#or have to doom herself for him
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Hmmm
#ayre is going to help end the world out of jelousy#because shes envious of the guy shes falling for#you fucking terrible idiot#still cant believe theres a high chance we'll get to the end and she'll betray him as well#wether intentionally or not#or have to doom herself for him#hmm#im having#emotions over ayre and halryn#i keep getting so wrapped up in the current events that i forget i know where its heading#and aint that the beauty of tragedy#holding out hope to the last minute#ayre is thinking as if she has everything ahead of her#and is slowly#starting to want her natural lifespan#shes got halryn back and despite constantly argueing with him#doesnt actually want to lose him again#its not a healthy feeling entirely#its possessive#its a point to prove#but 40 years of isolation and resentment after dying briefly does that to a motherfucker#she was not ready for how quickly it might fade#honestly ayre is one drunk session away from saying a few things she cant take back
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here is the second poseidon 'snippet'. this takes place after this part! hope you guys enjoy a little look into poseidon's home life...
first snippet here!
there's a masterlist now!
*not long after poseidon had received telemachus’ gift and said good night to everyone*
poseidon: *making his way through the ithacan palace’s halls to the entrance for the gardens*
poseidon: *holds a hand to where the gift is kept in his chiton and thinks back to all of telemachus' questions and interest in him*
poseidon: *internally to himself* hmm i wonder what he would have thought, if he knew his father’s and mine’s true relationship-
odysseus: *calling from behind poseidon* poseidon!
poseidon: *jumps a little because he didn’t hear odysseus approaching*
poseidon: *puts his hand down and turns to face odysseus*
poseidon: odysseus…i’ve been gone only moments, what have i possibly done?
odysseus: nothing-
poseidon: *hand on his hip* what do you want then?
poseidon: *pinches his nose bridge with his free hand* please don’t say another dinner
odysseus: what- no!- *coughs*
odysseus: trust me there will be no family dinners for a while…
odysseus: *under his breath* sitting for hours next to you was enough ruthlessness for one evening
poseidon: *dropping his hand from his face* what was that?
odysseus: i said what i said
poseidon: *rolls his eyes* well next time, maybe don’t let my niece get involved
odysseus: *grinning* oh so you want a next time then?
poseidon: *hand drops from hip and slightly panicking* THAT’S NOT- I MEAN-
odysseus: *tucks hair behind his ear*
odysseus: oh poseidon, as good as that sounds….
odysseus: *now has his arms crossed over his chest*
odysseus: *facade drops* …no thanks.
poseidon: *sigh of relief*
poseidon: just- just tell me why you’re here
odysseus: *still in little shit mode* i mean this is my palace, i do live here
poseidon: *about to start pulling out his own hair in frustration*
poseidon: odysseus…please
odysseus: *grin returns* yes, yes, go on, since you’ve already proven you’re so good at begging…
poseidon: *scowls*
odysseus: *grin finally leaves his face and his arms return to his sides*
odysseus: ok look… i just thought, considering i was the host for this evening, i would follow xenia and escort you back to the cove…
poseidon: *sighs*
poseidon: *shakes his hand in front of him in a ‘no worries’ motion*
poseidon: no need… i’m able to make my own way back home
odysseus: are you sure? i mean they are your brother’s rules…
odysseus: *not really wanting to ever see zeus again after his last experiences*
poseidon: *dropping his hand and snorting out a laugh* i’ll make sure my brother doesn’t bother anyone about the lack of normal hospitality tonight
poseidon: *turning back around to leave* go back to your family odysseus
odysseus: *not to look a gift horse in the mouth* uh sure
odysseus: *about to turn and make his way back to the dining hall*
poseidon: *from over his shoulder* oh and odysseus?
odysseus: uh yeah?
poseidon: …don’t go easy on my niece
poseidon: remember… ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves
odysseus: *rolls his eyes and while he now knows that phrase isn’t true now….he decides to humor poseidon*
odysseus: wasn’t planning on it.
*both leave in opposite directions*
*a short while later in poseidon’s palace*
poseidon: *walking into the bedroom* wife i’m back
*no response or movement*
poseidon: *raised eyebrow as he thought she’d be home* amphitrite?
*still nothing*
poseidon: *sighs* i guess she made last minute plans for tonight
poseidon: *goes to get changed when he remembers about his gift*
poseidon: *takes the gift out of his chiton, unwraps it and looks at it again*
poseidon: *remember telemachus' smile from the happiness of him accepting it*
poseidon: *huffs a laugh at the fact that odysseus produced a son that may look identical to him, but completely different in personality*
amphitrite: what’s got you laughing? what do you have there?
poseidon: *quickly shoves the gift back in his chiton, and turns to face his wife*
poseidon: *dodging her question* i thought you weren't here… you didn’t respond to my calls
amphitrite: i was just checking on fysallída, he hadn’t been his usual self tonight.
poseidon: *eyes widen in worry*
poseidon: what do you mean? he was fine earlier! is he sick? should i call apollo?
