#malice rambles

[full-of-malice]

i haven't seen the new deadpool and wolverine movie yet, i've heard a lot of good things about it and i was actually kinda excited? most of the mcu has sucked so bad for a while now and deadpool is cool i love both characters. i love the art that was made by the fandom and the creativity i've seen from the fandom from the new movie

and then i learned that they for some reason put an r slur joke in the movie for no good reason at all. like wow. we just can't have nice things.

i was genuinely looking forward to this movie and that just. basically ruined the entire thing for me. it leaves a gross taste in my mouth now. really disappointing honestly

like i genuinely think the fandom is lovely, the ships are goofy, the art is wonderful, the movie seemed to have wonderful potential but like. come on. and i've seen like a total of one person talk about it

[infamous-if]

back to working on chapter 4 and returning to what I think is the superior seven (/lh) and once again! the holiday specials will be posted publicly eventually :) next one soon!

chapter 4 news soon as well 🫰

[lavandulawrites]

If you don’t fw Malice Mizer, don’t fucking interact with me (jk… or am I?)

I will forever be devastated by the fact their songs aren’t on Spotify (except as ‘podcasts’)😔 What’s your fav song? Mine is Ma Chérie!

[bizlybebo]

still going mad over grizzly’s writing and establishment of the world of riptide btw.

a lot of writers (me included) accidentally end up with a pitfall where once a location is “left” by the main pov, it kind of stops existing/being relevant until it’s needed again, leading to tiny lil disconnects in immersion.

riptide has literally never had this at all. the world of mana feels like it is real and breathing beyond the scenes that we see; events that happen in the world “off-screen” or events that happened a long time ago (ex: death of empress malice) have long-term impacts and real consequences.

just a tiny lil detail about jrwi that i’ve noticed and absolutely adore as someone currently working on a massive worldbuilding project myself :)

[girlfailurefelix]

thinking about how while we all make the “doomed by the narrative” jokes about tony, it’s so much worse than that. the narrative tries so so hard to save him multiple times throughout the novella and yet his tunnel vision with the ggy mystery always leads him to doom himself

[full-of-malice]

i sometimes feel like the community can give allos the wrong idea of what it is and feels like to be asexual or aromantic, and especially both.

like i feel when searching for perspectives you either find that being aroace is the greatest thing that ever happened it's so cool and swag or that's it's utterly miserable. when it's more then often both. it's a big package of good and bad.

it's part of you which means it's something so beautiful and powerful and right and wonderful and that's something to be proud of.

on the flip side as a romance favorable aroace person, it hurts like shit. i know that i won't feel like other people. i want to seek out a relationship but i know i'll never love them the way that they deserve and the way that any other person could love them because i will never feel romantically attracted to them. i feel the need to disclose this to people because i don't want to hurt them. i don't want to be a shitty person just for trying to find a relationship.

i've seen allos online claim how Easy it would be to be aroace. oh how they wish they were aroace no more crushes no more problems.

they don't realize that society is so romance and sex focused that you are forgotten and left to the side. and that even your own community might not support you if you aren't perfect. they fail to realize that people around you won't believe you or care. that society tricks you so you feel like you're missing out on things. being queer means that conservatives hates you and even if you don't feel attraction to anyone they still want you dead. like it is not all sunshine dragons and rainbows i swear to god.

also a completely different gripe but i will Kill the asexual extra free time jokes with my bare hands goodness gracious

[skyeshades]

i hope these chapters kill evil ralsei theories

[eliounora]

it's probably nothing but sometimes I wonder if I have ADHD. especially at work I really struggle remembering all the little details and stuff I have to check, and I've noticed I always feel restless and yet tired. I've also started to forget more and more stuff, though I've always been careless without meaning to. my mom is convinced I should get checked but all mental health professionals have dismissed me because I've "done so well in school". one time I even paid a shitton for a private doctor and she simply told me everyone has some neurodivergent traits. now it's true I'm not the perfect picture of a stereotypical person with ADHD, but it's tough to get dismissed before even getting a proper evaluation

[humlase]

Turns out the music I listen to HIGHLY affects how my art turns out because I'm currently listening to my glorious goat Mana sama and now Neil Josten looks like a vampiric prince from a 90's anime.

