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tentachicken · 10 years ago

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BOOST PLEASE: A post on PatrickJr (& Charlene Shave)

Okay, I normally would have never done this, but honestly, I’ve been wronged too deeply. I never make these kinds of posts, so let me give a brief. If you don’t want to read this all the way through, just read the tl;dr at the bottom.

Patrick Jr. Caulton, a popular SFM artist for Team Fortress 2, (Patrick-jr on Tumblr, and patrickjr from deviantArt) has emotionally abused and manipulated me, along with his friend and roommate Charlene Shave (charleneshave on Tumblr, minicheddarsx on deviantArt). I’ve been friends with Charlene on steam for a longer time than with Patrick, but I never realized they were together until much later. This story kind of gets long, so I’ll try to make it as concise and simple as possible.

The events of the abuse and the escalation mostly occurred near the end of December of 2014. The reason why I write up this post now? After I telling Patrick to stop talking to me or following me on any social media, somewhat recently he follows me

and makes me realize that I shouldn’t turn a blind eye and try to forget these incidents.

Note: I have seen the callout post on Tumblr previously, and I have defended Patrick on it. This was before I really got to know him, and I’ve talked to the OP who has told me that they have gotten others who have suffered in a similar fashion as I have.

I’ve been following Patrick for some time, but after one interaction on Tumblr, Patrick said I was nice and asked if he could add me on Steam. I said all right! And we were steam friends for a few months. We haven’t spoken much, but we began to talk to each other more in November/December of 2014.

The first time I ever encountered Patrick’s emotional abuse was when one day, he didn’t take his medication for his chronic depression. He never told me about his medical conditions, and never informed me of anything, so how he acted I took in as Patrick being truthful towards me. (which he always prides himself about, oh how truthful he is) I was asking about relationship advice, but he was acting very stone cold, and saying things like “I barely even know you”, and overall acting extremely differently than before, and I got upset. I didn’t know this was Patrick off his meds, remember that.

After that incident, he greeted me and told me how he didn’t have his medication, and how he was acting because of that. I was still really upset, having cried myself full and having an emotional breakdown that night, and exhausted. He gave me a simple apology, saying that it wasn’t really his fault, because of his condition. I was still upset, and saying that he could at least had told me, but Patrick began to get annoyed with me, saying that he already said sorry, and that I should stop talking to him about the incident. Being obedient as I was, I shut my trap.

This incident shows how self-centered Patrick is. He was one of the first people that I came out as being trans to, and told him that I preferred to be referred to with masculine titles or just even neutral ones. That didn’t stop him from calling me “Princess” all the time, despite me telling once or twice about his mistake. He didn’t remember, and would constantly slip up, and I just gave up. However, when I make a mistake, such as laughing like “hue” or using this emoticon “xD” he would get super upset, sighing and guilt tripping me by saying “you know how much I hate that. Why do you always forget? Do you not care about me enough to remember?” Despite HIS OWN mistakes, he is much less forgiving when someone else slips up and makes him uncomfortable. But this attitude crops up in later abuse, just the tip of the problems I had with him to make me finally realize how terrible for me to be friends with him.

Once, I happened to look at old things that reminded me of my ex-friend, who I had known for nearly three years. I shed tears, because he was quite young and I suspected the reason why we don’t talk to each other much could have been avoided or somehow fixed, but whatever. Later, Patrick used this incident (as he was in a skype call at the time, so he knew) to show how “inconsiderate” I was when I was prepared to leave him because of his emotional abuse.

“You cry over a douchebag while you don’t cry for me??” That was legit what he said. He is equating his emotional abuse of an ADULT (mid twenties) to the emotional instability of a thirteen year old that I knew for much longer (mind you I really knew Patrick for only about a month or so). Of course I would care less for Patrick that his friend I knew longer? I tried to explain to him, but he refused to understand.

After this incident, a few days prior to Christmas, I noticed Patrick acting slightly different towards me. He previously would ask me, “How much do you love me? As a friend, I mean.” But in Starbound, he talked about how us playing together was a “date”, and I just said its ok, nothing too strange. Later however, Patrick asked me something I wasn’t really prepared for.

I was shocked, to say the least. Also, I was slightly tipsy from a small drink I had with my parents, so my subsequent replies are perhaps more honest than I would have soberly put it

I never lied about considering dating him. Our age difference beside (him being in his mid/early twenties, me being 17), I don’t really know anything about dating. Just… chilling? I thought. No big deal, right? So I say so.

But later I realize that I had stronger (possibly not romantic, but stronger nevertheless) feelings for another person, who I shall call Friend A. So I honestly tell him. Not as a rejection, but because I thought he had a right to know about things.

Oh boy I was wrong.

When I confronted him, saying that he just wanted to date me all along, he says no. But as you see in his prior messages, you can see, “All I wanted was to love you.”

The grossest thing for me about this scenario is that Patrick, is completely depressed and upset because I may or may not have rejected him. He is prepared to leave me completely, because he thinks his efforts were wasted, because our relationship was platonic/friendship, and not romantic dating. He claims he was crying and depressed, while I was outside, shopping with my parents, stressed and under the influence and crying because I didn’t know how to handle this situation. I’m seventeen years old, never went on a date, all my romantic crushes were flops, and some boy who had a crush on me, when he tried to tell me I completely missed the point and blew him off. My naiveté couldn’t handle what was being thrown to me. I felt I was taken advantage of, really.

