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lessonsfrommadamexmas · 4 years ago

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EREN JAEGER AND THE ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6

First of all, to my followers, please excuse me. This account isn’t for SNK but it’s the one I have and I wanted to write this.

Secondly, I hope this post finds the fandom lol. But if you’re expecting this to be another meta to judge Eren’s actions, don’t waste your time. The enneagram is a tool of understanding, not judgement, and I just wanted to share one thing I appreciate immensely about Eren’s characterization.

Well, why don’t we start with chapter 137? There, Zeke states that life’s purpose is to propagate and it’s core fear is to be extinguished. In other words, from the moment we are born, our organisms need to survive. As humans, we are on our own: suddenly, you gotta breathe on your own; the food is no longer provided. Everything is scary. A baby cries because everything is hard and far away and something in their biology tells them to keep fighting to survive.

Now, onto a more spiritual approach. In El Eneagrama de la Sociedad, Claudio Naranjo says that several cultures have their own ideas and tales regarding a disconnection from a primordial state of wholeness. Once born, we become individuals and are separated from the Universe, as if we’re no longer in sync, and something is lost in the process. How can we survive? Our defense mechanisms start with that question. We need love, we need resources and we need to stand our ground in this cruel, but beautiful world. This, on the enneagram, is called “childhood trauma”.

What I want to do in this post is to break down Eren’s character development through the lens of the enneagram, but for that, I need to give you an overview of the system. It is cruel and beautiful, just like the SNK world. It sees us with care and understanding but it also exposes the harsh truths we don’t want to see.

The enneagram, first and foremost, is an ancient symbol, a figure of nine points connected within a circle. There’s a lot of fascinating history to it, but I’m gonna focus on what matters to this post. The enneagram is a personality system that encompasses nine essences of the Universe, and once our childhood trauma sinks in, we attach to one type which defines our worldview. Here’s how each enneatype manifests itself:

Type 1, the reformer: this person seeks to not make mistakes. They are principled and meticulous in everything they do but highly critical of themselves and others.

Type 2, the helper: this person seeks to be needed. They are proud of their independence and helpfulness but believe they can only receive love if they give first.

Type 3, the achiever: this person seeks to be worthy. They are motivated and ambitious but shape themselves around what is expected of them.

Type 4, the individualist: this person seeks to build their identity. They are sensitive and creative but reject the ordinary and focus on what is harder to reach.

Type 5, the investigator: this person seeks to be a specialist. They are perceptive and curious but withhold themselves and their resources and worry they’re never prepared.

Type 6, the loyalist: we’ll talk about it in a moment.

Type 7, the enthusiast: this person seeks to avoid pain. They are joyful and spontaneous but afraid of facing hardships and being swallowed by negativity and sadness.

Type 8, the leader: this person seeks to be strong. They are fierce and protective but don’t allow themselves any vulnerability and need to be on top.

Type 9, the peacemaker: this person seeks to be in peace. They’re kind and their inner stability is unshakable, but have a hard time asserting themselves.

So what does it mean to be a type 6?

Some of you might not believe if I told you that Eren is moved by fear. But that’s what it is. The type 6 represents fear itself. It’s our search for safety and support. The person who is a type 6 has disconnected from their inner guide and they don’t believe they have the same capability to make decisions as everyone else. That is more of an unconscious state, which manifests through an overly alert stance. Sixes are always on the lookout for threats and danger, their minds work predicting things that can go wrong, so they can be prepared. In other words, the type 6 fears how imprevisible life is, because they truly don’t find in themselves the compass to the answers they need “in this very moment”. They have to be one step ahead and they have to find outside structures for support, people in whom to trust and who’ll give them the guidelines and sense of balance. Fellowship and loyalty are essential to the type 6 as they look for reassurance in their concerns.

In Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery (1996), Don Richard Riso has described nine levels of development for the enneatypes. They are the path from our healthy, healed state where we’re closer to wholeness again (Level 1) down to our most broken state where we’ve abandoned ourselves (Level 9).

When we start Attack on Titan, Eren is on Level 6. Here’s what Riso says:

“In its innocent forms, counterphobia is well employed by people to master their fears — for example, children who are afraid of the dark might purposefully go to a dark room to overcome their fear.”

Eren, too, wanted to overcome his fear since he was a kid. He wanted to go outside and face those faceless titans. He wanted people around him to be prepared, but since the Garrison was incompetent and lazy, he needed to be prepared. Grisha seems to be Eren’s first authority figure. From what we know, Grisha allowed Eren to have his own thoughts and didn’t impose anything on him, which is a kind of reassurance. Thus, with his father, Eren felt more understood.

Carla, on the other hand, wished for Eren’s immediate safety and cared about him living a quiet life. But that also means she couldn’t understand his concerns, and the type 6 interprets that demeanor as vulnerability — his mother is more exposed to the threat. If the type 6 is a room where nobody is vigilant, the only option they see is to step up and become hypervigilant.

This relation to an authority is very specific for the type 6 as they search for people and systems in whom to rely on. Since the Garrison aren’t the most reliable soldiers around, Eren turns to the Survey Corps. That section of the military consists of the rebels, those who want to explore the unknown, understand the titans and figure out the best way to fight the enemy. The SC wants to be free, so they become Eren’s next “authority figure”.

Riso also says that the type 6 in Level 6 has a more aggressive stance and wants to prove to others that he isn’t indecisive and can’t be pushed around.

“They blame and berate whatever threatens them. They become rebellious… and are desperate to latch onto a position or stance that will make them feel stronger and dispel their feelings of inferiority.”

The type 6 feels inferior because they feel lost inside. Eren, too, knows that the threat lurking behind those walls is much bigger than him and a single human doesn’t stand a chance. And he berates people around him for not seeing what he sees, or for disrespecting his “heroes”.

Eren will be back to Level 6 later, embodying other aspects of it, but let’s talk about the moment he joins the army.

At this point, Eren reaches the stable position he has been eager for. He is part of a group and working towards his goals, he feels more confident because he’s preparing for the next attack. He has climbed to Level 4:

“The security which groups and institutions provide far exceeds the strength of any individual members...”

As we know, Eren sees his mission to eradicate all titans also as a social responsibility. The type 6 can easily fall into “us versus them” mentality where they are putting effort into something and will trust only the people who understand the importance of it. Eren’s bickering with Jean, as well as his admiration for Reiner starts from there.

“And even within their own group, average Sixes make it their business to find out who is pulling the weight and who is not... If others are not loyal or committed, it not only makes them angry, it threatens them.”

Eren talks over and over about how he’s going to join the suicide squad, to the point people start making fun of him. But he is testing everyone’s commitment to the cause of “fighting titans” and he finds people like Jean, who only really want their safe life, as well as Reiner, who is dedicated and understands him immediately. Reiner becomes his new “authority figure”: whenever Eren’s failing, Reiner is there to understand him, to offer help and to remind him of why he’s there.

“The loyalty of average Sixes for the people with whom they have identified is almost without bounds. They find it extremely difficult to break their emotional bonds, even should they desire to do so… Their love may, in time, turn to hatred but never to indifference.”

That one speaks for itself. It’s exactly how Eren felt upon RBA’s betrayal. He’s in total denial about Annie, while for Reiner/Berthold all he has left is rage.

Choosing who to trust is part of the type 6 identity. All of their beliefs, all their inner world is shaken if they are betrayed, because the network they build is how they find a safe space for themselves in the world and how they orient themselves. Annie was Eren’s parameter of fighter, Reiner was Eren’s parameter of leadership. The first backstab is too hard for him to process, we see it all unfold. He can’t admit she’s a traitor, and he doesn’t even have the will to transform and fight her.

The second one, however, is embraced somewhat faster and he’s even able to contain himself and play along. But it doesn’t change how deeply it affected him and how vengeful he gets. Years later, that hatred would dissipate, but never to indifference — Eren still feels a need for some closure between them.

I got ahead of myself on the timeline, so I’m going to rewind to the moment Eren joins the Survey Corps, which is his childhood dream. Erwin is his main authority figure now and you see that, even though Erwin locked him up, he trusts the guy. As Don Riso explains, the type 6 on Level 4 plays by the rules of his group because he strongly believes in those rules and they bring comfort to their minds. In reality, the SC doesn’t really know what they’re doing. Erwin himself doesn’t know how he’s gonna cross the walls and find out the truth. But Eren is devoted to them. Their cause is his cause and he knows how hard it is but what matters is they’re trying. Besides, they embrace him. They want to reach the basement and want to defend him on the court and want to investigate/use his titan power. Thus, for Eren, the SC is the most solid and welcoming place to be. He’ll do whatever they want from him.

However, Eren was about to find out that things were far from glorious out there. Although the Survey Corps work under strict “plans” that soldiers are supposed to follow blindly, Eren can’t just watch people being sacrificed to protect him. Especially when he has enough power to act in a more significant way than those individual humans. But how much control does he have over his own power? Eren can’t answer that, and he feels immensely conflicted as soldiers continue to drop dead.

In that moment, Levi could’ve forced him to follow his orders, and perhaps that would’ve eased his mind when he chose not to transform. But the captain is a different kind of leader than Erwin, and he challenges Eren instead:

And I really appreciate how fitting that is to the type 6 conflit. It’s very difficult for them to accept it, sometimes there simply isn’t a clear path, sometimes it is okay to trust yourself and act on your own. But this is what Eren’s thinking:

That didn’t turn out very well, did it? At the end of the expedition, Eren is forced to admit that the SC don’t have all the answers and that all his power and training can’t always keep everyone safe. He’s once again reminded of that after activating the Coordinate — not even the power to control titans can avoid sacrifices.

Ideally, the type 6 can only reach the safety they seek once they allow themselves to move in the chaos with the courage to face it step by step, instead of predicting it. This may sound easy for others but not for them, especially if they are inserted in a reality where the cost of a mistake is lives.

So we get to the Uprising arc. It starts with the Survey Corps planning the retake of Wall Maria while they put Eren through hardening experiments. Time is not on their side and Eren’s determined to go beyond his limits during the tests.

“They consequently try to further strengthen their ‘social security’ systems by working harder to be accepted and approved by their allies and authorities… Others wonder if they resent the workloads and pressures they seem to be under, yet Sixes seem eager to fulfill their obligations and duties...”

Eren’s entire world would fall apart again once he’s kidnapped by Rod Reiss and discovers the truth of his father’s sin. Like I said earlier, Grisha was one of Eren’s authority figures, and even though he was absent, the basement key and the promised truth kept son and father connected. Wherever Grisha was, Eren could still count on the answers he’d left behind.

That is, until he is hit by a trainwreck of a revelation that his father killed an entire family and sacrificed himself to pass on the titans to him. Eren’s left completely lost, he no longer knows what to think of himself, of the world, of his father.

He falls from Level 4 to Level 7:

“Sixes become trapped in an unhealthy pattern of self-disparagement and massive insecurity which reinforces feelings of inferiority and worthlessness, a marked deterioration from the indecision and evasiveness we saw [before].”

This shift to a much more confused and self-loathing state doesn’t last long because Eren has his friend’s support for now. Historia chooses to see his worth and let him live. Levi once again challenges him to make his own decision, and Eren manages to save the day.

As Eren becomes aware of those destructive feelings, he tries to get rid of them by “fighting” himself, in an attempt to put himself back up.

He realizes he isn’t alone and he doesn’t have to do everything on his own, people around him are also strong enough to stand up for themselves. That helps him return to a more average stage and it could have been the beginning of his growth...

Well, if only life wouldn’t have a surprise waiting for him at every corner.

I hope you’re being able to follow and understand that we all have ups and downs in life. The levels of development represent exactly that, so it is common to find yourself in the same stage in different periods of your life. Nevertheless, after Eren learns the truth about the world and sees his future memories, it all goes downhill for him, no turning back anymore.

Here is what Riso comments on the ambivalence of the type 6 on Level 5:

“Sixes begin to follow the narrow path between the expectations of their allies and authorities and their need to resist having any further demands placed on them.”

Eren is overwhelmed by the view of the outside world. He has experienced his father’s memories first hand and it’s nothing like what he expected. No one around him has the same perspective. A lot of self-awareness and self-doubt emerge from the future memories he saw through Historia. Riso explains that on Level 5 the person starts to become more worried about how their allies feel about them.

“They become skeptical of new views and ideas, feeling that they have already put a lot of effort into understanding the perspectives and approaches they already know.”

Eren went from “I HATE TITANS ALL TITANS ARE MY ENEMIES DESTROY ‘EM ALL” to “titans are my people and they haven’t chosen this horrible outcome”. And that’s A LOT to process when you wrapped your life around that initial idea. But things are changing even faster, and his friends are talking about how the enemy could be reached out too. This thought needs to coexist in Eren with the clear image he has of the enemy, one that only he has accessed. Add to that how Eren was kept away from the Marleyan prisoners as Paradis also feared some kind of betrayal. As long as there’s people out there against them, he can’t so easily rest.

Who knows at what point Eren returns to Level 6. The time skip is covered very loosely. But probably when he is feeling so lost that he actually comes to Historia to vent.

“As in other types, to be functioning in this Level or lower usually indicates that there were extremely dysfunctional elements in the child’s environment.”

Self-explanatory. It’s even hard to talk about Level 6 because it is a point where Sixes start to overthink threats that aren’t that big, but in Eren’s case, the threat is 100% REAL and there’s a world isolating them and wishing for his people to die and throwing gigantic creatures at them. No big deal at all.

Eren turns to the people who actually understand the urgency he feels. Floch is eager to follow him, while Zeke and Yelena have an actual plan. Eren says he’s acting out of his own decisions, and he sure is, but he has also left it in Zeke’s hands to set the course. At this point, it no longer is a positive thing for the type 6 to have reassurance instead of a grounding support, it’ll only leave them trapped in the current mentality.

What would be more appropriate would be a balance between rejection…

…and full acceptance.

(By the way, I can’t even know where Historia stands, since she let him do his thing, but I’m still using her here because of how immediate her reaction was, which could lead Eren to think he can’t risk telling anyone else. Unhealthy Sixes are just that paranoid.)

Zeke could have been Eren’s new “authority figure“ if their goals were the same. But more and more the only thing Eren is starting to rely on are the future memories.

Riso talks about how a violent environment would lead to violent actions and “they end up using the same aggressive tactics on others”. And I can draw a parallel with how Eren has been facing titans for so long and watched them take people from him, that he just feels aggression arise whenever he thinks of all the injustice he has witnessed. Same would happen later on, when he sees Ymir’s memories and finally decides to unleash this pain on the world.

“It’s hard for Sixes to work for something. Instead, their energies are galvanized by being against people and things.”

Despite being highly conflicted and problematic, Eren so far has waited. It’s too hard at this point to fully engage with those dreams, but he has watched things unfold and allowed the Survey Corps to do their stuff and try to contact the outside world. On Level 7, the type 6 is just going through the day with little hope. When the SC reaches Marley and Eren meets the boy of his memories, he can no longer escape from facing himself.

“Tearful and obsequious, they are disgusted with themselves for not having been tough enough to stand on their own two feet, to defend themselves, to be independent.”

Not only Eren, but Paradis as a whole, have been unable to be independent in a much bigger world, or this is how he sees it after Kyiomi monopolizes the resources and the pro-Eldians group rejects the island. Finally, Eren recognizes in himself the person who would be capable of trampling the kid he currently wants to save, and that leaves him disgusted.

“They do not necessarily deceive others maliciously, but to escape punishment or abandonment. They believe they may be able to repair the damage they have caused...”

What Riso is saying here is that the type 6 feel the need to hide (themselves) so their loved ones won’t abandon them. And again, in Eren’s case, he has a damn good reason to think his loved ones might not be super happy if he said he was going to destroy the whole world. Let’s not forget they are the people who counted on him to save the world this whole time, and he is the person several people have been sacrificed for.

All this pressure has brought him this low, but Eren reaches rock bottom when he allows himself to admit he wished for it all to be destroyed. Now, he can no longer face his family (as he would tell Falco) and he has little faith in himself.

Again, Eren’s paranoias aren’t so far from reality because there is, indeed, a world against them, and that keeps feeding into his anxiety. Paradis’s progress is little and the future is uncertain. When the type 6 reaches Level 9, they can no longer get out of this spiral. They know it’s only a matter of time until the threat comes to them. So they call the threat upon themselves.

Eren allowed himself to go as far as understanding his enemies and accepting that they’re the same, but with the declaration of war, he can’t wait anymore.

I already told you the reason: the type 6 needs to be able to predict. That’s the very core of their beings, their minds seek to control events. Striking first is their final attempt to make sure they won’t be taken by surprise. Ultimately, they are lost and desperate to find support again. Here’s what Riso says about the type 6 on Level 9:

“They may drop out, abasing themselves as vagrants and living in skid row conditions, thus allowing their health and minds to deteriorate to the point of no return.”

It almost feels like Isayama has read this book, I swear to God. Yeah, that’s word by word what Eren does. He goes to enemy territory, injures himself and throws himself in war. Despite resisting for so long to a new perspective of his enemies, Eren allows himself to see them with his own eyes. All because he’s desperate to understand his enemy, desperate to understand himself (and what would lead to his decision) and desperate to run away from his friends. He is ashamed of choosing those future memories as his new authority figure, get it? They are the most certain thing in his life now. As much as he waited and as much as the SC tried, they don’t have any guaranteed future and it’s just too hard for the type 6, especially unhealthy Sixes, to wait. It’s impossible.

Remember I said that Sixes want to feel understood? Well, I think Eren feels understood, to some degree, when he’s among those broken soldiers. They are relatable, more than anyone else.

“Neurotic Sixes bring disaster of some sort upon themselves not to end their relationship with authority figures, but to reestablish a protective one. [...] It is also important to notice that neurotic Sixes are masochist not because they take pleasure in suffering as such, but because they hope their suffering will bring someone to their side who’ll save them… as if to say, ‘Punish me, because I’ve been bad. Then you can love me again.’”

In the mind of the unhealthy type 6, if he can’t find the answers, he can’t be there for his allies. If he fails his allies, he doesn’t deserve their support. But even when he feels he doesn’t deserve it and feels they won’t forgive him, he desperately needs it — the type 6 doesn’t know how to live without support. He is completely aware of his cowardice, he may unleash his despair in innocent people, he seeks punishment for his behavior and hopes for someone to end his pain.

“Unhealthy Sixes are self-defeating persons who are their worst enemies. If they persist in their masochist behavior, neurotic Sixes will drive away everyone on whom they depend. They will be abandoned and alone, the very things they most fear.”

Eren pushed everyone away, but deep down he waited for them to come to his rescue. He knew he was a lost cause, but still couldn’t let go of what he saw as a compromise, a duty to them. His completely cruel and extreme actions are, in enneagram terms, his way to not leave his allies adrift. But aren’t all his actions for his own freedom? I don’t think so, not entirely. There’s a reason the type 6 has been named “the loyalist” — they always, always see themselves as part of a group. And in the end, he saw himself in Ymir, someone who was trapped and waiting to be rescued, understood. Don Riso says the worst part of coming this low is how much Sixes hurt others while they hurt themselves, both because they want to harm everyone who doesn’t understand and to show people the worst in themselves; they want to punish and be punished at same the time.

That is what I wanted to break down — Eren’s inner process. Yes, the type 6 is an ambivalent, contradicting personality type, precisely because that’s how they feel inside. Other enneagram types don’t escape from their own personal conflicts, that’s also important to point out. The enneagram does not define integrity, people capable of causing great harm exist in all types and no one from type 6 is fated to destroying the world — just in case that isn’t obvious.

This post is heavy, I know. One of the things I love about SNK are the emotions it evokes and how human characters are. I’m so thankful to have followed Eren’s fascinating journey. He has never hit me as a one-dimensional character as some people claim. To me, Eren is not a chad, he’s not a monster, either. He’s just human.

I’m thankful for this fandom as well. We’re a total mess but the monthly wait would’ve killed me without the crazy theories and the heated discussions.

#snk 137 #snk 138 #snk 139 #Eren Jaeger analysis #attack on titan manga and anime #enneagram #LONG post #eren jaeger #snk analysis

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vidalinav · 4 years ago

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Love is Bright Red, Hope is Dark Blue SNEAK PEAK

So, it seems that sneak peaks keep me accountable, because every time I posted one I finished the fic, and if that’s not some voodoo magic I don’t know what is.

However, this hopefully will be the last fic I post before ACOSF. I’m aware that many of you will probably be logged off by the time I post, but honestly who even remembers this fic series. I’m perfectly okay with shouting to the void. I’m going to abandon every fic I said I was going to write and keep them on the back burner. This will be the first completed work I’ve ever had and I’m determined and... also very bored! (insert little emoji with the fists up)

So, I’m going in.

Nesta’s Love is Quiet/Cassian’s Love is Warm Masterlist

The picture of Nesta hangs on the living room wall. She moves and its eyes follow. She blinks and it awakens. The other her stares. Her expression a collage of painted lashes, crimson dusted skin, a rose that is cradled in her hands. This Nesta, praying to some unknown deity who never answers.

She looks innocent. Far too innocent for the amount of horrors she’s seen... and she’s alone.

A singularity. An outlier.

The image lies off center in the middle of the wall, yet the other pictures crawl up the space like tangling vines suffocating the life out of her. Life is not painted in her eyebrows, or the color of her hair, or the red of her lips, or her pale neck. Rather, it is what is around her. The pictures that are filled with laughter and smiles and heart-wrenching happiness.

They must have taken it from her, she thinks. Poor girl.

But Nesta shakes her head. No, she never had it. It was always the others who laughed, who yelled, who joked those jokes of theirs. She might have been placed here, forced to fit, squeezed into the place they could find room for, but at the end of the day, she is merely a pretty painting tacked in Feyre’s living room wall. Beautiful… but not alive. Cold, and alone, and red with the stain of blood.

Is this what Feyre sees when Nesta skidders through her memories? If it is, she is even more certain of their foolish want to love her.

“I painted it the day you left. I think it came out beautifully, don’t you think?”

I think I look dead inside; she wants to say, turning to Feyre who leans against a table, all starry skies and none of the bleak, burning black holes.

Dead.

Dead and buried.

Feyre grimaces, taking a breath as if she’ll recite poetry in the hall. What other words will spew from the depths of her throat and croak out in sounds and syllables?

Are words even enough to describe memories turned to dust and rose-colored wounds freshly healed?

The fiery anger blooms out of Nesta’s lungs. Its laid dormant for far too long, all those winter days in the mountains trapped under frost. But, Nesta can’t respond, doesn’t know what she’d say to her little sister who means so much to her, but at the same time makes her heart ache as if it bleeds from where’s she’s stabbed her in the chest.

Nesta opens her mouth to speak...

Elain strolls in.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” She grins, grasping her forearm, pulling Nesta towards the dining room in glee. “I thought I’d show you what I made to celebrate.”

Nesta shudders at the thought, at the feeling of her sisters at her side and behind her. Huddling around her as if they mean to keep her close. Nesta thinks it feels like a prison. “Celebrate what?”

Elain looks at her oddly, “You being back—and Cassian, of course… Your health.” She adds, her brows furrowing in concern. Nesta doesn’t know what that look means.

Tell me, she wants to scream.

Elain swallows, the dandelion charm at her throat bobbing. “When Cassian carried you in, you looked so… small. Feyre and I were worried that you’d—”

“We had complete faith that you’d be safe and well again,” Feyre smiles, the mirth never reaching her eyes.

An odd phrase, Nesta thinks, for she’s never been safe or well.

Nesta squints to the table and Elain perhaps noticing the shift, moves quickly to the image of steaming casserole and piping hot buns. Dessert already sits in each corner and she wonders who exactly they’re all feeding if this is the amount of food they waste.

“The roast is still in the oven.” Her favorite.

“You’re favorite,” Elain mumbles softly—shyly, “I thought since we missed your birthday, we could celebrate now.”

That word again.

Celebrate…

Don’t they know that she rejoices in being away from them? That she finds solace in the quiet day by day. There is no obligation of sterile complacency, of beauty she can never live up to. She doesn’t need to be a good sister, a caring sister, a sister who reaches both hands out in compassion. In Windhaven, beyond Velaris, she is just Nesta. She is no one.

Nesta resists rolling her eyes or saying something snarky just because she can, just because she knows it’ll hurt. Instead, she touches the plate on the table, a fine porcelain made of blue glass. It reminds her of the chandelier she has at home, blinking and twisting like an unhindered star.

She doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday.

Feyre pulls out a chair, the noise screeching against the floor and Nesta can’t stop the harsh look she sends her way.

If they missed it, she did too.

But at her cold demeaner, Elain is quick to lure her to a seat, proclaiming that Nesta will sit beside her all evening. Perhaps, they’ll exchange stories. I want to hear everything, she pleads. Will Nesta tell her the weather then? The bitter frosts, the buried cemeteries, the avalanches that never came crashing down like she wanted. It was all too perfect, all too according to plan.

