#literally putting the hyper in hyperfixations for real

[nocturnal-birb]

Sorry y'all I was noisy and annoying earlier- it will happen again

[elialys]

Hope you don't mind me info dumping my thoughts after watching newsreader and also reading some of your thoughts (I am so hyper focused on this show lol)

If Dale is neurodiverse, what sort of neurodiversity do you think he has? Is he a bit on the spectrum or ADHD? But then it would man that he would mask himself quite well, he's just a bit awkward.

Anna was very beautiful this season.

I never understood why Lindsay was so obsessed with Dale? It was very creepy

I know I shouldn't but I really want to diagnose Dale, like Helen is BPD, but I feel like Dale had mental health issues, but it could also be just him being repressive.

I am going to imagine that post s3 he gets therapy and gets together with Helen. He accepts he is bi too.

I have SO many thoughts when it comes to Dale being on the spectrum! A lot of it is my ‘neurospicy’ detector going off when I watch him, but joking aside, I think I see him as a neurodivergent character because he displays a lot of traits that are fairly common for people on the spectrum.

Disclaimer, I come from a family full of neurodivergent people, some with a diagnosis, some without, many with…‘characteristics’—myself included. I also study/work in a field that has me spending a lot of hours every day with people on various versions of this infamous spectrum, so while I am joking about having a neurospicy ‘detector,’ I am sensitive to neurodivergence, and often recognize it (and I’m usually right when I do).

Dale is socially awkward. Yes, I know, it sounds like a cliché, but it is an actual fact that social interactions are often hard when you’re neurodivergent. You’re just…slightly off, in a lot of situations. Dale takes things literally. He rehearses how he’s going to deliver lines, way beyond how he will be on camera, but with people too. The mirror thing he does? I’ve done it, and I know a lot of people on the spectrum do it, it’s a real thing.

Also, he hyperfixates. He’s got special interests—in this case, newsreading and journalism (since he was a very young child), to the point of it becoming his entire identity. He also likes rules, and following those rules, and fitting in boxes 🥲

You’ve mentioned masking, which is one of the main things neurodivergent people do, in an attempt to fit in with people and society. Very often, when you’re neurodivergent, the world around you makes you understand at a very young age that any odd behavior/responses you have are not acceptable; you’re often rejected/mocked for being awkward in social settings. So you learn to mask, without realizing you’re doing it. It’s a coping mechanism. Everyone does it to some extent, but autistic people do it on a whole different level—and it’s exhausting.  

(I’m continuing the rest of this TED Talk under a read more because I need to talk about season 3, so, SPOILERS!!)

Dale’s entire arc from season 1 to 3 is a form of masking. He says it himself in the finale “You would hate the real me, everybody did. So I changed him, and now, you hate him even more!”

He’s obsessed over his image, about how people view him, about needing to appear normal, may it be in his masculinity, in his sexuality, in everything that makes him HIM. So many of those horrible comments he listens to say something along the line of “he’s weird, he’s off-putting, there’s something stilted about him.” The harder he tries, the less “normal” he appears, and it makes him absolutely spiral.

Dale hitting himself in that heartbreaking scene in 3.06? To me it’s not just a physical representation of his self-loathing.

[article]

I’m no expert so I don’t want to extend too much on that and risk saying the wrong thing, but self-harm most definitely is a thing autistic people may do, especially when they experience meltdowns, which is when someone is so overwhelmed by a situation that they lose control of their behavior. To be honest, the whole first half of episode 3.06 is Dale’s inevitable meltdown from everything he’s put himself through this season—and everything that was done to him by ‘exterior forces’ (Lindsay on top of the list).

So to link back to another one of your point, Dale most definitely has mental health issues, too, due in part to his past traumas, the abuse he was suffering from at work, and the fact that he’s a neurodivergent (bisexual) human living in a neurotypical society. In a newsroom of all places! 💀

[that-bitch-kat3]

Please i need lily's list ranking her friends from most to least autistic

real. here is what i think lily think it looks like(and her reasoning) :

1) pandora: this is an obvious first choice. She has never met a social cue that she could read has incredibly specific special interests and is very literal. she also stims but the whole friend group stims so… that doesn’t mean much. easily over stimulated, and incredible pattern recognition.

2) dorcas: dorcas does not understand social cues either and she has expressed multiple times that she has no interest in figuring them out. she thinks they’re stupid and if someone want to express something they need to do it directly. dorcas has hyperfixations that could be considered special interests and she makes really intense eye contact constantly. she also has a strict moral code.

3) sirius: sirius is pretty good at masking in public spaces but privately he loses that touch. he likes people and has spent so much time analyzing their behavior to survive that he can sometimes read social cues but it does not come naturally to him. he has an incredibly strong and unchanging set of morals and he is very literal. also good pattern recognition 

4) lily: i love data and pattern recognitionand made this list. i’ve got some special interests, and miss social cues often (especially flirting unless it is blatant) i don’t understand sarcasm and often miss social subtext.

5) remus: remuss traits are probably more to do with anxiety and C-PTSD than autism but there is a lot of over lap there. he sometimes goes non verbal, get incredibly anxious in social situations, and is easily over stimulated.

6) james: most of the traits probably come from ADHD. also im pretty sure he can read social cues he just acts like that. has a strong sense of justice and stick to a routine

7) marlene: could be switched with james. she sometimes misses social cues but she mostly just is very fixated on quidditch and has a strong sense of justice.

8) peter: can read people well which puts him lower on this list, but he does get over stimulated and occasionally stims for comfort.

9) mary: SHE CAN READ SOCIAL CUES LIKE NO OTHER!! yes her pattern recognition skills are good, but she almost never gets overstimulated has hobbies, but not special interests/hyper fixations ���

10) alice: that is a neurotypical.

[noemilivv]

Saw that you were doing hh matchups and I'd love to request one!!!! (I have literally no idea how to format this 😭😭 Sorry for ant typos btw!!)

