#my derealization visualized

[rossbehere]

"unreality"

bg ref: https://www.instagram.com/p/CS2hocnvIP3/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

[my-memories-cruddy]

The leaves turned to floaters

[shinesurge]

i dont wanna get up in that person's tags but man i've never seen somebody else talk about The OCD Substance lmao. Mine feels more solid than fabric and mostly exists attached to people or feelings but they are definitely cousins Wrow

[myrabbitistrying2killme]

My live can be summed up in an autobiography titled “reasons I belong to the spiral”

[greyscloud]

i suppose this is a term coining post.

here are some polymind terms i’ve come up w, if there’s any questions lmk !

lings:

sexling: a mind based off sex and / or kink (it is neutral in nature but its job can determine whether its neg or positive)

kinling: a mind based off your kin (i wasn’t actually the first person to come up w this, i found other people using the same term)

spinling: a mind based off your special interest (autistic version of the fixling)

blankling: a “mind” that is somehow, no mind. i don’t think this type of mind would work if you have a central mind as i assume that mind would be the default, w a blankling its that there’s literally no one there to fill the body, there’s nothing stimulating enough to activate any part of the mind so you’re just in an ultimate neutral zone & just going though the motions. this happens mostly when i’m very drained at the end of the day but just stay up usually on my phone or watching something & there’s just. nada. a blankling would at most be able to have a job, type, and name. it is too blank to have any other defining characteristics. the name is just something you assign to refer to it. this includes not having empathy, emotions, not too many meaningful thoughts

disling: a mind centered around your disabilities or disorders. it may be just a version of you that has 1 of the disorders or disabilities you have as a whole, or it can be that disability or disorder as an entire being

illing: a mind that is centered around your chronic illnesses and works the same as a disling.

extra:

cover up: when a mind is too private, personal, or is only mainly activated around specific people but still wants to interact socially so you create a “persona” or a “cover up” to hind its true identity allowing it to still interact

blankslate: blankslate is technically a job, it’s to go w blankling. usually only a blankling will have the blankslate job, but you could technically create an OC that has no lore or personality to it or pick a random animal to have a visual of the mind & a name to give it and assign it blankslate. so it is possible for a blankslate to be something other than a blankling, it just needs to lack personality.

jobs:

packmate: specially w your partner and related to this flag

cheerbear: happiness, joy, good stuffs ! inspired from cheer bear from care bears

tiny: regressed version of yourself. usually to regain childhood

harm reducer: reducing ed & sh & such alike

groundskeeper: the keeper of grief & dysphoria. w grief referring to yourself, like loss of culture, never being able to develope a skill further etc

grave yard: the sponge of grief & dysphoria. the one who feels the emotions.

academic keeper: school related (or job related). mind who is active during class or work related situations

doctor: keeping info on your disorders, disabilities, or chronic illness’ or feelings towards them

teacher: role model like figure that shares knowledge (usually related to spinlings). basically professional yapper

shutter: outward shut down, usually because of feeling unsafe, attacked, going into an episode, or feeling like you upset someone so you shut down and just sort of. try to go invisible

cloud: deals w dissociation (day dreaming, zoning out, derealization, depersonalization) etc

obsidian: negative emotions sponge, soaks up all of the negative emotions. usually sad ones. similar to worry stone in the link below but more of sad, depressed, lonely, even jealousy

moth: forced *or* less enthusiastic socialization. meant to be the opposite of butterfly

[schizopositivity]

My official, spoiler free thoughts on the new movie 'I Saw the TV Glow'

• massive trigger warning for anyone wanting to watch it who doesn't want to see derealization and mixing fantasy (TV shows) with reality, connecting back to reality was quite troublesome for me after watching the film in a theater

• although I understand the trans and queer themes of the film, I also personally saw a lot of themes surrounding psychosis, especially shared psychosis, and derealization that I heavily related to

• incredible depictions of the awkwardness and intensity of being middle school age, very relatable

• I love how it was shot and edited, my interpretations of what were psychotic elements in the film were shown as being very confusing and disoriented, which is incredibly accurate to how psychosis feels for me

• overall I loved it, not a typical storyline but I loved the feelings it provoked, it was visually gorgeous, unexpectedly hilarious at times, and captivating from start to finish (and also I love the band Sloppy Jane, I saw them live and met the band so seeing them performing on the big screen was incredible for me)

Now a little spoiler comment under the 'read more'