amphitrite: *smiles at poseidon’s worried rambling*
amphitrite: *moves closer to poseidon and brushes her hand through his hair in comfort*
amphitrite: and he still is fine my love. i think he just missed you tonight.
amphitrite: also while our nephew may be able to help some animals… i don’t think sea creatures fall under his ability
amphitrite: besides, he was playing with pelagos and kýma
poseidon: *the worry leaves his eyes* if you say so... i’ll just check on him before we go to sleep.
amphitrite: *hand leaves poseidon’s hair, and now joins her other one in crossing over her chest*
amphitrite: now, back to my original question…. what do you have there that had you laughing?
poseidon: *was hoping she’d forget* uh… uhh…
poseidon: …moly?
amphitrite: *raised eyebrow*
amphitrite: the king of ithaca- odysseus gave you…moly?
poseidon: *furrowed brows at the thought of odysseus giving him a gift*
poseidon: this isn't from odysse- *coughs* i mean- no… he didn't
poseidon: it's… from his son.
amphitrite: *now has both her eyebrows raised in disbelief*
amphitrite: the prince of ithaca, gave you moly.
poseidon: *now panicking as he's the god of the seas, not of lies*
poseidon: well if you didn’t know…they're descended from hermes…
poseidon: and he practically hands out this stuff… the prince probably didn’t know what it truly was.
amphitrite: *staring at the clear not moly shaped item, hidden in her husband’s chiton*
amphitrite: *deciding to leave it be for now* uh huh, whatever you say husband
*poseidon leaves the bedroom and heads to the palace reef gardens where amphitrite had not long come from*
*sensing the gods approach, bioluminescent corals light the area like oil lamps would on land*
poseidon: *staring out into the reef* hmm where is he?
poseidon: *makes a whistling noise like a dolphin’s echolocation*
*two whinny’ing noises are heard, then seconds later two hippocampi appear and are hurriedly making their way to poseidon*
poseidon: *strokes the both of them on their faces* yes, yes i'm home… where’s fysallída?
poseidon: *suddenly feels something small, bump repeatedly into him from behind and hears tiny grunting sounds*
poseidon: *snorts in laughter and turns around*
*the tiny grunting noises get louder and quicker in excitement, the small sea creature that has been bumping into poseidon is none other than…a small yellow pufferfish*
poseidon: *placing his hand out for fysallída to settle into* hello little one, i heard you caused amphitrite some worry earlier
*fysallída puffs out a little bit and then wiggles more into poseidon’s hand still making tiny noises*
poseidon: ah! none of that…i said i was going to be gone this evening
poseidon: besides, i can’t always be home, i do have godly things to do i'm sorry to say
*pelagos and kýma both whinny at poseidon’s back*
poseidon: *turning around with fysallída still in his hand* and we can’t forget, you have these two to keep you company
poseidon: now, i’ve had a long and tiring evening, so i’m going to retire for the night.
*the pufferfish gives a final wiggle and swims out of his hand and then settles in between the two hippocampi*
poseidon: ok, you can all go back to whatever you three were doing-
*the three sea creatures all start to turn to leave*
poseidon: *putting one hand on his hip and raising the other to point at all of them, like he’s talking to children rather than sea creatures*
poseidon: but! try not to get into too much trouble, yes fysallída i am talking to you mostly
*almost ignoring poseidon, they all quickly swim back in the original distance they came from*
poseidon: i swear to zeus, if i wake up to an angry nymph at my palace doors again…
*poseidon claps his hands and the bioluminescent corals dim in response, leaving the reef in darkness again. he then turns to go back inside his palace, and finally head to sleep for the night*
#*amphitrite and poseidon in bed*#amphitrite: so i never asked… how did dinner go#poseidon: did you know odysseus became king when he was thirteen?#amphitrite: *not expecting odysseus lore* uh…no?#amphitrite: why do you know? i wouldn't of expected you to have spoken to him much#poseidon: urgh- blame our niece#poseidon: she thought it would be hilarious to trick the prince into seating us together#amphitrite: *starts laughing*#poseidon: it’s not funny! it was the worst time of my immortal life#amphitrite: worse than when he stabbed you with your own trident?#poseidon: …second worse#amphitrite: *laughs more* so you decided to ask him about the age he became king..during dinner?#poseidon: no that was before… but i also learnt that he- *starts repeating all the odysseus lore he found out*#amphitrite: *sighs to herself accepting that she just doomed herself to another one sided conversation about odysseus*#yes poseidon has pet pufferfish#how did it become his pet? maybe i'll write about that another time... or you guys can decide for yourself#pelagos (pe-la-gos) = sea or open sea#kýma (kee-ma) = wave#fysallída (fee-sa-lee-da) = bubble#poseidon epic#poseidon#amphitrite#epic the musical#epic: the musical#friends in higher places au?#poseidon snippets#nonsense thoughts
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Thinking hard about glinda’s “no one searched for her harder than you” / and fiyero trying to convince her to run vs being the one to tell elphaba she can never know.
