#oh and school is a different can of worms unfortunately >\\\<< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[misfittingoddity]

how  you  doin',  explorer?  woah  ...  no  need  to  get  all  shaky,  'kay?  just  gonna  throw  some  easy  questions  your  way!  nothing  too  serious  —  standard  procedure,  comprende?  so,  first  things  first:  michael ‘duckie’ mallard,  thirty,  former camper & counselor?  awesome,  awesome  ...  you  wrote  in  your  application  that  ─  oh  my!  ─  you  see  yourself  as  loyal  and  passive?  sheesh,  talk  about  a  killer  combo.  oh,  yeah,  and  let's  not  forget  your  abilities: roller blading, frog spotting, sea monkey keeping (unsuccessfully) & flower pressing.  well,  aren't  you  just  a  jack  of  all  trades?  but  even  the  strongest  oak  in  the  forest  has  a  soft  spot,  right?  getting sucked into an escalator  and  disappointing people  ...  woah,  hey,  this  is  a  judgment  free  zone!  scout's  honor!  welp,  looks  like  we're  ready  to  wrap  this  up.  ah,  wait!  knew  i  was  forgetting  something.  remember  to  slip  that  neon pink worm-on-a-string  into  your  bag.  oh,  how  do  i  know  about  that?  pssht,  you  told  me,  silly!  see  you  'round  camp.

THE BASICS:

name: michael 'duckie' christopher mallard

pronouns: they/he

gender: gender non-conforming

birthday/zodiac: thirty, march 25th. aries.

relationship status: single

sexuality: homosexual

occupation: assistant manager at pet paradise

pets: a rotating series of sea monkeys. they, uh...don't last very long.

PERSONALITY/INTERESTS:

traits: compassionate, anxious, humble, withdrawn, loyal, awkward, well-intentioned, passive.

likes: waving up at the night sky just in case there’s someone out there, discussing the current state of frog conservation in north carolina, sitting in comfortable silence, new episodes the simpsons.

dislikes: cold pizza, not being to find a matching sock, the taste of toothpaste, black coffee, getting lost, escalators

HEADCANONS:

duckie doesn’t really…get gender. they identify as a shrug and ‘i dunno, man…’ but they/he pronouns work just fine too!

they’re gay gay gay! they tried girls for all of five seconds in high school and it just wasn’t for him. not that they’ve had any luck with guys either though. the rumors are true - duckie’s never really…had sex before. mouth stuff, sure! but he’s never gone all the way. not that there’s any shame in it! but, unfortunately, other people sure seem to think there is.

duckie is also autistic. they’ll always look in the middle of your forehead instead of your eyes and that new show - the simpsons - has been giving him a whole lotta new vocal stims. and be warned, if you’re going to have a conversation with duckie then be prepared to discuss frogs. they’ve been his special interest since he was thirteen and he can name all of the species narrative to north carolina like it’s second nature. 

'where the hell did 'duckie' come from' you ask? unfortunately there isn't any cool backstory behind it. it's what their mom calls them. always has, probably always will. and then as he got older, it just became how they'd introduce themself. they do fear that it might confuse people though, as duckie doesn't really have any interest in ducks.

SOME IN-CHARACTER Q'S & A'S

( so you know what you're in for )

what  is  your  favorite  summer  memory?  i  heard  you've  been  here  before,  does  it  involve  our  trees  and  bonfires?  or  is  it  just  a  random  blessing  from  the  outside  world?

duckie blinked hard. their time as a counsellor had been majorly uneventful - a quick attempt at trying to fill up his summer after finishing high school that had become a more regular thing. they’d mainly just grossed out some of the more squeamish younger campers by trying to spot as many frogs as possible (camp was swimming in wonderful ornate chorus frogs!). it actually wasn’t too different from their time as a camper.

suddenly, their eyes went wide and bright. “oh, i know! my second year of camp - when i was fourteen, these older kids tried to, like, punk me or something by scooping up a bunch of pond scum from the lake and dumping ‘em on my bed. little did they know, they had just thrown at least ten pine barrens treefrogs onto my mattress! our state frog! super rare because they’re such good lil’ hiders!” 

duckie beamed and nodded at the memory. “oh, yeah, that was the best!”

you  know,  we  got  this  tradition  around  here...  counselors  can  help  around  with  the  camp's  playlist.  share  your  top  three  favorite  songs  and  pray  we  have  the  cd  around.  oh,  and  you  can  sing  a  bit  too  if  you  want...  the  kids  will  ask  for  it,  for  sure.

“o-oh, yeah! yeah, i remember that,” duckie replied with a nod, smiling. they paused for a moment in thought, wondering if it would be seen as funny or fucking lame to mention how none of his songs from their counselor days ever made it onto the playlist because no one else had heard of dolly mixture or whatever weird shit duckie had been listening too at the time - their music taste changed every few calender months. even now, he was always the first to ask people if they wanted to trade cds or vinyls or cassettes in hopes that he’d get to listen to something new. 

“i’ll try and pick kinda recent ones, ya’know? my, uh, my first one would probably be i’m hungry by the sugarcubes - i just think the lead singer girl has this crazy weird voice, ya’know? really rad even though i don’t really have a fucking clue what she’s saying. and i’d also choose life during wartime, the talking heads song - you probably know that one, right? b-but the live version from the movie! it’s two minutes longer.” 

duckie cracked their knuckles in nervous habit. “and my third one has to be here’s where the story ends. by the sundays. it’s my favorite song ever. i love all of their tracks. it, uh, it goes like -” duckie gave an awkward laugh, face going pink, “-it's that little souvenir of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore. oh, i never should have said the books that you read were all i loved you for…” they trailed off, shrugging. “it, ya’know, sounds way better in the actual song.”

now,  share  a  story.  no,  i’m  being  super  serious.  bedtime  story,  horror  story,  childhood  story,  fairy  tale  story,  any  story,  because  you  will  have  to  update  your  repertoire  with  the  kids,  you  know?  they  love  listening  to  any  kind  of  story  or  fun  fact.

“a story?” duckie furrowed their brow, wracking his brain for anything half decent to say. his brain just kept flicking back to what he had watched on tv the night before - a rerun of an episode of the simpsons. their favorite show right now alongside blossom. but neither of those shows had any kind of good camp stories…unless. “o-okay, i’ve got one. a real good one.”

duckie dramatically cleared his throat, trying to hype himself up. “okay, so i’m gonna tell you a story about a typical, all-american family. e-except, they weren’t in america at the start, they were on vacation! in, uh, morocco i think! anyway, wherever they were, they found a creepy oddity store - the type with weird shit in jars and shrunken heads and real gross stuff! and the dad, let’s call him…um…omar saw a shriveled, monkey’s paw. oooh, creepy, right?”

duckie smiled a little to themself. this was going good! 

“then the store vendor gave omar a warning; the paw grants four wishes, but every wish comes with a price!,” they continued. “back home in, uh, springville, they began to make their wishes. they wished for a fancy car but that back-fired. literally! and then they wished to be super rich and famous but everyone else in town hated them because everywhere they turned was the simps - i mean! the, uh, the sampsons!” they blinked a few times, trying to get back on track. 

“then the middle child - lina - made a wish for world peace! everyone was singing and dancing and it was awesome. for, like, two seconds! because once humanity laid down its arms - that’s kind of another word for weapons - … aliens invaded. these two green, tentacled creatures enslaved the earth!” duckie paused for dramatic effect, leaning in close. “omar then took the paw and made the final wish: a turkey sandwich. he took a bite and…the turkey…was a little dry!”

duckie then sat back with a nervous smile and nod, pleased albeit a little self conscious. they were never a great story-teller, they were a lot better with fact reciting but he had the feeling no campers were interested in hearing about sea monkeys or frogs or whatever strange little creatures duckie happened to know a lot about.

“that was, uh, just from the treehouse of horror. from the simpsons, ya’know. that’s what their halloween episode was called - the one from last year. but it’s a really good one! i think it’s pretty creepy but it’s kinda funny too. it’s, uh, it’s funnier in the actual show. i missed a lot of the good stuff.”

ok,  so,  now,  just  between  us:  do  you  believe  in  the  supernatural?  i'm  not  exactly  allowed  to  ask  that  but,  yeah,  i  had  to.  see,  this  camp  is  full  of  lore,  and  some  say  it's  haunted.  maybe  you  will  hear  one  thing,  see  two  things  or  three  but  hey,  it  could  be  the  wind!  so,  are  you  a  believer?  are  you  religious?

duckie scratched at the inside of his elbow. “ok, so, like, full disclosure? no, “i don’t believe in... that. ghosts and demons and campfire curses and whatever,” they said, fingertips on his left hand tapping together as he spoke. “i mean, i want to. i think life would make more sense if there was something extra like that. like, cosmic or haunted or divine. but there’s not. it’s just, like, static on the radio and your brain filling in the blanks, you know?” duckie tapped their temple twice with two fingers like they were knocking on a door. 

“but still, sometimes late at night when i was a kid at camp and the lake got real still and everything got quiet and... i dunno.” duckie scratched behind his ear, frowning thoughtfully before shrugging. “i think especially when, ya’know, bad shit happens people try really hard to give it a reason. i think it’s easier for some people to think there’s some kinda creepy thing doing it all instead of…people? life? bad luck? i dunno.” he smiled, kind of crooked. 

“as for religious? nah. tried that. didn’t stick. like velcro on glass. went to catholic school and everything and i just turned out queer!”

what  are  your  expectations  around  this  summer?  we  know  the  pay  is  good,  but  beyond  this  financial  compensation,  what  are  you  looking  forward  to  doing  around  here?  and  what  do  you  hope  to  avoid?

duckie blinked hard a few times, eyes darting toward the corner of the ceiling like he was chasing a thought with a butterfly net. "well," duckie started, drawing the word out like they were testing its shape, "i used to have a lot of fun here. sure, i was mainly by myself but i liked that! looking for frogs, going for walks and stuff. who knows, maybe there’s a kid here who also really likes those things and wants a buddy!” he paused, tilting their head slighting to the left. “so i guess i’m hopin’ for... connection? that sounds weird. maybe not weird, i dunno. but i’ve been workin’ at pet paradise for about five years now - i’m the, uh, assistant manager now, actually! - and it’s been great, really great.” duckie cracked his knuckles one at a time with slow precision. “but my co-workers aren’t really my friends, i don’t think. no one is mean or anything, but most of ‘em are, like, in high school or college and i think they think i’m kinda…weird. so it’d be nice just to talk to some new people. or old people i just haven’t seen in ages.”

[fluffypotatey]

Jake’s Cousin Tyler

finally gave into the tgm x twisters (2024) brain(rot)worms so here’s part 1 of this silly crossover

-

Jake’s got an annoying cousin from Arkansas. Very annoying. And it has nothing to do with his silly youtube channel or his ragtag band of friends— those two joined the fray a lot later. No, his beef with his cousin began when the two boys were barely ten and only beginning to grasp their role in this reality. Most family members (Jake’s siblings) call this feud baseless at best and snicker whenever anyone asks how it all began. (Traitors, all of them.)

“So, what really makes you greater than Oklahoma?” 

That, there, was the fateful question. One asked by Jake's baby cousin, Tyler Owens. He, his mother, and aunt drove over all the way from Conway to Amarillo, so one can assume little Tyler saw a lot of the infamous state, as well as his mother sharing the notorious rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma (with Aunt Jo’s commentary). And, well, for anyone hearing about said rivalry from an outsider’s perspective like Tyler’s, it sure does look silly and ridiculous. They just happened to be two neighbor states with similar cultures and history. What was there to dislike about each other? Why all the pride?

And unfortunately, little Tyler decided to ask Jake these questions. 

And, maybe, take some joy in pissing his (slightly) older cousin off.

“I really don’t see the difference here.”

“And how could you! Everything you see is sur-surface level shit!”

There was a hissed Language! that went unheard between all the huffing and giggling. The only adult present was Jake’s brother Collin, who was finding all of this too hilarious to stop. (It was one of the biggest betrayals Jake had ever felt, and one he sulked about for weeks. After the thirty-something apology Jake caved and “allowed” Collin to read him those silly botany books.)

“Be-besides!” Jake stomped (not cutely, thank you). “Everything here is a lot bigger than it is in Oklahoma! Not to mention some of their land used to be ours and—”

“I thought Alaska was the biggest state.”

“I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT ALASKA!”

Suffice to say, this was the moment a line between the Seresins and Owens was drawn. Specifically between Jake and Tyler. Only. It was like in the blink of an eye the two little cousins became rivals. Enemies. Nemesis. 

Tyler was in the elementary choir? Well, Jake was in the state honor choir both his 4th and 5th grade years. Jake is said to be into paints? Oh lookie here! Tyler’s humble little pastel portrait won 1st prize and was showcased in the state fair! Tyler got all A’s in his science classes? Well, Jake got all A’s too, and all his science projects received top marks— oh wait, it seems Tyler won his school science fair. Twice! 

“I hate him.”

“Sweetheart, hate is a strong word.”

“Well, I feel strongly that I hate him, Mama! Why’s he gotta one-up me like that. He’s in a whole other state and yet—”

“Are you not doing the same thing?”

“No!” Jake lied. It wouldn’t do him any good to admit such a petty thing to his mother. “I’m minding my own business over here”—

“Uh huh.”

—“and it’s like a week after you share something with Aunt Trix and Jo, Tyler suddenly has something grander to share.”

“Oh?” The smile on her face made Jake feel caught. “You find them grander?”

“No! He just tells it like that because he’s Tyler and ‘oh so special’ because he won that stupid fucking science fair with that tornado.”

“Language. And we saw that project at Christmas. You even admitted to it being cool-looking.”

