#nice guy

[vintageslideshow]

Jim (52)

Yakima, WA - Agriculture/Semi-Retired

Nonsmoker / Occasional drink / Moderate / Widowed / 2 kids (adult) / LGBTQ+ friendly / Vaccinated Looking for: love, FWB, fishing buddy.

Quote: There's always room on my boat for you.

[sadgirll9996]

[recoveringniceguy]

Day One....or is it Day One 2.0...3.0....4.0?

Reset. Renew. Refresh. Reevaluate. Reconnect.......Rewire!

How many times do we try again. Usually we do the same thing because that's what we know. That's how we have been wired. How we have wired ourselves to act. How did I act? I tried to do everything right to please.

Who was I trying to please? The person opposite me. The person who bullied me, the person who raised me, the person who paid me, the person who loved me. Everyone except me. Was I unhappy? No, not always. Was my life awful? Far from it. Was i healthy? Generally, yes. I have unhealthy habits (other than people pleasing, of course) but a little bit i'm moderation doesn't kill you they say.

People would probably look at me and think, he's done alright for himself. Good career, great [immediate] family, nice house, secure. What does he have to worry about. They'd say "yeah, he's a great guy always willing to help out. He's such a nice guy".

He was Nice.

Recently my wife and I went into couples counselling after we fu*cked up and got stupid. A situation got out of hand and I tried to stop it and get us back on the right path. I made a decision that was based on logic whilst dealing with emotion. Now, you may think that a logical decision usually is thoughtful, measured with all the outcomes, pros, cons mapped out. Yeah, no. It was an irrational, impulsive decision. I won't go into detail just now. Not sure if I will go into it, it's not relevant or helpful at this moment.

On the second session the therapist asked us what was it that first attracted you to each other. I took a breath and reeled off about half a dozen things with a lump in my throat. My wife sat there and after a while said "He was nice".......

Wow! 20 plus years together because I was nice.

That hurt. Really hurt.

We were already struggling to talk without the conversation descending into argument but in the car ride back home I hardly said a word. A few days later I was speaking with a friend who was in a much worse relationship situation than I was and was trying to rebuild his life. He told me about a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" - Dr Robert Glover and that I should read it.

He'd gone on this voyage of discovery and had been on these Alpha Male self-help therapies. Not the Andrew Tate hyper misogynistic type but along those lines. I've already been in therapy for the best part of three years after a significant life event really tested the foundations of my marriage and the pair of us had really got to know each other better and, for a while, had never been closer. So, I'm very open to self-reflection and care.

I listened to the book. Kept rewinding it. Playing passages from it over and over and almost cried at points. A lot of the testimonies really resonated with me. Admittedly, there are passages that I thought we so far from my truth. But, it made a lot of sense as to some of my traits and behaviours.

I'd thought whats so wrong in making people happy, being nice. Its a good trait right? Sure. It is a great trait. It is until you realise that it's an impossible task.

This is where we're at for now. I could go on. I have a lot to say but does anyone really want to hear a "woah is me" sob story from a self entitled middle class wan£er like me?

We'll see. Like most Nice Guy's I can lack follow through and commitment. Instead of highlighting my mistakes I'll bury them. I'll cover them up for fear of being found out and disspointing everyone.

Like most Nice Guys I have a lot of internalised shame and guilt and this has led to me to act in certain ways. Not all of them being Nice.

So, if im back in a couple of days, weeks, hours with more than hopefully I'm making a positive break from those behaviours.

[pose4photoml]

Today I received a text that sent me to a link for a celebration of life for a man I only meet once in person. My one encounter with him was a memorable one. We talked about his girlfriend (my friend) who asked him to help me fix something at my house and he showed up with a smile on his face. We also talked about his kids, his job and then my life a tad. He has a great laugh (cause you know I made him laugh 😉) I’m both happy I got a chance to meet him and sad that his life was cut short. My prayers go out to my friend, his kids, family and friends- May he RIP!

[anorganizedstreet]