Gender and preference: I'm a trans demiboy who uses He/It/They + some neos >:3 Pretty sure I'm Gray AroAce but I'm also like only interested in men the few times I experience attraction to real people (and fictional characters but like- with them as long as they're not minors there is a 50/50 chance I'll simp) I love other hyper dudes and people who will listen to me infodump and someone who isn't afraid of talming because tbh that makes me think that they think I'm annoying. I love sarcastic people who have a similar sense of humor to me.

Looks: I kinda just wear whatever I grab as long as it's comfy and clean. I usually wear sweatpants and hoodies. My hair is brown, short, and absurdly soft. Like it legit feels like fur and I usually only shampoo it and occasionally put conditioner in it wtf. I have blue eyes and a lot of the times accidentally doing that 'blue-eyed stare' (according to my friends apparently). I'm also a lil' chubby but not a lot (it's also usually hidden behind my rlly baggy clothes).

Personality: I'm a dirty minded fuck but absolutely almost entirely despise the idea of doing anything beyond cuddling. I'm sarcastic af and I'll sometimes accidentally overstep boundaries that I didn't see as clear and I'll feel rlly guilty about it. I absolutely hate pet names (unless someones gonna call me stuff like 'good boy' or anything like that) I'm also a coyote and dog therian. I love to draw and read and I will rant about my hyperfixations until my mouth is drier than the Sahara desert. I don't forgive easily and I'd rather convince myself that I hate someone and I was in the right rather than forgive someone. I'm super hyper like constantly and I'm practically bouncing off the walls 24/7 but this causes me to be an insomniac and melatonin doesn't work so it'll get so bad to the point where I'm practically falling asleep every five seconds even when I'm standing or walking. I have a more dark sense of humor but I try not to say anything really bad.

Bye!!! ^^

this was a tough choice, but I ended up going with…

Angel Dust !!

Angel is more than willing to listen to you yap, as well as actually engage in the conversation, so do not fret about that!! haha

This may be a surprise, but he doesn’t mind the fact that you’re not into physical touch, cause to be honest, neither is he. Considering how much he’s been used in his industry, it’s a bit of a break for him

Sometimes he can’t help it with pet names, but he does try to use the ones you really like, but he may or not default to his usuals haha

[arcan3-reliquary]

INTRO POST (bc it's long overdue)

Hello gang, sorry for being dead /lh

If you don't already know, then hello! My name's Mars, and I run this blog. You may know me for my brief stint of posting Aventio content when I was hyper-fixated on HSR, or you may know me for my Dr Ratio analysis posts. If you stuck around, then thank you!!! I figured it was about time I did a little housekeeping and established some rules for the folks who'd like to stay!

IMPORTANT THINGS FIRST:

------------------------------ I am a legal adult! I'm not one to go off the rails or post much more than a suggestive joke or doodle, but I still have a little nsfw content in other places. I try to keep my tumblr pg-13, but I do have a tag that'll get attached to my less-than-decent posts ( #I Am So Normal About Stuff )

I understand if that turns you away from my blog, but thank you for having been here regardless!!!

I allow reblogs, but do not repost my art or writing! Aside from fandom character studies (not that I do many of those these days,) all of my work is my own, so if you see something that looks like my work on a site where I don't have an account, or on an account reposting rather than reblogging, say something thank you!! I love seeing people in my dms!!! I'm always open to various discussions and suggestions. pspspsps you wanna dm me sooo bad guys :]

I will not answer asks or inboxes that I feel are too personal! There is a limit to what I feel comfortable sharing about my real life here, and if (somehow) you either know me irl and have just discovered my blog, or are attempting to learn my irl info, kindly either gtfo or think before asking. It goes without saying that this applies to nsfw or medical questions (but you have been warned just to make it extra clear.)

——————————————— NOW THE GOOFY STUFF :D

I am into literally anything at any given time, just ask away and I will happily yap your ear off. Currently however, the major hyperfixes are the Lancer TTRPG, Magic The Gathering, S.T.A.L.K.E.R, and the various personal projects I have running.

I am a very inconsistent poster (as most of yall probably know by now.) Ngl, I often forget I have this account since I’ve had it for so long, but on occasion I shall return. So dw, I haven’t died or anything! I just literally forgot about yall …

I do ask that yall try your best to use tone indicators when dming me or submitting anything in my ask box! I am audhd and have a very hard time with tone, so if a joke doesn’t quite land the first time, I probably just didn’t understand your delivery haha

The current comfort ocs of mine are Peyton ( + his AU counterpart Toni) and Marshall! I’ll do posts talking about them later, but for now just know if you see me posting a little blonde curly haired weirdo or a wolf man with a fuck ass mullet, its Peyton and Marshall respectively!

and I think for now that’s all I have to say!! If you’ve stuck around this long, I thank you very sincerely (bc honestly, why tumblr of all sites??)

I hope whatever I put here is something you enjoy, bc I enjoy posting things :]

[lakesbian]

#cheering and clapping cause wolfspider is small#it deserves to be#i hate Bitch#i hate irresponsible dog owners#she ruined herself for me the second she attacked Taylor in the loft with her dogs#that is NOT good dog ownership and any REAL person with dog autism would know that#“oh Rachel loves her dogs” she puts them back in violent and abusive situations whenever she uses her powers on them for a fight#i love dogs enough to never tolerate her bitch ass#pun absolutely intended