Nesta will not let them have the satisfaction.

Elain smiles crookedly, some noise that sounds both like a laugh and a cry barreling out of her lips.

Nesta half-wonders what about her now seems fragile to her little sister when she had treaded precariously past death and disinterest and yet nothing could persuade them a year ago that she wasn’t well enough— okay enough.

Nesta only looks to the stairs. The sound of rustling feet stampeding above. She can feel him even now, wants to call for him even if she abhors the thought.

Her sisters are… different when Cassian is around. More watchful, more cautious. Not as eager to touch her or to offer an array of activities that don’t at all sound pleasing to her ears. He is her guard somehow, even though he offers nothing but laughs and soft, easy smiles.

But he ambles down the stairs as if she calls him. Perhaps she does, in that hollow part of her body she still doesn’t understand. The part that whispers his name, echoes his feelings, reminds her that she is not alone.

“Sit,” She urges lowly, moving the utensils that Elain sets down to another place setting. Cassian raises a brow but sits beside her.

His hand rests on the table and Nesta wants to know what it would seem like to these… people—her family if she placed her palm in his so openly. She clenches her fist to stop the reaching, turning her gaze away from his golden skin.

“Oh,” Elain says, noting the seat beside her taken.

To be continued….

Tagged and those who will be tagged from Cassian’s Love is Warm and those who said they wanted to be tagged on everything: (let me know if this changes)

@dreaming-of-bohemian-nights , @missing-merlin, @strangeenemy, @saltydreamcollector, @midnightbluhm, @my-fan-side, @queenofillea1, @tswaney17, @gloriousinlove, @ekaterinakostrova, @thebluemartini, @anishake, @lord-douglas-the-third, @soitsgorgeous, @lolasjournal @duskandstarlight, @arinbelle, @nestaarcher0n, @allilal @mis-lil-red

I hate confrontation like my life depends on it, but I don’t know how to start the healing process for the sisters without some, so maybe you’ll get an outburst or two from Nesta and maybe Cassian. But ultimately it’s going to end not like the healing is complete, but rather that the healing is able to take place, ripping off band aids here. It’s going to be long and emotional.

I read the previous chapters and omg I get so mad when I read it. It’s like physically impossible to read Nesta’s voice without being stark, ugly mad, but it is easier to write that way. Also, Feyre is about to be annoying in this but it has to happen to come full circle. But at least Cassian and Nesta will be uber cute and established! I have a day out in Velaris date for them.

If y’all have followed this story and have some burning desire to see something, let me know! It will be the last chance to do so. Because again, I’m determined to finish and I’ll NEVER write for this fic again. NEVER. But I will not write smut (unfortunately I suck at that and I try to avoid anything I suck at)

Actually let me set a date: it’s going to be posted on Wednesday by 11:59pm central time. Yell at me if it’s not lol. This will be my reaching 1000 followers gift.

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #nessian fanfiction #acosf

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chaoticallysapphic · 5 years ago

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the great divide part six

summary: Who knew that eight words would be your undoing. If you had known then what you know now you wouldn't have signed up for Suyin's dance troupe, you probably would have left Zaofu just to be safe. But you didn't and fate had branded you with a path that chained you to someone who would break your heart.

a/n: The last part! Please remember there is an epilogue, Gif is made by @stelladonna and a massive thanks to @medeliadracon for beta reading this series! And also a big thank you to @ladyxffandoms for helping me figure out what was missing.

word count: 8k

When you leave her office, Kuvira is filled with rage so hot she fears it may burn her insides. She hears the slam of her doors and the muffled conversation between guards before it’s softly shut once more. “It shouldn’t be a tough decision, Kuvira.”

The malice in your voice, the use of her full name, it shattered through the toughest of walls within her. Ones you’d never breached before. She’s never been good with her emotions, ever since she was a child she warped her sadness, her loneliness, and sometimes even happiness into anger as a way to protect herself.

She was a difficult child with a temper the size of Ba Sing Se, so difficult in fact that her parents deemed her unfit for their life. It felt like the world was ending when she first arrived in Zaofu, the way her parents spoke to her before they left, making her seem like no one would ever truly love her unless she let Suyin mold her into a model citizen.

And that was another problem, Suyin always tried to turn Kuvira into a miniature version of herself. It didn’t matter how different she was, Suyin tried to bury who Kuvira truly was with a perfected version of herself, a false one.

Up until her parent's abandonment, she always assumed love would be easy and that she would instantly marry her soulmate. She’d pull her shirt up just a bit and look at the words swirled across her hip bone in wonder. “Would you mind helping me memorize the routine?”

Those words, however minuscule and mundane, proved to her that she was worthy of love. That one day she would be loved. But as she grew older in Zaofu she felt a disconnect regarding those words on her hip, the first time she had sex she had covered it up, as if trying to shield the person she hadn’t even met yet. Hara, the name of the girl who had eyed her since the first day of guard training, didn’t seem to care at all.

Kuvira feels like she should lie and say she had her eyes on you since the first practice you attended but honestly she hadn’t even noticed the new addition to the troupe. When you had pranced over to her, still light on your feet after the routine, and spoke, she wondered what kind of soft-spoken woman would end up loving someone whose own parents hated her?

She remembers that night in the metal flower in vivid detail. When you were spinning alongside her in the air she suddenly was consumed with the desire to kiss you, she didn’t even realize she had pulled you close until your soft lips touched hers.

She knew from the moment you spoke that first day she should have broken up with Baatar Jr. But Kuvira, even though she will never admit it out loud, is a stubborn and flawed woman who can’t stop once she sets her mind to something.

The fourth night of the second month on the train after she had been uncharacteristically gentle with you, was the first time you said you loved her. She asked you to repeat yourself again and again until you pulled her into a deep kiss, pouring all your love into it. The action left her breathless, and with that kiss, you broke her first wall.

She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until she starts to think about you and all her memories of you. You’re most likely in your room erasing any trace of her there may be, completely ready to extract her from your life.

Kuvira forces herself out of her office and over to her front door, she opens it up just a few inches, enough for the guard nearby to see. She doesn’t care if he can see the tears racing down her cheeks. “Have a guard stationed outside of Y/n’s door.”

Once she shuts the door after he nods, Kuvira walks into her room where she sits on the edge of her bed. If she goes to sleep, will you still be in her life tomorrow? Kuvira shoves off her boots but otherwise stays in her uniform as she lays down and stares blankly out the window, her country needs her. They need her to protect them in a way no one has ever protected her before.

Kuvira doesn’t sleep that night, she stays awake, her gaze focused on a potted plant out in the courtyard, and imagines every possible scenario in her head. These last few years have spoiled her in a way, you were always by her side through it all. You were there cheering her on and making her feel loved and wanted. She doesn’t know if she can go back to how it used to be, to loneliness.

When rays of sunshine start to peak through her window, she pulls herself up and out of bed. Kuvira goes to the bathroom to smooth out any wrinkles in her clothes but doesn’t feel the energy or motivation to change into a fresh pair. She slept in her bun, it’s a bit frizzy now with a few loose strands that she tries to tuck into her braid, there’s a pesky curl that won’t cooperate. Kuvira eventually gives up on it, letting it stay out and frame the side of her face.

You love when she has her hair down, when it’s down you immediately run your fingers through the dark curls and let out this content sigh that fills her heart with adoration. Kuvira shoves her feet into her boots on the way out of her room, beyond caring about her appearance. The guard outside her door, the same from last night steps forward when she walks out of her room.

“Ms. Y/n left her room around one A.M, it’s been reported that she’s staying at the encampment.” Kuvira frowns, did she take too long? Have you given up?

You were her guiding hand, her moral compass and now you’re gone. “Thank you,” she says monotonously before heading towards the kitchen. Despite her desire to shut herself off from the world, her stomach is cramping in pain due to hunger. She should have eaten the food you gave her last night, now it’s strewn across the desk in her office, cold and gone bad.

She takes herself the familiar route to the kitchens, growing up here has its perks. She'd seen how you look around in a mixture of confusion and wonder when they had gone to try and negotiate with Suyin. Kuvira knows this place, she ran down these very halls when she was younger. Despite the hollowness that echoes through the halls, the lack of laughter and conversation turns the whole home into a colorless husk of what it used to be.

Kuvira hadn't noticed the lack of life within as she walked into the empty kitchen. Her guards had gotten Suyin's chef to cook breakfast and dinner, and she had given him lunch off. It was for sentimental reasons, all the birthday cakes he baked her and midnight snacks. He might hate her now but she'll keep giving him lunch off in hopes of paying him back for the happy memories. She doesn't like to owe people.

He must not be in yet, it's barely dawn. The kitchen is empty, giving Kuvira the perfect moment of respite before her dreadful day. She grabs a piece of bread, most likely baked yesterday, and an apple. Part of her doesn't have an appetite, to upset about her fight with you to want to eat. She forces it down with a glass of water, the food helps her slightly, helps her feel stronger than before.

Kuvira walks down the hall, her feet carried her out of the estate and towards the tram. “I need to get out of the city,” she says to the operator waiting for any passengers by the tram doors. He nods and briskly walks over to the operating booth, she decides to grab onto the pole at the center of the cart and stand. The machinery starts with a jolt but Kuvira remains unmoving, staring straight ahead. Slowly the scenery around her begins to change, it takes her around the outer domes where a few people are toddling about, most likely walking off to work.

The tram goes under a tunnel before entering the main dome. That towering golden statue of Toph Beifong comes into view and Kuvira sighs as a memory of you enters her mind.

You’re moving around your room on the train as the view from outside is blurred due to the speed you were moving at. You and Kuvira were beginning to get to know each other in the safety of the night, which brought you such joy. Standing in front of your vanity with only Kuvira’s undershirt on you begin to take the pins out of your hair. “What was your home like?” She had asked. A wide smile made its way onto your face as you set the bobby pins into a small ring dish.

“Just so cozy. We have a townhouse in the main dome across from the botanical gardens. I had the best view from my bedroom window,” you let out a wistful sigh as you begin to untie your locks. “Our home was directly situated to the center of it, all you had to do was walk across the street to enter. So I got to wake up with a view of every flower Zaofu has curated, it felt like it was just for me.”

Kuvira watches you fondly from the bed as you continue “my dad and I made a metal planter to hang from our kitchen window by the front door, during summertime hydrangeas bloom from it.”

Without thinking Kuvira rushes over to the emergency brake button and slaps her hand onto it, the tram stops with a harsh jolt that sends her stumbling to the side. The doors automatically open with the lights above flashing red. Kuvira stands on the edge, looking below. The fall isn’t far but it could still hurt her, so she bends two of the metal seats, ripping them out of their places screwed to the floor and warping it into a crud shape of a ladder.

She bends it to the edge, moving the nails that popped out to screw them into the floor to secure the ladder. Kuvira lets out a deep sigh before beginning her descent below. This is stupid and will most likely blow up in her face, but if you decide to say goodbye to her today, she wants to see the place that you once called home. There are a few inches between the ladder and the ground so Kuvira jumps, She bends at the ladder back into the tram so if it starts whilst she’s away it won’t break any buildings in the process.

An old man opening up shop stares at Kuvira with wide eyes, watching her walk away as the tram above stays frozen. She’s a block away from the garden she’s heard you gush about, more and more people begin to filter out from their homes to start their day and each one eyes her with disgust. Squaring her shoulders, she stares ahead and away from everyone's watchful gaze.

The gardens come into view, towering bright green trees with vines growing on the wrought iron fence surrounding it. Kuvira stops at the entrance, looking inside with hesitancy, as if worried she’ll destroy it upon contact. There’s a pond in the center with a few lily pads floating around with two benches across from one another by the pond.

Flowers of all shapes and colors are scattered around and when her gaze locks on the towering Sunflowers in bloom, Kuvira suddenly remembers once finding you tucked behind them with bloodshot eyes and a raspy voice from crying. That was the second time she had knowingly hurt you, the first being asking you to keep it a secret. Kuvira takes a step back, not feeling worthy of stepping inside such a radiant place, and begins her trek around it to your house.

Most of the homes don’t have many outdoor decorations, a welcome mat or a potted plant seems to be the theme so when her eyes lock onto that metal planter with blue hydrangeas Kuvira knows she’s found the place. It’s a two-story townhome with some sort of stick figure drawn on the second story window and when she looks over her shoulder she sees how perfectly centered the house is to see all of the gardens from above.

She doesn’t know what to do now. She never really thought through her plan, which is incredibly unlike her, but that memory came flooding back through her mind and she knew she needed to see it for herself. Slowly she takes a step forward, and then another and another until she’s in front of the door with her fist raised, rapping three times against the metal.

Kuvira doesn’t know why she does it, maybe it's the sleep deprivation or an act of desperation to feel your presence again, she honestly doesn’t know. There’s the sound of thunderous footsteps from behind the door and a masculine voice calling out “I’ll get it!”

A man opens the door with the same color hair as you, he’s a bit on the chubbier side and looks to be roughly 6’2 or maybe even 6’3.

Kuvira can see the resemblance in certain features of his and it makes her long for you even more. Your father scowls at the sight of her, his demeanor has changed from cheery to vexed in a matter of seconds. She shouldn’t be surprised.

“I’m Kuvi-”

“I know who you are, you made us kneel before you.” His voice is gruff and his words clipped. Kuvira sighs, right, she did do that. “What do you want?”

‘I’ve come to talk to you and your wife about… well about your daughter.” Spirits this is awkward, your father stares Kuvira down for a few moments before frowning. Slowly he steps aside, letting her in. Your home is warm with family photos framed and hanging from the wall, the entry is a narrow hallway with an archway that leads into a small kitchen. As Kuvira follows your dad down the hall her eyes catch on a photo of you.

You can’t be any older than eight in it with your arms wrapped around your father's neck as he carries you on his back. Your mother is beside the two of you, pushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. All three of you are grinning and Kuvira notices that one of your front teeth is missing. Both of you have lived such different lives. At eight Kuvira was being abandoned by her parents for being too out of control.

Two people who grew up in completely different environments with such clashing personalities are soulmates, in some ways, it seems like a sick joke. But she can’t be upset about it when she loves you this much, just confused.

Your father clears his throat, ripping Kuvira from her thoughts. She looks over and tenses, he’s looking at her like he wants to say something but shakes his head and enters the room at the end of the hall. Kuvira reluctantly leaves the photo behind and follows after him.

The room is a living and dining room with a small circular table that has an elegant bouquet of yellow and white flowers in a simple vase with four chairs tucked underneath it. There is a cozy looking periwinkle sofa and an unlit fireplace with a photo hanging above it, this one is larger and is of you before the performance all those years ago. You look so pretty in that costume and so happy. Kuvira swallows.

Your dad walks up the staircase tucked to the right, leaving her in the living room where she awkwardly stands. She doesn’t think he wants her to go up. Kuvira makes out the sound of aggressive whispering from upstairs, she can’t make out any of the words but soon after two people come walking downstairs. Your father and your mother.

Kuvira’s eyes widened, you always mentioned your mother being part of the guard but you never mentioned her being the Lieutenant for the main dome. Not only did she help train Kuvira, but she also placed the captain's pin onto her uniform during her ceremony. She had smiled at Kuvira, having seen her as her own, and said quietly “I’m so proud of you.”

That smile is long gone and replaced with a scowl. “What could you possibly want to say about our daughter?” Your father places a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down a bit.

Kuvira gulps as she eyes the both of them, there're so many emotions raging within her now that she doesn’t know if she can even speak. Suddenly this place somehow seems too much like you and she wants to run away from your mother's wrathful gaze. “I’m… Your daughter,” Kuvira internally groans. This shouldn’t be so hard. “ Y/n and I are soulmates.”

“So the rumors are true…” Your father mutters as he plops down onto the couch with a dumbfounded expression.

“What rumors?” She had locked herself up in her room all of yesterday and this is her first time having a conversation with someone that’s not you. Your father grimaces.

“That guards found you in her room, naked,” your mother spits the words out. Oh spirits, this is not a good first impression. Kuvira feels her face flush a deep red “that you imprisoned your fiancé because he caught the two of you.”

“It’s a lot more than that” she offers, neither seems to care. Your father seems to not want to hear any of this because he quickly stands and walks off towards the kitchen. The sounds of pots and pans being moved can be heard through the otherwise eerily silent home. “I didn’t want to imprison him.”

“I don’t care, what I want to know is why you were even with him if my daughter is your soulmate. She abruptly left with you three years ago.”

The explanation floating around her mind isn’t good enough, she can’t seem to figure out how to eloquently explain herself without it seeming like she doesn’t care about you. Suddenly as she thinks over the last three years and she starts to notice how harshly she’s treated you.

Up until now she always claimed it was for the good of the country, when you both finally got married the world would try to eat you up and chew you out for being with her. She needed you to have a perfect image and be resilient.

“I-I needed him for engineering and he wouldn’t leave with us unless he thought I loved him,” Kuvira says sheepishly. Your mother looks unimpressed as her jaw begins to clench. “I have always loved your daughter though.”

“So you hid my daughter, my beautiful, amazing, and sweet daughter away like something to be ashamed of?” She takes a step closer, scowling. Kuvira feels like the collar of her jacket is choking her.

“No! I have never been ashamed of her, I always told her how much I loved her.”

“But you turned her into the other woman for your own selfish desires!”

“They weren’t selfish, they were for the good of the empire! She understood.” Kuvira thinks you understood but right now she’s not too sure. A kettle in the background begins to whistle.

“My daughter dreamed of the day she’d meet her soulmate, she had everything planned out and I know for a fact that the woman I raised would not be okay with what you’ve turned her into!” Your father quietly reenters the room with a tray that holds three teacups with steam coming from them.

“I love her, I just want to fix everything! It's why I came here,” that’s the real reason that compelled Kuvira to come here, if anyone knew you better than her, it’d be your parents.

“How is she doing?” Your father asks, Kuvira looks over at him and notices how sad he looks. His eyes are bloodshot and a few tears fall from his eyes before he wipes them away.

“She’s healthy but upset with me.”

“As she should be,” your mother mutters under her breath. He picks up a teacup and blows on it, “why is she upset?” His voice cracks.

“She wants me to end this, told me it's her or the empire and I don’t know what to do.” Kuvira sighs and runs a hand through her hair, messing her bun up a bit.

“And why haven’t you chosen her already?” Your father's voice is calm, there’s a sadness to it but he doesn’t shout or rage like your mother who has her back turned to Kuvira as she goes to pick up one of the teacups. She can see how tense your mother is, how angry she still is.

“Because it's my country, if I give it up to Wu and Suyin then I am turning my back on the people I promised to protect.”

“You once promised to protect Zaofu at all costs” your mother snips out, he places a hand on her shoulder and softly says “honey, please.” She relaxes just a fraction as she takes the seat beside him at the table, glaring at her tea.

“These people are vulnerable and need someone to make sure they feel safe again. I’m that person, and your daughter understood that, or I thought she did.”

Your father sets his cup down and pats the chair beside him that’s situated across from your mother. She shyly walks over to it, she doesn’t want to sit down but she’s already pissed your mom off just by existing and she’d rather not give her another reason to hate her.

“They were vulnerable, but you have gotten rid of the bandits and raiders. You’ve stabilized the empire as you promised, now it’s time to let go and hand over the reins to someone else.”

“I can’t do that,” Kuvira says, her heart is racing. Let someone else rule? Give up the control she craves? The idea makes her feel unsafe, like the second she does it someone will destroy not only her but also you.

“You have to, my daughter won’t stay with you otherwise. Are you really ready to give up love for power?” He hands her the last cup of tea, the scent of jasmine wafts up and fills her senses. She slowly goes to pick up the cup, her hands shaking.

She’s so overwhelmed, none of this is meant to be happening. She’s supposed to win and you're meant to love and support her, then she proposes with a beautiful emerald ring that she’d make herself and you’d say yes. That’s how it’s meant to go, that’s how she has envisioned it since day one.

“This isn’t how it’s meant to go” she confesses, your father sets a soft hand on her own to help stop the shaking.

“How do you think it’s meant to go?” And so she tells him what she just thought, and she adds on how both of you would continue to better this country together and maybe, one day in the far future, have a child.

“Did you ever ask Y/n if that’s what she wants?” Your mother tries to keep her voice calm, tries to keep from yelling at her again. Kuvira stares down at the cup, trying to wrack her brain around the time you’d chime in with the future you wanted, or a time she even asked. “Just because it’s the future you planned for her doesn’t mean it's the one she wants. You can’t just plan everything out without including your partner's opinions and desires into the equation.”

You once talked about what your wedding would be like with Kuvira chiming in every once in a while, but that was it. That was the only time you mentioned anything regarding the future.

“Love is about equality, you both should be putting in equal effort. It’s a delicate balance that takes time to learn, give, and take. It’s not always going to be perfect even with your soulmate but you make it work for each other. If my daughter stayed with you all these years then she must love you, but for her to put her foot down shows she has had enough.” Your father's voice is soothing and calms her down just a bit.

“But…” Kuvira’s voice shakes, “what do I do if I give up control? It’ll never go back to how it was before, how am I meant to go back to everyday life after everything I’ve done? After knowing I probably could have done more.”

“No one knows what life will be like after. But I think a few years down the road you could get back to the place you were at before, maybe a new and improved version due to all the knowledge you’ve acquired over the years and due to having Y/n with you,” he takes a sip of his tea after speaking and delicately sets it down on its saucer.

“I know you need control in your life Kuvira, it’s what made you good at being Captain, but you need to let go. Everyone has to let go at some point and this is your time,” your mother says. Kuvira’s eyes glance around the room as she feels her heart begin to pound, it feels like any second it’ll leap out of her chest. Let go? The idea sends her mind spiraling with horrifying scenarios of what might happen.

“We may not like you, but if you drop this once and for all, and make our daughter happy then,” your mother lets out a deep sigh “we will be here to support and help you.” Tears glisten in her eyes as she stares at the both of them. “If our daughter loves you then that must mean there’s still some good left in you.”

Kuvira begins to softly cry, a hand comes up to cover her mouth as her shoulders hunch in on themselves. Your dad lets out a soft sigh and says “c’mere,” before pulling her into his arms and hugging her. Kuvira doesn’t hug him back nor pull away, she just sits there and cries into his shoulder. She knows what she must do and it terrifies her, fills her with doubt, and causes her stomach to clench from anxiety.

“You need to bring her back to us, please,” he whispers, and Kuvira nods. Slowly he pulls away from her and offers her a gentle, comforting squeeze on the shoulder. She desperately wipes at her eyes, suddenly embarrassed to have cried in front of them, and lets out a shuddering breath.

“You should go find her,” your mother says. Kuvira stands on wobbly legs, her hand placed firmly on the table for support. When she’s fully upright your father pulls her back into a hug, a short one this time. Kuvira awkwardly pats his back until he lets go.

Your mother stays seated, staring her down. “Don’t break her heart,” she says. Kuvira vehemently nods, her eyes wide. She will do whatever it takes to protect your beautiful heart and if you forgive her she will cherish it every second of every day.

She leaves shortly after that, your dad gives her a cookie before letting her leave which turns out to be really good and she walks over to the tram station. It’s since been fixed so when she presses the button requesting its presence it zooms by and opens its doors for her. The chairs are still messed up, just laying there a mess of something hardly resembling what they used to be. The tram takes her out of the city and to the entrance where she wastes no time hopping into a jeep and speeding off.

The midmorning sun beats down, today is incredibly hot and causes little beads of sweat to form on her forehead. When she gets to the encampment Kuvira slows just barely and everyone moves out of the way at the sound of the car barreling through. She abruptly stops it and jumps down before heading into her tent.

Inside Kuvira marches to her radio, she disregards the state of it and doesn’t even notice the filing cabinet you broke as she tunes into the main radio station the encampment uses. “Radio Freedom, what do you need?”

“Find y/n and send her to my tent.”

“Of course, great uniter. I’ll tell all my men to search for her.” The voice stutters out a reply before she switches it off. Spirits she feels like she might go crazy whilst she waits for you. She leans against the front of her desk with her arms crossed as she tries to come up with some grand speech of how much she loves you, of how your love and presence is what has kept her sane over these last few years.

She looks up at the ceiling and sighs, the idea is terrifying but she chooses you, she’ll let go of her defenses and send her men home for you.

The sound of fabric rustling has Kuvira snapping her head back down to stare into your eyes. You look pissed, you don’t have on your jacket so the white undershirt sticks to your sweaty skin and you have your hair in a messy ponytail instead of the usual bun.

Kuvira wets her lips before speaking, “I spoke to your parents.” Your eyes widen at that, Kuvira continues “I didn’t realize I knew your mom, she helped train me when I first joined the guard.” And she hates my guts which I don’t blame her, Kuvira thinks. I let her down, just like I let you down.

You finally look into her eyes and spirits, even with that furious look on your face you take her breath away. “So?”