Jake grumbled and scuffed his feet. “It was Christmas.”

His mother scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Hm, yes, my mistake.”

link to the rest :3

[loopingpyre]

That's right, it's time for a series 8 minireview as i go through and rewatch the Capaldi era because Clara is there and I really like Clara. Deep Breath - Ok, so right off the bat this episode is a bit wierd because we have Clara jump into the streams, see multiple doctors, then she meets up with multiple doctors (and they reference Captain Grumpy earlier so like, she remembers the other two doctors) and. We have to question whether or not Capaldi Doctor is still The Doctor. It's pretty weak. The ending is solid, but most of the episode is not. Into the Dalek - Yes! Much Better, Fantastic Voyage episode with a Dalek. Deep Breath was very messy, this feels more like The Doctor. There's some extra callousness, comically so. It's a decent episode, but we still haven't really established this new doctor yet, so he still feels a bit out of whack before he gets 'You are a good Dalek' 2.0'd to throw him out more. Hard for this to have impact when he hasn't been established. This episode also unfortunately introduces Danny Pink. Robot of Sherwood - I didn't know this episode existed and I wish I continued to not. It's a fine episode on it's own i guess but I don't like the Doctor in this and it feels like a very mishandled use of Robin Hood and I really like Robin Hood. Listen - Let's go back to the Danny Pink part. So we've set Clara up as someone who lives her life outside being just a companion, which is cool, it's different, she can have a narrative outside of just travelling. A wild choice when she's the Impossible Girl who knows all about The Doctor and his deepest secrets, you could do some interesting things with perspectiv- oh she's dating a guy. Ok, well maybe at least we could set him up to be an interesting character with some special quirks? He's former military and somehow still incredibly boring? Fantastic awesome. Why? I'm completely fine with the antagonist of this episode, love the intentional ambiguity next to 'well something Did steal Young Danny's bedspread', but it feels annoying and wierd to pair clara with someone so boring, and then have her talk to The Doctor's (Much) Younger Self. These things are diametrically opposed. Time Heist - Hey, this is fun! The Doctor feels a bit more Doctor, Clara feels a bit more Clara, it's a cheesy episode where our gang rob a bank for reasons even they don't know. It's a good episode! The worms are back! Danny isn't really there! The Caretaker - Ok, so Danny is here a lot. And this episode really highlights a flaw with these episodes. Which doesn't actually include Danny. Besides the fact he and The Doctor get wierdly possessive of Clara in this episode but that's entirely explained by the fact this episode was written by a transphobe and moffat. Anyway. Jenna Coleman was cast as Clara because she could memorise motor mouth scripts with speed to keep up with Matt Smith's doctor. Capaldi has not had any scripts that have real oomph. He's bringing a high class performance to nothing material. Likewise Jenna Coleman has to struggle from her scripts going from Impossible Girl with Infinite Curiosity to.... liking a generic and poorly written guy. The foundation for this episode, the doctor being a school janitor whilst someone tries to stop his antics from being too public is decent, nothing else is.

[straycalamities]

Your post made me curious about Julien.... Would love to hear about him and Andrews relationship

hmm...the conundrum with that is i would like to show it one day so how much to tell...

the thing abt this is julian has ALWAYS been written in andrews life. one of the constants of his story no matter how much he changes. (he used to be named Matty) but ive uh...been a chicken to properly show it because uh its HEAVY.

so hm...i've gone over andrew's family life before so it's not meh to go over it again i think...

that's also mostly stayed the same.

readmore bc...ya boys gonna get long-winded

so andrew has a very strict mother with very high expectations of her children, but especially him. his father is more lax and easy-going, pretty carefree tbh, but bc of this its to a fault where he also just..doesnt want to confront his wife. so things kinda..go out of control in the household as far as...his mom's weird like..competition thing between andrew and his sister

so andrew has a twin sister Alana (anyone remember Jackie? yea) and she's pretty naturally good at whatever she puts her mind to. not that she doesnt bust her ass, but things just? come to her. it's just how it is. and she's very much a daddy's girl which pushes andrew into the role of momma's boy. so then it becomes andrew's dad and alana vs andrew's mom and andrew. except. it's pretty much only andrew's mom pushing this narrative, but she's a very convincing person and is the kinda person to naturally command a room

alana is also a naturally curious person so she likes to pick up hobbies and things and practice them until she's over it or good at it or both. and thus..andrew gets pushed into these things too, to not be outdone

the thing about andrew, though, is that he's got a more particular way that he needs to engage with things to actually pick things up and learn them. first of all, he's a very kinetic learner so just reading or hearing a lecture about it doesn't do anything for him. and unfortunately he doesn't have anyone in his life early on (teachers nor family) who understand this about him. they just think there's something wrong with him or off about him or that he's lazy/doesn't care.

but andrew cares. oh he cares. way too much. and he works. so hard. to try to match with the expectations weighing on him, but it just! doesn't happen! no matter how hard he tries! he can't absorb what he's reading! he can't process what he's hearing! when he DOES get the chance to just get his hands on things and figure things out, he shines

and alana tries to help because despite it all, she cares a lot about him. she tries to show him things or tell him what helped her, but it's just..different. the things that work for her, dont't work for him. and she also can't be with him a lot because she has a lot going on. she has big aspirations and she has lots of friends (more things he struggles with) how did they end up so different u_u

so andrew's daily life is very very stressful. he feels like he's always under watch, under scrutiny, every little thing is being judged, weighed, and measured. and that just makes everything much harder for him. he eventually learns over-time to perform great under pressure but that's because the pressure in his adult-life is nothing like the pressure of his childhood lmao

(and if this is a universe where he's got the necromancy thing goin on, there's THAT whole can of worms too. bc of how looked down on and oo scary necromancy is)

so its like..andrew does have his aspirations, his dreams. he wants to be an astronaut! :) and he maintains some semblance of that goal his whole life. he just likes space! he thinks its neat and would rather just spend all day learning about space than anything he's supposed to be learning. not that it's easier, but he's more motivated lmao

he's a C or low B student (idk how to translate american schooling marks into anything else sorry..american moment) and so he's not doing...too bad, but definitely not enough to his teachers or his parents. and he's "inconsistent" bc go figure sometimes lessons are more to his learning capabilities and he excels so oh no now ppl have Proof He Can Do It why cant he do it All The Time. fantastic.

being so focused on making everyone proud or proving everyone wrong in other cases (yes andrew does operate on a level of spite) has andrew finding little time for himself. especially bc his moms the type to not like uhh idle activities. everythings gotta have a Point of Growth. literally the only reprieve is that his mom works away from home a lot, but she'll definitely call or video-call often to make up for that fact. and andrew's The One she has her eye on. he's Her responsibility to better

(the thing about his mom is god she's a strict hard-ass but she does love him uh...so i'm not trying to make it all Ooo Evil Heartless Mother Time. nah she cares but boy is she awful at showing it. and that's not an excuse but..yaknow. it is how it is. her whole thing abt being such a tyrant is that she's worried about him and wants him to do better and Be better and so she's gonna force it down his throat til it takes ...rip)

ofc his family all has their bonding pleasant moments its not all hell all the time and like i said his dad and sister are more uh..better at showing they care but still not..amazing. the whole household like i said before in another post is more reserved than like..ji-hoon's for example who freely give hugs and stuff

anyways so alll of this uh..stuff is to explain: Andrew Doesn't Have Friends LMAO his entire elementary school experience is spent not having time for friends and eventually just not knowing how to Make them bc he had no practice or experience doing so. and the other kids don't think much about him because he doesn't make time for them? they've got other ppl to hang out with. and when a kid does make an attempt he fucks it up somehow or his mom scares them off with the Restrictions for how andrew is allowed to interact with other kids (if andrew wouldnt tell them tho they wouldnt have to know..smh)

by the time he's transitioning to middle school is when he meets julian. julian ALSO does not have friends (gee wonder why (youll see why)) and julian sees andrew not having friends either and thinks well! time to have this loner be MY friend. and julian is a pretty charismatic person when he wants to be. he knows how to small talk and keep conversations going and all that. i say this like a tween julian already has evil intentions but tbh..nah it DOES honestly start off innocent enough. julian has a lot going on at home too and wants someone to be his friend. simple as that. andrew doesnt already have a group, so..easy choice there. should be

the stuff that usually scares ppl away doesnt work on julian because he's a very anti-rules disobedient sort at this point already anyways. he just sees it as a challenge really so even if andrew makes things awkward by parroting his moms rules on how he can interact with other kids based on her paranoias about the typical Child and what they could teach Her Precious Baby it doesnt phase him. he gonna do it anyway

they do have interests in common, turns out! they like some of the same music. some of the same shows/movies. and things like that. the rest of it Becomes shared interests bc julians the type to go "hey i like this. now you will too" and for the most part? their shared tastes go a long way and andrew DOES end up liking most things julian introduces him to

at first julian does kinda..have no choice but to follow the Hard Rules that andrews got for hanging out so..they pretty much only see each other at school, they start picking up writing letters for each other to read only when they get home so they can write a reply and they get kinda lengthy as more topics get added lol

but eventually julian starts convincing andrew to like..shake things up a bit. asks where he lives. turns up at his window. just to chaaat ofc. theyre not gonna get in trouble psh.. its just talking. then it becomes andrew calling julian at home even tho he's not allowed to be on the phone, but if he does it at night then nobody can catch him (or if his moms away bc tbh does his dad rly care..? but andrew assumes he does)

and so julian and andrew get steadily closer and closer that way and andrew is. ecstatic. his first friend! and a really close one! they're best friends! and for julians credit, he's still just thinking "yay i have a friend. someone that makes life suck less :) even if he's a dweeb who i need to teach to live life"

and okay well anything further about them needs content warnings: very unhealthy, toxic relationship talk. manipulation

so unfortunately. julian has a very uhh extreme view on his life. he likes to exaggerate everything (usually for the worst) and jus tlike in general. not just describing it, he actually feels like his life is the worst life anyone could ever have. his parents split up when he was young and now he's being raised by his grandma who is also strict but in a way where its like..shes strict on him but lives kinda like..whatever, herself. shes very do as i say not as i do but julian hangs onto the Example she's putting off and hates her guts for having the Audacity to try to make him do different when she cant even do it herself. he also has an uncle who has his fingers in a lot of very shady pots and so julian is keen to things he rly shouldnt be at a young age

so with all that, he has a tendency to kinda lash out at the world around him. thats sorta his...uh version of coping. and with so many ppl putting him at arms length mostly because of THIS part of his behavior especially, he's only got one person at his side. loyal. always there for him.

unfortunately thats andrew

and it starts small like..playful insults. nothing rly anything at first it could just be the way he shows affection. but then the insults hit parts that sting deeper and deeper. and get more and more personal. and julian starts making almost memes? of some of andrews faults, weaknesses, and insecurities as if that's just one of their Inside Jokes they have, yknow, as best pals. so andrew feels like oh well i have to like this bc its Special and its just for me. i should appreciate that he's doing this. nobody else has this. and he's not being Mean he's just being playful

and unfortunately the more andrew lets him get away with it, the worse julian gets about it. the thing is that nobody's taught andrew self-worth yet. he's been too busy trying to be what other people want him to be. so here he is, also being what julian wants him to be: a punching bag. but he doesnt realize thats what it is. he just thinks julian wants andrew to be the type to be "playfully rude" with but, again, im saying julian goes way past that

and as julian gets older, the more he reserves what used to be how he was with everyone, being him, being genuine in all the worst and best ways, with only andrew. so everyone else gets this very like..agreeable neutral kinda personality out of julian. so then andrew also sees THAT and thinks wow..i really am special

and as years go by and they go from middle school to high school and social situations change around them, andrew feels even more lucky he's gotten somebody special to him and that he's special to because by highschool it feels like everyones already got their cliques and their partners-in-crime and he'd feel like a mega loser without julian. and julians shown him and taught him so many cool things that give him things to actually talk about with other ppl when they Engage with him?

