#mold fossil

[transparentfossil]

6 larger Turritella fossils spiral snail shell gastropod internal molds

[snailspng]

Random PNGs, part 217

(1. Spiral of shells, 2. Janus head from whale vertebrae, 3. Crinoid fossils, 4. Ceramic art by Dominique Mercadal, 5. Glass model of amoebae by Leopold & Rudolf Blaschka, 6. Slime mold (Stemonitis), 7. Hakutaku by Miyagi Gengyo (1958), 8. Slime mold (Ceratiomyxa fruticulosa), 9. Yup'ik seal float (?))

[samimarkart]

silver clay replicas of fossils in my collection. looking to make quilted beds for them as a resting place

[mold-wizard]

Goddammit. So that recent talk of dinosaurs got me wondering about something, so I did a web search for "prehistoric mold". But all the results that came up were about mold fossils, as in fossils that form as hollow impressions left in rock by decayed organisms—so, you know, molds, as it were—, which yeah okay that's kind of interesting but that's not the kind of mold I meant.

[assortedvillainvault]

"#...though everything in me wants to analyse the intersection of power and species in this film I must grit my teeth and acknowledge it is#Not That Deep and british ecology will have no meaning in a fun little film adaptation from the 50's"

No, please keep talking. This is the shit I live for! Okay, we know the truth is that is makes zero sense, but trying to make sense of it sounds very fun.

My own tuppence worth on the subject is just noting that the film would have taken place only about 100 years after the Norman invasion, which presumably in this Disney animal 'verse means that lions and other non-native predators would have been in every major position of power for all of living memory. It makes me wonder if Marian being a fox could mean she was descended from and Anglo-Saxon noble line that was deposed by the Normans. This could then add to the reading of invasive species (the rich and nobility) harming the entire ecosystem of society by over-exploiting native species.

So we have a story of the trickster non-apex predator who fits into this ecosystem, who belongs there due to having a place in the multi-species (multicultural) society versus the invasive apex predator who is a symbol of royalty, divinely appointed, and yet he is very much not a real part of this community he would nevertheless rule.

As a Brit, it's pretty reflective of how the nobility of the UK still works nigh on 900 years on. It's not anti-immigrant (see the bloody tortoise character, which is definitely a non-native species) but I read it as a condemnation of people with power and status who are so removed from the common people they rule that they may as well be of another species from another continent.

King Richard returning at the end kind of undercuts this reading, though, so I am definitely trying to shove my anti-monarchist views into a narrative not made to accommodate them.

Anyway, please share your thoughts on this, I need someone else to go way too deep into things with!

@the-phony-king-of-england

You are both wonderful, terrible enablers and I adore you.

Honestly Lancre you've pretty much nailed the historical implications I was trying to articulate in my own brain - that of the rich being animals that do not suit the area they're occupying.

Be warned I'm going to expand on this via an ecological wandering ramble below with no clear conclusion, so yay???

This. Gets. LONG.

(Also I'm shaking hands with you tightly, Brit for Brit on monarchial views here)

Aight ok. Basics first.

The Disney 70's (not 50's, my bad) Robin Hood is a loose adaptation of various folktales regarding Robin of Sherwood, who's tales originate at earliest, from the 1100's, and stretch to the 1500's. Robin as a singular figue never likely existed as just one person, and instead is a conglomerate of various daring, altruistic thief figures of semi-dubious origin. Dubious because this is medieval England and there ain't much to do but get piss drunk and swap tales around the pub fireplace, so there's always an element of inaccuracy and exaggeration for entertainment.

The setting of the story takes place in the city of Nottingham, and the surrounding Sherwood Forest. Both of which still obviously exist, though Nottingham is obviously MUCH larger than it was, and the forest has been reduced to mostly pine plantations and scattered ancient remnants of the original woodland.

There's no map for the medieval borders of the forest becuase officials were relying on collective memory and physially walking around the wood occasionally to demark it's location, but guesstimates would move he green area on the left image to encompass Nottigham and widen the forest eastwards a bit too.

The above reduction in size makes me smad, but that's beside the point. Sherwood in all it's medieval 100,000 acres was a royal wood - permissible to hunt in ONLY for the King and his fave besties. This is a point I'll come back to later. There was 1 (ONE) road to london south through it, and that road was prime time for Robin & co. to do as they do best, as we see in the opening scenes of Disney's adaptation.

The disney adaptation uses anthropomorphic animals to depict the typical robin hood story.

This is where my little conservation-masters-equivalent-certificate having bum starts to get it's knickers in a twist.

Like. I get it. On a folklore and symbolism level, the basic animals make sense. Robin is a red fox, a figure in British folklore often associated with cunning, trickery and swiftness - making him a perfect rackish protagonist, an outlaw with a heart of gold. Foxes are known to steal, and adapt very well to both modern urban environments and the medieval woodlands and fields. Brilliant choice, no notes.

John.

...John.

*deep sigh*

I KNOW. Our national animal and symbol for royalty is a lion. I KNOW. John and Richard being lions is a direct tie in to the lion coat of arms of the Duchy of Aquitaine, one of the ruling families to invade as part of the norman invasion. John even speaks french on occasion in the film, and directly refers to it as 'the norman' way! I GET IT.

That we have not had any lions, much less the african lion alive today, living on our island since the last glaciation period is something I'm still bitterly annoyed about, but whatever. It's fine.

That this also implies that Normandy, aka modern France, has a thriving population of lions running about in some fusion of french temperate flats and the kenyan savannah is something I just have to grit my teeth and nod about, but WHATEVER IT'S F I N E -

*Insert aggressive bardcore accordion music here*

Ugh. Moving on.

Ecologically, and story wise, it would make most sense for the denizens of Nottingham to be anthropomorphised as animals native to the region. And for the most part this holds up. We have the rabbit family, the mice, the owls, blacksmith dog, the singing rooster and Lady Cluck the Chicken, who has my WHOLE heart in this film. Friar Tuck is allegedgly a badger...

...which I doubt, but I'll allow it I guess. (I would prefer the black & white be actually depicted, and for the man to have claws. Let him have his claws he deserves them.)

Then...we have Little John.

British ecology is famous as being incredibly lacking in the modern day, due to a combination of land management changes, hunting, climate change and our being an island nation. All our major carnivores are extinct, and have been for a long time.

John is a brown bear.

Brown bears have been extinct in Britian for over 1000 years.

Even at the earliest possible time of the film, brown bears will have been dead for 200 years. John's existence should have been something almost goddamn-messiah like in this film. Last of the giants type stuff. I'd love for Lancrew's above point of large british animals to have been defeated 100 years prior by Norman invading lions (deeeeeeeep sigh) to hold up here and have John be a last descendant of nobility. He's a common man in all the legends, but it would be a great addition to how he schmoozed John at the archery tournament.

Looking at Johns forces now instead...

...what the FUCK is going on.

This, I GUESS, is an easy hand wavy way to visualise bad guys vs good guys. Cute forest critters vs afro-french (DEEP SIGH) mega herbivores & carnivores shows an obvious power inbalance between the local animals and Johns forces, and explains why the townsfolk can't rise up on their own. Rabbits aren't exactly going to do much against halberd weilding plate armoured legions of Rhinoceros.

BUT GOD ALMIGHTY WE COULD HAVE TRIED FOR EUROPEAN FAUNA, AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT???

Easy stuff first. Sir Hiss looks about 1, maybe 1.5 meters long, is green, and has no allusion to venom in the film. I've got him down as a grass snake, our largest species. Excellent. No notes.

The wolves are also easy. Wolves didn't go exinct in England until the 1500's, and alledgedly survived in Scotland until the 1700's. While I personally dislike the depiction of wolves as purely villainous in media, here the Sheriff and his men are the perfect foils to Robin. A larger canine species, moving in packs and hunting him in his own woods (that he's SQUATTING IN, because the woods are owned by John and the crown!), and exempliying the selfishness of the crown by having the Sheriff be dressed in bright colours, with fashionable sleeves while the townsfolk are in rags.

Also aside from the Friar, who is fat in every depsiction of the story, the Sherriff is noticably overweight compared to his men and the pallid, sickly looking townsfolk. The fact his clothes fit him when he's a body type almost no-one else has is a great further subtle show of proof that he's living indulgently and comfortably in his life of active cruelty enforcing John's will, and has no intention of stopping.

His other soldiers....

...ok. Since Lady Cluck - a chicken - is half the size of brown bear little John, there's some leeway for size. The vultures I think could feasably have been ravens, magpies or crows: still a little subtly morbid still, fitting for guards. Or maybe storks or herons, or even seagulls! To keep the silly antics and mean streak.

I- look. The rhino's are the main kind of guard featured. They're big, they're strong, they're imposing to look at and occasionally bumbling.

European Bison were RIGHT THERE.

Pigs and wild boar are depicted as background characters in a couple of scenes. do. Do you have ANY idea how large wild boar can be? Especially 500+years ago?! These things FUCKED. And they actively fucked you up when they wanted to. This wouldn't even be a case of british animals being wiped out in the wars - these things were prevalent all over Europe!

WHERE ARE THE DEER. The penultimate prey species for large cats?????? Not a single goddamn doe or stag have I seen in this film?? Sherwood Forest was a DEER HUNTING FOREST?! Not even as soldiers, Robin should have been able to help anthropo-medieval Bambi away from the wolves at least once.

I am not going to even fucking talk about the crocodile. Madam, in whose climate? We can barely keep 3 species of finger-length lizard alive through our wet, cold, windy climate, howmst the FUCK-

My only course of action is to admit that at some point in this universes timeline: There rose a kingdom of immense power in East Africa that has since, over many generations, colonised northwards and subjugated/wiped out European ecosystems. They reached the british isles around the medieval period, and now thanks to Prince John and Sir Hiss hypnotising King Richard, they are continuing expansion eastward via the crusades.

The vultures are there to eat the carcasses of the conquered nations armies. There. Evil as fuck but also exonomical.

Do Not Speak to Me About The Raccoons.

As far as I'm concerned these are oddly coloured red squirrels.

I hope you enjoyed this absolutely insane spiel of nonsense.

[polaroidblog]

La Classifica dei Dischi dell'Anno 2023!

[caraghfettes]

We are doing our graded units in class and I'm doing mines on fossil phones due to currently working in a phone shop and hear the rubbish banter of "this phone belongs in a muesum" daily, so I took it literal.

I've been doing mine in 3D form so using some air dry clay, platser etc and have even dabbled in some silicone molding! It's been fun, will hopefully update when final piece is in the making.

[spurbleu]

john price as a handyman yet again making me feral.

a jack of all construction trades in the small town he retires to. called occasionally for a small household additions; installation of roof tile, grout placement, wall painting and railing mounting.

with a collection of busyworks under his leather belt, he decides to pursue a renovation project.

it’s a kitchen. feels fitting for a man like john, enjoying his second year of retirement with good whiskey and better food, sinewed by the heartiness of his last meal that layer years in service.

he lumbers up the stairs of the porch, knocks on the oak door, and waits.

and waits some more.

when he’s finally ready to call it, the door creaks open to reveal…you.

unexpectedly young, or at least you appear to be. fresh eyes that glow in infant spring. a franticness about you, one attributed to people who forget they have ages of time left. gorgeous.

you smile, and john’s jaw clicks. “hello, you must be john price.”

when you say his name, a fossilized part of him is uncovered and brushed off by your manicure hands.

“yes maam.”

he follows you into the house, which is barren. white walls, scarcely decorated floors, and windows that gleam without the evidence of life in the moldings or panes.

“excuse the…emptiness,” you clear your throat, “we just moved in.”

his eyebrows lower. “we?”

you nod. “my husband and i. newlyweds.” you laugh, and he resists the urge to recoil.

“which reminds me- he’s on a work call right now, and unfortunately I know very little about the project,” you send him a sheepish look, “so…can i get you anything?”

he stares at you for a long moment. accessing his feelings, the house, the ring on your finger and the lacking presence of its intended pair. swallows it all, and politely asks for a water.

when you return, your husband is close behind. he does not measure up to the man john thought he’d be. shakes his hand, and it’s weak.

he wonders if he fucks you with it.

“nice to meet you john, excited for you to help us settle in!”

john looks at your husband, boyish smile and an ounce of charm. then to you, the potential of this empty house, and it’s rootless marriage.

he smiles and squeezes the weak hand that will loose its wedding ring in under 2 months.

“can’t wait.”

[literaryvein-reblogs]

a list of "beautiful" words for january

to try to include in your next poem/story

Accollé - in heraldry: entwined about the neck; also: collared, gorged

Bacciferous - bearing berries

Commorient - one of two or a number of persons perishing at the same time by the same calamity

Dreikanter - a three-faced pebble faceted by wind-blown sand

Estaminet - a small café

Frondescence - the condition or period of unfolding of leaves; foliage

Graveolent - having a rank smell

Hwyl - fervor, excitement

Ichnite - a fossil footprint

Jardiniere - an ornamental stand for plants or flowers

Knop - a usually ornamental knob

Lacustrine - of, relating to, formed in, living in, or growing in lakes

Mucedinous - having the nature of or resembling mold or mildew

Nomistic - based on or conforming to moral law

Oblivescence - an act or the process of forgetting

Pabulum - intellectual sustenance

Quodlibet - a whimsical combination of familiar melodies or texts

Risorgimento - a time of renewal or renaissance; revival

Saeculum - a period of long duration

Trouvaille - a lucky find

More: Lists of Beautiful Words ⚜ Word Lists ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[peggyao3]

Relic - Pt. 14 "A World in a Grain of Sand"

PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Unnamed Ambiguous FMC

SUMMARY: ✧ Dreams are messages from the deep ✧ A woman from the unknown comes to Feyd in his dreams and his nights become his days as he flees to the dreamscape to escape the nightmares that haunt his waking hours.