“She’s a blunt woman, and when I told her about us neither of your parents were pleased.” You wrap your arms around yourself and frown, she wishes she could know what’s going on inside your head. “But they gave me a piece of useful advice, something I probably could have had use of hearing all those years ago.”

She slowly walks over to you, hesitantly so. When she’s close enough you look her over and purse your lips. There’s a slight look of concern written on your features and it swells her heart with a hint of hope.

“That if I love you, it shouldn’t just be me taking from you, but by asking you to hide everything and go along with my plans that was exactly what I did. I realize now I never even asked what you want, what you envision when you see our future.”

You begin to silently cry and she has to use all of her willpower to keep from reaching forward to wipe away your tears.

“It should be equal. Give and take and be there for each other. There shouldn’t be punishments or silent treatment,” Kuvira pushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What do you want?”

You squeeze your eyes shut at her words, your bottom lip trembling. You get lost in your thoughts, something you do often but Kuvira decides not to pull you out. She’ll give you all the time you need to reply.

“I want peace,” you say, your voice a mere whisper. But she hears you loud and clear. “I want this all to end and I want us to finally be able to love one another in front of others. I don’t want any of this, I can’t peacefully live in a world where this… this mission is a success.”

Kuvira takes a step forward and opens her mouth to pour out all of her feelings, to promise that she’ll end it when something interrupts your moment. A shout and gunfire pierce through the air. Kuvira’s heart drops and she rushes forward to look outside of the tent.

Her men are scrambling around like ants, stumbling to get to their places. She makes out a clash of fire and earth up ahead and runs out, leaving you behind. She turns a corner and comes face first with one of her men, instead of informing her of what’s going on he shoots a ball of fire at her. Kuvira’s eyes widen as she bends up a wall to protect her.

“C’mon oh great uniter! Fight me” he shouts. Kuvira’s nostrils flare as she pushes the wall forward towards the man, it hits him and sends him stumbling back. As she advances with hands clenched, ready to activate his bracelet he shoots a spiraling wave of fire out of his foot that has Kuvira jumping out of the way. “It’s even ground now,” he says in a smug tone as he raises her pant leg to show a naked ankle. What?

Her heart races as she stands back up, cracking her neck to the side. She fought the avatar, she can fight this puny fire bender. Kuvira gets into stance, smirking as she shoots out two pieces of metal, one wraps around his ankle and the other around his neck, and with a twist of her wrist, he’s flying backward, slamming into the metal wall of one of the guardhouses.

“Kuvira!” She hears you spit out, her head turns as she watches you desperately run over with an enraged look on your face. You bend the metal off the poor man, he falls to the floor with a groan. “Leave him alone.”

“He is defying me!” Her eyes widened in rage, how could you defend him? “He is one of my soldiers and he just tried to kill me.”

“He was never one of your soldiers!” Your fists are clenched as you try to control your anger, “you forced him into this!”

With both of you distracted he raises once more, letting out a pained groan before shooting a small, weaker bolt of fire. You shoot up a wall for the both of you, keeping your gaze trained on your lover. “It’s him or me.”

Kuvira lets out a growl of anger at your words, loyal earth empire soldiers rush past towards the battlefield, ignoring the lover's quarrel as they shout out commands to one another. “Why are you defending him!?”

“Because Kuvira what we did back then wasn’t right, because I made a promise to myself to protect them and I will not break it!” Her eyes widen, stumbling back a step. There’s so much going on in her head, she just wants to silence all the anger and confusion that burns within this situation.

“You freed him?” She asks incredulously, you thickly swallow before nodding.

“I freed all of them.” Your wall begins to crumble, the fire bender has since left, leaving the two of you to stare at one another. “And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I should have never let you cage them in as you did. You asked me early what I want? I want you to let this war go, I want you to leave them alone and surrender!”

“I can’t do that!” Not now, not after being attacked, not after seeing that her men are in some sort of danger. Your hands reach up to cup her cheeks, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Yes you can, I know you can Kuvira.”

She rips herself out of your grasp, suddenly feeling like your touch will poison her. Poison her resolve and burn away all of her control. She needs this war to thrive, she needs it more than air itself.

A deafening boom is heard from behind her, once more she leaves you behind but this time she feels you hot on her heels as she runs towards the battle. Kuvira vaguely makes out something moving in the air, she squints her eyes to figure out what it is and the object swoops down just a bit to drop down soldiers that aren’t hers. It’s a sky bison she realizes, that must mean Korra is here.

She sees that one of the people that dropped down is Bolin as he lava bends a circle around him and his team to protect them from her soldiers. He wastes no time as he bends up a chunk of earth and hurls it towards the soldiers, most don’t jump out of the way in time, the force of it knocks them down and causes them to pass out. She hopes they are just passed out.

The others around him are all different kinds of benders donning makeshift armor under their shaggy and ripped clothes, Kuvira realizes with a stunned expression that it’s the reeducation camp uniforms. Her heart pounds as more of her men fall all around her, the comforting words of your father worm their way into her head as she squeezes her eyes shut. The young dictator stumbles back and pulls at the roots of her hair in frustration, she can’t let this go, can’t give up.

This is the most in control she’s ever felt, she no longer fears for her life or for her future, it was within reach and exactly what she imagined it to be. With her rule, she thought she erased any chance of reliving her younger years, alone and heartbroken as the longing for someone to hold her ate her up. Suyin’s comforting words never worked, but the sound of her men marching did.

When Kuvira opens her eyes she sees that more of her men have fallen and Bolin’s group has moved on, she surges forward to eradicate them when your hand wraps around her forearm and pulls her back. She looks over her shoulder with a snarl, not realizing it’s you.

“Don’t make me choose between you and my country.”

“It shouldn’t be a tough decision, Kuvira.”

But if she does choose this war, this overabundance of control she will be alone and heartbroken because you will leave her. You made it clear yesterday that you won’t stand by and support this anymore, that you won’t stay by her side if she chooses this path. Your fingers through her hair work too, your soothing words are like a balm to her soul and your smile eases her into this warm state of calmness.

With you, she doesn’t need the marching of her men or the rush she gets when getting someone to sign over their land. You give it to her without a second thought, you give to her because you love her and your love doesn’t come with a price or consequences.

You tug her to the trunk of a jeep and force her climb onto it. When she stands up on the hunk of metal you grab her cheeks and force her to look at the battle ahead. More and more of her men are falling as air benders use their full force and mecha suits shoot them down. Kuvira then notices the lack of mecha suits on her side and how in the middle of the field there’s a clash of green uniforms going against one another. The field lights up with all forms of bending as each man readily gives their life to her cause.

“If you surrender your men will be fine! Kuvira be the woman I know you are, stand down!” You pull her eyes away from the scene so she can look at you, look into your eyes that are full of fear and desperation.

“Bu-” Her heart begins to race, she feels like she may vomit.

“I need you Kuvira! I need you more than them, so surrender,” you bite your lip. “For us, please Vira.”

You pull her into a breathtaking kiss that's anything but romantic, your fingers squeeze a bit tighter at her cheeks as you slant your lips against her own, she shakily brings her own hands up to grip your waist in a bruising hold.

When you pull away, there’s a tear racing down your cheek as you stare into her eyes. “Please.”

“Fine!” She spits out, her throat feels like it’s closing up as her fingers begin to shake. This is everything she’s worked towards for three years, every agonizing day spent pouring herself into documents and threatening governors and mayors into submitting to her will.

Every kiss she ever gave Baatar, every time she ignored your pleading eyes.

She’s about to give it all up for you and feels panic scrap through her as if it were wrapped in barbed wire and she doesn’t know what to do, her whole body shakes as she looks around at the mess she created.

“We need to get to the fro-” Your eyes widen, trained on something behind her.

“Watch out!” You scream, pushing her out of the way. An icicle bolts through the air, it all seems so slow and yet happens so fast. Kuvira goes stumbling back, barely able to keep herself up, her gaze moved from you during the push so when she hears the sound of you letting out some sort of strangled sound her head whips over to see the icicle lodged in your lower left stomach. Your white shirt begins to turn red as blood spills out. She’s frozen in place as she watches you slowly lift a hand to touch your wound as a pained whimper leaves your lips.

That terrible noise rips her out of her frozen state and she dashes over to hold you as you begin to fall to your knees. When Kuvira looks over to see where the icicle came from she looks into the wide, terrified eyes of one of the rebels. It’s one of the ones you helped free.

Before she can even think of all the ways she’s going to kill that woman you croak out “Vira?” Her gaze flickers back to yours, tears are welling up in your eyes and Kuvira feels the warm blood begin to spill onto her hands.

“I’m gonna save you, gonna find someone to heal you.” Her voice is high pitched and cracking but she doesn’t care. “You are not going to die.” Kuvira looks around for someone to help save you, her one chance at happiness from going up in flames. She feels her vision blur as she desperately turns her head in all directions when it lands on the blue robes of the water benders fighting on Korra’s side.

One of them has to be a healer, she thinks. “I need to lay you down so I can drive,” you grip at her wrist, your eyes widening at the idea of her letting go of you. “It’s the only way I can save you, I’m so sorry.”

Suddenly she doesn’t care about anything but you, her fear of losing control has been replaced with the fear of losing you. She can’t lose you, you're the light in her life and without you, she’ll once more be the abandoned, unlovable ward of Suyin.

She quickly leans down to press a firm kiss to your forehead before gently setting you down in the trunk of the car before clumsily jumping into the front seat and turning the key. The jeep roars to life, the only problem is how her pathway is blocked.

Kuvira stands in her seat and pulls two large walls from the earth, soldiers stumble out of the way as she pushes it through the battlefield, offering a small, clear pathway for her to drive through. She floors it and hears you groaning in the background, causing her to grip the steering wheel harder.

Her hands keep slipping from being soaked in your blood, she fights with all her might to not look down at them, knowing she needs to focus on the road ahead. Her wall ends halfway so with one hand she bends two walls again, it takes a bit longer and these walls are much shorter and less sturdy but it does the trick.

Suddenly Korra appears at the end of the pathway, her hands once lit with fire extinguish at the frantic look on Kuvira’s face. She makes it to the end of the pathway, Korra jumps out of the way as Kuvira slams her foot on the brakes. The car comes to a screeching halt and without a second to lose Kuvira is scrambling out of the front seat to where she left you.

Kuvira lets out a loud, strangled sob at the sight before her. Your skin is so pale and there’s so much blood, the floor of the trunk is coated in the deep red and Kuvira bites back a sob. You look up at her, softly saying “Vira?”

Kuvira’s wet hands go to rest on your cheeks, she looks up at Korra and screams “I need a healer!” Her scream snaps Korra out of her daze and she rushes over to the jeep, when she opens the door of the trunk and sees blood begin to trickle off the edge, her heart drops.

She’s never met you before but Suyin told her enough to know you're the one who helped them. She climbs into the truck, her brown pants slowly sticking to her skin from the blood.

The icicle has melted now, leaving in its wake a gaping hole as she summons water from one of the vats they brought for the benders and encases her hands in it. She’s only ever healed herself and it was never something so severe.

“Please,” Kuvira says to the avatar, her wet words scraping out of her throat as she continues to cry. “Please save her.” Korra nods, keeping her gaze on your wound as her hands begin to glow and hover over the gaping hole.

Neither of them notices how the fight has halted, Kuvira’s soldiers waiting for her to end the avatar due to how close they are. Their leader begins to sob as she desperately holds your neck so she can lift your head and set it on her lap. The metal probably isn’t very comfortable. Your cheeks and neck now have bloody handprints on them as Kuvira repeats like a mantra “You’ll be fine, you’re gonna be fine. I love you so much, you’re gonna live.”

Korra calls over her shoulder “I need another healer!” Two waterbenders rush over, water already bent around their hands as they climb up to help. All of their hands glow as they hover over your wound, “she’s lost a lot of blood” one of them says to the other.

“Just fix it!” Kuvira demands, her heart dropping at his comment, neither of them acknowledges her as they continue to work on her soulmate, one of your hands weakly grab at her wrist so she’ll look at you, her gaze snaps to yours and she softens in an instant. “Everything’s gonna be okay, my love. Okay?”

“Okay,” you weakly reply. Kuvira rests her forehead against your own, trying to keep from screaming out. “I love you, Vira.”

“I love you too, y/n. I love you so much.” She continues to repeat herself, you look up into her eyes with a small, adoring smile.

It feels like hours go by as they work on you. Whilst the three water tribe members try to save your life, Suyin walks up with a solemn look on her face. “You need to end this, Kuvira.”

Her eyes pull away from yours to look into those of Suyin’s and she angrily spits out “I don’t care, end it. So long as Y/n lives I don’t care.” Her men at the very front of her army hear her though and all let out differing noises of surprise. “I surrender.”

Suyin begins to spit out orders on how to arrest her men, she sends the other Beifongs back to Zaofu to clean up Kuvira’s mess whilst everyone else stays on the battlefield to help her arrest and detain the earth empire loyalists. Kuvira places a kiss on your forehead and closes her eyes so she doesn’t have to watch it all be ripped from her, she focuses on your breathing as she tunes out the youngest Beifong sister.

Every once in a while you groan out in pain and Kuvira’s heart clenches with fear each time. “We’ve done all we can for now,” Korra says softly from behind her. Kuvira looks over her shoulder at the Avatar and sees Suyin walk up to the edge of the trunk with her arms crossed over her chest. “You can send me away to prison once she’s better, just don’t take me away from her just yet.”

“I made a promise to Y/n and I may not like it but I will stand by it. By ending this war you will be put under house arrest, we need Y/n awake before we can do that though.” Suyin sighs, Kuvira’s gaze shifts to your own at Suyin’s words but she finds them shut.

Frantically, fearful that you won’t ever wake up, she places two fingers on your pulse. It’s weak, but there. “She’s just sleeping, she’ll need lots of it.”

“Y/n said she’ll choose the city for herself, for now, we’ll need to cuff you and take the both of you back to Zaofu so she can get the rest she needs.”

She pulls your body up and into her arms so she can hold you, your head lulls onto her shoulder and you let out a soft groan at the movement.

She places a kiss on your forehead and closes her eyes as she hears orders being given by the younger Beifong sister. She doesn’t listen, too focused on your breathing to care. She has willingly given up her army for you, and she’d do it again if it means saving your life.

#kuvira #kuvira x reader #kuvira/reader #kuvira fanfic #lok fanfic #legend of korra fanfic #legend of korra #lok #fanfic #the great divide

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alchemabotana · 4 years ago

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Horoscopes for New Moon in Cancer July 9th 2021

Horoscopes for the New Moon in Cancer

July 9th 2021

By Antonina “Little Thunder” Whaples

@whaplesantonina

If you find these horoscopes useful, please consider voting for me in the Muscle and Fitness Hers front cover competition for 2021′s Ms. Health and Fitness: https://mshealthandfitness.com/2021/antonina

Digital painting by Antonina Whaples

Still steaming in the energy of the overarching solstice sun rays, this New Moon in cancer will have you blissfully forgetting any of the struggles of the very conflicted Capricorn dominated conversations of the last Full Moon. In the wake and bake of the solstice, our Yang energy gets an overdrive that manifests in contrasting ways. Looking at your focuses on this way down the epic landslide of energy will open up gates of knowledge to understandings about your true identity. With Saturn coming into center with Aquarius soon, and Jupiter hitting retrograde in Aquarius on July 28th, your inner databanks are getting a major makeover Queer Eye style.

Much of this reorganization will center around how we collectively feel about ourselves individually, our responsibilities for our words and actions in our communities, and how we plan to make real-time changes to our “Ways” in order to contribute to grand legacies. Legacies themselves will undergo a transformation of definition. We can thank good old Venus opposing Saturn in Aquarius for this. But, unlike the “tower of babble” moment, the scenarios brought up by this New Moon will have your communication systems recalibrating towards epic achievements of the mind/body/spirit varieties. It’s all about Love, your memories of it, the ways you’ve embodied it, and the sacrifices made for it. Some of those sacrifices are coming full circle, and in the New Moon, this will be mostly felt by the Yin collective consciousness as a major relief. If you’re feeling unbalanced on the 10th, try to focus on activities that bring you comfort and ease your mind. This act may feel like a true moment of spiritual rebellion.

There’s a lot of hope in this moon, cradled by Cancers’ warm and loving waters. The “Home” is pivotal to this Moon’s inherent cleansing cycle, which may bring up dust and twigs swept under the rug. The idea of responsibility for our actions is heightened. We will all be challenged to face our own idiosyncrasies and dualities. This appears to be a long standing theme we’re all checking in and out of repeatedly until Neptune stations direct in Pisces on December 1st 2021. This very slow moving energy feels like a drum out of rhythm with our daily lives. Individually we are learning to tune into deeper vibrations of our own, and tune out wavelengths disruptive to our growth. This moon is a good time to move your body to healing sounds that help you manifest the emotional experiences attached to your not yet manifested dreams, hopes, prayers, and altar work.

Aries:

My fiery frequencies have been running too hot. I find places to release my steam that are quiet, dark, and all my own. Whether in the outside world, or my inner mind palace, I find slices of shade are my delight. I desire a type of self-synergy that can only be activated in the realms of the subconscious, and I make time to rest in the ways that make these new synapses happen. I want to learn and grow, and I’m giving myself the space to honor the eternal internal scholar within myself.

Taurus:

I’ve been typecasting my own archetype for some time, and I’ve realized those imprints have become outdated. I do not fear the revelation of my Cosmic Face to my own self, but rather look forward to the introduction of myself to Myself. I find ways to greet my emerging identity by balancing my time with friends and family. I take the time to meditate on what I am agreeing to when I go along with the herds. I respect my self sovereignty enough to reject projections on my personhood. I take responsibility for my own reflections on others, and these actions allow me to accept myself in any situation. I release all concepts of my empathic or psychic nature as negative, and allow the gifts I have been given to garnish me with life’s abundances.

Gemini:

I’m preparing for my mic drop moment. I’ve been writing bars and aiming for the stars, and I feel it coming. Not sure what, not sure when, but this moon is bringing mojo. I sense the message I was meant to embody is being written deeply inside me by a host of ghosts and ancestors ready to protect my destiny. Things are feeling extra cosmic, and I can almost feel my future touching me from time to time. I let myself enjoy my dreaming time, and this New Moon gives me a place to hide my secret poems and self reflections. There’s a softness coming over me, and I feel comfortable allowing myself to relax into the knowledge that my creative genius isn’t just valuable, it’s real.

Cancer:

The cycle of filling and emptying feels extra powerful under this New Moon. Elevated by this lunation, I use this dark moon to focus on the moments in-between. In this meditation, the world opens up a new concept of Time to me. In this knowledge I am able to reconstruct my psychological leanings away from worst-case-scenario and anxiety -laden secret self conversations. I don’t need to look outside myself for cues from the pack, and I am comfortable asserting my authoritative genius when applicable. This acknowledgement of my self-worth and efficacy gives me awareness that assists my community and gives others much needed moments of Hope & Joy.

Leo:

Things feel saucy in the right ways this new moon. Yin and Yang are focused on balancing my section of the sky’s influences this lunation cycle. Sometimes I feel the tug of my shadow side urging me to use my head AND my heart. Although I feel driven by the power of my heart center, and the emotions of my inner oceans, I find time to stop and ask myself “is this what I really want?”. When I allow myself to acknowledge the influences beckoning me to overspend my creative and sexual resources, I am able to find my personal zen. I discover new secret distractions in the everyday experience of relating and existing in community and friendship. I’m learning to tune my volume to the right settings, and this allows my audience to hear me clearly. Clarity has become increasingly important to me, as discernment makes me feel centered. This moon I use the dark hours to clear my mind, and calm my heart.

Virgo:

The quiet emptying of this New Moon secretly invites me to advocate for my silent needs in ways that feel safe to me. I practice self loyalty regularly, and renew my vows to my internal compass under the protection of the current skies. I know that moments like this aren’t always accessible, so when they are, I congratulate myself for my good luck. Spending time with private projects makes me feel centered and focused in ways that empower me. I use this darkened moon to look at my private world with a gentle eye. I know that my goals are just an echo of desires I’m learning to advocate for. Finding words for my journey helps me understand myself the way I wish to be understood.

Libra:

I am allowing myself to be seen and appreciated by myself. When I take the time to be in relationship with myself, my moods, and my memories, I find a special center. I’m manifesting a reality where my sense of self is solidified and appreciated by myself first and foremost. Through my self manifestation work, I am becoming aware and knowledgeable of the long history and sacrifices of those who came before me. I use this awareness to build gratitude within my heart center for myself and anyone else who shares in my archetype. My focus on self-healing is a radical step in my generational efforts in this timeline. I am an important person, and I tell myself so often.

Scorpio:

I am quietly waiting for new moments to try out my newfound knowledge. I’ve been watching and observing, but now it is my time to act. I take the reins of my destiny, and I do not apologize to the previous carriage driver. I know the power of an apology, which is why I know when one is owed or not. I do not need to struggle with power games that play in the psychopomp of the collective, and am my own sovereign spiritual space. I trust that my future is held in love & beauty and is supported by the generations of ancestors present on all planes. I am using this dark moon to get in touch with my essence and knowledge of my true self.

Sagittarius:

This New Moon I am shedding responsibilities that have become recognizably not-mine. With this awareness has come the revelation of what is mine to control, and what is mine to let go. I accept the blessings of my responsibilities as the reason I am able to hold space for myself in my own life. I do not allow others to speak on my behalf, and use my voice to set the story straight. I use my energy for higher purposes and don’t have space this lunation to be dragged into any conflicts. I use my arrow to draw solid lines in the sand about which energetics I’m willing to play with. I promise myself to treat myself with compassion daily, especially as I outgrow scenarios and scenes that just ain’t me.

Capricorn:

I’m learning how to define karma for myself, and this New Moon is giving me a lot to think about. I understand that if I wish to heal, I must practice kindness towards myself. When I notice the mean monsters arrive in the darkness of night, I use my practical wisdom to ward them off. I’m noticing that fear doesn’t have as much power as I once imagined, and I’ve been slaying small demons like candycrush. This lunation I allow a space for the internal/external conflicts to find a cease-fire, and I find myself enjoying new mental quiet. I’m learning to trust the process of letting go, and this small cycle feels like the period at the end of a sentence.

Aquarius:

The labyrinths of my inner circuit board are asking me if I’ve tried turning it off and turning it back on again. When I consider my own off/on switch, I contemplate who I give access to it. When my triggers are alarming, I respect myself enough to take the time to respond carefully to my own messages. I acknowledge the wiring of the ancient ones, and use the ancient technology of this Moon to allow my power centers to upgrade. My dreamtime is especially sacred to me in these moments, and I use this lunation to discern important inner truths. I do not need to fear when I have premonitions, but instead, refocus that awareness on trusting my own intuition first and foremost.

Pisces:

This New Moon I let out a deep sigh of relief. In the feelings of stuckness and frustration, I’ve discovered hidden patterns of life. As I discover which patterns benefit me the most, I learn to recalibrate my channels to an easier stream. This work opens me to timelines I may not have previously considered when vision-boarding and manifesting dreams. I thank the spiritual abbacus for working out ancient calculations this New Moon. I give gratitude when my supplies are distributed exactly how, where, and when they will make the greatest impact for my ultimate visionings.

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ffangirlingsince2001 · 5 years ago

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The Witcher and the Princess: Magma

*not my gif*

Geralt x Reader

Geralt of Rivia is not a babysitter, he is not a bodyguard, and he has no interest in transporting princesses across the continent. Until gold is offered and for the next 90 days he’s saddled with a chirpy, bubbly, princess, who is betrothed to the prince of Narok and has a desire to see everything before she’s trapped behind another set of walls.

Warnings: violence, language, angst, fluff, smutish (not quite there yet ;) )

Over the next couple of days, it seemed that nothing had changed. She still smiled at him. Which was more than he deserved after what had happened in the darkness of their room. He still dreamt about it, and now that he knew what she felt like it made it even more difficult to keep his distance. In an effort to protect them both he had allowed Adam to take her away, to show her the world in which he lived. The nights were still a struggle but when both pretended to be asleep there was no risk.

The morning of their departure was a tearful one for the princess. She wrapped her arms around her silversmith as tightly as she could manage, but to Geralt’s surprise, ducked beneath Adam’s lips before quickly joining Geralt atop Roach. The silence in which they rode was full of tension. Geralt was more focused on ignoring the feeling of her legs wrapped around him than where they were going and so it was no surprise they eventually ended up lost in a thicket of woods.

“Where are we?” she whispered from behind him, sliding off the horse as she spoke. Around them trees rustled while no wind blew. She was inching away from the horse and closer to the underbrush. “Can you hear that?”

“Get back on the horse,” he growled but she paid him no mind.

“It’s coming through here.”

“Y/N, get back on the horse.”

“It sounds like a child.”

“Please, come back,” he begged.

