#same goes for david bowie

[thoseareyougotsomeniceshoulders]

collection of fuck ass long haired gingers with (mostly) insane vocals

blorbo from my band

idk if she counts but her ginger phase was peak

the baddest bitch out there

perioddd queen mainstream cancelled ginger

underrated ginger

favorite ginger <333 best vocals

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Chapter 3 - You've Torn Your Dress

Series Masterlist

Author's Note: This one's the first of many doozies. I recommend you clock out now if you think the following will distress you: mentions of rape, but no scenes or explicit description. If not, read on! Chapter Title is from Rebel Rebel by David Bowie.

Word Count: 7.7k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: Your first mission is delivered, and it goes about as expected. Contains usual tags, emphasis on mention of rape/non-con.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, angst

Read on A03!

Chapter 2 - Chapter 4

Want to be tagged? Just ask!

When your team stepped into the safe house, you could see the moment the smell hit their noses.

“Merde,” Frenchie was the first to speak, a poor omen within itself. “What the fuck am I smelling?”

“Uh, probably the milk and meat. They’re the strongest.”

Annie said your name carefully, watching your reaction as she spoke. “What happened.”

“He wouldn’t put away the groceries.” You said with a shrug. You were over it. It was like, ten bad things ago.

“So you just. Left them out?” Hughie said, seemingly baffled.

“Yeah.”

“Mallory said she delivered them on the first night.” Annie glanced between you and Hughie.

“She did.”

Hughie’s eyes widened further. “That was almost two weeks ago.” When you just nodded in agreement, he pushed further. “They’ve been out the whole time?”

You frowned. “He doesn’t get to win.”

“What are you, five?” 

You just sighed, giving Hughie a pleading look. “Don’t tell MM.”

“What?” Butcher taunted from the back of the group. “That he was right, and you can’t handle Soldier Boy?”

“I thought you were on my side about this.”

“I’m on the side of the truth, Love.”

Both you, Annie, and Frenchie let out huffs of amusement at that claim, with Hughie looking sheepishly amused.

“You can’t possibly believe that.” Annie gave Butcher a pointed look. He only winked in response, leaving her to turn back to you with an eye roll.

“Has it been like this,” Hughie gestured vaguely around him. “The whole time?”

“Nah. Worse.”

Really, hell would be a better word for it. After the knife incident, there had been the toilet paper incident, which you had won, the coffee incident, also your victory, the laundry incident, point Soldier Boy, the TV incident, point you, and the Lord of the Rings incident, another point Soldier Boy. The Elton John, Jimmy Carter, and Rockefeller Center incidents had ended in stalemates akin to the Cold War, but should those fuses reignite, you were sure you could take them home. Overall, you’d burned him seven times, he’d thrown two chairs at you, you tossed shit in his face once and threatened castration on fifteen separate occasions, and he had offered to sleep with you thirty-one times.

“He hasn’t, he hasn’t hurt you. Right?” Hughie wasn’t fully looking at you when he asked, his voice soft and nervous.

“No. I mean, he’s tried. Not in… that way, but I’ve had a few things thrown at me. All the physical violence died out around the laundry incident, though. Now we’re using psychological warfare.”

“Laundry incident?” Hughie said at the same time that Frenchie said, “Psychological warfare?”

“Don’t ask.” Was your response to both. You’d avoid revisiting the laundry incident in your mind for the rest of your life if you could help it, and the actual practice of your warfare was more childish than you’d like to admit.

“Well, as lovely as a reunion this has been, we need to talk to you both. Where’s the cunt,  anyway?" Butcher craned his neck to look down the hall.

“Probably moping around in his room.” You shrugged. “Let’s talk in the living room, standing at the door is weird.”

While the living room hadn’t taken even close to as much damage as the kitchen, it had not escaped you and Soldier Boy’s sparring unscathed. Books provided by the CIA, which were mostly stereotypical classics, had been upended from their shelves and strewn across the floor. The TV was still intact, as was the sofa, but the former was stuck on PBS, and the latter was, at this point, compromised of 70% trash.

“Holy shit,” Hughie muttered as he stepped over a copy of Catcher in the Rye. “You can’t plan on living like this the whole time?”

“Well, if America’s number one man-baby would stop moaning and bitching about his glory days, then maybe, yeah.”

Annie gave you a concerned look. “And if he doesn’t?”

“Then I’ll castrate him.” Though the threat had now been made sixteen times, it never satisfied you less to say it.

“I’ve told you, Sunshine, if you did that, you would only be hurting yourself.”

Everyone in the room fell silent, their eyes trained over you with tense gazes. You turned to find Soldier Boy almost directly behind you. “I’ve told you, by definition, I’d only be hurting you.”

He gave a mocking pout. “Wouldn’t that plague your perfect little conscious?”

“I’d live.”

“Bitch.”

“Cunt.��

“Prude.”

“Manwhore.”

“Whiny Brat.”

“Waste of space.”

“Waste of good pussy.”

“Waste of government money.”

“Waste of Compound V.”

“Pathetic, assfaced Dickwad.”

“Stuck up, pretentious Ice Queen.”

“Geriatric, entitled, blue-balled G.I. Joe Fuckdoll”

The room had practically vanished around you as you and Soldier Boy fell into your now well-tread path of insults. Your blood was burning with that feeling, aching to burst across the room as both of you glared hard enough to, fingers crossed, kill the other.

“Jesus Christ,” Hughie said, breaking you out of your own spell.

“What are they doing here?” Soilder Boy asked, somehow having only just clocked their presence. “Do I finally get to do my job and leave?”

“No,” Annie answered. “We have no way of knowing how long you’ll be here at this point.”

“That’s what I said,” you muttered under your breath, turning back to your team.

“Yeah,” Soldier Boy said at full volume. “And I don’t fucking trust you.”

“Will you get off my ass about it now?”

“I think you like me on your ass, Sunshine. My offer never leaves the table.”

“Cunt.”

“Bitch.”

“Helpless man-child.”

“Prissy tease.”

“Glorified propaganda poster-“

“No,” Annie cut it. “We’re not doing that again.”

“Party pooper,” Butcher grumbled. “I was hoping they’d kill each other this time. Then we could just go home.”

“Well, did you at least bring me drugs?” Soldier Boy seemed to search the room, as if a pile of weed and coke would miraculously appear on the floor amongst the mess of wrappers and fluid-filled paper towels.

“We’re not buying you drugs with government money.” Annie said, giving you a look of apology. “As I’m sure you’ve been told.”

“Many times,” you affirm under your breath. You’d had to hide the glue on day five, which had let to the toilet paper incident on day six. A day had not passed since where you didn’t catch him trying to turn a new household object into something to snort.

“I thought weed was fucking legal now.” Soldier Boy glared at you, as if you were personally responsible for the CIA not buying him blunts. “It’s a free fucking country. I should be able to smoke whenever I damn please.”

“Porn is legal,” you reply. “Doesn’t mean the federal government is going to bring you some.”

“If they brought me porn and weed, I’d be far more open to whatever shit you want from me.” He winked at you.

“We gave you that last time,” Hughie pointed out, shifting nervously. “It barely helped.”

“Will you be a good little supe if we come back with porn and weed? Because we can go and-“

“No, we need to do this now.” Annie spoke over Butcher, and you noticed a line of worry on her forehead, along with Hughie’s nervous fidgeting. Though Butcher didn’t seem plagued by an anxious tell, he relented to Annie faster than you’d ever seen, and alarm bells went off in your head.

“Annie,” you bit the bullet, asking softly. “What is the ‘this’ you need us for?”

She gave you an apologetic look. “Trial run.”

“Trial run?”

“We’re giving you a test, Love.” Butcher said with a smirk. “See if your little experiment is even viable. Maybe take out a player in the process. All depends on if you and him,” he jerked his head to Soldier Boy. “Do your jobs right.”

“I don’t need your little ‘test’ to know if I can do my job.” Soldier Boy snapped.

“Last time you failed,” Hughie muttered.

Frenchie nodded in agreement. “In a spectacular manner, yes.”

“Because that bitch and that pussy stopped me.” An angry scowl was thrown at Annie and Butcher, who returned it and grinned widely back respectively.

“You were going to kill a kid,” Annie said coldly.

“He shouldn’t have been in the line of fire.”

“The line of fire? Do you hear yourself? Do you really care about others so little that-“

“I’d do it again,” he snapped back, unbothered by Annie’s disgust. “You don’t get to ask me for help and get mad when I do.”

You gave Butcher a pointed look. “Aren’t you glad you listened to me?”

Though all you got in response was a grunt from Butcher, Soldier Boy’s eyes shot to you. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

You returned his glare, steeling your own eyes to match his interrogating gaze. “We’re removing the ‘kill a kid’ option from your choices. You want to know why we’re stuck here? Because you fucked it last time, and we won’t let you fuck up again.”

“You won’t let me?” He sneered, leering at you coldly. “You don’t let me do anything, Sunshine.”

If the “Sunshine” thing continued to stick, you might have to throw yourself off a roof. But you didn’t flinch, just tilting your head mockingly. “You wouldn’t need a shock collar if you hadn’t bit the hand.”

“I wouldn’t bite the hand if it hadn’t tried to kill me.”

“Nobody tried to kill you, Mate.” Butcher interjected. Soldier Boy’s anger switched back to him with fists curling at his side, but Butcher kept talking with a bored drawl. “You shouldn’t have bloody fucked up.”

“And, like I said,” you shrugged. “It won’t happen again.”

“If I see the shot, I’ll take it. Whether you like it or not.”

Looking into his eyes, you believed him. No doubt fogged your brain that, given the opportunity, Soldier Boy wouldn’t hesitate to take out Ryan Butcher with Homelander. Part of you, the angry and bitter part still trapped underground, understood that. But you’d see Ryan once, from afar, and he had looked so young. You didn’t have to imagine his fear or touch him to understand what it was like. For your life to change abruptly and without reason, to have to sprint to keep up with your new one. Soldier Boy had volunteered for this life. Ryan hadn’t. You hadn’t.

So, holding Soldier Boy’s gaze, you made your voice clear and steady. “You don’t get to take the shot until it’s clear. Ryan will be out of the picture before you even see Homelander.” You turned to Annie. “What’s the test?”

“Head-popper.” Butcher answered for Annie with an odd look at you. His voice carried the usual light and oddly joyful tone he used when discussing murdering supes, but his eyes on yours were quieter, with less manic vengeance than you’d seen before. If you didn’t know better, you’d call them thankful.

“Head-popper?”

Hughie jumped in at your confused frown. “Neuman.”

“Oh,” you paused, looking over Hughie’s worried face. “We’re going after Neuman?”

“Who the fuck is Neuman?” Soldier Boy asked with a reluctant grumble. You had picked up on his consistent annoyance with new things after you’d found him screaming at the microwave three days ago, and not knowing new people didn’t seem to be any different.

“She’s a supe who can pop people’s heads like balloons.” Frenchie gestured in imitation for effect. “It’s disgusting.”

“And she’s the VP elect, which would put an ally of Homelander in the White House, one step from the Oval Office.” Annie said pointedly, giving Frenchie a look. You offered him a small smile over her head. Though the demonstration hadn’t been helpful, watching his hands fly around mimicking Neuman’s powers was undeniably entertaining.

“She's dangerous,” Hughie added. “But she’s not a bad person. We don’t want to kill her, just remove her powers.”

“What do we need her for then?” You didn’t have to look to know Soldier Boy’s accusation was directed at you. You bit your tongue, trying to ignore the way the words seeped into your skin.

Because he’s right. A cruel whisper said into your ear, and the itch on your skin began to feel like a rash. You were saved from the plague of your thoughts—the urgent feeling to fall prompted by almost nothing—by Butcher.

“If you think you’re going anywhere without her, Governor, you’d better get used to being wrong. She’s there for the same reason she’s here. So you don’t go postal.”

Soldier Boy gave you an unreadable look as the rush of your heart in your chest slowed from Butcher’s words. You turned away from him, but you could almost feel his eyes through your skull as you looked at Butcher with a blank face.

“What’s the plan?” You asked, praying it would be simple, with as few people as possible around and, ideally, in the middle of a desert filled exclusively with fire extinguishers.

“MM and Kimiko are doing recon on one of Bob Singer’s rallies. Frenchie will create a distraction for the secret service, and Neuman’s personal detail is going to suddenly disappear-“

“Disappear?” You interrupted Butcher with raised eyebrows.

“Keep your panties on, they’ve been bribed. Once she’s isolated, Soldier Boy’ll blast her, and we can all go home confident in your little gambit.”

You hesitated, trying to imagine the last political rally you’d seen. Group of people in tight groups, electrical wiring for microphones, speakers, and lights. Gates and closed doors, hallways leading out onto streets. “How are we going to isolate her?”

“Me and Butcher will work on that,” Annie said, almost reaching for you with a reassuring pat, but thinking better and jerking her arm back. She opened her mouth, an apology certainly on her, but you raised your hand to cut her off.

“How long until we leave?” You asked. Maybe they’d say ‘three hours’ and you’d get to talk to someone who didn’t think swing music was sonically viable for a bit.

Hughie checked his watch. “Ten minutes ago.”

“Ago?” Your eyes widened.

He gave you a sheepish look. “We thought it would take less time to get you.” He turned to Soldier Boy. “Your suit’s in the van. I can bring it out-“

“I can change on the way.” Soldier Boy grumbled, ignoring Hughie’s start of sputtering protests. “Let’s get this over with.”

———-

Much to his annoyance, they had forgotten Ben’s shield, and nobody would let him change in the van. He tried several times, only to be met by a chorus of groans, shouting, and swearing. He had listened to their complaints only because she had started giving him a look he recognized as a flag for a storm of uncontrolled fire. No hot disgust or sparks of rage, only a cold and quiet, almost glassy-eyed stare. Her heart steady but her breathing too fucking controlled to be natural, measured so equally that it sounded mechanical. So, because he figured she would only become more bitchy to live with if she incinerated her alleged “friends”, Ben stopped trying to pull his shirt over his head.

Once he did, the van fell insufferably silent. The edged pleasantries and conversation he’d overheard during Butcher and his band of Assholes arrival had ceased save for tense questions and hushed conversations. Ben didn’t fail to notice all the spineless avoidance and careful words directed at them both. She, even after the foggy look faded, remained curled into a corner, trading small and toothless smiles with her team. More timid than he’d seen her before, almost like a scolded child as she looked around the van nervously. Her eyes watched the shadows as though Homelander himself might jump from them, the chew of her lip giving Ben a headache. The only words she spoke were a jab at Ben when he’d said something about political rallies post-election being fucking pathetic—giving him a lecture about American politics now heavily depending on something called “going viral”—only to fall silent once more after. Her team looked at her like a glass bomb, as if she was a delicate statue looming over their heads and not the vulgar, violent woman who slept down the hall from him. That woman infuriated him, testing his patience every time she opened her mouth, but this paranoid, skittish pussy of a girl was so much worse. So when the van halted and Butcher’s team began to filter out, he called her name. When she ignored him, he reached out and grabbed her arm.

“What the fuck!” She pulled herself out of his grip in a second, staring at him with anger. She glanced down at her arms, a look he didn’t understand crossing her face, before returning her attention to him. “Do not touch me.”

“I barely touched you,” he glowered, annoyance quickly flooding him. He had only brushed skin, with a light grip she had thrown off, there was no need to be so dramatic. “When I touch you for real, you’ll fucking know, Sunshine. And you’ll fucking beg for it. I needed to make you listen, you were fucking ignoring me.”

Her brows knit, and he heard the chew of her teeth on her tongue. “I’m not going to beg for anything, and I wasn’t ignoring you.”

“I said your name, and you kept fucking walking.”

“I didn’t hear you.” She snapped, but didn’t relent. “Speak up next time.”

She knew just as well as Ben did that they were both far from quiet, pussy-voiced fuckers. And while he definitely hadn’t yelled for her attention, it shouldn’t have fucking mattered. He’d seen her pick up his grumbled insults and mocking comments just fine over the past two weeks. “Bitch.”

“What do you want?” She asked with a sigh, ignoring his jab and looking at him as if he exhausted her just by breathing. “We have to go, and you still need to change.”

“You shouldn’t let them treat you like that.” He said, not hiding the contempt from his voice. He wasn’t going to skirt around his thoughts, lining them gently to help her fucking feelings.

Her body tensed, her limbs looking as if they’d locked into place. “Like what?” Ben heard her swallow as she answered, her voice not lost enough to make her sound clueless to his words.

“Like you’re a child they have to coddle. A problem they have to deal with.”

She stared at him, her glassy-eyes returning. “Shut up. You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about, cunt-face.”

Ben snorted. “They don’t treat you like the bitch you are. They always use that sweet, pussy voice, like they’re talking to a fucking puppy, when they say something to you. They’re always all fucking pouty when they look at you, pussyfooting around so they don’t make you sad.” He gave her a mocking grin, hoping the next words landed like a bullet. “They treat you like me.”

It had clearly worked, as the van had grown hot, and her eyes were clearing as her heart began to pick up. Ben felt an odd feeling cover him as he heard it, almost familiar and sparking pride in his chest. She wasn’t a jittery shell anymore, she was going to try and kill him. It made his grin grow genuine, and the van grew only more heated, the air waving around them.