[pomegranateteatime]

Weekly Update: Looking up???

I started this week with a sinking hole in my heart. I’m unsure if I’ve mentioned this on my blog as I’m very sensitive to talking about my diagnoses as I want them to be private and not define me/keep me from opportunities but I have BPD, also known as Bipolar Disorder. Somedays are better than others. Being a creative with bpd is honestly one of the worst things a person can be, there are some days where my mind is void of anything and other days there is so much going on in my head that I feel overwhelmed and want to die. Since like April I’ve been having a bad episode, there isn’t anything I can exactly do to stop it other than attempting to keep sane. Routine sometimes helps but even then it doesn’t all the time, spending time doing the things that I love can sometimes help me get out of that manic state but other times it makes it worse like one time I didn’t sleep or eat for nearly three days cause I wanted to speedrun oot and I know that sounds silly but I became obsessive and couldn’t do anything else or else I was a failure. I have no emotions yet so fucking many. It’s hard. But on Wednesday I just woke up and…that feeling was gone. Most of the time when I’m in a depressive or manic episode the only thing I can do is wait it out, I’m sure medication would help but every medication I’ve taken just makes me into a husk, instead of the occasional “no thoughts” days I become like that every day. I’d rather live my life struggling than live it as a zombie. But I do think medications can help when you struggle just…not for me. But with that feeling gone, I was able to do a lot more of what I loved this week. So…let’s get into that!

While my godmother and I celebrated my mom’s birthday with her earlier in the week, on her actual birthday she wanted to go to Korean Barbecue with me. I think she could tell I’ve been in a bad headspace since she’s been trying to get me out of the house more. When I was in high school I really struggled to go to school, even getting out of bed was a Herculean task. But she’d make me go everywhere with her, looking back on it, it was her way of trying to help. And to be fair, I was slightly less depressed at queer middle eastern coffee shops than I was in my bedroom so she was onto something. We’ve been tight on money recently due to personal circumstances but she’s still been trying to get me out of the house, even if it’s just to run errands. My mom and I don’t always get along, most days I feel like she really doesn’t understand me…but she tries in her own way to help me and care for me. I appreciate that a lot.

On Tuesday we had some errands to run but…it was raining. For those unaware, I live in SoCal, and I don’t live in Los Angeles or like even the valley. I live in a fucking desert. We rarely get rain even during the rainy season! When I lived in Vegas, summer rain and storms were very common but in my over 10+ years of living in this desert we have only had it rain in the summer maybe once or twice. We’ve also had more overcast skies this summer so far, literally insane. I love the rain but all I can think about is how the climate is changing and how that may affect our amazing wildlife, I live by a nature reserve and whenever I go I get to see so many cool creatures! Usually native birds and lizards but on the rare occasion you see a coyote or a snake or one time…I SAW A DESERT KIT FOX!!! I was so excited when I saw it and I still think about that cute little fox everyday! But the rain was beautiful even if it does worry me that we had rain in the first place. I think this was our second storm of the summer? Scary stuff.

As said in my intro, Wednesday I woke up and felt like a million bucks! Jk but having my sinking hole filled even if only temporarily truly made my week…I was able to start work on my writing again! I’ve been studying for my cbest test and I also applied to a really great library clerk assistant position and I hope I get it since it would still give me time to exist outside of work! But I’ve finally been working on my original project…a gothic novel with a heavy influence from Armenian and Iranian culture! I’m still really shy to share it on here but I promise my mutuals, I’ll try to gain the courage once I have more chapters! I finished two chapters this week and I plan to finish chapter 3 right now! My gf has been the only person to read it so far but I’m so so so happy she likes it, I was worried the main character wouldn’t be super likable since she’s a bit complicated but my gf said the opposite which has me happy!!! Oh Violet Nightingale I am so so so sorry for everything you will go through but at the very least she can wear her favorite dresses and eat all the cake she wants. Placing a cake that I think my poor daughter would devour in a second!

