#or would be okay without the dog and use other coping strategies

[rapierdagger]

so I've been going down the dog training and breeding research rabbithole again, and as part of that I ended up on the service dogs subreddit - I think because I'd like to train my future dog to perform some psychiatric service dog tasks ideally, like noticing and interrupting panic attacks/dissociation, but it's not absolutely essential to me. I mostly think my mental health would benefit just from having a calm, well-trained dog to accompany me in my daily life and luckily the UK is generally very dog friendly.

BUT I got curious because the people on this subreddit hate fake service dogs, so I tried to look up the certification for assistance dogs in the UK... and there isn't one, apparently. the law defines assistance dogs based on their training and function but there's no formal way to "prove" their status, they're legally protected regardless (but can be excluded from some spaces if they're badly trained). so.... technically my future dog could just... be an assistance dog?

I think the only time it would really matter would be that I have a lot of medical trauma, and if I declare that my dog is an assistance dog it could accompany me to GP appointments and hospital waiting rooms apparently - and since those are government run services I think they'd likely cooperate (legally everywhere has to allow assistance dogs pretty much, but people don't know/respect the law. but apparently medical settings are good on that in the UK, again according to the subreddit). again, 90% of the time I'd just want a well trained dog to spend time with and calm me down, and I've really benefited in the past from that with a non-service dog who wasn't even that well trained but happened to be a calm presence.

but idk - I'm now panicking that I'd be misusing the assistance dog label and be one of those 'fakers'. even though I don't think that way about any other medical tool or disability support, and I don't know if it would impact anyone else negatively, and it's not like there is a formal certification in my country - the whole subreddit debate seems to be completely US-centric. but! I feel bad and guilty? because I could survive without an assistance dog and because a lot of the things I'd need the dog to do aren't specific to an assistance dog? idk

[whoistheasshole]

Why do I get yelled at when other people behave like dillweeds?

Anonymous asks: what to do when people vent their anger on me. is it because i am the quiet one in the family or maybe i am the easy target???? cause they did that to me instead of calling out the one who creates the problem

Hi there,

I am not sure if you mean „complain to me about other people/family members“ only or „lash out at me when they are angry at somebody else“ also. Therefore I will try to cover several bases.

Generally, venting can serve a social function where you go to a third party to blow off steam and come back to the original offender more level-headed and constructive. In this way it can be a healthy tool of de-escalation – instead of having a hot-headed debate and just riling each other up, you talk to somebody else to work through the problem and come back with some fresh ideas.

If you vent in this way, you will get a better understanding if you were overreacting or should stand your ground. It can be necessary support to hold firm when you are in fact right.

Of course, all this counts on the fact the everybody involved is a willing participant.

If somebody vents excessively, without the consent of the target or worst, blows up at somebody else because they cannot blow up at the original offender, the venter may still feel relief, but the ventee is drawing the short end of the social stick, so to speak.

It sounds like you are in the latter scenario.

As to the why – I don’t know where it originated, but there’s this story about the boss yelling at the male employee, the employee coming home and yelling at his wife, the wife yelling at the kid and the kid yelling at the dog. The dog then probably gets a stress ulcer and starts chewing up shoes. As this short, though heteronormative, image shows: Everybody is finding somebody else with less power to vent their anger that they are not able to direct back at the aggressor. In real life, it is not always that simple because human connections and power structures are complex (and not like a white US TV commercial from the 50s), but the general dynamic holds true: If people are not able or willing to re-create their equilibrium by fighting right back at the (verbal) attacker, they will find other means to do so. The means do not have to be interpersonal – a lot of people are internalizers and turn the stress inward, getting the aforementioned stress illnesses instead. Or they try to cope with the situation and turn to an advice column. Just as an example. But generally, if you have a group of people–friends, hobby groups, work, family–unwritten social dynamics will always be at play that direct, among other things, who dares talk back to whom, who will stand by and look, who will try to get out of the line of fire, who tends to get blamed and so forth.

Long story short: Through the unique mix of power structures and personalities in your family, you are where you are now. You identified that you would like it to change and need some ammunition to do so. Fortunately, I do have some strategies for you.

First: If there are no safety issues at play, direct is always best. That doesn’t mean spontaneous. You can rehearse what you want to say or talk through it with friends or alone in front of a mirror–rehearsal can be crucial. But it’s absolutely okay and within your power (again, if safe) to speak up about your boundaries and needs. Find a short script that feels right and appropriate for the situation and tell the venter. You might want different scripts for when they are ready to have their next feelings barf versus talking to them in a quiet minute to re-set the dynamic. E.g. „Hey X, I realize Y topic is weighing heavily on you right now, but I’m kind of at my limit talking it through, so I’d like to focus on other topics. I hope you work it out!“

The last part is your friend, by the way, redirecting them to action. It can be used beautifully with incorrigible venters to make it very boring/unhelpful to talk to you. You have to be persistent though, these kind of dynamics are not changed in a day.

„That sounds tough, well I hope you work it out!“ / „Oh. What are you going to do about it?“ / „I see. What do you plan on doing now?“ / „I see that you are quite upset right now so I will give you some space. Feel better!“ and move away. (Read the last one from a Captain Akward commenter and I am still in love.)

What you want to do is:

1) Make it boring. Ever heard that active listening is important? Not here. Here you want to be the least enthused and most unhelpful listener that has ever graced the earth. Short words are your friend, said in a completely neutral tone: „Oh.“ / „I see.“ / „Hu.“ / „Hm.“ If you need some more pointers, look up „Grey rock method“. Fiddle with your phone, get up to do the laundry, have something at the ready that you need to start doing now which means you need to move physically away/make some loud noise. Potentially something that the other person approves of, or at least has no good reason to argue back against. „That sounds tough. I wish I could help, but I really need to get started on my applications. Catch you later!“

2) Never under any circumstances offer your opinion on the situation and especially not on what the other person should do. They might try to make you solve their problems or alternatively, shoot everything down that you suggest, which is also frustrating. If you have the urge to say something or are unsure how to continue the conversation without saying what you think, try silence. Few things are more effective in a conversation than silence. Maybe a small „Hmm“ or other thinking noises, if you must. If asked directly, you can also use „That’s a tough one, no idea off the top of my head.“ / „Honestly, I don’t know. What do you think?“ / „Beats me.“ You can say it sympathetically and remorsefully, but the more monosyllabic and flat you can be, the better.

3) Redirect them to figure it out themselves. See above: „Oh. What are you going to do about it?“ / „I see. What do you plan on doing now?“ It doesn’t mean they ever will. They might actually leave in a huff, but that’s a success. We cannot make other people do things, we can only control what we do ourselves. And if Dr. Vent 3000 bothers somebody else next time, well, success. Some people will have the gall to say „Well, you are not very helpful today.“ Take it as a badge of honor, don’t try to convince them otherwise, you are the grey rock. „Yeah, I’m not creative today.“ / „I’m all out of ideas.“ *shrug*

Family dynamics can make this list of strategies a little less helpful because you are in close quarters more often (I assume) and you cannot avoid the offender as easily, therefore definitely weigh how direct you can be with the person. If you don’t expect serious repercussions, it’s fine to say „Hey, I’m not involved with this and don’t want to be.“ / „Sounds like you need to sort this out with X.“  /„I don’t want to be in the middle of this, please take it up with X.“ / „Frankly, I don’t enjoy these conversations. What about topic change?“ and the all time classics of telling them about other things you need to do now and leaving.

When people put us in a weird position, the anger we feel at the mistreatment can make us blind to the options that are actually at our disposal. It is possible that you can only use few things of what I suggested, but make sure to stop and make an inventory of things that you can do because they are in your power. Feeling stuck and powerless can be the worst thing about this kind of situation and the antidote is identifying what you can do.

P.S.: Don’t get drawn into the losing battle of making the original offender behave (the person who upset the venter). It doesn’t sound like you’re the parent/authority figure in this scenario, so all you need to do is treat people who deserve it kindly and state your own boundaries when they are crossed.

[brennan-walsh]

// The Aftermath //

In the days that followed Rebecca’s department, Brennan simply laid on the sofa she’d once occupied, pressed amongst cushions and a blanket that still smelled like her, Bruno faithfully at his side. He scrounged around what little food was left behind was mostly ignored in favor of copious glasses of whiskey and the days spent almost comatose. When he did muster the strength to move it was simply to walk or feed Bruno, or when another box filled with the things with which they’d built their life continued to land on their front porch. She hadn’t called; and Brennan hadn’t the heart to call her, either. Rebecca had promised this was all for the best, but Brennan knew in his heart of hearts she’d been wrong. But he couldn’t bring himself to go after her. If she’d wanted to stay, if it was something that would make her happy, she’d have known it then and there. He’d called Dr. Helen to inform her they’d not be pursuing her services for the foreseeable future, met with a reception that was unsurprised. Defeat wasn’t something that Brennan admitted readily, but there was nothing left to fight for.

Rebecca was gone, and he was going to have to force himself to live with that. Brennan had quickly adopted a strategy — denial. Rebecca would be back tomorrow. It was the lie he told himself (and Bruno) every morning he woke up. With little prospects for the day other than wallowing in his own misery and loneliness, Brennan would turn to the unopened boxes waiting by the front door. There was a nascent curiosity to whatever laid within. Whether it was pots and pans or something less useful, he was quickly brandishing a box cutter to slice through the tape and peruse the contents.

Even distorted by bubble wrap it was easy to tell what image was encapsulated by the ornate frame, filling Brennan once more with a sense of utter misery. Most people might stretch the truth and say their wedding day was perfect, but Brennan had always felt that way. He was happy to have played an active role in the planning, from venue tours to cake tastings and everything in-between, he’d ensured it was a joint pursuit. While plenty of aspects of their special day had been non-negotiables set in stone by Jack Gilmore, he liked to think that the details that mattered had been theirs to dictate. Brennan hesitated for a moment before he brushed back the plastic insulation and grasped the frame within his palms, staring down at the image. It hadn’t ever been Rebecca’s favorite — he’d not smiled, but it made Brennan laugh anyway. It was difficult, really impossible to accept that it was over.

But there was hope, still. Because who would Brennan be without it?

Pushing out the stand, Brennan would situate the photo on the coffee table. And for the rest of that day it would be the object of his silent attention. The next morning came with its typical inauspicious start, Bruno’s tongue lapping against his cheek to stir him for a morning walk. Brennan went through the motions of feeding the dog his breakfast and pouring himself a cup of coffee to nurse his hangover, the bottle of whiskey nearby begging to make the beverage Irish. His gaze would drift to the clock on the stove, nearly nine o’clock at that point. He should have been readying himself to leave and meet Dr. Weintraub. It felt futile to try and help himself when the only thing that mattered had dissolved itself, but before he was cognizant Brennan was pouring his coffee into a travel mug and grabbing his car keys.

It wasn’t ever easy walking into Dr. Weintraub’s office, but that morning felt especially difficult. His questions were always introspective and difficult to mold a respond around, and let Brennan feeling listless and drained. Sure, he was gaining useful, healthy coping mechanisms, but he’d made a promise to Rebecca he would keep even if she wasn’t present to hold himself accountable to his own wellness.

He hadn’t expected the spur of emotion that flooded when Dr. Weintraub posed, quite innocuously, his typical greeting of ‘How are you?’, but as Brennan sat before the therapist, he’d hold his head in his hands as he wept. But Dr. Weintraub was patient, waiting until Brennan got himself under control enough to speak, grateful for the box of tissues offered without judgement once he finally looked up. Brennan didn’t offer an apology for his outburst of emotion, instead taking in a deep breath to steady himself for the explanation on the tip of his tongue. 

“I let Rebecca go.” He stated with a croak, eyes squinting as they stared at the sand zen garden perched on the coffee table in front of him. “I hadn’t been putting her first. So I... I let her know it was okay to leave, if that was what she wanted to do. And... She left.” 

Dr. Weintraub blinked in surprise, clearly not having been prepared for such a grand omission. With Brennan’s fear of abandonment, he’d never anticipated his patient would have been capable of making such a selfless move and still drag himself in here willingly. “And you’re safe, Brennan? Because I have some resources for you if you’re feeling like a risk to yourself or to others. This is an extremely difficult emotional trauma to bear.”

Brennan looked up to Dr. Weintraub with a meek smile. “I’m not going to hurt myself, if that’s what you’re implying.” He almost appreciated the concern if it wasn’t so ludicrous a thought in Brennan’s own mind. He’d been catatonic for a few days, but he’d sooner waste away than take any decisive action. “I love my wife, Dr. Weintraub. And maybe it’s futile to have any more hope for us, but I do. And if she decides to come back... I need to keep improving. I can’t help her unless I help myself.”

Grabbing onto his notepad, Dr. Weintraub would brandish his pen, clicking it open and giving Brennan a serene smile. “Let’s get to work then, shall we?”

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien Drabble: Nachtmusik Chapter Twenty-One

A Little Night Music (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik) Chapter Twenty-One: Bubble, Bubble

Luka wasn’t quite sure what he’d been expecting.

He’d received a text string from Nino, simply reading, “yo.”, “meet friday 13:00 place du châtelet by fountain?”, “need to talk.”

Honestly, it had felt rather cryptic, but Luka assumed it was something about Marinette and agreed to the meeting.

Friday at one, he parked his motorcycle by the fence bordering parts of the plaza, next to one of the many trees lining the perimeter. He took off his helmet and shook out his squished hair like a wet dog shedding excess water.

Nino was sitting on the lip of the Fontaine du Palmier with his back to the column rising out of the center, one of the four sphynxes spewing jets of water directly behind him. He was tapping his foot along to the music coursing through his headphones, and it seemed like he didn’t notice Luka’s approach at first, but when he did, Nino gave Luka a nod of acknowledgement and slipped the headphones down to rest around his neck.

“What’s up with the bubbles?” Luka couldn’t help but ask.

Nino gave a snort and a wry smile as he pulled the bubble wand out of the bottle and blew another stream of soapy, opalescent orbs into the air. “Stress relief. It’s very calming. Really mindless in a therapeutic kind of way. I blow bubbles when I’m ticked. I used to do it for fun too, but…not so much anymore.”

“Oh,” Luka replied politely, nodding. He sensed a story there but could tell from Nino’s wildly fluctuating aura that it would be best not to ask.

“It’s also a reminder to control my temper,” Nino continued in a warning tone, flashing a neon red sign concerning his current mood. “as well as of how much Adrien means to me.”

There was something dangerous in Nino’s eyes, a rattlesnake’s tail shake in his voice at the word “Adrien”, and Luka realized what it was that Nino thought they needed to talk about.

“I see,” Luka muttered gravely. “And that’s why we’re here?”

Nino nodded, blowing an additional stream of bubbles. “I’m going to level with you. This,” He lifted the bubble wand and bottle. “is to give my hands something to do besides punch you in the face. I picked this plaza so that there’d be witnesses so that I’d think twice about punching you. Adrien seems to think you’re some kind of angel or something, but I have to admit that I’m not a fan.”

“That’s fair,” Luka allowed. “So, I gather this is about things between me and Adrien?”

“I’m here to tell you to back the hell off,” Nino informed. “Break things off and stay away from him. Like, never talk to him again.”

Unexpectedly, something inside Luka snapped. Normally he was very slow to get upset, but that reminder of what Gabriel had done to them, separating Adrien and Luka for two years, it set off all kinds of alarm bells and defence responses in Luka’s mind.

“No,” Luka answered curtly. “I don’t think I will. Sorry, but Adrien is too important to me to give him up just because you’re jealous and want him for yourself. You’ll have to think of some other way of getting out of the friend-zone with him than comforting him over losing me.”

