#my RESOURCES.... can't live without my resources...

[mindfulmindthief]

Hypnotic Abuse

This is a more serious post, apologies for people who want purely hypnosexy content.

Hypnotic abuse is a very real thing, although practically, it's just partner abuse with a unique set of methods. I pointed towards it in my past post You were so well trained, but having been around the hypno-space for a long time now, it's something I've seen plenty of.

Hypnosis, even being consensual-nonconsent, requires consent. It requires boundaries. And, it requires care. Some people (and some files) don't respect those boundaries, don't respect their partners, and view their own pleasure or power or control as more important than the well-being of their play partners. This takes many forms.

Some give suggestions, commands, and training which they know harms their partners, changes them in ways they don't want, or which they simply wouldn't consent to while awake. Others use hypnosis as a way of comforting their own insecurity, trying to 'trap' or addict or obsess their partners through hypnotic control, or to ensure they can't even consider others. Some try to fracture parts of you for them alone, or play with your emotions, or manipulate your fear to drive you closer to them. Some take full advantage of the malleability of memory, and fill gaps in your memory with those things they know you'd never be OK with. And, especially over time, patterns and behaviors can be put in place that harm your health, physical, mental, or emotional that are hard to move past. All of this can happen without hypnosis, but hypnosis can make this much faster and more potent, and particularly when there are gaps which allow things to happen without your knowledge, it can be a bit more insidious. Of course, for some people, these elements are part of their consensual dynamic, but much like you can't just hit somebody when you're mad 'because they like impact play', it's important to distinguish consensual kink from cruelty.

Finding your way out

There are many red flags, but if you notice negative control (using pain, or fear or anxiety to stop you from doing things), increasing 'gaps' of remembering your sessions without explanations, if your food or water intake is being controlled, or if you find yourself feeling addiction beyond enjoyment, and you didn't enthusiastically consent to these things, I would recommend asking questions. One nice strategy is to listen to the post-induction chunks of files, to see what you're listening to, or to use a transcriber program to write it out. If you're working live, you could set up a recorder to capture everything that's happening on screen or in the call, to see what you're being told that you're forgetting. Or, frankly, if you don't trust them, don't play with them. There are many hypnotists in the world.

Most critically, if things seem off, you can stop and break communication. And even if you're deep into it, you can block them, you can leave them, you can cut them out of your life. You can do and eat and say what you want. It's not easy to leave, but it is something you can do, and something they cannot stop. https://www.thehotline.org/ has resources if you're in danger locally, or need a place to go when you leave.

With all this said, you have agency. Hypnosis is a strong force, and it's not uncommon that even smart and saavy people are tricked or trapped, but you are not completely helpless. If somebody gives you an order that you don't think is OK, you can force yourself awake, and should practice doing so.

The control will also fade once they are gone. Hypnotic control is not magic, it is patterns of behavior and changes of perception. If you're in a different car, you'll reach for the controls in the wrong places for a little while, not thinking, but you'll learn. If you've been told the world is different, it'll take a little while to see reality more clearly, but you will eventually. The process will be scary, it will make you feel it will never end, and longer term abuse can lead to longer term effects, but when it's not being reinforced, it will fade.

You can disrupt it, too. Do the things you were not allowed to, and anticipate the control, and fight back. Push on the edges, explore them. Make the control feel ridiculous, and laugh at the weakness of the person who was so insecure that they needed to do that to you. You don't need another hypnotist to 'fix' you, and be cautious with 'deprogramming'. There are files that help remind you that this control can be abandoned, and let you feel a sensation of washing it away, and hypnotic work can sometimes be helpful in skilled and careful hands. But you don't need hypnosis to undo hypnosis, and don't believe anybody telling you that the only solution to old control is new control. Ultimately, it's your mind, and you have more control than anybody else.

And, you can heal. Much like humans can heal from any other flavor of abuse, you can heal here too. PTSD is PTSD, whether it came from waking events or not so much. Dependence and addiction are dependence and addiction, no matter what you were made to depend or addict. And nutrition is important, you can be healthy at any size, and are beautiful how you are. Hypnotic abuse is different in origin, but it is not so different in consequence. Therapy can help, talking to friends can help, and time will help too. Healing won't be easy, but it will happen.

But this abuse happens, more than the community would like to be the case. If it's happened to you, I am so sorry, but you'll heal. You're not 'dumb', you didn't 'ask for it', and inexperience is not a cause, it's their fault for being predators. This is not on you. If it hasn't happened to you, that's wonderful, keep an eye out, ask questions, and be cautious, so you don't have to. And if you're not sure whether it happened, this is actually pretty common too, so ask hard questions, and maybe talk to a friend in the community to see what they think.