With all this writing and planning and studying that I’ve been doing, I’ve been drinking more and more tea again! I always try to start out my mornings with some tea but lately I’ve been neglecting tea during other parts of the day but I’ve really tried to fix that this week! I love tea and as I’ve said in the past, one of the reasons I like it is cause it’s an intentional drink. With water I can drink it at any time and it’ll taste fine, sodas won’t lose the carbonation or go flat until like five hours of a can being open. Coffee can be enjoyed hot or cold, even if your ice melts and dilutes your drink, you can always add a splash of new coffee or you can make those coffee ice cubes to literally avoid that problem. But with single use teabags and even loose leaf, once your drink is made, it’ll only be hot for a set amount of time, depending on how hot your water was or how good your mug insulates your drink. It’s a skill to drink tea and yet it’s such a leisurely task that anyone can enjoy it. Awhile ago I saw this photo on Pinterest that moved me, it was someone taking a photo of their tea mug and it had a littlest pet shop toy in front of it! I thought it was the cutest thing ever so I recreated it. I also plan to recreate it a few more times until I have one with all my favorite mugs!

Saturday my darling came over again. I wish we could live together already but I also want to be able to provide for her so until I can make a livable wage I won’t be looking for a place for us. I do hope we can visit more in general this summer but we’ll just have to see how things play out! We watched Book of Atlantic and were surprised by how…good it was? I have a very complicated history with Black Butler and my enjoyment of it, Yana Toboso is very strange and she both writes some of the most interesting and moving plots and characters I’ve ever seen…and then she also writes/draws some of the most unnecessary shit ever. I won’t get too into it cause I know Black Butler fans like to tussle, I mean so do I. But damn, when Yana locks in she locks in. I feel the same way about her writing in twst, like she did not really give a fuck when originally making book 2 but when it came time for Leona’s dream in book 7 she locked the fuck in and it was incredible. I also made us a pot roast and…it came out juicy but I over salted it, I mean it’ll be great for leftovers cause I can make tacos with it and quesadillas and sandwiches…it really needs bread to soak up a bit of that salt but my girlfriend fucking loved it so hey at least it was enjoyed. Also…we got boba again, we got the same drink, an ube yam blended smoothie. I ordered mine without boba and I was able to drink the whole thing this time without feeling sick…it tasted literally divine it was sweet and savory and incredible. I need to learn how to make this at home right now!!!



Lastly…my cat, Sasha, the adorable black cat…she has a brother. Like a litter mate. It’s not my other cat, Willow was found on the street and I took her in cause she was not feral and was most likely an abandoned pet. But Sasha was born in a litter of five, my mom’s boyfriend gave me Sasha and he kept the kitten that was always with my darling, he named the cat Turbo. He’s very anxious for the first two days when visiting cause he’s used to being alone all day and then BOOM! Now he’s around two cats and two dogs. He does really love Sasha and they seem to still recognize each other as siblings which is good but god he’s such a diva. He will see me sitting somewhere and will still walk up to me and hiss and growl. Like dude, you saw me sitting here, why the hell are you coming over if you don’t want to be around me?! I love him even if he’s like this. Also photos of Sasha and Turbo!

Onto music recs! I’ve been listening to a lot of classical music this week to better write my story, while it’s a fantasy it’s also inspired by the Victorian time period and it’s a bit hard to really get into a writing session when rock or a more modern band is playing. Like I love Duran Duran but kinda hard to write high fantasy to Lonely in your nightmare or Skin trade. But…of course, the Wolf’s Rain ost still has a big hold on me. Most of the songs I can work with, but I have been listening a lot to this beautiful track. I want this song injected into my blood stream this instant!!!

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=rGGpGGjiCcI&si=WOVmaTPA0xPNymw-

While I just said that writing to more modern sounding bands has proved to be a challenge…I have also been listening to a lot of Malice Mizer while writing. They’re very nostalgic to me! I’ve been into vkei bands since Middle school! I got into vkei through Sheena Ringo, after watching her music video for Instinct for like the millionth time, I saw a “music video” for a band called Malice Mizer. The image of the band was so fucking striking and when I watched it, I fell in love with them! I can always listen to Malice Mizer when writing as a result, though I do tend to go for specific songs still for the vibes. Anyways I wanted to share the live performance that got me into Malice Mizer!

