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i-smoke-chapstick · 8 months ago

Note

saw that you're in your got era so perhaps jealousy headcanons for the got or hotd characters? 👀 literally anyone from these characters - robb, jaime, margaery, oberyn, theon, cersei or ramsay, I'd love to see your interpretation on any of them ! ( or aemond, alicent, aegon, gwayne, OTTO !!, larys, daemon or mysaria for hotd, again whichever era you feel like it !!) and just for future reference, do you write for asoiaf characters or mainly the shows?

'LOVE CAN KILL, [jealousy! hcs]

-GOT / HOTD CHARACTERS X READER-

⋆ Characters ↬ Robb, Jaime, Margaery, Oberyn, Cersei, Joffrey, Ramsay, Tyrion, The Hound, Aemond, Aegon, Alicent, Gwayne, Daemon

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ; jealousy, and how some characters deal with it ;)

⋆ tags/warnings. GOT and HOTD!characters x female reader. SFW! But naturally, some of these characters get a bit suggestive! Possessive behavior, canon typical violence, etc. Please send in more GOT/HOTD requests! Apologies this took so long, this is more characters in a post than I've ever done lol. Unfortunately I'm not super familiar with Otto, Larys, Theon, or Mysaria, so I decided to pick some characters I'm more familiar with! (Joffrey is my #1 favorite of all time, my sincerest apologies.) Whew, 14 characters ! For right now I'm only writing for the TV shows! (i've only read book 1, lol)

𝑅𝛰𝐵𝐵 𝑆𝑇𝐴𝑅𝐾

♫ “I wasn't thinking when I told you to stay.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

With Robb, it's all about the body language. And boy, he's horrible at hiding it.

He can have a hard time placing the feeling as jealousy. He was raised to be honorable. But feelings of...neglect run deep with him. Oldest child syndrome, if you will.

Which is why his jealousy most likely manifests in subdued, quiet behavior. Part of him will recognize he's being ridiculous, while another part of him is silently fuming. Fists clenched, he'll send you an intense stare as he watches you converse with another lord.

His emotions leak through his expressions. When he catches you staring back, his gaze will flit down, and he'll wait patiently for you're time. Or...in most cases...he'll march right up, placing himself between you and the man. Maybe a small, "I'll take it from here." If the lord is offering to help you with something.

A subtle touch on the small of your back. It's a small claim, a subtle "back-off."

A lot of his jealousy also transforms into protectiveness more than anything. He'll offer to accompany reader to places he wouldn't normally be concerned about. He's close by, and he's reminding her wordlessly, he's watching over her and any threat.

Finally, when you two are alone, will he drop down that guard of his. Covering up that burning pit inside him with casual humor, you can sense the underlaying seriousness of his voice in his light teases.

"You’re quite popular these days. Should I be worried that I’m not your only admirer?"

He certainly beds you, having something to prove. And only afterwards when you are in his arms, sweaty and warm from the candlelight, wrapped in furs...will he calm down.

"It’s not that I don’t trust you… It’s them I don’t trust. Some men don’t know how to keep their place." He'll whisper, holding onto you firmly.

𝐽𝐴𝐼𝑀𝐸 𝐿𝐴𝑁𝑁𝐼𝑆𝑇𝐸𝑅

♫ “You don't know that you're in over your head.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Jaime's jealousy is burning. It's simply the way he was raised. And gods, you are his.

Numerous sarcastic remarks flow between the two of you and the man who he believes has essentially stolen your affections. His taunts are offhand, dry remarks, often directed towards his "opponent" or even you, if he's feeling bitter enough.

"I didn’t realize he was such a comedian. Maybe I should ask him for pointers." He'll say, with that sarcastic drawl. "If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to make me jealous. Not that it would work, of course." He chuckles, but his gaze is sharp.

Depending on the offense, Jaime's reactions differ. If you simply have an admirer, a few...well chosen words are directed towards them. His confidence allows him to not be too bothered. Maybe standing closer, clearly showing off to whatever poor soul thought they had a shot with you.

It's a different story if you are friends with the person involved, or entertain their advances even mildly or jokingly.

That's when the uncharacteristic tension comes out, full of small twitches in his jaw and curt, smug responses. His visible annoyance is uncontrolled.

We saw how he was with Loras when it came to Cersei. If he feels truly threatened, whether it's by another pretty boy, or just someone he feels could...hypothetically...have the upper hand...He'll corner them when you're off somewhere else. And give a small warning, from the Kingslayer himself.

"You seem to have forgotten who you're dealing with, so let me remind you." He leans in just close enough for his words to sink in. "Whatever you think you might be to her… you’re not. Let’s keep it that way, hm? I'd hate to see you make any...lasting mistakes."

𝑀𝐴𝑅𝐺𝐴𝐸𝑅𝑌 𝑇𝑌𝑅𝐸𝐿𝐿

♫ “It was just too hard to push you away.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Margaery is smart with her feelings. She knows how to play the game, and play it well. Instead of showing her jealousy openly, she's a touch more composed than most characters on this list.

She recognizes just how precious you are, and admires that. She doesn't necessarily blame others when they become...attached to you.

When jealousy arises, she views it more as a small problem in need of being handled. And she knows how to handle things.

She embraces the graceful competition, subtly outshining anyone who seems to get in the way of her goals. Her goal being you're affection, of course. You're already hers, and she sees no problem in working to keep it that way.

This appears in gestures of strategic sweetness to keep you close, perhaps wearing your favorite gowns on her, and offering that charming smirk. She doesn't shy away from manipulating you, just a teeny bit.

"They’re certainly captivated by you. I suppose I’ll have to work harder to keep your attention." She teases, "Besides, who could ever compare to us?"

Her words carry a playful undertone, but she makes her point clear. Laughing charmingly, threading her arm through yours.

Very rarely does she think she's in any serious danger. She prides herself on being yours and knowing how to keep you on a tight leash. Though...if she feels genuinely worried, she expresses her feelings quite clearly but still gently. She reminds her lover of their shared goals, and all that they've built together.

"My, you do attract admirers easily, don’t you? I’ll have to start guarding you more closely." She gives you a playful look, though her touch on your arm will linger just a bit longer than usual.

𝛰𝐵𝐸𝑅𝑌𝑁 𝑀𝐴𝑅𝑇𝐸𝐿𝐿

♫ “Let me go, but you won't let me go.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Oberyn doesn't feel insecure. How could he? He knows, deep down, that you're his. Jealousy isn't something he confines himself too, he views it as an ugly emotion, capable of getting rid of the true wonders love has to offer.

That being said...he is only a man. And he is fiercely protective. If anyone were to flirt with you and you were clearly uninterested, it would be a swift death, or at the very least, he'd make his point clear with a blow or two and a cutting edge remark. Especially if they are a Lannister. He enjoys you being admired, but only to a certain extent.

"Your efforts are wasted, they’re far too captivating for someone like you. I’d suggest you find someone more... suited to your charms." He begins, hand itching for his spear, "Consider this your first and last warning."

Yeah, he means business.

Most of the time, he spins the situation to show-off. Showcase his own passion and devotion to you. If it's simply a friend of yours, he may even offer them to join in. If not, he'll spend the entire night practically worshipping you, promising that he's the only one who could ever make you feel like this.

Similarly to Margaery, he teases you lightly.

"You have a lovely laugh. But I must admit, it’s much better when it’s for me alone."

Oberyn doesn't shy away from PDA either. It's that assertive reclaiming he seems to favor, pulling you close, whispering something that affirms your affections for each other. He'll revel when he watches the other mans face fall in dismay.

He might get cocky, and push it a bit far. By the time he's done, the 'competition' will be utterly humiliated and embarrassed. He'll be smirking at his own quips.

"I assure you, my friend, my lover favors...more substantial things." He motions to the poor mans crotch.

You're gonna have to give him a slap on the arm.

𝐶𝐸𝑅𝑆𝐸𝐼 𝐿𝐴𝑁𝑁𝐼𝑆𝑇𝐸𝑅

♫ “Consequence of loving me can be cruel.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Cersei's jealousy is intense and multifaceted, to say the least. It manifests in a mix of cold fury and harsh threats, channeling that anger into much more controlling behavior.

Deep down, she is terribly insecure. Once another man or woman as your attention, and she catches on, she's coolly lashing out. And she catches on quickly.

At first she may appear indifferent, but if you look close enough, you can see the subtly giveaways. The way her lip curls, her nostrils flare, and her knuckles go white gripping her wine chalice.

If you're the first one to confront her, and attempt to reassure her, you'll save yourself some trouble down the line. Guaranteed, she'll deny it, but still make a passive-aggressive remark here and there. But eventually she'll calm down, edges softening.

That rare moment of vulnerability that you're not sure is manipulation or not. She'll look towards the ground, running her thumb over you're hand on her cheek. She'll sit on the edge of her bed, jaw clenched.

Now, it's a whole different story if you don't catch on to the early signs. If you don't manage to reassure or call her out in time, that jealousy implodes.

She may confront you first, anger bleeding through her. She runs on it. She may even threaten you, oblivious to the potential consequences her words might have.

“You think you can charm your way into my affections by paying attention to that little fool?" She's standing up, loathing distorting her features. Her voice raises. "Perhaps I should throw a feast in her honor. Let’s see how charming she is when surrounded by my people."

It's threats and threats and more and more threats...which can be especially worrying if the person she's jealous of is a friend of yours.

Almost every scenario ends with you having to comfort her, treading carefully with the words you say.

Now, when it comes to confronting the competition, she makes it very clear. Though, these threats are often much more impulsive. A swig of wine, and she gracefully moves towards them when you're out of sight.

A faux compliment or two, before she whispers, close.

“You’ll find that my guards are quite loyal to me. A simple command, and they’ll ensure you never breathe the same air as her again.”

It only makes her feel a bit better. But, regardless, she's smiling smugly, feeling proud of herself when the offenders face turns white.

𝐽𝛰𝐹𝐹𝑅𝐸𝑌 𝐵𝐴𝑅𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐸𝛰𝑁

♫ “Too much love can kill.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Oh, Joffrey. I'm obsessed with him.

Yeah. He has the worst jealousy issues out of everyone on this list. It's baaaaad. It's a cocktail of insecurity, possessiveness, and entitlement. As someone who has been raised to believe he is above others, and has been coddled his entire life...it infuriates him.

It's the same feeling you get as a child, when someone steals one of your toys. You belong to him. He never grew out of that mentality, or that feeling.

Be prepared for plentiful outbursts of anger. He's a tantrum personified, especially if he feels disrespected. Insecurity grips him tight and refuses to let up until he's either been heavily reassured...or the other person is... taken care of.

And even then, after reassuring him for hours, it may not be enough. You know how he hired a knight to take out Tyrion in the Battle of Blackwater? Yeah. That person will be paid a little 'visit.'

When reassuring him, similar to Cersei, you really have to be careful what you say, or it might make the situation even worse. At that point, he's seeing red.

"I’m the king! You should be grateful for my attention, not chasing after scraps!" He's huffing, pointing to himself as his breathing increases. He'll look at you with an ice cold glare, nose wrinkled in distaste.

He might even force his hand around your face, harshly grabbing you. He looks dead into your eyes, voice clear and low. "You're mine. You belong to me." He's seething.

If he notices you simply looking at anyone else too long, he'll feel beyond threatened in both his masculinity and position as king. Especially if you laugh at another mans jokes, or simply attempt to be friendly with a commoner or lord.

"What’s so amusing? You’d think you’d find better entertainment than that fool." He mutters under his breath harshly, bad habit of picking at his fingers. He'll shuffle uncomfortably. He'll look to you expecting agreeance. It's 100% that mentality of 'Friends? You don't need friends. You have me.'

Yeah, he keeps the very blunt insults coming. Petulant name calling is not above him. Includes, but is not limited too, "Degenerates, Idiots, Commoners, Peasants, or Cretins" which he may describe as being "Stupid, Disgusting, Repellent, Sickening, or Revolting." He's got a LOT of those angry remarks in the bank.

While he may not directly confront the offender, (he doesn't have time for idle threats.) He has his own ways of dealing with them. And that is a public humiliation ritual, making a mockery of any rival. And if they disobey ANY whim of his, they're gone. That one scene with Tyrion at his wedding? That "Kneel!"? He's commanding the same of any man unlucky enough to have threatened his claim on you. Oh, and they're going to be his cupbearer.

Even if they do as he asks, by now his anger will have transformed into that renewed sense of cruelty. "You're fingers or your tongue?...Or I could just cut your throat."

𝑅𝐴𝑀𝑆𝐴𝑌 𝐵𝛰𝐿𝑇𝛰𝑁

♫ “You're gonna suffer now, whatever you do.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

His jealousy may not be as overtly intense as Joffrey's, but it certainly is the scariest.

In his own words, he prefers being an only child. That same kind of mentality certainly carries over to his relationship with you. He prefers to be the only one you see that way.

He loves a good game, and that's what this is. If anything, it's quite exhilarating for him. Though, he is a huge hypocrite. For a man who thinks jealousy is boring coming from you, he feels it quite freely.

Sees it as a means of asserting dominance, whether that be through intimidation or overt manipulation. He doesn't deny it like most characters on this list. When he's feeling jealous, he says it. It's a small warning for you not to go any farther, lest worse things occur for you or the perceived threat.

He'll go up to whoever you are talking too, saccharine and honorable smile on his face. He'll casually interrupt, introducing himself as Lord Bolton's successor. Despite his calm demeanor, there is a tightness in his face, and a wicked look in his eyes, that only you can recognize. It will make you shiver.

If the rival persists, he'll find it all too amusing.

"You're bold, I'll give you that." He says with a boisterous laugh, and you already know the mans fate is sealed.

Looks like his hounds will be having another meal tonight. He'll have his men go out looking for the man, and he'll question him more...privately, when you aren't there to witness his tortuous taunts.

But for now, his focus is on you, and your loyalty to him. When he excuses the both of you, his hand is gripping yours painfully tight.

By the time you're in his chamber, he's on you, ripping your clothes off with a harsh intensity and pushing you to the wall. His nose is twitching in barely kept anger, forcing you to look at him.

We all saw that scene between him and Myranda when she threatens to marry someone else, and it was not pretty. His eyes are borderline bloodshot, and he can't keep his hands off you or your throat.

"You're mine." He leans forward, through gritted teeth. It's better you don't put up a fight, because he'll be having you and your attention one way or another.

