#mightve ended up being too loud ^^;

[polarisjisung]

LOVE ON THE COURT | 37 REGRET

SYNOPSIS | every college student has their struggles, but raising her younger brother has Y/N top of the list, struggling her way through college whilst balancing her academics and basketball captaincy is difficult no doubt and with Jaemin, her ex best friend and captain of the guys basketball team, and his growing one sided hatred towards her, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier

WARNINGS | swearing

NOTES | new year in 4 hours and I haven't even finished this smau. gonna write some chaps of my smau in advance next time 🧍‍♀️anyways I'm sure you guys can tell we're reaching the end, so what if jaemy/n never happens 😈

+ I feel like this chapter could've been better (proofreading it mightve helped) but it is what it is 😭

Jaemin looks at Y/n, and despite the double doors of the lockeroom finally being swung open, he looks at her, and only her.

Her tear stained cheeks, her ragged breaths, her bloodshot eyes, they all make the guilt biting against his tongue sharper.

The palm of her hand pressed firmly to her forehead only causes his mind to run, an unwanted whistle stop door down memory lane. Every moment comes back to him, his ignorance, his resentment, his rashness — his incompetence however, is the most haunting.

All those years ago, Jaemin swore he knew Y/n better than she knew herself, her habits, her mannerisms, her likes and dislikes. He knew it all. He knew her, truly and entirely, and yet he had been so quick to assume. He felt incompetent, like those years of friendship had amounted to so little, like knowing her had meant nothing.

What use was knowing her in their best moments when he couldn't recognise her in their worst.

She wouldn't do that to him, he knew that. Y/n wouldn't betray him. But knowing wasn't enough if he couldn't believe it. Her hadn't.

And suddenly the shame and self reproach had never spoken louder to jaemin. He should have known better. Been better.

Truly, Jaemin never felt he had measured up to y/n when it came to their friendship, but something now made him feel so much more lousy than ever before, insecure. And perhaps, he had let those insecurities of his cloud his judgement.

If only he'd heard her out, if only he'd listened. If only he'd acted differently.

Jaemin sure wishes he'd acted differently. Her shouts, teary eyes and desperate screams for him to just talk to her played, a broken record in his mind.

But it was so much more than that, regret that stretched far beyond distinguishing lies from actuality.

It was about all the things he never noticed, all the small details that he should have noticed. A best friend would have noticed.

Sure, Jaemin had been hurt. He'd been through hell and back in the months after the competition, but never once did he go through it alone. He had his friends by his side, his brothers, and Y/n, she hadn't just lost him, she'd lost them too, without so much as a goodbye, never even knowing why.

She'd fallen apart and put herself back together right in front of him, and he'd never noticed a thing. The guilt ate him up inside.

What could have been, what he should've done, it was almost haunting.

Yet again, as he hears the shuffling of feet in front of him, the muffled protests of way too many voices by the door and the increasingly fast footsteps away from him, Jaemin feels like he should have known better.

Y/n was always impulsive.

And when he looks ahead of him, Jaemin realises she's long gone, shouts of her name coming from down the hall, confused eyes latching onto Jaemin.

"What the fuck hapenned in there Na?"

Jake's voice comes loud and clear but the captain in front of him looks just as dazed as before.

"Why was she crying?"

"She was crying?" Jaemin doesn't mean for his words to come out to monotonous, but he can't control it. It feels like everything is moving too fast for him, like he's a couple seconds behind of it all.

"Jaemin?" This time it's chenle, staring mouth agape at him.

"You look like you've seen a ghost what hapenned?"

He doesn't know how to respond, explain it all or find the words to even begin. And it's clear to the two in front of him.

Jaemin feels so far from reality that he doesn't even realise when Jake had grabbed him by the arm and started running, now standing not too far from the rest of their teammates.

That's when they see her, y/n, dishevelled, distraught and for the first time ever, absolutely enraged.

"You really thought we wouldn't find out?" she laughs at him, but somewhere also at herself, for having been so foolish, for not having tried harder.

Her father stands, bruised, but somehow just as proud as before. He smiles, pretentious. It's like he knows Y/n has no intention of letting him speak, because he doesn't even try to respond.

"You tried to break me down piece by piece until I had nothing, you started with Jaemin, my freedom, my childhood, and then you even took away yourself. Not that you ever were much of father. But you know what, you failed."

Watching y/n, jaemin saw her father in her, for just a moment, fleetingly, she stood proud, nowhere near as pompous as him, but just as angry. Still their differences were markable, how she was proud but not too cocky, how his anger seemed to be directed at life, and hers only at him.

"You failed because you never took anything away at all, you should've known the second you tried to sabotage my career you wouldn't win. But you tried anyways, really it's commendable. Your only achievement in life was taking away mine, so at least you accomplished something. But you know what, everything you did, all you tried to take away, it left me with so much more. And Jaemin? You must've been a fucking idiot to think we wouldn't figure this out. "

Jaemin let's a shaky breath out, some part of him relieved that Y/n didn't blame him for anything that hapenned.

He watches the rage bubble in the man across from him, the signs of his age now etched into his skin, he wasn't always like this. But as long as Jaemin could consciously remember, the man had never worn a smile, never made a kind gesture, never been pleasant. He wished he could be shocked at the situation in front of him, but the only word he could find was deserved. Y/n's father deserved it.

Still the tension is high, relief underlying but with a heavy silence laying overtop. The weight of words and memories extortionate. But the audacity of the man in front is unchanged, his hand moving so swiftly towards Y/n

"Ungrateful bi-"

It's Ningning who reaches out to stop the man, pushing him backwards and away from his daughter.

"I hope you don't think she has anything to be grateful to you for"

"I raised her." his protests are loud and obnoxious.

"Barely" Y/n scoffs, with so much more to say, but her tiredness catches up to her, "Just stay away from me, please."

It's easy to notice the sharp edge to her voice. Something that says she just needs a moment to herself.

And despite wanting to scream and shout at him, wanting to question him some more and push him a little further, Y/n walks away from the man, eyes stinging.

The weight on her shoulders is lighter, still present, but enough for her to let her sniffles grow further into full blown sobs with each step she takes away from the man. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

With the tears blurring her vision, she barely had any idea where she was going, her head hitting something hard as she strode forwards.

"Y/n?"

Y/n just wanted to be alone, in fact, the last thing she needed right now was to walk into Jay.

"I was looking fo-" he pauses, concerned as she tries to walk away, "hey it's okay, we don't have to talk about it, just let it all out" he says, soothing her slowly with a hand on her head, cradled in his chest.

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[kurishiri]

Roger’s episode 0 crude but semi-detailed story summary

will probably translate later too 👌 idk would y’all be interested?

roger says the world is full of many types of despair, big and small, and he is trying to find a way to go against that.

the story opens with ellis having a favor to ask of roger and he takes him to a cafe to line up for sweets because ellis wanted to make harry happy. he wants roger to carry more sweets with him.

roger thinks to himself he doesn’t believe ‘love’ exist in the world, because it’s unscientific and you can’t prove it and all that. but he believes like, desire exists. or that people mix desire for “love”.

ellis wants to buy a souvenir for jude so he goes back in the cafe. meanwhile roger listens in a conversation using his ability where a letter carrier gets yelled at for being late “because she’s a girl / that’s why girl letter carrier these days..” and roger’s like “:/ hes so lame, i’ll help her out if she needs it” but turns out all’s well that ends well (kinda). yeah well turns out shes actually kate! and roger compliments kate in his head. though at the time he doesn’t actually know her.

ellis came back with a ton of stuff and they talk about the mission they’re aalll gon go on as a team (the same mission kate haplessly walked in on).

at first roger didn’t completely recognize her. he had a suspicion it was the girl he heard before from her heartbeat but was only able to confirm when she was like “i promise i won’t tell a soul your secret!!”

roger is like her heartbeat is really loud but she is still trying to fight against this despair… and he thinks this lil lady might be an interesting one.

he then reveals (to the reader) that he had known that someone was like approaching the door or was in the mansion heading toward them. because he could ‘hear’ the footsteps and heartbeat with his ability. but he chose to stay quiet bc he was expecting something to happen. and he thinks to himself if he told her this, she would probably be angry.

time skip to the laboratory, roger is with ellis again. roger thinks how ellis is really observant of others, as ellis had said he looked like he was having fun when they were talking about whether to kill her or not.

roger says he mightve found something interesting and ellis then basically asks like will you (fall in love with her) and become more happy then?

roger then is like “what curse do i have?” ellis replies the hunters curse from snow white. which roger talks abt snow white and his curse, basically like,

the hunter saved snow white, betraying the queen who hated snow white. but she got together with the prince. and he asks ellis why that is. and ellis is like “:0 why is that?”

roger says something along the lines of, “because it is how it is. for her to get together with the prince, is the ‘happy end’.

so he then thinks to himself that his relationship with kate would never turn into romance or love.

but he also thinks, but why is it whenever i look at her, my chest feels strangely tense?

Fin.

[pain-is-too-tired]

Honestly,I think one of the reasons I hate how quickly the writing in TLO onward dropped mentioning Michael so fast is, not only cause I think he's a really interesting character and I love the Lil guy, but-

It's very likely that without his quick thinking, Kronos mightve won.

That, theoretically he dies before he can point out the fault in the bridge to Percy, maybe he's one of the demigods that Kronos knocks off earlier in the battle or something.

Percy is too focused on his fight with Kronos to notice the fault of have the same plan that Michael had, even more so with Annabeth being hurt and Michael being dead his fighting with a lot of grief and rage at that point (I mean, if he screams so loud it carried off into the air after he can't find Michael in canon, I imagine seeing him knocked off by Kronos along side Annabeth being hurt as well is gonna have him pretty upset.)

But at that point he's fighting mostly on his own, even if the living members of the Apollo cabin jump back in to help they're still highly outnumbered.

Percy might be mostly invincible with the Achilles curse, but it doesn't give him infinite energy. And not only is he fighting Kronos, but if Kronos told his army to back him up again they very much will. And 1 on gods know how many monsters and demigods ain't gonna do good

Especially since I'm sure Kronos is fully aware that Percy is gonna to avoid killing demigods as much as possible. And Kronos is willing to kill his own demigods so he's not holding anything back.

Maybe Percy's grief and rage might get him to be a tiny more reckless, but it's just a very bad situation if he doesn't notice the fault or manage to break the bridge in time.

Now if Kronos manages to wear Percy down enough to overwhelm him or whatever, idk exactly what he do after that? Find a way to keep him contained or attack every spot until he finds his weak point(like tigerclaw telling bluestar he'd keep killing her until all 9 lives were gone.) And we already know he had some close idea of where his weak spot was after Annabeth jumped in front of the knife sooo-

Anyway, yeah- so if both Michael and Percy are taken out the picture in the first battle, and Kronos marches on, there's multiple things that's gonna probably ensure his win.

1. He's likely gonna wipe out the rest of the Apollo cabin once he deals with Percy, which includes Will, and 11-12 year old Kayla and Austin(I'm mentioning their age mainly cause MY GODS THEY WERE BABIES)

2.Without an Apollo kid to heal Annabeth, I'm pretty sure it's heavily implied she wouldn't have made it. Like the Hunter's healing would not been enough. So they're out Annabeth too

3. The party ponies don't come until after Hyperion and all that iirc(like the end of the second night i think?) So there's no saving from them unless Chiron manages to convince them earlier but I'm running on the idea that it happens about the same as in canon with the Party Ponies.

