he likely meant it.

Stu has been neglected by his parents, and it did influence him. Billy himself pointed at Stu, showing him up as an example of what parental neglegance does to people

It also means Billy observed Stu, analysed him with good accuracy and used this knowledge to manipulate him

Billy never shown affection towards Stu, never appeared to have anything reciprocal towards him especially after he revealed his real motive that he intentionally kept hidden from Stu, an another sign of lack of "emotions" from his end towards Stu or even trust

He continued stabbing Stu (who at that point didn't even want to give the blade back to him) until he ended up slowly bleeding out and even after that, he was violent, aggressive and threatening towards Stu

Stu admitted having a thing for Sidney, who is the fourth girl who he approached physically or hinted he would like to (if we ignore fanboying over tits)

Yes, Stu had an obsessive admiration towards Billy (though' he has been a very obsessive person in general), after all, he was a "figure" he craved to be, and who knew how fragile and broken he is. Billy knew Stu's insecurities, low self-esteem, concerns, loneliness, and craving for acceptance, validation, recognition (we know this from the movie and scripts). Billy served all of these, so Stu did everything to get more by obeyed him.

While there might be a chance he had "something" for Billy (if one could even call that scene a sign?), it was obvious that they had a very fragile "bond" which only lasted so long while Billy had a use of Stu, and when Stu realised how he was a mere pawn in the plan, someone who got played, manipulated as a disposable, things changed.

Roman himself taught Billy how he should have a second killer in his plans, who can be taken down instead of himself, when time comes. And just like that, Billy ended up continue stabbing Stu multiple times until Stu was begging him to stop. Billy wouldn't have cared less for Stu dying there. It literally was calculated. He did what Roman said; got a disposable pawn. Which was Stu.

Is this "love enough" for ya' all now? 🤷‍♀️

As for the "fanfiction" part of your question, @ladytiger, I mainly do longer "roleplays" over fanfiction writing, although I might get into it later on. I do find joy in writing fanfictions, but for me it is important to try and deliver characters as "relaistic", "canon-like" and down on earth as possible.

[wateririri]

Idk why you tagged only me but okay man

1. I like drawing and how I make art right now (artstyle, etc) -- I'm glad I'm being more creative with how I do things I suppose?? Idk if they're the most special but I'm happy with them.

2. I like that I'm alive right now even if my psyche tears itself apart and sews itself back together sometimes. I have to thank other people for that.

3. I love my friends!! They're partially the reason why I'm alive right now and also not a secluded loner lol, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for those lil guys and I owe them. I'd die for my friends yk if anything ever happened <3

4. I like how I write and create concepts even though I have no idea what goes on in my head sometimes while in the process of doing so. I like it when people compliment them! I'm still working on actually internalizing the praise though, but I still enjoy the validation I get because sometimes I just don't know if it's good or not.

5. I LOVE MY SON TARU LOOK AT HIM LOOK AT HIMMMMMMM MY BABU HES SO COOL AND PRETTY AND COOL AND SIGMA I'M SO ARGHHHH

Holds him gently

I don't have... Followers😭 @sunspurr boom👅✌️💥 I'm never posting again after this prolly

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool).

sure! Thank you!

I'm very good at making things up, like languages, rhymes, songs, story's, a lot of creative things

When I stress I pick on the crust on my arms, constantly making it worse again :(

When I have bad mood days™, I can't listen to a lot of Musik bc it makes me on edge

I my personality is based a lot on my mood and other ppl around me, making me a bit childish at times

I'm vegetarian

@hauntedmoontimetravel, @serpentine-starlight

@littlejumpingjoan, @vanitythevantropist

@shortlikerdj @thelizardburt @unnamed-enby

@elizer-the-felon @frooglet @amyethereall

[charliedawn]

Hi Charlie, I wanted to ask you how the Lecter family would react if the reader were like Chloe from Life is Strange.

Hannibal Lecter Sr. (1991 Hannibal)

Hannibal Sr. would be equal parts amused and frustrated by you. He appreciates intelligence and wit, and you have both—but your reckless behavior? Your defiance? That would irritate him. Because he knows you can do better.

“You mistake impulsiveness for bravery. A dangerous miscalculation, my little lamb. If only you’d let yourself see how much potential you possess…you would understand why I am pushing you so hard.”

At first, he might try to control you—subtly steering your behavior with calm authority. If you mock him? Oh, now you have his full attention. “You enjoy provoking me. I wonder—do you seek a reaction, or do you simply wish to see what I am capable of? To see if I will end up abandoning you? Rejecting you? Either way, I will never give up on you.”

If you keep challenging him however, he’d eventually lean into a more intense approach—cool, calculated, and deeply manipulative. He sees potential in you, but if you refuse to be shaped? He will either break you down or lose interest entirely. But Hannibal Sr. is not one to back down from a challenge…so he will stay. For as long as it takes.

Hannibal Lecter Jr. (2013 Hannibal)

Oh, he would love your sharp tongue and rebellious streak. He would never get visibly annoyed—he’s too composed for that—but every time you get sarcastic with him? He’d just smirk, like he’s waiting for you to say something truly impressive. Because he knows you will.

“Ah, so much fire in you. But tell me, Y/N—how often does it burn you in the end? Is it the reason you are being so rebellious? Are you angry? Sad? Desperate? Do you secretly wish for attention and validation from others and it is the reason you act the way you do? Do you wish to be seen? And loved?”

If you try to push him away, he’d just become more intrigued. He sees your pain under all that bravado, and he’d love to slowly unravel it.

“You hide behind sharp words and reckless choices. But deep down, you are waiting for someone to understand you. Aren’t you?”

If you let him in, he would make it dangerous—turning your chaotic energy into something refined, something with purpose. And if you reject his attempts? He’d simply wait.

“You’ll come around eventually. Or you won’t. Either way, I will still enjoy watching you and learn how to love you the way you want to be loved.”

Morgan Hannibal

Morgan would pretend not to care about your attitude, but oh, it would get under his skin. He hates unpredictability, and you? You are pure unpredictability. “I am genuinely curious. Do you ever think before you act?”

He’d try to write you off as just another reckless idiot in this household—but the more he watches you, the more he realizes there’s something deeper to you. “You act like nothing matters. But I think that’s just bullshit. You do care…you just don’t wanna admit it.”