TAGS: Third person POV, she/her AFAB FMC, explicit sexual content, smut, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, oral sex, Porn with Plot, Feyd-Rautha's black cum and big cock, Praise Kink, Body Worship, angst/hurt and comfort, drama, fluff, plans within plans, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced abuse, Trauma, mentions of suicidal thoughts, Healing, Strangers to Lovers, falling in love, Vulnerable/ Emotional/Possessive Feyd, Feyd is a sweet baby who did nothing wrong and I WILL pamper him, nurture not nature, Stockholm Syndrome but in a consensual way, lucid dreaming, Implied/Referenced Cannibalism, murder, teaching the universe about feminism, female rage, Frank Herbert would frown, No actually he would kneel in front of me, putting the science and the porn in sci-fi, angst with a happy ending

WORD COUNT: 5.4k

A/N: Giving you the eyebrow 🤨 because no one seems to have picked up on a tiny, little, important detail that was to be found in the last chapter, or at least no one mentioned it 😌 Finally I can write what I really crave to write. IT'S SCIENCE TIME 💖

Reposted from my Ao3 💕| Masterlist | Relic Masterlist

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

← Previous Chapter, Next Chapter →

Day 31

"I have one last question, little slave," Vladimir Harkonnen drones from his afloat position, a celestial body of massive dimensions in front of the somber backdrop of his throne room, black within black with only a single glow globe illuminating the back of him. He prefers to shun the black sun these days, as glorious as it may be, it brings out the myriad of spider veins beneath his frail, aged skin.

"Yes, Lord Baron?" The unremarkable slave's voice echoes from below.

"What is this… ancient piece of metal in my dear nephew's toy's room?"

"I believe you must know more about it than I do. I assume you had it examined before it was unloaded and brought inside?"

"Naturally!" Vladimir raises his voice. The slave with her bowed head can't see the way the aged Baron squints to get a clearer picture of her. Afloat as he is, she is little more than a splotch of white against black, and an unwelcomely blurry one.

The examination had revealed a human shaped mold, cushioned with gel pads, thick tubes for coolant, a recycling system with residue nutrient solution, solar panels for energy harvesting. No traces of radiation or explosives. It almost seems like the metal box is exactly what the sisterhood had made it out to be. A hibernation chamber for a fossil from another time. However, it wouldn't be the first myth created by the Bene Gesserit.

"I know you are looking for something substantial, my Lord, and so was I," the slave speaks after the Baron's elongated pause. "But I'm afraid the truth is as embarrassing as it is mundane. I've come to believe that she keeps it close out of raw sentimentality. She's a sentimental creature, that woman."

Lilia has always loved danger and the long, twisted inkvine scar on her shoulder from girlhood days is just one proof of that. Perhaps that's why she so effortlessly serves the Baron velvet lies.

"Ah-h-h, like my Feyd-Rautha then. It doesn't surprise me," the Baron drawls, lungs expanding with a raspy heaviness to each intake of air.

In all his years as Giedi Prime's sovereign, Vladimir Harkonnen has never learned that the promise of a kind embrace outweighs the threat of violence tenfold and that a spark of human goodness can sway a servant's loyalty quicker than a snap of a whip.

"She calls it her sarcophagus," Lilia adds with a tiny scoff that doesn't go unnoticed by the Baron now that he has lowered himself and sinks back into the much more comfortable seat of his throne. The intimidation tactic has fulfilled its purpose.

He bellows. "So, she's got good humor too! A pity she's not a boy. I could have borrowed her sometimes."

The obedient set of Lilia's shoulders and her lowered gaze don't betray the noxious clench that has her stomach convulsing. Perhaps this is the only advantage of being a woman in the Harkonnen palace pyramid.

Day 45

The lack of color that had once bothered her into the throes of a slowly crawling depression is now a pleasure. The blackness of her abode has come to serve as the perfect desktop for columns of text and equations, formulations and simulations and hand-written notes that have her mouth moving and her eyeballs racing.

Her sarcophagus leeches the day's sun, side panels open to give way to rotating cooling fans. The Central Processing Unit of the computer that makes up half of the machinery inside buzzes from the strain she puts on it.

Astronaut M2-84 has finally come home and picked up the work of her own, chosen destiny.

Talking to God, Mikhail had whispered to his wife, is what the Lady is doing. But what she really does is think, read, calculate. Engineers born on the cusp of the astronautic age don't have their oily hands in tool boxes. Most of the time, they tell machines how to build other machines, and to do so, one needs to understand the laws of physics. 

This is how Feyd-Rautha finds her each night. Sometimes sunken against the cushions of her bed, or slumped over her desk, staring at the wall with dancing pupils. And other times, like tonight, she sits right by her Sarcophagus, shoulder pressed against the humming metal. She claims the connection between computer and chip is quicker this way.

Silently, Feyd's stride carries him across the room towards his precious engineer. Movement catches his attention at the right and the sight he finds causes a slow tilt of his head.

One quarter of her bed is filled out by a misshapen form, tucked under duvet and whalefur. Glugo lies prone on its stomach, limbs folded tightly against its covered body. Only one front arm-leg peaks out and cradles her plushie against its innocent pug face. Something glossy-white with small handles on each side is held in front of Glugo's mouth by tiny face-hands with liquid sloshing inside.

She has tucked Glugo in like a toddler. And, from the looks of it, she has printed it a sippy cup.

Feyd-Rautha feels all sorts of warmth filling out his chest. If because he wants to be tucked in like a toddler, or because his only friend is finally receiving the gentleness it deserves, or because of a different reason entirely, he can't tell. He raises his hand to wave at Glugo who gurgles softly in return, one tiny face-hand unlatching from the cup handle to wave back.

Glug glug glug.

"You're losing weight." Feyd approaches his beloved slowly. "I don't like it."

"One second, I'm at ninety-eight point five. Seven. Ninety-nine."

"Have you found out anything interesting today, my darling?"

He is long past asking what exactly she's doing, why they aren't simply figuring out a way to get his uncle to take his shield ring off so they can get a blade between his ribs. Or rather a sword, to pierce the obscene, fatty flesh costume he calls his body.

"Your spice—" His darling slurs with a concerning jump to her pupils.

"I don't take spice anymore." Feyd tilts his head and squats down before her, lifting his hands to cup her cheeks.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. Ah, wait, what do you mean, not anymore?" Finally, her eyes regain focus and her arms fill with tension, fingers moving up to encircle Feyd-Rautha's strong wrists.

"There's my darling," he smiles with pretty, full lips and glinting teeth, stroking her cheeks. "So, what about my spice?"

"Not your spice in particular." Her hand flings out to gesture at the universe above. "Your spice shares a few molecular compounds with the medication I took to prepare for the cryo sleep." 

Feyd-Rautha's features slip into disbelief, a fresh frown carving deep into the smooth expanse of his forehead.

"Why does this surprise you?" She wonders.

"Spice is unique to Arrakis. Power over the spice means power over everything. How could you have had spice back on Earth without sandworms?"

"First of all, spice, much like anything else, is just protons, electrons and neutrons. With the right tools, you could, in theory, synthesize any molecule."

"And you have such a tool in your Sarcophagus?" 

"No! God, no." She laughs out loud and curls her arms around Feyd-Rautha's shoulders in a much needed embrace. Her very eyeballs ache and her spine feels calcified from leaning against the sarcophagus.

To him, it must seem like the solution to just about anything might be hidden in her cryo pod or in her precious chip, but it really holds only a fragment of the technological advancements of Old Earth. The last generation before mankind had embarked to the stars was an ingenious one. They had to be, and their knowledge is safely tucked into the 80 Billion terabyte hard-drive of her supercomputer. She may not have all the tools, but the knowledge to build them — in theory.

She taps the top of the cryo pod and hums. "Building molecules from scratch is not like building houses out of toy blocks. You need to accumulate tremendous amounts of energy in a lab environment to trigger complex chemical reactions."

"You've already built a chair from scratch, and a gun. And now a sippy cup for Glugo?" He states with an incredulous rasp of his voice.

"I couldn't bear seeing it drink from dog bowls anymore. And it struggled so much with cups and glasses, Lilia had to change the sheets twice because the poor thing kept spilling everything."

"You… You are fascinating, my darling." She doesn't miss the spark of arousal that lets Feyd's eyes half disappear under a fan of long lashes. "My point still stands, you've built other things before."

"Yes, but the materials were already there, I just had them pressed into the shape I desired." Feyd tilts his head and she cradles his jaw, stroking across the plushnes of his cheeks. "Were you not taught about chemistry?" Slowly, he shakes his head. "Ah, well, I will explain it to you another time then."

Feyd slides his mouth into her palm, groaning softly. "You know so much. How is it possible that you had spice 24 millenia ago?"

"Not spice. I said my pre-cryo medication shares a few interesting enzymes with spice." She slides one palm around Feyd-Rautha's nape of the neck and softly brings their foreheads together. "My people also used to think their own civilization was the pinnacle of all that has ever been. It was unthinkable that maybe the Aztecs or Sumerians were more advanced. That's how you are too. 

   You think spice is unique to Arrakis and the technological advancements you have derived from the Holtzman effect are the peak of what is achievable, because it suits you so nicely. But human evolution has never been a linear incline. You have fascinating medicine, Gholas and space travel… But who knows, maybe my people were smarter than yours. Maybe our engineers and chemists were smarter."

"You know so much," he moans again and she knows better than to keep boring him with details. One day, when the many other fires in his heart have settled, she can stoke his interest in science. Feyd is smart. He will come to be fascinated by it. 

"This universe is devouring itself because there is no innovation," she softly murmurs. "No one dares to go further, look further, break out of the pattern. Maybe they don't want to, because the consequences scare them. Mentats only do as their Lords bid…"

When Feyd's lips close in on hers, with half-lidded eyes and a dreamy stare, her ramblings subside into grateful, blissful silence, choosing to welcome his tongue in her mouth instead.

Day 59

"Silence!"

The Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam's voice ripples in the shape of a waveform pattern across the engineer's interface, recorded many decades ago by Baron Harkonnen himself and transferred to the House archive for research purposes.

Other lines of the same encounter, she is certain, were deliberately removed. Such as when the Reverend Mother, then a young woman, had ordered the Baron to hold still so she could mount him and steal the seed out of his body that would sire the Lady Jessica.

She only knows of this story because of Feyd-Rautha, and what it had cost him to learn it, she doesn't even want to know.

"Silence!"

She can only imagine that Piter de Vries' research on the matter might have consisted to a considerable amount of snide mockery, going by Feyd's recountings of the late mentat, hence why the files were so perfectly abandoned and ready for her to pick apart.

Carefully, she separates the impressive cluster of different wavelengths that make up the audio fragment, finding portions all the way from the high-frequency to the low-frequency audible spectrum, some even so low that they are no longer perceived as sound by the human ear.

The astronaut remembers how the Reverend Mother had tested her in an archaic show of deference, forced onto her knees with her hand in a box while the older woman addressed the pain receptors in her brain via an inaudible wavelength. She may not have moved her lips, but that doesn't mean she didn't cause the air molecules to oscillate.

Technically speaking, this renders the mysteriously omnipotent sisterhood into little more than ventriloquists. That image of demystification offers at least a little comfort to the humiliation provided by the memory of searing pain in every nerve.

She reclines in her chair, swallowing against the dry itch in her throat while she strings together a few fairly simple lines of code.

Curiously, the voice doesn't affect her physiology when played from an artificial source, such as the micro speaker soldered onto her chip's tiny board.

She can only assume that by manipulation of the larynx, wielders of the voice can propel pressure waves in a way that a speaker can not. How exactly this forces the human brain into submission, the engineer cannot tell, but she doesn't need to, to tinker on some offensively simple counter magic to the Bene Gesserit's seemingly almighty tool of control.

Noise cancellation is as simple as letting a speaker emit a sound wave with the same amplitude but an inverted phase. The sound waves cancel each other out in destructive interference.

As much as this scientific victory entices her, it frustrates her endlessly that all of the side research she picks up to take her mind off the real problem bears more fruit.

"Refreshments for you, my Lady!" Lilia's voice snaps her out of her brooding thoughts. The maid slips through the door, bringing a tray of fresh fruit and the stimulating citrus drink that her Lady has come to enjoy as of late. "It's been three hours, it's time to take a break."

"Ugh, three? Felt like one." That explains the dry throat. The relic arches her spine and presses her knuckles against her closed lids until tiny flashes prickle across the dark.

Lilia's footsteps close in at her side along with four other pairs of hand-feet. She sets the tray down on the desk.

"And have you made any progress today, my Lady?"

"Not with the one thing that matters, but yes." She reaches for the pitcher but finds her hands gently shooed away by Lilia who insists on pouring the glass for her, tiny bubbles fizzing in the lemon water.

"Oooh! Have you thought about these visions, my Lady?" The handmaid's ears perk up with interest, enamored with the story of how Feyd and her Lady had gotten to know each other in dreams ever since she had indulged her.

Lilia regards the phenomenon of their getting acquainted with the eyes of a romantic. For the engineer however, this is the only topic that frustrates her more than finding a workaround for the Holtzman effect to get past the Baron's shield.

"Dreams, visions, I don't fucking know. I don't even want to think about them because they drive me fucking crazy." The engineer reaches for her glass and drinks with big gulps, making the maid flinch by how forcefully she slams it back down.

