#making his journey even longer emotionally

[tessabennet]

What fucks me up about I Can't Help But Wonder is that Odysseus, the man who has had the longest 20 years in known history, took one look at his grown up son and still said "how time has flown". Like. That just strikes me as such a PARENT thing to say, you know?

[gay-dorito-dust]

What about how Bob, Sentry, and The Void would react if you got hurt/injured? Physically and/or emotionally?

Bob- kindhearted caretaker.

The second Bob is aware that you were hurt, he's trying his best to lessen the pain while also trying to calm himself from thinking the worst. He didn't like seeing you hurt , he didn't want you hurt but most importantly he didn't want to just stand on the sidelines and do nothing, he wanted to help however he could while keeping Void and Sentry at bay in the process.

Bob didn't want to think about what either of them would do should they find you hurt first instead of him. He really didn't.

So he counted it as a blessing that he found you as while he was worried to the point he couldn't breath properly until he had gotten you somewhere safe, somewhere where he could have easy access to an first aid kit. He would make sure to ask if you were okay and if he was in any way hurting you while patching you up, stopping now and then to press kisses to your forhead and or your temples as he does so, and making sure he wasn't loosing sight on what was most important: you.

The team can handle the rest of the mission -not that Bob had any doudts that they wouldn't- as it meant that he could focus on you and helping you heal, making sure he was by your side very step of the way to make sure you didn't suffer from any sort of discomfort, even offering to act as your crutch at some points should he see that you were struggling to stand on your own. Bob would try and make your situation more comfortable however he could, change your bandages, make you food, keep you company and read to you and make sure you were taking any medication should you need it to nullifiy the pain.

Anything he could do in hopes to get your -and his- mind off of the pain you were under by being there for you and being that grounding presence that you needed to give you strength. He was worried half to death when you were hurt but quickly takes his position as your caretaker to heart and would do everything to the best of his ability in keeping you healthy and happy, even if you were bedbound, Bob would do without hesitation. It makes him feel useful while he was still understanding his powers.

Sentry- overbearing protector.

Sentry is pissed to say the least. He was meant to be this powerful being, this golden guardian of good, and yet he had somehow had allowed for you to be hurt due to his lapse in judgement. He was meant to keep you safe and far, far away from harm and those who could cause you great harm.

He can heal you with just a simple touch, so like Bob, you were his first and primary focus as he healed your wounds with a flash of golden light that faded to reveal newly healed skin as though you were never hurt at all. Though while your injuries were now no issue, the anger and feeling frustraighted at himself stayed within him for far longer, not liking the idea that the people who had hurt you were most likely still out there.

Sentry would ask how many people were involved and if they were still in the building, if they were then Sentry would most likely keep you in a room somewhere while he handeled buissness. However if they weren't within the building then Sentry would stay guard and keep watch over you closely, protecting you from any potential threats that he deemed could hurt you.

He wouldn't allow you to stay far from him, he wouldn't allow it, he still suspected that the people who had hurt you the first time would come back, or another group of people who hurt you in the future. Sentry took his position as your protector seriously and didn't take to you doing anything he didn't approve of even if you were fully healed, he was still cuatious and would check the entire tower, every single floor thouroughly within mintues before feeling it safe for you to journey without him hovering over you.

Yet there's no point in expecting him to completely leave you alone, for now Sentry doubted the Watchtower was adequet for your safety, only he -sentry- could keep you safe and this had proven just that.

Void- the brutal judge, jury and exacutioner

Void didn't allow any room for the assalents that hurt you any room to breath in the slightest as they were immeidetly made into shadows on the wall with the wave of his hand. He didn't take too kindly to people hurting his little dove, his little daydream, so why sould he allow them a second longer to live while you were writhing in pain?

He didn't see the point as soon enough there were shadows of those had a hand in your hurt, or were just there by assosiation, no one but you was left untouched. He didn't allow any further threats to you to live either, he had pratically eliminated anyone or anything that Void truly believed would only cause you futher harm then you were already in.

He didn't care if the threat was small or non-existance they were rid of with a wave of his hand, erradicating their threat with them in the process. No one should harm you, nor would ever harm you with Void inolved as he would make it clear as day of what the consequences would be known and feared, a stark reminder for what would happen should this situation be repated again.

Void for the rest of the day would act like your guard dog, lurking within the shadows of your room, not trusting anyone that came in to see you or look you over as he watched them closely. He would always linger close by even if you couldn't see him, but he was there even when you were with the team, he didn't trust them to keep you safe as they have shown to fail you before in the past in his pinprick eyes. Void would much rather make everyone pay for your pain ten times over then ever have you be hurt again, you’ve been hurt enough and he’ll gladly be the judge, jury and executioner if it meant passing your pain and hurt onto people he felt were more deserving of it.

[loredrinker]

When Solas says “I walk the din’anshiral” in Trespasser, it sounds like a vow. A commitment to a path that promises death, sorrow, and solitude. The language he uses is formal, signaling not just despair, but alignment with something ancient and sacred.

There’s no official codex entry that explains the din’anshiral beyond its literal meaning, but the way Solas invokes it feels ritualistic - like a remnant of a cultural tradition from ancient Elvhenan. It evokes the idea of a ceremonial journey, an exile undertaken by those who once chose destruction or isolation in service of something greater than themselves. I wonder, was this an ancient ceremony chosen by those who walked it or as a forced sentence? Did the kin of those walking the din’anshiral gather to weep for their brethren making this journey or was it truly meant to isolate and separate a being committed to a path of death?

This isn’t a poetic flourish Solas comes up with in the moment. How he says it, when he says it, and what it will cost him, makes it feel like an invocation. The vow binds him emotionally and existentially. It isn’t despair for despair’s sake, it’s his belief that he must walk this path alone, no matter the outcome.

(Veilguard confirms the seriousness of this vow as he remains unmoved in every ending but one: the atonement ending.)

By the time we meet him again in Trespasser, it’s clear Solas has already chosen this path. Dialogue only revealed through the romance path is declaration that marks a total foreclosure of personal desire, connection, or redemption. He has sealed himself away. He will not be swayed. He will use what he must, sacrifice who he must, and walk alone because that is what the path of the din’anshiral demands.

The din’anshiral symbolizes Solas’s surrender to a path he believes is necessary, even if it leads to his death. He does not expect to be saved. He does not expect to survive. And the Solas we see in Veilguard is the man who has walked that path for many years, and probably for much longer.

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

you know how you did bg3 types of yanderes, could you do that for castlevania? Like the trio and isaac, hector, dracula/lisa, carmilla, st. germain??

A/N: For reference, here is the one I did for BG3 villains, and here is the one I did for the BG3 Main Companions. Also, this is unedited as hell so if you see grammar mistakes, no you didn't. 

Castlevania Characters as Yandere! Types: 

Yandere! Trevor: 

Defensive. Calucative. Hardened. Trevor’s seen far worse than you, from humans and monsters alike. He knows the terror and the cruelty that lurks out there. He wants to shield you from it all, for as long as possible. He has this overwhelming need to prevent what happened to his family from happening to you. Even then, he knows your innocence won’t last; it couldn’t possibly. So long as you’re tied to him, you will know hardship. So as much as he babies you, and refuses to grant you complete independence, he is also distant, and frequently unaffectionate. In his line of work, people don’t die of old age; neither of you will be in the other’s life forever. Just let him love you the way he needs, when he asks for it, please. Everything else is so difficult in his life, you don’t want to add to that. Make yourself into the one piece of his life that is easy. And enjoy the easy while it lasts. 

Yandere! Sypha: 

Confident. Feisty. Unyielding. Sypha is always sure of herself. Everything she does, she does with 100% effort and full intent- your relationship is no different. From the moment she sees you, she’s sure she likes you, and she’s certain you like her. Any behavior that suggests otherwise on your part must simply be beginning relationship nerves. After all, she is a scholar and a Speak Magician. Her infectious optimism seeps out of her every pore. Her love for you knows no bounds, and she will not hesitate to throw herself into danger to prove it. I mean, she can conjure fire and ice instantaneously in her own two hands! Who wouldn’t want to be her partner?  Only some sort of complete and total asshole would try and turn her down, or worse, fight against her. She fights for what is right, and what is just. You wouldn’t fight against what’s just, would you? 

Yandere! Alucard: 

Intellectual. Sharp. Melancholic. Alucard is not a stranger to romance nor heartbreak. Losing the people closest to him has left him vulnerable, both emotionally and physically. Instead of processing his feelings, he bottles them up, until he can no longer bear their weight. He feels such pressure to remain composed, remain controlled, not animalistic, to go against the programming of half of his biology. At the same time, he is starving, desperate, and filled with an insatiable thirst for closeness. Such a complicated, disconsolate man, Alucard needs you to stay, more than anything. His life has been so lonely, and so hard; at times it feels like all he knows is loss and the cruel impossible whispers of desire. You need to stay. You need to choose him. He cannot take another heartbreak. It’s quite possible, given his role throughout history, that humanity wouldn’t survive another one of his heartbreaks either.  

Yandere! Isaac: 

Keen. Precise. Self-Righteous. Isaac has journeyed far on his quest for revenge, coming not only into a new land and new role but a new self as well. Gone is the former subservient, sacrificial lamb, who has risen into a stronger, wiser, seemingly benevolent king. Do not mistake this kindness for weakness, however. You must be either admirable or too kind-hearted to pose a genuine threat. Once you’ve caught his eye, prepare for an odd game of cat and mouse, you being the mouse of course. Isaac is not used to having friends, much less romantic companions. You must be patient as he learns the intricacies of your psyche. Surely, you must know he’s been analyzing it since you met? Be an honest, positive presence in his life, and he will keep you safe from all others who may do you harm. Treat him as the wise king he now sees himself as, and perhaps, he will ask you to be his queen. 

Yandere! Hector: 

Reclusive. Embittered. Suspicious. Hector has been forced to toughen up. Too late did he realize at the end of the road, that it is the people, not the zombies you command that can make or break a man. That is where you come in my dear. Following Lenore’s death, Hector’s purpose is up in the air, he is suddenly a puppet, free of its strings. He feels much wiser, but just as lonely. Hector cannot help but latch on to you, the first “normal” person to view him as human. He yearns for a simple quiet life, with a dog (a live one) and a partner to call his own. You’re perfectly plain, or perhaps, you’re just odd enough to make him look normal, and he relishes that. You have to understand that he can’t share much about his past. He can’t possibly tell you about his old life, no, no, no. He’s hiding it from you, hells, he’s hiding from it with you. He loves you dearly, he does. But he can’t trust you, not fully. A man with a history like his cannot truly trust anyone. 

Yandere! Dracula/Lisa: 

Nurturing. Captivated. Smothering. Dracula was not keen on humans before meeting Lisa; she bewitched him body and soul. And now the two of them have become enthralled by you. Dracula has learned the ‘other’ humans are not to be trusted, not with you, and certainly not with his wife. Lisa finds it unfortunate how she is no longer able to treat her former patients in Lupu, but she’s also incredibly thankful now that she has you to take care of! Ever the eager student, she still wants to learn so many things, and how wonderful of a practice dummy you are. Dracula is also eternally grateful that his wife will not be completely lonely; he knows how much helping her fellow humans means to her, and now that you’re here, Dracula no longer has to worry about keeping his wife (and by extension, you) to himself for eternity. 

Yandere! Carmilla: 

Prepared. Calculating. Cruel. Carmilla is a sadist at heart, there’s no denying it. She loves feeling the power she wields over all other people, humans, and vampires alike. For you to have caught her attention, surely you must be something special. Either you are particularly gifted in something she’s not (negotiations, necromancy, art, etc.) or you’re just so unbelievably precious, that she can’t help but want to steal you away for herself. She sees you as a possession, as a rare and beautiful gem, not a person. Even if she did ‘hear’ anything you had to say, she’d simply consider it further fodder to be used in manipulating you should it all come to that. She is not a woman who is denied, not by God, not by man, not by Dracula, and certainly not by you. Chin up, pet. Things could always be much worse. You could be thrown in the dungeons and left to rot. How lovely of Carmilla to instead treat you to more luxury than your kind could ever dare to deserve. For your continued safety, may I suggest showing a little gratitude? I mean it’s not like your life depends on it or anything. It does. 

Yandere! St. Germain: 

Wise. Inquisitive. Obsessive. St. Germain is a man who knows his mind. He knows a great deal about alchemy, and that alchemy, at the end of his days, will be his greatest work. That was of course, all before he met you. You opened up a whole side of him that he didn't know existed. Before you, his conquest was kings and courts; his acquaintances were mages and scholars! But now, in his effort to keep you from himself, you have become his conquest; his acquaintances are vampires and demons, all practitioners of dark magic. To him, it’s of little matter, so long as he can secure you, his one true love. To him, it’s the most important to have someone to share all his knowledge with, all that he’s achieved. To bask in the victory alone does not hold the same merit. He needs you at his side, he needs you to be invested in the great work. Without you, without your love, he fears he cannot achieve it. As such, he will do whatever it takes to get you by his side. And I do mean- whatever- it takes. 

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[yoonieper]

For the Birds— Part 1 | JJK

I want you to stay even though you don’t want me.

♡ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (feat. Yuri) 

♡ Genre: angst, smut, future fluff

♡ Rated: A for Analyze 

♡ Series Warnings: Lots of smut (not always healthy), cheating, discussions of depression, this series includes Jk in a pretty toxic environment, degradation (not the sexy kind), manipulation, and overall Jk being in an emotionally abusive situation!

♡ Chapter Warnings: Therapy sessions (major wee woo!), Jk has nsfw thoughts, verbal abuse, Jk has a panic attack, lots of tears, beware friends ⚠️!

♡ Word Count: 19.8k

♡ Summary: As the son of the CEO at Golden Tech, a marriage was arranged in the name of business. Jungkook really tried to make the most of his situation and be the best husband he could be, but no matter how much he tried, his wife just doesn’t seem to want him. Then you… you came into his life and his eyes couldn’t help but wander.

♡ Now Playing: Call Out My Name by The Weeknd— see masterlist for full playlist!  

♡ Betas: Thank you so much to @illyrian-book-lover and @teawithhoneyandlemon for reading this part for me! If you’re interested in betaing a future part, dm me! If you're interested in becoming a permanent beta for this series please first click here and refer to 'details about the job' section for more details and dm for any questions you might have! 

♡ Author’s Note: Prepare my friends for the emotional journey ahead! This road is long so get ready for all the ups and downs :’)  

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much : D

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A year and a half later…

Jungkook looked down at his watch, his leg bounced restlessly as he stared at the long, thin hand circle around the clock. Every sound in the waiting room felt like he was hearing a pin drop in the world’s quietest room. The smallest noises sounded like an explosion to his sensitive ears, and just made him more on edge: the secretary typing away on her keyboard, the water circulating in the fish tank beside him, the shuffling behind the door— he could have pulled out his hair at how tense his body felt. 

Jungkook swiftly twisted the golden band around his ring finger as the seconds ticked away. He had been waiting here for the past twenty minutes and he’d started to regret coming so early. He thought being here would help him calm down, but it seemed to make things worse as his eyes trained on the door. 

People might think Jungkook was minutes away from walking to his execution with how nervous he was about this upcoming appointment. Jimin had even said he looked like a ghost before he left work earlier. His fear was completely irrational, he knew that, but it was forcing him to come face to face with something that would keep him up at night.

Being analyzed.

There was no way to describe it other than it was as if someone was staring at him from across the room. They thought he didn’t notice, but he could see behind their eyes they had put him under a microscope, and were trying to peel back all the layers of his psyche that he didn’t know even existed. He could feel their judgmental gaze, and under their watch, he grew more self-conscious about every molecule that made up his being. On most occasions, Jungkook at least could hope it was all in his head, but today, he was walking straight into this nightmare.

Therapy was strange like that.

“Jeon Jungkook?” A soft, but deep voice called out, making him nearly jump out of his chair. Jungkook looked over and was shocked to see someone standing beside him. It was the same man from the website. 

He was dressed in a nice, black suit and wore a serious expression; he had sharp eyes, longer hair, and square glasses that rested on the bridge of his nose. But the man still managed to radiate kindness with the pleasant contrast of his soft smile and delicate features. Standing up, Jungkook also realized the man was a couple of centimeters shorter than him, he needed to look up to meet his gaze.

Seeing him in person for some reason had him steadily beginning to feel more at ease.

The man smiled at him before guiding Jungkook into his office. It was a nice-sized room, decorated with modern, monochrome furniture, but it maintained its cozy feel with all the soft pillows and a blanket draped across the couch. A giant window overlooked Seoul’s emerging nightlife, a view not so different from what he was greeted with in his own office. Everything about this room helped the nerves he had been battling with all day begin to settle down.

This is for the better, things are finally going to get better— Jungkook kept telling himself as he sat down on the couch. The man took a seat in the big chair in front of him after having gone to his desk to retrieve a simple, yellow-lined notepad.

This was really happening.

“Alright. It’s nice to meet you Jungkook, I’m Dr. Min Yoongi. The time right now is 7:21pm, on April 4th, year 2023.” The doctor said, glancing down at his watch, writing something on the notepad, before returning his gaze back up to Jungkook. “As you should know, I’m a licensed couples therapist and I’m here to help you in whatever might be troubling you in your relationship. This will be our intake interview, and as you were told before, I will meet with you and your wife separately before we begin having our sessions together.” All of this was stuff Jungkook knew about, he had a feeling this was more so a reminder and for whatever record the doctor kept. 

Dr. Min quickly scribbled something on his notepad again before looking up at him. He hadn’t even said anything yet, what could he possibly be writing? 

“Alright Jungkook, I just wanted to ask if you had any questions for me or any concerns you wanted to discuss before we start?” Dr. Min eventually asked.

Jungkook tried to snap himself out of his anxious daze by shaking his head. “There’s nothing I can think of, I’m just a little nervous, I’m sorry.” He could hear it in his voice, the unmistakable shakiness to his tone, he was sure the doctor noticed. 

“You’re nervous?” Dr. Min smiled. 

Jungkook nodded, knowing it was impossible to hide it. 

“Therapy… this is new for me.” Jungkook laughed lightly, but it was a big deal for him to be here. 

Jimin had been the main one to encourage him to seek professional help. After the suggestion, Jungkook had absentmindedly brought it up to his parents when he went over to their house for dinner. They had laughed in his face at the mention of it.

“Your marriage is fine, why waste money on something like that?” His father had snickered as he ate his caviar. 

“The only issue you both have is that I don’t have any grandkids yet.” His mother quickly added, and his father joined in because that was the only thing they ever seemed to talk about when Jungkook visited. 

Therapy wasn’t necessarily a new thing he’d considered doing. It had been brought to his attention when he was in high school. After his brother left, he was faced with the daunting new responsibility of being the one who was going to take over the company one day. As much as he was excited for the opportunity, he was also absolutely terrified with all the extra pressure suddenly on his shoulders.

A friend had suggested for him to talk to a professional after he had done so himself and raved about how much it helped him. When he brought it up to his parents, much like now, they laughed and instead told him he should just talk to them about any worries he had. 

He listened to them back then, but after a particularly nasty fight with Yuri, Jungkook was looking for answers, and the only place he might get real advice was from a professional. That very day he looked for couples therapists and booked with Dr. Min, hoping it might finally bring the change he’s been wanting for years. 

“I understand, therapy can be a little intimidating for some. Tell me Jungkook, what are you hoping to accomplish out of our sessions together?” Dr. Min asked, still maintaining that friendly gaze that made it seem so easy to spill all his worries. 

Jungkook let out a sigh of relief knowing this was an easy question for him to answer. 

“I just want to know what I’m doing wrong… I know it’s my fault and…” as he spoke, he could already feel the tears stinging his eyes. “I want professional advice because I know I messed up, and I just want things to get better between me and my wife.” Jungkook was practically pleading for help. 

Things had to get better. 