but yeah throughout highschool julian teaches andrew more and more rulebreaking habits. they even set up ways to make money at school w stuff like..selling test answers or snacks or stuff when they can get away with it. or skipping classes or other things. vandalizing things. pranking ppl (harmless :) ofc..but maybe only physically so)

so we return to julian's uncle. liek i said he's a shady dude. well. he starts involving an older julian in his shady shit. so now julian and andrew are peddling fkn weed and prescription drugs around their school and neighborhood. eventually they're hotwiring vehicles to steal. (kinda uhh tragically this is actually where andrew figures out he's pretty good at cars and likes them a lot and even if he's having a constant crisis about Being Awful, he's also uhhh more motivated to learn how to do a new thing and Be Good At It. bc that's the thing isnt it? he's finally Good At Something) and stealing other things too

and i kinda quickened the pace here but its like..well it does escalate pretty quickly because at some point julian has andrew wrapped around his little finger and tho there are the times one or both of them get caught and andrew gets in trouble, has a crisis, and swears off doing anything like that ever again!! julian just has to warm andrew up to it again. because by highschool julian also has the upper hand in that he's become andrew's gay awakening. so now andrew has a huge crush on him and especially wants to impress him and keep him around and notice him and find him cool and worthwhile

and at first julian is sorta confused?? but diversity win! the manipulative toxic asshole best friend is also into boys! but giving andrew everything he wants wouldnt be very fun would it? he has something to dangle over his head. and he's gotten to the point where this is high risk shit. andrew could very much change his mind about everything about them and leave julian and the longer time goes on, the more paranoid julian becomes of this very thing happening. so he holds onto whatever leashes he can get twisted around andrew

he'll entertain his attraction but never clarifies anything. never gives him like..bold affection. never makes it clear how he feels or if he's even completely fine with it? which adds pressure onto andrew that he's just making all this up. or he's being the weirdo, pushing something on julian who might be straight or something

outside of julian tho, andrew's family is noticing his behavior bc i mean..also hes obviously getting caught doing some of this stuff. and his grades are even worse. and sometimes they get calls abt him missing school? and they try to intervene bc like..andrews got One friend. its gotta be this guy. so they try to ground andrew, ban julian, all kinds of stuff but they're slippery and they've got all sorts of workarounds. and ultimately, they still go to the same school. and..sadly. this, at first, just makes andrew desperate to keep julian all the more bc now he's beome this like..symbol of freedom and having Fun and living life to the fullest and anything related to home starts being associated with prison, suffocation, snuffing out his personality and everything he's learned about himself and like..even if he doesnt rly has Friends outside of julian (he's convinced julian is the only friend he rly wants/needs) he's still seen as cool! the Bad Boy, the Hookup for cool shit (snacks, drugs etc) he's a hit sometimes with the Le Popular Kids ooo... and he might even get invited to get-togethers with julian (julian is actually the introvert to andrews extravert but he Humors ppl for the image and he likes the way andrew always looks at him like a lost puppy when he's trying to figure out what to say in convos with other ppl)

but overtime, julians just gotten too comfortable with being too rough with andrews mentality and his emotions. bc he's never stopped his absolute drilling into andrews squishy parts in order to make himself feel better. or somehow blaming andrew for everything, even julians own shortcomings. and playing hot n cold with andrews emotions and etc. like there's just a lot he does that keeps andrew eternally unsure of where he's standing with julian or if he's doing things Correct or in a way that makes julian Happy. and as andrew gets older and starts Understanding things, he starts Understanding that hey...there's actually a lot about this that he doesnt like. he starts trying to...ask julian to lighten up. to consider his feelings on things. that he wants to do..things he wants to do? why do they always do things julian wants to do. why do they always get into what julian likes but never what andrew likes.

julian is...surprised and he does not Like this change. doesnt like that andrew is trying to cause problems? in their relationship? like why make this a thing? when its nothing? it was fine before? but the thing about letting andrew meet ppl, gain reasons for ppl to wanna talk to him and know him is that he gets to know how other ppl are and how they feel abt him. and though he hasnt made any other Friends, he's just learning how..Normal ppl are. and how julian with him is Not Normal. and its in a bad way bc andrew feels bad! he feels sick to his stomach sometimes. and nobody gets to him like julian does! and he thought before it was the crush but now he's starting to realize...he doesnt actually feel that way about julian anymore because he's just gotten so...Cruel

well now when andrew gets grounded/banned from julian, he doesn't fight it. he doesn't find the loopholes anymore. he lets things go and just kinda...tries to see how he feels? and he finds he...feels better. there's ways he feels worse, but there's a lot more ways he feels like he can breathe. like he's a person. and he likes it so...he starts to just ween himself off julian. and julian starts to act up more bc he doesnt have his usual ways to Cope and gets in trouble more, being at school Less and that just causes more distance

and julian is finally living with what he was most terrified of. and andrew is willingly? throwing him away? and he cant have that. he's at his wits end and panicking

new content warning: whew boy suicide mention/suicide-baiting

and thats all i rly have to say aint it

he holds the fact over his head that if andrew actually does officially cut ties with him, julian will kill himself. that he has no reason to live if he doesn't have andrew. that andrew is his everything and the light of his life, his joy, all that. and he cant't just? leave him like this?

and at first andrews like wait no this is awful dont do that..im sorry and like..tentatively keeps his ties to julian, tries to continue things the wya they were! just uh..different! bc if julian wants andrew to stay then..compromises have to happen okay? and julian says he agrees but catch things getting worse again and andrew in the same boat he was before

distancing

julian freaking out in a panic at 2am on a phone call describing what he's about to do til andrew apologizes again

rinse

repeat

but andrew eventually is just...tired. man. he's getting closer to graduating. he really does NOT need this. it's taking such a heavy toll on him bc rly! nothing else terrible in his life ever really went away, this is just an addition. it's not that his mom saw him acting out and thought oh...this is bc im too hard on him, nah, she stays hard. she gets Harder. his moms stern and affectionless and doesnt understand his plights, his sisters always so busy with her life, and his dad is out of touch. and mostly: andrew doesnt want to bother anyone with his problems. its his own fault, after all. its his mess. and he also is terrified of what anyone would think of even..half the things he'd have to admit to get them to understand. or even a fourth tbh

so one day he just..has had enough. julian threatens to tell his parents what he's done, what he's really like even if it brings julian down too. julian plans to be dead anyways after so what does it matter

and andrew just tells him to do it and hangs up

he feels sick to his stomach for days, but also is too fed up to call and apologize or take it back. he flip-flops on both so much he ends up doing nothing at all

and this is where julian is officially out of his life. i call it Schrodinger's Julian at this point bc did he? or didnt he? well what is the truth is he just does not show up again. so andrew is free but..he literally does not know at what cost. and the guilt eats him up alive for the rest of his life as well as all the damage literally going from like 12-13 to 18 with what this shit did to him

(cw: suicide stuff over)

this is where some of the stories diverge? umm..he either goes immediately to college or waits. with the college timeline Also diverging to oh he makes it somehow or oh he has to drop out

my default tho is that he does try, but he has to drop out. and makes an absolute mess of himself while he's trying. college parties and nightlife and everything else. sex drugs and rock n roll pretty much. everything he knows about connecting to other people is completely Fucked and so he thinks he's making connections but it's not real. and nothing feels like it did with julian but that should be a good thing? or should it. he misses the old julian and he misses the good parts and he feels like he'll never have that with someone again or that maybe...if he did...they'd do the same thing. maybe its dangerous to be that close to anyone. but oh he wants it. so bad.

and we'll continue with my usual story but uh (cw: drugs/drug-use)

we have to delve a bit into the fact he becomes an addict. because he very much does. with all the escapism he does in college because he's just trucking along without processing a drop of this? no therapy? not even someone to vent to or hold onto? nah man. shits rough. and he loses himself in many kinds of drugs but heroin is his Drug of Choice and also loses himself in other people but in shallow ways. he becomes a party animal but in the worst way and that becomes his "college" is just this whole social scene that he's not even engaging with in a meaningful way bc he's too terrified of earnest closeness with another human being

meanwhile his grades tank and he just...stops going. needless to say he becomes very much a disaster of a human being at the end of this. the thing is tho..its all self-internalized. he doesnt take it out on other ppl or even want to make it other ppls problems. he tries to just come off as this rly fun guy whos up for literally anything. and like yeah ppl who hang w him enough can definitely See Somethings Up but he's literally just like oh its nothing! its fine im fine! bc no if he opens up about anything everyones gonna hate and abandon him

and unfortunately this gets back to his mom and she uh...cuts him off. completely. if he wont get cleaned up. if he wont just...BE better jst DONT be this trainwreck of a son or else. dont associate with her. thinking maybe itd be a shock enough he'd just Get Better? (lmao) but lmao no. and he rly spirals bad after that but luckily his dad and his sister still sneak contact with him, doing what they can? with someone who doesnt wanna make anything anyone elses' problem and insists he's fine everythings. Fine.

what Does finally have him like?? find hope again? and cling to it and start to eventually put his life back on its feet again depends on the story im writing but something eventually always does and he always has the same Sponsor to help him :'3 darius...(his old roommate from when he was a teacher at thornville..remember that guy? yea rewrote him into here in a different way) and idk..things do look up for andrew! it's just...a very much uphill battle and that's kinda usually where i place him in like Current Events in whatever sceneario/story im thinking of is after he's gotten on his feet (shakily but he's there) and he's usually a mechanic (sometimes moonlights as a necromancer for hire as well) and he's Working himself up to trying college again but hes taking his time. and he's got some sort of support circle (darius, ji-hoon, and sometimes others)

ji-hoon he actually meets as one of his roommates in college and it takes a lot of Effort from ji-hoon but he sees andrew struggling and kinda nags his way into his life to help and is usually one of the reasons andrew gets inspired to get better bc ji-hoon is literally everything julian wasnt but like in a good way. he cares, unconditionally about ppl in general but especially andrew because idk they just Click right. and like i said in another post, ji-hoon's family basically adopts andrew as well and they're so affectionate and loving and give lots of affirmations and stuff and andrew probably cries bc he's never felt that much love tbh and then feels like shit abt it bc crying is dumb, but then everyone else cries too (happy tears) and its like oh

idk this is where i start having lot sof tangential thoughts so ill leave it here but uh! yeah! so that's the story of julian and andrew! and the damage it did! and yes! this is true in every iteration of andrew ive ever written! (the julian and childhood family stuff part, not necessarily all the rest that comes after, a lot of that's new)

[clutchpowers]

Sooooo... i wanted to stick this little rambly thing at the bottom of the redraw but it would have made it look UGLY so im doing this separately... just wanna talk about the whole thing and What Not.

TLDR: its been a slash positive ride thats been worth it to try "something new" every year and my favorite piece out of all of them is the 9th. also for the curious heres the comparison of the 5th anni piece to the recent one (2018 -> 2023)

anyway. personal post time.

oh where to begin *rocks on my rocking chair* i guess it would be with the 5th anniversary piece...at the time it had been a long while since i did lineless art and i thought it would be cool to try it again for that one so i did by redrawing an old piece from 2014... that was the first "finished piece" i made of Them. i think i even made it into a wallpaper for myself lmao. anyway after i posted it i was like "aw man i should draw something every year until the 10th" but i thought yeah right. im going to forget next year like the idiot i am. but i Some How managed to do one every year... th worms got me... i honestly didnt think id make it all the way to the 10th but i did!! AND WITHOUT MISSING A DAY EXCEPT FOR THE 7TH WHERE I WAS A WEEK LATE???? UNREAL especially when fun fact! every year i had no idea what i wanted to do! all i knew for sure is that i wanted each piece to be out of my comfot zone to push me to do something a little different. unfortunately the subjects tm where always the same so it feels a little. samey. but these are my celebratory posts I GET TO ONLY POST ABOUT THE OTP SUPER BLORBOS OF ALL TIME

the 6th anniversary was a redraw of that one scene. you know the one. the helicopter one. fucking hate that scene btw it actually causes me psychic damage i cant watch with the audio or ill scream. but it is my favorite scene of mine despite all the horrors it causes <3 and i wanted to redraw it as if it was a cartoon... like i had taken screencaps from the lcu cartoon in my head. i still remember the backgrounds being such a pain in the ass. honestly id like to go back and redo this one one day too or do something similar to the concept because its a fun one that i always saw done growing up and i wanted to try it myself.

for the 7th anniversary you can see the turn.. no more humans... return to lego... i was getting a little more confident in drawing them in the lego form so i did another redraw this time with the ending!! honestly i still like this one and how it looks even with how late it was but i wanted to test my confidence and do a real True and Finished piece with COLORED LINES and EVERYTHING!!!!! im glad i ended up taking the turn because for the LONGEST TIME i wanted to try and draw them as lego so bad because all i did was draw them as humans and its funny because now its the exact opposite. glad this piece was kinda the solidification in my head that yeah okay im a bit better at drawing the stylized lego toy now i can keep drawing them like this without feeling like im going to want to delete this in 2 weeks.

the 8th anniversary one is so weird. somewhere toward the beginning of the year it got into my head that i wanted to do a comic of them but time/school would have gotten in the way so i ended up opting for a page. another redraw of the ending scene which honestly out of all of them this is my least favorite one and its solely because its all so off. i def could have formated it better so the background shot doesnt take up the entire fucking page but then again im not a comic guy and this was my first time so the layout was bound to look HORRID but this is something id like to come back to ive had the idea of making like a genuine short comic about them since FOREVER and now that im a bit more experienced (lying) i would like to make one day!!!! just gotta stop getting caught up in my scripts!! and going in circles!! Because im obviously not a writer and i keep getting first-hand embarrassment from these!! but ill get over it one day lol.