#re: prev#that’s the point though#that’s the irony of her power#Taylor’s power makes her isolated and disgusting#Aisha’s power makes people forget her#Rachel’s power makes her abuse dogs#sorry if that’s something you already knew and you’re point was that you just don’t like her anyway#wasn’t sure from your post

re @prt-razorfuck: i think this is kind of an overly hyper-literal approach to an animal-themed character in a story about superpowers but if you have really high sensitivity to content where dogs are hurt then it's totally understandable to be upset by rachel's presence in worm. not very sensible to be angry at rachel specifically as if she were a real, abusive person, rather than just angry about how her relationship to her dogs is portrayed, but it's completely understandable to be upset by it. that said just so we're clear when people say she has 'dog autism' it's not in reference to her hyperfixating on dogs it's in reference to her Being a dog. due to her autism

re @riverkingmarley: i'll just talk about rachel since i've talked a lot about taylor's power symbolism before. this isn't the irony of it at all. it's, like. we as people in the real world outside the story can acknowledge that wildbow is incorrect in writing rachel subscribing to alpha theory wrt dog behavior despite alpha theory being entirely baseless. we're aware that bad things would happen if you regularly scaled dogs to like 15x their size and then told them to use people as chew toys for fun. but in worm, the way that rachel & her dogs are written follows the logic that alpha theory is correct, rachel is treating largely formerly abused dogs far better than they ever were before, and (aside from rare incident of injury/death, which isn't portrayed as negligence on rachel's behalf) her dogs are having fun/not picking up any long-term physical or psychological damages from being used for fighting. which isn't realistic, but it's also integral to how she's written on a thematic level as an animal-themed cape who's more in-touch with her animal companions than with people.

interpreting her hyper-literally as an animal abuser according to real-world terms is completely missing what worm is trying to say about her characterization and character arc, because worm does not intend for her to be read as an animal abuser. in no way is the irony of her power that it causes her to abuse dogs. rather, the irony is that she triggered from being consistently dehumanized & treated as a failure at being a person, with this culminating in her foster mother trying to kill the animal she connected more strongly with than she had with any person...and now, her power allows her to keep her dogs safe and happy as her life companions, but reinforces her using them as a wall to avoid working to form positive relationships w/ other people. it's about the autistic girl retreating farther away from being willing to ever trust people again, not about "PLOT TWIST: having a dog as her only meaningful connection while being abused caused her to actually become an animal abuser herself"

Fandom: Parahumans Series

Sample Size: 659 stories

Source: AO3

Note: I could not find an image for this ship without possibly stealing someone's artwork.

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Nagi Usui from The World Ends With You the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Nagi-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a screenshot of Nagi Usui in the bottom left corner, her glasses are all white and there is blue lightning coming off her. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"Has a special interest in EleStra, a mobile game, and it is her main motivation to live (or to come back to life, at least). Has an unusually formal, sometimes awkward manner of speech; often refers to others with Lord/Lady honorifics. Hyper-empathetic; can sense when people are masking their feelings, and is strongly affected by others' negative thoughts and emotions. Her power allows her to go into others' minds, but she dislikes doing it, both for their privacy and because dealing with their strong emotions exhausts her. Puts significant thought and care into her interactions, calculating every aspect of her behavior when communicating."

"Winner of the The World Ends With You autism bracket! Nagi is very emotionally perceptive and is easily overwhelmed by others' emotions, suggesting hyperempathy. She has a big interest in a game called Elestra, which she talks about often and relates situations from it to situations in real life. She particularly loves one character from the game, and pretends that someone from real life that she knows is that character. While Nagi is very empathetic, she struggles to see things from the point of view of those who are very different from her."

"Trapped in a death game and her sole motivation for escaping is to get back to playing her fave video game which she hyperfixates on. She has a speaking quirk where she talks very eloquently and overly formal and makes a lot of sounds/unintelligible noises to express when she’s feeling excited. Hyper empathetic and makes an active conscious effort to understand and communicate with people, calling it a skill that can be honed like any other."

"Literally died and landed in a death game, but was more worried about not being able to play the next chapter of her gacha game hyperfixation than y'know, being dead She is also hyperempathetic and makes So Many Noises"

" "I am simply aware of the importance of communication. And I take great pains to ensure my interactions with others remain as peaceful as possible. Asking questions. Gauging responses. Reacting aptly. I leverage every element at my disposal—actions, words, emojis, anything at all—to ensure everyone feels welcome.” - This is a direct quote from the game, which should be pretty autistic on its own. But wait, there's more! This is how she's able to Dive into other people's souls and help rid them of their inner demons. When she ends up in a three-week-long series of death games in another layer of reality played by the dead for a second chance at life, her motivation to get back is that there's a new chapter of her special interest mobile game and she can't play it until she's done with all of it. She joins the team because there's a dude who looks eerily like her favorite character who hangs around with them. Her arc resolves not by being less interested in EleStra (said special interest mobile game,) but by getting someone else who she'd previously had trouble getting along with because he spent the game masking INTO EleStra, on the grounds it'll help him cope with grief and improve his social skills. Nagi was voted Most Autistic Swag of the game duology in a fandom tournament, and this is saying something because you can make a case for like 60% of the cast at a low estimate being readable as autistic. She is an autistic queen."

"She obsesses over a mobile game (and one of her teammates because he looks JUST LIKE her blorbo/husbando). She has an ita bag covered in pins of said blorbo. She speaks in an old-timey fashion (she's 19 in modern day Tokyo) and refers to others as "Lord/Lady [Name]". AND she refers that special interest game to others as a way to "heal (their) hearts." She was voted Most Autistic TWEWY character on tumblr in a finals match against someone who's literally nonverbal with a special interest in tech who talks EXCLUSIVELY using text and rarely facially emotes. That's how autistic she is."

"Nagi is described as devoting most of, if not all her time to her pastimes, especially for a certain in-universe mobile game (Elegant Strategy, or EleStra), which she carries an itabag completely decorated with merch of a singular character from the aforementioned game, from several buttons and pins, to a charm, to a keychain plushie. She is also described as "more of a subdued character who can't assimilate into a social environment as easily as other people" by her character designer. I could go on but I'm not sure how to put concepts into words"

"She has an INTENSE special interest in a mobile game called Elegant Strategy to the point where playing it is her main motivation for trying to escape the literal actual death game she gets chucked into. She is highly empathetic which is highlighted by her psych (essentially the magic system in this game) being the ability to dive into other people's minds. She is extremely observant and puts a lot of effort into effectively communicating with the people around her, calling things like jokes or emojis "tools" to make sure everyone has a good time. The twewy fandom hosted an autism poll and she won so she absolutely deserves to go here" End ID.]