I'll end with an offer, which I hope no one needs: I've helped a number of people to process these situations before. Not as a therapist, that's not my job. Not as a 'deprogrammer', because I'd rather talk about how you can help yourself and build agency. Instead, feel free to reach out, because I'm a hypnotist who knows enough of the tricks to be able to point them out. Perhaps I can help you understand what happened, so it feels less like magic and more like boring abuse from a sad little person. And maybe I can help you identify the patterns that show that this is just another example of something that's happened to many smart, capable, and strong people before. This is, despite all my other posts, really just a conversation. You will be quite awake and aware. But still be skeptical, ask questions, even and especially of those who offer help when you're vulnerable, and if there's another person with experience that you trust more, talk to them instead. If you need help, get help, no matter who it's from.

But, stay safe. Be careful. Think about trust. And once you've done that, have wonderful, blissful and brain relaxing experiences with this wonderful kink.

[venus-is-in-bloom]

Infant needs food, medicine, and shelter—please help

I'll be quick. I'm writing this on behalf of Ammar, the infant child of our friend Samah, who lives trapped in Gaza, suffering bombardment and starvation at the hands of the Israeli army. I and my friend @murderbot have been in touch with her over the course of the past few months as she desperately tries to save Ammar's life.

With a few generous donations and by draining most of our savings, we've managed to come up with the money to get him enough medicine to keep him alive so far, but we are out of resources and need your help. Without that help, Ammar is likely to die.

Ammar needs three things urgently:

US$635 for a small amount of milk and diapers—he has not eaten in two days;

US$1025 for one of his weekly medical injections to treat his heart—if not delivered on time, he will need even more expensive medicine to stay alive;

US$2429 to pay off the debt on the tent he is living in with his mother—without this, the tent will be repossessed and he will be left out in the open to die.

All of these are urgent. The food is necessary ASAP, and the injection must be delivered by Tuesday morning (USA time). The tent will be repossessed if we can't pay for it by the 2nd of August.

If you can spare anything at all for any of these, please use one of the links below to donate. Proof that the money goes to Samah is here: (link).

For milk and diapers: https://ko-fi.com/acquisitioninitialization

For medicine: https://ko-fi.com/starryeyedgiant

For the tent payment: https://ko-fi.com/systemprotocol

If you can spare anything, you have our gratitude. If not, please please share this.

[misterbenzadrine]

ck pb&jj au (or more of my ck x marvel bs)

context: pb&jj is a new popular mcu fanon group comprised of peter parker, joaquín torres, bob reynolds, and johnny storm WHICH are all my fav marvel characters so deal with it

also, like all my other spidermetri au's, this doesn't tie in with the others, this one is more mcu compliant :3 (ALSO F4 WAS SO GOOD I RECOMMEND 100%)

and without further ado, in honor of f4 officially premiering, PB&JJ !!

demetri alexopoulos - spider-man

best friend/crush: human torch

stand-offish to the rest of the group at first (scared of getting close to anyone after everyone he cared about died or forgot he existed)

became a hero at the youngest age and bonds with robby who was the second youngest

struggles to feel content with himself (not good enough to balance mit and being spider-man, not good enough to live up to iron man's legacy, not good enough to save his aunt, not good enough to keep his girlfriend and best friend safe)

eli/hawk moskowitz - sentry/void

best friend/crush: falcon

struggles with feeling inadequate since he can't use his powers without being manic/depressive (which miguel helps him with)

often underestimated due to his quiet nature

VERY troubled past but he's either too cocky or too quiet for anyone to guess

super chill aaand incredibly resourceful and intelligent

also weird not scientifically accurate hc: his hair changes color/length/style between eli, sentry, and void - bc i said so

miguel diaz - falcon

best friend/crush: eli

also underestimated because of his kind and silly personality

very ambitious person who's hard on himself to reach his goals

works hard to prove himself as the new falcon and not make a mistake (which eli, when not in sentry/void mode, always reassures him about)

robby keene - human torch

best friend/crush: spider-man

struggling to adjust to this new world and time (he's from 1960s earth-828 but now in 2027 earth-616)

finds a lot of comfort and familiarity in demetri, who's somewhat an old soul and sci fi nerd himself (they get each other's niche references and are open to teaching each other more things)

ALWAYS overlooked and objectified for his looks but when he's not annoying demetri or mr fantastic on purpose, he's actually really helpful in the lab and in space (and fighting strategies)

eli and him have a weird fascination with each other's powers (and the others too) as two people who haven't interacted with many superhumans before

[chiropteracupola]

it turns out that the artfight no-referencing rule is. putting something of a wrench in my ability to do compositions and poses.