Because Galinda spent the intermission trying to stop fiyero from sacrificing himself, and she failed. Only for fiyero, who spent just as long trying to get her to leave with him, to succeed in stopping her from getting the same fate when she would rather have died.
It wouldn't even be death either, but on her side she will die alone fulfilling a promise she made before hearing elphaba die just as she did fiyero. Probably not even a full 24 hours apart too.
Tragedies are magical.
#this is on loop in my head while I write them#they're so doomed#it reminds me of the “they were doomed from the moment elphaba walked into that room” post#wicked#gliyeraba#galinda upland#glinda upland#fiyero tigelaar#elphaba thropp#gliyero#cause#they parallel each other so well#you gotta love fiyero being the bridge#because the she can never know is so Glinda#its what she had been trying to do about him the entire time#and he understands only when its too late for all of them#and#glinda runs entirely on her desperation main motivator#she runs runs runs and its never enough to save anyone#not even herself#not that she has it in her to care about by the end either#the characters ever#this came to me because it is the response to the tragedy of Elphaba seeing herself as the one who ruins everyone and everything she touches#they all have so many emotional issues that will never see therapy
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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as a tragic doomed siblings enjoyer what are your headcannons about dirge/orin's relationship pre-betrayal? care to elaborate on what was going on with them based on what we know? when do u think the resentment from orin rly started peculating?
this is an EXCELLENT excuse to have somethin i can quickly refer to for autosarcophagy thank you 💜💜💜
so a LOT of it is speculation and headcanons with most of our canon sources being close to the end of their pre game interactions with each other. We know Orin resented Durge for taking what she felt was her spot, we know Durge demeaned her ritual murders and scoffed at the idea of fighting her for the role of Chosen, we know Sarevok essentially led Orin on by acting like she was ever anything more than a sacrifice, and we know that the cult of Bhaal isn't entirely pleased with the change in leadership. It's a fairly straightforward tale of resentment and betrayal and an unworthy upstart claiming what shouldn't be theirs out of jealousy, but I like to throw wrenches in the works and add fun complicating emotions in like genuine admiration and sibling affection
a core aspect to Dirge is that, much like real world wolves, he is deeply family oriented. upon arriving at the temple of Bhaal, he has killed his only family, and only has Sceleritas as company, who at this point is more cagey than comforting for him. hes lonely, and scared, and vulnerable, and is coming off a profoundly miserable experience roughing it in Baldur's Gate. the temple delivers on the one form of connection Dirge craves more than anything: not only is there family, there are siblings.
Dirge technically has four siblings waiting for him at the temple. Haflidi, who at this point would be either an older teenager or a young adult, an angry spiteful vindictive barbarian goliath. Ornaryn, a drow vengeance paladin, who IS invested in trying to make sure the Temple's newest additions aren't horrifically traumatized (and near immediately removed from influence and forced to travel to the other side of the continent). Zherimon, the eldest, a tiefling paladin serving as the current head of the cult (begrudgingly). And Orin. Not only is Orin close to his age, she's also the only one who's as happy to see him as he is to see her. His other siblings are all emotionally unavailable for one reason or another, but Orin is here and Orin is excited and now he finally doesn't have to be alone anymore. He latches onto her very quickly, and throughout his entire time with the cult, she's the only one he was ever close to.
Orin is canonically the youngest in the cult to ever achieve the rank of Unholy Assassin, which, given that shes close to Dirge's age, would mean she achieved that lofty goal BEFORE him, and I like to think this is another example of Orin's latent natural talents and skills that eventually contribute to her feeling ignored and overshadowed. Because for at least half of their lives together, it would've been the other way around. Dirge and his prodigy sister, who had already served as Bhaal's mouthpiece once before in the ritualistic killing of her mother. Ironically its a relationship they were both happy with. Dirge arrives at the temple emotionally distraught, but now Orin finally has a playmate her own age, AND hes going to join the temple, same as her! Finally someone she can practice murder with that isn't grandpa Sarevok!
Dirge is a crybaby as a kid, and hes quiet and deferential. This is a new place, with lots of new people (and he's never been fond of new people), and he still feels sick about his parents, but he hits it off with Orin immediately. Orin has a strong mischief streak, emboldened by her shapeshifting, and she ADORES having someone to teach and be superior to. Dirge in turn is happy to have someone who delights in teaching him, because a lot of whats going on is confusing and unintuitive and upsetting. Orin softens his early years of indoctrination into something that could even be construed as pleasant. She excels and pulls ahead, and she bullies her brother for being a crybaby, but she still reaches out behind her to help pull him back up. Orin very much takes on the role of "big sister" even though its a negligble distinction given their circumstances. She teaches him how to delight in torture, makes the doctrine of nihilism make sense, emphasizes that the two of them are special and chosen and important, that they dont have to care what other people think, because theyre stupid and wrong anyways. She diminishes the pain he feels from killing his parents by affirming what SHES been taught, that it was a good and holy and rightous thing and he deserved to be rewarded for it, just like she was (though maybe not the SAME reward because SHES going to lead the temple one day!). Sarevok and Zherimon have already decided on grooming Dirge for the role instead, knowing EXACTLY the difference between them, but both Dirge and Orin are children, whats more important is making sure Dirge is properly indoctrinated, and Orin is very useful for that.