4. Ares cabin doesn't come until the final day in canon. Now with this maybe Silena is able to report that Percy, Annabeth (if she dies before Silena goes to get the Ares cabin, at least she able to say Annabeth not looking good.),Michael, and the whole Apollo cabin been wiped out, and that might knock some sense into Clarisse to get her going earlier. But even then if Clarisse doesn't manage to get blessing of Ares somehow or whatever, they still might be cooked on that end in some form.

5. Hades, Persephone and Demeter probably wouldn't have made it in time either, maybe if Nico gets even more pushy after sensing Percy's death they might, but it's really up in the air how that'll work out and what would happen if they did get there earlier.

6. Poseidon is still focused on his fight in Atlantis, and without Percy he probably would jump in to take out Typhon. Maybe he might somehow go full rage of he manages to sense/ learn of Percy's death, but that's up in the air and, Like with 5, no telling how exactly that'll play out.

7. Gods likely will keep fighting Typhon. Which if the demigods and nature spirits are wiped out then Kronos going really have more freedom to tear down the thrones and wreck Olympus.

8. Rachel is a wild card, like maybe if she senses Percy might die at the bridge she might try to get to Manhattan before the battle even starts. But there's a lot of uncertainty if she could get there in time and everything. So that's up in the air at least

Over all, the BoM was 3 days of very close calls. The fact that the managed to push through each time by the hair of their chin is incredible and was built on a lot of lucky events.

Like a tower of cards. Remove one card the whole tower goes down.

And Michael's sacrifice was one of the cards that definitely kept Kronos from winning. And the fact that Rick doesn't even bother to finish his arc (We don't see Clarisse reaction to his death nor do we learn if his body was found or not, not even a burial shroud described, the chariot situation was solved off screen and then completely destroyed the next book. Like Rick did not give a care in the world about Michael after the bridge dhdyd)

It's very much a frustrating thing to me because how much Michael's death could've been something that really drove Percy in battle at least in one of the battles after Williamsburg Bridge. Heck, not only him connecting Ethan to Annabeth getting hurt but with Michael's death because he was there(even if he had nothing to do with it, Percy's at least gonna be frustrated with grief.)

The scene after Percy breaks the bridge is one of my favorites, because the small details. Kronos still looking a bit smug when he retreats. Percy's frantic search when he sees Michael's missing, HES SCREAM CARRYING INTO THE MORNING.

THE FACT MICHAEL DIES AS THE SUNS COMES UP,THAT HIS FINAL MOMENTS HE STILL GETS TO BE UNDER HIS FATHER'S LIGHT. THAT WILL RISES TO HIS POSITION AT DAWN-

And just. Michael Yew my beloved.

[seasidesquid]

what r ur characters like... fun quirks/habits im so yurious...

(also love love love ur artstyle+character designs gyaru eight mightve nearly landed me in the hopital from an overdose of peak)

hehe yurious.. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! 🩷🩷 im glad u love kaiolani!

umm i havent posted many of my ocs. And i have a lot.. so ill just hand you the habits and quirks of the ones i posted.. im so sorry for how long this took me btw. i was gonna answer this, and then i got Busy..,, and then after i was done being busy i GOT SO SICK SO NOW IM LIKE OKAY. FIRST OFF I WILL NEVER ANSWER AN ASK THIS LATE EVER AGAIN PLEASE TRUST ME AND I AM AGAIN SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK.

Anyways.... your answer.s.. are finally here. I have a lot of ocs so this will be. a read. to say the very less.

infodump under the cut!

okay. i will begin with my fav ocs.

Jabari Mishra! (my blind boy!)

jabari is rly funny. hes rly eccentric too. his habits are basically touching everything. hes blind.. lol! he likes to feel his surroundings. his quirks are silly too. as for those, he likes to stick his tongue out when hes thinking, or make a really conflicted expression. he also tends to crinkle his nose and make silly faces when expressing himself. hes very emotive! likely to make up for the fact that he doesnt really know what he looks like to others, so hes trying to make it clear as day how hes feeling. he very much is an open book with his emotions. he also likes to mess with his boyfriend (rico) often and other people too. He also has a bad habit of scratching his arms to stim and whatnot. he chews the inside of his cheek often and he also sometimes picks at his skin. ..youd never know this, but hes very insecure about his looks. his eyes constantly being closed is a habit of his too. even though hes blind, hes perfectly capable of opening his eyes, he just prefers to keep them shut, partially due to the fact that he has light sensitive pupils, and partially due to the fact that he thinks it makes him look mysterious. he also tends to be a messy eater. not because he's blind though, he's always been a messy eater even as a kid. rico guesses its because he has poor hand to eye coordination .. or that he just likes it when rico wipes his face for him. who knows. nonetheless, hes not allowed to eat any foods with sauce.

Rico Aguilar! (my fauxhawk boy!)

OH MY RICO.. HOW I LOVE YOU. hes really funny. rico is a hardass until you ask him about his siblings or family. threaten him by saying youll tell jabari hes not doing something for you and he is folding instantly. love him. he has a bad habit of speaking spanglish a lot, and he also has trouble realizing how loud he is. he also is always chewing on lollipop sticks and toothpicks, he has a really bad chewing stim habit. he chews on his tentacles (which is why theyre split at the ends) and his hands, nails, shirts, cheeks, and other things.. hes also always chewing gum. he has a necklace too, but its a discreet chewing stim necklace that he never takes off. he also grits his teeth at night. his other quirks are that hes very deathly allergic to shellfish (despite loving shellfish, lol) and certian tree nuts, namely walnuts and almonds. unlucky. He isnt allergic to peanuts though. He makes great fun of hasa for that (hasa, rico, and tango are all brothers!). he's also got an irrational fear of trampolines and drains. He also hates rollercoasters, and he cant stand falling dreams. He also hates bugs. hes basically that "i hate being a man. 'can you go check that noise, im scared!' MF IM SCARED TOO" image LMFAOOO he looks like a hardass but at the end of the day hes literally just some dude. also certain phrases from the military wake him up instantly and he just sits straight up before he realizes hes not in deployment anymore. then he gets mad at you. this quirk also applies to tango and hasa. rico also has a super short temper, but its less like genuine anger and more like "he fell for the ragebait" anger. hes easy to anger lol

River (Karin) Kensa! (my agent 3!)

River's quirks are silly. first off she didnt really go to school, so she learned all her words from.. boys love mangas and manhwas. she has a stellar vocabulary but she doesnt know a lot of simple words so she'll be describing her day and then suddenly start talking abt her mood in the way some really stupid looking twink from a bl would and its like Wow Okay River. she also knows a bunch of super campy, trashy yaois and if you showed her a panel from a random one she'd be able to tell you exactly which page its from and the name of the yaoi + the name of the character saying it. she's a fan of bl but she would never like a man like that. i love her. shes funny.. shes also allergic to walnuts and carrots. river also is just missing an eye so sometimes she'll use it to scare people if they make her angry. river also is an extremely picky eater. shes also a very clean eater, she never needs a napkin. Kind of like those mukbangers who never make a mess no matter how messy a food they eat.. she only eats tuna, salmon, shrimp, crab, scallops, rice, seaweed, edamame, and cucumbers. marie has tried to make her eat other foods infused with some of her favorite safefoods but shes always able to taste the slight differences no matter what. .. she eats like a bird basically lol. she also has a rocking back and forth stim and a lot of vocal stims. she tics sometimes too. River also has a brain tumor on the side of her chemical burn, so the entire left side of her face is numb, including her tongue. her entire left side of her body also has very delayed reaction time, so say she moves both of her arms. her right arm moves normally, and her left arm moves significantly slower, like, 5 seconds slower. it also sits lower than her right arm. ill draw an example of this one of these days, but her left side is really weak. shes deaf and blind in her left ear and eye! she needs a rollator to get around. she retired from agent duties to become captain after octo expansion. more quirks of hers are that she has difficulty telling tone when talking to people, and she has funny speaking patterns, like she speaks too fast a lot. she also has a very very low pain tolerance!

Kaiolani Mililani! (my agent 8!)

kaiolani is a gyaru! specifically, she's a himekaji gyaru! Kaiolani talks like a brainrotted tiktokker. think camie utsushimi from bnha. that kind of brainrot. shes really.. fascinating. she also has the humor of a 12 year old boy but when shes actually being super serious, she can be very sweet. she has a killer fashion sense, she could style nearly any outfit and it'd look incredible. her dream is to be a model! despite her behaviors, kaiolani is a very very sweet girl. she loves jfashion and she LOVES cute things, specifically animals, music, and clothes. she considers jabari to be her sibling, as they live together and they both consider marina and pearl to be their parents. shes very cheerful! shes also very positive. many people would think she'd be more depressed or down about everything she's gone through, but surprisingly, (and thankfully!) shes very much happy and living her best life! whenever shes going out, she always dresses up jabari in super cute clothes. i never mentioned it prior but she and rico dress up jabari. hehe. kaiolani also tends to make jabari or rico hold everything whenever shes shopping because "ladies shouldnt have to hold heavy things!" (shes joking ofc, jabari and rico r always happy to hold her stuff lol) shes also those kinds of girls who like to say "im just a girl.." to everything. girl dinner girl math literally everything girl lmfao. shes rly funny i Loove Herr! she also really likes ice cream. her favorite flavor of anything is always strawberry. she also likes lemonade a lot, and really loves boba tea. shes also allergic to red40, and has a slight mobility disability. fun fact; shes also very strong. she loves to show off her strength!

Waai "Swivel" Lao! (my skater lady!)

waai is very silly! (IGNORE HOW IM SAYING THIS ABT ALL MY OCS LMFAOOO) shes a street artist and she loves to vandalize things. lol thats lowkey illegal but its okay. she likes to collect trinkets for her boyfriend, but her favorite trinkets to collect are probably tin cans, pins, shiny pebbles, sea glass, soda can tabs, and small glass jars. she also likes to collect ramune bottle marbles and the marble that comes in spraypaint cans! waai is also a selective mute, only really speaking if shes annoyed enough or surprised enough. she has a really strong and loud voice, too, and shes super high energy. she emotes with hand gestures and facial expressions and little vocal stims consisting of various sounds, never words. her hat also is a comfort item and the ears flop if she presses the puffballs at the end of them.. its her stim toy essentially lol. she also likes to pout her lips in protest. she also can do fortnite dances really well lol and shes a pretty good streetdancer. waai is an incredibly talented rollerblader! she was inspired by gum jet set radio.. she also i unfortunately dont have her as developed as the previous ocs.. the same applies to the ones after her T_T

Hassan "Hasa" Anaya! (my neo agent 3!)

Hasa.. my Hasa.. Hasa’s a skater boy! he met waai that way. he likes street art and collecting various things. he has a collection of glass bottles and bottlecaps, and he enjoys collecting ornate glass cups and other things. he just likes to collect stuff! hes kind of like his gf in that way lol. He also likes finding silverware and other things. sometimes he takes home silverware from restaraunts and other things. because of him, none of the silverware in his shared apartment with his brothers are the same design 😭 its ok though. hasa likes to be outside all the time, and do street art with his gf! some of his little quirks consist of him having some pain stims, he tends to scratch at his skin and pick at his scabs a lot. he does have some stim toys that are sharp that he does use! he also does have a chewing stim and stuff .. Oh and he also has a severely sensitive stomach. Like so sensitive that if he eats specific foods, he pukes them up. But on certian days, he can eat the same food that made him sick and feel nothing, so its kind of odd for him. he has to eat a really limited diet, but otherwise hes okay. i dont remember what the condition is called.. but ill remember sometime. Ill definitely add more to this when i develop him more because hes unfortunately my least developed oc of mine ☹️ DONT WORRY. ill give him more stuff..