The crescent shaped scar she herself had created on Feyd's clavicle when grappling for his blade is the same that had decorated his skin in their lucid dreams. So, visions? But the topics they had discussed during their shared nights are events of the past. It defies logic, it's paradox. The thing that scares her the most, however, is the fact that the Baron's abuse was still real in those dreams. If they truly were visions of the future, does that mean her research is in vain and he will live?

There is no phenomenon that can't be explained, not even prophetic dreams. But not by her, and not yet.

"Sorry," she apologizes and rubs her temples, finding Glugo staring at her with big, milky eyes, one hand-foot clinging to Lilia's skirt. The engineer's heart softens at once and she leans towards her insecure looking friend. "Aw, I'm really sorry, I didn't want to scare you both, my poor, little— Aw!"

Glugo curls four out of its eight limbs around her calves and rests its chin on her knee, pearly eyes aimed unerringly at the pitcher of sparkling drink on the desk.

"That's citrus," she explains. "I don't think you'll like citrus…"

One of the Tleilaxu creature's oily-black hand-feet clutches the table's edge, another incessantly reaches for the glass container.

"Okay, fine, but just a tiny sip. Where's your cup?"

Glugo glugs cluelessly, looking at Lilia for help. Still, both women are uncertain if the being has any grasp on human language, or if it simply recognizes a question by the inflection of one's voice. 

The handmaid locates Glugo's cup in the folds of the duvet and quickly washes out the remnants of pink liquid over the sink in the bath before filling a finger of citrus inside. The creature's hand-feet tippy-tap on the tiles, reaching for the shiny container to take its first curious gulp.

Glugo's pug face puckers into a scrunched up grimace at once, face-hands releasing the sippy cup with an indignant noise.

Glurgh!

Day 93

It is a few weeks later, while Feyd and Mikhail are out brawling, that she figures it out.

"M'lord, I really am sorry," Mikhail laments, his flesh stripped of color as the black sun roars down on his bare torso. The na-Baron and he are prowling around each other in a tight circle, unarmed aside from their fists.

"You told me already." Feyd-Rautha's grating voice cuts through the sweltering air. The training ring's roof is retracted, giving way to blazing white skies and a heat that Giedi Prime's life forms have adapted to. "Five times. Another time, and I might just cut out your tongue."

"Ya know I had to take yer Lady to them bath chambers. Baron commanded it, and I can't just—" 

"Shut up, boy!" Feyd's boots crunch in the sandy gravel, shoulders rolling. He is stronger than Mikhail, rounded arms and pectorals contrasting a powerful, slender waist. The guard's physique is more wiry, taut muscles stretched across visible ribs. The glorious sun brings out an overabundance of gray scars.

"Boy, eh? Ain't any older than you, my Lord!" Feyd is surprised, tilting his head at the deceptive edges of the guard's features that make him look closer to 40.

"Fine, then shut up, brother!" Feyd bares his teeth and clenches his fists hard, veins rippling across his forearms. "What are the rules?" 

Mikhail's fist springs forward and punches Feyd-Rautha in the guts. He nearly doubles over, groaning in pain. Spit drips from his open mouth into the sand. 

"Rules?" The guard quips and aims his elbow for the na-Baron's nose. Feyd dodges with a semi-graceful dive to the side, taking the blow to his ear instead. He tastes blood on his tongue.

This man is bold. He has no manners. Feyd likes him. 

Mikhail is smaller, thinner, but he fights like a mongrel, like someone whose ferocious survival instincts have carried him from across the svart valta all the way to the royal palace in Barony. And Feyd struggles.

And by the black sun, he loses. Few things have ever excited him so much. After nearly an hour of grappling in the scorching heat, Feyd-Rautha finds himself on his back in the gravel, panting for dear life, ears ringing from the last punch square across his jaw. He barely hears Mikhail's voice when he praises that he had fought well, but he feels the brotherly smack on his sandy chest, right on top of a wicked bruise.

Every bone and muscle burns when he drags himself to his personal bath chambers. It was, undoubtedly, the best fight of Feyd-Rautha's life.

"Lilia! I've got it! I fucking got it, do you see this?!"

Pixelated particles give way to a bullet that cuts through them like a harpoon through water.

"What, my Lady? See what?" The maid dashes into the bedroom from the antechamber with flying skirts.

"It's so simple, I'm so stupid." The relic has jumped up from the desk, fingers twisted like claws around the back of her chair while her chest heaves with laughter and a threat of tears. Lilia, of course, cannot see the baffling results of the simulation on the engineer's interface.

The Lady lurches over to the cryo pod, leaving the tilted chair swaying and falling down on the tiles with a bang. She mutters something along the lines of 'must build it', before her voice dissolves into foreign, ancient tongues and a shiver runs down Lilia's spine. Her voice so alien, her ways so enigmatic, she truly is a relic cracked open, pouring her forbidden knowledge into the world. 

But she is also a human and Lilia feels her Lady's voice and shaking body teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown as she snaps open several compartments of the sarcophagus.

"You figured it out, that's wonderful!" This barely gets the engineer's attention, so she curls her fingers around the woman's shoulder, gently forcing her away from the compartments. The relic slumps down with her back to the sarcophagus.

"I need to build it. I know there's laser diodes in there, I only need to—"

"Please, my Lady, you need to breathe deeply. Why don't you explain it to me first?" Lilia squats in front of her, holding her wrists in her warm hands. Her Lady is trembling, her breath too shallow and fast.

"It's so simple, I could build it in an hour."

"Please, do me the favor," Lilia insists and brackets the woman's trembling knees between her own. Finally, her Lady exhales a long sigh and lets her head sink against the humming metal.

"Alright," she agrees and starts with a jittery voice. "So, you're aware of what the Holtzman effect is?"

"Ah, yes, I think so?" The maid hadn't really known the term before her Lady had started rambling about it. "Shields and heighliners?"

The one discovery that has shaped the entire human universe and kept it shackled since then, and the average commoner barely even knows its name. The relic doesn't hold it against Lilia. In a world where “eat or be eaten” takes on a literal meaning, the last thing to worry about is science. So, she wills her voice into calmness. If she's going to try and explain it, she at least wants to do it well.

"The Holtzman effect is responsible for the four major technologies that have made the world into what it is today. The first one — shields. No fast-moving object can pass through a shield, so guns like these?" She points towards her nightstand. "They've been useless for millennia. That's why you've resorted to close combat weapons."

"I was wondering why you went for a gun and not a blade." Lilia tilts her head. Close combat weapons are all that she's ever personally encountered. She knows that lasguns exist and that each Great House has an arsenal of atomic warheads, but every soldier has a sword on their hip, not a gun.

"Melee weapons seem so…" The engineer struggles to find a corresponding word in Galach. "Medieval to me. Archaic. Warfare on Earth was nothing like this."

"What was it like?" Lilia whispers in awe, noticing her Lady's shaking abate second by second.

"You could obliterate entire cities within the blink of an eye. A million different ways to set a home on fire and kill a population from a thousand miles away. It was terrible." Which is why what she has discovered is just as terrible.

The relic continues. "The other three technologies derived from the Holtzman effect are suspensors, glowglobes and space travel. You know why I was in that metal coffin here?" She taps against the sarcophagus. "Because a journey within our own solar system would take several years. You however can travel to the other side of the universe within the blink of an eye, through a quantum tunnel."

Lilia has never left the planet, but to imagine trade and travel without space-folding almost strikes her as ridiculous. All of humanity, reduced to just one, single planet. The cradle of mankind. The thought humbles her.

"And all four of these are based on one single effect?" Lilia considers herself an intelligent woman, but she doubts she can understand what took her Lady weeks to figure out.

"The essence of the Holtzman effect lies in how subatomic particles interact with each other."

"Subatomic?"

"Any type of matter is made of smaller building blocks. This metal for example is made of all kinds of molecules, which are made of atoms, and every single atom is made of protons, electrons and neutrons. These are called subatomic particles. Protons and neutrons make up the nucleus of an atom, and you can imagine the electrons orbiting the nucleus almost like planets a sun."

The handmaid quite enjoys that mental image. It's like the smallest particles exist in a cosmos of their own. "So, the Holtzman effect has something to do with protons, electrons and neutrons?" Lilia imagines, if she could have gone to school like she wanted as a girl, it may have been something like this.

"Almost. It gets even smaller. Protons and neutrons are made of quarks, tiniest quantities that cannot be divided any further. I could go into more detail and talk about quantum physics," the relic pronounces a word that is just guttural enough for Lilia to imitate without all too many struggles. "But that won't be necessary for now."

Even though her Lady has stopped shaking, Lilia doesn't want to release her wrists yet. She is glued to the engineer's lips, soaking up what sounds like forbidden knowledge, like having a peek through God's microscope.

"What is a Holtzman shield made of? What do you think?" The engineer wraps her own fingers around Lilia's slender wrists and the maid sinks from squatting on her soles to sitting down on her bum, stretching out her legs on either side of her Lady's.

"I don't know, my Lady. Uh, something that repels?"

"Yes, that's right," she nods encouragingly. "There are several forces in the universe that attract and repel. The most well-known force of attraction is gravity. And electro-magnetism— Opposite poles attract, equal poles repel each other. But there are other forces that work on a subatomic level."

The engineer pauses without urging her and Lilia takes a moment to think.

"I'm guessing there's a subatomic force that keeps these, uh, nuclei together? The protons and neutrons? Because if not, everything would just be falling apart?"

It almost frightens her to imagine what her very own body must look like on its deepest level. A cluster of tiniest quantities, held together by forces as invisible as her Lady's interface.

"That's perfectly true!" The woman from Old Earth beams, fingers clenching around Lilia's wrists. "The force responsible for that is called the strong nuclear force. On an even smaller scale, the strong force holds together the quarks that make up the neutrons and protons, but you already said it just right."

Warmth fills out the handmaid's chest and she slowly begins to understand the feeling that had her Lady nearly panicking earlier. Her own heart drums against her ribs quick and hard.

"Okay, so now what about the Holtzman shield and how can you get past it?"

"For that, we also need to take the other subatomic force into consideration. It's called the weak force. Isn't that creative? Despite its name, the weak force is technically stronger than gravity, but it is only effective at very short distances and it can change one quark type into another. What do you think happens when such a change occurs?"

"Hmmm," the Harkonnen woman ponders. She doesn't want to disappoint her Lady who is putting so much effort into her explanation. "If quarks are the smallest quantities that make up anything, I suppose when something changes on the lowest level, this change translates to the highest level as well?"

"You're a natural, Lilia." Upon that, the maid blushes purple and finally releases the relic's wrist in a sudden burst of shyness. "Such a change can turn one element into another. It happens all the time, in every sun. And also in radioactive decay. This is important."

"How so?"

"Imagine if that radioactive decay was amplified. Imagine throwing a huge amount of energy at a substance that is already sporadically decaying. Imagine a whole chain reaction of it. This is what triggers a nuclear explosion, the kind that obliterates an entire city."

Lilia's eyes grow wide with understanding. "So, that's why, when you shoot a lasgun at a Holtzman shield, it triggers a nuclear explosion?"

"That's right. I believe shields are made up of nuclei and rely on both the strong and the weak force to repel incoming objects on a subatomic level."

"All of that was fascinating, but how does it help us get past the shield?" Suddenly it's us, not you. Lilia has clutched the fabric of the relic's trousers over the knees in both of her fists. What the engineer's poor Feyd-Rautha currently lacks in fascination, Lilia makes up for a hundredfold.

"Oh, that was just the prelude." The engineer's lips twist into an almost mischievous little grin. "It's just what I need to take into consideration, so I don't accidentally blow up the shield and the city instead of passing through it."

"Just the prelude? My Lady, I think I'll go insane if you don't get to the point!"

The relic bursts out laughing. "We're almost done, I promise! Imagine you're riding in a groundcar and next to you drives another one with the exact same speed. When you look at it, it seems like you're both standing still, because the relative speed between both cars is zero." Lilia nods and the engineer smiles knowingly. "Now imagine you're a bullet and you want to pass through a Holtzman shield which only allows slow-moving objects to pass."

"Then I'd need the shield particles to move in the same direction as I do, only a tad slower, so that my relative speed is like that of a slow blade."

"Congratulations, you've just figured out how to trick a Holtzman shield."

"That is absolutely genius, my Lady."

"No, it's actually so simple." The woman shakes her head. "The difficult part is how to put the shield particles into motion, but I've figured something out." She summons the pixelated particles that are only for herself to see once more, nuclei that make up a Holtzman shield, accelerated by a burst of calibrated laser light, and how they give way to a bullet that cuts through them like a harpoon through water.

"Now I only need to build a proper gun," the engineer concludes.

Lilia has never cared much about the rest of the universe, and the universe has never cared much about her. Why would she care if her Lady, who has always been good to her, sets everything on fire?

When the door to Feyd-Rautha's personal bath chamber rushes open, he knows it can only be his darling, because the scanner only recognizes her handprint when he is inside.

The na-Baron is submerged to the jaw in oily-black liquid to soothe his bruises, a diluted version, heavily scented with the essence of exotic fruit and spices. He cannot breathe the unadulterated variant without gnawing memories of horror.

Her hectic footfalls cause him to spin around in the tub with worry, but before he can even utter a greeting, he finds his woman sagging down on her knees in front of him and his face captured in her palms.

"I've found a way!" She sobs.

"You've found a way?"

Tears spill down her cheeks as she nods, bringing her forehead against his. She's found a way. To kill the Baron and destroy the universe.