“What if they’re hurt? What if we can help them?”

“Y/N,” he persisted but she continued. From that moment, everything seemed to move in slow motion. With a shaking hand she reached through the brush and a long claw wrapped around her waist, yanking her forward. Geralt leapt from his horse, drawing the silver blade and plunging after her. Thorns tried to pull him back, warning him of the danger that awaited him, but the sounds of her screams made everything else painless.

She was crying out for him, and though it was agony listening to her fear, anything was better than silence.

Silence met she was dead.

Ahead of him the brushes still rustled from the monster he was trailing. The trail of trampled underbrush led him to a clearing where his princess had torn herself away and was brandishing a stray stick she had found. As she fended off the head, the tail was creeping around, reading to pierce its prey. He charged forward, sword raised high and the monster roared with indignation. She slammed the branch against its skull with minimum damage, only managing to annoy the beast. It swiped her to the side with a snarl and turned its attention the silver that was glinting in the evening light. It screeched, brandishing its tail. He charged it, slicing every inch of flesh he could reach. The tail caught him in the side and he let out a grunt, his sword flying from his hand.

“No!” he yelled as Y/N darted for it, she froze and the monster caught sight of her. The moment her hand closed around the handle it darted forward and she screamed, swinging wildly. It hissed and screeched, swiping at her with uninjured maw. It was backing her into a corner, preparing to feast on the foolish girl that had dared to challenge it. Geralt pulled himself from the ground and leapt onto the monsters back. It screamed, twisting as it tried to remove the Witcher from its back. Its tail struck the princess, throwing her against a boulder and she slumped to the ground. The talon on its tail pulled him off and tossed him towards the princess. The world spun around him and he was vaguely aware of Y/N struggling to stand. Using the sword as a cane she pulled herself up to her full height and stepped between him and the snarling beast. It roared and she screamed drawing up the sword, swinging it just as the teeth were sure to close around her. Blood spattered across the both of him and the monster collapsed to the ground, only a weak breath remaining. She stepped forward and plunged the hilt into its eye before dropping to the ground.

“Geralt,” she gasped, pulling herself to his side, soft hands resting against him. He tried to rise but fiery agony swept through him. There was no poison in this particular monster, but that didn’t make its claws any less sharp. “You’re injured.” She was panicking now, hands shaking, tears streaming down her face, her breaths short and sharp. She scrambled against his clothes, aiming to free the wound but only managing to make him wince.

“Y/N,” he growled, grabbing her hands if only to still them. She met his eyes and he offered a weak smile. “I need you to stitch the gash. Go find Roach and lead him back here.” She nodded and limped away, stumbling over the thicket. He could hear her screaming for his horse, the shake in her voice evident. He cursed himself, for allowing her to get hurt. She should never have to see something so terrible, and now she had killed something. And it was his fault. He was supposed to protect her, and now she was protecting him, placing herself between things that wished to devour her in effort to protect the man who was supposed to be keeping her safe.

She returned to his side, his pack in her hands, fishing for the needle and string he told her were inside. She helped him pull his shirt from his body and she gasped when the injury came into a view. Blood seeped from the long gash in his torso and he thanked the gods that it wasn’t any deeper. She stared at it, dread washing over her. She glanced over her shoulder at the dead monster and back to him, growing paler with each moment.

“I can’t,” she finally managed to say, and as the words left her shaking lips, a waterfall of tears and denial left her. “I can’t do, I can’t,” she cried, pushing herself away but he caught her by the wrists and pulled her close.

“Y/N, look at me,” he demanded, and she obeyed, “I’ll walk you through it, but I need you to stay calm, okay?” She nodded and he released her. “There’s a skin of ale tied to Roach; you’ll need to clean the wound before you close it up.” Catatonically, she followed his instructions, choking out sobs as he grunted in pain. When the wound was cleaned, she threaded the needle, slick fingers almost losing it amongst the underbrush. She tied a knot and hovered over his skin with timid hands. She straddled his waist, but there was no lust between them as she shook in fear, unable to draw any closer. “Hey, its okay, I’ve handled worse.” She nodded, more to herself than to him, and plunged the tiny needle into his skin. He growled, grabbing her abruptly. She froze, his fingers pressing bruises into her shoulders. “Keep going,” he encouraged her through gritted teeth and she proceeded, clumsy hands pulling flesh back together with flimsy string.

It took longer than it should have. She wouldn’t push it in right and the skin would tear, leaving her with corrections and more pain. When she pulled the last stitch tight, she released a the breath she had been holding throughout and allowed her tears to flow more freely. He sat up against the boulder he had been thrown against and pulled her close, cupping her face in his hands.

“Hey, you did so good,” he whispered, and she shook her head, pushing him away.

“It’s all my fault,” she screamed, pacing around the clearing, running fingers through her hair. He pulled himself up and reached out to take her hand again, but she pulled away. “I had to kill it. I fucking killed it,” she wailed and this time as she passed, he successfully caught her, pulling her close.

“Y/N, it was a monster, it had to be killed. It would have killed us the moment you gave it a chance.”

“It didn’t choose to be a monster.”

“It doesn’t matter, they have to be killed.” She broke into tears once more and he pulled her close.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she muttered into his chest and he brushed his fingers through her hair.

“It’s okay, we got through it, I won’t let anything hurt you. And, hey, if this princess thing doesn’t work out you might make a damn good hunter, that beast had nothing on you.” She snorted and pulled away, wiping her tears.

“I don’t think so.”

“Maybe not, but if it calls for it you can definitely take one out,” he said ushering to the corpse that lay beside them. She stared at it, fists clenching as she did so. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m going to go get some food and then we’ll camp out here for the night, get rested and then we can get back on the road tomorrow.” She nodded, still not looking away from the monster. He released her slowly and she crept towards it.

When he returned, a couple rabbits in his hands he found her kneeling beside the creature, whispering prayers over its lifeless body. Leaves circled the head like a funeral crown and it was tucked into itself as if it was only sleeping.

“Some would consider that blasphemous, princess.”

“And some are ignorant,” she retorted without turning from the body. Leaving her to her prayers he built a fire and began to cook the rabbit, his stomach rumbling at even the mere thought of being filled. Eventually she sat across from him, arms wrapped around herself.

“You think I’m being silly.”

“It certainly is uncommon to care about the very thing trying to kill you, but not silly. Refreshing if anything.” She seemed surprised as it his response, and offered him a small smile over the fire. “However, I would like to know where you developed such compassion.”

“One day you will, but not now,” she replied sadly, dropping her gaze. Silence encircled their camp as they ate. He couldn’t figure out why the secrecy, and she had made it very clear she would not tell him, so he could find nothing to talk about. The body of the monster still seemed to catch her eye, a glint of something he could not understand twinkling in her eye.

When the sun had finally set, and only the fire light surrounded them he began to unfold their makeshift beds. He laid down on stiff matt and waited for her to do the same. When he glanced to her hunched figure he found her staring at him deep in thought.

“Y/N,” he whispered and she glided towards him, floating over the uneven ground before throwing a leg over his lap and straddling him. He shot up, ignoring the stab of pain that shot through him, but before he could protest she pressed her lips to his.

There was no ferocity in this kiss, only tenderness. A hand rested on his shoulder and the other against his cheek He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her closer. She moaned softly against his lips and he was sure he could have melted in that very instant.

Her hands crept into his hair, wrapping themselves in the white tendrils. He pulled away and instantly attached his lips to her neck, moaning against the soft skin when lightly tugged at his roots. She pulled herself closer and he could feel the slopes of her breasts pressing against him. Her thighs tightened against his waist and she moaned into the moonlight. Her hands wandered to her corset and she began to untie it but he withdrew.

“We cannot,” he grunted, his whole self cursing the reminder that she was not his, “You have a husband.”

“And I can assure you he will not mind.”

“It’s not right.”

“This is not about right or wrong, this is about wanting. Do not tell me that you are not filled with wanting because I will know you are lying. I have seen the way you stare, and the way you tense whenever I am seated near you. And let us not forget the way you so lustfully held me beneath my skirt, or the way you did not hesitate to wrap my legs around you as the jealousy began to eat you alive.”

“You are not mine.”

“And yet you wish I was.” He was caught, he had believed it was so well hidden, and yet she had known for as long as he had felt it. It wasn’t solely lust either, she had become more important than just gold, and now as she engulfed him it was taking every bit of strength not to place her beneath him and thrust until she was a mewling mess.

But not here.

Not where death had almost grasped her.

Not where the monster she had unwillingly killed lay beside them.

Not when he had an overwhelming sense that she was trying to heal something deep within her.

And so he pulled her tight against him and laid against the ground. “Just lay with me,” he whispered and she stiffened, almost shocked. “Y/N, I want nothing more than to fuck you, but we’re both covered in blood and exhausted, so just lay with me.” As he spoke, she melted against him and sighed, resting her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes, resting in his victory.

@mallorydoesstuff @facelessfiction @aphadriel-fanfic @raspberrydreamclouds @thegreattodd @saint-hardy @ravenclawsstolemybunies @queenofmankind @britty443 @lonewolf471 @utterlyhopeful @persephonehemingway

#the witcher #the witcher smut #the witcher angst #the witcher fluff #the witcher fanfic #the witcher x reader #the witcher fanfiction #geralt of rivia #geralt x reader #geralt of rivia x reader #geralt of rivia fluff #geralt of rivia angst #geralt of rivia smut

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ga-yuu · 4 years ago

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Akihito~1st Birthday Story~'A Blessing On A Cursed Day'~

Akihito's POV-----

The meeting with a court official with ties to the Imperial Court ended earlier than planned.

Akihito had returned to the Abe family residence earlier that day.

(It's been a while since I have invited Yasuchika and Ibuki to go out on the town.)

After crossing a long corridor, I came in front of Yasuchika's room...

Yasuchika: "----I will not. I won't celebrate Akihito-sama's birthday."

Ibuki: "You said the same thing last year and then gave up."

(Hm?)

Nodding his head at the mention of his name, he gently opened the sliding doors and looked into the room.

Ibuki: "If you're so worried about it, why don't you just have a quick party or two and give some random gifts?"

Yasuchika: "That's not easy."

Apparently, they are talking about Akihito's birthday, which is coming up in a few days.

Yasuchika: "....Before he was even born, he was cursed, and there was no one to congratulate him on his birth. That's what birthdays are for him."

(.....Indeed.)

But I don't feel sad about that now.

I am sure there will never be a day when I feel happy about my birthday.

Ibuki: "What's all the this? What do you want to do after all?"

Yasuchika: ".....I would like Akihito-sama to forget about that cursed day. That's all."

Ibuki: "You should just celebrate and not think about it anymore, because it's human nature to rewrite bad memories with good ones."

Yasuchika: "......................"

Yasuchika raises his shapely eyebrow and falls silent.

Yasuchika: "It's a birthday. Is there a right way to celebrate it?"

Ibuki: "Ah?"

Yasuchika: “You know what? I can’t celebrate his birthday with a straight face.”

(.....Yeah, Yasuchika is Yasuchika and he’s broken.)

A genius born with the greatest power of all time in the Abe family.

His childhood was undermined by adults who wanted to take advantage of his talent.

Ibuki: “We demons don’t have such celebrating customs like these.”

Yasuchika: “Useless.”

Ibuki: “What?”

I was in a somber mood, but their childish banter almost made me laugh.

(I know Yasuchika would be upset when I say this, but....that boy is so cute when he fights with Ibuki.)

(You can say and do whatever you want like this in front of me, too.)

With this in mind, I walked into the room with an unconcerned look on my face.

Akihito: “I’m sorry to bother you.”

Yasuchika: “...! Akihito-sama.”

Ibuki: “What’s with the early return?”

Akihito: “Yeah. Sort of. By the way, there’s something I wanted to let you both know....I’ve got my work done, so I’m going on a trip for the next few days to take my mind off things.”

Yasuchika: “A....trip?”

Yasuchika and Ibuki looked at each other when Akihito told them the date of his return, a few days after his birthday.

Akihito: “I’m sure people have their own agendas, so don’t worry about me.”

(I’ve noticed that every year, Yasuchika looked troubled on my birthday.)

(I thought I was giving you a hard time, but I didn’t realize I was giving you such a last-minute headache.)

However, there are no words in Akihito’s mind to resolve this conflict.

So I thought it would probably be easier for Yasuchika if I spend my birthday in a different place.

Yasuchika: “There are still many enemies targeting you from the court, Akihito-sama. I’m not sure if traveling alone would be safe....”

Ibuki waves his hand at the reluctant Yasuchika.

Ibuki: “Akihito is the King of curses. He also has my powers. What’s there to worry about?”

Yasuchika: “.....”

With a complicated look on his face, Yasuchika stares at Akihito.

Yasuchika: “At the very least, take my subordinate with you. .....I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Akihito: “-----I know, Yasuchika.”

.....................................

On the day of his birthday----

(I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a “visit to the enemy”, ......but I wanted to take a closer look at Kamakura.)

(I see. It’s not like the capital of Kyoto, which was built by court nobles, it was built by the warrior class.)

I walked along the main street, which was crowded with people.

The escort that Yasuchika gave me quickly dispersed before we reached Kamakura.

Akihito: “It’s a good thing, that I’m having more fun than I thought but....”

(------They’ve been following me for a while now. It's just as Yasuchika said.)

I felt a presence behind the stream of people, and I ponder without relaxing my legs.

Even if they are not as good as warriors who fight for a living, the headmen who have been threatened for a long time are sensitive to the desire to kill.

(There seems to be quite a lot of them, and it might have been a good idea to spread out the guards when this happens.)

(Well. I wonder if I’ll get away with it. ......or..)

I casually ask for a cloak in the passing by shop.

----And when the opportunity arose, I quickly blended in with the crowd.

...................

(Hmm. Looks like I have got it covered for now.)

(Should I just leave the town? or------)

As I walked along in the afternoon sun, which was beginning to ease towards dusk, wearing the cloak I had bought-----

The moment I turned the corner, I bumped into someone.

Akihito: “----Oh. Please forgive me.”

Yoshino: “No, actually, I’m sorry!”

(.......!)

I was holding the fox-possessed princess in my arms----the trump card of Shogunate.

Akihito: “.....You are.”

Yoshino’s clear eyes look up at Akihito in surprise.

(A bit of a coincidence. But it’s a good opportunity.)

(There’s no better time than now in knowing Yoshino’s charm, who has the power to change the course of a battlefield.)

Akihito smiles softly and picks up the luggage that Yoshino dropped.

Akihito: “Yes, here you go. Sorry, I hope it didn’t get dirty.”

Yoshino: “It’s all right, I had it wrapped. It was more my fault for being so careless...You’re not hurt, right?”

Akihito: “I am alright. My name is Akihito. I have only just arrived in town. .....What about you?”

Yoshino: “I’m Yoshino. It’s been a while since I came to live in Kamakura.”

Yoshino, who had told her name, continued the conversation without feeling suspicious.

Yoshino: “Akihito-san.....are you a traveler or a merchant? Do you have any business here?”

Akihito: “Yes, I do. I ran away from home.”

Yoshino: “Pardon?”

(Well, that’s the common reaction anyone would give.)

Yoshino: “Sooo....why did you run away?”

Akihito: “It’s not really a big deal, though.”

I could say all the truth or make up a lie.

I’ll try telling the truth in a whimsical and blurred way.

Akihito: “Actually, today is my birthday.”

Yoshino: “Really? Congratulations!”

Akihito: “Thank you.”

I replied with a smile to the formal answer she gave in no time.

Yoshino: ‘If it’s your birthday, why did you run away?”

Akihito: “I felt sorry for the boy who lives with us. He gets a bit uncomfortable every time, this year. We’re not used to each other celebrating birthdays and being celebrated.”

Yoshino, who is listening intently, would never dream that this is a conversation about Yasuchika.

(If I didn’t explain anything to her, she might think that I ran away from home to meet my lover.)

I continued my story while giggling inwardly.

Akihito: “There’s also another guy, who lives with us. He just finds it amusing that we’re so tense.... I realized it wouldn’t do any good if I stay at the mansion on this day.”

As expected, Yoshino gives a confused look as I increased the number of characters in my story.

Yoshino: “So, you three live together. Are you like a family?”

Akihito: “No, we’re not. I don’t know how to describe it. We are too close to be an acquaintance but too bleak to be friends. I think there are too many things missing for all of us to be a family.”

Yoshino: “Missing?”

Akihito: “Mm. Too many.”

The relationship between Akihito and the other two was complicated.

Affection, expectations, spellbinding----a tangled web of emotions that will fall apart no matter which way you cut it.

Akihito: “Well, anyway, the one I’m mentioning to you is the owner of the house, the boy.... I and the other guy lives in his mansion and go back and forth to other bases.”

Yoshino: “There must be a strong bond between the three of you to live together when you have other bases.”

Akihito: “-----I agree.”

(Sometimes I wish that this brief period of peace would last forever.)

But Akihito’s path and his wish to destroy everything are very contradictory.

Yoshino looks into Akihito’s face as if to say something, and asks boldly.

Yoshino: “Um, is there a reason, as to why neither of you wants to celebrate birthdays?”

Akihito: “Hmm, well...”

I looked at Yoshino, who was staring at me with all her heart.

An impulse arose, a faint tingle in my chest.

(Such pure eyes. They must have been loved and nurtured.)

(I wonder how she would react if I told her the situation a little more in-depth, as she would not understand me.)

Akihito: “----For a man who was not loved by the world, the day he was born was also the day he was made to suffer. I think the more we know about the situation, the more hesitant we are to celebrate.”

Yoshino: “Is there no one in the world who loves you....?”

Akihito: “Mm. If, for example, your father hates you, your mother shuns you and the nursery of countless vices...”

Yoshino clenched her fingertips together as if she were in a state of discomfort.

(Now, how are you going to answer this? Fox princess.)

Hesitantly, Yoshino opens her mouth and answers in an unexpectedly firm tone.

Yoshino: ".....----It's more awkward for people who live together. Because you wanted to do something for that boy, didn't you, Akihito-san? Isn't that compassion, love?"

(I see.)

(Not imposing your common sense of love, but also not shunning what is far from my understanding....)

(It's a simple but honestly desirable answer.)

However, having a favorable impression is not same thing as being right or wrong about it.

Akihito: "Who knows...."

(I wish I had, but....)

Akihito: "If you don't love, you may never essentially understand love. Me and the boy."

(I am sure, it's me who made Yasuchika more twisted.)

(I wanted to save that kind child from the darkness.)

But now, I am the one who is left in the darkness.

Akihito: “We have no way of proving the rightness of our feelings towards each other.”

Yoshino chokes on her words in a confused way.

But then-----

Akihito: “...............”

(.....this line of sight.)

Akihito frowns as he felt a cold murderous sensation.

Akihito: “----Did they find me?”

Yoshino: “Hm?”

Yoshino, who didn’t catch the murmured words, asked back, but----

(They must have been the assassins from earlier. Oh dear, I haven’t had the time to enjoy a chat .)

Akihito: “Okay then, I remembered something. So I will take my leave. Sorry, to mislead you with such a vague story.”

Yoshino: “Ah, no.....goodbye.”

Yoshino who was confused by Akihito’s sudden parting words, but told him goodbye, anyway.

(It’s impossibly kind of you to say goodbye to me with that look on your face when I told you I was a tourist, you know)

Akihito: “Yoshino.”

I reached out and gently stroked her soft hair.

Akihito: “I want you to be healthy. Always.”

Yoshino(blushing): “Akihito-san.....?”

Yoshino’s cheeks turns red.

I remembered it as a beautiful scene and turned my back to Yoshino, after releasing my hand.

It would be a mistake to wish her well when I am the one who will eventually bring her down.

Yoshino: “Ah......”

As I moved away, I could feel a coldness rising up inside me.

.........................

By the time Yoshino and Akihito, parted their ways in the back alley, the sky already turned red.

Akihito: “Now, what do you want from me?”

Men: “...............”

(.....Hmmm, this type of errand is obvious.)

Three men surrounds Akihito and pulled out their swords.

Man 1: “You’re the head, Sutokuin Akihito. We are here to take your life-----”

Akihito: “So, this is how it’s supposed to be, for me...”

Put my hand on my sleeve and gently took off my cloak with one hand.

(I didn’t buy this just for a disguise, but I needed something to hide my golden hair, in case of emergency.)

I removed the bracelet from my wrist....

(We are all bad guys anyway.)

Man 2: "Ngh....."

Akihito: "....'All Stop.'"

Man 3: "Mm..my body is,...."

The men stiffen as they are bombarded with unseen words.

The striations on the arm that holds the sword are raised, showing that he is exerting maximum effort, but he is not moving a single fingertip.

(......! Ah......)

-----A small bird which was just flying overhead lost control and crashed noiselessly into the wall of the building.

Akihito: ".............."

He acknowledges it out of the corner of his eyes and quietly bats his eyelashes.

(----Forgive me.)

A dull ache in my heart, like an old wound from a rainy day, and an unpleasant feeling rising in my throat.

Akihito: "....Oh dear. I've been in a bad mood. Thanks to Yoshino, I feel good now."

Man 1: "D-Don't come....near...."

Man 2: "Aghh."

Akihito: "....'Fall down.' "

The men fell to the ground as if they had been forcefully crushed by a huge weight.

The sword falls to the ground beside him, separated from his hand by the impact.

(Such a boring sight.)

After looking at them for a while, I slowly made my way to the fallen men.

Akihito: "Hey, are you prepared to be cursed.....for killing someone?"

(I won't tell this to Yasuchika. I don't want to him to worry.)

I crouched down and stretched my hand towards the man's chest...

Man 1: "Uwa..."

(If I were to kill someone on my birthday, it would be a fitting act for the King of curses.)

----But then.

Yoshino: "Akihito-san!"

(.....!)

Akihito: "----Yoshino."

I look back to see Yoshino standing there with a desperate look on her face.

(Why are you here?)

(.....I really wanted you to be healthy and I didn't want to involve you.)

She shook her head, signaling her rejection.

Akihito: "It's dangerous. Run away."

I know you don't understand what's going on.

Yoshino's face is pale as the air swirls with curses.

Yoshino: "I won't...run away."

Akihito: "......!"

(Why)

Yoshino breathes in and shouts at the top of her lungs.

Yoshino: "HELP! SOMEONE, PLEASE HELP!"

Akihito(shocked): "......"

Then, from the other side of the alley, I heard footsteps and voices---

Merchant 1: "Oi. What's going on here!?"

Merchant 2: "Just now, I heard Yoshino-san's voice..."

(Do they know Yoshino?)

Just as they were rushing in, dressed as merchants, the effect Kotodama wears off.

The men who had fallen to the ground began to groan and writhe.

Man 2: "Ah...kr..."

(....There too many people. I can't do anything bad anymore.)

I put my spell-binding bracelet back on my wrist and hid it under my sleeve.

(My hair, which has been dyed golden by the spell, should be back to normal in a little while from the way I feel.)

Merchant 1: "Yoshino-san, what happened?"

Merchant 2: "Who are these men?"

Yoshino: "Well...."

The merchants looks at each other, unsure of what to make of the disturbing situation.

Akihito: "..............."

In the meantime, the men staggered to their feet, looked at us in horror and put their swords in their hips.

Men 2: "....Let's get out of here."

Men 3: "Hey..Hey!"

The men ran away pushing the merchants aside.

(No way, I didn't think it would be possible to come out of that situation peacefully.)

It's obvious that it's going to be a weasel fight anyway, and I don't want to catch the one that got away.

Yoshino: "Um, Akihito-san?"

I exhaled faintly and looked at Yoshino.

Akihito(smiling): "----Thank you, Yoshino."

(This child who I thought would be helpless, changed the ending just by shouting.)

Merchant 1: "Yoshino-san, do you know him?"

Yoshino: "Eh, yeah."

The merchants are clearly suspicious of Akihito, who was hiding his face under the cloak.

Merchant 2: "Mister. Do you want us to report those men to the Shogunate soldiers?"

Merchant 3: "He even drew his sword."

Akihito: "We had a bit of an argument and I just upset him. I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you."

Yoshino: "Are you really sure? Akihito-san."

Akihito: "Yeah."

Yoshino asked in a reserved tone,

Perhaps, she understood the circumstances, so she didn't want to step too deep into it.

(Pure, but perceptive and close to people's hearts.)

Merchant 3: "Well, if he's Yoshino-san's acquaintance, then...”

Merchant 1: "Yeah, if anything happens, don't hesitate to call us for help."

Yoshino: "Yes. Thank you everyone."

(It's no wonder the townspeople love you like this.)

.............

After all the merchants left, Yoshino turns to Akihito, once again.

Yoshino: "Are sure you're not hurt?"

After confirming that, my hair returned to normal, I took off my cloak.

Akihito: "I am fine. Sorry, if I made you worry. You've been very attentive to me for a while now. You're a sweet child."

Yoshino: "It's not like that...."