Nino’s face flushed dark, a dangerous-looking snarl contorting his features as he stood to match Luka’s height. “Dude, that is not what this is about.”

Luka laughed mockingly, crossing his arms and tipping his head. “Oh, it’s not? Lahiffe, I have seen the way you look at him. Sometimes it’s not very platonic. Pardon the pun, but, if we’re going to do this, be straight with me.”

Nino’s grip on the bubble wand and bottle tightened. “Okay. Fine. Sometimes he pushes my less-than-straight buttons, but that is a teeny, tiny part of my relationship with him. An insignificant crush like that means nothing next to everything else we’ve been through together. Above all, Adrien is my friend, and I love him like a brother. This isn’t about me. This is about you messing around with my brother, so don’t you dare drag this down to the level of a cheap crush and petty jealousy.”

Luka uncrossed his arms and made a placating gesture with his palms at the level of his chest. He gave a nonchalant shrug.

“And another thing,” Nino hissed, capping the bubbles so that he could point a finger accusatorially at Luka. “I have a girlfriend, and I love her. You know, that actually means something to some people.”

Luka gave a snort, hand going to his hip as he raised his chin challengingly. “Why don’t you just say what you came here to say and be done with it already?”

“Did you tell Adrien you were in love with him?” Nino spit.

Luka blinked, the fight momentarily surprised out of him. He frowned, confused. “I mean…yes?”

Past tense. Luka had told Adrien that first night they’d gone to the opera together that Luka had been in love with Adrien that summer two years prior.

Nino hissed like something being dropped into hot oil. “Mec, you can’t do that.”

Luka laughed indignantly. “Too late?”

“Look, I don’t know why you said that, if you thought it’d get you into his pants or whatever,”

Luka took a step forward and almost grabbed Nino for daring to sully the memory of how Luka had felt that summer, but halfway through the step he came to his senses and stomped down the urge to lash out in retaliation.

“but you can’t say stuff like that to Adrien,” Nino continued. “Like, it actually means something to him.”

“Crazy, because it meant something to me too,” Luka remarked flatly.

Nino shook his head, jaw set in a hard line. “No, Mec. Like, it means something. In Adrien’s mind, people don’t love Adrien. Marinette doesn’t love Adrien. Gabriel doesn’t love Adrien. None of his screaming fangirls love Adrien. I let him down, so I don’t love Adrien. The guy’s got it in his head that his mother didn’t even love him because she didn’t take him with her when she ran away. He thinks he’s unlovable. I’m gonna say it again because this is important: Adrien thinks he’s unlovable.”

Luka’s face fell. Yes, Adrien had always been extremely insecure about other people’s feelings for him, but Luka hadn’t realized how deep-seated an issue this was.

“And then you come along,” Nino growled, “and you somehow manage to convince him that you really do love him. Do you maybe get it now? What that means to him? How important that is to him? You said, ‘I love you’, and he heard promises. He heard, ‘I’ll always love you’ and ‘I want to marry you’ and ‘happily ever after’. Do you maybe get now some semblance of what you’ve done?”

Luka was silent as his mind raced, trying to pick through Nino’s bias to the truth.

“I don’t know why you said that.” Nino shook his head slowly and sighed. “I don’t know if you just enjoyed watching him fawn all over you or what, but whatever you intended, it’s blown up bigger than you could have possibly anticipated.

“Adrien had a really sheltered, isolated childhood,” Nino explained wearily. “He didn’t have the chance to interact with others and learn about relationships in real life. He bases his expectations and behavior off of fairytales and anime because that’s what he’s primarily been exposed to. Seriously. Take his age and subtract ten. That’s the level of emotional intelligence and maturity he has. That’s why this whole thing with Marinette is so hard for him. He thought he’d found his soulmate and everything was magically going to work out because that’s how it always goes in the fantasy world he lives in. He has no frame of reference to help him deal with this besides shutting down like his dad did when his mom left. He doesn’t know how to deal with a world without ‘happily ever after’s.”

Nino sighed and sat back down on the lip of the fountain, tiredly uncapping the bottle and taking out the bubble wand once more. He gave Luka a pleading look. “He was doing better, though. He was doing really well with therapy and learning how to live in the real world and take care of himself and coping strategies and all that…but then you came along with your ‘I love you’, and he’s latched onto that. He thinks he’s a Disney princess and you’re his Prince Charming and you’re going to save him. …I think you’re smart enough to know that you can’t save him, even if you wanted to,” Nino added darkly. “Adrien has to save himself. That’s how the real world works. When it comes to mental health stuff and becoming stronger people, other people can help, but they can’t do the work for us. I’ve tried telling him that. I’ve tried explaining that you’re not in love with him and that you’re not going to leave Marinette and sweep him off his feet and take him away to happily ever after…but he’s not hearing me, so I thought I’d talk to you.”

Luka frowned grimly. “What do you expect me to do about this?”

Nino shrugged, blowing a gentle stream of bubbles. “Talk to him. Break his heart gently so his friends and family and I can get him refocused on getting himself better.”

Luka took a deep breath. “And what if I really am in love with him and want to sweep him off his feet and take him away?”

Nino rolled his eyes. “Dude. You have a girlfriend. Do the decent thing and lie. Break his heart anyway and stop cheating on Marinette.”

“If I say no?” Luka tested.

Nino glared. “I’m going to tell your girlfriend what you’re doing behind her back.”

A jolt of fear raced through Luka’s veins for an instant before a realization came to him: “If you tell on me, you’ll be snitching on Adrien. I don’t think that will do much for his trust in you.”

Nino shrugged. “I don’t have to tell Marinette who you’re cheating with.”

“She won’t believe you unless you do,” Luka countered.

Nino glowered.

Somehow, the victory felt extremely hollow to Luka.

“…Well,” Luka remarked aimlessly after a minute of hostile silence. “If that’s all you needed?”

“Bastard,” Nino spit, giving Luka the finger.

Luka nodded, unphased. “I’ll talk to him about expectations, but I’m not breaking his heart, and I’m not giving him up again. I’m not going to lie to him…but I’m not going to lie to him either…if that makes any sense.”

“I hope the rest of your day sucks,” Nino replied cheerily, reemphasizing his middle finger.

Luka grinned. “Thanks. You too.” He turned, raising a hand to wave goodbye over his shoulder as he went.

[hellohongkong-blog2]

COVID-19 19: Laura Cozijnsen

“Laura you are being irrational you wanted masks but you got disposable gloves!”

To start off the COVID-19 19 interview series, I invited Laura Cozijnsen for a discussion at her office in Tsim Sha Tsui on a Thursday morning. Laura is the founder of Lighthouse Consultancy,   a communications consultancy delivering diverse public relation campaigns and events with high profile clients such as Tai Kwun, HKUST and HKIA. Alongside Laura’s entrepreneurial success at Lighthouse, she is an award-winning MC and public speaker hosting events such as the 2010 Expo in Shanghai. With Laura’s longstanding involvement and commitment for Hong Kong’s communications industry, this interview hopefully reveals a glimpse into the potential changes and innovations Lighthouse Consultancy and the larger creative industries will have to go through in order to adapt with COVID-19. And as much as it is important to consider the new corporate strategies set in motion, I also wanted to know how Laura was personally coping with the pandemic whether it be with how she greets her dog when she comes back from work or on the political nature of the face mask. Everyone in Hong Kong has their own memories of SARS and now COVID-19, and this is Laura Cozijnsen’s:

T: Reflecting on the past, what was your understanding and experience of SARS in 2003?

L: 2003, I was working for a media company starting in Hong Kong.  I remember vividly that it was very scary. The times were scary. Scary in a sense, there is almost like this fog of fear around hong kong. I think it was scarier then now. I remember vividly because my role back then was a regional role. I had to travel to Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia. We had a few trips planned before SARS. There was this Singaporean company who called us and said “please don’t come to Singapore, you are from the SARS zone”. And I felt so bad, we always felt so welcomed to have meetings and then we could dine out. And then all of a sudden all we got was “you’re from the SARS zone”. It was also a time when I felt…we felt collectively sad. And the loss of medical professionals - the doctors, the nurses and the caregivers all live in our memories. And of course Amoy Gardens and the area around it, no one wanted to be near the buildings. That was how scary it was.

T: I wrote an essay before this all happened - an essay focusing on illness narratives. I wrote about how prevention was also part of an illness really, because it was a social reaction. So I wrote about the prevention methods in the United Kingdom versus Hong Kong. It reminded me that one time, I told my mom that I was going to a birthday party buffet in the Metropole Hotel in Mong Kok. I didn’t know at the time, because they changed their names and everything. So my mom was like “What’s wrong with you?”.

L: I think it was different from now. SARS was more a Hong Kong/China thing. At the beginning of coronavirus, it felt very much the same. There was China and there was Hong Kong. No one knew that it would blow up in the rest of the world. And now it felt like it was the whole world going through this. And from a financial perspective, it’s worse now. Because SARS was just here, and now the rest of the world. I think, is this nature’s way of telling us like “wake up”. No one can escape.

I had a friend in the UK that caught coronavirus. She is from Hong Kong, she works in London. Her mom visited her in January and her mom came back early March, after staying with her for two months. And the tests at the airports, she was confirmed as a case. And then my friend started feeling coughs and heavy breathing, and it was only then that she realised that she might have coronavirus. She was not tested, because they said we do not have enough test. So the numbers…what does a number mean?

T: You touched on it briefly, but how has it changed in 2020? And especially in the earlier months, when it felt so much more like an “asian problem”. What was your perspective in Hong Kong?

L: I thought it would be like SARS. Okay, as long as we continue doing the precautions we will be okay. But then there was also this scare of the lack of masks. Everybody was trying to get a mask. You know the internet meme of “two boxes please”? When someone says, I have a source and then you respond with “two boxes please”. That has become a joke amongst friends but that was the most scary. Because we had no idea we would need so many masks. And it was Chinese New Year. The Wuhan lockdown was 25th of January. And that really sent a message. I should send you my Facebook Live, I did a facebook live on the survey results. It was amazing, the day Hong Kong people started wearing masks was before the Wuhan lockdown. So why would we know, how come we can predict that we need to wear masks? It was before the first confirmed case in Hong Kong. So there was this collective memory of this type of illness, and the knee-jerk reaction of us needing to do this.

This was so funny, one day like many others I was trying to get a box of mask for myself and my mother who does not live with me. I went all over the neighbourhood trying to get masks. We ended up at a grocery store, and the saleslady said “We ran out of masks, why don’t you get some gloves?”. I think the irrationality got the better of me, I bought two boxes of gloves. So it’s still sitting in my kitchen, unused. That was the moment where I realised “Laura you are being irrational you wanted masks but you got disposable gloves!”. I think it was also realising that the death rate in Hong Kong was much less than SARS in Hong Kong was reassuring. But yes, that was the early days.

T: Especially the HKU Prevention of Diseases department, they continued to speak out even after Carrie Lam was asking citizens to not wear a mask. And the team at HKU, they were like “please wear a mask!”.

L: There are so many mixed messages! I think a lot of them come out and say “don’t wear a mask because there is a shortage”. If you don’t have enough stock, you should be clear about it. We have stock for how many days, what’s the best alternatives. You cannot say you do not have to wear one, it is irresponsible. When you look at the statistics, how the growth was being contained in certain cities you realise mask wearing helps. When you look at the President of the United States, he does not even wear a mask, he does not wear a mask in the hospital.

Which brings to the question - how do we select our leaders, how are our leaders being selected and why are they our leaders?

When I was writing my thesis, inevitably people would start talking about the Anti-Mask Law, last year in Hong Kong for the protests. But I think as researchers in that role, we report what is being brought up. And its totally okay, with people there has to be politics.

I think we should provide all medical and sanitation staffs a bonus and a longer holiday after this. Because they work their asses off. I’ve got close friends working in public hospitals that were so stressed, understandably stressed. You also see the beauty of someone going into the Dirty Team with SARS experience, bringing in new nurses and doctors who do not have SARS experience. Hopefully that would educate them and help them understand what it is like. There is a good thing going on as well, those who have experienced it say, “I need to do this because I want the second and third generation of caretakers to know what it's like.”.

T: Going on more of a business perspective, since industries have been pushed into a digital realm during COVID-19, how has that changed working in event management?

L: I think there are a few layers, when you see something that is such a change that is so abrupt. I would think the first thing to do is internal stabilising within the company. In early Feb, we talked about how COVID-19 would affect us as an industry and what we have to brace ourselves for. Every month we have a “situation room meeting”. We basically talk about how business is, what it is going to be like. So internal is phase one. The second is facing external but not in terms of switching gears but understanding what our clients are facing. Because we are all human. They might be afraid of losing their job or bottom line. So really understanding their concerns is what is important. And the thought then would be to switch gears or to think about new things. It would hopefully in the next year that hybrid events could be an option. Once we have this, we can go back and have internal education and the talk yesterday for clients we can reassure them and tell them that we have done this before.

Everything begins with the team, then to understand what the market and client wants and then do it instead of jumping right in. Because without an internal support or understanding you can never do it well. Of course during this time period, all companies are under a lot of stress. It is a time to tell people’s virtues and real characters.

T: Do you think it will change the future of physical events, do you think people will be less willing to participate since you do specific location based events?

L: I think there is going to be a push and pull. There will be a switch in terms of the proportions for a while. And if digital picks up and serves the purpose then we will see events in a different light. Digital events will become less of a ‘nice to have’ and more of a main thing. The benefits have not been capitalised before. I do think that physical events are important because we are human beings, we crave social interactions and seeing each other. But it will be very different.

T: Thinking about your colleagues at work, since they are younger do you think their understanding of SARS is vastly different to yours?

L: I don’t think a lot of them remember, I think at least you have to be 30 years old to have good memory of SARS because it was 17 years ago. To pick up a new thing it does not necessarily have to be for young people, you might see older generations willing to pick up new things. It does not mean that young people will be more accepting to change. So I think the future of education is about growing a generation of agility, flexibility and change. Instead of having to tell students to take ten subjects and pass all of them.

T: How have you and your personal circle (family and friends) been coping with COVID-19?

L: It’s interesting, I get to see more friends now than before. We will call each other more. Before, I had a busier schedule. I do not think that without COVID-19, I would have met so many friends if that can be considered a plus. Family - my mother has been through SARS, she is okay. She has more supplies than she needs, but her only thing is that she is a big church person. So I was teaching her how to use Facebook to watch mass.

T: My grandma does that too! She tells me, “Yes we can go to mass together online!”.

L: I think that has changed, my mom is 78 and she can still learn which is pretty amazing. I also think the world has slowed down. And for us to realise when there is less work, what is important. It is the friends and family that we have. I have friends who paid horrendous amounts of money just to get their kids to get back on the soonest flight. I asked them, “Can you wait for a week? It would be maybe 1/10th of the price.”. And they responded with, “No it must be today.”.

T: This question is more of a precursor to developing one of my other projects, something I want to extend beyond this interview series: In terms of understanding the political nature of the mask, what is your opinion on Hong Kong’s culture of donning masks?

L: I think mask wearing in Hong Kong is a constructed social defence, because that is something we can do. It is almost like psychologically I can do something about it. SARS has redefined for us what a mask is. Because it used to be if you were sick or for a medical staff. But now after SARS, if it is the flu season, you see a lot more people wearing masks. Especially now, according to my research, it is 96% of Hong Kong people wear a mask. Maybe every now and then before the pandemic, someone wearing a mask would be not judged that much. So in fact, the social judgement can change. And not to mention last year, the anti-mask law, and now people see differently. It is something that we feel i can control - both on a hygiene level and on a choice level. So I will do it.

T: How do you feel about the anti-mask law? How did others go about it? Because when I first heard of that law I wondered what people who were sick would go about their day. Even if you were stopped by authorities how can you really prove that you are sick?