Que the numerous kisses and bite marks soon to follow. And he is not gentle when he's inside you.

You'll never hear from the flirtatious lord again...and if you do, it's only in the prayers of his grieving family.

𝑇𝑌𝑅𝐼𝛰𝑁 𝐿𝐴𝑁𝑁𝐼𝑆𝑇𝐸𝑅

♫ “My love, you are not safe with me.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Now, Tyrion's jealousy is more subdued and introspective versus some characters on this list. He has a good sense of self-awareness, and he's intelligent to figure out what he's feeling quite quickly.

At first he'll dismiss it as nothing more than an annoying feeling of insecurity he attempts to cover up. But...it doesn't last long. Especially when someone else makes you laugh. Or when Bronn makes a taunt with a half smirk, that some other fancy lord has taken a keen interest in his lady. (Bronn, you instigator!)

As such, Tyrion resorts to his usual humor to deflect any unpleasant feelings he may have when he's jealous. Similar to his brother, these witty remarks are are subtle intimidation technique, meant to dryly convey his displeasure.

"Ah, the sound of laughter. How quaint. I suppose I’ll have to work harder to earn your amusement." He forces a smile, masking his discomfort. "I didn’t realize I was competing for the title of Court Jester."

These feelings of inadequacy manifest in more self-deprecating ways for Tyrion, given his anger is more controlled. He might opt to drown his sorrows, so don't be surprised if you catch him drunkenly waving his chalice around, doing poor impressions of the so-called-lord that had your attention.

This doesn't mean he won't confront the rival, though. Quite the opposite. While he won't seek the man out, (For his sake, he isn't privy to seeing the tall handsome lord in person. He's not a masochist.) If he happens to come across him flirting with you first hand, or sees him during a feast, he'll make sure to throw one or two gibes out there.

"Desperation looks unflattering on you, my friend. Perhaps you should tone it down a notch." He speaks carefully, nodding to Bronn as a subtle warning. "Or at least the best you can manage..?"

If the rival flirts with you blatantly and in front of him, I can 100% imagine him putting them down. After a flirtatious remark directed towards you, he'll make a dry comment, "Flattery is wasted on me, but do go on; I’m always entertained by those who think they can win my affection." As if it was directed towards him. Probably shuts the man up for a moment.

When the two of you are alone, he'd be very grateful if you could just hold him. Give him that reassurance he craves when his carefree facade breaks. That moment of vulnerability means the world to him.

𝑆𝐴𝑁𝐷𝛰𝑅 "𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐻𝛰𝑈𝑁𝐷" 𝐶𝐿𝐸𝐺𝐴𝑁𝐸

♫ “I need you to go, don't fight me.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Listen up, Sandor doesn't take shit.

Jealousy isn't an emotion Sandor is particularly used too. In fact, he didn't think he'd find anyone to love in his lifetime, so the feeling is foreign and unpleasant. And, like a mean dog, Sandor's first reaction is to growl.

He doesn't like it. Says it's constricting, and it pisses him off. Not just the pretty boy lord flirting with you, but the whole situation in general. Makes him feel vulnerable, and weak.

Naturally, his first reaction is to distance himself. He may avoid you, grumbling, spitting out vile and vulgar comments to get you to run with your tail between your legs. It's better for the both of you that way.

"You think they’re worth your time? Just a pretty smile to distract you?" He scoffs, shaking his head. "You could do better. But then again, you always choose to suffer." He motions at himself, and it's a glimpse of that self-depreciation he buries.

But you love him for a reason, and you know that won't end well. Best way to handle him when he's jealous is to be gentle, and to listen.

He doesn't want empty reassurances. He's complicated that way, even if they are genuine. He isn't one for flowery words or overt displays of emotion, so the best way to comfort him would be to give him some space, but continue to take care of him.

It will still frustrate him, but eventually he'll cave. He'll rejoin you, silently, eventually. Won't offer any apologies, but maybe a gruff nod, and you two will commence whatever it is you two have.

In future instances, he becomes much more brutally honest with how he feels. Doesn't sugarcoat it. If he doesn't like someone, even if they are a friend, he expects them gone- or he'll take care of them regardless. That kind of possessive behavior is just something you'll have to work through.

I can imagine him silently brooding if he witnesses someone flirting with you first hand. Typically his size and reputation is enough to scare whoever away. He's looming over them, eyes dark, and ready to defend what's his.

When you take your leave, he'll confront the person with a very explicit threat or two.

"If you don’t back off, I’ll find a nice dark corner to stuff you in- preferably with a pile of shit." Or, "Get any closer, and I’ll rip your tongue out and shove it down your throat."

𝐴𝐸𝑀𝛰𝑁𝐷 𝑇𝐴𝑅𝐺𝐴𝑅𝑌𝐸𝑁

♫ “Get swallowed by the weight.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Aemond has the most...complex jealousy out of everyone on this list. It's layered, and the outcome may be unpredictable. It's an emotional and volatile nature that's been building up for years since he was a child.

He often had feelings of jealousy for his brother, his nephews, etc. That trauma is deeply rooted in him, and it's hard to let go of old habits, given it's been present all his life.

You'll watch his head bow in distaste when you make small conversation with other lords. How his eye will gaze at you, almost warningly. His jaw will be clenched tight, and he'll avoid eye contact, looking off to the side in anger. He doesn't want to watch.

If it's a friend of yours, he can be a bit mean, questioning your loyalty a bit harshly.

"Friendship? Is that what you call it?" He speaks, angrily. A thinly veiled threat is directed to you, "It seems more like a prelude to betrayal."

He'll brood in the corner, silently waiting. That is, unless, he deems the man goes too far.

In the scene where he gets his eye put out by Lucerys, the conversation that starts before it happens pretty much sums his jealousy up. He's firm with his claim to Vaghar, and the same goes for you.

When Rhaena states that Vaghar was hers to claim, Aemond responds in kind, "Then you should've claimed her." And puts up a hell of a fight to prove his point. That same possessiveness carries over to his relationship with you. He doesn't back down. You're his.

He has no problems getting in between you and the man he feels threatened of. He offers a blunt threat.

"I could have you torn apart, limb by limb, and I’d sleep soundly at night. Be certain of that."

Guaranteed, mixed feelings of insecurity will rise to the surface. When you two are alone, he'll continue to brood silently, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and body language tight.

Please do reassure him. He needs it. His eye will soften, and he'll place his hand over yours, leaning into your touch. With a soft huff of an air, a final warning slips past his lips.

"Don’t make me remind you why I’m the only one worthy of you."

𝐴𝐸𝐺𝛰𝑁 𝑇𝐴𝑅𝐺𝐴𝑅𝑌𝐸𝑁

♫ “I wanna hold on tightly.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Aegon handles jealousy poorly, much like he seems to handle everything else.

It's like throwing gasoline on a fire. Once that feeling in his chest flares up, it's shown through erratic behavior, sarcasm, and attempts to assert his claim in juvenile, insecure ways. Unlike his brother, he lacks the restraint to simply brood.

No, be prepared for plenty of mocking comments directed towards the man he's threatened of, and showy displays to prove he's the better choice.

Everyone knows he is unpredictable and reckless, and possessiveness drives him to act out. He certainly overindulges to cope with his insecurity, (getting shitfaced) and will gladly push your boundaries to get your attention back on him.

Not to mention the belittling comments he'll make.

"Oh, is that who you’ve chosen to entertain now? I didn’t realize your taste had grown so dull."

Prone to acting overtly clingy, almost like a restless cat. He will attempt to slide over into the conversation, resting an arm around you, or even pulling you away. He doesn't care if it's 'improper.' He probably brings up his status, his bloodline, acting over-the-top.

He's also no stranger to outbursts. His temper may make him lash out impulsively, whether that be towards you or the man whose got your attention. If he's in a particular mood, be ready to deal with a screaming Aegon, threatening to slaughter and burn said rival. His fist will come down hard on the council table.

He also doesn't care if he's making a show of it in front of the council members. Que Alicent or Otto attempting to placate him. He needs to have a cooler head if he's going to be ruling the Seven Kingdoms, and this type of behavior isn't very becoming.

He definitely thinks he's owed some make-up sex, if only to quell the insecure storm raging inside him.

"You think they could satisfy you? Truly?" He says, firmly, as he steps closer. Anger is burning in his words, volume raising. "They wouldn’t even know where to begin."

And he plans to show you that he's right.

𝐴𝐿𝐼𝐶𝐸𝑁𝑇 𝐻𝐼𝐺𝐻𝑇𝛰𝑊𝐸𝑅

♫ “I'm afraid I'll pull you over the edge.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Alicent experiences jealousy complexly, just like Aemond. It gnaws on her until she's at her breaking point. Rather than overt displays or confrontations, she attempts to employ more strategic distance...but it always ends up resorting in icy politeness.

She's making her displeasure known through restrained, pointed remarks. Out of duty and pride, she'll attempt to avoid direct confrontation, but she wears her jealousy on her sleeve.

I imagine her withdrawing from the situation at first, if not for anything but her own sake. Her gut reaction, out of insecurity, is to escape the situation. It honestly makes her feel sick.

Unless she's forced to stay...then she'll begrudgingly offer a tight smile. Her responses are carefully measured, and she slips into that role of "queen" rather than a lover.

A part of it stems from passive aggressiveness, and another part of it is purely subconscious.

Speaking of passive aggressiveness, she'll make some pretty cutting remarks, either questioning your loyalty or purposely feigning ignorance to the situation.

"Perhaps I’m mistaken. But I know loyalty when I see it. Or when I don’t."

It's an all bark, no bite threat towards you. But it serves as an aggressive reminder of your connection with her, and that you are now apart of her duties.

If she does interfere beforehand, she'll make indirect remarks about the person causing her jealousy, but will most likely frame it as merely her own curiosity.

Maybe just a touch of self-depreciation, unintentional manipulation. Years of Otto's techniques have rubbed off on her.

"It’s of little consequence, truly. I simply thought I was the one you preferred to spend your time with. I may have misjudged."

𝐺𝑊𝐴𝑌𝑁𝐸 𝐻𝐼𝐺𝐻𝑇𝛰𝑊𝐸𝑅

♫ “Hurts to say it over, over again.” Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

In contrast to Alicent, Gwayne has no problem when he feels threatened to step in. He's a member of a powerful house, and a knight no less. Those two things have taught him to be prideful and honorable.

He will defend your honor whenever he deems in necessary, and there are no exceptions. He certainly has a flash of a temper, but he believes he's much more restrained than others, given his training.

If he thinks someone is crossing a line, he'll interfere. He'll position himself quite closely to you, making his presence known.

He offers the man a silent warning, offering a cool, assessing look. It would be enough to communicate his disapproval.

And if the man persists...well...they'll end up with the end of a sword pointed at them.

Similar to Robb, Gwayne's jealousy appears more in his heightened protectiveness. He insists on staying close for your safety.

"Do they need to be reminded that you’re already spoken for?"

Obviously, his noble pride carries on. If he gets pushed, his jealousy will show more openly, taking the man aside, and telling them that he is more worthy of her time and attention. Might throw in a comment about his noble standing.

He'll take you aside when everything is said and done, reminding her his intentions are honorable. Everyone else is just...unworthy.

"You may not see it, but I know men like him. If he truly respected you, he wouldn’t need to linger around someone else’s beloved."

𝐷𝐴𝐸𝑀𝛰𝑁 𝑇𝐴𝑅𝐺𝐴𝑅𝑌𝐸𝑁

♫ "No matter how you feel." Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

Oh boy, you'll have to keep this man on a tight leash when his jealousy flares up. It's as intense as he is, and he shows it openly.

He'll deny it, or embrace it, depending on the severity of the perceived offense. It's closely tied to that desire for power within him he can't seem to shake. Any affront to your loyalty is an affront to his own standing.

He switches from possessive protectiveness to outright hostility. There's really no in between. It's a raw and unfiltered fury that makes his hand shake and his eye twitch.

He doesn't tolerate rivals, and he's very upfront that he's the only one fit to be by your side. This comes through when he has you all to himself on his bed...

He'll confront the person whether you want him to or not.

"If they value their limbs, they’d remember you’re mine." He mutters casually, pacing around the room.

He carries that hard glint in his eyes. He may even mildly appreciate the sheer balls of the man stupid enough to attempt to flirt with you, but he'll shut it down quicker than anyone on this list.

"You’ve got a bold tongue. I wonder if I should cut it out..?" He'll look to you for permission. It's up to you if you wanna let the dragon loose!

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casdeans-pie · 11 months ago

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---- AO3 link post

---- Part 1

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Cas makes his way into the kitchen after Dean hears him apologise and make an excuse to leave the table. His gaze flicks to Dean’s shoulder as he walks into the room, in a familiar gesture that’s so quick Dean’s sure he’s seen him do that before and just dismissed it.

“Dean?” Cas says with concern, eyebrows scrunching together endearingly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but you mind telling me what’s up with this?” Dean gestures at where the handprint should be – which to him still looks like normal skin.

For a moment Cas says nothing. His eyebrows scrunch impossibly closer. He takes a longer look at Dean’s shoulder, then straightens up, clears his throat and says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” in a stilted monotone that would fool absolutely nobody.

“Oh come on! You’re a terrible liar, I know that you can see there’s a handprint.”

Cas sighs. “Yes. There is.”

“What the hell, Cas? When were you going to tell me about the friggin’ mood ring on my shoulder?”

“Mood ring?”

“Patience said it was glowing brighter than ever and I guess I was feeling really happy and uh-”

The corners of Cas’s lips twitch up into a smile. “It was glowing that brightly?”

“Hey, nope, not the important thing right now,” Dean says, heat crawling up the back of his neck remembering why he’d been so happy. He gestures back at his incredibly normal looking skin. “Who else can see this?”

“Psychics like Patience…” Cas begins, a little hesitantly, “and other Angels.”

“Okay, this is starting to make sense ‘cause they’ve always looked at my shoulder funny.”

“And Demons,” Cas continues quietly.

“Wait, are you kidding?”

“And probably ghosts. Though I’ve never asked one.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “Okay. That’s great. Everyone but me can see my sparkly my little pony cutie mark-”

“I don’t understand what ponies have to do with any of this.”

Dean smiles before he can help it and Cas’s eyes flick back to his shoulder. Dean grabs at the skin there, but he still can’t see anything different. “Seriously? Just from you doing your,” he lowers his voice when he mimics, “‘I don’t understand that reference’ bit?”