Theyre thick as thieves for most of their childhoods, Dirge perfectly content to trail behind Orin wherever she goes, and to follow her progress right on her heels. Orin definitely has the most energy of the two, and she delights in playing leader, deciding exactly what games the two of them will be playing and where, while Dirge pads along behind her. She gets into the habit of shapeshifting into him for one of her favorite games, that being "find ways to bully and harass the other initiates in the barracks and avoid trouble by making sure no one can tell who's who". As Orins changeling nature is well known, you can never really tell if your looking at Dirge or looking at Orin, who will tell you whichever is more confusing at the moment. As changelings and dopplegangers have empathetic abilities, this also means that Orin is extremely keyed in to Dirge's emotional state. She typically uses this to lightly bully him, but also typically follows that up with attempts at genuine comfort, because a good leader has subordinates happy to follow them, and makes sure theyre taken care of well enough to serve. Theyre siblings, and theyre best friends, and theyre little hellions, and Orin knows every crack and crevice in the temple and where exactly there are spots too small for the grownups to follow them that the two of them can still crawl through. The cult is slowly but inevitably carving away their empathy for the world outside, bringing them into a miserable ideology of death dealing and slaughter, and isolating them from anyone who could ever break them free, but right now they are small and close and she is showing Dirge exactly where to stab in a rats belly to make all the guts come out, and when he scrunches his tiny face in disgust she'll call him all sorts of names, but take his tiny hand in her own and hold the knife together nonetheless
Dirge doesnt resent Orin when she makes rank before him. He doesnt resent Orin when she excels, when she grasps the knifework faster, memorizes the doctrine quicker. He doesnt resent her when she gets assignments first, or when they work together and she takes the lead. Thats the goal hes chasing, after all. To be as good as his sister. To eventually pull ahead. To play chase like they always do. But when he DOES pull ahead, when the lead he has grows but never shrinks, its equal parts pride and confusion. Proud to finally surpass her, confusion that he KEEPS surpassing her. Shes slower to catch up, angrier about it. It isnt resentment, not yet, just frustration. Theres something hes stumbled into that she hasnt gotten yet. More reasons to train together, after all, put their heads together and work it out. But when the cult finally passes down the mantle of leadership, it doesnt pass into Orin's hands, youngest Assassin, pre chosen vessel of Bhaal. For reasons neither of them understand, it goes to Dirge instead. Purest bhaalspawn, severed hand of their God let loose, the one true prophet of armageddon. It doesnt make sense, but hes trained so hard and come so far, he wont dissapoint their Father now. its a bitter pill orin doesnt swallow easily. its there the resentment starts
The gap wont ever close now, not really. Dirge is too neurotic, too anxious and obsessed. He leaves no breathing room for anyone to pick up the slack, because he leaves none, will not ever give the slightest hints of being unworthy. Its suffocating. Diminished, demeaned, forgotten, Orin falls to the wayside, swallowed within an ever lengthening shadow, and he never turns to her, never reaches back. Pushing himself to the breaking point, and then far past it, and now HIS word is law, is doctrine, when it should have been HER, she who spoke with Bhaal's voice when all he has is fleeting visions. The resentment grows, made all the more acrid by the sweet memories of yesteryear. Its like everything shes worked for means nothing, and now he wont even cast a glance her way. Seeing him less and less, and then never as himself, always acting as Leader, Prophet, Idol, everything the cult needed and more, and now when habit rears up and she takes his face to talk to him, he scowls at what he sees. Like the bastard ever had a leg to stand on, she knows what he is, pathetic weak crybaby bloodkin trailing in her wake, acting big and strong now that hes special. Now that hes chosen. Like he knows something she doesnt. Like he could ever know something she doesnt. Grandfather calls him proud, arrogant, and theres no other explanation for the cold she feels from him, inside his skin, its cold arrogant bastard pride for finally besting her at the only game that mattered.
It falls apart slowly over the years. Sarevok, and then Zherimon, instilled in Dirge the need for perfection, to serve as Bhaal's will on earth, and the need for it burrowed deep into Dirge's psyche and consumed everything else around it. He loves his sister. He misses her. But this life is hell and Bhaal's expectations for his chosen spawn are cruel and exacting. All Orin needs to do is what shes always been good at, thats enough. He'll take on everything else so she isnt choked or constrained, so she has room to flourish. He's pulling further and further away from her and it hurts but theres nothing to be done for it, because its Father's will (HIS father, not that he could ever stand to tell Orin, and take from her yet something else, another pillar she stands lofty upon). Shes more than a sacrifice, thats obvious by the way she holds a blade, and Dirge refuses to waste her potential in a single sacrifice to Bhaal, when together they could bring so much more glory to Him at each others sides. He won't take the duel. If she wants for them to kill each other, she must promise a death so glorious as to make this single murder worth more than all the slaughter they could achieve together. The idea is laughable. Somewhere in the back of his mind behind a door that wont stay locked is a treasured sentimental sin, two tiny bodies pressed together in a crevice only barely big enough for them both, outside a man about to be flogged for his failure calls out a name neither of them respond to, and all else is quiet save for the hushed giggles swallowed by the stone. No, she isn't worthy. She isn't worthy by far.