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[elvhenfaer]

Dog Breeds of Thedas: on a personal note.

I apologize in advance for the ramble, but I had to live in the real world for a second.

For those following the Dog Breeds of Thedas series, I reiterate: I am using years of canine behavior study and hands on training to inspire these breed entries. Everything I write in them? I mean it. Unwanted behavior is the single deadliest threat to dogs. It is the number one reason that dogs are taken to shelters and are often not able to be adopted out to new families. Dog breeds exist precisely because we wanted what amounts to employees, each one for their own purpose. Do you know how many people I have met who got a dog “because it was cute/cool looking”? A gardener who loves her flowers and can’t stand that her terrier is digging in the garden bed, like it was bred to do. A frat boy who throws lots of parties and doesn’t want his guard dog growling at guests, like it was bred to do. A regular person who can’t figure out why their herding dog has hyperfixations, like it was bred to have. These are just a few examples.

So to all of my dog lovers out there, and anyone considering getting a dog, there is a Dog Breed Selector on https://www.selectadogbreed.com that will match you with your perfect breed. I promise you that you cannot research enough before you commit 7 to 17 years of your life caring for another living thing.

You may be asking yourself, why type all this now? Well, my next entry is based on the Caucasian Ovcharka and it makes me nervous to even admit that. They’re making their way into the United States and gaining popularity. They were literally made to guard livestock from wolves and bears. There is no tier of guard dog above this dog. It’s this and the Tibetan Mastiff. That’s it. Unless -bears- are a real and present threat in your life, -you don’t need one-. Plenty of other breeds will suffice if you want a companion who will protect you. In fact, whether or not you even own a dog, a simple ‘Beware of Dog’ sign will deter over 70% of home invasion crimes. I know they look badass, I know they’re huge and fluffy, and I know that there’s a chance American breeders aren’t even breeding for the same killer instincts that they are in Russia, but if you have no experience handling any type of guard dog this is not the dog for you. It will end with your dog being euthanized because it bit someone, and it will break your heart, and it will be your fault.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a dog is to not get one.

There might be some of you who don’t like hearing that. Save your hate, I’ve already heard your arguments and they do not change the horrors I’ve seen, they do not change my firsthand experience with guarding breeds. I spent three solid years rehabilitating an aggressive dog that I adopted. It was not easy. People were bitten. Other dogs were bitten. And one woodchuck lost its life. I was beyond lucky that none of those attacks ended with any serious injuries (except for that woodchuck, RIP little dude). I was beyond lucky no one ever called Animal Control for their minor wounds. I had to be hyper vigilant to keep him out of trouble and anyone but me could not handle him, because he didn’t trust anyone else’s leadership. I did this so that he could live. Dangerous dogs get put down. ‘Potentially dangerous dogs’, in the eyes of the law, have allllll sorts of restrictions placed upon them. Dogs are wonderful, amazing, loving, intelligent, adorable, best friends to have. They are also predators. Whoever owned my dog before I got him should not have had a dog. My dog was an untrustworthy monster and an emotional mess for a very long time because of bad ownership, and if I brought him back to the shelter he would have been euthanized. Instead, I spent every single day for eight years being my dog’s guardian and I was laying on the floor with him when he breathed his last breath on this earth, an old man who went peacefully in his sleep. In his later years, people would often say they had never met a better dog. I would assure them it was because we did the work.

And I firmly believe that anyone who is not willing to do the same, anyone who would give up their dog because it barks, or jumps, or pees on the carpet, or because they have to move, shouldn’t have a dog. As a dog trainer let me say: most of those behavioral issues can be fixed. A dog offers unparalleled loyalty but if you cannot offer that same kind of dedication back to them, you don’t deserve it. That dedication should start before you even bring the dog home, when you’re considering if your personalities will match.

I’m willing to admit, I was eighteen and I only thought I was prepared for what I was getting myself into.

My dog was homeless with me. My dog moved across state lines with me. My dog was more fucked up than any other dog I’ve ever met in person. But I stuck by him and five years later when a weird dude was following us through the woods on our daily walk, he saved my life.

The man, the myth, the legend:

My point here is: not every dog is for everyone. A dog is not a fashion accessory. No dog is friendly and perfectly behaved 100% of the time and they should not be romanticized that way, but you can make it easier on yourself by trying your hardest to get the right dog for you. Be honest with yourself with what you’re really looking for, some dogs are just meant to be companions.

My asks are always open if anyone has dog related questions, whether for real life or for their writing.

And if you have a dog, give them a big hug from me.

[grayfilmsandstuff]

can i get uhhhghhghh a madcom matchup?

i’m a trans guy, he/him, 5’5, pale bc who sees sunlight anymore, on the chubbier side, with fluffy blonde (uh;; light brown?) hair n freckles;;

i’m charismatic, a jokester, but my heart is bigger than my brain. i’m the friend who wants to do crimes, go on adventures, and i’m usually getting hurt n covering up boo-boos with cartoon bandaids bc hell yeah.

i tend to play video games and love to cook as well! i will cry if a cat butts their head against me and i tend to never shut up abt whatever im hyper-fixating on!

(god i haven’t requested a matchup since i was in high school but i’m so deep into madness hell please help-)

dude the madcom brainrot is real im literally writing romantic scenarios of the same few characters falling in love with different people and somehow they like them. . .. ANYWAYS you seem very very cool i want to be ur friend so here's your matchup

i match you wiiiiiith...

Hank!

- you met Hank through Tricky because you and the clown were friends back when he was Dr. Hoffnar

- Hank didn't know you were Tricky's friend, and Tricky didn't know you were dating Hank. hoo boy the way they found out was chaotic

- Tricky insisted on meeting the guy you'd been gushing about for weeks, so you took him to meet them and it went something like this

- "okay, Hank, don't freak out, but this is my best frien-"

- "your best friend is TRICKY?!" *frantic signing* <why didn't you tell me this sooner?>

- "hi hi hello!! clown wanted to meet person friend loves so so much!!"

- "...you love me?"