• I was really dreading the trope of the psychotic/severely mentally ill protagonist commiting suicide at the end, but I was absolutely delighted to see that wasn't the case, it wasn't a happy ending by any means, but at least it didn't depict suicide as being the solution to psychosis

• the media obsession getting mixed with psychosis was so relatable, as well as viewing that media totally differently when you're no longer in that headspace. As a teen I was obsessed with the movie Donnie Darko and had delusions and hallucinations based off of it, and yet when I watched it years later I thought it was cheesy and couldn't see why I loved it so much, exactly like Owen in I Saw the TV glow

[my-memories-cruddy]

Everything went down 2 years ago

[ascendedice]

🕯️˖*°࿐ Witchy tips! #1 - Energy Hygiene

It's essential for every witch to do energy hygiene! This overall means cleansing and protecting your space and your own energy, as well as grounding yourself before and after magick.

"When to cleanse?"

It's entirely up to you, but here are the main factors I follow:

When your space/room/house feels weird - just cleanse it.

Every time I feel my surroundings are negative, I just cleanse them. It's recommended to do it at least once a month, but of course if you feel anything building up before that trust your intuition and cleanse.

When you are feeling drained, stressed or anything negative really.

It's still good to frequently cleanse your own energy. Remember - you can cleanse yourself when going to the shower/bathtub. It's about intention.

Before and after spell work.

It's recommended to cleanse your space before and after doing spell work, so random energies don't influence your spell. It's like using a dish - you have to clean it before re-using it.

Just trust your intuition - if you feel like you need to do something, do it.

"How to cleanse?"

There are a lot of ways to cleanse and maintain your space. Some of the ones I commonly use are:

Sound cleansing -

If you have a bell - ring it around your space with the intention of cleansing the energy around. You can also clap your hands or even knock on your tools.

Smoke cleansing -

Smoke cleansing with incense is another good way to cleanse. Just let the smoke run through the space or the tool you want to cleanse.

important: burning any kind of sage is a CLOSED PRACTICE.

Water cleansing -

I mostly use that way to cleanse myself or my crystals. Let the water run through the object you want to cleanse or yourself - it will work.

Subliminals -

Sometimes when you're unable to cleanse yourself in any of the ways above, you can always go on youtube and search for an energy cleansing subliminal. 2-5 minutes of listening would be enough!

"When should I ground myself?"

Grounding yourself is an important thing, especially when doing magick. It's very de-realizing to do any kind of magick due to how surreal it feels. That of course, is different for all people BUT it's really recommended to do some sort grounding.

Before and after any kind of magick -

No matter if it's spell work, cleansing, tarot or any form of witchcraft really, you should ground yourself before and after doing so to avoid derealization and to be able to focus on your practice.

When feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

Grounding and cleansing yourself are both really important self-care practices. Make sure to do that

"How can I ground myself?"

Grounding is a practice that involves connecting with the earth's energy to stabilize and balance your own energy. It is a means to anchor yourself back to the physical world and release excess or negative energy. To ground yourself:

Sit in a comfortable position with your feet touching the ground, start relaxing and breathing in.

Imagine a cord or a root extending deep in the earth.

Visualize, breathe in the new energy.

This can be done for 30 seconds, or even 10 minutes. Do what you're comfortable with.

REMEMBER - this is just a random grounding method that I use myself. You can always research and find countless ways to do it.

Thanks for reading, take care of yourself! 111 222 333

[npdkondraki]

hey okay, can you give me the top ten most vital (from your perspective) scp stories to read. i don't know what's actually good and what's nothingburger

smiles!!!! of course i can!!!!!!! deciphering whats really 'vital' is pretty difficult since it really depends on if ur more interested in the doctors or the actual foundation / the scps themselves, and from there whether ur more interested in the actual scp documents or the tales, etc etc. it gets overcomplicated quick ^-^;;. ANYHOW. yes yes of course yes look at our recommendations. these are primarily world-building based, but feel free 2 ask and i'll req some tales instead .:3

1) scp-3001 - mild warning for? derealization? maybe? its reality bending based so its Strange. the plot with this one is that a man named robert scranton gets transported to essentially a void-esque plane of existence and slowly rots away. its primarily his logs that hold the article together but i think its interesting, and the scranton reality anchor* (*which comes up semi-often when dealing with any reality bending based thing) is based on this so its nice knowledge that kind of ties it together

2) excerpts from physics division field manual 13: special circumstances, humanoid threat entities - this ones just fully about reality benders & i think it is SO fascinating. reality benders also play kind of a large role depending on what tales & characters & scps you read about, but most often youll hear the term "type green" be thrown around and thats where THIS handy thing comes in!!! .:-)

3) extended biography of "the administrator" - its the admin!!!! the admin is in a weird spot as hes technically not.. a character? really? hes more of an 'idea' i guess lol. anyway point being this entire thing features small bits of him speaking to the reader through the form of little notes. i think its really interesting and kind of humanizes the higher level staff (as the admin is like. to my knowledge one of the highest level staffers, if not THE highest level depending on the canon????)