Dr. Min tried his best not to let it show how shocked he was at the amount of blame Jungkook was putting on himself already. Most of the clients who come in usually talk primarily about what their partner was doing wrong in their eyes, or put most, if not all of the blame on the issues in their marriage on their unknowing spouse. It would usually take many sessions to even scratch the surface of the issues that they might contribute to. He’s seen that extreme end far more often than what Jungkook posed. It immediately painted a strange impression in his mind of the dynamic between the couple. 

“Why do you think it’s all your fault?” He asked. 

“I mean… it must be, right? I feel like my wife hates me and…” Jungkook sighed knowing he would finally need to get to that significant detail “—because we’re in an arranged marriage I’ve been trying my hardest— or what I thought was my hardest— to make our situation work, but nothing I’m doing is helping our relationship get any better.” 

He really didn’t like to tell people that Yuri and him were arranged. Most people thought they were just two young people who found love early in life, a blazing flame that pushed the couple to be bold and take that next big step so quickly into their lives. Only their families and the people who attended their wedding knew that their marriage was nothing more than a business deal. 

All of this was laid down a little quickly for Dr. Min. He knew with this being a high-profile client, the fact that Jungkook was coming to him meant there was something serious going on with the marriage. Most high-profiles like to keep the issues of their relationships as private as possible, seeking outside help was quite uncommon unfortunately. He’s certainly never handled an arranged marriage before, and that fact was going to make most of his usual techniques useless. 

Jungkook could tell by the look on the doctor’s face that this probably wasn’t what he was expecting, but he wanted to have faith in the man. Dr. Min was known as one of the best in the country for a reason, hopefully he could help no matter the circumstances. 

“Well, I’m not going to blame you. Relationships require both parties to make work, but it’s great that you’re stepping out and trying therapy. Who knows what we might uncover in our sessions together that could help you both in the long run?” Dr. Min gave a reassuring smile to the younger man and he was happy to see Jungkook ease up a little more. 

“Anyway, let’s just get into some general questions to help guide us through this session. Why don’t you tell me about your marriage? I mean, just looking at your file you’re a little young to be married. How long have you and your wife been together?” It was a standard preliminary question, but in this case was extra vital to obtain. 

“Three years— We just celebrated our anniversary on the 21st last month.” Jungkook mentioned. Yoongi tried not to look too surprised but he was seven years older than him, and he and his wife were just about to celebrate their fourth anniversary in June.

“March 21st, 2020?” Dr. Min reiterated and Jungkook steadily nodded. 

That was only a little less than a year after him and his wife had gotten married, and Jungkook was only twenty-five? This was extremely uncommon here in Korea— the only clients he’s seen come in around that age were couples asking for simple advice on how to make their relationship work in the long run; even those instances were rare. More often than not, most couples don’t typically invest in therapy because of the unfortunate financial cost. Yoongi was most of the time helping out married couples or fiancés who had a bit more at stake if the relationship were to go south. 

Jungkook hadn’t even met the average age at which couples tend to get married, he was still far from it— being twenty-five he was four years behind the overall average and six for men in South Korea. And that was based on his age now. When he first got married it was seven and nine. Finding out he was arranged, the situation made a lot more sense than when he was just reviewing his file.

Yoongi had wondered if Jungkook potentially filled out some wrong information when he looked over his forms before the appointment started. While he was relieved that wasn’t the case, the reality was a bit more concerning. 

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my commencement.” Jungkook added.

Yoongi couldn’t help but question why the parents would allow this to happen. He grew more and more baffled the longer Jungkook spoke, but now was not the time nor the place to be judgmental. 

“How did you feel about getting married that young?” Dr. Min inquired further. 

Jungkook sat back and grabbed the pillow beside him. He was a little unsure at first how to answer that question. It was something he used to ponder a lot when he first got married— twenty-two years old and already tied down—  it sounded unreal to anyone he talked to. He never really got the chance to experience much before he had to “settle down.” Jungkook used to think about this a lot at the start. However, as time passed, he tried to focus more on saving the marriage he ruined, rather than mourning what he missed out on because he was arranged.

“I had a plan for myself before my parents told me I was going to get married. I had everything thought out for when I graduated college and getting married pretty much caused my whole plan to derail… I don’t want to speak for Yuri, but I feel like our engagement probably hit me harder.” Jungkook said, looking away into the distance. 

“What makes you say that?” Dr. Min questioned. 

Jungkook sat back on the cozy couch as he thought back to it. “I had this dreamy expectation of what being married would be like. Yuri and I hardly knew each other before they told us we were getting married so I had a lot of doubts if anything could ever come out of our relationship.”

He had pictured love at his wedding, yet he didn’t even know his wife’s favorite color as she walked down the aisle.  

“I knew it wouldn’t be all sunshine and rainbows, that there would be hurdles we’d need to overcome, even more than your typical relationship. It was scary and I was so worried about becoming like my parents.” Jungkook's brows furrowed as he thought about it. 

This immediately piqued Dr. Min’s curiosity and he could tell Jungkook was hesitant about elaborating any further. “Don’t worry, everything in our session will remain just between us.” Yoongi reassured him with a smile. 

It wasn’t like it was that big of a secret. Jungkook took a deep breath before starting. 

“They’re only together for our family’s public image, and me and my brother. They were arranged when they were young as well, and it would take me too long to go into just the details I know, but…” Jungkook just let the silence speak louder than he ever could. “They tried to make it work at first, but it didn’t last very long. Their relationship was hostile, if you could even say they had one in the first place. They’ve cheated on each other a countless amount of times, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other peop—”

Jungkook could never forget his distinct memories of seeing people he hadn’t met before walking through their house unexpectedly. Some of them he only remembered seeing once, others stayed for a little while and became regulars at their residence. His parents would always reassure him and his brother they were just “friends” who stayed over. Growing older made the odd memories present themselves as what they truly were. 

He also remembered all the fighting, the callous words they would spew at each other at night that he could hear from across the hall, and the look of disdain on their faces in the morning. Their relationship, if you can call it that, was turbulent to say the least. Jungkook always wondered how he ended up here, considering how things were when they were still trying to make it work. 

“I always thought their marriage looked more like a prison than anything beautiful. They made it work for our sake, but I never wanted to live like that.” Jungkook’s own words were starting to get to him the more he realized his marriage might suffer an even worse fate. 

A pivotal moment came when he was too small to understand the consequences of his actions; it was at this point, when he was first exposed to the true reality of their family dynamic. His parents had taken him and his brother to the park, he still didn’t know what caused his young mind to go there, but for some reason as they were walking to the playground, Jungkook realized how off things were about their family. It was then that he suddenly asked his mom and dad why they weren’t like all the other parents and couples walking around holding hands. 

“Mom and dad don’t love each other the same way others do.” His dad answered and his mom had so easily agreed— way too easily. It was so stark, so to the point, and at the time he didn’t really get it but their words stuck with him as the years passed and he started to make more sense of their family’s situation.

His young mind didn’t really get relationships, he was still in that phase where he thought all girls had cooties and that boys rule and girls drool, but he could tell something was off with how his parents were with each other. When he actually learned the reason, a strange anger started to brew inside him over the years. A permanent wall his family could never climb. Jungkook had blamed them for most of his life because they could never be a normal family and he swore to himself he never wanted to give his own kids the same fate one day.

But at least his parents could tolerate each other now. They were more like friends these days than anything else, and they knew how to come together when needed. But Yuri seemed like she couldn’t even stand being in the same room as him. 

He had to do something.

“I wanted passion, the thing that people write entire movies, songs, and shows about; I wanted the fireworks, the butterflies, magic— I had really looked forward to it.” It was a little silly, but he had always been a hopeless romantic. Jungkook felt his cheeks burn as his attention focused on the doctor in front of him. “I’m sorry— this probably sounds ridiculous.” He shied.

Dr. Min laughed. “I’m a couples therapist. I know better than anyone else what you’re talking about.”

Jungkook smiled at this, but his cheeks were still on fire. “I had always pictured something like that in my relationship, and don’t get me started on what I thought things would be like when I got married.” He laughed and the doctor joined in. He already embarrassed himself enough as it is.  

“But then I was forced into the exact same situation as my parents with someone I hardly knew. I was terrified I’d end up in that hell.” Jungkook sighed. He had somehow ended up somewhere even worse.

Dr. Min noted on his pad again. 

“This seems to mean a lot to you then.” The doctor commented. 

“It really does and… I mean, besides Yuri, I didn’t have any relationship experience. I focused on school ever since I learned I was going to be the one taking over the company. I thought I would have more time once I graduated but…” 

“Talk about that a little more, what do you mean you didn’t have any relationship experience?” Dr. Min pressed further. He tried his best to hide the shock in his voice. Jungkook was definitely someone he wouldn’t expect to have trouble in that department. 

“I was really busy when I was still in school. I hardly had time to do anything, and certainly not enough to commit to a relationship— at least, the kind I knew I wanted. I was waiting until I had time for something more serious, but then suddenly I was engaged. I never went on a date, never had a girlfriend… I did a little physical stuff in college but it was just experimentation rather than anything passionate. Yuri was my first in a lot of ways.” Dr. Min took extra notes of this. 

“Mmmm is that why you think you’re the issue in the relationship?” Dr. Min asked as he continued to write. This was a factor he especially believed played a part in Jungkook’s apparent lack of confidence in the relationship.

“We wouldn’t be here if I knew what I was doing.” Jungkook sadly chuckled. He truly had no idea what a relationship should be like besides the romanticized versions he’d seen in movies and dramas. 

“That’s not necessarily true— did Yuri have more experience going into your marriage?” 

Jungkook nodded. “I know she had a boyfriend in high school and then there was another guy she dated in her first two years of college. She was miles ahead of me in that department.” 

Yoongi noted that down. “And did Yuri tell you this?” 

He nodded his head. “She talks about them occasionally.”

“In what way?” Dr. Min questioned as he raised an eyebrow.

Jungkook stared at the doctor, suddenly, the nerves quickly came back. “Um—” He stammered. “She’ll compare me to them sometimes, mainly when I do things wrong.” Jungkook mumbled the last part, the embarrassment creeping up once again, heating up his cheeks. 

The doctor stopped writing, the silence that hung in the air felt like it lasted an eternity. “And how does that make you feel?” Dr. Min asked, commiseration filling his tone.

Jungkook quickly needed to fight back the tears as he thought about all the times Yuri would bring up her exes. She would scream in his face how much better they made her feel, and how he could never compare. 

…

“Worthless.” It was a simple, one-word answer that slipped out without much thought. He regretted it as soon as it left his mouth; his eyes grew more watery as he watched the doctor’s expression change to one filled with pity. He hated it.

Jungkook knew now that he deserved it. She was unhappy and it was all his fault. Her boyfriends, when they were younger, did more for her than her own husband; even after being married for the last three years. 

“I’m not surprised you feel that way. We’ll need to discuss this more in depth during a session where I have you both together, but comparison is never healthy for any relationship. I like to think of fresh relationships as the start to a brand new chapter of your life— whatever happened in previous chapters with other people, might have helped shape the story of the person you are today, but now you both begin this new chapter together. Whatever happened in the past should stay in the past, instead, you should be focusing on how you both are going to choose to write this chapter now that you have each other in your lives. Again, I’ll be sure to talk about this more when Yuri’s here, but comparison is never healthy for anybody.” Dr. Min put it so eloquently, but still Jungkook couldn’t help but think he didn’t deserve the advice.  

If he was a better husband, Yuri wouldn’t have the need to compare him.   

“Alright, before we move forward, I just want to make sure I have a clear picture of the situation. Can you elaborate the details of the arrangement with your wife? Did your parents just put you two together randomly or was there something else involved?” Yoongi was struggling to picture how things happened exactly.

Jungkook quickly wiped away the tears before he nodded once again, realizing that might be important. “It wasn’t random at all— then again, when I offered to take over the company from my brother, I had no idea I would be put in that position but—“

“Your brother— What happened there? How about you start from the beginning.” Yoongi interrupted, focused on trying to get as many details as possible.

Jungkook internally slapped himself, realizing he was talking to the doctor like he knew all of the important details. 

“My older brother was supposed to be the one to inherit the company, but he never wanted to take over Golden Tech. Junghyeon and my parents would fight all the time for years about him needing to fulfill his duty while he wanted to forget it all and pursue his dream. When it came down to which college he was going to attend, things just got extra tense when he revealed he applied and got accepted into his dream school. I hated the fighting, plus I was more interested in the company anyway, so I volunteered to take his place so he could live out his dream.” It still felt like yesterday that it all happened. Jungkook had felt so good when he stepped up and let his brother go do what he always wanted. 

He can’t say he would have made the same choice now— maybe Junghyeon would have still been better suited to run the company despite his lack of enthusiasm for the position.

Dr. Min awed and wrote that down. He knew he would have follow-up questions, that context opening up a whole new can of worms, but he didn’t want to keep interrupting Jungkook. “Ok… I think I got it, you can keep going.”

Jungkook took a deep breath before continuing. “Well it wasn’t random, but they never mentioned anything to my brother about being in an arranged marriage nor did they say anything to me when I took over his position. It came out of nowhere. But Yuri’s dad and mine were close pretty much all of our lives despite them being each other's competition. Apparently, in private, they made this deal with each other that benefited both companies so they could rely on each other a little more and wouldn’t need to compete as hard. There was a lot of good that came with the contract, I saw it myself. The one bad thing about it was that they decided the  only way to seal a deal like that would be to actually become family— that’s how me and Yuri got these.” Jungkook held up his hand to show off his wedding band. 

Interesting. 

“So you’re not only married but there’s a contract involved in your relationship?” Dr. Min asked and Jungkook nodded.

“We signed our marriage license first, and then immediately after we stamped the contract. Our wedding went from our ceremony into a party celebrating the contract being finalized.” It was just another thing that made their wedding a little strange.

Knowing that information now, the situation was starting to make a little more sense. It explained the disregard for the couple’s young age with the fact that business was involved. Still it was a bit odd, like why did this deal need to be formed in the first place? Why did the contract have to be stamped immediately? There were still many questions that needed to be answered, but this information was useful to have when considering the subjects to cover in their sessions together.

“It makes even more sense why this is such a big deal to you.” Yoongi added as he finished up his notes. Jungkook steadily nodded at his words.

“It’s not as simple as my marriage will fall apart if things don’t work out— there are so many people relying on me to make this work. I have to make this work, and for some reason, I can’t find a way to make her happy.” Jungkook tried to stop the way his voice wavered, but saying it out loud just made things real all over again. 

The stakes were high, and if he failed, he— 

“Now that I have the big picture, we can move back to your relationship and the troubles you’re having right now. What about Yuri? What specific issues are you having with her?” The question had Jungkook stunned for a second because of course there were things he wanted to bring up, but the guilt had him hesitating. What if Dr. Min knew how awful he was?

“I just want us to be in a happy relationship. I feel it’s my lack of experience that’s getting in the way of that happening. I don’t know what I’m doing but…”

“But?” Dr. Min emphasized as he tried to meet his gaze. Jungkook was clearly avoiding it as he stared down at his lap. 

“But I feel like I’m trying hard to make us work. I just wish she’d touch me more.” It was a dirty confession, something he’d secretly wished for years. How dare he?

“Sexually?” Dr. Min hurriedly scribbled on his pad.

“I just want her to touch me… hold my hand, kiss me, cuddle, anything. I want her to want me.” Saying it out loud was horrible. He was just waiting for that gaze that suggested how pathetic he was, he deserved it for complaining, but that never came as Dr. Min's expression softened once again to something more sympathetic. 

“Do you want to do all that with Yuri?” The doctor followed up with. The question seemed weird to him at first, but then Jungkook realized no one had ever asked him that before. 

“Of course I do… she’s my wife.” He tried to laugh. 

“I get that Jungkook, but considering this is an arranged marriage, I’m just trying to understand where your relationship stands at this moment.” 

The question became that much more daunting because he didn’t have an answer for that. “It’s complicated… I don’t want to answer for Yuri but…” the words just weren’t coming to him. 

Jungkook had to think about it for a while. “I feel, despite us being married for three years, we're still getting to know each other. We’ve had good moments— great moments sometimes… if I find out what I’m doing wrong, I’m sure we can share those moments together a lot more often.” 

Just two weeks ago they were celebrating their third year together— or, well, “celebrating.” Their families just enjoyed holding a small gathering to celebrate the anniversary of the contract being stamped rather than the marriage itself, even though they masked it that way. 

Three years together and what did he have to show for it? He hardly knew the woman he was legally bound to, and he’d just made her life miserable since the day they said their “I do”s on the altar three years ago. 

People around him wished them a “happy anniversary” and pictures of him and Yuri were sprawled around the restaurant they had rented out for the occasion. It was all a lie, every picture where they stared lovingly into each other’s eyes, every wish for so many years to come felt bittersweet. He honestly wondered how anyone could have believed them, they seemed so fake in his opinion. 

Jungkook had spent the whole day feeling awful and mourning the relationship he could have had. The gathering could have been a real celebration of their three years together, if he just was a little better— not just better, if he wasn’t him, how happy her life might be right now.  

It was the main reason Jungkook worked up the courage to meet a therapist. Something had to change. He hoped seeing a professional might be the answer.

Dr. Min nodded slowly as he continued to write his notes. Jungkook wondered what he could possibly be writing. He hoped it was the answers to fix him so he could finally make Yuri happy, but he feared he would only hear the same judgmental remarks he’s grown used to these days. 

“You mentioned you had a plan after your graduation… what did that look like for you?” Dr. Min asked suddenly as he looked back up at him. 

Jungkook was a little stunned at the question at first, but then he tried to rack his brain to remember the plan he’d made what seemed like forever ago at this point. “I had planned to take a break from school before knowing I would get married. It would have been just a year, maybe two at the most in order to establish myself at Golden Tech a little more. I was going to get my master’s sometime after that, and when I got that out the way, I could finally focus on my job and get as much experience as possible before I needed to step up as CEO. However, I got married and I haven’t gotten the chance to go back like I wanted.”

“And why’s that?”

“I’m already busy with work, trying to manage a job, school, and settling into my new relationship was something I knew would be impossible. I wanted Yuri and I to be in a good place before going back but… it’s taking longer than I expected.” Jungkook tried not to think about it too much, he’s already got two degrees which, to some, might be enough. Having a master's would simply be a nice addition at this point, but it was something he always planned and wanted to have— something he still hoped to get one day. 

As much as their relationship has been like a rollercoaster, he still had a glimmer of hope that they could fix things and he could go back to school. 

“Plus, well, I have more than just myself to take care of now. Maybe it was for the best that I work full time, I gain more experience at work than in any classroom.” Jungkook was trying to be optimistic, but just thinking that by now he would have graduated and completed his educational journey, made the sadness come back all too easily. 

But he had a wife, a family he needed to take care of. 

Most people always assumed Jungkook was just this spoiled rich kid who lived off of his parents’ money, and was simply waiting for his dad to retire to finally take over the company. Jungkook never wanted that to be the case and made sure he worked just as hard, sometimes even harder, to prove he was capable.

Truth be told, he stopped living off his parents’ money the minute he graduated high school. It was a choice inspired by his brother's bold decision to just pick up and leave the country. He felt there was a lot to learn about the world, something he knew he would never experience if he had remained sheltered and continued to solely rely on his parents. That experience was especially important if he was going to run a company someday.

He lived like most of his peers who moved away from home. He lived in this cute, tiny apartment, went to work nearly every day, and struggled hard at night to catch up on his schoolwork. He was relatively normal besides the fact he drove a Mercedes to get to class— a graduation present from his father that he just couldn’t let sit somewhere. Besides that, he was  on his own. 

It wasn’t something his parents encouraged. They constantly wanted to give him money any chance they could. Jungkook just wanted to test being on his own and build the life experience most of his peers had. 

Throughout college he lived off of any money he made from his part time jobs, gigs, and desk job at Golden Tech. 

The only reason he was able to move straight into the fancy place they lived in now, was the fact that the apartment was a wedding gift from both his and Yuri’s parents. The whole reason they can live so well now is because of how hard he’s worked over the years! Would any of this be possible if he hadn’t worked full-time?