- Hank thinks you are SO CUTE. he loves your hair, your style, your personality he thinks your freckles are the best thing ever, etc., etc

- you and them have probably committed arson at least twice

- when you're out on missions with him you love to crack jokes and your excitement/optimism about everything is so funny to him

- you're all like 'alright these guys are SO dead we so got this oh yeah' and they just laugh because why do you have to be so perfect for them omg

- he learned that your heart was bigger than your brain when you took a bullet for him. literally

- they refused to leave your side until 2BD was able to bring you back to working condition. once you were alright they hugged you and didn't let go for a really really long time. did you mind? not at all

- every time Hank gets a scar from fighting you'll make sure to put a bandaid on it and tell him to be less reckless next time, then you'll probably give him a kiss on the nose and receive one from him right afterwards

- they enjoy watching you play video games! they're not good at games at all, so whenever they ask to play with you, you absolutely destroy them. lovingly, of course

- he also enjoys watching you cook with Sanford. Sanford used to be the only one out of the 4 who knew how to cook but ever since you got there he was able to take a break every now and again

- sometimes when you're cooking Hank will come up and hug you from behind or lean over and kiss you on the cheek and they'll tell you how good you're doing

- he's so soft with you, if you couldn't tell by now

- whenever you're gushing about your hyperfixations he will listen to you talk for hours and he doesn't mind in the slightest because the sound of your voice when you're that happy is the best thing in the world to him

soft hank makes me want to give them a kissie

again inspiration for this comes from @cookie00122 thank u sm ily

[sepublic]

           Anyhow, looking at Luz and Lilith’s interactions in Agony of a Witch, I’m afraid to say that it’ll probably REALLY color Luz’s perception of her mother, and whether or not she ‘loves’ her or back. Up until Agony of a Witch, Luz didn’t really know or have much to say about Lilith, other than that her and Eda used to get along but are now sort of divided…

           But then Luz is in Eda’s body, and she’s basically alone with just Lilith for a moment, who’s under the impression she’s talking to her sister; And she’s SO delighted…! She’s so elated to be with Eda again, clearly she wants the best… So why is she so willing to put Eda through a harmfully-conformative process of assimilation, to become a ‘proper’ member of society? When Eda is very clearly happy with who she is now, like… Does Lilith NOT realize that Eda is evading the law for a reason??? Eda isn’t a child, she’s an ADULT, she made her choices in life and shouldn’t her sister be acknowledging this?

           Then the NEXT time Luz sees Lilith, she’s on a mission to heal Eda of her curse, and Lilith just… Is NOT helping. And you can practically feel both the fear in confusion in Luz, at being caught… But also wondering, why isn’t Lilith helping? Isn’t Eda her own sister, doesn’t she want to see Eda be cured? Why is Luz, a stranger who’s known Eda for only a few weeks, doing more than Lilith is by actually trying to stop the curse AND respect her autonomy?!

           And it’s almost like a betrayal, because to Luz, Lilith may have been comparable to that very distant aunt she heard about… Because obviously she looks up to Eda, and Eda and Lilith got along! So she may have felt an indirect kinship there, like at least we BOTH want the best for Eda, right? Clearly Eda and Lilith still love each other despite everything, so that may as well make them family, right?

           Then there’s the hostage situation, the trauma of Lilith using Luz as a human shield, dehumanizing her by calling her a ‘pet’, literally trying to impale her on spikes, just to force Eda to turn back into the Owl Beast… And for what- Just to get Eda into a system she HATES!??

           Luz and Lilith never really interacted with each other as individuals who recognized each other; Episode 8 doesn’t count because Lilith thought it was Eda, so we only have Lilith snidely acknowledging Luz’s presence in Covention… and THIS. But even so, Luz surely must’ve felt like there had to have been SOME kinship because she saw how much Lilith cared, there had to have been some hope on her part that Lilith would change for Eda…

           So to see Lilith, doing such horrible things to Eda? The revelation that she betrayed her sister, cursing her?!? Like, Luz herself already probably doesn’t think much of what Lilith does to her because in the end, Luz doesn’t think she matters (but she DOES), but to see a sister betray her younger sibling like this… I feel like Luz had at least the tiniest bit of trust in Lilith from what she saw, that surely she would never stoop this low because Eda didn’t seem to regard her as doing such a thing.

           To Luz, I think Lilith’s betrayal would’ve been personal to her, as well- Because don’t they BOTH care for Eda, doesn’t Lilith have even more obligation as her sister?! And not only that, but… Luz sees firsthand that a family member CAN genuinely love and mean so well for a person, and be so happily excited when that person agrees to conform to the system as they asked…

           …But then still turn around and do this. And have already DONE worse things, too! And I think that’s going to affect how Luz sees her relationship with her mother… Because after seeing Eda betrayed like this, she’s going to wonder if she can trust her family, too; Especially after knowing how quick Camilia was to send Luz to summer camp, how she didn’t even bat an eye when Luz let go of her beloved hyperfixation like that…

           Luz knows that her mother loves her, and means the best, and was SO happy at the idea of Luz becoming ‘normal’, that there at least wasn’t malice on her part!

           But Eda also thought the same of her sister… and not only was Lilith still willing to do horrible things despite her own love for Eda being real, she already DID that terrible curse! So when Luz looks back on her interactions with her mother and all of the texts, she might wonder; Does her mother REALLY love her… and even if she did, is that enough? Because now she’s seen that familial love won’t stop some people from trying to turn their loved ones into what they want them to be, and after Camila’s track record, after the personal betrayal Luz must’ve felt from Lilith…

           …I can see Luz being afraid of Camila; Not so much afraid of disappointing her, but terrified of the extent that her mother will go towards making sure that Luz will become a ‘normal’ person. That even if Camila loves her daughter with all her heart, Lilith also felt the same towards Eda and look what she did! That Camila will still care for Luz, and because of that she’ll completely reject Luz’s obviously-meaningful decision to stay in the Boiling Isles with Eda and King, and just roll over Luz’s wishes. Because obviously her mother thinks she knows better, and also…

           If Lilith clearly felt some resentment towards Eda, after all; Then does Luz’s mother feel the same way?