4) yesterday - this is specifically from the daybreak canon, where the sun basically kills fucking everything. its good! it provides a lot of characterization for pretty much the "main" characters (or at least the ones who pop up the most lol). it's a REALLY fascinating look at how all of them interact when faced with certain doom, esp given they were/are all friends at some point

5) incident 239-b-clef-kondraki - ok despite the title im not biased here i swear. this one just comes up a lot Generally and i would amiss to not recommend it. it slips between written visual & audio logs and notes clef (& co) wrote, which i personally just think is pretty Neat .:-)

6) duke 'till dawn - ignore my biases about kondraki this ones again just relevant and comes up kind of often and i would, again, be amiss to not recommend it. storytelling is primarily told thru written visual logs as well as interviews with staff

7) personal log of dr gears / personal log of [redacted] "iceberg" [redacted] - im grouping these together since they tell the same story and are two halves of one whole. gears & iceberg are both fairly important and these are also just interesting looks at how they operate. both are told thru the format of journal entries

8) 7 things that new level 3 researchers should know - this is an entire like essentially a pamphlet styled booklet written by sophia light to share knowledge with mid-tier staff. its neat and i think its fascinating to see what actual workers say about the foundation, and specifically working in the foundation .:-) (also ill admit im biased here sophia light is just very cool to me. i recommend reading about her sometime! ^_^)

9) a recording of prometheus innovations' pitch for the scranton encabulator mk vi, and the ramifications of its existence - this is primarily a bunch of reality bender based technobabble but its cool!!!! theres actually some interesting things that are mentioned in here!!! also its just fun. there isnt a whole lot i really remember about this one but from what i do remember its great and i enjoy it .:-)

10) founding - this ones part of classical revival canon, a canon based in, of course, reviving the older canons of the scpverse from when it first started But Better Now. it particularly is about the kind of 'main guys' creating the foundation basically. (oh, fair warning, youll see a lad named 'francis' be mentioned, that's alto clef from before he was properly alto clef ^_^)

[xaharadesert]

10 of my Favourite Horror (Adjacent) Movies and Why You Should Watch Them

(Not in any particular order or subgenre. TW are super vague, spoiler-free, and from my memory, but I would recommend looking up more specific ones before watching any of these if you are easily triggered. Not all triggers are listed because these are horror movies, so stuff like death and murder is to be expected.)

Let me know if y’all want a part 2, because I’ve got about 7 more! (It could have been one post if Tumblr didn’t limit my images to 10)

1. Parasite

A struggling lower class family slowly integrates itself into the household of a rich family without their knowledge.

Most of you have already seen this one, or been told to watch it. I am no different: this movie is popular for a very good reason. Divided into 3 clear acts, starting with comedy, and making its way through drama into horror. Also, great commentary on classism, very psychological at times and makes you wonder who you should really be rooting for.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 5/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: Dark comedy thriller

2. The House That Jack Built

Serial killer Jack recounts some of his most influential murders.

A bit infamous and controversial for being very messed up, but still really good. Highly psychological, with a lot of narration and use of metaphor. Especially fun if you have any knowledge of Dante’s Inferno. Definitely not one to watch if you want a protagonist to root for.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 6/10

Disturbing: 10/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual Genre: psychological horror art

TW: sexism, corpse mutilation

3. Creep (1&2)

A man is hired to help film messages from a dying man to his son.

I’m usually not a fan of found-footage, but there’s something special about Creep. On top of that, this is one of the few movies where I can confidently say I like the sequel more, which is shocking because the first one was amazing. Very funny and off-beat, with a sense of foreboding underlying the whole thing.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 1/10

Disturbing: 3/10

Psychological: 4/10

Actual genre: found footage psychological horror

Edit: now has a TV show! Haven’t watched it yet, but saw some clips and it looks great! Follows the same formula as the movies :)

4. Mother!

A woman and her poet husband live quietly in a secluded house away from society.

