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inkandapex · 2 months ago

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stream madness pt. 4

Lando Norris x Y/N

Summary: Twitch streams, chaos during trivia, and one very soft Lando Norris. Whenever Y/N shows up on stream, fans get more than they bargained for. Between Max F's third-wheeling, and Lando's doting habits, the internet can't keep up.

Words: 5.3k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of period, pregnancy

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

Five star michelin

The stream blinked to life, revealing a familiar setting: the sleek, modern kitchen of Lando’s Monaco apartment. The camera was already rolling, capturing a countertop neatly prepped with ingredients, and a few pots and pans waiting on the stove like soldiers at attention. Cooking stream? Unheard of.

Lando appeared on screen, a little out of focus as he fiddled with something just off-camera. He leaned down toward a mic and gave it a couple of taps.

“Can you hear me now?” he asked, eyes darting toward the chat as it exploded with responses. A few seconds passed before he nodded, satisfied. “Nice.”

From somewhere off-camera, a familiar voice chimed in. “You ready?”

“Mmhmm.” Lando stepped back into frame and clapped his hands together, “So—”

A sudden laugh burst from off-screen, stopping him mid-sentence. He turned his head, smirking.

“What?”

Y/N finally stepped into view, her expression amused. She wore one of his Quadrant hoodies, her hair pulled back casually, looking completely at home. “You and Max always do that,” she teased.

“Do what?” he chuckled, reaching out to tug her gently closer until she was tucked beside him, shoulder brushing his.

“The clapping,” she said, gesturing at him with a knowing smile. “Every time you guys film something, you both do that little clap before talking. It’s like a reflex or something.”

Lando rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. “Whatever, hater…”

He turned back to the camera, hands twitching like he was going to clap again. “Anyways, so—” He froze, caught himself mid-motion, and looked right at her. “...Fuck. I really do it, huh?”

Y/N doubled over laughing, lightly shoving him. “I told you! It’s your little pre-performance ritual.”

Lando laughed too, bumping her gently with his hip. “I feel attacked in my own kitchen.”

“You should,” she grinned. “Consider this an intervention.”

“Alright, alright,” Lando grinned, finally pulling it together. “No more claps. Let’s cook before I develop another weird habit.”

“Tell them what we’re doing,” Y/N says, grabbing two aprons from the counter and tossing one to Lando.

“Right!” he nods, slipping the apron over his head. “We’re making dinner. From scratch.”

“That’s right,” she grins, stepping behind him to tie his apron strings neatly at the back. “Steak and mashed potatoes today, quick and easy.”

Lando scans the kitchen setup with a slightly exaggerated frown, lips pressed together as he surveys the ingredients. Y/N catches the look and raises a brow.

“What’s wrong?”

He exhales a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m actually kind of nervous. Chat’s gonna see how rubbish I am at this.”

Y/N’s face softens as he gently spins her around to tie her apron too, the motion slow and familiar. She glances over her shoulder with a small smile. “That’s why I’m here, bub. We’ll work as a team.”

He gives her a playful pat on the bum, earning a surprised little laugh as he says, “Alright, boss. What’s first?”

Y/N grabs a bowl of unpeeled potatoes and hands it off to him along with a peeler. “Wash them, peel them, cut them into quarters.”

Lando blinks. “Huh?”

She stifles a laugh. “Wash. Peel. Cut. Into quarters,” she repeats with a teasing squeeze to his arm, before turning toward the fridge.

He looks down at the potatoes, then to chat, then back at the potatoes, sighing as he walks to the sink. “Do I like... scrub them or something?” he calls over his shoulder.

“No need,” she answers, rinsing some herbs at the counter. “We’re peeling them anyway.”

And so the chaos begins.

Y/N gets to work seasoning the steaks and prepping the herb butter, while Lando stands at the sink, holding a potato like it might explode. He finally begins peeling, very slowly, occasionally pausing to read the chat.

“Hey! I’m not slow!” he says, pointing the peeler accusingly at the camera, eyes squinting playfully. “I’m just taking my time.”

From behind him, Y/N chuckles, drying her hands. “You are doing it quite slow, my love.”

She walks over with a chopping board and a knife in hand, peeking into the bowl beside him. “I’ve already seasoned the meat, made the herb butter, and cleaned up. And you—” she pauses, looking over at his bowl of potatoes “—have peeled exactly… three potatoes.”

Lando gasps like she’s just betrayed him on live television. “I think I'm doing a mega job.”

She laughs, nudging him gently with her hip as she starts chopping the peeled ones. "And I'm so proud of you"

The chat explodes in laughter, messages flying in:

“3 potatoes in 20 minutes 💀” “Y/N carrying as usual” “He’s trying his best leave him alone 😭”

Y/N takes over the potato duties without much of a fight, Lando had peeled just enough for her to work with. She dumps the chunks into a pot of water and sets it to boil, giving it a quick stir before turning to check on her newly assigned sous-chef.

Lando is now standing in front of the stove like he’s guarding a priceless artifact. The pan on the burner is still very much empty, not even a drop of oil or butter in sight, but he’s watching it with intense focus.

“You do realize the pan’s still empty, right?” Y/N asks, sliding up beside him, arms crossed, one eyebrow raised.

Without taking his eyes off the pan, Lando scoffs, “I’m aware, yes.”

She bites back a grin. “And you’re watching it like a hawk because…?”

“I’m waiting for it to heat up enough,” he replies, dead serious, hovering his hand just above the surface with surgical precision. “You said it has to be hot. Like hot hot.”

Y/N stares at him for a second, then laughs. “Okay, fair, but you could at least put some oil in while you’re doing your little steak meditation.”

Lando lets out a dramatic sigh like she’s asking him to do the impossible, but obliges, grabbing the olive oil and drizzling it into the pan with flair. “There. Happy?”

“Ecstatic,” she deadpans. “Now wait til it's smoking a bit.”

He narrows his eyes at the pan, nodding slowly. “Got it.”

From the corner of the room, her phone buzzes with notifications. Chat is thriving.

“Lando’s steak arc begins” “This man is doing yoga with a frying pan” “Protect the pan at all costs”

Lando peeks over her shoulder and squints. “I feel very attacked in this live stream.”

Y/N smirks. “Good. Means they care.”

Just then, the oil begins to ripple gently in the pan. She leans over, inspecting it.

“Alright, chef,” she says with a teasing salute. “You’re good to go.”

Lando straightens up dramatically, grabs the seasoned steak like it’s a sacred relic, and carefully lays it into the pan with a loud sizzle. He flinches slightly at the noise, glancing at her like, ��Did I do that right?”

Y/N gives him a proud little nod. “That’s perfect.”

The satisfaction on Lando’s face is almost too much. He’s glowing like he just scored pole position.

“Yeah?” he says, biting his lip to hide the grin. “I mean… obviously.”

They both stood shoulder to shoulder in front of the stove, their expressions weirdly serious as they watched the steaks sizzle in the pan. The kitchen was quiet now, save for the soft bubbling from the potatoes and the satisfying sear of meat against hot oil.