She is so elated, her joy could make a star rotate, it could set the world on fire. She kisses Feyd hard on the lips, melting against the wet expanse of his chest when he embraces her in his strong arms. His muscles break into tremors just like hers had an hour ago. 

All of her doubts have flown away like comets in the sky of a fiery dawn.

"Feyd-Rautha, would you be my husband?"

To see a World in a Grain of Sand And a Heaven in a Wild Flower Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity in an hour

— Auguries of Innocence by William Blake

A/N: Pretty much none of the physical concepts mentioned are made up. I've tried to use real physics to offer explanations for Frank Herbert's fantastical inventions that make the Dune universe so unique.

I'm not even close to the level of genius that I admire in my favorite sci-fi authors, but all of this was so insanely much fun to come up with. I have more ramblings about space travel, suspenders and glowglobes, but they weren't really necessary for this chapter. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. I'm very proud ❤️

FEYD TAG LIST

@nostalgichoya, @forgedfromthestars, @sweetiee-o, @missbingu, @minedofmoria

@sebastianswallows, @charmingballoon, @flower-frog, @welliah, @aoi-targaryen

@coastalcowgirl35, @esolean, @szapizzapanda, @tatertooted, @sunny747

@ughdontbeboring, @meetmeatyourworst

[thanksbutno98]

Bright Eyed

John Price x fem!reader

Authors note: I’ve been trying to edit this for days and can’t find the motivation so it’s going up half edited. This was requested by an anon.

Summary: A field trip to the museum leads to a life changing event.

Warning: sexual themes, swearing, mentioned of bullying, not edited.

——————

Mahogany wood glistened in the orange glow of the chandelier and lights above. The rich scent of parchment and the glide of smooth marble floors against soaked boots. Chatter filled the large open space and echoed up the grand staircases and bounced off the ornate crown molding. Red velvet ropes blocked off staircases, and centuries old items sat proudly on display.

Today was the year five field trip to the museum. Surprisingly this was your son Jj’s first time here, or at least that’s what he thought. Your husband, John Price, used to come here with Jj often to visit you when you worked here. It was back when your little boy was less than a year old and before you left for the institution you currently worked at.

It was hard for the ten year old at first to join a new school in the middle of the year but he found that he fit in surprisingly well. He had become friends with the boys in his reading group and was closest with a girl named Becky.

Becky had asked Jj if he wanted to sit with her at lunch the first day and was kind to him when he asked her questions about the school. Jj later found out Becky, Oliver, and Jimmy were all neighbors and they quickly adopted Jj into their friend group. Inviting him over after school, Jj even went to a sleep over at Jimmy’s where they stayed up late and watched movies.

It felt relieving for Jj to be in the tour group with all his new friends. The only downside was Mr. Henderson was the teacher in charge of the group of 15 and he tended to babble on and on about history. It didn’t help that Jj had the highest marks in Mr. Henderson class and it felt like it he had no other option than to excel at history. You were an archeologist and could also babble on and on about history and your job.

Between you and John, the history channel was perpetually on at home. You and your husband also chatted about it frequently and gave your children crash courses on the Roman Empire or why history was so important to document. It was a common interest that you and your military husband shared.

Jj felt bombarded by the subject but the young boy secretly loved every second of it. John was Jj’s hero, someone who he idolized and dreamed to be just like him. Seeing how his father was so fascinated in your work as an archeologist influenced Jj to listen more until the young boy found he too enjoyed the subject; but he’d never tell you that.

The tour was beginning in the archeology department and the findings this specific museum had contributed to history. Artifacts from hundreds, thousands, of years ago sat behind thick glass. Chipped pots, pocket watches, cloth, tattered clothes, and rusted swords sat on display on one side of the room. On the other were fossilized remains of animals that no longer walked the earth and even a human skeleton with a funny looking skull.

Approaching the fossils there was an electricity surging through the group of ten year olds. Thats when Jj saw the picture on the wall next to this giant fossilized skeleton of some animal he didn’t recognize.

It felt like he had been transported into the twilight zone. The young boy hated how large the picture was and how the names of the people in it were scrawled at the bottom, next to the description of the exhibit. Jj was going to slowly melt into the back of the group and try and make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible. Hoping everyone would somehow not see the picture hanging up on display.

“Holy crap.” Jj muttered to himself.

“Price, I expect you mind your language.” Mr. Henderson scolded Jj, being a bit shocked at the normally well behaved boy.

“Jj, isn’t that your mum!?” Oliver, one of the boys from his class gasped from somewhere in the back of the crowd.

The last thing Jj was expecting to happen while on this field trip was to see you here. But there you were in this picture that hung next to the exhibit. Jj wanted to melt into the earth. How could you not be here and still find a way to embarrass him.

It certainly was you in the picture with two of your colleagues at a dig sight from before Jj was born. You were crouched along side two other men, around what was fossilized remains of some animal. The bright smile on your face showed off just how ecstatic you were all those years ago. You were covered in a thin layer of dust and dressed in fitted khaki pants, a loose blue button down that hung open and showed your white tank top underneath, and that baseball cap you loved so much. That cap was how you had gotten your nickname ‘Indy’ since you always wore it on digs.

Jj couldn’t care less what the find was, he just wanted to leave. He had gotten teased at his last school for you being his ‘hot’ mom and the young boy desperately didn’t want that again. He refused to say what you or John did for work because his father’s job had been used so cruelly against him as a way to bully and torment him.

“Is that really your mother?” Mr Henderson asked. Jj hated how his teachers eyes lingered longer than usual on the photo of you.

“Never seen her in my life.” Jj lied through his teeth. There was no way he was about to admit that was you. Not after everything that happened at his old school.

“Oh, he’s lying! That’s so Mrs. Price.” Oliver hollered again from somewhere in the back of the crowd.

Jj internally groaned and kicked himself for asking you to be the one to take him and his new friends to the trampoline park. That’s how his friends knew what you looked like and the only reason Jj asked you was because you were cool enough to not hover and bought everyone icecream afterwards. His other friends said their parents were strict and ‘no fun’ and Jj knew you were laid back compared to them.

“Jonathan?” Mr Henderson look at the ten year old expecting him to come clean.

“It doesn’t even say Price where her name should be.” Jj pointed out, praying his teacher didn’t know your first name.

You had gotten your doctorate before you and John were married so all credit from findings were listed under your maiden name. You didn’t want to change it for work because being know as ‘Dr. Price’ was bound to wind up with your husband getting credit for it; and you worked too hard for a mishap like that to happen.

Jj was ready to lie his whole way through this. If he didn’t have your smile and complexion his teacher might have believed him. Normally Jj was compared to his father and told how much he looked like John. But you were still clearly his mother.

“He’s lying! How does she look exactly the same?” Becky butted in and Jimmy nodded in agreement.

“Fine! Thats my mother. Thanks guys.” Jj said absolutely exasperated.

Shooting his new friends incredulous looks for calling him out like this. Now was the part where everyone was going to tease him just because you happened to be pretty. But that didn’t happen. Chatter erupted from the other students so quickly Jj didn’t even know who was talking.

“Whoa! That’s so cool.”

“She should come for career day!”

“How many countries has she been to?”

“When she works from home does she bring the fossils home with her?”

“Jj, doesn’t that mean you have skeletons in your house?”

“Jj’s house has to be haunted!”

“Can I come over and see the skeletons?”

“Me too!”

“Okay, let’s all settle down. It’s amazing that one of our very own student has a mother who’s achieved such great things. This proves that if you put your mind to something you may be as successful as Mrs. Price one day. Now let’s talk about why archeology is important.” Mr. Henderson gave Jj a nod of approval and dove into his lesson.

Jj had to force himself not to roll his eyes. He’d gotten this lecture from you numerous times. If he heard about why culture was so important to evolution one more time he could scream. Tuning his teacher out wasn’t even an option because Mr. Henderson now kept looking at him because he knew you were an archeologist. Jj was so mad at you for something far outside your control but that didn’t matter to the ten year old. He couldn’t decide if he was going to ignore you or complain when he got home.

——————

It was dinner time now in the Price household and your family was gathered at the kitchen table as usual. You were still dressed in your work attire having gotten home late, you had to start dinner the moment you entered the house.

John was in an amazing mood, flirting with you every chance he got when the kids weren’t in the kitchen. The pair of you were giddy as John kept you company and was your taste tester. He looked so handsome in his camouflage pants and army green t-shirt that was tucked in neatly. John had been on base all day and was ecstatic when you got home because all he wanted was to spend time with you. It had translated into you and John chatting away at the dinner table with Evelyn while your son sat eerily quiet.

“How was the field trip?” John asked, his gruff voice softer as he tried to coax your son into joining the conversation.

“Fine.” Jj didn’t look up from his plate as he spoke. Busying himself by spreading an ungodly amount of butter of his dinner roll.

You and John exchanged a look, thinking you were on the same page. You nodded for him to ask what was up but your husband thought you wanted him to say something else. Clearly you two were missing each other in the silent communication.

“Easy with the butter.” John told Jj and then nodded at you as if to say he did a job well done.

“No, John.” You whispered shouted at him.

Nodding your head a little more aggressively toward Jj; your husband stared at you blankly. John had no idea what you were silently trying to get him to do. With an exasperated sigh, John watched as you dramatically rolled your eyes at him.

“What’s the matter, Jj? Was the museum trip a bust?” You asked, watching as your son made eye contact for a split second and then went back to eating.

He’d been avoiding you since he had gotten home from school but you didn’t want to pry. The young boy was either developing his father’s moodiness or puberty was happening sooner than you liked.

“Oh.” John mumbled under his breath, not realizing that’s what you had meant. That made a lot more sense than the butter.

“Jj?” You called your son’s name softly knowing force would only make him wall up.

“It was fine.” Jj groaned hating that you were prying. Turning his head skyward the ten year old closed his eyes as if your question was the most offensive thing he’d heard all day. You didn’t mean to annoy him, you just cared and your son had no reservation being moody with you.

“Jj’s just embarrassed cuz his whole class saw a picture of you in the archeology section.” Evelyn teased. Your eyebrows shot up not expecting that to be the reason for your son’s annoyance with you.

“I didn’t tell you so you could go blab!” Jj yelled at his ponytailed sister. Evelyn was sticking her tongue out at Jj and had her thumb pressed to her nose as she wiggled her fingers.

“That’s for telling daddy I was the one who spilled chocolate milk on the rug!” Evelyn shot back. She had gotten her television privileges revoked for that one since you and John had forbade any drink besides water in the living room.

“Woah, settle down.” John jumped in, not appreciating the tone or volume at the dinner table.

“Shhh!” Lily said aggressively to her big brother. Chubby little finger pressed to her messy face.

“A picture of me? Would have thought a picture of your dad would be hung up there in the prehistoric section.” The joke landed impressively well.

Your two children roared in laughter at you teasing their father out of the blue. Evelyn snorted which then had Lily cackling not yet old enough to understand your joke. Teasing John was a sacrifice you were willing to make if it meant your son would laugh. Getting him to lighten up might turn his mood around. The joke also stopped your children from fighting.

“Oi, where’s that coming from.” John was floored by the jab, looking absolutely offended at your cheeky comment. His blue eyes were wide and jaw tense as he gritted his teeth. You two had been flirting all night, so this was unexpected.

“It’s cuz you’re old.” Evelyn joined in on your teasing.

You were trying to hold back your own laughter but your daughter’s comment finally broke you. Laughing at your husband’s misery and getting a dirty look for doing so. You wanted to press your thumb in between John’s eyebrows to get that scowl to go away.

“Your mums not that much younger than me.” John tried to defend himself. His voice dropping an octave as the entire table laughed at him.

“Couldn’t tell.” Jj couldn’t help himself, hoping on the ban wagon of teasing his father. After a good laugh Jj didn’t feel that put off about telling you what happened on the field trip. He didn’t know it but that had been your plan and it showed how well you knew your son.

“You know they learned this cheek from you.” John scolded you. He was sitting up straight as a board now and radiating annoyance. His mustache twitched as he bit his tongue to not say anything else.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Couldn’t resist a joke with a set up like that. You’re very handsome, my love. Look just as good as the day I met you.” You were smiling playfully at your now grumpy husband. Reaching one hand over and stroking his bearded cheek sweetly.

“You’re only saying that because I’m cross.” John mumbled under his breath. His fork scraping against his plate as he cut and stabbed his steak with more force than needed.

“Why was there a picture of your mum?” John asked trying to change the subject. Playfully batting you away as you tried to pinch his cheek. His foot pushed the leg of your chair abruptly so you were on longer in arms reach. A small smirk breaking out on John’s face as you giggled and scooted your chair back into place.

“She found some skeleton of a big animal or something. It looked like an old picture.” Jj shrugged.

“Oh, I forgot about that. I’m surprised that’s still up.” That photo was added to the museum so long ago. It was from back when you worked there and when you and John were engaged. Part of you missed those days but the pay just wasn’t worth it to go back.

“An old picture? Bet your mum looks-“

“She still pretty much looks the same, don’t go there dad.” Jj interjected having a lot more sense than his father at the moment.

You were staring at John almost daring him to call you old. John felt blessed to have been interrupted because there was no way he was going to get out of whatever mess he was about to make. Your son’s words unknowingly went straight to your head. It was quite the compliment because you knew he was telling the truth but not as a way to boost your ego but more as a fact.

“Hopefully they’ll take it down soon.” Jj shrugged. Pushing his peas around his plate with a bit of a pout on his face.

“Why? Think it’s pretty cool mummy’s pictures up at a museum.” Like usual Evelyn came to your defense since she was such a mommy’s girl. Only she could say snarky things about you, no one else was allowed to.

