#nonbinary subjectivity

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Gender is a weird thing, yo. I like to refer to myself using masculine terms, BUT

It's weird and feels wrong when someone else calls me using masculine terms

And I'm here like ????????? because I don't understand either

I feel you. Gender is intrinsically dialectical, imo, and shaped and made intelligible through social interactions and broader social understandings of its signifiers. I've had the same sort of dissonance you describe with certain elements of both masculinity and femininity. I think what feels internally appealing and resonant, when based on our own perception of what certain types of language, gender presentation, etc, "mean" or connote, can often carry the risk of interpolation by others in ways that are very discordant with how we ourselves interpret what we're doing, gender-wise. I've definitely been in the camp of "man, certain types of masculinity resonate with me, but it feels so wrong when people call me 'dude'!" or "I love makeup and other elements of femme-ness, but holy shit does it make me uncomfortable when people express attraction to me when I'm presenting myself like that".

For an example that's been on my mind lately - I am, pretty unquestionably, "attracted to women". Whenever I reflect on the implications of that, I usually come to the conclusion that I don't feel my attraction to women is "straight", or that I'd be especially comfortable being parsed as a man in the context of a relationship with a woman. However, one big tenet of my nonbinary identity is that being interpolated as a queer woman, or lesbian-adjacent, or what have you, is very dysphoria inducing to me. As such, when I'm in a social space that is heavily populated by queer women, I often feel uncomfortable talking about or expressing my attraction to women, to the point where it sometimes genuinely feels more honest to categorize myself as not being attracted to women. However, I've noticed that when I hang out with my trans guy friend, I'm fine with talking about finding women attractive, and don't experience any dissonance there whatsoever. (It's telling that I also feel no dissonance about this particular friend addressing me as "dude".)

Because "attraction to women" isn't pre-discursive (any more than, say "women" or indeed "attraction" are). The emotions and sensory responses and what have you that I categorize as "attraction" are probably not terribly different from what queer women feel, but what "attraction to women" means in a queer woman-centric communal context - the specific forms it takes, the way it's often expressed, etc. - is often a lot more specific and subcultural. Joining in on that carries certain implications as to how I'm positioning myself.

(One reason why I engage with fandom the way I do, gender-wise, is because expressing attraction to men does not carry nearly as much - if any - dissonance for me. There are multiple reasons for this - that my nonbinary identity is premised on a very strong affiliation with queer men, that I'm already so commonly parsed as queer irl that expressing attraction to men is unlikely to get people to perceive me as straight, etc.)

Anyway, all of that is to say that I don't think what you're describing is necessarily uncommon. It is confusing and often inexplicable! But hopefully being given another example of something similar helps.

[libraryspectre]

I never thought I'd be the person who starts HRT and then is no longer asexual, but it turns out that radically changing your relationship to your body can bring a lot of other changes. It might be tempting to say that I was never really asexual, that it was "just" dysphoria, and if other people feel that way about their own experience that's fine, but it doesn't sit right with me personally. Because that was my very real experience of orientation at the time, and if I hadn't been able to access HRT, that would likely have been my orientation for the rest of my life. And that would have been fine! I mean, not being able to access HRT would suck, but that wouldn't be one of the reasons why.

Being asexual was my inroad into the queer community and for that reason I'll always feel a connection to the identity, even though it's no longer my experience. Also, coming into the queer community at the height of ace discourse has given me valuable perspective on how we Should Not Do Exclusionism. I'm not ace anymore but I'll be here for aces forever

[cookinary]

Pride month in the lab

Some lore about the Professor under the cut? Some lore about the Professor under the cut, let's go

Might as well include some lore about the world too because it's interconnected lol

First, you gotta know that both the Professor and 116 are over 100 years old (116 does not know that of course) thanks to the eternal youth formula the Professor invented