Her mouth opened, and Ben hoped whatever came out of it would be vile and crude.

“Hey!” She turned her head and clenched her jaw as someone called her name from outside, the van rattling as a fist banged against it. “We need to go!”

The door opened to reveal the Cocksucker, whose face grew quickly red, a bead of sweat falling from his hairline, as he was blasted with a quickly dying wave of heat.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, turning from Ben as the heat dropped further. “Coming.”

Cocksucker gave her a worried look, his gaze flying quickly to Ben, but just nodded and stood aside for her to move past.

As the door closed and Ben began to change, he listened for their soft, tense words.

“Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?” Cocksucker’s voice was nervous and gentle, like being suffocated by one of those fucking fluffy blankets Ben had seen in the empty bedroom of the safe house.

“No, he just grabbed me to talk. And you don’t have to keep asking me that. I’m fine, and it’s not as helpful as you think it is.” Ben frowned at her voice, the malice from it drained entirely in only a few seconds, replaced with only a tired hollowness.

“Grabbed you?! Like, he touched you?”

Having anticipated Cocksucker being more interested in the “talk” part of her sentence, or the shit that sounded like it was about feelings, Ben's brain rattled over Cocksucker’s word, his tone of panic looping in Ben’s head. He spoke of Ben’s touch as though it were a plague, and not something many people would kill to feel. Ben almost burst out of the van to say just that, but froze when he heard her answer.

“It was fast, I didn’t feel much. Even if I did, it doesn’t matter. I can’t go the rest of my life without touching people.” Her voice had a finality to it, and Ben could almost picture her downturned lips and wrinkled brow.

“You touch us when you heal us.” Even Cocksucker’s voice didn’t sound sure of his response.

“It’s not the same, and you know that.”

There was a momentary stall in their words, and Ben took the opportunity to emerge, securing his belt as he walked to the door. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to see, but Cocksucker looking pathetically around, anywhere but the woman as she curved into herself, wasn’t it. She held a white-knuckle grip on the sleeves of her jacket, her thumb running up and down in small movements. They both turned to him as the door banged open, and Ben caught the empty look behind her eyes before her indifference slipped back into place.

“Did you hurry me just to sit around like pussies, or are we going to start fucking moving?” He asked, the air feeling too uncomfortable to sit in.

Cocksucker blinked, glancing at his watch. “We have a few minutes until they arrive, but I guess it can’t hurt to be vigilant-“

“Arrive?” The woman’s eyes widened, and Ben saw smoke curl from her hold on her jacket. “They’re coming here?”

Cocksucker nodded. “It’s a high-security escape exit-“

“It’s a fucking street, Hughie.”

“That’s used as a high-security escape exit.” After a moment of searching the area, Cocksucker pointed a few yards down, at a large door set against brick. “Neuman will come right out of there, and her guards will close her out here, where Soldier Boy will blast her.” He paused, glancing at Ben, before looking back at the door and taking small, cowardly steps away from his spot between them.

“It’s a public area, anyone could walk past! What the fuck were you thinking?!” Her voice was hushed and agitated, and Ben had never seen her face lose color at that speed before, had never heard her heart stutter and jump as if trying to escape her body.

“It’ll be fine,” Cocksucker’s voice wavered, giving them both a nervous look. “It should be fine. MM said it would be fine.”

“You heard him, Sunshine,” Ben gave her a wink, adding a half-cocked smile when she didn’t even return him with a dirty look. “MM said it would be fine. And have some fucking faith in me, I’m not a fucking monster. I won’t blast any running pussies except for this head-popper broad.”

“You don’t even know what she looks like.” Her tone wasn’t quite the vicious mockery he was used to, but it was better than the apathetic, empty voice she’d been using. She was rolling on the balls of her feet, speaking without looking at him, her eyes moving restlessly from the door to the end of the street. “And I don’t believe you.”

Ben just shrugged, allowing the silence to hang. The wind was picking up, whistling through the chill of winter air, making the heat around them, emitting from both Ben and the woman, all the more obvious. Despite the biting cold, Cocksucker had taken off his stupid puffy jacket, even stepping back further from where they stood, with Ben in the center of the street and the woman off to the left. Despite her slowly stepping further and further back, her back now almost against the wall, Ben could feel her watching him, hear her heart continue its new and erratic beat.

“How long now, Hughie?” Her voice was raised to carry over the wind, though it hadn’t lost that stupid fucking weakness. Cocksucker, thank fuck, didn’t get a chance to respond with pathetically comforting words, as only one skipping heartbeat after she spoke a shrill fire alarm sounded.

“I’m assuming that’s your stupid French fuck's plan?” Ben asked dryly. “Start a fucking fire? I thought you pussies were all about minimal damage.”

“He probably just pulled the alarm.” The Cocksucker’s answer lacked any confident assurance. “And I think we’re just against needless murder.”

Ben almost started to rant about their so-called needless murder being a mighty high horse for a group of people who had manipulated him just as much as Vought, who’d been willing to help him kill all those backstabbing pussies from Payback so he’d help them. About how their stupid fucking moral purity complex seemed to adjust perfectly to aid them, and maybe he wasn’t a fucking angel, but he was strong and powerful—something they fucking needed—man, and he wasn’t a pussyfaced liar about what he was, what he did. The words died on his tongue, though, as hundreds of frenzied footsteps reached his ears.

“Fuck!” he growled, turning around and pointing at Cocksucker. “You fucking pussy.”

Cocksucker gave him an idiotically confused stare. “Dude, uncalled for.”

“She,” Ben pointed to the woman, whose heart was beating impossibly fast and looking on with a bloodless face. “Was fucking right. This is a stupid plan, because unless your head-popper walks like a human centipede, it’s not going to be just her that I fucking hit when that door opens.”

Cocksucker only gaped at him like a fish as the footsteps grew louder, annoyingly unsure stutters  escaping him, and just as Ben decided it might be good to slap the idiot out of his daze, the woman stepped forward.

“We need to move, Hughie. Now.” Her voice wasn’t steady, her whole body was tensed and hyper, but it held a determination Ben almost admired. “We can’t be here.”

“He- he could be fucking lying, or wrong-“

“That’s not a risk we can afford to take.” She cut off Cocksucker’s doubts, and Ben found himself surprised at her defense of him, even if it could barely be called that. Her hands were smoking once more, but she had firmly planted herself in the middle of the road, eyes turning sharply to Ben. “If people see you, any element of surprise over Homelander would be lost. We need to fucking move, you need to get in the fucking van now-“

The door banged open, and the streets flooded as hoards of people in star and stripe-themed outfits flooded the road. Everything became so loud, and that rapt, snapping sound in Ben’s head started to spread through him, spurring the drum in his chest. They were finding rhythm so fast, everything fading as Ben tried to slow it. But there were screams and shouts, and everything was getting further and further away from him while carving into him all the same, so though Ben could hear the sounds of metal clanging and shouts of his supe name, he couldn’t think anything past the beat beat beat, until he lost it all at once.

As his vision grew clear with his head, Ben expected to see shattered bodies and bloody walls. Instead, all he saw was the woman and fire. Her face was flushed red, her eyes crazed, and her clothes had become charred with holes as the fire surged from her into a barrier, cutting them off from the crowd. Cocksucker was yelling her name, urging them both to return to the van and leave, but as Ben moved, he glanced back to see the woman frozen and heard her heart as if it were his own. The wall was growing wider and shooting high, Cocksucker wouldn’t shut the fuck up about moving, but her eyes had squeezed shut, unresponsive to anything but the growing flames.

“We need to fucking go, now!” Ben turned to see a large man he vaguely recognized barreling down their side of the street, his face twisted in anger. Butcher, Starlight, a small woman he remembered fighting, and that French prick followed him, all loading into the van as the large man stopped beside Cocksucker.

“I told you he’d fucking blow it,” the man said, giving Ben a disgusted look, so flawlessly revolted Ben wouldn’t be surprised if he’d fucking practiced in the mirror.

“Hey, I didn’t fucking blow it, you pussy-“

“You said that Neuman would come out of here, that it would just be her!” Cocksucker, much to Ben’s shock, cut him with a high voice and a wave at the wall of fire. “That’s way more than just her! Is she even there?!”

“No,” the man said gruffly. “Neuman saw Butcher and figured out something was up. She’s long gone.”

“Fuck!” Cocksucker yelled, running a hand through his hair.

“Oi, we can go over how MM fucked up later,” Butcher leaned out from the van. “We need to go before she sends Homelander.”

“How I fucked up? You’re the one who disobeyed me and blew our cover-“

“What’s wrong with Madame Anomaly?” The French Prick appeared at Butcher's side.

Cocksucker glanced at the woman, calling her name before turning to the large man Butcher had called MM. “She absorbed Soldier Boy’s blast. I think it got her stuck.”

“We don’t have time for this. Get Soldier Boy in the van, I’ll take care of the Anomaly.” MM repeated the French Prick’s words, and Ben realized they were, for the first time, using the woman’s supe name.

“You heard him, Gov. Get in the bloody van.” Butcher’s words were clearly directed at Ben, but as he climbed into the van Ben saw Butcher’s attention locked on the woman.

MM had moved closer to the woman, a move Ben deemed more fucking stupid than brave. If she had “absorbed his blast,” as Cocksucker said, he wouldn’t recommend any non-supe be anywhere near her. MM seemed to realize this himself at the last possible second, taking a pathetic, stumbling step back with a pause. He and Cocksucker exchanged a look, something passing between them that Ben didn’t understand, before Cocksucker leaned down to grab a pebble from the road. Ben watched as he shakily shook out his arms, wound up, and tossed the pebble at the woman.

It was a terrible fucking idea, Ben didn’t have to be Einstein to know that, but the chain reaction that played out still managed to go worse than he might have guessed.

The woman whirled around, her eyes blazing, with a roar sounding from her chest. Fire shot from the wall directly at Cocksucker. In almost slow motion, Ben watched her face become painted with horror as she recognized her target, a different, fearful sound leaving her. She reached an arm out, her heart seeming to falter, and barely redirected the flames before they hit Cocksucker in the chest. The blaze just grazed Cocksucker’s arm, passed the van clear of anyone else, and hit the building with a boom.

The moment the bricks caught fire and the ground began to shake as the building crumbled, the woman's wall of fire fell. The woman herself remained upright, but only barely as MM shouted her name and she started to stumble to the van. Cocksucker was hauled in by Starlight and the French Prick, the former fussing over his burnt arm—Ben had seen worse at Herogasm and nobody whined about it—and Cocksucker waved her off. The woman pulled herself in, ignoring Butcher’s outstretched hand, and the door closed behind her. MM appeared in the driver’s seat, and as the engine started everyone fell into a heavy-breathed silence.

Through the ride, Ben watched the woman open and close her mouth a million times, returned to her fetal position in the corner but watching Cocksucker with a strained face. Her hands tapped against her still-smoking jacket, reaching out hesitantly before she pulled them back into herself. No words were spoken, not even the anxious whispers of the ride there. Ben felt relief as the van stopped, MM climbing out and opening the doors to reveal the exterior of the safe house, grateful for any excuse to leave these stupid, sniffing pussies to wallow in their failure.

MM led Ben and the woman to the doors, opened them by leaning oddly at the doorbell, and gestured for them to walk through. The man followed them in, shutting the doors behind him with a rough push.

“If we failed the test, I am not doing that fucking shit again.” Ben grumbled as MM turned around from the now-shut entrance.

“Butcher told me about the fucking mess you and him made in here.” MM ignored Ben entirely, speaking to the woman as if he wasn’t even there. “A team cleaned it up while you were gone, and Mallory will send more groceries tomorrow night. I saw a picture, it was fucking gross. I’m only doing it once, because I don’t want a new disease to develop in here. You’re an adult, you should take care of this place by your goddamn self.”

The woman looked at her feet, humming a small acknowledgment. She didn’t look up as she spoke. “Is Hughie going to be okay?”

MM sighed. “The kid will live. I’ll look at him when we get back.”

“I could help-“

MM cut her off with her name. “He’ll be fine. We’ll make sure of it.”

She gave another nervous hum, and Ben jumped in.

“Can you answer my fucking question-“

“We’ll let you know what our next steps are after we talk to Mallory and Singer. This wasn’t good, but it’s not the end of the damn world.” Once again, MM ignored Ben. It was starting to feel personal. Before Ben could push further, MM reached a hand out to rest on the woman’s shoulder, right over a hole in her sleeve. Her head shot up with her heart, but the panic in her seemed to evaporate just as soon as it appeared. Her name was gentle as MM spoke it, eyes locked with hers. “You didn’t fuck up. You did your job.” She nodded slowly. “It’ll be fine.” With those last words, he exited the building, leaving Ben and the woman in the hall.

“What’s his fucking problem?” Ben grunted, half directed at the woman, half to just say it.

She gave him a flat look. “You killed his family.” Before he could come up with a clever response, honest or dodging the annoying feeling of guilt forming in his throat, the woman turned from him and walked away.

———-

You were so tired. Your bones ached, oddly cold in a way you hadn’t felt in a while, your skin crawled with feverish chills, and when you closed your eyes, you could see the flames graze Hughie and the building turn to dust. As MM’s lingering calm he’d offered you faded, all you felt was tired. Worthless. A liability. You had fucked up, just as much as Soldier Boy. Maybe more so, because he had PTSD, even if he would deny being a “hung-up pussy”. He had lost control because he’d been tortured by Russians, you’d almost killed your friend and definitely destroyed a rec center because you’d been startled. You just wanted to sleep, to deal with the inevitable fight about groceries in the morning, running on more than quickly expiring adrenaline and caffeine pills stuck in your throat.

You made it to your room, changing into one of the pajama sets folded in your drawers, hoping someone mentioned that the allegedly fire-proof wardrobe you’d been given apparently wasn’t strong enough for the full force of your fire combined with Soldier Boy’s nuclear explosions. A shame, you’d liked the pants you’d chosen for the mission. You’d live without the jacket, though. You’d hardly pulled the shirt over your head when the door ripped open, a still suit-clad Soldier Boy standing at your door.

“What fucking happened to you?” His question was blunt and confusing as he entered your room, remaining near the door but over the threshold.

Your body was too heavy to fight with him right now. There was no tense prickling on the bridge of your nose, only the throbbing stab of a headache. “Go away, Soldier Boy.”

“All of you have a fucking thing. A weird, sad reason to whine around and pretend you’re better than me.” He didn’t budge, but rather leaned forward. “What’s yours.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You said I killed MM’s family. Butcher’s always pussying around about Homelander stealing his girl. Cocksucker mentioned something about that fast asshole doing something as well. I’m not sure what the French Prick bitches about, but I’m sure it’s something.”

“First of all, you did kill MM’s family.” You really don’t want to do this right now, but maybe he’ll give up and fuck off. A fruitless wish, a small part of you knows, but you have nothing left to push back with. “And Homelander didn’t ‘steal Butcher’s wife’, he raped her.”

“Right.” Soldier Boy watched you, his expression unreadable in the shadowy room. “Those are all fucking things. So tell me what yours is.”

“I don’t have one,” even as you speak the insistence, it sounded fake and hollow.

He takes another step forward. “Yes, you do. I saw how you froze, nobody without a thing locks up like that. I heard Cocksucker ask you if I ‘hurt you’. Just for the record, Sunshine, I may not be a Boy Scout, but I’m no fucking rapist.”

“You’ve tried to sleep with me thirty-three times.”

“And I’ll blow your mind when you realize how much you’d love it, no sooner. What’s your fucking thing.”

You stare at him, the intensity in his voice throwing you off. He’s insistent, comfortable in your room but standing at his full height, attention fixed entirely on you. That impression of dissection has returned—the feeling as if he’s trying to pick you apart for him to play with. “Why do you even care?”

“Because maybe if you tell me, I can kill what supe fucked up your pretty little head and you’ll be less of a bitch.”

You can’t stop the snort that escapes you. “What a selfish fucking cunt reason.”

He shrugged in something that could’ve been an agreement. “Maybe.” He falls silent, but doesn't leave.

You collapse to sit on the edge of your bed, staring ahead as you rub your temple. “Please just go.”

“No.”

You look at him, not caring if he sees the desperation in your eyes. “Can this not wait six hours for the morning?”

“No.”

“Do you know any words but no?” You mutter under your breath.

You didn’t miss his annoyed humph. “Oh, just fucking tell me.”

“No.” It was your turn to snap. Your exhaustion was becoming lined with bitter childishness, and you didn’t care enough to try and suppress your urge to sneer at him.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re an idiotic, self-absorbed, sadist asshat who wouldn’t know empathy if it started sucking his dick.” You mocked.

He grinned. “Ok, now name my bad qualities.”

“I’m not telling you.”

“I’ll start guessing,” he took another step forward, now almost directly before you. “Did that red-headed lesbian steal your puppy?

You frowned up at him. “Maeve was bisexual.”

“Did Noir take credit for a college project?” He ignored your comment, leaning down with a mocking smirk.

“Trust me, I got all my dues in college.”

