#notes. ( “EMPEROR” );

[tedlebred]

HAPPY IDES OF MARCH PPL🎉🎉🎉💥💥

(Redraw from last year🤭)

[3cosmicfrogs]

Spring hunt.

[truly-sincerely]

Even More Comprehensive BG3 Timeline

(Now with citations!) Years in (paren) are confirmed, all other lines are approximations. For my own sanity this timeline is based on available in-game information and not the Forgotten Realms at large.

1450s

Enver Flymm born

Gale Dekarios born (1457)

Enver Flymm sold to Raphael by his parents, renamed Gortash

Gortash learns about Crown of Karsus while a prisoner of Raphael

Karlach Cliffgate born

1460s

Gortash escapes the House of Hope

Gale Dekarios summons Tara the Tressym (1467)

Wyll Ravengard born (1468)

1470s

Lae’zel of K’liir born (1470)

Gortash in his Heapside Reavers period

Gortash rebrands as a black market arms dealer

Orin the Red born to Helena and Sarevok Anchev

Durge begins their serial killing spree in Baldur’s Gate (1477)

The Emperor dominates Duke Belynne Stelmane (1479)

1480s

Elminster resurrects Mystra (1480)

Gortash trades Karlach to Zariel for infernal machines & iron (1482)

Baldur’s Gate’s Beloved Ranger statue goes missing (1482)

Duke Abdel Adrian murdered during Returning Day speech (1482) - Bhaal resurrected - Ulder Ravengard replaces Adrian as Marshall and as Duke

Orin kills her mother Helena in self-defense

Gortash recruits Franc Peartree to distribute infernal iron weapons

Gortash establishes a cult of Bane in Baldur’s Gate

Gortash approaches Durge about an alliance

Gortash moves against the Zhentarim & Knights of the Shield

Ulder Ravengard named Grand Duke

Wyll Ravengard pact with Mizora, leaves Baldur’s Gate (1485)

Dead Three made aware of the Crown of Karsus (most likely informed by Gortash)* - Gortash becomes Bane’s Chosen - Durge becomes Bhaal’s chosen - Gortash & Durge are instructed to recruit Ketheric

Gortash tells Durge about Crown of Karsus (via correspondence)

Hall/House of Wonders test mission* - Durge gets Bhaalist memorabilia - Gortash gets a bunch of Gondian designs - Durge & Gortash get companionship

1490s

The Chosen visit Ketheric at Moonrise, learn about Illithid colony

Gortash & Durge visit the House of Hope (for intel on Mephistar?)

Gortash & Durge raid Mephistar - They get the Crown of Karsus - They get the book on the accelerated grand design

Gortash & Durge return to Moonrise - Their identities are kept secret from Ketheric’s people - Durge impresses the Moonrise Gnolls, but not Steelclaw - Ketheric yells at Durge in the throne room for an unknown reason

Durge proposes their plan to the Elder Brain who accepts

Raid on the illithid colony (1491) - Durge puts the Crown on the Elder Brain - Orin gets Durge alone during the raid & stabs them in the head - Orin tadpoles Durge, making them the first True Soul - Orin declares herself the Chosen of Bhaal

1492

Durge is found by Kressa Bonedaughter

Minsc captured by Absolutists at a recruitment rally in the Undercity

Gortash gets weird and intense with unethical experiments - Some futzing to get the tadpoles to consistently remain in stasis - This is when the name ‘True Souls’ gets coined - Extremely questionable fun with brains - Getting the Absolute’s voice sorted out - Tadpoling his parents - Poorly conceived experiments on children & their parents