“It’s embarrassing.” The words stung a little as your son looked at you as if his reasoning was obvious. It hurt your feelings to think that such a huge accomplishment was something your son was embarrassed about. You looked at John silently pleading for him to say it was impressive or something along those lines.

“John.” You whispered nudging your head for him to defend you.

“Sorry, my hearing isn’t as good as it was in my youth. What did you say?” Bringing his hand up, John cupped his ear to get a better listen to Jj. Your face dropped to a dead pan expression and then you rolled your eyes.

“How?” You asked offendedly. Now ignoring your husband as he proudly chuckled to himself.

“Because now everyone in my class thinks we have skeletons in the house.” Jj complained.

“Your mums got a few in the closet.” John mumbled under his breath.

You snorted at the cheeky joke. He was really trying to come after you for your earlier comment and you couldn’t hide how you were enjoying the playful banter.

“You have a skeleton in your closet upstairs?” Evelyn’s jaw dropped and she stared at you with wide eyes. You laughed while shaking your head ‘no’ and covered your mouth since you were mid chew.

“BOO!” Lily yelled throwing her food into the air and most of it landing all over John. Molly the family dog was quick to start eating the scraps. She tended to lay under Lily’s high chair in hopes she would get the fallen food.

“Damn it, I just washed these.” John stood quickly, the tiny bits of cut up steak and potato’s tumbling on to the floor. Lily’s laughing quickly turned into fussing and then full on screaming as you tried to wipe her hands and face. She only ever played with her food when she was done eating.

“Lily, we don’t throw food.” You said sweetly and calmly to your two year old. The temper tantrum was in full swing as she screamed and fought you from cleaning her up.

“Can we go to the museum this weekend please? I wanna see the picture of mummy.” Evelyn asked. Hopeful blue eyes darting between you and John.

“Of course we can.” John smiled at his daughter and then placed a kiss to the top of her head.

“You two bring the plates to the sink while we handle Lily.” John ordered not realizing how gruff he came across.

“Please.” You added giving your husband an expecting look.

“Please.” John tacked on, which had you smiling up at him and puckering your lips for him to place a kiss to them. John smiled devilishly, leaning in so close you could feel his hot breath. Then swiftly he dodged you and scooped Lily up from her high chair, leaving you hanging.

“Hey.” You whined as your husband had Lily settling down almost instantly. His hips swaying a bit dramatically as he strutted out of the kitchen.

“That’s for calling me prehistoric.” John called from over his shoulder leaving you and the kids to do the washing up even though it was his turn.

“Cheeky, bastard.” You mumbled to yourself. If some dishes were the price to pay for teasing John that he looked old even though you didn’t actually feel that way, the punishment fit the crime.

“Bastards a bad word.” Evelyn told you with a shit eating grin. Since she was five whenever you or John swore she had to tell you that word was a bad one and had no reservation on using it only in that moment.

“Then don’t say it.” You sniped at the eight year old.

——————

It was a rainy Saturday morning as you and John unloaded the kids from the car. John was unbuckling Lily from her car seat while you defused the argument Jj and Evelyn had wound up in. As Evelyn requested earlier that week at dinner, you were all about to go tour the museum.

It had been years since you last came here. John knew it was hard for you because working here had been the best job you ever had. You use to tell John you couldn’t go back or else you’d ask for your job back; but now here you were. Watching Evelyn run in circles like a hamster in the revolving door while Jj and John got the tickets. Lily was holding Jj’s hand not accepting anyone else’s help except for her big brothers.

“Evie, stop that.” You called for your daughter. Sending a quite ‘sorry’ to the family who just entered and avoided the revolving door because of your daughter. The museum wasn’t packed but there were individuals and groups walking around.

Evelyn stopped when you asked, not before pushing the revolving door with all her strength so it would keep spinning. She then bounced over to you, her long pig tail braids swaying with her movement. Evelyn looked so cute in her cream turtle neck with a navy vest on over top. She had on light blue jeans, her bright pink rain boots and a rainbow hat with two big fluffy pompoms. If ever asked what your middle daughter’s fashion taste was you’d respond with ‘colorful.’

Evelyn stuck out next to Jj who was in dark blue jeans, black rain boots, and a camouflage hoodie. Your son had adopted John’s fashion sense which you internally weren’t a fan of while Evelyn got her love of hats from John. John was dressed in an unbuttoned forest green flannel with a white accent, a white t-shirt underneath, dark blue jeans, his brown hiking boots, and that signature grey beanie.

Then there was Lily. Your sweet and feisty little girl. Even at two Lily was opinionated enough to refuse certain clothes or insist on others. Thats why she was dressed normally in her little jean leggings, a thick red sweater, and to your dismay a bright yellow hat made to look like pikachu, that had braided strings dangling from the sides with little plush poke balls hanging from them. John has gotten it for her one day and told you she had an absolute melt down when he tried to put it back. So, being the pushover he refused to admit he was be bought it for her.

“What’s that way?” Evelyn pointed down a darkened hall that had a red velvet rope blocking the path.

It was just to the left of the entrance and you remembered that was where the newest exhibits were usually put on display. The fact it was roped off was a sign to you that things were being switched out or new artifacts had come in and were going to be put on display.

At the end of the hall was where security was and just beyond them was where all the most valuable items were stored and locked down. You had to admit it was a bit of a creepy journey to get there. The rich hardwood walls turned into concrete and the doors went from being made of thick brown wood to metal. It honestly looked like a prison once you passed into where security was.

To the right of the entrance was the Archeology room where the findings from those who had worked here were displayed. You knew you had at least two of your own in there and were excited to go reminisce.

In the main foyer there was a round desk to buy tickets and ask for tour guides or pamphlets. On either side of the room were two large and grand staircase that lead upstairs to the astrology, Roman and Greek sections. The dark mahogany wood of the stairs was accented by the deep red carpet that ran down them. The third floor was where all the employees offices were housed.

“That’s for employees only. It leads to a super secret place.” You whispered the last part. Evelyn’s big blue eyes somehow became bigger.

“What kind of secret place?” Jj asked in a hushed voice. Both your children were now enthralled knowing there were secrets to be discovered. All that stood between them and the unknown was a measly rope.

“Artifacts too valuable to be put out in the open. Some say that’s where they keep the cursed items from the Egyptian exhibit they use to have.” It felt amazing to see your children hanging in your every word. The rain beating down outside and a flash of lightening only adding to the spooky ambiance you were trying to create.

“Use to have?” Jj asked. Taking a step closer to the hallway he stood on his toes trying to get a better look down the roped off area.

“Weren’t unexplainable things happening? That’s why they put it in storage.” John asked you. He was helping you weave this tale that had your children excited and curious.

“Like what!” Evelyn tugged on your shirt trying to get you to tell her everything. She was entranced by your story. Her skin feeling tingly and heart pumping at the thought this place could be haunted.

“I never saw anything. But Joseph, one of my colleagues swore he saw a shadowy figure disappear into the Egyptian exhibits room and then he heard a voice calling him to come closer.” This story was completely false, there was never even a Joseph that worked here.

It was a story you and a few colleagues made up to spook certain types of children when they came here and it seemed to still work. You never told these stories to children who seemed fearful, but to those who were brimming with adventure and just needed a little spark of curiosity to have them hooked on learning more.

“He quit the next day.” John tacked on. Both Evelyn and Jj exchanged awe struck looks. Lily gasped as if she understood what was going on, still holding on to Jj and now Evelyn’s hand too.

“That can’t be true.” Jj said skeptically. He was getting too old to fall for your playful tricks but you weren’t about to tell him he was right.

“I wanna see.” Evelyn whispered, her eyes trained on the area that was off limits. Evelyn made up her mind that she would sneak down that hallway as soon as she had the chance. It didn’t matter that she’d get in trouble but she wasn’t going to get caught so there was nothing for the eight year old to worry about.

“Indy?” A familiar voice called to you. Looking up you saw a man with chocolate skin and thick silver hair jogging down the stairs to the foyer of the museum.

“Felix, it’s been awhile!” You practically cheered, ignoring the side eyed looks you were getting from other families.

Felix looked exactly the same, as if time had never taken its toll on him. The biggest difference was that his once jet black, wavy, hair was now silver. He still dressed the same in his Khaki pants, tucked in button down, and some funky tie; today’s had the solar system on it. Felix was a tall slender man, standing just a bit taller than John.

“You know him?” Jj stared up at you like you had three heads. The young boy convinced himself you didn’t have friends outside of the ones you’d had over to the house for dinner parties or your best friend from home who would come and stay sometimes.

You didn’t have a chance to answer your son because you and Felix hugged as a way to say hello. Pulling away Felix grasped you by your shoulders and just looked at you. It was the way Father’s looked at their children when they hadn’t visited home in a while. He was mapping out how you had changed but ultimately saw the same young woman who he hired to work here all those years ago.

“John, how are you?” Felix’s voice boomed and he laughed, unable to control the happiness pouring out of him. John and Felix always got along and were both football mad. All of your children looked stunned to watch their father willing hug someone they saw as a stranger.

“Good! I know you’ve met Jj. This is Lily and Evie, our two girls.” John gestured to his two little girls in their brightly colored hats. Lily had a skeptical look plastered across her face, taking a step behind Jj.

“Well, you all look like explorers to me. Especially you. You’ve got that ‘up to no good’ look in your bright eyes that your mum use to get.” Felix bent down slightly and cast a a playfully suspicious look at Evelyn. She was now grinning ear to ear; as if he caught her red handed.

You rolled your eyes a bit knowing Felix knew you too well; and was usually suspenseful of what you’d wind up getting in to. Your ability to weasel your way into such odd situations wound up with the museum obtaining some unique finds. John called it you being a ‘trouble maker’ your dad said you had ‘a proclivity for fun’ while Felix called you an ‘opportunist.’

You let them have their sayings or whatever they thought it was. For you it was honestly something that had to be interesting or tempting enough. Maybe it was an impulse issue but you were the type who had never lost your childlike sense of wonder. If there was a place to get your face painted you’d be the first in line. People playing poker? You’d be walking away with all their money by the end of it. Spontaneity was your specialty and kept things lively. It could drive John crazy at times having bailed you out of a few close calls but he did love you for it.

“I love exploring!” Evelyn chimed giddy as can be. Then leaning in she whispered.

“Put mummy to shame according to daddy.” The whispered words had you and your husband sharing an unimpressed look.

John only said that to be cheeky the other day when Evelyn tried to convince Jj to get into the dryer and she’d turn it on. Claiming ‘he needed to take a tumble.’ No one got into as much trouble as you. No one could convince John that you weren’t the biggest trouble maker in his life.

Lily had gasped at the stranger getting too close and stumbled behind John and started to fuss until she was scooped up into his strong arms. As much of a handful Lily was she was shy unlike her siblings. New people made the toddler uneasy. It was funny to see the two year old who could terrorize you and John, clam up at the sight of anyone new.

“You know me?” Jj asked a bit confused. He’d never seen this man in his life.

“Your mum and I worked together here when you were a baby. You use to come in pretty often with your dad. You’d crawl all around the offices upstairs and you loved the ocean exhibit.” Felix chuckled deeply.

“‘Use to work together.’ you haven’t changed. Felix was my boss.” You laughed at how even though he may be the head curator he treated everyone as his peers. Felix was extremely family oriented so having your son at work was always welcome. In fact Felix would walk Jj around the museum sometimes and just enjoyed having a baby around; going on and on how he missed when his own children were that small.

“Seriously?” Jj turned to look at you and John.

“Yes, he runs the museum so you better be on your best behavior.” John gave both of his children expecting looks.

“Did Jj really come here when he was a baby?” Evelyn asked.

“Yeah, we would eat lunch with your mum and let Jj explore the museum until he eventually passed out.” John chuckled at the memory. It was his fool proof way of getting Jj down for his nap when he was giving John trouble. Jj would take his nap in the bassinet you kept in your office. It was also an excuse to come see you.

John missed when you worked here and when Jj was just a baby. Things were so fresh and new, everyday was an adventure being a new dad. Visiting you at work was so much more fun, it was the highlight of John’s day and a lot of it had to do with how happy you were working here.

The late nights where John would bring you dinner and keep you company while you told him all about the new artifacts coming in. How bright eyed and full of adventure you still were. John couldn’t remember the last time you looked so ecstatic about work. You use to come home feeling light as a feather but now your eyes were heavier and working longer hours took a toll like never before. The thought of how passionate you were, it seemed that time had stollen that bit of your youth.

“Why don’t I show you the areas that are roped off. Do you mind?” Felix asked and you could see in his eyes how excited he was to show your two oldest’s around.

“Please, please, please, can we see the secret places! I wanna see the haunted stuff!” Evelyn was bouncing up and down with her hands clasped. Her braided pigtails were swaying and the pompoms on her hat jostled around.

“They’re lying Evie. No one saw a shadow and then quit their job. That’s dumb.” Jj tried to convince his sister that you and John had just been messing around.

“You told them about Joseph?” Felix asked you in shock and then gave you a knowing wink. Evelyn gasped, this was the proof she needed to know that it did happen. You had to hold back your laughter watching Jj’s eyes go wide, realizing he was wrong.

“Can we go, please?” Jj’s tune changed as he asked for permission to go see the secrets that lay hidden behind the roped off area.

“Of course, you two behave for Dr. Rider.” You may be smiling sweetly but your children knew you meant buisness.

“Yes, mum.” Jj and Evelyn said in unison.