If you ever show vulnerability, he’d immediately back off, pretending like he didn’t notice. Because if he acknowledges it? It means he cares, and he does not want to care about someone like you. But if you get close to him? He’d start protecting you, even when you don’t want it. He would constantly try to stop you from making reckless choices—to save you. Morgan’s biggest struggle would be balancing his irritation and his concern for you—because, whether he admits it or not? He does care.

Kevin Hannibal

Kevin would be entertained by you. He thrives on chaos, and you? You are walking chaos. Unlike the others, he wouldn’t try to change you—if anything, he’d encourage your worst tendencies. “What’s the plan today? Pissing someone off? Getting into trouble? Whatever it is…I’m in.”

He’d challenge you constantly—who can be louder, who can be funnier, who can pull off the craziest stunt. But if he ever catches a hint of sadness beneath your sarcasm? He would immediately try to soothe your pain. “Hey…you okay? You look like shit. I am like…concerned. What’s going on?”

Kevin would be one of the few who actually lets you be yourself—never judging, never forcing you to change. But if anyone hurts you? Oh, he is not forgiving that. “You mess with Y/N, you mess with me. And I do not let things go.”

Kevin is the type to match your energy, but also quietly look out for you, whether you realize it or not.

Peter Hannibal

Peter would be so conflicted about you. On one hand, your loud, chaotic energy terrifies him—you’re reckless, unpredictable, and constantly dragging him into trouble. “Y/N, please, I—oh my God, why are you like this?!”

But on the other hand? He adores you. You make him feel alive, even when he’s panicking the entire time. “Okay, okay, we’re doing this—wait, no, I changed my mind—Y/N, STOP!”

He’d be the one constantly begging you to be careful, but also following you anyway. And if anyone dares to insult you? Oh, that’s where he draws the line. “You don’t get to talk about Y/N like that! They—they’re reckless, and—and frustrating, but they’re amazing, so shut up!”

Peter would always worry about you, but he’d also be fiercely loyal—even if you make his life twenty times more stressful.

[fishyupmywishy]

Not seeing comments on your fic when you want them might be the most heartbreaking feeling in the world

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

I'm sorry but the irony of Nico calling Max unprofessional is sending me so bad like sir there's an entire garage full of people, who were literally in the trenches trying to survive the Brocedes fallout while just doing their jobs, who might have a few things to say about your (& Lewis') level of professionalism at that time 😭✋️

[the-blue-countess]

Listen, I mostly can’t stand Misa. I think she’s terribly annoying, and a poor representation of goths - especially goth women - in general, but come on. Her flaws are because of the misogynistic writing - especially considering Light is the point of view character and he dislikes her. We get a similar treatment of Takada later in on the series. The only secondary kira that Light seems to really respect in to any degree is Mikami (another man), which is really telling, not only of Light’s biases, but those of the writers.

I honestly believe that the fujoshis just enjoy hating women, considering how Misa does not in any way ruin or prevent Lawlight - Light doesn’t even like her, and I honestly don’t think he cares enough about her to not cheat if he was so inclined. Those people need to grow up and hate her for actually valid reasons.

Her treatment of Rem is horrible, and I hate people who claim she’s a saint because she’s a soft little woman: she’s a mass murderer, and a horrible person, just like all the other Kiras, and by extension most of the characters in the series. Her trauma does not excuse her behaviour, nor the deaths she caused. She is just as bad as Mikami (who also has a tragic backstory), if not Light, and I honestly respect her more for that, than her woobified fanon persona people love to promote.

In Defense of Misa Amane

Misa is so cute! I wish they didn’t have to waste her potential. She’s such a good character!

I know she can be annoying at times, but I think that makes her ADORABLE!

I know she isn’t useless, because she’s the one who tracked Higuchi. Not to mention she was female Kira.It’s just the writers kinda just made her an extra after L died.

And she gets in the way of Light x L? That’s NOT a good reason to hate ANY character in ANY fiction!

Overall, she isn’t a bad character. I think there are WORSE characters than her, even outside of Death Note.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

I’m the anon who sent you that ask about Sonic and Shadow’s relationship in the Chronic Sonic au. If your post saying you ignore long asks was directed at me, can you please just… post the latest version without answering? I would prefer to save it to my likes and maybe have other fans read my thoughts.

thank you

Well no, it wasn’t just directed at you, there are a couple long asks in my inbox (some of which are positive and very beloved and i cherish, Dopambles I’m looking at you <3). But you’ve sent your ask twice now and this one too so I’ll answer this one. I don’t really want to make this a big long thing, but I also don’t really wanna leave ya hanging when this seems so important to you so lets do this (everyone else can ignore this if ya want I’m going long-winded through everything.)

So, reasons i don’t like to respond to or even post long asks sometimes lets do this [cracks knuckles]

1. I don’t like posting things onto my blog that I haven’t checked over first. I struggle a lot in reading and comprehending long asks. I don’t know why, it’s weird, okay. Let’s leave it at that. I’m not gonna blindly post walls of texts to my blog without checking them over first, because I want to make sure I’m filtering asks so nothing harmful gets posted to my blog. You’d be surprised at how whack a lot of anons can get. Not to say your ask was whack, but I also am struggling to read it so it’s hard to say for sure! It’s not due to the nature of your ask, it is simply because my brain be like dat.

2. Sometimes, I just don’t like having to scroll through walls of texts that aren’t my own to get to my latest posts. I get a lot of asks as it is. I do love answering them, but when they get long, the amount of time it takes to scroll through em makes it hard to refer back to my previous posts and is just is not intuitive or fun when interacting with my own blog, which leads me to my next point

3. This is my space. My blog is by me for me. I choose to post and share to interact and have fun with other people but at the end of the day this blog is my space. I did not create it for anyone other than me. I welcome the people who find joy in my stories here, but this remains my space. If i was being paid for this it’d be different, I’d absolutely curate and change things to make it a better and easier experience for those that i charged to be here, but like… I’m not being paid for this? And to ask me to do what you want in my space so that you can have the experience you want is… i dunno it sounds a little entitled. (I’m not saying that you ARE entitled, only that it sounds like it to me personally.) Contacting me even after I expressed my difficulty in answering asks to try and convince me to post it for your sake is a little rude. I’m not a professional creator, I’m not a person with fans, I’m just a random dude trying to have a good time with other people on a dumpster-fire website. I’m not a creator trying to make sure everyone else is having a good time. This is what i do in my free time to relax and—

4. —being a moderator for other peoples hc’s and conversations is not personally relaxing to me. My blog is not a public confessions blog and I am not a public message board. I am honoured when people share their personal stories and how what I doodle has helped them feel seen and that things will be okay, but I’m not a place for other people to come say what they want to each other, I’m a person, not a message board. How other people use Tumblr is up to them, however, I am not going to change how I use tumblr so that you can have a better experience when it will make the experience worse for me.