Gortash has Iron Throne converted to hold hostages

Gortash presents prototype Steel Watcher to the city council

Gortash captures the Emperor

Jaheira tracks cult to shadow-cursed land, meets Isobel

Minthara Baenre is 'recruited' by Orin and Ketheric

The Descent, Elturel fall into Avernus happens

Duke Vanthampur revealed as a diabolist, killed by adventurers

Guild Bursar Uktar launders money for Gortash’s Campaign funds

Isobel is resurrected by the Dead Three

The Elder Brain sends the Chosen dreams about the Astral Prism

Gortash researches the Prism, finds out that Vlaakith has it

Gortash tasks Ketheric with sending a team to get the Astral Prism - They send a nautiloid piloted by the Emperor and other illithid - The Elder Brain lets the Emperor slip its leash - Magthew Budj arranges for Durge to be on the nautiloid as well

Gortash deploys Steel Watch in Lower/Outer City

At this point Elturel is no longer in Avernus

First Druid Halsin captured by goblins

Nautiloid picks up Shadowheart & the Prism from Astral Plane

Nautiloid picks up Lae’zel

Nautiloid goes to Baldur’s Gate, picks up Gale & Astarion

Nautiloid goes to Avernus, picks up Karlach & Wyll

Nautiloid crashes, (20 Eleasis, 1492)

Some helpful links:

A page from Sarevok’s book: Sarevok - (Murder tribunal)

Accelerated Grand Design: Gortash - (Gortash's Office)

An Offer: Gortash - (Peartree basement)

Aquatic Labor: Gortash - (Flymm’s Cargo Basement)

Baldur’s Gate Temple of Bhaal: Yanthus - (Gortash’s Office)

Balthazar’s Notes: Balthazar - (Necrotic laboratory)

Clasped Book: Balthazar - (Balthazar’s chambers)

Devil’s Fee Observer’s Report**: Himberloo - (Nine-Fingers’ office)

Elder Brain Domination: Ketheric/Yanthus - (Ketheric’s Room)

Enhanced Weapons - Sales Ledger: Peartree - (Peartree basement)

Experiment on Cruor: Orin - (Temple of Bhaal)

How To Build a Watcher: deceased Gondian - (Steel Watch foundry) 

Journal of Enver Gortash: Gortash - (Gortash’s Office)

Magical Histories: Volume 2: The Spellplague: unknown - (Sorcerous Sundries)

Memoir Notes with Recent Addenda: Gortash - (Gortash’s office)

Missive from Gortash: Gortash - (Ketheric’s room)

Missive from Ketheric: Ketheric - (Moonrise, 2nd floor)

Mistress of Souls’ Research Log: Kressa - (Mind flayer barracks)

My Gratitude: Gortash - To Peartree (Peartree basement)

Next Steps: Gortash - (Gortash’s office)

Prayer for Forgiveness: Durge - (Necrotic laboratory)

Scrapbook of Letters: Gortash/Durge - (Flymm’s Cobblers)

Special Operations - Infernal Arms: Uktar - 

Studies of the Elder Brains: Gortash/Yanthus - (Gortash’s Office)

Suspended Ceremorphosis: Gortash/Yanthus - (Tadpoling center)

Test Mission with Gortash: Durge - (Temple of Bhaal)

The Astral Prism Heist: Gortash - (Gortash’s office)

The Dukes of Baldur’s Gate: unknown - (Baldur’s Mouth/Peartree’s house)

The Grand Design: Gortash/Yanthus - (Mind flayer colony)

The True Life of ‘Lord’ Gortash: a skeleton - (Wyrm’s Rock Prison)

The Ultimate State: Gortash - (Gortash’s office/Flymm’s Cobblers)

*an in-game contradiction between Gortash and Durge. See: ‘Test Mission with Gortash’ and ‘Memoir Notes with Recent Addenda’. I’ve placed it after, but there’s also a legitimate argument to be made that Gortash and Durge met and became allies much earlier, possibly around the same time as Gortash’s betrayal of Karlach

Additionally, the House of Wonders (church/workshop) and the Hall of Wonders (museum) are two different buildings in the Upper City. Durge writes that the Hall is their target, while Gortash writes that the House is their target. It is my opinion that they hit both locations.