OH THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY PIECE MY BELOVED. ONE OF MY FAVORITE PIECES ACTUALLY i love this stupid thing so much you have no idea.i know its re-using lineless but i just loved the idea of what it would look like lineless AND IT CAME OUT SO PERFECT I LOVE IT SO MUCH obv it needs a few touch-ups so the main issues dont stand out to me but god. i love this piece so much. idk what came out of me to make this but its so good ill never get over it. and the little lego them as a cake topper ITS JUST SO CUTE I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY OTHER THAN I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SORRY

finally. the 10th anniversary piece. oh my god. okay. i need everyone to understand this. i had woken up with this fucking Unbearable pounding headache that was trying to kill me. my body the entire day wanted me to stop and lie down, but last night i was already done with a good chunk of it and all i had to do that day was finish some lines and the coloring?? i literally don't remember all i remember is my body actively trying to shut down and force me to stop and sleep which i took a nap? didnt help. so i said fuck it im finishing this. i was. an entire goddamn corpse arched over my laptop. i was so delirious the entire time its a fucking miracle it even came out as good as it did but honestly. i still hate how it fucking looks. like you can TELL when i gave up (the shading) and it sticks out like a sore fucking thumb to me and it pisses me off because i knew i could have done so much better if i wasnt being stricken down by gods hand and his every attempt to get me to rest. idk like im generally proud ot it, with this one i wanted to go out with a bang tm so i tried to draw every important and relevant character instead of ALL of them like I was originally planning LMAO but ah well. maybe one day when im faster at drawing. this one i defiantly wanna go back and touch up but i everytime i open the file i can see 40 more things wrong with it and it drives me nuts. so ill just have to wait for when im ready. i guess.

can i just say though. the improvement is crazy. it always catches me off guard because tbh i uh. dont like my own art. im getting better at not fucking hating it because i can pinpoint everything wrong with it but whenever i see the side by sides it always surprises me. i always dont think im improving but then i see it and its like wow i really am getting better! i still suck at 3000 things but im getting better! and its overall just a nice thing to see after having drawn them for as long as i have... the power of the worms is strong and has ruined my brain...... speaking of i know ive said a few times that i fucking hate certain pieces, not just LCU related ones but almost anything i post, but if you love them and are able to look at them with a twinkle in your eye then thank you. genuinely. i honestly love looking over the tags of people exploding and saying nice things. it warms my cold little heart and im glad there are people out there that genuinely love some of the things what i do! even if its just fanart and its just their blorbo. thank you for sticking around even tho all i do is draw my otp super blorbos :'^) this game means the world to me and im glad like more than 2 people wanna spread it around.

to wrap back around to the anniversary stuff and speaking of big love to the people out there THE FREAKING EPIC ZINE i was just a small thing but it came out amazing even for how small it was thank you to the contributors and thank you to everyone whos downloaded it!! its still getting the occasional and i love getting the notif in my email about it. i love that there are still people out there who wanna see it and all the hard work everyone put into it to celebrate the games 10th just thank you again i really does mean alot to me ALSO IF YOU HAVENT CHECKED IT OUT PLEASE DO IT IS 100% WORK YOUR TIME AND ITS DIGITAL WITH PRINT AT HOME STICKERS AND YOU CAN KEEP IT AND LOOK AT IT FOREVER

uh to end this off....would I like to do this again..... I mean I kinda am? by that i mean ill do the big numbers (15, 20, 25, 30, 40, etc) till the day i freaking die!!!! but yeah no countdown stuff ever again!!!!! sorry :^( it was super fun to do though!!!! and im glad i did it that piece is the conclusion to the whole thing but that doesnt mean ill stop drawing them. duh. theyre my characters now! but heres to many more anniversaries and to hopefully another game! or to just see them again in any other lego media! or even better... a mischaracterized cameo in ninjago!

[yaknowlikenyah]

Yeah, I get what you're saying about the toxic masculinity thing. I have younger brothers, so, I kinda got to watch the effects of society in real time. Unfortunately.

The thing about it, is that gender is, for the most part, a performance. It differs for most people how MUCH of it is performance, I think, and depends on how much they enjoy said performance. Personally? I've never been too invested in it that way.

Like, yes I still Identify with the femininity I was born with. But from an early age I was a "Tom boy" you know? Stereotypically hating dresses, preferring to play outside with bugs and worms and mud and such. Hell, from middle school up until recently I kept my hair shaved to the scalp. But... I never felt less of .... Maybe not a woman, since that word carries implications, but I never felt less then a girl.

At the same time.... I never fit in with the classical ideas of guys, either. Outdoorsy, but not sporty. Spending too much time with books then what's "normal" for young kids, not as loud and crass, etc etc. If I had been born a boy, I think I would've been one of those quiet ones who read too much and get bullied for "being a fag" in 80s highschool movies.

Too soft for classic manhood, too rough classic womanhood, I have found a gentle merging with the two, I think.

Sorry if you didn't want a Gender Discussion™️ btw I just. Always feel like there's so much stress on "You can change your gender, or you can even have no gender, but not both!" Hell, you wouldn't BELIEVE the hell I went through to find a she/he pronoun pin.

Oh no I am RIGHT there with you. Same thing on the perception growing up except I did get VERY excited to be mistaken as Boy one time in like- second grade. I was a woodsy tomboy who insisted on keeping my hair long and had a major book addiction, was never really bullied, just kinda quietly faded into the background.

I figure we could have the exact same feelings about our genders and still choose to express and explain it in different ways and come to our own conclusions, ya know? To me gender is a weird haze that hangs over you. A bright core colored by a glaze of society's perception of you. An oil painting of constantly shifting hues. I get more dysphoric about the assumptions and internal biases that people randomly decide to attach to me based off their perception of gender than my body or gender itself. Some of my happiest moments have been sending someone into a fit of pure confusion as their perception wars with itself, but damn if the changes of "deep voice big dick" and being more male percieved didn't hit, especially after having felt forced into the box of girl for so fuckin long.

300% with ya on the one or other but not both thing, you just set off STRONG warning bells with some of your wording there that made me wonder what your perception of manhood was and how tied it was to preconceived biases. It's the "Ohhhh fuck. That idea is one of those that's prone to shifting" alarm bells and the perceived limiting of self due to how society dictates what man is.

I'm happy you're so secure in your gender! Journeys like that can be a bitch and a half to get through. Especially when people don't stop trying to emphasize that you CAN choose one or the other.

Once again, Similar ways of thinking on how gender is and what it's relationship to us is, we're just explaining it and finding comfort in it differently. I would be using it/its and plural pronouns if I wasn't so aware that the way society is structured, especially with dehumanization being an extremely common trauma among queer and other marginalized people, would taint my perception of myself and levy those same societal biases and perceptions on me if used outside of a very few select individuals.

[tabslabs]

Had a weird dream and some personal confirmations from it. Post gets long so putting it under the cut

It was some sort of high school event or something and we were looking through an old art book of mine but literally none of my Highschool friends were there. Scar was there and my youngest brother was there.

After seeing lots of art of “Tabithor” (a “male version of myself”) my bro was like “you kept drawing yourself as a boy and playing boy characters back then” and I was all “yeah back in high school I definitely wasn’t as confidently cis as I am these days” I also brought up the fact that Tabithor was blonde and not a full expression of myself as much he was a character. A character I loved and still love playing to an extent. Though I haven’t done it as much anymore.

I think he served a purpose when I was younger and arguably exploring my gender, because for years I was very much “I don’t know I guess I have boobs” about it. Like I would present feminine because it was easier and I liked how I looked regardless as I cared more about the overall “look” than the gender. I thought and to an extent still think I’d be pretty happy living more masculine. The “looks” I like are kinda flashy more than they are gendered. Long coats, big hats, flowy cloaks & capes- none of these felt gendered to me I could find examples I liked from lots of media with guys and girls doing it. I did it in a more feminine way because again, boobs. I didn’t mind them so I may as well dress in whatever highlighted the body I already had best. If they were gone tomorrow I wouldn’t give a shit, I would just be excited about going clothes shopping again and finding a new “look”. I dreamt about being able to try losing the boobs and growing a beard and what kind of outfits I could style around that (trench coat and fedora was unfortunately common though usually it was a top hat instead because ppl were weird about fedoras back then).

Anyway honestly it was Netflix’s Carmen Sandiego that made me stop thinking about what if I was a guy and how would I look. I looked at her and was like “oh shit she’s beautiful she’s exactly what I could be.” Maybe it was the attainability of it that drew me to stop considering other paths… I had already been getting Carmen Sandiego comments for years before then when I was trying “flashy long jacket and large brimmed flashy red sun hat” (more inspired from various elements of mostly male characters).

But whatever it was, you can see it- the number of games I’ve played since that show came out where I’ve played as that blonde male Tabithor has shrunk by a landslide. I do it out of nostalgia more than anything else. Hell even in ACNH where I did create Tabithor I spent over half the time reskinning him to look like me (and since the villagers don’t refer to your gender and use nicknames anyway I was effectively playing Tabitha completely). I created a “Tabithor” in Valheim but made her a girl that looked like me. Literally I think those are the only two games that had a Tabithor instead of a Tabs, I don’t even have a Tabithor save on Stardew. I have some male stardew files but they’re literally just characters like “Buck Bingo” or “Rico PoM”.

In my dream Scar and Kendall kinda got what I was getting at, though Scar told me that was mostly a confirmation of how I was already presenting. I seemed really confident in me being a cis woman in my dream though. Something I’ve definitely projected to others a lot but it felt different in the dream watching me do it. It made me think upon waking that yeah no I really am and do identify as a woman and I’m pretty confident on that being right. And I do want to try using e/em pronouns too. I have for literal months and nobody’s doing it because I’ve been quiet about it overthinking that people would start questioning if I’m cis and I wouldn’t know for sure and just generally not wanting to open that can of worms. But no I already knew pronouns are just freaking words, we can use them for whatever, they don’t correlate to gender at all, and that includes myself. I still like she/her pronouns I just really like e/em pronouns too they’re so fun to me so I do wanna use both going forward

[pocket-void]

Hi Mock!

I wish you a good morning! (It's currently 8:30 am here and I hope you are asleep wherever you are because healthy sleep schedules and all that!) 🌻

I just found out that you write, too, and I've read "A cup of coffee" and honestly, is there something you can't do? Because that was really great! I enjoyed reading it so much!! And I love your Logan in it!

And can I ask: where so you get the motivation to do all this great stuff? Drawing, writing, school? Like, I have like 5 different writing projects screaming at me because I don't work on them and yesterday I outlined yet another fic that I'll probably never write because I just don't have the motivation and - how do you do it? Because I want to write. It's the best thing in the world to me. But I just can't get myself to do it, and when I do, everything I make feels kinda... not good. Ugly, if you will.

So I guess I just want to know what I can do to get myself away from that? Because I really need to write, I'll go insane otherwise O_o

Anyway, have a wonderful day and eat a cookie!! 🌼

Y’all who can format stuff in asks will never cease to bamboozle me. O///o

But hello!! I believe it’s the afternoon where you are now! ^\\\^ (Not to worry, if there’s one thing I try to get enough of it’s sleep!)

Heidhwkfns Yes I write too but it’s incredibly on and off since I’m not as confident with it and it takes much longer than art! >\\\< I 100% want to write more often tho, but my need to accomplish stuff just finds art less time consuming. I’m really glad you like “A Cup of Coffee” because I’m quite happy with how that one turned out! ^\\\^ (And also just genuinely surprised at how many people enjoyed it) So thank you!! ;///;✨💖

So, here’s the thing. I’m just a normal person, just like anybody else! There are days where I have 0 motivation to do anything, and days where I’m way too motivated but still do absolutely nothing anyways lmao- I can’t say that my experience will work for everybody of course, but I can try to explain how I feel or how I work things out when I don’t feel like doing things. u///u

The first step is to forgive myself, because it’s going to be ok. There’s nothing wrong with having an off day, and nothing wrong with not accomplishing anything for now. There should be no guilt involved in not touching something for ages, god knows I’ve got so much in the “maybe later” idea box that I will never get to. But that’s ok! My creations will never blame me for not working on them, so in turn I promised to never blame myself for it either. And if I ever go back to complete one of them, great! But if not, that still doesn’t mean that it was a waste. Everything you make has value, finished or not.

The second is to remember that I love them. I love them a lot. I love creating, I love art, I love writing, and I love the process behind them! What you write and create will never complain if they are “not the best” or “ugly”. Their value comes from how you feel about them. Nobody else’s imput matters. So what if it’s not great? So what if it’s a mess? My terrible crayon drawing from when I was 4? Love it. Still has my whole heart. They’re on my bedroom wall to this day! (Neatly framed and hung, courtesy of my dad) I ask myself why I sat down to do something in the first place, and the answer is always going to be because I love doing it! Everything I make means something to me, no matter how bad or how small. Because at the end of the day, I made something. And it’s all the reason I need to love it.

It doesn’t matter if this doodle looks bad or this draft makes literally no sense because even if it’s not good, I did it. Even if I feel like I’m going nowhere, I know that each creation is a small step in my long long journey of improvement. It might not seem like that sometimes, like everything we do doesn’t really seem like it’s getting better any time soon, but we can never tell unless we keep doing it right? Instead of being upset that I’m not very good now, I decided to try and look forward to how good I eventually will be. I find that prospect exciting! We never know how much we grow until we get there, it’s like a happy surprise! ^\\\^✨And in the meantime, I am allowed to be perfectly happy with what I already can do. How far I’ve already come. Even if other people tell me otherwise, even if it’s true that it’s not very great, who’s to say that I will always be? Not me, that’s for sure.

I am willing to be patient for the sake of what I do, because I am willing to do it for an eternity.

There is no race in doing what I love, because I am the only one on this path. I can see other people on their own paths too! And sometimes they’re faster and have way better stamina than me, but their final destination is ultimately going to be much much different than mine, even if we’re going in a similar direction. So there is no point in trying to match them; I decide to walk at my own pace. It’s much easier for me this way. Take breaks! Drink some water. We’ve all got our places to go. ^\\\^

Third thing about getting things done is, well, getting it done! Do you know how I wrote “A Cup of Coffee”? I pain stakingly stared at it all day with frequent breaks in between, read it a ridiculous amount of times until it didn’t sound like english, and had text to speech read it back to me a couple more times just so I could make sure, because I really really really wanted to finish it. And it probably was kind of messy, hahaha. >\\\<

I’m not suggesting you do what I did btw, because it’s not even how I always write things! My other story “Table for Two” was written under a much different context. For that one, I wrote parts of it on different days. I took walks thinking about how I’d word things, how I’d imagine the scene going, and how I should pace sentences. I actually deleted the entire first paragraph and started over a few times because it didn’t sound right. Then one afternoon I decided that I wanted this story done. So I sat down and did what I could, edited a few things afterwards, and tentatively showed it to a friend. I didn’t edit it much after that, but it was done!

If I learned anything from highschool, it’s that doing something imperfectly is better than not doing it at all. I’m still a pretty picky perfectionist and a terrible procrastinator, and it’s not easy! But I would much prefer something I make to be “messy but complete”, rather than “pretty good so far but not finished”. Personally for me, getting started is the hardest part of doing anything. I have yet to find an easier way to do it, but I know that sometimes I just need to sit down and do what I can to start writing. If a sentence sounds weird, I keep going, because I can come back to it later! But if a sentence doesn’t exist, I can’t fix that without, well, writing it. o///o So I consider that a start!