L: Personally I was quite resistant to the anti-mask law because I think it is a personal choice. Of course there is a discussion with those who would be held responsible in the eyes of the law with those participating in unauthorised rallies but I still think this is a human right. I think we should want to choose whether we want to wear a mask or not. Of course if a police officer needs to check my HKID for whatever reason, they can request me to temporarily take off my mask. But you cannot say you cannot wear a mask. It’s like if its for religious purposes, oh you cannot wear a veil. It just does not make sense. Or by telling people that you cannot wear a mask it makes people want to wear a mask, its a kind of reverse psychology.

T: I would like to talk about the situation in Mainland China. There are videos on the Internet of people coughing on lift buttons. Now, I do not know if these videos are one hundred percent real or staged. But even the very act of filming it or recording it from a security camera, what does that mean for the health and safety for people living their day to day lives?

L: I feel the most sorry for the people in Wuhan. I think they would require a lot of support after this because it is like where the nuclear bomb hit, right? You didn’t know it was happening, it happened, you didn’t know how to react, you didn’t know who to trust, and you’re just trying to fight for your life. And it is so sad to see videos of people living there and reporters trying to cover footage, its such a quiet city. It is a city that needs a lot of love. And politics is one thing but we always need to remember we are all people, whatever political affiliations we have we are human beings. And imagine that feeling in Wuhan, is like the feeling of being in SARS in Hong Kong. Like, “Fuck, what’s going on? What’s going to happen next?”. I still remember during SARS when I go home, I’d take off all my clothes and then run straight to the bathroom and take a shower before I’d play with my dog. And my dog would be looking at me like (makes confused face). Even now, its not as serious. I would go home, wash my hands and then take off my mask and change into home clothes and then I’ll play with my dog. But she still looks at me confused. And I’m sure people with kids as well. Just imagine doctors and nurses with kids, they (kids) don’t understand. If this is happening to us, we aren’t even in the epicentre. Imagine those in the epicentre.

T: I remember when they did the lockdown in Wuhan, initially they said it was two weeks. But when I saw the lorries barricading the city. I thought to myself, “This is not for two weeks. This is something very serious.”

L: I think for us in communication there is a lot to learn. How should we communicate? What should we communicate? And I think the Taiwan government this time has done a good job. There is so much to learn from them, how they communicated, what to say and what not to say. It is not a parental way of ruling, it is more like how can we work together. I think it is a lot to learn in terms of communications and media.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 045

Bulma’s only been on Namek for like ten minutes and she’s already having a breakdown.    Hang in there, champ.

At a Namekian village, Frieza has already taken his fourth Dragon Ball and is making plans to get the remaining three.  

So here’s where the Great Game really starts to take shape in this arc.  Basically, Frieza’s holding most of the cards.  He’s the strongest guy here (or anywhere else), and he has tons of guys working for him.   He already has most of the Dragon Balls, so his enemies definitely won’t be making any wishes for a while.   Perhaps most importantly, he’s got the scouters, which tell him where pretty much everyone on the planet is at the moment.   

Namek is sparsely populated; King Kai estimated that fewer than 100 Namekians lived here, so basically Frieza just has to search for life signs and he’s guaranteed to find a Dragon Ball.    He also already knows about the trio from Earth, though he has no idea who they are or why they’re here.    Krillin and Gohan suppressed their power to hide from Vegeta, but Frieza’s guys had already detected him before that.   Krillin can hide, but he can’t use his powers without giving away his position.  

Vegeta, on the other hand, can move a bit more freely, because he knows Frieza already knows he’s here.  He also knows that Frieza isn’t too terribly concerned about stopping him, so as long as he doesn’t send several henchmen after him, he doesn’t need to worry too much.

No, Frieza is unconcerned about the Earthlings.  He’s got a search party to deal with them, but that’s as far as he’s going to press that.   As for Vegeta, he ordered Cui to follow him here from Planet Frieza No. 79, and he seems to think that should be sufficient.

According to Frieza, Cui and Vegeta have always hated each other, and the only reason they never settled their feud is because Frieza wouldn’t permit it, but now, Geets has openly revolted against Frieza, and Cui has an order to kill him, so it’s open season.

Meanwhile Bulma, Krillin and Gohan are trying to decide what to do next, when Frieza’s goons come across them and write them off as simple tourists.  They shoot the ship to cut off their escape, and plan to have some fun with them...

... But Krillin and Gohan kick the shit out of them and knock them into a lake.   Okay, so Gohan totally killed that guy, right?  I mean, he pretty much needed to kill him, but still, that’s kind of a dark moment when you think about it.

Frieza’s goons detect this sudden display of power.   Frieza still isn’t worried, though he does want the Earthlings killed the next time someone finds them.   

Back on Earth, Goku tries to telekinetically levitate a glass of water.    He spills it on himself, and Chi-Chi dries him off like a wet dog. 

On Namek, Bulma is really, really upset about losing the ship.  Krillin reassures her, but they have to move on before anyone comes looking for them.

Look at this guy, wearing his cap backwards like John Cena.   Wotta trooper.

Meanwhile, Cui tries to rattle Vegeta by making a big dramatic entrance.  

Here’s the thing about Cui.   He thinks of himself as being Vegeta’s rival.   You take everyone from the Saiyans Saga, and Cui is stronger than all of them.   Vegeta would have had a hard time fighting him, and everyone else would have been mincemeat.   

Only it’s not the Saiyans Saga anymore, it’s the Namek Saga, and Cui’s power, which would have been supreme about a dozen episodes back, is now worthless.  He’s yesterday’s news.  He just doesn’t know it yet.

Cui accuses Vegeta of letting himself go, since his power level seems to be lower than the last time they met.    Instead, Vegeta reveals that he can raise and lower his ki, just like the fighters on Earth did.   So while Cui came here expecting an easy win, Vegeta has simply suckered him into being the first casualty of his war on Frieza.  

Cui checks the reading, and he can’t believe it, because he and Vegeta were always on the same level.   Vegeta explains that he’s been fighting constantly while Cui was content to rest on his laurels, so this allowed Vegeta to pull ahead of him.   In particular, recovering from that fight on Earth really pushed Vegeta over the top.

Frieza’s men are monitoring this with their scouters, until Vegeta’s power-up makes Zarbon’s scouter explode, just like Bulma’s scouter exploded when Goku used Kaio-ken X3.  I think the implication here is that Vegeta is now stronger than Goku was when he used that trick.  

So shouldn’t every scouter on the planet explode as well?  Well, Akira Toriyama took that into account, which is why Dodoria mentions that Zarbon is using one of the old model scouters, and his newer model won’t explode.   So he double checks the reading.

But Dodoria gets the same reading.   Vegeta’s clocking in at 24,000,which is way higher than he’s ever been before.  In fact, this would make Vegeta stronger than Dodoria and Zarbon, which makes both of them nervous.

Frieza doesn’t find it hard to believe at all, though, and he gives them the same explanaton Vegeta gave Cui.  It’s only natural for Vegeta to keep getting stronger, but it doesn’t change anything, since he would still be no match for Zarbon and Dodoria working together, and even if he could beat them both, he’d still be no match for Frieza.    That’s why he wants the Dragon Balls to wish for immortality.   I have to hand it to Frieza, he figures all the angles.

Cui, on the other hand, is up Shit Creek without a paddle.   He tries offering to team up with Vegeta, but Geets won’t have it. 

Then he tries the ol’ fake-out trick, calling out to Frieza as if he were behind Vegeta...

... then blasting Vegeta with everything he’s got while he’s distracted.

But that doesn’t work because Vegeta’s speed has increased along with his power.

So Cui tries running away, but Vegeta just got done saying he was faster, so that’s a no-go.   This fight really does serve as a prototype for every subsequent battle in the series.   Weaker opponents constantly have to cope with the fact that they can’t retreat, because the other guy will just be able to hunt them down.

Vegeta punches through Cui’s armor and for some reason he’s full of mashed potatoes. 

Then he blows him up, using the same move he used on that Saibaman who lost to Tien.

Meanwhile, Dodoria watches Cui’s reading vanish, which proves that Vegeta really is as strong as the scouter says.

With Cui dead, Vegeta figures out a strategy.   Using his own scouter to listen in on Frieza’s men, he’s learned that the Dragon Balls only work when you have all seven, which means he can just find one ball and hide it in order to keep Frieza from making his wish.   From there, he can just pick off Frieza’s men one by one, and wait for a chance to steal the other Dragon Balls.    As long as he doesn’t have to fight Frieza directly, he’s still got a chance.

Vegeta The Saiyan sounds like a Sonic the Hedgehog OC. 

Meanwhile, Krillin leads the others on a hike to a nearby cave.   Bulma wants them to fly her there, but if they do that, they’ll be spotted, so they gotta hoof it.   Then they sense Frieza’s goon squad on the move.    What they don’t know is that they’re heading for the next Dragon Ball.    Things are moving quickly on Namek, and Krillin’s team is stuck in stealth mode.   

[panevanbuckley]

For One Night

“For me?” Connor pleas and how can Markus resist those innocent puppy dog eyes? Gorgeous brown eyes staring over at him from across their small shared room in the ‘android apartments’, lips pressed into an irresistible pout.

With a reluctant sigh leaving his lips, Markus relents. He closes the short distance between them in a few quick strides and plants a chaste kiss over Connor’s mouth – smiling as he feels Connor’s previous pout melt into a contented smile similar to his own. “Okay, if you must.” Markus speaks, voice low as he barely inches far enough back from Connor to not be speaking into his mouth. He still eyes the sweater captured in Connor’s clutches with a cautious glare; it’s the most embarrassing item of clothing he thinks he’s ever laid sight on.

The sweater is one of those ridiculous couples holiday sweaters, usually used for pranks or fun according to the quick search he did in the first few seconds of seeing it. It’s two sweaters sewn together through the middle, resulting in only two sleeves for a total of four arms.

This particular monstrosity is following the festive colour scheme of red and green, opposite sides contrasting each other so that one sweater is green is red hemming and the other is red with green hemming. The makers of such a sweater then, absurdly so, have embroidered the words ‘I’ve been nice’ and ‘I’ve been naughty’ on the two sweaters respectively, using a glittering white thread that glimmers as the light catches it just right.

Markus hates to think where Connor found such an item.

There was no surprise when Connor excitedly shoved the ‘I’ve been nice’ side of the sweater in Markus’ direction, giddily slipping his part over his own head. Markus laughed, reaching an arm out to run his fingers through Connor’s now dishevelled hair, tucking a loose curl back into place only to watch it fall over the side of his face again. Connor just shot a cheeky smirk in his direction as he gestured for Markus to slip the sweater on.

Connor would be lying if he said that he wasn’t pleased with the finished result, glancing at their reflection in the mirror on the closet door. His eyes met Markus’ through the mirrored glass and he smiled, warmth flooding his system as he felt Markus reach out for his hand through the shared middle of the sweater. He felt Markus’ thumb brush over his knuckles, the soft contact of skin leaving tingles in its tracks. From outside the sweater, it wouldn’t be known that they were holding hands. The intimacy made Connor bite his lip to distract from the warm feeling he felt.

As an added touch to the outfit, Connor pulled out two headbands designed specifically for Christmas – a holiday usually celebrated by humans but quickly shared with androids too (or at least, those that wished to celebrate). Felt reindeer antlers were fastened to the headbands, and as Connor turned to slide Markus’ one over his head after doing his own, he didn’t miss the way the RK200 tried to cover his amusement up with a frown.

Straightening the antlers on top of his lover’s head, Connor smiled with accomplishment – a blue check mark appearing besides the mission of ‘make Markus look outrageously cute’. Leaning forward, Connor pressed a delicate kiss to Markus’ cheek, lingering within the other’s space long enough to brush their noses together and share a private look. Markus’ mismatched eyes flickered with emotion as Connor stared into them – a trait of the other that Connor adored; Markus could never hide his feelings, not completely.

Cheekily nipping at Markus’ nose to break them both from the bubble that was surrounding them, Connor pulled away and cast another last glance at them both in the mirror.

The sweaters had been his and North’s idea. They’d decided upon throwing an ugly sweater party amongst those in New Jericho – androids and humans alike, whoever decided to show up was welcome. It was just something to bring some holiday cheer to the place and those there, a year after the revolution, to avoid fixating on the anniversary of those that sacrificed themselves for their freedom and instead celebrate it. It’s what the gone would have wanted.

They’d spread the message through word of mouth, telling those invited that they were free to buy their own sweaters from a store or, if equipped with the skills, they were more than welcome to make their own.

When Connor had told Hank about it, the older detective had laughed and brought up some Google searches on his phone of stupid couples sweaters that people supposedly wore for a laugh. He insisted that Connor buy one for himself and Markus, since this was their first Christmas together as a couple. Connor knew that Markus would be against the idea, not wanting to look so ridiculous in front of his people, but what better way to show that you’re not the ‘all-perfect leader’ that many androids seemed to believe? Also, Connor desperately wanted to spend time with Markus and just be happy over the smallest of things, and if forcing his lover to wear an ugly sweater was the way to go about it then so be it.

Upon sharing the thought with North, Connor was fully persuaded that this was a good idea. A great one, according to his closest friend (Hank not included since he was pretty much family at this point, who Connor suspected just wanted to see Markus make a fool of himself. He had been worried that Markus may be offended, but then North reassured him that it was just an opportunity to have fun and ‘what are the holidays for if not to have a laugh, Connor?’.

Markus had also been looking much more stressed as of lately, and Connor knew that he was because he often checked the RK200’s stress levels and they were never lower than 46%. It was unhealthy for Markus to push himself so much, even if it was in the attempts to sort out a better freedom for androids. Connor didn’t think it was worth it if it killed a part of Markus inside with each day of long hours, endless paperwork and dead-end conference calls.

North agreed with Connor, insisting that he needed to do something to help destress their leader, ‘and no, Connor, I don’t mean shove your dick up his ass – as much as he may enjoy it!’ she’d stated, causing Simon who was sat at the desk over from them to stammer over his systems so badly that he dropped a whole stack of files from his hands. Connor had blushed blue at the comment, however true it may be (don’t judge him, he’d found that sex significantly lowered his lover’s stress levels and helped him relax so really...who would blame him?).

He didn’t take her advice to heart, mind you. Some things worked as a temporary stress reliever for both himself and Markus and honestly, he couldn’t care less if it was a bad coping strategy or not (it’s not like it’s bad for their health). And Markus never complained.

When they both arrived outside the church, Connor almost backed out of the plan.

Hand still intertwined with Connor’s, Markus gave him a gentle squeeze whilst rolling his eyes playfully. “You’ve dragged me this far, I’m not turning back now.” he said, matter-of-factly with a hint of amusement in his tone, as he dragged them both through the large double doors and inside.

The church had been completely transformed from the usual cold interior to a warm festive appearance; largely decorated with what Connor deducted was mostly hand-me-downs from human supporters (most of whom he assumed would be attending tonight). Familiar faces milled around the crowds, laughter and conversation along with loud Christmas songs flooding Connor’s sound unit with such force that he had to adjust the settings to make it more bearable.

They continued to walk through the crowds of party-goers, smiling in the directions of greetings thrown their way before they spotted their close friends milled around the drinks table. No surprise there, Connor thought briefly.

When their friends laid eyes on them as they approached, they couldn’t hold back their barks of laughter. Connor didn’t miss how Markus was now smiling freely – having realised that nobody here cared about how he looked, they all simply cared if he was happy. It was understandable; Connor felt the same as most of the androids here in the fact that he believed he owed Markus for his life. Nobody would say anything against their leader smiling and enjoying a night with his lover, even if he wore a ridiculous sweater whilst doing so.

