#questions i constantly ask myself
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idk about you but sometimes that celly on the bench where auston was leaning in a little too much and mitch looked down at auston’s mouth just replays in my mind
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guy who only asks questions if they feel insightful enough to be worth asking and only hangs out if there is smth to do together <- deeply uncomfortable of the idea of wasting someones time
#yes i was constantly accused of not paying attention for asking questions i didnt know someone already asked why do you ask#maybe it does sound a little sad when i put it as 'i feel most comfortable when i feel like im not wasting the other persons time'#but its more like i want the other person to feel like im putting thought or at least care into it even if i dont express it very well#its weird feeling like im not giving back enough in the conversation but not knowing why or being confused by the idea#of someone who just likes to listen to me talk and not waiting for their turn to speak like i do like. arent you tired of it yet>?#how are you not thinking of ways to get out of this conversation yet??? it fascinates me bc ill never understand it#i like how we are now talking abt not letting yourself feel like a burden for asking for help and letting people help you#but i am on the other side of the spectrum where i want to feel needed when we hang out or else i wont know how to let u know me#yapping#diary#I hate feeling like this cuz it feels like im coming up with new and creative ways to defend myself instead of being myself
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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How about 🟣 Something Soothing/Domestic for Menasor? Maybe him and Devastator...
Not super proud of this one but it's also supposed to be Menasor's POV. Kid's brain is all over the place.
Menasor knocked down his block tower, for maybe the fourth time today. It was just so fun to destroy things without hurting anyone. He could destroy a whole city without hearing people cry about their houses!
The only person upset, though, was Devastator. He was happy Menasor was playing with his blocks and toys, and not worrying about being a good soldier, but he helped Menasor build a really big tower that Menasor knocked over the moment they were done.
"I'm sorry," Menasor felt his spark hurt.
Devastator pulled Menasor into a hug, and gave him a head pat. "It's okay, kid."
They're so cute together. Big brother Devs.
#i love writing in his pov but then it makes me question my writing skill#i have to remind myself over and over that he is canonically constantly confused w major mood swings and 5 people influencing his thoughts#ty tho this was fun#asks#Menasor#Devastator#Stunticons#Constructicons#breaky writes
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Story Beats
[Past] Rachel and the Violin Makers: We meet the people who gave Rachel her violin.
Rachel and Karl: We see the state of the park, how these two met, their friendship, and the relationship that formed between them.
The Incident: We see what happened on the night Rachel and Karl had a falling out.
Aftermath: We see the immediate effects the incident had on both Karl and Rachel's lives.
Unease at Castle of Nations: A year's time skip - We see where Karl's at and how the incident affected him and the rest of the park.
An Intervention: Following the time skip, we see how Rachel's doing through a friend (the same one Rachel played at a wedding for).
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[Present] The Gunman: We see what happened to the man that was present in the incident.
Looming Crisis at the Park: Flashback - We see Castle acting strangely and witness how Treacy got her head broken.
Rachel and Clarice: Rachel and Clarice meet; we see how they become friends.
Castle of Nations: Flashback - We see the park turning into its present state. The air is hostile and the residents are on-edge.
Rachel and the Violin Maker: Rachel visits them to reconcile and try to make peace with her past.
The Bucket List: Clarice and Rachel have a talk about their goals in life.
Rachel and Karl: Rachel and Clarice resolve to go to Castle of Nations together. Rachel and Karl have one final encounter.
The Final Concert: Rachel plays the song she was meant to perform on the night of the incident as her final performance.
