#me. thsts the problem
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kill the part of your brain that‘s cinema sins
#writing advice#literally realising my struggle with worldbuilding comes from the fear that people will point out inconsistencies that are so inane#if this is a fantasy setting then this name couldnt exist because the name is of biblical origin#ok and? who cares???#me. thsts the problem
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It's really frustrating to see not only the narrative on the internet but the narrative on the news become "Kanye West pulled a bait and switch with the super bowl ad" like he hadn't added that swastika shirt to his website on February 7th (2 days before the super bowl.) I've now repeatedly seen both people online AND THE NEWS REPORTS repeat the straight up lie that he switched out his website during the super bowl, and it's like. Literally you are wrong. This is wrong. I was there. He had that shirt up on February 7th, the same day he announced for the second time in two years that he's a Nazi that loves Hitler. The fact that none of you were paying attention doesn't mean it isn't true. Jews knew about this. We were talking about this. You guys just weren't listening, as always. And you're not listening still, as always, and so the much more comforting belief that Kanye West pulled a bait and switch is becoming the dominant narrative, over the reality that they let him air an ad for a swastika T shirt.
#leftist antisemitism#right wing antisemitism#i know it might seem like im splitting hairs#but this really comes back to the constant problem of gentiles just straight up refusing to believe how bad antisemitism has gotten#and how socially acceptable it is#and when confronted with it going wait thats bad but thst cant REALLY be what happened. what REALLY happened? someone who isnt Jewish pls#tell me about it bc i cant trust the jews not to make shit up or exaggerated#but we are never making shit up or exaggerating. you just dont wsnt to hear it#jumblr#kanye#kanye west#antisemitism
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hiiiii user aalghul <333 since you’re answering asks rn i was wondering how you see jaykyle and all that!!!
hellooo, lovely ♡♡
there's something about how neither of them could stop thinking about each other even when they were separated multiple times. kyle was at his worst around jason and jason became increasingly annoyed about it because he would've skipped away at this point if they weren't stuck together. but the both of them still thought of the other any time they weren't together. the forced proximity really made them, as a ship, I think because they had to confront each other at their most unpleasant and they didn't like each other and they didn't stop fighting for a minute. and some of jason's final words regarding kyle are referring to him as a friend who he can't refuse to help and kyle looks for jason even after jason leaves them explosively.
they were fighting with and against each other during a time when neither of them had stability in regards to their identities and I think that became a point of stability for them in an uncertain time. it's reassuring to have a person by your side who'd been there when nothing was permanent, even if you know they bite. maybe especially then, because it's a sign that nothing between them is built on conventions or pretenses. pretty reassuring for jason, who's been burning down other bridges with precisely the same behavior that ties him to kyle. and for kyle who had so recently abandoned personhood to become untouchable as he created and destroyed, because jason will draw blood every time, even in kindness.
#blood literally metaphysically etc#and also i genuinely think theyre complimentary. truly truly#also they have wildly different approaches going into relationships because their histories are so different#kyle with his several serious gfs he moved in with took care of donna's son met the paothers of others#vs jason who had a gf in middle school. kyle's problems are respectable but then theres jason experiencing the high school crush phase whil#20 and not knowing how to be normal. yeah#i have so much to say thst its all just becoming messy😭#thank you user ekleiipsis for letting me just dump random jaykyle thoughts <3#turtle mail#jaykyle
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If I avoid people hard enough theyll realise that theyre happier without me and then ill be good to die. Solid plan in my opinion. Nothing will stop me
#A specific person has repeatedly told me he will stop me. But I do not entirely think he can be effective at that#Now. If he needed help I would immediately go help him of course im not an asshole#But he said hell get our friends to guilt trip me and I think he overestimates 1) their willingness and 2) their ability#Like my partner would not do that. Theyve got really strong morals theyd not do thst#And then our mutual friends would just Be Bad At It I think#Esp cause like. They dont need help from me usually#If theyre actually having a problem and genuinely want my help of course ill be there but otherwise vanishing
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my friend after listening to me ramble about how ‘your best american girl’ by mitski is the possibly the most accurate depiction of bruce and clark’s dynamic both platonically and romantically for 45 minutes on a discord call that was supposed to be about out college courses:
#he asked me how my master’s thesis proposition was coming along afterwards#which was a cruel and unjust reminder of my real world problems#i just wanna talk about the possible dynamic shifts between bruce and clark if thst started a relationship 😔😔#dc#batman#bruce wayne#clark kent#superman#superbat#blark
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you know what happened to me this year. i saw the memorial to a marriage in real life. i saw the Patricia Cronin sculpture in real life. and there were two butches holding hands in front of it.