I definitely understand you when you say that you can’t get yourself to write because I currently kind of can’t either. >\\\< I have outlines that I won’t ever write, I have ideas that I’m not gonna get to, and I’ve got fics that I worry won’t be as good when I write them. But maybe today I’ll sit myself down and just write one sentence. Give it a title, make a document, and stare for a lil bit. Give it a beginning. Because for me, sometimes drawing the starting line somewhere helps. Maybe it can show me what direction I need to go in just a little bit clearer. u///u

At the end of the day, the thing I say all the time is enjoy what you do. It’s just genuinely the most important part of doing anything to me. Yes it can be hard and sometimes we worry about how it’s gonna be, but we still do it don’t we? We come back and try again because we love it. Because we really can’t live without it. So what’s wrong with just...doing it?

That’s how it is to be a creator for me, I suppose. And from one to another, I genuinely wish you the best of luck on your journey!!

After all, there will be no other quite like it. u///u💖✨

[torinighthawk]

Harry Potter Head-canons (1/?)

First off let me just say that I have always and will always adore the actors and actresses who portrayed all our favorite and not so favorite characters, and the crew and directors who brought Harry Potter to life. They made magic real and their contributions can never be understated.

This is not about them though. It’s hard to remember but the Harry Potter films were made in a time before the current push for more and more representation, that’s not an excuse, just the facts (with the one exception that will be brought up, obvs). And the same is true for the books, though that is a whole can of worms I do not feel like getting into in this very positive post.

Representation matters. When POC voices say they need representation, listen. When we change media to suit that need, it’s not a dig at what came before.

That being said, I dropped out of the fandom a few years ago, and after heavy reflection I’m back, but on my terms this time, no one else’s, canon or not.

My Hermione Granger is biracial (like me). Her father, Robert, is a strong Black father from a strong Black Family with deep ties to their heritage and culture, and a drive for excellence in all things done. Her mother, who’s name varies from fic to fic tbh, is biracial too. She grew up in a very different but still loving family from her husband, with a Black mom who immersed her in Black culture and an Irish father who taught her how to fight for what she wanted, no matter what others had to say about it. Hermione grew up in a secure and happy home with parents and grandparents who gave her culture and valued and fostered her intelligence, and made sure she had a stiff upper lip to make it through other people’s bs opinion of her. She might falter, but she never breaks. Also, she really has a thing for older guys (Ron is the only exception and a total fluke).

My Harry Potter has heavy Welsh and Desi roots from James’ side of the family. Unfortunately, thanks to Petunia and Vernon he is constantly put down for both of these things and grows up without the rich culture his father had been born into and hoped to pass on to his son. The amount of Desi blood Harry has depends on the fic. The big one I’m currently working on has his father’s, father’s mother being full Indian. James’ father was adopted but his maternal aunt was still a huge part of his life and worked hand in hand with his adoptive parents to give him a life filled with his mother’s culture, which he passed on to James. Oh and he’s bisexual, it’s just that Cedric was the only guy in school that he really lusted after and we all know how that ended up. He and Ginny (who is also bi) love to occasionally rate celebrities and random strangers both male and female, its kinda adorable.

My Lavender Brown is Black. My one true bone to pick with the movies, is the one I think we all in the know have, with Lavender being Black until she became a main love interest for Ron and then was recast to a white actress (maybe it was incidental, maybe it wasn’t, doesn’t matter my brain fixed it). Lavender had two loving Black parents (I’m done with the broken home stereotype for Black parents can you tell?). After her failure dating Ron she finally came out of the closet as a lesbian and started dating Parvati. In most of my fics, Lavender survives (usually as a werewolf) and Parvati sticks with her and the two live happily ever after.

My Ginny Weasley (as stated above) is bisexual. She and Luna definitely had a thing going throughout their school time together and Luna was really there for Ginny in the last year of the war with Harry and the gang gone and all the stress. My Ginny is also a non-binary demigirl [she/they], not a tomboy, who starts to really explore her gender after the war is out of the way. Harry is a super supportive boyfriend/husband and he helps her through her gender diaspora during their pregnancy with some their children (which never gets easier so they switch to surrogacy).

My Ron Weasley really has a thing for POC women, he is completely incurable (thank merlin). Whoever he ends up with (in my head its not always Hermione) they are 10 times out of 10 going to be POC in some way. And he really immerses himself in whatever culture he has to to ensure his children grow up in their mother’s culture, no matter what they come out looking like.

My Remus Lupin is/was pansexual and was in love with Sirius most of his life. Part of his guilt and reluctance with Tonks is because of Sirius. I have very strong feelings about his werewolf nature (and werewolf demonization in general), but I’ll leave that to another post. I do still have Sirius die in most fics, but I believe there are worlds where these two make it every time and get to have some freaking peace and quiet together.

My Sirius Black is aro-ace and has only ever thought about Remus as a partner in those categories. Because he is emotionally stunted, he has no idea how to handle it and needs help to get a relationship started.

My Ted Tonks is Black or at least mixed race, and the only thing the Black Family hate about him is that he is muggleborn. Wizards do not care about colorism they way we muggles do, nor do they really care about sexuality and gender (Pure-blood families only care that their children procreate with other untainted people), they legitimately couldn’t care less. Totally headcanon that this has always been a point in contention of why Pure-blood Families see themselves as morally superior to muggles while missing the point of the other serious societal problems they have.

My Nymphadora Tonks is as genderfluid as her metamorphic abilities and pansexual. She never really had to think to hard about it and was pretty much born out of the closet. It helps really spice up her love life, especially her relationship with Remus. She’s aware of the Sirius thing and tries to help Remus through his grief and doesn’t really push him even though she’s hopelessly in love with him.

My Severus Snape is somewhere on the aro-ace spectrum, he doesn’t think about it much. I do love letting him live to have an actually redemption arc where he finally breaks the cycle of abuse.

My Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan are gay and in love. It took Dean longer to get there but Seamus is stupidly happy when he does. The two go on to raise an adorable little family.

My Theodore Nott is demisexual and not evil. He got out from under his father’s influence to great risk to himself and later became an Auror. He and Harry are good friends. He has a massive crush on Harry. Also, he dated Daphne Greengrass and Blaise Zabini at some point in his life.

My Blaise Zabini is gay. Very gay. Need I say more?

My Mrs. Zabini isn’t a serial murderess, she was cursed to love again and again and for all those she married to die horrible deaths. She has tried to go celibate but part of the curse is that she cannot. Blaise and Theodore Nott go on a side quest at some point to help break her curse, probably.

My Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy are both bisexual and occasionally enjoy the company of others in their bed. They’ve both probably propositioned Snape at some point. Draco, thank merlin, never finds out about any of this and goes his whole life blissfully ignorant of his parents wild secret lives.

My Draco Malfoy is on the aro-ace spectrum and finds certain people aesthetically pleasing but very rarely has any romantic or sexual feelings for them. He does however, like a good number of people do, have a crush on Harry at various points in his life. He’s emotionally stunted though so he acts like a child about it.

There’s more but I’ll leave it at that. If you want more info about the big fic I’m currently working on let me know. I may never actually write more than one-shots inside the world I built for it so it will be nice to get some stuff out for people to see. As for Next Gen headcanons I reserve those on a fic by fic, world by world basis so if there is a separate post for them it would be fic specific and not set in complete stone. I love to use my Next Gen characters to suit my needs for storytelling.

Bye.

[rkn001]

I've got to know, whats the process to your artwork, like how did you learn to draw poses and features as you do? Sorry if that's an odd question, just genuinely curious!

oh, that’s not an odd question; i appreciate asks like these haha! unfortunately my answer to this is going to be a bit long, so apologies in advance for that.

for poses, i devote an hour or two per week to practice a lot of figure drawing. it basically entails me collecting some references for poses, like the pose tool from posespace or pinterest (especially if i’m looking for some dynamic poses, though that entails being creative in how i search), and just... draw these poses from sight to the best of my ability. how i learn and how i practice is really just that. it's a great way for me to build a mental library of poses i can fall back to if i'm feeling like drawing freely without references.

but figure drawing can be hard and exhausting, and it takes time to work up to a point of drawing one figure for 10-20 minutes straight. and if that practice were my actual drawing process every time, i'd easily get frustrated every time i draw. so instead, (especially if you're starting out!) i recommend looking into gesture drawing, a method of capturing the dynamism of a pose in under a minute or a couple of minutes, or even a couple of seconds, without worrying so much about proportions and whatnot. imo this stuff is actually the backbone of figure drawing, because if you're not considering the overall movement of a character and just drawing the parts of the body individually, your character is going to look stiff and inanimate. think of gesture drawing as if it were like writing an outline to a school essay, before writing the essay! (in fact, i actually find that there are many components of gesture drawing which have wormed its way into my style.)

i guess face features are a different thing, because i tend to take bits and pieces of what i like from different artists' styles, and meld them into some alloy that is my style. sometimes i also do some face studies, but…not that much.

as for a general overall process to my artwork, i actually can’t give you a cookie-cutter recipe to do so; if you squint at my posts, you might notice that each does a different approach. it’s because i’m constantly experimenting with how i draw, and i’m constantly being inspired (re: borrowing some ideas) by many, many artists who do fantastic work all around. but...maybe i can give a simplified idea of my process, if that helps?

say that i'm drawing a character doing a thing. i would imagine the pose that the character is doing, maybe collect some references on said pose, and do a quick gesture draw using those references before drawing the character over that sketch while fixing proportions or whatever else. i guess an example of this would look something like:

(i used this reference, which unfortunately isn't really a great example since it's a photo of a toy and not a human figure, but whatever.)

but as i said, this is pretty simplified for a process; the actual process depends! it can be hella messy, hella disorganized, and hella experimental. hell, most of the time i don't even follow the above two steps; for the sake of economizing my time (re: laziness), i tend to fall back on my mental library of poses (for the better or for the worse i guess). as for my coloring process...i'm still trying to figure that one out lmao

anyway, this is getting too long, my bad. well, i hope this answers some part or parts of your question. if not, feel free to ask more questions if you'd like!

[natewriteslol]

The Wonders of Magic Pt. 1

Non magical!Twisted Boys x Witch!Reader

A/N: This has been sitting in my brain for a while since I have Little Witch Academia brainrot and I love snooty rich boys asdfljsfaj

Characters: Keep reading to find out!!

Warnings: Language and Y/N goes by she/her pronouns 

Summary: Dealing with magical adventures and society deeming magic as “flashy but worthless” doesn’t deter Y/N L/N from reaching her goal of becoming a powerful witch. However, what will she do when she has to find a way to stop the selling Calypso Academy? 

~~~

All your life you had dreamed of being a witch, however there was a slight problem. You weren't a magic user.

And as magic use had started to become more oppressed and scarce, magic schools were starting to open their doors to all walks of life. Making the most elite schools fall to their knees.

Either you lose your elite status or fall into debt.

So this was good opportunity for you, you managed to make it into one of the most renowned magic schools in the country, Calypso Academy. But it wasn't all peaches and cream, you weren't exactly accepted among your peers. Your family weren't magic users, nor were they wealthy. Yet you still pursued magic, there was a fire burning in your heart that just drew you in all your life. And you couldn't let your dream go just because of some mean girls. But this is the story of how you met some of your greatest obstacles.

 ~~~

It was the night of the great Ball, Calypso academy was having it's 350th anniversary. And you unlucky for you, you still didn’t know how to ride a broom since you were learning from the ground up. 

So there you were, by yourself, in one of the open fields of your campus. Trying to make this broom fly. 

And in your flight teacher Ms. Flint’s words, “If the broom doesn’t leave the ground, you can’t step a foot in the ball.” And so far, your feet have been stuck on the ground.

You felt horrible. I mean, what witch doesn’t know how to fly a broom? And while you were incredibly dejected

 from your failures, you knew you couldn’t just let it go. 

‘The trick it to be determined, yet feel as light as a feather. Be one with the broom’ your manifestation teacher, Mrs. Fairi had softly advised. You had to do this for for her, she already put so much faith in you, she would be so disappointed if she didn’t see you at the ball. 

“Nubes Volant ro!” You casted, pushing your leg to lift. Expecting your legs to come back down and for your shoes to hit the softness of the grass... but it never came.

You opened your eyes and there you were, suspended in air. 

Your excitement was indescribable, but you needed to be skilled enough to meet the requirements for Ms. Flint. So you tried and tried again, and while a little shaky you still managed to fly and do a stable landing! 

“I did it! Screw everyone in this academy who doubted me!” You  squealed a little loud, doing a little dance. You heard  footsteps and chuckling, but you brushed it off as some of your classmates. Too excited to care, you grabbed your things and ran off to show Ms. Flint.   But there was one problem, the entire point of this celebration was to both celebrate the anniversary but... it was begging as well. It was no secret that Calypso was losing money to pay taxes, but they were being pressured to give it all up. So to persuade the buyers, they had invited their son's to be enriched in witch culture and tradition. To prove them wrong and show that magic has value. However the students of the academy weren't aware of the true intentions behind the invites of the son's of these rich men. Many whispered in the halls about the upcoming ceremony. Talking about how handsome the young men attending were. But the day of the party was finally here! The banquet was absolutely incredible with 25 foot tables of food on both sides of the ballroom. Crystal chandeliers with floating candles illuminating and creating a heavenly golden light. And the great ancient tapestries that surrounded the room. There was no way that anything could mess up your night. 