[frozen-seagrass]

The WALL-E au no one asked for

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

[strawberry-seal77]

EXPLODES A MILLION TIMES

[andersdotters]

Here's an interesting thought. Does L*ney primarily deal with shame (heart) or fear (head)? Does he seek to have an identity (heart) or security (head)?

To elaborate a bit more, this is some information about the heart/feeling triad:

This is some information about the head/thinking triad:

The thing with L*ney is that both descriptions can apply to him. It's just which applies more?

For instance, L*ney presents a false identity to the world. He hides who he is because he does not want to be perceived as weak. He wants to be relied on. A big part of his lore is trying to be the big brother L*nette deserves.

On the opposite hand, L*ney is extremely anxious. He pushes himself out there and to do things when in reality he's scared and insecure. Only when he's supported by his family he's able to calm down. Without this support he loses all ability to think clearly. He's lost.

Here's what I'm deciding between:

Type 3 (heart/feeling)

Type 6 (head/thinking)

Or Type 7 (head/thinking)

The odd thing is that the description for type 3 matches the most, but as a whole, I can't help but feel that fear and anxiety (head) are more a core part of L*ney's personality and struggles than shame (heart). Proving his worth (heart) seems to matter less to him than ensuring his security—his family (head).

So I'm caught at a loss.

[realdyke]

honestly i can't even fucking cap anymore

[ahmed-walid-sadeq94]

Help Ahmed & Hadeel

My wife @hadeel-ahmed7

Hello everyone, Thank you for reading my story. I'm Ahmed Sadeq, I'm 30 years old, a Palestinian from Gaza.

Before the war, our life was full of happiness, where l worked for on online news newspaper.

I was preparing for my wedding to partner Hadeel which was going to take place in December 2023, I was also preparing our house for us to live in

Afrer the start of the war on Gaza, I lost my job due to constant internet outage.

Unfortunately, I lost the house in which I intended to live with my wife, Hadeel.

I had ro get married without a wedding and lived in modest tent.

We were able to leave Gaza to Egypt, with my wife and elderly parents who suffer from" chronic diseases ", by paying the evacuation cost of $5,000 per person.

Now we all live in one house in a modest neighborhood called Arbaeen in Cairo

How Funds Will Be Used:

Basic Necessities:

your generous donation will go toward help us to pay the house rent and meet our basic needs of food, drink, and clothing, in addition to medicine for my elderly parents in Egypt.

None of us have permanent residency in Egypt and therefore we can't work.

Evacuation fees:

The rest of my family members are in tents in the Al_Mawasi area inside Gaza, and you help them meet their basic needs of food, clothing, and drink.

They live in difficult conditions and are surrounded by insects and snakes.

Reconstruction:

My demolished home and my family's home in Gaza.

Your donation, no matter how small, can make a big difference in helping us, our family, and rebuilding our future. Every contribution will go directly to providing us with the support and resources we need

To get through this difficult time

vetted by @90-ghost

@sylvianritual @aristotels @bixlasagna @bonesashesglass @blackprinter @buttercuparry @briarhips @cagandante-communistoide @crimsaph @crispyartdev @determinate-negation @dontbelasagnax @dlxxv-vetted-donations @deepspaceboytoy @evilreceptionist @ehksidian @e @frogetfull @freeshfries98 @feluka-blog-blog @fromjanna @f3l1c1af0x @greenwingspino @gottfried @garden-of-vegan @hojanaranja @jacksonharries @khanger @kibumkim @lishadra @lightning-in-your-teeth @mangocheesecake @mobileleprechaun @oursapphirestars @omegaversereloaded @phantomofthetacobell-blog @primmsfairytale @paper-mario-wiki @pcktknife @sayruq @soullesscoyote @sanleigh @spacefunclubs @tilltshift @el-shab-hussein @appsa @schoolhater98 @magns @nabulsi

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

The Exotic Animal Photo Reference Repository is live!

You can find it at: https://www.animal-photo-references.com!

Here's how this repository works: all photos were taken by me, a human, at zoos, aquariums, sanctuaries, and other facilities with animals in human care. There is no AI involved in the photo editing or creation and there never will be. Right now there's 56 species on the site; my catalog has over 300 and I will be uploading the rest of them as fast as I can.

