#possible did

[autumnstar06]

So im gonna try to explain whats going on in my head purely so people in my blog know what i mean by i might be a system (in reality i dont think i am but i do have other people in my head and i have since i was a kid)

My name is Felix, i am i guess the host, im primary the one in control of the body and i was the original ig

i was defiantly dissociated up until grade 6 when quarantine hit

the headspace is called 'the server' as well as our group (-Cass and Uruki ill get to them in a sec)

the headspace is the place where the main character of the series i started when i was 8 yrs old, lives

and everyone in the server looks like the first/main character from my series they voice act (dont ask ;-;/lh)

I also look like mine but i can bounce from looking like Nathalie to looking like my sona Rex, whom i can draw

Nathalie is just easier to animate (in my head) because of how many years shes been what i look like in my mind (if you wanna know shes a brown dog with brown eyes (no markings))

The best way i can describe us is like a group of people (who are now friends) in a discord server, everyones on the vc together unless you choose to leave, so yes they do sleep and leave

Taro and Amythest know how to be there while sleeping, i dont know how but theyre always there unless they leave for something

in total theres me, Cass, Uruki and 19 others

Cassadrina and Uruki are different to the server as in, 1, they do not have bodies, and 2, they can take over me

this is my body, by technicality, Cass and Uruki don't have bodies, when they take over (switching) theyre taking over my body, usually theres communication when someones going to take over unless im being an asshole and probably not taking care of myself

Uruki is like the little of the system? hes a dog, Cass is a cat, neither of them voice act for my series and neither of them look like one of my characters

and also, the server are not my characters, i do i think maladaptive daydream, but i know the difference, and i didn't make the server intentionally like i do with my characters

from grade 1 to grade 6, more people got put into the server, we didn't choose to be paired up with each other and only a couple of us knew another who also joined

Cass is like the protecter, she helped me alot when i was going through things and shes always looking out for me (not to say everyone else doesn't)

And also random thing I'm not sure if others have this but Cass hates food, it's like werid, she can sometimes deal with water but she doesn't eat or drink, I do that, her and Uruki don't have to it's not necessary, but Uruki still eats cause he likes food

Amythest was the last one to join just before i ressociated

In reality i don't know when i first met Cass and Uruki, but Star, John and Pat were the first people from the server

With the ages most everyones an adult, Tree and Luna moon crystal are the oldest besing like 50 or near there im too lazy to check rn and Jessica and Jake being 2 years older than me? i cant math rn but they just turned 18 (im 16 btw)

the main thing im confused about is, they have bodies? or atleast it feels like it, they cannot take over me because they don't have to and can't, why? because they have bodies and lives, which is why theyre not all there 24/7 like Cass and Uruki are, everyone lives in austrlia according to what they tell me, aside from amythest who is british

my main problem with my thing is i dont function like how i see most systems function, and also from what i remember i dont think the trauma i got was bad enough to become a system

and also the server are not me split, they carry no personality traits nor memories other than what they know, Cass and Uruki are more split me, Cass being much older, responsible and quiet (like a cat -sleeping) and Uruki being much younger, thinking less, not having any social anxiety and being much more carefree

It might have been affected by my autism and therianthropy which I won't rly go into

I'm not going to explain the more inner workings cause um, there is more, but yeah this is basically the gist

if you have any questions feel free to ask

please tell me if you know wth is going on with me btw too ;-;

[crystalsandbubbletea]

(I was debating on posting this-)

So...

I'm questioning if I may or may not have DID-

I was doing research for one of my OC's that has DID and I realized some of the things (Zoning out, disconnection, voices in my head, etc) are things I go through almost every day.

I don't want to self-diagnose just in case so I'm gonna wait and talk to my therapist about it.

While I have the chance I want to ask people who have DID something-

How did y'all find out you have DID?

[the-eccentric-eclectic]

Hey kid, look at me.

I want you to T-pose. Turn your right thumb up and your left thumb doen and look at your right thumb. Move your arms up and down a bit until you feel a nerve running from your armpit to your palm. Now turn your right thumb down and your left thumb up, and look at your left thumb. Keep your chest facing forward and your shoulders back. Move your arms again until you feel that nerve again. Keep alternating between these two for a minute, or look at each thumb thirty times each.

Now sit down. Put your left hand firmly under your left buttock, palm down. Keep your shoulders back and put your right hand over the crown of your head, very gently pulling it to the right. Do this for thirty seconds, then do it again but with your right hand under your right buttock.