But then, you heard a shout from a classmate in the crowd. "The nobles sons! They're here!" You stopped stuffing your face for a moment. Everyone cleared the way for the grand wooden doors as they opened, a red carpet elegantly draping the piece of floor it laid on. Designer shoes clicked as they touched the ground. Every girl eyes followed as they walked, you snuck past some trying to get a glimpse of their features. They were five of them being escorted by one older gentleman, all incredibly handsome young men. One had a bright smile that was genuine and waving at some of the girls in the crowd. While the other had a smirk not paying anyone any mind, as if he was calculating something. One held a solemn expression, yet was incredibly poised and graceful. The last two however wore scowls, one that showed he most definitely didn’t want to be here while the other just looked strict. 

They sat down in their seats in the front table that awaited them. Each seat was just as fancy as a king’s throne, with gold embellishments and velvet seats. 

It was a cookie cut scene, they were made for this life of luxury.

~~~

It was an hour into the ceremony, showcasing tricks and theatrical dances from every witch culture from around the globe. But it was almost as though nothing was satisfying them, besides the one with white hair. While he adorned a smile, there was something behind his eyes, as though he was doing some critical thinking. 

Nothing was enough for them. 

But it was toward the end and the noble’s sons were promised a tour. Every witch in the school was made to study up on knowledge of the campus. So that if you were the “lucky winner” you wouldn’t look like a complete fool. 

As you snacked on your chocolate filled croissant, Ms. Flint with her booming voice had called everyone’s attention to the center of the stage. Raising her wand, a split of golden light had displayed random names. 

Knowing your luck, you knew you wouldn’t be picked. I mean this was probably a tactic to get people to study the school’s magical history. It did work, as if there was a slight chance you were chosen you wouldn’t want to make a fool out of yourself in front of people like you usually did. But, Principal Hendrix wouldn’t be so irresponsible as to let a random student represent the school, right? 

Exactly. But even then, you sure did feel sorry for whoever was to give the tour-

“Y/N L/N!”

...

Remember what you said about shitty luck? 

Shocked was an understatement. Even though you had your two best and only friends Silva and Miete patting you on the back telling you congrats and to do your best, the hammering of your heart was too heavy for you to handle. 

Whispers broke out for a moment, a lot of girls were incredibly disappointed but cleared the way for you to go up the stairs and talk to Ms. Flint and Principal Hendrix. 

“Good job, Y/N. Now if you wouldn’t mind, please give these young men a tour of Calypso, would you?” Principle Hendrix said gently with a smile.

“Ha, ha, of course! But surely there’s been a mistake, I mean Lydia could probably recite the information without having to read a single book-” 

“No way, L/N. You were chosen, now do the tour please, the latest you can be back is at 9pm,” Ms. Flint replied, cutting you off sharply. 

“You’re an incredibly charismatic student, Y/N. Just keep them entertained,” Principle Hendrix whispered as you walked toward the table.

Be charismatic, not awkward! Got it!

“Alrighty then! Who’s ready for a tour?” you said, almost giving finger guns as a mechanism. 

“Oh, I am!” 

“Yes,  I’ve been wanting to see the range of this property in person.”

“Yes, I would like to get this over with. I have an appointment tomorrow and I would not like to miss it.”

Other than that, all you received was a nod and an eye roll. But it’s better not to pry and ask for more from them. 

Each getting out of their seats, you walked outside. Hearing cheers from the crowd and the occasional “Vil! I love you!” which made you a little embarrassed. 

Feeling the night breeze and seeing the stars poke through calmed you down slightly, it was 7:45 and all you had to do was blabber at them about the school until 9. 

Easy task, Y/N. Easy!

~~~

Once you got outside, the tour had been running smoothly for only a couple of minutes. But you couldn’t help but feel as though they started scanning you, as if they saw you from somewhere. Until unfortunately, the sunshine of the group’s lightbulb had went off. 

“Oh! You’re the girl with the broomstick towards the front of the school! You looked so happy practicing.” 

“There must be a mistake-”

“Are you sure? If so then I guess you have a doppelganger” the boy with glasses teased. 

“Didn’t you say, ‘Screw everyone at this academy’?” the short, red head questioned, persecuting your behavior. 

“Well some people here aren’t exactly the nicest. It was just an excitement of the moment thing, sorry,” You said, trying to get Mr. Non-Rule Breaker off your back. 

~~~

So... you had accidently overshared about your adventures on campus. 

It had all started when one of the boys looked shocked that the ancient Willow tree was thriving and looking beautiful as ever. When he looked at it from pictures given to him, it was completely lifeless and grey. 

“This tree, it looks completely different? It’s been sickly for years! How is this possible?” He asked, as his main piece of evidence the white haired boy gave to his father to buy this property was foiled. 

“Oh, that was me. They had willow worms in the roots that were ready to hatch and I accidently brought them out,” you said, a little prideful, yet it was quickly stomped out.

“That is highly irresponsible, you should’ve had a professional complete that task, not an inexperienced student,” the red haired boy scoffed, it seemed as though he didn’t respect this school at all. Yet the boy with grey hair and glasses paid him no mind, still incredibly astonished, but it was quickly wiped from his face and replaced with a somewhat of a sour look. As though you beat him at some game he was playing.

“...Interesting. I never knew magic could do something of that caliber,” he remarked,  pushing up his glasses. 

“Magic is incredibly useful, Mr...” 

Shit. You didn’t get their names...

“My apologies, I didn’t catch your guy’s names,” you said, placing a hand behind your head. 

You had never in your life seen a group of people get so surprised, besides the other white haired boy, who was happy to tell you his name. 

“I’m Kalim, Kalim-Al-Asim!” he said, shaking your hand with a vigor, “It’s a little funny that you don’t know who we are, but I like that about you!” 

How was it funny? You’ve never seen these people in your entire life? The blonde man was especially offended as you glanced at him for his name. 

“Vil Schoenheit. Actor, singer, dancer, beauty influenc-” 

“Hmmm, Vil I can’t help but feel that you’re angry at Ms. L/N for not knowing who you are,” the boy with glasses remarked before taking your hand, “Azul Ashengrotto, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

“I’m Riddle Rosehearts,” the short red-haired boy said.

“...Leona Kingscholar.” 

“Alright, I’m glad I got your names! Let’s get a move on! I have got to show you some more stuff!” you said before moving along, gaining more confidence as you talked to them. 

Maybe this tour wasn’t so bad after all!

~~~

Coming up:

“How did you not know who the noble’s sons are?!” Miette yelled, but her soft voice wasn’t exactly giving the shocking boom to emphasize her feelings.

“I’m sorry! Everything was completely fine after that, if this whole tour was such a big deal then I would’ve studied them more instead of the school,” you said, completely pooped out from last night. 

So much pressure on you made you very tired out, and all of these new details coming out made you feel even more guilty for your half-assed tour. 

[dreamwritesimagines]

Twisted [Spencer Reid x Reader]

A.N.: So, here we go! 😁 Thank you so much for your wonderful support and lovely messages during my break my loves, they mean so much to me and ily! ❤ On my break, I binged a lot of shows, and Criminal Minds and Prodigal Son were two of them, but if you haven’t watched them don’t worry because it will not be following a specific canon plot😁❤Please let me know what you think and enjoy!❤

Warnings: Murder, drug use, serial killers, violence, manipulation

Summary: No one can choose their family.

If it were another time, you could’ve at least attempted to convince yourself how everyone had problematic childhoods. Focusing on something else usually worked, per the advices of countless psychiatrists your mother had forced you to go after the-

Incident.

Just the thought of it was more than enough to make your blood freeze in your veins, but you were soon snapped out of your thoughts when your phone started ringing. You checked the caller I.D, and heaved a sigh before you touched the screen.

“Hello?”

“Please tell me you’re not going there.” Your mother’s voice filled the car and you pressed your lips together.

“Hi mom.”

“Every time you go there and visit that man in that wretched prison cell of his, he manages to get into your head!”

“That’s not what’s going to happen,” you said, keeping your eyes on the road, “You have no reason to worry.”

“I have every reason to worry!” she snapped, “We promised that we wouldn’t let him worm his way into our lives.”

“Yeah well, FBI begs to differ,” you forced yourself to say, “You’ve seen the news—“

“I don’t want to hear this,” she cut you off, then heaved a sigh, “It’s terrible enough to hear it once, let alone twice.”

You never really had the luxury of ignoring all the terrible things on the news, especially after what had happened. Ever since you were a child, the nightmares wouldn’t leave you alone, and you weren’t as good as your mother at ignoring what was happening while you were awake.

“You could’ve said no.”

“I really couldn’t,” you mumbled and she clicked her tongue.

“Well then,” she said, trying to pull herself together, “I expect to see you at brunch, even your sister is coming. It won’t take long, will it?”

“It won’t take long to see my serial killer father and find out whether he is helping another serial killer even if he’s been behind bars for years?” you asked, “No mom. It shouldn’t take long.”

“Sarcasm will give you wrinkles.”

“Oh yeah, tragedy.”

“Call me as soon as you leave there,” she insisted, making you smile. “Promise me.”

“I promise,” you said as you pulled over in front of the building. Even the sight of it was enough to make your stomach flip and you felt the bile climbing up your throat.

You did not want to see him.

You had managed not to see him for years now, but now, the news were full of different coverage about a killer whose method of killing was very similar to him.

A flower left in the crime scene, every damn time.

Naturally, FBI wanted a word with the original killer. Less naturally, the original killer refused to speak unless he talked to his younger daughter, who happened to be you.

Unfortunately.

Yet, the sooner you walked in, the sooner you would walk out, and that was the only thing that offered any kind of consolation.

“God damn it,” you mumbled to yourself as you left your car, and made your way into the building. They patted you down, made you go through the x-ray and sign the papers before you entered the hall.

There were two men that weren’t in official prison guard clothes, which made you think these were the FBI agents you had talked to on the phone. For some reason, you hadn’t pictured them like this, but you didn’t know any agents so maybe this was the norm.

If it were any other time, you could’ve noticed how handsome they both were, but your mind was way too occupied.

“Ma’am,” the dark haired one stepped closer to you, “I’m Special Agent Luke Alvez, this is Dr. Spencer Reid.”

Even if Agent Alvez looked like the ideal FBI agent that was pulled out of an action movie, Dr. Reid looked more like a young, handsome professor, the ones that you dreamed would be at your university when you were still at high school.

Needless to say, that fantasy hadn’t come true much to your disappointment.

You shook your head, trying to focus.

“Y/N, it’s nice to meet you.” You shook hands with him, and smiled at Dr Reid, “Hello.”

“Thank you for coming.” His smile was soft, much like his gaze, “I imagine it’s not easy for you.”

You forced yourself to shrug, “Yeah it’s…” you trailed off and cleared your throat, “It’s fine.”

“So far we have seen five murders all over the country, in different areas but the crime scene has your father’s signature. It most likely means there are multiple copycat killers, and given your father’s past, he might be the mastermind behind it. He contacted us, but refuses to say anything unless he spoke to you.”

The goosebumps rising on your arms felt almost familiar.

“I haven’t been educated in any interrogation techniques.” You said, “And knowing him, he’s not just going to give that information to me.”

“People give information about a lot of things even when they don’t realize it.” Dr Reid said, “We will be outside, watching and listening.”

“I’ll talk to the guards to see if he’s ready, excuse me.” Alvez said and he walked away while you nibbled on your lip.

“How does a serial killer have this many privileges?” Reid asked you, “He has a private cell, books, TV…”

“Money,” you said slowly, “Money buys lawyers, lawyers buy freedom. Or the closest thing to freedom, given the circumstances. If you ask me, he should’ve been rotting in a hole but...” you trailed off, leaning back to the wall and took a deep breath, counting in your head.

“That’s a good exercise to calm down,” Reid said and your head shot up.

“What?”

“The 4 7 8 breathing exercise. I’m guessing a psychiatrist taught you that.”

“Several psychiatrists taught me that,” you stated, raising your brows, “You’re observant aren’t you professor?”

“Doctor.”

You clenched an unclenched your fists, your eyes darting around the hall,

“This is not helping,” you said as you exhaled a breath, “I need a cigarette, or twenty.”

“What do you do?” his question was so out of nowhere that you gawked at him for a moment.

“What?”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a— I’m a wedding planner.”

He tilted his head, “What’s that?”

“Well you…you know, you help the couples with color palettes, decoration, overall aesthetic, and during the wedding you make sure nothing goes wrong with the venue and the food and the music, all that. You make sure the wedding is perfect, basically.”

He hmmed, “How do I tell if a wedding is perfect? If we were talking sense wise?”

“Well first of all, in terms of looks, the colors need to complement each other,” you said, remembering your favorite events, “When you walk in, you see the garden and it’s well lit, but not too bright. In terms of touch, I guess you would make sure the table covers and such are soft to touch. The music should be slow at first, at least until it starts.”

“How about smell?”

“You can’t really go wrong with faint flower scents. Scented candles are a nice touch too.”

“The food?”

“Something light, most of the time. No one wants to get into a food coma at a wedding and you—“ you stopped as your eyes snapped up to his, a small smile playing at his lips.

He was making you list all the things that would ground you without making you realize you were doing it, so that you wouldn’t lose yourself in panic. It was yet another trick your psychiatrists had told you to do whenever you felt overwhelmed, talking about what you could see, hear, smell, touch and taste. By making you focus on a pleasant memory and remember all those, he was offering you a safe place in your own mind.

But contrary to any doctor, he didn’t make it obvious.

“Well played, professor.”

This time, he didn’t correct you,

“Grounding works most of the time,” he stated as Agent Alvez approached you, “I know this situation is less than ideal, but we will be right outside. You can walk out any time you want.”

“They’re ready.” Agent Alvez said and you nodded, trying to ignore the way your heart was slamming against your chest, then followed them to the door. Alvez opened the door for you, and you stepped inside, digging your fingernails into your palm.

His hair had more grays since you had last seen him, and his beard was longer, but that dangerous light in his eyes hadn’t changed. He looked up, a wide smile appearing on his face as his eyes searched yours.