He had bills to pay and a wife to make happy, there was no way he could have managed to do that and school at the same time. 

Yes, Yuri was his priority. 

Dr. Min observed the way Jungkook seemingly faded out of the conversation, his eyes were wide as he stared out of the window. 

Hmm. 

He made sure to circle this topic on his notes for when Yuri came. 

“Jungkook, you mentioned earlier about intimacy between you and Yuri— I meant to ask, how's your sex life?” The very blunt question had Jungkook’s eyes nearly bulging out of his head and quickly returning back to the doctor. His cheeks grew more pink the more he processed Dr. Min’s words.

“You don’t need to give details, I’m just trying to get a feel as to where the issues might be lying in the relationship. The fact you’re in an arranged marriage, makes this question even more important. Have you both made it to that stage in your relationship? If so, how soon? Are you satisfied?” Dr. Min reiterated. 

“Ummm…” Jungkook felt his face grow hot. How was he going to explain it was one of the biggest issues in their relationship?

“Our honeymoon… we, you know.” Jungkook hoped Dr. Min would get the picture, and was relieved when he nodded. 

“It was a bit too soon— me and Yuri hardly knew each other. We only went on three dates before we got engaged and then we were married. Our parents knew each other so I’d seen her a couple of times in the past, but our honeymoon was really one of our first chances at getting to know each other. It was nice… really, really nice.” Dr. Min noticed Jungkook’s soft smile at the mention of the trip. 

“I feel maybe it was better to get to know each other a little more before we took that step, but you know…” No, he probably didn’t. Jungkook was such a sad human being for giving in so easily the minute she sat on his lap in the hot tub they found themselves in that day. He knew that now. 

“I understand— two young people alone on a trip together— there’s nothing wrong with that.” Dr. Min tried to reassure him, noticing the way Jungkook got quiet. 

“But things have been weird ever since we got back. I thought we just needed to adjust a little bit to our new life, but I feel I was doing a better job back then than I’m doing now.” Jungkook tried to laugh, but he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he remember what he did back then to make her want to be that close? 

Why was he so horrible at being a husband? 

“Jungkook, you never answered if you were satisfied.” Dr. Min tried to dig down, sensing this topic was sensitive. 

“I try to be…” Jungkook said aimlessly, playing with the corner of the blanket that had somehow made its way onto his lap. 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I try to give her what she wants but…” He could never forget her comments: 

“Why would I ever want you when you don’t stop thinking with your dick for just 5 seconds?!” Jungkook had only tried to pull her close to cuddle. She saw right through his guise.

“Look at the fucking mess you made! You’re disgusting!” Yuri screamed as she pointed to spots on the bed where his cum had seeped through his pants. He’d gotten a little too excited while eating her out and made a mess. Yuri had always hated messes. 

“Maybe I’d let you fuck me if you lasted more than two seconds.” Even that was generous, that day he barely made it inside before he was spilling into the condom. He could argue and say they never have sex and he was sensitive, but he couldn’t imagine how frustrating that would be. 

“Why are you crying again? You’re fucking pathetic…” Yuri rolled her eyes after she told him he’d never be good enough for her. There had been a little light in the room, just Yuri’s lamp on her nightstand, when he took off his shirt. Apparently, the view had been that unsightly, she got so upset when he tried to get back on top of her. They never fuck with the lights on anymore, she says it’s easier this way. 

Jimin says he cares way too much about what Yuri says, but he wanted to look good for her. 

Just this morning Jungkook had spent his time in the shower, staring into the glass at his reflection. He hadn’t gotten the chance to go to the gym all week, work taking up all his time, but his week away from the gym had already started to show consequences. That muscle definition he cherished so much was already starting to soften, Yuri doesn’t like it when he’s like that. 

He lives for her praise— those moments when she smiles, when she laughs, when she pleads for him to make her cum. Those moments are few and far between. 

While the criticism hurt, she had every right to be upset. It was clear he lacked in so many aspects at being a good husband, let alone a good partner in general. 

Yuri would always tell him how happy In Kyung Sam made her when they dated— her last ex from college, the person she mainly compared him to. Jungkook had stalked him on Instagram and it was clear he was far from what Yuri wanted. 

He just needed to do better.

“I don’t think I’m good enough.” Jungkook didn’t realize he started crying until he saw the drops start to hit the pillow on his lap. He tried to work hard, tried to be a good husband, but he hated to admit how tired he was these days. The dark circles around his eyes showed his effort, and Jimin told him how much thinner he’d gotten— most noticeably, in his face.

Jungkook skipped way too many meals these days. He tried his best to follow those protein diets recommended by bodybuilders, but work always got in the way and he would forget to eat more often than not. It wasn’t on purpose, but lately, he was starting to look just as sad and tired on the outside as he felt on the inside. 

Hopefully therapy would help.

Dr. Min watched the breakdown ensue, it’s happened with other clients before; eventually, they get to a touchy subject and they become emotional. However, something about watching the tears so easily spill from his eyes, was a little unsettling. Jungkook wasn’t loud, he didn’t make a scene, but his eyes grew redder by the second, his face more pained, and his cheeks more soaked with tears. His gaze however remained on the pillow and blanket that he had become fixated on.

“Jungkook, please don’t say that. I don’t know what Yuri’s done to make you feel this way, but never say you’re not good enough.” Dr. Min took off his glasses and set them on the table, before handing him the box of tissues that sat on the little table in between them. 

“I want her to love me, to want me so bad that it hurts her as much as it hurts me—“ It was then that his voice started to quiver. “I feel like I try so hard but nothing works, I’m so tired…” He was beyond tired at this point. Sometimes he felt like giving up entirely. 

Jungkook had even started feeling less confident at work. He couldn't even satisfy one woman. How would he ever be able to make the employees at Golden Tech happy, let alone the consumers, business partners, the media— how could he ever live up to his father’s legacy? 

It scared him the amount of times he considered telling his father to hand the position to someone that might be more suitable. What would his father think of him? It almost felt inevitable at this point at how much of a disappointment he was these days.   

His thoughts were spiraling; recently, they always do. 

“It’s ok to be tired, but you’ve already made a great step in coming here.” Dr. Min tried to be the shoulder Jungkook could lean on, but he was too focused on all the red flags waving around in his head. 

Jungkook didn’t give too much detail about Yuri, but Dr. Min had been a therapist long enough to know that this might go beyond just simple marital issues. He wanted to press for more details, but suddenly Jungkook’s phone started buzzing in his jacket pocket. It was almost startling to see how fast the young man wiped away his tears, before he reached into his pocket and answered his phone. 

“Hello?” Jungkook’s voice was a little hoarse, but his tone shifted to sound a lot more professional than the soft one he used with him. Yoongi quickly figured this must be a work call. 

“Wha— I’m a little busy—“ Jungkook tried to interject, but silence passed as he listened to the person on the other end.

“Oh? Oh… I see— I’ll come straight in then.” That sadness in his voice returned all too quickly, but Dr. Min could tell he was trying to mask it. 

The call ended soon after, and Jungkook looked at the clock to see that they still had 10 minutes left of their session. 

“I’m sorry, I’m going to need to cut our session short. I thought I was done for the day but…” Jungkook tried to smile, but he couldn’t. For some reason, he wanted to stay and talk more. This must be a good sign. 

“I understand.” Yoongi said as he stood up with Jungkook.

“I look forward to seeing you again and meeting your wife tomorrow.” Usually during these sessions, Dr. Min tried his best to remain unbiased regarding couples’ problems, especially during these initial one-on-one intake interviews, but he was already starting to get a worrisome picture in his head of this woman. Their meeting tomorrow will be the real teller. 

Jungkook smiled lightly before heading for the door. Dr. Min wanted to stop him, for some reason, he feared letting him go in his state, but all he could do was hope to see him again. 

•────•──────────•────•

The next day, Jungkook found himself stuck in a meeting with some of the executives from the production team. It wasn’t that important, it was just an update about what they had been up to lately at the factories. Jungkook had tried his best to pay attention, but he was really tired today. 

After he went home from the work emergency, he was finally able to let the emotions he’d been trying to keep at bay flow without the prying eyes of society. He didn’t know exactly why he was crying. Something about opening that door was so hard to do, and it just resurfaced all those thoughts that kept spinning around in his head over the years. He didn’t know what to do with himself; it was all too much and he had no one to talk to. 

Yuri came home eventually, she walked in and was greeted with the sight of him sitting at their dining table, dinner only half eaten, and his face stained with tears. He wished she had come over and hugged him— that’s all he wanted, he was sure it would have made everything better, but Jungkook watched the disappointment etch more into her features the longer she stared at him. Yuri just rolled her eyes with a scoff and went to heat up her cold dinner. 

Jungkook didn’t blame her for being upset, he really does cry too much these days.

As much as he told himself that, something about this just finally made him explode; the fragile dam that had kept his emotions somewhat under control crumbled to pieces all in an instant. He couldn’t stop his sobs as he quickly ran to the bathroom for a little more privacy. It didn’t take long for Yuri to come over banging on the door, complaining about the noise. 

He probably was too loud, Yuri hates it so much when he’s loud. But he was far too emotional earlier and her pleas for him to be quiet just made things worse. 

He ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor last night after he eventually passed out. He woke up with sore, red, puffy eyes, and his arm hurt like crazy from sleeping on it. It was his fault, Yuri made sure he knew how dumb that was before she left. 

Jungkook had tried coffee earlier, he even had Secretary Yu cancel his plans for the next two hours as he tried to take a nap in his office. That didn’t really work; he was too worried about someone walking in and thinking he was lazy. 

The only thing that kept his eyes from fluttering closed was you standing outside the meeting room. You were by the printer, likely working on those reports he asked you to do.

He should’ve been focused on the presentation, but his gaze was too busy raking up your legs that were so nicely accented by your red-bottom stilettos and short pencil skirt. The sight was a feasting ground for his imagination to run wild, and he was far more interested in picturing coming up behind you and fucking you right there against the printer. He would finally push up that short skirt that would drive him crazy as he shamelessly took you right then and there. 

As much as he enjoyed the thought, Jungkook felt disgusting; he had a wife, and it went against everything he believed in to think about someone other than the woman he’s married to in a situation like that. He could try to make up an excuse and say it was all the sexual frustration he’d been experiencing these days, but how could that justify it? It couldn’t, he was awful.

But Jungkook wanted to feel something, and Yuri wasn’t giving him anything anymore. They hardly had sex these days and she found too much pleasure in teasing him, getting him to a point where he’s pleading, before something always gets in the way of anything actually happening. His mind for some reason had found refuge in imagining you in sexual situations to cope. It was one of the reasons he ultimately ended up making an appointment with Dr. Min, recently you had drifted into his mind while he was eating out his wife. How dare he? 

He could continue to give excuses, nothing justifies what he’s been doing, but before he got married, he would have described someone like you as his “ideal type.” If things were different, if he wasn’t married, he would have probably had the biggest crush on you. 

Neither of you had talked much since you started working at Golden Tech, but he’d taken more time than he wanted to admit watching you from afar. 

Oddly enough, you were the epitome of everything his young mind had pictured dating. It wasn't like he walked around with a list in his head, but he found you checking boxes he didn’t even know he had. It was the weirdest feeling, but the longer you were at the office, the more he felt that if things were different, he would’ve liked taking a shot.

From the moment you spilled coffee on him, he knew you were gorgeous, so much so, that for some reason you always occupied his mind. It was in a way that had his eyes following you each time you crossed paths in the hallways, in a way that made him think about you even after you walked by, and in a way that made him a mess anytime you’d meet his gaze. 

He was always thrown into a whirlwind of conflicting emotions whenever he’d see you. Lust, admiration, anger? He didn’t know anymore, but most of the time it was all three at once. 

Workwise it was mainly admiration. You were smart, that much was clear from your first meeting, but since then you’ve continued impressing him. You were never afraid to speak your mind in the middle of heated debates between executives, and it was always your insight he found the most compelling. The amount of times alone since the TV incident they have utilized your input for important situations… It wasn’t a big shock when he found out how quickly you got promoted, you honestly did more than your superiors. You were hardworking, no matter what he threw at you, you would always manage to get it done better than expected. He would always hear the best from Director Son about your team being one of the best performing out of the finance department. 

The list could go on really, but hearing about you, or even seeing you in the hall, always made him feel all strange inside. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew he hated it.

He wasn’t the only one who seemed intrigued by your charm; you made everyone around you smile with such ease. Anytime he would happen to see you in the office, your coworkers would be laughing and smiling about something you’d said. He’d tried to join in on the fun and talk to you occasionally— after meetings, in the hall when you were alone, in the office when he would pass by and see you still working late, but it never seemed to go well.

“Director Jeon! Did you need something from me?!” You had panicked that one time he startled you while you were standing by the water cooler. The minute you met his eyes, his mind went blank. Somehow his attempt at small talk had turned into checking to see if you were on track to meet the deadline for something he’d asked you to do.

Even Jimin had only the best things to say about you. 

“I really don’t understand why you have a problem with her.” Jimin side-eyed him one night when they were working late. Jimin had brought you up and mentioned a fun brief conversation you had, and somehow the topic had shifted to his hyung questioning why he was always so weird when it came to you. The only thing Jungkook could respond with was giving you more work. 

He didn’t have a problem with you.  He really didn’t, but as much as he found himself enamored by your work, he also found it hard to stop the anger from rising anytime you’d even cross his mind. And unfortunately, that was often.   

Jungkook really didn’t know you that well, but he’d seen you enough that you’d affect him in ways that he could never tell another soul about. 

One time he walked by the meeting room when you were leading a meeting along with Director Son. You never noticed him standing there, but just seeing you in your element made him quickly need to run back to his office after he felt his pants start to tighten.

It was often your dark red lips that he pictured when his hand would hurriedly fist his cock. Jungkook hardly masturbated anymore, Yuri hated the mess, and he always felt sex-crazed if he ever attempted these days. However, the last time he did it was your lipstick he pictured, it was the view he had earlier that day when you bent over beside him and he could see down your shirt, it was those stupid short skirts you would wear all the time, it was you who he pictured fucking instead of his wife as he desperately rocked into the pillow that he’d been clinging onto. 

Jungkook never did that again. Yuri had gotten so mad when he told her he had essentially ruined his pillow in a moment of weakness. Part of him wished he had told her it was another woman that he got off to, he would have loved to see how jealous she might have gotten. At least then he would have known if she truly cared for him at all. 

You would get him so flustered without even trying. Maybe if you knew, you would hate him as much as Yuri did. Maybe it was best this way. The thought of another person screaming how pathetic he was, was enough to send him over the edge. It was probably only thanks to the business deal that he found himself getting married. No one would have said yes otherwise. 

Jungkook’s attention remained on you, but you never noticed his gaze. His mind was going crazy at the thought of feeling you; the sounds of the buttons on the printer being smashed into filling the hallway as he desperately pushed into you from behind. You felt so good around his needy cock while he tried his best not to spill into you too soon. 

It would be too good, and—

His fantasy was interrupted when Taehyung, a member of your financial team, suddenly walked up beside you. Jungkook watched as he seemingly came over to help you in your struggle with the printer. He just rolled his eyes and tried to go back to paying attention to the presentation like he was supposed to. 

He had to remember to get that printer fixed. 

It’s not like Jungkook had a problem with Taehyung, but he’s heard the rumors about you two and how everyone who worked on this floor thought you were together. There was no reason to be upset; he could feel his wedding ring on his finger, but he couldn’t stop disliking seeing the two of you anywhere near each other. 

What if it was true? 

He wondered what made you choose Taehyung. What did he do to win you over? What did Jungkook lack that made him so unwanted? Jungkook's gaze drifted down at the ring on his finger. In another world where he wasn’t married, he couldn’t help but think you wouldn’t have liked him anyway. No one would.

“Director Jeon?” The executive called out, finally noticing that Jungkook wasn’t paying attention to the lavishly planned out presentation. 

“I-I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Jungkook hurriedly tried to shake himself out of his daze. 

The meeting went on for far too long in his opinion. The production team always liked to be detailed in their presentations ever since going on two years ago when they messed up the launch of the new line of TVs. Normally he would have appreciated it, but he had trouble keeping his eyes open the entire time.

The minute it was over, Jungkook rushed back to his office, hoping to finally get a few minutes of sleep. He had an hour before his next meeting so he could squeeze a thirty minute nap in before he needed to do some last minute work. 

Just as he sat on his chair, ready to lay his head down, suddenly his phone started to buzz in his jacket pocket. Jungkook groaned, the exhaustion easily made him annoyed; he just wanted to sleep. He was ready to slam that dnd button for a little peace and quiet, when he realized it had been a text from Dr. Min.

Dr. Min [4:23]: Yuri didn’t show up for her interview today. 

Dr. Min [4:23]: I waited an extra thirty minutes and even tried calling. 

Dr. Min [4:25]: We can still do our first official session tomorrow, just make sure she’s there :)

Jungkook stared at his phone in disbelief. 

After he finally managed to come out of the bathroom this morning, the first thing he did was remind Yuri about her interview with Dr. Min. They argued a bit, Yuri always going back to the fact Jungkook slept on the floor again, but he still kept reminding her throughout their discussion, and even until she left, about her appointment with the doctor.

Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder if she actually forgot, or if she purposefully didn’t show up. Yuri, just like his parents when he brought up the idea of going to couple’s therapy, detested it, but Jungkook was insistent until she finally relented and agreed. 

She knew this meant everything to him. 

Jungkook didn’t know how to react. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to just break something. Instead, he texted Dr. Min a quick ‘ok’ before laying his head down to finally sleep. 

He was just so tired.

•────•──────────•────•

The next day it took way too much effort trying to bring Yuri over to Dr. Min’s office. She went on and on that she had plans with friends, and Jungkook almost had to physically drag her into the car to go with him. 

The whole fiasco made him incredibly flustered. She complained the entire time about how much this was going to be a waste. The whole way Jungkook was either on the verge of opening the car door and jumping out, or shriveling into a ball to just cry because why didn’t she want this as bad as he did? 

Did she not want to fix their marriage? Had she already given up?

It was thoughts like these that clouded his mind on the way to Dr. Min’s office. Yuri was in his ear the whole time sighing about how she could be “sipping sparkling wine with her friends at Han Cook’s right now instead of going to this fucking scam,” her words exactly. It was irritating, Jungkook even noticed Dae-Jung roll his eyes a couple of times because she just wouldn’t stop.

At some point, even he didn’t want to be there.

They were already 5 minutes late by the time they were walking through the door. Dr. Min was standing in the waiting room talking with his secretary when he and Yuri arrived hand in hand, but not out of affection, Jungkook was just scared she might try to run away. 

“Ahhhh, there’s my couple.” Dr. Min smiled at the sight.

“I’m so sorry we’re late…” Jungkook sighed, trying to repress any ill feelings he had toward his wife. Now was not the time; they were there now, that’s all that mattered. 

Dr. Min quickly guided the both of them into his office, repeating the same process as when Jungkook went in for the first time. Before he knew it, they had the blanket draped over their laps, and Dr. Min was sitting in his cozy chair in front of them with his yellow notepad in hand.

“Alright, for our first session I think it might be best that our main goal should be to try to open the doors before we really begin to explore what’s inside. We should try to lay out any immediate issues you think you might be having in your relationship. It could be anything— the little things, like someone not always forgetting to push their chair in, to bigger things, like that fight you both had that has stayed with you. But first, since I never got to meet with you Yuri, I just want to talk to you briefly.” Dr. Min smiled at Yuri and he noticed the way she rolled her eyes. 

“I understand therapy might be a little intimidating at first, but just think of me as a friend you’re ranting about your relationship troubles to. I’m someone outside of your relationship, I’m not here to tell you who’s right or wrong, but simply to advise and guide you in ways that might lead you both to being a happier and healthier couple.” Yoongi hoped that would do something, but Yuri continued to sit there with her arms crossed, looking completely uninterested. 

Hmmm. 

“Yuri, I want to first know if you have any concerns about our sessions.” 