Very metaphorical and highly feminist; definitely not a movie that everyone appreciates, but if you enjoy analysis or just being really weirded out then this is a good for you. Starts slow and snowballs toward the horrific climax.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 7/10

Disturbing: 7/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual genre: psychological horror

TW: cannibalism

5. Perfect Blue

Mima is a young pop star looking to join the acting industry.

Brutally realistic to the point where I had to stop watching and take a walk at one point. Very much “female rage” and a protagonist that will live in your head rent free for the next 6 years (or maybe that’s just me). Very triggering in a lot of ways, but worth it if you’re not sensitive to the topics it covers.

Scary: 5/10

Gore: 4/10 (animated)

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 10/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: depersonalization/derealization, nudity, stalking, rape scene (she is acting in a tv show but it is still the most uncomfortable scene of the movie), inaccurate portrayal of DID

6. Midsommar

A couple and their friends go on a vacation to their friend’s remote hometown for a Midsommar festival.

Probably the best-known out of this list, and again for a good reason. 90% of the film takes place in broad daylight, and the visuals are absolutely gorgeous. Once again will bring up the question of who is in the right and who is in the wrong (I have the answer to this question and I will fight you in dms if you’d like).

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 8/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 7/10

Actual genre: folk horror

TW: long and graphic sex scene, nudity, close up and graphic gore, cult stuff, suicide

7. The Call

A woman moves back to her childhood home and receives a call from the woman who lived there 30 years prior.

I got really into modern Asian horror films a few months ago and this is one of my favourites. The dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist is one of my favourites, and finishing this movie felt like finishing a 3 season TV show because of how well paced it was. Really hoping there will be a sequel with the same concept, even if it is not likely.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: abuse

8. Incantation

A cursed woman takes back custody of her young daughter and does everything she can to keep away the effects of her curse.

This one was popular on TikTok for a while, and for good reason. Another found footage in a more traditional sense, and a bit confusing at times, but overall a really solid scary story. Very cool effects as well.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: supernatural horror

TW: derealization

9. Pearl

A farm girl dreams about leaving home and living as a show girl.

Mia Goth is a national treasure, but we all knew that already. I watched this one before X (the actual first movie) because I didn’t know they were connected, but I much preferred this one. The Wizard of Oz vibes combined with Pearl’s unsettling behaviour made is a really creep film to watch.

Scary: 4/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: horror

TW: porn

10. The Platform

A man is stuck in a prison where a platform of food is lowered through the layers of cells for inmates to eat as they please.

I’m a sucker for psychological movies that take place in a very limited space. If you’ve ever played and enjoyed the game Presentable Liberty then I’m gonna go ahead and say you’ll like this too. Not every question is answered, but the film is more about the human condition than the prison they inhabit, so it’s not too much of a problem.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 9/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 9/10

Actual genre: social science fiction horror

TW: cannibalism, suicide

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

badboyhalo october 1st stream recap

okay okay quick recap for anyone who couldn't watch the stream/can't watch bad's vod (tw discussion of derealization, paranoia (being watched especially), hallucinations, bad having a BAD time, etc. if any of this stuff super bothers you then you may want to avoid badboyhalo's livestreams for the foreseeable future, he's a long-term storyteller)

Bad started off his stream with a black screen and white text.

"Welcome. Dear cucurucho, why are you in my [the text went offscreen] I just want to talk please come say hello I know your there cucurucho come come come out wherever you are cucuruchoooooooo CUCURUCHSOFIOOGI" [note: keysmash not exact]

When Bad turned his screen on, he was in dapper's room, rocking back and forth. he was calling for cucurucho and talking about it living in his house. He kept jumping at nothing. He spoke to the pictures of the kids as if they were real, and asked "richarlyson" if forever was the one in his house.

he didn't want to leave dapper's room because it was his 'safe room,' but he eventually did. His base is now covered in GIANT signs that have red text and cucurucho's model that say "NO FEDERATION ALLOWED" and "YOUR BEING WATCHED" and one more i can't remember. he put up cameras everywhere and said "Look! I have cameras! Now I know when someone comes in... and when someone leaves." which isn't super important but it was an awesome line

he ended up going to spawn to look for cucurucho, and it was full of scaffolding. bad didn't take this well. It's unclear if the scaffolding was part of his hallucinations or not, but he fixated on it 'being' cucurucho. He suspected forever, cellbit, and foolish were also cucurucho. He questioned what was and wasn't real- including himself.