Cas turns his head away, but Dean can see the crinkles at the corners of his eyes from the smile he’s trying to hide.

Dean sighs, knowing the warmth in his chest will only be making the mark glow even brighter. Damn it. “And it's always been like this?”

Cas turns back to him, the smile gone. “I healed the physical scar as soon as I could, but that mark was made on your soul. The glowing print it left behind can’t be healed away,” he says softly, “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Figures.”

“When I made it… it was the only way I could bring your soul back with me.” Cas’s shoulders tense in that way that means there’s more, he just doesn’t want to say it.

Dean catches on. “Wait… it means something, doesn’t it? What does it mean?”

Cas holds his gaze but says nothing, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Cas? C’mon man, what does it mean?”

Cas closes the short distance between them (Dean hadn’t even noticed they’d been standing so close) and gently lays a hand onto the skin of his shoulder, over where the handprint would be if Dean could see it. He gasps when a hot jolt of something electric shoots straight through him and leaves his entire body tingling.

Cas finally says, “It means you’re mine.”

#well well well - you're the one that wanted to know Dean!#destiel ficlet #destiel #castiel's handprint #spn #deancas

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rottencherrypie · 6 months ago

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R-18+; Another (Thorin x Reader)

Summary - The dwarven king is determined to make his seed take again.

Warnings - Smut, language, afab!reader, fem!reader, fingering (reader receiving), mention of a womb, female genitalia (reader), bodily fluids, implied previous smut, dom/sub undertones, slight dom!Thorin, "good girl" is used, heavily implied previous pregnancy, breeding kink, overstimulation, implied following sex.

Pronouns & POV - None, third-person

Word Count - 700+ (a short one)

A/N - Another one from the suggestion box on my Instagram! (I am trying to polish up the form a bit, and get through the current suggestions before I post it on here too!) "would love a thorin blurb with fingering. maybe breeding kink too." — (anonymous) I hope this lives up to what you envisioned, sweet one! The only descriptions used for the reader are that their lips are swollen from kissing, their ass is round, and their skin is referred to as "delicate". (I had no idea what to put as the header, so I did a pomegranate and flowers because they are associated with fertility?) Pure smut below the cut!

Read on AO3 Read on Wattpad

The bitter mountain air nipped at your exposed, quivering flesh as the sounds of your exhausted mewls danced throughout the air. A stream of drool cascaded out of the corner of your kiss-swollen lips, dripping down your chin and staining the silken sheets beneath you. Though, the sheets had seen far more within the past hour, stained with the essence of your pleasure and the spilt seed of the dwarven king.

"Shh, shh," The sudden heat of his breath against the exposed flesh of your arse made a shiver roam down your spine, furthering the quivering of your exhausted legs as his rough, calloused hands began to caress the roundness of your buttocks softly. "you must relax if it is to take." The king cooed as the thickness of his fingers delved into your exhausted, sensitive hole.

A fullness that made your nails dig into the smooth fabric beneath you, piercing into the silken sheets and nearly tearing it from the seams as the hot, stickiness of the dwarf's cum was pushed deeper into your aching walls.

"Thorin..." His name left your lips in an exhausted mewl, the corners of your eyes staining with tears. The weight of your chest sunk further into the mattress, further pressing your arse into the air as his thick fingers continued to push inside of you—curling up against your most sensitive spot, forcing another strained sound of pleasure from your soft lips. "...too much...can't...gonna..." A string of nonsensical words fell from your lips, a mixture of a desperate plea for the dwarf to give you a moment of recovery and a cry to continue as that familiar tingle began to spread throughout the pit of your stomach.

"Shh, shh," The dwarven king softly hushed you, yet his fingers continued to move within. The pace at which his hand moved was slow yet calculated—lulling you into a false sense of stability before his fingers spread apart, stretching your inner walls for a moment before quickly snapping back together. "just one more. I know you can give me another." He cooed. His tone dripped with false affection, knowing all too well he was pushing you to your limits—but he didn't care. What the king wanted, the king got—and he wanted you to cum again, just how he wanted you round with another child.

"Be a good girl for me and let it happen." He continued, as did the motions of his fingers inside you. They ranged in variation: one moment curling against your spongy spot, while the next, they scissored against your quivering walls. There was no rhyme or reason for the lack of pattern—he just wanted to watch you squirm. And squirm you did as he suddenly pressed his thick, calloused thumb against your sensitive bundle of nerves.

It tingled, nearly burnt, as the weight of his thumb pressed against your clit—tracing slow circles upon it as your hips mindlessly bucked into his palm. If you were to raise your head from the plushness of the bed and look back at the dwarf, you would see how a smug grin curved upon his thin lips as your wet walls clenched around his fingers—your cunt's desperate plea for release.

Within a matter of breaths, the sound of your muffled cries of pleasure filled the air. The essence of your pleasure gushed out of your aching cunt, coating the king's hand and forearm with its wetness.

"That's it." The king would coo, pressing a kiss upon the middle of your back as his free hand slid to the front of your lower abdomen. Resting right above where a babe would soon grow, keeping you steady as he pushed the remnants of his seed deeper within your walls—as if he was attempting to shove it up to your womb. "It will surely take." His words vibrated against your back as he pressed another kiss upon your skin; the harshness of his beard rubbing against your delicate flesh sent another tingle throughout your body.

"And if it does not?" You managed to question, your mind still in a daze from the endless hours you had spent being pumped full to the brim with the king's seed. Inner walls sore and likely bruised, sheets stained with the few droplets that spilt out from your warmth. "And if it does not," The king began, raising his head from your back—his beard grazing against your skin as the bed groaned at the shifting weight. "then we have all spring to make it take."

It was not a suggestion; it was a promise.

#thorin oakenshield x reader #thorin oakenshield x y/n #thorin oakenshield x fem!reader #thorin x reader #thorin x y/n #thorin x fem!reader #thorin x reader smut #thorin x fem!reader smut #thorin oakenshield x reader smut #thorin oakenshield x fem!reader smut #thorin smut #thorin oakenshield smut #the hobbit smut #x reader smut #x fem!reader smut #smut

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obsessingoverl · 3 days ago

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hii !! this is such a random question but do you know why LDS is called LDS? I've always heard it called Mormonism (which I think I remember seeing a post from you or someone else within that religion that said most people who believe it prefer to be referred to as LDS instead of Mormon but correct me if I'm wrong ofc) and never as LDS so I was just wondering where the names came from

if any of this is rude/disrespectful I am SO sorry I genuinely did not mean for it to be :< I'm not familiar with the religion/faith so I tried my best, but again I'm so sorry if this comes off as rude /gen

(also if this ask doesn't make sense then sorry about that too, I wasn't exactly sure how to word my question)

So sorry for responding late; I'm actually at a church camp right now and the service is super bad.

So LDS is a nickname, like "Mormon," but it's based on the full official name of our religion, which is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Obviously, that's a mouthful, so it's often shortened to either Latter-Day Saints or LDS. This has been the official name of our church since it was founded in 1830 (i think. There's a lot of specific dates in the 1800s that are important and I don't remember them all.) Mormon is a nickname that originated as a bigoted term. The people who called us that got it because we have a separate religious text called The Book of Mormon and they accused us of worshipping Mormon (a prophet), not Christ. That's where the term Mormonism derived from. Over time it became more accepted and we even used it within the community (and still do...but less). We also have used the term LDS intracommunity for decades. I believe in the early 2000s or so we had a campaign to raise awareness called "I am a Mormon" and we were kind of reclaiming the term, but in 2017 a change in leadership sent the church on a new path. Our current prophet has always disliked the term Mormon, I suspect because of it's background, but also because it is misleading and can cause people to believe we worship Mormon, not Christ. So, we had a bit of a policy change and were asked to stop using the term.

Personally, I do not mind being called Mormon, but I dislike the term Mormonism. I know I have a post about why, but I don't remember how to explain that reasoning.

Thank you so much for the ask! This was not offensive at all; I'm glad you said something. I am happy to field any other questions you have!

#tumblrstake #mormon #lds #lds church #lds teen #lds theology #terminology

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aevellewritessometimes · 4 months ago

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Again and Again and Again and Again

Or, the reincarnation au fic that I hinted at in my other post, in which a semi-loveless aroace author attempts to write romace by projecting the way they perceive romantic love onto this BAMF demiromantic (hc) bitch who is Bad At Feelings. Additionally, while I was coming up with ideas for this, my brain just went "what if, in this au, MC is the scorned lover from the flower post?" and I kinda just ran with it. Also, I realized late into writing this that there is some great choose-your-own-ending potential here so if you liked this, keep an eye out!

Content Warnings: Gore (not too detailed), implied torture, mentions of captivity, Vere-typical implications of cannibalism, very brief and vague implications of cult activity, mentioned enslavement, death (repetitive in the reader/MC's case), brief allusion to suicidal thoughts (somewhat?) (brief description of being hung on a noose, but only in a metaphorical sense), mentioned starvation (both literal and metaphorical)

Other: Brief Undertale reference, brief Passerine (by ao3 author "blujamas") references (IFYKYK), author does not fully understand how semicolons work, probably improper use of italics, a little moment with "Oh. Oh." vibes Word Count: 3k

This work may be edited in the future if I discover any previously missed typos or content warnings. This work will not be cross-posted anywhere and I will make a direct announcement if that ever changes. Likes and reblogs are always appreciated! <3

Vere couldn't quite remember who you were the first time you met. But he didn't really care all that much, anyway. After all, whether you were a wanderer or a noble or even one of his worshipers, it didn't change the fact that the two of you crossed paths.

He didn't think much of you, at first. Just another mortal; just another meal. But for some reason---boredom, most likely---he chose to spare you a while longer, and was surprised to find your company to be even the slightest bit pleasant.

He was more surprised to find himself disappointed at your untimely death. And although he did plan on killing you at the start, it was not his hands that were stained with your blood. However, his footprints certainly were as he stepped through the puddle of your blood and over your mutilated corpse on his way to pay a visit to whoever---or whatever---did kill you.

Ultimately, your death had little impact on him. Decades passed and he barely even remembered the mildly entertaining mortal.

That is, until he encountered someone who strongly resembled you.

At first, he assumed they were just a distant relative. But as he got a closer look, he noticed something off about their soul. Something oddly familiar.

Imagine his surprise once he realized that it was yours.

For whatever reason, this person, who may or may not have been related to you, held your soul instead of having one of their own.

He was intrigued enough to linger near this familiar stranger. Without eating them, might he add.

There were several key differences between you and this... oddity, of course. Different backgrounds, different hobbies, different pet peeves... And yet, if he didn't know any better, he'd say that you two were exactly the same.

Almost as if someone had taken your corpse and hidden you away to bring you back to life. But that wouldn't make any sense at all, and he didn't bother to toy with the theory for longer than a moment.

Unfortunately, Vere didn't get to solve whatever mystery he seemed to have waltzed into. After all, one thing the two of you had shared was your mortality. This one at least spared him some time by succumbing to something more natural.

Vere left what was rest of that one behind, going on with his life. He was a bit disappointed and somewhat confused, but it still didn't affect his routine very much.

That is, until a few more decades later, when he happened upon yet another stranger with a familiar soul.

And then the cycle would repeat, over and over. Faces so different yet so strikingly similar. Personalities shaped differently by various upbringings that all shared the same color scheme. Each one being just curious and diverse enough to catch Vere's attention.

Eventually, Vere simply stopped trying to differentiate between your seemingly unending number of bodies. As far as he was concerned, as long as each one held your soul, it was still you.

Despite all else, it was still you.

And, as much as he loathed to admit it, he actually found you to be quite likeable. More than that, even.

Vere had long observed the relationships of countless mortals; the trust, the closeness, and even the way that their very souls almost seemed to weave themselves together whenever they formed a close friendship or fell in love.

He never thought he'd experience something like that. He never even thought he'd ever care if he did or didn't. He had faithful worshipers, and there was no end of pretty faces and bodies willing to spend a night with him. Why even bother with anything more?

But, once again, he was curious. Curious about why an emotion meant to be so peaceful could lead to just as many petty wars as rage did. Curious about why it was something so important to many of the most famous pieces of art. Curious about why being betrayed or heartbroken would always leave a soul marred with a particularly delectable form of suffering.

So, he tried to make you fall in love with him. It was much more difficult than he initially expected it to be. He's had countless people lust after him, sure, and he was well versed in fueling their desire. But that was something that could be lost overnight. Love, on the other hand, was not. Even when it results in you getting hurt, it takes time for the heart to lose love for someone.

He truly had no idea how to make you actually fall in love with him. On his first attempt, he only managed to become a frequent fling. But, fortunately for him, he had multiple chances.

Love. Such a small, simple word for something so incredibly confusing.

After your last death, he took some time to observe the couples he came across; watching their mannerisms and dates and conversations, scouring for an idea of how these people made things go past simple flings.

He was horrified to eventually find that one of the most important factors was vulnerability. As far as he was concerned, showing your stomach by bearing your weaknesses for someone to see was just begging to be betrayed.

By time he happened across the newest version of you, he was strongly second-guessing his sudden desire for you to fall in love with him. But something within him was practically aching for it. Something he didn't have the words to describe. The only thing he knew for certain was that he wanted it---wanted you.

And he always got what he wanted.

So, he tried again. This time, when he reintroduced himself to you, he decided to leave a faint hint at something he considered vulnerable hidden within all the flirting, innuendos, and thinly-veiled insults. Not enough to be considered consequential, but enough to entice curiosity.

It certainly wasn't something he was used to, and even just that was enough to make him feel a bit agitated. But by your second encounter, he could tell that something was different; all the usual lust-based attraction was there, but there was also a hint of something... new. Something more.

Whatever it was, it wasn't nearly enough to sate his increasingly inconvenient desires. Instead, it just seemed to add fuel to the fire.

And despite his hesitance, he repeated his actions. It was different each time: sometimes he noted a color he liked, other times a smell he disliked. Eventually, it led to him finding a few things you had in common. Other times, it led to petty, meaningless arguments.

He eventually managed to get some genuine smiles or laughs out of you. In return, you would sometimes manage to get a genuine chuckle out of him, along with a brief thrashing of his tail.

It wasn't always smooth sailing: maybe he'd take his teasing too far, or you'd just catch him on a shitty day. But soon enough, one of you would swallow your pride and apologize, and the two of you would go on as usual.