She sighed with almost palpable annoyance. “No.” Yuri mumbled, looking out the window. 

Alright.

This wasn’t his first session with someone like this. Over the years, he’s learned that the best way to handle it, was to try your best to get your foot in the door. It’s all a matter of getting them talking.

“Alright Yuri, how about you tell me how you first found out about the arrangement? What were your feelings when you heard the news?” Dr. Min laid out a relatively simple question, hoping this would be enough to get her even just a little engaged.

“I mean…” Yuri looked over at Jungkook before turning back to the doctor. “We found out together, our parents sat us down and told us we were getting married. I felt indifferent to it, no one really wants to get married when they’re twenty-two but it was for a business deal, what could I do about it?” 

“It’s your life, you weren’t upset?”

Yuri shook her head. 

“I felt like I was doing my part for the family. My brother’s inheriting the company, and my sister works there as well. It was just me that went on a different path, so the least I could do was help secure a deal that would really benefit the company.” 

Interesting. 

“Alright then, let’s change the question a little. What were your feelings when you heard that you were to marry Jungkook?” The question was direct and it was asked with the hope of understanding her feelings toward her husband. 

Considering the concerning way Jungkook described their relationship, it was a good way to segue the conversation into uncovering her true feelings. Dr. Min noticed the way Jungkook’s eyes widened before he turned to face Yuri, anticipating her answer. 

Yoongi wished he had the opportunity to meet with her on his own. Normally, this would never be a question he would be asking with the spouse present, at least without knowing the answer first, but it was important information that would help him better plan their future sessions.

It was clear the question also took Yuri off guard. 

“It was Jungkook, we had seen each other a few times before and our parents made us go on a couple of dates. I would be more surprised if it wouldn’t have been Jungkook.” 

“You didn’t answer my question. How did you feel that it was specifically Jungkook?” 

Yuri’s face changed. He could sense she was slightly irritated again.

“What do you want me to say, I couldn’t wait to get married to him? Is that what would make you happy?” Her words were for Dr. Min, but she eventually turned to face Jungkook. 

“I’m not expecting anything. I just wanted your honest thoughts about what you felt like at that moment; the fact you were getting married forcefully, and that it was Jungkook at the end of that aisle. How would you have felt if it was someone else?” 

“No different. I was only doing it for the company, it just happened to be Jungkook that I married. I mean, it probably would have been his older brother if he hadn't left.” Yuri was looking at it very logically, but she didn’t seem to care when she finished ranting about Jungkook turning away to wipe away his tears. 

“How about now, do you feel the same way? You wouldn’t have cared whether it was Jungkook or his brother you married?” Dr. Min pressed.

“Well… I know Jungkook more. I’ve only met his brother a couple of times, and from those few instances, I think Jungkook and I work a little better.” This should have been the moment that gave Jungkook some hope, but all he was hearing was ‘convenience.’

It just so happened that his brother left for California and he offered to take his position. There was no “I’m so happy it worked out that way,” for all he knew, Yuri could have said the same thing if Junghyeon was here instead of him. Then again, his hyung probably wouldn’t even be here in therapy. His brother was always great with people and had ten times more experience in relationships than he did. Maybe Yuri would have been happier if she had married him instead. 

What was wrong with him?

“What makes you say that Yuri?” Dr. Min could sense Jungkook was spiraling, he just hoped this question would bring some sort of reassurance. 

“Me and Jungkook just… we just…” For the first time, she stumbled.

“What Yuri?” Jungkook suddenly interjected. “We what?”

“I think we work.” It was the same robotic answer from earlier. Jungkook sat there stunned wondering why she wasn’t telling him?

Something in him snapped.

“Yuri, why aren’t you telling him? He’s a professional; he’s here to tell me what I’m doing wrong. Tell him how being married to me makes you miserable. I'm trying to fix things, at least make you more comfortable. Tell him, please tell him!” Jungkook cried, he was desperate to finally understand what he had done to make her hate him so much. 

Why couldn’t she understand? He just wanted to make her happy.

Yuri just leaned back on the couch and rolled her eyes, again. 

“I can’t believe you’re crying about this.” She mumbled. 

Jungkook hurriedly wiped his eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I can’t do anything right.” He tried to laugh it off. 

If the red flags weren’t waving before they were about to fly off at this point. It was so strange. Yoongi felt like this appointment was close to derailing, so he tried his best to steer them back on topic. 

“Yuri, are there any issues you have with Jungkook you want to address in our sessions? It could be anything, I’m sure you heard Jungkook is very willing to listen and hear any qualms you may have with him or your relationship.” Yoongi found himself worried about what she was going to say.

Yuri thought for a bit before settling on a simple answer. “He’s too clingy.” 

“In what ways?” Dr. Min hoped to coax more out of her. 

“I don’t know… he’s more into being close, I’m just not like that.” It was still vague and didn’t quite make sense. 

“I get that not everyone is the affectionate type, I’m the same way actually, but there are still ways to show you care besides physical touch. People have different love languages— considering you both were arranged at such a young age, you might still be trying to explore what works best for you. I might be able to recommend to you both some exercises you might be able to try in order to explore those sides of yourselves.” Jungkook was holding onto every word the doctor was saying. Maybe this might be it.

Dr. Min made a note to return to those exercises at the end of the session.

“Yuri, I would like to talk about something that Jungkook discussed with me in our interview. I don’t want to speak for him, so Jungkook, feel free to jump in at any moment, but one of the things he mentioned was his desire for you to touch him more. I think in regards to affection—“ 

“Is he talking about our sex life?!” Yuri exclaimed suddenly, turning to face him.

Yoongi’s eyes widened at her outburst.  “It was mentioned, but that’s not—“ 

“I can’t believe you…” Yuri scoffed, turning away from him.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook didn’t even try to fight her.

“I think it’s healthy to discuss it. You’re meant to be a couple and I hope you both know that communication is one of the building blocks into facilitating a good relationship. Things like sex, which is a boundary you both have crossed, in order to make sure everyone is satisfied, should be actively discussed with each other.” Dr. Min pointed out. This appointment was going left, he had simply wanted this to be a point about compromise, but the topic shifted so quickly.

“I get it might be a little awkward with me being here, but if it’s something you feel like you need to work on in your relationship, this is the place to discuss it.” Yoongi watched Yuri scoff at his words.

“That hadn’t been my point though—  I only brought up intimacy to demonstrate how relationships take compromise to work. Jungkook had mentioned how physical touch seems to be something he really values in a relationship—  this could include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, small things like that. Yuri you don’t share those same values, which is completely fine. Relationships require both parties taking and giving in order to make work. In this case, Yuri, you could try and be a little more affectionate with Jungkook because you know that means a lot to him. And Jungkook, it is important that you give Yuri her space when she needs it. This balance is important in working toward a healthy relationship.” He finally seemed to hold their attention as he went on. 

“Communication is key. Knowing how to effectively tell your partner whenever you feel the balance might be off, is important to maintaining the relationship. This helps your partner feel seen, heard, and allows you both not to be in the dark about how each other is feeling. Jungkook, why don’t you tell Yuri some of the things we talked about in your session?” Dr. Min ushered, hoping Jungkook’s own words would be good when articulating these points, but he could sense Jungkook’s hesitancy on how he shakily looked between him and Yuri.

Jungkook sat up slightly. “All I want is for you to want me Yuri… maybe we shouldn’t have had sex so soon before getting to know each other but…” Jungkook felt horrible for even mentioning this, “I feel like I do so much— I try my best to make you happy, but I don’t feel like you’re putting in any effort, or even want to put in any effort into our relationship. I know we were arranged and things aren’t going to just magically work out, but I thought we both agreed on our honeymoon that we were going to try our best to make the most out of the situation.” Jungkook's voice started to shake as the tears had already begun to fall. 

“I know I’m making a mess of things, but I just want you to tell me what I do wrong. I want you to know I’m committed to you, to our relationship, and the reason I brought us here is all for our future, I want an ‘us.’ I just want to know you’re trying… I’ll take anything… don’t leave so early in the morning and stay in bed to cuddle, kiss me when you leave, hug me, kiss me when you come back, take me out on dates, invite me out with your friends, and—“ He was a mess, saying anything and everything that was coming into mind.

“Yuri, I want you all the time, you have no fucking idea. I promise I want this, I want you, but I’m frustrated. I wish I wasn’t, but I am because my wife is gorgeous and gives me every reason to want her every single day, but— fuck, but you always lead me on and… I know it’s hard to want me, I know it’s so hard…” Really, why would she ever want him?

“I know whenever we do have sex I’m not the best at it, I could be better, I want to be better, but—but…. but…” Somehow the tears poured out even harder when he realized he had nothing. Why would Yuri ever want him, why would anyone ever want him? 

Absolutely nothing about him was worth putting in the effort that he wished for so badly.

“Jung—“ Dr. Min was about to interject but Yuri was quicker.

“I can not fucking believe this, is this seriously how you talk about me when I’m not here?!” She was yelling, this shocked Dr. Min, but Jungkook almost seemed to completely shut down, staring at Yuri blankly with these wide, round, sad eyes. 

“You’re actually pathetic, I can’t believe I married such a fucking loser… And you want to know why I never want you? It’s because you act like this! You’re always fucking complaining about something, you cry about everything, you’re not normal for one fucking minute. You’re talking about our private business in front of this stranger and painting me like I’m just this bad fucking person!” 

Yuri suddenly stood up, the blanket dropping to the floor.

“Why don’t you tell him there’s absolutely nothing in that head of yours and the only thing that seems to do any sort of thinking is your dick, and you whine every time I say no.” All Dr. Min could look at was Jungkook as Yuri practically screamed in his face. Jungkook just looked like a deer trapped in headlights at how scared he seemed, and Dr. Min noticed the way his hands were shaking and grabbing onto the pillow on his lap a little too tightly.

Oh no. 

“Yuri please—“ Dr. Min tried to interject once again but was immediately shut down. 

“Jungkook, you want to hear why I don’t want you?! You never let me do what I want, it’s always us, never me. You make me feel claustrophobic, you cry at the littles things, you fuck like a robot, and you finish in two seconds. Why would I ever want to be at home? Why would I ever want to be with you?!” 

“Yuri!” Yoongi once again tried to stop her, a little more firmly this time, sensing disaster was near. 

“The fact that you wasted my time bringing me here because your dumb ass can’t figure out why I don’t want to deal with you—  I honestly have no words, because why did I have to marry such a pathetic fucking excuse of a man?!” Yuri lashed, and with that, she rolled her eyes one last time before she grabbed her purse and stormed out of his office. 

Dr. Min was stunned. In all his years of practice, nothing like that had ever happened during any of his sessions, but his own shock was dwarfed by how concerned he was for Jungkook. The minute Yuri slammed the door behind her, his trembling seemed to only get worse, and his choked cries were replaced with gasps for air.

What Yoongi had feared became all too real when he saw Jungkook desperately reaching to tug at his tie, and he suddenly looked like he just came back from running a marathon. 

Dr. Min immediately flipped from professional mode into caretaker, jumping up from his chair to sit beside Jungkook on the couch. 

“Don’t worry, I’m here.” Yoongi tried to reassure him, pulling him into a tight embrace and gently rubbing his back. 

“Everything she said— she-she’s fucking right.” He was hardly able to get out the words.

“No, she’s not Jungkook, don’t listen to her.”

“My wife— she’s my wife— how can I not listen?!” He choked into his shoulder. 

Yoongi sensed this was only going to get worse. 

“Jungkook, listen to me ok? I’m going to need you to take deep breaths for me, alright? In and out, in and out, in and out—“ Yoongi pulled back to demonstrate steady breathing, making sure Jungkook looked at him. 

Eventually, he attempted to join the doctor. Jungkook was definitely shaky, but it was better than nothing. 

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to get you some water real quick, but in the meantime please repeat over and over out loud— it’s okay to not be okay. Okay?” Dr. Min advised, but he could immediately tell Jungkook was not listening.

“She’s right— why-why did I—“ 

“Jungkook, say it with me.” Dr. Min made sure Jungkook was actually looking into his eyes before continuing.

“It’s okay to not be okay— say it with me. It’s okay to not be okay.” Yoongi kept repeating, waiting for Jungkook to join him, still trembling in his grasp. 

“It’s okay to not be okay.”

“It’s okay—“

“It’s okay to not be okay.” 

“It’s okay to not be okay.” Jungkook was eventually able to force it out.

“Keep repeating and continue taking deep breaths; I’m going to get you water.” Yoongi said and Jungkook shakily nodded, reassuring that he had heard him. 

Yoongi was finally able to get up and he quickly made his way out of his office to where his secretary sat. Luckily for him, right behind her desk was a mini fridge where they kept refreshments. 

“Dr. Min, what’s going on? I heard screaming, someone stormed out of here—“ She asked, her concern already on her features. 

“I’ll explain later, can you hand me a bottle of water?— My client is having a panic attack.” Yoongi rushed out. His secretary looked shocked but quickly rolled her chair over to the fridge behind her. 

“Oh my gosh, is everything ok?” She asked as she took the bottle out and handed it to him.

“We’re trying to get there. Thank you so much.” Yoongi said before hurrying back into his office. 

He found Jungkook still just as distraught as when he left, but he was still repeating the phrase and trying his best to take deep breaths in between. 

“Good job.” Yoongi smiled, trying to reassure him. 

“Here, this will help.” He handed him the water bottle, but Jungkook’s hands were shaking so much, he couldn’t open it. Yoongi was quick to step in and screw off the cap for him, gently guiding the bottle to Jungkook’s mouth so he could drink, fearing he might spill it if he tried doing it on his own. 

Yoongi put his arm around Jungkook as they both faced the window. By now, the sun had almost set completely. The city lights were bright, you could see a few stars decorating the sky, but a sliver of orange accented the horizon, the last bit of sunlight of the day fading.

Jungkook kept taking deep breaths and trying his best to repeat the phrase that Yoongi told him to, but occasionally those thoughts that probably garnered the attack would return with full force and suddenly he was shaking again and he struggled to catch his breath. 

Jungkook wondered if the doctor thought he was as pathetic as he felt, but he never said a word as he cried his eyes out and tried to pull himself together. All his brain could focus on was the look on Yuri’s face as she told him how she felt. How dare he say all that? He should have known better. Why didn’t he know that? What was wrong with him? 

After many more tears, Jungkook was finally able to calm down. His suit jacket was draped over the armrest of the couch, and the tips of his hair that sat right at his cheeks were soaked— which he needed a haircut. He kept forgetting to do that, it was getting too long now. 

“Jungkook, how long has this been happening?” Dr. Min eventually asked.

Jungkook was sitting with his head in his hands, his face burning at an alarming degree. He felt so embarrassed for causing such a scene. He was too much in his own thoughts to realize the doctor had asked him a question. Dr. Min gently pulled his shoulder back to make sure he was listening. 

“Jungkook, did you hear me? How long has this been happening?” Yoongi asked again. 

Jungkook sighed, his face was still wet from the tears that hadn’t stopped falling. 

“Not too long… I’ve only felt like this a couple of times before, it’s never been this bad though— which I’m very sorry for. I’m so sorry about making such a scene—“ 

“Don’t be, it isn’t your fault, and this is really serious.” Yoongi sighed, wishing Jungkook would stop blaming himself for everything. “Does anyone close to you know you’ve been having panic attacks?” He asked next. 

Jungkook slowly shook his head. 

The only other person who might know would be Yuri, but he’s always been able to run and hide in the bathroom before it got too bad. It was still new that this was happening at all. For some reason, these days when Yuri gets like that, he gets easily overwhelmed that suddenly the room he was in felt like it was closing in on him. 

In the past, he would have told Jimin, but he didn’t want his hyung to see him like this. He didn’t want him to know how pathetic he had been lately. 

“You should probably tell somebody. Did having me here help at all?” Dr. Min asked. 

“It really did, thank you so much.” It was truly more sympathy than he deserved. None of his attacks had been as bad as todays, but the doctor being by his side, and so attentive, made this one the shortest episode he’s had.

The silence settled in the room for a moment.

“Maybe I’m expecting too much out of this arrangement, and I’m making her miserable by trying to have us act like an actual couple.” Jungkook suddenly said, letting those thoughts take over again. “We agreed to try on our honeymoon, but— I think I did something that made her think otherwise. I’m so bad at this, Yuri wasn’t like this before we got married. She was so sweet— I just…” 

“Jungkook, you shouldn’t keep blaming yourself for this. A marriage, any relationship really, takes both partners putting in the effort to make it work. I imagine being in an arranged marriage would make things harder, but both partners still need to try. Even though I don’t know the exact details, to me, it seems like you should know you’re at least putting in the work. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if you’re going above and beyond.” Yoongi smiled. 

“There is nothing wrong with expecting something in return. Sure, I haven’t talked to Yuri enough to know if what you’re doing is exactly what she wants; but the fact that it doesn’t seem like she’s gone through that trial and error phase with you, is an issue. You’re trying to be a couple, you’re bound to have bad days, but there should be more good ones than not. I don’t know everything about your relationship, but I can’t lie and say I’m not worried about you.” Dr. Min was being honest. 

“I can’t leave though— we aren’t dating, we’re married, and not only that, so many people are relying on me to make this work! Golden Tech benefited so much from our marriage, Redno did too, and all the employees— I can’t give up. We signed a contract.” Jungkook looked panicked at the thought of what failing would mean. 

“I get that, but it seems like this marriage is starting to affect your—“

“I just need to make her happy, I have to make her happy somehow. Why is it so fucking hard?! Why can’t I just do that?!” Jungkook stared down at the ground, his hands hurriedly running through his hair and tightly gripping onto his dark locks. 

“Jungkook—“

“I feel like I’m letting everyone down these days— fuck, why can’t I get it together? How am I ever going to run a company like this?!” The agony he was experiencing pained his voice, and the anguish that painted his features was more than unsettling. They were sentiments that Jungkook tried to keep hidden, but everything was just spilling out at this point. 

“Jungkook, that’s not—“

But instead of letting the doctor finish, he just groaned loudly, his frustration with the situation becoming overwhelming. Jungkook tried his best to hastily wipe away his tears and shake away the despair. “I should probably leave.” He suddenly interrupted, standing up way too quickly and nearly falling because his head hurt so much. 

“Wait—“ Yoongi tried to stop him.

“It’s getting late anyway.” Jungkook stretched, noticing now the nightlife was already in full swing. 

Yoongi wanted to tell him to stay. He felt Jungkook was close to uncovering some concerning details, but he couldn’t keep him there. But he was just really, really worried about him. 

Instead, he just sighed and got up to finally turn on a light. He had kept them off, knowing Jungkook complained a couple of times that his head was hurting. Besides, the lights outside were more than enough to keep things from being pitch black. 

“Jungkook, do you have anyone you could stay with tonight?” Dr. Min asked.

“Hmm?” 

“I don’t think it’s right for you to be alone, and maybe a night apart from Yuri would do you some good.” This was the opposite of the advice he’d normally give, but he feared any time with Yuri would push Jungkook over an edge he sensed was nearing. 

Jungkook slowly nodded. 

“I’m so sorry. I overstayed and went way past our session. I hope I wasn’t in the way of any other appointments, I can pay for the extra time.” Jungkook offered but Yoongi shook his head.

“You were my last appointment for the day, and there is no need. You left early for your intake interview anyway, so let’s just say we made up the time today.” Yoongi smiled. Jungkook was about to protest otherwise, but Yoongi quickly shushed him. 

“Before you go though, I wanted to give you this.” Yoongi walked over to his desk and grabbed a smaller notepad out of a drawer, before hurriedly scribbling something on it. 

It only took a second before Dr. Min was walking back, after ripping a page off to give to Jungkook. 

“What’s this?” 

“I’m a couple’s therapist, but I have a friend who might be better to talk to about yourself and what you might be dealing with. If necessary he also knows someone who can prescribe some medication to help make your days a little more manageable.” At his words, Jungkook looked at the note a little more closely.