Bad started SEEING cucurucho in the distance, watching him, before it would disappear again. When it came back, sometimes it was renamed. "ENJOY THE ISLAND" and ":)" were some of the renamings, and I cannot remember them all. Bad started out by chasing cucurucho, shouting at it and asking if it were various items/mobs. He saw two of them at once at once point and was lead up into slime's hold house, through flippa's room (where there was a single block of scaffolding), and then out off of jaiden's balcony.

As the chase went on Bad started to become more frightened. Cucurucho was flying. he started to lose sense of where he was (shown by the admins teleporting him around) and hallucinated a nether portal he threatened to go through.

At some point Bad questioned if Dapper was cucurucho, too.

Eventually Bad retreated to the wall to cower in a 1x1 hole that went beneath the wall. cucurucho broke several blocks in front of him and appeared, revving its chainsaw. when it disappeared again there was a hole broken into the floor that lead to a cave and LONG tunnels beneath the wall. the visual was terrifying i promise.

cucurucho chased bad through the tunnels. he was screaming “please please stop I’ll be good I promise please go away.” At one point cucurucho appeared behind bad with the name "Bad?Boy?Halo?" and bad freaked out about potentially being cucurucho.

cucurcucho chased bad through a cave system until two cucuruchos cornered him to blow bubbles. their names were "do you?" and "YES". bad ran from them and found some scaffolding loose on the ground, (which had been built up to lead him out of the cave), said "this is it, this is you" and threw into lava.

Bad warped back home, insisting, "You can't come here, you can't come here." He was calmer in his house, but then was hit by the blindness effect and started yelling about the signs and "NO FEDERATION ALLOWED." he sang a little song about it

short story short: cucurucho appeared in his house. he saw it behind a glass wall. he was furious and terrified and growling "you can't be in here." he ran into dapper's room, where it appeared AGAIN with the name "WITHOUT M***" (last few letters were in the wall lmao). bad started sprinting around his house trying to find a safe place. cucurucho chased him with a chainsaw down the aquarium hallway.

Two cucuruchos kept popping up and disappearing, both with different names each time. Bad asked them "who let you in my house?" and went through a series of names such as: foolish, forever, tina, cellbit, baghera, antoine, fit- and finally settled on Ron.

Bad went to go see Ron. The hallway was dark, and Ron's room was unlit. When Bad opened the door, Cucurucho, with the nametag "RON" above its head, looked back at him. Bad said, "I knew it. It was Ron. He let you in." A second Cucurucho appeared with the nametag "ALWAYSHERE."

Bad was given blindness again, and he started to laugh as a chainsaw whirred. We heard bubbles blowing. Then the screen faded entirely to black, and Bad said, "Come here, Ron. Come out, come out, wherever you are..."

We heard rapid damage sounds, and then the sound of eating.

(the END of his stream had black and white text "SEE You NeXt tIme :)" as an example. The other messages were classic streamer "thanks for watching" and "make sure to follow" messages with similar fucked up cases, but this was supposed to be a fast recap lmao)

TLDR: Bad's paranoia has increased to the point of hallucinations. He's now frightened of Cucurucho, and suspects that everyone on the island is/could be helping Cucurucho get into his base. He associates cucurucho with scaffolding now. He is NOT sound of mind. He ate Ron Lemons.

If I missed anything important, feel free to add on!

[siren-sovereign]

Hey, it's me again!

Simce I came across your blog through Succubish666's post, I've been wondering about the "Satan speaking through a person" thing. How does the process of possession work?

~ 🐈‍⬛

HEY!! THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS NOW I WROTE MOST OF THE RESPONSE AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT IT IM SO SORRY 😅

Nice to see ya again! I’d like to start off with a huge warning regarding spiritual possessions:

WARNING: SPIRITUAL POSSESSION CAN BE A VERY DANGEROUS FORM OF CHANNELING IF DONE IMPROPERLY. DO NOT ATTEMPT POSSESSIONS WITH SPIRITS UNLESS THEY ARE SPIRITS YOU HAVE A BIND WITH (PACT/CONTRACT/GODSPOUSAL) AND HAVE A COHERENT UNDERSTANDING OF AND EXPERIENCE WITH HIGHER LEVELS OF CHANNELING