Neither of them spoke. Just stood there. Staring.

Chat, however, was anything but silent.

“they’re both dissociating 😭” “brainrot live” “this is peak couple behaviour” “they’re literally the same person wtf”

Lando finally blinked out of it first. He glanced sideways and immediately burst into a quiet laugh, spotting the exact same zoned-out expression on Y/N’s face as she stared into the pan like it held the secrets of the universe.

She snapped out of it at the sound of his laugh, turning her head with a soft smile. “What?”

“You were giving me crap for staring at the pan,” he said, nudging her gently with his elbow. “You were literally dissociating watching the steak cook.”

Y/N blinked, then laughed, covering her face with one hand. “Oh my god. I was. I think the sizzle hypnotized me.”

Lando grinned, bumping her again. “Welcome to my world.”

She leaned her head briefly against his shoulder, still smiling. “Brain empty. Just meat noises.”

Chat was in shambles.

“JUST MEAT NOISES” “meat trance 🧠✨” “someone screenshot this, I need it framed”

Not much time had passed, and now the two stood on opposite ends of the kitchen island, heads down, tongues slightly poking out in focus as they carefully plated their food.

Each had been assigned their own plate, it had somehow turned into a competition. And of course, they’d agreed that chat would vote on whose presentation was better.

“Stop hogging all the broccoli, baby!” Lando cried dramatically, pointing an accusing finger at her side of the counter. “I’ve got no garnish.”

Y/N scoffed, not even looking up as she arranged a small floret just so. “You knob, we’ve literally both got five each!” she exclaimed, gesturing wildly to her plate like she was presenting evidence in court.

Lando leaned over with a squint. “Yeah, but you’ve got all the pretty pieces!”

She froze mid-mash, then turned to look at him, face twisted in utter disbelief. “They’re all broccoli, you muppet! What do you mean ‘pretty pieces’?!”

“The round ones!” Lando argued back, now clutching his plate like it was his child. “Yours are, like… cuter!”

“I cannot believe we’re arguing about broccoli aesthetics,” she muttered, laughing as she snatched one off his plate and swapped it with hers. “There. Happy?”

He paused, inspecting the trade like a jewel dealer. “...Yeah, that’s fair.”

Lando glanced over at his plate, then at hers. His brow furrowed.

“How’d you do that?” he asked, confused, staring like her food was some sort of black magic.

Y/N didn’t even look up, too focused on delicately arranging the slices of steak just right on her plate. “What now?”

“Your mash…” he said, drifting over behind her to peer over her shoulder. “How’d you make it look like that?”

She let out a loud, surprised laugh, trying to push him away with one arm. “Lando! We literally have the same stuff. Go back to your side!”

“But yours is nicer!” he whined, barely budging under her efforts, grinning down at her like a menace.

“Then make yours nicer” she shot back, trying to block his view with her body.

Lando laughed, finally backing off with a shake of his head. He grabbed a clean spoon and stood over his plate like he was defusing a bomb. Slowly, carefully, he swiped it through his mashed potatoes in a swooping motion, eyes narrowed in focus.

“Done!” Y/N announced triumphantly, tossing her hands in the air. She wiped her hands on her apron and sauntered over to Lando’s side with a mischievous grin.

“Hey!” Lando yelped, quickly shifting to block her path with his hip like a human kitchen gate. “Back to your side!”

“I just wanna peek!” she laughed, trying to sneak a look over his shoulder.

Without warning, Lando wrapped one arm around her waist, effortlessly scooping her up like she weighed nothing. Y/N squealed in surprise as he spun her around and plopped her down directly in front of the camera.

“Stay there,” he said, grinning as he planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. “Talk to chat while I finish my masterpiece.”

Y/N blinked at the camera, momentarily stunned, before bursting into laughter. “This man really picked me up like I was a rogue toddler.”

Lando finally walked over to show his plate toward the camera with a dramatic spin. “Voilà. Chef Norris’s Signature Steak Surprise.”

Y/N tilted her head, pretending to inspect. “Surprise being you didn’t burn it?” She teases as she holds up her own plate to show the camera

“Oi,” he huffed, nudging her gently with his hip again. “Time for the votes. Chat—choose wisely.”

He moved to stand beside her as the poll popped up on screen: Whose plate wins? 🍽 🧡 Lando’s Luxurious Lunch 💚 Y/N’s Superior Steak Situation

The votes flew in fast.

“I swear, if you win because of the mash swirl…” Y/N muttered, squinting at the poll.

Lando grinned. “That’s called technique, love.”

The timer ticked down.

Y/N – 62% Lando – 38%

“YESSS,” she cheered, throwing her arms up again. “Justice for the broccoli.”

Lando slumped against the counter dramatically. “This is rigged. I demand a recount.”

Y/N leaned in, pecking his cheek. “Better luck next dinner, chef.”

------------------------------------------------------

Think fast

Being in a relationship with Y/N meant Lando had to stay constantly on his toes. In the early days, her endless pranks always managed to catch him off guard, whether it was the latest viral trend or some chaotic idea she came up with on a whim, he never stood a chance. These days, though, he liked to think he’d gotten better at spotting the signs, or at least bracing himself for whatever mischief she had up her sleeve.

“It’s not going to work.”

Y/N and Max Fewtrell strolled into the McLaren hospitality, phone in hand streaming live on twitch, making their way toward the back where Lando was supposed to meet them. He’d left the hotel a couple hours earlier for back-to-back meetings before free practice.

“When has he not fallen for one of your pranks?” Max asked, sipping his coffee with a knowing grin. “Just try it. Chat's going to love it”

Y/N shook her head, already laughing at the thought of Lando calling her out before she even made a move.

“The last two times, he shut me down before I even got the chance,” she said with a shrug. “He’s learning.”

They found an empty table tucked away from the crowd and sat down to wait. Max, ever the instigator, kept nudging her to try one of the latest pranks he’d seen trending on his feed, desperate for a dose of chaos and the chance to see his best friend publicly flustered.

The two sat like that for a while, answering a few questions every now and then. Before long, Lando’s voice rang out behind them.

“Oi! There you two are!”

Y/N glanced over her shoulder and grinned, standing up with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“You want your fix? Watch this,” she whispered to Max, stepping aside from the table just as Lando approached.

“Sorry, meeting ran long,” Lando said, pulling off his cap and tossing it onto the table.

Y/N didn’t miss a beat. “Think fast! I’m a random girl!”

Without warning, she lunged at him—arms outstretched, lips puckered dramatically, ready to play her role to perfection.

Lando’s reflexes kicked in fast. “Whoa!” he said, holding his palm out and catching her right in the forehead, effectively stopping her mid-charge.

“I’m happily taken, thank you very much,” he deadpanned, pushing her away gently but firmly, then wiped his hand on his pants with exaggerated disgust. “Please maintain a safe distance, stranger.”

Max burst out laughing while Y/N nodded proudly, even slow clapping.

“Mate,” Max wheezed through his laughter, practically spilling his coffee, “you’re like a trained puppy!”