K͟i͟m͟ ͟N͟a͟m͟j͟o͟o͟n͟

T͟h͟e͟r͟a͟p͟i͟s͟t͟ ͟(͟S͟p͟e͟c͟i͟a͟l͟i͟z͟e͟d͟ ͟i͟n͟ ͟M͟e͟n͟t͟a͟l͟ ͟H͟e͟a͟l͟t͟h͟)͟

A͟l͟o͟n͟g͟ ͟w͟i͟t͟h͟ ͟a͟ ͟p͟h͟o͟n͟e͟ ͟n͟u͟m͟b͟e͟r͟ ͟a͟n͟d͟ ͟t͟h͟e͟ ͟a͟d͟d͟r͟e͟s͟s͟ ͟o͟f͟ ͟t͟h͟e͟ ͟c͟l͟i͟n͟i͟c͟.͟

“I think it would be a good idea to talk to him. I’m a little worried about you, I can’t lie.” Yoongi chuckled lightly, but he really was concerned. It would be wrong to say the red flags in his relationship were obvious when he only got such a brief look into it, but he also feared Jungkook’s mental health was in a dangerous place.

Jungkook nodded once again, staring down at the note and stuffing it into his pocket. He turned toward the door, trying not to show how even that simple movement made his head feel like it could split open. 

“I hope to see you again,” Yoongi said, hoping he’d come back at some point, yet there was a part of him that didn’t. Maybe Jungkook would take some time to think about what his relationship was doing to him, maybe he might realize he was better off without Yuri, or maybe all hope wasn’t lost and this session would be enough to spark some change in their relationship. 

“Me too…” There was something so sad about Jungkook’s tone. Yoongi wanted to question him,

but Jungkook grabbed his coat and was out the door before he could even get

another word out.

•────•──────────•────•

The minute he closed the door behind him, Jungkook was nearly blinded by the bright fluorescent lights of the waiting room. They only seemed to make his headache worse. 

Jungkook walked as he tried to put his suit jacket and coat on. It was still cold despite being a few weeks into spring.

“Everything okay?” His attention snapped to the secretary who was still sitting at her desk. 

When he turned to her, he noticed her shocked expression. It was only then that he considered how much of a mess he likely was. His eyes were probably red and swollen, his face puffy, and he knew his hair was a mess from pulling at it.

Jungkook bowed slightly. “I’m fine, I’m sorry for keeping you here late.” He truly felt bad.

“Don’t worry about it, go get some rest. Have a good night!” Her cheery voice couldn’t stop the small smile appearing on his face. For a second he believed it actually might be. 

Jungkook said his goodbyes before stumbling down the hall, trying his best to put on his jackets. His driver was already waiting for him downstairs. Dae-Jung had texted and said Yuri had left with her friends a while ago. He wasn’t surprised; he’d only been holding her back by bringing her with him. 

“Where should I take you, sir?” Dae-Jung asked as they both settled in the car. 

On his way down, Jungkook considered taking the doctor’s advice and staying with Jimin. He would no doubt let him stay if he asked, but he felt no greater need than to be alone right now. 

“You can drop me off at the apartment, I’ll only need a few minutes to pick up a few things. I made reservations at a hotel, so you’ll take me there next.” Jungkook sighed, staring outside at the rain that suddenly started pouring the minute he made it downstairs. 

Dae-Jung nodded before pulling off and beginning the journey back to the apartment. 

Just a little ways down the street they passed by a street bar where they had a sign outside that read in bold letters: “Today’s Special: Dakgangjeong” (Sweet Crispy Korean Fried Chicken). It was only then that Jungkook realized he hadn’t eaten all day. 

Maybe that’s why his head was hurting so much. He had been so busy earlier trying to get all his work done so he could meet Yuri at the apartment for their appointment, that he forgot to eat lunch once again. 

The second he remembered, it was like a wave suddenly hit him, making him realize how hungry he was. Jungkook was tempted to tell Dae-Jung to pull over— dakgangjeong with soju sounded amazing right now, but ultimately decided against it as they rolled by. 

It was raining, cold, and it was starting to get late. Besides, as much as he wanted to be alone, drinking by himself would bring him down to a whole new level of sadness that he wasn’t in the mood at all to explore. He already felt shitty enough, and being in an environment like that right now would only make him feel worse. 

Instead, he promised to bring ramen with him and make it at the hotel later. 

The ride back was long. Traffic was awful like it usually was, but Jungkook was so tired and his headache continued to worsen. Every little bump or sharp turn would have him rubbing his temples in hopes that it would somehow help; it didn’t. 

His pain only made him recount the awful day he had and, as much as he tried to stop it, the tears started falling again. The minute his eyes started welling up only made the pain in his head worse, and the thought of Dae-Jung noticing him crying made him quickly try to fan them away.

Jungkook had already received a concerning look the minute he came downstairs and Dae-Jung was standing there ready with the umbrella. He had given Jungkook the same strange look as the secretary did upstairs. He looked like shit and he knew it. What made it worse though was the fact that he sees Dae-Jung often, and he hated the thought of people close to him knowing how pathetic he was these days. 

The ride back home took almost an hour because of the traffic. By the time he was going up the elevator, all he wanted to do was sleep. 

Jungkook sluggishly made his way down the hall, staring at the note Dr. Min had given him before he left. He was considering if he should really call the number sometime tomorrow when he had time, but then he came to the door and mindlessly punched in the code. Jungkook was so out of it, he had closed the door behind him without thinking too much, too busy contemplating if he should bring that wine his dad gave him after his business trip to France. 

He was just ready to get this packing over with, but he was shocked when he turned around to see Yuri staring at him. She was sitting on one of the kitchen barstools, wearing a tank top and a pair of those boy shorts that normally would drive him crazy. 

It wasn’t like he was mad at her, if anything, she had every right to be mad at him. He just expected she would be out with her friends still (he wished she was). He had simply planned to text her that he was staying at a hotel— he didn’t expect her to care, she was hardly at the apartment anyway. He was thinking maybe she would have celebrated, maybe even thrown a little party like that one time he left for the US for a week.

No, he didn’t expect at all to see her here. If things couldn’t get any stranger, she suddenly got up from the stool and slowly walked over until she was standing only a few inches away. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he was leaving for a few days (at least), and that he was there to pack and he’d quickly be out of her hair. But he just stood there, his eyes bouncing between her eyes that were looking directly into his, and the view down her tank top. 

“Uhh—“ He started, a little dazed. 

“What took you so long?” Yuri asked, the tone in her voice was low and made goosebumps quickly appear on his skin. 

He didn’t even really register her question. He wondered if he should tell her what happened after she left, or at least about all the traffic they ran into on their way over, but what would that do?

“I thought you were out with your friends.” He simply settled. 

“I was but—“ Yuri took a step closer, making Jungkook step back, and his back hit the door behind him. “I decided to come home early.” Her voice was sultry as she got closer, her chest eventually pressing into his. He couldn’t even look her in the eye anymore.

“W-why…?” He stumbled. 

“Because…” Yuri’s fingers slowly trailed up his arm. “You said I don’t touch you, so I was thinking…” her hand rested against his neck to pull herself up so she was right by his ear. “Why don’t I let you fuck me today?” She said it so softly that he nearly moaned.

As much as the very thought of having sex with Yuri excited him, what she said during the session today was still playing repeatedly in his head. The thought of disappointing her again was almost too much to bear. He knew he would, it’s been four months since they last had sex. 

It happened when Yuri had come back drunk from a New Years party; he had been sleeping in bed when he woke up to her tugging at his pants. It was 3am, he had to wake up for work in a few hours, but the minute she whispered “I want your cock,” he was suddenly very awake. This had happened a few weeks after the whole pillow drama, and he was desperate to get you off his mind and focus on his wife. He could have said he was tired, still trying to shake the sleepiness away, but the minute he got inside an actual person— not his hand, not his pillow— things did not end well. It probably only lasted a few minutes, at best, before he finished. 

He could never forget the look of disappointment on her face, though he pleaded to give him a few minutes so they could try again. He had never felt so small. Yuri said something similar to what she had said in therapy today, before grabbing her clothes and storming to the shower. 

The memory brought a frown to his face, which Yuri immediately noticed making her pull away. 

“Are we doing this or not?” She questioned, sensing his hesitancy. 

This really wasn’t something he should be doing. Dae-Jung was waiting for him downstairs ready to take him to a hotel. His head hurt. He was tired. He had no reason to be mad at her, but he didn’t want to see her. She made the anxiety he’d been fighting all day come back all too quickly. 

This was wrong, but he didn’t care. 

When was he going to get a chance like this again? In another four months? No, he had to do this. 

Before he allowed himself to think about it anymore, Jungkook hurriedly stuffed the note from Dr. Min back into his pocket, he grabbed her wrists to pull her close, and he gingerly met her lips.

He was soft as his hands came up to gently cup her cheek. The action made his heart flutter, he wished they kissed like this more often. This was nice. Jungkook would have been happy if they stopped here, really, it was all he needed at that moment, but he felt Yuri pull at his jacket. 

“C'mon, aren’t you going to fuck me now?” Yuri tried to make it sound sexy, but Jungkook could tell she was a little annoyed he wasn’t doing anything yet. 

Right. That’s all this was. 

He let his hands slide down and settle on her waist— he took a moment to admire her before moving back. 

When will he get another chance?

“Turn around…” He could tell Yuri was a little shocked at the command, but she smirked nonetheless before turning like he asked. 

“Want your hands on the table, arch your back for me.” Jungkook’s voice was low. He tried his best to be in the moment as he watched Yuri strut her way over to their dining table. Even in the darkness of their apartment the view was amazing. Normally he would be drooling right now, but he still found it hard to actually want this. 

He’ll make this quick— in, out, and then he’ll quickly pack. Simple. 

Jungkook let his coat fall to the floor before walking over to Yuri, and he swiftly had his hands on her waist. He hurriedly tried to lose himself in the moment, chasing his hips into hers and kissing her neck. The action got an immediate reaction out of Yuri, and he took this chance to let his hand slide down into her tiny shorts, his fingers ran through her slit, and he wasn’t surprised to find her soaked already. 

Yuri liked preparing herself in advance. Jungkook had told her many times that he wouldn’t mind helping, but she would always say she didn’t want him to get too turned on beforehand, fearing he’d finish before they actually got to fuck. Jungkook always tried to believe she knew best, but it was at times like these that he missed the most being buried between her legs, tasting her, and hearing her soft sighs of pleasure. 

It also made him sad to think that’s how little she thought of him. 

Jungkook tried not to think about it as his fingers settled on her clit, quickly stroking the bud, hoping her soft moans would be enough to bring him back from his spiraling thoughts. 

Usually by now he’d be hard, desperately trying to get his pants down so he could finally feel her after so long. He wanted that now, but he couldn’t stop his mind from being elsewhere. 

“J-Jungkook, are you—“ It was at that moment when she seemed to notice the divergence from the routine.

“You’re not hard yet?” She sounded so surprised, despite him only being in the apartment for probably not even five minutes.

“Ummm…” It was an insane expectation, but he still found himself panicking. 

“Let’s go to bed, maybe less clothes might help…” He sounded so unsure, but he hoped that’s all it would take. 

Yuri gave him a questionable look before she hurriedly grabbed his arm and led them to their bedroom.

The minute they were inside, Yuri tried to keep up her playful, flirty demeanor as she let go of him in the doorway and began a slight strip tease as she walked towards the bed. Her tank top hit the floor before she snaked her shorts down her legs. 

If this was last week he probably would have exploded at the sight, but all he could think about was how disappointed he was about to make her, and how much his head still hurts. 

No.

Don’t you see what’s right in front of you? You won’t get another chance like this for months. 

Jungkook flipped off the lights.

“Ummm…” Yuri was confused. “Jungkook, why the fuck did you turn off the lights?”

“Don’t—“

“Don’t you want to look at me?” She sounded as if she was about to get angry.

“You said you find it easier this way. You don’t remember?” How could she forget they normally keep the lights off for these things? It was her who told him that this was the only way she’d ever fuck him. 

“Jungkook, don’t be ridiculous, turn the lights back on and get over here.” She sighed. 

Seems like she didn’t remember.

Jungkook hesitantly did as she asked, he turned the lights back on and let his suit jacket fall to the floor. He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the thoughts in his head that only seemed to grow louder as he finally climbed on top of her. 

He tried his best to focus on Yuri, on the fact that she was here and wanted to do this with him. Right, she wants this, and he does as well. It’s been months, regardless of her harsh words in therapy, maybe there was a chance that she had actually listened.

This thought fueled him into pulling her close and kissing her passionately, he was soft just like earlier, but with a more hurried, desperate need. He wanted her and he was trying to convince his own body he wanted this as well.

“Jungkook, hurry, take off your pants,” Yuri whined, tugging at his belt.

Right, clothes need to come off. 

Jungkook looked down and realized he was still fully clothed. 

Right… right…

He quickly hopped off the bed, his belt hit the floor first. With burning cheeks, he undid the button and pulled the zipper down before finally his pants joined the rest of the clothes scattered everywhere.

He was about to get back on the bed, but Yuri stopped him with her hand.

“Your shirt too…”  She looked down at the button-up he was still wearing. 

Jungkook suddenly felt the anxiety he’d been trying his best to manage spike at the mention of taking his shirt off. He still hadn’t made time to go back to the gym this week, and of course, of all times Yuri wanted to have the lights on, it had to be the moment he didn’t look as good as he usually did.

Would she notice?

Yuri picked up on his hesitancy. “Hello? What’s wrong with you today?”

“I-I’m sorry.” He stammered.

He was going to disappoint her. 

With his heart nearly beating out of his chest, he slowly undid the buttons on his shirt, letting the fabric drop to the floor. 

Her eyes scanned over him and his feeble attempt at covering himself up. In that moment, all the thoughts he’d been trying to suppress came back with a vengeance. He remembered her words in therapy, the disappointment he brought, how he could never make her happy.

“Are you coming?” She asked, the irritation evident in her tone.

Jungkook slowly made his way onto the bed, trying to push those thoughts away. But as he kissed her, as he tried to ignore how shitty he felt, it just wasn’t working, and it was then that he knew she could tell something was wrong.

“You’re still not hard…?” She was angry now.

He wasn’t, but he wanted to be, he wanted her. He just needed something to take away the thoughts swirling around in his head.

“Maybe your hand might help…” He felt awful for even suggesting it. He shouldn’t be greedy considering what she was offering, but for a second he thought about what Dr. Min had said earlier: Both people need to try, and Jungkook was clearly struggling.

It was obvious his words shocked her, and Jungkook used this opportunity to lightly grab her hand. Despite how much he was shaking, he slowly guided it down his body in hopes that she’d reach into his boxers and fix the situation. He knew it would have worked. In that moment, he would have easily forgotten all his troubling thoughts, all his worries, how hungry he was, his awful day, his headache, and how much he just wanted to sleep. He would have forgotten everything the minute she would have wrapped her hand around his cock. He would have been able to fuck her like he wanted.

But no, the second it became obvious what he was doing, Yuri yanked her hand back. 

“What the actual fuck?” She was rightfully pissed.

He gave up at that point, he knew it wasn’t happening. Jungkook buried his head in her shoulder, hoping to hide the shame that was burning him away inside. Not only was he unable to give himself what he wanted, but he also let his wife down.

“Yuri I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can do this.” Jungkook sobbed. Yes, he was crying again.

“What?” 

“So much shit happened today​​— I’m so tired, I haven’t eaten all day, I can’t stop thinking, and, I just—” Was this really an acceptable excuse? He even had a hard time convincing himself. Still, he held onto her tightly. He wanted her here.

“Maybe we could try again later, please don’t leave me.” He finally pulled back to look into her eyes. 

“We could stay in bed and cuddle, or I could make us dinner— we could even watch this movie I heard was really good.” Jungkook noticed her displeased expression become more irate the longer he rambled.

“Or maybe there’s something you want to watch— we could do anything you want… just… just don’t leave me alone.” All he wanted was his wife in his arms for one night. It felt so good to see her, to have her here with him, and as much as he wanted to be on his own when he walked in, he didn’t trust himself to be alone.

He wanted Yuri, he wanted to feel she wanted him as well.

Jungkook stared down at her, pleading with his eyes she’d say yes to something, anything, and it would have made up for how shitty today’s been.  

He wanted to eat dinner together, to show off his mediocre cooking skills, something they could have laughed about over the wine his father gave him. Then they would have moved to the couch; Jungkook would have turned on that one movie he knew she would enjoy (he’s stopped himself from watching it, in hopes she would join him one day). 

In his fantasy, they would cuddle, but he would have been fine even if they were five feet apart. Jungkook would have just been happy she was with him. Eventually, his emotions and the sexual frustration from the past few months would have him leaning over and he would have taken her right there on the couch; the movie would continue playing in the background, but neither of them would have been paying attention, as they were too busy enjoying the sounds of each other’s pleasure more than anything playing on TV. 

Exhaustion would have come almost immediately after he spilled inside her, but Yuri would smile and pull him close, letting him fall asleep right there on top of her. It would have been too cozy, the feeling of her warm body embracing him as she ran her hands down his back, making him fall asleep instantly. 

Once the movie would have ended, Yuri would've lightly woken him up so they could wash up before bed. She would have guided him to the shower and teased him about the fact that his eyes kept fluttering closed, but the water was warm, and he was just so happy and at peace. He would have cried the minute her hands lightly massaged his scalp, but she wouldn’t have noticed. He would have happily gone to bed with his wife in his arms, and— 

This moment would have made up for all the hardships in their marriage, it would have been enough to give him hope once again, it would have erased his growing desire for his coworker, it would have made him believe that Yuri wanted him even only a little. Even if that wasn’t exactly what happened, he would have been just as happy. He would have taken anything…

Yuri rolled her eyes underneath him. “Jungkook, get off of me.” 

As much as he didn’t want to let her go, he listened. 

“Yuri, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He pleaded for her forgiveness as he watched her go over to grab her clothes off the floor. 

“I can’t believe I left my friends for this.” She angrily grumbled to herself. 

“Yuri ple—” 

“Jungkook stop it, ok?!” Yuri yelled and it instantly had him shutting up. “I can’t believe I keep giving chances to someone so pathetic.” The words had Jungkook frozen on the bed.

“How am I so unlucky? We’re only twenty-five, but my god, the guy I had to marry, his dick doesn't even work! I went out of my way to come home early for you, and this is what I’m welcomed with; pathetic excuses to make up for your incompetence. And then you have the audacity to try and make me touch you because you can’t get your shit together!” Yuri gave him that disgusted look he’d feared the minute he saw she was home.

Her words cut deep, like a sword to a piece of paper. It seemed so simple and easy to her, but Jungkook was left in pieces, shattered, destroyed. At this point, he was so broken, he believed he deserved every word she said. 

“And you’re crying again!” She acted shocked, but it was only an act because he really does cry a lot these days. There was nothing shocking about that. 

Yuri looked at him for a second. He probably looked like a mess. He knew his face was red, it certainly felt hot, and it was just covered with tears and snot. 

Despite this, despite everything, he didn’t want Yuri to leave. He feared the dark thoughts were beginning to be the only thing he could think about. He needed her here at least. “Yuri— please, don’t— don’t go. I don’t want to be alone, I’m scared, I—” 

Yuri sighed. “I’m going to shower, and I’m leaving with my friends right after.” Before she walked off, she made the dramatic point of taking off her wedding ring and stuffing it into the drawer of her vanity. It was then that she stormed into the bathroom and slammed and locked the door behind her. 

The silence. The fucking silence of the apartment after the door closed was too much to bear. Silence was always the perfect breeding ground for the vilest thoughts to flood into his head and engulf him entirely. 

It felt like they were trying to fit just one more person in an already overcrowded elevator, but he was already tightly pressed against the corner, and the elevator was buzzing from keeping the doors open for so long. But the people in front just kept pushing him further in, trying to squeeze and shove more people inside. Just one more person, one more person and he’s sure he wouldn’t be able to breathe. Just one more thought and he feared it would be the end of him. His thoughts screamed, shrieked, wailed in his head, but even in the chaos, Jungkook could hear every fucking word.