“Did that gay-for-Jesus blond steal your boyfriend? Did the fast asshole that stole Cocksucker’s girl break up with you? Did water-boy eat your goldfish?”

“I’ve never met Ezekiel, A-Train actually murdered Hughie’s girlfriend, and The Deep famously doesn’t eat seafood, he fucks it. But by all means, keep going.”

Soldier Boy blinked. “He fucks it?”

“Yep. It’s gross.” You shrug. “Are you done?”

“Are you going to answer my question?”

You give a toothless smile. “Not until you get all your guesses out.”

“Oh?” There was unquestionable surprise in his voice at your relent, only making your fake cheer grow and your immature anger fully overtake you.

“I want you to feel like a real fucking asshole when I tell you.”

His face split open with a grin. “Well then, did the Twins kick you out of Herogasm? Did that bitch, Crimson Countess, overshadow your big debut? Did a Z-lister get more attention than you from the Vought pussies?”

You just raised your eyebrows, crossing your arms as Soldier Boy continued until the list of supes ran dry. As the last jeer left his mouth, he mirrored your face of cold amusement.

“Well?”

You leaned back, watching him closely as you spoke. “Homelander kidnapped me, kept me in a dungeon, raped me in an attempt to make more mini-Homelanders, and, after you returned, started experimenting on me to try and recreate the V used on you.”

A small shock rushed through you after you spoke. You hadn’t said any of that out loud, not fully, since you’d escaped. You danced around it with Butcher and his team, with Mallory and the CIA leaders, always picking and choosing parts to omit so nobody would look at you with pity and fear. It hadn’t worked, they did anyway, but there had still been control over it. Up until this moment, nobody had known why Homelander had done all those things to you. Everyone had seemed happy to chalk it up to him being a fucking psychopath, not anything deeper. Certainly not attempting to create a small army of additional Ryan Butchers. Small things were still yours, flashes of hunger and warped sounds remaining in your head, but everything else you had just told him.

Why did you do that? A voice hissed as the high from your petulance faded. Why did you let him win? Why did you give him a weapon to use that could hurt you?

But looking at him, he didn’t appear to be a portait of self-satisfaction and heartless triumph. He was staring at you, scanning you as though the scars Homelander left would be visible on your bare legs and arms. When he spoke, his voice wasn’t weak or coddling, but angry.

“He kept you locked up?”

You nod, part of you getting ready to fight him over something.

“He hurt you? To try and recreate me?” Your repeated nodding only seemed to inflate whatever was happening. “Did it hurt?”

Your arms and face started at that, an uncertain feeling spreading through you. There had been no reverent tone as Soldier Boy had asked the last question, no sadistic for affirmation. But you didn’t know what he wanted to hear. Why he even wanted to know. But an involuntarily honest answer escaped you. “Yes.”

He stared at you for another second before he opened his mouth, only to close it without making any sound. Abruptly, he whipped around and began to leave, giving you only one more indecipherable look as he closed the door behind him, leaving you on the edge of your bed, alone in your room.

You lay down slowly, half expecting him to storm back in at any moment, but minutes passed, quickly turning into a half hour, and your body sat at the edge of collapse once more. Soon it was unbearable, and you lay down, your racing mind being forced to a halt as sleep pulled you under.

Your sleep, as had been the case for a while now, was haunted by nightmares of blue eyes and yellow, fluorescent lights. You woke up in a cold sweat, and took a long, needlessly warm shower before forcing yourself to leave your room around 9:30. Despite your lingering fatigue, no part of you wasn’t restless as you walked down the stairs. Your body tense and ready to run, your head spinning with hypotheticals and lining up words you may need—that feeling under your skin creeping up your spine and fluttering in your gut. But Soldier Boy wasn’t in the living room or the hall. You poked your head in the dining room, hoping to avoid the minefield of the kitchen, but it was empty, the plastic chandelier lights off, the table occupied only by a vase of wilted flowers. You moved to the kitchen, ringing growing in your ears, but he wasn’t there. You turned to walk away, continue your search, but double-back as it hit you.

Nothing was in the kitchen. It was empty. Of Soldier Boy, and of the groceries MM said would be delivered.

You wandered in slowly, watching the counters as if they might start to glitch and flicker, revealing hidden produce and dirty dishes. But, leaning over the sink, there was a single plate, soaking in water that was dotted with crumbs. Slowly, you moved to the refrigerator, slowly opening it as you glanced around the room. Your eyes widened at the sight inside. Milk, drinks, and produce had been placed inside, disorganized and haphazardly. There was a jar of mayonnaise in the fresh drawer, along with a box of pasta on a side shelf, but the fridge was full. You moved quickly to the pantry, which had been sorted in a similar fashion, but filled. And when you opened the last cabinet, you saw a piece of paper stuck under a jar of peanut butter.

I know I did a shit job. Clean up if it bothers you, but don't bitch to me about it. And tell Mallory to get smooth peanut butter next time, or I’m not doing anything for her but killing Homelander - Ben

[fleursfairies]

i think its really funny when people say that it's unrealistic for will AND mike AND robin AND vickie to all be gay in the 80s cuz clearly they have never even looked back to the past. people in the 1900s were gay as hell! and heres some examples

james dean (1931-1955) bisexual !

marlon brando (1924-2004) bisexual !

rock hudson (1925-1985) very gay

leslie gore (1946-2015) lesbian

dusty springfield (1939-1999) lesbian

norma tanega (1939-2019) lesbian

(dusty springfield and norma tanega dated)

elton john (1947-present) gay

freddie mercury (1946-1991) gay

george michael (1963-2016) gay

david bowie (1947-2016) bi

crazy that david and elton were born the same year and george and david passed the same year

john lennon (1940-1980) bi im pretty sure unless yoko was lying for some reason

joan jett (1958-present) bi but google ai wants to argue with me about it

janis joplin (1943-1970) bi

whitney houston (1963-2012) bi?? maybe

debbie harry (blondie) (1945-present) bi (or ex bi LMAO)

billie holiday (1915-1959) bi

im lovin all the bi people

andy fraser (free) (1952-2015) gay

i do NOT like boy george at all but unfortunately hes an iconic gay artist and i have to add him (1961-present) gay 🙄

ray and dave davies from the kinks (1944+1947-present) ima just say that theyre both bisexual cuz its a bit confusing

art garfunkel (1941-present) bi. i just found this out like last year but ive always known in my soul. simon and garfunkel are like frog and toad or bert and ernie. you just know.

4/5 members of the b-52's are queer

little richard (1932-2020) gay

mick jagger (1943-present) bi? probably? idk but please go watch the mick jagger david bowie dancing in the street music video its the gayest thing ive ever seen

pete townshend (the who) (1945-present) pansexual

chuck panozzo (styx) (1948-present) gay

lou reed (velvet underground) (1942-2013) prooobably bi but google is giving me super confusing answers that are different since the last time i checked

morrissey 🙄 (this smiths) (1959-present) im diagnosing him as pan cuz all google says is "humansexual"

pete burns (dead or alive) (1959-2016) queer

jane wiedlin (the gogos) (1959-present) bi

june millington and alice de buhr of the band fanny are gay and nickey barclay is bi. (alice is one of my biggest drummer inspirations and i totally forgot she was gay)

neil tennant (pet shop boys) gay

marianne faithfull, katharine hepburn, marlene dietrich, greta garbo, billy haines, ian mckellen, divine, rupaul, andy warhol, frankie goes to hollywood, soft cell probably, tab hunter, stephen fry, anthony perkins, cristopher walken, sal mineo, sister rosetta tharpe, billie joe armstrong, drew barrymore, jodie foster, fiona shaw, angelina jolie, etc

update: joan baez, peter tork, marc bolan, brian epstein, stuart sutcliffe, candy darling, sandy west

i have more but im tired

but these are just some people that are confirmed queer. i could go ooon and ooon and ooon about "not gay" people doing gay ass things

if you're going to make silly statements about the past please actually do a bit of research

not to mention the lesbians and the same sex kiss in the 1927 movie wings

[kadisiyuswyrd]

MCR GAYLIST MASTERPOST

Hello, gays. I'm in the process of making a video & I'd like some input.

(I blame @cordspaghetti for keeping Alpharetta Gerard in my mind)

As the title implies, the video will rank every MCR song based on how gay it is in chronological order (more or less). Hopefully, it'll be released the first day of the new Black Parade tour (July 11, 2025). No promises, though.

At this point in the writing process (just finished Bullets this morning) I think Everyone Hates the Eagles is their gayest song. Prison, Mama, & To the End are up there, though ("he's not around he's always looking at men," I mean...c'mon).

I'm not too good at lyrical analysis, though, nor is my knowledge of MCR as robust as I'd like, so I'm interested to hear different queer readings of their songs.

As unserious as this video concept is, I actually want to approach it from a really earnest lens. Tier lists are already so subjective; gayness is such an arbitrary, amorphous label. I want to play around with the inherent stupidity of this.

There are some fundamental questions that I still haven't really answered but would love to explore:

What does it mean for something to be queer / gay (weird)?

What does it mean for something to be straight (normal)?

I really have no conception of what normality is anymore. I find strange things normal, normal things strange; when I act normally I feel strange, but am called strange when I think I'm acting normally...

3. How does rock music manage to attract both extremely gay and extremely straight fanbases (e.g. Nirvana, Queen, Misfits)?

Nirvana's fanbase always surprises me because the band was so left-leaning and anti-machismo, but because they sounded rough and masculine they attract these really weird, pretentious assholes. The way that rock music oscillates between hypermasculine presentation (leather jackets, jeans, shirtless, hairy) and queer theatricality (David Bowie, early Queen) is really interesting to me in general. It's a genre that's been sexist and feminist, homophobic and relentlessly queer in the same decade.

4. Is there value in deliberately ambiguous queer representation?

This question makes me think of iLLi. She emerged from ambiguity and I think that's part of her appeal. Fanfiction is grasping at straws to make something beautiful and whole. Isn't the ambiguity sometimes preferrable—to allow unique fan interpretation?

Not all of these questions need to be answered in the video, but I want them on my mind while writing. Part of me wants to make a normal tier list video, another part wants to kind of deconstruct it...but. this video is shaping up to be a behemoth as is, so maybe I should avoid scope creep and keep my ambitiousness in check.

We'll see how it goes. I'd love to hear from y'all.

(Also, big shoutout to @angstics who is, by my estimation, the seminal queer MCR scholar. I've been referring to a lot of their writing during the research process.)

Below is a list of the sources I'll be referring to during the script writing process. This is a living document, so expect this list to expand in the coming weeks. Cheers.

—Kay

Research w/Notes:

This article is a fun look at the early days of the band. It features a fun story about a sickly Gerard getting punched by record exec to give him energy to record his vocals. It worked.

Blistein, Jon. (2021). How a Sucker Punch Fueled the Rise of My Chemical Romance. Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/my-chemical-romance-rise-book-excerpt-sellout-dan-ozzi-1247331/   

One of Gerard's answers during his famous 2014 Reddit AMA. Mainly focused on his answer to question 5 about Drowning Lessons and its status as MCR's "cursed song."

Way, Gerard. (2014). Reddit AMA https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2i1840/comment/ckxylaq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button 

A really thorough video about queer (sub)text in You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison. A helpful resource. souryogurtgirl. (2024). My Chemical Romance's Gay Anthem? YouTube. https://youtu.be/jDP5_Kl36ms

A TRACK BY TRACK BREAKDOWN OF TBP. Hell yeah.

Great MCR essays. The essay SEX & VIOLENCE is the most interesting to me, at least in relation to this video. Love & suffering is such a deeply queer idea. The "queering of violence" is so central to MCR's lyricism. Love how the essay points out the importance of Gerard's delivery, that's something I want to highlight in my own analysis.

"Honey This Podcast Isn't Big Enough for The Both of Us" is not only a great resource for MCR fan discourse, it is just really entertaining podcasting. Maren & EJ are playful, yet insightful. Their episode on the demo lovers has been helpful to try to parse the storytelling of Bullets and Revenge.

Slowly diving a bit more into queer theory for this project. It's daunting, but interesting! I feel like queer time—the idea (to my understanding) that queer people's life trajectories are distinctly different and possibly even incompatible with the traditional straight narrative of getting married, having a kid, entering the job market, etc.—may prove a helpful concept, especially in relation to TBP.

Writer Kathryn Bond Stockton literally describes queer children as "ghosts" because many of them cannot yet verbalize their queerness and are they given a roadmap for what adult queer life will look like. I mean...that's very Black Parade coded.

Haven't read this read this yet, keeping it here to get back to it! I really want to understand the link between queerness and theater, there's gotta be some historical context that explains that a bit more clearly for me.

https://newprairiepress.org/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=4185&context=aerc

[aziraphales-library]

Hey there!

Got any adult omens that are human au’s? I’ve read all the ones on here that I can find so any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated. The fluffy ones are the ones I enjoy most!

Thank you all so much for the work you’ve done. This library is amazing!

-A

Hello! Here are some fics to add to our #human au, #fluff, and #adult omens tags...

Rear Ended by Caedmon (E)

Crowley is already having a very bad day when he accidentally plows his new car into someone at a traffic stop. He's ready to rip the head off of the person - until an angel gets out of the car, and suddenly, he's in love.

The High Road and the Low Road by saretton (E)

It's been two years and, finally, it has happened. They're paired up again. Anthony Crowley, coach driver for Roadside Fire Coaches and Buses, and Aziraphale Fell, licensed member of Scotland's Tourists Guide Association. Maybe this time they can finally talk and figure out whatever has been going on between them for fifteen years. ----- A Good Omens Scotland Tour Human AU.

litany in which certain things are crossed out by Ayes (E)

A beaten-down Aziraphale opens a bakery in the small town of Tadfield, where he finds an all-night greasy spoon and one fallen Crowley, who is making amends through various and increasingly ridiculous means of community service. Features an inexperienced!Aziraphale, Crowley the town ne’er-do-well, and Crowley’s self-appointed protector, young Adam. Human AU. All quotations are from Richard Siken’s earth-shattering collections of poetry, Crush and War of the Foxes. cw/tw: brief mentions of fatphobia; homophobia; religious oppression; miscarriage; self-hatred; background character death; drug addiction; foster care; past animal abuse… all referenced and not actively happening in the story, but sad beginnings that are addressed in order to make room for happy endings.

Oddity by Tsyvia48 (E)

The Museum staff were shocked and annoyed when their incompetent director Gabriel hired a street performer to guest curate an original exhibit about David Bowie. Aziraphale was immediately put off by Anthony Crowley's rudeness and arrogance--how dare the man think he could just waltz in to a project like this! Aziraphale was determined to make Crowley regret underestimating the task. For his part, Crowley could hardly believe his good luck: some of the smartest people he'd ever met were paying him to think about Bowie. It was like a dream come true. If only he didn't have to work closely with the posh bastard who seemed to need to hold his nose just to be in the same room with him. Crowley was determined to make Aziraphale regret underestimating him.

Drive me to the Moon by CaptainBlou, Elenthya (E)

At GOMENS, world-renowned sports brand and sponsor, one takes pride in endorsing the UK’s most talented athletes. On the other hand, one would like to ignore the fact that their two top of the bill, Aziraphale and Crowley, have heartily hated each other since the day they met. But what should be expected, when one knows these two? Aziraphale is a professional dancer, Crowley a rally driver. While the former switches between fierce competitions and prestigious stages, the other goes from one track to another across the world, clearing out every prize from behind the wheel of his racing car. Two beings, two worlds, two universes that everything should keep apart. But an unprecedented charity event is getting set up at GOMENS, and quickly, their own athletes will have to compete with and assist each other in turns. Two worlds, two personalities. But if they want to run for a cause that matters to the both of them, Crowley and Aziraphale are going to have to find an Arrangement. 

Going Somewhere Slowly by curiouswriterkr (E)

Our bois are in Uni and meet in their last year. Aziraphale has sworn off dating and drinking for reasons, and of course, Crowley wants more. Of course, so does Aziraphale. It's a slice of life story. ~~ “Aziraphale, tomorrow at the pub, could I buy you a drink?” Crowley asked him, eyes earnest and hopeful. “I’m not your student anymore-” “Crowley, your invitation is so very kind and I must decline. You see, I don’t drink and I don’t date,” Aziraphale tipped his chin up a fraction of an inch and squared his shoulders.