“Proud of you, babe,” Y/N grinned, leaning in to plant a kiss on his cheek.

“Hey!” Lando ducked away dramatically, throwing his hands up. “Lady! Please… I just told you—I have a beautiful girlfriend!”

Y/N smacked his arm, laughing. “You muppet.”

Lando chuckled, finally letting his act drop as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in. “Hello, my love. Trying to entertain Max and chat again, I see?”

“Someone’s gotta give them content,” she teased, and Max just shook his head, still grinning, proud to have captured the whole thing.

------------------------------------------------------

Just cause

Lando had been on Twitch with Max for hours now, deep in a chaotic stream full of banter, games, and far too much shouting. Y/N had been missing in action the whole time, curled up in bed for a nap when the boys started, and clearly forgotten amidst the noise.

When she finally stirred awake, the first thing she heard was Lando’s muffled shouting through the walls. Headphones on, game volume cranked, completely unaware of how loud he was being. With a sleepy smile, she grabbed her phone and hopped onto Twitch, curiosity getting the best of her.

Instead of Lando’s stream, she tapped into Max’s—knowing full well she’d get the better view and more unfiltered commentary.

“Hi Maxie” she typed, the grin already growing on her face.

“Woah, is that Y/N?” Max’s voice rang out, loud and clear through Lando’s headset.

Lando glanced over his shoulder instinctively. “She’s asleep in the room, mate.”

Max let out a laugh. “No, mate—she just said hi in my chat. Hi Y/N!”

Lando’s brows lifted in surprise, just as the sound of her soft footsteps approached from behind. Moments later, she was there—turning his chair slightly before straddling his lap without a word, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“Oh—” Lando blinked, arms instinctively wrapping around her waist, one hand settling gently on her back. “Hi, baby. What’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer—just shook her head and nuzzled into his neck, clearly not in distress, just craving closeness.

The chat exploded.

“OMG STOP” “They’re so cute I’m gonna cry” “IM SO SINGLE” “Watch Max clown them in 3...2...1…”

“Ewww! Get a room, you two!” Max called out through his mic, laughing.

“Shut up, Max,” Lando chuckled, slipping off one side of his headset and muting his mic. He leaned back slightly, guiding her face away from his neck so he could see her.

“Baby… hey,” he said softly, concern laced through his voice as his arms held her close. “You alright, my love?”

She smiled gently, still sleepy-eyed. “Hi.”

“Well, hello,” Lando chuckled, amused by the unexpected visit. He reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his thumb brushing her cheek. “What’s wrong? You don’t usually do this… not that I mind—I quite like it, actually.”

She only shook her head, letting out a quiet sigh as she settled her head back on his shoulder, her arms loosely wrapped around his neck.

Lando’s smile faded into a soft frown, now slightly worried. “You feeling okay? Are you sick?” His hand instinctively moved to her forehead, checking her temperature.

She laughed, lifting her head to meet his eyes. “I’m okay, silly. I just… missed you.”

That one sentence made something warm bloom in his chest. He smirked, his hands now tracing slow circles on her back, already forgetting the stream still running in the background.

“Yeah?”

She nodded, now suddenly a little bashful under his gaze.

“I can end the stream,” he offered gently. “We can hang out in the room, maybe order some food and watch a movie?”

She shook her head. “Maybe later? Go finish your game… I’ll just stay here for a bit.”

Lando smiled softly and guided her head back down to his shoulder, pressing a tender kiss to the side of her head. “Alright, my love. One more hour—then I’m all yours.”

He leaned forward and unmuted his mic, the grin already spreading on his face. “Sorry—boyfriend duties,” he said proudly, as Max groaned dramatically and the chat predictably exploded again.

“bf of the year!” “THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER 😭” “MAX IS GONNA LOSE HIS MIND I LOVE THIS” “THE BAR IS ON THE FLOOR AND LANDO JUST LAUNCHED OVER IT”

------------------------------------------------------

Who knows me best?

The stream kicked off with the usual trio, but this time, they had a small whiteboard in hand. Lando sat center, eyes scanning his computer as he tweaked his Twitch setup.

“Ready?” he asked, giving his hair a final fluff before leaning back in his chair.

Max and Y/N finally set their phones aside, both nodding in sync with soft hums of agreement.

"So..." Lando clapped his hands to mark the start of the stream, prompting a chuckle from Y/N

“See? Told you he does that too,” Y/N said, leaning forward to look at Max.

Max grinned. “P said the exact same thing to me.”

“The clapping again?” Lando groaned, rubbing his cheek in mock frustration. “I swear I’ve been trying to stop. Someone tie me down already.”

“Y/N can do that tonight—like you two always do,” Max said with a cheeky smirk. “Right!” He punctuated the joke with a clap, then winced. “Ah, fuck. I did it too.”

That sent all three of them into a fit of laughter.

“We’re hopeless, mate,” Lando wheezed between laughs. “Alright, chat! We’re here for the ‘Best Friend vs. Girlfriend’ challenge—who knows me best?” He turned to Y/N with a playful look. “Or as she likes to call it…”

“‘Girlfriend versus Boyfriend,’” Y/N said, nodding seriously at the camera. “Because Max is my boyfriend’s boyfriend.”

“Oh, piss off,” Max laughed, shaking his head.

"I've started a poll, so you guys an vote on who you think will win" Lando says, handing each of them their own markers

“First question!” Lando grins, glancing between the two. “When and where was my Formula 1 debut?”

Max and Y/N immediately start scribbling on their boards, Lando casually jotting down his own answer with that signature smug smile.

Once they’re both done, Lando nods toward Max. “Alright, Max. You go first.”

Max flips his board with confidence. “2019, Australian Grand Prix.”

Lando chuckles and gives him a fist bump, flipping his board, revealing the same answer. “Point for Max.”

He turns to Y/N, who’s already rolling her eyes. “You got it wrong, didn’t you?”

“On the contrary,” Y/N says, flipping her board around with flair.

Lando and Max burst out laughing before she’s even finished reading.

“March 16, 2019. Australian Grand Prix. 3 PM local time,” she recites matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re fucking joking,” Max wheezes, clutching his stomach. “You gave her the questions beforehand, didn’t you?!” He shoots Lando an accusatory look.

“What?! No! I swear I didn’t!” Lando throws his hands up, still laughing.

“I’m just that good of a girlfriend,” Y/N shrugs, casually erasing her board and adding a neat little mark in the corner for the point she just earned.

“We weren’t even dating yet, baby,” Lando teases, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Yeah, but she definitely had a massive crush on you already,” Max adds with a smirk, wiping off his own board "Remember when you begged me to not tell him when I found out and you—"

"—Okay! That's enough from you Maxiepoo," she says clapping her hands trying to speed up the process "move on come on keep them coming!"

Lando chuckles and nods, reading another question off his phone, “Next one. What’s my worst habit?”

Both Max and Y/N immediately start writing without hesitation, clearly prepared.

Lando watches them suspiciously. “Why are you both so fast with that?”