Its a mix of Dirge taking on as much responsibility as he can while leading the cult to give Orin more freedom, and Orin having next to nothing to do with all that extra time and lack of duties beyond ruminating on the discrepancy between them. It feels like she isnt trusted or considered good enough anymore, when she clearly remembers the opposite, and the more he pulls away the more she hates him for it. The resentment is tempered by religious duty and childhood memories, but even though Dirge makes attempts to try and bridge the gap, the circumstances are that there really isnt anything he can do. I like to headcanon that Dirge helped Orin make her skin suit, because he has a noted habit of taxidermy and human leatherworking, as a way to try to reach out to her, but the inertia has built up too much to stop whats going to happen. It was doomed to fall apart at the start, driven by forces neither of them could have even hoped to work against.
The love was always there, but it just made it hurt.
#dirgeposting#orin#bg3 orin#orin the red#bg3 durge#bg3 dark urge#bg3 the dark urge#durge#the dark urge#bg3#bg3 headcanons#throwing this in the main tags cuz i feel like it hits enough character analysis points to be worth it#DOOMED SIBLINGS!!!!!!!!#i think when she finally stabs him at moonrise she freaks the fuck out#because shes felt this way for so long she never thought shed act on it. and now that she has shes lost something she wont ever get back#so she has to force herself to come to terms with burning her bridges on accident. retroactively justify them. revel in them#she hates him more after she lobotomizes him cuz she has to have it make sense. it has to be uncomplicated for her to live with it#but at the moment? shes terrified. thats her BROTHER. thats the same small little boy who needed her to show him how to hit an artery#what has she done? what has she done? what she had to. its the only way it makes sense#also love when you have someone whos Blind despite being able to See.#orin knows him better than anyone. can SEE him better than anyone. but past a certain point can no longer understand WHAT she sees#its being around someone 24/7 but still being strangers.#doomed siblings
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UGHHHHH *turning in my pre-made grave* I wanna write another shadamy au
#bee blabs#but I do not have the time#nor the space on my plate#but I was having shower inspo again#and my brain decided it'd be a fkn sick idea to have an au where shadow is black doom's successor#in a line of royal conquerors#and ofc him and his reputation is quite fearsome and disliked among all#so he's going around conquering and pillaging and subjecting everyone to his will#increasing wealth and political influence and whatnot#eventually he does the same to a place known for abundance in all things as well as psychics#he takes amy as his bride (for tactical reasons)#and ofc she has no say in the whole thing and is totally betrayed by her pops (the king and a coward)#she starts of being unbearable towards him in the hopes he might budge and annul the whole deal#but nope he doesn't#in fact he's unnaturally calm for someone with his reputation#so eventually when she realises he isn't going to shove her around with brute force#she decides to make the best of a bad situation and provide what she can to assist his conquest#maybe she does it bc of the betrayal#maybe to benefit herself#maybe to benefit the people#but they become unstoppable#shadow gives her more trust and control than his best commander and his advisors#she does jobs he'd only trust himself to do#and in time their relationship grows less political and more genuine#their plans constantly expand#and the new change of shadow taking amy as his wife#he's softened up and become more vulnerable to his enemies#(also amy is beloved making shadow seem more of a benevolent dictator rather than a straight up tyrant)#which is a boon for his enemies (idk who yet)#but I kinda wanna see shadow lose it with paranoia a little bit
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4 Minutes really is Korn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Life.
His dad clearly doesn't care about him besides him being his firstborn and thus heir, possibly because he didn't care about his mom. Great's mom doesn't give a single shit about him. Great was willing to throw him aside like it was nothing, despite Korn seemingly always being there for him AND being willing to take on everything terrible about their family so his baby brother doesn't have to. He's lost Tonkla due to his own inactions, actions, and just the circumstances of his life*. Fasai seems to be the only one on his side, but they so clearly don't see eye to eye on the realities of their lives. His own henchman went above him to report to his dad, so he really doesn't even have any power at his job either.
I'm pretty sure he's about to do some real clown shit to try to get his dad's approval. Especially with Great and his mom being shot since that only happened because Nan was able to go live and that is sorta kinda definitely his fault. If his dad already didn't like him and thought he was a disappointment, he's certainly not going to be happy that his failure with Nan got his wife and son possibly killed.
I just don't see this show ending well for Korn the most out of everyone. I feel like death will actually be the best ending Korn can have at this point, it's just gonna suck hardcore for him before it happens.