Spiritual possession is really just an extreme form of channeling. It’s like the master-level of spirit communication. All channeling is achieved through trance, where the practitioner meditates or enters a trance state in one way or another. Everyone has their own methods for entering trance, not one method is going to work universally— it’s different for everyone. Trance is a state of mind where you are fully conscious but are able to access the unconscious mind. (Think of it like tricking your brain into thinking you’re dreaming.) But when you’re in these trance-states and you call upon a demon or god or spirit, you can converse with them. Depending on the depth of the trance and the skills of the practitioner, communication may sound like 2 halves of their brain communicating, they may hear a distinction between voices, they may have visualizations alongside, etc etc. But at its core spirit communication through trance happens in the mind between the practitioner and the spirit. Possession occurs when the conditions of the trance session (how deep of a trance, intention of the ritual, what spirit/deity and your relationship with them, etc.) allow for the spirit to come through stronger than yourself. When performing a possession, you’re still like present and have control but are just allowing the spirit to do more than usual.

I’m being intentionally vague in explaining how possessions work because while they are extremely powerful and helpful, they are not something to take lightly. They’re nothing like the demonic possessions you see in movies and TV, but there ARE risks. Personal injury, psychosis, derealization/dissociation, and panic attacks can happen to you if you’re not careful.

I hope this was able to answer your question a bit! Even though I didn’t go into how to actually perform one. It’s a skill that any witch can learn, some learn it better and faster than others, but anyone can do it with the right training. And if you work with your gods, you’ll find the answers you need.

Ave!

[personwithatophat]

TFG ch.7 thoughts

if you havent played the founders game, this wont make sense https://www.thefoundergame.com/chapter-select if you know nothing about generation loss this is still a fun story game to go through! that aside chapter 7 is getting under my skin recently. its general point is to expand on whats really happening. that afterschool slash is a simulation that takes place within the Gen 0 lab and that what were seeing is heavily influenced, ending in our soon to be meeting with the founder. this is the most info grounded ive felt in the game since it started. heres why. The entire game thus far has been very very ambiguous about what were looking at. and this is very intentional. arbitrary details change and shift every other chapter, the map layout of the school is incredibly uncertain, and the whole vibe has been ment to be derealization in theme. the whole game in reaction boiling down to the unreliable narrator rule. daily reminder that genloss has no reliable narrators. but this? we've delt with this. Vision being altered through context and perception. a grandious tearing away of the curtain to see the "truth" behind it all. the technology thats in Gen 1 TSE is consistent with the tech being used in the Gen 0 lab, supporting theories that TSE is sponsored as an off-branch project to the larger generation loss organization. But more importantly, it means we already have notes on how this all might work.

from my notes and my theories

Visions and feeling such as pain can be simulated, but both need a base to work off of. it doesn’t have to be perfect since a “don’t think on it too hard” attitude is practically hot wired in, but it works by trigger.

for example. if i take a wooden pop gun and point it to a filtered character and shoot, that would translate into a hallucinated weapon and a wound.

but it needs that visual to draw over, and that audio or sensation to cue.

it’s convincing the characters so they can convince us.

similarly, a misplaced cue (broken display/trophy case with a branch/knife inside) still attempts to translate but without the time for it to be deliberately written out, the second best option is to just move past it.

an example of being written out is TSE ep 2 where cameras are intentionally removed from filter and we see ranboo both comment and react either not able or not allowed to acknowledge the cameras.

(yes puzzler comments, but that’s for our sake since camera crews couldn’t be avoided on screen, ranboo is camera blind till the end of the ep)

i have more to say but this is already an essay and it’s late so i’m Pt.1 -ing it

remember this is truely Just a theory, it’s not confirmed but this is my very studied interpretation

-Tophat

[transgenderer]

trip report: first couple hours of LSD i just had really pleasant visual effects but after that i thought there was nothing in the world except my shrimp and my apartment and if i went outside i would just end up back inside, like my apartment was nested inside my shrimp aquarium. i was trying to figure out what was going on and thought maybe me and my friends were actually shrimp and this was like. a shrimp dream. also i tried to read tumblr posts and thought that man and woman and big and small were shrimp delusions. i kept asking my friends if there were things other than shrimp. and listing numbers. or just saying 0 and 1. an old man told me he had seen a bear near here a year ago which is i think around when i started to derealize (note these ememories are not chronologically otrdered)/ when my friends left for a while (apparetnyl i said i ddint want to go) i thought i had made them up. the creaking from above me and the buzz of my aquarium pump felt hellish. i thought i had made up my friends and i was a sort of a god being made of sequences of numbers. my faint memories of my measure theory class were reintperepted as me understanding my own existence as a subset of the space of seqeunces of numbers. my memories of being a strange person were understood in terms of measure 0 things being interesting and nonzero measure things being boring but rare. i decided my memories of the concept of work and parents were an interpetaiton of the time i spent as a shrimp god, where i crafted dreams for myself and then forgot everything and hallucinated being a person

[arrrmagedonnn]

Well i decided to translate my lore article into English soooo I hope you will enjoy it!! Also feel free to ask some questions about them or maybe art requests with them, I will be so happy to answer!