He could feel his seemingly unquenchable desire grow at a rate which scared even him, but he could tell that there was something similar growing within you, as well.

You were the first one to show true vulnerability. It caught him completely off guard: both the confession, and the way it made him feel.

Usually, Vere was the reason people needed comfort. He didn't have even half a clue of how to be comforting, or even if comfort was something you wanted or needed.

He settled on giving you some harshly-phrased but well-intended advice. And fortunately for him, it seemed to have worked.

But the way that you apparently trusted him enough to bear your stomach to him, even briefly... At first, he thought he was simply satisfied with the way his plan was coming along, but that explanation only covered a small part of it.

Your brief instance of trust made him feel like he was a starving man who had just been given a small morsel of food. It sated his hunger for a moment, but it wasn't enough to fill him. Soon enough, he was starving again.

He wondered if it was you who was starving him, or if he had simply been born hungry.

He wondered if you were starving, too; if he was the one starving you.

If the answer to that was yes, then there was a small part of him which wanted nothing more than to give you a feast, but that part of him was outweighed by the part that felt disgusted at the idea of someone having any kind of power over him.

But he knew that one of the other things he found made people fall in love was mutuality. If you were giving him food, he would have to feed you in return.

He resolved that it you tried anything, he'd just kill you.

He didn't reveal too much, but there wasn't enough vitriol in the world to accurately describe just how he felt about it. But you didn't do anything about it. You offered what he assumes was comfort or advice, but that was it.

You didn't mock him. You didn't try to use it as leverage or gain some kind of upper hand. You didn't do or say a single thing to make him feel any sort of betrayal.

It was just another hardly satisfying morsel for him.

This was the instance which made him finally question his desire for you; the bottomless pit of hunger; the endless longing; the exhilarating thought of you being able to trust him, and the terrifying thought that he could trust you.

The answer hit him like a knife to the gullet.

All this time, he was trying to get you to fall in love with him, and he didn't even consider for even a moment that he could've fallen in love with you, too---much less that he could've fallen first.

Love. Such a small, simple word for something that could inflict so much terror.

His first instinct was to run; leave the two of you starving for the sake of his own sanity. But Vere had seen and tasted the suffering that came from heartbreak and betrayal, and it pained him to imagine that burden and pain weighing on your soul.

That and, well. It would make him appear incredibly weak and cowardly to just run away like some teenager caught with a hookup. And he couldn't risk leaving such a humiliating impression on you, now, could he?

Time went on. Mutual vulnerability; slowly being less dreadful each time. No more morsels, just meals. No longer starving, just hungry.

All the questions he had about love were slowly starting to make more and more sense.

But all good things must come to an end; you were mortal, after all.

Death had never affected Vere much. At most, he was inconvenienced. But this, like everything else about you, made him feel something new.

Sure, he already knew---or was at least relatively certain---that your death wasn't permanent, that he could find you again.

Mourning, unfortunately for him, wasn't an emotion that gave a fuck about logic.

Love. Such a small, simple word for something with the potential to cause so much pain.

He didn't even question his lack of questions about going after you again. And again. And again and again and again.

The cycle was somewhat painful for him: having to wait for twenty or thirty years to pass; finding you again; trying to get you to trust him again whilst assessing if he can trust this new version of you; trying to get you to fall in love with him again while he was already smitten for you; staying with you as you died; repeat.

He couldn't tell which part of it was the worst. But as far as he was concerned, it was worth the pain every time.

Sometimes, he'd question why you: what about you made him fall so hard?

There wasn't a solid answer to that question. Or if there was, he couldn't find it. A part of him didn't care to.

It was almost funny; he was so terrified of you using him and his feelings to gain some sort of power over him. And yet, here you are, with the power to maneuver him like a puppet, yet no want or knowledge of it.

Sometimes it scares him, but he usually doesn't mind much these days.

It's a shame, then, that nothing ever lasts forever.

He tried not to recall the details of what happened that day; how he managed to lose to a group of pesky, mortal mages; their robes as white and bloodstained as the snow they stood in, towering over his limp form as they forced a collar around his neck and a harness on his chest like a broken stray.

He was dragged away and locked in a tower's dungeon. He tried to bite and snap at their prodding hands, growing more and more desperate with each attempt. And yet, he didn't even manage a nick or a flesh wound, thanks to the enchantment he soon realized coursed through the collar and harness.

It filled him with a brand new form of rage. Of fear.

Though he loathed to admit it, he felt completely and entirely helpless and paralyzed during those first few weeks.

He wondered if you worried about him. Of course you would care if he were in danger, but he was sure he had you convinced---or should he say fooled---that he was untouchable; that him being in any true danger simply wasn't possible. So, he wondered if you worried about him; about why he hadn't been home for weeks.

Did you think he was in danger? Or did you think he abandoned you?

He tried not to think of you too much. He had an escape to plan, after all. He'd just have to figure out the best way to clarify things once he made it back.

At some point, the mages began ordering him around. Nothing he wanted to do, but was forced to do so by the collar. It wasn't much: just pacing back and forth in his cell. Degrading, sure, but something he could bear if it meant gaining a chance at freedom.

Once they were satisfied,his cell door was opened. His first instinct was to lunge out, but their apparent leader---a woman wearing a mask---ordered him into docility.

Pity. He'd have to wait a while longer, then.

The masked woman hooked a leash through the loop on his collar---as if being beaten, collared, and caged like some mangy mutt wasn't humiliating enough---and ordered him to follow.

The only thing keeping his pride from falling into ruin was how the mages escorting him were still on edge, despite all their precautions.

Initially, he just tried to focus on the twists and turns and doors he was led through, attempting to make a mental map of his prison.

That is, until he was being led down a cramped, dank corridor.

The hall itself wasn't special. The thing that caught his attention was the faint scent that haunted it. The faint scent that sent a new wave a dread through him.

Your scent.

Just why, exactly, did this hallway smell of you? And why was it getting stronger as they approached a door at the end of it?

He already suspected---no. He knew the answer before one of the mages even removed the key from their pocket. He just didn't want to admit it. He so badly wanted to be wrong.

There you were, shackled to the far wall of the cramped, dimly lit cell.

Your clothing was torn in a few places. Their were bruises pretty much wherever your skin was exposed. Dried blood caked your hands and fingernails. You were trembling, both from the cold and from fear. It hadn't looked like you had anything to eat. There were heavy bags under your eyes.

If Vere didn't want every bastard in that tower to die painful deaths already, he certainly wanted that now.

The masked woman barely spared you a glance. Instead, she unhooked the leash, stepped away from the door, and uttered two words:

"Kill them."

It all happened so slowly.

The collar forced him to move before he could fully process the order. You glanced up at him, barely even having a moment to recognize him before he was on you. His claws tore through your flesh. Bones snapped. Your screams pierced the air. Your blood stained his hands. No matter how much he wanted to stop, he couldn't.

"Enough."

At last, he was able to stop. At last, he was able to see the carnage he wrought.

Somehow, you were still alive, though there would be no chance of saving you. You lied there in a puddle of your own blood, twitching and writhing in pain. You choked on whatever blood was left in your body. Tears brimmed your eyes as you looked up at him.

He could clearly see the emotions clouding your eyes---your soul. The betrayal. The heartbreak. The pain.

If you were anyone else, he would've taken great pleasure at the sight: some poor, naive fool who fell for his charms and was betrayed by his hand; soon to be a meal, body and soul.

If you were anyone else, he'd revel at the feeling of being covered in blood after a satisfying hunt and would later be annoyed by the inconvenient process of having to clean it off.

But you weren't anyone else. No matter how many lives you've gone through, you were you. You were always you.

It brought up a new feeling for him: heavy feeling of... emptiness.

He didn't bother to pay attention to the chattering of the mages as he was leashed and escorted back to his cell. He could only think of you. Of your limp soon-to-be corpse. Of your eyes. Of your soul as its shape began to change shape right in front of his eyes. Of your blood, staining his footsteps and marking his unwilling path. Of you.

The emptiness soon turned to something else. Something too cold to call rage.

The name of this new feeling didn't matter to him. All that did matter was that he was going to make sure anyone else who dared breathe in this godsforsaken tower would feel twice the anguish you had felt in the final moments of your life.

Soon.

The word repeated in his head like a prayer.

It didn't matter how much time had passed: years.

Decades.

He still held onto it when the better part of a few centuries had passed.

The cold feeling almost made him feel as if he were going insane, some days. Whenever that happened, he would indulge in someone else in order to distract himself. He usually killed his flings by the next morning, with there being a few, very rare exceptions.

There was one other thing he felt during his years of enslavement, nestled alongside the hollow, cold feeling: hope.

There were many interpretations of the concept of hope found in many different stories and poems. Some viewed it as an ethereal thing. Some viewed at as a skill.

To Vere, it was a noose hanging over a pit. It would strangle him for as long as it remained around his neck, but it would drop him to his death the moment it was cut off.

Even if living as a particularly useful pet was a special kind of pain, he could not let it kill him. While his original captors were long gone by now, the ones who took their places were hellbent on carrying the legacy. And so, his oath of vengeance applied to them in the place of the originals.

The only problem was: how to get the collar off of his neck so he could act on that oath?

Ais, the one person in the city he was willing to consider tolerable (and vice-versa), could certainly take on a few pesky little mages. And despite what others probably assumed of him, he would probably be smart enough to figure out how to work with the enchantments on the collar. Unfortunately, Vere would most likely be forced to kill him before the two of them could get very far.

Kuras might have been powerful enough to manage it, but he hated Vere as much as he hated the Senobium, and wouldn't mind seeing Vere rot away under their command; seeing as it would mean that he was dead and the Senobium was without one of their greatest assets.

Mhin was desperate to get into the damned place, sure, but there's no way they would ever agree to helping him. Not yet, at least. Maybe if he waited a while longer and they grew a bit more desperate, then he may have a chance. Although, the reluctance was very much reciprocated; perhaps he'd have to wait for himself to grow a bit more desperate as well.

And don't even get him started on that damned, flea-ridden mutt.

He was mulling over his regrettably limited options while waiting for whichever cleric had the displeasure of dealing with him that day when he spotted an outsider, looking lost as they cautiously stumbled through his alleyway.

A stranger. A very familiar stranger.

Part Two >

#vere touchstarved #touchstarved vere #vere #touchstarved fanfic #touchstarved fanfiction #vere x reader #vere x mc #touchstarved x reader #touchstarved x mc #touchstarved game

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the-astronome · 2 months ago

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Found a curious little thing in P3 Quarantine, which took me aback ngl

This is going to be quite a post, but I won’t place a tldr because I’m an annoying asshole (scroll down the post, the aforementioned detail is there)

Those who played P1 know that the game was always very vague about its time period. I covered it in another post of mine, but basically Patho Classic takes different features and aesthetics from several decades, namely from the 1910s and up to the 1940s. This is augmented even more by the subtle references to real literature/media/events, which created a sense of the game world being weirdly familiar but you couldn’t grasp what exactly made you feel this way.

Patho 2 (especially the Marble Nest) writing became less subtle, with open (or not that obscured) references to real events and literature. One of the brightest examples is Artemy’s mentioning of the Civil War continuing for the third year already ("Уже третий год идёт гражданская война.". That's a touch quote for the revolver). And this immediately “lands you back to earth” in a way; you understand “Well, this must be the early 1920s then” (obviously with the assumption that it's the Russian Civil War we're talking about). This replica of Haruspex doesn’t necessarily break the immersion, but it makes the storytelling a bit more direct.

And then comes Patho 3 Quarantine. All that I’m going to talk about below started as a mere joke for myself: on Day 8, when the Bachelor tries to board a train, we find ourselves in the middle of the Steppe at night. A bright, full moon is shining.

We know that Pathologic takes place in September. Moreover, on Day 5, at Stillwater on Bachelor’s desk, there is a calendar, which indicates September 3rd (я календарь переверну-AHEM sorry). If this detail is anything to go by, this means the game starts on August 30th, therefore, Day 8 is September 6th.

You might say, “OP, but this might be just a random detail, that doesn’t mean anything”. HAHA do you think I’m called the astronome for nothing? Remember the full moon on Day 8? Assuming that we constrain our range of years to 1910-1940 (explained above), we can calculate for what years the moon was at its brightest on Day 8. Moreover, just the phase is not enough. We need to make sure that the moon was seen at night on that day (i.e. wasn’t below the horizon) on that latitude. I’m taking northern latitudes between 51 and 55 degrees, a typical coordinate for major Siberian cities (I’m taking Novosibirsk, Irkutsk and Ulan-Ude as references here).

I’m using Stellarium, but you can check it just with Google really (I did that as well), it will all have the same result. We have a full moon (or at least a phase close enough to it) for 1914 (phase 95.4%), 1922 (99.6%) and 1933 (96.8%). The moon is above the horizon, and tbh if I had the exact time when the Day 8 sequence happens, I would've tried to approximate the latitude used in the game (if there is one). Anyway, this is just a set of years. That's not that interesting, right? Would have been so, if not for the Bachelor's replica in dialogue with Filat.

(yea it's in russian ik) I'm talking about the second answer option (the highlighted one). There, Daniil inquires if the Termitary has been closed for the sixth day already, since Tuesday. This dialogue takes place on Day 5, September 3rd. Do you see where this is going? If September 3rd is the sixth day since the Termitary's closure, then it was sealed on August 29th. And it was Tuesday. Using New Style (i.e. Gregorian Calendar), August 29th was Tuesday in... 1922 and 1933. Using Old Style (after all, it was used in Russia until 1918), the closest ones are 1923 and 1934. In all honesty, if I were to choose just one of these years, it would be 1922. It makes sense in terms of the moon phase (it got the closest illumination percentage to the full moon, 99.6%). It coincides nicely with that Tuesday situation, assuming that in their country a Gregorian calendar is utilised. The game's aesthetics, Capital's architecture, and overall design are a clear reference to the European 1920s. More importantly, do you remember Artemy's note on the Civil War duration? Yes, technically, the Russian Civil War started in 1917/1918 (thus the third year is 1919/1920). However, I think this is where Pathologic gets back to its usual subtlety in writing. Indeed, the dates are not exact, but it's close enough to ring a bell for most players. Why did IPL include this in Quarantine? There is a certain chance that all the aforementioned details are not intentional and are just a mere coincidence. Maybe it's deliberate. This is, imo, a choice of the player. Eye of the beholder and all that. (for people who scrolled down without reading) Regardless, Pathologic 3 seems to take place in 1922 or, less likely, 1933. Now you are also burdened with the knowledge of it.