- Mod D

[aurorabyler]

the significance of heroes by david bowie to stranger things + byler (finn wolfhard interview)

byler nation. i just found an interview clip of finn that i’ve literally been looking for since season 4 dropped. i remembered watching it but i couldn’t find the video afterwards and i also haven’t seen many people talking about it, so here it is:

transcript (finn wolfhard): “this is my life in songs. a song that reminds me of stranger things — heroes by david bowie. there’s a cover in the first season, but i remember when we were first shooting the first season shawn levy (one of our directors and executive producers) cut together a sizzle reel and put it to heroes, and that was kind of the first glimpse we got into the show. and it really just kind of blew me away and also made that song so important as well to me.”

if any of you are familiar with the way heroes is used in stranger things as well as some of the theories surrounding the specific lyrics that are selected and placed over scenes (especially related to byler) this is quite significant. it’s also significant that it was in fact shawn levy who put together the sizzle reel with heroes — he is known in the byler community to kind of be a byler champion, if you will.

he has directed some of the most significant byler scenes in the whole show — finding will’s fake body in the quarry in season one (WHICH HAS HEROES PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND), the rain fight in season 3, the byler scenes in dear billy (including the legendary “i didn’t say it — you didn’t have to” scene) among others.

furthermore, heroes is established as a theme/musical motif that is very explicitly related to byler in season one of the show, as the first time it plays mike literally breaks down at the sight of will’s fake body and bikes all the way home. the specific lyrics that play when he goes to hug karen in that same scene are (quite notoriously):

and the guns, shot above our heads

and we kissed, as though nothing could fall

and the shame, the shame was on the other side

it’s interesting that finn notes the song as being one that specifically reminds him of stranger things and that seems to (based on not only shawn but the fact that heroes has been used TWICE in the show over NEAR PARALLEL byler scenes) to have a very big role in the show.

anyways. what i'm saying is that leading up to season five, a lot of people are kind of expecting that the pattern of using heroes will be completed -- they used the cover in seasons 1 and 3, and it only really makes sense to kind of complete that in season 5 as the song has been used as a throughline for a very specific storyline for what will have been the almost ten years since season 1 came out.

lastly i just want to say that i am not implying finn speaking about a song that has personal meaning to him is somehow solely connected to byler. my main interest in this is the shawn levy bit and just the general significance of the song to the show, which has been spoken about in lots of theories ever since the show came out in 2016.

i'll link here some posts about byler theories related to heroes that might give you some more context to its significance:

[who-let-a-bird-in]

Part 7 of batfamily incorrect quotes as things me and my friends have said

“I need to be a freak but in the David Bowie way not the TikTok way” - Dick

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk about men the same way angry women do” - Jason

“I feel like this is going to poison me” *takes a sip* “it tastes like it’s going to poison me” *continues drinking* - Stephanie

“I love the taste of candle wax in the morning” “it’s 5:35 pm and you just ate an airhead” - Robin!Dick and Bruce

*in the raspiest, worst sick morning voice I have ever heard* “jokkeerr” - Bruce.

“remind me to teach you slang” “no” “yeah that’s probably for the best-“ - Stephanie and Bruce

“Time to add to the pile of abandonment issues then” - literally any of them atp.

“well that’s a sentence” “what’s wrong with it?” “huh i wonder what’s wrong with the sentence ‘fuck it sure, do you have a knife?’” - Dick and Tim

“I think one of the haters™️ are here” - Dick

“five minutes ago I was crying about my dad, but now I have coffee so, life goes on you know?” - Tim

“Paranoia is good for you” - Bruce

“Maybe I do understand why I was disowned” - Jason

“this is what our tax dollars go to? tax fraud sounds really good right about now” - Duke

Bonus:

“Literally any time I need to saw trap these gay people” - Riddler (Alternatively maybe joker could work too)

[phoebebuggers]

in no particular order, (mostly byler centric) things i want in stranger things 5 that probably won't be in the show but maybe one or two of them could be: a comprehensive list

bone crushing emotional byler hug to make up for airport scene

byler "can you just come up here?" jancy parallel with the byers's staying at the wheeler house, also parallels s2 when mike slept on will's floor while he was possessed

mike wheeler gets vecna'd, used to show the viewer more about his internal conflicts the last few seasons

will byers emotional coming out scene(s)

lumax movie date

will byers robin buckley conversation

mike wheeler robin buckley conversation

byler murray interaction

jopper enzo's date

jopper are parents and they have 3 kids who they love a lot

crazy together referenced

"it was the best thing i've ever done" referenced

"what painting?"

rainbow alphabet lights from s1 brought back, bonus points if mike and will use them to communicate while one of them is in the upside down, or maybe mike and holly

birthdaygate real

lettergate real

churchgate real

the party plays dnd in the epilogue

they go to the starcourt mall ruins at some point

a big gold star next to this one: will and el have an important conversation about upside down shit and bond as real siblings (this goes along with mike finally able to have both of them in his life at the same time)

boys don't cry the cure

other the cure songs??

the smiths

byler kiss

heroes david bowie (during byler kiss???)

upside down byler kiss

more than one byler kiss

mike wheeler closes his eyes after byler kiss like a normal person when they kiss someone. and he looks in love afterward and not like someone who is questioning everything

jealous mike wheeler is real

will byers gets to fireball something irl

mike wheeler gets a sword irl

something somrehing forced conformity mike wheeler baby gay crush on eddie etc etc this one is not a fullly established thought yet

some kind of stupid joke from hopper about mike wheeler dating his kids

mike wheeler karen wheeler hug paralleling heroes david bowie s1 e3

lots of jancy s1 byler parallels in general, bonus points if byler is searching for holly who is missing

byler wearing green

no henry redemption please

[theromanticjedi]

New demand, give me cooking with Jayce after a long day of work and possibly dancing in the kitchen, because everyone knows his romantic ass would pull something like that. Also, get out of bed and drink some water instead of cold two day old tea. ❤️

Anything for you my love.

(IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE FOR HIM!!)

Jayce Talis x gn/male reader

Warnings: lots of mistakes probably and tooth rotting fluff.

You walk into the appartment you shared with your boyfriend, you slide your jacket off and kick your boots over to the side. A quick once over of the open style appartment told you you were alone. "Good." You thought to yourself. You love Jayce but you had had a long day and the cold was not doing your joints any favors. Jayce could be..over protective with your physical health. Probably because so many people around him, himself included, have issues with them. You walk over to the couch and lay down kicking your feet up on the arm a bit dramatically. You can feel the stress slowly start to spin around in your brain, overthinking the entire day. Now you were starting to miss Jayce's hovering. As if on que you hear his key in the door. You peek your eyes open to examine him as he comes in. If how stiff and tired he looked was anything to go on you'd expect he had about the same kind of day as you. Your suspitions were only confermed when he saw you and immedently started to go off about his day "You wont beleive the things the council-" you let his voice wash over you as you get up and make your way to the kitchen. He frowns and follows you still yapping. You deside after the days you both had you deserved a home cooked meal. So as you start preparing to cook he stops and looks at you. "How was your day?" You shrug. "Same as yours. Get the pasta out for me?" He nods and hands you the box. "This sucks." You huff a small laugh. "Put a record on." He looks at you like a confused dog, head tilt and all. "Hm?" You resist the urge to make fun of him and respond cooly. "Whenever i have a bad days music helps." He hums as he walks over to the record player. "What kind?" You hum not really caring. "Something to dance to. Good vibes." He shrugs and puts on a odd funky kind of beat that sounds a bit like something david bowie would write. You sway as you stir the pot of pasta and set the bread to cook then the music changes to a soft slow track and you feel hands on your waist pulling you from your task. "Jayce." You warn softly but he only hums as he turns you to face him and burys his head in your neck. "I missed you today. I just wanted to lay in bed and sleep." You sigh but offer a small smile. "Yeah?" And huffs agenst your neck. "Yeah." You wrap your arms around his shoulders and sway with him untill the timer for the food goes off. "Jayce, i have to get that." He whines but half way it turns into a dramadic groan. You roll your eyes as you turn to the stove. "Youre hopeless."

[oh-stars]

Recognition

Love is showing up when someone doesn’t ask.

a @steddielovemonth prompt | 1257 words | CW: N/A | Rating: G

“What time will you be home?” Eddie asks, perched on the couch like a bird, elbows on his  knees and sitting on his heels, toes straining under his weight. He feels like a little gremlin, body needing a way to expel all the energy his boring day off built up while Steve’s been at work. 

Steve sighs and adjusts his tie in the mirror by the door. “If all goes well, eight?” 

Eddie groans and falls back, limbs flailing. “If they expect you to go to school after hours, they should at least pay you,” he says, face squished into the fabric. It’s miserable being on different schedules. He’s been working at the plant until the construction is done on his shop, which means weird hours and being completely off rhythm with Steve. He barely sees the man! 

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Steve huffs as he smooths down his shirt, walking towards him. He carefully bends over to kiss Eddie’s pouting lips, laughing at him. God, Eddie’s so glad this man is his. He’s too precious to let go. “I’d stay if I could,” Steve says softly. “You know I hate going to these things.” 

Eddie sighs, giving him a small smile as he touches up the few strands of Steve’s hair that were betrayed by his hairspray. “I know,” he says. “I could always come with you.” 

Steve shakes his head, cheeks pink. “Thank you, but you, uh, really don’t want to go to a boring PTA meeting. All they’re going to do is fight over which classroom should get the crayons.” 

“I’d go for you, Steve,” Eddie says. He sighs again and pushes Steve away. “Go so you can get back.” 

“I love you,” Steve says, stealing another kiss before he finally stands up. 

“Love you too,” Eddie says, smashing his face back into the couch. “I’ll be here, rotting away until you return, my sweet knight.” 

Steve shakes his head and grabs his wallet and keys off the coffee table. Then he’s gone, with the rumble of the Beemer and the faint sounds of David Bowie announcing his departure. 

Eddie lasts a whole three minutes before he’s shooting up off the couch and pacing around the living room as he thinks of something he could do to occupy his time. He’s done about as much housework as he could manage for the day, he doesn’t think he could practice anymore today or write at all with how depleted his creative juices feel, and he knows nothing good comes on TV on Tuesdays in early January. 

That’s how he ends up piddling about Steve’s desk. Steve keeps all his papers that need to be graded meticulously organized, with the ones that are fair game for anyone to grade (aka the ones with scoresheets) in the blue folder. On days where Eddie’s brain was too much, when he couldn’t even look at his guitar without feeling pain or pick up his pencil to be creative in any fashion, he needed something to do to get the excess brain energy out. Robin’s much the same way, so Steve started setting aside his pop quizzes and multiple choice tests in the blue folder for either of them to grade if they needed. Otherwise, he’d get to it eventually. It’s mindless enough to calm their brains, they feel good helping Steve, and it helps give Steve more time to focus on the essays and presentations that need more time to be graded. It’s a win win all the way around. 

The blue folder isn’t as full as normal, but there are a few worksheets Eddie can take care of for Steve. He reaches for the sticker book and the purple pen (Steve’s signature grading color) in the mug Wayne gave him that’s an apple with a little worm for a handle that he uses as a pencil cup. That’s when he sees the PTA flyer. It’s jam-packed with information and minutes from the last meeting, but in big, bold letters at the bottom of the flyer, Eddie reads:

Join us to honor this year’s Teacher of the Year, Mr. Steve Harrington, eighth grade English. 

Eddie puts down the blue folder, the pen, and the flyer. He’s still for exactly one minute before his body goes into flight or fight mode. Within ten minutes, he’s dressed in his nice date clothes and his hair is tamed back into a tight bun, threatening to snap the band. 

Time crunch or not, he drives like a bat out of hell. He has plenty of time to get to the school, they live close enough, but he needs to make a few stops first. All in all, he gets there right as the principal is starting the meeting. 

He tucks himself in a corner in the back, watching the whole thing patiently. The problem is, he can’t really see Steve. Eddie cranes his neck and bounces on his toes, trying to find a way to make it to one of the seats in the center of the auditorium, closer to the stage. 

His opening comes after the chorus does a performance, when the parents at the front scurry their students away before the meeting can continue. First off, rude, but it works in Eddie’s favor. Steve’s award is next and Eddie isn’t missing this. 

Eddie slips into the front row as the principal starts shifting gears, whispering to the vice principal as the crowd settles. 

She announces Steve to a polite applause, but that’s just not good enough for his Steve. 

His palms ache with how hard he’s clapping, just shy of letting out a loud ‘whoop’ – and he’d do it if it wasn’t for the pretty way Steve’s face and ears are pinkening up. Their eyes meet as Eddie beams. 

“Hi,” he mouths, trying so hard to not vibrate out of the seat. 

Steve’s smile softens as he gives a wave of appreciation to the crowd, eyes darting back to Eddie. As the principal sings Steve’s praise and when she hands over the microphone for Steve to say a few words, Steve’s eyes never leave Eddie’s. It isn’t until a few of his students get up to speak that Steve finally looks toward the speaker, his shy smile turning into one of pride. Eddie knows he could care less about the words themselves (it’ll be later tonight that Steve will have a crisis and finally let the kind words sink in, where he’ll cower into Eddie’s body and panic over how much these kids trust him), but rather seeing how brave his kids are for speaking to a crowd this big and doing it so well. 

The award is the last part of the meeting, so after another round of applause, everyone is dismissed. Eddie jumps up to meet Steve at the bottom of the stage. 

“You didn’t have to come,” Steve says as he jumps down. 

“I wanted to,” Eddie says. “I’m proud of you,” he adds as he bumps their shoulders together. 

“I’m just doing my job–”

“Stop,” Eddie says kindly, “you deserve this.” He grabs Steve’s hand and gently tugs him toward the exit. “C’mon, I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate.”

“What about my car?” 

“I’ll drive you to work tomorrow.”

Steve’s blush is even stronger up close, but he doesn’t fight Eddie. And it’s an absolute privilege to watch as Steve gets all shy again when Eddie presents him with flowers once they’re at the van, stammering his thanks as Eddie kisses his cheek swiftly. 

--

Ao3 Link

Thank you @lady-lostmind 💜

[theghostavocadoe]

Genesis Rhapsodos ADHD headcanons

From someone who's diagnosed with ADHD

His vocal stims usually range from humming to narrating/singing out what he's actively doing in that moment. Or mimicking the sounds of things. There's been multiple occasions where he goes "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" while the microwave is running

Constantly under the "I want to look good but all my fancy clothes are itchy" curse, resulting in him dressing up fancy for approximately 45 minutes before he has to take it all off

White noise. CONSTANT white noise. especially when he's trying to sleep. His desk fan and his air conditioner are his best friends. Same with his Bluetooth speaker. When he finally gets the motivation to clean/cook, it's David Bowie and Abba all the way babieeee

His executive dysfunction is so bad that sometimes he has to go to Angeal and Sephiroth and be like. "I need you to yell at me to do this thing." And they both immediately threaten him with tearing his book in half which motivates him to do the Thing

Must go through the embarrassment of ordering off the kids menu in restaurants because everything else would physically make him gag from food avoidance

If someone tells him to do something as he's actively doing it, the rest of his day is immediately ruined.

Gets two copies of every book; one to keep clean and pristine, one to annotate and take on missions.

His physical stims include but are not limited to; swaying back and forth on his feet, flicking his earring, picking his fingernails (he wears gloves to combat this), and the infamous bouncy leg.

When he gets overstimulated, he becomes easily irritable. He often has to come back and apologize to people for blowing up on them because he didn't actually mean it, he was just too stressed out to think before he spoke.

Angeal and Sephiroth are his saviors when it comes to getting out of overstimulating parties that he never wanted to attend in the first place. Angeal is the one that comes up with an excuse and Sephiroth is the one to escort Genesis out the door with a radiating aura of malice that keeps everyone 10 feet away.

he and Zack connect over having ADHD and they often trade tactics that help them, remind each other to finish their tasks, so on and so forth

[missingscript]

Some of my chaos theory/benrius headcanons ^_^

– Ben can play the guitar like REALLY well, electric and bass. Mostly playing some of his favourite songs (Ben has dad music taste, convince me otherwise. I bet £20 he has the Beatles, David Bowie, Queen, Foo fighters etc on his playlist.)

– Darius goes fishing once in a while, and can name out some species of fish. Some. Other times he'll just go; “okay, that one's blue.. and that one is blueish-green..” so whenever someone asks about a certain type of fish he goes; “Yes! That's the blue guy!” In a confident tone.

– due to Darius isolating himself, Ben visits frequently, bringing him food and constant gifts (flowers, chocolate etc)

– Darius just getting his driver's licence. Whilst Ben has been driving for years. And Ben constantly makes fun of him for being a “rookie” at driving, in a good way though.

– Darius got Ben that T-rex smeller that Ben has on his rear view mirror.

– Ben has road rage. He hates slow drivers, and he gets mad when he can't parallel park properly. Constantly screaming when something bad happens on the road. He hates traffic too.

– Ben Definitely goes to the gym!! Darius sometimes joins him, but Ben goes on a routine. Big Ben indeed.

– Darius tries his best not to swear, like at all. but sometimes it slips out when he stubs his toe or drops something, he'll let out a loud “FUCK!”. Ben on the other hand has absolutely no issues swearing (especially when it comes to driving.)

– Ben still has that headband from Nublar – he sometimes wears it out, and the same with the fanny pack.

– Uncharacteristic of Darius, but he has tried alcohol at least once 😭

– Ben being one of the shortest during Nublar – to being one of the tallest. And be brags about it constantly.

– Darius not keeping in contact with the rest of campfam due to isolation, so the group goes to him instead, keeping him company and comfort and even staying over sometimes, Brooklynn is the one who stays over the most. (They are the duo ever convince me differently)

[vallettamango]

Will Solace Headcanons

Swiftie to heart

Also loves Conan Gray (so does Nico) he relates to his music in many ways, especially growing up queer in Texas

Sun chips and Doritos guy  

Apollo cabin listens to 80s music (lots of love songs) at the courtesy of the wonderful taste of their older siblings Will and Kayla 

Apollo cabin is filled with music posters (wills personal favorites are the ziggy stardust David Bowie poster and the ABBA one above his bunk)

Sings in the shower, literally you could walk by the communal showers on Apollo cabins shower day and you’ll definitely hear all them harmonizing to baby by Justin beiber

Golden retriever boy <3 !! 