The way she shakes her head vigorously is endearing.

Akihito: "I think that must be how you earned the trust of everyone..."

Yoshino: "Eh?"

Akihito: "All the merchants just rushed to help you when you called for help. You seem to be very well known in this town though you haven't lived in Kamakura all your life."

Yoshino: "I'm just lucky to have people by my side. It's true that I often go out to town because of my work and the money I live in now. I'm getting to know people reasonably well these days, though."

Akihito: "I see."

(You can be kind to people because you believe in their goodness. It's a dazzlingly beautiful way to live.)

(.....But.)

----After a pause for breath and I looked at her to seek the answer to a mystery that has yet to solve.

Akihito: "Yoshino, why did you come after me?"

Then, as if Yoshino had remembered, she unwrapped the package she was holding.

Yoshino: "Um, will you take this, if you don't mind?"

Akihito: "Eh?"

She presented me with a brand new hanging scroll.

Yoshino: "It's not for celebrating your birthday, but to celebrate our first meeting."

Akihito(surprised): "............."

(----How should I answer that?)

The offer of a warm unsparing favor left me unusually choked up.

Yoshino: "In my personal opinion... no one should be sad on their birthday. Even if you're not used to being celebrated, at least you can smile. That's what I want."

Akihito: ".....Why are you talking to me like that when we've just met? What if you don't know me, what will you do if I am a villain who's ruining the world?"

(Will you despair when you eventually learn of my malice?)

Yoshino: "......I thought you looked lonely. I'm sorry if I was wrong."

Akihito: "I...."

---I had long ago locked up the feelings like 'loneliness' and 'pain' deep inside my body.

(Or so I thought.)

(Curses are sensitive to negative emotions, so I tried not to feel anything painful.)

As I did so, I became less and less sure of my own mind.

Yoshino: "Also, Akihito-san's voice was gentle when he told me about the people he live with.”

Yoshino’s clear voice gently warms my heart.

(Yoshino’s light is too strong for me.)

Hesitantly, I carefully unfolded the scroll.

Akihito: “It’s painting of a little bird.”

I gently traced the little bird in the painting with my fingertips.

......Thinking of the little bird that I killed with my curse.

Akihito(smiling): “It’s cute. Did you bought it because you liked it?”

Yoshino(smiling): “Yes. That’s why I can give it to people with confidence.”

Akihito(smiling): “----It’s a sign of your purity that you can give what you want without hesitation.”

Yoshino’s eyes flickered faintly with heat.

Akihito: “Thank you. I am glad that I got to met you today.”

I conveyed that from the bottom of my heart.

Just when Yoshino was about to open her mouth in hesitation....

I heard a faint flapping of wings.

(....Ah)

The small bird, which I thought was dead from my curse, flapped its wings and flew back up into the sky.

Yoshino: “Phew! I’m glad she’s alive.”

(.....So, it was just unconscious.)

Akihito(chuckles): “....Fu.”

Yoshino: “Akihito-san?”

Akihito: “Haha....Yeah, you’re right. I’m glad.”

As I watch the birds soar, I laugh out loud, feeling irresistibly happy.

(It was good day, indeed.)

(I never thought I’d feel that way on my birthday.)

----When I get back to Kyoto, I’ll tell Yasuchika and Ibuki that ‘something good had happened’.

(Ibuki would snicker and Yasuchika....he would surely be surprised.)

Yoshino’s eyes blinked in wonder as I walked over to her....

As much as I wanted to, I scooped up Yoshino’s chin with my fingertips.

Akihito: “Hey. Thanks to you, my heart feels so warm.”

I could feel Yoshino’s body heating up from my touch.

The honesty of it made me smile again.

Yoshino(blushing): “.....I haven’t done anything.”

Akihito: “You don’t need to know anything. At least, not now.”

(I was able to touch a piece of your brilliance today and I’m the only one who should remember it.)

Akihito: “Goodbye, Yoshino. Next time we meet, ......tell me more about yourself.”

(Even if the battlefield is darker than darkness.)

From beyond the sky that surrounds them, a huge darkness of night is about to slowly descend

Celebration with Ibuki

I loved it. The person who wrote this story, I love you, for write something heartwarming as this. It was seriously sad but at the very end Yoshino was able to make Akihito smile. That’s enough! As long as he smiles, I can live with that.

I actually only bought the bigger set thinking that it will have story both in Yoshino’s and Akihito’s POV. But turns out that it doesn’t. But I still think it wasn’t a disappointment because this story looks much better in Akihito’s POV than Yoshino’s.

After reading this story, I’m so impatient for Akihito’s route. I’m excited to see how it will be, also Ibuki, too. I hope we get their main routes soon!!!

#ikemen series #ikemen genjiden #ikemen genjiden akihito #ikemen series story set #ikemen series birthday story #akihito's birthday story

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ohokimdumb · 5 years ago

Text

Carlos Oliveira Imagine (Prove it) 💛💋💎 SMUT

Request: Can we have a delicious SMUT about Carlos regretting the fact that he fancied Jill (which didn't work out) and now he fancies the reader instead and tries to make up for his foolishness with a passionately loving session to ensure the reader about his feelings, pretty please? 😍

Word count: 1.7k

Carlos walked into the motel room with Chinese takeout in one hand, shutting the door with his free hand. You looked over your shoulder at the muscular mercenary and smiled gently.

“Tonight we feast.” Carlos tossed the plastic back filled with piping hot boxes of takeout onto the questionably clean bed. It was odd seeing Carlos so positive in such a bad situation; knowing Umbrella was crumbling and had every intention of taking their employees down with them. Hiding out was the most logical plan to start with, until you two came up with a better idea.

“Have you been able to get in contact with Jill?” You asked, worried. Jill being in trouble wasn’t what you were worried about. Carlos’ feelings were occupying your mind. Everyone in the station knew he was attracted to her after everything that happened to them in Raccoon City, but she sort of...disappeared.

Carlos shrugged and fumbled around in the plastic bag, separating the set of orders. You paused in silence as you debated whether to push the subject or not; Carlos didn’t seem interested in discussing Jill’s disappearance.

“You ordered the orange chicken, right?” Carlos casually moved the topic to Chinese food, you rolled your eyes at his subtle childish behavior. He was never one to avoid important issues. Perhaps, it wasn’t an issue she was gone.

“Don’t act like that with me.” You scolded him, and Carlos chewed on hip bottom lip. It was clear Carlos was slightly annoyed by you pressing the issue.

“It doesn’t matter, she’s fine. Wherever she is...she’s tough as nails, I doubt she can’t take care of herself.” Carlos tossed your order of food on the right side of the bed and began to dig into his noodles. The tall Brazilian that sat across the bed from you was a hard person to read; you never knew what he was truly feeling. Maybe that’s something he learned after being in the force for a good amount of time. It was no secret, Carlos would grow distant when it came to his emotions; he didn’t want to waste people’s time.

“It does though, you cared for her and she disappeared-” You were interrupted by Carlos standing up, clearly distressed.

“It doesn't, because I don’t care enough. There’s someone else I care and worry about, someone who is more important than anything in this world. I fucking hate myself for not realizing how much she meant to me sooner.” Carlos blurted out and your eyes widened in shock from his sudden change of tone. Carlos’ sudden shift from cool and collected to being a total disaster in a matter of seconds was something you would never witness with him. Carlos bottom lip trembled as he struggled to explain himself; he couldn’t even make eye contact. Caustically you walked closer to him; you weren’t scared of him, but he was in pain and you want to only show signs and body movement indicating kindness and compassion.

Carlos sat back down and covered his eyes with his hand in defeat, even though his long, fluffy hair would have done the job just as well. You sat down next to him and lightly set your hand on his thigh, leaning forward slightly to try and see his eyes through his full head of black hair.

“It’s you.” Carlos quietly admitted and gazed intensely into your eyes. It was silent as you stared into his eyes, paralyzed by the unexpected. You shook your head without even realizing. Why didn’t he tell you how he felt?

“W-why are you just telling me this now?” You asked, it felt like your soul wasn’t fully in your body anymore.

Carlos sighed once more, attempting to find the right words to express the deep disappointment in himself.

“I’m a fucking coward.” Was all he could muster as you looked down at your lap. Your hand was lovingly covered by his; Carlos was so warm to the touch. Carlos...a coward? Perhaps he was when he had to express how he felt, but he was a courageous Brazilian god when it came to everything else in life.

You shook your head in disagreement toward his false, one-sided statement. Carlos eyes had a sad look to them, but there were hints of hope within the dark brown of his eyes. Gently, you set a hand on his cheek. Carlos’ facial tickled the palm of your hand as he rested his cheek comfortably against your hand.

“Prove to me you care.” You said in an almost demanding tone. Carlos immediately sat up from your subtle demand. The way you were leaned in so close to Carlos, told him what you wanted. The young, handsome Brazilian wasted no time and crashed his lips hungrily against yours as you latched onto him in a desperate plea for more. The moment your lips connected with his, it was the end and you knew what you wanted.

You moaned in the kiss and he gently pushed you down onto your back as he crawled on top of you, immediately asserting dominance. No matter what position he had you in, you felt safe and secure.

Carlos had a gentle touch. He caressed his finger tips all around your body. He created a trail that started at your neck, running between the crevice of your breasts, past your tummy, and stopped right above your sensitive center. You breathed in deeply from his ticklish touch. As his hands grabbed and massaged all around your body, he slipped his tongue in between your lips and groaned as he felt your saliva mix with his.

He had no intention of halting anytime soon and it you didn’t have a problem with it. You desperately tugged at his shirt, signaling him to strip and he complied without hesitation. Carlos threw his shirt onto the floor and you broke the kiss to admire his hypnotizing figure. His abs were past a six pack and toned like no other; he really was a god. Carlos noticed your amazement and he smirked at your flushed cheeks. You touched and graphed out his abs with your pointer finger to make sure what you were seeing was real and not some sick, but beautiful hallucination.

Carlos interrupted your obvious admiration towards his body and lifted your pajama shirt up. His eyes widened when he sees your bare breasts; he expected you to be wearing a bra. There was nothing wrong with not having a bra on; he drank in what was in front of him...and you were gorgeous. While he was standing up, you gladly undid his pants and pulled them down, along with his boxers. His large cock sprung from its constraints and you were even more astonished than when you saw his god-like abs. How was all of him going to...fit? You breathed in as Carlos gently pushed you down onto your back once more. He knelt down and curled two fingers around the sides of your pajama bottoms, yanking them down; you weren’t wearing panties either. Your cheeks flushed an ever deeper red as you watched Carlos admire your body like it belonged to him. Honestly...in a way, you did belong to him.

Carlos kissed his way up your body, starting at your ankles, up your leg, between your thighs...a quick peck against your sensitive clit; he paused and looked up at your expression. Desperation and desire was written all over your face as he covered your body with loving kisses. Carlos made his way up to your lips. Right as his soft lips connected with yours, the greedy mercenary took a handful of your breast and groped with intensity. You whimpered delicately in the kiss as Carlos gently pinched your nipple, twisting slightly. Your hands explored his lean back, you felt every muscle that flexed when you touched it. Carlos used his other hand to guide his cock to your entrance; it didn’t take him long to rub the tip of his cock in between your wet folds. Instinctively you deepened the kiss and braced yourself to be stretched in a way you had never felt before.

Carlos was slow and gentle, he let you accustom to his large size. You squealed he filled you completely, the passionate kiss was still unbroken as you tightly wrapped your thighs around his waist. Carlos knew you would feel a little pain since he was so big, so he was as gentle as a bear could be. He wrapped his arms around you, and you instantly melted in his affectionate embrace. Carlos began to thrust slowly as your walls grew more comfortable around his cock. Your body began to relax as the pain started to fade the more he thrusted back and forth. Carlos broke the kiss to catch his breath as he kept a slow, steady rhythm with his thrusts. Every time he pushed inside the bed creaked a little; it echoed in the motel room.

“You’re the only one...” Carlos unexpectedly broke the silence. Your eyes were still tightly shut from adjusting to his size, but a tear escaped between your eyelids. Carlos noticed and immediately wiped the tear away with his thumb.

“You promise?” You asked for his honesty. Your eyes opened and Carlos eyes were furrowed together. How could you ask such a thing?

“Of course.” Carlos grazed his thumb across your bottom lip as he continued lovingly thrust in and out of you. Instead of saying something, you pressed your lips against his once more. You didn’t want to talk, all you wanted was to focus on how good he made you feel; emotionally and physically. The way he touched and admired your body, made you feel so exotic. Carlos truly made you feel special.

There was no doubt you were close to cumming all over him; you didn’t want that moment to end. Another tear ran down the side of your face as your walls tightened around his thick cock. You didn’t need to tell Carlos you were close, he could feel everything. He felt himself caving in as he suddenly spilled his warm, salty cum deep inside you. The feeling of being taken in such a deep, desirable way made your climax even stronger. Your cum squirted onto the shirts and dripped from his cock. All you heard was the mixture of heavy breathing between you and Carlos; it was all you wanted to hear. Carlos kept himself hovered over you, his cock still rested inside your walls as he gently kissed each breast.

“I mean it, you’re the only one...meu amor.” The way his R’s rolled off his tongue shot a bolt of sensation down your spine. You were ready to fight Umbrella with him, he was all you needed.

#Carlos Oliveira #carlos oliveira x reader #carlos oliveira imagine #resident evil 3

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gregglatz · 4 years ago

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My permanent accessory

Alcohol, my permanent accessory Alcohol, a party-time necessity Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself Oh alcohol, I still drink to your health [Chorus] I love you more Than I did the week before I discovered alcohol –– The Barenaked Ladies

Alcohol helps … until it doesn’t

Drinking problems are tricky. Most people with a drinking disorder (alcohol use disorder or AUD) do not fit the stereotype of a blackout drunk. They work, play, and live like everyone else. They are intelligent, conscientious, funny, and fun to be around, often unusually so. What sets them apart from people who don’t have AUD is that not drinking makes them feel terrible. Alcohol withdrawal symptoms can begin just a few hours after the last drink and include anxiety, poor sleep/insomnia, headaches/migraines, nausea and vomiting, restlessness and agitation, rapid heartbeat, sweating, hallucinations, and tremors. Drinking alleviates the withdrawal symptoms and makes it easier to relax, be more comfortable around others, engage in intimacy, etc. So, from a short-term perspective it feels good to keep drinking. However, the cost of feeling good is dependence on a substance that will take its toll on a person’s physical and mental health and social and financial well being.

The cost of feeling good

In addition to the unpleasant short-term effects of alcohol withdrawal, the long-term consequences of AUD include liver damage/failure, atrial fibrillation, cardiac arrest, bone deterioration, cancer, diabetes, diseases related to vitamin B1 deficiency (including dementia), anxiety, depression, weight gain, job loss, financial insolvency, relationship failure, and increasing isolation from people who don’t join you in disordered drinking. If any of this sounds familiar, have an honest conversation with yourself and with a friend, therapist, or doctor about how much you’re drinking and (more importantly) why you’re drinking. AUD is not a moral failure, personal weakness, or problem you need to hide from others. It's a disorder. You need and deserve treatment and support.

How to stop drinking

AA can help. Need another approach? Check out ...

Allen Carr's EasyWay to quit drinking books, including The Easy Way for Women to Quit Drinking and The Illustrated Easy Way to Stop Drinking. Nikki Glaser (VIDEO) successfully used this approach.

The Sinclair Method. Check out Roy Eskapa, The Cure for Alcoholism: The Medically Proven Way to Eliminate Alcohol Addiction. Claudia Christian (VIDEO) successfully used this approach.

The Alcohol Experiment aka This Naked Mind. Developed by Annie Grace (VIDEO), This Naked Mind works by ending the conflict between your conscious desire to drink less, and your subconscious belief that alcohol is beneficial. At 35, Annie Grace was in a global C-level marketing role, responsible for 28 countries. Drinking close to two bottles of wine a night, her professional success came at a personal price she no longer wanted to pay. Grace preaches compassion, knowing its power over shame and blame is the best way to achieve lasting change.

Please be careful

If you experience withdrawal symptoms (see above) when you don't drink, you have a physical dependence on alcohol. Withdrawal symptoms can be severe, and in some cases life-threatening, so unsupervised detox is dangerous. If you want to get past your physical dependence on alcohol, have an open and honest conversation with a qualified healthcare professional. Make sure you have the resources you need in place to detox safely.

AUD and in a relationship?

If you have AUD and you're in a relationship, be upfront with partners about your disorder. Do the same with family and friends that are important to you. Let them know if/how you're addressing your disorder. Let them know the impact your disorder will have on your relationship with them. Give them mental and emotional space to decide how and if they can cope with being in a relationship with someone with AUD. Build the supportive, judgement-free space you need by finding the people who accept you with AUD. Let go of the ones who don't. Do not feel shame, guilt, or anxiety if they can't accept your disorder. Do not make them feel shame, guilt, or anxiety if they can't accept your disorder. Some people will stick with you. Others, it’s better for you and them if they don’t.

Love/like someone with AUD?

If you love/like someone with AUD, start with a reality check. If the person you love/like is not addressing their AUD, they will either be intoxicated, hungover, in withdrawal, dealing with the mental and physical effects of long-term alcohol misuse, or experiencing several of these conditions simultaneously. You will play a secondary role to alcohol in that person’s life. Most/all activities you do with that person will involve drinking. If the drinking stops, the relationship will lose momentum. If you directly or indirectly make them feel their drinking is under scrutiny, the relationship will probably end, sometimes without warning or discussion.

A person with untreated AUD is mentally and physically dependent on alcohol. That dependency may cause the person to push away or run away from anyone (including you) they perceive as a threat to their drinking. This can create a codependency, where you become an enabler by ignoring their AUD in hopes of keeping the relationship intact, and the person with AUD deems you "safe" and intensifies the relationship with you. You may feel the rush of being needed/wanted by someone so much. However, insobriety does NOT provide a foundation for a healthy relationship, no matter how “intoxicating” the relationship feels. Things a person says or does under the influence may be regretted or not even remembered when that person is sober.

This may leave you feeling used and possibly abused. This is understandable, but if you develop a martyr complex, this is a clear sign you have a boundary problem. You have likely compromised your time and energy in hopes of an outcome that wasn't realistic, not discussed, and not agreed to. Put your concerns and expectations on the table. Have you even discussed concerns about alcohol use? Be prepared for the person with AUD to be in denial, or to feel you have completely misunderstood their reality. If you're convinced the problem is there, you may have to agree to disagree and part company. If you think you got it wrong, don't ignore further signs that say you got it right. If the person acknowledges AUD, do you expect the person to get sober ... immediately, eventually? Do you expect the person to be in recovery? Can you accept relapses? Can you accept how the person's withdrawal symptoms might negatively impact their behaviour towards you? Are you prepared to accept any disabilities or chronic illnesses that develop as a result of long-term AUD? Be honest with yourself. Be honest with the person with AUD. Be prepared to adjust your expectations to reflect what is reality for a person with AUD, rather than thinking that person can change reality to meet all your expectations. If you can’t live with adjusted expectations, leave the relationship. That is kinder than placing your unhelpful expectations on a person with AUD.

Another sign that you have a boundary problem is a Messiah complex: the erroneous belief that you can "fix" the person with AUD. You cannot cure them. You have no ability to make a person deal with their AUD. You have no right to make them feel shame, guilt, or anxiety for having AUD. Trying to be someone’s savior means you’re making their recovery about you, not them. This is not what a person with AUD needs.

Set healthy boundaries for yourself, respect the boundaries of the the person with AUD, and provide encouragement, a listening ear, and your presence when needed. Speak the truth in love. Be prepared to face the truth, even when it hurts. You may lose the person you love/like to alcohol, or not. Either way, the outcome is ultimately out of your hands and you need to be “okay” with this uncertainty if you stay in the relationship. (There are uncertainties in every relationship.)

If you struggle with setting boundaries, it might be helpful to explore treatment for Codependency or Dependent Personality Disorder.

Need support from others in your situation? Check out Al-Anon for help in maintaining your mental and emotional sobriety while in a relationship with someone with AUD.

Facts on Alcohol Use Disorder (Mayo Clinic).

#alcoholusedisorder #alcoholicsanonymous

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tremblingstockings · 4 years ago

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Mistake

(Like my writing ahahah… Anyway chapter one. Omo at the end. Also might be a bit hard to tell, but they’re both 18 and in their final year of high school) _______________

My name is Kaiyo Hashimoto, and I’ve made the worst mistake of my life.

Now, I made a few mistakes in my life. Particularly recently in my relationship with my beloved Hinako, but none nearly as bad as the ones made after the last argument we had. Our relationship was about as perfect as a high school relationship could be, which was something that was really hard to accomplish at my school. We were together for months, and the school year seemed to float by when thinking of her in my arms or holding my hand. We would daydream of growing up and living together. I still remember her pale skin, inviting dark eyes, and long silky black hair that fell like curtains framing her face. I remember how elegant she looked in our school uniform: a white blouse, black vest, dark red bow, dark red skirt, black knee high socks and black dress shoes.

She was the envy of the school, a graceful and quiet mystery.

She shared her secrets, thoughts and body with me. She was my first time, and as nervous as I was she embraced me into a trusting passion that wasn’t possible to forget. She was the light of my dreary world, but that all of that came crashing down in our last fight. I don’t remember what it was about, but I remember her declaring the end of the relationship: the end of the beautiful dream we shared, and slamming the door. She wouldn’t answer my calls or texts since then. My world grew dark and I became Kaiyo the Cold. I didn’t want a relationship. But it turned out I was more popular than I expected, because girl after girl, day after day, week after week, I would be asked out. At first it was just awkward and inconvenient. But I lost sleep, lost my appetite, lost my care about this last semester and graduation, and I lost desire to have any type of patience. The only thing I wanted was my beloved Hinako back, so the denials became mean. I grew blunt, and just didn’t care. No girl was stubborn enough to fight my rebuttals and I was pleased with that. Over time the proposals grew thinner and thinner.

And then there was her: Chizuru.

Chizuru Miura was, to say the least, not normal. She was a bit eccentric, with dark brown hair worn into ringlet twin tails and curly bangs, which already set her apart from most of our class. I also noticed she wore a bracelet with a little star charm, and not a day went by when she didn’t have it on. Even in P.E. she sported it. But the oddest thing about her is that she was my stalker. At first I didn’t notice much, she’d be nearby and then she wouldn’t be, a simple passing closeness. But as the days went she grew closer to me in a way that couldn’t be ignored so easily. And then of course, it happened: she asked me out. I smiled, knowing this moment would come and knowing she’d leave me alone, and answered simply, “No.”

She blinked a bit and nodded, then walked away.

A few days passed, she placed a bento in front of me at lunch. It was cute and appeared to have had a lot of love put into it. But it wouldn’t bring back Hinako, so I didn’t care. I picked it up and swiftly dumped its contents into the trash, surely breaking her heart, but when I looked to her, her expression didn’t change. It was the same as before. She blinked, nodded, and walked away.

She was starting to creep me out.

Soon as I worked in class it grew harder and harder to focus, because I could feel her deep brown eyes on me. Walking at night felt strange, because I swore I could still feel her eyes. Whether she was there or not I felt that stare on me, on my face, on my neck, on my head, on my shoulders: like two warm needles stinging and piercing into me.

I’d had enough.

Walking to class the next day with bread, happy to finally eat, she stopped me in the hallway. I looked at her again, trying to feel any sense of compassion for this new reason I’ve been lacking sleep.

She was a harmless girl – stubborn, and a little off - but harmless. I had no reason to hate her so much. But anyone would be uncomfortable being constantly stalked and stared at right? She smiled big, as if I hadn’t been constantly turning her down and glaring at her or ignoring her. She pulled out two movie tickets from her pocket.

“Lets go on a date to the movies? I bought these tickets and I know you’ve thought about this movie!”

She was right, I had been thinking about it, but I never told anyone about it. The only possible reason she could know is if she saw my expressions while going through my phone, and what I was looking at. No one is that observant, but leave it to Chizuru to put a clammy chill down my spine over something almost harmless.

Taking a bite of my bread I answered “No. Stop following me,” and I walked on. However, knowing her eyes would be on me and that she wouldn’t give up, the taste of the bread was like sand.

Class was difficult after that. I couldn’t focus, and she was staring at me, unnerved, while I was losing this battle of confidence. I overheard something drop from where she was sitting. It was her pencil, which I casually grabbed and put on her desk. Clumsy. She only stared at me, but her eyes changed for a moment. They seemed to glitter, like something you’d see in an old film. I couldn’t help but pause in place for a moment before quickly returning to my seat before the teacher could say something.

After class, she was quiet, and didn’t bother me like usual as I walked toward the exit near some lockers. However, two other girls from class approached me.

One smiled big and asked, “So who do you like?”

I furrowed my brow at this. “Huh?”