CW: legal slavery, slave whump, conditioned whumpee, self-harm, non-con, abuse (I dont know what to add but I hope you understand vibe)

1. A bit of world building 

The setting is an alternative Europe of the 70s-80s (historical events are different, this is just to understand the general atmosphere and the development of technology). The economy is based on a system of owning and selling slaves, and is under strict control –you can legally buy/sell a slave only through the Central Market, which is located in every city. Market belongs to the Formelle family, which takes a large percentage from each completed sale, and due to this is one of the richest in the country.

The market is divided into several sections, each sells slaves of different “quality". Every Friday there is a Big Auction where exclusive slaves are sold, which cannot be bought just like that. They are considered more elite because of their physical attractiveness, learning to write/read and other skills. On the rest of the week, in the evenings, Small Auctions are held, where slaves are exhibited that have not been sold for a fixed price during the day. The Big Auction and Small Auctions are held on Monday and Wednesday by Mark, on all other days by Fran.

2. Ethan

Ethan is a slave, he was born after his mother (also a slave) was raped by her master. She worked in a large estate, with many servants besides them, so for the first couple of years they did not pay much attention to Ethan, but the more he grew, the more he began to resemble his father in appearance. So, in order to avoid a scandal and the disclosure of the rape story, at the age of 11, Ethan was resold to the other side of the country, to a farm.

He lived and grew up there until he was 17. Everything was quite good – Ethan was not given too hard work and most of the time he was not noticed at all, so he often secretly went for walks in the woods, to the river, and other interesting places near the farm. On one of these walks, he accidentally went a little further than usual, got lost and for two days couldnt find the way back. When he returned, the owners thought he was trying to escape, so they beat him up and then resold him to work in a factory.

It was a textile factory and the conditions there were much worse – constant work for 15-17 hours a day, disgusting living conditions, lack of normal food, and in case of disobedience (which was just weariness), Ethan was punished by being locked in a small dark punishment cell (after that he had a phobia of enclosed dark spaces). At such moments, he began to have a strong derealization, and in order to somehow cope with this, Ethan did not come up with anything better than stealing and carrying sharp cutting objects (needles, blades, pins, scissors) and cutting/stabbing his hands, because the pain helped him return to reality and don't start going crazy.

Ethan worked at the factory for about a year until Mark took him away from there.

By nature, Ethan is modest and intimidated, he tries to be as obedient as possible, even to the detriment of his needs. He has low self–esteem and considers himself fundamentally bad, wrong and broken, and thinks that all violence in his direction is right and deserved.

And some facts:

- Ethan can't read or write, but he can count to 30 and tell the time by the clock.

- Ethan constantly hears voices accusing and insulting him, and he is generally prone to visual, auditory and tactile hallucinations, as well as bouts of derealization.

- Ethan considers ignoring and loneliness much worse than any physical punishment.

- His favorite dessert is sugar cubes

3. Mark

Mark is one of the children of the Formelle family. Thanks to his mother, who indulged his every whim, he grew up spoiled and selfish, used to having everything in the world revolve around him. Because of his character and behavior, his peers did not want to be friends with him, so he either bought the friendship of other children for money, or was surrounded by slaves of his own age (he accidentally killed one of them during a game by throwing a stone at his head, but the next day they just brought a new one to Mark).

After graduating from high school, Mark tried to study at a medical university, but barely mastered the first year. Instead of studying, he preferred going to loud parties, drinking expensive cocktails in bars, going to boutiques with branded clothes and finding other ways to spend his parents' money. After some time, he was forced to work as an auctioneer in order to bring at least some benefit to the family business, but even so he has a lot of time for endless parties and bars.