*and lowkey I'm not sure he even knows Tonkla at this point anymore. Like even if he was able to fix what's broken with their relationship, there's no chance it would be the same anymore. Tonkla's not the same college student that was trying to do better than his alcoholic dad for his brother. He's out here smoking meth, killing people, and his brother is dead. Tonkla can no longer be his getaway from everything because Tonkla is living foully himself. And I stay scared about what his reaction is going to be when he finds out Tonkla not only is fucking Win, who's a cop at that, but moved him in to the house Korn bought. Especially since everything in his life is imploding and he has control of nothing.
#4 minutes#4 minutes the series#episode 5 really had me finally caring about Korn for the first time#I still don't like him#but I no longer hate him#I feel sad for him#he's a scared cowardly selfish little man but you know#he was kinda doomed the entire time anyway#he was NEVER going to get to live out and open with Tonkla#even if his family business wasn't shady#his mom was always going to be dead whether Great's mom killed her or she did kill herself#his dad was always going to be disappointed in him because that's the curse of the firstborn heir#the most he could have hoped for is Great staying apathetic to everything like he was at the start of the show#so he could stay the brother he knew#and that's just really sad#regular clyde
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I am obsessed that Jedi: Survivor explores Cal more or less slipping into the dark side/dark behaviors and patterns and how leaning into emotion as a Jedi can make you significantly more powerful though also extremely reckless and aggressive - however a balance could perhaps be reached by Jedi with the patience and support to understand their darker emotions and how it could be beneficial or harmful given the situation. But they fr don’t. Every time something within that vein happens to Cal everyone is like damn… crazy. Anyway
#that being said I am… so sad they didn’t further flesh out Dagan and Santari#like that was a really big part of the genuine first 1/2 or even 3/4 of the game and then… like#I understand it was mostly symbolic and that Cal and Merton saw the foil of their own relationship (kind of) and that love is not a good#enough excuse to be a monster but also like… that parallel did not come in almost at all#the whole game Merrin was based as fuck and pretty emotionally centered#SIGNIFICANTLY more than cal - and - if it was to be a true parallel then wouldn’t Cal have genuinely scared her in some way?#didn’t it seem like maybe when he embraced darkness he should’ve gone TOO far and Merrin would’ve needed to actually fight him to bring him#back to both himself and her?? they… almost… got there on nova garrun or whatever but.?#Dagan and Santari like that was an interesting as fuck relationship and I really REALLY wish they’d come full circle in the end but. didn’t#I felt like there was a bit of allusion maybe Santari had found a way to preserve herself too but. dude. they were so interesting as doomed#narrative antagonists or like whatever. I genuinely thought maybe Bode’s betrayal would be revealed like Dagan bodyswapped him#and that accounted for his seemingly bizarre switch up like. idk. grasping. and I loved the game do not get me wrong#but like. a lot of potential in a foil always and that did not see it through to the sequel#jedi survivor#jedi fallen order#cal kestis#jedi suvivor spoilers#I know it came out last year but. obviously I have just played it now
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I always see these posts about Maedhros and Elwing, like yes both leap to their deaths clutching a Silmaril and I adore the foil allegories, but what of Maglor??
My tiktok feed has been playing that one fan Odysseus song, the "get in the water, or ill raise the tides so high all of Ithaca will die" song, and I cant help but just picture Maglor, at the ends of his rope, covered in Ambarussa's blood, the youngest son of Feanor again after spending an untold amount of time being the second oldest, just going still and deadly at Elwing
Hes no Luthien, no half Maia that can pluck at the threads of reality like one can a harp, but he is the best Singer of the Noldor, and depending on who you ask, of all of the First Born. One of the only Sons of Feanor with an affinity for water while the rest burn, but that doesn't mean he can't become a rolling boil.
Once the final breath of Ambarussa escapes their lungs, oh the Scream Maglor will have let go. Just as a drowning person will grasp at anything to keep them afloat, even to the point where they may drown their rescuer just to keep their head above the waves, Maglor’s scream PULLS
All the water surrounding this costal city would Lurch, would rush and flood and crash upon the city walls. The streets, already run red with blood, would become knee deep blood pools. These red rivers would part before him and his echoing dirge, his siren wailing, the bloody waves would lap at his feet with every step he would take up Elwing's tower.
He would corner her, eyes blazing with the same light that she clutches desperately to her chest, to her heart, and Maglor wouldn't care about the Jewel, he's already lost so much to it that if he held it himself he would just toss it into the waves anyways, let it sink to the black depths where it belongs.
No, Maglor would pin her on the balcony, block her exits so all she can see is the blood stained water seeping around his feet, inching towards her, and the furious roar and crash of the raging ocean behind. He would hum, a disarming little song, and the waves seem to surge upwards, reaching towards the tower balcony on beat. The spray of the waves would splatter across her back, would mist Maglor’s face, the salt of the ocean mixing with the salt of his tear stained face. He would look at her, dripping in water and blood, both of his brothers and his enemies, and he would sing one little line, a command more like.