5. If i answer asks, I don’t draw. And I like drawing. If I’m posting asks (even without answering them) and stressing about being the middle man in conversations that I will have to regulate to make sure conversations stay kind, that takes a lot of time and energy and I got so incredibly burnt out when i tried to do that. So i stopped. And I will not be starting up again simply so you can have a good time, because I will have a bad one. And this is my space to not have a bad time. If something stresses me out, I will not do it here, it is as simple as that. I have my whole irl to be stressed about.

These are some of the reasons I don’t like to post long asks. I have notified you that I struggle to read, I don’t understand why you continue pushing. I have amazing anon’s who send wonderful long asks who have been kind and considerate with me about my struggles reading and processing. They continue to send their wonderful asks and have assured me it’s okay if I never post them. I am confused as to why you cannot seem to respect my decision as well.

The final reason regarding my hesitance in posting your ask in particular is simply that your hc was not accurate to how I was aiming to portray the characters in the current timeline. You are more than welcome to hc and speculate, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I cannot simply post it without answering it like you suggest because I would need to clarify that it’s not true. When I used to do that, people would start to misinterpret my au’s and it stressed me out. It takes hours for me to write up responses to things sometimes because I want to make sure I’m being kind and thoughtful and accurate. I am honoured that you shared something personal but what you wrote is simply not where the characters are at right now. It could be them in the future, but it is still early in the au so that kind of resentment hasn’t set in yet. Shadow is hurting because he’s taking the brunt of Sonic’s negativity but he is resigned to it because for him nothing else matters as long as Sonic stays alive, even if he has to be the person Sonic hates in all this and that is heavy. He’s angry at him when he does not take care of himself, but he is not resentful. Sonic struggles with being a burden on all of his friends, not just Shadow. The way you described the relationship was closer to how Tails and Sonic interact than Shadow and Sonic and even then, there’s more going on that I just don’t have the time or energy to really walk through. And besides, I want to save that energy to draw out things later.

As i shared with another commenter who asked something similar, I can absolutely DM you your ask back if you want to save it. However I don’t understand why you need me to post it to save it your likes if you simply want to save it. You have your own blog you can post it to. Why does it need to be on my blog? Why do I have to do extra work so you can have an easier time to do what you want? I am very grateful for your interaction and love of my comic, and I understand it’s frustrating when people make things harder for you to have a good time, but that’s exactly what you’re doing to me by asking me to change how I use tumblr to suit your wants instead of what is easiest for me. I am not a public service you pay for. I am a person, a full time student with family issues, struggling siblings that I’m trying to help, a person who is struggling myself. I have a limited amount of energy in a day, I get tired quickly. If i want to continue to find joy in drawing I have to set boundaries. You may not always know why someone does something, I guarantee there is more here that I will not share because it is personal. Sometimes you just have to be okay with not knowing, you have to be okay not understanding, and you have to be okay without an explanation that makes sense to you. All you need to do is understand that often times there is a reason people behave the way they do. It’s not a reflection on you or their opinion of you, it is simply many other factors at play that lead to such an outcome.

I sincerely hope this did not offend you, I am not angry with you, nor do I wish for any of this to be taken as scolding or upset you. If it has come across that way, I apologize. I am sorry I am not in a state to give you what you want, and I’m thankful for your patience with me in reading through this and I hope it is enough to at least paint a little bit of a picture as to why I will not be posting your ask. It’s unfortunate that I ended up spending hours addressing this anyway both to you and to another commenter—the very thing I wanted to avoid—but I value you as a person and did not want to leave you feeling negatively if I could change that. I hope this does not affect your enjoyment or experience with how you were having fun with my au, and if it does I am deeply regretful. However, I do have to set boundaries and make sure I’m doing okay or there would be no AU at all. Thanks for your understanding and I hope you have a day as kind as you are.

[angelsdean]

don't know how people multi-fandom. dipped my toe into another one and immediately backed out bc everyone there was insufferable.

[vampirevatican]

hii!! dr. mitsukurina literally lives in my mind rent free so could i possibly have. just general headcanons about him and mc? like how it would be if him and mc gradually began to kinda get along? (as much as you CAN get along with someone like him anyways…) i completely understand if not but thank you so much if you do!! :D

i hate that man. no like... me and him are rivals. he makes my stomach churn, my ass itch, my balls sweat, and my bones ache. but!!!

Being on good terms with the sadistic mad scientist of a doctor wasn't expected. Infact you can't remember how he started to take any form of a liking to a filthy little lab rat like you.

Maybe it's because you helped him with new expirements through bringing in awful humans and sea folk. Maybe it's because he saw some of your mad genius as well. Or it started with the human coffee. Either way you were the new ruler of the sea, and he did have to follow your command. And no he'd never say he was grateful for you allowing his madness, infact he vocalizes that it's the least you can do, but he is.

So for now, you tag along on his 'inhumane' experiments on others who have also committed the inhumane as a form of sick cosmic punishment. You both compare ideas of punishment, but you never allow him to take anything from tiggy's department because they are two drastically different forms of sadists. You have tea and coffee together biweekly to discuss any helpful information he's discovered.

It's a strange relationship. A bit uneasy, reluctant but it is amicable.

[lord-squiggletits]

"Rodimus is a better Prime because it didn't hurt for him to bond with the Matrix while for Optimus it did" headcanon/theory my beloathed.

One day I'm literally gonna snap and make a whole post addressing why what's wrong bc I'm tired of the inaccuracy and tired of ppl not understanding the Point TM of IDW and its version of the Matrix/Primacy and even more tired of people putting down Optimus in favor of Rodimus by essentially arguing that being unworthy means you deserve to be punished/put in pain bc you just weren't good enough to hold the Symbol of Ultimate Authority

[viviane-lefay]

AU for Dagan & Santari

… because I absolutely can't accept how things turned out for them - therefore, I made my own, preferred scenario for them.  