YouTube videos…I haven’t been watching them recently or when I do, I just put one on in the background while I play cookie run or eat food…but I have been rewatching a lot of Jenny Nicholson’s videos recently, both her public and patreon content! While I do love her super long deep dive videos and I have rewatched her Evermore video too many times to count, I also rewatched her Land Before Time ranking video a few days ago! I was super into the movies as a kid but I never got to watch the sequels. My mom wanted a Disney only household and only let me watch the first land before time because I was so fucking into dinosaurs as a kid…she tried to get me into that horrible Disney movie from the 2000’s that was just called Dinosaur and halfway through the film I literally asked her why it was so boring and she finally caved and let me watch the original Land Before Time. I don’t think I’ll ever personally watch the sequels but it’s fun to see a video about something you loved as a kid that’s made by someone who also enjoyed it as a kid!

[thatguywhodoesstuff]

What about you? What about the Warhammer Chaos gods interests you?

Alright, sorry for the late response, but here’s a point by point rundown on my thoughts on the various Chaos Gods and Chaos as a whole:

Khorne————————

The big man of Chaos and the one (besides Gork and Mork) that is benefiting and reveling the most from the constant battles and wars being waged throughout the franchise. In my opinion, the Lord of Blood’s main appeal to me is his simplicity. He knows what he wants and what he expects of his followers, and while at face value this makes him seem like little else than a blunt instrument, just how raw and utterly human the sensation of overwhelming and all consuming anger is both terrifying and compelling, especially in how it plays into and with Khorne also focusing on a traditional, albeit heavily blood soaked, concept of honor.

Tzeentch—————————

Ah yes, the Changer of Ways, Tzeentch is a tricky one on practically all levels. I will admit Tzeentch isn’t a personal favorite of mine, but I am a big fan of how the various domains he covers overlap and interact, such as showing the dual nature of desiring change which isn’t intrinsically good or bad, the danger of recklessly seeking knowledge, and not to mention the blinding effect unchecked ambition has on people. I can honestly get behind Tzeentch, his followers, and the nebulous, ever changing goals on paper, but the fact there isn’t much in the way of defined parameters regarding what Tzeentch draws power from is a bit of a turnoff.

Nurgle———————

Now we come upon my undisputed favorite amongst the Chaos pantheon. Grandfather Nurgle has a rather personal place in my heart as ever since I was young I’ve struggled with anxiety and fears regarding matters of death, pain, filth, sickness, and feelings of depression. See, when I first got into the Warhammer franchise, I found myself drawn to the Plaguelord and his followers as I felt strangely seen in them.

As for in-universe reasons, I find the paradoxical nature of Nurgle and his followers very intriguing. How this god of death also holds dominion over a twisted form of life. How he expresses his own twisted brand of love by “blessing�� whole worlds with nightmarish blights. How his acolytes are all twisted & diseased pseudo corpses that are free of pain & fear of death as they shamble forward across the battlefield. I suppose the best way I can describe my feelings for Nurgle and his grandkids is that I find them sickeningly sweet.

Slaanesh——————

Okay, so I’ll admit Slaanesh honestly unnerves me as someone with obsessive tendencies. Aside from the more… obvious aspects of She Who Thirsts and her followers, what always interested me regarding Slaanesh was the personal connection and enmity it has with the Elvish/Aeldari factions. I will say, I do have one major gripe with how the Slaanesh faction is presented almost strictly in a carnal manner in WH40k and wish they would take more from the more widespread concepts of obsession and overindulgence they have been using in Age of Sigmar.

Malal/Malice———————————

Ah yes, the oft forgotten son of Chaos (and Games Workshop). I don’t have much else to say other than I find the overall aesthetic and concept of a faction that embodies the tendency of Chaos to turn inwards and self destruct to be absolutely phenomenal. 11/11, I really wish we would get more regarding this infrequently mentioned and not completely canon Chaos god and faction.