           Aside from obvious apprehension, I can see Luz choosing to stay in the Boiling Isles permanently, without bothering to reconcile with her mother as an act of rejection; Rather than simply making a choice between her lives that she’s happy with! I’ve seen others point out that Luz can no longer access the human world now that Eda is captured, but at this point in time, after these betrayals, I don’t think she would want to. If anything, this would make her MORE adamant to avoid going back home…

          And I can see Luz outright rejecting her mother, just cutting off all ties entirely, because of a –reasonable- fear of betrayal. Maybe Luz will even feel anger towards her mother, knowing that despite loving Luz she still put her through this kind of conformative torment… She’ll see what ruthless things Lilith did to Eda, and Luz will feel like maybe her mother never loved her at all, or at the very least her love was no EXCUSE for this kind of action towards Luz!

          That Luz will accuse Camila, of deep-down, actually hating her daughter for not being ‘normal’, of having done these harmful things and knowing full and well what the consequences were, and STILL thinking it’s okay! That familial love alone does not excuse, justify, nor put aside harmful actions or even ward off resentment! And if this is how Camila feels about Luz, then maybe…

          …Maybe Luz should make the feeling mutual.

          As a side-note, if Luz didn’t actively hate the Blight Parents before, then after Agony of a Witch she DEFINITELY loathes them, despite them being Amity’s parents that she insists she loves and vice-versa! I could maybe even see her overstepping her boundaries to make it clear to Amity that her parents probably don’t care that much in the end, or even if they did that hasn’t stopped them from doing terrible things.

          And of course later down the line, Luz will realize that even if she IS right, she’s also possibly projecting some of her own feelings onto others, and is also guilty of overstepping Amity’s boundaries and pressuring her to rebel when she’s not comfortable yet, under the idea of wanting the best for her! THAT of course contributes more to her self-loathing and feeling unworthy of Amity, because Luz feels like her friend has already suffered enough and that Luz has contributed too much to this pain… you get the idea.

           (Seriously Luz, you are a CHILD don’t be so hard on yourself if you wouldn’t be as hard on Amity for the exact same reasons, and more…!)

           TL;DR Luz has zero doubt in her heart that Eda means the world to Lilith, but despite –or even because- of that love she’ll do terrible things to Eda. And considering that Luz means the world to Camila, and yet Camila was also willing to send her to the summer camp and didn’t bat an eye at Luz throwing away her hyper-fixation… Yeah. Luz is gonna notice the similarities.

           You dun goofed-up Lilith, not only did you give Luz trauma and ruin the relationship between her and Eda, but you ALSO ruined the relationship between Luz and her OTHER mother! Granted that was already fraught, but it also wasn’t hopeless either… Luz will likely project some of her own anger towards her mother onto Lilith when they fight!

           Honestly, I feel like a lot of emotional issues in this show could be resolved, or at least improved upon, if characters made it clear to one another just how much the other MEANT to them, on an unconditional level! This isn’t just applying to familial relationships, I mean this in GENERAL… Like between Luz and King, Luz and Amity… etc. Like these characters need to understand that they don’t need to justify their existences or their relationships with others, either!

[tazrp]

who of the gang are affection / touched starved ranked most to least :chinhands:

Okay so I had this almost all typed up last night and my computer shut itself off, as it does, so I had to wait until today but! The list from most to least, then after the cut is some elaboration on some of them:

John

Stern

Argo

Indrid

Duck

Barclay

Brad

Ned

Bud

Kravitz

Barry

Merle

Magnus

Elaboration!

John has mixed feelings about it. On one hand he goes feral trying to avoid being touched because it’s so alien it’s uncomfortable. On the other hand it’s been so, so long and the brain chemicals are so pleasant and the feelings are so warm and please do not stop with the contact!! He gets overwhelmed and is also overwhelming. Tread cautiously or you’ll spook him. Lol

Stern is similar but on a less fantastical scale for obvious story-environment reasons. He doesn’t try to avoid being touched but he’s always hyper aware of when/where people touch him, especially if it’s the first time they’ve ever made contact. (Polite introductory handshakes are an exception and don’t count in his book as Actual Touching.

Argo probably hasn’t noticed he’s missing something. He just doesn’t touch people because what reason does he have to do so? He’ll become aware of it the first time he’s touched and then hyperfixate on it for awhile. Lie awake and yearn for contact.

Indrid avoids touching people because they’re so warm he won’t ever want to let go. He knows he’s clingy and his fingers are bony, cold, and unpleasant. He keeps his hands to himself because it’s safer. But… If he were allowed to touch, he’d constantly be touching someone. Holding hands, sitting closely enough to have their sides pressed together, have his hand on someone’s shoulder, touching their hair. Anything.

Duck is an awkward dude. He can get away with casual stuff like handshakes, high fives, and a pat on the shoulder, etc. But he hasn’t done anything but casual stuff in ages. He always gets in his own head and makes things uncomfortable. Last time he hugged someone he started thinking and hoping it wasn’t weird and that they weren’t uncomfortable and that he wasn’t being awkward, which of course made all of those things happen. He doesn’t fret about it for the most part but there are some times when he gets a little soft and wants some affection.

Barclay only touches people who are his friends. His protection is a bracelet so he doesn’t even really like shaking hands with humans he doesn’t know. He’s comfortable with casual stuff, similar to Duck, but he has more friends in an enclosed space so hugs and sitting squished on a couch and stuff are fairly common. Romantically there hasn’t been anyone since he got to Earth. He insists there are more important things to focus on than kissing and whatnot.

Touching people without their permission is against HR protocol, so Brad doesn’t do it unless he can justify it and has worked through all angles so he knows it’s okay and cannot be interpreted as more than it is. (His time in the Teamwork exercise is an outlier: he was with literal heroes who are all so beautiful. It isn’t an excuse for him to have been overcome, and yet that’s all he can say on the matter!)