I’m not much of a writer, I’m afraid, and I don’t have much experience in storytelling, so this text will mostly be of a descriptive nature, like a plot, if you will - with some parts in between where I comment on certain aspects, sharing my opinion on them. It’s a bit chaotic, but please bear with me. ^^;;

Of course this is just my headcanon, based on my take on these characters & their relationship (more about that here & here), as well as my personal preferences. I mainly wrote this for myself, after all – and, hopefully, some like-minded others.

Anyway, please be nice! If you like it, then that is great - even if you only like some parts … just pick whatever resonates with you. And if you don't - please keep that to yourself, ok!?

Here's (roughly, for now) what I had in mind:

~*~

From what is shown in the game, there is no information about what happened to Santari after she left Koboh.

What if she, after she realized that Zee failed her mission, and there was no one left to release Dagan from his stasis (who would likely remain like this for a prolonged period of time), put herself in a stasis too, linked in duration to his (and, hence, didn't die), because ...

she just couldn't let go of him like this, refusing to give up on believing in him

but also felt that he needed to make a decision for himself, which path to choose undistractedly, and therefore didn't go to release him herself (which he, unfortunately, misinterpreted as yet another abandonment upon his release by Cal - but, then again, he was still traumatized by her turning on him during their last encounter).

Since she left Koboh for good with the remaining ships, it struck me as rather odd that, in the game, you can find her lightsaber hidden in a chest there, located in a sealed passageway.

Why is it on this very planet, of all places!? Shouldn't it rather be in her latest location? Or did she even leave it there on purpose?

Knowing of the significance of the saber for the Jedi, as well as the importance to never lose it (“This weapon is your life.” - Obi-Wan, Ep. II), it makes me wonder if she left behind the life of a Jedi, and just remained a scientist. Since being a Jedi was such an important part of her life, this must have been a very profound decision to make, and maybe even a sacrifice for something of even greater importance to her.

Frankly, her complete disregard for the Jedi council's decision, as well as her further plans, make it pretty clear where her true loyalties and priorities lie - and it's not the Jedi order in this case.

You can see that illustrated very well in the game, when she refuses to turn him in, disobeying a direct order by the council by doing so - which, in itself, is already a huge crime, given his actions and how powerful and dangerous he is. Then, she keeps what happened to Dagan a secret, hides him from them, plotting for him to get away with it all and reach his goals nonetheless.

That she also plans to reunite with him after he is released from stasis indeed raises the question of her potentially having left the order – because to them he is a wanted criminal now – and it would make no sense if she lead him into a trap when she had already put in so much effort into his protection. Imho, her leaving because she chose the man she loves over the Jedi order is definitely the most likely explanation.

That she turned on him in the end is not because of his open rebellion against the order, or his plans regarding Tanalorr - after all she rebelled in her own way, albeit in a more subtle, hidden manner. Her and his goals were the same … the means, however, weren't.

And that is exactly where the problem is - the way he went about it - especially with him turning to the dark side.

She was clearly desperate, terrified to lose him because of this, and tried to stop him for that very reason. She wanted to prevent him from going further down that road.

Ironically, he wasn't able to see that, and, of all things, it was her (perceived) betrayal first and foremost, that caused his actual fall, and further descent after being released from stasis.

Her severing his arm was a complete kneejerk reaction, borne out of her despair, and I’m inclined to believe that it weighed quite heavily on her, and would haunt her from then on.

In the flashback scene you can clearly tell how distressed she is, inside, despite her somewhat level-headed demeanor. How she immediately rushes to him and holds him, calling out for help. Only after he's fallen unconscious, she gives vent to her feelings, doubles over and cries (you can't see her face, but it's fairly obvious that she does).

Aside from the arm issue, their confrontation was quite faltering anyway. You could really tell that neither wanted to do this, let alone hurt the other.

Especially with him, this becomes evident, given what he did to the other Jedi who opposed him, and what he is capable of, combat skills - wise. (I'm sure, Santari is proficient with her lightsaber, but she's not a warrior, like him, who is renowned for his outstanding skills as a duelist. She would have lasted some time, I'll grant her that, but not for long.) Instead he just shoves her away via the force, and also just lightly.

~*~

Anyway, here’s a description of one of the key scenarios I had in mind:

After awakening from her stasis and coming to terms with the historic changes that have taken place, galaxy-wide, Santari prepares for her return to Koboh. Once there, she keeps a low profile, as not to catch too much attention, and to just gather information on the recent happenings there. Troubled by what she learned, she decides to act instead of taking a more passive, observant approach, as she planned earlier.

She barely made it to the observatory in time to interrupt the fight between Dagan, Cal, and Bode, that had just started.

Her sudden appearance unfortunately heated up the situation any further, throwing the already upset Dagan into complete turmoil.

She tried to reason with him, but he was too caught up in his feelings of betrayal, and the version of reality he had so carefully constructed to endure and justify everything, that he just wouldn’t hear her out – not before Tanalorr was secured.

But he would not attack her. After all that had happened between them, he still did not hate her. Anger, yes, resentment for her actions, but hate ... he couldn't bring himself to feel that way towards her - and never would.

Instead, he quickly redirected his rage towards Cal again, and the fight resumed, more furious than before.

Bode, who was getting impatient, inserted himself at some point by starting to fire shots from his blaster at Dagan in quick succession, which were all blocked, but one. Normally, this wouldn't have been a challenge for Dagan, but the whole situation with Santari had thrown him off balance, and he lacked his usual poise.

The damage was but minor, but it jolted not only Dagan awake again, but also Santari, who had been watching the scenario unfold in grief-stricken numbness.

Seeing their chance, Cal and Bode started a coordinated attack from different directions.

This time, he would have been able to both parry Cal's blows, as well as deflect Bode's shots, but an alarmed Santari rushed behind him to block the blaster shots, just in the moment as he spun around and set out to do so himself.

It happened too fast even for him, too unexpected, and the moment was already over before the realization about what had occurred crept in. He could only watch in dismay as his blade struck her, see her falter and fall, only to be caught by him, just before she would hit the ground, and hear himself crying out her name, holding her seemingly lifeless body in his arms, as the world zeroed in on her and her mere existence, and a wave of mind-numbing pain and regret washed over him.

As he holds her close, he notices that she is still breathing, albeit weakly, and thus still alive, despite her serious injury. Desperate to save her, he carefully picks her up and sets out in a rush to carry her to the nearest medical facility.