"Get in the water"
#maglor#Silmarillion#elwing#silm fic#lotr#ANYWAYS u know me I love mae but ive been thinking about how it's not fair that Maglor#doesnt also get his grief despair wump#elwing throws herself into the waves and gets saved#while maglor is doomed to stalk its edge#i dont have my copy of silm rn csuse I packed it but its Ulmo that turns her into a sea bird right?#what if he did that because he knew that he wouldnt be able to save her if she touched the watet#maglor has such a GRIP on the water around sirion rn that even Ulmo would be unsure#if he could completely keep her safe#so he turns her into a bird right as maglors waves reach up and miss her by a breath#by a wing tip and maglor SCREAMS#look im fond of maglor becoming a crazed beach bum but i also like to imagine him just MURKING#all thr seagulls he can get his hands on Just In Case#elrond or his sons find him and theyre like Maglor Come Home and hes just RIPPING into a seagull#with his little circle of crabs around him and theyre like Oh Hum#amber rambles
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#let’s talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#she’s selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think it’s rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around “justice”#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesn’t deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being “i was so stupid” which trumps her previous statement of “there’s no way i’d regret this”#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ☹️#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayaka’s wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of “justice” or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain they’re in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that they’re both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#i’m gonna shut up now but they’re soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh 💀
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WAIT WAIT WAIT CONSIDER THIS: TOM AND BARBARA AS ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE, ALAN AND ALICE AS A DOOMED RETELLING
#alan wake#like this is fully what they already are - not in a 'someone make this content' way. they just Are#alan wake 2#alice wake#tom zane#barbara jagger#barbara dies in a tragedy and tom is overcome with grief and through art and song (film/poetry) moves heaven and earth to bring#her back from the darkness - only to discover the dark place did not grant him his love again merely a shade of her#and so in that same roiling grief he destroyed himself - cast himself back into hell#the dark place took Alice so Alan followed her into hell - but despite Thomas's guidance he could not save both himself and Alice#and so he did the impossible and trapped himself in exchange for her freedom#Alan was taken by the dark place and so Alice followed him into hell once more#and she - knowing he could not afford to look back if he was ever to escape - tricked him into thinking she was already lost#sacrificing herself to lead him back to the light#and now the cycle is broken. alan cannot follow her into hell again - at least not in the same way as before#but in breaking the cycle he has declared himself the master of two worlds - is this hubris? has he doomed himself again with those words?#or does he hold the reins now? will he be able to reach into the underworld and free her? have they trancended myth itsel#*itself?#anyway. I'm a genius (jk)
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It's oc posting time
Rue has vivid revenge fantasies. Extremely violent ones about the many ways they'd kill Nox if they ever got their paws on him. Crushing his exoskeleton under their bare paws, tearing him apart limb for limb, ripping his guts out and eating his heart while he's still alive- you name it, they've probably thought about it
These thoughts *terrify* her. It proves what Nox has always told her right, that she is a hopeless, violent, uncontrollable *monster*. That the reason she became a beast in the first place is because she is truly evil at heart, just like him
(In actuality, it's just a symptom of their PTSD, but going to therapy and actually unpacking all of that isn't an option to them. They'd rather die than actually talk abt their struggles)
So the thoughts fester in her mind for years. She thinks about it daily. It becomes like an obsession. An impulse. A need. And she begins to think that the only way to free herself from that torment is to do it. To kill him. Even if it proves Nox right
Even if it proves *her* right
So they hunt him down, trying to kill him every time they encounter each other. And every time, Nox gets away, and he taunts them. And the thoughts, the want, the *hunger* for vengeance grows stronger
The cycle continues. The thoughts never cease. She never finds peace
(At least, she *thinks* she will never find peace, but she does. Eventually. After Nox dies from his own hubris lol)
#ramblings#oc posting#rue the wolfdog#nox the spider#lmk if this needs any tags for anything. jic#also um spoilers for the story i'll probably never write ig. nox dies eventually lol#fucker gets squashed like a bug <3#he basically doomed himself tho. rue doesn't get to kill him#it makes them feel a lot better actually#like they didn't HAVE to kill. like they can just forget about his pathetic ass and simply LIVE#this isn't to say revenge is bad always. her anger was very much justified#but it was also tearing her apart. it was bad FOR HER. in the end what she needed the most was to be able to move on#and nox fucking himself over and dying is the perfect opportunity to just let go. to not dirty her paws with him any further#she doesn't have to concern herself with him because he was dead the moment he chose the path of world destruction#there's also the fact that they have support from specter and phantom as well as sonic and tails#so they didn't have to face this alone anymore#i hope my thoughts are cohesive enough lol i'm very tired rn
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god ok i need to stop, if i continue talking about elizabeth and malcolm we're gonna have another 6 part fic
#just. their relationship man.#that malcolm wished that she was nothing like him#only for her to end up just like him#that he wished she wasnt a mage#but when it turned out that she was a mage#he did the best that he could to make sure she didnt need to be scared#that what he fucked up in was in instilling in her that you have to protect the family idea#but he was a good father#heck if you ask elizabeth she considered him her best friend#and she lost him ON HER BIRTHDAY#elizabeth cant bring herself to celebrate her own birthday because of his death#GAAAAH#doomed father and daughter the love was there but it didnt save anyone
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Analyzing volume covers
Number 20 & 17 – Kakucho and Izana


Kakucho’s volume cover was inspired by his name (鶴蝶; Kaku-cho, crane – butterfly). Cranes symbolize longevity, luck/good fortune, good health, loyalty (/fidelity. They’re monogamous and usually mate for life), peace and wisdom in Japan. Cranes are believed to live a thousand years (note : ‘a thousand’ doesn’t necesseraly means 1,000 but rather ‘a lot’ – it can more than that. Same for the ‘a thousand’ kanji in Senju, Haruchiyo and Chifuyu) and in China they even symbolize immortality. It seems they are also related to gratitude/returning favors. Butterflies symbolize beauty, transformation, resilience too (all because of how catterpillar change into butterfly ; that they overcome harships). They are close to the idea of life and death as butterflies are believed to be spirits from the deads coming on earth for the last time in the form of a butterfly. Other symbolism they carry are good luck/fortune and prosperity, as well as happiness
There are also waves/a bit of water in the clothes design. This carries the meaning of renewal, cleansing, the flow of life, power/resilience and luck as well.