Ned touches people casually all the time. It’s the same, he would say if he was asked. It doesn’t make him miss anything. Or anyone. See? He’s touching his friends’ arms and shoulders and could a touch-starved person do that!?

Bud isn’t exactly starved? He isn’t used to a lot of contact because that’s just not how it was done where he comes from, and that’s okay. When people started touching him more at school it was weird but he didn’t really object enough to say anything, but now he really likes it. He likes being able to physically show someone he likes them because it’s easier to put a hand on someone or give them a hug than it is to string words together, especially about something as nebulous as feelings. Also cuddling makes sleeping indoors a little more bearable.

Kravitz was completely starved until Taako, which is definitely Canon. His body temperature literally changed with the power of love and touch.

Barry was miserable during the years in cycle 99 when he was alone. He needs to be around Lup. He sustains himself on her presence like photosynthesis. He can be cuddly with other people he knows and loves, but especially with her.

Merle likes to touch people. It’s usually casual but he’s known for being a big sexy too. Nothing people don’t want but he can be a little much sometimes without meaning to be. He’s not really starved at all but he wouldn’t mind a little more plant action than he usually gets.

Magnus is a cuddly, physical, hands-on guy. He touches his friends all the time– nudging them, high fives, holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc. Etc. He is down to spoon with any of his friends at any point. It’s just part of his great big personality showing his great big feelings. It’s different with Julia. He can’t get enough of her and he acts like he’s never been touched before every time they come into contact. He always wants to have a point of contact when they’re together, especially after Raven’s Roost was attacked. He wants to have a physical tether to keep himself sure she is real and she’s with him.

I didn’t put Taako on the list because he isn’t am Official Muse according to my list (despite having a thread going as him and not most of the others lmao). But he’d be between Indrid and Duck. He and Lup were pretty physically affectionate both before and during their cycles in space. Especially with their crewmates. The two of them probably cuddled the heck out of everyone else on the ship, together and separately. During his time alone in Faerune he avoided touching people if he could help it. It always felt alien and disorienting to touch people so he stopped. One of the reasons he stuck with Magnus and Merle was because touching them felt familiar, and he got no heebie-jeebies from it. He didn’t know why for a long time.

Mavis isn’t on the list because she is a-okay! She has loving parents and brother so she is well cared for.

Garfield has no need to get physical (unless Magnus is down to clown 👀) and is therefore not craving any kind of affection.

[playmakiing]

Headcanon: Mental Disorders

     It is heavily implied in the show that Yusaku suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but I also believe that he is autistic as well.  In this post, I will be outlining and explaining these two disorders in perspective of my interpretation of our favorite hacker.  Side note, while I do not have PTSD, I have and continue to do research on the disorder in order to have an accurate portrayal in my muse.  However, each person's experiences with PTSD are not universal, so just because this is how I choose to portray this headcanon does not mean it is going to similar to anyone else's personal experiences.  Also, while I am actually autistic, autism is also displayed in a wide variety of ways.  Parts of my autistic interpretation stem from my own symptoms, other parts is from further research.  I will take any inquiries and constructive criticism about these headcanons, but I will not bother with baseless critic or downright hate.

     So with that out of the way, let's get to it!  I'm keeping this under a read-more since it will be a long post.

PTSD

     Due to the horrific nature of the Hanoi Project, Yusaku developed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder even though he was only six years old.  Once a happy child, Yusaku returned with severe symptoms of self-isolation, emotional detachment, and sleepless nights haunted by memories.  Even though he was put into therapy, the sessions could only help so much before proving to be ineffective.  In the end, Yusaku was left with nothing but the loss of his innocence and a couple of coping methods designed by his own, young mind.      For many years Yusaku was unable to sleep alone without waking up with screams of terror, and the orphanage caretakers soon learned that he was only able to sleep a dreamless sleep during the day when around the other children.  This caused for them to rearrange things to were Yusaku was rooming with other young boys at night; they also hoped that perhaps he would be able to socialize more if he's constantly around others in this manner.  Sadly, their plan only worked with giving Yusaku more nights of sleep.  He still refused to talk to others, existing as a lifeless doll for several years.  However, there was one force that kept Yusaku awake, and that was the existence of his "special person"--aka, the voice that gave him three reasons to survive.

     Skip forward to ten years later, and Yusaku has yet to move on from his past demons.  It's only at the end of season one when he is able to begin a better healing process, but he will never be "over" his PTSD.

     The main symptoms that Yusaku current exhibits are as followed:

❀ Hyper-vigilance: he always has his guard up, whether in the real world or LINK VRAINS.  It is very difficult to sneak up on Yusaku when he is awake, and he is easy to wake up at any moment.   ❀ Social isolation: for the most part, Yusaku keeps a steady distance from his peers and other people in his life.  While the distance has lessened in regards to specific individuals, he still doesn't have complete trust in them, and tries to keep his walls up. ❀ Flashbacks: these don't occur much when he's awake, but his dreams at night are usually plagued by them.  Most flashbacks center around the times when he lost a duel and was painfully electrocuted as a result. ❀ Lack of interest: aside from his goals, Yusaku finds it difficult to see a future for himself, and thus he finds it difficult to partake in hobbies or activities that don't help advance his goals.  Dueling is a task that he has yet to regain any pleasure from, and despite excelling at hacking and computers, doesn't find the activity to be enjoyable.  To him, these are all tools to help accomplish his goals. ❀ Insomnia and general issues with sleep: these two go hand-in-hand since Yusaku's insomnia was greatly developed due to the frequent amount of nightmares he dreamt of as a child, which continues on as he ages.  The nightmares' intensity fluctuates depending on the amount of stress Yusaku is dealing with. ❀ Emotional detachment: as Yusaku would describe it, his heart and mind are trapped in an abyss with no means of escape.  He sees no future and time is frozen still for him.  These deep feelings of isolation and fear have caused for him to distance himself emotionally from everyone, and he greatly struggles with forming an emotional attachment to anything or anyone.  There are a very select few things that he has an attachment to, one of those being his "special person."