#i did not cry tho. i have regressed to that part of me thst does not cry at things this year#which is sad#but ive always been like this#atleast familiar problems and im not actively going crazy#anyway#YEAH
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I thought I got thru my interpersonal relationship hang ups, then my bf gets me food, fusses over me, or encourages me to vent about stuff that isn’t conducive to mutual fun haterism, and I nearly start crying out of anxiety
#don’t get me wrong I like it#but when someone takes care of me or I talk about my own shitty problems#well it’s just not something that im used to in my relationships#and it’s embarassing and I feel guilty for being so resistant wen Julian loves fussing over me#but I assume thst will improve with time and goddddddd it is nice
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i fear it's another one o those nighrs (i am wode awake
#🎇#genuinely how th fuck did i live with my insomnia before i hsd meds that msde me pass out#well i do remember thst i just spent hlurs lying in bed and it was a nightmare#ateast i am having beautiful fin mming it everyone else's problem
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While I did think the political messaging of gen v sometimes felt a little bit too hamfisted, the plottwist of the news showing our main characters found dead and then switching over to 'our heroes', the white blond haired blue eyed people that killed hundreds hit really fuckin hard
#gen v#they did pop off with that one tbh#and rufus just makes me mad#gen v spoilers#they did really well though with what theyvhad#i think its more a problem in the whole making superpower a symbol for political stutus thing#thst usually results in weird metaphors that domt really work#but idk i really loved that part
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Latest update in the bottom surgery saga is that I finally got the revised version of the updated letter and it is still not correct so I am still waiting on it.
Third time is the charm hopefully.
But also I am just. The number of hoops I am having to jump through just to get paperwork filled out correctly is fucking ridiculous.
Also this is not even a make sure the letters are flawless standard. It's not even counting how the letters have some factual errors or have the same sentence two times in a row or are clearly the person did not even make a skimming attempt at proofreading this because half the sentences are absolute nonsense. Like this is just. Things that do not meet the requirements and would get it rejected. Sure you can have my "they/them gender identity" it's close enough I don't care please put your signature on the paper.
#the bottom surgery saga#actually i am lying a little bit i do care that the letter is thst much of a mess because it leaves a lot of room for it to be rejected#by insurance but at this point i just need the letter in so my consult doesn't get canceled i can get the dr to write a new letter if#and when this one gets rejected by insurance#it's only a problem if the people who need the letter say it is#“its not the 'affirming my female gender identity' that one of the other letters had” is what i tell myself. at least this one does not#misgender me#although I suspect that's because this one has they/them as the default template pronouns#while that other letter was clearly a default she/her trans woman letter template#one day i may write up the journey ive gone through to get all my letters#when i say that the only problem with one of my letters is that it says i am both 29 and 31 bc there was a slip up in updating it#and that i just did not care because everything else was fine#this is where we are at. the bar is abysmally low
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I swear every time there is a video of animals like a cat or dog just chilling CLEARLY chilling or happy some dip shit in the comments will be like well actually I'm a dog/cat behavior expert and these animals are so bothered and shy and scared 🥹 and then if there is like a person, clearly the owner with whom they have a good rapport and they trust same type of dip shit will go well actually it's so dangerous to do this with an unknown animal you just met this vid is promoting problematic behavior like come ONNN
#quenthel special#it pisses me off every time#like i hate when ppl dont respect snimals but i also hate when ppl act like this#like its ok to tease your cat sometimes by grabbing their belly if its not constant its ok to hug your dog sometimes etc#animals are not fragile at all and not every crossing of the idk... established golden standard of animal handling is actually abuse#animals have personal boundaries too and if you are a good owner you learn to listen to them communicating what those are#i think the problem is that there is a type of animal lover who just hate ppl ngl...#like thats such a miserable position to be in but also tbh many ppl think the problem is thst humans and nature should be separated#while thats both impossible and pointless bc we need nature and we are part of nature and this is some westerner man vs nature shit#the problem is the lack of respect and the greed....#anyway rant over i have to get out of bed n feed my kitty
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how am I both unspeakably beautiful and incredible and also never enough or never the right person. Come onn im so close why cant i have the one damn thing I want