Max flips his board first: “Biting his nails”

“Okay wow—” Lando starts.

But Y/N’s already turning hers around: “Saying ‘I’m fine’ when he’s clearly spiraling.” She underlines it twice for dramatic effect.

Lando throws his head back laughing. “Well fuck, I feel attacked.”

“You should,” Max says. “We’ve had an intervention, like, twice.”

“You ignored both,” Y/N adds, casually ticking her board again.

Lando just shakes his head. “You guys are supposed to be on my team.”

“No,” they say in unison. “We’re on the truth’s team.”

Chat? Loving it

"NOT THEM TEAMING UP ON LANDO" "Max and Y/N are so competitive with it" "lol i think they're playing who loves Lando more?" ------------------------------------------------

Mini Lando

It had been a two-week break between races, and Lando was soaking it all in, some sun, some sleep, and a whole lot of gaming with the boys back in Monaco.

Today was no different, Lando and Max were live on Twitch, lazily stacked in their usual setup, bantering, gaming, and occasionally getting completely distracted by chat. But there was one thing everyone in the comments couldn't stop talking about.

The clip had already gone semi-viral on F1 Twitter: Twitch stream, Max mid-sentence, Lando walking off-screen, only to pop back into frame quietly leaning over Y/N on the bean bag, hand resting softly on her stomach, the other brushing her hair away like some kind of soft boyfriend fever dream. That, paired with Y/N’s mysterious absence from this stream?

Yeah. The fanbase had collectively lost its mind.

“Where’s Y/N?” Lando reads aloud, scoffing with a half-smile as he leans back in his chair.

Max snickers but doesn't look up from his screen. “Mate, you’ve unleashed the internet. That clip’s everywhere.”

Lando chuckles. “I was literally just saying hi.”

“Sure,” Max says, dragging it out like he’s stirring something dangerous. “Saying hi with your hand on her stomach and playing with her hair like it’s a Nicholas Sparks movie.”

Lando defends, laughing now. “I was being a good boyfriend”

Chat explodes — everything from “we know what tired means” to “BABY LANDOOOOO??”

Lando shakes his head, clearly fed up with the stream chat spiraling out of control. With a sigh, he pulls out his phone and dials Y/N, holding it up on speaker for dramatic effect.

Almost instantly, her voice comes through, dry and familiar “You do know I’m in the bedroom, right?”

“Hi, my love,” Lando says sweetly, ignoring Max’s exaggerated eye roll. “Come here for a sec?”

Max doesn't miss a beat. “The tone shift is insane. Bro went from gamer rage to Shakespearean boyfriend in 0.2 seconds, someone study that.”

Lando reaches over and smacks his arm, earning a loud “Oi!” from Max.

“Lan,” Y/N groans on the other end, “I look like shit right now.”

“You always look beautiful, my love,” Lando says, dramatically and unapologetically simping. “Chat’s looking for you. And, apparently… baby Norris too.”

“Oh my Gosh,” she mutters, but the sound of movement comes through anyway.

Not a minute later, Y/N appears behind Lando’s chair, wrapped in a hoodie that definitely wasn't hers, her hair in a mess of clips and chaos. She leans down, placing a soft kiss to the top of Lando’s head.

“You called?” she murmurs.

Lando looks up at her like she hung the moon. “Hello, gorgeous.”

Max turns back around, still grinning. “Everyone thinks baby Norris is on the way.”

Y/N snorts. “We can’t even agree on getting a pet, and you guys think we’re having a child?”

Chat loses it. Lando’s smile widens as he reaches up and laces his fingers through hers.

“So that’s a no?” Max deadpans.

“That’s a hell no,” she says, laughing. “Not until he agrees to get a dog”

“Here we go again,” Lando groans, burying his face in her hand.

“I was just on my period, guys. Calm your T’s,” Y/N says casually, walking further into frame like she didn’t just drop a bomb on the chat.

Max chokes on his drink. “Okay then—!”

Lando just shrugs, grinning. “You wanted answers.”

Without missing a beat, Y/N walks over to the corner of the room and returns with a small basket cradled in her arms.

“Anyway,” she continues, unfazed by the hysteria in the comments, “look at the care package Lando got me.”

She plops down next to him and starts pulling items out like she’s hosting an unboxing video: a ridiculous amount of chocolates, sour gummies, a box of painkillers, a face mask, heating patches, and even a tiny plush dinosaur.

“For emotional support,” Lando adds, pointing at the dinosaur. "Tell everyone what you named him, baby"

“His name's Dino Ricciardo” Y/N says, nudging Lando with her shoulder. “He was just being a doting boyfriend, is all.”

Chat absolutely explodes — messages flooding “I’m crying real tears, this is PEAK boyfriend behavior”“CAN WE CLONE HIM?”“Dino Ricciardo world champ 2025”“Why am I single 😭”

Lando’s just grinning like an idiot while Max shakes his head. “Yeah, alright, you win. Everyone else can go home.”

------------------------------------------------------------

Cat gate

Lando and Max were lounging side by side in his gaming room, mid-break between rounds of Counter-Strike, when Lando’s phone lit up on the desk.

“Ooh, look who’s calling, chat,” he grinned, picking it up and flashing the screen toward the camera, a photo of Y/N, cheeks squished against his in a selfie. The chat instantly flooded with heart emojis.

“Probably misses me already,” he added smugly, answering with a teasing, “Hello, baby.”

“Yuck,” Max groaned beside him, visibly cringing as he read the chat explode with reactions to Lando’s soft tone. “Hate it here.”

“Hey, so, um… don’t be mad,” Y/N’s voice came through, the slightest bit hesitant.

Lando’s brows furrowed slightly. “That’s never a good start. What’s wrong, my love? You still out with Lily and Alex?”

“Yeah! We had such a good time—we played a little golf, got some lunch…” she said casually, but there was background noise now: distant music, a bit of wind, someone talking.

Lando glanced at Max, curious. “Sounds fun. You on your way back?”

“Almost home, yes. But okay, listen… there’s just this tiny thing.”

“Wait—" Lando cut in, scandalized. "You played golf without me? I’m actually offended.”

“Lan…”

“Traitor,” Max muttered, shaking his head at her through the mic. “She always says no when we ask.”

“Because Lily actually knows what she’s doing!” Y/N snapped back playfully, then sighed. “Anyway, that’s not the point—”

“You told him about the cat yet?” another voice chimed faintly in the background—Alex Albon, unmistakably.

Lando’s expression froze. “Cat? Did Alex just say cat? What cat?!”

Y/N laughed nervously, “Okay...you know what? We’ll talk about it later. We’re almost home. Ten minutes. Love you, bye!”

“Wait—we?” Lando sat up straighter, suddenly suspicious. “Baby, who’s we? Hello??”

The call had already ended.

Max burst out laughing. “Oh, you’re in trouble.”

Lando stared at the screen like it betrayed him. “What cat? Who is we?! Did she mean her and the cat?!”

Not long later, a soft knock echoed through the room.