This was all his fault.

For a moment, Jungkook wished he had listened to Dr. Min and gone to Jimin’s apartment instead. Things would have been better and at least his hyung would have stayed by his side. Now he was alone. So fucking alone. 

Jungkook tried his best not to cry too loudly; he knew Yuri hated it when he was loud, so he pulled the covers over his body and put his pillow over his face to suppress his screams. He cried because he felt Yuri was right, he cried because he felt his marriage really was in shambles, he cried because he was going to end up worse than his parents, he cried because he knew he was the one causing it. But what was the loudest in the darkest chamber of his thoughts, was that he believed he wasn’t worth the love he craved for. 

Jungkook couldn’t stop thinking about how miserable Yuri seemed. Even if he thought he was trying hard, for someone to say those things, for his wife to look at him like that, it was for a reason. He knew it. 

Everything. Everything had to be his fault.

•────•──────────•────•

Jungkook ended up not eating that day.

Yuri left right after, just like she’d said, and she was hardly at the apartment for a few days after that. Jungkook was left largely alone, he didn’t go to work the next day, nor the next, or the one day after that. He found it too hard to get out of bed. 

He was gone for a week, ignoring most of the concerned calls he would continuously get from someone at the company.

It was that weekend when Yuri came home for a brief moment only to grab something she needed. She had almost missed it completely, but before she turned to head downstairs, where her friends were waiting for her in the car, Yuri looked out the window to see Jungkook sitting on their balcony.

Normally, it wouldn’t be a cause of concern, but it had been pouring outside all day. Jungkook eventually explained that he had been sitting out since the rain had started (which was around noon), but when Yuri came home it was nearly 8:30pm…

He got really sick after that, pneumonia. 

Yuri yelled at him for being dumb, but it just made things worse. Jungkook at least hoped the diagnosis would be enough to get Yuri to stay, but of course, why would she stay with him when he was battling pneumonia?

He believed he deserved the suffering. It was karma for skipping work for a week, for wasting his day instead of being productive, for being glued to the wine fridge and drinking everything he’d been saving for a special occasion. 

Jungkook was never the same after all of this. 

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[inamindfarfaraway]

“Our family was shattered forever.” Let’s delve into the two images accompanying this line, shall we?

Before the shattering:

Soren is looking up at Viren, who saved his life and he chose to stay with, for comfort, guidance or connection. Viren doesn’t reciprocate, fixated on the loss of his wife. The staff of Ziard, which Viren used to imprison K’ppar and Aaravos crafted for his pawns, is a barrier dividing them that Viren actively holds in place.

Viren and Soren are framed inside the arch furthest away and Claudia to a lesser degree inside the nearer arch, enclosed in the wall, the structure of their family home. They are trapped. Lissa is free. She even blocks part of the wall and archway, visually overpowering it.

Lissa has an arm raised to her chest defensively, no longer feeling safe around Viren; Soren’s arms hang passively at his sides; Viren’s posture is stiff, one hand on his staff and the other behind his back (as he’s becoming a more emotionally repressed and manipulative person who doesn’t always want to show his hand, so to speak); and Claudia’s are desperately, futilely reaching out to Lissa.

The children are both between their parents. Claudia is closer to Lissa, alone in her section of the frame. Soren is right next to Viren, making their height difference and power dynamic more obvious.

Claudia is in Viren’s shadow, which is framed as a bridge between Viren and Lissa in this brief instant before Lissa takes another step - darkness connects to her to her family. As with Soren, Viren doesn’t show any interest in her. Unlike Soren, her distance from him is her choice. She’s running ahead of him in the direction he’s facing, like in his dark magic dream where she follows in his footsteps and then surpasses him.

Claudia’s left leg is barely visible under her dress, looking almost like the stump it will eventually be reduced to.

Only Lissa and Claudia are crying. A link has recently been established between tears and dark magic, and while Lissa had a bodily fluid harvested for a spell against her will, Claudia will volunteer her blood when a spell demands it.

The light is literally behind the family with shadow surrounding them, indicating sunrise or sunset. Sunset would be most thematically appropriate for the last memory of the whole family, but it would make sense for Lissa to start her long journey at dawn in a time and place with such limited artificial illumination (especially without the use of dark magic). It is a new dawn for her as an independent woman, after all.

After the shattering:

The point of origin is Lissa, as her decisions to divorce Viren and let the children choose who to live with, leading to Viren raising them on his own, define the new state of the family. All the cracks radiate outward from her forehead, her mind, and she’s by far the most fractured. That’s a worrying picture of her mental health. The cracks break and distort her family and their home, but she cannot see this and clearly doesn’t intend it.

The same crack crosses through Soren and Viren and another vertical one descends part of the way between them as well. It hasn’t fully divided them yet, but it will.

Soren is gone except for his legs and head. His head - still searching for something in his father - is even lower and further away from Viren. None of the others are diminished like this. The imagery of a severed head and missing torso full of vital organs ironically evokes death, despite his preserved life and perfect health. Viren doesn’t kill him, but he will destroy much of his spirit.

Viren is almost completely duplicated, in contrast to Soren being eclipsed. His copy is fainter, shorter and overlaps partly with Soren’s legs, as if he’s replacing his son and the man he might grow into with a vision of himself. Perhaps he’s in two minds about the path he’s chosen? Or beside himself with grief under that cold exterior? He takes up more space, but is also broken and trapped more tightly in the fractures. Like Soren, part of him is lost; he’s the only one to have what appears to be a missing shard interrupt his depiction with a slice of nothingness, reflecting the piece of his soul that he’s turned into a black void. The head of his staff being above Soren’s legs represents dark magic replacing Viren’s relationship with his son in his life.

Claudia is actually intact, but a duplication of one of her legs is cut off. This may reference how she will duplicate her lower limbs into five tentacles and then have one of those cut off, Rayla probably thinking it was an extra that wouldn’t correlate to her human leg. Like Viren, she’s boxed in by the cracks, which draw lines between her and the rest of her family on all sides. Viren and Soren share a shard with Lissa, but Claudia doesn’t. Her indecisiveness has left her even more isolated.

[cherryxblossxms]

🔞 i guess it's because there's an event happening and that's why he's on my mind, but i've been thinking about sexual tension and some angst with Lucifer

[NSFW, minors DNI. GN reader, unrequited feelings(?), casual sex, getting caught. Maybe alluding to some angry/jealous sex, possible dubcon at the end?? This is....wayyyy longer than intended/accidental ficlet]

Like just imagining really coming to be attracted to him. Emotionally attracted because he's responsible and serious and intelligent, and then has his sweet and romantic moments that seem like they're only for you. And physically, he has every reason to be the Avatar of Pride. He's probably one of, if not the most, gorgeous men you've ever laid eyes on. Those intense ruby red eyes, broad shoulders, skilled hands that produced both gorgeous handwriting as well as wonderful piano music.

It comes to the point that you can't make eye contact with him or you know you'll get flustered. Starting to get distracted by thinking about what he'd be like as a lover, as a boyfriend. Slight touches are enough to send your daydreams on a journey. But knowing he likely doesn't like you that way, that the feelings aren't returned. And anyway, the plan is to eventually return to the human world, right? Is it worth getting into a relationship now, just to separate so soon down the road? But rather than deal with the rejection and heartache, just swallowing those feelings down and trying to move on with your life.

Of course, amidst the inner turmoil going on in your heart, you didn't expect to get involved with Lord Diavolo instead, the prince approaching you with the most unexpected offer that you decided to accept, perhaps against your better judgment.

It wasn't anything serious, definitely just a fling, simply responding to mutual attraction and a mutual desire for some stress relief. Honestly, it happened rather suddenly, a curious kiss after a meeting quickly evolving into more, but once it started, it was easy to just go with the flow, taking your moments alone to indulge and just release that tension. You reasoned it was both a good way to forget your feelings and still enjoy some kind of attention, and thankfully he was an excellent lover.

However, you had to admit to yourself that, as gorgeous and skilled as the devil prince was, you'd be lying if your mind didn't seem to wander off more often than not to a certain red-eyed devil. Even as Diavolo worked to rearrange your guts over his office desk, risking any documents he decidedly abandoned in pursuit of... greater pleasures, even as his golden eyes burned into you and he devoted himself to learning your favorite spots, your mind still went back to Lucifer.

If Diavolo knew that your heart was elsewhere, he didn't mention it. You were an adult and you weren't dating each other, he had no right to question it regardless. And as the heir to the throne, he had other things to focus on anyway. The whole point of the fling was something simple, pleasurable, and the less you two thought about feelings and regrets, the better.

Of course, assumptions can often be your undoing.

During one such beneficial "meeting" between you and the prince, your hands were grasping— broad shoulders, the desk, his hair, whatever was closest— as you tried to hold on for dear life. Something had seemed to really get under his skin lately, so he was working on releasing all his stress into you instead, his desk at risk of breaking, based on the amount of creaking that could be heard. His large cock bullying its way into your body repeatedly and pressing up against a particularly sensitive spot inside was driving you close to climax, and the overwhelming pleasure was driving any coherent thoughts from your mind.

The volume of the room was loud and only getting louder by the second, a sinful symphony of pants and grunts, rhythmic wood creaking, and the wet slap of Diavolo's balls against your ass. Thus, it was no wonder neither of you heard the approaching footsteps, or at least, couldn't be bothered to pay it any mind. Diavolo adjusted his grip on your hips at the last second, really driving his cock home inside you, and you could feel the band about to snap.

Just before you could go over that delicious precipice, the door to Diavolo's office opened, and your head whipped around to see the intruder. Of all the people it could have been, you should have known there was equal chances of being walked in by Lucifer as there was Barbatos. And yet, seeing him there still froze you to the spot as his eyes met yours.

Or rather, it would have. But Diavolo made one more thrust, the thick head of his dick pressing the sweetest little spot inside, and it was enough for the band to finally snap. In what felt like ages but was all within the span of a second, everything came crashing down. Your body tightened before releasing all at once, spasming in Diavolo's hold as you couldn't help but release a cry. The feel of your hole tightening around him dragged him into climax with you, and he seated himself deep inside before filling you with his cum.

What would have been an otherwise heavenly, earth-shattering orgasm was short-lived, as the horror of what happened quickly dissolved any remaining pleasure. You pushed against Diavolo's chest, trying to get him to move, to at least pull out of you, so you could pull yourself together and try to explain-- explain what, exactly? You weren't even sure, and it wasn't like Lucifer didn't just see you cum on his boss' dick just a minute ago, and in fact were still stuffed with it atop his desk.

You couldn't read the expression on his face, and didn't get much chance to explain anything before Lucifer apologized for interrupting and left.

It's days before you can speak to Lucifer again, practically cornering him in his office despite how hard your heart is pounding and how much you want to run away. You're expecting many different reactions: disappointment, shaming, anger, perhaps even indifference. But when Lucifer finally snaps, what initially seems like anger seems to morph into what is instead... jealousy? Questioning you on when your relationship with Diavolo started, how long you two have been fucking, if there's anyone else you're riding like a whore besides the prince.

You can't help the way your face burns when he spits out that word, "whore", but there's no time to attempt a defense before Lucifer is pushing you over his desk, a hand grasping your hip so hard you might bruise, the other yanking your hair to look back at him. The look in his eyes then blows you away, equal parts desire and anger swirling in those bloody depths. You'd ask him what he's going to do, but the solid length pressing against your backside is answer enough. Despite the shame hanging over you, you can't help the part of you that's thrilled that he wants you like that, even if it was happening for all the wrong reasons. But as the sound of a belt unbuckling caught your ears, you accepted your punishment and just hoped there'd be time later to truly confront each other.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

I’ll write more on this when I get back home. Based on the most recent episode of Daredevil Born Again, I think I’m starting to get why Foggy and Karen weren’t part of this season’s storyline. It looks like the focus of the show is Matt, Fisk, and now Frank figuring out what they want their legacies to be. Matt gave up being Daredevil because he felt he crossed a line, Fisk is trying to repair his image, and now Frank has to deal with the fact that he’s become an idol to the public. It also looks like the writers wanted Matt, Fisk, and Frank to go on this journey of self-discovery on their own. Not only did Foggy and Karen get written out, Fisk is no longer on good terms with Vanessa and Maya Lopez.

Based on where we’re at with the show, I can see the logic behind that. Matt’s always had Foggy and Karen to turn to if he was lost. Frank is a loner, but he did have Karen, Micro, and Amy Bendix. Fisk, even though he’s a magnificent bastard, had Vanessa and Maya. So it looks like the writers wanted to see where they can take the three men if they didn’t have their support.

It fits with the theme of being “born again”. Who are Matt Murdock, Wilson Fisk, and Frank Castle if you strip away what made them Daredevil, Kingpin, and The Punisher, respectively? Now, instead of someone telling them what they should be and helping them along the way, the three of them have to figure it out on their own. It’s obviously going to be a messy journey, especially with how emotionally volatile the three of them are. But I feel like that’s the whole point of the show, to see these men either self-destruct or climb out of the hole they’re in and be “born again”.

You can already see how the three of them are without their support. Matt, without Foggy and Karen, is becoming more open to the idea of punishment and retribution (aka he’s becoming like Frank Castle). He also thinks he’s become unworthy of grace since he can’t even bring himself to attend church. Fisk, without Vanessa and Maya, is making a sincere attempt at rehabilitating his image in order to win them back. However, you can already see him start to relapse with him blackmailing the police commissioner. And now, it looks like Frank will have to learn how to live with the fact that he’s the “bad guy”. Because it doesn’t matter how much he justifies his actions, the fact that regular people now want to be him makes him a toxic figure.

Matt’s gonna have to learn how to forgive himself, Fisk is gonna self-destruct since he can’t change his ways, and Frank is gonna have to accept he’s the villain while making it clear that people should instead be aspiring to be like Captain America or Daredevil (the Cap example is from the comics).

TL;DR: DDBA is the superhero equivalent of a mid-life crisis.

[masoncantthinkofaname]

Hello, Mason!! 💛

(I'm so sorry in advance, this is really long).

To start, I rarely interact with shifttok or shiftblr in general, but you have been one of my favorite shifting-centered creators for several months now. I really look forward to every post you make, though I mostly see them on TikTok nowadays. But either way, they never fail to motivate me, especially the posts about your relationship with your husband and family.

It is just so comforting to see someone else who shifts alongside their partner (who is also not in this reality). That's what I do as well. Or at least that's what my ultimate goal is.

My own soulmate is someone who does not exist in this reality in any way, shape, or form, with the exception of the content I have created myself. (I'm trying very hard to avoid calling him an OC, cuz he's really not 💔). I have always felt like he wasn't just a love interest I "created" for myself since he entered my life, but that was before I knew channelling and other such things were possible. That was still in the early stages of my shifting journey, so I was figuring things out. (Over a year ago now, God time flies). But, now I know that he's the one that I was always meant to be with in the end.

I've been meaning to ask you, (though feel free to tell me if you've already talked about this), how you deal with separation here in this reality? Or any other realities where you're physically apart from your husband and your family?

It's been kicking my ass for months now. I miss my Angel more than words can express, I'm genuinely tearing up just writing all of this. I've technically never "successfully" fully shifted before, but I've had minishifts (some where I've felt or heard him). Despite this though, it feels like I've known him for a few lifetimes, which makes the physical separation 100x worse.

I usually comfort myself with art or writing, but I haven't been able to finish, (or even really start), any of my scripts lately because they just feel so empty? Like his parts are missing and my brain can't fill in the gaps. I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting to finally write these with him, cuz doing so without his input feels wrong. Not to mention I've had no time for proper art.

I have scripted a waiting room for us both, where we will shift together, and it has been my main destination for a few months now. He's there, waiting. That's where we'll physically meet for the first time. But the longer I'm emotionally attached to that place, and the more failed shifting attempts I have, the more the separation anxiety weighs on me. I know he is there and doing well, and the wait truly does not matter in the end. But my brain is so loud, and so restless, that I've just been feeling like a rat pacing in a cage of my own making recently, lol.

Like, sometimes, I genuinely catch myself caressing the air and pretending he is there like a crazy person. And when I focus hard enough, I can feel him, in my mind. Which also drives me absolutely mad.

I'm not sure when I will shift, but I know that the separation anxiety is not helping my chances of doing so soon. (I feel like it's putting unnecessary pressure on me, and making me very anxious during shifting attempts).

So I was wondering, how do you deal with it? Is that something you have to deal with at all? Or do you have any experience with similar emotions? Is there anything you do to feel more connected with your husband when you're physically apart? Like channelling, I assume.

(Also) On a side note, I have been wanting to channel my man directly so bad. But I saw some TikToks about that during the early stages of my shifting journey, and I can't get rid of this belief that if I do not have the right equipment (herbs, candles, charms, stuff like that), I will end up channeling harmful or trickster entities. I don't have the money to buy these, and I don't know how else I could protect myself, or if it is even needed at all? I know my partner's energy like the back of my hand, but I'm still inexperienced, and my mind is so foggy most days that I am too anxious to try it properly.

(Also also) Honestly, half of this ask is a sleep deprived ramble, feel free to skip it if it's too long, I promise I won't mind 😭 I drafted this before you shifted away/and back, I'll completely understand if you do not want to answer it 💖🫶🏻

First of all, there is no need to apologise, really. My responses aren't always the quickest, but I don't want anyone to feel anxious to ask for advice or reassurance, especially when you have been bottling it up!

I understand you, completely. The separation can be painful and seemingly infinitely long. You're not weird or abnormal for being affected by it.

I want to start off by letting you know channelling is nothing to be afraid of. It's natural. You have to remember you're in control, always. You don't need protection, you won't channel tricksters or bad entities. If you assume you'll be safe and only talk with your man, then that's what will happen! You can channel in so many different ways, ask for signs, send letters, he can visit your dreams, spend time around you. There are so many options to feel more connected and less alone.

I have a few established signs with my husband. Yellow flowers is one, especially sunflowers. Forget me nots, in general just hearts, and more! These are signs he has sent me so many times that it's easy to recognise them anywhere, and know it's him. You can simply just establish them with your man in a letter or through channelling, and it can help a lot with knowing he's there! Especially if you pick something that's not too uncommon for you to see, but also not something you come across daily.

Always remember that your time here is temporary, and about to be replaced with an eternity with him. No matter how painful it is, he's there, he's watching over you, and supporting you along the way. You're not alone and never will be. Remember that it will all be worth it. You're allowed to be sad about it, but try not to focus too much on the fact that you're not together yet. Instead see every interaction or minishift as motivation and an encouragement to keep going! You got this, before you know it you'll be together :)

[himluv]

Lost and Found, pt. 1

It's Monday, which means it's time to update Say My Name (Say it Twice)!

Having pulled Rook from the Fade, the team makes their way back to the Lighthouse.

Read it below, or over on AO3 :)

Embria fell asleep on the boat ride back to the eluvian, her head on Lucanis’s shoulder, his arm wrapped around her waist to keep her pressed to his side. Now that the shock and relief and fear had abated, Lucanis was exhausted. And he couldn’t seem to stop shaking. 

His arm around her trembled, as if he’d just finished a strenuous workout. His fingers quivered as he ran them through her hair, because a part of him still couldn’t believe she was there. That he could touch her. Even his lips pressed to her forehead felt tremulous, like she might crumble like sand if he kissed her skin with too much fervor.

He’d tried so hard to keep himself together while she was gone, and now that she was back he was falling apart. Fragile in a way he had never known. 

He knew the others were watching, and a part of him desperately wanted to pull himself together, to find some shred of composure. But… this was the team. Her family. If there was any group of people who would understand, who Lucanis could let see him this way, it was them. 

So, he held her close and trembled and kissed her forehead with reverent lips until they reached the shore. 

Rook didn’t stir as the boat made landfall. Didn’t wake as Lucanis shifted, prepared to carry her if he had to. 

“I’ve got her,” Taash said. They scooped Rook up like she weighed nothing, one arm under her knees, the other around her shoulders.