#The thing he refers to is to be able to magically solve all or some of his friends problems#I feel like im cursed with always being slightly less than whats needed#Im gorgeous im kind im gentle im sweet#But I am not gentle enough and I am not sweet enough and I am not gorgeous enough and I am not kind enough#And i know its just- different people need different people#But something in my soul wants so badly to be the answer for everything#I think its cause ive experienced it- my qpp is so deeply in love with me#Hes always said that the reason he didnt talk much abt his mental health with me when he was struggling was bc#It felt like I was an oasis like i took away the pain or struggle and just by being there made stuff easier#Im his person im his answer to everything and it feels so so nkce#I dont have to agonize over how to help him because I know he just wants me#No matter what no gift i give him or words I say or event I plan will be better thsn just being there and talking to him or watching a show#Or hell just fucking playing like cats on his bed#I think my first healthy friendship being with him really messed up my perspective#Because now I see people tslking sbout how they need x or wish x person was here and part of me is like#'Oh I can be thst. Im perfect let me be that'#And like yes I am incredible bjt I am incredibly at myself#I am a perfect Blackberry and unfortunately a lot of my friends thougj they love me#Do not need a perfect Blackberry#They judt need someone else#And thst part of me hasnt yet managed to wrap its head around thst concept#That we're incredible and beautiful and lovely because we are us#And thst also becajse we are us we will not be perfect for everyone#Its not podsible and thst little part of me judt like. Stomös its foot and screams thst it idnt fair#It isnt! I wish I could be the person to hwkp everyone with everything#But trying to warp myself into what I think migjt be perfect for them 1) idnt healthy and 2) wont work longterm#I judt need to stay Blsckberry and even if im not who they need#They still have me and I will still do anything for them#Blackberry accept that being everyones perfect soulmate is not actually possible challenge level impossible
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I am suddenly striken with design-itis... please help this poor soul oough help meeee
Give me a pokemon and I'll make a Amaryllis Academy universe character out of them!
Fair warning: I will likely sell them as adopts in the future fvggb I need the money 😓
#i got funky ideas for how the universe works#i think i may be sleep deprived#i may wake up tomorrow with no recollection of this post#but thsts a problem for future me fgffvgb#eco echos#delete later#munday????
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#bernardo talks a lot#I've been. terribly depressed. I don't want to eat or do stuff or anything just sleep#I've been thinking about what a patient told me#that they see dying as a chance of resting up#and I've brought to my therapist that's exactly what I feel. that if i try something I'll be given time to rest because my problems will be#finally be take seriously but I am also a coward thst actually fears actual death
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#aaaand that's 2 doctors that think i have bipolar ii 🙃#so the conceptualize rn would b that my mood is fucked but im using ocd to keep myself contained withing sorta normal parameters#which. i mean. that does kinda fit with observationally. i would create rules around: u arent allowed to get excited abt things u arent#allowed to enjoy things bc u cant handle it. u cant b normal abt how u enjoy things. or bc when i go to enjoy a thing#my mood is caped at being lightly miserable so its like well fuck being around ppl it makes me feel nothing#bc my focus and energy swing around like the light on a lighthouse. and in between that im miserable or feel nothing#and if its true that i am bipolar the reason i never noticed would b bc i very rarely experience euphoria. mostly i have high energy and#dont feel good. just fucking out of control. so mixed episodes i guess. but like idk. i guess i just think of bipolar as being extremely#destructive. and i mean r my mood issues a problem? yes. sometimes a really big problem. but idk. im still resistant to thr idea#lots of ppl get misdiagnosed as bipolar even tho the presentation is so specific. i guess i just doesn't wanna accept it and then have to#have been wrong if i was misdiagnosed. but i mean 2 doctors independently listened to me and thought hm sounds like bipolar so maybe im#just being stubborn. also no one else in my family thst i kno of is bipolar. ive got 2 uncles with adhd but not bipolar relatives#i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter so long as i can get it under control. im good at control. destructively good at control#unrelated#i guess its more that ive never done anything life ruining bc of my moods#mostly i just dont sleep much and make myself crazy. so ill probably die an early death or whatever lack og sleep causes rio#i meant rip lol
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thinking maybe having a sense of identity just isnt smth i can have. its a brain soup day & i just dont know how to compose an identity when i keep getting like. idk who that guy was or what he was thinking and nothing abt him feels like smth i would be. abt me like a yr ago or a month ago now. like wtf.!!! how do you keep going without your sense of self shattering every few yrs
#🐇#was excited to try to do emdr again but this is prob gonna take up all my next therapy appt#memory problems are just fucking me uppppp how do you feel like a person when you cant remember your life#OH ITS LIKE THIS -> i dont remember being thst person
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