Artists creating derivative or transformative works (without AI) have blanket permission to use these references. Yes, even for work you're going to sell.

All other usage/reproduction requires permission, but assume I'm friendly and please do ask! That's educators, researchers, the media, people who need images for a school presentation, etc. This is just to retain copyright/control in case they're scraped/reused unethically - it doesn't meant I don't want folk to have access! So please do reach out via the contact form on the repository website, I don't bite and I'm most likely going to say yes.

Please don't repost the repository photos to your own blogs: I've created @animalphotorefs as a dedicated blog to share photos from the site, and of course I'll reblog a lot of it here! That again just helps with retaining copyright and sourcing of the images. If you really want to repost some for a specific purpose, please just ask me first!

Also, folks, this project has no funding. It's just me and my camera.

There will never be a paywall on the site - I believe resources like this absolutely must be free for everyone to access. So please, please, please support the repository if you use it. Want sneak peeks at photos, cute videos I take, or to help choose what I photograph and what gets posted first? You can do that through Patreon (and there's a free trial on the most interactive tier!) If you'd like to just drop a tip, I've also set up a Ko-Fi.

I can't wait to hear what everyone thinks of the repository.

To whet your thirst for cute photos, here's an Indian rhinoceros contemplating a goose.

[gaza-evacuation-funds]

Today's vetted fundraisers

Faten’s family We are a family of four girls and two boys from Gaza. At the start of the war, we faced terrifying nights, living in constant fear. We were displaced from our home in northern Gaza due to nearby threats, then again when houses around us were bombed. A third displacement occurred when we were forced to move south, enduring harsh weather, food and water shortages, and health issues. Despite these hardships, we continued to face bombings, and my mother was injured. We lost my eldest brother, Nidal, who stayed in northern Gaza and hasn’t been heard from since November 10, 2023. Our family now struggles with extreme difficulties, including the loss of education and jobs. Our lives and dreams have been shattered. We urgently need help to leave Gaza to continue our studies and ensure our safety. Ke321_kr1,000,000,00

Weam fan My name is Weam. I was in my final year of high school, aiming for a high score to attend university and pursue my dreams. But the war shattered those plans, disrupting my education. We lived in northern Gaza and were displaced multiple times for safety. My family has suffered greatly; my father's shop and our home were destroyed, leaving us without income. My mother has severe back pain from living in tents and urgently needs treatment abroad, as Gaza's healthcare can't provide it. I appeal for your support to help us rebuild our lives. Every contribution matters.£90_£30,000

Mohammed Adel My name is Abdallah, a 23-year-old from Gaza, struggling to survive with my 12-year-old brother, Omar, amid constant attacks. We face daily dangers trying to find food, clean water, and medical supplies. Our resources are scarce, and we've already lost a loved one due to the lack of medical care. We desperately need help to secure basic necessities and survive. Any support you can provide will make a difference in our lives. Thank you for your kindness. €100_€15,000

Jamil Sharaf My name is Jamil Sharaf, and I’m 37 years old. My family and I have been displaced five times since the war in Gaza began on October 7. We now live in a tent on the seashore, struggling with severe shortages of food, water, and medicine. My youngest daughter, Laren, is without milk, and my other children are suffering from health issues due to the lack of clean water and proper shelter. Our home and business were destroyed, leaving us with nothing. Your support and donations can help us rebuild our lives and provide for our children’s basic needs. Thank you for your generosity. $225_€50,000

Hazem Mohammed I am Hazem Mohammed Albardawill. I am 29 years old. I used to live with my small family. My wife is pregnant and my children are Imad and Jad. We are very happy in our lives. On the evening of the black day, October 11, at eight o’clock in the evening, our house was bombed. I did not feel anything. I was taken to the hospital where my injury occurred and I stayed in intensive care for several days. Then after... It was during my coma that I first began to ask about my children and my wife, and when I learned of their martyrdom, and after that I did not feel alive, for my soul had left me. I mean, then, without shelter, without treatment, without work, or family, I felt that I had nothing. Everything was gone with the bombing, even my dreams. Yesterday, my family and neighbors needed to work in order to provide myself with a shelter to help me from the heat and cold of winter, and I need the required treatment in order to return to how I was before the damned war Which left a fire in my heart that will never be extinguished. I do not want the impossible. All I want is for you to provide me with money so that I can provide myself with shelter and treatment. To live a decent life.£375_£20,000