Loves colorful band aids 

Favorite camp snack is red jello 

Can play simple songs on guitar 

His favorite songs to play is stick season and hey there Delilah at campfires

Wears lots of friendship bracelets (has matching sun and star ones w Nico and a rainbow one 🏳️‍🌈 :)

Kids love him

Wears 2 small thin silver or gold hoops earrings 

Writes letters to his mom from camp (and to friends on quests) when he’s not busy in the infirmary

Has a stick and poke of a sun on the back of his shoulder he did with his siblings on the last night of camp (Apollo cabin>>) obviously w a safely sterilized needle

Really wants a nose piercing he’s hoping to get one next time he visits home 

Only wears flip flops or Birkenstocks at camp in the summer 

Had a cowboy boot phase when he was 7 (hes our fav southern boy ok.)

Loves having minty fresh breath (from tic tacs)

Has a small collection of different scented hand sanitizers he rotates in the infirmary (like the ones from bath and body works)

Lovessss Peach cobbler (same) and coleslaw especially from his hometown 

Caffeine addict

Loves tangled and treasure adventure movies (like Goonies)

Current fav books are Hearstopper and the song of Achilles 

Elvis music makes him nostalgic because his mom would play it all the time back in Texas (he listens to it when he’s sad)

Chaotic bisexual 

He realized he was bi after a boy kissed him during recess in grade 5

Had a crush on his lifeguarding coach when he was in grade 8

He only ever really ever came out to his mom (who was supportive) other than that people usually assume he’s straight or just gay if he’s with Nico

He never officially came out to his siblings they kind of know or figured it out but Will never feels awkward talking about his sexuality 

Makes playlist for every occasion and people (a Nico playlist obviously, cleaning the cabin w his siblings playlist, working in the infirm etc)

Occasionally enjoys painting (specifically nature landscapes)

He loves picnic/lunch dates w Nico and baking short bread cookies for their dessert 

He and Nicos fav holiday is Halloween they love dressing up in matching costumes (last year they dressed as Nick and Charlie from Hearstopper!)

He obviously has very warm hands

When Will can’t sleep on hot summer nights Nico puts his cold hands up his shirt 

He took Nico to an Arctic Monkeys concert for his birthday 

Apollo is the biggest Solangelo shipper. he even recited a poem about them to them (which embarrassed Will so much) “omg dad please stop!”

He and Nico bicker like an old married couple

He has freckles all across his back and shoulders

A morning person (obviously) he (and his siblings) get up early to clean the cabin and then he goes on a walk around camp during sunrise. If he has extra time he preps the infirm 

Lock Screen would be a photo of the camp strawberry field on a sunny day or everyone at camp fire 

[frenchfrey69]

☆Eat you Alive! ☆

☆ Warnings: NSFW, oral (F receiving) a lot of oral. rough sex.

☆ Word count: 819

☆ citrus scale: Lemon 🍋

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

You had just come home from a particularly hard day at work. You were tired and stressed. At least you had seeing your husband, Gerard, to look forward to.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

You get home to find the home seemingly empty, however you knew that Gerard was likely in his office working. You walk upstairs and knock on his office door before walking in. The music of David Bowie is playing on his record player you had gotten him for Christmas a few years ago. Despite the almost entire left wall being shelves full of records, as well as his favorite comics and art books, he still always chooses the same Bowie album. There’s light coming in from the window right above his desk he’s sitting in front of. He’s drawing on his tablet, presumably for his comic. He turns around and looks at you with a smile.

“Hey baby, how was your day?”

He looked up at you with the sweetest smile. You sigh softly looking at your beautiful husband.

“Not great…”

“Oh baby. I’m sorry. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No, not really.”

“Do you want me to help get rid of some of the stress?”

You think for a few moments before nodding.

“Yeah that sounds nice.”

“Okay baby…let me finish this and then I’ll meet you in bed. Okay?”

You nod softly before placing a gentle kiss on his lips before heading to the bedroom which was just a room over. You start with taking off your clothes leaving you in your panties and bra, leaving the pleasure of taking them off to Gerard. You lay down on the bed on your back. Waiting for Gerard to come take care of you. After a few minutes he comes into the room, smiling softly at you as he admires you all ready and pretty for him. He sighs softly.

“Fuck I love you baby. You ready for me sweetheart?”

You nod softly and he climbs back on bed.

“Y/n, you sure you’re alright? You look super tired. We don’t have to keep going if you’re too tired. I’d love to just cuddle up with you if you wanna vent.”

“No it’s okay baby I promise I’ll feel better after. I need you.”

“Alright but if you ever wanna stop I’m okay with that sweetheart”

“Okay okay, I love you but please save the sweetness and just eat me out.”

“Alright baby.”

He gives you a soft kiss on the lips before going down to your hips. He goes down and kisses your thigh and then kissing right on your clit. He gently bites down on your panties and pulls them off softly. He gets them past your ankles and throws them on the floor. He gives your clit a few more kisses knowing he’s about to go down on the most gorgeous pussy he’s ever had the honor of laying eyes on. He looked at your beautiful pussy the way it was glistening almost from your wetness. He gently licked a stripe up your pussy making sure to give a little extra love to your hole. He roughly sucks on your clit making your hips buck up towards his mouth. He holds your hips down so he can go to town on you. You have your fingers tangled in his soft brown hair pulling him close to you and desperately trying to grind on his face. You feel those familiar sparks in your stomach as he starts lapping you up rougher and slipping his fingers into you as deep as they would go, hitting you g spot over and over. Gerard knew you very well, he knew all the spots that make you scream for him. You’ve been reduced to a puddle basically, the pleasure getting to be too much as he was starting to finish you off. Your back arches as your moans get louder and more frequent.

“Fuck! Gerard please I’m almost there please Gerard oh fuck!!”

You whine out desperately as he continues sucking your clit before pulling away for a moment.

“Cmon baby! You’re so pretty for me. I’m gonna make you cum so hard baby. Fuck I love you and your pussy so so much.”

A few more seconds of lapping you up and you’re coming undone for him. Cumming hard leaving your legs trembling as Gerard licked up all your cum as if it was an elixir of life or something. He finishes eating you out and pulled away from your now very sensitive pussy. He crawled up next to you to hold you gently.

“You feel better sweetheart?”

You nod as you slowly start to catch your breath.

“I’m gonna start you a bath real quick okay?”

“Thanks Gerard. I love you.”

“I love you too y/n.”

He gives you a kiss in the forehead and then one on the lips before going to make you a bath.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

[thegayhimbo]

Stranger Things (2x08): “The Mind Flayer” Review

If you haven't yet, be sure to check out my other reviews:

Stranger Things Episode Reviews:

Season 1:

The Vanishing of Will Byers

The Weirdo on Maple Street

Holly Jolly

The Body

The Flea and the Acrobat

The Monster

The Bathtub

The Upside Down

Season 2:

MADMAX

Trick or Treat, Freak

The Pollywog

Will the Wise

Dig Dug

The Spy

The Lost Sister

Stranger Things Play:

Stranger Things The First Shadow

I’m in two minds about “The Mind Flayer” (no pun intended).

On the one hand, this is one of the best episodes the show has ever done, and I’m not surprised it became a fan-favorite. It’s well-paced, it’s thrilling with the occasional scares, it has both heartfelt and sad moments, and it raises the stakes for the characters and the show in a huge way. I wouldn’t say this is my favorite episode, but it is in the Top 5. Just like with “The Spy,” I could rewatch “The Mind Flayer” and never grow bored with it.

On the other hand, "The Mind Flayer" contains certain aspects and trends that may have worked well for this specific episode, but became problematic when the Duffer Brothers reused them in later seasons.

TV Tropes has a term for this: Franchise Original Sin. It’s the idea that an element from an earlier work, which audiences accepted at the time (and may have been groundbreaking when first introduced) becomes rehashed later in a way that gets grating, either because it makes the writers look like they’ve run out of original ideas, or because the story and characters aren’t written in a way that justifies revisiting that element and incorporating it into the plot.

I want to be clear that this doesn’t apply to all aspects that are reused in a story. Sometimes, it’s a case-by-case basis on how people are going to judge those elements regarding whether they’re good or have overstayed their welcome, and it always differs between individuals. Some people may not have a problem with elements or plot-points being reused again, either because they really liked them, or because they thought they were used better this time around. There’s also the fact that many stories or franchises adhere to a certain formula in their structure. James Bond, for instance, has always reused the same formula when it comes to its stories: A nefarious plot that threatens chaos in the world, Bond being called in to deal with the situation, exotic locations, car chases, fancy new gadgets, beautiful women that fall for Bond’s charm instantly, a diabolical and bombastic villain, and Bond spouting witty one-liners. Sounds repetitive on the surface, but the fact there are at least 27 movies in the series and Bond remains an iconic figure in popular culture indicates people like this formula and don’t have an issue with it being reused. It also helps that later Bond movies have tried to adapt with the changing times by either tackling current social issues, or molding Bond’s characteristics to make him more palatable to audiences while doing away with Ian Fleming’s outdated views.

Stranger Things has its own formula: It deals with a group of outcasts and unsung heroes who are forced to fight otherworldly monsters while also contending with government interference and real-world problems like bullies, ostracization, relationships, and so on. That was at the core of season 1, and it has continued well into the later seasons. I don’t say this in a bad way, or to be derogatory. People like this show and its story. Hell, I like it. There is something sadly relatable about being constantly put down by others to the point you question your self-esteem, but also being given the opportunity to demonstrate altruism, be there for someone else, and hold off the darkness and evil in the world for a while. “We can be heroes just for one day” as the original David Bowie song goes. Stranger Things speaks to fundamental truths about humanity and the world while doing it under the cover of a science-fiction horror story. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that.

However, just because I like the show and its formula doesn’t mean I’m above criticizing aspects that I either believe didn’t work, or were rehashed in later seasons in a lackluster way. Some of those aspects were present here in this episode, but were kept under wraps for the most part. They didn’t overshadow the story or the characters, and (with one notable exception I’ll discuss later in the review) worked in the context of the scenes they were presented in. This review will take note of those aspects (or "original sins" if we're going by the definition provided) while still analyzing this episode and its positive traits. There's a lot to talk about.

Fair Warning: This will contain MAJOR SPOILERS for The First Shadow.

Part 1: The Massacre at Hawkins Lab 2.0 (Featuring Superhero Bob Newby)

I remember when they dropped the title names for each of the season 4 episodes prior to that season airing. When I saw “The Massacre at Hawkins Lab” on there, I was taken off-guard at the time because I thought it was referring to THIS massacre. I even went back and rewatched this episode again before season 4 dropped because I was under the impression there was something here I had missed that was going to be important in the upcoming season.

Turns out that season 4 episode title was referring to a different massacre at the Lab that took place in-universe 5 years before this one did. In hindsight, this episode should have been called “The Massacre at Hawkins Lab 2.0” but I guess that would have been a major spoiler on its own.

There’s an argument to be had that, regardless of whether Nancy, Jonathan, and Murray exposed Hawkins Lab to the public and got them shut down, the Government would have either eventually closed Hawkins Lab permanently due to the high amount of casualties stemming from that place, or there would be no one in the Government who'd willingly work there once they heard the horror stories. That Lab is cursed.  

Either way, this was gruesome. The demodogs invoked both the brutality of the zombie dogs from the Resident Evil games and the grotesque, twisted appearances of the dogs from the Silent Hill games. Specifically, the Double Head monsters from Silent Hill 3:

Creature Designer for the game Masahiro Ito talked about how, symbolically, the Double Heads in the game are meant to reference the watchdogs of Hell, specifically Cerberus from Greek Mythology, who was the multi-headed dog of Hades who guarded the gates of the underworld. While the demodogs aren’t multi-headed like Cerberus or the Double Heads from Silent Hill 3, they do share similar symbolic characteristics of guarding the main Gate from Hawkins Lab that leads into the Upside Down (which is depicted as a Hellish environment), and the beginning of this episode even has them ascending from a dark Hell-like red pit:

This isn’t the first time Stranger Things has invoked Hellish imagery and symbolism with its monsters. In my review of “The Upside Down,” I not only talked about the Demogorgon, but also where its name derived from, and how even early Christian-themed works like Paradise Lost and Doctor Faustus reference the Demogorgon, usually as a demon or a “being of chaos” or even “The Prince of Darkness.” We will see this exploration of Christian themes again with Vecna in season 4, whose character and story invokes a very Satanic Archetype and parallels Lucifer’s fall from Heaven to becoming the ruler of Hell seeking revenge against God. I remember the pamphlet I got from seeing The First Shadow made comparisons between demodogs and werewolves (as well as demobats and vampires) and how the Duffer Brothers were putting their own spin on traditional Gothic monsters by doing so. While I believe that’s true to some extent, I also believe the Duffer Brothers (whether intentional or not) are invoking other mythos like Greek and Christian Mythology when they craft their story and with how they film certain scenes. The purpose isn’t just about paying homage, but conveying relatable themes.

In the case of Hawkins Lab and the Upside Down, the theme invoked here is hubris. Hubris from both the personnel at Hawkins Lab and Vecna/The Mind Flayer themselves. We’ll discuss The Mind Flayer a little bit later, but for now, let’s focus on Hawkins Lab:

That hubris began all those decades ago with Dr. Brenner in The First Shadow. First, after finding out about Henry Creel and his abilities, he tried to weaponize him (to the point Brenner bears just as much responsibility for corrupting Henry/One/Vecna as the Mind Flayer does) and create other special kids from him that he could control and manipulate. This ended in disaster when Vecna eventually broke free of his control and slaughtered the other kids before being banished to the Upside Down by El. Brenner then pressured El to locate Henry/One/Vecna while also having her make contact in the Void with a being from another dimension that they could possibly use if they ever got their hands on it……only for that to also backfire horrifically when the trauma of that encounter caused El’s powers to go haywire and open a Gate between worlds. Even after this, when the bodies were beginning to pile up, Brenner still sent a man into the Upside Down in “The Body” in the name of scientific pursuit, only for that man to die graphically and needlessly. Brenner kept pushing and playing with a power he didn’t know about, or even respect for that matter, and it led to unnecessary death and destruction as a result.

Sadly, that hubris appears to have carried over to the next group of scientists and government personnel at Hawkins Lab despite Brenner and his cronies no longer being there. Aside from Dr. Owens, who realized this problem was bigger than he anticipated, everyone else at the Lab seemed content with continuing to employ the same hacking and burning methods towards the rot spreading from the Gate, even when all the signs were showing that this was NOT WORKING. Will being possessed doesn’t deter them either, and only demonstrates just how callous they are about whether this costs Will his life. Hell, there isn’t even an attempt by anyone at the Lab (aside from The Party and maybe Dr. Owens) to understand The Mind Flayer as a sapient, intelligent being who’s more calculating than they anticipated. Will’s warnings (“They shouldn’t have done that. It upset him.”) go unheeded, as do Mike’s warnings when he realizes what the Mind Flayer made Will do, because these people think they know better. The show never makes it clear if the Mind Flayer tolerated the burns at the Gate for the past year as it put its plans into motion, or if it disconnected itself from that part of the Gate they were burning so it wouldn’t feel pain as it started expanding underground. What is clear though is that once they discovered the Mind Flayer's tunnels and tried to burn them, all bets were off.

And in the end, it costs the personnel at Hawkins Lab heavily. Pride cometh before the fall.

This leads into one of the books/movies that this episode pays homage to several times (and was even cited in Worlds Turned Upside Down as an inspiration): Jurassic Park.

Most people have either read this book or seen the movie (or at least know what the general premise is), so I’m not going to do a summary of its story. However, in addition to sharing similar scenes (carnivorous dinosaurs slaughtering the Park’s personnel vs the demodogs massacring the employees and soldiers at the Lab), the book/movie invokes the same theme of controlling nature being an illusion and life eventually finding a way. In Jurassic Park, there were attempts to put controls over the dinosaurs they were breeding, from the electric fences, to genetically engineering all the dinosaurs to be female so they couldn’t reproduce, to the Lysine Contingency where the dinosaurs were unable to produce lysine of their own and had to depend on the Park’s human staff to provide it for them, or else risk dying. However, each of these controls eventually failed due to outside influences: The electric fences were shut down by Dennis Nerdy under cover from a hurricane so he could steal valuable embryos for his employer’s competitor (and even without Dennis’s interference, there was always the risk of a power outage that would enable the dinosaurs to break free from their contained environments). The attempts at preventing breeding failed because the frog DNA used by the scientists to complete the genetic code used to form the dinosaurs enabled the dinosaurs to change their sexes and produce offspring. Even the Lysine Contingency was eventually doomed for failure since herbivore dinosaurs could find lysine rich plants to eat from, and carnivores could get their lysine from the herbivores they ate. Ellie Sattler spells it out for John Hammond in the movie: “You never had control. That’s the illusion.”