“Sweetheart!” he said cheerfully, raising his hands a little so that you could see the chains attached to his handcuffs, “It’s been a while, wouldn’t you say?”

Pretending to be calm was something you had practiced so many times that your body knew automatically what to do. The door closed behind you and you swallowed thickly, making sure your face didn’t show any feelings. You slowly approached the table to pull yourself a chair, then put your phone on the table and started the countdown.

He wanted five minutes, and you would be damned if you stayed there a second longer.

“You look so much like your mother,” your father shook his head, “It’s uncanny, really.”

You gritted your teeth, still glaring at him.

“Not your eyes though,” he smiled, “You got your eyes from me. The window to the soul, hm?”

“My soul has nothing to do with you.” The words left your lips before you could stop them and he tut tutted.

“My petal-“

“Don’t call me that,” you cut him off, “I hate that nickname.”

That didn’t seem to break his enthusiasm though, much to your displeasure.

“Well, we should catch up,” he said , clapping his hands together, “Are you still with that young man from last year? He’d better be treating you well.”

You blinked a couple of times, “How did you-?”

“I have my sources too.”

“Your sources are slow then.” You stated, “We broke up months ago. Is that all? You brought me here to just talk about my personal life?”

“Why did you break up?”

“Are you really behind all these murders happening right now?” you asked back and he shot you a reprimanding look.

“None of that right now, petal. Business and family shouldn’t be merged, as you know.”

You felt like you would throw up, but managed to hold it together and stole a look at the countdown.

“Why did you break up?”

“Certain differences,” you said, cracking your fingers to distract yourself, and he leaned back.

“I get that,” he said, “If you’re different, you’re different. I always felt that with your mother—“

“Stop that.” You spat out, “Anything I do, including my relationships, it has nothing to do with you. I’m nothing like you.”

“Oh but you are,” he said, “It’s all in your eyes. In that deadly glare of yours. It’s there, isn’t it? That anger? Try to hide it as much as you want, it’s still burning you.”  

“There’s nothing burning me,” you said, “You’re fucked up, doesn’t mean I am too.”

“You know, there are many scientists that say murder is in the genes,” he stated, “So it would mean you’re contaminated too, no?”

The panic was pounding through your system, but you managed to keep your expression stable.

“Do you know why I didn’t ask your sister here? Or hell, your mother? Do you know why it is you?”

You stayed silent, your gaze focused on him.

“Your sister loved your mother, but you…. You were always such a daddy’s girl.”

“Wrong.”

“I don’t even think you cried for your mother whenever you scraped your knees, it was always me.”

“I didn’t know you were crazy when I was a child, guilty as charged. Doesn’t prove anything.”

“It does,” he said, “It proves more than you know. You are going to be my legacy.”

A cold shiver ran down your spine but you took a deep breath, resting your palms on the steel desk.

“No I won’t,” you said calmly, “Sorry to disappoint. I never killed anyone.”

Your father’s smile was almost as serene as your voice.

“Yet,” he pointed out, and you felt your throat tightening. “Ignore it if you want. It’s still there, petal.”

The beep of the phone made you snap out of it and you pushed your chair back, knocking it over in the process.

“Fuck you,” you said through your teeth as you gripped the door knob, “Have fun rotting in here.”

You swung the door open and stepped outside, still trying to catch your breath, and the door next to the interrogation room opened before Reid stepped into your vision. Your hands were still shaking and you desperately needed a cigarette and some fresh air.

But what you really needed was to get out of there.

“Y/N?”

“I hope you got whatever you guys needed,” you managed to say, wiping at your nose, “Because I’m never stepping a foot here, ever again.”

With that, you walked out of the hall, every cell in your body screaming at you to get away. You ignored the looks from the guards, tears blurring your vision and you left the building as fast as you could, as if someone was chasing you.

As if that could help you escape him.

Chapter 2

Taglist: @rhabakoli​ @theskytraveler​ @danyka-fendyr​ @alwaysadreamingoptimist​   @lettersofwrittencollective​ @dreamers-wonderland​ @lilliannaansalla​ @propertyofpoeandbucky​ @iblogabout-stuff​ @thinemineours​ @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @davnwillcome​ @chibi-liz05​ @demigoddesofchimichangagod​ @finnickfoxes​

[xbunnybunz]

Jealousy [Lelouch x Reader]

Summary: You love Zero, Lelouch loves you. Lelouch is Zero, and you are none the wiser.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Date: August 10, 2014

----- 

“S-sir?

A meek voice echoed through the storage room, seeking the leader of the black knights.

Lelouch blinked from behind his mask and looked away from some paperwork, wondering who had confronted him. Could it possibly be...? Yes. Of course it was.

There you stood, fiddling with your hair and cheeks tinged pink, avoiding eye contact with your leader. Yes, as much as Lelouch had tried to convince you otherwise,  you had become a member of the Black Knights. ‘The problem is that Lelouch had tried to tell her, and not “Zero”’ Lelouch thought, aggravated. Lelouch recalled a particularly bad day in school; his identity was almost revealed by a mere cat, and after he had expended his energy into chasing the rotten animal, he nearly fell off of the school roof. So when you told him about your intention to join the Black Knights, he was anything but happy. Perhaps he had taken it a tad too far, because he could still remember how bitterly you had reacted after he told you to “get a hold of yourself;” that “a dangerous job like being a Black Knight was not meant for delusional fangirls like yourself.” Looking back now, he wished he had just taken his anger elsewhere. “What do you know about me,  Lelouch?” You snarled, stepping away from him. “Just because you knew me since childhood doesn't mean that you can judge my feelings toward Zero! You have no right to call me delusional-” “-Yes I do!” Lelouch narrowed his violet eyes, glaring a hole into your skull, “How can you say you love him if you've never even met him before? You’re risking your life for someone who will reject your feelings!” He watched as you froze and cast your eyes downward, red flooded your cheeks. “Yeah, Lelouch, is that what you think? That he's going to reject my feelings?” You ask, looking up at him, eyes shining with sorrow. “Well, that’s alright. He wouldn’t be the first time I was rejected, right?” Lelouch’s eyes widened slightly in disbelief; were you still hung up about that? "I'll be going now." You say, turning away from him. He wanted to reach out and stop you, but he didn't. He couldn't. He could lead an army and take down several nightmares with a single command, but he didn’t have the fortitude to stop a girl from leaving a room. Pathetic. Footsteps. Door. "Click." Then silence. Lelouch heaved a small sigh behind his mask and turned his body to face you. "What is it, soldier?" You winced at his words and shifted uncomfortably, pink turning to red on your cheeks "W-well, sir, I've been wondering about something..." Lelouch's purple eyes watched your face turn varying shades of red, scowling. Why didn't you act this way around him at school? Why did you blush and fidget in front of him now, when he was under a different name and a different life? Was the normal Lelouch missing something?! No… You had done this, but not anymore. Lelouch was touched. You had fallen for him twice, if that wasn’t love, then he didn’t know what was. Regrettably, he couldn’t accept your feelings, especially not here- not with this side of him. "Uhm..." You diverted your gaze from him, instead deciding to stare at an empty crate. "I've been wondering why you call me 'soldier' all the time, sir." Lelouch raised an eyebrow, which you couldn't see, of course. "Are implying that you not one of my loyal soldiers?" You quickly scrambled to defend yourself, "N-no sir! It's just that... That you call the other Black Knights by their real names, and- and-" You bit your lip and looked down at your shoes, feeling quite stupid for bringing up such a mundane question. "I'm sorry, sir. Never mind." Your cheeks were lit aflame. You were talking to Zero one-on-one at last, but you had only made a fool of yourself. Why would he call you soldier? Because you were a soldier, of course! Such idiotic questions... What kind of answer were you anticipating? "And you?" You blinked stupidly, taken by surprise. "Huh? Me?" Zero continued, standing up and leaning against a large crate next to him.  "Why do you call me 'sir,' and not Zero?" He recalled how you said Zero's name in his presence at school. You spoke it with awe, respect, and sometimes, to his chagrin: love. The name "Zero" never failed to pull compliments and praises from your lips- and although Lelouch should have been feeling pretty darn good about that- dammit all! That was not how it was supposed to be! You were supposed to love him, Lelouch! Not his alter-ego! He watched as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, tempting him to claim those lips as his. How long has he been waiting for a kiss from you? A week? A month? A year? Goodness, who knew? He lost count a long time ago. Ever since he had declinced your romantic advancements in school, he found himself getting interested in you as well- a bit more than he was comfortable with. However, as anyone who was rejected would do, you were slowly getting over Lelouch. Unfortunately for the boy, your confesion had only ignited his interest in you- and it was swallowing him whole. What had caused your fondness of him? Why would you approach him about such a trivial topic? You couldn’t have found out about his true identity, right? At first, it was just these factual questions; nothing that would harm anyone. But in due time, he began wondering how you would react in certain situations. What would she do if I told her that I liked her as well? How would she react if I hugged her? Held her hand? Kissed her? Soon, he found himself thinking of you whenever he was able to; whether it be in class, while doing his homework, or during Student Council meetings. His curiosity had developed into a near obsession- or dare he say, an attraction. Lelouch had managed to suppress thoughts of you while he was with the Black Knights, and thank goodness for that. He couldn’t imagine the chaos that would ensue if you managed to worm your way into his mind, then. But now… There you stood, twiddling your fingers and chewing your goddamn lip in front of him. Lelouch couldn’t deny it. He wanted you, and he always got what he wanted… Just not like this. He didn’t want it like this. He couldn’t have you interferring with his plans to destroy Britannia, and he definitely didn’t want you to love Zero. In order to prevent any kind of intimacy between you and his alter-ego, he began referring to you as “soldier” instead of by your name. But damn it all to hell if it worked, because it didn’t. Each time he called you “soldier”and you called him “sir,” the tension between you two would double, and triple, and exponentially rise, driving him to the brink of absolute madness. You distanced yourself from Lelouch at school, and he knew that you were trying your best not to make things awkward between the two of you- he knew that you were trying to move on, but the more you pulled away from him, the less he wanted to let go. What was there to move on from, if he loved you back? Before he had a chance to recalculate his relationship with you, you had managed to slip out of his grasp… And right back in. Unbeknownst to you, you had fallen head-over heels for the same person twice. But this time, oh, this time, it was so much stronger. Your feelings of love, admiration and respect had mixed into one unidentifiable goop of emotion that was directed toward the leader of the Black Knights. And as if the world wasn't enough of a paradox, Lelouch found himself jealous of… Himself. His geass couldn’t help him here. He had sat down one day, completely weighed down by your flurry of emotions as well as his own. He was desperate for the tensions between you two to stop, and although he was ashamed of it now, he had written out a list of commands he could use to make you love him, and not Zero. Of course, it was in vain. He was Zero, and Zero was him. They were one and the same person, no matter how much Lelouch wished it wasn’t true. A single command would either make you hate Lelouch and Zero, or worse- love both at the same time. In the past month, Lelouch’s jumbled thoughts brewed faster and faster inside of his mind, whipping up into a horrible storm, and he had no one else to blame but you. What in the hell had you done to him? “That-” You say, yanking him out of his exasperating thoughts, “That would be inappropriate.” Lelouch took a moment to recollect his thoughts. Oh, right. He had asked you a question. “Tell me,” He said, his voice coming out raspily from behind his mask, “What makes you think that calling me ‘Zero’ would be inappropriate?” “W-well,” You stuttered, “I’ve only known you for a year, sir.” “A lot of things aren’t necessarily appropriate, are they?” Lelouch asked, ignoring your answer, “Because of their morals, humans cage themselves into a dead end. Wouldn't it be easier to forget them all and break free?” Break free… “I guess so…” You mumble, looking at your shoes modestly. “_______,” Lelouch tasted your name on his tongue, enjoying the sweet, yet acerbic taste it left in his mouth, “You say you’ve known me, Zero, for a year, correct?” You answered, surprised that he even knew your name. “Yes, sir- Erm, Zero…” You blushed upon saying the name, much to Lelouch’s distaste. He ignored it. That’s all that he could do, for now. Suddenly, you heard a loud “BAM!” The sound was harsh, and it grated upon your ears, echoing within the closed space that both Zero and you had occupied. You flinched and closed your eyes, preparing for the worst. When nothing came, you pried your eyes open, stunned to see one of Zero’s arms against the wall next to you, caging your body with his. With his other hand, he calmly pressed a button on the side of his mask. You stood, bewildered and astonished as you heard the whirring of gears, signalling the retraction of the back of his mask. “Z-Zero- what are you-!” “Humor me, _______.” He cut you off,  “Is one year enough time to fall in love?” Because I've known you my whole life... “O-one year… One year can do a lot…” You gulped, watching as Zero adjusted his mask to show his mouth. “Then, hell.” He whispered, leaning into your lips, “I must be completely infatuated.”

[solomonish]

👀 oh fluff? floofles for favorite om writer? pb sweve off brand and giv,,, w a r m f u z z i e s? ohoho

So... Levi's kinda a shut in. It's no secret. He tends to be as reclusive as the undercurrents of his element, and as a result spends a lot of time alone. Sure, he's not ALONE-alone. Reading, gaming, blogging, they're all great tools for entertainment, and nothing says Escapist's Best Friend like a fixation on an incredibly rich, vivid book series in particular. But he can't help but frown sometimes, looking at the way his brothers all seem to have that One Sibling they sync up with so well. Almost like two sides of the same coin, in which case being paper money can be ehhh... less than fun.

Unfortunately for him though, he seems to have been Spotted. you see, there's a certain shady sorcerer who knows exACTLY what it's like to be surrounded by people and yet somehow entirely Othered from them, and well he simply refuses to let Levi spend another moment stealing baleful (re: wistful) glances at the friendships he wants but doesn't really think himself good enough to initiate or nurture.