@el-shab-hussein @nabulsi @mohameddd @irhabiya @appsa

[littlestpersimmon]

Am caught in a death spiral my lieges. I don't feel entitled to anyone's time, effort or resources but I feel so beat down. I am disabled, I am working so much I genuinely developed a hunched back. I am alone responsible for my autistic sister, her parentified sibling, and my two parents who are disabled with extremely limited movement. I have three jobs. I can't ask for help on twitter because people I work for follow me there. My work requires me to draw every day, without a day off, ever. I have a "morality clause" which means if I or the author I work with are deemed to be acting in any way the company thinks inappropriate, we are immediately fired and would have to return every single cent we have made. I feel at my wits end. My employers are american- but I am not. I live in the global south- government assistance in the Philippines is *nonexistent*

Last week I asked for help to pay for electricity. The other week I asked for help with my sister who had to be rushed to the ER.

I doxxed myself and posted medical info to this blog, so many strangers know my address, my legal name, everything just for me to be able to seek mutual aid- Wallah I do not want to be this person, but if anyone could please, pick up a print from my inprnt, or subscribe to my patreon, I already have 300+ drawings up there and I upload thrice to four times a month, or if you could send direct tips it would make a world's difference. I will try to open commissions next week but as the world is being plunged into wherever it is we are headed, it's getting harder and harder to get clients.

Currently myself dealing with housing insecurity- we only have a year or two to fix our traditional filipino house as it is falling apart due to the philippine storms and termites- *please* help me and my disabled family of three. I feel I am rambling now bc there's so much on my mind, on my plate, I've asked friends and my partner for help, my sister and my cousins and my friends are all I have. My mom's side of the family cannot help as they are all extremely poor themselves, and my paternal side of the family have emotionally abused me and have members that committed routine csa on me. I do not take any of the help I receive here for granted, and I'm sorry. Reblogs are off as I am asking for help from followers as I feel very ashamed / embarrassed/ humiliated to still be stuck in this dark place . Sorry and thank you again

Inprnt is having a sale rn, everything is like at 40% off!

And my tipping jars:

Sorry and thank you again. If you can't donate or purchase its OK, just please please please include me in your prayers, make mi shebeirach for my health so I csn continue to work, or any prayers at all for me. Thank you

[toothtalk]

a neurodivergent spoonie's guide to having teeth

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only. This does not constitute providing medical advice or professional services. Information on this blog should NOT be used for diagnostics or treating a health problem. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified dental health provider regarding diagnosis and treatment of a dental condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog.

this is as close to a comprehensive guide to dental care as i can make. i'm autistic/adhd/ocd/chronically ill and i've worked in dentistry for several years. i want to use my knowledge to help other spoonies struggling with dental care. i know it can be really hard, but dental health is so important and we deserve healthy mouths just as much as NT/abled folks!!

being neurodivergent and/or chronically ill can make personal care tasks incredibly difficult. so many of us struggle with washing our hair, getting dressed, and cleaning up. but remember: hair will grow back if it's damaged, clothes can be washed when they smell bad, and a dirty house can be made clean again, but we only have one set of teeth to last our whole lives. those pearly whites are worth taking care of!

these tips are based on feedback/questions i've gotten from ND folks on tumblr and facebook, patients at the practices i've worked in, and my own experience. standard disclaimer that this information will not be applicable to every single person, just take what works for you and pass the rest on to the next person. i am also a resource for further information. this is going to be pretty rapidfire, so if you want me to elaborate on anything or have a question about something i didn't address in this post, my askbox is open and anon is enabled. i love talking about teeth and i would love to help my fellow spoonies take care of theirs!

without further ado:

on homecare:

any dental professional will tell you that having good oral health starts at home. taking care of our teeth can be incredibly difficult when our spoons are low, so i've made a list of strategies to make it easier.

best practice is to brush twice per day and floss once per day. this may not be realistic for those of us who struggle with habits and/or executive dysfunction. if you can only remember to brush once per day, brushing at night is the most important.

the ideal order of operations is floss, tongue scrape, mouthwash, then brush. but flossing and brushing are the most important steps in the routine.

brushing your teeth in the shower is perfectly acceptable! personally, i keep one toothbrush in the shower and one on the sink to maximize my opportunities to brush.

if you don't have the energy to floss, a toothbrush with fine bristles like this one is a good compromise.

you should replace your toothbrush or electric brush head every three months. the bristles get worn down and become less effective over time. set a recurring event on your phone calendar to keep track!