SORRY AGAIN THIS TOOK SO LONG. I REALLY HAD TO THINK ABOUT THIS ASK FOR A QHILE CUZ I DIDNT THINK OF MY OC’S QUIRKS AND STUFF FOR A PREEEETTY LONG TIME !!😭

i hope u like this.. ahh IM SORRY AGAIN!!

[hitachiincest]

ok i need a second to gush abt this hitachiincest amv from youtube bc ive rewatched it so many times & i love it & its editing so so much.

the starting out w snow & their child selves holding hands while the slow music comes in at the beginning to signal the start of their relationship.. youth- when it all began... then shots of greenery & their 2 roses to show that they & their love blossomed & changed together through the years as they stayed together...

"in a slow motion" with the slow motion part from the pension episode is so good too.. & honestly a lot of the little moments where the clip in mention has something to do with what the lyrics are talking abt (a bed, slow motion, the ocean, 'laying down by my side', etc) & "the shadow play that we're cast in" while they dance with other women? rhe 'Play' being both acting as fantasies for other women & also a foreshadowing that they'll inevitably be with other ppl in the future as hikaru moves on?

THE CARRIAGE RIDE DURING THE SLOWED CLIMAX OF THE SONG. the scenes of them at the pension being the beach house mentioned in the song- ESPECIALLY particularly the "you closed the shutters" paired with the clip of hikaru's hand shaking in kaoru's bc they were so very vulnerable in that moment & shut off from the others alone in their room so they could have a moment (they even left their friends to do so) & the clip with the light streaming down onto them from the window when the song mentions it. the pension was such an important episode for them & 1 of kaoru's strongest moments so it being here as part of the emotional climax combining with the yearning n nostalgic tone present in the music & lyrics in that very moment it's just soooo aaa

"i remember the trees coming down" (which precedes the lyric "& i knew that i wanted you..." which makes it hurt SO so much more) with the SCENE OF HIKARU IN THE STORM ABT TO GO SAVE HARUHI & HAVE A TOUCHING/IMPORTANT MOMENT W HER in the episode where kaoru willingly let hikaru go before we knew how much yearning & fear of abandonment/separation kaoru was going through...... a precursor to a reveal.. op mightve meant trees coming down in a literal sense bc Storm but the thing coming down being his solo connected relationship with hikaru....

the moment with the carriage wheel breaking in the finale happening during the loud & sudden part of the climax bringing a swell of emotion & it leading to the moment when they went to the ocean just like the song mentions...

the cuts in of the twins holding hands & looking towards haruhi all throughout the mv leading up to the Final Few Scene of the amv with that perfect slow push as the guitar riffs to end the song & kaoru slowly closes his eyes and shifts his focus from his brother back to haruhi in time with the lengthened fadeout of the riff as the song ends & he accepts his & his brother's fate in his mind (ie that hikaru will inevitably separate from him & be closer with other people, no matter how much kaoru just wants them to stay together)- god god god its perfect its perfect

[bitchlessbillie]

six strings and a pick (part 1)

Sooo, a while back i started learning guitar. I may only know like 15 basic chords and like three barre chords, and dont remember any if the songs ive learned, but does it really matter?I mean, the only reason i still use my guitar is to make loud noise at this point and i can do that whether it sounds good or not.I mean i do.A lot.Its basically a fidgit toy at this point. But then again its also my unatainable life goal to be in a garage band. The problem with that is i dont like people, public performance, or own decent instruments except for the acoustic guitar i bought in fourth grade after saving up for like a year. My rich grandpa gave us each like 100 bucks every christmas, plus my grandma, grandpa, dad, mom, and maybe my aunt but i cant remember, each gave me between 10 and 20 dollars for my birthday a few months later, and i scammed the fuck out of my siblings by buying snacks with the ebt card and selling them back so they didnt have to walk to the store, so it wasnt hard to do.Being spoiled as fuck as a kid aside, i still will probably never be in a cool band.Which is fine, ive known since i was like eight that that was unrealistic, so ive made other goals, most of which fell through and stopped seeming enjoyable anyway when i burnt out by like 7th grade but that isnt the point.Although, before we move on from that, i do wanna say, i hate... more than just about anything... the way people treat "intelligence." Which is so, so useless the way people define it.Like i know every parent did this to their kid, probably especially to the youngest kids based on what i know (which isnt much) about family dynamics, but my mom acted like i was soooo fucking smart, so i tried sooo hard because i didnt wanna let her down! I got straight A's till the end of seventh grade when my social anxiety started to override my perfectionism. I took like two fucking hours too long on every state test cause i needed to get a higher score than last time or i would feel like a failure for the next nine months.And that wasnt even intelligence, im pretty sure it was just me working hard that made me do well. And i would tell people "dont encourage me, im driven by proving my point not making you proud." But people dont listen. I mightve been wrong, but i still think if i had someone to prove wrong my engine would be running for a lot longer, cause theres nothing worse than being underestimated.Except for maybe being overestimated. Cause i know i can never meet the image of me certain people have in their mind so i keep dissapointing them over and over and over again, and somehow knowing that doesnt help anymore.Like i dunno, i feel like my life is going downhill, but i cant really care enough because well... what most people in my life describe as intelligence. The knoweledge that im probably gonna or at least could, or at least could if i wanted to, die before any of this even matters.I dunno man. Im just saying, inteligence, even in its best forms, is just a tool. Not a miracle.And in its more common forms, im pretty sure its just a recipe for anxiety mellowed out a tad by depression and drug addiction.But in any case, we were talking about guitar. Not my crushed dreams.

[overflowingteacupoflove]

warnings/ extras : Blood, cuts (not sh just to clarify), crying, somebody DEFINITELY hurt Bunny in the past... Bunny!Reader, Fox!Chris

Chris was streaming and you were downstairs baking, as usual, you're humming as you moving around the kitchen, dancing around and putting the muffins into the oven. You set them to bake and grab a glass, hands still slightly oily from coating the muffin tins, and the glass falls onto the floor. You jump back from the noise, and the fact that chris mightve heard it, more than the fact you just dropped the glass, bending down to pick up the large chunks.

Chris didn't hear the glass break, the music in his headphones too loud to really hear anything, but the chat did. The chat spams

'what was that?'

'Chris smtn broke'

'is your girl okay?'

'DUDE GO DOWNSTAIRS.'

So he does. "Hold on chat. Yall are saying something wrong with Bunny, I'll be right back." He knocks off his headphones and stands up to go downstairs, pausing the stream quickly. "Bunny? You okay?" He calls out from the bottom of the stairs, quickly walking up them.

You're in the kitchen, running You're hand under some water, face scrunched up in a wince as water pours into the gash on your palm. You jump when you hear Chris call you and you turn the water off, grab a broom, and are sweeping up the glass faster than Chris can even notice it. "'M sorry I didn't mean to drop the glass, I swear, I didn't mean too." Your hand burns from the hold you have on the broom handle, more blood pouring out.

"Baby, what happened? How'd you even drop the glass? Lemme look at your hand. Just leave the glass for a second and c'mere." He's asking question after question until he realizes that it's not helping and his just stressing you out more, tears slipping down your face, and he soothes you.

He grabs the broom,prying your shaky hands off of it gently, and puts it off to the side. "Why didn't you come get me? that cut looks bad." His voice is soft as he leads you into the bathroom, grabbing a first aid kit and grabbing the needed supplies. "I didn't wanna bother you. I didn't want you to be mad at me." Your voice is a whisper and you sniffle, the sound filling the mostly quiet room, the only other sound being Chris opening up a bandage.

"Why would I be mad at you? I'd never be mad at you for dropping something, its just a silly glass we can buy new ones." You shrug and he applies a cream to your cut before securing a band-aid on it. "There we go. You wanna come sit with me on stream?" You nod as you wipe away your tears and he softly smiles "Okay." He presses a kiss to the band-aid before patting your knee and standing up to go back downstairs.

a pr3ttyf4wn scroll ☆

taglist �� @chrispotatos @venusiers @mommykinks4matt @cherib3lla

@jetaimevous @slxt4chriss @hrtsdollie @cup1dsd3ad @raesalvatore

@pearlzier

a/n : little bit of bunny lore for yall....but not really cause we don't know who hurt her to make her scared of a glass dropping!! maybe next blurb?? also I kinda hate the ending

[misqnon]

IM SORRY FOR PLANTING THE IDEA IN UR HEAD THAT I WOULD TRY TO DECEIVE U /GEN

being 14 and stupid is a valid reason. i too was 14 and stupid at one point

i get really jealous when my fav fictional characters get into a relationship (assuming i like them romantically) and so .. best for me to not ship them.. and also best for me to not fall for characters that will get together with someone. loz:totk spoilers but seeing sidon got married actually broke my heart..... i was so sad...

ACTUALLY PHOENIX AND MILES DO HAVE A RIVALRY UR RIGHT.. i dont ALWAYS hate enemies to lovers. but they were friends first.. and then they became friends again. so i think i categorize them differently in my head

kidd becoming king of the pirates sounds pretty impossible to me because.. i fully believe luffy will do it. but i can see how it would happen if like. luffy gets the one piece but doesnt take credit for it or something. i could also kinda see a route where luffy, kidd, and law all reach the end point together

in the world of pirates i guess most can be forgiven. i definitely DO forget abt how awful some characters were so his way of just rewriting them to be nicer ... kinda works..

u might have linked the wrong video bc i dont remember him saying anything about sanji's eyebrow swirl. maybe i wasnt paying enough attention,, i do think i like partially noticed that oda's signature has sanji's eyebrow swirl but ... yeah that is VERY telling

"and i want to beat him to death with hammers . who said that" LMAO i can relate..

AGHH U WORDED IT SO WELL.. "zoro is boisterous." YES HE IS... UR SO RIGHT.. like he has a lot of quieter moments post timeskip but when hes loud hes LOUD,, i watched episode 2 which is the buggy episode (idk if he shows up later or not) but i did Not Hear the fuck... i mustve filtered it out. too used to hearing cuss words..

RIGHT, they did a great job with the casting. trans koby is so good..

"GOD I WISH SHE WAS REAL" ME TOO

"thank you for showing me!! :D" <3 :)

i found out google had a record of a bunch of accounts that used my email with passwords that mightve been compromised. like . i found that a while ago. but i couldnt log into any of the accounts because . well probably because they WERE compromised. and half of it i was just like ... i dont remember this.... im just living my life with probably a million accounts on various websites that have been stolen. actually my og minecraft account from when i was 9 was stolen.. it was heartbreaking.

THAJK U i will enjoy. i will.

gasp . i.. that is very sweet of u to offer, thank u. my music taste is honestly really hard to pin down i think.. from what i have gathered from other people

"I FUNDED IT" YOU DID!!