**no link cuz the bg3.wiki doesn’t have it??

[paradoxspaceheater]

nohecharei are maybe one of the best worldbuilding concepts ever. elite bodyguards are obviously inherently sexy, but then you add 'they are sworn to their charge for their entire lives' and 'when their charge dies they kill themselves and get buried with them' and 'they can literally never leave their charge unattended on pain of death' it's literally peak nothing is coming close to this

[qcoded]

saw that one pic of Trisha Paytas and Gabbie Hana and went "THAT'S THEMMMMM"

my favorite brand of these two is The Collector just harassing Belos LOL

[londonfog-chan]

Emperor Caracalla x Reader: Asklēpiós

A/N: I promised one day I would write for my precious little lad. Now that day has come.

Also, if you’re not nearsighted and legally blind without glasses like me, you are now. Congrats.

Warnings: mentions of abuse and neglect, prostitution, STD/STI mention, Female Reader

Credits: dividers by @strangergraphics

“Come now, Agapi, won’t you be agreeable?”

Caracalla’s lips pressed tightly together into a thin line. Head turned to the side in defiance.

Slender fingers tapped against his pock-marked cheek— a gentle coax to open that pretty mouth of his. But as usual, he scrunched his aquiline nose and shook his head in vehement protest. Night time was a gamble with Caracalla. One never knew what version of him they would get. Would you have the monster with enough physical strength to turn over a lectus with someone laying upon it? Or would you have the sniveling, crying angel, who buried his face in your breast and begged for affection.

“You promised, Agapi.” you said, running a finger along the length of his nose bridge, “You said you would take your chinaroot for me.”

“The horse piss herb?!” He whined, swatting your hand away, “I don’t want it!”

“You did promise me you would take it as I asked.” You said, using your calloused fingers to brush his strawberry blonde bangs from his forehead, “Or did you lie to me, Agapi? Me, of all people.”

Pink lips pouted in quiet contemplation. You could see the conflict in his slate blue eyes. Below the surface of his pink cheeked charm, a feverish, maddened mind was working to determine whether or not to deny, lash out, or seek forgiveness. Treading carefully when it came to your emotions, you knew he was warring with his own impulse.

Since his affliction, the other concubines of the realm refused to lie with Imperator Geta’s brother or even go near him at all. Not since they had given you to him had anyone bothered of late to reciprocate his touch. The isolation was fraying his nerves. He became moody, volatile. Constantly lashing out when he called out for pleasure, and only got you instead.

“I want pleasure! Not this piglet!” Caracalla screamed that first night.

You were frozen under Geta’s clutching of your shoulders, and gasped softly as you were pushed forward into Caracalla’s furry chest.

“You’d infect our courtesans with your disease, take what I give you and be grateful for that at all!” Geta had growled back, a cupful of wine to the face enough to silence his brother as the both of you were drenched in sanguine liquid.

You were not stupid enough to question your place. They gave you to Caracalla as a joke. Lesser goods for the lesser brother. You were not comely and lithe like the others. Admittedly you were rather plain, a Hellene from Chora who had been treating the infected in the concubine’s quarters. More of a servant’s apprentice than a vessel for the imperator’s bastards, and for a time you preferred things as they were. Treating the sick. Nursing them to health. It was a peaceful existence.

Not even the praetorian guard dogs wanted to touch you. Another aspect of the general disinterest was the semi state of blindness you lived in. It got steadily worse from childhood until now, when you could not perceive eight paces before you, without the world dissolving into an unfocused blur. Everyone either pitied or despised you, believing that your affliction was something to be controlled. You made your peace with it a long time ago, just as you made your peace with being Caracalla’s pleasure dregs.

“… As you wish, give me your piss herb.” He finally acquiesced, lower lip stuck out in a pout.

“Thank you, Agapi.”

But unlike the others who fled from his touch, you were gentle with Caracalla, and you would continue to be. The coldness of his stormy blue eyes softened and became ensconced by pupils dilated in affection, his cheeks a blushing rose pink as you held out a bronze cup steeped with the juices of a dried rhizome.