Lando glanced at the door just as it creaked open, revealing Y/N’s head peeking in, her eyes wide with mischief and a grin tugging at her lips.

Max immediately leaned forward, laughing. “Oh, she’s definitely up to something. That’s the face of someone who’s just done something incredibly stupid… or incredibly amazing.”

Lando turned in his chair to face her, smiling despite himself. “Come in, baby. The stream’s on.”

She stepped fully into the room, and in her arms, curled up like a sleepy little angel, was a kitten. A tiny, soft-furred ball of fluff, blinking slowly and completely unfazed by the chaos around it.

“Before you say anything,” Y/N started quickly.

“Oh my god,” Max said, whipping his head toward Lando, his eyes wide with glee.

Lando just stared. “Baby… you didn’t.”

“We can’t. We’re barely even home,” he added, voice soft but edged with disbelief.

“I know,” she rushed out, walking toward him and gently placing the kitten in his lap. “Technically, she’s still Alex’s. One of their cats had a litter and I said we could foster one for a bit.”

Lando let out a breath as the kitten instantly curled into him, purring like a tiny engine. His hand instinctively began to stroke the soft fur.

“How am I even meant to carry a cat?” he muttered, spinning his chair a little to show the stream.

“Mate… what do you mean? You’re literally holding it,” Max deadpanned, watching in disbelief.

“So?” Y/N asked, bouncing slightly on her toes. “Can we keep her—for now? Alex said if you say no, that’s totally fine. We’ve got three months to decide.”

Lando looked up at her, caught somewhere between overwhelmed and completely smitten. “But I thought you wanted a dog?”

“I do!” she said, nodding eagerly. “But now they can be friends.”

Lando turned to Max for backup, but Max just shrugged. “Leave me out of this one, mate.”

Lando’s eyes flicked back to Y/N, a grin breaking across his face despite the chaos. He looked down at the kitten, now snoozing peacefully in his lap.

“What are we naming her?”

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jungwnies · 3 months ago

Text

f1 grid (1/2) | pranking your husband with your kid

୨ৎ : featuring : max verstappen, lewis hamilton, george russell, carlos sainz, & charles leclerc (click here for part two) ୨ৎ : synopsis (requested by 🫐 anon) : your little one confidently drops an “stfu” in front of their unsuspecting father, chaos ensues...

୨ৎ : genre : comedy ୨ৎ : tws : children cursing ୨ৎ : word count : 1699

୨ৎ masterlist ୨ৎ

ᡣ𐭩 a/n : quite literally one of the funniest things ive wrote LMFAO also cant believe i just stayed up till 4am to watch the sprint ... being a US fan is tough.

ʚ・max verstappen

mornings in the verstappen household were usually calm and routine.

max had his coffee, you had your tea, and your little one sat in their chair, happily munching on toast while the three of you chatted about the day ahead.

it was peaceful.

until it wasn’t.

because this morning, you had decided to spice things up a bit.

as max sipped his coffee, barely awake, your child, with the confidence of a seasoned pro, suddenly turned to you and said,

“mom, shut the fuck up.”

max froze mid-sip.

for a second, he didn’t move, his blue eyes going impossibly wide over the rim of his mug. you watched as he processed the words, his brain short-circuiting in real-time.

and then—

“hey! what did you just say to your mother?!”

max nearly knocked over his coffee, slamming the mug down so hard it rattled against the table. his full attention was now on your child, who sat there completely unfazed, swinging their legs innocently.

max’s jaw tightened, his usually relaxed morning demeanor shattered. “that is not how we talk to mom,” he scolded, his voice stern.

at this point, you couldn’t hold it in anymore, your shoulders started shaking with laughter.

max’s gaze snapped to you, bewildered.

“what—why are you laughing?” he demanded, looking between you and your unbothered child.

your kid, bless their little mischievous heart, grinned proudly and clapped their hands. “we got you, daddy!”

max blinked. “…what?”

you gasped for air between laughs. “it was a prank, max!”

his whole body deflated, his shoulders slumping as he sank back into his chair. he ran a hand down his face, shaking his head, still in shock.

“a prank?” he muttered, exhaling deeply.

“yep.” you grinned. “and you fell for it perfectly.”

your child nodded enthusiastically. “we got you good, daddy!”

max groaned, still looking visibly distressed. “jesus christ,” he muttered under his breath, before looking at you dead in the eyes.

“never scare me like that again. both of you.”

you and your kid shared a victorious high-five, while max sat there, sipping his coffee in defeated silence.

because, honestly? you would definitely be doing it again.

ʚ・lewis hamilton

it was the perfect start to the day.

until your child, with all the confidence in the world, casually dropped, “mom, shut the fuck up.”

lewis instantly froze.

his fork stopped mid-air, his jaw went tight, and his eyes flickered between you and your child with calculated precision, as if trying to assess whether he actually heard what he thought he did.

slowly, deliberately, he set his utensils down.

“where did you learn that language?” his voice was calm, firm—the kind of dad voice that reminded you of even your own father.

your child just blinked up at him innocently.

you bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to crack. the silence stretched as lewis continued analyzing the situation, likely recalling every conversation, every movie, every song your child had ever been exposed to.

finally, he looked at you. “babe?”

and that’s when you burst out laughing.

your child giggled right along with you, clapping their hands. “we got you!”

lewis blinked, processing the betrayal in real-time.

“wait.” he leaned back, shaking his head. “this was a prank?”

you nodded, wiping tears from your eyes. “you should’ve seen your face.”

your little one beamed, still thrilled with their performance.

lewis sighed, rubbing a hand down his face before shaking his head. “you’re both unbelievable.”

you leaned over, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “but you love us.”

he huffed out a laugh, wrapping an arm around you before gently tapping your kid’s nose. “that’s right. but don’t think you’re getting dessert tonight, little troublemaker.”

your child gasped dramatically. “not even ice cream?”

lewis smirked, taking a sip of his coffee. “nope. actions have consequences.”

you and your little one shared a mischievous glance, already plotting the next prank.

ʚ・george russell

george russell prided himself on being a refined, well-mannered man.

which is why, when your sweet, angelic child, sitting perfectly at the breakfast table, suddenly deadpanned—

“oh my god, mom, just shut the fuck up.”

—george absolutely lost the plot.

he gasped so dramatically, it could’ve been a shakespearean performance.

then, in the middle of his gasp, he nearly choked on his tea, sputtering as he set his cup down with an urgency that sent a teaspoon flying across the table.

his eyes were wide with absolute horror as he looked at your child, then at you, then back at your child.

“excuse me, young one?!” his voice rose an octave, his posh british accent making it all the more ridiculous. “that is absolutely unacceptable!”

you bit your lip, trying to hold it together, but your child's stone-faced innocence was making it so much harder.

george blinked rapidly, clearly spiraling. “where—who—why—how do you even know that phrase?!”

you couldn’t do it anymore. the laugh ripped out of you, and your kid cracked immediately, bursting into giggles.

george’s expression did not change.

he just stared at the two of you, utterly betrayed.