Their friends also wore terrible sweaters. Simon’s was just a clash of awful colours and pom-poms sewn on, making him look like he simply rolled a bunch of materials over himself. Josh had the most acceptable sweater on, with ‘Merry Christmas’ written using beautiful embroidery thread. However, it was knitted completely out of glittery wool. North, unsurprisingly, had a crude sweater on which was similar to Hank’s own sweater that simply stated ‘fuck off’. Connor could only hope that there weren’t many children at the party.

Hank clapped the two boys over their shoulders, squeezing slightly as he smiled, “How do you both manage to make such a stupid sweater look cute?” he commented, taking a sip from his glass – which, after a quick scan, Connor revealed was just water. Hank had been cutting down on the alcohol, after much insistence from Connor himself.

Markus laughed at Hank’s words, taking the glass of enhanced thirium (basically wine for androids) offered to him by Simon with a grateful smile. North raised an eyebrow as she pulled them into a quick hug, pointedly looking at Connor’s sweater and reading it. “I’m not even going to ask.”

Connor smirked, sending a quick wink her way. “I wouldn’t if I were you.”

By the end of the night, and a couple glasses of enhanced thirium later, Markus came to the conclusion that Connor’s ideas were not half as bad as he may believe them to be at first thought. He definitely felt more at ease and he was enjoying spending time with his friends without having to worry about work-related topics. Maybe Connor had been right when he’d said the RK200 needed a night off. He took another sip of his drink, agreeing that he could relax. For one night.

Markus doesn’t remember feeling so utterly unbothered by things, feeling so carefree and just merry, in a long while. Perhaps never, if you disregard the late nights and early mornings spent wrapped in Connor’s arms, sharing memories and feelings through their interface with only the sound of nature to accompany them. Nothing would beat those moments of absolute bliss.

Sensing Markus’ overthinking, Connor squeezed his hand – which was still clutched with his own, fingers tangled together like they were designed to fit beside each other. Connor didn’t speak, still listening to the exaggerative storytelling of North and Simon, but he leant closer to Markus and nuzzled his nose into Markus’ shaven hair and inhaled deeply, a smile plastered over his lips. The small gesture made Markus feel all sorts of emotions: want, happiness, peace and most of all, love. Shifting his head subtly, Markus managed to capture Connor’s smiling lips with his own in a sweet kiss, a soft exhale slipping through the gap of their lips as he felt Connor lean into his body more and kiss him back.

His internal clock told him they’d been kissing for over five minutes now, but Markus would have happily continued it if it hadn’t been for the loud gag that came from North as she swatted at both of their arms. Connor chuckled, not apologising as he leaned forward again to place a final kiss to Markus’ lips as Markus smirked. He definitely didn’t miss the proud smile on North’s face even as she made a comment about them being disgustingly sweet.

[taintedones]

TTWTASK 010 ;;  Q&A  // *  dwight hale

Does your character have a birthmark or any scars? How did they get them?

He has a scar just under his hairline where a rock hit him when he got caught under the cave in back in his games. He’s also got a slash mark on his wrist where he cut his hand on a broken glass whilst drunk.

Where does your character go when they’re angry?

The obvious answer is to a bar. Any bar that served alcohol. Even now he’s sober he would still go there just to smell it. He hasn’t yet been angry enough to seek that out though.

What is in your character’s refrigerator in their home?

Empty bottles of booze. He chucked out the drink but has kept the bottles for sentimental value. Sometimes he drinks water out of them to feel like one thing hasn’t changed. 

When your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it?

Dwight doesn’t remember much about his childhood kitchen but he remembers Ma’s. If he would stick around in the morning for her to wake up he’d smell toast. She liked hers well done so it often smelt like it was burnt.

What does your character do on Saturday mornings?

Sleep in until noon so he doesn’t have to face half the day. He’s not a morning person at all.

Do they cry in front of others?

Never. The only time he’d ever even possibly do so would be if he was drunk. But Dwight isn’t able to remember any of that.

When did they last make a promise?

To his doctor. ‘Promise me you’ll try to stop drinking’ It was incredibly light hearted when he said okay and he hadn’t expected himself to keep it.  However, something in his brain told him to stick it out.

Do they believe in love at first sight?

As a man with four divorces it might seem obvious to say yes but It actually takes Dwight some time to warm up to someone, especially now. When he does he falls hard though. He just hasn’t let himself get to that point in a long time.

Do they have any phobias?

Dogs. He was attacked by one as a kid when he was trying to steal something from a homeless man.

What is their favourite colour? Why?

Black. He likes it purely because he can use the line ‘Black, like my soul.’

What is their motto?

His main one is ‘If you don’t try you can’t fail.’   but it depends on his mood.

What ridiculous grudges do they hold? (ie: that time someone never gave their favorite pen back, their 5th grade teacher making fun of them, something a friend said when they were in middle school)

The biggest grudge he holds is one that he doesn't really believe he’s holding but he has his issues with rebels based on the fact that his mother left him to join them.  Like a spiteful child, he blames them because she’s not around to blame.

What three words would others use to describe them?

drunken old bastard.

If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

‘Lived a lot longer than any of you thought I would.’

Game night with their family or movie night with their friends?

Is neither an option? He’d probably pick game night with his family because he doesn’t have any so he’d get to just play poker by himself.

Your character’s favourite song just came on the radio, but they’re in public! Do they contain themselves or do they rock out without a second thought? (Extra Q: What would their favourite song today be?)

Since Dwight doesn’t care what people think about him he’s very obviously going to rock out. Anything from the 80′s is a winner for him. However,  Rick James ‘Super Freak’ would get him up and dancing little miss sunshine style. He likes that it has the word kinky in it.

Sassy or classy?

Not even close to classy. If he had to be one it’d be sassy,  just because of his wisecracks.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Strangely, wisdom. As someone with hidden intelligence he admires it in others. 

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Self-deprecating.  If he were to actually listen to all his criticism seriously, he’d probably believe that he had no redeeming qualities. It’s his coping strategy.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

Yes. The only time he’s actually truly meant it was with his first marriage.

When faced with a bug in their home does your character let them go outside? Do they squash them? Do they burn the house to the ground? Or do they ignore them?

Burn the house to the ground. Dwight doesn’t like small creatures as he feels they are going to creep into one of his bodily orifices whilst he sleeps and live inside him.

What boosts your character’s confidence the most?

Compliments or alcohol. Sometimes both. He doesn’t get a lot of the first and since he’s not drinking at the moment, his confidence is at an all time low.

Does your character snore?

Yes. Sometimes even louder deliberately if someone has woken him up. It’s something he started doing when people in the tower didn’t realise that he should not be woken.

Does your character like storms?

He does. He liked the image that the storm is making everyone else as miserable as he always feels.

What is a specific headcanon you have for your character?

Dwight is a LOT smarter than he lets on. However, he learned a long time ago that pretending to be stupid let him get away with things because ‘he didn’t know any better’  people think that his cave in plan was just luck but he’d actually planned it, right down to where the careers would be standing. 

[deathbyvalentine]

Wayward Road Prompts

Siblings At some point it had to happen, the older sister grating against the younger, bumping against the confines of a shared room. It had been much later than expected, both parents agreed, Ash's love for Violet able to override most of the annoyance. Such harmony could not last forever. Quietly, they began putting aside money to refurbish the junk room into something fit for a teenage girl. In six months, they would not have any daughters to house. There would be no filled beds, no teenage angst, no bickering over toys or trinkets. Just dark stains on a carpet and an open window. In six months, Ash would feel guilty acid in her throat every time she remembered that once, she didn't cherish the thought of sleeping in the same room as her sister. Once, sometimes her sister annoyed her. Once, she had taken for granted that they would always be together, growing up and growing old, the bond as certain as her own name. A lot could change in six months. An entire world could change, a curtain lifted. You could find out that everything you thought was false was true and everything you held to be true was a lie. The world was not what you thought it was, and perhaps, neither were you. __________________________________________________________ Hunger ('what we don't talk about') It doesn't fit you. Because she didn't talk about it. The parts of her that had fitted the horseman mold to a tea. The hunger she had felt that had caused her to kill the person she had loved the most in the world, when she was still a teenager, still growing into this body. She didn't talk about the years being a runaway, the way she could be fascinated by the slimness of her wrists, the way bones could look from the outside. She didn't talk about how when she eat these years, some trucker buying her dinner or a concerned server slipping a little something extra, about how it didn't stop her being hungry, like it was a trait rather than a state. This was in the past, defining her before she knew she needed a definition, chalking it up to her brokenness, the trauma she pretended she didn't have. And then there was now. Beyond the food jokes, the dinners she demolished, the snacks she always needed. She didn't talk about the things she craved other than food. How she always wanted more broken bones (hers or her enemies), more bruising, more violence, always always more. That she lived for danger, for alcohol, for the flashes of adrenaline. That tumbling in and out of beds was her trying to fill this stupid fucking void that sat inside her, desperate and uncaring, part of being dead and part of being what she was destined to be. She didn't talk about how these days, she wasn't sure she could remember a time she wasn't starving. Or that principally, she wished for blood, spilt or poured into her mouth. That demon blood was all that would saite her. That she thought that maybe, even that wasn't enough. Nothing was ever enough. But that was too big to talk about. Too scary. She had to carry on just being Ash, the acceptable killer, the usual hunter who was addicted to their job. That was fine. Acceptable. Not like the monster she was not only becoming, but already was. ______________________________________________________ Nadine Okay, while she was definitely putting on a show of anger, making everyone laugh at exaggerated fury, there was a real ember burning in her chest. Where did this bitch get off? Telling this bratty teenager who was clearly fucking with her family that she was psychic. First of all, like, she wasn't. Anyone could tell that. Secondly, if she was, she needed more support than a fucking letter, left carelessly and without anything to back it up. No coping strategies, no advice, nothing but hollow words and crocodile tears for the watching camera. Ash had been a psychic teenager and it had been awful. Curling up, hands pressed to her chest to avoid touching another damn thing. Going to car boot sales and flinching back from the torrent of memories each antique object possessed. The dizzying fluidity of emotion, the

confusion of what she was feeling and what somebody else had felt, in a history that wasn't hers. And that was before she became a hunter, a profession with more death than life. Her gloves weren't a caution against her power, they were essential to her functioning. What would Nadine have said to her, if they'd met? Some bullshit about having a gift, something precious. This was not a gift. This was not something to be treasured or flaunted. She did all she could to control it, to suppress it. Fuck being special. Teenagers should get to be normal. So, Nadine, along with every other TV psychic or medium, along with those who pretended to talk to dead children to grieving mothers or promising success in the stars was bullshit. What else was new? ___________________________________________________________ Where's My Pony? In her dreams, it was there. Hot, heavy breath. The animal smell of straw and sweat. She could not see it in the dark, but she could feel it, imposing and huge. Her own ragged breath was loud in her ears. Was she scared? She didn't know. She blindly reached out in front of her, fingers trembling. As her fingers met the soft velvet of fur, she woke up. Her body and her bed were slick with sweat and the shakes did not simply remain in her dream. She let out a low, long breath, swinging her legs out of bed to go to the hotel minibar. Vodka and a mars bar was apparently the best it had to offer, but it'd have to do. She sat down, back against the wall and drank. She was pretty sure the horse was metaphorical, but somehow, it didn't make it less real. She was very aware of how something didn't need to be visible to be present. She could feel it, like a shadow, following wherever she tread. It was a wonder other people didn't feel it too, that their eyes were not drawn to just over her shoulder. Or maybe she was just going completely mad. It wouldn't surprise her. She already saw Violet and monsters everywhere she went, why not add a fucking horse into the mix. Just her luck. _____________________________________________________________ Involved On some level, the irony was almost funny. Ash, the poster girl for commitment issues, somehow having three people with a vested interest in her. She didn't know how this had happened, nor why, and now she was in the middle of what could politely be called 'a situation' or what could impolitely be called 'a fucking disaster waiting to happen'. The worst part was, she didn't know how much of a situation it was. Was she dating all of them? None of them? Some of them? What expectations did each one have? What definitions? She was pretty certain the problem could be solved with communication but she would literally rather die than try and navigate a conversation about relationships or indeed anything relating to feelings or romance. So she wouldn't know until the inevitable car crash occurred. Part of her wanted to ghost. To slip out of Kara's bed in the morning and never return. To drop out of her and Alice and Bella's group chat, blocking each of and cutting that cord with the finality she was used to. But she was selfish. She loved take-away and shit TV with Kara, she loved reaching for her phone to message the two when she was tired or lonely. It was hard to quit. She deserved none of them and didn't want to lose any of them. So she would wait. So she would brace herself for impact and hope nobody got hurt. __________________________________________________________ Get Back Up There was always a moment when she hit the ground. Just before the pain kicked in, when she was flat, her weary bones resting on the ground that she considered just staying there. Let the vampires keep on sucking blood, let the ghosts keep on haunting, let the demons do whatever demons do when she wasn't kicking the shit out of them. Having a somewhat passive death wish really tended to rear its ugly head when she was flat in the middle of a fight. It would be so easy to give up and stay here until she died or the monster went away, whichever came first. Of course, she didn't. She

couldn't. Gotta save one more person and one more and always one more. Gotta keep one more family together. One more person innocent of the horrors that occupy this world. One more idiotic dog alive. So with her bones aching, skin bruised or bleeding, things broken, she would brace herself and push herself up off the floor, standing up, weapons in hand and jaw set, mouth a thin line of determination. Every part of her said 'is that all you've got?' And the answer came back, always - 'not yet'. ____________________________________________________________ Families of Blood

She wondered at the Mossbergs, the network of love, support and blood that had created not just a family but a clan. The way Tammy and Sean could always fall into a bed, ask for shower, find somewhere with food and comfort.

Sometimes, she didn't think she could remember the faces of her parents. She pushed them down and down, locking them into boxes, keeping them far away. She couldn't let herself think of them. Because if she did, she might never stop, might never stop mourning. It was easier to shape herself into the form of an orphan, motherless, fatherless, familyless. Someone like her couldn't exist with a family. It didn't work.

It was the same with a lot of hunters. They tended towards the solitary, either losing or cutting off everyone they met. It scared Ash sometimes, the fragile structure that was Team Dickhead. It could fall apart so easily. A death, a betrayal, an abandonment and the entire constellation would separate into disparate stars. It didn't matter what the family was made from. Blood or water could dissolve.

___________________________________________________________ Normal

She woke up and her heart was not beating. She rolled off the couch in the house that was not hers. She took a swig from her flask, blinking away the shadows that lurked in her vision, the dead that she saw. She left the house with her bag of knives, guns and stakes. On the coach to the town with the newspaper article complaining about vicious dogs, she made notes about werewolves in her notebook. She remembered the scar on her knee from her last run in with a pack. She had so many, it was hard to remember the causes of them all. When she dozed, she dreamt of black horses and empty fields. When she woke, she texted a valkyrie. She got off the coach and walked several miles to the farmhouse in the dark, occasionally pausing for a cigarette that would not kill her. She would sleep in a barn that night, not knowing where she would sleep the next. Right now, she loaded silver bullets and knives into her jacket. All in a day's work.

So yeah. Normal was pretty subjective.

__________________________________________________________ Rolling Dice

She didn't really get roleplaying. She could never shift into her mind what someone else would do, always stuck on what she would do, but decorated in some foolish way. It's not that she didn't enjoy the games Tammy ran, she did in her own way, but she didn't understand the playing, the personas assumed just to tell a story. She couldn't remember if she had been an imaginative child - certainly she was not an imaginative adult. Why imagine when you know every horrible story had a grain of truth mixed in it somewhere? Her imaginings always turned into plans or signs or portents.