#ну давайте скажите мне что они не угорали всей студией когда ставили этот календарик с третьим сентября #im a professional overthinker as you can see #also when i see moon in media the first thing to do is to calculate the year #what astronomy does to a person #oh it never leaves you fellas #pathologic #pathologic 3 #мор утопия #pathologic 3 spoilers #даниил данковский #daniil dankovsky

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aviradasa · 11 months ago

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Teenage Leolas first partner is a human?How will you and Aaravos react?

Aaravos x reader hc!

Ask and you shall receive! This was such a cute idea, and I couldn't resist lol. Also again sorry it this is shitty I'm extremely exhausted and am writing this from my phone late at night, lol also sense this probably is shitty I'm happy to announce I'm going to be making a series based off of the Aaravos family hcs I've posted which will be more in depth and fun!

I'll link the other hcs here

Masterlist

Aaravos introducing you to his daughter

Aaravos getting ready to propose to you with leolas help

You and Teenage!Leola sync up that time of month and Aaravos is done

{Fluff} Warnings:none!

@josmarney23 @delusional-mushroom @imsimping4life

It was a beautiful day out, and you and Aaravos were just chilling out studying the universe and all of its secrets with no worries in the world

That was until your 16 year old daughter Leola walked in looking a little too nervous for your taste

"Hey, mom..dad.I have something to tell you!" She says with an awkward smile as she waves her hands up and down in front of her, a nervous stim she's had since she was a little girl.

But it just makes you and your husband more concerned

You look at Aaravos with confusion and concern and are a little disappointed when he gives you the same look back before you both turn towards leola once more.

"What did you do?" Aaravos asks

"Did you kill someone? It's ok if you did, we can help you take care of that." You join in with a straight-face

"Yes, if that's the case, don't worry, me and your mother can handle that. It was probably only an accident!" Aaravos agrees as you as you both stand up and approach your daughter.

"What? No! I didn't hurt. Or kill anyone! I just wanted to tell you that me and Michael decided that we want to be together! ( I decided cause I'm lazy that the boy holding her hand in the picture that I made the title card is gonna be her partner for this!)

You and Aaravos share a look of shock.

Like, excuse me. Your little unicorn has a boyfriend? YOUR DAUGHTER?

"Wait, who is Michael again?" You ask; the name sounds familiar, but it's hard for you to remember all of the Leolas friends as she makes so many new ones all the time.

Aaravos, on the other hand, is too busy trying to comprehend what his sweet daughter said. He doesn't even hear you ask her who Michael is. he just folds his hands together like a prayer, lifting them up to his face with eyes so wide they look like they are about to pop out of the socket

In response to your question,leola rolls her eyes and walks out the front door before rentering, pulling a tall human boy into your house by the arm. Once leola releases him, he gives a little wave. "Hello, there!" He says nervously with a smile laced with a bit of fear.

NOW you remember him. He is one of Leola's childhood friends. They used to play outside together with all the others. Before you can say anything, though, Aaravos speaks first.

"No, absolutely not. No. It was nice meeting you, boy." He says with a straight face. You give him a small slap on the arm and a stern look

"What? Dad, what do you mean?" Leola asks in confusion

"No. Just No." He says again.

"Why not? Are you mad he's a human or something?" Leola shoots back. Before it can escalate though, you interfere

" That has nothing to do with. It has to do with the fact that he looks at least 30." (Please tell me you get the reference, lol)

"DAD HES MY AGE! YOU'VE MET HIM BEFORE!" Leola shouts, which honestly gives you the sign to stop this before it gets out of hand

"Okayyy that's enough." You say to them.

You mouth a small apology to leola and Michael before you grab your husband and go to the next room for a moment, and as you're walking out, you see leola facepalm before crossing her arms in frustration. Michael quickly jumped to her aid. He gets a few points for that

Once you get into the next room and close the door you scold the fuck out of your husband

"Aaravos, what is your problem? You know damn well he's not 30! If you don't stop and give the kid a chance, I'm gonna knock you out."

"You won't even have the chance to knock me out before -"

"Oh my gods, once again, what is your problem it's completely normal for kids there, age -"

"I still don't like it!"

"Why not cause it's a human boy she brought home?"

"I never said that!"

"Well, that's what she's getting from it!"

"I don't like it 'cause She is my little girl. I'm not having some human boy mess up her life. she's not ready for that torment."

"Oh, she is fine. It's some puppy love, and she's known that boy for years he wouldn't hurt her! besides, there is nothing we can do about it that won't drive her away from us!"

"Oh, there is definitely something I CAN do about it.-" "Oh, don't you even think about it. That won't end well for anybody!"

"Yes, it will. It will end well for you, Leola, and me"

"If you touch one hair on that boy's head, you're sleeping outside. May the gods strike me down if I'm lying!"

"I suppose they will have to! Cause I'm not allowing this."

"No, we are not doing that. We are going to go out there. Talk to them like adults. And make a decision based on facts and information they provide!"

Your overlapping arguments end up being overheard in the next room, where Leola and Michael are standing. She covers her face with her hand and shakes her head back and forth in embarrassment as Michael reassures her it's fine.

This goes on for a while before you exit the room with a victorious smile. Aaravos follows behind you with a disapproving sigh. Yet he still complies

You decide to sit down and talk. Asking (interrogating) Michael about his life, his family, his intentions with his daughter (Aaravos),

Michael was a farm boy from next door. He had been friends with Leola for years, but he was a shy kid and tended to blend in with the group (which explains why you and Aaravos forgot he existed)

after a nice conversation (plus some cryptic threats)(Aaravos), you both come to the decision to allow them to continue dating. But you and Aaravos insisted on meeting this boy's parents.

Leola is honestly so happy that you guys didn't care that he was human. She was just a little peeved that her dad was being overprotective.

By the way, that never stops. He is always going to be overprotective of his little girl. No matter if she is 16 or 9000, he is always gonna be ready to hide a dead body for her, and you are right there with him.

But anyways

Once everything is settled and you guys send Michael home, you both sit down with just leola and talk to her alone, and luckily, everything adds up!

As time goes on, y'all practically just adopt Michael as a son. Who cares if he has parents of his own. He's always at you guys' house anyway 🤣

Even Aaravos starts to like Michael a little bit after he shows an interest in magic and philosophy

Sometimes, when Michael stays for dinner, he and Aaravos will just be full-on geeking about this stuff while you and Leola just chuckle about it

Aaravos will deny warming up to Michael, though. He will still be like, "No, I don't like him." But everyone knows he's lying, and you and Leola laugh at him.

Though if Michael ever hurts Leola ( he wouldn't dream of it. This is just a what-if), he's got you and Aaravos on his ass in a heartbeat.

All he can do is pray and beg for mercy at that point cause running is not an option. There is nowhere he could ever run that you and Aaravos would not find

Nobody ever hears from him again

Ever

But you guys do get a pretty cool coin to add to the collection; alongside that, you guys don't let Leola date after. If she's hurt once, y'all are not letting it happen again.

But other than that, yall are pretty cool about it and don't really care too much human, elf,boy, girl, they, who cares as long as your little girl is happy you guys are happy with her

#tdp #aaravos #tdp aaravos #aaravos the dragon prince #aaravos x reader #the dragon prince #tdp x reader #parent reader #dad aaravos #aaravos tdp #aara-dilf #mom reader #leola the dragon prince #leola tdp #tdp rayla #family #one happy family #Aviradasa writes #Aviradasa 👽🖤

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theofficialpresidentofmars · 1 year ago

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my Roman Empire is how in Hamlet, we are presented with four characters who were each at one point the person/people Hamlet held most dear, and one of them watches as Hamlet's actions lead the other three to suffer, lose their minds, and/or die.

Horatio is Hamlet's closest friend over the course of the play, the one he comes to again and again, refers to as being in his 'heart of hearts', and who keeps him stable and alive for at least the most part. We follow these two the most explicitly throughout the text.

Ophelia is Hamlet's lover, and their relationship can be read many ways, ranging from never-really-loved-the-other to they-did-it-numerous-times-and-in-fact-she-was-pregnant-(possibly)-(also)-(aborted) but for the sake of this post I'm going to go the middle ground and say they had a wholesome and happy relationship before Hamlet's dad died and he got all sad. Doubt the stars are fire, but never doubt I love.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Hamlet's childhood friends, and Gertrude remembers them as being so loved by him that 'two men there are not living to whom he more adheres'. It's clear that these three were very close during some stage of his life, likely his childhood and potentially teens. The point is, they meant the most to him at some point in his life.

But again, by the time the acts of Hamlet come to pass, Hamlet has chosen Horatio to be his sole compatriot. Whether or not this is prior to his actual arrival in Elsinore is largely irrelevant- Hamlet makes sure he spends a lot of the first half of the play flustered in the face of a prince who won't stop finding nice things to say about him. Hamlet butters him up with honeyed words, and tells him the truth about everything, or what he thinks, anyway.

Horatio is touched but one specific line does stick out to him a bit- when Hamlet assured him it was not an attempt at flattery, and went on to clarify that he feels free to love Horatio as Horatio doesn't want anything from him, and doesn't have anything to hide. If what the ghost said about Claudius were true, it makes sense for Hamlet to be paranoid and hold others at a distance, but Horatio can't help but think about the underlying implication that if Hamlet had any reason to be suspicious of Horatio, he'd be just as cold to him as everyone else. Which, again, makes sense, but something about it rubs him a strange way.

Horatio tries to relate his experiences with the others he knows were close to Hamlet. He doesn't know much about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, but Hamlet has mentioned suspicion of them, but despite that, seems to have been cordial enough. As for Ophelia... She seems to have seen the worst of his feigned madness, so he doesn't really know about her. He also heard something about an argument, but he doesn't know to what extent.

After the play, and an odd interaction with R&G, Hamlet heads upstairs to speak to his mother and Horatio thinks about it some more.

He words the question properly to himself: would Hamlet still love me if I were in their position? And he doubts for a moment, but then he remembers what Hamlet told him, the look in his eyes as he proclaimed his sincerity, and even the rare laughter he'd indulged in after the play, in only his presence, and Hamlet has convinced him.

Up until he hears the news of Polonius's murder. And until he hears the recount of Claudius, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern's intervention with the seemingly mad prince, and he begins to doubt him.

And when he's left to take care of Ophelia, driven mad by the death of her father and the wrath of her lover, and in her delirium she tells him things, tells him everything, and there's a strange sense of familiarity in her words. She shows him her letters, throwing them at him and laughing, tears running from her eyes, and Horatio recognises the poetic style, the sweet wording that always seems to know how to strike your heart closest, and he realises that she had once been where he had, received Hamlet's love in the same way. And it's strange, in a way he's not sure what to do with.

His fear is alleviated slightly when Hamlet sends him a letter, and he seems back to his usual sense of self, the one Horatio knows. Horatio is glad for the normalcy, and it does a part to clear his worry that he had been deceived in any nature, after his time with Ophelia.

Even further when he finally returns to Denmark, and while the two talk, they stumble upon Ophelia's funeral, and Hamlet takes no time to jump into her grave and proclaim his grief loudly. Horatio feels a bit sick at feeling any sort of relief at this, but the proof that Hamlet may have truly loved her and hadn't intended for this to happen does something to quell the fear again.

That is, until Hamlet recounts his journey.

And with a strange sort of expression that looks sort of like... pride, recounts how he sent Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to their deaths.

Horatio is a little shocked by this, as he can't recall the two having done anything particularly wrong, and this was clearly not accidental. Hamlet brushes him off by saying the two knew what they were getting into, showing strangely little remorse.

Horatio thinks, about how they were his childhood friends, and then again about Ophelia, and then again about his earlier question.

would Hamlet still love me if I were in their position?

And he realises, in a way that makes him nauseous, that the answer is no. And not only that, but for all Hamlet's laughter and flattering words, it wouldn't have saved him.

But still, he doesn't leave his side. Hamlet loves him now, and he's the lucky one. Nothing can be done anymore, and he feels they draw close to the end.

And he does still love him. And Hamlet loves him back.

Horatio reaches for the poisoned cup as Hamlet dies. It feels right that it should end this way, and he doesn't really want to go on.

But Hamlet wrestles the cup out of his hand with an intensity that catches him off guard, begging him to stay alive, to tell his story

and so he does, cradling the prince as he slips into a deeper dream.

Sometime after, Horatio will again think about it all. The four of them. Three dead by his hand, one alive by it.

He wonders.

Did Hamlet ever think about it too? About how his actions hurt the ones closest to him, and in his final moments, chose to break the pattern and save the only life he could?

Or did Hamlet only save him because he still loved him? Not out of guilt, or reflection on his previous actions necessarily, but because Horatio still hadn't done him wrong?

#hamlet #shakespeare #hamletposting #ophelia #hamratio #opheliet #rosencrantz and guildenstern

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raainberry · 1 year ago

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I’m so glad you got lost

Jihyo x gn!reader

Fluff

synopsis - helping a damsel in distress like in the old times still works like a charm (you’re a security guard at a music festival and Jihyo appreciates both your help and looks)

worcount - 2.9K

T/W - none i think, but like cute summer vibes, first meeting, sweet moments, you’re whipped for her, the usual stuff

A/N - lowkey struggled, tried to get a bit out of my comfort zone by adding a little more desc but not mad at how it turned out

The outdoor festival Jihyo and her friends chose to spend their weekend at was a success. The atmosphere was vibrant, fun and exciting, the music was good, the food was even better, but perfection is just never possible.

Something had to go wrong or else it wouldn’t fun.

Losing a few people in a friend group as large as hers is understandable and not uncommon. It’s expected, maybe even fate, but only losing one? Now it just felt like luck was involved and there wasn’t any on her side as Jihyo found herself to be that one lost friend.

She tried to scan the elated faces surrounding her for signs of more familiar ones in vain. She could feel a sense of mild unease creeping over her as the crowd seemed to grow denser, making it all the more difficult to locate anything familiar by the minute.

She was slowly feeling herself losing grip over the situation when a gentle hand found its way to her shoulder.

The sudden contact startled her though, and she turned to see who it belonged to. Last thing she expected to face was a warm, comforting smile.

"Hi! You look like you’re on a mission,” you chuckled. “Need a little help?" you offered over the loud music.