“oh. oh, funny, is it?” he sat back, arms crossed. “you two almost gave me a heart attack!”

tears streamed down your face as you gasped between laughs. “your reaction was...perfect.”

george sighed, rubbing his temples. “i can’t believe this. i thought i was raising a russell, not a red bull garage menace.”

your kid, still giggling, leaned into him. “sorry, daddy.”

george huffed, shaking his head. “mm-hmm.”

you smirked. “come on love, be a good sport...i guess we won’t tell you about the prank we have planned for next week.”

george froze, eyes narrowing. “next week?!”

and just like that, his morning was ruined.

ʚ・carlos sainz

dinner at the sainz household was usually filled with laughter, playful teasing, and carlos passionately explaining why bread is the superior food group.

but tonight? tonight was different.

because in the middle of enjoying his meal, your sweet, sweet child suddenly looked up from their plate and casually threw out—

“mom, shut the hell up.”

carlos stopped chewing immediately.

slowly, he set his fork down, his usually warm brown eyes narrowing in silent disbelief as he turned his full attention to your child.

“what did you just say?” his voice was low, steady—that kind of calm that wasn’t really calm at all.

your kid fidgeted, but to their credit, they stayed in character, glancing at their food like nothing had happened.

carlos inhaled sharply, rubbing his jaw.

“apologize. right now, por favor,” he said, his tone leaving no room for negotiation.

you had been doing an admirable job holding it together, but the sight of carlos going full dad mode while your kid desperately tried to avoid eye contact was too much.

a laugh bubbled out of you, breaking the tense silence.

carlos' sharp gaze snapped to you.

“why are you laughing?” he asked, clearly concerned that you weren’t treating this as a disciplinary moment.

your kid finally cracked, giggling uncontrollably. “it’s a prank, daddy!”

carlos' shoulders slumped in instant relief, his head dropping into his hands as he let out a deep sigh.

he shook his head, clearly trying to process his near-stroke, before pushing his chair back and pulling your child into his arms.

“dios mío,” he muttered, pressing a firm kiss to their head. “you scared me, mi corazón. never again.”

your child wrapped their arms around his neck, clearly pleased with their successful prank.

carlos pulled back just enough to look at them. “you know i love you, sí?”

they nodded, still giggling.

he nodded too, expression softening—but then, with a dramatic sigh, he glanced at you.

“you. you i do not love right now.”

you smirked, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “aw, but i love you, cariño.”

carlos groaned, dramatically rubbing his face.

“i should’ve known,” he muttered. “you are just as bad as lando.”

you laugh, "well who do you think i got the idea from, amor?"

ʚ・charles leclerc

charles leclerc was many things—a world-class driver, a monegasque heartthrob, a man with an occasional temper behind the wheel—but at home, he was a complete softie.

especially when it came to his little girl.

so when you suggested a prank, your daughter was all in—and naturally, charles never saw it coming.

it started innocently enough. dinner was almost ready, and charles was sitting at the kitchen island, scrolling through his phone, completely oblivious to what was about to unfold.

you stood by the stove, pretending to be annoyed, sighing as you turned to your daughter.

“you always take your papa’s side,” you huffed, crossing your arms dramatically.

your daughter, in full character, rolled her eyes. “because he is right most of the time!”

charles looked up, blinking in confusion.

“what are you two talking about?” he asked, already sensing tension but completely unsure why.

you shook your head. “forget it.”

“yeah, mama, seriously, just shut the fuck up!”

silence.

absolute, stunned, deafening silence.

charles' phone nearly slipped out of his hand.

his eyes widened to saucers, darting back and forth between you and your daughter like a tennis match, his mouth slightly opening and closing—but no words came out.

he finally managed to stammer, softly, “mon ange… where did you learn such a word?”

his voice was so soft, so betrayed, you nearly broke character.

your daughter held it together impressively—until she turned to you, and you both burst out laughing.

charles' entire body sagged in relief.

“oh, thank goodness,” he exhaled, rubbing his face. “i thought we had some serious parenting issues.”

you giggled, walking over to kiss his cheek. “did we get you?”

charles shot you the most unimpressed look. “i nearly had a heart attack.”

your daughter giggled, climbing onto his lap and wrapping her tiny arms around his neck. “sorry, papa. we were just playing!”

charles sighed dramatically, wrapping his arms around her. “i don’t know who is worse—you or your mother.”

you winked. “probably me.”

charles huffed out a laugh, shaking his head before kissing the top of his daughter’s head. “no more playing like that, okay, mon ange?”

she nodded, grinning mischievously.

but from the way charles still held her tight, he wasn’t taking any chances.

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ezzybel · 1 month ago

Text

The only thing I have to add to this analysis is to pose the question:

If Series ENA is a different instance of ENA in each episode. How does this interact with Moony & Ena's friendship?

Does Moony simply hang out or challenge multiple Ena?

...

Chapter 2 of Dream Barbeque can't be released soon enough

Recently in trying to come to a logical comprehension of the abstractness and esoteric narrative of ENA, I eventually came to speculate that all episodes' Enas are different ones. I even mention this in the tags of this post that I chose to not add and instead screenshotted them to preserve them.

The reason I came to speculate this is simply because I'm the sort of person who tries to make the incomprehensible, comprehensible. If something appears to have at least enough sense and continuity to it to not be complete 'nonsense', then I will persistently attempt to break it down into something that makes logical sense and unearth a "true/concrete understanding" (much to my own chagrin and annoyance. Motifs and patterns and connections-making brain is too used to doing this that I can't really "turn it off"). I am also aware that that's not what ENA is about— at least not initially, given the hourglass dog unlockables in DBBQ make mention of "lore" within the ENA universe (but even I'm skeptical as to how the word "lore" is being used, because I'm doubtful it's used to mean 'a canon' of sorts).

But ENA as a narrative is more akin to Hylics than something like your standard JRPG: there's a world and a relatively understood comprehension of how the laws of it work (to an extent) and things like entities and recurring people, but there's no real overarching plot to them— though Hylics doesn't exactly fit 1:1 with this description as both games do have a sort of plot, but the first game's is a lot more mere happenstance and not something like a "god-given quest".

Or in short, things really happen just to happen. DBBQ is to ENA what Hylics 2 is to Hylics.

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Anyway, why exactly I speculated that all the episodes' Ena's are different ones has to do with my having attempted to understand when Power of Potluck takes place.

I've already theorized how PoP possibly fits chronologically into the ENA series as a whole in two instances, but temporarily gave up out of acquiescing to the highly probable case that ENA just isn't something that a comprehensive timeline is necessary for or was even considered in the making of it.

To summarize my tags in the first link, based on a post someone made about how Ena in PoP is missing the middle strap of her suspenders which matches how she looked in Auction Day (where for Extinction Party and Temptation Stairway she has the middle strap), the op theorized that PoP chronologically occurs before Auction Day. I misremembered when they said PoP possibly chronologically occurs as before Extinction Party.

This time placement still matches up if PoP is placed in the gap between the two since Ena only has the middle strap in her design from specifically Extinction Party forward, so reasonably, any time before then she could have not had it yet.