Even in his feverish state, he could tell the difference in care. You treated him with tenderness. Not like he was an invalid, but more with affection and respect as a spouse would for an ailing husband. You kept his cubiculum tidy. Carefully selected his ensembles of jewelry and silks for the servants to dress him. Every other day you bathed him in milk, scouring his body with a pumice and then moisturizing him with beeswax and oils. Dressed his wounds and perfumed him with patchouli, even going as far as to perfume his breath by having him chew clove and mint on occasion.

Subconsciously, the co-imperator picked up on your kindness. Instead of raining blows on your head with freakish strength, the man would reach out and cling to your stola. Speaking tender words of affection, and seeking at some points to make you pleased with him.

“You’re a wicked harpy.” He huffed, his soft hands over yours on the bronze cup.

“I know.” you murmured, gently coaxing the lukewarm liquid between his lips, “But I am a harpy that plucks at the mites between her nestling’s feathers, seeking to soothe his itch. Now drink.”

The chinaroot did not go down smooth, it never did. Caracalla gurgled and gagged the liquid and rhizome all the way down his gullet, slender hands wrapping around a pale throat as he chewed and choked. It was painful watching him try to swallow, but he had to. Without the chinaroot, the regression would have only gotten worse, and he would have succumbed to the infection from his chancres.

“It’s like gargling a goat’s testes!” He whined as he pulled away.

“You gargle them well, Agapi.”

Caracalla coughed, throat puffing out in a gag as you wiped his chin with a clean scrap of linen.

“It’s awful! It doesn’t work!” He croaked.

“Have you been hurting or noticing new sores?” You asked.

There was a penetrating silence. So still was the air around the room, you could hear the flame licking against the wick in the oil lamps, as well as the fire crackling in the imperial hearth. While allowing Caracalla to answer, you stood from the bed, shuffling to the diminutive night table– equipped with a brass bowl of hot water that now cooled– to take a brief moment to scour your hands with hot water, natron, and vinegar.

You knew the answer, even within his silence, your beloved was as transparent as blown glass.

“No…” Caracalla admitted ruefully, “But that doesn’t change things. I don’t want it anymore! You said it is medicinal, but it tastes of utter shite and I hate it! I hate you!”

“I love you, Agapi.”

Your voice was so low it was almost a whisper. A breathy squeak that made him stop his fuss, and lean in. The stormy gray of his feverish eyes focused entirely on your form as you wiped your clean hands on a spare piece of dry linen.

“You… you love me…?” Caracalla whispered.

“Yes.” You replied earnestly, “I do. That is why I treat you.”

The sick man leaned back into his pillow, rolling onto the side. Curling up like a pill bug at the slightest hint of a threat, he lay there contemplating your words in the finery of his linens and wool blanket. Crawling on all fours back to the imperial bed, you followed him to lay down. Draping over his hunched back like a rucksack, you lay your head beside his, fingers stroking the cold skin of his shoulder and leaving goose pimples in the wake of your touch.

“No one has ever loved me before…” he mumbled into his pillow.

“I know, Agapi.” You murmured, nuzzling his hair and inhaling the sour scent of vinegar, “And that is very sad. Everyone is deserving of love, my darling, even you.”

His trembling hands pulled your arms around his chest. He held your hands in front of him, whole body shaking.

“Everyone is repulsed by me. They avoid me, they won’t touch me. My own brother pushes me away. But not you… why?”

“You’re just ill, Agapi.” You replied softly, “The rash, the chancre sores… It’s just an illness, like any other. Would you push me away if I told you I had a chill?”

“No.”

Caracalla rolled onto his side. Blue eyes boring into yours as he cupped your cheek tenderly. He pressed his forehead to yours, the two of you inhaling in unison, as if absorbing the essence, the life breath, and sharing in it.

“No… I would never push you away… I would make you rest in my bed, and lay your weary head upon my goose down cushion. I would feed you the piss herb, and tell you stories to make you feel better whilst you choked down the bitter broth.”