Since childhood, Mark had a noticeable craving for violence, so when he got older, Mark began to use slaves, originally intended for sale, for his “personal use”. Mark's main fetish is cutting, so that all his slaves either died from wounds and blood loss, or became mutilated to the point that they could not move normally, and their appearance made them unsuitable for resale. Such waste continued for a long time, but in the end, Mark was forbidden to take expensive elite slaves, and instead take cheaper and already used ones, such as Ethan. By the way, Mark chose Ethan for himself only because he saw fresh cuts on him, and he was very amused by how he was hurting himself.

By nature, Mark is very mannered, arrogant, likes to be the center of attention and is fueled by adoration for himself from other people. He has an antisocial personality disorder, so he does not feel empathy for others, except for feigned pity. He likes to control everything and hates it when things don't go the way he intended.

And some facts:

- Mark uses makeup – concealer, concealer, he draws himself small arrows and a mole under his eye, because he heard that it makes the face more symmetrical.

- Mark is a sadomasochist and have ASPD

- His favorite dessert is macaroons

3.1 Mark and Ethan

Ethan lived with Mark for two years, and Mark very quickly won Ethan's love and affection through emotional manipulation. Compared to life at the factory, life with Mark was easier and calmer for Ethan, even despite the constant violence in his direction. Mark convinced Ethan that the process of making cuts makes him “beautiful“ and ”full-fledged", all punishments are done “for the good". In addition, beatings, sex, cuts and forced self-harm always alternated with affection, care and words of love, which made Ethan want violence against himself, because after it there would be a pleasant, comfortable part.

Their "relationship" lasted until Mark thought it was a funny idea to fuck Ethan in the eye socket. Before that, Ethan was already physically weak due to the constant mutilation, and after that he finally broke down, constantly just lying, sleeping, crying, and did not show the same emotions as before. Mark tried to sell him, but he couldn't find anyone willing to buy the exhausted, half-dead one-eyed slave, so Mark gave Ethan to his friend, Rafe.

4. Raf (Rafael)

Rafael is a childhood friend of Mark, but unlike him, he does not come from a rich family. His father left the family, Francesca's mother worked a lot and almost did not raise her son, so from childhood Raf was more serious and independent than his peers.

Raf's mother and Mark's father communicated closely, so the children spent a lot of time with each other. Raf was the only one whose friendship Mark couldn't buy, and who didn't suck up to him because of his status. They often quarreled, fought, reconciled, fought again, but in the end they remained close friends for many years to come. Rafe was and remains the only one whom Mark considers his equal, and whose opinion and attitude he cares at least a little.

After graduating from school, Raf dreamed of going to medical school with Mark, but he failed to enroll in budget education, and there was not enough money for paid education. Instead, Raf graduated as an economist and got a job at a regular office position.

By nature, Raf is quite balanced, restrained and serious. He suffers from workaholism and insomnia. Long-term communication with people quickly exhausts him, it is difficult for him to make new friends and even acquaintances.

And some facts:

- In high school and before the first years of university, Rof dated Mark's cousin, Lillian. They parted on quite a good note, realizing that they were not suitable for each other.

- Raf is always haunted by the thought that he is not doing "enough" – not working hard enough, not trying hard enough, and in an attempt to feel satisfied with the completion of some project, he can work continuously for several days in a row.

- Raf has a british cat, Lala, which he picked up from the street (in fact, she went into the house herself and refused to leave). Lala is not very sociable and grumpy, often bites and scratches if you try to pet her.

- Rafe likes to watch true-edge shows on TV and read detective stories, in which the reader is invited to find the killer along with the main character.

- Collects stamps and smoking pipes. - He cooks well, but because of work, he has almost no time for it.

4.1 Raf and Mark

Raf and Mark still communicate well and often, despite the difference in characters. After Rafe broke up with Lillian, Mark suggested that he start dating, but after the recent breakup, Rafe agreed only to a "relationship without a relationship" – they have sex, romance, but they do not call an official relationship.

4.2 Raf and Ethan

As I said above, Mark decided to give Ethan to Raf. Rafe himself has been extremely negative about the slavery system since childhood and does not support it, so he agreed to take Ethan only because he would not have lived long in any other place because of his weakened condition. Ethan will need a long time to get used to the new conditions, especially in contrast after living with Mark. For example, Ethan is used to being punished for any oversight, and if he doesn't, then he needs to harm himself on his own, and Rafe won't understand the reasons for this behavior for a long time.

weeeeell thats all!! I know that the article is a bit crooked and my English is not so good, but I tried my best!!

[my-memories-cruddy]

It’s this time of year I always live

U can’t see the ducks anymore