Jihyo’s eyes quickly noticed your attire, and if the black and bulky clothes you wore didn’t make it evident enough, the “security” arm band did enough on its own. She’s never been more thankful for assistance in her life, and a flicker of relief crossed her features as she nodded.

"I'm looking for my friends, there’s no service and it's getting a bit overwhelming.” she explained, her voice barely audible.

You nodded understandingly, and gestured for her to follow you. With practiced ease, you navigated through the crowd while Jihyo trailed close.

Your familiarity with the festival grounds seemed to guide you effortlessly, and maybe it was the distress she was in, mixed with the fact that you jumped in to save her when no one seemed to care—maybe the uniform had its hand in as well, but… You looked pretty cute.

The soft and warm smile, the gentle and protective gaze as you looked back at her every once in a while, making sure she followed suit—and the hand… The way your hand brushed against her exposed skin as you guided her; never daring to rest it on her arm, her back…

The subtle spark your touch ignited didn’t go unnoticed on your end either.

In fact it was very much felt. Though you were focused on getting your job done, part of your attention was monopolised by her appearance.

Jihyo, a name you had yet to learn, was certainly one of the prettiest sights this weekend outdoors offered. The make up she wore was flattering, highlighting features you found to be among your favorite in people. They looked even better on her.

You crossed eyes with her brown ones a few times on your way over to the security post. The hints of worry as she looked around tugged at your heart, feeling a sudden need to protect her beyond the way your duty called for.

“Let's see if we can spot them from here." You said, holding on to the bit of professionalism left in you before helping her up the ladder to reach the small elevated shed.

It was a sort of temporary lifguard tower imitation. Your colleagues referred to it as a base to make it sound fancier—which you mocked them for multiple times—but part of you hesitated to use the word in case it would impress the damsel you’d brought over.

You judged against it though, something your future self would be thankful for, and instead guided the woman up to the railing surrounding it.

The vantage point offered a broad view over the better half of the festival, and her eyes wasted no time in scanning the animated sea of festival-goers.

You joined the search only a second later, snapping yourself out of the micro-trance her sculpted arm sent you in when she brought her hand up to shield her eyes.

You don’t know how long it took, if the silence as your gaze flitted from one cluster of people to another was awkward or not; but she ended reuniting with her friends.

Their shouts for her as they noticed her up the tower from the ground taught you her name, and you had a hard time tellibg whether your smile was because of how funny their desperate waving looked from up there, or because of the way her name fit every idea of her your mind had managed to come up with.

A wave of relief washed over Jihyo, and you were sure to never forget that grateful smile she sent you before rushing to friends.

Who knows how they got separated. The thought was very much far out of line, but you were glad she got lost.

—

As the day melted into the night, the festival began to wind down, and the crowd started to thin out.

Jihyo and her friends made their way towards the exit, with the day's excitement still clinging to their spirits. A bunch of memories were made that day, all ranking in their own degree of wholesomeness.

The smile on Jihyo’s lips was subtle, her mind lost in the remnants of her emotions as she walked surrounded by the people she cared so much about.

Their intensity was exhausting, and little did she know this festival had just one more thing to make her feel, and her friends were very much happy to help with that.

As the group approached the exit, they spotted you there, your attentive gaze scanning the departing crowd. A quiet presence amidst the festival's crescendo.

Jeongyeon, her most daring friend couldn't resist her own playful nature as she hurried to tease Jihyo, "Look, your savior’s still on duty.” Her elbow nudged into her best friend’s back a couple times as her messing around soon received back up.

“Why don't we go and say thank you for helping you?" Sana giggled, not bothering to wait for an answer from anyone, much less Jihyo as she made her way over to you.

The sight of a bubbly woman darting towards you was enough to get you on alert. Sana was oblivious to the walls you’d put up, and the ease with which she knocked them down was alarming.

You guessed her charm had a lot to do with it, but recognizing her as one of Jihyo’s friends from earlier did most of the job. As soon as you did, your gaze was quick to find the rest of the group approaching you.

Among them stood Jihyo, who stayed silent as they expressed their appreciation for your assistance earlier in the day.

Half their words didn’t make it to your brain, which was crazy considering there wasn’t many. In the moment, you found Jihyo’s silence to be much more interesting and important than anything else.

Teasing words and drunk people needing guidance could wait, you had an opportunity to take.

Your eyes met, and the sparks you caught in them were undoubtedly fueled by each other’s lingering effects ghosting over your skin. It seemed you could communicate without uttering a word, but you still needed her friends to make anything of this miracle.

The two of you exchanged numbers amidst the playful teasing of her friends, their laughter and banter serving as a backdrop to this tentative yet promising connection.

As she struggled to type in the right numbers in the correct order in your phone, Jihyo could only thank the moon for hiding the blush burning into her cheeks at the thought of everything this could lead to…

—

Well, back to square one apparently. Although the year it took to get there brought some wonderful changes.

“I can’t believe I’m back here again…” You sighed in disbelief over the situation.

You knew history repeats itself or whatever, and sure the romance you’ve built with Jihyo was one for the books, but damn… Losing your friends twice at the same festival is just too much.

While the situation kind of annoyed you, Jihyo seemed amused by it, laughing as she turned to you after a quick scan of the area. “Y/n, stop whining, it’s like a full circle moment, isn’t that fun?”

“Okay, but how do you lose eight people at once, I don’t understand.” You whined even more, frustrated, but the feeling was weak compared to the smile that cracked through your façade when you met your girlfriend’s pretty eyes.

They had a mischievous twinkle in them as she suggested, “Okay, let’s use your useless height. Let me climb on your shoulders,” she tapped on them and you lowered yourself down. “I’ll see if they’re anywhere near.”

“If that’s what you wanted all along you could have just said so.” You mumbled. “Didn’t have to lose everyone…”

A playful grin tugged at the corner of her lips as you caught her shameless one. You couldn’t resist her infectious joy. It only took you a few seconds to secure Jihyo onto your shoulders, and you went on to navigate through the scattered sea of people, laughter blending with the distant music.

"See them yet?" You asked after a while of weaving through the crowd. Jihyo shook her head, her hair swaying with the motion. "No," she frowned, gaze sweeping over the people’s head in search of the same familiar faces.

Apparently you took that as a sign to let her down, and she found out when you suddenly stopped in your tracks, crouching down to make her step down safely. Key word was sudden; Jihyo was not ready for the drop and ended up reaching for your hair out of survival instinct, accidentally tugging on it.

That hurt, naturally, so you let out a half genuine whine and brought a soothing hand to the top of your head as she tried to do some damage control. She’d made it down unharmed, but at what cost.

“Oh, baby I’m sorry—” She laughed through her apology, and although you didn’t doubt her concern, her laughter did make the mocking come out on top.

Her hands tried to convince you otherwise, gently brushing your hair away from your face. You felt a rush of warmth as Jihyo's fingers brushed against your skin, her touch sending that same old shiver down your spine.

Despite her obvious amusement, there was an undeniable tenderness in her actions as she cupped your chin, her gaze scanning your features for any signs of discomfort. You couldn’t help but lean into her touch, appreciating how close she was.

“You should have warned me, did it actually hurt?” She asked and you pouted your lips in hopes to get a healing kiss from her own.

“Kind of.” You said, but she only gave you a few mocking giggles, making you sulk even more.

“I’m really sorry.” Jihyo's laughter was infectious, filling the air with joy as she peppered kisses all over you. You could feel the pain fading with each one of them. Each touch of her lips against your head, your forehead, spilling over your temples…

Placebo effect or the healing power of love, whichever it was, it worked.

It was in moments like these, where you stood together, lost in your own little world, that you realized how grateful you were for her and the love and warmth she’d brought into your life.

“Well, there you are!” A familiar voice you recognized as Nayeon’s pulled your eyes off each other, finding the rest of the group trailing behind her. “We’ve been looking everywhere, stop wandering off!”

“Yeah, or just get a room. No one wants to see this.” Jeongyeon gestured to the two of you, waving her hand around in a way that pulled a laugh out of everyone.

You only shared an amused look with Jihyo, a silent understanding prompting the two of you to playfully stick your tongues out in response, brushing off the harmless teasing.

—

Jihyo is competitive.

You knew that by now and learned the hard way. The only reason you don’t cry when she renders you bankrupt in Monopoly is because you’re cut from the same cloth.

She’d found her match in more ways than one, and her friends were oh so delighted, taking any opportunity to turn games into a true and free show by putting the two of you on opposite teams.

“You don’t stand a chance.” You told Jihyo, grabbing the cornbags from the friendly festival-goers who’d put up the game and turned it into a side attraction.

Trashtalk isn’t the most loving kind of talk, but the two of you kept it playful and harmless, taking it as a form of bonding.

“I love you.” Jihyo answered, ignoring your words, and her knowing look startling you into a horrifying realisation.

How could you forget about the pre-game vows…

“Right, I love you too.” You smiled, quickly going over to her side in order to lay a shy kiss on her cheek. The gesture pulled a few aw’s and laughs from the small crowd around, but you could very well distinguish your friend’s teasing as you went back to your side.

The game started shortly after with Jihyo opening it. She never went easy on you, and neither did you, to everyone’s pleasure.

The way you bickered, trying to destabilize and distract each other in each round was a highlight of a lot of people’s night.

While you tried to stay civil, only sticking to playful taunts and harmless cheating claims, your girlfriend went as far as stealing one of your bags.

Honestly you weren’t mad she did it, you were only mad you didn’t do it first because the point she made with it was counted by the appointed referee, along with the crowd’s approval.

It was everything but fairplay, but it was a good time. A memory you’d cherish for a long time.

“Congratulations, Hyo.” You shook her hand and she chuckled at you formal greeting. “I hope you know I let you win.”

Her laugh resonated amidst people’s cheers and playful protests from the ones who’d been cheering for you.

The smile on your face stuck around even when she landed a playful swat on your shoulder. If it weren’t her you’d be sulking like never before. She was the only one you’d be glad to lose against.

—

The chaotic search earlier didn’t teach you anything. That same evening you wandered off again, although this time you did at least agree on a place to meet back at.

As the night slowly settled in the sky, moon and stars rising to offer a gentle lighting support to the ones the festival offered, the two of you embarked on a stroll around the grounds you were still familiar with somehow.

Hands clinging to the other, fingers intertwined and shared giggles marked the way you’d remember the moment.

After a while, you walked into a quieter, more secluded area where nature seemed to hush the lively music still blasting from the stages afar.

The playful twinkle in your eye was hard to miss and stay indifferent to for Jihyo as you sat down, arms wide open and inviting.

You recognized the grin she sent you before ignoring the arms she was actually dying to feel around her. She went to sit next to you instead, prompting your shoulders to sink down with your arms.

“Why are you so mean to me today…” You sighed, wonder dramatically evident on tour face.

Jihyo chuckled, a soothing sound that brought more comfort to the bubble you were immersing yourselves in. “I’m not mean, you just made it really easy for me to tease you,” she shrugged, eyes wiping her nonchalant words with the affection they held for you.

Your smile returned when she carried herself into your lap shortly after, shifting herself to comfortably rest her back against your chest.

A quiet conversation eased itself between the two of you, soft and shy words reminiscent of the path you’d shared together so far as you mindlessly cuddled her; your gentle swaying a soothing rhythm.

“Do you remember when we met here?” Your voice sounded a little more nostalgic than you meant as you spoke.

Jihyo’s gaze softened on the flowers standing in the grass she was picking at. “Of course I do. It was only a year ago.”

“Feels longer, though, no?” You asked, wondering if she felt the same for a few seconds. The bond you’d developed was so strong, sometimes you forgot it was only your 8th month together coming up.

Everything was still so fresh, yet intense in the most perfect way. You could only hope she was on the same page.

“It does.” She admitted quietly. “It’s a little scary to think about sometimes.”

You recognized the nerves in the small laugh she let out, and you focused on softening the patterns your fingers caressed over her upper arm as she continued. “I mean… I was hopeful when I gave you my number, but I really didn’t think it’d amount to anything close to what we have.”

A small smile tugged at your lips upon hearing her words. It was enough reassurance for your heart. “You know, I never told you this, but… I thought this then and I think it now; I’m so glad you got lost that day.”

Her giggles sounded amazing breaking the peace and quiet you were getting used to, and she suddenly sat up to look at you in an amused kind of disbelief.

“Seriously?”

“I’m sorry, but you looked so pretty, and your smile almost made me faint; what else was I supposed to think?”

“Really?” She said slyly, poking at your chest. “What else happened?”

“Well, there’s not much. We barely spoke and acknowledged each other for like ten minutes tops.” You reminded, and the truth only made her roll her eyes before bringing you in for a kiss.

Her sudden impulse led you to share a quick, tender kiss, something you almost considered a moment of weakness when you pulled away on instinct, expecting the girls’ banter and teasing.

You could only laugh at each other when you realized you were alone. Happiness bubbled between the two of you, pushing Jihyo to draw you back into a sweet, deeper kiss.

It didn’t last long though, as your embrace soon got interrupted by the sudden burst of fireworks further away.

Right, that’s what you’d wandered off for this time.

#twice x reader #jihyo x reader #kpop x reader #twice imagines #jihyo fluff #park jihyo #twice jihyo

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deathemayor · 4 months ago

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Vocaloid Familiarity Survey...DATA!!!

hello, i posted a survey to gauge the general familiarity of vocaloid characters that I (emphasis on I) consider basic or surface level (with a few wildcards thrown in which i will address in this summary) after grieving the lack of non-miku vocaloid fan merch. just how much do people know about vocaloid outside of miku? her friends? her friends' friends? and so on.

the survey was by no means perfect (this was my first attempt at this) but i received some great feedback from the survey takers to better improve the experience the next time i host one.

if you just want a basic summation of the results, here ya go--overall familiarity (that is, recognition of name/design/both summed up) organized into an iceberg tier list. including the individual percentages would have been So SO much so i crammed it into the alt text of the iceberg.