You smiled at the innocent sentiment, enjoying the softness of his hot lips as they brushed against yours.

“Just as I did with you when Geta first bade me care for you.” You said, “Remember, Agapi?”

“I remember.”

To placate his brother’s demands for sex even in his feverish state, Geta summoned his manservants to rouse you from your bed at all hours of the night to give yourself to the youngest of the co-emperors. You knew even then he was dreadfully ill, and despite your pity you did not want to get infected yourself. While they dressed you in a shrunken gossamer stola woven so fine the dark of your nipples could be seen, you steeled your heart and prepared for a battle with your leather pouch of herbs.

Geta threw you at his unkempt brother, delirious with fever. Instead of fighting him, you talked softly to him. Coaxed him into letting you care for him by washing his weeping sores with vinegar, sprinkling natron to keep them clean, and ripping his bed linens into bandages to dress the open wounds. You even made a brew of the dried chinaroot rhizome, and after holding his mouth closed and rewarding him with chewed sugarcane to cut the taste, the youngest co-emperor learned to expect the sweet after the bitter.

From then on, Caracalla was your creature. Wholly and entirely.

“You wanted to look after me, even though Geta made you wake from your sleep to pleasure me…” he said, his tone lucid.

“I did it because I love you.” You said softly, showering his bumpy cheeks with kisses, “And I know you love me too, even if you say you hate me.”

“I didn’t say it!” He whined.

His cry was so piteous, like a kitten, that it was easy to forgive the lapses in memory whenever it came to his more biting comments.

“I didn’t say I hate you… I would never…! I love you… I… I don’t know what I would do without you.” Caracalla choked, the warm of his tears staining your stola.

You understood this better than anyone else.

You knew he didn’t mean his vitriol.

“I know, darling…” you whispered, and you fully embraced him as he began to cry, “I know… You shall never have to worry… for I will never forsake you…”

It was one truth you knew you could say and mean, despite your talents as a concubine, a soothsayer… You might have been the only soothsayer in all of Rome who meant it when she said she cared for the youngest, forsaken co-emperor.

[couldtheycatchkira]

[clutzyangel]

I love how expressive elf (and elf adjacent) ears can be

[spinemporium]

like a moth to a flame

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Saw a post not too long ago (don’t even remember what it was about lol) and everyone in the comments was in agreement on how TWST should have an Emperor’s New Groove event with a Yzma twisted character that would be so fun and somebody should be turned into a llama.

…

…

…

I think Vil would make a great llama.

…

but really who out of our cast do you think would suit an ENG event and who do you think would be the best llama? 🤔

When I think of The Emperor’s New Groove, the four characters that come to my mind are Kuzco (ie “The Llama”), Pacha, Yzma, and Kronk. That’s perfect for the usual limited SSR, 2 SRs, and R introduced for new story events. Each of them could wear an outfit inspired by their Disney film counterpart. There could also potentially be a new twisted character introduced, but this only occurs for “hometown” (ie visiting other countries) events and Halloween events sooo 😅

For our Kuzco stand-in… Well, someone from a rich and influential background + has a ton of arrogance makes sense, right? So my immediate thought was Malleus or Leona, the royals. Idia or Riddle could also work, but they’re not quite as dickish. Of those, I think Leona works the best since he’s the most overtly asshole-y of the bunch and also it would be a little funny for the beastman to actually become a fluffy animal/j. Plus, he comes from the Sunset Savanna, which could be made into a reference about how Yzma’s original plan was to “snuff out the light” of the sun.

Something I’d really like to see is Kalim dressed as our Kuzco. He’s not a traditional asshole, but I think he could stand to learn a lot from being made more aware of how the less fortunate (like Pacha’s family) live. This might be valuable in connecting Kalim with the plight of the common folk, as well as get him to realize how some of the things he says/does are unintentionally very callous. The “snuff out the light” of the the sun metaphor also works for Kalim since he is usually so sunny + depicted as the sun, which contrasts with the moon (ie Jamil). The moon is also mentioned in the song lyrics, seeking revenge, reclaiming “[my] right”, and a world of darkness.