(And as an aside, due to the possible achronological nature of Ena, it's also reasonable to speculate that the episodes in the order they were released also didn't chronologically occur in that order.)

But that's not my point of discussing this, just that I misremembered and that in my tags, were Auction Day to be put in place of my mention of Extinction Party, my point would still stand.

As you can see, I tried to come to a logical understanding of how PoP fits in with the rest of the series— not just because of that post pointing out the possible timeline placement— but because it doesn't make sense what with the ending of Temptation Stairway.

Sure, maybe one could offer the argument that the Great Runas' wish fulfillment wouldn't be permanent for one reason or another (ala "you can't just wish away your sadness; as an emotion, it will inevitably come back and this wish will only offer temporary solace at best"), but Ulysses literally tells Ena that she's trapped within the Divine Door until it next opens, which won't be for a long time, so how is she in Power of Potluck?

Maybe she really did just wait out the whole time and is still alive (how one would even figure out a life expectancy for a functionally immortal and achronological entity like Ena, I don't know), but this feels like a stretch.

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That was then that I considered "what if it's not just PoP Ena that is a different Ena, and Auction Day; Extinction Party; and Temptation Stairway are all one Ena, and DBBQ is yet another Ena, but that all of the episodes have different Enas?"

This is actually implied within the series itself with Rubik in Extinction Party and Shepherd in Temptation Stairway addressing Ena as though there existed multiple of her.

Some people have taken this to mean that Ena is a species rather than that there are multiple of specifically her. Put another way, multiple of the same entity (as is shown in the Holy Code with multiple blue/yellow Enas frozen in place and intermittently glitching into mannequins).

If it's already established that in some form there are multiple Enas (regardless of if being a species or just multiple of one person), then why not take it a step further and speculate that the Ena in each episode is also a different one? Why assume that the Ena we watch through all the episodes is the exact same one?

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What really made me seriously consider this was that, going based on this theory, it makes what was going on with Ena in Temptation Stairway make sense.

In Temptation Stairway, the whole way through, Ena's voices don't match the side they're typically assigned to (male voice coming from sad and female voice coming from happy). Sometimes they match, others they don't. Sometimes for one sentence from sad, it's the female voice but for the immediate subsequent sentence it's the male voice, creating this weird dissonance.

In Auction Day, Extinction Party, and later Power of Potluck, this mixing of the voices never happens. For those episodes, happy is always the male voice and sad is always the female voice.

Going into Temptation Stairway with the belief that its Ena is the exact same as the Enas in the prior two episodes creates dissonance and confusion because she never had this 'issue' before, so why are her voices so mismatched now? But if one goes into Temptation Stairway with the belief that each episodes' Ena is a different one, then that clears any possible dissonance and confusion because then it'd just be this one instance of Ena in particular that's all weird.

This also in turn, makes Power of Potluck's events even happening make sense since Ena shouldn't have been able to leave the Divine Door until it next opened (is it possible for her to transfer herself to a different mannequin on command? Like, without dying first? And if she were to be transferred to a different mannequin, would the Great Runas' wish fulfillment still be in effect or would it be null since she's technically a different entity (mannequin, not Ena) than the one who made the wish?). If the Ena in Power of Potluck is a different Ena, then that could mean that Temptation Stairway's Ena could still exist simultaneously.

Though, that's if one's interpretation of "multiple of the same entity" is the straightforward "clones"-type understanding. It's possible that while there are multiple Enas, there is still actually only one of her.

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That's where the theorized achronological aspect of her comes in. Many different timelines/chonologies overlapping each other at different points to create the 'illusion' of there being multiple of her, but there is still only one of her in the strictest sense.

But then there's also the "one person can be in two places at once" thing.

To explain it as simply as I can and how I understand it, Ena basically functions like Celebi from pokemon, but like, a bit more convoluted.

This understanding of "Ena is multiple of the same entity" contradicts how Power of Potluck works— depending on when it occurs.

On one hand, if Power of Potluck chronologically occurs after Temptation Stairway, then it doesn't make sense since all Enas are actually just one entity ever but there's some timey-wimey shenanigans going on with her thus making her "multiple", and if Ena is trapped behind the Divine Door and possibly can't get out even by using a different mannequin because it'd possibly nullify her wish, then how and why does Power of Potluck occur?

Her wish was fulfilled, and while Ulysses says "desires are never fulfilled nor quenched", given the many Enas floating motionless in the Holy Code, glitching, the rest of the events of Temptation Stairway implies that this Ena actually succeeded whereas all the others failed.

(And this also makes the events of Temptation Stairway very interesting when viewed with the belief that there is only truly one Ena but there's time overlap going on. Because, as Shepherd implies, she has met Ena before. Ena has entered the Divine Door before. she has tried to make her wish to the Great Runas before— and as the many instances of her in the Holy Code show, she's tried this many times. And it was only during the events of Temptation Stairway itself that she (seemingly) succeeds.)

So if Ena is stuck within the Divine Door and wouldn't have been able to leave for a very long time and her wish was fulfilled (for a literal god, I find the idea of the Great Runas' wish fulfillment not being able to stick disappointing and portrays the genies as not all they're cracked up to be. That they don't deserve the reputation they have if their powers are naturally impermanent and there's nothing they can do about it), then why does Power of Potluck even happen? Why is Sad back?

And of course, I have to address the elephant in the room that is Moony having reverted back to her normal form than the cursed humanoid form she got as per her wish in Temptation Stairway.

Again, this is only really a snag if one views Power of Potluck occurring chronologically after Temptation Stairway, if it's viewed as having occurred prior to T.S, then there's no issue.

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But that then leads me to what I theorized about the nature of PoP in relation to the rest of the series: Power of Potluck is an alternate timeline of Ena where she failed in having her wish granted by way of not making it to the Divine Door in time.

It can't be her having failed some time after having entered it because remember, the Door closes right after she and Moony enter it and she can't exit it until a long time later.

And as I stated in my tags above, I find Power of Potluck chronologically occurring after Temptation Stairway— just in general— rendering T.S redundant since... what was the point of all of that and Ena having her wish fulfilled in having her sadness removed if it just comes back in the next episode?

People try to logically explain it as "the Great Runas' powers probably aren't permanent or weren't permanent with the nature of Ena's wish in particular (and Moony's, I guess)", but that feels like a stretch since for all how glorified and praised the Great Runas is, I've no reason to reasonably believe that it was exaggeration— or that the nature of Ena's wish was incompatible with permanence (the Great Runas is literally "Run As". As in "run as administrator". I kind of doubt something with that level of power could be so easily undone. It's literally a metaphysical rewrite).

But if Power of Potluck is a different timeline altogether where Ena failed to even reach the Divine Door— and Moony is still a moon rather than humanoid, meaning she also failed to reach it— then PoP makes sense, as its existence doesn't conflict with Temptation Stairway.