She supposed she didn't really have any hobbies, no job of passion like paramedic or police woman. All she had was this, the hunt and the never-ending cycle of it all. She fucked and she drank for fun, when she could she danced, and that was it. Hustling on occasion, but that too was all part of work. She was basically an intensely boring person only improved by the moody mystique that came with her profession.

That's why one night stands were so good - they never stuck around enough to scratch the surface and discover nothing else beneath. A paper girl, ready to catch alight at the slightest flame. All she would be was ash.

__________________________________________________________ The Couch

How was it that normal, non-prophetic dreams were now more disturbing than apocalyptic visions? She woke up and though she wasn't gasping or sweating or bleeding, the dream stuck to her regardless. The dream of Cordy whispering to the others, all of them deciding that they didn't want her here, that she had to leave. Their eyes, hard as flint, resting on her as if judging and finding her rather wanting. It did not fade over breakfast, though at least her mood managed to lift cheerily at the sight of pancakes.

It was only later once Bex and Izzy confessed troubling dreams, they realised it was the bloody cursed couch that was the cause of the poor sleep. Ash was very in favour of simply setting fire to the stupid thing but apparently it had some uses. She considering putting it in the room of someone she didn't like next horrible mission they all went on, but it was quite bulky. Hard to hide under a coat. Maybe splinters, lodged in skin would at least provide a general air of unease.

This, Ash thought, is why she should not be allowed cursed furniture.

____________________________________________________________

Objects of Power

The ring drew her eye with every movement of her hand. During the day they were hidden beneath her gloves, but in this safe space, a chair to herself, no objects about to be handed to her, she could let her hands breathe. And there it was, dark and unapologetic. Unassuming, if you didn't know who had given it to her. Nothing to shout about.

Cordy was making a gun that could kill anything. Bex had cards that let her speak to angels. John had wielded a mythic sword, they had touched artefacts to be locked in metaphysical vaults, buildings that didn't make sense. They didn't intrigue her as much as wondering who had made them did. Did they know they were making something that would echo through centuries? Or, for the mundane ones turned magical, did their craftsperson ever realise what a deck of cards, a gun, a book could come to mean?

It lead her to think about history, and not just the myths of monsters, but the stories of those who fought them. The people who existed around them but not interacting. The ones who were manufacturing and sending their items out unto the world, never to find out what had became of them or who ended up cherishing them.

The ring on her hand was heavy and it was heavy with more than stone. History weighed it down.

____________________________________________________________ Shadows

They were dark under her eyes, looking more like bruises than shadows. Dark as the rest of her skin was pale. With her pale hair, she was becoming more waif like by the day. She could see herself flitting between shadows and light, insubstantial enough to just disappear. Well, that was what she was meant to do anyway. Disappear into the deep dark ground, buried and dead and soon forgotten. But she had clung on with gold instead of a heart and now she looked like she felt. Haunted. She wasn't scared of the dark. Not the dark outside. The hints she kept seeing in herself however, in the shadows of her eyes, was a rather different matter.

[babyconnectingworld]

How To Cope With Anxiety Caused By The Coronavirus Outbreak – For Parents

How are you coping with Coronavirus Outbreak?  If you are struggling, you are not alone.  This is not normal, and we all have to go easy on ourselves.  However, some of us need more than just giving ourselves permission to let some things go right now.  Some of us need to take extra measures to make sure our mental health stays in check during this time. It would be one thing to solely deal with the stress of your entire family having to change every aspect of your lives. However, we have the uncertainty of the Coronavirus outbreak itself. How do I protect myself and family? What can I do to help the health care workers on the front lines? Add to that all of that the uncertainty regarding when this will all end, and it is enough to make even the calmest person anxious. Working on your mental fitness right now is easier said than done.  Most of us parents already had a large amount of stress upon us.  Just keeping up with our households while shuttling kids around and working a job was hard enough.  Sure, we no longer have to shuttle the kids around, but keeping them entertained without going out and about is a real challenge for many of us.  Now, we feel the pressure to keep up with a household that is continuously lived in, a kitchen that is constantly being used as your children tell you “I’m hungry”.  Some of us are trying to work from home and must referee sibling wrestling matches while on Zoom calls.  Some of us are trying to save our small businesses with little to no time.  Why?  Because we are now our children’s teachers on top of everything else. You have likely seen the meme about our grandparents being asked to go to war, and we are just being asked to sit on our couches.  The thought of catching up on Netflix series and actually reading a book would be a dream come true, but that is far from reality. Parents would do anything for a nap during social distancing, but we just do not have the time. Parents are finding they have less time than normal, and honestly, that is the even case when doing the bare minimum during these social distancing days. Of course, there are some parents out there that are rocking it.  They are taking advantage of every virtual tour of a park or museum while doodling with Mo Mo Willems at lunch and a Pinterest board dedicated to all of the creative art that they will do with their kids.  When you see social media posts, you feel even more anxious.  You wonder if you should make a schedule of all of the amazing opportunities your kids have to learn by all of the amazing companies throwing free resources your way, but the thought of making that schedule overwhelms you. STOP! Give yourself Grace.  But giving yourself grace is not enough.  You need to take some steps to manage the constant pressure you will be under in the coming weeks.  For some of you, a prescription may be necessary to bring a sense of calm to this new (temporary) way of life.  However, that should not be your first step.  There are so other ways to cope with the stress and anxiety that comes with this unprecedented lifestyle we are currently experiencing. Read More: 5 Unique Ways to Destress as a SAHM Coronavirus Outbreak Coping Strategies Check Out It is okay to check out for a bit. Just keeping up with the news or maybe a very engaged Facebook group might seem overwhelming at this time. You do not have to do all the things. You will have to let go of things that are not serving you well during this time, and that is okay! Turn Off The Television Do not have the cable news stations on all day with constant coronavirus coverage. We know it is out there. We know what we should do to combat it. Stay at home! Wash your hands! It’s okay to get updates throughout the day but do not become obsessed. It will heighten your sense of anxiety and lack of control. Similarly, do not stream Netflix all day. Accomplish something each day. Create a Schedule It does not have to be a strict schedule but have some sense of order to each day. Make the weekdays feel like weekdays and celebrate the weekends. Give yourself things to look forward to. Wine down Wednesdays, Take Out Thursdays, Movie Night Fridays, Sweet Treat Saturday.

Walk away You are likely on edge right now, even if you do not realize it. Before blowing up at loved ones, try walking away, even it is just to another room. If the kids are on your last nerve and there is another grown up in the house, go to the next step … Get Outside Go for a walk. Go for a run. Get on your bike and explore the area around your home. Mow your lawn. Tend to your garden. Get a projector to play movies in your back yard with your family on movie night.

Happy Hour With Friends You are probably starting to miss your friends. Set up a time to hang out virtually with them. Facetime a single friend or create a zoom conference call for a group of friends. You need to laugh with your friends. Try to one-up each other with your Coronavirus outbreak trials and tribulations. Another idea is getting up before your family for coffee time with friends. Of course, this would only work with your friends who you do not mind seeing you with no makeup and bedhead! Video Call Facetime Chatting Communication Concept Meditate Have you been meaning to add meditation into your daily routine? There are many benefits to meditating including reducing anxiety. For those new to meditation, you will likely need all the help you can get to be in the right mental space to meditate effectively. Both Headspace and Calm apps are fantastic solutions to learn about meditation. Both apps offer free elements of their program, so there is no need to purchase a paid version while you are testing things out. Yoga Being in and around your house means you are likely not moving like normal. Those of you bending over your kiddos and keeping track of their school work may feel even more strain. Stress in and of itself causes you to carry your body in different ways which affect your muscles. To combat this, try yoga at home to stretch and strengthen your muscles. Making yoga part of your daily routine also comes with the benefit of forcing some time for meditation. There are YouTube channels and apps that allow you to easily bring yoga into your home. A couple of favorites are Yoga By Adriene on YouTube and the Down Dog app which is currently free through May 1st. Down Dog allows you to tailor your yoga routine to your level and the elements of practice that are more important to you.

Essential Oils There are many health and therapeutic benefits associated with essential oils. There are many essential oils that tout relieving anxiety, but the most popular by far is lavender. There are quite a few mixtures aimed at alleviating anxiety. If you do not own a diffuser, this is a great time to experiment with one. Even if you do not feel that the oils are helping reduce anxiety, at least your house will smell nice since you have to be in it so much right now! Take an Epsom Salt Bath A bath is relaxing by nature. Many times we do not take one because we do not have time for it in our crazy schedules. Now, we have nothing but time. Warm water increases your body temperature which helps regulate anxiety. Adding Epsom salt to your bath can help even more because the magnesium sulfate in the salt can calm anxiety and lower blood pressure. Flowers It may sound silly, but flowers have a way of brightening our moods. In fact, a study conducted by Rutgers University found that flowers were found to improve emotional health by triggering feelings of happiness, satisfaction, and social comfortability.

Yale’s Happiness Course This immensely popular Yale course which is actually titled ‘The Science of Well-Being’ is being offered for free via Coursera. Per the Coursera website, here is what you can expect from this course: In this course you will engage in a series of challenges designed to increase your own happiness and build more productive habits. As preparation for these tasks, Professor Laurie Santos reveals misconceptions about happiness, annoying features of the mind that lead us to think the way we do, and the research that can help us change. You will ultimately be prepared to successfully incorporate a specific wellness activity into your life. Keep A Gratitude Journal People dealing with anxiety are more prone to negative thoughts. By documenting what you are thankful for each day, especially now when life is nothing like we’ve experienced before, it helps us stay in a positive, more peaceful state of mind. It is so easy to worry about what we can not control which causes anxiety. When you focus on what you do control and are grateful for, you will feel at peace.

CBD Products If all else fails, and you need a little extra something, try a natural supplement before getting a prescription. CBD seems to be all the rage right now, it is everywhere. CBD is the part of the cannabis plant that does not give you a high. CBD can be used as an anxiety treatment in a myriad of ways including gummies, tinctures, balms, face masks, and lotions. You have heard this a lot over the last few weeks, but it has to be said – this too shall pass. Sure, you know that somewhere back in your brain, but it does not feel that way now. Things will be different going forward again, but we will not have to spend the rest of our lives in our homes. It is totally acceptable to feel anxious about the disease, the pressure of being in your home for weeks on end while entertaining and schooling children, explaining Coronavirus to your children, not knowing how long we will live like this, and trying to understand what the world will look like when this is over. However, there is not much you can do right now other than practicing social distancing and washing your hands. If that lack of control has caused anxiety for you, please try some of the above suggestions to help you get through the next few weeks. Photo Credits: unsplash.com and pixabay.com Read the full article

[ficdirectory]

Blink (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

Jesus sits at the kitchen table, looking at Moms.  He’s nervous.  Are they gonna yell at him?  Pull his hair?  Call him dumb again by saying he knows better than to leave without saying where he’s going?

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, before they can even say anything.  

(They had let him sit first.  And let him tell where he wanted them to be.  He picked the farthest chairs from himself.  They actually sat in them.)

“What do you think about having some Porch Time now?” Lena asks calmly.

Jesus lets out a breath.  “Yeah.  That would be good.”  

“What do you want to tell us about what happened tonight?” she asks evenly.

Jesus shrugs.  He doesn’t actually want to tell them anything.  Not about how he ate his weight in wings and nachos because he was so hyper about them being there.  About them being gone.  About seeing anyone else eat them when he wasn’t.  He can’t tell them that eating in general feels conditional right now.  Like, he has to shower to get breakfast.  To admit to the crap ton of food he’s got stashed in his backpack would mean dismantling his only unwavering coping strategy.

Moms just wait.  They don’t push.  They don’t get impatient.  So eventually, Jesus can say something:

“I thought I saw Him...on TV…in Times Square...” Jesus admits, studying the grain of the table.  “So I kinda freaked and felt like I had to clean.”  He turns to Mom.  “I know we talked about it.  I didn’t mean to.”

“We’re not mad,” Stef offers.

“We’re so sorry.  We didn’t know you got scared, love.” Lena insists.  “Are you okay now?”

Jesus breathes.  His stomach hurts.  Bad.  And he’s still got major confusion around a lot of food stuff.  Do they really expect him to be able to say he’s not?  Or that he is?  Either way, it’s hard.  Either way the words won’t come.

“I’m just really tired,” he admits.

“Well, let’s get you set up out here.  Did those blankets work okay last night?” Stef asks.

“Yeah, they were good.”

While they’re gone gathering the blankets from other parts of the cabin, Jesus gets the ones from the living room.  But waits for Moms to come back with theirs before he starts hanging anything.

They both hang around a little extra, and he doesn’t feel like he can really start doing anything until they clear out.

Lena looks at him in the eyes.  “Are you sure you’re okay?  We can call Dr. Hitchens first thing tomorrow - well, today - if you need her.”

“It’s New Year’s,” Stef interjects softly.  “The office is closed.”

“Well, you can talk to us or to Pearl whenever you need to, okay?  Just tell someone before you go, if you walk next door.” Lena says gently.

Jesus nods.

He doesn’t have the words to tell them that the whole reason he couldn’t tell them where he was Monday was that he’d been stuck.  And how that felt.  And that he hadn’t told them because he couldn’t, not because he was being irresponsible.  That that might still happen, and that it scares him to think about their reactions if it does.

They still stand there until Stef offers a forced, “Okay.  See you in the morning, bud.”

“Good night,” Lena offers.

“Yeah.  Night,” Jesus echoes.

He waits until he hears their bedroom door close and then walks through the cabin, checking all the doors and windows to be sure they’re locked.  Jesus hadn’t locked the front door behind himself.  That makes his heart beat fast.  Makes him have to lock it and then sit against it for a while.

When he can finally get back to the table to fix all the blankets the way he needs them, Jesus still feels exhausted.  Still feels disgusting.  Remembers how, That Halloween, after he cleaned up, he’d come back to the room to find Him in the bed Jesus slept in.  Like it was His.  Like Jesus was His.  Just a thing to use.

It makes him feel gross.  On alert.  Like he has to watch just in case.  Also, his stomach hurts super bad.  And it feels kinda like he’s starving. He searches the bag for the flashlight Stef gave him.  Flips it on, and checks on all his food to be sure it’s still there.

He thinks about eating it.  Or just eating some of it.  But he knows if he starts, he won’t be able to stop.  Not when things are this messed up.  It’s fine, though.  He’s gone to bed hungry a ton of times before.  It was like Pearl said:  he’ll survive.

He zips the bag.  Lies down, and puts a protective arm around it.  

Nobody can take his food.

Or him.

He reaches in the backpack again.  Feels for the flashlight on top of all the food.  Takes it out, and snakes his hand out from under the blankets.  The hand closest to the big window.  He flashes the light on, once.  Then off.

Just in case Pearl is still awake.

--

Pearl crashes after Jesus leaves and sleeps hard.  She’s a little freaked out when she wakes up and it’s almost 8:30.  It feels like she has slept the day away.  Gracie’s ready to go out and Pearl hurries to throw on her coat and hat.

She casts a glance toward Frank’s but it doesn’t look like anyone’s up and moving there, either.  No lights on.

Jesus isn’t on the back step.

“Well, they had a late night, too,” Pearl says out loud to Gracie.  “And Jesus had a rough one.  They’ll be up later.”

Gracie doesn’t respond.  She’s taking care of business.

Back inside, Pearl makes a quick breakfast and tries to work in some self-care, too.  But she’s distracted.

Had she heard Jesus right last night?  Had he really said kidnapped?

Pearl remembers some bigger kidnapping cases from when she was younger, but none of those kids came home alive.  She wonders when Jesus was kidnapped.  Hears his voice in her head: “Four years, one month there.  Three years, two months back.”  So seven years and three months ago.  That would put his disappearance around September of 2007.