(tiers are in order. the only tie was big al, sweet ann, and an excluded lola. i'll address her and leon in the summary) the rest of this post will be going over some of the results as well as reflecting on the survey itself, its shortcomings, and a possible sequel with improvements :)

FIRST OF ALL: EXCLUSIONS

i am so so so so sorry for not including your fave on the survey, even if they had a realistic level of popularity! i either straight up forgot or didn't think they were that relevant or arbitrarily decided "nah this might be too far, don't wanna scare anyone off" before deciding to include more obscure synths. yukari fans in particular were very vocal about her exclusion, and i totally get it!! i also get the confusion in the exclusion of seeu and maika (the main korean and spanish-speaking loids respectively).

out of the other synths i didn't include, i wish i included yukari, seeu, maika, mayu, iroha, yohioloid, the rest of the isotopes, and the rest of the vsingers. you'll notice i included the rest of starry court + the tokyo6 girls even though they expectedly did pretty poorly among general audiences. i almost scrapped saros, nyl, karin, and chifuyu, but was like "what the heck might as well complete the full set right". and then did not extend that grace to kafu and tianyi's friends!!! aughh!!

also, EARLY on in the survey, i included calne ca as a character to recognize, which some ppl didn't get since unlike other fanloids she didn't really have an associated "voice". while this survey was more about the fandom and character side rather than the music, i figured it was a fair point since i didn't extend similar grace to several other fanloids without significant voices like mikudayo/hachune miku/more. so in order to just remove it from the picking or without fucking up the sample size by adding more questions after the fact, i just removed her.

leon and lola stayed on the survey till closure, but when i was tallying up the results i decided it didn't really make sense to include them (at least the way that i did). i'll discuss this more when i talk about fan designs.

1 - what went down

so based on the results of the iceberg, i was about expecting these types of results with a few surprises here or there. it should come to no shock that ol' reliable hatsune miku scored a 100% recognition rating. 99.7% respondents recognized her name and design. curiously, a SINGLE respondent (.3%) only recognized her name.

the rest of the top tiers are nothing surprising. the rest of the "cryptonloids" near the top were expected (for those OOTL: cryptonloids refers to vocaloids made by crypton future media, miku's parent company, and therefore are the ones that appear alongside her in all officially sponsored events/merch/games/concerts/etc. so they're seen A Lot). meiko was a bit of an outlier and the only one among the six to score below 90%, which was sort of surprising? like, perhaps she just doesn't have as much vocal fans compared to kaito idk. gumi and teto, the non-cryptonloids, are also no surprise to see up high. gumi is very popular, especially back in the day where she was THE girl for your english vsynth song. teto has seen a massive resurgence through many sources, most of which stems from her synthv voicebank and songs made with it. mesmerizer and its copycats, daemon doll, on top of general nostalgia. teto was also huge back in the day considering triple baka. she's older than luka just short of a year, so she was included in some OLD songs (or at least their mvs) before luka even existed.

a rung below that is also fairly standard, minus my slight surprise for meiko scoring in a different tier from her friends. neru's standing comes to no surprise due to triple baka/classic music videos including her as well as a slight resurgence in relevance through people including her in mesmerizer. mikuo, a derivative of miku, did a bit better than i thought. as i expected, the art trend where people redesigned him gave him a bit of a leg up in recognition. also, the general concept of his character is just... very straightforward to grasp just by looking at him, so i wonder if that also played a role.

i expected yuki to do a little bit better, maybe even better than gakupo, who did worse than i thought. yuki's been going through a renaissance in recent years like through the work of inabakumori, yukopi, and yes whether we like it or not, the ensuing drama that surrounded hiiragi magnetite's "zako". but still, scoring above 70% is nothin' to sneeze at. i SWORE gakupo would do better tho, idk! i'm surprised even fukase surpassed him, even by less than 1%. i associate gakupo as being part of the main friend group. several ensemble songs (namely the hitoshizukup x yama variety) include him alongside gumi and the cryptonloids.

the 60-69% threshold is the middle ground, and for the most part it's a little mundane and expected. lily (and leon, who is not here but if he was would be between lily and una) did a bit better than i thought, though i think i can see it. before i knew about ia and mayu (i feel rlly dumb for not including her bc as i said i'm a yamashizuku enjoyer and mayu is usually included in 10-vocal ensembles augh!!!), i considered the main vocaloids after gumi and gakupo (numbers 9 and 10, since that's how i conceptualized it) to be lily and miki. i think several pieces of older fanart that feature popular vocaloids, ie the cryptonloids + gumi and gakupo, often threw in lily and miki as well. i wonder if lily's artwork being done by kei had something to do with this? i wasn't there at the time haha i just consumed vocaloid thru youtube reuploads and not so much with the community when i was a kid.

as we travel deeper down the iceberg, we drift far away from the vocaloid software and more into alternative vsynth softwares and their characters. while my variety in software included in the survey was fairly basic, it came to no surprise that among the general responders, synthv/cevio/utau characters were less recognized.

the bottom tier, in that case, makes perfect sense. saros, nyl, and chifuyu are particularly young voicebanks (nyl being the youngest on the list, released october 2024).

qi xuan was INTENTIONALLY a cheeky curveball saved for the very end and i'll admit it was extremely funny seeing people whose otherwise perfect streaks ended up slipping when she showed up at the end. qi xuan is the only ACE virtual singer i know, so might as well use her to rep the software, right? i figured she might have had some legs to stand on thanks to her recent appearances in kikuo's latest songs. sure enough, the majority of people who recognized her at all only knew her name and didn't recognize her design. in fact, she was the only synth where more people only knew her name rather than both name and design.

2 - regarding fan designs

something a little unorthodox about the survey was that i included fan designs for kevin, yi xi, and kinda vy2 ("roro" is semi-officially acknowledged, acknowledged enough to have his own spot on the fandom wiki, so i think he's a special case). my thought process was this: from my perspective, kevin and yi xi were probably the most popular or well-known faceless dreamtonics synths. but they don't really have a design to recognize. no one really uses the letters, not that i know of in original songs anyway. my logic in using ivylare's mr kevin synthv design and vimalion project's yi xi design was that they were probably the most recognized fan designs for dreamtonics loids. IN MY OPINION. the former's meme status + the latter's inclusion in butcher vanity meant that this would be the necessary push to give responders a reminder "hey in case this random fucking letter doesn't ring any bells, maybe this fan design will?"

BUUUT i acknowledge that is a bit of a leading question and doesn't actually consider OTHER popular fan designs these two (and all the other faceless loids for that matter). The Most popular fan design is actually pretty subjective tbh!! so i'm sorry if my inclusion of certain fan designs might have been confusing to any survey takers. however, i still included kevin and yi xi's results in the icebergs since the inclusion of the fan design, flawed as it was, was still a Character to recognize (which their original letters Certainly Were Not), which was the point of this whole survey.

The same could not be said for how i handled leon and lola. i'll admit, these two were a stretch even when i was making it. i cheated a bit and included them to gauge whether responders knew their vocaloid history rather than their vocaloid characters. so if anything i probably should have left them as a bonus question at the end idk. i didn't include fan designs for them because uh from my perspective, they don't really have a widely accepted super duper popular fan design? but i could be totally wrong on that, again this is a very subjective and tricky subject i was not ready to go into! so i just left them as is for the history question. considering this while i was tallying the results, i decided it didn't make sense for them to be included, so i cut them from the iceberg. if they were included, as previously mentioned, leon would be between lily and una, and lola would be tied with big al and sweet ann.

3 - the sqeakwel?!?

i do plan on making a follow-up based on the lovely feedback i got from the folks that took my survey (though this could be months from now, i'm a bit busy + google forms got very laggy with just like 45ish characters so augh). YES, i will be blowing up the scope way more to make sure no one feels left out. i might be a bit shaky on faceless loids (would miriam count? her box art is her VP's face but there's not exactly much else to go off of hhh), they might get their own section dedicated to various fan designs (but how do you account for all of them ?! or the most relevant ?!?!). there's also the goliath of a question that is How Do You Possibly Narrow Down The Roster of Utaus For Another Survey. utaus and similar tech like diffsinger can be made by anyone, so it just isn't realistic to include everyone. i thought about using vocadb + my own knowledge but idk? if anyone's got suggestions i'd love to hear it.

some other demographic questions were suggested by feedbackers will also be included. one that popped out to me was asking what years the survey taker was invested in (and possibly fell out of) the vocaloid community, which could provide some insight on which characters are recognized compared to others. like, who would someone who hasn't thought about vocaloid since 2012 recognize vs someone who got into it in 2020? this is an interesting question and i'd love to see what would come out of it.

some feedback suggested providing voice samples since some vocaloids have appeared in songs that people might not realize they've already heard (like avanna's appearance in several porter robinson songs. this could possibly solve the conundrum i had with kevin and yi xi). i am a liiiittle mixed on it idk? maybe this is just me but i feel like several factors like voice colors/multilingual voicebanks/the definite possibility someone might not recognize a voice from one source and connect it to another might make collecting data on this kind of messy and unreliable. like yi xi's vb is natively recorded in mandarin yet her most popular song is in english, idk i feel like there are a couple of factors to consider when showing vocal samples (i also do not have access to every voicebank so i can't make consistently neutral do-re-mi samples for them). i DID consider this by including song links (which i think some people also had in mind) but i didn't want the question to be Do You Recognize This Song. and again, i feel like there's a possibility there could be a mixup or the recognition doesn't come but idk i might just be deaf. lmk your thoughts!!

thank you for reading my yapping if you made it to the end, and a massive thank you to the people who participated in the survey!!!! if you have any questions about the data i would love to answer all of them (i am lowkey bad at navigating form data through google sheets which is why my data summary was a bit basic, but i can look closer for a specific thing you wanna know)

#mayor talk #vocaloid survey #vocaloid #i wonder who would be crazy enough to read all that #anyway i was so locked in on collecting the data/making the iceberg/making this post AND a bsky thread #that i havent put my bedsheets back on yet. :| its 10pm bruv

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pluralescentmoon · 8 months ago

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as promised, the "pearl is a system who doesn't know it (yet)" propoganda totally-an-essay for @thecoolerliauditore

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ABOUT THE CHARACTER. NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT CC!PEARL. I ALSO DO NOT THINK SHE'S DOING THIS INTENTIONALLY. this is just how I'm choosing to interpret her character, because it makes things a LOT more interesting. this also works under the assumption that life series pearl and Hermitcraft pearl are the same character, so if that's not your vibe, that's fine! this is just your warning. I am also not saying all alters in every system has specific roles, or triggers. and if you dont know what im referring to at any point in this post, please let me know! I'm just trying to explain my thought process in a clear and concise way, even for those who don't know specific details about those under the plurality umbrella.

mild wild life spoilers ahead as well! you've been warned!

so! pearl has a bit of an unusual habit of how she refers to herself. she tends to do it in parts. she gives them identities, names. roles. example of this being, post master pearl, the cleaning lady, scarlet pearl, editor pearl (yes this one too i PROMISE I promise it'll make sense). each of these are like specific "characters". they're masks she puts on, to play the part of that specific pearl. they have their purpose, their roles, their clothes (separate skins). each of them are similar, but still unique and distinct from each other.

each one of these pearls has a purpose, a specific role they play in her life. they're specifically called upon for their tasks. for certain things, there's a pearl for it. it's almost as if these pearls have triggers that pull them out for specific reasons that seem important to helping their shared body…

an example of this is, there was a point recently in Pearl's season 10 where she was rebuilding her storage room. and, she found herself in a familiar set of clothes. taking care of the mess, as the cleaning lady. which leads to interesting implications! c!pearl feeling like she needs to change into another set of clothes to do something like organizing her chest, and call herself a specific title while doing so

cc!pearl has even said she sees her character as having phases (like the moon lol). and that she likes wearing specific skins (clothes) for them.

I think these specific pearls, these segregated parts of pearl, are her alters. alters that have specific clothes they prefer to wear, triggers to pull them to the front, and roles they fill in the system.

now that brings up the question, what are their roles exactly?

we'll start with the easy ones!

Normal Hermitcraft Pearl - Host. the silly. she's a goofy gal, the one we see the most. she's also given these other parts of herself names, based on the tasks that they carry out. she just thinks she's putting on a few different masks for each of these characters, and does not realize what's going on at all.

Post Master Pearl - this would be the one who works in the post office, the one who wants to deliver the mail. she's their work alter! she mainly does stuff with the mail system, including building the top part of some mailboxes or retrieving the lost parcels

Cleaning Lady - this one feels pretty self explanatory. she likes to clean and organize, and I think she could be contributed to a caretaker, as I'm going to contribute the SOUP thing to her, since it was season 9 more than anything else. she's here to clean and make sure they have good meals, but gets stressed about it sometimes. she also absolutely has nightmares about Grian's storage prank lol

Scarlet Pearl - abandonment/trust issues given form, scarlet would be a protector/trauma holder. we saw her forming in double life! she's the reason pearl seems to go from being fine with Scott, to snarking him. i think host pearl is, consciously or not, trying to suppress scarlet pearl from fronting in wild life, as host pearl does want to be friends with scott again… because she doesn't remember the extent of her trauma from double life. not the full of it anyways.

I have a lot of thoughts about protector scarlet pearl ngl but we'll get back to that. there's one more alter to talk about first.

I also have some thoughts about her having a Santa Perla introject because of Sausage's influence, but that one is less solid. still, she gets an honorable mention.

and now the biggest one. somehow the silliest one, and also the one I feel the strongest about. editor pearl.

editor pearl is of course, a silly OOC joke… but the implications of her existing are so very interesting. if we take the videos to be how pearl remembers things, if we take them as how she would tell things to others, then this means there's things that are purposefully… cut out of what she remembers. things that change context, or that are even almost… too much to remember. it's like she has someone there, taking snippets of her memories away. making her forget them, making her retell events in different ways than others.

that's what editor pearl is.

editor pearl is the alter that takes care of their memories. she cuts out the parts she doesn't want pearl to remember, because they're too traumatizing, they arent important, or she doesn't sees them as worth remembering.

this affects how pearl sees not only herself, but everyone else around her. conversations are forgotten by her, but not by the other side. the way certain memories are framed change drastically when you can only remember the parts that someone else WANTS you to remember. editor pearl is a memory holder, who just wants to help their system out by keeping the Good parts. she's gives pearl what she thinks pearl will want to remember, which means pearl only tells the parts editor pearl approves of.

I think, with everything going on in wild life, pearl is well on her way to discovering just what's going on inside her mind. whether she wants to, or not. scarlet pearl can only be held back for so long, and pearl has been doing that for two sessions now.

oh, sure, scarlet was allowed to snark in the first episode. but the second episode, comparing it to Cleo's POV… there's things missing. things cut out. entire conversations left completely out of Pearl's version of the story.