She put her index fingers together “I mean obviously you like someone! Just about every girl has tried to ask you out now and you always say no. So who is it?”

Chizuru was nearby.

The other girl with her chimed in, “Yeah who is it?”

I could feel her eyes on me.

I sighed, “It’s not like that. I just don’t like anyone.” “Eh? That’s kind of sad…”

“Maybe its Chizuru since he got her pencil!”

I could feel her getting closer… “Ohh, she can be weird though. I heard she doesn’t have any friends… Is it her that you li-“ Boom!

In that moment an arm was stretched out in front of me holding a pen that was jammed into the locker before me with enough force to dent it. The girls gave a high-pitched shriek and scurried off.

Sure enough, that arm belonged to Chizuru.

She had no emotion on her face, but then her face slowly formed a smile and her eyes widened a bit with excitement. “Look, Kaiyo! This is your pen!”

I nodded, frozen in place. “Just like you gave me back my pencil, I’m returning your pen to you!”

After that, she held it in the palms of her hands and reached it closer to me.

“Uh, I…” I didn’t know what to say. This whole interaction was weird. I wondered if she overheard what those girls were saying.

“You can keep it.” Her smile faded, surprised, then her smile grew again into one that was bigger and her eyes lit up. “Do you mean it?”

I couldn’t help but be confused. “I mean, yeah I guess. It’s just a pen.”

She clutched it close to her, smiling, the way a girl would smile if you gave her a rose or a teddy bear.

“Thank you… I’ll cherish it.”

I have no idea what I was feeling in that moment; but I didn’t like it.

In that moment the bell rung for the end of the day, and for whatever reason the words “Get home safe,” fell out of my mouth, exciting her even more. Her voice grew soft as she spoke, “I will! For you… Kaiyo…”

This prompted me to turn on my heel and hurry off.

The next weekend is where things fell apart.

I should’ve been studying. I should have just studied for once instead of spending my time trying to find some sort of happiness only to be disappointed every time…

It was a beautiful day though, no sense in wasting it. So I walked downtown where the movie theater was. I wasn’t planning on seeing the movie, and was instead considering where to eat and there was a restaurant across from the theater. But I should’ve known Chizuru would be there, waiting.

I don’t know why she was there waiting when I turned her down, instead of just stalking me so she could get her wish of seeing me like usual, but she gave the benefit of the doubt this particular day and ran up to greet me. She was out of uniform since it was a Saturday, and was instead wearing a pink shirt, light blue short overalls, and black thigh high socks and pink sneakers.

I wanted to keep walking. I was already mean a few times, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, but there were also a few people around and it was ingrained in me growing up not to be rude; especially in public.

I forced a smile. “Hello, Chizuru.”

“I’m glad you could come!” She said happily. I couldn’t help but notice something was off about her though, she was shifting on her feet and fidgeting more than usual. I decided to ignore it.

“I’m not watching a movie with you, I already said no.”

The light in her eyes faded and she tilted her head. Her voice changed to one that was strangely calming yet threatening. “You know… You’ve said no to me a lot lately.”

I nodded, I’m glad she noticed. “Yes. I don’t want to date you. I’m not interested.”

She tilted her head again, looking to the side. “Now how… can you say that, if you’ve never tried it?” “Because I don’t want to date anyone!” I snapped, and then quickly lowered my voice when I felt a few stares.

“Dating is pathetic and a waste of time. All it does is hurt you,” I added, and couldn’t help but feel tears prick my eyes and I quickly shook it off.

“I won’t hurt you.” She said with a serious tone and expression. “I don’t. Care.” I answered. I tried to walk on but she blocked me, now seeming angry even, “Just give me a chance!”

I don’t know how the desperation took over me, but it did, and the next thing I knew I yelled, “Fine!” and shoved my face and lips against hers. Her lips were soft, and warm, and I could feel the heat of her face. But I wasn’t going to do it. I wasn’t going to feel for her. I wasn’t going to lose to my pain. I wasn’t going to lose to Chizuru.

I glanced to her body below me, noting it was trembling. That’s when I noticed how she was squirming. It was familiar. And then I remembered that time in gym a girl was doing the same type of squirming before she ran to the… Oh don’t tell me she needs to pee…

A mean thought, a cruel thought, ran through my mind. I glanced around as her eyes were closed and saw that the majority of people had left and that we were basically alone. This was too perfect of a chance, and if it meant she’d leave me alone…

With that, I firmly pressed my fist against where her bladder would be.

I felt her sharply inhale and pull her lips off mine. “Aah!” She shrieked. Tears filled her eyes and her face grew pink. “I… I…!” She stuttered, breathing heavy, but it was too late. With a low hissing noise, I glanced down to see a dark patch was forming at the crotch of her overalls. She stumbled back from me as she continued, awkward and trembling. The patch spreading quickly until the urine spilled down her legs, soaking her thigh highs and pattering unto the ground beneath her. Strangely, I could only watch with an emotion I couldn’t quite describe. The kind part of me felt guilty, but the irritated and numb part of me liked what I was seeing. Any girl would be humiliated right now, and sure enough her hands covered her face as she grew wobbly and fell to her knees, softly crying. “Pathetic.” I murmured coldly.

I backed up and then turned to walk away, partly guilty but partly relieved.

Sorry Chizuru. This was cruel, but at least you know to leave me alone now.

That was when I heard her mutter something: “More.”

I stopped in my tracks. More? What do you mean more? More what?

I fearfully turned around to see that she was smiling, shakily standing back up.

“Did you hear me?” She said, walking toward me now, while I was frozen in place.

She reached her hands for my shoulders “I… Said… MORE!” She exclaimed, grabbing my shoulders now.

I was frozen; all I could do was take in the look in her eyes and the heat radiating off her face and off her lower half, the smell of the fresh urine lightly hitting my nose. She was breathing very heavy and I took in her expression; it was aggressive, it was excited, it was… Lustful?

I didn’t want to believe it but I remembered how Hinako looked when it was time to play. She was horny. But how? How would this turn her on? How could this possibly turn anyone on? But there was no sadness or shame on her face, only pure unadulterated, bona-fide, lust.

She was giggling, “Heh… Come… Come on now…” Her warm hands now trembled on my shoulders and she went in for another kiss, I could only stare confused into the distance as she put her soft lips back on mine. This… This I believe was my biggest mistake.

#omorashi #female omorashi #female wetting #omo fic

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henryobsessed · 5 years ago

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The Widow and The Witcher Chapter 24

Summery: Geralt is home at Kear Morhen now on the mend he shows Julia his favorite place.

Warning: small section suggesting oral Male receiving and intercourse

Word count: 2500

A/N I have included a more explicit scene in this chapter if that is not your thing please read the alternative in bold and skip till the end of smut line.

Chapter 24

It had been in the darkness that Julia was bought to Kear Morhen. Her mind solely on finding a place to tend to Geralt. So, when she stepped out of the stone castle into the sunshine it was not unrealistic the sensations that she was feeling. Awe was the only way to describe the majestic snow-capped mountains that sounded Kear Morhen. That and the contrasting evergreen trees that made up the forest that hid the castle that was nestled at the foot of the mountains. Why had Vesemir and the boys so readily agreed to moving to the Estate if this was what they already had? It was so sad that this place held so many bad memories for them all. The trauma of their transformations, the ransacking of the castle that killed so many of their brothers. So much tragedy surrounded by such beauty.

Breathing in the fresh air Geralt shut his eyes allowing the sun to warm up his body. All the tension he had felt inside melted as he smelt the pine and earthy scent of the forest. Opening his eyes, he sought out Julia who was right beside him up till a moment ago. Looking back he saw her standing staring at the mountains that cocooned his home. He waited drinking in the sight of her standing at the gateway to his home, her earthy dress was contrasting to her reddish-brown hair cascading over her shoulders. Her face turned up towards the mountains her skin glowing as the sun touched it lightly.

This morning as they had eaten breakfast Geralt had worried that she would see him weak for how he was feeling. That she would lose her respect for him. However, as she turned her face towards him, he could see only one thing shinning in her eyes that made him feel warm from the inside out. Needing to hold her he moved back to her quickly encircling her in his arms resting his head of hers and she nestled her back his chest. "I love you Julia" he whispered.

Julia had missed this; it had been 7 days since they had last been truly in each other's arms safe without fear. She sighed and rested fully in his embrace looking to the mountains she heard his whispered declaration. Turning in his arms she looked up into his face, he seemed at peace out here his features soft the hard edge that had been prominent since they started travelling through the villages was gone and her Geralt seemed to be back. She leaned up and kissed him on the lips, a gentle kiss that lasted only a moment but reminded her body of his.

Taking him by the arm and leading him away from the castle she said, "so where shall we explore today?" Geralt chuckled "Well my lady what would you like to see first? The wild forest, the streams or maybe a trek partway up the mountains." Geralt watched as she searched around them wondering what was running through her mind. As she turned back to him, he didn't have to wonder any more, the lazy dilated look told him what she was thinking as she leant up and whispered in his ear sending a tingle down his spine. He smiled and took her arm quickly walked her towards his favourite place to be alone.

The sun was now high making the snow glisten off the tops of the mountains. Julia's eyes were still in awe of the majestic creations and right now she wanted to commit this place to memory. She was laying in Geralt's arms on a soft mound of moss the was nestled in a small clearing in the forest. She could hear a stream trickling nearby and looking up could see the majestic mountains. In the stillness, she could hear the noises of the animals and birds that inhabited the forest and hoped their passionate display had not frightened them. Now basking in the afterglow all she could feel was peace.

She could hear Geralt's soft breathing as he slept, it was a constant for him that after lovemaking he would sleep if only for a moment. A smile crept across her face as she touched her tender lips remembering the way he had rushed them to this place. Pulling her into his arms and crushing her with his fervent kisses. As if they had been parted for months rather than just a few days. It had not been a long coming together, almost too short for her liking but she knew later they would enjoy more. Right now, she was just content to be in his arms and enjoying the majesty around her.

Hearing Geralt stir she felt the rumble of his voice "Mmmmm" it was a contented sound and one that Julia loved hearing. She moved up onto one elbow and looked down into his face his white hair strewn about, his amber eyes looking up into hers as she said. "Hey my love, how are you feeling?" a soft smile creasing his face as he reached a hand up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. He softly rumbled "Happy" searching her eyes he continued "other than Eskel you're the first person I have bought here" she smiled as he pulled her back down into his arms tucking her tight to his chest. He continued to speak as she closed her eyes and listened. "I think I was about 13 when I found this little slice of heaven. I had just survived another trial and was given the freedom to explore. I was glad for it as the walls at the castle were really starting to close in. This place became my escape, when another brother did not survive a test or if Eskel and I needed a place to just be the kids we were."

Taking his hand in hers she caressed the skin over his knuckles and spoke "So this was your place to come be you, to breath?" she heard the smile in his voice as he replied "Yes you could say that. If the anxiety or fear became too much this forest always gave me a sense of grounding. A place where I could let my guard down. The monsters stayed away from around these parts for many years as the Witcher's hunted them out. So, It was a safe place to let down my walls and relax." As Geralt talked Julia could just imagine him sitting here a young boy leaning against the mighty evergreens, or with a young Eskel pretend fighting or to play in the stream on a hot day. It helped her to see that amongst the early trauma there was also great happiness in this place.

After a day of exploring the forest, they made their way back to the castle. Today had truly felt how a honeymoon should, enjoying each other and relaxing. No intolerant villagers, no monsters just Julia and Geralt. The night was spent in companionable silence, the three sitting in front of the fire in Geralt's room. Vesemir hand made them a meal of Venison and then after they had finished, he left them to themselves. Julia watched Geralt as he seemed lost again his mind on the past. She could see clearly the thoughts moving around his head by the way he clenched his jaw. The firelight illuminated his features in a way that stirred not just compassion for her beloved but also desire.

Deciding to be the one to initiate tonight she stood and walked to her bag of elixirs. She had packed a small bottle of honeysuckle oil and a larger bottle of massage oil. Looking back and seeing he was still distracted by his thoughts she quietly changed into the garment that Ruth, Hannah Renee and Nessie had gifted her on their wedding night. Dabbing the scent on her skin she moved back towards her object of desire.

Geralt was struggling, his mind swirling with images from the past. It wasn't as bad as it had been this morning the anxiety wasn't as strong, but his time in the forest today seemed to have unlocked more memories from his childhood. He took a breath to centre himself and was hit with a scent that pulled him from his past into his present. Turning his head his breath hitched at the sight before him. A slow smile stretched across his face as he realised what Julia was doing. She moved quietly towards him her eyes never leaving his. He could see the desire in those eyes and that caused his heart to beat faster. As she got closer the fire illuminated her silhouette through the shear gown, a siren he was sure he had married a siren.

(Warning sexually explicit scene to follow)

Julia chuckled at the look on Geralt's face, she knew she had succeeded in pulling him back to the present. Kneeling between his legs in front of him she gazed into his eyes, desire and love reflected her own as she began to undo his shirt buttons. She relished doing this part of their foreplay depending on his mood she would slow it down or he would just pull it over his head in haste. Tonight, she wanted it to be slow. His hands moved to play with her hair as she continues to undo each one, the feel of him running his fingers through her curls sent a shiver down to her middle. Finishing the last button, she moved her hands under the fabric to expose his muscular torso.

Pouring some of the oil on her hands she pushed him back into a reclining position as she began to massage the oil onto his chest. Geralt laid his head back in a groan as she worked her hands into the pectoral muscles and around the scars that were healing. She moved her hands lower working around the abdominal scar. It wasn't till she reached his lower abdomen that she heard a growl come from him, looking up she could see he was watching her intently. Wanting to show her beloved how much she desired him she started to undo his laces. She brushed ever so slightly the tent that was growing under the fabric of said laces and Geralt groaned.

– alternative to Smut – and smiled down at his beloved she could see the desire in his eyes as he stood, picking her up and walking with confidence towards the bed. She smiled to herself thinking it had worked, before becoming lost to the sensations of desire.

Smut-----------

Her hands ran along his hips and succeeded in lowing his pants exposing his desire. She smiled; she would never get tired of seeing his physical expression of desire for her. Looking back up to his face wanting to see his eyes as she ran her fingers lightly over the soft velvet skin the was stretched tight across his manhood. His eyes seemed to roll back into his head at the contact.

She was torturing him; he was sure of it. Each feather-light touch, and her faint breath on his hot skin as she continued to inspect every vein and ridge. It was sweet torture, every fibre of his being wanted to just take her now, but he could see in her eyes that she was enjoying this. Enjoying mapping out his body. Trying to relax and allow the sensations to dance, to prolong his need to take control he shut his eyes and focused on enjoying her touch.

A hot moist feeling engulfed his senses, eyes opened and gazing down as he took in a sight that was almost too much to contain. Loudly groaning as he watched his siren devour him feeling the build-up and knowing he was close he reached down and pulled her up to straddle his body. He needed to be inside her, needed to claim her. Thankful for the easy access the garment afforded he entered her with ease her warmth engulfing him as she gasped with pleasure. Looking into her eyes he moved with easy until he lost control releasing a guttural cry.

----------------------End of Smut-----------------------

That night Julia lay cocooned in Geralt's arms, he had wrapped his himself around her and pulled her into the familiar warmth then fallen asleep. Julia had slept deeply until a sound woke her. It was a gentle sound at first a whimpering that she could hear just near her ear. She moved her body around so she could pull him into her embrace as the whimpers increased in intensity. Her movement was matched with a response as he snuggled into her arms as he had done the morning before. She was not sure if he was awake or dreaming so she just waited running her hands through his hair and whispering "Sh, Geralt." The whimpers faded, his breathing became steady and she felt him squeeze her gently. After a moment of laying in the dark, she heard his deep gravel voice whisper "Why did she leave me?" so much hurt laced that question. So much pain. Julia squeezed his shoulder knowing there was nothing she could say. The action brought about a surprising result as Geralt began to cry.

He held tight to Julia; his dream had been a memory. Visenna had been taking him somewhere, his child-like mind was focused on other things than the destination. He had been peppering her with questions, his normal chatter, when she had stopped the cart near a forest. Giving him a bucket, she had asked him to get some water. When he returned, he found her gone and Vesemir waiting for him. He had been walked back to Kear Morhen and bought to this room. Sitting on his bed he had begun to cry. He had awoken in Julia's arms her sweet voice whispering to him and her arms around him. As he voiced the question that he knew he would never have an answer for he began to feel the burning sensation in his throat. Not since he was a little boy had he allowed himself to feel this deeply but as he felt Julia squeeze him close to her it broke the last of his defences and he felt the deep grief bubble over as he began to weep.

Julia knew that she held in her arms right now not the strong warrior who was her husband but the child from her dreams. The child that needed to know it was ok to cry, it was ok to grieve. Geralt wept for a long time as Julia continued to run her hand through his hair and rubbing his back until he had cried himself to sleep. Unsure of how he would be when he awoke, she just held him. There was a sense of peace now in the room, a quiet. She heard the faint sounds of the forest birds waking as the light began to creep through the window. It was a new day and she hoped for Geralt it would be the beginning of his journey of healing.

Previous Chapter Twenty Three Next Chapter Twenty Five

I have Tagged people who follow me and who I follow if you want to be removed or added please let me know :)

@keanureevesisbae @darkverrmin @viking-raider @littlefreya@madbaddic7ed @the-soot-sprite @thelastsock @lovetusilver20@crimsonrae @demivampirew @ladyreapermc@henrycavillobsessed @nitannichionne @runawayolives @heartfelt-pen @omgkatinka @star017 @llly113 @sad-ghost-of-garbage @ayamenimthiriel @starstruckkittyangel @lebguardians @summersong69 @notyouraveragemochii @imneonpanda @carriebee1 @ivyfatale @thereisa8ella @lucy930 @sarahmichelle5 @stuckupstucky @cleodoramer @kmuir1 @elliepower @xobriellaxo24 @xxxkatxo @supernovacocorocha @hennerslionhat @xo-mery-ox @waitedforlove743 @ladamari68 @coksy @wickedrum @harleyfranquinn @mysticalstrangerearthquake @justrae9903 @willkatfanfromasia @daddys-littlewhitegirl @cavilladdict @lebguardians @theblondetumbleweed @snowbellexx @radaofrivia @geralttheewitcher @acdd22 @thullyana @fanfictionaddiction99 @beckythfc1882 @heyheyharry @sauve-et-libre @shy-violet-soul @elliepower @msamericanrebel @minion-of-the-lord

#thewidowandthewitcher #geralt #geralt of rivia #thewitcher #the witcher #henrycavill

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iwillgodownwithbuddie · 5 years ago

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He’s Never Been Like This

Prompt by @theworld-is-out-there: Drunk Carlos waxing poetic about TK to everyone Also on AO3. A/N: Sorry guys for being away so long. It’s been a chaotic couple of months. Hope everyone is staying safe out there. Enjoy!

T.K. was sitting on the sofa flipping though Netflix for something he hadn’t watched yet while on medical leave. He had finally been cleared to return to work and was getting extra rest before returning to his life of 24-hour shifts. Carlos and Own both offered to stay in with T.K. that night instead of joining their friends. However, T.K. convinced them otherwise, reassuring them that he would be just fine sitting on the couch watching television.

He finally settled on a baking show and picked up his phone to scroll through Instagram as the contestants on the screen were being introduced. His feed on the app was flooded with images from his makeshift family seeming to have the time of their lives at the nearby bar. Judd and Grace were laughing at a table. Paul, Marjan, and Mateo were playing darts in the corner. His dad was showing off his line dancing skills while surrounded by strangers. Michelle and Carlos were talking at the bar. T.K. sighed and glanced up at the television screen. His plan of sitting around and watching Netflix was suddenly abandoned as he stood up. He quickly flipped off the TV, slipped on his shoes, and headed out the door, grabbing his jacket and keys before pulling the door shut.

Upon entering the bar, T.K. immediately spotted Grace and Judd still sitting at the table, now munching on a basket of complimentary chips. Grace saw him and waved him over, greeting him with a tight hug before letting him sit down.

“What are you doing here?” Grace asked cheerfully as she reached out for a chip. “Your dad said you wanted to rest up some more before heading back to work at the station.” She looked at T.K. for an answer as she dipped her tortilla chip into the salsa.

“I did,” T.K. admitted. “But then I got online and saw how much fun it seemed like you were having. Felt a little left out.”

“Just make sure you don’t over-do it,” Judd said, pushing the basket of chips in T.K.’s direction. “The 126 isn’t the same without you.”

“No thanks,” T.K. said in response to Judd’s offer for chips. “And trust me, I have no desire to do anything that would jeopardize going back to work.”

When T.K. began to look around the bar, Grace smiled knowingly. “You looking for that handsome man of yours?”

T.K. blushed, having been caught. “Maybe.”

Pointing towards the opposite side of the bar, Grace said, “He’s over there with Michelle probably going on and on about everything he adores about you. He always gets pretty sentimental about you whenever he’s had a beer or two.”

T.K. raised his eyebrows, amused. “Really?”

“Frankly,” Judd interrupted, “he doesn’t shut up about you.”

T.K. chuckled. “He’s never had a drink when we’ve gone out. This should be interesting. Hop you don’t mind me leaving you guys.”

“Not at all,” Grace said. “We’ll see you around.”

T.K. stood and made his way across the bar. He waved at his teammates and dad as he walked towards the bar counter where Michelle and Carlos were having an animated discussion.

As T.K. approached the pair, a bright smile spread across his face. “Hey there, Handsome,” he said, gaining his boyfriend’s attention. “Having fun?”

At the sudden sound of T.K.’s voice, Carlos nearly dropped his beer. Michelle stood next to him, shot glass in hand, laughing at her friend’s sudden clumsiness.

“That’s his third one,” the paramedic captain said, pointing to the bottle in Carlos’ hand. “I’d say he’s having fun. I’ll see you boys later.” With that, Michelle rose from her stool and left to join Owen dancing.

Carlos set his beer down on the counter and moved to walk away from the bar. “Had I known you were coming, I wouldn’t have ordered a drink, or three.”

T.K. put a hand on Carlos’ shoulder, directing him to sit back down on the barstool. “Babe, I appreciate you not wanting to drink in front of me, but I'm never going to ask you to not drink when you go out. If you have a drink or three, I’m not going to mind.” T.K. sat in Michelle’s abandoned seat and motioned to order a mineral water.

“I won’t do it every time we go out.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

“I want to be supportive. I also don’t want you to be the only one not drinking. Anyway, I thought you were going to stay home and watch Netflix.”

“Changed my mind,” T.K. said softly as he reached for Carlos’ hand, linking their fingers together. “I’d rather be here with you and the team. You all looked like you were having fun. Sorry I broke up your conversation with Michelle, though.”

Carlos smiled as he picked up his beer and took a sip. “It’s fine. She was getting bored with me anyway.”

“Really? How could anyone get bored of you?”

“I’m not the most interesting person to talk to, especially right now. Seems like everyone is following the rules, which is great, but it makes work boring to talk about.”

“I, personally, thought the call about someone dumpster diving only to find out it was a raccoon was hilarious!”

Carlos chuckled as he finished off his beer. “Okay, that one was pretty funny, but I can only tell that story so many times before it gets old.”

“You want another one?” T.K. pointing to the empty bottle. “I’ll drive you home if you do. I don’t mind.”

“You just want to drive my car.”

“It’s a nice car!”

“It is. But I think I’ve had enough. I don’t drink much anymore.”

T.K. dropped his head guiltily. A few seconds later, he felt a hand lift his chin. He lifted his eyes to find Carlos looking back at him, eyes filled with care and compassion.

“Tyler,” Carlos said, voice barely above a whisper. “I’m not going to lie to you. Yes, I did originally cut back on drinking because of you. However, because I did that, I found out how much I don’t like the way it feels or the way I act when I’m drunk. Seriously, look over at Michelle and your dad.”

T.K. chuckled as he looked over to find his dad and Michelle stumbling through line dancing.

“They’re being fools,” Carlos continued. “Did you know your dad assaulted Iris’ ex once when he was drunk? And, one time Michelle had to call 9-1-1 because she was drunk off her ass and hit the pavement face first. Guess which lucky cop got that call? I don’t want to act like that. God forbid I end up flat on my face and you end up getting called to that.”

“I would never let you live that one down.”

“See? That’s exactly what I don’t want. So please don’t feel guilty about me not drinking.”

“Okay,” T.K. conceded before changing the subject. “So if work is so boring, what were you and Michelle talking about?”

Carlos ducked his head briefly as he blushed. “Nothing much.”

“Oh really?” T.K. teased. “Guess I’ll just go ask her.”

Before Carlos could reach out to stop him, T.K. stood and grinned as he crossed the room to where Michelle and Owen were attempting to line dance. T.K. reached out and tapped Michelle on the shoulder causing Carlos to groan and set his head down on the counter.

“Oh, hey T.K.!” Michelle smiled as she faced the young firefighter.