When Pearl was busy trying to make it clear to her mother that she could live on her own.  She’d been at service dog school.  She’d just met Gracie, a gangly young thing, eager to work.

Conflicting feelings war inside of Pearl.  How could something so good be happening for her while something so awful was happening to him?  He must’ve been young.  Just nine?  Could that be right?

“God, how did he live?”  she asks Gracie.  But Gracie’s distracted, hungrily eating her breakfast.

--

When Jesus wakes up again, he kind of just wants to stay under the table forever.  He feels so gross, but he doesn’t want to shower.  Doesn’t care if that means he can’t eat breakfast, because whatever.  He doesn’t need food.

He stays under the table until Mom gets up.  She tries to be quiet.  But he hears her walk around.  Start the coffee.  Sit in the living room with her book.

Jesus feels invisible.  It’s kind of a good feeling and kind of a panicky feeling.  Because he’s always been a little too good at being invisible.  He just can’t face anybody yet.

“Backup,” Frankie calls, sounding crabby.

Jesus doesn’t move.  Someone else can get her.  

“I said backup!” Frankie calls, close to tears.

“Okay, love, I hear you.”  Mom’s finally moving to get her.  Good.  At least it won’t be on him if Frankie falls.

“No, Mom!  This isn’t your job!  Where’s Jesus?” she asks Mom, pouting.

“I think he’s still sleeping.  So let’s be very quiet, okay?”

“No, I wanna see him,” Frankie complains.  “And I need breakfast right now!  I’m so starving!”

“Okay. What would you like?” Mom asks.  “Eggs?”

“Birds live inside of eggs.  Where do the birds in the shell go of the eggs we eat?”

“That’s a very good question,” Mom hedges.

Jesus listens.  Knows she doesn’t want to give Frankie TMI again, like she did about Grandpa hunting.  (The deer head is still there.  Outside the blankets.)

“Hey, why is our fort still here?” Frankie asks, still a little crabby.  Before Mom can say anything, Frankie’s crawling inside.

“Hey!  Jesus what are you doing in here?  It’s no fair you having a campout without me.”

Jesus tries to talk but he can’t.

“Francesca Rose.  Leave Jesus alone.  Let him sleep,” Mom reprimands.

He keeps his face turned away on purpose, so Frankie can’t see he’s actually awake.  Jesus closes his eyes again.

“But it’s no fair he got to sleep here and I didn’t!  It’s our fort for the littlest and biggest!”

“Listen.  Why don’t you tell me what you want with your eggs?” Mom tries to distract her, but the fort is too big a pull for her, and she’s back in no time.

“Jesus,” she whispers, poking him in the face.  “Why did you sleep here without me?  That’s not really a great thing to do.”

He stays still and quiet until Mom comes to get Frankie a second time.  Hears her ask: “Is he awake?”

Hears Frankie answer, “No.”

Maybe, Jesus can just hang out under here until Sunday when they have to go.  His mind screeches to a halt.  In three days, he’s gonna have to make this awful trip again, but in reverse.  He covers his head with his yellow blanket.  Blinks tears back.  Tries to push them back down.  Tries to go blank, but he can’t.

He also can’t hang out under the kitchen table and cry all day either, but he doesn’t have another choice.  Then, like magic, there are the bright colors of Cookie Land, and plenty of fake food that won’t make him puke his guts out.  Jesus stays there a while.  It feels safe.  Not like here.  He doesn’t have to do anything to eat the cookies.

It’s past 10 AM when Mama calls “knock knock.”  By now, everyone else is awake, and trying to be quiet but his family has never been great at keeping the volume down.  With eight people, it’s hard.  Breakfast was eaten a while ago.  But that’s fine.  Jesus doesn’t need it.  He ate more than enough last night.  He shouldn’t get to have anything for the whole rest of the time he’s here to make up for it.

It’s when he tries to call out a response and can’t, that Jesus realizes what this is: he’s never been stuck like this right away in the morning before.  Well, not since he first got home.  This week, he’s gotten majorly stuck twice.  The first time, Moms totally freaked.  Will they again?

What’s Jesus gonna do if he can’t actually answer and it just keeps going from there?  Just keeps getting worse?

“Jesus?  You awake, bud?  You should come out and have some breakfast.”

But Jesus can’t, because he can’t answer, and he can’t move, so he can’t shower.  All things that need to happen in order to get to have breakfast.  He wishes Gracie was here to pull him out from under here.  To take him to Pearl.  She would know what to do.  How to help.

“Jesus?” Mama tries again.

He takes a breath, but he can’t answer.

Outside the blankets, he can hear Mama whispering to Mom, and Mom telling the rest of the kids to get ready to go.  She’s taking them sledding.  Jesus just listens while they all get ready.  It takes a while, but they get there.  He wishes he could go, too, but he’d probably get stuck outside in the snow again and no one in his family would know how to help.  They’d just expect that he could come inside when they did.

He tries to go back to Cookie Land, because his stomach keeps growling, but he hears Mama’s voice instead.  She’s close.  Jesus turns to see her shadow just outside the blankets.

“I’m here, okay?  When everyone leaves and we have some privacy, we’ll have Porch Time and talk,” she whispers.  “I’m not leaving you.  You’re not alone.  I know something’s not right for you right now, and I’m going to help you.  You’re not in trouble, okay?  I promise.”

[geeksperhour]

via Screaming Frog

I got a job offer to be an SEO Consultant for Screaming Frog while I was sat in a rather goofy graduation hat and gown.

My parents then humiliated me by running around telling all the other parents of my uni pals (who we’d literally just met for the first time) about how I now had some fancy job at Google.

Me coping with the realisation that I was going to be an SEO

That was five years ago this month, so now is an excellent time to put that history degree to good use (It cost me enough!) with some musings on how the SEO industry has changed in the last half-decade.

1. Becoming Lord of the SERPs Is Harder Than Ever

Google’s been following their own advice.

The search engine has been gradually expanding the content of results pages with more and more useful features. Their bounce rates must be at an all time low, with users increasingly finding everything they need within the SERP itself.

The age of ’10 blue links’ is long over.

And it’s not just the distracting new bits and pieces they keep adding, such as user-uploaded video-answers to questions about ginger:

Everything you ever wanted to know about ginger. RIP Ginger-Facts.com.

FAQ Mark-up below existing organic listings, as one example, can also be a killer for sites just off the first page:

Yuck.

Roast Agency do a really good list of all the possible SERP features, but honestly my finger aches trying to scroll down all of it, there’s just so many.

Paid placements are also increasingly chipping away at organic real estate- especially on mobile.

The shift in gear from ‘Sponsored Links’ in a big blue box, to the much more concise ‘Ad’ in a yellow box, to ‘Ad’ in a green box that is conveniently the same green as the URL in the snippet; has undoubtedly reduced our organic CTRs.

Does this mean SEO is dead? No.

It just means smart SEO is more necessary than ever- the huge opportunities for traffic and sales are still out there, they just require more brains and budget to access.

2. Link Building Got Wayyyyy Tougher

I have a confession to make.

Not all the content I made for links in 2015 was ground-breaking, newsworthy, data driven #content that shook up the media landscape, went viral, and built 2,000 DA 99 followed links.

Much of it was infographics, which are now synonymous with low quality ‘link bait’ content.

But that was okay, content back then didn’t have to set the world on fire.

Times have changed, and the big dogs are investing more of their Xmas TV ad budget into this whole ‘digital’ thing. This is starting to trickle down into SEO and link building- which is pushing standards up.

When a journalist has 400 press requests in their inbox, and many are well researched, innovative interactive assets; they are sadly unlikely to go for your infographic on the top 10 fictional books that appear in fiction.

Formats come and go, so innovation is key if you want to stay ahead.

Really scientific slide I presented to BrightonSEO about how link building tactics are getting more complex. You had to be there.

But that’s not to say you always need a huge interactive map to win big links. The story is what journalists are interested in. Even small brands with small budgets can be nimble, and outflank those glitzy campaigns you see from the big retail giants.

Outreach has changed a lot too.

You can’t just blast the same email to 200 journos, sit back, and watch the links flow in.

It’s a game of cat and mouse, and (sometimes frustratingly) we have to do the hard work for ’em by tweaking our content so that it’s bespoke and relevant for each publication.

The alliance between PRs and SEOs, especially at agencies, is stronger than ever. Agencies need personal people who can establish long term relationships with the key influencers in the right niches, as much as they need competent SEOs who can establish the right link building strategy for the client.

SF PR Manager Amy carries me every day.

Link building in 2020 is no easy feat, but it’s definitely still undervalued by a lot of brands. Work with the people who value it and you will still succeed.

3. Not Everything Has Changed

Despite the doom and gloom of those timely and well targeted yearly SEO prediction lists:

Google is still the dominant search engine.

Voice search still hasn’t transformed the landscape.

The Yahoo! Toolbar still exists.

Most content still isn’t video.

Users still trust organic results more than ads.

People still use ‘content is king’ in blog posts.

The Apple Watch didn’t transform local SEO… why would it have..?

The web isn’t 100% AMP and all held ransom in some dark Google-owned server.

There will come a time when SEOs no longer post memes on Twitter, but it is not this day.

You can’t (yet) automate good SEO.

I still have much to learn.

Hindsight still makes writing history easy.

Even in a global pandemic we keep getting results, attending virtual SEO conferences, and Friday beer o’clock is stronger than ever.

The Screaming Frog ‘Guess That WFH Desk!’ Quiz. Hours of fun.

4. Tech SEOs Have Had to Understand People Too

As with the macarena at the year 6 disco, algorithms are getting more complex, and so must our work to keep up with the crowd.

After real-time Penguin 4.0 launched in October 2016, Google’s fight against spam was largely over. They then turned their attention to improving how they understand website quality.

The speed and mobile friendliness revolutions have come and gone. Moves toward ‘page experience’ will be the next battleground, and this time they’ve been kind enough to give us a heads-up.

SEOs need to go beyond reviewing copy and 301 redirects if they want to stay ahead of the game.

We now need to be working with in-house marketing teams, designers, and developers to ensure that site design moving forward not only satisfies technical best practices, but also improves on what’s offered by competing sites to deliver a superior experience for users.

Searcher intent too, especially post-Medic Update, is an area that Google’s gotten much better at.

Through properly researching what sort of content is ranking for generic keywords that were previously exclusively ‘commercial’ or ‘informational’, we can do a better job of serving users exactly what they’re after.

Google often discuss the importance of ‘Micro-Moments’, which are the most crucial ways users interact with search before they take an action which might be beneficial to your business. There are four main micro-moments that Google highlights:

I want to know- about ways I can find love

I want to do- a course on writing persuasive text for billboards

I want to buy- a billboard to advertise that I’m single

I want to go- to the best bar in town with my date

If you’re only going for landing pages around ‘I want to buy’ then you’re missing out on a lot of your potential customer’s time and attention.

Google have always pushed that we should build sites for users. Previously you could skirt around this with black/grey hat techniques- but in 2020 it’s next to impossible to see long-term success without just focusing on what will make users happy.

5. You’re (Still) All A Bunch of Legends

This list has been a little depressing.

But the only reason SEO is becoming more challenging is because everyone in the industry is maturing and getting smarter.

And that’s largely due to the crazy amount of collaboration and support given out, even amongst rival agencies and freelancers.

Whether it’s detailed analysis, actionable advice, creative inspiration, inclusive career support, or ideas for blog posts to rip off, SEOs have always gone above and beyond to support each other. And a lot of it is free.

(But no, I will not update this post to give you a link. That’s where I draw the line.)

Frogs after a long day of drinking up knowledge at our fave conference

My IT teacher told 15 yr old me: “Most of you lot will have jobs that haven’t been invented yet.”

At the time I thought that was nonsense, but now I am a (Senior) Search Engine Optimisation Manager. That was never a thing before!!

For a young industry with not much in terms of ‘official’ recognition, it’s humbling to see the staggering amounts of resources, talks, and blogs available to help newcomers learn and improve on what has been written already. I can only imagine where we’ll be in another five years time. Especially on the meme front.

My dad’s an accountant. Can you imagine a bunch of accountants on Brighton pier sharing ideas over a beer?

Neither can I.

The post Five Ways SEO Has Changed In the Last Five Years appeared first on Screaming Frog.

[shirlleycoyle]

Coronavirus Is a Golden Age for People Sucking Their Own Dicks

Welcome to Rule 34, a series in which Motherboard’s Samantha Cole lovingly explores the highly specific fetishes that can be found on the web. If you’ve thought of it, someone’s jerked off to it.

The links in this article may be considered NSFW.

*

Reddit user 6monthsuck is determined to put his time in social isolation due to the coronavirus pandemic to good use. Some of us are back into yoga now. Others are coping with homemade bread. A lot of people are suddenly super into regrowing scallions. Some are hard at work making unfulfilled horniness their whole personalities.

6monthsuck is using this time to try to suck his own dick.

"A lot of people in quarantine are two things: bored and horny," he told me in a direct message. "I'm no different. Self sucking seems to exist where those things intersect."

He recently came across r/autofellatio, a subreddit dedicated to the art of sucking yourself off, and remembered that he was nearly able to reach his own penis with his mouth when he was a teen. But he didn't keep stretching, and never quite got there.

Now, he's trying—as you might have already guessed based on his username—to suck his own dick within six months.

"Being able to do it requires a lot of stretching and most people aren't able to fit that into their usual routines. Lockdown is a pretty good opportunity to put in the time… I thought, this time, I'd try again," he said.

Once the stuff of urban legends, auto-fellatio—the act of sucking one's own dick—is much more popular than most people realize. If all you knew about it was the mythology of Marilyn Manson's removed ribs, or that Saturday Night Live skit where Will Ferrell discovers his talent in yoga class, you're missing an entire subculture of self-pleasure. It's not only possible for many people to reach their own dick with their face, but also suck, and even deep-throat themselves to completion.

"Through infinity to a new world"

Historically, the practice of auto-fellatio goes back thousands of years. Images of gods sucking their own dicks in plow poses are inscribed in the Book of the Dead of Henuttawy, possibly as symbols of potency and power. In medieval literature, depictions of people self-sucking were placed alongside images of anal sex, bestiality, and masturbation, possibly as reminders from the Christian church that sex without procreation was sinful and shameful.

Auto-fellatio has a long cultural history in modern times, too, mostly as mythos (in Manson's case) or homophobic or shock-value jokes. In the 70s and 80s, we have Ron Jeremy's famous ability to tongue-tickle his own dick. Porn star Vito Aras—known as Dr. Infinity—jumped up on a desk and threw his legs up over his head to suck his own dick in the 1975 film Every Inch a Lady, and went on to profess the wonders of self-sucking to anyone who'd listen, including in an interview in National Screw a year later.

“The release of sperm from yourself into yourself becomes the energy which can lead to infinity,” Aras said. “Self-generating energy will allow you to be anything you want. Through sucking on my own cock, I have created a human condition that is very stimulating… Control of one’s sperm leads to infinity, and through infinity to a new world.”

It's a belief system that's the inverse of what we see from groups like NoFap today: That sperm is an energy to be harnessed and used. But instead of repression, release. Into one's own face.

These larger than life figures paved the way for Al Eingang, one of the most prolific champions of self-suck content online, to help move the practice from mythical ability to something anyone might be able to do—or at least strive toward.

"It is its own, unique and enthralling thing."

Eingang, the creator and administrator of Solosuck.com, a platform for selling his videos as well as a repository of guides, resources, and active forums for students of self-suck since the mid-90s, has been able to suck his own dick since he was "10 or 11 years old," he said. It was as natural to him as using his hand. He said a genetic condition with a side effect of making him extra-flexible has also made it extra-easy to slip his own penis into his mouth since puberty.