Just as he got up, an incensed and clearly impatient Bode steps in his way and shouts at him, demanding the compass, which at the time is still in Dagan’s possession.

Aware that any further delay would come at the cost of Santari’s life, Dagan, who is beyond caring at this point, snatches the compass from his belt and dismissively tosses it in Bode’s direction, before storming off.

~*~

Frankly, in his case I think a profound shock such as this is necessary to snap him out of his rather set thought- and behavioural patterns and to truly make him question his actions.

It is also important that it was Dagan, of all people, to strike her down, and not her being hit by an attack by Bode or Cal. If it had been the latter, it wouldn’t have had such a transformative effect on him in the way the proposed scenario did, as it would have just provided an opportunity for him to further project onto others, and to redirect his anger towards his opponents any further.

Accidentally hurting the woman he loves, himself, with no one else to lay the blame on, would finally be the catalyst for him to shift his focus inwards and recognize the error of his decisions and actions - that it was his own pride and obstinacy that led to this outcome - and then to take accountability.

Above all I want him to realize (or rather remember) that he loves Santari more than anything in the universe, that he would do anything for this woman, and would gladly sacrifice anything for her - be it Tanalorr, his pride, any other ambition of his, whatever the cost - that all these things are meaningless without her, and that he is willing to forego it all, if only she is alive and well.

Basically, I want them to have this "reverse anidala" theme, where the man's love for the woman, and his strong attachment to her, instead of spelling his doom, ultimately is the key factor that saves him from the dark side, initiating a profound transformation within him, which also leads to his redemption arc.

You know, in Star Wars foreshadowing (especially via dialogue) has always been a huge theme. More often than not, there was a deeper meaning hidden somewhere, which would become evident during the course of the story.

A prime example of this is Obi-Wan's remark to Anakin: "Why do I get the feeling that you're going to be the death of me?", or when Anakin says to Padmé: "The thought of not being with you - I can't breathe." These are all allusions to things that have not yet come to pass, but eventually will.

In Dagan's case, this one line, spoken to Santari in a Force Echo, really stood out to me as such a potentially prophetic statement:

"You're the only one who can guide me back."

In the scene itself they were talking about Dagan's perilous mission to fly into the Koboh Abyss. I found the choice of name for this nebula quite interesting on a symbolic level, as the word "abyss” (which, in myth, was a term used to describe the underworld, and even the hellish realms - a dark and dreadful place) could very well stand as a perfect analogy for the dark side, and getting lost therein.

As we saw, Santari’s betrayal and her loss of course had been a major factor in his fall, there is no deying that (for instance, we see that this particular memory was the crucial one to truly complete the bleeding of his lightsaber’s kyber crystal).

In the game's canon, however, we are merely confronted with a missed opportunity. There was no Santari anymore - she was long since gone - so he had to deal with this ultimate loss on top of his already existing trauma, and all that was left for him was to cling like a madman to the only remaining thing that had a connection to her, which was Tanalorr. And it was pretty clear that his emotional ties to Santari were a pivotal aspect of his obsession with this planet.

So, in my AU I want to explore what would have happened, if Dagan had been given that chance, and Santari would have been there, after all, "guiding him back" - or rather her being the catalyst for him, to give him the hope and strength to walk this path himself, as it actually is his love for her that truly guides him back:

That this would be possible is pretty much a given, as there were other characters that were way further gone, darkside-wise, than he was, that also turned back to the light - prime example being Anakin Skywalker, of course.

(The original) Star Wars has always been all about hope, faith, and making the seemingly impossible possible – at its core it has always been deeply optimistic, with a firm belief in and emphasis on the good in mankind. If you're looking for nihilist, cynical portrayals and outcomes ... sorry, wrong universe. (If that is the shit you want, then try Game of Thrones, ffs!)

No one believed that Anakin could be saved, except for Luke, and Padmé, who expressed her unwavering faith in Anakin's innate goodness and his ability turn back with her dying breath.

More cynical minds would probably say that both Luke's, and Padmé's judgements were clouded by their feelings for Anakin - except that this wasn't the case - quite the opposite, in fact.

As for Padmé - she might not have been able to acknowledge the warning signs of his imminent fall in the moment, but she certainly felt that something troubling was going on. However, concerning the nature of his being, her perception couldn’t have been any more accurate.

After all it was her, who had this profound and intimate connection to him, who knew him better and deeper than anyone else, and, for that very reason, was able to perceive something in him that the others just couldn't. And she was a woman with a sharp mind and common sense, and her reasoning was absolutely sound.

And, yes, she was vindicated in the end!

I see that very much mirrored in Santari, her unwavering faith in Dagan, and her unwillingness to give up on him.

Here's her expressing her conviction in a force echo scene, that took place after her confrontation with Dagan, and right after he was put in the bacta tank:

"The council may have given up on you, but I know who you truly are, Dagan. Even if you yourself have forgotten..."

Of course she knows! It has been hinted at in the game multiple times that these two have known each other for a long time, are very, very close, and share a deep bond based on mutual trust, amongst other things. So, this conviction of hers is very much built on the fact that she knows him better, deeper, and more intimately than anyone else - that she knows things about him that no one else knows, has seen a side of him that no one else has ever seen. That she is the only one able to see him truly as the way he is, and is, therefore, the only one able to make a sound judgement of him and what he is capable of - or isn't.

This woman is anything but a sentimental fool, not only is she a fucking genius, she also possesses great wisdom, discernment, patience, and self-control, so, of course, there is substance to her claims, regardless of the fact that she is in love with him.

~*~

That said, I’ll now continue to describe the scenario for my AU:

Cal had been watching everything unfold with conflicting emotions, and he could not deny that the tragic turn of events on his opponent’s side affected him.

Ever since he saw them together in the force echoes, Cal has always had his suspicions about the true nature of the feelings the two Jedi harboured for each other, and now he saw the undeniable truth right in front of his eyes.

As much as he resented Dagan’s previous actions - seeing this proud man so broken and forlorn, clasping the lifeless form of his lost love to his bosom, he could not help but empathize with him, being all too familiar with love and loss himself.

It did impress him no less to see Dagan, moments later, relinquish the key to Tanalorr - to his discovery, his home, his ambitions, and his great obsession - without a moment’s hesitation, as not to lose time for saving his beloved.