if you find it difficult to brush your teeth at all, use a washcloth to gently scrub your teeth until you feel that you've gotten the film off, then use a fluoride mouthwash. they also make single-use waterless toothbrushes like these. i like to keep them on my nightstand for really bad days when i can't even get myself to the bathroom to brush.

this is an excellent guide on proper brushing technique.

an electric toothbrush is an excellent investment. even a cheap one at the grocery store is a huge step above a manual toothbrush. personally, i love quip because they're more affordable than brands like sonicare, and they send you replacement brush heads on a regular basis.

be careful not to brush too aggressively; your brush should glide gently over the surface of your teeth. if you feel a lot of friction, lighten your pressure. brushing too hard can wear away your enamel and damage your gums.

if the mint flavor in toothpaste triggers sensory discomfort, try kids' toothpaste! it has less fluoride than adult toothpaste, but it's still miles better than not brushing at all.

mouthwash is used to neutralize bacteria on soft tissues. use an antibacterial or fluoride mouthwash for healthy gums and strong enamel. listerine original is the best, but they have lots of varieties including gum health, alcohol-free, and many more.

whenever possible, use a straw to drink soda or coffee so it doesn't touch your teeth, and rinse with water after you drink it. try to not sip sugary drinks throughout the day. switching to sugar-free beverages will make a huge difference in cavity prevention.

if you have any gaps between teeth, an interdental brush will help you keep the areas between those teeth clean and prevent decay.

i like to keep a package of floss picks in the living room so that i can floss while i watch tv. the best time to floss is right before you brush your teeth, but there is no bad time to floss.

this video shows proper flossing technique. this video shows proper technique when using floss picks.

dry mouth is a lesser-known cause of cavities. saliva protects your teeth from decay, so when you don't produce enough of it, you're at higher risk. dry mouth rinses like this one are a great defense against this!

remember, something is always better than nothing. brushing once a day is better than not brushing at all. flossing once a week is better than not flossing at all. be gentle with yourself.

on finding a dental provider:

finding a new provider and making an appointment can be confusing and overwhelming when we have low executive function. there are some ways to make it just a bit easier.

if you have insurance, they likely have a tool on their website to find providers in your network. you can usually find this information on your insurance card. this should narrow down your options considerably.

the absolute best thing you can do is find a supportive provider who you can open up to about your struggles with dental care. look up your options on google reviews and ctrl+f "anxiety". if these anxious patients have a good experience, it's more likely you will too.

you can ask for recommendations in your local community's facebook group or subreddit, both of which offer anonymity. specify your needs in your post. chances are, other people in your community have similar needs, and can help you find the right people to meet those needs.

a few people expressed that they avoid the dentist because of a family history of poor dental health, and the fear of having the same problems. i want to assure you that, while dental health does have a genetic component, it is far from the only factor. the most effective thing you can do to prevent dental issues is to go in for regular maintenance. prevention is the gold standard in dentistry.

a lot of us struggle with making phone calls. luckily, it's becoming increasingly common for practices to allow online booking and communication via email. look for these options on a practice's website!

if fear or executive dysfunction is getting in your way, phone a friend for help. sometimes things that are hard for us aren't as difficult for others. maybe your roommate can call the office for you. maybe your sister can drive you to your appointment. don't be afraid to lean on your village.

in the dental office:

a big issue with dental offices is that they are basically a sensory nightmare. while it's never going to be fully comfortable, there are some things you can do to make your experience more tolerable.

be open and honest with your dental providers. if you smoke, tell them (this includes cannabis; they cannot report you for cannabis use even if you're not in a legal state). if you've never flossed before, tell them. their job is to help you, not shame you. if a provider makes you feel ashamed, stop seeing them.

so many people have mentioned they're embarrassed about their anxiety and sensory struggles in the dental office. let me assure you that your providers see so many anxious patients every single day. they're used to it, and they're not going to be judging you. to help illustrate this, i'm going to cite some examples of patients from my practice and the ways we help them manage their anxiety and sensory struggles.

probably the most common concern among patients in our practice is a fear of the numbing injection. i have a pretty severe phobia of needles myself. our dental assistants are well-trained to manage this fear. they distract patients during the shot, and help them breathe through the anxiety before and after. this training is part of the dental assistant certification process, so it should be relatively universal.

you can bring a comfort item with you. be it a stuffed animal, a video game, a book, even a comforting person who can sit with you.