"some people have said it seemed fake/forced" noo 😭😭. iñaki seems too genuine for that. i fully believe he was actually that excited. i think he just kinda has that awkward... dare i say autistic... energy. so his interactions with people probably seem forced no matter what. i am just speculating though

was it the zosan comic because i had seen that on my own timeline like 5 times already before u reblogged it LOL

genuinely i think its just because i have dissociative amnesia ahjdhs. but i do think its a funny story to tell people... like yeah... i forgot....

my gender evolution has been genderfluid -> cis girl -> genderfluid -> cis girl -> genderfluid -> cis girl -> trans man? -> trans man who uses he/they pronouns -> transmasc -> nonbinary/transmasc (i usually say nonbinary)

and now i am questioning my gender again. the grind never stops 💪🔥🔥

i say im non binary bc i . gave up. like i am so sick of trying to figure it out ... ill just use the biggest umbrella term.

i do remember that guy who keeps showing up on the sbs for his extremely perverted questions about women... and i would actually send in a question for the sbs but I don't know japanese and he doesnt answer questions that arent in japanese. or so i have heard. i could use a translator though so maybe im just making excuses

it IS a bop.. thank u for the context i heart when ppl tell me things so im not confused. i havent seen rupauls drag race.. i did mean to at one point and then i .. forgot about it

"I USE THAT SAME PHRASE A LOT AND ACCIDENTALLY DO THAT SAME THING EVERY TIME LMAO" IM SO GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THAT AHJDS

OH PERFECT. MAGISTRATE OF SANJI!!! u get to sit in a courtroom full of sanji fans and judge ace attorney style cases

u havent even gotten to the death pact though have you?? LMAO

YES perfect. i agree its probably just cuz oda wants them to be more intimidating but thats not an interesting reason to me .. i want canonical reasoning behind the heights

"bisexuality of man or whatever" is so funny ..

i like dofuwani too but yeah i think they only really interact during marineford?? i think listing out what ships i like would be hard cuz i LIKE a lot of them but dont Care About most of them.. i care about shuggy.. and recently sanuso.. and ofc hanyagellan. i think thats it tbh. im way more likely to care about characters themselves rather than ships.

"im ngl hannyagellan is like a funny joke ship to me but if it becomes one of those crack ships u acciddentally get attached to im gonna be so mad (i wont be mad itll be really funny)" this is pretty much how i feel... like i was joking and i think its turning into . not a joke... i think im starting to be serious.....

i also miss kuina. like she barely appeared but she has such a big impact.... i wish . she. hadnt died. also i think about how her father's last words to her might have been that she can never be the strongest swordsman, because she was born female. i hate that guy... (her dad). i have seen people say her dad killed her or something and i dont like that theory. first of all i dont think her dad is evil like that. i think hes just your regular sexist dad lmao. but also i feel like it cheapens the impact of her death.

this panel is so good and. like. idk i feel like him realizing that humans are inherently weak is so important to his character.. thats why he protects weak people. because he sees his childhood friend in them. or thats my theory anyways,,

somewhat unrelated but i have always been amazed that people can imagine amvs/animations/stories while listening to music. like my aphantasia isnt that bad but HOW... doesnt the music block out all your thoughts... thats what it does for me...

ur probably right that it really was a gender thing im just.. huffing copium. im coping. i cant handle the reality that he might also be a sexist jerk

i think seeing plays is fun but being part of the production is way more exciting. i love getting to see all the behind the scenes work and like. i like being able to work with my hands a lot. and when i was spotlight for a few shows . that was so exciting. this is kinda lame but i get chills super easily from watching things (idk how else to explain this. chills. goosebumps. because im excited.) so whenever i would watch the shitty high school theatre productions we did i was still like. so proud of all the work that went into it. and i got chills every show. most of the time i didnt get to watch the show though because i was moving things on and off set. watching plays on youtube is so real.. i watched uh.. "natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812" on youtube. it was still very fun to watch. but yeah in person will always be better

NO i agree i dont rly think of robin as a mother either. i honestly dont like putting the parent role onto any of the older straw hats.. like why cant they just be cool older friends. an older person and younger person dynamic doesnt always have to be parent and child. i cant find the video but have u seen that video on youtube that has a bunch of sanji mother moments... its so cute..

ateez and stray kids were my favorites!!! not sure how familiar u are with kpop .. slang?? but i was ot8 for ateez (as in i liked everyone) and with stray kids changbin was my favorite. i still love them but they arent my hyperfixation rn. i was into bts when i was uhhh.. 12??

the video u sent seems fun and i will watch it after i finish this!!

*points* zosan liker.. /lh. i have seen quite a bit of themetalhiro but idk if im following them or not!! the other ppl i am not familiar with so yippee new content

i have plenty op thoughts i can share!! im honestly not good at asking questions so i tend to just say things n hope whoever im talking to can jump off whatever i say,,. i try to stay away from anything spoilery ofc but so many of my thoughts r spoilery... which is why i havent been throwing them all at u. and also some (a lot) of them are just .... law centered..... and ... u dont like him like i do... (which is fine ofc) i just dont wanna be annoying JSHRJ

ok this isnt really a theory or anything like that but i keep wanting to tell people about this and i am barely restraining myself so . i will tell u. ace sabo and luffy are called the asl brothers right? and ace... died.. my brothers and i also have the initials asl. or we did. but my deadname starts with an a.... my deadname and ace have something in common (theyre both dead).

thats not really anything but i just find it to be a very interesting coincidence . i like to think about it.

ok heres an actual thought. sorry if it sounds awkward. some of this would be spoilery so i will just not include it but. pirates are all about dreams. they have big, lofty goals that they dont usually tell people about, probably out of shame and embarrassment. in sabaody it is hinted that kidd and killer told people that they were going after the one piece, and they were laughed at for it. not many pirates are like luffy, who proudly proclaims that he will be king of the pirates and find the one piece.

i find it really interesting that crocodile is hinted at having had a dream that was only possible through taking over alabasta. and enel's dream was to get to the "endless varse", even after being defeated he still headed towards his dream. he just ended up going alone. big mom's dream is a utopia where every race can live peacefully together. they all are willing to do awful things for the sake of their dreams.

but again, the difference between luffy and these other people and their dreams is that luffy is not hurting people in the pursuit of his dream. he isnt causing a bunch of people to suffer. in fact, he is doing the opposite. he has continuously been shown to free people from their oppressive rulers, and he crushes the dreams of those who are willing to sacrifice innocent people to achieve their goals.

i dont really have an end point to this but i think that the differences are kind of proof that luffy is going to actually succeed. because he is good at heart. because he doesnt kill people for the sake of his dream. and also i pity the people he defeated. like yeah theyre awful. but i cant help but wonder what crocodile wanted. i cant help but think about what kind of circumstances led them to that point in their life

uhm uhmm yeah... i will think of questions to ask u.. so that u dont have to worry about asking Me questions..

"also p.s. there is never any pressure to watch any of the videos i link it is more for a sourcing purpose unless u actively want to watch them" i watched them anyways!! but i rly appreciate this .. tbh, usually i wont watch something when someone asks me to (pda autism perhaps), but when u say theres no pressure im like "oh. ok. that means i can do whatever i want.." and then i end up watching it most of the time. bc i am curious.

sanji is such a mess... i love that first image what a goofy face . i wish i could send videos through asks cuz i have.. a video from the 4kids dub saved.. that i think is funny... maybe i will send it another way. but alas. i will give u this instead.

CAN’T BELIEVE U WOULD SO SUCH A THING!! /j

NO FR I ACTUALLY LIKE YONA BUT. NOOO THEY MARRIED OFF MY MAN!!!!

i felt similarly when they almost married off sanji. but i really like pudding too. also hey why the FUCK did they make her 16-!!! (will never not be mad about it. they'd be kinda cute together if she wasnt tbh!!)

yea i assume the theories that are like “buggy will find the one piece first” or “kidd will become pirate king!” all assume luffy will do it in the way that matters. i COULD see the worst gen trio reaching it together but part of me really wants all the strawhats there when luffy finds it 🥺

i absolutely couldve linked the wrong video its been a while since i watched it lmao SORRY U SAT THROUGH A SANJI VIDEO FOR NOTHING

okay but regarding zoro THIS VIDEO IM IN THE MIDDLE OF WATCHING SO I KNOW ITS THE  RIGHT ONE. around 25 minutes in he starts discussing opla zoro’s issues and at 26:12 he brings up a little zoro recipe card that is exactly what we’ve been saying HAHA and dw u didnt miss the fuck its later on in the season.

all these stolen accounts….all around me are familiar faces…worn out places…..

i dont think inaki gives the impression of being autistic but with english being his second language he may just have that slight hesitation of understanding his brain working out the the english (and this is just ME suspecting and i could be totally off base) but especially in the oda video where everything oda says is translated through japanese to english but his first language is spanish kvnkd. i dont mean to imply i think hes bad at english or anything but when ppl say stuff to me in spanish (which i took for a few years) i always have to mega process it in my brain first

“was it the zosan comic” [hangs my head in shame] m..m…..maybe.,

A DIFFERENT IRL FRIEND OF MINE (who is very asexual, for reference) GOT A TUMBLR WITHOUT TELLING ME AND HAD BEEN FOLLOWING ME AND I HAD PREVIOUSLY TOLD HIM “YEA U SHOULD GET A TUMBLR BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT FOLLOWING ME U PROB WONT LIKE WHAT I POST HAHAHA….WHEN I FOUND OUT HE HAD BEEN FOLLOWING ME I WAS SO. EMBARR5ASSED. ALL MY ONE PIECE YAOI…AND VAMPIRE HORNY…ON FULL DISPLAY…I WAS LIKE PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE FILTERING THE CONTENT . I NEED U TO PUT “ZOSAN” ON UR FILTER ASK DONT ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS,

your gender just “i forgor..”

LMAO THE GENDER QUESTIONING GRIND. WE ARE ON IT TOGETHER MY BROTHER. mine was like. cis girl -> demigirl -> still demigirl but casually bc i kept forgetting -> questioning?? -> genderfluid?? or bigender?? is where i currently am at. 

I REMEMBER THAT GUY… SHOO..SHOO

he has mentioned a couple questions as being from overseas, but idk if they were sent in english originally and translated or what. we could Try

so to be fair i have only seen one season of drag race (i think it was 7. the one with kim chi) but i watch trixie and katya a lot so i absorb their knowledge. i really like drag. i kinda wanna try it someday 🧍

“OH PERFECT. MAGISTRATE OF SANJI!!! u get to sit in a courtroom full of sanji fans and judge ace attorney style cases” i literally. feel like i know exactly how this would go.

DUDEBROS WHO THINK HE’S COOL: [BANGS GAVEL] GUILTY

PPL WHO THINK HIS TREATMENT OF WOMEN IS PERFECT AND RESPECTABLE: [BANGS GAVEL] GUILTY

EIICHIRO ODA: [BANGS GAVEL] GUILTY

WOMEN WHO THINK HE’S A PATHETIC MEOW MEOW: [BANGS GAVEL] innocent

GAY PPL WHO PLAY WITH HIM LIKE TOYS: [BANGS GAVEL] innocent

(for legal reasons (haha get it) this is a joke bc all of these have nuance too them ofc. i think he’s very cool sometimes. but other times he is a LOSER. and . i guess i should give oda credit for like. making him,)

I HAVENT GOTTEN TO THE DEATH PACT YOU’RE VERY CORRECT BUT HEAR ME OUT: …THE ZOSANERS TALK ABOUT IT A LOT AND IT SOUNDS COMPELLING,

I LIKE SHUGGY. I WOULD LIKE CROSS GUILD AS A POLY SHIP MORE IF IT DIDNT FEEL MEAN WITH HOW OFTEN THEY BEAT UP ON BUGGY AND ALSO BC I THINK BUGGY BELONGS WITH MR. RED HAIR. the dynamic of shanks being desperate and pining over buggy while buggy thinks he hates him/knows but still hates him. is so funny. i love a onesided ship tbh

OH NO BRO….HANNYAGELLAN…ITS HAPPENING…

kuina gives me a lot of feelings. i love her and everything she stood for. and her time with us as the audience was so brief but we remember her too. i like thinking about what she could have been if we got to see her grown up bc she was such an awesome kid. to influence someone like zoro too. and yea koshiro seems generally pretty cool but that was FUCKED UP and im gonna be mad about it forever. i’ve also heard that “falling down the stairs” in japan can be a way of getting around saying it was a suicide and when i first got into the fandom that was compelling to me but now i dont like it bc. she wouldnt have done that. she made her promise with zoro. she was probably feeling more hopeful about her dream than ever. but then…one small accident and she’s gone. it fucks me up :/ it fucked ZORO up. ive never made the connection that thats why he protects weak people…ah . i think to me kuina made a promise, and zoro takes promises very seriously. he’s very blunt in that he takes things at face value and so a promise is an ironclad thing. i dont think hes stupid and cant tell when someone is being deceptive but i think he thinks deception in that way is kind of unhonorable. 