Pacha is very fatherly and kind, so I immediately thought Trey would fit in the best out of all of the “parental” students. (The others seem way too sarcastic or snide in underhanded ways.) Plus, that green poncho Pacha wears would look nice on Trey :>

Yzma has many potential candidates! I think Vil actually fits in a lot better as Yzma than as Kuzco, especially granted her obsession with maintaining her looks (very Vilcore) + penchant for potions (his best subject). You could also consider Azul, as he wants to maintain a certain public image and also seems to be good with brewing potions. On the more treacherous side, we could look at Jade (who shares the same best subject as Vil) and Jamil. There’s literally lines like “I’ve really stopped at nothing/Murder, treachery, and lying”. Jamil works super well especially if Kalim is our Kuzco for that moon and sun dynamic.

Himbo Kronk also needs a himbo to match! A physically strong yet well-meaning boy with a heart of good but not a lot of brains… It makes me think of Deuce or Silver. Jack and Sebek could also work here, but both of those guys are pretty (book) smart. Doesn’t have to be an exact match for Kronk though. I could easily see a situation where Sebek’s brazenness or Jack’s bluntness results in something stupid happening.

[wiltking]

finished the goblin emperor. pretty much only have good things to say about it. did not expect it to be so wordy and dare i say crawling at times, but i appreciate how it dared to keep to its own pace and say everything it wanted to say and i was never bored with any of it. also enjoyed how the chapters were (mostly) contained to their own little event in maia's new life as an emperor with the cute detail of chapter titles. the characters also felt very effectively characterized, even the ones who only had a few lines or pages to make their presence felt. the world, too, felt very detailed and well thought-out without hammering a whole bunch of lore onto the reader. you can really feel the enthusiasm and curiosity katherine addison had for this world and its characters, but the way in which it was presented felt very... contained? strange to say for a 400+ page book, but i mean it had a very satisfying balance of presenting us the most interesting parts of these character's personalities and histories and society without overloading us with, what i am sure, was a very extensive worldbuilding document. very satisfying read for enjoyers of immersive fantasy court politics. with goblins and elves front and center!

[kooldewd123]

god i love the digimon dub's stupid voice acting

[iimperiial]

Okay so, who was given The Kiss of Death?

I hope yall don’t mind the tag @inseparabiles (don’t crucify me pls.), @cummodus, @gayvillains, @lucillasstrap

[prettycalla]

EDDIE MUNSON || ALPHABET HEADCANONS

Pairing: Eddie/Reader

Word Count: 2k

Alphabet template by @ the-coldest-goodbye

(Me? An Eddie fan? Shocking, I know. I’m still writing a ton of Emperor stuff, but it’s been a long while since I’ve done anything for Eddie, so here we are!)

Masterlist

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Eddie is a menace. He likes to try and live up to the ‘mean and scary’ image that people have of him, but really he’s a big goofball and you both know it. He lifts and spins you when you hug him, he bows theatrically to kiss your hand, and God forbid your shirt rides up even the smallest amount in front of him because he will blow the biggest raspberry on your stomach until you’re shrieking with laughter.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

You’d likely meet after being partnered with him for a project, which would result in you trying to keep him focused while he kept trying to make you laugh. He’d eventually start seeking you out more and more until you’re firmly part of his friend group.