I think editor Pearl and scarlet pearl are working together a bit. cut out the memories of scarlet saying she wants to throw up at the idea of being family. and so many other little lines. cut it all out, make it easier to remember, easier to deal with.

because, after all, they just want to do their jobs. they just want to help, to make life more bearable. to make everything okay. host may not want them to, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her…

but this isn't built to last. not with host pearl keeping scarlet locked away as tightly as she is. sooner or later, something has to give. and sooner or later, they'll figure out what's going on. I have a feeling it's going to be messy, because pearl (scarlet) doesn't like feeling like people thinks she's crazy. and this will only make her feel crazy before the end.

but it can't last the way it has been. eventually, something is gonna break. or, maybe instead someone.

this isnt going to go well for host pearl.

#pearlescentmoon #life series #hermitcraft #wild life spoilers #plurality #plural system

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homestuckreplay · 7 months ago

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As somebody who’s nuerodivergent and has MDD (Major Depressive Disorder aka Clinical Depression), I find those points about John very interesting! Is there any other hints of this throughout the comic that we’ve seen?

hello!! sorry this took so long, I reread every John page so far and I now have a normal length answer to this question!! (2.9k words shhhh) I will broadly talk about neurodivergence first and then depression, but some of these points could apply to either or both.

I’m also neurodivergent, and I’ve had depression in the past, so this is based on my personal experiences + reading through the diagnostic criteria. if anyone else has different experiences I’d love to hear about it!

So my favorite academic article I’ve found this year is in a journal of disability studies by autistic writer David Preyde, and it’s just him listing all his special interests and how and why they became important to him. It reads like a blog post and I love that it was ‘officially’ published. It reminds me so much of how the Homestuck kids have been introduced, just more in depth.

John is hitting some common/stereotypical special interests, like computer programming and movie trivia, and some less common ones, like old comedians. I don’t think the fact of having interests makes John neurodivergent, but his approach to them might. John sees a Con Air reference and immediately starts explaining the plot of the movie (p.132); he also does recreations of Deep Impact (p.21), A Time to Kill (p.109) and Armageddon (p.223) He can list all the rare Gushers flavors (p.979). He thinks Colonel Sassacre will be able to tell him the ‘precise index of elevated hilarity’ of a joke (p.36). John treats things really methodically, he likes to list and sort and categorize. It’s why he likes programming computers but isn’t good at it – he knows it’s a great hobby for all that, but hasn’t quite mastered the rules yet.

This is also how he figured out punch card alchemy. Not only does he pick up a new skill much quicker when it relates to an existing special interest (stage magic), but he’s a super fast problem solver when the rules make sense and it works the same every time. He prefers familiarity, taking a while to adjust to changes, like taking time to warm up to the new MSPA adventure (p.112).

I would even argue that John’s sylladex could be a new special interest – it’s something he’s just found at the start of the comic (while his friends have all been into it for a while) and he’s deeply frustrated by the rules at first, when its behavior constantly changes due to different numbers of cards, lack of available cards, options to combine items, new modi, etc. But he still works at it for hours even though it’s hard, because it’s captivated him somehow. He picks up the language and techniques at a speed that’s only possible for someone very dedicated, and he’s super excited to get the control deck for his birthday, a very practical gift that other kids might be bored by. This is like the Homestuck equivalent of getting a backpack with a lot of pockets.

John is really proud of the computer wallpaper he made (p.25) and still gives his dad drawings to put on the fridge (p.253) – he’s very earnest about his interests. He also kind of has the fandom impulse to create his own canon that he likes better than the source material – upon seeing Harry Anderson: Wise Guy, he thinks that ‘Mike Caveney's glowing treatment of the man does him every bit of justice’ (p.253), but when he actually re-reads the book, Caveney’s ‘ambivalent attitude toward [John’s] favorite magician in these anecdotes always struck [him] as a little weird’. John is inventing Wise Guy fanfiction in his head which is incredible. It’s also an example of black and white thinking, and the quick switch from one extreme to the other in opinions without much room for nuance, that John often exhibits.

John also has a lot of specific object fixations, or comfort objects – the Con Air bunny has quickly become this. In the original movie the bunny is owned by a 7-year-old girl, while John presents as a 13-year-old boy, someone for who it’s far less socially acceptable to own a stuffed animal – but John isn’t concerned about that. The green slime ghost pogo ride is another object he returns to over and over – other people might see that as a dangerous knockoff piece of junk, but to John it carries a lot of meaning (p.105, 476). He’s always carrying things like a wizard’s hat (p.44) or shaving cream (p.488) in his sylladex that have no practical use, he just wants to have them.

John is really weird in social interactions, and often tries to avoid them altogether. The lengths John goes to to not run into his dad while exploring the house in the first 100 pages take more time and effort than actually talking to him, but John avoids him no matter the cost. On page 30 he’s also frustrated because Dave is texting him again, and John wants to be left in peace to look at his video games. Not play the games, just look at them. It’s very relatable to me to want to just enjoy my cool stuff even when not actively engaging in it, and to have a lot of ‘off time’ even from my close friends.

John responds to Rose’s genuine sentiments with ‘haha, oh jeez, that is silly!’ (p.256) and struggles with getting his dad to talk about his nanna’s death – on page 543 he considers asking her about it directly; I think some neurotypical people may see that as an unwritten social taboo. But John isn’t uncaring; he marks his friends’ birthdays on his calendar (p.999) and buys them all personalized gifts that they all end up loving, even if Rose interprets hers as a ‘subtle dig’ which John didn’t intend (p.442). John also says ‘ok, i guess i will take your word for it’ to Nanna (p.420) could come across as passive-aggressive, but John means it so genuinely.

John struggles to see beyond his own perspective, like when he’s surprised that it’s already dark in Rose’s house (p.174) despite knowing where she lives. He’s generally very preoccupied with his own concerns, but he eventually remembers to ask Rose ��are you ok? hasn't your house been on fire for like... five hours now?’ He clearly cares about the people he’s close to, but doesn’t show it in the most obvious ways.

John is hilarious, but he doesn’t tell jokes in a standard format. He is straightforward in all social interactions, and doesn’t have the bantering instinct that Rose and Dave do. Some top tier examples of John humor: ‘it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you... jk haha’ (p.35), ‘oh, btw... jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. gotcha! hehehehe’ and Rose’s accompanying response of ‘I know, John.’ (p.63), and ‘yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!’ (p.386). He clearly has the jokester’s spirit, but unusual execution.

John generally takes things at face value, thinking that Jade ‘seems like a pretty regular girl’ (p.652), and his dynamic with Dave is really fascinating. All their conversations read like Dave is doing a bit and John is taking him completely seriously, but Dave isn’t making fun of John, they’re both having a good time. So it’s not like when a so-called normal kid bullies a weird kid in school, it’s more like these two people who are both different flavors of neurodivergent bouncing off each other in a way that unexpectedly works. This also explains why John hates GameBro and Dave likes it – John takes it seriously while Dave is reading it as a satire of other gaming magazines. (I actually don’t know which is true).

John has a bunch of rigid rules for the world that read like shortcuts – he doesn’t innately understand societal norms, but has figured out these approximations through careful observation. A kid’s yard must have a tire swing (p.27), a fireplace must have a fire (p.50), and a father must have a pipe (p.74) and by satisfying the checkboxes you can make a family. He’s hesitant to break rules he knows even when it’s a logical course of action, like when he doesn’t want to break the window of his dad’s car to get the Sburb disc and save Rose’s life (p.289).

But if he hasn’t added something to his List of Known Social Rules, it’s open season – he’s completely unconcerned when he accidentally throws one of Dad’s harlequin figurines into the abyss (p.266) even though he gets upset when the things he likes are defaced. The imps are ‘stupid lousy’ for ‘mucking up all [John’s] cool stuff’ (p.473) and have ‘fucking ruined’ his movie posters which ‘were like children to [him]’ (also another example of object fixation). John being overly cautious in some social situations but totally oblivious in others is SO neurodivergent to me, so obviously someone who wants to get it right, but doesn’t have the innate skill.

John clearly struggles with emotional regulation, I don’t think he’s good at masking in face-to-face interactions, and even online ones when he gets stressed enough. He also has very physical reactions to emotional distress (and excitement!), and that can’t be explained by the medium needing to show emotions visually, because he does this to a FAR greater extent than Rose and Dave. John does a victory dance when he wins in battle (p.405) but scrunches up his face and covers his ears when Nannasprite offers him cookies (p.429). Some panels where he’s having a meltdown are really evocative, and it’s so easy for me to imagine how he must be feeling – the chaos of page 517, where John is paralyzed and panicked from way too many stimuli both inside and outside his head, is my best example.

His panic is also evident in his pesterlogs with Dave and Jade shortly after arriving in the Medium. He’s pretty rude to Dave, saying ‘dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!’ (p.204) and his sudden use of lots of exclamation points make all his messages sound distressed. He pours the whole story of his meteor escape to Jade, seemingly unable to stop himself (p.293) where someone with more control over their emotional responses might bottle it up, or at least calm down before explaining the story to a friend.

John’s intrusive thoughts are part of the medium; hearing commands in his head is better explained by the story’s rules than by John’s mental state. However, studies have found that intrusive thoughts are very common among humans – they’re just easy to dismiss for most people, while a small minority find them distressing to the point that they affect daily life.

Rose posits that John’s reactions to WV’s commands could be ‘the early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like post-traumatic stress’ but I read it a little differently; I think his distress at WV’s commands, as opposed to the background radiation of reader commands, kind of represents how a symptom that is manageable in one context becomes debilitating in another.

Related to commands, John likes having clear instructions to follow, and doesn’t respond well to uncertainty. When he has no idea how to use the alchemiter, he just stands on it (p.161) – but he also doesn’t uncritically accept authority. He defers to expertise and likes to ask specific questions and get clear instructions before acting, but that has to be earned. He sees Rose as smart and capable in general, so he follows her instructions within Sburb (for example, p.178) unless he has a better idea (for example, p.187). But the Wayward Vagabond hasn’t earned John’s trust or done anything besides shout and insult him, so John resists his commands (for example, p.264).

A few miscellaneous things I noticed are John just HAVING to complete high fives with his sprite’s raised arm (p.198, 880), John being clumsy and accidentally toppling his nanna’s urn (p.53), John having very strong preferences when it comes to food, as he loves Gushers enough to get them as a birthday gift (p.972) but pulls instinctive faces of disgust at the thought of eating cookies (p.430), and the line ‘there is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions’ (p.199). I think that someone whose brain processes things differently may appear idiotic and frivolous, and they might even internalize that perspective, but the logic actually makes sense. (In this case, John trying to eat a unit of build grist taught him more about how grist as a gaming abstraction works).

Most evidence for John’s depression is in early act 1, before the plot really kicks off. John is very depersonalized at the start of the story; it’s only on his thirteenth birthday that he gets given a name, and he’s associated with a regularly-changing disguise throughout the first hundred pages. There’s a broader theme of mistaken identity in his home – his dad might be a clown or might be a businessman, the figurines might be clowns or harlequins or mimes, the poster on the wall might be Michael Cera but isn’t, and both John’s dad’s room and his own room are not what he expected them to be.

I think this theme of disguise relates to how John doesn’t see himself as having a real identity, perhaps not even a recognizable personality outside of his interests. I also think John is much better at masking his depression than his neurodivergence in a way that’s pretty tragic. Both Rose (p.63) and Dad (p.89) see through John’s CLEVER DISGUISE immediately and think they know John for it, but there’s another part to the disguise that they never notice.

John puts himself down a lot in the early story, insulting his own taste in movies and skills at programming in his list of interests (p.4), thinking of himself as a pooplord (p.5), as neither a skilled magician nor cunning prankster (p.8), stupid (p.16), etc. The “sad clown paradox” (for sure one of my favorite Wikipedia article titles) refers to the correlation between comedians and depression, and while it’s not universal, I think it’s very true for John. Playing a prank on someone and seeing their reaction is a moment of predictable pleasure in an endless drudgery of whiling away the hours, and those tiny bursts of dopamine – and connection with another person, if they respond well – are what keeps John going.

John struggles to focus on reading – every book he owns, we’ve seen him contemplate reading and put off until later. He does this with Colonel Sassacre’s (p.32, 69, 885), Wise Guy (p.123, 253), Data Structures for Assholes (p.116), and the Shaving Almanac (p.544). When he does sit down to read, he’s easily distracted (p.391) – he has good reason here, but this struggle to focus could be a sign of depression. This could be why John has an interest, paranormal lore, that we don’t really see him engage in; it’s easy for depression to take the joy out of something that was once filled with it.

I actually think it’s really interesting how Homestuck’s version of Wise Guy presents Harry Anderson – John’s hero – as a clumsy, incompetent fool (p.629) while the real world Wise Guy describes him as charismatic and in control of the crowd. I say this with all the love in the world, but John has the charisma of the fake Harry Anderson and not the real, and he believes that of himself too. John picking a hero who is described in such a negative light speaks to the type of people he identifies with.

On page 82, which is both the Homestuck title card and the best evidence for John’s depression, he refers to the streets as ‘empty’, to the ‘voids keeping neighbors apart’, ‘hollow’, ‘Desolation’, to feeling something ‘missing’, ‘eluding’, a sense of ‘lack’, ‘Absence’, a ‘mystery dispersing’, a ‘black well’. All that imagery is packed into two paragraphs that do not describe a happy person. This sense of emptiness, distance, space and loss of something is what I most associate with depression, and it provides a real contrast to those autistic meltdown moments where John is feeling too much.

John explicitly says that he feels trapped in his room (p.30) but I think he’s actually trapped in a mindset, and the room or house is more like the physical manifestation of that. That’s not a criticism of him, as I think that can be equally hard to break out of. I have talked a lot about growing up in the suburbs being terrible for finding community, but there is another angle. The Egberts are comfortably middle class, Dad has a car, money, flexible enough work schedule to take John’s birthday off, and supports John’s interests. There are probably computer programming clubs or amateur magic classes in a nearby city, and if John said he wanted to join something like that, I bet Dad would support him. John’s depression makes it impossible for him to even imagine a better situation, much less take steps to grasp it – he needed to be seconds from death for his survival instincts to kick in and make him take action.

I hope that answers your question! Again, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this if anyone has different experiences or picked up on different John moments.

#homestuck #analysis #john egbert #asks #ty so much for this ask it was cool to dig into!!#chrono

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