ASD

     ASD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder, has a wide variety of symptoms and behaviors that range from person to person.  While many of these symptoms do overlap with ones for PTSD, I believe there are enough signs in Yusaku for this headcanon to be distinctive.  Some of these symptoms, however, do not appear directly in canon ( yet ) but are shown through my writing.  Most of those are ones that I find very plausible for Yusaku's character, and some are ones that I just want to write, and fuck what anyone else says about it.

     The symptoms and experiences listed below are ones that I either interpret from Yusaku's character, integrate into my writing of him, or both.

❀ Inappropriate social interaction & lack of understanding social cues: while this isn't heavily noticeable in the show, Yusaku has been shown either "not get" what others are saying, or exhibits behavior that is deemed "socially inappropriate."  Examples of this is early on in the show when Shoichi and Ai make fun of Yusaku's inability to talk to girls, and he's later shown to be following Aoi around in a rather stalker-ish manner. ❀ Lack of eye contact: Yusaku is not one to maintain eye contact.  Not only does the action cause for him to become extremely uncomfortable, but prolonged exposure to forced eye contact will cause a mental strain. ❀ Compulsive behavior: Yusaku is one for routine, and rarely likes to break his schedule.  Only events or situations that are dire or insanely important will prevent him from keeping to a schedule.  The older he gets, however, the less strict he is with his daily routines. ❀ Repetitive movements & words: In regards to words, Yusaku has a fixation on listing things in threes, and this is usually to calm himself or clear his mind when clouded.  While this technique was given to him by his "special person," Yusaku was at a young and impressionable age to where this method stuck and he uses it often.  As for movements, Yusaku's main stims are taps, rubbing against his skin, and pressure. ❀ Intense interest in extreme specific things: . . .This is so evident in his fixation with the Knights of Hanoi in season one.  Like, literally nothing else mattered to Yusaku aside from his quest against the Knights of Hanoi.  If that isn't a hyperfixation, I don't know what is.  While he does lose this interest in season two, with the reveal of his "special person," Yusaku has a similar fixation on him--it's not quite intense, but it's there. ❀ Heightened sensitivity: Yusaku's five senses are more pronounced in comparison to other people.  Sights and sounds are more intense, smells and taste more noticeable, and touch is a pain usually.  Human contact is another sensation that Yusaku despises.

Misc. Stuff Related to the Above Things

❀ A lot of the autism symptoms are helpful in elevating the flashbacks and nightmares Yusaku gets from his PTSD.  Examples of this are weighted blankets to pressure stim, having a "post nightmare routine" when he wakes up in the middle of the night, and repeating relative lists of threes to himself. ❀ Yusaku was never one to like foods with overwhelming flavors, and thus prefers milder foods when eating.  He tends to choke on food that is overstimulating.  The only exception to this is coffee, and that was a strongly acquired taste. ❀ Soft blankets ( as well as heavy blankets ) are a secret pleasure to Yusaku's touch, and he will collect blankets with favored textures; he has over a dozen at this point, and will often make a blanket nest out of them to relieve stress ( this habit almost dies when Ai appears, because Yusaku would rather die than be caught in such a situation by someone like Ai ). ❀ After a while of meeting Takeru, Yusaku finds it soothing to be touching or to be held by his friend, and he is one of the very few people whose touch doesn't cause Yusaku to recoil. ❀ Yusaku is rather touch-starved, but hates touch at the same time.  Rest in fucking pieces. ❀ Things that can trigger a PTSD-induced panic attack are having something wrapped around his head while covering his eyes ( like how a VR headset is ), or any amount of electrocution.  The latter one would trigger a stronger reaction.

     And that's about it for this headcanon post.  I may come back and edit this post with more information, or simply make add-on posts when new information settles in my brain.

[pinkopalina]

they thought i did when i was younger, so they put me on ritalin for a bit (which i don’t remember? mom tells me) and they had to give me a little necklace with steps to calm down on it apparently??? and literally i don’t remember any of this, but mom said i was really hyper after the ritalin so that’s how they ruled out that i had adhd but idk i don’t think doing one specific thing can rule out the possibility, idk, i think about how often i’m just not present in the real world and how often i daydream and hyperfixate and my thought processes and speech patterns and i think idk maybe there is a dinosaur in the lake

my mom is also allergic to penicillin, the most common antibiotic, so she has to take sulfa instead, and they (doctors i visited to look at a spider bite i once had) assumed that because she was allergic to penicillin that i would be too, so they gave me sulfa to help with a staph infection i had (from the spider bite), and i was so allergic to the sulfa that i almost died

so i don’t necessarily think doing something based off one isolated incident is always a great idea

[its-my-only-salvation]

I’m spiralling

I don’t want to keep being in the city because I feel lonely but being back in my hometown is triggering as fuck and I can already regret putting two weeks aside there

I feel like all I ever do is hyper fixate on stupid things and make the people around me get fed up with my bullshit when I literally can’t not focus on it and i apparently have to let everyone know everything

I feel like I’m somehow pushing everyone away because everyone seems so very tired of me but I don’t feel like I’m doing anything different and it’s freaking me out because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong (probably the whole hyperfixating thing tbh)

I want to just go through and delete everything because I’m so tired of social media and feeling worse about myself but I know if I actually delete everything I’ll regret it because I’ll be even more bored with my pathetic life

Speaking of pathetic life I haven’t done anything good this year and it’s almost over and all I see is failure and pain. There was no real personal growth or any achievements made and nothing I did made a positive impact on anyone, I just make things worse

And this is on me but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it because they’ll just pity me or what they say will just make things worse and I’m already a mentally unstable, fat, ugly, attention seeking slut so I don’t need to add persistently annoying to that list

At the end of the day I’m just another sad bitch who hates herself and wants to die but is too pussy to go through with it properly and won’t start cutting again because I get validation for my pathetic body and it’s hard for casual people in your life to tell you you’re beautiful if you’re covered in cuts