These are stretches for the nerves in your arms, and are very good for people who sit behind a computer a lot, or fibre artists, or you name it. Do them daily. They will hurt in the beginning, but keep doing them, even after the pain has gone, or it will return and you'll have to start all over.

[blueskittlesart]

knowledge long forgotten

got really into reading item descriptions on this playthrough. anyway did you know the silent princess is one of the only raw materials with a cooking effect to not explicitly list that effect in its description

[inkskinned]

it's extremely critical that you see the photo of the perp walk for luigi mangione as being propaganda. i've seen so many people wave it off and instead fawn over his looks. and trust me, i know it ended up being kind of pathetic and weird - but please don't brush it off as a "modelling opportunity" for him. it's a fucking terrifying message the police are sending.

i want to make a few comparisons here, in case you're not from the US or familiar with why the perp walk thing is something to pay attention to. just to set the groundwork for why this is a purposeful, unusual, and cruel act by the nyc police - for why this is not a common occurrence and for why that matters.

the prosecution alleges the show of force is due to the charge of "terrorism." for comparison, in june 2015, tsarnaev was found guilty for the boston marathon bombing, which killed 3 people and injured hundreds. his actions are considered to be an act of domestic terrorism. i have spent the last hour looking through google for pictures of similar to mangione's perp walk - and so far, i have found zero. i also just do not personally remember a moment like that, despite living in boston at the time.

they allege that luigi is a stone-cold killer who carried out a longterm plan, making him particularly dangerous. again for comparison: in nyc, recently cory martin was found guilty of the killing of brandy odom. the murder was planned and premeditated to steal insurance money. and yet no staged perp walk. why didn't her life matter enough for a "show of force"?

but mangione gets paraded by a veritable army of police officers as if he is a rabid animal. for a single citizen who allegedly killed one other single citizen, the "largest perp walk ever" occurs.

so what is the "strong message" that the mayor and the police were trying to send here? the mayor speaks as if mangione is already convicted of terrorism. there is a very thin number of people who feel threatened by the CEO's death. none of us felt like mangione needs to be under massive armed guard.

the message is that you shouldn't resist. they are trying to "make an example" of him - that if you behave badly and kill a single rich person, you'll be treated as if you killed hundreds of people. you will be treated worse than a man who was found guilty of terrorism. you will be considered guilty without trial. the message is that the rich are a protected class, and you cannot touch them without massive punishment. they are trying to prevent a revolution by showing dominance and force against you.

the message is that the police are a puppet of the wealthy and that the law is not equally applied across class disparity. it is "some are more equal than others." it is "one life is more precious than another."

the show of force wasn't for luigi. it was for us. it was a warning. they are trying to remind us who is really in control.

[renewashere]

"grunkle stan. what"

[elliotoille]

an adaptation of a scene from Vice and Crucible by sherwoodfox -- one of my very fav jayvik fics ToT give it a read! I made a 10 page comic just to shill for this fic, so trust my convictions. it's good I promise

[utilitycaster]

I should note, I hate the soulmates "we would fall in love in every universe" trope for the aforementioned "where's the tension and interest and really anything worthwhile" reasons. However, "we would find each other in every universe" fucking rips. We would interact meaningfully in every universe but sometimes we are lovers and sometimes we are friends and sometimes we are bitter enemies and sometimes we'd simply both be in the same HOA.

[muffinlance]

Consider: Post-canon Zuko wakes up in the body of his childhood self, the morning of That War Meeting. Would he still speak against the plans, knowing his fate? What do you think he would do differently the second time around?

"Turned away at the doors, Zuzu?"

"Shut up, Azula," her brother sulked. But sulked weirdly, after staring at her too long and too wide-eyed, not like she'd surprised him but--

But like he hadn't expected her to be there. At all.

He turned away. ...He turned back. "Hey, Lala? Do you think you could help me practice that one set?"

He didn't meet her eyes.

She narrowed hers. "Which set?"

"The one I'm bad at."

She scoffed. Pushed away from the wall she'd been leaning against. "That's all of them, Dum-Dum."

He didn't shout or stomp or yell about the nickname. His lips twitched.

"It's okay," he said. "If you're afraid you won't be a better teacher that my instructor..."

It was the most obvious manipulation ever.

Perhaps if he proved an adequate firebending student, she'd work on his courtly survival skills next. Honestly, it was good that not even Uncle Gets-Cousins-Killed had been fool enough to take Zuko into that war meeting. She could only imagine how terribly that could have gone.

"Keep up," she said, and turned her steps towards the training grounds.

He did. There, and during the katas she ran him through.

Azula kept her eyes narrowed.