you know that lead vest that they lay on you when they take xrays? you can ask to wear that during your whole visit. it acts like a weighted blanket and it feels so nice and comforting. we have a few patients who do this at my practice.

headphones or earplugs are a lifesaver to drown out all the horrible sounds. i literally refuse to get a cleaning without them. there's even a hygienist at my practice that wears earplugs while she's working because the sound of the cavitron bothers her. there's no shame in it whatsoever.

if your practice offers it, nitrous oxide is a great option for anxiety. most people know it as laughing gas. it puts you in a dreamlike state so you're more or less unaware of what's going on. no joke, this stuff had me so relaxed i fully fell asleep while getting a root canal. you can even get it when you get your cleanings!

a lot of our patients request a specific doctor, dental assistant, and hygienist for their appointments. this is incredibly common. if you find someone that makes you feel safe, let the scheduling staff know that you'd like to see that person each time you come in.

dress comfy. there's no dress code for the dental office; show up in sweatpants if you want.

remember at the end of the day, your dental providers are not there to judge you if you don't have perfect homecare. their ultimate goal is to get your mouth healthy no matter your starting place. i can't speak for every dentist obviously, but the dentists at my practice are incredibly patient and sympathetic and have nothing but their patients' best interests in mind.

again: if you feel disrespected or shamed by your provider, find a new one who will be compassionate with you. you don't owe any provider loyalty, even if you've been going there since you were a toddler.

on recovery:

one of the hardest things to do is build healthy habits when you're starting from an unhealthy place. if you're dealing with poor dental health, getting your mouth healthy again can seem impossibly daunting. i'm here to tell you it is possible, but it takes work.

it starts in the dental chair. your provider should communicate what treatment is the highest priority, and they will start there. rather than overwhelming yourself with the big picture, focus your attention on the next step.

things like root canals, crowns, and periodontal treatment can be very expensive. unfortunately, in the united states at least, dental insurance is quite lacking across the board. if expenses are a concern, dental schools are a great option for having treatment done at a low cost. keep in mind that treatment will often take significantly longer due to the dentists being supervised students.

my job in the practice is treatment coordinator. this means that i work one-on-one with my patients to help them understand their treatment plans and make the process as easy and comfortable as possible for them. ask your practice if they have a treatment coordinator. if they don't, suggest that they create the role, and reach out to me here. my dream is to be able to help people manage their oral health. i will be a resource to anyone that doesn't have a treatment coordinator available to help you navigate your course of treatment.

any restorative work (fillings, crowns, etc.) that you have done has to be cared for, just like virgin teeth. cavities can still form underneath fillings and crowns. make sure you are keeping your regular hygiene appointments, and use the above strategies to effectively care for your restorations at home.

if you have a lot of treatment to work through, it may take a long time. we have patients that have spent 2-3 years working through their treatment plans with us. this can feel daunting and depressing. but remember, it's not forever. the majority of these patients who continue to see us for regular visits only have 1-2 new cavities at a time, if anything, once we finish their initial work.

there are very few dental problems that cannot be fixed. cavities can be filled, crowns placed, root canals done to save teeth that are severely decayed. gum disease cannot be cured, but it can be very effectively managed. i see patients all the time that come in expecting to lose all their teeth and need dentures, only to be relieved when we tell them only a few teeth are truly not restorable.

my job revolves around patient education, and it's always shocking to me how little we are taught about caring for our teeth. please be kind to yourselves; it is NOT your fault for not knowing or having the resources to take care of them yourself. once again, my askbox is open and anon is enabled if you have more questions after reading this guide.

[sylvianritual]

Personally, I like winter because I get to wear sweaters and jackets without getting overheated.

It also helps that I know I'll end the cold nights with a roof over my head, which is a luxury that many people in Gaza do not have. Maybe the idea of a dangerous winter is something that feels alien to many of us, but for families in Gaza, winter poses a very real risk. Few have a proper shelter and are living in cloth tents, which offer little protection from the cold. Getting proper clothing and food, much less warm food, is an incredible struggle.

My friend Dina @dinamahammed99 is living in this kind of situation every day, with her two very young children. Her son has already gotten a fever, and proper healthcare is hard to find right now. She also wants to be able to buy a better tent to keep her family warmer in the winter, but resources in Gaza are limited and the prices keep rising. If she can't get a proper tent, the winter will be incredibly dangerous and they will be left unprepared. She is asking for your help to save her children from this fate. No child deserves to freeze, or to go hungry or thirsty. If you believe in the rights of all human beings, then please move to help my friend and improve the situation for her children.