“Thank you, Felix.” John patted the older man’s back.

The pair of you laughing as he pulled out a map from his back pocket and then unfolded it to show Jj and Evelyn. It was the layout of the museum with funny doodles on it to depict what each area was. You remembered when Felix’s daughter drew that for him to help get kids excited about history.

“My pleasure. This way you two.” Felix nodded at you and your husband. Then he pointed in the direction of the front door and turned abruptly, looking around confused and then back at his map as if he was already lost. It had both your children laughing at his ridiculous display.

“You can’t get lost that quickly! Aren’t you in charge?” Evelyn was laughing and bouncing around clearly excited beyond what you and John thought she’d be.

Jj was now showing Felix where on the map they wanted to go so Felix searched around his pocket and handed Jj and Evelyn employee badges. They were fake, one was painted purple and the other was orange; it was another way to get older children excited about learning.

“That way you two can get into the restricted areas with me. Wouldn’t want security to throw you out.” Your children couldn’t tell that Felix was being playfully serious, they really believed him.

Quickly they clipped the badges to their belt loops like Felix had his. Jj smoothed down his hoodie feeling underdressed and then glanced over at you. The thought of you asking him to put on a sweater to look a little more put together flashing in both your minds. Jj would listen next time you asked him to dress a little nicer.

You and John watched as Felix lead Jj and Evelyn to one of the restricted sections. Playfully almost getting lost and then quickly being put back on track by Jj.

“Well, he hasn’t changed a bit.” John chuckled. Lily was finally peaking up from John’s shoulder now that there was no stranger near by.

“Isn’t that amazing.” You were star struck seeing how time may have altered Felix’s hair but his passion for his job had never faded. You almost felt envious like that bit of yourself had been boxed up and put on a shelf to be forgotten. But you pushed that thought aside.

You and John began to wander, exploring the new artifacts that had been added along with the new exhibits. Lily wasn’t interested in much so John carried her as you both chatted away.

“God, I miss working here.” You sighed out.

“You loved it here.” John confirmed, his hand squeezing yours as you walked hand in hand toward the Jurassic exhibit.

“Wish I could get paid what I do now and work here.” The words came out soft but John could hear the disappointment in your voice.

“Yeah? You’d come back if you could?” John asked already knowing the answer.

“In a heart beat. Being at such a big institution has kind of sucked the joy out of my job. I miss seeing the excited looks on children’s faces the first time they see how big a t-Rex really is.” You said as you walked into the dinosaur room where a T-Rex’s skeleton was towering over you all.

Lily gasped and let out little squeals as she wiggled around for John to put her down. Letting the two year old loose she ran as fast as her little legs would take her to the giant skeleton and stopped and stared up at it. Then turning, she was pointing at the display looking stary eyed.

“What?” She asked trying to get you and John to tell her what on earth she was looking at.

“Like that.” You pointed at Lily and gave John a melancholic smile.

Your daughter had just proved your point, so you squatted down behind her and she leaned her back against your chest. You quietly told her it was a T-Rex and then started to lead her around and show the toddler other dinosaurs and telling her which ones ate plants, meat, or both.

John was falling more in love with you watching you lead your youngest daughter around; showing off all the things you found to be cool when you were little and continued to think were fascinating as an adult. You’d taken the time with all your children to lead them around whatever museum exhibit caught their eye and patiently told them what things were.

“I’m sorry, darling. I wish we could make it work. But with Jj in private school now I just don’t make enough.” John felt guilty not being able to support you finically like he wanted to. If he made more you’d be able to be working somewhere you felt passionate about.

“We can’t afford me making any less than I do now. We’d have no savings and as much as my job can suck sometimes, we need to make sure the kids have everything they need.” Your selflessness and sacrifice was not going unnoticed by your husband. It made John love you endlessly to see how, just like him, you’d do anything for your children.

“You know if we could I’d push for you to come back and work here.” John had stopped and pulled you close so he could whisper this in your ear. His hushed words holding so much adoration for you.

“I know, John. You’ve always been such an amazing support about my work. Maybe one day when the kids are all grown up I can come work here again.” Resting your chin on John’s toned and rugged chest you felt okay. Staring up into his icy blue eyes you saw just how much love he had for you. John couldn’t hide it if he tried, you had him like a love struck puppy.

“Yeah, I’ll be off active duty at that point and I’ll come visit you and we can eat lunch here like we use to. And you can tell me all about the new artifacts.” It was an intoxicating thought that had you and your husband breaking out into giddy smiles.

“That sounds like a wonderful plan.” With that, you kissed John’s cheek and pulled away; Lily was tugging your hand for you to follow her.

“It does.” John followed after you two, letting the toddler take the lead.

You wandered around the museum for a while until Lily had tired herself out. She was now snoring lightly in your arms, head resting on your shoulder and little hand holding on to the collar of your shirt. John and you were joking that this museum must be magic since it so easily got your children down for naps.

Passing by a storage closest you felt your husband strong arm wrap around your shoulder and tug you close. His breath was hot agaisnt your ear as he leaned in to whisper something to you.

“Remember what we did in there?” John’s voice was rumbling from deep in his chest.

That sound and tone making your hair stand on end, it was the way he whispered in your ear when he was having his way with you. Glancing to your left the forgotten memory came flooding back. You could remembered the way the cool wooden door felt against your bare back as John held you up and took you against it all those years ago. You two had snuck away during the Christmas party back when you were engaged and had a quickly in that closet.

“We should do that tonight before bed.” You whispered back to your husband. John’s pupils were starting to expand and envelop the blue of his irises. Eyebrows raised and a smug grin plastered across his thick bearded face.

“And that thing we did in your office?” John asked, looking like he might be testing his luck.

“Which time?” You flirted.

“The one where I had you on the couch, with your-“

“Shhh, we can do that too.” You hushed your husband, attempting to stifle your giggles to no avail. He too was snickering at how flirty you two were being.

“See you two are just as smitten after all these years.” Felix’s voice interrupted you both.

“Are we that obvious?” You laughed a bit embarrassed that even out of ear shot Felix could tell you and John were flirting.

“Mummy, that was so cool!” Evelyn’s voice boomed.

“We got to see the Egyptian stuff and things from Mesopotamia.” Jj added, equally excited. They were both bursting with energy, not stopping the two of them as the bustled away to go look at what else the museum had to offer.

“You’ve got some amazing kids.” The way Felix watched as your children scurried down the hallway to go look at more exhibits was one of pure joy. To this day it was clear how much watching young minds devour history gave his job purpose.

“Thanks, Felix.” John smiled proudly, eyes fixed on his son reading out the description of an exhibit to Evelyn.

“It amazing you’re still working here.” You turned to Felix finally having a moment to catch up.

“Retiring at the end of the year.” Felix seemed excited but a bit weary. It would be a big change for him but he was past the normal age for retirement. So you weren’t too surprised.

“That’s exciting! Who’s taking your place?” You asked. You guessed it would be Marge if she still worked here.

“Haven’t found a replacement yet. It was suppose to be Marge, but she moved to Dublin to be closer to her mother who’s sick. It’s a lot of work but I haven’t interviewed anyone who’s a good enough fit. It just seems like a job to most, not their passion.” Felix looked a bit lost on what to do. It was hard to find people who truly felt passionate about heading a museum and you’d noticed people weren’t always dedicated to their job but to the paycheck.

“I hear you on that.” You said sadly, wishing you could be some form of help.

“Are you happy where you’re at?” The question felt like Felix was almost baiting you. Hoping you’d tell him you were miserable and come work here again to support whoever he hired as the new Curator.

“The hours are longer and things are more hectic than I like. To be honest, John and I were just talking about how much we both missed when I worked here. But it’s not all bad.” You tried to smile confidently but being the horrible liar you were both men saw right through your facade.

“Come back, like I said when you left, your job will always be available to you. All you have to say is you want it back.” Felix didn’t hesitate at all to offer you your old job back. Your body tingled and you felt yourself ready to say ‘yes’ but you stopped yourself. That would be an impulsive decision and you couldn’t act that way with three children and your husband depending on you.

“We wish. It’s just not financially possible.” John said with a bit of a frown. You thanked him internally for stepping in. Feeling a twinge of embarrassment that you couldn’t get the words out to tell Felix no.

“Interview for my position then, Indy. If I could leave the museum in your hands, I could rest my head easy at night.” Felix’s offer took you and John by surprise. You were no where near qualified in your mind to be a curator. You’d never been in charge of anything of this scale before.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. How much is the pay?” You asked, awkwardly laughing. You assumed the pay would be less with more responsibility.

Jj and Evelyn were too distracted by the display of the different species of turtles to be paying attention to you and John. Evelyn had her noses pressed up against the glass while Jj pointed out which turtles skeleton matched each description.

“That much!” Your voice interrupted your children as they read more about the box turtle.

“What’s mummy shouting about?” Evelyn asked Jj who shrugged and went back to reading. Evelyn only glanced over her shoulder to see you holding sleeping Lily with your jaw hanging open.

“Who cares, this place is awesome.” Jj lightly nudged his pig tailed sister so she’d pay attention to what he was reading out loud.

“I-I mean John and I would have to talk about it.” Quickly turning to look at John his features were soft checking for your reaction.

For a second John saw a flash of you the day he met you. That bright eyed looked ran so deep that no matter your age you were brimming with youth. John saw those eyes when Jj was born, the first deployment he came home to you, the first time John told you he loved you. Those pictures your dad had of you as a little girl held this look frozen in time. It was one of the things that had John falling head over heels for you and he hadn’t realized until this moment that it had been lacking.

“No we don’t. Hasn’t it been your dream to be a museum curator?” The words were tumbling out of John’s mouth naturally. He was going to chase after that bright eyed version of you. No one else was going to fight for your happiness like him, not even you.

“Are you sure?” You asked hoping John wasn’t saying empty words. Your heart was pounding in your ears and your palms were becoming clammy from anticipation.

“With pay like that and it’s your dream job, you’d be mad to let this pass up. She’d love to interview, Felix.” John was not about to let you miss out on what would bring you years of happiness. He was about ready to tell Felix to skip the formalities and offer you the job; but that wasn’t John’s place.

“Come in Monday and we can talk in detail.” Felix gave you a wink and you felt about ready to burst. You wanted to jump up and down and squeal from excitement but you contained yourself and kept professional.

“Yes, thank you so much for this opportunity! And if you change your mind it’s no hard feelings.” The smile on your face almost hurt from how wide it stretched.

“I’d never change my mind about you. Now, I have a few things to get done. Come say bye before you all leave. I’ll send Jj and Evie home with something cool.” Felix gave you a wink and shook your hand firmly.

“Thank you. I really mean it.” You tugged lightly on Felix’s hand to emphasize your point.

“After all you did when you worked here I feel like I should be saying that to you.” With a pat to your shoulders Felix excused himself.

You and John stood in silence as you watched him walk away. Part of you was speechless but then you felt yourself about to word vomit all your excitement. You felt like you were soaring, a joy that had been absent in your life beginning to spark to life again.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” You whispered still feeling a bit shell shocked.

“Y/N, Museum Curator.” John threw his hand up and waved it in the air as if he was writing the words he had just spoken in lights above you both. Looking over John saw how you were a bit dazed. Wrapping his large muscular arm around you he brought you close and kissed your temple.

“I like the sound of that.” John added.

“I am the luckiest woman alive to have your support. Are you sure?” Turning to your husband you stared up at him still not able to believe this was happening. Part of you thought it was reckless for you to just jump into this and not sit down and weigh your options. The pay was comparable, you didn’t think you’d get the bonus you were expecting if you left your current job and the hours may affect your day to day schedule. But that didn’t seem to deter your husband.

“Darling, I wish you could have seen your face light up when Felix mentioned that this job could be yours. It’s been years since you looked that excited about work.” Your face had said it all and John wanted, no needed, for you to be that happy. With all the sacrifices you made in your career and in your life due to his job, John desperately wanted you to be happy.

“I’ll always support you chasing your dreams, anything to see you happy. You’ve been so understating of my career. Let me do the same. You deserve this.” John spoke earnestly and all the insecurity of rushing into this vanished. With his support and how badly you wanted to work here again you felt so seen and appreciated by John.

“I love you, John. I can’t find the words to tell you how much this means to me.” Burying your face in John’s burly chest you breathed in his comforting scent of cedar and cigar smoke.