At the same time, Bode’s behaviour in this situation filled him with indignation. How was this any better than Dagan’s previous conduct towards them!? It was not. If anything, it was just as unscrupulous, and that was not how he wanted to be, or to act.

Maybe it was his sense of justice, maybe it was a surge of sympathy, maybe both, that made him turn and go after Dagan, who had just disappeared through the door.

Even so, his sudden reappearance, was met by a furious glare by Dagan who was in no mood to tolerate any further delays, not believing Cal’s claim of only wanting to help. So Cal just prompted BD-1 to act, who immediately understood and administered the last health stim in his possession to Santari, who indeed seemed to show a response.

Dagan, who was too caught up in his concern for Santari just shot him a glance, before rushing off again. However short it had been, the surprise and relief in his eyes had still been visible - as well as a hint of gratitude, or so Cal believed.

From behind, Bode urged him to leave, but he refused, saying he would follow later. He needed time to reflect.

As he made his way back down, hours later, walking through the corridors, he passed by the medical ward. He stopped and stood there, wondering what had become of Santari - if his help had made any difference, however small, even if it meant that she just barely made it, and if, at this point, she was still alive after all.

With a mixture of curiosity and concern, he entered the hallway that led to the examination room. The door was still left open and he slowly made his way to the front, so he could catch sight of what was going on inside.

On the surgery couch, connected to a device that was monitoring her vital parameters, there was a still unconscious, but alive Santari.

Inclined towards her, Dagan was sitting by her side, lost in thought, holding her hand in his remaining one, his eyes fixated on the delicate features of the woman in front of him. His expression was full of sorrow and longing, yet above it all there was a deep affection gracing his handsome face, displaying a tenderness, Cal wouldn’t have associated with him before.

How long had he been watching over her like this, Cal wondered. Night had almost passed, and the horizon was already lighting up in a faint violet.

Daring not to interrupt the scene, he slowly turned, moving as silently as he could, when a deep voice, lowly but firmly, commanded him to wait. He did not know how and when, but somewhere along the line Dagan must have taken notice of his presence.

He again turned to face the Jedi master, who sat still, immovable, in his spot. Even now, as Dagan spoke on, his gaze remained, dwelling upon his beloved.

“When she was examined, I was informed, that it was your medicine that had made a difference, after all. Without it, I would have lost her.”, he concluded, his voice raw with unexpressed emotion. A moment of silence followed, an indrawn breath.

“Thank you!”

Although greatly humbled by the previous events, it must not have easily passed his lips … and yet, he seemed to feel the need to express this to him. A declaration so simple, as it was powerful, genuine, heartfelt.

Cal could appreciate that, inquiring if there was a chance she might make it now that her condition had stabilized at last.

Dagan nodded, ascertaining that until then, he would remain by her side and keep vigil over her quiescent state, waiting for a sign, however long it would take.

In case she woke again, he expressed his hopes that, should they meet again, may this be on better terms than their past encounters.

In case she did not … he paused with a pained expression, briefly closing his eyes, before continuing … then this should now be his bidding him a final farewell.

Cal, understanding the unspoken message, dared not pursue the question any further, and instead agreed expressly to Dagan’s sentiment regarding better future relations, before taking his leave.

Still deep in thought, he returned to his friends, who were already waiting for him at the Mantis, ready to take off for Jedha.

For Dagan, a long vigil remained, that would last another night and day, hours of uncertainty and doubt wearing on in a gruellingly slow pace.

In the silence that surrounded him, the voices in his mind kept on howling all the louder, seized with remorse, confronting him with every decision he made, every action he took - that ultimately led to this result, that he now realized were wrong - in an unceasing and damning judgement.

“If she dies, it is your fault!”, they would scream, and he knew there was nothing he could say to deny their allegations, that lessened his guilt in this matter even for one bit. That was the hardest thought to bear – that it was him, his pride, his obstinacy, and impatience, who had brought about this misery, him, of all people, who hurt her – the one he loved the most.

At this point, the voices that wondered about the “what if”s and “what could have been”s chimed in, telling him the tantalizing tale of chances lost, and all the roads not taken. If only he had listened to her …

At last, a breathed sigh that signalled her waking pulled him out of his thoughts, after a time that felt like an eternity, spent in his personal purgatory.

Her eyelids slowly fluttered open to reveal the soft brown gaze that he so often had lost himself in, that he was again losing himself in in this very moment. With quivering lips, he uttered her name, his voice shaky and raw.

Her mouth silently forming the syllables of his name in response, and the accompanying expression, the longing he felt mirrored in her eyes, were enough to push him over the edge.

A sudden, hot wave of emotion overtook him and before he knew, their lips were locking, and he was kissing her with a desperate, fervent hunger he had not known before – not like this.

When he finally let go, his eyes were moist, and two rivulets of tears, shed out of relief and regret in equal measure, were trickling down his face. His heart was screaming and pleading her to forgive him, but the words just barely escaped his mouth. Dainty fingers reached up and softly brushed his cheek, concern and understanding in her eyes.

Just as he set on to speak again, she just lightly shook her head and pulled him in once more.

Slender arms wound tightly around his broad shoulders, and her hands delved deep into the silver masses of his hair, silken strands between her fingers.

His own remaining arm gently slid behind her back, supported by his force-conjured limb, to pull her up and close, always careful not to put too much pressure on her still fragile and healing form. Still, his hand was clutching the fabric of her tunic so hard it was almost shaking, clinging to her with the urgency of a drowning man.

As short and intense their previous kiss was, it was merely a prelude to the additional sweetness and depth of the one they shared now. She yielded under his touch like delicate flower petals under the rain, sinking back into the crook of his arm, as his lips were bearing down on hers with the full weight and ardour of the love he could not contain anymore.

After what seemed like ages, and yet too soon, their lips slowly parted, softly grazing, catching and releasing each other in feverish zeal in between, reluctant to let go.

They would remain, tightly entangled in their embrace, for a long while, trying to steady themselves, their breath still shaky from their madly racing heart. Trying to make up for the loss of his hand, that would have come up to rest at her face at this point, he inclined, giving her nose a gentle nudge with his own.

Santari, who knew the mannerisms of her beloved like no other, picked up his unspoken intention. Memories came welling up, unbidden, in a wave of guilt and regret that had never left her since their altercation on the Shattered Moon, overtaking her mind and finding their final release in a strangled sob, with her own heart begging for a forgiveness it would never grant itself, but knew it was already given by the one her plea was directed towards.