“Is she all right?” Neve asked, her tone worried. 

Emmrich nodded. “I believe her body is merely exhausted after her ordeal, but,” he glanced at Lucanis, “it’s best to be thorough. I’ll look her over once we’re back at the Lighthouse.”

The team reached the eluvian, then made their way through the Crossroads in silence. It was an oddly tense journey. Rook was back. But, what would the fallout be from her weeks away? Would she be all right? Would she be up to the task of facing Elgar’nan again so soon? Because Minrathous couldn’t wait much longer. Thedas still needed saved. 

Lucanis left the others to their worry. Their what-ifs. He had no need of them. Embria was back. He could figure out the rest. 

Lucanis sat with his arms crossed on the edge of the cot nearest to Rook’s, watching Emmrich look her over. The professor’s hands glowed as he waved them over her body, his eyes closed. She was still asleep. Her breathing deep and even, her heartbeat slow, but steady.

Emmrich took a deep breath, exhaled, then opened his eyes and smiled. “It is as I suspected,” he said. “She’s fine, Lucanis.” He frowned. “At least, physically.”

None of them were fine emotionally at the moment, but Lucanis would be ready for whatever new wounds Embria might carry. 

“What can I do?” He asked. 

Emmrich gave him a soft smile. “Take care of her,” he said. “Just as you always have.”

He nodded, blinking down at his lap to hide the swell of tears. “Thank you, Emmrich,” he said. Mierda, how could he ever repay this man for what he’d done? Surely, the mage must know he’d saved more than one life that day.

“Truly,” Emmrich said. “It was my pleasure, Lucanis.” He smiled down at Rook, patted her hand gently, then left the infirmary. 

Lucanis watched her for a long moment, listened to her breathing while Spite sniffed at her. 

Smells like. TEARS! Spite said. Like… the truth. And goodbyesssssssss. 

Lucanis had no idea what any of that meant, but he’d been replaying her words in his head since she’d fallen asleep. 

‘You’re alive,’ she’d said. ‘I knew it wasn’t real, I knew you were alive.’

Wherever Solas had sent her, it hadn’t just been an empty cage. Fen’Harel had tried to use Lucanis against her. Had tried to convince her he was dead. 

He. HURT. Rook! Spite growled. 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

He. Hurt. US!

“Yes.” He most certainly had. These past two weeks had felt like being in the Ossuary again – there’d been no hope. Nothing good to hold onto. Just a stubborn determination to finish the job. To keep fighting. Because, without the fight, then Lucanis would have truly been left with nothing. And then what would be the point?

Nothing, Spite hissed. Not. Even. Spite. It wasn’t a question. The demon understood well enough. The day Lucanis lost the will to fight, was the day they both died. 

But, none of that mattered now. Rook was back. She was alive. And when she woke up, she was going to need food and water and anything else she asked of him. 

Lucanis stood and kissed her forehead. Embria sighed, but otherwise did not stir, just as he expected. She was his deep sleeper. And he and his demon would be vigilant, and watch over her. But first, he needed to get to the dining hall and make her something to eat. 

She was still asleep when Lucanis returned with a platter of sliced cheeses, some fruit, and a few pieces of bread. Things she could nibble on. If this was anything like the aftermath of their fight through Arlathan Crater, Embria wouldn’t have much of an appetite, but she’d need to eat something. He also had a carafe of cool water and two glasses. 

In his brief absence, she’d rolled onto her side, curled up into a ball, her face scrunched up in a pained expression. 

Dreamingggggg, Spite seethed. Running.

Rook twitched, moaned, and her frown deepened. “No,” she mumbled. 

Lucanis set the tray down on the table beside her cot, then climbed to lay behind her. He pulled her close, hoping his warmth would soothe her. Instead, she tensed against him, curling tighter. He shushed her, his mouth at her ear. 

“I have you, Embria. You’re safe.”

She went still and her breath hitched. Then, in the tiniest voice he had ever heard, she whispered, “Lucanis?”

“I’m here,” he said, and she burst into a fresh wave of tears. 

She rolled over, pressed her face into his chest, her tears soaking his shirt. It was difficult to understand the things she cried against him, but what he did hear was heartbreaking. 

She’d thought she’d dreamed her rescue at Tearstone Island. 

She’d been trapped in a prison of regrets, facing versions of Bellara, Harding, and Varric. 

Neve had been right – she hadn’t known Varric was dead. Solas had somehow altered her memory, had projected a spectre of her mentor to keep her from turning against him completely. 

Solas had also shown her Lucanis, dead, lost in the fight against Ghilan’nain. 

Spite growled. “No,” he hissed. “Lucanis and Spite. LIVE!” The demon brushed Embria’s hair away from her face so, so gently. As if he feared she might break under their fingertips. “Rook. LIVES!”

Embria sobbed, but nodded her head against his chest. The Dread Wolf had hurt her in almost every way imaginable, all so he might escape his prison. Something he couldn’t do without her, without almost breaking her. And, once again, she had succeeded where Fen’Harel had not. 

This small, mortal woman with a spirit that simply would not quit, had found a way through the impossible yet again. She was impossible. And somehow, impossibly, she had returned to Lucanis. 

It took awhile, but eventually her sobs settled to sniffles. Lucanis rubbed his hand up and down her spine until her breathing calmed. 

“Are you hungry?” He asked. 

She shrugged. “Thirsty,” she muttered. 

Lucanis sat up, and for a second, Embria clung to him even tighter. Then she took a deep breath, exhaled, and released him. She sat up as he brought the tray of snacks to her and poured her a glass of water. She drank it down all at once, so he refilled it. Then they sat together and ate in silence. 

It wasn’t peaceful. It was fragile. Tender. But, he held her hand, squeezed it and she squeezed back. Lucanis thought he might pass out with the relief. She was here and she was real. She was alive. 

After finishing most of the platter, Rook had insisted on meeting with the team. Lucanis wanted to argue with her, tell her she should rest and that there was time for the team and for Thedas when she was feeling better. But… there really wasn’t. 

While his whole world revolved around Rook, the rest of Thedas would not wait for her. But, it could wait at least long enough for her to bathe. He insisted on that much. Only after, did she call a team meeting, and they brought her up to speed. Bellara and Harding. Elgar’nan, Minrathous, Solas. All of it. 

Even in her usual, vibrant Arlathan leathers, she looked pale and so tired as she shook her head. “How long was I gone?”

The team looked at one another, several glances coming his way as he looked down into his cup of coffee. 

“Two weeks,” he murmured. Fourteen days without her. He would never go so long without her touch ever again. When he looked up once more, she was watching him, that familiar crease in her brow. He had never been so pleased to see it.

Then she nodded and stood from her chair. “Get word to our allies,” she said, her voice much stronger than Lucanis had expected. She’d slipped back into her role as the leader of this team, and she wore it like a shield. She looked around the room, at the remains of her team. Her family. “Settle any unfinished business. We leave for Minrathous tomorrow.”

Neve and Lucanis shared a worried glance. She’d barely been back a handful of hours, and already she wanted to plan the final assault against Elgar’nan?

“Rook,” he said, chasing after her. She stopped, and he circled around to face her, blocking her path to the library door. “You need to rest,” he said. “We can call on our allies.” He smiled, trying to reassure her. “Go lay down,” he said. “I’ll come check on you in a bit.”

She eyed him, the argument clear on her face – there was so much to do, so much at stake. Everything in her said she had work to do, that there wasn’t time to rest. He understood those feelings all too well. 

But she acquiesced, nodding. “After I check in with the team,” she said. 

He snorted. “As if I could stop you.”

She watched him for a moment, something dark flickering through her eyes. “Lucanis–”

“Go, Embria,” he said. “I’ll see you soon.”

She took his hand, squeezed it, then passed him to head for the courtyard. Lucanis lingered in the library to write a message to the Crows, then headed for the bath himself. He scrubbed away the past weeks’ despair like a layer of dead skin, and as he dressed in a fresh set of his usual clothes, Lucanis felt almost new. It was as if, by pulling Embria from the Fade, he too had somehow been reborn. 

Then he took the stairs to her room, took a deep breath, and stepped through the door. She was laying on the edge of her chaise, just her legs visible to him, but he knew she was awake. 

“I cannot believe we found you,” he said as the door closed behind him. 

She sat up, rested her elbow on the back of the chaise. “I’m kind of surprised, too, honestly,” she said. Her voice was rough, low with emotion, and her eyes glimmered in the light from the aquarium. 

Seeing her there, on that chaise where he’d spent so many bleak and mindless days, snapped something in Lucanis. His chest ached and his own eyes brimmed with such relief he felt exposed. Vulnerable. Bared to her in a way that had nothing to do with skin.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he said as he came to stand before her. And it was the truth. He had believed she was gone, even as he refused to give up the fight to find her. The whole time they searched for her, he had braced himself for that final, resounding blow. He had believed she was truly gone. 

She glanced away from him, frowning. ��So much has happened,” she said. “I don’t know how to feel.” Embria looked back up at him, and he had never seen her so lost. Not even at Arlathan, before they had saved the Dalish. 

How could she look so lost when he had finally found her?

Lucanis crouched before her, one hand on her knee, and looked up into those crystal grace eyes he had missed so much. “I do,” he said, then leaned up to press a sweet, chaste kiss to her lips – the first they’d shared since her return. Her hand went to his cheek, and it was so warm he thought he might cry.

She was warm and alive and here. She was really here.

They parted, and her hand moved to his shoulder, her fingers digging into his shirt as he crouched again. 

“I know exactly how to feel,” he said. He’d felt nothing for weeks. Fourteen days of a bitter, steely emptiness. And now she was here and he felt so damn much that Lucanis thought he might drown. He loved her. He had loved her for months, now. And it took losing her to realize he’d been such a fool to keep that love to himself. 

Embria looked down at him, still gripping his shirt, a shade of panic in her eyes. “Just… don’t leave?”

Leave? He could never leave her, not now. If Lucanis had his way, he would be by her side for the rest of his days. Whether they ended tomorrow, in blood and pain, or in sixty years, in peaceful slumber. He would never leave her. 

“Never,” he said, his voice soft and weighted with all the force of his devotion. He always meant what he said to her, but this was not just the truth, or a simple promise. Lucanis Dellamorte knelt before the woman he loved and made a vow. 

He would never leave her side. She would never be alone, ever again. 

Lucanis sealed his vow with a kiss, this one more desperate. It carried all the fear he’d stowed away, the pain and the relief and the love, Maker, so much love. 

Embria matched him, her own pain and desperate need carried on her tongue. Lucanis could practically taste her uncertainty. Was this real? Were they truly together, after all they’d faced? Or was this some other sick trick of the Fade?

Lucanis didn’t know if he could convince her she was real and she was there, with him. But he was determined to try. To show her, unequivocally, that they were real. They were here. And they were alive. 

And that he was done wasting time. 

[demonslayerunhinged]

Unhinged analysis — Demon Slayer Mark Series d=(^o^)=b 💪

In Search of Acceptance — What Determines a Person's Worth? (Part 1)*

Muichiro's character, journey, and development are some of the most underappreciated and overlooked in the series. This is a shame because I see his story as a commentary on gender expectations of young boys in the form of emotional repression and stoicism to be 'useful' in society.

So let's begin this analysis from the very introduction of his character.

Who is Muichiro Tokito?

When we first meet Muichiro, we're not given a lot of information about him, aside from the fact that he's constantly spaced out. He isn't shown to have any proper sense of identity, and along with his forgetful nature, lack of emotions, thoughts, and opinions about anything. But then we do see something, two things actually; when the Master reveals that Tanjiro has met Muzan and when Tanjiro interrupts the Master when he's addressing the Hashira.

He expresses interest in Muzan and annoyance at Tanjiro's disrespectful interruption, so much so that he's the only one who reacts by pelting Tanjiro with stones. So we've seen two emotions so far, curiosity and annoyance. He isn't completely blank, just muted. The strongest emotions are the ones that breakthrough is his love and respect for the Master and his hatred for Muzan.

Next let's move on to his character design:

Similar to Sanemi, there's nothing on his uniform that gives us a clue to his personality and identity outside of being a Demon Slayer. His uniform is practical in concealing his movements from demons, but aside from that it's plain and blank, pointing to his lack of identity.

We get more information about his personality from his reintroduction in the second episode of the Swordsmith Village arc. he gets into an altercation with Kotetsu, who refuses to give him the key to Yorichii Type-Zero, a prized possession and family heirloom. At Kotetsu's refusal, Muichiro gets to bullying him, first with words as he attempts to put Kotetsu in his place by stating the difference in importance between the swordsmiths and the Hashira.

“There is a vast difference between the value of your time and a Pillar’s time.”“Swordsmiths are unable to fight, they can’t save people’s lives either. Other than making weapons, they’re useless.”“Get a clue about your position before making a move. You’re no longer a baby.”

When this does not work, he then moves on to attempting to bully Kotetsu physically and is stopped by Tanjiro. Tanjiro notices that there is no hint of malice in Muichiro's words, which tells us that he's simply stating what he believes to be true.

So where does this mindset come from?

The Useless, Worthless Boy

One of the things that I noticed about the twins is how their differences tell us a lot about the gender expectations of boys in society. Yuichiro possesses qualities that are prized and encouraged in boys and men—He's tough, strong, determined, capable, and most importantly unemotional. After their parents died, he was able to take up the responsibility of taking care of the household and taking over his father's job as a woodcutter with the single-minded purpose of taking care of his soft-hearted 'useless' brother.

Muichiro on the other hand is soft and weak as seen in the flashback where he struggles with carrying just one log of wood whereas Yuichiro has carried a dozen or so. He mentioned in the light novel that he wasn't able to do simple chores like cook rice or even use a knife. He's optimistic, soft-hearted, soft-spoken, and emotional; possessing traits that society considers useless in a boy/man, a sissy if you will.

Yuichiro seems to think so too because he not only mocks Muichiro for his 'uselessness' but he also berates him after Amane's visit by belittling his abilities and desire to become a swordsman. This has been interpreted by a lot of fans as Yuichiro hating him or him just being an emotionally abusive dick.

But if we simply listen to his outburst, we'll see that Yuichiro is not simply being hostile to Muichiro. But as we see from his outburst, his actions do not stem not from any real malice but from his fear of losing his little brother just like he lost his parents. In his mind, kindness, and optimism don't have a place in this harsh, cruel world that took their parents away from them. Anyway, despite his true intentions the message was clear to Muichiro, and the damage was done; traits such as kindness, and optimism are worthless and by extension Muichiro is worthless.

Then we had the demon attack, which echoed the same sentiments to Muichiro—their lives were worthless.

*I'm sorry but every time I watch this scene, seeing Muichiro holding Yuichiro, them huddled in the corner with Muichiro shaking in terror looking so small and helpless, it brings tears to my eyes. They were just babies! Fuck that can-opener-hands-looking motherfucker!😭

Anyway, the demon saw them as easy pickings who would not fight back and would not be missed by anyone because after all, like just Yuichiro said 'What can a couple of 11-year-olds do?'. But the thing is that even the smallest, most conflict-avoidant creature will bite back when pushed to the corner, especially when it's to protect what's important to them.

Muichiro was successful in killing that asshole demon, but the damage was already done. Yuichiro had bled out and even though Muichiro was able to make it back to him, the adrenaline from fighting the demon wore off, leaving him too exhausted to go call for help. As he watched his brother bleed to death, I reckon that he felt a sense of guilt because the only reason he was alive was because Yuichiro protected him, putting himself in danger.

I bet that Muichira was thinking that if only he was stronger, if only he wasn't so weak, so…useless, then maybe Yuichiro would still be alive. His brother was right to hate him, he was useless and stupid things like kindness, optimism, and weakness have no place in this world and all it does is get people killed, his mom, his dad, and now his brother. To have those traits is to be worthless, and even when his memory fades away due to the trauma, he still has those beliefs. Subconsciously or probably even consciously, he adopted the traits Yuichiro possessed that he believes will give him worth.

He trains his body to become strong and skilled to match Yuichiro's inherent strength. He also adopts Yuichiro's seemingly cold, callous, and emotionally repressed nature, especially his lack of tact, which he uses to berate anyone who possesses any trait different from what he deems 'useful'. To him, those people are like the old Muichiro—worthless, and this is what he tells Kotetsu.

“Swordsmiths are unable to fight, they can’t save people’s lives either. Other than making weapons, they’re useless.”

Part 2 will be about the significance of Muichiro vs. Gyokko, his mark and how he unlocked it, as well as his healing process.

*reposted as cake slices for easy digestion

[burgundyskiez]

Burnin’ up - Daryl Dixon

The crisp, late autumn, morning air danced across my face, leaving a frost bitten numbness on my skin. I could no longer feel my fingers, and the sound of my teeth chattering filled my ears. The weekly trek from Hilltop felt like a good job at the time in which I volunteered for it, deciding that the solitude on the journey would be an enjoyable experience that could break up the hustle and bustle of the up and coming settlement. However, as the winter months drew closer, I quickly realised why nobody else jumped so quickly at the opportunity to escape the busyness. My bow slung over my shoulder haphazardly, and my many times reused arrows tucked into a thigh strap I’d made especially to hold them, each took turns clanging and clattering against the sack of supplies, food and filtered water I heaved on my travels. I was surprised I hadn’t drawn more walkers in my direction or towards my destination, that I was close approaching.

Upon my arrival, I whistled once making my presence known as I usually did, yet I still jumped in surprised at the paws that lunged into my back. I chuckled softly, turning to fuss over the furry boy who panted loudly and wagged his tail happily, “Hey Dog. You’re just getting better at sneaking up on me each time, ain’t ya?” I scratched behind his ears and ruffled the fur about his neck, until an amused grunt rang from beside me.

I stood up fully again, turning to smile politely at Daryl, “Hope I didn’t barge in on ya, but I’m sure you expected me at some point soon.” I dropped the sack of supplies on the floor between our feet, pulling the string that tied it loose and grabbing out a bone, waving it around for Dog before throwing it and chuckling as I watched him run after it.

Daryl grunted again as he bent to pick up the sack, throwing it over his shoulder and walking up towards his tent, he spoke as he did so, “Ain’t ever expect Carol to give up on this delivery thing. Tried to talk ‘er outta it many times.” He dropped the sack inside his large tent, before turning to me again. “How’s things up there?” He asked gruffly, holding up a metal cup, silently offering me a drink, and beginning to boil water on the fire that was burning proudly.

I followed him over to the fire, plopping myself down onto a log beside it, opposite where Daryl was crouched, tending to the pot on the fire. I chuckled, “Busy as ever. They wanna make sure everything is just right, you know? Carol and Maggie are working really hard to ensure things run smoothly, s’just nice to get out once in a while.” Daryl nodded as I spoke, moving backwards to sit on the log behind him, waiting for the water to reach a boil.

He looked tired, his under eyes were darkened, his head was held lower, even his posture was more slumped. His physical exhaustion was only half of it though, he was entirely spent emotionally too, having been out looking for any traces of Rick since the incident at the bridge. Each time I visited, I knew he was getting worse, but I also knew that he simply would not give up trying.

I spoke quietly, breaking the silence as I held my frozen hands out above the fire, “He wouldn’t want you exhausting yourself to near death, Daryl.” Tension filled his body instantly, and his face visibly battled against the instant harsh response he wanted to retort with, instead taking a moment before speaking quietly, “I know, but he’s m’brother. I ain’t gonna give up ‘til I know he’s gone. He gave me chances, I’ll give him his in survivin’ if he’s out there.”

I smiled sadly, nodding, knowing he was right, that Rick had given all of us our fair share of chances, we all owed a lot to him. A short moment of silence fell upon us once again, before Daryl dunked both of the metal cups into the boiled water and passed me mine, “ain’t much, but should warm y’up. Yer shiverin’ is making me feel even colder.” He chuckled softly, the faintest smile on his lips as his tired eyes met mine briefly. I chuckled in response and held the hot cup in my gloved hands, sighing happily at the feeling returning through my fingers.