#castle of nations#rachel#karl#all#blog#making this was deceptively hard#every time I tried to make a summary more detailed than this#I'd end up with more content than I started with??#and constantly fought w/myself to stop expanding and to wrap it up#so everything here is intentionally vague and oversimplified :')#I think I have a few more small doodles left before I'm done#and then maybe I'll re-open asks again if anyone has any questions for me?#we'll see how I feel ig
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nobody wants to live in my beautiful world with me where the items you make at the end of this quiz are actively malicious and fucked up. on the one hand i literally never said it was metal. on the other hand if you put a bunch of blood into stone and wood and ended up with a metal ring that started changing shape on its own then it's probably got some other issues that might make it difficult to cut it don't you think? "stone and wood and blood don't make a ring" buddy at what point in your time in this workshop that had a literal magic wand in it did you think it was going to be rooted in reality. do you want me to tell you It's A Cursed Magical Ring? kill all the fun and mystique of it? where's your fucking whimsy
#so fucking silly when people complain like this on my quizzes. baby you took the rest of the quiz. idk why you were surprised by the result#walks into the poem uquiz. does the poem questions of the poem uquiz. gets upset that the answer of the poem uquiz is poetic#maybe my ass is getting trapped in the narrative when you would just walk out but at least i would be a gorgeous compelling character#i know that little poem uquizzes are never going to please everyone. i have to constantly tell myself this#as i'm trying to write in things with like. plausible deniability to soothe the cynical masses.#however. damn bitch literally who asked lmao#i agree you are not the target audience <3 i don't think this makes you particularly special though <3#it is absolutely not necessary for me to get heated at this kind of thing. i'll do it this one time as a treat though lmao#you guys cannot imagine how strong i am getting these kinds of comments on my writing and not posting about it...#i am god's most beautiful resilient soldier all the time for real...#valentine notes#workshop quiz#ALSO. I KNOW SOME PEOPLE HAVE NEVER MADE A UQUIZ.#EACH QUESTION ANSWER HAS A RESULT ATTACHED AND AT THE END IT TALLIES UP WHICH RESULT YOU GOT THE MOST OF.#IT'S NOT A DIRECT CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. IT AVERAGES OUT INTO SOMETHING.#CHOOSING SPECIFIC INGREDIENTS DOES NOT GUARANTEE A SPECIFIC KIND OF RESULT. I DON'T CONTROL THINGS THAT CLOSELY.#IT'S A UQUIZ I DON'T GET TO ENSURE THAT EVERYONE WHO CHOSE STONE GETS A STATUE... CHRIST...#i knewwwww people would bitch about that when i made the quiz. still annoys me though lmao
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Tea party while we air force drills are being carried out (or at least that's what I THINK those sounds of planes are???). Yes I am drawing gay jinns. In order to destress. my emotional support jinns....
#nerves have gone to shit man i keep flinching at every loud noise or whatever#have to constantly ask myself the question is that a bomb or a transformer#indopak
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RIP me, I just remembered the time (about a decade ago, now, for reference!) when I tried to write a whole story about what would happen if my hilly hometown rebuilt after being bombed into a crater, and I had to put it away because I couldn't make the worldbuilding work 😭
#writing#original writing#you have no idea how committed i am to writing about my hometown#speculative fiction#there may or may not have been vampires in it#i did like the main character for it too!#he was an asshole but in a tom ripley kind of way#also i was constantly asking myself 'what is this thing saying? do i like what it's saying?'#and not getting satisfactory answers#i promise this had nothing to do with current events#my hometown is notoriously hilly and i was obsessed with the question of what the inverse of it would look like
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cursed flasoni au
(also no the drawing she's referring to doesn't actually exist)
#carma art#do i tag this#a question i ask myself constantly#(the answer should usually be no but i often do anyway)#ill give it two tags#flasoni#opm#there#sorry
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New therapist is so litty y’all I can’t
#she’s just vibesy and funny and compassionate#and lets me share my inner thinking and then ask questions and we discuss and she’ll challenge my perspective#rather than my former therapist that was constantly challenging why I felt the need to laugh at things or frame things in a certain way#I constantly felt defensive and also like she was trying to undermine my self awareness or challenge it it was very weird and adversarial#anyway that’s not the vibe rn and I can feel myself feeling happy and well supported#I will forever miss my OG Vancouver therapist but she’s out the game and I do need to start the transition of building my supports here now#personal
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had fun in my first therapy appointment today
#deadass when she asked me that fucking dial-up computer noises started playing in my head. when im not what#i did answer that oh i kinda just go on my phone w/e because i realized what she meant but i was like. what do you mean what things i do#when i'm not doing my hobbies. the only things i do are my hobbies. are people not partaking in their hobbies#fwiw i am paraphrasing her i think she said something along the lines of 'what do you do for leisure that aren't your hobbies'#and immediately my brain was like. theres people who dont do their hobbies in their time off?#and the phone thing is The Truth. i do scroll when im having downtime between things. but if i have the day off my ass is going to be#doing one of four things: writing drawing listening to music or playing vidya#it was incomprehensible to me at first i was like Wait Are There People Out There Who Aren't Doing Something Constantly#<- sentences said by guy who Forgets About The Device#i feel like that was a little adhd moment of me to be quite fair. ill explode if im not doing Something. the phone fulfills this#but believe you me i am always raring to do a Thing#. anyways . the appointment went way better than what i was expecting and i'll be having weekly meetings to Hash Shit Out from now on#what i was really nervous about is whoever i was assigned to being weird about 1. my gf being trans and 2. me being trans#which i mean i did say it softly more like 'oh haha i've been questioning my gender a lot lately actually' because#its not really. something im super ready to get into yet wrt that. i can only handle saying so much about myself in one day man#so the day that my therapist learns about jabsco is... not yet. i did mention liking ska though. becuase theres something wrong with me#regardless we ball. im excited to start fucking fixing the shattered fragments of myself. Screams loudly
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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If you jouned a 7 sin thrmed group what sin qould you beee?
i'd be the brand new 8th sin: this thing
#ask#anon#answering seriously. uhhh between... lust. sloth. and envy.#had to ask a friend their thoughts and they said envy. their reason was ''boobs'' which. yknow what true.#but then i feel that also falls into lust but. beats me.#i do constantly yearn. yearning. for pretty men. wanting boobs. such and such.#but idk if yearning can be compared with envy.#plus those same points i feel also falls under lust. oh well.#i say sloth from a personal perspective but. i dont think thats a positive view to have for myself.#i think it ranges from person to person who talks to me and knows me.#hard to really select one of the seven sins for yourself i think. im not sure i can make that call. but its one of those three i feel.#also thats a greater hog badger. for reference sake.#absolute thing of the earth#anyway thank you for the ask anon. idk if i really answered your question. maybe the thing has a better answer.