That same theme about the illusion of control unfortunately played into how Hawkins Lab dealt with the Upside Down. A big difference though is that Hawkins Lab was more interested in putting on the appearance of being in control (even as the situation was spiraling, people were disappearing, and dead bodies were piling up around them) at the expense of truly making an effort to understand what they were dealing with. And because of their callousness towards individuals who became collateral damage (or even people like Will who were in danger of becoming that) it makes the personnel at Hawkins Lab look deeply unsympathetic. As a result, it's hard to care for them when the demodogs slaughter them. At least Owens recognized his mistake and tried to make amends as best he could (i.e. by staying behind to make sure the main characters got out alive), but it’s way too late for everyone else.

Regarding Dr. Owens, it was nice seeing Paul Reiser play a character opposite of the one he played in Aliens. Unlike Carter Burke, who didn’t so much as blink at the idea of trapping Ripley and Newt with the facehuggers so they could be impregnated with embryos, and later abandoned the rest of the soldiers to the Xenomorphs to save his own skin, Owens demonstrated his noble side in this episode, and it went a long way towards making me like him. He knew he could possibly die if he stayed behind, but he also recognized that, overseeing the Lab, it was his responsibility to save as many people as he could. I don’t believe he had the same hubris as his colleagues, but he did underestimate the Mind Flayer, and it cost lives in the process. People dying under any authority figure's jurisdiction would be enough to way that individual down with guilt (assuming they weren't a sociopath). So Dr. Owens does the only thing he can at this point: Ensure the others make it out alive. Too bad it wasn’t enough to save Bob.

Speaking of Bob, his arc in this episode is a nod to the scene in Jurassic Park when Ellie Sattler’s character goes to the maintenance shed to turn back on the power for the Park after they’re forced to manually reboot the park’s systems to clear out Dennis Nerdy’s sabotage. In both Bob and Ellie’s case, it involves physically resetting the breakers in an isolated area to restore power while avoiding the monsters lurking about. For Bob though, he’s the only one who can reboot the computer system and manually input the codes to unlock the doors (something Hopper and the others don’t know how to do). Bob’s the tech wiz (and the found for the AV Club at Hawkins Middle School) and it’s fitting he’d get the chance to let his skills shine.

I mentioned in my review of “The Pollywog” that Bob was originally supposed to die earlier in season 2 (around episode 4 according to Beyond Stranger Things) with a possessed Will being the one to kill him. While this was likely inspired by the scene from The Exorcist when a possessed Regan MacNeil murders Burke Dennings (who was close with Regan’s mother, Chris), I’m glad they changed the circumstances behind Bob’s death, and instead paid homage to Jurassic Park. Not only did Will not need the extra trauma (as well as the question of whether the Duffer Brothers would have bothered to explore Will’s guilt over Bob’s death in later seasons), but it gives Bob a more heroic role rather than just turning him into a hapless victim.

This brings me to one of the “original sins” I’ve seen fans complain about: The way side characters like Bob are introduced, endear themselves to the audience, and then are killed off in the very same season. Some people might argue this began in season 1 with Benny and Barbara, but their deaths occurred very early in the show, and their roles (while important) were minimal. Benny was literally murdered in the very first episode he was introduced in to establish just how ruthless Brenner and his cronies were, and Barbara was originally slated to die in the Montauk script before her role was slightly expanded in the final product and she got two extra episodes (one of which was just her being killed off by the Demogorgon in the opening of "Holly Jolly"). While it did add a little more for Barbara’s character, it was barely enough time to truly get to know her. I don’t think the Duffer Brothers expected the amount of backlash from fans to killing off Barbara when it happened. To be honest, I was surprised as well by the backlash. This is a science-fiction horror show, and it’s expected that characters were going to die. I get growing attached to certain characters and hoping they make it out alive, but I also knew what genre I signed up for when I watched this show. Barbara’s death was sad, but I wasn’t shocked by it either.

With Bob’s death, the circumstances were a little different. For one thing, they cast a well-known actor (Sean Astin) for this role, which implied from the beginning that he was going to have a bigger part in the story. For another, he wasn’t killed off early like Benny or Barbara (even if that was the original plan for Bob before they changed it) and we were given more time to know him better as a person. His romance with Joyce was gradually developed in a way that not only was believable, but also heartwarming and lend credence to the idea that this relationship was going somewhere. He didn't just come off like a one-and-done fling. Furthermore, there was backstory developed for his character and how he knew Joyce that indicated there would be more explored in detail later on (something that did come to fruition with The First Shadow years afterwards). So his death was legitimately a gut-punch. You could argue there was foreshadowing for what was about to happen to him (i.e. Bob leaving his gun behind after restoring the power), but they also balanced it out by having scenes of Dr. Owens directing Bob out of danger to convey the idea he was capable of surviving this. His death didn’t feel inevitable so much as a stroke of bad luck. This comes in contrast with characters like Alexei, Chrissy, and Eddie in later seasons where their deaths were framed as a foregone conclusion given their circumstances.  Don’t get me wrong: They were sad (Eddie’s death especially was the hardest to stomach), but the show not-so-subtlety telegraphed their stories were not going to end happily. At least with Bob, they left it up in the air and implied his fate could go either way, which is why it was devastating when the worst outcome occurred.

For what it’s worth: The show has played it fair with side characters regarding whether they'll survive or not, which is why I don’t see this as an “original sin” like some fans do. Dr. Owens, Scott Clarke, Kali, Argyle, and Dmitri/Enzo are all examples of side characters who could have been killed off, but weren’t. Hell, Steve himself was originally supposed to die in season 1 (when he was just a recurring character) and there was nothing stopping the Duffer Brothers from doing so back then, even with Steve coming to the aid of Nancy and Jonathan against the Demogorgon. I’m personally glad they didn’t kill Steve, and for all the complaining I’ve seen about the Duffer Brothers being reluctant to off characters, I know that fans would be angry if they went through with it, particularly if they killed off characters those fans either liked or stanned for.

Anyways, Bob’s death was shown to have an impact on both the story and characters. Combined with Hopper's supposed death in season 3, what happened to Bob is the main reason Joyce ends up leaving Hawkins for Lenora (as opposed to moving to Maine like Bob suggested). Will lost another potential father-figure, and the comic Tomb of Ybwen (which I highly recommend reading) details his grief and how he comes to terms with Bob’s death.

Even The First Shadow not only elevates Bob’s importance to the story, but also makes his death a lot harsher in hindsight: Bob and Patty Newby were adopted siblings who cared for one another (even with their contentious relationship with their father, Principal Newby). Bob was devastated by Patty’s disappearance towards the end of the play (due to the events that transpired) to the point he was forlornly playing songs on his radio show in her memory. On top of that, for as monstrous as Henry/One/Vecna became, the play was VERY CLEAR that one of his few redeeming qualities was his love for Patty. It wasn’t just that they were friends, but also childhood crushes, and that they brought out the best in one another. Henry’s love for Patty is a big reason he was able to temporarily hold off the Mind Flayer’s influence over him (and even saved Patty’s adoptive father, Principal Newby, in the process). So the fact that demodogs under the control of Vecna/The Mind Flayer were responsible for killing Bob, despite Vecna knowing that Bob was someone Patty cared for deeply, makes Vecna’s actions look even more heinous.

This is a big reason I’m hoping Patty comes back for season 5. It isn’t just about Patty confronting how her childhood friend/crush has become a monster, but also how Henry/One/Vecna was complicit in the death of her adopted brother. There’s a serious reckoning that needs to happen here. Not just in regards to Patty getting closure in the story, but also answering the question of whether Henry/One/Vecna is truly capable of remorse at this point considering he’s hurt the one person he loved and cared about. I would like to see a confrontation between Patty and Vecna over everything that’s occurred since 1959, and to answer the question of whether Vecna’s capable of throwing off the Mind Flayer’s influence one last time, or if he’s descended so far into evil that there’s no way for him to come back.

Part 2: The Reckoning

“The Mind Flayer” reminds me a lot about Season 1’s “The Bathtub” where the first part of the episode is action-packed, and the second is quieter and more introspective. Like the calm before the storm. It isn’t just about the characters piecing together what they need to do to defeat the threat they’re facing, but also doing some introspection while getting brief moments to be there for one another.

Dustin is at a low point emotionally in this episode. Not just from realizing that Max’s heart belongs to Lucas, but also from what he perceives to be D’Art turning against him.

The poor kid’s got nothing to look forward to right now. I don’t think it was right for Dustin to have withheld information about keeping D’Art (or that D’Art ate his cat, Mews), and I get why Lucas was angry with him for doing so (though in fairness to Dustin, he had no clue there were other demodogs on the prowl), but I still feel bad for Dustin. There’s always been that insecurity that he’s the outsider of the Party (something he hints at in his conversation with Mike during season 1 about how he didn’t become friends with them until 4th grade) and now that he’s lost both D’Art and his chance to win over Max, he’s left wondering if there’s something fundamentally unlovable about himself. It looks bleak for him now, but we know that his kindness towards D’Art will pay off in a way, that he will eventually find love with Suzie, and he’ll still maintain his friendship with both Max and Lucas while harboring no bitter feelings for how things turned out. Still, that feeling of self-doubt is not fun to have.

I know they discussed on Beyond Stranger Things whether the right call was made about Lucas ending up with Max, and I believe it was. Aside from how Lucas was able to listen to Max in a way Dustin wasn’t (and was willing to lay out the whole truth for Max about what the Party was involved in), Dustin’s scientific interest in D’Art took more precedence over his romantic interest in Max. They worked as friends, but not as a couple. Dustin needed someone who could share the same scientific and nerdy interests as he did. Lucas and Max were more risk-takers in how they approached situations, and that aspect was appealing to one another. Lucas allowed Max to open up on her own, and Max pushed Lucas to be better and improve. They also had a very protective instinct in regards to one another. Max shielded Lucas from Billy for as long as she could, and Lucas willingly goes to bat for her, including in this scene here:

Same goes for Nancy and Jonathan. Nancy allowed Jonathan to open up and be vulnerable in a way he wasn’t able to around other people, and Jonathan pushed Nancy to trust her gut instincts and take more risks, whether it was following up on what happened to Barbara, or plotting out the Demogorgon’s demise, or taking down the Lab. She also is the person Jonathan emotionally needed in this moment to be able to deal with what was happening to Will.

There is something to be said about women finding a guy attractive because he demonstrates a selfless side in looking out for others (and NOT because he uses that to get dates or brownie points). I’m thinking of Friday Night Lights, and how a big reason Julie Taylor was attracted to Matt Saracen despite his socially awkward personality is because of the care he showed for his grandmother who was suffering from dementia. Julie and Matt’s relationship on that show parallels Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship in several ways, including this moment here where he’s looking after Will as Will’s memory is eroding (the Mind Flayer’s influence could even be seen as a metaphor for dementia, depending on how you look at it). That sensitive side to Jonathan is a big reason Nancy reached out to him in season 1 when Will disappeared and Jonathan was putting up “Missing Posters.” She wanted to reassure him in that moment when he was worried for Will's safety.

This isn’t just exclusive to Jonathan though. Nancy also recognizes that trait in Steve during this episode with how he watched over Max, Lucas, and Dustin at the junkyard. She knows he wasn’t doing that to impress her (she would have seen through that immediately if that was the case), which makes it a lot more valuable and demonstrates a side to Steve that she wishes she had been privy to earlier:

Both Steve and Dustin are sadly in the same boat of recognizing that the girl they were interested in has moved on to another guy, and coming to accept that. It’s a bitter pill for them to swallow, but they’re also not going to hold it against anyone, especially given the severity of their situation in the current moment.

Then we have Mike. When we were rewatching this episode, my Dad mentioned how he preferred the maturity Mike demonstrated in the first two seasons of the show as opposed to what they did with his character in later seasons, and it’s an observation I somewhat agree with (but not completely). This is another “original sin” I've seen fans complain about: How they degraded Mike’s character in seasons 3 and 4 where he comes of as oblivious to other people’s feelings at best, and dickishly insensitive at worst. I know Mike got flak for this when season 2 first premiered, and I have talked about that in past reviews, but his behavior in this season at least had an understandable context that gave him some sympathy. He’s suffering from depression and still in mourning over El. He even bitterly notes to Max in this episode that he’s come to the belief that El is gone and the Mind Flayer is responsible for that (at least until he sees El at the end of this episode). It isn’t just him being a brat for the sake of it. Furthermore, the show managed to balance his negative aspects out through his interactions with Will this season, being a pillar of stability for Will as he was dealing with the Mind Flayer’s influence while also giving comfort to Will in a way that wasn’t patronizing. It’s telling that even though Mike still insists Max isn't a member of the Party, Max doesn't hold it against him in this moment. She knows that Mike didn’t just lose El and Bob to the Mind Flayer, but is about to potentially lose Will as well. Mentally, he is NOT in a good place right now.

That carries over to the intervention with Will (as I call it) when he tearfully talks about the circumstances regarding how they became friends in kindergarten and why Will is so important to him:

For me, there’s never been any doubt about whether Mike would accept Will being homosexual. He would. Unquestionably. Assuming he doesn’t already know about that (which my sister has proposed the theory that Mike is well aware of Will’s sexual orientation, but is keeping quiet about it out of respect for him), the question is if Mike is aware of Will’s feelings for him and whether Mike feels the same way. Despite how oblivious Mike gets portrayed as in season 4, I think he might suspect Will is attracted to him, and is still trying to figure out how to process that. The show has put such a huge emphasis on Mike and El’s relationship that there hasn’t been a lot of indicators about whether Mike is attracted to guys the same way as girls. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen, or that the Duffer Brothers couldn’t come out at some point and claim Mike is bisexual, but a lot depends on how season 5 plays it. I’m all for a Byler relationship, but speaking as a gay man, I recognize they could go another direction that sadly is a common experience for gay men in real-life: That the person they’re attracted to doesn’t feel the same way. Mike absolutely sees Will as his best friend, but whether he’s attracted to Will the same way Will is to him is up in the air. I’m approaching this with reserved caution and not setting expectations yet.

One thing I do think will come into play in season 5 is the building of Castle Byers that Jonathan refers to in this episode:

Some of the BTS photos for season 5 have put an emphasis on Castle Byers (even if it’s in the Upside Down), indicating that it will be important as a location in the last season. Not just where Will hid when the Demogorgon was hunting him in season 1, but also the significance of Will and Jonathan building it together. I wonder if Will being the architect for Castle Byers is meant as foreshadowing to the idea that Will played a role in shaping the Upside Down as the dark, twisted version of Hawkins and the rest of the world on the night he disappeared. I’m still curious about that stuffed lion in Castle Byers that was also present in El’s room at Hawkins Lab in season 1's "The Flea and the Acrobat."

There was even the revelation that there would be a flashback in season 5 dealing with a younger Will, Mike, and Jonathan:

I can’t speak for what the flashback will be about, but the title of “Sorcerer” caught my eye. Will is described by Mike as being a “Cleric” in D&D, which is “a priestly champion who wields divine magic in service of a higher power” and “intermediaries between the mortal world and the distant plane of the Gods.” (Mearls, Mike. and Jeremy Crawford. Dungeons & Dragons Player's Handbook. Wizards of the Coast, 2014.). Their magic comes from the deities they worship. This is in contrast with a Sorcerer who’s described as having “a magical birthright conferred upon them by an exotic bloodline, some otherworldly influence, or exposure to cosmic forces.” (Mearls, Mike. and Jeremy Crawford. Dungeons & Dragons Player's Handbook. Wizards of the Coast, 2014.). The power chooses them.

By that definition, Vecna likely embodies the Sorcerer as he’s the one who got his powers via exposure to the Upside Down and the Mind Flayer, as revealed in The First Shadow. Clerics deal in wisdom whereas Sorcerers deal in charisma. Will the Wise vs the charisma Henry/One/Vecna used to get El to trust him all those years ago at the Lab. The use of knowledge that Will demonstrates (which we see in this episode when he communicates via Morse Code to tell the others how to defeat the Mind Flayer) vs the raw power Vecna forcibly exerts in the hopes that it will get him results (only to face set-backs in his plans when that proves not to be enough). In Will’s case, speaking from the “Cleric” perspective, while I still lean towards the theory that he has powers via his exposure to the Mind Flayer and the Upside Down that are dormant for right now, I don’t see the Mind Flayer as his “Deity” anymore than El does. His power (if he's revealed to have any beyond his connection to the Mind Flayer) would have to come from a place of Love, which could be what the flashback is about. Maybe Mike, Will, and Jonathan had an experience in the planned flashback taking place in season 5 that Will draws on as a source of strength to help combat Vecna and the Mind Flayer. Maybe it’s possible all 3 of them unknowingly encountered Vecna and the Upside Down at some point in the past without realizing it (the ages of Will, Mike, and Jonathan would put the flashback somewhere between 1979 and 1980, which is when Vecna resided in the Upside Down), and the flashback will be centered on seeing the repercussions of that encounter in the present, or even drawing knowledge from that experience to defeat Vecna. Maybe that encounter happened at Castle Byers, or the flashback will have something to do with that location.