IF I MAY in one of my fics i set aside part of a chapter (titled zoro alone. hehehe atla reference) and wrote this about zoro and kuina. its very simple and doesnt dive deep but i like it 

“Zoro looks up from his walk along the path. Even in the near afternoon sun, the forest and its surroundings are grayish from the fog. Something snaps a twig. He glances over and spots a buck hopping through the forest in the distance. 

Dreams. Ambitions. Drive. Do what that day stole from Kuina. Defeat Dracule Mihawk. Become the world’s greatest swordsman- for both of them. They’re lofty goals- but he can achieve them. There’s no use in doubt or regret. 

He finds himself in the clearing. That same damn clearing from the first night. In fact, if he looks closely, he can still see the imprints of his boots, paced in circles in the dirt. It’s infuriating. This isn’t a good sign for his current navigational endeavors. Nonetheless, he perseveres, heading the way he remembers Sanji to have taken them yesterday.

Kuina. He doesn’t think of her as often as some might think. He doesn’t dwell on the past, only reflects on it. Today he is reflecting. The day he waited for Kuina by the lake, only for Koushirou to come instead. There’s been an accident, he’d said. She’s gone, he’d said. She’d been sick. She’d tripped. She’d fallen down the stairs. 

Zoro remembered how they’d overworked themselves the day before, training together. He had some childish thoughts that day. Impulsive and hurtful. He tried not to have those anymore. He instead wanted to focus on achieving what they had set out for themselves: their promise.”

i am always imagining amvs in my head to music. i make ANIMATICS in my head to music. but do i ever actually make those things….no. i do not

as a sanji liker i am huffing copium everyday. dont worry. dont worry about it. [streteches out my hand] lets take ibuprofen together

i get chills during performances too!! its just. SO COOL!!!! TO SEE PEOPLE ACT WITH SUCH PASSION AND PORTRAY EPIC STORIES..RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! LIVE!! AH!!! THOSE BITVHES IN THE SHAKESPEAREAN ERA HAD A POINT

i agree actually! theyre a family but not literally. the mothering some of them show is just cute. and um YES OF COURSE ive seen the sanji mother moments video. god esp pre ts he was so damn cute sometimes 😭 im reading ur message and seeing some of ur posts now and i just feel like this 

“u like sanji now dont u rowan”

i think for ateez my friends favorite is seongwha…and my other friend’s bias in ateez is…i dont remember actually,

I LIKE LAW!!! LAW ME UP!!! IM THE MAGISTRATE AFTER ALL!!!! ksjncdkj no but really he isnt one of my ABSOLUTE FAVS but i really like him!! and after corazon…….law is just very compelling ok. i saved the hawaiian shirt comic to my phone as well btw. 

omg…rip to ace and also ur deadname i suppose…thats kind of funny. 

about ur thoughts on dreams: i…forgot crocodile had a dream beyond alabasta. i thought he just wanted power bc hes sand and its a sand country so it would be perfect for him. plus the poneglyph. now im really curious…i wonder if it relates to his backstory and the possible trans-ness of it? i mean…hm. the poneglyph was weapon related,...idk . croc backstory when…

and ur right about that! luffy is selfish and he’s not a hero but hes also NOT INTERESTED IN BEING NEEDLESSLY TERRIBLE…bc he’s after freedom and what use is it if u destory the freedom of others while searching for it for yourself? undermines your entire goal

i see ur video and i will respond to it shortly but man i DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO IT. HIS 4DUB VOICE PAINS ME PHYSICALLY

speaking of videos. i have a playlist where i put my fav one piece shits. again u do not have to watch any of these. but feel free to peruse

also HERE’S SOMETHING: the other day my friend asked me what i think the one piece is…and having not even reached joyboy/nika shit yet (i shouldnt know about that but alas. spoilers aplenty on the internet) i was freeballing but:

my friend @ liliflower137 had a crack theory that the one piece should be gold roger’s bug collection and with luffy’s love for beetles and the sense of adventure instilled from that i was like. i actually would not be upset at all if that was the case

so i think it might be related to…joyboy/nika/ the SUN…i think maybe its like a. a hat maybe. thats my guess. sun hat. from the original joy boy. its not a good guess but its all i HAVe

also…why do they call him bartolomeo the cannibal. i swear they didnt say anything about him eating people upon introduction. they just call him that. did i miss something. why is bartolomeo called a cannibal and yet when i, big mom, 

to end here’s a good zoro meme for u 

[kibblemaniac]

oc flash facts!!

-anya becomes a mayor in her late 30s

-anya and alex accidentally have 7 kids (alex is definitely the housewife in the relationship)

-majid was based off of erykah badu's appearance (this picture in particular)

-one time hooty managed to bring cloud.ie to the beach and cloud.ie was flabbergasted bc it was her first time seeing anywhere other than a house or the library

-taraji's favorite holiday is christmas but her parents dont celebrate it, so she visits her uncle for christmas

-sky laughed out loud when she met cloud bc she met cloud.ie before

-don and victor first met at a gay bar (victor ended up accidentally giving don free top surgery that same night)

-don's favorite drink is a bloody mary

-both anya and nem are attracted to each other but hate each other way too much to admit it

-one time lolly was at a summer camp as a kid and a snail crawled into her ear and shes still scared of them

-etnas favorite food is tomatoes and she stuffs her bras with them

-rainbow ki-kirin is a cougar

-lotus dancer is like... the opposite of a cougar? a panther?? shes into older women.

-sana smells like lilac and peony and coconut and cotton candy and rainbows and sunshine <3333

-cloud isnt skys pet, he is a grown ass man

-that being said, he still eats things off the floor and uses a litter box (ala puppycat)

-chizoba was renamed by iyabo, her old name was chima

-iyabo used to be a terf until she met chizoba (tfw the girldick so good it makes you question your ideologies)

-luna lives in the back of her coffee tattoo shop

-anya has 3 younger brothers

-vea is Palestinian + hispanic american !!

-vea also mightve accidentally ate her bfs head off before running away....

-nem is a FUCKING BITCH

-miss nurse commits medical malpractice on the daily

-catatrophe is totally not seeing toonie's hot teacher

-mako laid an egg (umi) once and hes still not sure how he did that

-umi cant count to ten

-clara is considered one of the most famous internet fashion n travel influencers in my ocs world

-mallory is the least favorite child and bonnette is the favorite

-amour is still fucking inbred !!

-amour only lets certain people call him amour, everyone else gotta call him derose

[leonleonhart]

DRAMAtical Murder ReConnect Opening - Cosmocall Field

[jade-04]

Dove (Part 6)

first part | part 5 | part 7

Eddie Munson x fem!Henderson!reader and Steve Harrington x fem!Henderson!reader

Summary: Dustin Henderson’s older sister finds herself in a predicament having to choose between Steve “the Hair” Harrington and Eddie “the Freak” Munson

a/n: First, (Y/N/N) means your nickname. Second, I feel like this is a very dialogue heavy chapter. 

Warnings: swearing, fluff, little bit of angst from Steve

taglist: @happiejoon @simonsbluee @nervouslaught3r

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You spent all of Sunday cleaning around the house with your mom and Dustin. You were in the midst of cleaning your room when your brother called up to you from the kitchen.

“(Y/N)! PHONE!” Dustin yelled.

“Coming!” You yelled back, leaving th feather duster you had on your bed. 

When you got into the kitchen, Dustin handed you the phone. “It’s Robin.” 

“Hey, Rob. Whats up?” You said taking the phone from Dustin.

“(Y/N/N). A little birdie told me that you were on a date with Munson last night?” You could hear Robin’s smirk in her voice. 

“Would that little birdie happen to be Steve?” You said, eyebrows raised even though she couldnt see it.

“Maybe… but is the little birdie correct?” 

“Yes, Robin, that little birdie is correct.” You felt a smile creep across your face remembering last night. 

“Oh. My. GOD! Thats awesome! You have to tell me all about it. How did it happen? Are you guys like an official thing?” Her voice had a tone of excitement in it. You could tell she was happy for you. 

“I will tell you all about it on the drive to school tomorrow. Ill pick you up at 7:30?” You wanted to end the phone call fast so that you could finish cleaning and start your homework. 

“Works for me! Bye!” You heard the click as Robin hung up and put the phone back on the hook. 

You started to walk back to your room to finish cleaning, but were stopped when you found your brother standing in the hallway, next to the the hall phone. His face was all scrunched up, he looked a little mad, but also a little happy. 

“You went on a date with Eddie?” He said a little too loud and accusatory for your liking. 

“Were you listening in on my phone call with Robin?!” You said also a little to loud and accusatory for both of your liking. You herded him into your room and closed the door.

“Maybe, but answer my question!” Dustin said, quieter now.

“Yes, I was, Dustin. We had a rehearsal after I got off work and so we both decided to go out to dinner and call it a date.” You said with an exasperated sigh. 

“Are you guys a couple?” He asked now with a lighter tone to his voice. 

“I dont know, Dustin. We didnt talk about that.” You sat down on your bed. Personally, you wanted to be an official couple with Eddie, you just didnt know how to say that, and you thought it mightve been too soon. 

“Okay, just if you guys do become a thing, let him know that if he hurts you, he a goner. Okay?” Dustin came to sit next to you. “Also, if you hurt him, youre also a goner. I just really care about both of you and dont want to see either of you get hurt.” 

“Thanks, Dusty.” You said wrapping him into a hug. “But never listen in on my phone calls ever again, okay?” There was a slight scolding tone in your voice. 

“Okay.” He said hugging you back.

“I mean that, Dustin.” You said pulling away from the hug. “Now get out of my room, I need to finish cleaning.”

“Alright. Okay. I’m going.” Dustin said walking out of your room. 

You spent the rest of Sunday cleaning your room and doing your homework. You also spent the rest of Sunday deciding whether or not you wanted to approach Eddie about being in an official relationship with him or wanted to wait for him to bring it up. You kept racking your brain and decided to just leave it alone for now. You began to slowly drift off to sleep. 

------

You woke up at around 6:30 and started to get ready. You showered, brushed your teeth, all the usual stuff you would do to get ready. Today, your outfit of choice was a short, brown, dress you thrifted and your dads bomber jacket. You found yourself wearing your dads old jacket a lot recently. Your mom gave it to you for your 17th birthday stating that he was going to give it to you then because he got it when he was 17. You never had the urge to wear it until eary August came around, and now you wear it often. You had finished getting ready and put your shows on. Leaving for Robins house around 7:15, luckily Dustin always rode his bike to school with Mike and Lucas on Mondays, so you didnt have to give him a ride 

Pulling into the driveway, you noticed Robin was already sitting on her porch ready to go. She was dressed up nicer than usual today, but she also seemed a lot more anxious then usual today. She hopped up and made her way to your car, plopping down into the passenger seat. 