In the first few months since I joined the group, Daryl and I hardly knew each other’s names, let alone spoke, figuring we wouldn’t have much, if anything in common. Despite the close relationship I quickly gained with Carol, who soon filled a mother-figure shaped hole in my heart, Daryl and I had little idea about the others similar family-type of bond with her. It wasn’t until we were teamed up together, tasked with the difficult job of finding Carol after one of her desperate for some kind of escape from the pressure and emotional turmoil run aways, only then did we realise we had a lot more in common than we thought, and that we both bloody loved that wonderful, emotionally exhausted woman. Our joint determination allowed us to find her in just a few days and convince her to return to the group, to us, her family.

A rustle in the bushes startled me, the metal cup in my hand quickly forgotten about as I stood up quickly and tore my bow from my shoulder, snapping up an arrow from my leg strap and aiming my weapon in the direction of the noise. Failing to see any incoming walkers and instead a tail-waggling Dog, Daryl’s laughter shook me out of my fighting response, and then allowed me to feel the burning sensation running across my left leg. “Shit!” I croaked out, my face contorted into a look of pure pain. Daryl’s laughter quickly subsided and he rushed to my side, his face screwed into a look of concern and worry, noticing the metal cup on the floor at my feet, and his eyes finally landing on the boiling hot wet patch covering my left leg.

Daryl immediately crouched at my feet and began sawing through the material of my cargo leg, tearing the rest once he’d made a big enough slash. My leg was red raw, the deep crimson was jeering at us as it waded across my skin, feeling like it was clawing into my bones. I wanted to move, but my body was rigid, dense as a black hole, completely stuck in an inescapable prison.

Suddenly, my feet were off the ground, my body horizontal, legs travelling before me towards the lake, supported by Daryl’s arms. The archer raced into the water, further and further until his waist down was submerged in the soothing frost bitten water, a rush of relief flowed through me. I looked at Daryl for the first time, whose concerned, ice blue orbs met mine. Instinctively, I tightly wrapped my arms around his neck, holding onto him, a silent, brutally vulnerable ‘thank you’ being translated. Slowly, almost uncertainly, his strong arms encapsulated my form, and I allowed my forehead to fall to his shoulder.

The bite of the cold lake sent sudden chills through my body, causing me to pull away from the hug. I looked at Daryl with a small smile before speaking, my teeth chattering comedically, “before I lose any limbs to the cold water, or whatever is swimming in it, I think we should get out.” I chuckle and ruffle Daryl’s hair, before making my way up the bank and back towards the tent, hearing a second pair of heavy footsteps behind me belonging to the hunter.

Daryl rushed ahead and grabbed two blankets from his tent, gesturing for me to sit by the fire again, unfolding one of the blankets and waiting for me to take a seat on the log before draping the blanket around my shoulders. I smiled softly, immediately pulling the blanket tightly around me. As he began to turn towards the opposite log, my voice startled even me, “Sit next to me…” I tried to cover up the embarrassment I felt at the question I’d asked, chuckling softly and silently thanking the heavens above that I was far too cold to blush, “body warmth should heat us up faster, right?”

Daryl froze in place, still for a moment, looking at me with eyes full of surprise. The once certain impossibility of my face flushing red with regret now seemed a lot more likely. I quickly broke eye contact with the man I’d just completely made a fool of myself in front of, suddenly finding my shoes incredibly interesting. Until, a warmth appeared beside me and a larger pair of combat boots joined mine in front of the log, I didn’t dare to lift my head, knowing my face was in fact flushed completely now.

A large, rough hand grasped my chin gently, as if I was porcelain that could crumble under the slightest amount of force. I finally lifted my head, meeting those ice blue eyes once again, that somehow seemed to spread such a warmth throughout me, however when they fell from my eyes down to my lips, I felt all of my breath leave my lungs. My head nodded softly in response without me being able to think beforehand, and he finally closed the space between us.

[somehow-a-human]

Whose POV is it Anyway?

A Companion to Owls.

DO NOT ASK NEIL ABOUT FAN THEORY

Job 30:29-31 I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. My skin is black upon me and my bones are burned with heat. My harp also is turned to mourning, and my organ into the voice of them that weep.

Continuing my analysis of the narrator/POV perspective of Good Omens season two with a look at the episode 2 minisode set in 2500 BC, Uz. God, I love this minisode.

For reference & context, I recommend reading these posts:

Whose POV is it Anyway? - Introduction

Lens Filters

POV "Your 'Something's Wrong' Voice"

POV a Trip to Hell and a 25 Lazarii Miracle

We open our journey into the land of Uz with Crowley giving Job's goats a speech that sounds awfully similar to his own troubled relationship with The Almighty. Crowley is alone here. The episode cold-opens and we've had no lead up to suggest otherwise, so this is Crowley's POV. His hair is short and more vibrant, I'd say this is likely the Black Diffusion FX filter.

Yes for the sake of this post I am doubling down on the fact that there are TWO SEPARATE WIGS. See more here.

Aziraphale arrives, he looks cute and silly, the permit is long, the goats are "destroyed" and they part ways.

The next scene we get is Aziraphale in heaven checking with Muriel and the Archangels that the permit Crowley has is in fact legitimate. This time, we are seeing Aziraphale's POV. Heaven is a stark white office building but the golden hue is almost overwhelming in this flashback. The Bronze Glimmer Glass filter is clearly being used here.

Aziraphale decides he's going to confront Crowley about saving the children, little does he know Crowley wouldn't harm them to begin with but regardless...

When we re-enter the minisode, we do so via a subtle zoom in on Crowley's face in modern day. We then enter the scene through Aziraphale's illustrated Bible and see Crowley asking Job where his kids are. We've again lost the golden glow of the BGG filter, moved back to the BDFX filter and into Crowley's POV. Crowley's hair is still short, Aziraphale isn't present here, he's alone, so these are his memories.

When we see Crowley walking up to the house to find the kids we have switched back to Aziraphale's POV. The scene is extremely warmly lit, it's soft and yellow, and Crowley is now in a different wig. His hair is much longer, softer and more attractive looking. In one of the X-Ray behind the Scenes videos I even caught a screenshot of the film slate from this scene and you can clearly that they've written in BGG as the filter used, so we have confirmation.

We continue through the Job minisode in Aziraphale's POV. The reveal of the goats, saving the kids, the ox rib temptation, the first conversation about loneliness, it's all from Aziraphale's POV. until after he "comes to" in the bookshop in present day.

When we revisit the minisode, and for the remainder of it we are seeing it from Crowley's POV which was an interesting thing to realize. We see Crowley and Aziraphale witness Job speaking with God, saving Jobs children, deceiving the Archangels, and having their emotionally revealing conversation overlooking the beautiful sea all from Crowley's POV. His hair remains short and more vibrant red throughout all of it, we don't see the return of his long long gingery waves. The lighting when the angels are present for the children's "resurrection" is very warm but I'm going to chalk that up to the Heavenly Hosts presence.

It makes sense that this reaction is Crowley's POV. Silly silly angel, did a good deed and thinks he's a demon?! But then he realizes how upset Aziraphale is, how scared and he comforts him. He tells him he isn't going to do anything that would hurt him, that would get him in trouble. Then, something about the fact that what follows is also from Crowley's memories, his perspective...

"That sounds..."

"Lonely? Yeah."

"But you said it wasn't."

"I'm a demon. I lied."

NEXT POV The Dirty Donkey & I think I Found a *Clue*!

[narxcisse]

(((( I made this fanfic halfway through, but I'm too shy to post it, and I don't know how to finish it either, since I've never made one before. I love your writing, so I'm sharing this idea with you in case you want to use it to make one or post it. ))))

.....

The sun was beginning to set over Piltover, painting the horizon with shades of orange and gold. Reader stood at the door of the laboratory, your suitcase packed, ready to embark on a six-month journey away from the city. Jayce was leaning against one of the columns, looking at you with a serious expression, but not hiding a slight discomfort.

Jayce: "Take care out there. And don't try anything too impulsive, okay?" ( he said, forcing a smile.)

((Viktor, always more reserved, was adjusting one of the devices on his desk. He glanced over his shoulder, his glasses slipping slightly, but quickly returned to his task.))

Viktor: "Yes, and I hope the experience is... worthwhile." — Viktor replied, his voice lacking its usual warmth, but there was a slight concern in his eyes.

((Reader chuckled, trying to ease the tension in the air. The farewell wasn't easy for anyone, and you knew you were leaving an impression on both of them. But to lighten the mood, you decided to do something a bit bolder.))

Reader: "Oh, of course. But don't forget, boys..." (Reader paused, smiling mischievously.) "Don't destroy the world while I'm gone, alright?"

(Jayce raised an eyebrow, trying to hide a smile.)

Jayce: "Haha, very funny, Reader... We always manage to keep things under control most of the time, right, Viktor?" (he said, attempting to disguise the tension in his voice.)

((Viktor simply shook his head, but you noticed a faint color on his cheeks. Something you hadn't seen before.))

Reader: "I hope so... But, since I'll miss you, maybe I'll leave something for you to remember me by..." (Reader gave a playful smile, pulling them into a group hug and planting a kiss on both of their cheeks.)

((The silence that followed was uncomfortable. Jayce looked away, trying to maintain his composure, while Viktor, for a moment, seemed to completely forget his usual serious demeanor. Both were blushing, and both knew that, despite their attempts to deny it, something greater was happening between you.))

Jayce: "Get going. We don't have time for flirting right now." (Jayce said, trying to make his voice sound stern, but the soft laugh that escaped his lips betrayed him.)

Reader: "I'm not flirting." (Reader gave him a questioning look, not understanding, before picking up your suitcase and walking towards the door.)

((Viktor stayed silent, his gaze distant, almost lost, as if he was still absorbing every word you had said.))

((As you stepped out the door, you glanced back at both of them. They were standing there, unsure of what to do with their feelings. But in the back of their minds, one thought lingered: maybe it was time to admit what they were feeling before you returned.))

.......

The air in Piltover was heavier than ever. The city, marked by war and destruction, no longer seemed the same. Upon entering the laboratory, the changes in the two men you knew were palpable. Viktor and Jayce were no longer the same, neither physically nor emotionally. The weight of the past, the war, and the choices made were etched on their faces.

Viktor, who had once been a cold and calculating genius, now seemed more like a machine than a man. His eyes were dark, but there was something profoundly human behind the metal that dominated his figure. He was partially altered by the Arcane, a shadow of what he once was, but still a shadow of some unknown emotion.

Jayce, on the other hand, had a more unhinged air. The heat of battle still burned on his skin, and the paranoid look of someone who no longer knew who to trust was always present. His hair, now longer and disheveled, gave him the appearance of a man who barely knew where sanity ended and madness began. After surviving the Hexcore explosion, he seemed even more lost. The war had transformed him, and he no longer knew who to trust. He only knew one thing: he needed reader and had to protect you from Viktor. And when you arrived, it was like a storm amidst a minefield of emotions.

Viktor: "[Reader], you’re back." (His voice was robotic, but with a touch of tenderness that mixed with what remained of his being. His eyes were as distant as before, but there was a weakness in them, a dependency that hadn't been there before.)

((Reader shuddered upon seeing the man who had once been a brilliant genius, now lost in his own creation. He no longer seemed like the cold, calculating Viktor, but someone desperately trying to cling to what remained of his humanity.))

((Jayce appeared shortly after, his insane eyes more visible than ever, his body tense as if any movement was a threat. But when you saw him, you realized he was no longer the man he used to be. He looked broken, his emotions a mix of rage, fear, and imbalance, more wild than ever. His gaze was frantic, as if searching for something to hold onto. He rushed towards you, his voice tinged with a silent desperation.))

Reader: "Viktor? Jayce? What happened to you? What happened to the city? What the hell is going on..." (Reader was interrupted and ignored by the two men.)

Jayce: "I... I need to talk to you." His voice trembled, and he looked at Viktor with distrust, as if seeing the very shadow of what Viktor had done. "Let’s go somewhere private. I need to tell you what happened. Especially, away from him."

((The tension in the air increased. You didn’t know what to do, but something in Jayce’s look made him seem more vulnerable than ever. He was no longer the leader reader knew, but someone desperate, wanting to protect you from Viktor, who now seemed like a threat.))

Jayce: (Whispering to himself) "Yes, especially away from him... I have to get [Reader] out of here," Viktor, even without access to the Arcane, is dangerous. No! No, [Reader] will understand. He can’t be trusted anymore." (Jayce didn’t trust Viktor, even if the Counselors did, despite everything he had done.)

Reader: "Huh?? Why?" (Reader looks at Jayce, concerned, seeing her friend talking to himself and whispering...)

Viktor: (Viktor calmly looked, his mechanical hand extending towards the reader to gently pat their head, then placing his hand on their chin and turning to face Jayce)

Viktor: "You’re wrong, Jayce. I’m the only one who understands what needs to be done. I know I forced the Glorious Evolution, that I made wrong choices, but that doesn’t change how I see the world. What I did, I did for you, for us." His eyes turned to you, and there was something there. "I’ve always loved you, [Reader]. A part of me, still human, lives inside me, and that part still loves you."

Jayce: (Jayce seemed on the verge of exploding) "You don’t understand, Viktor!" He almost shouted but held back. "I need to protect [Reader] from you!"

Anon... YOU ATE

I might use your idea but I feel like it would lose the original essence. 😞 I definitely encourage you to finish it on your own and publish it! This is too good to even try to use it. 😭! If I were you I would do an open ending /hsrs (exclaimed the one who almost always does open endings lol) You can also try to end it with suspense... I think all writers start by making endings like that. 🤨

Tag me if you upload it! Ily Anon, thank u for trusting me. 💗 /nr /p

[theunsinkableship1]

Things are not always what they seem...

⚠️Disclaimer: This is Lukolaland only. If you don't believe you should skip. No harm intended and no hard feelings. Only strong feelings here.

Dear Lukola Shippers,

I hope this message finds you well, no matter where in the world you are. Though I’ve been mostly quiet recently, I want you to know I’m still firmly aboard this ship, and the waters have felt calmer of late. We are witnessing great waves of success coming to our Lukola. Watching them thrive individually and achieve such success is a joy, it’s wonderful to see them striving and thriving in their unique journeys.

Today, I’d like to open up about something personal. It’s a topic that requires sensitivity but resonates deeply with what we often discuss as a community. Appearances can be deceiving.

Humans are complex beings, and we can never be entirely certain of what’s happening behind closed doors. Even when all signs seem to point in one direction, the reality could be something entirely different.

When I was younger, I was in relationships that seemed one way from the outside but were very different beneath the surface. Back then, I was seen as someone confident and put-together a "popular girl," if you will. But inside, I felt like a wallflower. People were drawn to the version of me they saw, not the person I truly was.

In one relationship, I fell deeply in love. To the outside world, we looked like the perfect couple. But the reality was far from that. I was shy and cautious, but I fell for one of the hit boys. I was deeply in love, but he wasn’t. I became more of a mix between a prop and a seat filler in his life. While I was publicly acknowledged, I wasn’t truly valued in his heart. Being young and in love, I sometimes acted jealous and irrationally, making poor decisions in my attempt to hold on to the relationship. While I gave my all, I never was someone that he truly cherished. I was young and blinded by my feelings, so I clung tightly to the relationship, convincing myself and others that everything was fine. Looking back, I realize that what people saw from the outside, the smiles, the handholding, was a façade for a connection that didn’t exist in his heart. His attention was always somewhere else.

Later, I entered another relationship. I was tired of being alone. All my friends were in relationships, and I found myself longing for one too. This time, it was with someone I became very close to through mutual friends. Though we had a strong bond, we quickly realized we weren’t a romantic match. Yet, for two years, we stayed in a "relationship" because it worked for both of us at that time, he was coming to terms with his own identity, and I was healing and waiting for the right person. To the outside world, we were a couple. We even lived together and shared milestones. But in reality, we were best friends who blurred the lines of companionship. Only our close friends knew the truth: to the outside world, we appeared to be a couple, but in reality, we were just best friends. Sometimes, things can get messy, and lines blur. While I was in this pretend relationship, someone from my past reentered my life, wanting to marry me. Things moved quickly, and even though my friend knew our arrangement was temporary and understood the situation, there might have been some emotional complexity. Perhaps I was ready to move on before he was, or maybe it was because we were emotionally intertwined in many ways. Societal perceptions could have played a role as well. I’m still not entirely sure. After my wedding, we went our separate ways. Though we remain on friendly terms, we are no longer close, and I haven’t heard from him in years.

Life is full of such complexities. For example, I have a chronic hormonal condition that, at times, makes me appear pregnant when I’m not. Years ago, this led to assumptions and speculation, especially early in my marriage. People congratulated me on pregnancies that didn’t exist, which was deeply painful as I faced uncertainty about whether I could have children. It taught me how much appearances can mislead even well-meaning people.

So, why share all this? Because as fans, it’s easy to speculate about the lives of people we admire. But the truth is, only they know what’s happening behind closed doors. I’ve noticed many people dismiss or deny the bond between them, but I believe we can’t be doubtful of its existence. I’m confident they are also aware of what they share. What we’re speculating about is what’s truly happening behind the scenes and why things are unfolding the way they are.

It all comes down to perception and observation. There’s something peculiar about this situation, too many coincidences for certain things to be purely incidental. Patterns emerge that can be explained rationally, and those who pay close attention recognize the mixed messages that make a straightforward narrative unlikely. Occam’s razor doesn’t apply neatly here.

Moreover, we have public evidence, not just imagined scenarios, that suggests there’s been something deeper between them at some point. The idea that 'there’s nothing more' doesn’t hold water because, where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

Appearances, whether on red carpets, social media, or interviews can only tell part of the story. And while our love for Luke and Nicola is real and rooted in admiration for their talent and chemistry, we must tread lightly.

I adore Luke’s subtle and nuanced acting and his incredible singing voice, which has a charm that captivates. Nicola’s range as an actress is extraordinary, and her vibrant personality shines through in everything she does. I support them both as individuals and as a couple because they make me believe in their connection.

I remain here because I believe in the love they seem to share, whether it’s in a glance, a gesture, or an unspoken understanding. Until the day there’s unequivocal proof otherwise, I’ll keep believing because they make me feel the love.

With love and hope,

The unsinkable ship 🚢

[queen-of-andor]

Robin and Ace aren't the only One Piece characters who had a difficult childhood ( the real question in OP is who hasn't?) but they were both two children who were constantly told that the world would be a better place without them. Ace because he was the child of the "terrible" Roger and Robin because she was the "demon child". And there is no heavier burden for a child to carry than to feel guilty for even existing:

( chapter 568)

( chapter 1133)

What makes their situations worse is that neither had a healthy support system, Robin was on her own post Ohara incident and Ace caregivers - Dadan and Garp- were not good at expressing emotions

It's no wonder that both characters ended up suicidal even as little kids:

I'm glad that both of them encountered Luffy at some point, who with his selfless love and support gave them motivation to keep on living.

Ace's story in Marinefort unfortunately ends up in the tragedy of his own death. But even on that terribly sad scene, Ace knew he was loved and that his life matter to people - not only to Luffy but also to all of his other friends who loved him so much that risked their lives trying to save him.

Robin's story in Enies Lobby thankfully doesn't even in tragedy. She realised that she was loved by Luffy and the rest of her nakama that risked everything to rescue her and as she herself declared - in one of the most powerful Op scenes - she wanted to live!

And her journey and development didn't end up there. After founding the support system she needed ( her family aka the straw hats) she was able to see more optimistically the world, befriend new people even when she was separated by her beloved nakama and grew stronger emotionally.

I'm always gonna be sad when I think about Ace, a child who felt unwanted and who tragically died before he was able to fully heal the emotional scars of his childhood.

But I'm also always gonna feel optimistic and happy when I think about the other child who felt unwanted - Robin . The one who had the time to overcome the tragedy of her childhood and is currently one of the most emotionally strong people in OP. And more importantly she's happy without harbouring any suicidal thoughts any longer.