The Horned Rat—————————————

He’s the self serving god of a race of psychotic rat-men hooked on radioactive moon cheese that literally feeds on desperation and desires little else than to despoil literally everything, which led to him just inserting himself into the empty space left in the Chaos pantheon by Slaanesh’s imprisonment. What’s not to love about him and his manic followers in all the different and innovative ways they manage to manifest their depravity?

Hashut/Vashtorr————

Alright, I’ll admit I don’t have a whole lot to say about Hashut, but I thought I’d discuss these two together given their whole focus on the evils born of unchecked innovation and industrialism. Now, I will say I do find Hashut managing to corrupt and radicalize a whole group of dwarfs into their own subfaction with the promise of better materials/conditions to work with and the ability to wield conventional magic (albeit at a price) rather impressive, having basically carved out his own niche separate from the Primordial Four.

As for Vashtorr, I’m really interested in how the story regarding his quest to become a Fifth Chaos god will unfold, especially given how he’s aligned with the Black Legion, and while its clear that someone is going to get screwed over in that particular partnership, especially since it’s currently unclear who the unlucky party is going to be when that time comes. I also find it very interesting how Vashtorr more or less takes the opposite route of Hashut and instead has ingratiated himself to the Primordial Four via the manufacturing of Daemon Engines, while also being mostly untouchable in the greater scope of the Great Game.

Misc. Other Chaos Gods—

There isn’t much to say about the other Chaos gods as they are either yet to manifest or non-canon. I will say the idea of the Emperor of Mankind being a likely candidate of becoming the Fifth Chaos god is something I absolutely love and wish was more fleshed out aside from the rare references to the Dark King and the Star Child. I mean, common, it’s just so poetic that the man that spent thousands upon thousands of years busting his hump trying to elevate humanity and protect them from the forces of Chaos becoming just like the very beings he sought to starve and extinguish with his Imperial Truth and possibly condemning mankind, if not the entirety of existence, just like Slaanesh condemned the Aeldari. I get it’s something on such a massive scale that it’s just not feasible to properly tackle without massive effort on Games Workshop’s part, but it’s still something fascinating to explore.

Also, shout-out to the non-canon Necoho the Doubter and Zuvassin the Undoer for literally being the Renegade Chaos gods of atheism and plans going awry respectively.

Chaos Undivided—————

I suppose to answer the question of what draws me to Chaos is the fact it’s a dark mirror of the rawest, truest parts of humanity. It’s a corruptive force literally born from the minds of mortals and true to human nature, people try to rationalize it, direct it, wield it, only to invariably fail and fall deeper into its clutches. Chaos comes in so many forms and in some there are shades of good, yet it’s all clouded by the horrors it brings. It’s like an exploration of the human condition and yet, at the same time Chaos is in a way a literal man made hell, and that fact just fascinates me on a near morbid level.

I’m sorry that this was such a long read, but I hope this answered your question.

[lbhslefttiddie]

actually since im talking about vague ideas i like but havent worked into a useable setting yet: i think, under very specific circumstances involving sy, lbh and sj could become a horrible and terrifying collaborative force. like i think it would be fun and also funny in a shen bros au dealio where sj and lbh are just constantly at each other's fucking throats because of their respective Deals and then the second sy lands himself in a sy-brand Situation they both react with such vicious like-minded fury one would think they had coordinated their actions. i think they could reach an Agreement of sorts if they were put in a position which showed them that they both prioritize sy's safety to the same insane degree. something so fun about having to confront that the person you'd so comfortably despised for so long has shown themself to be very human in the face of the suffering of someone you also love dearly. that there may be no one in the world outside yourself who you would be able to trust your loved one's care to except that bitch you cannot stand

[ad-hawkeye]

top five exchanges that make me laugh no matter how many times i read them

[full-of-malice]

i've started watching hannibal...free me from my mortal shell i want to spend all 24 hours of every single day watching this sad man trying to figure out why people are being killed whilst he his homoerotically teamed up with a man who secretly is doing some of the killing [and also the eating] and everyone's mental states are just rapidly falling apart

[momokatzetzgo]

It’s summer so I’ve finally started clearing my otome backlog LOLLL I hope everyone else is finally getting into the otome grind in their nice cool house while the world is an oven 💪😔💥

[gojoest]

love a strong FL who can be a cunt