“Hey Michelle!” T.K. responded. “So Carlos is apparently too embarrassed to tell me what you two were talking about when I interrupted. I thought maybe you’d tell me.”

Michelle began laughing. “That’s easy enough. Anytime you aren’t around, he talks about you! I’ve heard more about your pretty eyes, your hot and then awkward first hookup, and how head over heels with you my best friend is than I care to admit. He doesn’t shut up about you.”

T.K. smiled softly as he turned to look back at Carlos whose head was still on the counter. “He doesn’t?”

Placing a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, Michelle smiled softly. “Nope. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone.”

T.K. nodded a silent thanks to Michelle before making his way back to his boyfriend at the bar counter. He gently placed his hand on Carlos’ back causing him to lift his head from his arms.

“How bad did she embarrass me?” Carlos asked as T.K. reclaimed his seat.

“Not too bad,” T.K. answered as he chuckled. “I love you.”

Carlos’ eyes widened. “Are you sure? I have no idea what she told you, but I never want you to ever feel pressured.”

“Carlos, calm down. I don’t feel pressured at all! You know, most people respond to that a little differently.”

Carlos reached over and laced his fingers together with T.K.’s. "I love you, too." He looked around and suddenly had no desire to sit in the bar any longer. "What do you say we get out of here?"

"Are you sure?" T.K. asked. "I don't want to ruin the night you had planned. That was not the plan when I showed up."

"You think I want to sit here and watch Michelle get drunk after you tell me you love me?"

T.K. shook his head. "No, I guess not."

Carlos smirked at T.K. "So let's get out of here?"

"Lead the way," T.K. said as he and Carlos headed out of the bar.

#tarlos #tk strand #Carlos Reyes #fluff #established relationship

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theholistichedonist · 5 years ago

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Soul Fragmentation and Inner Child Work

“we are the most important project we will ever work on”

(affirmations at end)

a question that i continuously ask myself recently, always,

Who am I?

constant conformity has me begging for the unusual, unique, and unregulated views i possess.

too much of one thing is never a good thing

where am i?

how can i find myself?

questions i have and answers i had found myself looking for externally

through peers, parents, and past

i wasn’t finding the answers, it ultimately lead myself into hermit mode, recluse status

i found myself in bed most of the day, not patient enough to close my eyes and actually dig for my answers yet, but a knowing of something

spinning my wheels with all the projects i was fucking forcing to the bitter end, i burnt out

this Gemini was hiding in a basement with the blinds closed binging on Gaia and praying for a miracle.

All these fucking emotions,

what the fuck, i’m feeling!

the great purge had begun

it felt so weird to turn my brain off ‘go mode’ and feel into my body

the repressed emotions, horrible parenting (w/ no fault to my parents), and what are coping skills?

i started RE-PARENTING myself

the little baby HH that was crying and scared in the corner from neglect, lack and abuse.

i would visit her and hold her. i would care for her and kiss her wounds. it was the most powerful thing i had ever experienced before.

i had shut my past out and tried to lie and hide my past for years. i had blocked my little girl me completely out of my life and it was me who ultimately needed me

i cried for a week straight like a little baby, couldn't leave the house because i was either anxious AF or in fear I’d be at the cashier and she would trigger me in some way and i’d start crying lol

i looked at myself and was like wtf who is this?

OH RIGHT it’s me lol

begging for attention, my baby inside was like feed me!! She hid in the corner, cowering away from me because i had neglected her for so long, ignoring her pleas and emotions

so i gave myself my full, undivided attention

i would feel these emotions, sitting with them and healing the parts of me that had been closed off and fragmented from my human self for protection of being lost forever

all these visions and pictures of how horrible i had grown up (truly because I felt misunderstood and had my own path to forge), bullying, rejection of myself and from others, constant people pleasing with a resentment behind it, all the anger i had pent up inside of me so much fucking rage just ready to explode, i would see how lonely i was and how horrible i had truly felt all my life up to this point just flash before my eyes

i lacked love, from and for myself

i forgot to consider my own needs

i neglected the emotions that pair with experiences to give us the answers we crave

in hindsight, with no fault of my own - to blame will not help us heal

we all choose our ‘Sacred Contracts’ before birth in the 3D

how would i ever get to know myself with so much judgement and resentment behind my motives?

simple,

Open you heart space to the highest frequency of All That Is

removing the filter of the EGO and relishing in the presence of your soul

where this is no judgement, no pain or suffering

it just is, all that is, Love, Compassion, Understanding, Gratitude

i had came to realizations that helped me dig, search and heal my fragmented pieces of my soul and welcoming them back with love and ACCEPTANCE

and ultimately opening myself up to the Divine Abundance and Greatness that this Universe naturally exudes and amplifies with the help of us

that’s why we’re here y’know, to help and heal, to give and receive, w/ no one more worthy or deserving than the other. Equal, but with different paths!

remember this: I am worthy of all my desires just because I am alive

Abundance is our birth right,

it is the programming that has been layered on top of our soul and mind that blocks that abundance from coming to us

whether it be a belief of unworthiness, hidden anger towards a situation or person, having to suffer to receive was a big one for me, that life was meant to be hard and difficult

all these beliefs are fucking lies that we tell ourselves or have been told, and these are just some of the beliefs some of us carry with us

not to scare you or overwhelm you this is more to help you open your mind and see where your programming effects you - we have 1000′s of faulty beliefs and 95% of them didn’t come from us they we’re imprinted from other people, situations or institutions

and they can be released without having to search endlessly for them

and that’s where Theta Healing came into my life,

i realize i haven’t explained to those who may not know what Theta Healing is and i will do just that:

Theta Healing is meditating in your Theta brain wave state that through healing will bring you closer to your Higher Self/Soul/Creator with physical, psychological and spiritual healing of programs and beliefs that are holding us hostage in our subconscious mind.

we become our true selves.

it’s the purge or societal views, back home to your soul and higher self

here i thought everyone else was the problem, and now i’m like ooooohhhh right it’shmeeee

to make a short story long:

I have been working with R for 4 months now and my life has made a complete 180 and lead my to find my purpose with helping heal the collective and grow into a higher and expanded consciousness of awareness.

from drug abuse, alcoholism, self loathing, pushing forcing and swimming upstream for most of my life, lost ad confused, looking for a cliff, and this aching need to figure shit out

to now where i am still resting, breathing, smiling, feeling, and releasing

in complete serenity and tranquility, most days lol

but the point being is that now i know how to process these emotions, and i’m learning about WHO I AM, dissolving the EGO and seeing the full picture, myself

why am i feeling this way?

is this good or bad, and is this a belief that is worthy of releasing (if bad always yes lol) release that shit, you’re too good to be carrying a backpack of crap lol put the damn shit down

and here I am, still not sure who the fuck i am but i have a way better idea of it today than i did a few years ago and i really do thank Theta Healing for my growth, it’s been life changing and I’m so excited and blessed to be here sharing this with you, definitely something that used to be miles away from my comfort zone

releasing the belief that it is unfair, unsafe and ung-dly to be seen and to put myself out there.

replacing with:

i give myself permission to share love, wisdom and confidence with those who need it because i am worthy and deserving of being seen and receiving recognition for my efforts

legit if you want to know more about Theta hit me up lol it’s fucking mind blowing

some affirmations for you beautiful souls:

I am open to the abundance and greatness the Universe offers

I am divine

I see and feel the support I have from Source

I am a divine goddess worthy of all that I desire

I am worthy of love and appreciation - because i have found that love of yourself is what brings in abundance on all levels (including money)

My voice matters

My feelings matter

My opinions are important

I let go of my past insecurities and focus completely on feeling confident, secure and independent

Love, Peace, and Joy are what I know

i choose to live through the open space in my heart . I look for love and find it everywhere

My mind is cleansed and free. I leave the past and move into the new. All is well.

There is a joyous release of the past. Life is sweet and so am I

All Healing and health is flowing to me now

I am always safe and protected

I am confident in my full recovery

I am learning what my body needs to be in a perfect state of health

It’s my time to heal

I deserve great health, wealth and abundance

I trust myself

I have the courage and strength to enjoy my life, no matter what comes

I let go of perfectionism and thoroughly enjoy myself here and now

I free myself from the past and take actions that reflect my life purpose

I am supported by life

I awaken the self healing power within me

I show my strength through releasing all beliefs that no longer serve me.

thank you thank you thank you

and so it is

love you,

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dark-sky-seraphim · 5 years ago

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Some Unspoken Thing (18+)

Hello! This is my first very NSFW piece, featuring one of my current favorite wrestlers. Hope you enjoy! (And yes, I did use a line from Guardians of the Galaxy as the title. It just seemed fitting).

Some Unspoken Thing

Synopsis: Bray Wyatt admits he has feelings for you, but the Fiend makes you hesitant to start a relationship. As you arrive at your hotel room, the Fiend makes a surprising move.

Characters: The Fiend, Bray Wyatt x Female Reader

Word Count: 2933

Warnings: SMUT (NSFW) - male and female receiving oral, handjobs, unprotected sex

“There's a spark between us, Y/N,” Bray whispers to you. “I know you can feel it, too.”

You glance over your shoulder, checking to see if anyone stumbled upon this dark, quiet corner of backstage (fortunately, no one had). “I do,” you admit hesitantly.

Bray smiles ever so softly. “Then let's do something about it.” He slowly closes the gap between the two of you. “Let's be together.”

You sigh. “It's complicated.”

“Why?” Bray chuckles nervously. “If it's because you're friends with The Miz, then you should know that doesn't matter to me. You can be friends with whomever you'd like – although, I'm sure Miz would be pissed if he ever found out about us, I mean -”

“Bray,” you say his name sternly before your voice becomes a whisper. “You know why.”

His nervous smile fades. “Because of...him.” He gazes at you as you nod. “You're afraid of him, aren't you?”

“No...well, maybe...I don't know...”

“You don't have to be afraid of him, Y/N. I will keep you safe.”

“But that's the thing, Bray. I don't want to be protected from him. He is a part of you. I need him to love me the way that you do.” You tilt his face up so his eyes meet yours. “And I'm not sure that he can.”

“Please, Y/N,” Bray begs in a hushed tone. “Give me a chance. Give us a chance.”

You cup Bray's cheek in your hand. “He needs to show me that he's capable of loving me. If he can do that, then we can be together.” You smile softly at Bray, pleading to him with your eyes. You want this more than you've ever wanted anything. But the Fiend...he's complicated. All he's ever shown is mass aggression. If there is any kind of love or compassion in him, it's been buried and forgotten. To try and draw it out would be a seemingly impossible task.

You look into Bray's bright blue eyes for a few moments. The temptation to kiss him overwhelms you. You lean in close to him. Before your lips can touch his, you stop, take a quiet, deep breath, and give him a soft kiss on the cheek. Slowly, you pull away from him.

He watches with disappointment as you tiptoe down the hall and disappear around the corner.

***

“Here is your winner, Y/N!” The ref raises your hand in victory as your opponent stumbles out of the arena. The crowd cheers as you soak in a well-earned win.

Suddenly, the arena begins to go dark. The victorious smile on your face fades quickly as you realize what's happening. The arena turns pitch black and, soon after, is bathed in red light. You turn and, suddenly, you're being carried into the corner and pushed back-first into the turnbuckle.

The Fiend stands before you, one hand grasping the rope to lock himself in place, his other hand gripping your chin. His eyes are fierce and intense, staring straight into yours. Moments go by. He says nothing.

“I'm not afraid of you,” you whisper, unwavering. The Fiend is taken aback by these words. His body becomes less intense. You reach up and gently place a hand on his cheek. He closes his eyes and starts to lean into your touch.

A growl emerges from his lips as he frantically backs away from you. He stands in the center of the ring, his shoulders rising with every breath. He glares at you once more. You take a few steps towards the Fiend, reaching out to him. The lights go out for several seconds before the arena is lit once more. The Fiend is nowhere in sight.

A rush of emotions runs through you. Confusion, excitement, lust – but most of all, disappointment. You slump out of the ring and disappear backstage, not taking notice of anyone who passes you by. What the hell just happened? And why?

“Hey, Y/N,” the Miz comes running at you, startling you. He places one hand on your arm and the other hand on your cheek. “Y/N, are you okay?” His voice is frantic. “Did he hurt you?'

“Miz, I'm fine,” you reassure him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Miz, I'm sure. Honestly...I don't think he wanted to hurt me.”

The Miz looks at you with concern written across his face. “Do you...is there something going on between you two?”

“Um...it...it's complicated. I mean, I may have feelings for Bray, but the Fiend...”

“You're scared of him?”

“No, actually, I'm not. It's just...he's difficult to read. He comes off as this heartless monster but, I don't know. I think there's more compassion in him than he leads on.”

“So, you think you can change him?”

“Not change, just...coax out whatever is hidden beneath the hard exterior.”

The Miz sighs deeply. “Look, Y/N. You're an adult. I know you're capable of making decisions for yourself.” He looks at you straight in the eyes. “Just know that, when it comes to the Fiend, you're playing a dangerous game. Please, please, be careful.”

You throw your arms around him. “I will be,” you mumble into his shoulder. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“Anytime.” The Miz lightly pinches your chin before heading off into his dressing room, leaving you to your thoughts.

***

You stumble into your hotel room, both physically and emotionally exhausted. All you want is to put on your most comfortable sweats and crawl into bed. You haphazardly throw your bags onto the floor and flip on the entryway light. The sight of a shadow in the corner of the bedroom causes you to audibly gasp. As your eyes adjust, you begin to recognize the figure.

“How did you get in here?” you ask the Fiend. He holds up a small, plastic card. “You swiped my extra room key. Of course you did.” With a sigh you cross your arms. “Why are you here?” The Fiend remains silent. “You know, the whole 'mysterious silence' thing is more annoying than it is intimidating. So, I'll ask you again – why are you here?” The Fiend shifts uncomfortably. Still, he says nothing.

“I see. Even you don't know why you're here.” You smirk. “You made this big entrance after my match tonight...I assume to tell me off. And, yet, here you are.” Your voice becomes hushed. “I saw the way your eyes softened when I told you I wasn't afraid. I felt you lean into my touch.

“I realize that whatever part of you that has love and compassion has been buried and forgotten. Asking you to become something other than what you are would be unfair. But – I can tell that you still long for companionship. I can tell that you still long for the touch of a woman. So, here's my offer to you: I don't need you to love me – I have Bray for that. However, I can be yours to satisfy your needs, whenever you'd like, no emotional attachment. I won't say a word to anyone about it. We'd be sort of like...friends with benefits, to best describe it.

“It's up to you. If I'm completely wrong and you want nothing to do with me, then there's the door. Otherwise, I'm here for you.”

The Fiend stares you down, moving closer and closer to you until he is mere inches from you. Your eyes lock onto his. The feeling inside of you is electric. Your heart begins to race. Your body longs for him. You slowly reach for him, your fingertips barely grazing his hand. He takes a step back when he feels your touch, lowers his head, and brushes right past you as he reaches for the door.

Disappointment and heartbreak begin to overwhelm you. You were so sure that you were right, that you could somehow convince him to stay. “Fiend,” you whisper desperately, tears filling your eyes.

Without warning, the Fiend grabs your wrist and spins you around to face him. He wraps an arm around your waist, lifts you up, and backs you into the nearest wall. With his teeth, he pulls off one of his gloves and lets it fall to the floor. He pulls at the waistband of your jeans, undoing both the button and the zipper.

The Fiend locks eyes with you. Slowly, he slips his hand inside your panties. His fingers find your clit. Softly, slowly, he rubs his fingers in circles over your clit. The intensity of pleasure within you grows as he begins to push down a little harder. You tilt your head back, biting your lower lip as your breathing becomes heavy. The Fiend takes hold of your chin and tilts your head back up, forcing you to look him in the eyes as he teases you.

He continues to work at your clit, never breaking eye contact. Before you know it, he lifts your shirt over your head and removes your bra. He drags you over to the bed, tosses you down, and removes the rest of your clothes, as well as his own.

The Fiend runs his hands along every inch, every curve of your body. You attempt to do the same with him, but he slaps your hands away to assert his dominance over you. A thrill rushes through you, knowing he would do everything he could to overpower you. He squeezes your breasts, his thumbs brushing gently over your nipples. Just as he lulls you into a pleasured stupor, he begins to sink his teeth into your skin, right at your shoulder. A soft moan escapes your lips. He bites down harder and harder until you hiss through your teeth. The Fiend immediately eases up when he hears your discomfort.

Now knowing your threshold of pain, the Fiend continues to nip at your skin. You watch as he leaves teeth marks along your arms, your chest, and your torso, working his way to your inner thighs. He pauses for a moment before he pulls you close to the edge of the bed and positions himself on his knees between your legs. Once more, he fingers your clit, kneading it firmly with his thumb.

“Fuck,” you exhale with a grin. The constant teasing is agonizing. All you want is his massive cock deep inside of you.

Before you can voice your desires, the Fiend slips a finger inside of your wet cunt, causing you to gasp. He adds a second finger and begins to thrust them back and forth within you, slowly at first, gradually picking up speed. Suddenly, his tongue is swirling around your clit as his fingers continue to work. You can't help but to moan loud enough for him to hear. Your body tenses in anticipation of orgasm, craving release. You want to give in, but something within you refuses. You quickly grab his wrist to stop him from sending you over the edge.

Slowly, he rises to his feet and hovers over you. You smile softly at him. Just as you did back in the arena, you reach out and place your hand on his cheek. The Fiend closes his eyes and exhales deeply. This time, he does not turn away from you. Instead, he fully leans into your touch and even places his own hand on top of yours. The smile on your face grows. To see the Fiend so content, so trusting of you, so vulnerable, makes you realize that there is a little humanity beneath the monster.

The smile on your face shifts into a devilish smirk as an unexpected idea comes into mind. This little moment has built up so much confidence in you that you decide to turn the tables on him. You swiftly pull the Fiend down onto the bed next to you. Before he has time to respond to your actions in any way, you sit up and pin his shoulders to the bed, sending him a clear message that you are now in control. He doesn't fight back.

You run your hands down his arms, giving his biceps a gentle squeeze as you do so. You nuzzle your face into his chest and work your way down his body. His breathing begins to increase as you slowly reach for his erection. With your thumb, you trace circles around the tip. As you do this, place soft kisses on his stomach, his hips, and his thighs. You then place a lingering kiss along the base of his shaft. The Fiend lets out a quiet grunt. With a cheeky grin, you run your tongue along his shaft, swirling at the head. This makes the Fiend squirm.

After a while, you straddle him and stroke his throbbing member with your hands. You begin to grind your pussy against his thigh as you do so. This drives the Fiend wild. He reaches out to touch you but you push his hands away. Knowing you're driving him crazy, you rest your hands on his chest and shift your weight to your legs. Again, the Fiend reaches out to touch you. As much as you crave his touch, you need to maintain control. You slap his hands then grab his wrists and pin his arms to his chest. Having total control makes you feel more confident and powerful than you have ever felt before. You position yourself over his cock and begin to slowly grind your clit along his shaft. To tease him even more, you bite your lower lip and moan loudly. The longer you grind on him the more it drives him insane. Before you know it, the Fiend breaks out of your hold with zero effort (you quickly realize that he could have done this at any time, had he wanted to). He coaxes you onto all fours and kneels behind you. He grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks your head backwards. The Fiend firmly grabs at your ass then swiftly smacks his hand across it. Waves of pleasure begin to rebuild within you. Again the Fiend smacks your ass, and then for a third time.

“Harder,” you beg him.

Without hesitation, he obliges. He spanks you several times more, each one harder than the last. Suddenly, the Fiend moves in close to you and enters you from behind, every inch of his massive cock filling your dripping cunt. He immediately begins thrusting with great force, his hips making firm contact with you as he fucks you. You feel your orgasm growing stronger with each and every hard thrust.

“Oh, god,” you practically scream. “Oh, fuck. Fuck me, Fiend!”

Hearing you scream his name causes the Fiend to slow down his pace. He pulls out, turns you on your back, and enters you again. He pins your arms down by your head and begins to fuck you once more. His pace is somehow faster that it was just moments ago. The full length of his erection is thrust within you. Both of you are moaning and screaming loudly as you each reach climax. You lock your ankles together behind his back. The Fiend releases his grip on your arms and wraps his own arms around you, pulling you close to him. You bury your face into the crook of his neck as he continues to fuck you.

“Oh, fuck,” you whimper as you feel your pleasure reaching its peak.

With a few more thrusts, you reach orgasm. You dig your fingernails into the Fiend's shoulders and scream as your body begins to quiver. The feeling of your pussy convulsing around his erection causes the Fiend to achieve orgasm as well. He holds you close, his cock still inside of you, as he shoots his load deep within you.

As the high of orgasm wears off, the Fiend pulls out and slides off the bed. The two of you gaze at each other for several moments, as if neither of you can decide what sort of bond you've just formed. You promised no emotional attachment, but the way he held you towards the end...perhaps something more was beginning to form.

The Fiend gently strokes the back of his finger along your cheek then motions for you to close your eyes. You smile softly at him before you oblige. You keep your eyes shut for several moments, so many thoughts running through your mind.

“Y/N,” a familiar voice whispers. “You can open your eyes now, Y/N. It's okay.”

You open your eyes to see, not the Fiend, but Bray. He is still unclothed, kneeling beside you at the edge of the bed. “Bray,” you whisper with a broad smile. You quickly sit up, throw your arms around his neck, and kiss him deeply. He hops up onto the bed. You both slip under the covers and cuddle up next to each other. He holds you tightly and kisses you sweetly. “You were right, Bray,” you admit to him. “There is a spark between us.”

Bray smiles. “Does this mean you want to be with me?”

“I do.” You kiss him again. “I really want to be with you.”

“You're amazing, Y/N. You're everything to me and I promise I'll never let you go.”

“And...what about the Fiend?”

With a smirk, Bray winks at you. You practically jump on top of him as you excitedly kiss him yet again. The events of tonight were completely unexpected – and you couldn't be happier about where they have brought you. Knowing that you have the love of Bray – and some unspoken thing with the Fiend – fills your heart with more joy than you have ever known.

#wwe #bray wyatt #the fiend #fanfic #reader insert

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minttoy · 6 years ago

Text

Wayward

CHAPTER ONE

Summary: The night at the Goddess Tower, Dimitri wished for a world in which no one would be unjustly taken away. Byleth made her wish in silence - that one day she would see him freed from his darkness.

She wakes up five years later, only to learn the world hasn’t been kind.

Missing scenes post time skip (Blue Lions route).

Pairings: Dimitri/Byleth

Genre: Romance/Angst

Click here to read on FF.net.

Click here to read on AO3.

----------

I wish for a world in which no one would ever be unjustly taken from us.

She treads up the stairs with light, careful steps. She has to tiptoe and maneuver around dead bodies and old carcasses strewn over the floors, follow dried blood stains splattered across the walls. Her nose crinkles at the smell of metal, iron and blood. Byleth wonders what horror these Imperial soldiers must have seen before they were killed.

That’s a wonderful wish.

The last time she visited the Goddess Tower had been a joyous event. The ballroom filled with life and holiday cheer. Students dancing in step. Professors indulging in fancy drinks. Even Byleth herself, watching it unfold with curiosity, because the party had been the first she ever attended. Every single one of them oblivious, and too swept up in excitement that besides Edelgard herself, no one predicted the foreboding war, or suspected what lurked underneath.

She finally reaches the top of the stairs and catches the view from the open window – a peaceful dawn on the horizon. She only revels in it for a second before she shifts and finds him there, sitting in dark shadows. She suspected it briefly, having identified the mortal wounds on those soldiers as pierces slashed with angry lances and biting force, cutting through even the toughest armour.

Her lips form a frown. For a moment, she thinks ‘please’ and considers ‘maybe it’s not him’, because she doesn’t want to believe. But he looks up to the click of her heels and the blue of his single eye is the same as she remembers. Her breath cuts short and she almost falters in her step.

Oh, Dimitri.

His hair has grown, lathed with gunk and dried blood. His cheeks are dirty and muddied. Confusion and blankness cloud his visible eye, where she once saw determination burn bright so many years ago. His body is dragged and worn and scarred from battle. Even as she steps into the light, his expression is unchanged. She doesn’t know how to explain with gentleness the reason she’s been gone for so long, especially when she barely understands it herself.

She reaches an open hand out to him, tries to share her light, but he doesn’t take it. He groans when he moves, and turns away.

“I should have known…” His voice is raspy, like it hurts to speak. “…that one day, you would be haunting me as well.”

Her face falls, and she cannot fathom the swirl of emotions that course through her mind, beat at her heart. Above all else, sadness lingers foremost. She’s almost unable to bear it, not used to such strong emotions that she has to cast her gaze elsewhere. With it comes a sudden, phantom pain throbbing in her chest she doesn’t fully understand.