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“will x thing that rory has already said ever happen?” “will y thing that rory already said ever happen?”
will y’all ever read the information provided before asking questions?! will rory let me kiss her on the forehead because it’s the closest i can get to kissing her brain?!
- char / vgilantee
That's the dream. Unfortunately most people don't want to take the time to look. They'd rather have someone tell them, even if it's been answered 5000 times. It's just annoying because the info is right there. It's right there, but people don't want to put the effort in to do their own research. How are y'all surviving in the real world, like genuinely. I'd like to know.
I'll take forehead kisses. Forehead kisses and a hug and maybe a massage. Actually just hit me really hard on the head and knock me unconscious for a while.
#i dont mean to be so...irritated today#it's just frustrating and it's getting to me today#mostly because i spent so much time last night killing my wrists and my eyes to reorganize everything#i'm just so tired#y'all dont understand how much brain power it takes to sit here all day and answer these asks#its exhausting#i dont mind it when its not the same questions over and over#but when i constantly have to repeat myself its just a waste of time that i could spend writing#or doing other things#answered
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was refreshing myself on some old myth for a bit and i read the french and english wiki page for the Charybdis' mythos, and i'm noticing something that i don't know if it's just the wiki being inaccurate or an actual difference (from the linguistic page it seems to be an actual difference) but
In English there's this expression about choosing between two equally bad horrible situations by saying "choosing between Scylla and Charybdis"
But in French the expression is "to fall from Charybdis to Scylla" and instead of a choice it's about managing to get out of a horrible situation only to get thrown into an even worse situation (the equivalent of the English's expression ""falling out of the frying pan into the fire")
if i believe the linguistic page there was a bit of borrowing around and technically both expressions are used in both language, but you're more likely to find the first one in English and the second one in French (very likely because Victor Hugo popularized "to fall from Charybdis to Scylla" with Les Misérables) (does not mean it started in French the origin of the expression is still Greek anyway, just talking about why the saying is more popular in French with weirdos like me)
idk i think it's cool on a sort of metatextual perspective that English People saw this myth and when "oof imagine picking between those two" while French people just chugged a bottle of wine and went "And it's a BINGO and LIFE SUCKS and it NEVER GETS EASIER you get BOTH OF THEM BABEYYY"
#in my personal honor defense before anyone ask i know this myth and expression ever since i was a kid#there was an Odyssey cartoon when i was a kid i was constantly watching and it was like. my first introduction to the mythos and stuff#i did read bits and pieces of the book and read lots of wiki pages in the year#and i used to use this expression until i forgot how to say Charybdis. My dyslexia stopping me from being a pedantic intellectual.#(was always funny as a kid to just say that in front of adults who were just staring like hey what the fuck)#why am i refreshing myself now? Is it because of the whole buzz about the Odyssey lately? No. Absolutely not.#i'm looping a song i really like and that is very melancholic (yes in my Solas playlist) & it has the word Maelstrom which i didnt know#which got me into a wiki page about those and made me go 'ooooh like Char-- wait what's the name again'#and so i was doing a wiki dive on Charybdis before looking further into things#because i am terrified of sea monsters/horrors in a very morbidly curious way#i love scrolling through google image of sea monsters while just trembling in fear the whole time (real. not a joke.)#so i was doing that and i was reading the french wiki first and saw back this expression#but the french wiki being a bit short i switched to english and was :O to see the expression wasn't the same#so then i started a deep dive on the linguistic wiki page#to answer your question: no i was never diagnosticed officially with ADHD but enough qualified people have told me 'huh do you have ADHD or#anyway fun stuff. love language. love how we look at mythos and create expressions from it#even when it's dissimilar from one language to the next because the origin of the expression is different in popularity#or simply because the horrors of the myths can be interpreted differently by the people making those expressions#ISNT IT FUN. LANGUAGE AND MYTHS ARE COOL.#ichatalks#wait i didnt even finish checking the lyrics of the song i was checking give me a sec
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RoP Ask Game! ♡: 6, 19, 26
6. EREGION HANDS DOWN (it’s the musician and writer in me, I’d fit so well there)
19. Answered!
26. What’s up with Sauron’s unhealthy obsession with Galadriel??? Like… what’s the real reason behind it????
#I still ask myself this question constantly because as someone who doesn’t ship them it confuses me so much 😭#rings of power asks
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