And the world came to an end a long, LONG time ago. And back then, when the apocalypse was upon them, a group of scientists decided to isolate themselves and pick a test subject among the survivors (they kidnapped the few survivors left, wiped their memories and sold them off through an auction) to try and find a way to save the human race by whatever means necessary

Except something went wrong with all the other labs and every scientist and test subject died, except the Prof and 116

So even if the Prof had come up with a solution, it would have been for nothing since he and 116 are literally the only people left on Earth So the only thing the Prof could do is keep testing until he'd run out of ideas of things to test, and mostly to pass the time

Despite the appearance, the Professor is not evil like a supervillain, he just wants to do science and he doesn't see 116 as a human being, only as a lab equipment requring certain needs to work properly But it was a very expensive lab equipment and the Prof would hate to see it breaking down, which is why he provides 116 with a limited (and controlled) comfort when not working

Over the years, he started developing feelings for 116 and eventually falling for them, despite 116 hating him with every fiber of their being The Prof is extremely delusional towards them, dismissing every single one of 116's comments about they hate him and how they'd beat him up as soon as they'd get out of the cuffs; and being utterly convinced that he and 116 have something going on

The Prof has this vision of 116 in his mind that completely clashes with the real one where he thinks 116 has been warming up to him over the years and that the two are friends, when in reality, 116 only acts complacent because of the cuffs

[the-daydream-menagerie]

Ruby Waterfall

Jax x Gangle Fanfic || Transfem/Nonbinary Jax || 450 words.

Now posted to ao3 (link)

Gangle helps Jax try on some new clothes.

Gangle slowly crept her ribbons up and around the plastic lilac bunny, like vines growing on old bones. It wrapped around Jax tightly, trapping them. They felt it go all around their chest and their stomach, weaving in intricate patterns.

“Stand up, please,” the masked one spoke softly in their high, angelic voice. Jax did as told, and felt the rest tie around their small thighs. They were too scared to look down, open their eyes, or move beyond Gangles command. In the corner of their eye they saw the rest of it. Thousands of little patterns stemming out from where the tight part of it stopped. It was flowing out like a ruby waterfall at their feet.

They felt one creep up to their head. Instinctively their ears bowed, and the ribbon took that opportunity to tie them in place. As soon as that was done, gangle turned them around.

“Are you ready?”

Jax thought for a moment. Gangle already did it, she already saw. It’s ok.

Slowly Jax opens their eyes.

They remembers when they were a kid, seeing The Wizard of Oz for the first time. They were so envious of Dorothy in her sparkly, red slippers. The glistened and sparkled in the blazing orange sun, danced upon the marigold brick, and carried her far through the emerald fields. Jax always wished to be her, but they were never sure why. They thought at first it was to escape their home. Dorothy left her life in misery for a fantastical world. Joining the circus convinced them otherwise. Maybe it was for her compatriots? Again- the circus showed them the truth.

Those shoes glistened like a pomegranate in the sun. And so did Jax. Smooth red ribbon from head to toe, you could hardly seen the dingy overalls from underneath. The only thing that poked out was the straps that seamlessly blended in with the rest. The top looked similar to a corset, the string laid down in intricate patterns that squeezed them in place. The chest was in the shape of a heart, with a bow tied just in the center. It had a small bump that Jax ran their hand up and down. At their hips the fabric jutted out, forming a bell shaped gown around the rabbit. It had layers of fabric that delicately sat on top of the large skirt. Small little roses were embedded on each layer. Gangle moved a bit, and Jax felt the dress shift around their body.

They didn’t have any words to describe this feeling. Just a small ‘hm’. Their eyes were wide, and they couldn’t peel them off of the red silk. Gangles head peered over Jax’s shoulder in the mirror. “Is this ok?”

Jax slowly spun around, gangle moving their arms alongside them. The skirt slowly swished around, hitting their legs ever so gently.

Finally words jumped out of her throat. “It’s perfect. It’s… it’s me.”