Like an answer, his cheek came to rest against hers, and their tears mingled, building bit by bit into a torrent, running in silence, until one of them finally rose to speak.

And there was so much to speak about, so much that they had to tell each other, that finally had to be said.

As they talked, they made their way up again, towards the top level of the observatory, with Santari leaning on Dagan for support, who had wrapped his arm around her in a protective manner, steadying her, attending her along the way, walking slowly, carefully.

When they arrived, the sun was nearing the horizon, painting the sky in a gradient of fire, that, itself, was fading into the darkening blue of the falling night, wherein the most luminous stars were already glimmering, scattered across the celestial landscape.

They sat down in the spot they so often had frequented once, two centuries in the past, gazing at the starlit sky, dreaming together. His arm remained, tightly wound around her and she sank into his embrace again, as he patiently, intently listened to her, before it was his turn again to speak, in an exchange that would yet become hours of unburdening their hearts.

It was already deep into the night when Dagan’s exhaustion eventually made itself known, getting the better of him after his prolonged, untiring vigil without rest. So, they laid down, snuggled up to each other on their makeshift bed under the stars, heads rested on his cloak, turned into a pillow for them both, and under Santari’s loving and watchful gaze, he finally allowed himself to drift off to sleep – this time, with her keeping guard over him instead.

He woke to her humming, the caressing, feathery touch of her fingers running through his hair, and a smile as warm as the rays of the midday sun that now stood at its zenith in the sky. She was still in the same position she occupied last night, concerned not to rouse him all too early, but also not entirely willing to remove herself from his embrace either, savouring the languid hours of a morning slept-in in the arms of her love, something they were but seldomly granted to do in the past, watching the expression of serenity and peace gracing his exquisitely fair face.

She already felt better, invigorated even, and so did Dagan, who had regained his usual strength after his long overdue night’s rest.

Both agreed that it was now time for them to leave and they set out for the landing platform on which Santari’s ship was stationed.

The ship was an old relic from a bygone era, that Dagan immediately recognized as his own, that, despite its age and traces of usage, had served him well during his countless expeditions, bearing him to many faraway places, just as it now had borne her here.

So, instead of choosing a new one, she took his old ship and made it her own, just as he had planned to do with her droid. He could not help but chuckle at the thought.

Granted, it was an elegant vessel, with its streamlined form, and tasteful, spacious interior, that in its day had its use as the private transport of some aristocrat – at least that is what the previous owner had told him. What most stood out about it, though, was its great maneuverability and speed, that even time and use did not diminish – qualities that, aside from his own outstanding capabilities as a pilot, carried him through the Abyss and back again.

Whereto would it carry them now?

That was the one question that still remained. Where did they go now, without a home to return to!?

But the answer was - it did not matter – truly, it never did. All he knew and all that did matter now, was that he could go anywhere, anyplace, as long as she was with him. His true and only home was her - the home he could not live without, the home that he never wanted to be parted from again.

As he expressed these sentiments to her, he gave in to the thought that had been occupying his mind during the lonesome hours of his vigil, a rekindled dream of yore.

He took a step back, all the while keeping his eyes locked on hers and his gaze, strangely intense, took on an almost imploring quality. Like this, he remained for a moment, his breath shaky, then he sank to his knee, finally daring to ask the once forbidden question that had long since been burning in his heart.

With a gasp of disbelief and recognition, her eyes widened …

It had been a secret dream of theirs, something they once had wondered about - she remembered it like yesterday - born in a blissful moment, as they lay in each other’s arms, snuggled together after lovemaking and immersed in the other’s eyes, exchanging drowsy kisses every now and again, they were envisioning what life would have been like for them together if they were no Jedi, dreaming up a possible scenario … just a woman and a man, bound by no other vows but the one that tied them together as one.

And they would go on - imagining the home they would have built and shared together, a small sanctuary just for the two of them - until they drifted off to sleep, only to wake up again in the life they had - the life of a scientist and a knight of the order, and a love lived in secrecy. Because that was all it was – just a fond wish, a lovely fantasy far beyond their grasp. Tanalorr was the closest they got, and yet it had been taken from them.

But now … times had changed - the order was gone, the Jedi but few, their doctrine a mere relic of the past, and they were free – free to do whatever they pleased – a second chance to try and seize, but even now she would not have dared to believe, to hope, he would be so bold and act – to actually ask her – and yet here they were.

Too overwhelmed to speak, she just stood there for a moment, her hand cupped over her quivering lips, gulping back a sob, before she fell down into his arms, finally blurting out the answer he so longed to hear. With a deep sigh of relief, betraying how tense and nervous he must have felt, he pulled her close and kissed her in his characteristic, passionate manner that always made her knees go weak.

~*~

Frankly, I don't think the assumption that they might have these desires is all that unreasonable, considering they had this dream of a shared home, that was at the core of their overarching plans of building a temple, and achieving great things for the order.

This is especially strong with Dagan … first of all – because it is mentioned by him in the game (along with other things being heavily implied).

When he bleeds his kyber crystal, his voice takes on an increasingly agitated tone, finally peaking when he refers to Tanalorr as “my home” - not his project, his contribution to the order, but his home - and then, when he mentions Santari’s betrayal, everything explodes.

Of course, you also, if not especially, need to consider his formative years as a slave on Arkania (at least how I imagine them to be like), and the influence these had on his needs and desires.

So, why should marrying the woman he loves not be one of these desires!? Maybe not of Dagan the knight, with his lofty and noble ambitions, but of Dagan the man, carrying this wish in his most secret heart.

It definitely sounds like something he would want, and actually act upon once he sees a chance – after all, he’s a very emotionally passionate person, prone to follow his heart’s desire, as well as his instincts more than anything else (just like Anakin), and someone who doesn’t give a f*** about conventions (also very much like Anakin, who also happens to be not the only Jedi ever to have tied the knot, btw – it is said there have always been some to have done this despite the “rules”).

Imho, he’d totally dig this idea of the completely committed nature of marriage, this absolute and unbreakable bond, as well as showing Santari his undying love and devotion this way. And the fact, that it’s very much an official thing – even better! The whole galaxy has to know, too!