Then there’s Joyce’s attempt to reach out to Will by recounting the story of getting him crayons for his birthday when he turned 8 (which is also the age Will is going to be in the planned out flashback for season 5) and drawing his own “rainbow ship.” This also includes the separate memory of him giving the little girl who was upset in the sandbox his “tonka truck.” In addition to highlighting how unique and kind Will is as a character, it also emphasizes his creativity and the idea he can come up with original ideas. Assuming he had a role in causing the Upside Down to "freeze" on the night he was taken, he could be the one responsible for fixing that. Will’s creativity and kindness could be the antidote to Vecna and the Mind Flayer’s destruction and cruelty.

Going back to what I said earlier about Satanic Archetypes, Vecna has very Lucifer-like qualities despite not being an exact replica of a true Lucifer/Satan character: Originally presenting himself with angelic qualities (similar to how Henry/One/Vecna presents a friendly façade to El as the Orderly dressed in white who wants to help her), his true colors are revealed when he intends to seek glory for himself from God and subject everyone to his will (much like how Vecna reveals his true colors to El by massacring people at the Lab and expressing his desire to reshape the world as he sees fit). Both Lucifer and Vecna are “cast out” and end up in Hell (the Upside Down acting as a metaphor for Hell), and the result is both waging a campaign of revenge while expressing a desire to corrupt and destroy everything and everyone out of spite. While I wouldn’t put Will and El in the archetype of God and Jesus (since the idea behind them is they are perfect beings without sin whereas humans are not), they do both represent the idea of rejecting darkness and evil through love. That there is a choice.

This episode heavily conveys that the love Joyce, Jonathan, and Mike have for Will is what allows the Mind Flayer’s hold over Will to crack (if only temporarily). This won’t be the last time this happens either. We see this play out with D’Art’s affection for Dustin in the next episode. We will see it again in season 3 when Billy breaks free of the Mind Flayer’s control due to the love he had for his biological mother. We even see it in The First Shadow when Henry/One/Vecna is able to reject the Mind Flayer’s influence due to his love for Patty Newby. Love isn’t something that can be forced or controlled, which is why the Mind Flayer can’t handle it. It’s entire existence relies on subjugating others, and that’s slowly being chipped away.

On a final note before we move on to the next section, there are three smaller miscellaneous moments I want to briefly discuss:

The first was Lucas’s comment about “Judgment Day.” According to Beyond Stranger Things, that line was a nod to Winston’s line in Ghostbusters regarding the biblical Judgment Day. The context in that movie was New York City beginning to descend into chaos from all the supernatural activity preceding Gozer’s arrival.

The second moment involves Steve comparing the Mind Flayer to the Germans from WWII (resulting in Dustin correcting him by saying it was the Nazis). I haven’t found a source that corroborates this other than a claim on TV Tropes (so takes this with a grain of salt), but apparently, Charlie Heaton (Jonathan) was in fits of laughter at that line when they filmed it. If that’s true, I find that amusing.

The third involves El’s return at the end of the episode. Originally, Mike’s reunion with El was supposed to happen at the Snow Ball in the season finale, but they ended up changing it out of fear that the reunion would overshadow everything else going on. As a result, they moved it to the end of this episode instead. I personally think it works better here. Not only does it renew a sense of hope in Mike during a time when he desperately needed it (take a look at how Finn Wolfhard plays Mike’s reaction to realizing El is alive), but it also allows Mike more time to process his emotions, not just over El’s reappearance, but also his anger/feelings of betrayal at Hopper for keeping him in the dark and allowing him to think El was dead for nearly a year.

Part 3: The Mind Flayer and Vecna

Since we’ve officially come to the episode where the shadow monster gets its name, it’s time to talk about the Mind Flayer from D&D and its relation to the show.

The Mind Flayer in D&D was inspired by Lovecraftian lore, specifically The Great Old Ones. The appearance of a Mind Flayer in D&D specifically invokes the idea of Cthulhu with how it’s designed:

Pictures come from Art & Arcana: A Visual History. (Michael Witwer, Kyle Newman, Jon Peterson, and Sam Witwer, Art & Arcana: A Visual History (Wizards of the Coast, 2018)).

As you can see, their physical appearance is vastly different from that of the show’s. They have sickly purple skin, a face with tentacles, white eyes with no pupils, slimy skin, and are about the size of a human.

Dustin on the show describes the Mind Flayer as “A monster from an unknown dimension. It’s so ancient that it doesn’t even know its true home. It enslaves races of other dimensions by taking over their brains using its highly developed psionic powers. It believes it’s the master race. It views other races, like us, as inferior to itself. It wants to spread and take over other dimensions.” This is true to the versions of Mind Flayers that exist in D&D.

The Mind Flayer was introduced to D&D in Spring 1975, making its first appearance in The Strategic Review #1 (part of a magazine that was a precursor to the Dragon Magazine) where they were described as having “Mind Blast” ability. At best, this power could stun a player, and at worst, it could destroy their entire personality and turn them into the Mind Flayer’s thrall (i.e a slave). Their tentacles are also used to penetrate through the head to eat the brain. In the context of the show, this is what the Mind Flayer does to Will when it infects him with its black particles and it takes several days to erode his memories and personality (though Will still shows the ability in this episode to break through the Mind Flayer’s grip).

The Mind Flayer later appeared in Eldrich Wizardry in 1976 where its powers were expanded to include psionics (i.e. psychokinesis, telekinesis, clairvoyance, psychic illusions, etc) In other words, the very abilities special kids like El, Kali, and Vecna have. Even though The First Shadow dropped the bombshell that Vecna’s powers (and by extension, the powers of the special kids from the Lab) were connected to the Upside Down and the Mind Flayer, one could argue the Mind Flayer’s appearance in season 2 constitutes MAJOR FORESHADOWING for that reveal. I would not be surprised if that was an aspect the Duffer Brothers planned out in advance.

The Mind Flayer appeared again in Monster Manual in 1977 (which is the same book Dustin reads from in this episode), which describes them as “evil,” mentions that they hate sunlight (which we see on the show when it possesses Billy in season 3), and that they spend time underground (which in the show’s case is the Upside Down) plotting the destruction of the world above. An additional article called “The Ecology of the Mind Flayer” from Dragon Magazine #78 gives more information, including how Mind Flayers prefer to operate through their minions as opposed to facing others head-on (though they will if they’re forced to). Again, in the context of the show, we see the Mind Flayer operate through the Demogorgon in season 1, the demodogs in season 2 (with the Mind Flayer only appearing physically in the next episode when El threatens to shut the Gate on it), and through Vecna in season 4. The one time it’s forced to do its own dirty work is in season 3, and that’s because its options were limited and knew it was working on borrowed time because of the Russians, so it proceeded to act fast to make El obsolete as a threat.

Later additions of D&D (2nd Edition came out in 1989) gave more information about the Mind Flayer, including how its life cycle is 125 years and it needs to eat one brain a month to survive. While we’re not given a lot of information about the Mind Flayer on the show, what is implied is, unlike D&D, there is only ONE Mind Flayer acting as the ruler of the Upside Down, and it has been in charge for a long time. Likely more than 125 years if Dustin’s comments in season 4 about how long the Upside Down has existed are anything to go on. While I have suggested in previous reviews that the Mind Flayer’s need for control stems in wanting to survive, I see that more rooted in wanting to remain the Apex Predator and insecurity over its mortality rather than the simple animalistic instinct to eat in order to sustain itself. 

Adding to this, there's the lore about Mind Flayers in D&D evolving into something called “The Elder Brain,” which is the combination of all the deceased Mind Flayers merged with chemicals and psionic magic. The Elder Brain is usually at the center of any Mind Flayer colonies out there since it acts as the communication network between itself and other Mind Flayers within their specific colony, operating it as a single hive mind. One could argue that the Mind Flayer from the show operates similar to an Elder Brain from D&D with how it controls the Upside Down via its hive mind. The difference being the show's version doesn't command other Mind Flayers since it's the only one of its kind that seems to exist (at least that we know of as of season 4). There is also a patron deity named Ilsensine, who is known as the creator of the Mind Flayers, or the "God-Brain." While it is revered among Mind Flayers, it is not worshiped in the same sense that humans worship their own deities.

Finally, there’s also how Mind Flayers reproduce: One way is by removing a small larva from their abdomen and inserting it into the brain of a humanoid-like creature, which then hijacks that creature and forces it to feed itself until the larvae grows large enough to burst out of the skull of its host. Another involves Mind Flayers "laying eggs in the brine water of the Elder Brain pools.” Larvae hatched from the eggs will live 10 years in the pools (usually 1 in 500 larvae in the pools will survive whereas the rest will be consumed by the Elder Brain). They will then be given a host whose brain it will eat, and it will take control of the hosts body and morph it into the form of the Mind Flayer.

In regards to the show's version of the Mind Flayer, unless season 5 reveals new information, the implication is that 1.) There is no higher being in the Upside Down other than the Mind Flayer itself, and 2.) It’s always been there and likely doesn’t know when it came into existence (as Dustin infers). The Mind Flayer on the show didn’t even have a physical body until Vecna formed one for it via the black particles. Prior to that, it was more of a presence that controlled the monsters in the Upside Down and corrupted Henry/One/Vecna as a kid. It doesn’t seem to have a method of reproduction on the show (if it even has one).

If anyone wants more information about Mind Flayers in D&D, this video goes more in-depth about them:

Other details, including Mind Flayers being megalomaniacs, self-important, arrogant, striving for total domination and conquering of the multiverse, seeing everyone else as inferior or otherwise as potential thralls/slaves, wanting to assert control in a chaotic world…………all of these qualities are present in the Mind Flayer from the show. Even it’s rage over being foiled echoes how a Mind Flayer in D&D would react under such circumstances. The Duffer Brothers nailed its characterization to a tee. 

Personally, I’m glad the Duffer Brothers went with the interpretation of the Mind Flayer existing and corrupting Henry/One/Vecna in The First Shadow as opposed to what the end of season 4 implied, which was that Henry/One/Vecna created the Mind Flayer and controlled the Upside Down. I remember being disappointed when I thought the latter instance was the case, and so was my brother who hated the idea because it took away the mystery of the Mind Flayer and made Vecna evil for the sake of being evil. With The First Shadow, not only does the Mind Flayer remain an enigma, but it also makes Henry/One/Vecna more of an interesting villain by showing his choices, circumstances, and influences that led to his downfall while also demonstrating he was capable of love and empathy (especially towards Patty Newby). It also adds a layer to Vecna's character because now the audience is left questioning how much of his motivations are really his vs. how much are the Mind Flayer’s. Does he believe he’s controlling the Mind Flayer, or has he been so accustomed to the Mind Flayer’s presence that he sees him and it as one in the same? Is there anything left of Henry Creel’s original personality, or has that been completely obliterated?

That being said, there are some things that need to be cleared up, which hopefully season 5 will answer.

First is the whole debacle about the Mind Flayer still needing Will as a spy. While it’s able to eventually locate where the rest of The Party is due to the phone ringing, it could have easily used Vecna to remote-view for that same purpose of tracking them down. I’ve expressed skepticism before about it needing Will as a spy, especially since at this point, the game is up and everyone is on to it. Even when Will wakes up in the shed, the Mind Flayer doesn’t even try to pretend to maintain its cover and demands that they untie It/Will. Best guess I can offer is that either it still saw Will as a valuable hostage (and as a way to deter everyone else in The Party from trying to attack it again), it wasn’t willing to let go of Will due to pride and its unwillingness to relinquish control, or (and this a theory I’ve suggested in my review of The Other Side) it’s maintaining its grip on Will until it can fully assimilate his consciousness into the Hive Mind because there’s valuable information the Mind Flayer wants from Will’s mind. Perhaps it thinks Will knows something about why the Upside Down froze the night he was taken, and is trying to undo that? Maybe there’s some other kind of knowledge or powers the Mind Flayer covets from Will that it wants for itself? 

Then there’s how Will was able to communicate via Morse Code to Hopper: Was the Mind Flayer unaware of this because it was repulsed by Will’s feelings of love for his friends and family, and didn’t notice what Will was doing at the time? Or was it aware, but decided it didn’t matter since (at least before El’s arrival) they had no means of closing the Gate?

There’s also the scene when Jonathan brings the tape of “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by The Clash to play for Will while they continue to recount memories with him. This was a powerful scene on its own, but the revelation in season 4 about how music can allow a person Vecna targets to escape his trance elevates this moment in a huge way. The idea of music, combined with the memories associated with a particular song, can break the control of either Vecna or The Mind Flayer. Makes me wonder if this was also subtle foreshadowing for Vecna’s connection to the Mind Flayer later down the road.

Finally, there’s the end scene when El shows up to save The Party from the demodogs and then proceeds to unlock the door with her powers:

I know she’s done this several times now (notably in “Dig Dug” and “The Lost Sister”), but every time she has, I remember the Demogorgon at the Byers house in the first episode and how it telekinetically unlocked the door so it could get to Will. It just reinforces the idea for me that the Demogorgon was under Vecna’s control at the time, and that specific ability in that situation came from him.

Part 4: Billy and Neil

We finally get to my least favorite part of the episode. The one where we see Neil Hargrove in the flesh and get a crystal-clear understanding of why Billy is the way he is.

I’ll say this for the scene: It’s well-acted. For all the issues I’ve had with Billy’s character, the acting has never been a problem for me. Special shout-out to Will Chase as Neil, who manages to convey just how loathsome, cruel, condescending, and monstrous Neil is in this moment. Dacre Montgomery also gets praise as well from showing Billy’s turn from being arrogant and cocky to terrified and meek within a short span of time.

I'll admit I raise an eyebrow whenever there are accusations from Billy stans (specifically on Tumblr, though I’m sure they’re elsewhere on the internet) over how other fans hate Billy more than Neil. That……..is not something I’ve ever seen backed up with evidence. I’ve made my feelings clear in the past regarding how I feel about Billy, but when it comes to Neil, I’ve also been vocal in my opinion that Neil’s a vile human being. That really should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyways just in case. He was meant to be hated.

I’ve witnessed plenty of fans make excuses and abuse apologies for various awful characters on this show. From Billy, to Jason, to Angela (who was a real piece-of-work) and her disgusting friends, to Troy and James, to even Tommy and Carol. I’ve also seen Brenner apologists and Vecna apologists, which is really saying something considering they’re both the main villains of this show. Hell, I’ve even seen apologies made for Lonnie Byers (mostly complaining about how Steve got the redemption arc in season 1 and Lonnie didn’t). Neil on the other hand? As far as this fandom seems concerned, the buck stops at Neil Hargrove. If there are fans out there making apologies for Neil’s character, I have not seen them, and I say this as someone who has been in the fandom for years now. The consensus is Neil is the worst, and I can't recall anyone ever advocating for his redemption the same they have for other awful characters on this show.

A big reason for this I’d imagine has a lot to do with the amount of screentime Neil gets. Neil is only in two episodes: This one, and flashbacks in “E Pluribus Unum” in season 3. His scenes from both episodes combined don’t even total 5 minutes. There is the tie-in novel Runaway Max (which in my opinion does a better job fleshing out Neil, albeit in a way that keeps him just as morally reprehensible as he is on the show) and an extremely brief scene in Lucas on the Line where he’s an asshole to Lucas and is implied to be drinking his sorrows away over Billy’s death (Not that it makes Neil remotely sympathetic since whatever regrets he has about how he treated Billy are too little, too late). Other than that, he doesn’t have much of a presence on the show. He has nothing to do with the main story, or the mythology of Hawkins Lab or the Upside Down. He is here for one purpose only: To demonstrate why Billy became the person he did. Once that purpose was served, he disappeared from the show and we will likely never see him again. I don’t begrudge fans who wish Neil a violent death (Lord knows there are certain characters I wouldn’t mind seeing get the axe someday), but I’m skeptical that’s going to happen to Neil. Best case scenario is he’s driven insane by grief and remorse over what he put Billy through while being forced to live with the cold-hard reality he caused this to happen. And that’s assuming Neil can take any responsibility in the first place. Given his treatment of Billy to begin with, I seriously doubt that.

This brings me to a problem with Neil that colors the way I see him: He is a flat character. He is only here to abuse Billy and Max while making their lives difficult. That’s it. He has no other personality or motivations outside of that. People are probably going to argue that abusive parents like him exist in real-life, and I’m not going to dispute that. However, the issue is, from a writing-perspective, it results in him being little more than a cliché. There is no attempt to give Neil any kind of depth, which makes him look like a caricature as a result. Neil being written as an abusive parent doesn’t excuse this either. Dr. Brenner was also established as an abusive parent to not just El, but also Kali, Henry/One/Vecna, and the other kids at the Lab. Despite this, the Duffer Brothers (along with Matthew Modine) managed to give Brenner’s character nuances and complexities to his motivations and methods that elevated his character past being a cliché. It still doesn't make Brenner look sympathetic, nor does it excuse any of the horrible things Brenner did, but it at least allows the audience to understand his mindset and why he operated the way he did. With Neil, the closest we get to any kind of motivation is him projecting his toxic views of masculinity onto Billy. Other than that, there is no real attempt to explore Neil's character past this, or offer anything new to the table, resulting in him being cliché. Neil is NOT the first abusive parent in media to be written like this.