“Whats the occasion, Robin?” You questioned.

“Well,” she took a deep breath, “I was gonna try an ask Vicky to the homecoming dance today, like as a friend. I mean, obviously as more than a friend, but you know for obvious reasons I can’t do that. I know homecoming is a month way, but why not ask, right? So, I figured if I was gonna ask, I might as well look nice right?” Robin drew in another breath after rambling.

“Shit, I completely forgot about homecoming.” You sighed. “But, good luck today with Vicky. It’s gonna go well.” You nodded with reassurance.

“Soo, you and Eddie, whats the deal with that?” You could tell by the tone of Robins voice that she had a huge smile across her face.

“‘The deal’ is that we kissed a couple times and went on a date. I stil dont know if were anything official, I mean that would be great if we were, but I dont know if he would want that.” You said, blush creeping across your face.

“Hold on, back up. YOU KISSED!?” Robin yelled with surprise. “Okay, now you have to tell me about how that happened.” 

You laughed a little, but obliged. You spent the rest of the ride to school telling her all about your Saturday night with Eddie. Occasionally she would interrupt you with questions or gasps, but overall you could tell she was happy for you and she could tell that you were happy. You pulled into a parking space by the library entrance at school and parted ways with Robin. She decided to head to the band room to practice for a bit before school started and you wanted to go check out a new book before heading to your locker. After walking through the library for a bit, you decided to check out “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath because Nancy could not stop talking about it at the newspaper meeting last week. You put the book into your bag and made your way to your locker where you were met by Eddie. 

“Hey there, Sweetheart.” Eddie said, leaning against the locker next to yours. 

“Hi Eddie.” You smiled before going to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. When you pulled away you noticed he had something in his hand. “Whats that?” You asked pointing to it.

“Oh nothing.” He presented it to you. “Just a mixtape I made for my favorite girl.” You couldnt help but blush at the way he called you his favorite girl. It made you feel all special and warm inside. 

Eddie spent all of Sunday working on this mixtape for you. It only had 5 songs on it, but all of them reminded him of you. The songs were: Rock You Like A Hurricane, Edge of Seventeen, Cant Fight This Feeling, Talk Dirty To Me, and I Was Made For Lovin’ You. Obviously 3 of the songs you had sang and the other 2 described his feelings. He was so excited to give it to you so that you could listen to it and see how much he cared. 

“Oh, so I’m your favorite girl?” You beamed at him with bright eyes and blush coming across your cheeks.

“Shut up, (Y/N).” He looked away with a smile, blush spread across his face to match yours.

“Make me.” You said, mocking him from the other night with a smile.

Eddie put the mixtape in your locker before grabbing your waist to pull you in for a kiss. You kissed him back wrapping your arms around his neck. The two of you looked like those couples in the movies who kiss in the rain, but instead of the rain, you were kissing in your empty highschool hallway. You guys only pulled away when your heard Dustin and his friends’ voices.

“Gross, dude. That’s my sister.” You heard Dustin say. 

“Seriously, Eddie. In the hallway?” This time it was Lucas’s voice.

You and Eddie both turned to face the boys, one of his arms left wrapped around your waist. 

“Come on boys, Im allowed to kiss my girl in public, even if it grosses you out.” He leaned to kiss the top of your head. The mix of the kiss and his words causing you to grin. You couldn’t believe Eddie had just called you his girl. You guys may not have been official yet, but there was an already obvious understanding that you were his and he was yours.

“Wait, so when did this happen?” Mike questioned looking back and forth between you and Eddie. 

You opened your mouth to answer, but were interrupted by Dustin. “Saturday. She told me about it yesterday.” 

“So what, are you guys like officially a thing?” Lucas asked the question you’d been dying to know the answer to for the past 48 hours.

You and Eddie both looked at eachother before he opened his mouth to answer. “I say we are, as long as thats okay with (Y/N)?” He raised an eyebrow at you looking for the answer he was hoping for. 

You smiled at him. “Thats perfect with me.” 

You couldn’t believe it, Eddie was your boyfriend. Yea, the relationship was moving a bit fast, but you were so excited to be with him. Throughout the school day, you were in a daze thinking about that morning when you made it official. You and Eddie even sat together at lunch that day. Some people had stared at you, since you looked like such an unusual couple, and Dustin, well he didn’t mind but it was so weird for him to see his idol with his sister in his lap. Nonetheless, he was happy for both of you. The way Robin had questioned you after lunch at the beginning of English was also funny to you. She was suprised on how quickly you and Eddie were the talk of the school by the end of lunch and how she didn’t find out from you before hearing from some random dude in her math class. You didn’t care that people were talking about the two of you. If people wanted to say you were taken to the dark side, then so be it, you were happy. At the end of the school day, Eddie met you at your locker to walk you to your car and with you for Dustin to come out, even on the days he biked to school, you always gave him a ride home.

------

Steve was already waiting in the parking lot so he could pick up to Robin to take her to their shared shift at Family Video. In his boredom of sitting outside his old school, he noticed you and Eddie walking together, hands interlocked. He couldn’t help but feel jealous of Eddie and how badly he wanted to be him. He was brought out of his trance when Robin knocked on his window.

“Whatcha lookin’ at there, Stevie?” Robin said getting into the car.

“It’s nothing.” He said, sounding a bit out of it. Robin looked at Steve and followed his gaze to where you and Eddie were leaning against your car. 

“Steve?” Robin said, now waving a hand in front of his face. “I know you like her man, but did you really expect for her to think you liked her with the amount of dates you go on?”

Steve snapped out of it. “I just wanted to give it time to see if maybe she had any reciprocated feelings towards me.” He sighed, hand running through his hair. “I guess I was just too slow. Now, Munsons got her.” 

“If it makes you feel better, she never really mentioned him until they kissed a few days ago.” Robin offered up a smile.

“They kissed?!” Steve looked over at Robin with shock in his eyes. “I mean I know I saw them on a date, but shit they kissed.” 

“I think you just need to drop it for now, Steve. Munson makes her really happy, but if you want to get her, you’ll have to confess soon. They just started dating, maybe you’ll be able to slip in their.” Robin was doing her best to give advice to Steve and make him feel optimistic, but she also didn’t want to see you stressed and anxious with your emotions. 

“I don’t want to be that guy.” Steve said, sighing. “I know I could get any girl I wanted, even if that meant (Y/N), I couldn’t make her feel lost like that.” Steve really wanted to tell you, he even thought about telling you on Friday night, maybe inviting you over a bit before Robin so you could talk alone. Then again, he didn’t want to ruin your happiness. 

Steve was stuck. He really wanted to be with you. He’s been pining over you since June when he saw you walk into the store across from Scoops Ahoy. Since a couple weeks after that when you would always come in to annoy Robin. Since after the whole deal with the Russians and the mall coverup and the way you took charge. Even though, he had more of a past with you, could that really change what you have with Eddie. Throughout his whole shift, Steve questioned telling you, he decided that he would tell you Friday night before the movie. Maybe it wouldn’t change anything, he was okay if it didn’t, as long as you were happy. If it did though, Steve would be the happiest man alive. 

(a/n pt 2: Im sorry this part took forever to come out. I was feeling really depressed for a bit and I myself am stuck in a jumble of emotions like Steve rn, but pt 7 should be out by Wednesday if this week is nice to me :). I've also been working on some new fics that I cant wait for you guys to see!)

[fictionfixations]

(CW: talking about non-con and attempted non-con and stuff) I've been thinking a lot and just. I think everyone probably knows but the like DC comics are really bad. Or well the batfam-related ones? I've never read them myself, or any others but ive seen panels and just they suck. its messed up ??? There's Dick being non-conned and then called a sl-t over it (MIRIAM. DISGUISING HERSELF AS KORI or starfire. AND SHE SAID THAT OUT LOUD BUT PPL STILL CALLED HIM A sl-t, just for getting heated in the sheets with his lover when it turns out said lover was actually someone else disguised as her. DUDE. aND THEn THEY GAVE HER A BACKSToRY OF HOW she was like brainwashed to think she was dating dick, and that i think her dick was a huge asshole to her??. ALSO when he was 17 there was a thing where they were trying to get into wayne enterprises and kinda slept with dick- cant remember her name) and its just like. DUDE (also also the creator literally said that its not [r-word] and more non-con or something stupid like that, as if theres a difference?? also it might just be me but the r-word sounds really.. fhfdusih and i just dont like saying it, as if noncon is better but its not really, i just struggled with it for awhile feeling like the r-word just made it a lot more real and vile so i just say noncon instead ;w;) and i probably dont know the bulk of it because im not a comic reader BUT YOU CAN SEE THE ISSUE??? though if i read it in the past itd probably fuck with me cause id take it to heart and end up down a rabbit hole of guilt when its *really* not the victims fault dude i feel so bad for the people who mightve gone through something similar, read the comics and then thought 'god im such a sl-t' when dick HAS said no before and it was completely ignored?? "Don't.. touch me, I'm…" He goes on to say that it was his fault, that Catalina was his responsibility and that it was his fault for letting her kill blockbuster (WHO was literally killing everyone who even just TALKED to dick or lived in the same apartment building as him, which its reasonable that he just. broke.) WHICH. fuck man. and theres also the time where selina (catwoman) kissed him or something and later stated it was to make bruce jealous in which, let me stick with my fanon personalities of characters where they *dont* do that :') and then theres tim nearly being nonconned by like. i think ppl are calling her ra's half-sister or something like that to get like an heir (cass saved him tho :D)

which DUDE ????? and i think jason and talia have fucked too, but it was sometime AFTER jason was resurrected by the pit and he couldn't have really consented then?? i refuse to accept that and who knows what else is there. just. DUDE. please tell me theres a time where its actually addressed healthily and theyre not just accusing the victim sobb

[golden-states]

me: man i dont think the alcohol in this drink is hitting me

also me: dyknow what lets think about my family and how i hope theyre proud of me and how i have my dead alcoholic grandfather's stereo now and my dad said hed be smiling down at me for keeping it and how i wonder if he'd be proud of me if he knew i was queer and that my dad probably knows and might be trying to throw me hints that its ok and.

sorry i want to ramble about my family below the divide pls hold.

anyway my dead alcoholic grandfather (mom's dad -- but he and my dad were close too) used to listen to loud music (like. idk was it this specific stereo??? maybe idk) when he got really drunk and would blast the music that my mom insists did not bother her as a child because she knew it meant he was home and not out driving because he'd had a drunk argument with her mother,

anyway her mother's 96 and just got covid i should really call her cause we live only like 45 minutes apart now.

umm yea like i have his 40+ year old stereo and i hope he's proud of me and i hope he would quietly accept my queerness regardless of if/who i actually end up with.

i actually felt pretty seen by my dad today. like he didnt outright tell me he was supportive of me being different from how he mightve hoped me to be but he kept telling me he was proud of me for the move and the new job and just like. being me i guess.

and i keep noticing him using vaguely gender neutral language to mention my hypothetical future partner instead of just defaulting straight to male, like he's trying to sound like lightly disparaging and that he's aligning with our running joke of me being gay but. i dont know that either of us are joking much anymore

anyway tumblr diary

[jrueships]

Not to be a gremlin buuuuuuut would you care to share your redacted thoughts on trae/John 👀 because I would love to hear them 😳

IMMA BE HONEST ANON.. They're mainly just [redacted] loose random ideas I think with about absolutely NO explanation whatsoever so.. 😭 it's nothing like.. SPECTACULAR but 😳😳 u know like I just can't give u the whole spiel rn 😭

But I'll give random tidbits anyways 😎

Okay so I'll start with like.. the SCENARIO I was thinking about before. So like- 

Trae and John go out clubbing to celebrate a win. They're recently new to the NBA, trae more-so Collins, so they've got a little pride in their win and wanna have fun and get some hotties. But, the win wasn't at home, so most of the people at the club pretty much hated them for beating a team that was supposed to win instead of the hawks. Basically, they get no bitches. 