As I see it, Izana’s clothes have peonies and clouds patterns.
Peonies are seen as the king/queen of flowers and also symbolize honor, bravery, courage, good fortune, wealth and prosperity. Clouds symbolize hope, change and proximity with the gods
#i love kakucho sm. he was so meant do be doomed to survive everything#plot armor but make it a living hell for the character you are protecting – love this trope#characters surviving and having to deal with the fact only them survive feeds the angst lover part of my brain. Ah… survivor guilt#theres a chinese story in which a couple dies (the man dies bc he is heartbroken that his lover has an arranged marriage with someone else#and the woman kills herself to be with him and not marry the other guy) and their spirit/soul transform into a pair of butterflies#to never be separated again#kakucho#izana kurokawa#tr izana#tr kakucho#tokrev izana#tokrev kakucho
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I do not fw maxwell even a little but i do dabble in yuri and when i say that i mean specifically from hera's pov. herawell is just SO fascinating from her perspective. and its also sickening.
#I AM ONLY ON LIKE EPISODE 50 I JUST FINISHED THE TIMELOOP EPISODE DO NOT SPOIL ANYTHING FOR ME!!! PLEASE!!!!#but like. maxwell did a lot for hera. she did more than anyone else and she did it with hera's wellbeing in mind#and obviously hera was unhappy with this at first (i wouldve been too) but maxwell was helping and maxwell helped with a LOT#she made her pain go away and she taught her where her insecurities started#she gave hera a chance to try and regulate herself again and be okay and loved#and hera loves eiffel we know that he's her best friend. but she didnt tell him because its true he wouldnt have been able to do anything#it just wouldve been yet another thing nobody can help her with#and maxwell COULD!!! not only could she help. she could figure it out without being told#and hera TRUSTED HER. a LOT!!!#and then within a day that person has dug their fingers into her brain. manipulated and used her. and then died.#right in front of her. at the hands of her commander#(her commander who was almost always opposed to killing also. hera probably thought she wouldnt go through with it)#and its just like what hilbert did (and hes dead now too rip but he always made it clear he didnt care about hera)#but its from a person she loved and cared about and who cared about her#it happened in a day. a DAY#and then shes gone forever#AND AND ITS DIFFERENT FROM EIFFEL. IN MY EYES#eiffel went MISSING. they said he was PRESUMED dead and she was pissed about that and she was frustrated and sad and upset#she was mad at lovelace she had somewhere to vent her feelings. and then they got eiffel back#but she WATCHED maxwell die. nd then watched lovelace come back too. and at the funeral she doesnt know what to do because. shes just gone#eiffel didnt leave behind a million unanswered questions#he was eiffel. she knew how he felt and she knew how she felt. that was that#but maxwell turned on her so fast and then just. died.#she was gone and hera couldnt ask her why or what was running through her mind. and she'll never get that back#and anyways thats incredibly compelling doomed toxic yuri in my brain#im not a big shipper in this fandom. but if i can make something one-sided i will#and herawell. possibly one-sided (but hera will never truly know) toxic doomed yuri. do you get it#tzu rambles#w359
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my one and only remedyverse fear is that they’ll never actually let alan and alice exist in the same room on the same plane of material existence ever again
#for the record I very much do not think alice is stuck in the dark place or that#she’s somehow elected to take Alan’s place / doom herself to get him out#because that kinda goes against the whole Point and I just don’t like the concept of the woman having to throw her life away for the man#and I know alan did that for her but narratively it was just different. idk I have a lot of thoughts I’ll keep to myself lol#but I see so many fan theories that she’s trapped now and what if I’m wrong…………. I’ll never recover#if they don��t physically reunite it was all for NOTHING#ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ғɪʟᴍ
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