Furthermore, the way Neil’s character is written on Stranger Things reminds me of how they wrote certain characters around Tory Nichols’s story in Cobra Kai. In that show, Tory was a controversial character (to put it mildly) because of the way she acted and the choices she made. There are people who hated her and people who didn’t. I was mostly indifferent to her, but that did not stop me from seeing how certain side characters involved in her arc were written. Two of which included a sleazy landlord in season 3 who tried to exploit Tory’s situation (since Tory was trying to take care of her mother and brother after getting expelled for starting a school brawl) for his own benefit, and Tory’s Aunt in season 4 who’d been mooching off her sister’s disability checks and was waiting for Tory’s mom to die so she could wrestle control of Tory’s brother from her. Both these characters were loathsome, but just like with Neil, they were only featured in brief scenes, and later pissed off to never be seen again. They were there only for the plot-related purpose of showing Tory’s situation, and to try and inspire some sympathy for her. Whether or not this worked is a huge debate in the Cobra Kai fandom, and it doesn’t help that Tory either made bad decisions that made her situation worse, or engaged in behaviors that resulted in her looking unsympathetic to certain fans.

This brings me to a key issue I’ve had with Billy’s character this season, and by extension the placement of this specific scene in this episode: Up until this point, Billy has been depicted as little more than a bully. He has been cruel, abusive, unkind, mean-spirited, and genuinely repulsive to be around. His behavior towards Max has been abhorrent, and I cannot for the life of me recall one positive interaction Billy and Max have shared all season. Every scene they have had together has either been him screaming at her, attempting to control her, or making not-so-subtle threats of punishment if she dared to disobey him. His attitude towards Lucas has been equally inexcusable, and I make no secret I have zero respect for fans who either keep trying to pretend that his behavior wasn’t rooted in racism, or else try to claim that Billy’s bigotry and misogyny in general weren’t major character flaws. Even his whole Alpha Male posturing towards Steve and attempts start a rivalry that Steve couldn’t give two shits about made Billy look creepy and pathetic, and not in a way that inspired sympathy for him either. I am not exaggerating when I say I cannot think of a single redeeming quality he’s demonstrated all season. He has been a thoroughly nasty character that I have not enjoyed watching.

So when the show introduces this moment between Billy and Neil, whatever impact the scene may have had gets undercut by the attempts to guilt-trip the audience into feeling bad for Billy. It reminds me of the criticisms some Cobra Kai fans hurled at Tory’s character over how the introduction of the sleazy landlord and Tory’s Aunt was a cheap way of milking sympathy for Tory despite her bad choices and behavior. While I don’t completely agree with this because (unlike Billy) there were at least some redeeming qualities established with Tory and moments of levity to balance out her negative qualities, I do understand where this criticism comes from: It’s taking a character who at best has been controversial and at worst has been downright HATEFUL and introducing a new character next to them who’s EVEN WORSE by comparison (and only appears briefly) to not only make the previous character look better by default, but to have that new vile character be vicious to the divisive character so that we'll feel sorry for them.

Sadly, the general idea of guilt-tripping the audience to feel bad for repulsive characters on this show who had little to no redeeming qualities carried over past Billy in a way that was aggravating. It’s one of the “original sins” that began in this episode with this scene, and not only has been present in later seasons, but also in the tie-in materials as well.

A big reason I hated the graphic novel The Bully was because they pulled this same formula with Troy (the bully who tormented Mike, Dustin, and Lucas in season 1) where they introduced Troy's abusive father to get the readers to feel bad for him. The problem was, just like with Billy, they didn’t give Troy any redeeming qualities to fall back on. He’s still just as loathsome and unpleasant as he was in season 1, with the added effect of Troy making more bad choices and becoming so unbearable that even James reached his limit with him. It’s not even framed as a redemption arc so much as Troy trying (and failing) to get revenge on the Party for humiliating him the previous year. It does NOT make him look sympathetic at all.

The peak of this though was with Angela in season 4: A character who was deeply hateful and cruel (even by the standards of bullies on this show), had ZERO redeeming qualities, and didn’t have a sob story or Freudian Excuse to explain her behavior. They didn’t even bother introducing another vile character next to Angela to make her look better by comparison (not that it would have worked if they tried). Instead, the show just expected us to feel bad for Angela when El smashed her face in with the roller skate and she was screaming, bleeding, and crying on the floor.

And guess what? It didn’t work. Not only did I have NO sympathy for Angela after the shit she pulled, I was so sick of her character at that point that I just wanted her to GO AWAY AND STAY GONE.

It doesn’t help that, even after these moments of the narration trying to get us to feel bad for these characters, they still proceeded to be just as vicious and unkind as they’ve always been. Angela refuses to take any responsibility for her disgusting behavior or her repeated harassment of El and instead sends the cops after El to get her locked up in a final act of spite to ruin her life (which makes her accusations about El being a snitch and a crybaby look stunningly hypocritical), and Billy in the next episode will travel to the Byers house where he’ll proceed to attack Lucas and beat the shit out of Steve to the point Max had to intervene by drugging Billy to get him to stop. Why am I supposed to find that sympathetic?

If there had been some attempt at showing that Billy had redeeming qualities prior to the scene with his father, or even instances that demonstrated he wasn’t a complete asshole and didn’t have ulterior motives with how he treated others, I wouldn’t be as harsh about this as I am right now. This isn’t like the Duffer Brothers were incapable of writing in these qualities for Billy either. Luke Ward from The O.C. is a great example of how to do this. Originally, Luke was introduced as a bully to the main characters before undergoing a fall from popularity later in the season and changing for the better. What made this change believable, however, was that Luke was given moments beforehand that showed there was a decent person underneath his jerk jock persona. One example was Luke rescuing Ryan from the fire at the developmental home Ryan was hiding out in. Another was Luke helping Ryan’s mom on Casino Night after she humiliated herself in front of everyone. Or him helping Marissa escape the hospital when her manipulative mother was planning to have her committed elsewhere. Luke was still a jerk and did a lot of things that weren’t okay, but they also showed he was capable of being something else besides that. Same goes for J.D. McCoy from Friday Night Lights (one of the shows that inspired Stranger Things). Like Billy, J.D. was introduced as having an abusive, controlling dad (who was one of those sports dads vicariously living through their sons), but the character originally started out as shy, awkward, well-meaning, and attempting to fit in with the Dillion Panthers. The main conflict in season 3 of Friday Night Lights was centered on J.D.’s conflict over following his father’s lead or breaking free and trying to be his own person. In the end, tragically, he went with his father’s lead, causing him to develop the same traits of arrogance and egotism his father had imbued on him (similar to how Neil’s casual misogyny, racism, bigotry, and toxic masculinity worked their way into Billy with how he raised him) resulting in J.D. becoming an antagonist in season 4. While it doesn’t excuse how J.D. acted later, we were at least shown his internal struggle beforehand, which lent some initial sympathy for his character.

With Billy, he is introduced right off the bat as awful, and it is all downhill from there. There is no internal struggle like there was with J.D.’s character, or even any kind moments like with Luke. He is just vicious and treats everyone around him as collateral damage to his rage. He doesn’t care. The Duffer Brothers admitted in Beyond Stranger Things that Billy was written as “a bit of a sociopath” (their words, not mine), so it’s clear he was not meant to be likeable. Even with this scene between Neil and Billy, the Duffer Brothers conveyed that while it’s supposed to give context to Billy’s behavior, it was NOT meant to excuse it.

Unfortunately, that last part seems to have fallen on deaf ears with the fandom, with Billy stans treating this moment as if it gave Billy carte blanche to be as shitty and awful towards everyone else as he pleased.

The irony is, for all the apologies and attempts to downplay Billy’s behavior, these people know on some level that Billy is not likeable. They know he was written with bigoted qualities (passed down by Neil). They know his behavior is awful and reflects BADLY with the audience. They know that Billy is NOT a universally beloved character, and that there are fans out there who have legitimate grievances with him. Rather than doing any kind of introspection about this, they have instead doubled-down on bullying/harassing people who've said anything negative about Billy, belittled other people’s trauma when those people have had to deal with others in real-life who act like Billy (which makes these stans look deranged for doing this on behalf of a FICTIONAL CHARACTER who is NOT REAL), and proceeded to recontextualize certain scenes in their heads to pretend that his behavior looks more complex and sympathetic than it really is. Suddenly, Billy’s racism towards Lucas (which was confirmed by both the Duffer Brothers AND Caleb McLaughlin to have been racism) becomes “He’s just being protective of Max.” His attempt to run Mike and his friends off the road with his car is now framed as “LOL, it was a joke. Don’t take it so seriously. He didn’t mean it.” His abusive behavior towards Max now involves either victim-blaming Max for her “attitude problem” (as if Billy isn't guilty of that in a much worse way 🙄) or dismissing any abuse he deals out to her as “Neil did far worse to him.”

In fact, when it comes to other characters on this show like El, Will, Jonathan, Joyce, and Max who’ve also gone through abusive circumstances and didn’t turn into horrible people, you can always expect these stans to automatically turn this into an Abuse Olympics over who's suffered the worst, with Billy always being the winner in their eyes. I remember a particularly disgusting ableist comment from years ago that got directed at El when it was pointed out that she didn’t become a bigot or an abuser compared to Billy despite the abuse she had undergone, with this Billy stan implying El was too stupid to know words and concepts related to bigotry and abuse. Unsurprisingly, I was not impressed with them (to say nothing about how they had a history of harassing people on Tumblr for saying anything negative about Billy) and I proceeded to block them. They, of course, immediately got on the cross afterwards to portray themselves as the biggest victim imaginable because I wasn’t willing to indulge their bullshit, and it only reinforces that I made the right call back then. I am not going to put up with people who want to be disingenuous like that.

I try hard not to let fan opinions or Stan Culture influence how I feel about a character (even with the Jonathan stan I encountered who tore apart Steve, it wasn’t enough to taint my opinion about Jonathan’s character), but Billy is one of those rare exceptions. The constant attempts to downplay/whitewash/excuse the worst of his behavior, combined with the bullying/harassment these stans have engaged in towards people who don’t like Billy, along with the attempts to deny Billy’s autonomy, agency, and ability to make choices so that he doesn’t have to be held accountable for his actions, to say nothing about the attempts of these stans to project themselves onto his character (because if they can justify Billy’s awful behavior, then they can justify their own awful behavior towards others)……………all of this has poisoned Billy’s character for me. Stan Culture is the death of fandoms just as much as Shipping Wars are.

In my last review, I referred to Billy’s character and arc as “unoriginal,” “cliché,” and “predictable” and I meant that. When I first saw season 2, this was a few months AFTER I had seen Stephen King’s IT (which also stars Finn Wolfhard). I was already familiar with the book, the plot, and the characters (as well as the 1990 miniseries) before I saw this movie, so I knew what to expect going in. I also knew about a particular character named Henry Bowers: The unhinged bully who tormented the Losers Club, was depicted as both a sadist and a sociopath, was also bigoted and racist, and had a father who abused him. He was also someone who came under the influence of IT/Pennywise and was used to attack the Losers Club since IT/Pennywise perceived them as a threat to its existence. Anyone who has read the book or seen the movies knows it doesn’t end well for Henry.

When I finally watched season 2 of Stranger Things two months later (November 2017), saw how Billy’s character was written (I was even drawing the parallels between Henry Bowers and Billy Hargrove back then), and then this specific scene between Billy and Neil came up……………I IMMEDIATELY realized what direction Billy’s arc was going to go. To say I was NOT surprised by what happened in season 3 when Billy got possessed by the Mind Flayer is an understatement. In this case, the Duffer Brothers followed the Stephen King formula to a fault. Doesn’t help they also based Billy off another Stephen King character who succumbs to otherworldly influences and tries to murder the main characters: Jack Torrance from The Shining. If you’ve ever read the book or seen the Stanley Kubrick movie, you know exactly how that ends for Jack.

And this presents another major problem that overshadows Billy: Even without the bullshit abuse apologies his stans engage in, or the lack of redeeming qualities, or the attempts to guilt-trip the audience into feeling bad for Billy despite deliberately writing him as a sociopath (at least that’s what they initially claimed)………….I have no reason as an audience member to get emotionally invested in Billy when I know how his story is going to end. They already didn’t do a lot to make this character likeable to begin with, and the way they have to instead rely on the audience to feel bad for him despite undertaking the most predictable route possible for his character is a major turn-off for me.

On a final note, the way Billy’s character was written is a major reason I’ve come to appreciate how Steve’s redemption was handled. The show didn’t rely on trying to make the audience feel bad for Steve when he was acting in mean-spirited ways, nor did it try to give him the “abusive dad’ backstory to compensate for his behavior. Steve had to actually work to be a better person, and just like with Luke Ward, they gave him redeeming qualities beforehand and nuances that indicated there was a decent person underneath (something Nancy saw at the time despite what he projected with his “King Steve” persona). It was Steve's choice to put in the effort to improve, and he did. The result is he’s become a beloved character, and his arc works better as a refreshing subversion of the typical 80s bully arcs compared to Billy’s where they just played it straight.

Part 5: Song Choices

Not a lot of songs for this episode compared to previous ones.

First one is “The Love You Save (May Be Your Own)” by Jack Cook. This plays in the car when Neil and Susan arrive home to find Max missing.

The song has an old-fashioned tune to it, which is reflective of Neil and his extremely outdated and toxic views. Runaway Max establishes that Neil knew how to turn on the charm with Susan and keep her in the relationship with him despite how awful he was towards Billy and Max. Despite this, it was NEVER an equal relationship between them. This wasn’t likely the intention of the song, but some of the lyrics take on a more patronizing tone when you put in the context of Neil’s relationship with Susan:

“Now listen to me girl. There is something you should know. When you’re driving down a rough road, you know you got to take it slow. It’s the same way with the love. You can do one wrong. You better watch it. Slow down. Don’t wait too long. The love you save may be your own.”

This comes off like a man trying to tell a woman how they should conduct their relationship, and I can see that with Neil in all his sexist/misogynistic ways. Susan is going along with what Neil wants, but she (along with Max) would have been better off if she had saved that “love” (if we can even call it that) for someone else.

Next song is “The Four Horseman” by Metallica. This plays as Billy is getting ready for his date before Neil and Susan show up.

The song in question refers to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: War, Famine, Pestilence (sometimes referred to as Conquest), and Death riding out in what is presumably the end of the world. The song doesn’t have much to do with Billy's scene (other than establishing Billy likes heavy metal same as Eddie). but in the broader sense of the episode, it hearkens to Lucas’s line about “Judgment Day” and how, if the group can’t stop the Mind Flayer from spreading all over Hawkins, it could mean the end of the world. Ironically enough, I’ve seen comparisons from some fans in season 4 about the Four Horseman vs Vecna’s four victims that he kills to create a Gate, and how each of those characters (Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, Max) embody one of the Four Horseman, even if unwillingly. I will elaborate more on this when I review season 4, but I will say it is an interesting observation.

I’ve already covered “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by The Clash for my season 1 review of “The Weirdo on Maple Street,” so there isn’t a lot more to say except (as Jonathan notes), this song is important to Will in that it allowed him to bond with Jonathan, introduced Will to new music that he grew to love, and reflected a period of time where Will was dealing with the fallout of his parents dissolving relationship. It's a memory that holds power, and the song acts as a source of strength for Will as he rebels against the Mind Flayer’s control.

To conclude this review, here is the Funko Pop for The Mind Flayer:

[stranger-is-ratonic]

General Marvin the Martian Headcanons!!!

• Big David Bowie fan

• Favorite color is red and yellow

• Pansexual

• He/Him

• 2'5 ft

• VERY protective and sensitive of his helmet

• Loves sour/sweet foods

• Autism (obvi)

• Martians can control their body heat from 85°-150° Fahrenheit since Mars is below freezing, but younger Martian's have trouble controlling it and tend to be warmer than usual.

• Sometimes get so consumed by his plans/inventions that he forgets to sleep

• His sleepwear consists of those silly striped matching pants and nightshirt(with nightcap)

• Every Martian has a mouth, it's just a void on their face that you can't see because it blends in with their skin. The same this goes for the tongue inside their mouths. They don't have teeth, so to begin the digestive process and break down their food to where they can swallow, the top of their mouths projects a digestive acid similar to human saliva but much stronger. Nothing harmful to humans, though.

• Martians have ear canals like human that start big then get smaller as they go on into the skull. They don't have earlobs, though. Nothing like the human ear. The ear canals blend in much like the mouth, and to wear earrings, they use sticky adhesive stuff to put them on.

• Martians get hot really easily

• Martians can go without water for 1 month which leads to them not drinking too often

• Martians have nostrils, but they're small, and like the mouth, they blend in.

• The reason Marvin and his family are so short, especially compared to Duck Dodger Martians, is due to a sort of Martian dwarfism

• Extremely good at The Waltz because he got really drunk on Earth once and learned the entire thing.

• 0.5 inches thick skin

That's all for now :pppp

I'll probably make a dating one later :3 (possibly fanfic)