Years later, people would write him letters calling him a god.

"Imagine having someone giving you head who can feel every sensation that you're feeling, so they can adjust what they're doing to provide you with perfect stimulation," Eingang told me. "There's a kind of feedback loop in action that can lead to long, deeply satisfying edging sessions. I can bring myself to the edge, and then just use the tip of my tongue on the most sensitive parts of my cock to gently keep me on the crest of the orgasm wave without tipping over into a full, final orgasm, for a really long time."

Eingang shot his first video, "A Young Man From Nantucket" in 1987, on a friend's Hi8 camcorder—the top of the line, at the time—and produced the whole thing himself, from filming the scene to editing in-camera. He mailed the tape to a few gay skin magazines, and the reviews came back breathless. Producers and directors from Christopher Rage to groups like the long-running jackoff club New York Jacks started asking him to collaborate on new content.

"At the time that I started doing it, there basically was no internet, there was no World Wide Web," Eingang said. "So when I started doing the videos, I thought, a small number of people will see it and it's never really going to have that big an effect on my life."

But as soon as the internet arrived in ubiquity, he started finding images of himself from the videos he'd made for those magazine reviewers, posted online.

"I decided, well, I guess this is happening, so I might as well put myself out there on the web." He started solosuck.com in the mid-90s, and has been running it ever since. "A Young Man From Nantucket" is still for sale on his site—and people still buy it.

Since the world went into social isolation, Eingang said he's seen a big uptick in video sales from his site. He hasn't made a new video since the 90s, but people are seeking out his content now—which he attributes to people being alone during lockdown.

"For me, it's not a substitute for sex with other people (which I love)—it is its own, unique and enthralling thing," he said.

On Reddit's r/autofellatio forum, which has more than 38,000 members, the increase in isolation-themed threads and posts by people trying it for the first time paints a picture of bored and horny guys putting their time spent alone to use.

"Aiming to selfsuck during this quarantine. Any pro tips for a beginner?" one user asks. "Just the tip! But plenty of time to practice in isolation," another wrote, with a photo of them reaching toward their erect penis. Others comment encouragement or suggestions: "Nice! You'll get there… practice makes perfect!" "Fuck yeh bro great work! Keep posting that progress :)"

"'Now, I'm seeing that maybe I am a total freak and a weirdo, but so are most other people. So I can feel okay about it.'"

On the forums at Solosuck, which has been running continuously for decades, people similarly trade advice and show off their skills and progress. There's crossover between Reddit and Eingang's solosuck.com community, where guys will refer Redditors to the dedicated self-suck forum for continued mentorship. It's a place where enthusiasts can find community and camaraderie, an escape from a society that otherwise might label them as gross or weird.

"One thing that I've just heard over and over again, and all the decades I've been doing it is, 'This has helped me to calm down… to figure out, well, I thought I was a total freak and a weirdo,'" Eingang said. "'Now, I'm seeing that maybe I am a total freak and a weirdo, but so are most other people. So I can feel okay about it.'"

How to suck your own dick: A brief guide

Reaching your own dick is a practice of patience.

"It's absolutely not going to happen overnight, and I think people often resort to brute force to try and bend their spine the sufficient amount," 6monthsuck said. "A good stretching routine done daily for a few weeks will provide you with noticeable progress, so I'd say give that a go and see how you feel afterwards."

Yoga videos for flexibility and long, warm baths have been 6monthsuck's strategy in the two weeks since his journey began, and he says he's gone from being four inches away from his penis, to about two inches.

Another member of r/autofellatio and a longtime moderator on the Solosuck forums, who goes by blacksunshineaz, said it took him months to get back to being able to just kiss the tip of his penis now, in his late 20's, like he could in his early teens. He recommends yoga and pilates, but also cautions people from rushing into it.

"Making contact for the first time is magical but you still need to get another inch or two deeper to actually be sucking it," he said. "Sadly, after all the years I've been practicing I don't think I'll get there."

"Practice very, very slowly, and explore different positions," Eingang said. "Be very, very careful about injuring yourself and just enjoy the journey as much as possible. It doesn't really matter how you get with it, as long as you're enjoying it."

It should go without saying, but be mentally ready for the finale. As former VICE writer Brian Moylan noted when he wrote on this topic in 2012 (in an article that became one of the most-read VICE has ever published), the sensation of cumming in one's mouth might be new to straight men, especially. One might think that this is the logical ending to what someone reaching their lips toward their own penis would expect, but for some guys, it's sort of like a dog that's finally caught its tail.

The mix of emotion and confusion from men who've never tasted jizz of any kind, let alone their own, is a common concern throughout auto-fellatio forums. For some "straight-ish men," Eingang said, an interesting moment of introspection happens. "They're like, 'I've got this dick in my mouth, it's my dick, but actually really enjoying this and kind of wondering what it'd be like to have somebody else's dick in my mouth.'"

That questioning is a natural part of exploring what turns you on, but for guys who previously thought of themselves as unflinchingly heterosexual, finding yourself enjoying a dick in your mouth is bound to be a little confusing at first.

A misplaced connection to sexual preference is at the root of a lot of the misunderstandings people have about self-suck, blacksunshineaz said. "A lot of guys worry about their sexuality for wanting to do this. 'Am I gay?' they ask. This is simply an advanced form of masturbation so your sexual orientation is irrelevant. A lot of people think the act is impossible, even though it isn't difficult to find proof it actually is." Most of the guys on auto-fellatio forums identify as straight, he said.

"In my view, the biggest thing people get wrong is actually believing that auto-fellatio is a kink at all," 6monthsuck said. "If everybody had really flexible spines, it would probably just be a standard form of masturbation. There's a reason why most men have at some point tried to suck their own dick, because they want to know what it would feel like." For him, it has nothing to do with sexuality, but with pleasuring himself in a novel way.

As more people find themselves alone with their own dicks and all the time in the world, places like Solosuck and r/autofellatio will only become more important for people asking these questions about themselves. And when they find those communities, they'll likely discover a place where others cheers them on.

"I'm always thrilled to know that I'm bringing more orgasms into the world," Eingang said of his decades of work with Solosuck. "In a complicated world, there are very few things that I feel are 100 percent, really wonderful… It really is just humans being the weird animals that we are."

Coronavirus Is a Golden Age for People Sucking Their Own Dicks syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[the-seductor-mastery]

What's The Difference Between Aesthetic And Sexual Attraction. MELISSA LOVITZ | 09.2.16 12:00AM MELISLOV SHARE If you fully understand all the facets of attraction you deserve a vigorous round of applause, and maybe even a medal – you definitely deserve a sticker. Dissecting the complicated expectations, interpretations, and lived experiences of attraction can be likened to successfully navigating through a complex labyrinth. However, what I’m about to tell you isn’t new or earth-shattering information: Sexual attraction is not the only type of physical attraction, AND aesthetic attraction is not the same as sexual attraction! *cue overly dramatic sound effects* To be sure we’re all on the same page here, I define “attraction” as qualities or actions that entice desirability, liking, or appeal for something or someone. E.g. “In this article, I’m going to share some ideas about the difference between qualities or actions that entice sexual or aesthetic desirability, liking, or appeal toward something or someone.” As a verb, “attract” or “attracted to” means to cause someone (or something) to have a sexual or aesthetic interest toward another thing. E.g. “I am caused to have an interest in another person because of their specific aesthetic attributes.” To further clarify, I define “aesthetic attraction” as something that is associated with strictly an appreciation for one’s appearance. For example, it’s “wow that person has a great butt, and that’s aesthetically appealing to me”. It’s not, “wow that person is so hot; I want to jump in bed with them, and rip off their clothes right now.” The latter is what I would refer to as “sexual attraction”, and to be clear, non-physical features can also entice sexual attraction. It’s necessary to note that someone may be sexually attracted to another person yet they may not have any sexual desire toward that person. Conversely, someone may have sexual desires that do not arouse an interest in partnered, “traditional” sexual activity. Still with me? Okay, good!   If we do not take the time to parse out the different types of physical attraction in detail, our expectations for relationships and sexuality may be limiting and divisive.     Because if that was not confusing enough, there are other types of physical attraction, too. For example, “sensual attraction”; which is a desire to be physically intimate with someone yet not sexually intimate. Interestingly, and tangentially related to sensual attraction, research shows that sensual needs are practically innate. Most babies need caring or intimate touch to thrive, and develop positively both physically and mentally. Additionally, skin hunger in adults is associated with increased stress and blood pressure.  Finally, there are absolutely more types of attraction that extend beyond the realm of physical attraction, and these attractions manifest differently for every person. Surprisingly, I’ve never said aloud, “I am asexual” (I’ve written it several times), but I have had many conversations with romantic partners about my preferences, and interests. To say the least, “dating while asexual” can be complicated! In a heterosexual world, there are no social scripts to follow in non-sexual, romantic relationships. I often struggle to figure out what makes my romantic relationships different from a good friendship, and what significant moments mark "progress" or growth in a romantic relationship- in lieu of a first kiss for example. This is jump up and down, while flailing my arms, kicking, and screaming frustrating to me! I expected that the lack of a social script would be liberating, but instead it’s so confusing. I routinely feel invalidated and inferior in my romantic relationships – as if they’re missing something vital. Sexual people typically equate physical attraction, dating, and sexual intimacy. For me, sexual intimacy is not necessary for a relationship to be more than platonic; yet I experience aesthetic attraction often. This idea is aptly, and concisely, described, in a video about asexuality featured on Riley J Dennis’ YouTube page. Milo says, “I would not want to be sexually intimate with someone. I can appreciate their beauty [and physical features], but I don’t need to do anything else.” I share that sentiment, but I should of course mention that each person experiences dating and sexuality differently – this is simply one perspective. If we do not take the time to parse out the different types of physical attraction in detail, our expectations for relationships and sexuality may be limiting and divisive. The assumption that just because someone is attracted to someone in an aesthetic sense means they want to have sex with them is exclusive and narrow. To put this in another, perhaps more familiar, context, lesbian women may find several women’s physical features attractive, yet they’re not interested in sleeping with every person whose body they admire. Similarly, heterosexual girls may ogle at a man’s body and appreciate his physique without necessarily inviting him into the bedroom on a first date. The rhetoric of mutual exclusivity in terms of how physical attraction is enacted – i.e., sex – makes it difficult for other relationships marked by different types of sexual desire to be considered legitimate. Sexual attraction is not the only type of physical attraction. Physical attraction can include aesthetic, sensual, or sexual, attraction (among others depending on personal preference). No type of physical attraction is required for the other to be present, or for a relationship to be legitimized.  If you like this article, please share it! Your clicks keep us alive! FACEBOOK TWITTER PINTEREST Tags:  attraction, phsyical attraction, sexual attraction, asexuality, Sex Life is hard, but it's better when you're not alone. Sign up for our newsletter and get our Self-Care and Solidarity eBook just because we love you! Email address SUBSCRIBE   ARTICLES YOU'LL LOVE Ask Erin: How Do I Stop My Feelings For Someone Other Than My Boyfriend? My Friend-With-Benefits Isn’t Even My Friend Are You A Sapiophile? Here’s How To Know… Is It Because I'm Fat? How Internalized Shame Impacts Intimacy Dear Sex Position Articles, GTFO Of My Newsfeed​ Take The Cake: Mean Fat Babe Domme Beats Up Bill Pullman In “The Sinner” (AND I LOVE IT) LATEST ON RAVISHLY Ask Erin: My Fiancé Ghosted Me ERIN KHAR A Pride Survival Guide For Newly Out Queers CORINNE KAI What The Mother Of A School Shooting Victim Taught Me About Parenthood LOREN KLEINMAN Kids' Mental Health Tools For Suicide Help, Coping Skills, And Professional Support COMMON SENSE MEDIA 15 Online "Camps" Fill Kids' Summer with Learning Adventures COMMON SENSE MEDIA MORE FROM MELISSA LOVITZ 5 Communication Strategies That Will Improve Your Relationships What's The Difference Between Aesthetic And Sexual Attraction? When Every Day Is Controlled By Time Having Two Breast Reductions Didn't Make Me Happier   mommamental It’s Okay For Your Kids To Say No To Things ask erin Ask Erin: My Fiancé Ghosted Me #ocdame Using Tarot To Work Through Trauma long reads Coming Out In A Sea Of Homophobes take the cake Take The Cake: On International Women’s Day I Celebrate The 31% Stock Plummet of WW ABOUT RAVISHLY Welcome to Ravishly, where we celebrate the mess of being human. A community for sharing what makes us tick, what ticks us off, plus pictures of our dogs (or cats – inclusivity is important). We laugh. We cry. We do it all together.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 66, August 2017

“Whether we’re overcoming adversity, surviving trauma, or dealing with stress and anxiety, having a sense of purpose, meaning and perspective in our lives allows us to develop understanding and move forward.”                                                                                   The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown (p. 74)

On Monday morning, I attended my Healthy Cooking on a Budget class at Balla Balla Community Centre in Cranbourne East. Today’s class was much smaller than usual probably due to the wet weather outside. Despite my usual levels of social anxiety and nerves, I was actually feeling a lot more productive and prepared today compared to last week. I was determined to get more involved and having encouragement from Kevin and Jodie certainly helped me a lot.

Today we made some profiteroles and some gougere with the choux pastry as a base. Most of the work involved using a saucepan to combine ingredients and a wooden spoon to stir them vigorously together. It was tricky at times because I’m generally not a fast stirrer and I had to consciously try to increase my speed. At least I had Kevin that I could alternate tasks with. We had to make a seperate chocolate ganache mixture as well as a chocolate filling for the choux pastry.

We also made a savoury alternative by combining bacon pieces, onion, chopped parsley, grated cheese and mustard with the choux pastry mixture. I was a bit rusty with the piping bag as I haven’t done it in so long but the puffs turned out pretty well in the oven. We dipped each of the puffs in the chocolate ganache and then filled each one with the chocolate filling.

On Monday night, I attended an RPM class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. I was feeling restless, drained and exhausted all day from lack of sleep and allowing people to drag me down over social media. So I really needed this class just to clear my head and hopefully boost my positive energy levels back up. Tonight’s class was run by instructor Claire who was really fired up, loud and motivating.

We cycled along to release number 60 which featured tracks including Rhianna’s Diamonds, One Republic’s If I Lose Myself, Rudimental’s Not Giving In and Andy Grammer’s Miss Me. There were a few sprint sections, some intense interval training and easy ride parts. It wasn’t my best or fastest RPM performance but I really put a lot of effort in especially during the last few tracks. My glutes, hips and groin were all starting to feel it so clearly I was still working hard in tonight’s class. http://www.totallylesmills.com/site...

On Tuesday morning, I went to my Flow Yoga class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. I was still feeling a bit sore from yesterday but thankfully yoga is really good for joint mobility and releasing tension so I needed this class today. Instructor Michelle guided us through various poses including Flowing Sequences (Downward Facing Dog, Knee to Nose, Crescent Lunge), Balancing (Eagle pose, Stork pose, Aeroplane pose, Warrior 3) and Inversions (Shoulder Stand, Fish pose).

Michelle spoke about the power of listening, both to yourself and others. This helps to improve your mindfulness skills, mental concentration and quieting the mind. Our meditation today focused on paying attention to the different sounds inside and outside of the group fitness room (the music, Michelle’s voice, your breath, conversations, environmental noises). http://soundmeditation.com/portfoli...

On Wednesday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. I’ve honestly come a long way in the six months I’ve been training with Luke this year. I’ve struggled to find a sense of belonging and acceptance at UFT PLAYgrounds. I’ve struggled with how I’ve felt about myself. I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, fears, loneliness and overthinking. And now I’ve pushed myself into a much more positive headspace. The physical and mental struggle has definitely been worth it.