$17,515 / $50,000

Dina is verified by association, please see this post. Thank you

[mylordshesacactus]

Okay, I didn't want to clog up the notes of someone else's post with something tonally different because that's rude, but. I Need to elaborate some more about no-kill vs open-intake shelters because I feel like some people still don't get it.

I'm gonna use an example here: My cat, Nepenthe, came from a small municipal open-intake shelter (I don't use the term "kill shelter" because I think it's obscene and cedes ground to ARA fuckwits for no reason) in an area with a NOTORIOUSLY awful stray cat problem.

She was on the euthanasia list. She was next in line on the euthanasia list.

They would never have been cruel or manipulative enough to say it that baldly, of course, but...I can read. Status was "at rsk", with two days' grace before ticking over into "extreme risk", the red zone. The ones who have had the most time, the most chance, if the shelter ever runs out of cage space.

I have gone the fuck off on people who hear that and immediately assume I will tolerate them bashing or insulting that shelter.

Because here's the thing about Penny. She is my baby, my darling, light of my life, and if I hadn't come along, euthanizing her would have been not only necessary but an ethical obligation.

She was neurotic, traumatized, and unpredictably aggressive--not "I'm bad at feline body language and ignoring her subtle back-off signals" unpredictable, I mean "we showed footage to a professional feline behaviorist and their immediate reaction was 'oh that is NOT normal'" unpredictable. "Actual legitimate psychological problems" unpredictable. The previous three times she had met with potential adopters, she attacked them unprovoked and had to be recaptured by a vet tech wearing a bite sleeve designed for aggressive dogs. She was the textbook definition of unadoptable.

She could not be fostered. There was absolutely no way she could live in a home with small children, or older children, or an elderly person with thin skin, or anyone who would get upset if they were clawed in the face without warning every few days.

Now, here's some math for you, keyboard warrior writing up a condescending screed about how there's Never Any Excuse for euthanizing a healthy animal:

The average length of stay in that shelter, for a healthy cat, was roughly two weeks. Which means, on average, assuming fast turnover, a single cage space in that shelter can save the lives of 24 cats every year.

Penny, when I met her, had been there for 43 days. A month and a half. Three times the average length of stay.

I love her. She has improved my life immeasurably and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. Her life is not more valuable than the lives of the other 23 cats who might have been saved by the slot she was taking up. Euthanasia, if space had run out, would have been the only ethical option.

(Yes, obviously I DID show up and I DID choose her. But frankly? I was a grad student with a psychology degree, studying to be a therapist, living alone, no plans to have kids, a private room where she wouldn't have to interact with other people or animals, de-facto engaged to a professional animal behaviorist; I was ACTIVELY LOOKING for an edge-case project cat, and could calmly and intelligently articulate my understanding of the seriousness of her behavior and my plan for helping her. You can't count on that happening. I was a fucking unicorn.)

No-kill shelters have the INCREDIBLE luxury of deciding who to save. They have the luxury of having all the time in the world to wait. And in the meantime, what exactly do you think is happening to the other animals? The ones they DON'T pick? The ones there's no room for? Do you think they magically don't need to be surrendered anymore? Does Santa Claus find them a home, perhaps?

You can't reduce the life of an animal to math. Good, ethical no-kill shelters can be wonderful resources--either taking highly-adoptable animals from open-intake shelters to free up space as efficiently as possible, or else taking in behaviorally or medically complicated dogs who need more time to find their perfect match than open-intake shelters can give.

But if you're going to shit on open-intake shelters, you don't get to be a fucking coward about it. So here. Prove how much smarter you are.

You've run out of space. Every cage is full. The cat cannot be fostered. You've filled all your available foster slots with other cats, to buy her time. The "no-kill" shelters are full--they pulled the cats they thought they could save, and the scruffy, psychologically-unsound, adult black domestic shorthair with chronic herpes? Nobody wants her. In this world her unicorn's not coming.

She's had three times as long as every other cat here. You have given her every chance, wrote her a lovely bio, moved other cats to other shelters to keep space open so you didn't have to make this choice; but she mauled someone else today and there's a sweet, cuddly, highly-adoptable tabby with no problem behaviors being checked in right now. If you can't put that new cat somewhere it's going to be euthanized without even being given a chance, even though it is extremely adoptable and would likely find a new home within a week.

You don't have a magic wand. You can't wish a conveniently empty second shelter into existence. Every option has been exhausted.

Look me in the eye, and tell me which one dies.