When he realises he has a crush on you, he’ll act annoyingly aloof and a little mean because he thinks that’s what you’ll like and make you reciprocate. Instead, he ends up hurting your feelings and wants to punch himself for being an idiot. (He might not tell you how he feels right away, but he’ll at least apologise and make sure you make up.)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Eddie has no qualms with being touchy if he's comfortable with you. If you’re smaller than him, he’ll drape his arms over your shoulders and rest his chin on the crown of your head. He doesn’t know a lot of people taller than him, so if you're one of them, he’ll secretly love being able to tuck his head under your chin when he hugs you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Any mention of marriage and kids and Eddie’s ready to run for the hills. But that doesn’t mean he’s afraid of commitment. Whenever he thinks of his future, no matter how far ahead, he always pictures you with him. He can’t see a future without you now that you’re a part of his life. He just has difficulty with the labelling of it all.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Eddie’s not the best at dealing with his feelings. They get so muddled in his head and make him tongue-tied. Break-ups would be difficult, to say the least.

If you had to break up with him, he'll try and hold it together, but he'll have so many questions, wondering what he did wrong and how he can fix it.

If Eddie had to break up with you, he'll shove a letter at you and hide in his trailer for as long as he can before you finally track him down to talk to him properly.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Eddie worries about becoming like his dad. The idea of marriage makes him think too much of his parents, and he'd struggle with it, although he'd certainly be devoted enough to you as if you already are married.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Eddie has a lot of energy, and it pours out of him in different ways. His moods can change quickly, and he often says and does things on the spur of the moment without thinking them through.

If you're a shy or nervous person, it would take him a while to remember not to sneak up on you or suddenly lift you. He'd learn to become better at smaller gestures, like holding your hand or draping his arm over your shoulder.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

If you're close, Eddie will quickly become a human backpack, to the point where you feel weird when he's not hanging off you.

How he holds you depends on the situation. A quick greeting is an arm slung around your shoulders to pull you close. If he hasn't seen you in a while (or he's just really missed you), he'll gather you up in his arms until you can hardly breathe. If you're stressed or anxious, he'll have you sit between his legs with his arms wrapped around your middle, pressing kisses to the top of your head.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He wouldn't plan how he says it - it just falls out of his mouth one day. You're in the middle of telling him the most ridiculous story, the two of you on the verge of tears from laughing, and he blurts it out.

"God, I love you."

Immediately he realises what he's said and desperately tries to play it off, but it's too late. You heard it. It takes quite a bit of coaxing on your part after that to make him tell you how he feels.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Eddie's never had the easiest time fitting in. While he's an attractive guy, he's not exactly conventional in how he presents himself, and between that and his reputation, a lot of people tend to steer clear of him. He has his own crowd who understand him and like him as he is.

That being said, Eddie is going to be protective of you. You're like something out of his dreams, how could he not be jealous if someone else shows interest in you? It'll take him a while to settle, and he'll need reassuring. It's not that he doesn't trust you, it's that sometimes he gets too far into his own head and thinks you deserve better.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

As much as I love the idea of Eddie being experienced and amazing at this sort of thing, I don't really buy it when I look at him sometimes.

He either thinks he knows what's he doing and gets so overzealous that his head bumps yours, or he's so nervous about kissing you - because it's you, it has to be perfect - that he starts talking until he's rambling.

It takes you a while to calm him down, but when he eventually does kiss you, it's more than you could have ever asked for.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Eddie’s great with kids, because he’s a big kid himself. With very little ones, he crouches down to their level to look them in the eye while they talk. He asks lots of questions and dramatically reacts to everything they say like it's the most exciting thing he's ever heard.

That's not to say that he can't be childish, and sometimes he needs to be reminded that he's the adult in the argument he's in the middle of - especially if it's something DnD related.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He is not a morning person. Getting Eddie out of bed requires holding a black coffee and a lit cigarette under his nose like a dog with a treat until he's eventually roused. There’s no getting a coherent sentence out of him for at least an hour, and every day he complains about his sleep schedule and promises he’s gonna get an early night tonight, but he never does.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Eddie comes alive at night. He likes to go for little adventures in his van, stopping at all-night convenience stores and finding a quiet spot to stargaze and smoke, and you’re always pulled along for the ride.