“I love you too. Now how about you be our tour guide. The kids seem to be enjoying this more than we thought. And you should get use to the new exhibits if you’ll be running the place.” Looking up into John’s loving blue eyes he kissed you; and it felt like maybe he was capable of making all your dreams come true.

~~~~~tag list~~~~~

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[mx-paradox]

Treasures {Bachira Meguru x Reader}

Small gifts between you and Meguru throughout the years

Childhood friends to lovers, fluff, not kidding this is sickeningly sweet, gender neutral reader, inspired by that additional time where bachira has a bunch of little objects/junk he calls his treasures because i do that too and i thought it was cute. word count: 3100 | Ao3 version

Your friendship with Bachira Meguru began when he pressed a beaten-up plastic dinosaur figure into your hands.

To him, it started a bit earlier, when you became the first person to ever stand up to his childhood bullies. They had started with the normal taunts, calling Meguru a freak and a weirdo, before they started pushing him around. He was just about to headbutt one of them when a tiny shoe came flying through the air just to hit one of the bullies on the head with startling accuracy. The shoe hit before he even heard your own squeaky voice calling his tormentors meanies as you half-ran half-hobbled over with only one sandal on.

The bullies scattered, one nursing his sore head, and Meguru got his first look at his savior. He was instantly entranced by you, and he knew he had to become your friend. You were just so cool! (His opinion would not be shaken, even when you tripped over your own feet soon afterwards before you could retrieve your makeshift projectile.)

He knew he had to do something to repay you, something to cement his offer of friendship. And so, (after you had gotten up and scrubbed the dirt from your face), he retrieved the grubby sauropod from his pocket and presented it to you like it was a tribute to an ancient god.

The two of you were both snotty-nosed toddlers, so, to you, this was equivalent to a blood pact of loyalty. He had found the toy on the ground, covered in dirt and with its tail halfway chewed off; to him, it was a precious treasure, a discovery akin to digging out a real fossilized dinosaur skeleton. He gave it to you, stating that the color of dinosaur’s molded-plastic skin reminded him of your eyes, and he would like to be your friend very much since you were so cool.

You received the toy with the appropriate sounds of amazement. Then, you gave him a gap-toothed smile before pulling him over to the swing set, giggling about how you bet you could swing higher than your new friend.

(You couldn’t, if only because Meguru went up so high he slipped off of the swing completely and was left dangling by his arms as you screeched.)

—

It became somewhat of a tradition for you both to exchange little trinkets you had discovered.

Meguru was constantly picking things up off of the ground and sticking them in his pockets. He called them his treasures, and they ranged from acorns to cool rocks to coins to beads, whatever little bauble caught his eye. You picked up the habit from him, though it took little coaxing; you had barely known him for a week before you were presenting him with corroded pennies and half-smashed nuts that he oohed and aahed over appreciatively.

You had a special shelf at home that you collected Meguru’s gifted treasures on. It sent a little bolt of happiness through your chest every time you looked at them; somehow, even after all this time, Meguru gifting you something had not lost its spark. Each time he presented you with a new find, proclaiming how it had made him think of you, you felt giddier and giddier.

It was a feeling only matched by the excitement of him accepting one of your presents. His whole being reminded you of the sun, from is cheery demeanor to his golden eyes, but his smiles were brighter than sunshine in your eyes; he lit up your entire life.

It was this smile you were rewarded with when you carefully attached your newest present to his school uniform lapel. It was a small dolphin pin, pristine except for a small chip in the blue enamel of its dorsal fin; a lucky find from the dusty corner of the conbini. It was more ‘valuable,’ in a monetary sense, than many of your other presents to him (though likely not by much), but if there was ever an occasion to give him something special, it was now.

You knew how hard he had worked to get into the same high school as you did. You didn’t know how to bring it up verbally. There were no words, really, to tell him how much his loyalty to you meant. If you had nothing and no one else in life, you knew that Meguru would be by your side, and the knowledge of this was one of the warmest comforts you had ever known. But you were young, and your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth when you tried to tell him just how much he meant to you.

So instead, you straightened his jacket, and ruffled his hair until his eyes were crinkled and his cheeks were red with laughter. And when he slipped his hand into yours, to pull you towards the entrance of your new school, you squeezed his fingers back and tried not to get blinded by his answering grin.

—

The two of you had slowly drifted away from the graduation ceremony and were now lying slumped in a heap on the grass.

Meguru had already discarded his school jacket somewhere, glad to never have to wear the wretched thing again. His tie was wrapped around your head like a schoolboy's hachimaki. He was spinning a pen he had found somewhere between his fingers as he gazed up at the sky. He made sure to nudge you when he saw a cloud that was vaguely shaped like a pig.

“Look, it’s the principal!” he crowed.

You let out a snort worthy of the cloud’s animal patron. “We’re being haunted!”

“I thought someone had to be dead to haunt you?” Meguru said thoughtfully.

“Well, he’s so old and crusty he might as well be.”

The two of you dissolve into giggles.

When you stopped laughing, you found yourself nearly nose to nose with Meguru. His eyes were a perfect, luminous amber in the sun, and you could see the shadow of your own face reflected in them. If you leaned in any closer, you thought you could fall right into them. Unconsciously, you bent towards him, head tilting to one side; whether you would plunge into his eyes or collide with his lips first, you weren’t sure, but you knew would not feel bad about either.

The two of you stayed like that for an unknown amount of time, breathing each other’s air. The excitement of the day had faded into something slower, sweeter and gentler than the electric tingle of nerves that danced through your limbs that morning. You could count the blurry dots of the freckles that speckle his cheeks, could see every shade of warm gold and sunflower yellow that braid together in his irises. You couldn’t see his smile, but you knew it was there, as surely as you could feel the upturn of your own lips.

In the end, you didn’t drown in his eyes, nor did you touch his lips with yours; instead, he tapped his forehead against your forehead, like a cat, before pulling away. Your heart was filled with the same honey-warmth that lights up his eyes, because you knew that it wasn’t a rejection, but a promise. You had known him since you were small; nothing would ever tear Meguru from that special place in your heart, and you could guess from the way he clung to you that he felt the same. He had been yours for years, and vice versa. And the two of you would have each other for years to come. There was no rush now; now, there was only the slow, quieting warmth of a spring day and the promise of a life ahead.

Meguru passed you his pen, and you took it as the gift it was. The ink was a bright candy pink, and it blended in with the blush on Meguru’s cheeks as you drew bubblegum stars and constellations across the freckles of his face.

(Upon his forehead, you drew a small heart, right where you thought your skin kissed his.)

—

The air carried with it the unmistakable aftertaste of an oncoming storm.

Though the temperature outside was not unpleasant, the shoreline was empty aside from you and Meguru, the pale-gray sky having deterred any other potential beach-goers. Even though the beach was small, only touching a sliver of the ocean, and the weather would be called dismal at best…you were still excited. Everything about your new home excited you, because it was the home you now shared with Meguru.

The two of you never really talked about what you were to each other. It wasn't really necessary. You both knew, deep within your souls, that you were each other's most precious person. (You both knew that said souls were intertwined forever more.) Words couldn't express the affection you had for each other.

You both had been separated by distance for a long time as Meguru sparked his soccer career and you worked your way through college. You would call or message him whenever you were able, but it was…difficult, to go years where you would only be able to see his beautiful smile in person every few months. It was the sweetest of delights when you were finally able to live together again, this time in a home all your own.

Meguru had come here before you, by a few scant days, and had used the time not spent moving his things in to your new home exploring the area. And, out of all the places he had seen, the beach was the first place he wanted to show you.

You were still a little hazy from sleep, having passed out for far too long after your flight here (you almost wish you hadn't fallen asleep so quickly, so you could've reveled in Meguru's warm embrace for a little bit longer). But your happiness gave wings to your feet as Meguru dragged you by the hands into an improvised partner dance. Your shoes stuck awkwardly in the sand, kicking up damp grit with every movement, and the ocean breeze wreaked havoc on Meguru's fluffy hair. It wasn't the picturesque, beautiful thing of romance movies, but you thought it might be better; because it was real, but also because it was him.

His laughter echoed across the empty beach, cackling and unrestrained. The glint of his smile and the joy in his eyes would have outshone the sun, even if it were out in full force. The wind was cool but his hand was warm in yours; when he pulled you close, you could feel his heartbeat through his chest, thumping out of time with your footsteps. He spun the both of you around and around, until you got so dizzy and giggly you tripped over your own feet. Before you even registered your fall, you were caught around the waist by Meguru's surprisingly strong grip. He was bent forward over you, tips of his brown hair brushing your cheeks as he grinned down at you. You felt as if you couldn't breathe, frozen in place as your eyes meet his; there was so much love in his gaze as he looked at you, you felt struck dumb.

After a moment, he pulled you back upright, but not before he gave you the lightest kiss on the tip of your nose, complete with an over-exaggerated "mwah" sound. Your face felt like it was lit aflame, and you knew you were smiling like an idiot.

"Should have said you wanted to be dipped," Meguru cackled, before he was once more tugging you along by the hand.

He brought you over to a small pile of rocks at the end of the beach. After you stumbled over them, helped along by Meguru's tight grip on your wrist, you finally saw what he was so excited to show you.

In that sheltered corner of that small beach, hidden away, was a patch of sand that was absolutely covered in sea glass.

Even in the dim light, the multicolored glass pebbles gleamed against the dull sand. Polished by the waves and still glistening with water from the retreating tide, each oblong shape stood out like a tiny jewel. Just from what you could see on the beach's surface, there was umber, green, crystal clear, red, both pale and deep blue…each a sliver of beauty born of refuse, turmoil, and time.

"Ta dah!" Meguru said, gesturing his hands like he was showcasing a TV prize. "Rainbow beach!"

When you first came home to Meguru, he had given you a gift; a piece of sea glass, large enough to act as a paperweight. You realized that this must have been where he got it from. And now he was sharing that place with you.

Your cheeks hurt from how wide your smile stretched. You saw your excitement matched in his eyes, and you couldn't help but tug him into a quick, bone-crushing hug. "It's beautiful, Meguru. Thank you for showing me."

He's smug at your praise, like a cat that got the cream. You raced each other down to the secret kaleidoscopic beach, both rising to the unspoken challenge of seeking out the perfect piece of sea glass to give the other.

Scrabbling around in the grit of the sand, though perhaps not the most comfortable or dignified thing, made you feel young again. Meguru's presence made you feel young again, but only in the good ways; the world, all of a sudden, was something to be explored and felt and touched and enjoyed, rather than something to be endured, when he was with you. Your heart was light, and your face was open; both things that could sometimes be hard to accomplish these days. But you could always trust in Meguru to bring out the light in you.

You examined each piece of sea glass with a stringent eye. Most got tossed back; some were placed in your pocket as possible Meguru gift contenders, but none screamed out to you. Until.

You found it. The perfect one. The one that was meant for him.

Meguru was not observant enough to catch you this time as you tackled him. He was able to stop himself from collapsing fully onto his back, but the two of you went tumbling down all the same.

You found yourself naturally straddling his waist, bending partially over him as he leaned back, arms braced behind him. The fall had done nothing to wipe the perpetual catlike grin adorning his face away; even if it couldn't have felt good to be bowled over like that, he seemed nothing but thrilled to have you so close again.

His mouth had not even fully opened in question before you were presenting him with your latest treasure. "It matches your eyes," you said, voice softer than you intend and yet still not as soft as you feel inside.

Indeed, it did match his eyes; a perfect, deep shade of amber that drew you to it immediately. The glass was uniquely shaped; instead of a fully symmetrical rounded shape, it branched into two distinct lobes with a point at the other end, looking almost like a lopsided heart. It was perfect.

Meguru's eyes lit up. A hand came up to take his gift, holding it up close to his face to observe it. After a moment, he tucked it into the pocket of his shirt, right over his chest. The chesire-cat smile spread across his face softens at the edges, contentedly. "You always give me the best, don't you?"

It's so earnest. He couldn't just mean the gifts, you thought. His face was so open; those beautiful eyes that never left your mind were so wide you felt like you could look into the depths of Meguru's very being. His cheeks, brushed with freckles, were also dusted with the lightest of blushes. His hair was wind-swept and tangled, but it still looked to be the softest thing in the world.

You couldn't help yourself. Your hands reached up, cradling his face in your palms, thumbs pressing into the softness of those freckled cheeks. There was perfect understanding between the two of you, in that moment, born of years of trust, and you both leaned in at the same time.

Meguru's lips were plush, slightly bitten but still so perfect against your own; he tasted of candy and salt from the sea breeze and of perhaps the oldest joy you had ever known. Kissing Meguru wasn't the thing of fireworks; it felt more like a campfire being stoked inside of you. A brightness, a warmth, that was a part of you always but was ignited and fueled and cared for so tenderly by him, ever since you met all those years ago. It felt new. It felt like it always had. It felt as natural and predictable as the tide and the opening of the storm clouds above you. It felt like the adrenaline beating through your veins as you both ran home, and it felt like the comforting warmth of Meguru's body as you curled up together in the same bed, under the same blankets. It was inevitable, and still miraculous all the same.

—

Meguru is breaking tradition.

Even after all these years, the treasures you gave each other weren't really treasures in the monetary sense. Typically, they were things found, things that were special to you both, special to people who sought out beauty in the minutiae and the often-overlooked elements of life.

But he needs this to be perfect. He knows you would accept anything he gave you, but this is different. It is not just a gift. It's a promise. It's a thank you for all you have done for him, all you have given him over the years, and a binding vow that he will return everything a hundredfold for the rest of your lives, if you'll have him.

After all, you were his guiding light and his anchor, for as long as he had known you. For all you said he kept you grounded, it was really you who kept him together and present in the world, you who prevented him from slipping fully into the world of monsters that forever hung on the edge of his vision. You saved him from years of loneliness, of having no one other than his demons to talk to. You gave him an unconditional, secure type of love that he fed off of greedily.

You were his everything.

So, the ring he is buying you needs to be perfect. Perfect enough to ask his most precious person to marry him.