[fatalism-and-villainy]

I'm actually pretty alarmed and angry at the number of people on here nowadays that I see buying into the transphobic "trans people are regressive and reinforce gender roles" talking point, except with nonbinary people this time. And so many people buy into it because they're ignorant of what nonbinary identity constitutes outside of "uhhh different pronouns I guess?", and of the fact that society is still incredibly hostile to nonbinary identification and self-positioning.

[hircines-hunter]

Lorelei - Spawn of Mora

[cottoncandyentrails]

I feel like my schizophrenia has some relation my gender identity. Obviously, I’m not nonbinary because I’m schizophrenic, and I’m certainly not schizophrenic because I’m nonbinary. There’d no causation there.

But I feel like the disconnection with myself changes how I see and express my nonbinary identity. I’m not too certain I’d relate so heavily to the agender label specifically were it not for my schizophrenia.

[fleabuki]

theyvous subject is real

[canvasmirror]

Gluck (Hannah Gluckstein) • (British/English, 1895–1978) • Self-Portrait • 1942

[theygender]

Oh damn I just realized I'm going to have to deal with being nonbinary at work IN PERSON for the first time

[aurora-uwu]

Gender devlog version, like 4.0.0 or something;

I'm non-binary now. That's it really. Not much else to it.

Changelog:

-non-binary

-she/they pronouns

-uhhhhhh

-that's it.

[the-writer-nerd-ro]

Immy is younger than me

[sharpiecoffeedragon]

Busy at work but need to post this really quick.

Whenever I'm out buying things at a store or fuel/gas station it is a euphoric feeling being told, "Here you are, Sir." or "Here's your bags, Sir." Because I don't "pass" as masculine or androgynous, but having the older 50+ community smile, tell me Sir, and then tell me that their kids or grandkids are also Trans or in the LGBT+ community just fills me with such joy. Just a reminder, 90% of them might not like you, like ever generation now, oh but the 10% I love you the 10%

[nocaffeineforlevi]

Hey Chat, I didn't fall asleep until 2am last night.

Anyway, here's my sexuality/gender headcanons for Gwendolyn Bouchard (this is what was keeping me up. Partially):

First up, Gwen does not label any aspect of her identity. She is apathetic to everything except for the Horrors, this includes gender and sexuality, as well as many of the arbitrary lines drawn between the subsets of these two categories.

As far as Gender goes, this manifests as Gwen using any pronouns, but not in an 'any pronouns' way, but in a 'no preferred pronouns' way. Those might seem the same but there is a difference to me. Gwen will not respect you more or less for using multiple pronouns for her in the same sentence, nor will it have any effect if you exclusively she/her them.

Sexuality-wise, Gwen essentially sees no meaningful distinction between platonic gestures and romantic ones. To her, holding hands and making out with someone sloppy-style are basically the same level of intimacy. Also, absolute Queen of Consent to the degree that people think she's overly sensitive- you cannot surprise her with a kiss, or sneakily try to intertwine your hand with theirs, you have to have full consent or she will bite you (metaphorically or literally, it depends.)

Hope you guys enjoyed 'I just got up and needed to talk about Gwen Bouchard' hour.

[kil9]

people who are like "kris deltarune uses exclusively they/them pronouns which implies they could be nonbinary" sound so fucking stupid thats like saying "toriel uses exclusively she/her implying she might be a woman"

[alchemiclee]

I think doing shipping through and aroace lens makes things complicated but also interesting. I think one reason I don't enjoy straight ships as much is because it's very rare for people write/talk about them with a queerplatonic dynamic. straight romance is so "normalized" in society, it's hard to get any other dynamic out of those ships from other people in conversation or writing. it's mostly always romantic. (especially when "guys and girls can't be *just* friends" is extremely common and has ruined mamy of my own friendships) but I enjoy a handful of a straight ship with that dynamic. it's just way more rare to see talked about than gay ones from my observation. anyway point is, more queerplatonic type ships and stuff please! those aren't explored enough!