If he goes to bed at a reasonable time, he stays up most of the night, writing down ideas for songs or flipping through magazines. He talks for hours, telling you his ideas for a new campaign or about a fantasy book he's been reading. Eventually you have to lie down and pretend to sleep just to get him to settle. He's mad now, but he'll be grateful in the morning that he's slept, even if it was only for a few hours.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Eddie has never shut up once in his life. He tries to act cool and mysterious, but things just keep falling out of his mouth. He can’t help himself around you. You know practically everything about him after about a week of knowing him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s not the most patient, and he’s easily irritated. Eddie seems to struggle with impulsivity and rigid thinking at the same time. He has difficulty with people changing plans at the last minute, but he also gets bored and distracted easily. He has a bit of a short temper, but it’s never aimed at you. He just doesn't know how to describe how he's feeling in the moment, and it frustrates him.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

When it comes to studying, Eddie can’t remember shit, but with you? He remembers everything. You mention that you like a certain candy bar and he always has one in his jacket for you (sometimes a little worse for wear, but it’s the thought that counts, right?). If you don’t smoke, he’ll be sure he never does it around you, and if you do, he’ll always have a cigarette spare.

He loves asking you questions, he wants to know everything about you. He might not remember it all, but you can't fault him for his enthusiasm.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It’s the little things with Eddie. The first time he gave you a ride home in his van, the time he made you laugh so hard that soda came out of your nose. How you look first thing in the morning, and how you feel lying in his arms when you fall asleep.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Eddie tends to end up starting quite a lot of shit (he’s impulsive, sue him), but he’s not so great at finishing it. With you, though, it’d be different. He’d always be the first to come to your defence. He might end up with a black eye and a busted nose by the end of it, but you’ll still call him your knight in shining armour as you help clean him up.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Eddie’s not so great with dates. Time is constantly getting away from him, and he never seems to know what day it is. Calendars and memo pads lie in forgotten piles in his bedroom. It’s not that he doesn’t care - of course he does - his brain just doesn’t work that way. He’s devised the perfect system, though. He always has a few thoughtful gifts for you stashed away, just in case.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Eddie is a messy person. His room, a mess. His van, a mess. His head, a mess. He will certainly make an effort to tidy up more for your sake, but don't expect any miracles.

If you have a specific skincare/hair routine, he'll be fascinated by everything in your bathroom and use way too much of it when he's in the shower. You'll know it was him because he immediately acts like a guilty dog and won't look at you when you bring it up.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Eddie doesn’t really care how he looks by society's standards, but his look is important to him. He’s spent countless nights meticulously sewing on each of his patches (and he’s got the battle scars on his fingers to prove it). It took him a week to thread a chain through the sleeve of his leather jacket, and while his tattoos might not all have deep meanings, he still sat for hours under the needle for them. He's dedicated, to say the least.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

While he understands that it’s important for you both to have time away from each other, he’ll still miss you the entire time. He likes telling you about his day, and hearing all about yours. Once you have Eddie, you have him for life.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He’s great at impressions, and he’s always does it at the worst times. He’ll crack out a perfect Donald Duck just as you’ve taken a drink (the punch on the shoulder he gets after you choke is well-deserved), or he'll mutter things to you as Elmo in the library while you're trying to study until you both end up being thrown out for laughing so hard.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He’s very particular about his music, and if you’re not a metal fan, you’ll have to break the news to him very gently. He won’t like it, but he’ll at least agree to turn it down a little. But only a little.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Eddie starts off clinging to you like a koala, but eventually he ends up taking up the entirety of the bed until he’s in full starfish mode. He snores on his front, he snores on his back, and it’s hell on Earth to wake him up. He'll then have the audacity to be upset when he finds you the next morning on the floor or couch, because he missed waking up to you next to him.

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[paradoxspaceheater]

prince idra has become a feminist (surely he has no ulterior motives)

[would-they-give-the-death-note]

Krosp the First, Emperor of All Cats, from Girl Genius

Mod thoughts: Is cat, so debatable usage. But also human level intelligence, so may think of it being traced back to him…