Even if he knows you'll say yes, because you had spent years showing him how much you loved him. You deserve the best that he could give you, always.

He can't wait to get the perfect ring. He can't wait to ask you to stay by his side forever. Because after all, you were the most precious treasure he had ever found.

[caraghfettes]

My results came in for my graded unit! and as my lecturer said I've passed with a "good A pass"! So I thought I'd get more descriptive with my work. This was my graded unit and the work in progress/development for it, using my part time job as inspiration; working in a phone shop and coming across customer banter and hearing "this belongs in a museum" on the daily I took it literal and created my very own fossil phone using 3D materials such as foam, clay and experimenting with plaster and even silicone molds! Before the final marking took place my piece was even framed and hung in the college halls (not to brag too much.. but it was the first one in my class to be displayed 😁) very happy with how it turned out and the mark I received for it!

[silverstream2]

If it helps anything, it says in the first DMC novel that the Rebellion grew larger/longer after Dante stopping suppressing himself (going by "Tony Redgrave"). Something about how the sword (and/or maybe Eva?) spoke to him and told him to hide "Dante" away, and helped him do that by hiding some of his demonic powers away and looking different than the Rebellion we see at the start of 3.

Given Eva told Dante to hide (in this case, I'm referring to her speech in 5, not the hints we get in the first DMC novel), I wonder how that would affect how Dante deals with this, and with how Vergil deals with things? Would Dante try to get Vergil to change him name and suppress his memories/powers too, if (Dante thinks) it'll keep them safe? Would that even work?

I mean, the Yamato CAN separate man from devil a lot more easier than the Rebellion can, so at least mechanically it's possible.

Tangent:

I always wondered if the reason the Rebellion and the Yamato had such overlap in what they could do- the Yamato being able to awaken Vergil's powers even tho that's supposed to be something only the Rebellion can do, the Rebellion being able to suppress Dante's powers even tho its supposed to combine human and devil/enhance demonic power- is because the Yamato, the Rebellion, and the Devil Sword Sparda were all once one sword. Sparda just split them (basically his own soul/powers) into seperate parts, giving certain abilities/"characteristics" to all of them. But if they were all originally one sword, then it'd make sense that there'd be some remaining overlap.

In an AU where the twins find each other right after the fire and aren't separated, and specifically the variation where Vergil was still outside, I wonder how Vergil's power quest would go. Would Dante steer him away from it? Would he steer Dante to it? Would neither of them be steered anywhere and eventually go their sperate ways, unable to find agreement?

[vivwritescrappythings]

hollow

joel miller x gn!reader

Joel spends a day remembering what could have been

a/n: tried to write in a different way. i don't really love the piece but i'm just going to post it anyway instead of letting it fossilize in my WIP folder.

tw: ANGST, joel's addicted to drugs, hints of smut, joel is just overwhelmingly devoted, character death, canon typical violence, guns, grief

word count: 2.4k

MDNI

masterlist

--

Life was barren. 

Maybe Joel should have been used to the feeling by then, the emptiness of waking up each morning with a hole punched through his chest.

When he took enough pills he could pretend nothing had changed. 

The days he couldn’t face the world were few and far between, but they razed his psyche like a wildfire.

He’d stay in bed all day, staring at the water-damaged ceiling of the apartment he shared with Tess. If he squinted, he could pretend it was your busted QZ apartment, the stains in the popcorn ceiling almost looking like the one you’d proclaimed reminded you of a rabbit. He let the painkillers turn the brown puddles into ears and a fluffy white tail, and the warmth of Tess next to him became you.

You were never scared of the way his hands seemed constantly soaked with blood, the way his fingers were rough from handling guns and knives. You’d heard the stories, knew the damage he’d caused. The lives he ripped apart with the same hands. Nothing lived under the scoop of his palms, beneath the squeeze of his fingers.

But you did.

Christ, you did.

He never understood how, but light seemed to flock to you. Stripes of it fell across your sleeping face in the mornings, illuminating your eyelashes and pores and chapped lips like the paintings he used to see in school textbooks. It used to make him wish cameras were still around–just so he could save those quiet moments.

There were countless things about you he wished he could have savored.

Selfishness came naturally to him, he took and took and took. The gaping hole in his chest in the shape of a twelve-year old little girl had turned into an endless chasm over the years. It took a herculean effort to fill it.

And you were willing to try, scooping handfuls of yourself into the space between his ribs and stitching the holes in his lungs with strands of your DNA. 

You knew what to do with his broken parts like a god would, molding him into a new image.

He took his calloused hands and worshipped at the altar of your ribs. You were a benediction, too perfect to be bestowed upon him. There was hardly a man left anymore, scraps mish-mashed into a monster bearing the name Joel Miller limping onward–but you watched him kneel before you in prayer and nudged his head up with your fingertips. 

You laughed when he said he was unworthy.

Tangled in the body-warmed sheets with you, he would whisper his shortcomings down the side of your throat and against the soft skin of your sternum. He reminded you that he couldn’t make his brother stick around, that he couldn’t keep the person that was most important to him in the whole world safe. Like a cockroach, he survived it all.

Like Paul, he was unworthy of salvation at your hands.

There wasn’t a selfish bone in your body, you gave and gave and gave. You pressed yourself into the empty space beneath his arms and nuzzled your nose into the curve of his throat. Warm breaths against the scratch of his beard served as reanimation, each exhale straight into his lungs.

After Tess left for the day he would shut his eyes, remembering the way your nose felt against the back of his neck. You would slip your fingers between his, palm snug against the back of his hand as you murmured soft greetings into his dark curls. 

The first time you held his hand he almost pulled away. He ruined everything he touched, crushed it between his fingers. It was hard to know how to hold you without squeezing too hard.

Instead, you did the squeezing. Your fingertips pressed into the meat of his palm as your lips stamped prayers to his skin. 

You would coax him into wakefulness by hitching a bare leg over his, pressing your bodies flush from head to toe. 

His desire was embarrassing. 

He felt more beast than man in the way that he starved for you. And you simply let him have you, tasting your saliva and your sweat and your sex. Your blood. 

The rusty tang of it had surprised him, flossing too hard forcing crimson to linger between your teeth. Tracing the lines of red with the tip of his tongue tempted him. He wanted to drink it from you.

You liked to have sex in the mornings.

He always took you gently, his bulk pressing you into the mattress as he forced your thighs apart around his hips. Despite your many claims that you would not break, he touched you reverently. A supplicant in the presence of his divine.

It never seemed quite real: the way you made soft sounds with each roll of his hips, your fingers twisting in the dingy sheets. The press of your tongue against his thumb was better than any painkiller, lulling him into blind lust as everything that wasn’t the tight clutch of you around him or the wet shine of the inside of your mouth fell away into the background.

Making love to you was easy, so simple that he would dream about pressing inside of you and staying there until you both withered away. He so desperately wanted to have any part of you that he often imagined what it would feel like to be a part of you.

He’d have to re-up his dose of pills to dull the ache of loneliness as the sun went down, twilight serving as his reminder that he did not deserve to know the warmth of the sun.

It was twilight when it happened, the blue tinge of the sunlight drifting through the sentinel trees almost made him dizzy. That smuggling job had been too big to do on his own, bags of pills and bottles of homemade liquor split between the two of you as you walked. With the promise of ration cards and a bottle of booze in exchange, you were kind enough to oblige the favor and followed him out of the QZ.

If he had known, he would have found anyone else to come with him. He wouldn’t have taken the job.

The infected blended in with the trees, their clicks disguised by the sound of snapping twigs beneath your feet. It was his laugh that drew them in, coming from deep in his belly and echoing as your lips curved into a triumphant smile. Any joke he laughed at became a trophy for you. 

He wasn’t sure if he had laughed since that day. It would have been blasphemous to your memory.

The descent had been chaos, too many infected and too few bullets. You’d gotten a good few shots in, but he could hear exactly when you ran out of ammo. Every move was toward you, every step pulled by his instinct to keep you safe. 

He watched you plunge your knife into the clicker’s temple, having scrabbled with it in the fallen leaves. The clicker trying to bite him fell dead at his feet, his hunting knife plunged through the soft flesh beneath its chin. But it didn’t matter, his feet like lead as he stepped over its prone form.

Adrenaline burned through him. His head swam, the world tilting on its axis as you pushed the limp clicker off you. There were leaves and twigs in your clothes, smears of dirt on your face. 

You winced, wiping the blood covering your hand onto your jeans. 

He’d prayed, foolishly. The ground beneath him threatened to give way as he begged God that you had cut yourself by accident with your own knife. That you had scratched your hand on a rock.

Of course, he had never been so lucky.

The crescent-shaped bite in your hand may as well have been a bullet in his skull.

His knees buckled, almost failing him before he could reach you. You were shell-shocked, wide-eyed and slack-jawed as you stared at your death sentence. At best you would have a few hours.

What had he done to warrant pain like that twice? Having already gone through it once didn’t soften the blow.

A few more heavy steps brought him to collapse in front of you, hands shaking as he took your wrist. He could feel the fine bones beneath your skin, the way your flesh gave way to his grip. A perfect impression of human teeth, bloody and monstrous.

He almost sobbed when you tried to soothe him, your uninjured hand pressed against the scruff on his jaw and thumb running over his cheekbone. The tears stung in his eyes like acid. You told him it was alright, that there was nothing to do. 

You pressed your face into the hollow of his neck as you asked him to keep going, to keep fighting. It had been hard enough to find purpose after Sarah died, when Tommy was still around. 

How could he tell you that there would be nothing left without you?

He could already feel the degradation, his body returning to the corpse he was when you met. The hole in his chest was opening up once more, his ribs sticking out like rebar with chunks of concrete torn away.  

It was a blur, the two of you moving away from the carnage and viscera spread across the brown leaves to a lichen-covered boulder nearby. 

He rested against the boulder, the crown of his head touching the rock face as he watched the stars overtake the sky. You nestled yourself between Joel’s thick thighs, your back against his chest and his arm over your collarbones. He reveled in the warmth of you against him, nose buried in your hair as he took in his scent. Scraps of you he had taken for granted.

It was your voice that kept him from melting down, your determination to remain composed forced him to do the same.

You spun the picture of what your life together would have been like as cordyceps spread through your veins. There was no outbreak in your Elysium, just picket fences and chocolate labradors and packed sack-lunches with handwritten notes. There were no big, sweeping declarations of love, only the intimacy of imagined domesticity. A spouse to show off at Christmas parties and debate paint colors with. 

But you had always been too ethereal for that kind of life, and he was damned.

He should have known that your light would be fleeting–a shooting star rather than a sun. Nothing he had done warranted your sticking around. If anything, it was a punishment for his sins.

The moon was getting high when you decided it was time. You didn’t want to risk it any longer.

At first you had told Joel to leave, to give you one bullet and walk away and never look back.

He almost obeyed, but then he watched the way your hands shook as you tried to load the gun. You dropped the bullet to the forest floor too many times for his comfort, your hands shaking despite your effort to take deep breaths.

There were tears in your voice as you told him to go, he could hear the telltale warble.

His hand was devastatingly steady as he took the gun from you. Loading it was second nature, calloused fingers relying on muscle memory as the bullet settled into the chamber.

There was still warmth in your skin as he pressed his forehead to yours. His eyes were screwed shut, he couldn’t bear to look at you and he couldn’t bear to look away. Your brow was soft beneath his lips, a hand smoothing to the nape of your neck as he held the contact for two beats.

It was all he could allow himself.

He wanted to kiss you, but you didn’t let him. If a bite could spread the infection, it wasn’t a big jump to assume a kiss could, too.

Tess had learned not to ask what was wrong when she came back long after the sun went down. It had taken one screaming match to ward her off from trying to help. He’d stuff another pill into his mouth, twisting to lay on his stomach as he stared at the peeling wallpaper. His gaze was never present on those days–her presence little more than a ghost.

He could only think about how beautiful you looked. The moonlight outlined you in silver, your eyes sparkling. Back before everything they would have put you on posters and billboards and magazines. You were too sublime to live in a post-apocalypse world. It was unfair. 

You faced away from him, thanking him with trembling lips. 

There was no way he could have left you to do it yourself. The way you were shaking like a leaf, he wouldn’t have been surprised if you missed had you been left to your own devices. The idea of you coming back as an infected was worse than you being gone. He couldn’t stand to live in a world where you didn’t know him.

He promised he’d count you down, that he would squeeze the trigger after he breathed out the number one. 

The gun kicked in his hand as he spoke the first number. Three beats too soon, early enough that you weren’t scared yet. Your shoulders had still been relaxed, fingers drumming against your thighs in the way that drove him insane under normal circumstances. 

His ears rang, the thud of your body hitting the ground carved him hollow.

It was hard to not crawl into your grave with you. He’d dug it with his hands, black dirt caked beneath his fingernails and pressed into every wrinkle on his skin. It took him an entire day, but he would never forgive himself if he just left you there for the wolves.

The necklace with your parent’s wedding rings joined a broken watch as yet another memento he held onto.

He’d press another pill onto his tongue, maybe two. However many it took to get him to sleep.

When his eyes closed, he would always picture you somewhere nice, your arm across Sarah’s shoulders as you both walked away from him into the distance. He could hear your laughter, the ebbs and flows of your conversation.

In the morning he would exhume himself, pulling on his tattered work boots before he swallowed another pill to forget that he would never be allowed where you were, anyways. Not after everything he’d done.

There was too much blood on his hands.

[cupcakedex]

Pride is history - and so much more! 🏳️‍🌈

Forgive my lack of June posts here, but over on our weekly Twitch Pokemon baking stream Sunday night, we continued our Pokémon Pride Sweets series with rainbow fossil Pokemon chocolate bars! I bought a ton of these when I finally found them in Japan, and we made silicone molds of them - pretty cool, right?

During the livestream, we discussed the origins of the current NA Pride movement, including the Stonewall Riots and the AIDS epidemic. While it's easy to celebrate the gains we've made since then, this isn't ancient history - in 2023, a whopping 510 anti-LGBTQIA+ were introduced across the US, and protections for LGBTQ+ Canadians have been halted and rolled back in some provinces.

History can be a vital tool in understanding ourselves and our world, as well as a reminder of what and who we've lost, so we can create a better, brighter future. This month is both a celebration, and a reminder that we must be vigilant in our fight for human rights.