  And trust me. They did EVERYTHING to get bitches.

Trae would have John go up to women and try and be a good wingman, advertise Trae's attractiveness, Nope. Nada. Trae put in his and John's favorite song. Nobody even wanted to dance with them. It was just John and trae dancing by themselves.. which was fine and all because they usually just dance together anyways, but it Did look a little awkward so… That ended quickly. A lady throws her shoe at them, to which trae keeps because fuck her and her shoe. Now bitch can hobble back home with one barefoot like a crunked up Cinderella 

BUT IN END RESULT, they left the club with no bitches and hurt egos. 

During the drive back to their hotel, Trae complained the whole way. He goes from frustrated to flabbergasted to angry to despairing to annoyed. The whole drive is just him ranting about 'bitches' and how he got none. John keeps pitching in by complaining as well, also showing confusion, equal anger, empathizing, and equal, if not more, Annoyance at the women's denials as well.

And then John says something like "if /I/ was a female, ((we all know how straight men talk yall.)) I'd TOTALLY find you hot, dude!"

   That's when the car gets quiet.

John realizes what he said and quickly tries joking it off, giving a hurried "no homo though!" And laughing nervously. 

Trae starts to laugh and everything is a rushed, awkward fine again. Trae even jokes about it when they park at the hotel, getting out first and opening John's car door for him in mock romance. The charade goes on for a while to lighten things up until the slip up is nothing of serious substance…

A few drinks to drown out their pussyless sorrows and things start to get a little tipsy. Silly drunk conversations conjure while they sit on trae's hotel room bed, but nothing of big talk.. Not until Trae reminds himself about his scoreless night and starts ranting until he gets sad again. Thick brow furrowed, he squinted blurred at the ground and trails his funny gaze up John's physique. He asks something akin to the lines of "hey… remember when you said like… if you were a woman… you'd find me hot?" To which John panics but confirms nonetheless…

Trae goes o h and they sit in awkward silence. They both painfully finish their like. 4th beer of the night. Then trae finally breaks the silence by asking, 

  "So… like.. hypothesis..-ly… hypo...hypocritically-" 

      "Hypothetically ?"

"Yeah. That's what I said. Anyways. Hypothesisly… if you Were a woman.. would you also .. fuck me?"

SO YEAH. THERES MORE TO IT UHH THEY FUCK (DUH) AND THEY BOTH WAKE UP IN THE SAME BED AND PANIC NOT REMEMBERING ANYTHING.. but they find that one shoe the woman threw at them strewn by the door so … of course their straight minds (desperately) convince themselves that they had an EPICLY AWESOME AND HOT threesome with a SMOKING HOT BABE who quickly fled the scene. … And maybe their d*cks mightve touched ONCE and MAYBE trae feels like touching John's ass is far more familiar than he'd like but… THINGS HAPPEN IN THE DARK OK. IT'S HARD TO SEE… 

   In conclusion, they drunk fucked and convinced themselves that they didn't drunk fuck 😭

     But my random weird ideas about them fucking just in general are like…

OKAY OKAY. I know we all love to see short and tall ships.. and the general CONSENSUS is that the taller one is the top but THERES SMTHIN ABOUT THE SHORTER ONE TOPPING THAT IS.. GOOD. OKAY?? So. Yeah. Trae tops LMFAO. HES JUST SO… CLEVERLY ?? SCHEMEY THAT?? He just Is the top ok. THEY CAN SWITCH and john can be the service top to power bottom Trae but.. they have to develop past their straightness for that level 😭 

 BUT ANYWAYS MORE ABOUT TOP TRAE.. he is literally Only hot to John LMFAO. He says and does the cheesiest shit in bed. If he was with anyone else, he'd turn them off by just getting naked down to his batman underwear. But luckily he is with John, his dumbly devoted best friend <3 

More about them in bed tho…

Okay so picture John on the bed getting fucked by Trae standing on the floor because it's too hard for Trae to top with such a height difference LMAO… John is bent on his back and his long legs are hooked over trae's shoulders.. Trae turns his head to kiss his legs all sweet…  John starts to whimper out a moan but then.   Trae puts a finger to his lips and makes a shushing motion like he did to the knicks crowd KABXJS 

Like when trae wants to fuck??? They fuck. In a hotel room with their teammates staying like?? Literally next door? Doesn't matter. They gonna fuck. Just so trae can have the cheesy NERVE of shushing john when their sex is getting too loud. Even though TRAE is the verbal one… 

And by verbal like.. bad porn verbal. Loud obnoxious grunting. Keeps asking John if he likes it. How 'big he is'. Asks how much John Wants it. Then doesn't let John formulate any kind of intelligible response because he's already leaning down to bite the long length of his neck.

SPEAKING OF BITING.. trae is definitely a biter. LMAO… he bites the insides of John's thighs, his neck, the slope of his shoulder, anywhere he can claim his stake, he Claims it. (Even the ass 😭 he's cursed like that man.) Afterwards in the aftercare he trails over his bite marks and kisses them and says smthin stupidly cocky like "you're a work of art and baby I'm your artist"

Trae in general is just a very passionate lover. If he wants John in a different position, he'll PUT John in a different position. Trae wants to do all the work to please John and himself and John just wants to please Trae. Trae will do anything bro. Eating ass, giving or getting (by getting like. Hand on hair Always) the sloppy toppy, having John ride him like. Bro got a fiesty libido.

And John just lets Trae take whatever he wants. He mainly doesn't have the strength to spit out terrible pornstar lines, so he settles for just.. desperately chanting out a slurred series of "bros/dudes/mans/any other term frat bros use to lovingly regale each other in". But yeah. He spends most of his time trying to look at Trae and think about how much he loves him 😭 and how hot he thinks he is right now like this. They're VERY much into looking at each other when having sex, but they weren't at the start though. At the beginning it was a whole "You don't look at me, I don't look at you" deal that was quickly broken when Trae pushed in and they both finally realized how much they want each other so …

ANYWAYS… YEAH.. them being [redacted] together is always like… on the VERGE of being sexy until one of them ruins it somehow (but the other will always find it sexy somehow. The sensible readers just won't 😭). Like if Trae is clapping John's cheeks and they make a funny sound, they're both gonna stop and laugh at how much it sounded like John farted. They're just two stupid guys in stupid love baby!!!! 

[mbti-notes]

P1) So I have this friend, an Enfp like me. For years she's been a dear friend of mine, and being of similar types have made us very easily get along. But now that we're growing older it feels like I'm in a different place in terms of Fi development, and her lack of development is starting to rub me the wrong way. During the time when we both started to get into Fi development, I started focusing on branching out and figuring out who I was, and she ended up in one relationship after another.

[con’t: The men were nice, and I'm not saying that being in relationships is a bad thing or is inherently detrimental to Fi. But now she's single, and says she feels listless, lonely. She says she seeks out men of status to make her feel accomplished but then either ends up losing interest or they break it off. I've been giving her advice to generate self interest, instead of seeking out interest solely in other people, to pursue her passions, and for a bit it seemed like she was taking my advice. 

But recently I've seen a... I don't know if it's a different version of unhealthy Fi, or whether it truly is a problem with me. If it is me, I would like to fix it. She seems to kind of assume my motives based off of what she herself is feeling. For example, if she feels insecure about something she'll act on the assumption that I'm judging her. I will be completely clueless to the fact that she thinks this until one of her actions based off of that assumption ends up being hurtful. When I come back and tell her that her actions are hurtful and based on false premises, she doesn't apologize, and despite saying that she loves me regardless, says that she feels I'm kind of a judgy person so that's why she assumed. I try my level best to be a non-judgemental person, given that I'm quite aware that people come from all sorts of life experiences and backgrounds, and I've had friends tell me it's one of my better qualities. 

There are times when I do say I can't condone a course of action (because it will hurt someone else or cause problems) and I have had someone break a friendship with me over that before. That person I've been told was toxic and manipulative, and later on I've heard that she herself thought she mightve been wrong. So I've assumed that what she said might not have been true. My family teases me about me being rigid on my morals, but apart from that no one has really mentioned it to me before. I know that being judgy could be a unhealthy trait from Fi, but I have the feeling that my close friend might be having an unhealthy Fi instead. 

So I suppose my questions are: am I indulging in unhealthy Fi traits? If so, how should I fix it? If she's the one being unhealthy, how so and how would you advise me to react? As I said, she's a dear friend of mine of many years. I know there've been times that I've been shitty that she's patiently guided me and times I've been behind where she's waited for me to catch up, so in this case I don't want to leave her behind. I know that I can't get her to change if she doesn't want to, (especially now that she feels that I'm being judgemental I don't want to press) but how do I react to someone with an unhealthy Fi while asserting my boundaries?]

When you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, especially if many of those years were formative years, it’s natural for the relationship to carry a lot of baggage - they become more like a family member than a friend. That “baggage” can be a blessing and a curse. It’s nice to have someone who’s known you so well and so long. They’re able to put you in context, they’re able to reflect back to you how you have or haven’t changed for the better, and the bond between you is strong due to all the shared experiences. On the negative side, baggage means that there exist some unresolved issues, problems that float around in the background, pain or resentment that gets swallowed for fear of rocking the boat too much, etc. Try to remember the positive when things get negative.

As a general rule, when an unhealthy dynamic between two people forms, both people feed into it in some way, otherwise it wouldn’t continue to get worse over time. Avoid trying to label one person as the only source of the problem. It’s not a case of either/or:

1) I believe that your friend is indeed having difficulty with Fi development, which is HER business to handle. It sounds like she uses men as a means to paper over low self-esteem, which is a manifestation of Te loop that gets in the way of Fi development. What she chooses to do is part of her journey of growth (or lack of growth as the case may be). You have to let her make her own mistakes and learn from them, just as I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate always being told what to do as though you’re stupid. This reminds me of an old song that goes something like: “If I make mistakes, they’re MY mistakes, and I cherish them as part of MY story.” You may believe that you know better than her about how to develop Fi, but perhaps you forget that an important part of being FP is that you have to honor your own story. You can’t live someone else’s story, i.e., betray Fi, and then hope to have healthy Fi in the end. Sometimes, honoring your own story means taking paths that others wouldn’t and falling flat on your face.

2) I also believe that your friend is defensive partly because you have been somewhat judgmental, which is YOUR business to handle. Even if you don’t say it out loud, people can sense disapproval, especially NFs. With your voice in her ear, I’m sure she has some awareness that her behavior is problematic. However, if you keep reminding her of this, what you’re doing is exacerbating the shame and guilt that she feels for “slipping”. You’re asking her to do what’s right, which is what Fi would do, but remember that you may also be asking her to do something that she is not yet ready or ABLE to do - this is how the line gets crossed. 