"Hey," he asked, "do you know how to bend lightning yet?"

As if he could have missed it, if she'd been able to get more than sparks. "I will soon," she said.

"You will," he agreed, and flowed through his next set. The one she'd only just mastered.

Father didn't notice how weird Zuzu was being. Uncle never noticed anything. Zuko ate dinner and asked a servant for seconds and didn't stutter or flinch or lose his appetite when father asked, coolly, what he'd done with his day. Azula's shoulders tensed, because one mention of how she'd squandered her own training time teaching him--

"Azula hogged the training grounds. For hours," Zuzu scowled, exactly like a petulant thirteen year old.

Exactly like he hadn't been acting all day.

By the time Father was looking her way, Azula had her usual smirk in place. "I'm sure there would be room for both of us," she said, "you're not afraid of a little friendly fire, are you, brother?"

Zuko sulked. And ate his seconds, like he was enjoying each bite. There was something in his eyes, like a joke no one else was getting.

---

Father died that night. A heart attack. There were the faintest of burns to either side of the treacherous organ; the royal physician hypothesized that he'd grabbed at his chest, fingers burning hot in his final moments; so hot they'd only exacerbated the problem.

The royal physician would never have been brought any victims of lighting strikes. Those that occurred in the capital did not generally require a doctor in the aftermath.

Zuzu ate a hearty breakfast.

He didn't order seconds. Azula gave him points, at least, for not being tacky.

---

The sages named Iroh as regent.

They named Zuko as Fire Lord.

"No," the tiny Fire Lord in his perfectly miniaturized Fire Lord robes said, sitting at the head of his war council. "We're not doing that. And I'll be reviewing all recent battle plans, as well. What's this I hear about a division of new recruits being deployed to the front?"

He did not mention how he'd heard of the 41st Division. No one asked.

"Prince Iroh, surely--" one of the generals tried to appeal.

The young Fire Lord's regent was looking as startled as the rest of them, for a moment. Then he sipped his tea, and smiled.

"Your Fire Lord is correct, of course. A change in our leadership--a change the other nations may mistakenly view as weakness--will necessitate a change in our strategy."

"Now," said their lord, "what, exactly, is our overall objective in this war?"

War, the new Fire Lord decreed, was not an end unto itself.

---

The new Fire Lord continued to have time, to pretend to be trained by her. Azula watched him. Adjusted her footwork. Did not tolerate, and was not offered, any commentary on who was teaching who.

"What did you do with my brother?" she asked, as they flowed from one set to the next. As her hands, poised to throw fire, just so happened to be pointed his way.

He missed a step. It didn't look like an act.

"I'm, uh. Right here?"

She didn't bother to dignify that.

He didn't bother to look worried about her hands, one movement off from a true attack.

He looked around, then grabbed her sleeve, and tugged her further from any walls that may hide ears. The royal family's private training grounds were wonderfully large, and wonderfully open.

"It's me," he said. "It's still me. Just. More of me? Longer of me?"

She narrowed her eyes. A familiar expression, by this point. "Explain."

"...I found the Avatar," he said. "And this is definitely his fault, but--but I guess it started at a war meeting, when I was thirteen."

Azula listened. It was a very Dum-Dum story.

[crystallized-cheese]

PAPYRUS! HE SMELLS LIKE THE MOON.

[egophiliac]

GET LOVED, IDIOT

GET LOVED SO HARD YOUR KIDS HOLD HANDS AND POWER-OF-LOVE YOU BACK TO LIFE

sorry guys, this is just my brain now. this is going to be the only thing I think about for the next week at least.

oh and also this

FIVE YEARS IN AND IT'S FINALLY CANON 🎉🎉🎉

WE DID IT

[hinamie]

how many hoodies can i give this kid

[frags-fragzzzzz]

Hello ghost trick fandom

[chloesimaginationthings]

The Aftons are a very normal FNAF couple

[tolbyccia]

messy

[spaceoddity09]

Updated my pinned post (intro). I'd prefer endogenic and other system origins to not interact with my blog. I thought there was no harm in them but after my time on the internet I've realized that couldn't be further from the truth.

(Rant under cut)

Even living with possible DID myself it hurts seeing their posts. Creating systems and purposely "splitting alters" just because they feel like it. Wishing for dissociation. Watering down the symptoms. Making a caricature of a very serious and debilitating disorder.

I don't want to go and hate them because from what I've seen. A lot of endogenic "systems" seem to be delusional to some degree. (That's just a personal opinion and I'm not a mental health professional).

So I'd rather not see what they're doing and saying. My life is already bad enough