He gets up eventually, gripping his lance for balance and stands his tall height. She observes him more carefully, and can’t help but think of a creature in the night. Swathed in blood and dirt. Disheveled and dressed with coarse furs. Tall and looming, bloodlust in his eye. She imagines him prowling the grounds, cold and unfeeling. No less than the beasts they’ve fought as teacher and student. Humanity all but intact, and underneath all that metal armour, she knows he is hollow.

He demands she not look at him with scorn, even though she feels nothing of the sort, and then swears darkly to himself that he will sever Edelgard’s head himself. Threats of death and destruction roll so easily off his tongue. She wonders briefly when this violent and uncontrolled temper had taken root, but even after his angry tirade, she can’t bring herself to stop him. Not yet, at least. Her words won’t find their mark, not when she knows nothing of the missing years.

Instead, she says the only she thing she knows for sure, “I’m glad you’re safe.”

He only scoffs at her, “Am I?”

Byleth opens her mouth and nothing comes out. Her hesitation betrays her, and her silence is more than telling. He walks off without a second thought, and before following after him, she quietly reminds herself of the wish she’d made here years ago.

I wish one day I could see you freed from your darkness.

----------

Everybody remembers their promise.

As they work to defend the monastery from a band of thieves attempting to steal what little is left, they show up. Even five years past, they fall back to their old battle formations and await her command. She hardly has the time to register their new faces and growth, only fathoms the reunion as painfully bittersweet. After all, Dimitri had been the one to suggest the idea.

She keeps a close eye on him in particular, watches as he strikes down his foes with no mercy. He’s out for blood and terrifyingly violent. The honour of battle is lost on him, even though she knows she taught him better than that.

They gather at the centre afterwards and Byleth finally inspects each and every one of her former students. She’s most surprised to find Gilbert here, who claims he’s been tracking down Dimitri for a while now. When he asks the prince how he managed to escape the fortress prisons of Fhirdiad, the worst is confirmed.

Dedue is allegedly dead.

She closes her eyes and offers a silent prayer. There’s a collective silence from the group and at this point, she doesn’t know if she can stomach much more. After all, a teacher shouldn’t have to mourn their student.

----------

She leaves them in another room to catch up with one another. Some of them take the time to grieve. Mercedes marches straight for the church afterwards, followed closely by Ashe and Annette. For her, that time will have to come later. She doesn’t even wholly believe it.

Eventually, Gilbert approaches her in the council room. She keeps busy after the battle, rigorously polishing and sharpening her sword with a whetstone she found on the training grounds. As a former mercenary, or a Professor even, she was never one to remain idle. What little emotion she feels throughout the day is taken out on grinding the dull edges of her blade.

Gilbert narrates the events of the past and present – who’s taken control of what territory, what vast expanse of lands the Empire has already conquered, how his search for Dimitri has led him here, and why he set out to accomplish a seemingly impossible task. From his explanation alone, she gathers that Gilbert carries his own ghosts and unfulfilled promises.

“Thank you,” she says softly, chancing a glimpse of the tired man. “For finding him.”

He shakes his head. “It was not me who found him. It was you, Professor.”

She stiffens in her seat, but says nothing.

Gilbert sighs and scratches the back of his head. He casts his tired gaze towards the window. “I’m sure you find Dimitri has…changed, over the years.”

Clack!

The whetstone slips from her hand, almost cutting an edge of her finger. Gilbert alarms at the sight, but she quickly waves off his concern. She puts the weapon down immediately, deeming her mind unfit for the task. Instead, she leans her elbows on her knees, buries her hands in her face and rubs at her temples.

He is not the same.

After practicing much restraint and disbelief, the truth finally surfaces and the pain is akin to a hard punch to her gut. The gravity of his situation and character finally weighs down on her. All of a sudden, she finds herself missing him, of all things.

The boy wise enough to notice a young girl being dragged around, because her path had been decided by adults in a drawing room. And so he gifted her a dagger so she could carve a future for her own, one that she wanted for herself. Even back then, he understood well that your life was yours to live.

The student who desired to teach orphans, even when he still had much to learn. She watched from the sidelines as he showed them how to hold their ground, corrected their stances, practiced with dull wooden weapons and repeated several times that weapons were tools for protection and nothing else. He already knew all too well how quickly the world could turn.

The young man focused so rigidly on his studies and training. His compassion had been enough to elicit a few small smiles. She’d gotten loose with herself, slowly easing out of her stoic demeanor and mercenary mentality. It was an uncomfortable, but not unwelcome change. He willingly called her out when she slipped, saying her smile was ‘mesmerizing’. He always said it with encouragement. She thought nothing of it back then, but realizes now it meant so much more. Jeralt commented once how her students brought out her humanity in ways even he couldn’t.

And now.

Five years have passed and she struggles to feel anything beyond the melancholic haze surrounding the monastery. Perhaps none of this would mean so much if she hadn’t made that wish. Or perhaps he’s still the same person she met so many years ago. She just didn’t know him at all.

He always had that lingering darkness, even at the best of times. Underneath that façade festered a hunger for vengeance. Young Dimitri phrased it so clearly. Sometimes the darkness takes hold, and becomes impossible to suppress. The five years he spent unhinged and wandering in darkness nurtured his lust for revenge. Nowadays, people only laid hands on him with the intent to kill, and he had no choice but to do the same.

Gilbert clears his throat, drawing her out of deep thought.

Forgetting her place, Byleth straightens her spine. She tries to mirror his tired expression.

“Dimitri has lost himself,” she says, following up on his earlier comment. She doesn’t know how else to put it.

The man shifts his weight to the other foot and rests his chin in one hand. “Yes. I fear his deep hatred and solitude have consumed him for far too long,” he explains with a downcast expression. “We must bring him back from the edge on which he stands.”

She nods in agreement, unable to word it better herself.

He hums with uncertainty. “It will not be a quick or easy task. In truth, I’m not even sure if my words will…” he trails off, but eventually shakes his head. “Never mind, it must be done, regardless of whatever circumstance. He is still needed in his Kingdom.”

She finally looks up at him, assurance in her eyes.

“I’ll do it,” she offers, even as she sees dark times awaiting them in shadowed corners.

“Are you sure, Professor?”

She nods. For his sake, she would have to.

----------

Later, everyone is gathered in the council room. She stands to one side, casting inspecting gazes to each of her students as Gilbert and Seteth discuss strategies between themselves before presenting it forward. There is much on the agenda. Talks of battle tactics, recruiting soldiers, rebuilding the monastery and more. Everybody has agreed the Empire needs to be stopped.

Eventually, Annette calls out the elephant in the room. Her leg hasn’t stopped fidgeting since she sat down.

“Erm, perhaps we should wait for Dimitri?” she pipes up anxiously. “He should be here, right?”

There’s a scoff from Felix, and the gesture is oddly nostalgic. “Hmph. The boar is holed up in the cathedral right now, talking nonsense to himself. I don’t see him getting out anytime soon.”

No one says anything, much less argues with him. Byleth just assumes everyone has seen for themselves how the years have hardened and changed their former house leader. The air is stricken with gloom now.

Naturally, Gilbert turns to her.

She promised to handle affairs concerning the wayward Prince. She figures most people are rather…fearful in discussing Dimitri’s condition. The way she sees it, it matters not. At the end of the day, their end goal is the same: Halt Imperial conquest and take back the Holy Kingdom. Somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, she is certain Dimitri feels the same way.

She straightens up from her spot and gathers the attention of the room. “We can resume in his absence. I can debrief him of our plans afterwards.”

----------

People have always flocked to the church in times of need. Although their numbers have dwindled, guards, monks and merchants alike have all paid a visit at least once.

Dimitri is here all the time. From morning till night. Akin to a lost soul wandering in limbo or purgatory, waiting for judgment to strike down like lightning. He occupies the space in front of the rubble, frequently muttering to himself. Sometimes, he speaks of destruction and violence. When the voices get too loud, he pleads and begs for forgiveness. Sometimes he says nothing at all.

For him, there is only one end in sight. Edelgard’s death and after that, his own. A preposterous notion – as if she would ever let him get that far.

She’s spoken to him a few times. Tried is a better word. He tells her to scurry out of sight and curses to himself when she doesn’t. He is still unreachable. She holds her words in her tongue because they won’t find their mark. He didn’t even attend the vigil they held in Dedue’s honour.

“Look at the creature,” Felix is saying, standing a fair distance away. “It’s pitiful to watch. Professor, do what you have to in order to fix him.”

Byleth, distracted by her own thoughts, rests her eyes on the prince. The wide berth everybody gives him makes it easy to observe. No one dares approach too close. Her eyes shift to Felix next. He wears his perpetual scowl, but underneath she knows he’s trying to figure out an end to this situation. She recognizes it as his way of showing he cares.

----------

A familiar face treads towards the academy.

Byleth remembers his face. General Randolph. He stood beside Edelgard as they destroyed the monastery. Dimitri remembers too, because he’s more difficult to direct. He’s determined to ravage his foes and sort out his problems with senseless violence.

She keeps a close eye on him and the others. None of them are her students anymore, but old habits die hard. Five years of sleep catches up to her too – her body is not yet hardened from rigorous training and everyday battle – and she slips up. A fast-flying arrow is shot deep into her left thigh and she grits her teeth and hisses in pain. Before she finds cover, she knocks her own arrow towards the perpetrator before he can deliver another blow.

When she looks up, Dimitri has already caught up to Randolph. She curses to herself, quickly assesses the blood-stained grounds to find most of the Imperial soldiers either dead or subdued. She has to force herself against her own threshold, musters up strength because someone must stop him, and she limps over to him unerringly. The arrow is forcefully removed by her own hand, leaving a trail of blood in her wake as she ignores the biting pains.

She watches as Randolph is brought to his knees, on the verge of his death. Dimitri is smug and bloodlust festers in his visible eye that it sparks angers in her. Randolph pleads senselessly, claiming he must live for his family before he has the gall to call Dimitri a heartless monster. It only feeds her ire, because he knows nothing about what he’s taken from so many people, including herself.

Byleth draws the line at Dimitri carving out his eyes, and kills Randolph herself. From behind, straight through the heart, swift and decisive. She considers it mercy, because anything by Dimitri’s hand would have been ruthless and even her worst enemies don’t deserve that kind of brutality on their deathbed. She quickly sheathes her sword afterwards, because even after all this time, it’s still not easy.

Dimitri laughs heinously at her actions, telling her she should kill him herself if she doesn’t approve. Fierce anger burns so hotly that for a second, she would earnestly consider challenging him if it meant dragging him away from his bleak and corrupted cravings for vengeance. But of course, she would never condone that. Instead, she cools down the foreign, unfamiliar rage burning inside and reminds herself there is no need for more violence in a world already plunged in war and turmoil.

What he says next is atrocious. Claiming to use her and her friends to exact his revenge until the flesh falls off their bones. Shock removes all blankness in her face, and she watches him storm off towards the monastery. The rest of them are mortified, having watched in horror of what he’s become.

----------

Byleth patches up her wounds on her own. She wraps her thigh in gauze and bandages, rubs salve on her wounds and hides the discolouration of her bruises with sleeves. News will spread to the Empire that they’ve made the monastery their stronghold, and she prepares for another onslaught.

She wakes up confused on some mornings. There are times when she picks up her sword and gets ready to complete her mercenary contract. Sometimes, she goes over to her desk to review lecture notes, only to find there are none. She’d also gotten used to hearing Sothis’s voice as the goddess flitted about in her room. She has to remember these things belong in the past now.

When her mind is too hazy, or things get overwhelming, she trudges over to Jeralt’s grave. In bright mornings, late nights, rainy weather or cold winds, she kneels down on the patchy grass and solemnly wishes for a world where she didn’t have to bury him. Time is forgotten when she sits in front of his headstone, but reality always hits its inevitable stride and she remembers this is hardly the time to grieve. Not before long, she schools on a blank and vacant expression, not minding the familiar faces that watch over her in concern.

----------

“Professor! Over here!”

Byleth looks to her left, where Mercedes, Annette and Ashe are beckoning her to sit at their table. She approaches over somewhat sheepishly, because she knows she should be spending more time with her students and honing them for battle.

“Mercedes managed to convince the chefs to let her bake a few sweets. You should try some,” Annette says excitedly, pushing forward the tray of small cakes and confectionaries in her direction.

She hesitates for a brief moment before taking one of the jelly squares in her mouth. Although she never had a sweet tooth, she manages a small smile, just for them. For some reason, they all seem to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Did you know? Dedue used to help me with kitchen duty. Have you ever tried his cooking? I’d say it was his hidden talent,” Annette strikes up conversation, taking one of the small cakes into her mouth in one bite. For a small girl, she’s always had a ravenous appetite for sweet foods.

Ashe lights up brightly. “I’ve tried his cooking too! You can really taste the Duscur inspiration. He was always a much better chef than I am, that’s for sure.”

Byleth gazes over them with fondness. She’s glad they’ve forged these unbreakable bonds. Even if one of them is gone, they choose to remember the good he’s done. As the two of them continue to reminisce of Dedue and his cuisine, Mercedes quietly turns to her.

“Professor, I must say. You seem rather…sad, as of late,” the soft-spoken girl remarks, a gentle smile gracing her features. “Are you also thinking of Dedue?”

Her eyes settle on the wooden table underneath her hands. “Always.”

Mercedes waits for a moment before speaking again, “And Dimitri, as well?”

Byleth still cannot look her in the eye. “I think of him too.”

“We figured as much…” Mercedes leans back in her chair and looks up at the ceiling. Ashe and Annette have quieted their conversation in favour of listening in. “I don’t think either of us have ever seen you show so much frustration as you did in our recent battle.”

She shrinks in her seat as shame tugs at her. Perhaps she got carried away back there.

“I’m sorry,” she prioritizes first. “I hope you understand I’m not angry with Dimitri, but rather the circumstances that have led him here. He’s much different now, as you know, and I ask that you be patient with him.”

Ashe nods his head. “Of course. He’s always been good to us, just like Dedue. When we were students, he refused to let me address him so formally.”

“Me too! And he used to tell me stories of my Father even before I connected with him. It was nice, actually. He said it felt like he knew me already before we entered the academy, because Father always spoke of me.”

Mercedes hums in agreement. “Dimitri also helped me with sword training. Although I’m still lacking in that skill, I think it was sweet of him to help, especially since I almost swung at him. In return, I taught him how to mend his clothes. He was a very good student.”

Byleth softens at the stories shared around the table. She shares her own too. It’s hard to equate the man he is today to the person he was before, but if her students have no problem seeing him as such, even with his cruel and callous behaviour, then she should do the same.

“We’re confident he’ll come to his senses one day. Until then, we should help him however we can,” Mercedes pipes up, with a sense of assurance.

For the first time today, she fills with hope.

----------

He still spends most days and nights at the cathedral. It’s almost reassuring, because she expects to find him there, instead of searching the monastery in fear he has gotten up and left. The only worrying thing is that he barely leaves the church grounds. He denies himself sleep, evidenced by the darkness under his eyes. But she thinks of his health, having never seen him take a ration from the kitchen, much less eat a morsel of anything.

She swipes a couple of things from the kitchen one day and wraps it in paper. A small loaf of bread and dried fruits. Someone told her one day he doesn’t care much for taste anyway. Her boots click and echo as she draws nearer, and he turns his head away from her when she kneels on the ground beside him.

Byleth prods her offering towards him, lays it on the ground where he can see with his good eye and utters out a simple command, “You should eat.”

He closes his only eye, still turned away from her. “Go away.”

She shakes her head and doesn’t get too caught up in his brusque words. “You’ll waste away and grow weary if you don’t,” she counters.

He groans to himself. A rough, grating sound, and says nothing else. He’s rather subdued today. The last time she visited, there was no stopping the slew of threats that escaped his tongue. She’s gotten used to that side of him, knows not to indulge in his murderous fantasies. Instead, she treats him with a level of hardness, because he doesn’t recognize comfort or kindness when it’s given to him. She redirects his thoughts instead. Questions his motives with caution and reminds him to take care of himself. Never engages in a fight or argument when none is needed.

She says nothing else and leaves him for the day. Later when she checks on him again, she notes with some measure of gladness that the plate is empty.

----------

The next war council meeting goes awry.

They are short on soldiers and resources, and there are talks of requesting backup from the Fraldarius house and joining forces with them. When Gilbert asks Dimitri if they should dispatch their troops to the Imperial capital or the Kingdom capital, his answer is predictable.

“We will take the Imperial capital. There, I will kill her. Nothing could be more to the point.”

The group remains divided on the subject, but Seteth passes her the final say as the stand-in leader of the church and she chooses the opposite. For the army’s sake, and especially Dimitri’s sake, they should take back the Kingdom capital. There are so many people awaiting his return to Fhirdiad.

He turns to her, a cross look on his features. “If Lady Rhea is being held prisoner in the Empire, we don’t have time to waste taking back Fhirdiad. Can you deny it?”

He is only testing her, making her out to be foolish in front of the council. She doesn’t bite. Gilbert senses the foreboding tension and cuts in before anything can ensue. “Either way, we are in need of numbers. It is essential we secure backup.”

When the meeting ends, Byleth keeps her ground and waits until most of them have filed out of the board room. Dimitri remains, sharp and cutting words waiting in his sleeve, intended just for her.

“We’re not ready to march into Enbarr,” she says point blank.

“You understand nothing,” he scoffs, jaw clenched and hands balled into fists at his side. “The time we spend in wait only grows her power. She will have taken all of Fódlan before you finally decide to fight back!”

Byleth furrows her brow and presses her lips into a thin line. “You would rush in haste to fight Edelgard instead? You would fall on her doorstep before you even get the chance to see her.”

“That woman must be stopped!” he grounds out in exasperation, slamming a clenched fist on the desk and alerting the attention of the room. “I will go alone if I have to!”

She drops her hands and narrows her eyes at him, face lined with hardness. A bitter sensation settles in her mouth at the thought of him wandering off on his own.

“No. I won’t let you.”

Dimitri laughs. A maniacal, delirious laughter. He steps one foot forward as a crooked smile finds his lips, like a man possessed. “You, Professor? Are you going to be the one to stop me?” His voice is mocking. A taunt, above all else. And she understands he means to intimidate her when he draws closer with a crazed look in his eye. “Be my guest! I dare you to try!”

When he gets too close, she shoves him backwards with both hands, just enough to afford her some distance. The sword of the Creator hums and hangs at her hip, but she makes no motion to withdraw it.

“Don’t challenge me,” she warns and her voice is mostly even. Intimidation isn’t her strong suit, but her eyes stay fixed on his single one with a stubborn determination. Even still, she steels herself should he ever reach for the lance at his back.

He shakes his head and at her adamant insistence, takes a step back. “Then I swear to you this, my dear Professor.” The hissing voice that comes out of that mouth is a poor mockery of Dimitri’s own, dissonant to her ears. “If you ever get in my way, or you dare to stop me from severing that woman’s head, I will not hesitate to kill you too.”

With a huff, he turns his heel and gruffly storms out the room. She waits for the wave of shock to pass, and then her brave face is gone, replaced with an old and tired expression. She finally lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and suddenly, disappointment weighs heavy on her shoulders and she forces herself to sit down. Her breaths even out slowly.

Footsteps draw near, and she glances up to the waiting eyes of Felix and Sylvain, who’d been privy to that uncomfortable exchange. Felix is the first to speak.

“There’s no use talking to him when he gets like that. Nothing is going to reach him,” he offers rather brusquely, even though his words carry some ounce of sympathy.

She looks to Sylvain, who appears quite lax despite their circumstance.

“What he means by that is Dimitri’s had his rough patches before. Today was just one of them, so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Besides, dark expressions don’t really suit you,” he remarks loosely. She raises a small brow at his nonchalance and as inattentive as Sylvain appears, he seems to read her cue. “Even I still have a hard time accepting who he is, but everyone has their faults, right? And he’s my friend, first and foremost. All I’m saying is, I’m not worrying just yet. As much as I hate seeing him like this, I have faith he’ll turn around eventually.”

“Tch. He’ll be grovelling when the time comes.”

Groveling?

She creases her brow, tries really hard to understand, but the redhead just shakes his head. “For now, the most we can do is keep a close eye on him and make sure he’s safe until he figures it out.”

“Hmph. That mind of his though. So consumed with the dead. The boar has no control of himself. I’m this close to being done with him.”

For some reason, Sylvain gets a laugh out of that one. It confuses her wildly, because they don’t seem to grasp the weight of the situation. Dimitri is on the brink of madness and they jest as if it were another day at the academy.

She thinks it over again though. They’ve known him longer. They’re more familiar with his patterns of behaviour. She remembers questioning it frequently then. The way Felix constantly muttered his distaste for the Prince and his ‘monstrous’ qualities, even going so far as refusing to call him by name. Or when Sylvain raised a brow and kept a worried expression throughout their battle in Remire, because of all the chaotic violence they witnessed. She didn’t know what all of that meant back then. His darkness had been kept a heavily guarded secret between nobles.

Sylvain is the more perceptive one once again. “I know it’s hard to forget all the awful things he says and does, but I ought to give him a chance. We’ve been friends since we were kids. I owe him that much, at least.”

She pauses her train of thought. “What makes you so sure he can change?”

The redhead shrugs, but it’s not without a level of uncertainty. “He’s done it before. Besides, he has you helping him this time. To be honest, he never meant for you to see this side of him, but the fact that you have, and you’re still willing to see him through it…well, he should consider himself blessed.”

Blessed? Mild confusion washes over again. She tries to wrap her head around it, the idea as clear as mud. And even when they leave, the thought sticks with her for the rest of the day.

----------

The meeting scheduled at Aillel isn’t without complication. Besides the scorching heat and blistering fumes in the land said to be born of the goddess’ rage, it turns out there was a spy among them and soldiers awaited their arrival. Somehow, and Byleth still isn’t sure how the goddess is carrying her this far, they make it back to the monastery relatively in one piece. Rodrigue has chosen to come with them, along with several of his troops and men. She is glad to see their army and resources growing in number.

She’s avoided clashing with Dimitri in any way she can. Their last conversation is still a fresh wound. Besides, Rodrigue’s presence seems to draw out some sense in the prince. She would be foolish to tamper with that. If she recalls correctly, this man had taken him in, even treated him as his own, when the King had passed.

Once again, she cleans her wounds on her own. She douses her burns and blisters in salt water, hisses at the searing contact, and pulls the sleeves over her arms when she leaves her quarters. Later that night, she ambles up the stairs of the Goddess Tower.

On their way back from Aillel, she came across a…revelation, so to speak. She’d been sitting with her former students, sorting out inventory of weapons and medicinal supplies. The routine has a soothing, meditative effect on her, so she was minding her own business for the most part. Somehow, they started reminiscing about their academy days – a frequent topic of conversation – and what they had done on the night of the ball. She’d been partially listening at that point, and only glanced up when they addressed her.

“Professor, are you aware of the legends associated with the Goddess Tower?” Ingrid piped up, features friendly.

She nodded. “My understanding is that wishes made in that tower will come true.” Briefly, she mulled over the innocent wish she made there five years ago and as an afterthought, she added quietly, “I’m not sure if I believe it.”

“Aww, come on. That’s only a small part of it. The tower is supposed to be a place where lovers meet, and the wishes represent the vows and promises you make to one another. That’s why the person you bring there should be important to you, like someone you love,” Sylvain explained. Ironically, he then went on to list all the girls he had taken there, much to the chagrin of the others.

Her face did not imply as much, but the information was new to her. When Dimitri asked her to meet him there, she thought nothing of it. She was clueless, even as he explained his disbelief for the old legend and still made a wish. For the sake of tradition, she made her own as well.

Afterwards, he considered if it would make more sense to wish they were together forever. By her own logic, that would cross the boundaries of their professional relationship, so she offered him a blank stare in return. He followed up nicely saying he improved in the art of joke telling.

Aware now of the romantic implications of the tower, he was right. It would have made more sense. She simply didn’t understand back then. As a Professor and even to this day, she’s socially inept at times, often failing to understand human conventions and emotions. Her students, and even other Professors, teased her often or said all kinds of crazy things to get her to emote anything besides her blank gaze.

“Professor, did you ever meet anybody at the Goddess Tower? Or made a wish of your own?” Annette had asked, giddy with a dreamy look in her eyes.

“Yes. I suppose I have,” she tells truthfully, not expecting the collective shock that flash across their faces. Much to their disappointment, she’d gotten out of that conversation courtesy of Rodrigue, who requested to speak with her.

Byleth remembers that conversation. That’s how she got here.

Resting her hand against the stone wall, she stares out at the open window and gazes out into the starry sky and white moon. The same view from five years ago, when she made a promise to Dimitri. She understands now it wasn’t a wish, but more like a vow.

She repeats it to herself again, but with more hope this time.

I wish one day I could see you freed from your darkness.

And instead of relying on old legends to make it happen, she’s determined to see it through for herself.

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