You see, even mythologically speaking, one of the most documented characteristics of Solomon is that he is stubborn.

The other brothers telling him not to bother? Too bad

Luci in particular threatening him to stay away? Whoops this old man's suddenly gone deaf

Simeon voicing particular concerns about how Levi is strange and not to be trusted?

Oh gosh, well, it's a good thing SIMEON isn't going to be having a movie marathon with him then, isn't it?

And so it came to pass that Solomon (the sneaky bastard) managed to worm his way into Levi's life, and that's why even in the early chapters he's the only one with the secret password to Levi's room. Even though Levi's not quite sure how it happened, they've grown to be the best of friends, and really what's more cinematic than an unlikely duo of protagonists, right?

{Also, just for the record, it's not arrogance to wear a crown forged to sit on your head, love. You are so-ho-HO the Storm Writer from that one quiz, and your kingdom of ice and ozone is cooler than the seventh circle (and probably twice as fashionable tbh-to-tbh. Luci we love you but whomst'd've wears brogues in the year of our lord 2021). Like on the reals it fits so well?? That was so exciting to read?? like YES thank you random AI and quiz maker for buffing Kenna it's about damn TIME. never forget that writing quality angst is an incredible act of empathy, and that art is the BIGGEST snitch. Ya played yaself. We all know you're a quality soul with a heart of gold to boot now, and have no choice but to cherish you 😔❤️} — PB

i was NOT ignoring you i just try to answer longer asks on my laptop if I can alsjfkdf also, since last ask u told me u were in med school, idk what you're going for but the intro to this ask made me decide that if i am ever in the hospital and my bedside manner is NOT given to me in owo speak i am suing

fuckin......yes!!! i always find myself doing this awkward tango with solomon and leviathan because i want to know more but i also don't know how to decide it just happened? but this is very cute! and it works because solomon starts out like ":/ levi....i feel ya dude........that isolation" but then levi pushes him out and he can't have THAT

everybody's attempts to tell him not to just spur him on more tbh

and they have a good, solid, genuine friendship! But levi can't help but feel like this is solomon's way of 'collecting' him (since he clearly doesn't want a pact with him - who would?) and there's a festering bitterness stemming from his sin that is jealous of how different and how easy his relationship with asmo seems....

so even if they are good, solid, genuine friends, this is why solomon can never be his Henry. MC likes him for him, has a pact with him, wasn't really collecting him - so they're all good friends! but it explains why MC is Levi's BEST friend even if he's known solomon for longer

(also LASKDFJD i don't know what to say to that last part but thank you!! VERY flattering uwu

[kopikokun]

bad girl’s bad boy

10:50PM ➴ badboy!jungwoo x badgirl!reader (fem) | highschool!au

warning(s): expletives, underage drinking, implied drug usage

Kim Jungwoo rocks the label ‘bad boy’ almost as severely as he rocked the mullet and fake eyebrow piercing he wore for Halloween. Unfortunately, the title’s garnered somewhat of a less than favourable rep. He’d rather die than be associated with those pompous, leather jacket wearing, daddy issues yet still leeching off daddy’s money bad boys. For starters, Jungwoo doesn’t own anything leather, he’s a major dad’s boy, and he can’t afford a tall from Starbucks without going bankrupt (Seriously, why is it so expensive? Perhaps a hot take, but it isn’t even that revolutionary), so those ludicrous stereotypes can suck his dick. Alright, so the last fact’s more pitiable than impressive, but hey, it adds dimension. Perhaps, his one and only flaw.

    Oh, and how could he forget the most important thing? Where he deviates most from the cliche: he’s way more into bad girls than good ones. He’d never admit it, but he’s read his fair share of bad boy fanfiction; he’s seen the universally revered trope, but no matter how many ‘The Bad Boy and Me’s he’s consumed, he’s never seen the appeal in the quiet, shy nerd. Don’t get him wrong, he harbours no prejudice towards them. They’re honestly some of the wildest cards he’s met–simultaneously super sweet yet also batshit crazy (in the best ways, of course)–but something about the image of bad girls… it just keeps him up at night. It was always more a foolish chimera he indulged in–fodder for the scenarios he thought up at night to put him to sleep–and though he was a little bummed, he accepted that it was impossible.

    Until you came along, of course.

    Picture this: it’s his last year of high school. He’s trying his best to practice abstinence from cutting class (and abstinence in general), shouldering a future-related crises every other day, and buying cute girls shorts from Starbucks. It’s the weekend–he’s just been slapped across the face by a fling-gone-wrong–and a house party’s the perfect remedy for the acute case of senioritis he’s unexpectedly contracted. Jungwoo’s been to parties-a-plenty–downing more cheap booze and puking it back out to last him through college–and this one was no different.

    The host was some jock from the neighbouring rival school, and while there had always been an intense animosity between the two facilities, all of its resentful past was swept under the rug for this momentous occasion. It would’ve been heartwarming, if not for the tacky strobe lights, black-out drunk teens and vomit stains.

    Classic high school party. Jungwoo hadn’t gone in expecting anything, he just wanted to let off some steam. He’d get drunk, maybe flirt around, and go home.

    He doesn’t know what it was in his drink that pushed him to stagger towards the beer pong table, but he’s damn glad he did, because that’s where he saw you for the first time. Shrouded in a crowd of people either collectively hollering in support or outrage, brows cinched in determination, your smouldering eyes pierced the ping pong table. Jungwoo could only watch in awe, his grip tightening around the red solo cup in his hand as you effortlessly tossed the chalky ping pong ball into the farthest cup on the table. The cheers of the people around you swallowed the room, and when the edges of your lips quirked into a devilish grin, Jungwoo saw his life flash through his eyes. Succubus.

    “Who’s that?” he asked, elbowing a faded Xiaojun.

    “Oh, her? Why? You interested?”

    “Yeah, duh.”

    When Jungwoo heard your name for the first time, stumbling from Xiaojun’s lips in a hazy slur, a prickle rose in him. God, he loved it already.

    “Don’t bother with her, man. She wouldn’t be interested, and she’s way out of your league anyway.” Xiaojun’s tone was soaked bitter, and his hands delved deeper into his pockets.

    Jungwoo knew that, but Xiaojun really didn’t have to spell it out for him like that. “Nobody’s out of my league. You know that.”

    “That gargantuan ego of yours s’just gonna worsen your chances, man.”

    Jungwoo arched a bow. “How would you know that?”

    “‘Cause I’ve tried before, fucker. She turned me down so quick, saying how I ‘wasn’t her type’ which is ridiculous; I’m everyone’s type. Shit hurt. Had me feelin’ all insecure, staring into the mirror everyday trying to find what looked wrong. Seriously, save yourself the humiliation. She’ll fucking annihilate you.”

    “Did you find it?”

    “Find what?”

    “What looks wrong with you? ’Cause I could save you the trouble and name a few.”

    “Fuck you.”

    “Trust me, there are like ten people here who’d love to. And you and I are like in different leagues,” snickered Jungwoo. “I’ll get her number in no time.”

    Xiaojun rolled his eyes, lips pursed. “Suit yourself. She’s got a pretty infamous rep though.”

    “From annihilating losers like you?”

    “Haha, really fucking hillarious. Don’t tell me you forgot how much you owe me for all those damn shorts you bought at Starbucks.”

    Cold sweat trickled down Jungwoo’s back. “Kidding, kidding.”

    “Whatever.” Xiaojun’s gaze flickered to Jungwoo, who was still eyeing you up regardless of his warnings. “Come on, don’t tell me you’re still going to shoot your shot?”

    “No harm, right?”

    Any remaining advice Xiaojun had to offer would’ve wormed through one ear and out the other, but he still couldn’t suppress the steady bass of sympathy drumming through him as he haplessly watched Jungwoo bound to you, unsuspecting of what you’re capable off.

    “Dumbass. He’s gonna come back crying.”

    And as Jungwoo scampered up to you, smirking like he was the one in control here, you lifted your cup higher past your lips, masking that signature devious grin of yours, which only grew when you realised by the waver of his voice that you already had him wrapped around your finger.

[starryluce]

p.s i love you

Dead Poets Society Rewrite 

Neil Perry x reader

Rated- A (anyone) 

Warning- Charlie says sex but that's about it

Words-1139

Chapter 1

Chapter 2- First Day 

The boys left the room leaving you, Neil, and Todd. Neil walks over to his desk, picking up the achievement pin that he threw. Todd is busy unpacking, he pulls out a family portrait. The portrait had his mother and father with their arms wrapped around who you assumed was Todds older brother, and a bit farther away stood Todd. You sat on the edge of Neil's bed, trying to think about what your next move should be. Should you comfort Neil? Give him space?

“So what do you think of my father?” Neil asked blankly, glancing over at Todd 

“I’ll take him over mine,” Todd response quietly, almost as if it was to himself. 

“What?” Neil asked.

“Nothing.” Todd quickly responded. “Todd if your going to make it around here, you've gotta speak up. The meek might inherit the earth but they don't get into Harvard. Know what I mean?” Todd nodded

Neil sat next to you, still holding on to his achievement pin “The bastard!” he shouted, jabbing his thumb with the metal point, drawing blood. 

“Neil stop,” you said calmly, taking the pin out of his hand. Neil staring at the blood coming from his thumb. You grabbed a tissue that sat on his desk and cleaned up the small amount of blood that was on his thumb. 

“Thank you,” Neil said sincerely, giving you a small smile

--- The first day of class was bright and clear. The junior boys were in and out of the bathroom in record time. Neil found you in the hallway, Todd not being too far behind him. Neil moved his head down giving your cheek a quick kiss before walking with you to chemistry. 

“Are you ready for your first day Todd?” you asked the shy boy.

“No,” he stated plainly, looking down at the ground. 

Neil's hand brushed yours, causing you to interlock your fingers. Neil could feel his cheeks burning up already. The boy could never understand why such a small gesture could make him turn to putty in your hands. How could a boy that radiated so much confidence not have enough to confess his feelings to you? Entering the Chemistry lab, you saw Knox, Charlie, Cameroon, and Meeks already seated. In the front of the room stood a balding old man, holding a massive textbook. --- After getting assigned loads of homework by multiple teachers. You all arrived at your last class of the day. English. All of you dropped your books on your desk and fell into your seats. The new English teacher was wearing a white button-up with a tie but had no jacket. He stood in the front of the room staring out the window. 

You could feel Neil staring at you for what felt like hours though it was only a few seconds. You eventually turned your head to the side to look at him. He gave you a small smile. Keating walked down the aisle between you and Neil making you lose eye contact.

“Oh Captain, My Captain. Who knows where that's from?” Keating asked energetically, he looked around the room, no one raised a hand. “It was written by a poet named Walt Whitman about Abraham Lincoln. In this class, you may refer to me as Mr. Keating or ‘Oh Captain! My Captain!’” Keating stated, walking out the door. Everyone looking around, Neil looked at you, you gave him a shrug, not sure what was going on. “Well we better go with him,” Neil said, leading the class to the back of the room. Neil took your hand in his as you all walked down the hallway into the Honors room. “Can't you two just have sex already, I'm tired of looking at the two of you being all cute,” Charlie suggested, walking in-between you and Neil your hands being pulled apart. “Charlie will you just shut up,” you said, Charlie put his arm around you “Maybe I will. Just for you though doll,” Charlie flirted, letting out a small laugh, you removed Charlie's arm off your shoulder. Neil felt like his heart was about to drop, he knew you wouldn't date Charlie. But what if you change your mind? Did you even like him the same way he liked you? 

Neil felt his hand being grabbed again by you. You gave his hand a soft squeeze. The action caused Neil to blush lightly. 

The walls of the honor room were scattered with old photos, some dating back to the late 1800s. Shelves that held trophies. “Mister... Pitts. An unfortunate name. Stand up, Mister Pitts.” everyone laughed, while Pitts stood up. “Open your textbook, to page forty and read us the first stanza” Keating stated, while Pitts turned his page

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. Old-time is still a flying And this same flower that smiles today Tomorrow will be dying."

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.” Keating began “The Latin term for that sentiment is "Carpe Diem." Anyone know what that means?” he asked the class, Meeks instantly raised his hand. “Carpe Diem... seize the day,” Meeks stated

“Very good, Mr....?” Keating waited for Meeks to answer “Meeks.”   

“Seize the day while you're young, see that you make use of yours. Why does the poet write these lines?” Keating asked. “Because he's in a hurry?” Charlie questioned jokingly 

“Because we're food for worms, lads!” Keating begins, “Because we're only going to experience a limited number of springs, summers, and falls. One day, hard as it is to believe, each and every one of us is going to stop breathing, turn cold, and die! Stand up and peruse the faces of the boys who attended this school sixty or seventy years ago. Don't be timid, go look at them.” Keating concluded

Everyone gets up and walks over to the display cases. Faces of young men stare at us from out of the past. 

“They're not that different than any of you, are they? There's hope in their eyes, just like in yours. They believe themselves destined for wonderful things, just like many of you. Well, where are those smiles now, boys? What of that hope?” Everyone stares into the photos fascinated about what Keating is saying. “Did most of them not wait until it was too late before making their lives into even one iota of what they were capable of? In chasing the almighty deity of success did they not squander their boyhood dreams? Most of those gentlemen are fertilizing daffodils! However, if you get very close, boys, you can hear them whisper. Go ahead, lean in. Hear it?”

"Carpe Diem, lads. Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary." Keating whispers as loud as he can

You, Todd, Neil, Knox, Charlie, Cameron, Meeks, Pitts all stare into the pictures on the wall. All are lost in thought.