When you keep reminding FPs that they’re unable to do something, it doesn’t help them - it only makes them feel incompetent. If they feel that way long enough, it affects their self-esteem, which further exacerbates the feeling of incompetence in a vicious cycle. From here, she starts to assume things about your motives, as she projects her own sense of inadequacy. No one likes to feel less than. If you want to give advice, make sure that it’s wanted and appropriate for her level of competency. Most importantly, advice should be given lovingly, i.e., it should always be obvious that you are doing it from a place of care and empathy rather than a place of moral judgment. Avoid language that implies something about her moral character and focus more on the actions/consequences. You can’t speak such that you never offend anybody, but you can always check and recheck your own intentions to make sure that you’re speaking from the heart rather than the finger.

Sometimes, healing a relationship means stepping back a bit to let things cool down, such that you are able to return with fresher eyes. There’s a time for encouraging your friend, there’s a time for telling them the truth, and there’s a time for leaving them alone. It’s not always easy to decide the best option because the other person may not even know what it is they really need from you, if anything. At least she’s letting you know in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t need or want your judgment. To me, this raises the question of what she does need from you. It seems that you don’t know, because every time you try to intervene, you’re not helping her in any discernible way. If the people close to you are implying that you’re judgy, it’s something to pay attention to. It means that you’re either not approaching “helping” with the right intention or you’re not expressing your desire to help in the right way. Something that I often have to remind Fi types of is that “helping” is ultimately about the other person, not just about you satisfying your own moral imperatives. If you forget this, you may easily overstep and disrespect the other person’s boundaries due to imposing your values on them.

ENFPs love to discuss the things that are important to them. They love to explore new ideas and possibilities. But if the only reason you’re engaging in the discussion is to try to “lead” her into agreeing with your way of judging the situation, she’ll know, and she’ll close up, because you’re being disingenuous. In essence, being “judgy” might mean that you are imposing your idea of what Fi development is onto her, instead of helping her to discover the best ways of reaching healthy Fi on her own terms, at her own pace, in her own way - assuming that Fi development is still something that she wants. 

It’s easy to spot problems in people, but it’s a lot harder to come up with the most appropriate solution. Like it or not, these men are fulfilling a need in her life, and this can easily turn into a form of addiction, with withdrawal symptoms and all that jazz. The longer someone carries on a pattern, the harder it is to break. What exactly is the need that she’s attempting to fill? Where does that need come from, why does it exist in that form, or why is it such an urgent matter to her that she’s unable to give up her pattern of serial dating? Is there a better or healthier method to address the need... a method that she is capable of carrying out? If there is a competency problem, what is the best way to address it? These are the questions that you should ask, if you want to understand her well enough to tackle the problem constructively. And you may not get the answers until you approach her at the right time, in the right way.

[fairyscribbles]

No More Running. (D.O, Romantic Confession)

By the way my loves, no need to worry about me! I decided to clean my folder and I found a lot of stories that I haven’t posted on tumblr yet, and I am pretty proud of them! So these are things that were written a while ago, but you get to see now! <3

-

You pushed your feet to go faster, feeling the strain in your muscles as you sped down the dark alleyway. You muted out the gruff yells that were behind you and your mind was only set on one thing- escaping the situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You were innocent, and yet it was you who ended up being chased again.

You knew very well who was following you. And you knew they were toying with you. If they would’ve wanted, the vampires would have already ripped your jugular out.

They weren’t doing this for hunger. Oh no, the reason was far more personal than an innocent feeding.

This was an act of revenge, an eye for an eye. But they had the wrong person. You weren’t supposed to be executed for this reason.

You sharply turned left, almost losing your footing as you slammed into the side of the building. You could faintly register the burning on your arm as it scratched against the building, willing yourself to go faster.

This was all just a big mistake. They weren’t supposed to go after you. You weren’t the one closest to Do Kyungsoo, the werewolf they wanted to hurt the most.

Kyungsoo made sure you knew that well.

-

“Look…” he started, pausing after muttering your name. His eyes were set on the ground.

“This isn’t because of you…”

“Oh, of course not. It’s never me, it’s always you.” You cut him off, your hands balled into fists at your sides. He tried to open his mouth to protest, but you didn’t let him.

“At first, it was about you being different. When I showed you I had absolutely no problem with you being a werewolf, you changed the story to the “enormous” age gap problem.” You stated, crooking your fingers in the air in imaginative quote marks. Kyungsoo’s full lips pursed in a thin line, his brows furrowed.

“Even when I said that three years aren’t that bad, you’ve apparently come up with another one.” Crossing your arms on your chest, you glared at him.

“Let’s hear it, then.” He started out with your name again, and no matter how much you loved hearing it rolling off his lips, you willed yourself not to be affected by it.

“I cannot…I’m too dangerous for you.”

“Oh, that is rich.” You scoffed and Kyungsoo showed his distaste of interrupting him by growling deep in his chest. Sometimes, you forget that Kyungsoo is really a dangerous being, but no one could blame you- he is always so gentle and nice, it isn’t hard to let your mind slip with that little fact that he is able to transform into a great beast.

You pursed your lips, holding in all the other snarky comments until he is finished.

“I’m too dangerous. After all these years, I’ve made too many enemies. They could hurt you to get to me. And the biggest enemy is right in this room.” You lifted your eyebrow in question and Kyungsoo pointed at his chest.

“It’s me. I could hurt you so easily…” he muttered almost to himself, as he lifted his hand and his thumb brushed gently over your cheek. It took all you had not to lean into his touch, as you stared into his eyes, which seemed to be torn by uncertainty.

“Just with a flick of my wrist, I could break you bones…”

“You don’t have to flick anything but your tongue, to let those words out and break my heart.” You added, your voice lowering to his whisper. Pain flashed through his eyes and to your dismay, his hand retreated from your skin. He was already taking steps back, away from you.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…I can’t risk it. I’m so sorry.”

You would’ve cried, but you didn’t have the energy anymore. Sadly, you were so used to Kyungsoo walking out on you; it didn’t hurt as much as the last time.

You loved him, and you were sure he loved you back. The fact that after every single time he left, he returned to you made you realize that he was unable to be without you.

Do Kyungsoo’s machinations of his mind were an enigma, you decided, as you stared at the closed door, a thought crept in your head that it might’ve been a metaphor about Kyungsoo.

The closed door might be a metaphor on your relationship with Kyungsoo.

You were left all alone.

-

And alone, you had to face the two bloodthirsty vampires at your heels. You felt that your muscles started to scream in pain, but you couldn’t allow yourself to slow down. Slowing down mean certain death.

“Think fast, wolf bait!” a crystal clear voice called out behind you and not a second later, a sharp rock came in contact with your scalp. With a yelp, you stumbled but kept your balance. Your head throbbed, and that pain seemed to break down the numbness your brain created when they started chasing you.

You were being chased by vampires. And your only hope, the only one that could save you, turned his back on you.

That didn’t stop you from calling for help.

“Help…” the only word whimpered through your lips and the vile creatures behind you cackled.

“No one will come, sweetie. Stop running and we’ll make it quick.”

I don’t want to make it quick. I want to live, you wanted to tell the vampires, but you knew it would be useless.

“Please, help!” your voice grew louder as you took another turn. You noticed your grave mistake too late, that you ran into a dark alley, that was most probably cut off by some obstacle. Your fears came true, as a metal fence started rising above you and soon enough, you collided into it, hoping it would topple over.

Not happening. The fence stood there long before you and it probably will continue standing proud long after you’re gone.

You searched for a weapon of any kind- you were positive that you wouldn’t find any silver in the abandoned alleyway, so you settled for a broken vodka bottle. You clenched it by the throat, facing the predators with shaky legs.

“Leave me alone.” You tried to make your voice firm, but it cracked to a plea in the middle of the sentence, making the vampires laugh.

“We can’t do that, honey. There’s no escape. I’m sorry.” The monster replied and as if his speech triggered your reflex, your legs set off running again.

You didn’t get far though, as an arm shot up to meet you, sending you flying back to the fence. With a cry, you tried to catch your breath, your eyes glazing over with tears.

“Kyungsoo…” his name escaped your lips and your attacker grinned.

“Yes, thank him for killing you.”

“Kyungsoo, help me…” you were far too gone with fear, trying to back up even further into the fence when the vampire started approaching you.

“No! Stay back! Please!”

“So loud…” the other one growled, slapping you across the cheek. The sole impact had you losing your balance as you fell on the ground, knocking your head on some rubbish. Sobbing, you tried to crawl away from your death, into the corner of the building and the fence.

“Please, no!” you cried again, when you felt an iron grip on your ankle yank you away from your haven.

“Shut up already!”

“Say your prayers, flower.”  The first one finally said, lifting his arm to strike you again, but this time, you were sure it would be the last.

“Kyungsoo!” you shrieked, your eyes closing and awaiting the impact.

A growl cut through the air and soon enough, ripping and yells reached your ears, before you covered them, cutting them off.

You wanted out. This was just  a horrible nightmare, you wanted out, to wake up. Or if it had to be real life, you just wanted to die, to finally have it over with and to die in peace. Oh god, that was the only thing you wanted, just to get out…

Your ranting was interrupted by a familiar voice calling your name. At first, you thought it was just your mind playing tricks, but when big hands covered yours, gently prying them off your ears, you heard that concerned voice again.

You opened your eyes and as you stared into Kyungsoo’s worried ones, you couldn’t fight the tears anymore and you broke down, crying.

“Did they hurt you? Hey, ___, talk to me, please.” His hand cupped your chin, tilting you up to meet his gaze again, while his other one gently swiped at the swollen cheek and busted lip that the vampires rewarded you with. His eyes laced with fury, and a growl rumbled off his chest.

“They didn’t bite you, right?” he asked carefully and relief washed over him when you shook your head.

“Did they hurt you anywhere else?”

“You came.” You interrupted his interrogation by throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him tight. You refused to let go of him, your grip around his neck was almost bordering with pain, but either way, one of arms wrapped around your back, bringing you impossibly close, while the other one cradled your head.

“I’m so sorry I came so late. I’m so sorry.” He whispered into your ear, while you proceeded to cry into his neck.

“I was so scared…” you were only able to hiccup through your sobs.

“I know, and I’m so sorry, but it’s all okay now, I’m here…” Kyungsoo started rocking you gently, trying to calm you down.

“But for how long? How long until you’ll leave again?” you’ve managed to form a longer sentence now, your grip automatically tightening when you spoke of him leaving.

“Forever. I’ll never leave you again.” His hand ran through your hair, and when he brought out bloody fingers because of your injury, he gently pushed you away so he could look into your eyes.

“I never wanted you to experience something like this. I thought that if I left you, they would lose interest in you, and yet the only thing I did was make you completely vulnerable.” As he spoke, your eyes cast downwards to look at his shirt. He brought your attention back to his face when he kissed your brow gently and you looked up in surprise.

“I promise to take care of you from now until you’ll want me. I’ll never let anything happen to you again. If someone as much as touches you, I’ll make sure they’ll regret it.” The determination in his eyes told you he was speaking the truth. A moment later, uncertainty crept through the irises.

“That is, if you still want me.” Normally, you would’ve scoffed, but now, you wound your arms around his neck again and nodded into his shoulder.

You could feel as Kyungsoo wrapped one arm under your knees and lifted you into his embrace, as if you weighed nothing.

“Never leave me again, please.”

“I won’t. I promise.”