As for Santari … I think her sentiments are absolutely the same, but she’s, of course, more the sober-minded and patient one, but not any less strong-willed, nor any less stubborn and defiant than him, if she truly wants something, mind you - it’s just that her nature allows her to act in a far more subtle manner.

One thing is certain - their actions have more than proven that their priorities and loyalties lie, first and foremost, with each other, and no one else!

Ultimately, I feel, getting married is such a great choice for them, because of their bond that runs so deep - a love that is not only profound and strong, but also enduring - and the magnitude of their attachment that is already present.

Sealing this bond in marriage - while being of singular personal importance to them, of course - would only be a symbolic act, in the end, to make said bond visible to the outside world. So, regarding their status as force user and Jedi, it would hardly have any relevance, as the attachment is already there anyway, as I said.

[ Btw, I can’t stand the attitude that emotional commitment and attachment has to be this exclusively negative thing, with predominantly negative consequences. It is said to only lead to the dark side, but, Imho, there is so much potential for the positive in these bonds – if only they can be channeled in a favourable direction.

Only a bond as deep and as powerful as this would be able to produce the emotional impulse of a magnitude strong enough to tear someone away from the grasp of the dark side for good, as was seen with Anakin. I’m actually more than a little surprised that this fact gets overlooked so constantly. Shame!

Besides - as if Jedi hooking up, sleeping around and just leaving with unfazed detachment because “muh rules”, even becoming deadbeat dads in the process, is any better … WTF! And no, producing force sensitive children and potential initiates for the order is no excuse. Ugh, I hate this argument! Whoever must have come up with that must have been a massive fuckboy…

Dagan definitely isn’t such a guy – quite the opposite, in fact!

Good that Luke got rid of that stupid mindset and rule! After all, his father fell, to a significant degree, just because of it. And I wonder how many Jedi did as well, who remain unmentioned – let alone the hearts that got broken because of it. ]

Maybe Tanalorr was the attempt to reconcile these two sides (the two Jedi versus the man and the woman), and make this dream, which he shared with Santari, a reality.

And, of course, "what happens in the Temple on Tanalorr stays in the Temple on Tanalorr", as I read somewhere. ;)

~*~

Some hours later, they were off, heading to Coruscant, leaving Koboh behind for a while, to accomplish what they had planned to do.

At Santari’s urging, they made a stopover at the nearest medical center, for Dagan to finally get a cybernetic replacement for his lost arm. Still full of remorse over what happened on the Shattered Moon base, she felt unable to find any peace of mind until at least the visible signs of the damage, that her saber had wrought, were undone. Dagan, who still felt the pain of his own regret as acutely, perceived her sorrow despite her composed demeanor, drew her in his still one-armed embrace, and tried to cheer her up, voicing his support of the idea, as it would enable him to hold her again like he used to. The prospect, as well as the disarming nonchalance in which it was stated, the playful smirk and the twinkle in his eye, still managed to conjure a smile on her face.

When they returned to Koboh two weeks later, now a married couple, they first made a visit to Pyloon’s Saloon, to look for Zee, as Santari had learned of her whereabouts after her initial arrival on the planet, and was looking forward to meet her old assistant, hoping for her to join them again – especially after the restoration of her memory.

Just as they wanted to enter the saloon, the Mantis emerged in the skies and landed on its usual place on the platform – Cal, Merrin, Greez, and Kata disembarked and came their way.

Cal, who was still reeling from Bode’s betrayal and loss, a downcast and sombre expression darkening his face, lightened up a little at their sight, seeming almost glad to see them.

Once inside, they were about to exchange greetings, still a little tense despite their recently changed, now more amicable relations, when Zee, who had recognized their voices from above, rushed down to greet them, only to be brought up short at the sight of Dagan, of whom she took note with no little bewilderment and shock, the memory of their last encounter still present in her mind.

But when the delicate figure, that clung to his side, his arm gently placed around her, turned her head in Zee’s direction and was immediately recognized as her old master, she came heading towards her in exuberant spirits, an overjoyed exclamation of “Master Khri!” ringing out of her vocalizer, and immediately assailed her with a plethora of questions, inquiring to know about the reason of her sudden appearance, which also aroused the attention of the others in their circle.

Santari explained everything Zee, as well as the others, wanted to know, in her usual calm and patient manner. It was the instant, when she was speaking about Dagan, referring to him as her husband, that took everyone by surprise, and for a moment there was silence.

While it was, by now, known to everyone but Zee, that the bond between Santari and Dagan was one of love (thanks to Cal’s account), none of them had expected the two Jedi to take it a step further and actually wed, in complete defiance of the rules the Order had instilled into them from early on.

Rules that were quickly brought up by the nonplussed droid, who just couldn’t believe her master would ever go against this doctrine - and now seemed so unconcerned about it, happy even, exchanging enamoured glances with her now-husband, who put his affections on display with a boldness that would have made Zee blush, had she been able to.

Curious enough, no one else seemed to have any objections, and, she didn’t know if she read it right, but there seemed to be a subtle note of approval, respect even, colouring the voice of young Cal Kestis, as he joined Merrin in expressing his congratulations to his fellow Jedi.

Following this, the conversation quickly evolved into a discussion about the recent events.

Eventually, they came to the conclusion that it was best to unite regarding the settlement on Tanalorr, as well as the redevelopment of the Jedi temple, and the new directions the teachings should be taken to.

The only matter left to sort out now were the Bedlam Raiders, and what was to happen with them, now that Dagan, their leader, and the only person with enough influence to rein them in, was to depart to Tanalorr.

That is what they were now planning to take care of, before starting their journey together with the others.

Before they set out for the Raiders’ Lucrehulk headquarters, Santari pulled a small device out of her pocket, a data carrier of sorts, and quickly restored Zee’s memory.

Out of consideration, the latter was allowed to wait in the Saloon for their return, instead of joining them on their mission to the place that still held nothing but bad memories for her. Greez, however, was grateful to have someone to help him with the preparations for the upcoming relocation.

~*~

So much for the key part of my AU.

Of course, there is more, but the most important aspect, the big turning point, has been dealt with here.

[varjopeura]

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[whysamwhy123]

Hmmm. What if I attempted to write a piece of Trash and posted it anonymously?

[bigcryptiddies]

Sometimes people will criticize a piece of media for things about it they don’t like and some bozo-on-the-internet’s advice will be “well if you expanded your horizons and interacted with media that fundamentally Does Not Interest you…”