Of course that doesn’t mean my mental illness has instantly banished. It just means that I’m able to cope with it better and use strategies to get on top of it. I’m making more of an effort to say hello and break the ice with some of the other trainers. I’m making more of an effort to connect better with Luke during my sessions. I’m learning to be okay with silence, with not having much to say, with making mistakes, with not knowing what I’m doing and most importantly, with being myself.

WARM-UP...Today I started my session by doing 20 Scorpion stretches, 2 rounds of pretzel stretches on each side of the body and 3 rounds of 8 reps single arm kettle bell lifts with leg balance. This was probably the most difficult in terms of co-ordination, body position and keeping my balance but I still managed to finish them.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I did 5 rounds of 8 deadlifts at 70kg. During the warm-up run, I was starting to feel soreness and pinching through my lower back. Past Michael would have suffered and put up with it for fear of rejection. But I knew I had to speak up about it. This was the “potential for injury” kind of pain and thankfully Luke took it seriously. It certainly not something I would lie about nor was it me playing the “poor me” card.

So I ended up doing some foam rolling and additional stretches into my lower back and glutes using the rubber ball and my own body weight. This helped loosen up the tightness in my muscles and when I resumed doing the deadlifts, my lower back felt much better. Initially my form and technique was a little off and I was doing the reps too quickly. However, with some conscious awareness, I managed to improve my deadlifts and make them more controlled. It’s all practice and I’m still proud of my efforts today.

I finished my session off by doing some more foam rolling and a few yoga stretches including Downward Facing Dog and Cobra pose, holding each of these for strength and endurance. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...

On Thursday night, I went to my Water Workout class at YMCA Casey RACE in Cranbourne. Arriving a few minutes early, I decided to jump in the spa and use the jets to relieve the tension and soreness in my lower back (plus perve on a few guys because why not :P) before starting the class. Tonight’s class was facilitated by instructor Mary who had a very witty and sarcastic sense of humour.

We did the usual combination of underwater exercises and movements including pendulum, rock n’ roll, jogging, digging and pushing away the water, ski slopes, star jumps and tuck jumps. We also used the dumb bells to do some doggy paddling both forwards and backwards. I’m slowly gaining confidence in this area of swimming and I managed to keep my head above water and kicking my legs fast for power. It felt really good about myself. https://fitness.edu.au/the-fitness-...

On Friday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. My session today was all about having the courage and belief in myself to speak up without fear. I wanted to update my current fitness goals to incorporate some new movements including Snatches and Muscle Ups/Pull Ups. I also wanted to develop and improve upon other movements including Pushups and Box Jumps. Thankfully Luke was very receptive to my suggestions and changing up my program a bit in the future.

WARM-UP...Today’s warm up exercises included my usual Y-stretch into the upper body and shoulders, lying down on the bench with arms extended out behind me. I also did 3 rounds of 10 single arm dumb bell rows at 25kg. This was pretty tough for me particularly when I got to the 8th rep or so. I was fatiguing quickly and struggled to lift the dumb bell all the way up to my armpit. But as always, I did my best and rested when necessary.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I did a dumb bell bench press exercise with two 10kg weights. Getting the movement and technique down was probably the most difficult part but I did improve over time. I’m learning not to get myself easily distracted by external noises as well. Just focus on what you’re doing and stay in the present moment.

WORKOUT...Today’s workout was another really tough one but I decided that I was up for the challenge. I had to do three rounds of the following: 15 cal on the assault bike, 15 ring rows, 15 box jumps and 15 push ups. The last two exercises were the most difficult for me. I do have some anxiety going into the box jumps but at least Luke made the height realistic and achievable. I basically just pretended that my shoes were like rockets and I exploded up onto the box. My fear of tripping over and potentially hurting myself quickly disintegrated. This is exactly how you build confidence and work towards improvement.

The push ups were also really hard but only because my arm muscles were burning a lot from the other exercises. But I do feel like I am getting better at them. In time, I’ll be able to work up to a full push up position but for now, doing them on my knees is more than enough for me. I ended up completing the three rounds in 13 minutes and 40 seconds.

Later that day, I attended the Morning Melodies social function at Waltzing Matilda Hotel in Springvale. Today’s entertainer was Sandie Dodd who played tribute to Dolly Parton. She was dressed up in a 60’s styled blonde wig, a glittering red dress and matching red studded stilettos. She was extremely funny and even pulled out some dance moves and a Dolly-esque Southern accent. She performed many of Dolly’s classic country hits including Silver Threads and Golden Needles, To Daddy, Coat of Many Colours, Here You Come Again, Joellene, Ya’ll Come and 9 to 5. https://www.reverbnation.com/sandie...

On Friday night, I attended the first Full Moon meditation class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. The staff had spaced out blue and black yoga mats to fill the entire group fitness room with a tealight candle, questionnaire and small purple inspiration card placed down at each mat. Everyone who attended could bring their own blankets, pillows, jumpers and whatever else they needed to make themselves warm and comfortable.

The guided meditation was facilitated by instructor Michelle who also teaches yoga and pilates classes. Part of it was a progressive muscle relaxation, releasing tension, negative emotions and toxins from various areas of the body. The other part was more of a visualisation. The imagery consisted of a Japanese Garden and a temple which we mentally explored during the meditation. I always seem to feel lighter after meditating, especially when it’s done in a group environment.

After tonight, the Full Moon meditation classes will be running every month at Casey Arc and every second Friday at Casey Race. I truly hope that it takes off and brings a lot of members together. http://www.caseyarc.ymca.org.au/eve...

“I’ve gotta stop my mind, working overtime, it’s driving me insane. It will not let me live. Always so negative. It’s become my enemy. And none of these thoughts are real. So why is it that I feel so cut up and so bad? I need to take control ‘cause my mind is on a roll and it isn’t listening to me.” Jem - Save Me (2004)

“Don’t be embarrassed, don’t be afraid. Don’t let your dreams slip away. It's determination and using your gift. Everybody has a gift. Never give up, never let it die. Trust your instincts and most importantly. You’ve got nothing to lose. So just go for it.”                                        Jem - It’s Amazing (2008)

[shirlleycoyle]

Coronavirus Is a Golden Age for People Sucking Their Own Dicks

Welcome to Rule 34, a series in which Motherboard’s Samantha Cole lovingly explores the highly specific fetishes that can be found on the web. If you’ve thought of it, someone’s jerked off to it.

The links in this article may be considered NSFW.

*

Reddit user 6monthsuck is determined to put his time in social isolation due to the coronavirus pandemic to good use. Some of us are back into yoga now. Others are coping with homemade bread. A lot of people are suddenly super into regrowing scallions. Some are hard at work making unfulfilled horniness their whole personalities.

6monthsuck is using this time to try to suck his own dick.

"A lot of people in quarantine are two things: bored and horny," he told me in a direct message. "I'm no different. Self sucking seems to exist where those things intersect."

He recently came across r/autofellatio, a subreddit dedicated to the art of sucking yourself off, and remembered that he was nearly able to reach his own penis with his mouth when he was a teen. But he didn't keep stretching, and never quite got there.

Now, he's trying—as you might have already guessed based on his username—to suck his own dick within six months.

"Being able to do it requires a lot of stretching and most people aren't able to fit that into their usual routines. Lockdown is a pretty good opportunity to put in the time… I thought, this time, I'd try again," he said.

Once the stuff of urban legends, auto-fellatio—the act of sucking one's own dick—is much more popular than most people realize. If all you knew about it was the mythology of Marilyn Manson's removed ribs, or that Saturday Night Live skit where Will Ferrell discovers his talent in yoga class, you're missing an entire subculture of self-pleasure. It's not only possible for many people to reach their own dick with their face, but also suck, and even deep-throat themselves to completion.

"Through infinity to a new world"

Historically, the practice of auto-fellatio goes back thousands of years. Images of gods sucking their own dicks in plow poses are inscribed in the Book of the Dead of Henuttawy, possibly as symbols of potency and power. In medieval literature, depictions of people self-sucking were placed alongside images of anal sex, bestiality, and masturbation, possibly as reminders from the Christian church that sex without procreation was sinful and shameful.

Auto-fellatio has a long cultural history in modern times, too, mostly as mythos (in Manson's case) or homophobic or shock-value jokes. In the 70s and 80s, we have Ron Jeremy's famous ability to tongue-tickle his own dick. Porn star Vito Aras—known as Dr. Infinity—jumped up on a desk and threw his legs up over his head to suck his own dick in the 1975 film Every Inch a Lady, and went on to profess the wonders of self-sucking to anyone who'd listen, including in an interview in National Screw a year later.

“The release of sperm from yourself into yourself becomes the energy which can lead to infinity,” Aras said. “Self-generating energy will allow you to be anything you want. Through sucking on my own cock, I have created a human condition that is very stimulating… Control of one’s sperm leads to infinity, and through infinity to a new world.”

It's a belief system that's the inverse of what we see from groups like NoFap today: That sperm is an energy to be harnessed and used. But instead of repression, release. Into one's own face.

These larger than life figures paved the way for Al Eingang, one of the most prolific champions of self-suck content online, to help move the practice from mythical ability to something anyone might be able to do—or at least strive toward.

"It is its own, unique and enthralling thing."

Eingang, the creator and administrator of Solosuck.com, a platform for selling his videos as well as a repository of guides, resources, and active forums for students of self-suck since the mid-90s, has been able to suck his own dick since he was "10 or 11 years old," he said. It was as natural to him as using his hand. He said a genetic condition with a side effect of making him extra-flexible has also made it extra-easy to slip his own penis into his mouth since puberty.

Years later, people would write him letters calling him a god.

"Imagine having someone giving you head who can feel every sensation that you're feeling, so they can adjust what they're doing to provide you with perfect stimulation," Eingang told me. "There's a kind of feedback loop in action that can lead to long, deeply satisfying edging sessions. I can bring myself to the edge, and then just use the tip of my tongue on the most sensitive parts of my cock to gently keep me on the crest of the orgasm wave without tipping over into a full, final orgasm, for a really long time."

Eingang shot his first video, "A Young Man From Nantucket" in 1987, on a friend's Hi8 camcorder—the top of the line, at the time—and produced the whole thing himself, from filming the scene to editing in-camera. He mailed the tape to a few gay skin magazines, and the reviews came back breathless. Producers and directors from Christopher Rage to groups like the long-running jackoff club New York Jacks started asking him to collaborate on new content.

"At the time that I started doing it, there basically was no internet, there was no World Wide Web," Eingang said. "So when I started doing the videos, I thought, a small number of people will see it and it's never really going to have that big an effect on my life."

But as soon as the internet arrived in ubiquity, he started finding images of himself from the videos he'd made for those magazine reviewers, posted online.

"I decided, well, I guess this is happening, so I might as well put myself out there on the web." He started solosuck.com in the mid-90s, and has been running it ever since. "A Young Man From Nantucket" is still for sale on his site—and people still buy it.

Since the world went into social isolation, Eingang said he's seen a big uptick in video sales from his site. He hasn't made a new video since the 90s, but people are seeking out his content now—which he attributes to people being alone during lockdown.

"For me, it's not a substitute for sex with other people (which I love)—it is its own, unique and enthralling thing," he said.

On Reddit's r/autofellatio forum, which has more than 38,000 members, the increase in isolation-themed threads and posts by people trying it for the first time paints a picture of bored and horny guys putting their time spent alone to use.

"Aiming to selfsuck during this quarantine. Any pro tips for a beginner?" one user asks. "Just the tip! But plenty of time to practice in isolation," another wrote, with a photo of them reaching toward their erect penis. Others comment encouragement or suggestions: "Nice! You'll get there… practice makes perfect!" "Fuck yeh bro great work! Keep posting that progress :)"

"'Now, I'm seeing that maybe I am a total freak and a weirdo, but so are most other people. So I can feel okay about it.'"

On the forums at Solosuck, which has been running continuously for decades, people similarly trade advice and show off their skills and progress. There's crossover between Reddit and Eingang's solosuck.com community, where guys will refer Redditors to the dedicated self-suck forum for continued mentorship. It's a place where enthusiasts can find community and camaraderie, an escape from a society that otherwise might label them as gross or weird.

"One thing that I've just heard over and over again, and all the decades I've been doing it is, 'This has helped me to calm down… to figure out, well, I thought I was a total freak and a weirdo,'" Eingang said. "'Now, I'm seeing that maybe I am a total freak and a weirdo, but so are most other people. So I can feel okay about it.'"

How to suck your own dick: A brief guide

Reaching your own dick is a practice of patience.

"It's absolutely not going to happen overnight, and I think people often resort to brute force to try and bend their spine the sufficient amount," 6monthsuck said. "A good stretching routine done daily for a few weeks will provide you with noticeable progress, so I'd say give that a go and see how you feel afterwards."

Yoga videos for flexibility and long, warm baths have been 6monthsuck's strategy in the two weeks since his journey began, and he says he's gone from being four inches away from his penis, to about two inches.

Another member of r/autofellatio and a longtime moderator on the Solosuck forums, who goes by blacksunshineaz, said it took him months to get back to being able to just kiss the tip of his penis now, in his late 20's, like he could in his early teens. He recommends yoga and pilates, but also cautions people from rushing into it.

"Making contact for the first time is magical but you still need to get another inch or two deeper to actually be sucking it," he said. "Sadly, after all the years I've been practicing I don't think I'll get there."

"Practice very, very slowly, and explore different positions," Eingang said. "Be very, very careful about injuring yourself and just enjoy the journey as much as possible. It doesn't really matter how you get with it, as long as you're enjoying it."

It should go without saying, but be mentally ready for the finale. As former VICE writer Brian Moylan noted when he wrote on this topic in 2012 (in an article that became one of the most-read VICE has ever published), the sensation of cumming in one's mouth might be new to straight men, especially. One might think that this is the logical ending to what someone reaching their lips toward their own penis would expect, but for some guys, it's sort of like a dog that's finally caught its tail.

The mix of emotion and confusion from men who've never tasted jizz of any kind, let alone their own, is a common concern throughout auto-fellatio forums. For some "straight-ish men," Eingang said, an interesting moment of introspection happens. "They're like, 'I've got this dick in my mouth, it's my dick, but actually really enjoying this and kind of wondering what it'd be like to have somebody else's dick in my mouth.'"

That questioning is a natural part of exploring what turns you on, but for guys who previously thought of themselves as unflinchingly heterosexual, finding yourself enjoying a dick in your mouth is bound to be a little confusing at first.

A misplaced connection to sexual preference is at the root of a lot of the misunderstandings people have about self-suck, blacksunshineaz said. "A lot of guys worry about their sexuality for wanting to do this. 'Am I gay?' they ask. This is simply an advanced form of masturbation so your sexual orientation is irrelevant. A lot of people think the act is impossible, even though it isn't difficult to find proof it actually is." Most of the guys on auto-fellatio forums identify as straight, he said.

"In my view, the biggest thing people get wrong is actually believing that auto-fellatio is a kink at all," 6monthsuck said. "If everybody had really flexible spines, it would probably just be a standard form of masturbation. There's a reason why most men have at some point tried to suck their own dick, because they want to know what it would feel like." For him, it has nothing to do with sexuality, but with pleasuring himself in a novel way.

As more people find themselves alone with their own dicks and all the time in the world, places like Solosuck and r/autofellatio will only become more important for people asking these questions about themselves. And when they find those communities, they'll likely discover a place where others cheers them on.

"I'm always thrilled to know that I'm bringing more orgasms into the world," Eingang said of his decades of work with Solosuck. "In a complicated world, there are very few things that I feel are 100 percent, really wonderful… It really is just humans being the weird animals that we are."

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