ALSO: After this, he went DIRECTLY WENT to Friend A and blabbed to her how I wanted to date her and how she should right now. He went and told her my secret, and if she didn’t know how to take it, it could have completely ruined our relationship. He was that bitter, he wanted to take away the friend that literally saved my life.

A consequential incident that occurred after this directly involved the previously mentioned Friend A. I introduced Friend A to Patrick and Charlene and she consequently became friends with both of them on Steam, Skype, etc. I would talk to her about these incidents, and she would obviously trust me, having known me for longer. She also told me that Patrick would act very whiny towards her, and one time even begged her for items in TF2 (which Patrick denied). She appreciated Patrick’s work just like me; there is no logical reason why she would lie about these things. Over time, she seemed to realize the aura she got from Patrick and Charlene to become very uncomfortable, and eventually after one incident when I was arguing with Patrick, my friend unfrieneded them on Steam. Patrick threw a complete fit over this, blaming me for “losing a friend”, when in reality my friend did not like Patrick at all (she was much more vocal about her dislike than I was actually), and knew how to spot abuse much more clearly than me. Patrick disregarded this and continued to blame me for losing a precious friend, that he in the past can ADMITTED TO BEING JEALOUS OF BECAUSE, get this, He didn’t want to LOSE ME to another person. Another person that I happened to know for over three years. Let that sink in. As I type this out now, I realize how manipulative that sounds.

After dealing with this increasing amount of shit, along with Patrick’s stalker-like confrontations of me being on WhatsApp but not replying to HIS messages, I had to call it quits. I had an emotional breakdown on Christmas, fucking Christmas because of his constant emotional abuse.

(Here he is after the talk, accusing me)

(Here is me sobbing.)

Charlene in this situation also plays a crucial role. I knew her before Patrick, and through out this relationship, I would hope to get support from her when Patrick got upset with me, and for a while, she did support me. I was dead wrong however. After unfriending me on Steam without saying so she added me back only to confront me about how rude and immature I was being to Patrick, and how I was a bitch who didn’t deserve Patrick’s gifts, yadda yadda, more insults, she demanded that I trade her everything I got from Patrick because I didn’t deserve them. I was happy to comply because at this stage I was disgusted with that abusive man, and traded my stuff. During this process of course she would insult me more, but after getting the items she took off and unfriended me. Good riddance, I had thought. I thought it was over.

I was wrong. I had totally forgotten that Patrick demanded to know my Facebook, Skype, WhatsApp, literally all forms of social media I had. After forcibly removing him from my Steam friends (with my choice farewell being “hue XD” silly, I know), he goes and sends a desperate message to me to make me feel guilty. Here is his message on tumblr:

And heres on Facebook:

And heres on WhatsApp:

(Side note: I told him I hated that word)

I also got a message on my Skype, but I forgotten to screen cap that. Also note that Patrick BLOCKED me on Facebook so I couldn’t reply, showing how immature he is. Sending a last message to guilt trip your victim and them blocking them as if you were the victim all along. Charming.

After the waterfall of posts I got, I made a vague post on tumblr telling him to quit it.

Here is Charlene being classy about it.

(So apparently I'm a childish fucker now. Too bad I don't mind.)

So that ends the saga.

So all of these abusive incidents aside, what do I really want to get from this post?

It may be considered as a call out post, but rather a direct point at Patrick, for his wrongdoing he had done. He devastated me, possibly ruined my relationship with my friends, and blamed everything on me. It was MY fault that I upset Charlene and Patrick, and it was MY fault he lost a friend who wasn’t even his friend. I know and believe people can change, and I know this isn’t even the first time Patrick has been accused of emotionally manipulating and abusing those younger than him. I want him to realize that this is not an okay thing to do, and actually try to solve the problems, instead of having the mindset, “Oh, they were wrong, I had no faults.”

Patrick, I want you to learn. I know I’ve been bitter on this post, and I’ve been really wanting to burn you for a long time. Now I realize that it wouldn’t solve anything. I want you to learn from your mistakes, actually face the consequences of those mistakes, and strive to become a better, more honest, person.

Charlene, you too. I’m not immature, I’m seventeen. I still learn. You should know better than to put down people who are more vulnerable than you are. Yet, you do. I hope you can learn.

To people who argue with me, that this abuse I endured isn’t that bad, or isn’t abuse at all, all right. I believed for a very long time that too. But you can believe what you want, and I’ll believe what is right for me.

Tl;dr: Patrick and his friend Charlene have acted wrongly, refused to admit that they have acted wrongly, and in Patrick’s case, have had multiple victims of their abusive actions. I want him to face the reality of his actions, and learn to become a better person as a result. This post is a half callout/half chance for redemption, I’m not sure. I will never accept an apology fro both of them, but I don’t want them to repeat these actions to other people, and get away with it again.

Thank you for reading.

#patrickjr #charleneshave #tf2 #sfm #there i go theres the tags #im done really theres too much stuff i cant fit in but here #whatever

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