If one ascribes to the flavor of "Ena is multiple of the same entity" theory where she's all just one entity ever but there's achonological overlap, how Power of Potluck occurs would alter the nature of this take on Ena into something even more convoluted. That being, each Ena, rather than assumably all being from one timeline and occurring in the past or future from when they're supposed to be— creating the illusion of there being multiple Enas— is actually "every 'instance' of Ena is an Ena from a different timeline".

And that with each Ena being from a different timeline but they're able to cross over to other timelines and also have the same aforementioned achronological format, then shit gets really confusing.

Basically then, only Ena would be able to "jump" timelines but not any of the other characters. That way it's still only one Ena but it's Ena from different timelines.

(Technically, this is also the same take as how I explained "each episode's Ena is a different one, which explains what was up with the voice dissonance with T.S' Ena", as each episodes' Ena actually being from a single timeline is literally just the same as the take that the Ena in all episodes is the same exact one.)

If one ascribes to there literally being multiple Enas (not a species, just multiple of the same entity ala "clones"), then Power of Potluck almost makes sense. Because, while this does account for the conflicting existences of PoP's Ena and T.S' Ena, it doesn't account for Moony still being a moon rather than humanoid— and we don't have any reason to realistically believe that there are also multiples of Moony (and possibly every other character).

So, in the end, the most sensible explanation for Power of Potluck occurring without being in conflict with Temptation Stairway is that PoP occurs in a timeline where Ena and Moony failed to reach the Divine Door (which in itself is inherent to believing that each episodes' Ena is a different one).

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Now, having established that every Ena seen is a different instance, how does Dream BBQ's Ena fit into this?

My first theory was that she too, was a different Ena but still originally was blue/yellow Ena that somehow became how she is now, and while I still think this, there's now more to it.

While I did reblog and found much of the theorizing in this post agreeable, when it came to DBBQ Ena being implied as being Temptation Stairway's Ena, that... sort of didn't register properly in my brain...

It's like "water is wet, yeah." then going "OHHHH. Water is wet!" like, ?????? it didn't??? click right??? in my brain??????

Understanding but not true understanding?

It wasn't until I started doing this theorizing completely separate from that post that I organically came to the same conclusion.

As per my tags from different DBBQ analyses:

With things from the series literally being referenced in-universe, I don't think it's meant to just be a "wink wink, nudge nudge" for the player, but is actually something that has occurred in-universe. Emphasis on "occurred", past tense.

And with Worker Ena during the end of chapter one having technical difficulties in loading into the mannequin at the hub where she blips through her "hangover form" and even blue/yellow Ena for a single frame, I think it has actual bearing in-universe. That it's not just an easter egg, it means something.

I phrase it in the first post's tags that "she has been blue/yellow", but that was postulation for the sake of fitting within tag and tag character limits. It has not been proven that Worker Ena once was blue/yellow Ena, but evidence throughout DBBQ heavily implies this to be the case.

And even Worker Ena's 'bugging out' at the end of chapter one is just my interpretation of what was going on: that she was being loaded as past states (like... a computer. Save states, system restore, etc) before she was properly loaded back as Worker Ena.

I interpreted it this way based on the appearance of Hangover Ena being a completely unique state of Ena (as opposed to the emotional extremes which aren't unique states since they're just emotions from a blue/yellow or cream white+blue-grey/red Ena) and viewing the single frame appearance of blue/yellow Ena with knowledge that the events of the series have already happened (because I've seen some people speculate that DBBQ is a prequel?? No???), it lead to me thinking that the appearance of blue/yellow Ena during the 'technical difficulties' alongside Hangover Ena was that these two states of being have something in common.

She has been Hangover Ena. She has been blue/yellow Ena.

So, how does this tie into Worker Ena potentially being Temptation Stairway's Ena?

Since I have established my belief in the theory that Worker Ena isn't a completely separate "type" of Ena (along the lines of the "Ena is a species" theory) and instead formerly was blue/yellow, I can properly start explaining.

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Referring back to this analysis, this is the only analysis I've seen that makes any mention of the wish option Ena could make to Theodora about "punishing the moon".

Things like aspiring for a blissful life or eternal happiness can be understood within only the context of Worker Ena as we know her in DBBQ (completely divorced from her being series Ena) given how overworked she is and how much she hates her job and outright states she no longer has personal agency.

Aspiring for Frank's forgiveness on his behalf is also understandable— especially since he's 1. one of the few characters (as of chapter 1) that is genuinely kind to Ena with no backhanded compliments or remarks about her and 2. pronounces and spells her name correctly as ∃NA.

He is the most respectful character thus far to Worker Ena, so her aspiring for his forgiveness on his behalf being because of his genuine respect for her makes sense.

Then there's of course the aspiration to get rid of the smoke, the entire reason Ena even came to have an audience with Theodora.

But then there's the option at the bottom.

"Aspire for the punishment of the moon." The heck does that mean?

Well, as this analysis theorizes, Worker Ena isn't just any random instance of Ena, but is specifically Temptation Stairway's Ena.

To quote said analysis,

"But if Runas was in fact the murdered Genie, then there is one suspect in particular that pops into my mind. Someone who has met Runas. Someone who was... unimpressed. Dissatisfied. And found herself trapped inside his domain for a long, long time."

This aspiration only makes sense in the context of Worker Ena being the same Ena as in Temptation Stairway.

Why? Why would it specifically have to be Temptation Stairway's Ena and not a different one? Aspiring for the punishment of the moon doesn't really convey a form of specificity to the events of Temptation Stairway, theory that the Great Runas was killed and Ena was blamed for it/being punished on behalf of Moony or whoever did it or not.

Well, there's several reasons.

The first being the constant mention of God that Worker Ena has ("bless you for your business", "worry not, you're still a child of GOD", "GOD knows the rest") makes the most sense with Temptation Stairway's Ena— though this can come across as confirmation bias.

Another reason is that DBBQ Ena is overworked, stressed, and one of her sides is literally anger and anxiety, and that Worker Ena was formerly blue/yellow but Something Happened. That one of her aspirations to a GOD is to "punish the moon"; Moony would have had to have done something absolutely horrific to Ena to have led to series Ena becoming the way she is now and first chance she gets at reaching a wish-granting god is to punish Moony.

Yeah, I think the reverence of God despite Meanie remarking she "doesn't believe in anything" and upon Worker Ena meeting a wish-granting god like Runas who doesn't grant wishes without limit unlike him, is to aspire for the punishment of "the moon", I think they're connected.

Basically god/genie-based trauma about what was unfairly taken from her (after so many instances of her failed).

Also, "punishment" as a concept has only been spoken of in some form by only four characters thus far across the series and DBBQ combined.

Moony in Temptation Stairway

Ulysses in Temptation Stairway

Taski Maiden in Chapter 1 of Dream BBQ

Theodora in Chapter 1 of Dream BBQ

What's interesting is that the instances of punishment being mentioned in the webseries are in Temptation Stairway.

But Moony's mention of punishment when viewed under the lens of her having done something to Ena— whether directly or indirectly— that eventually caused her to become Worker Ena is... extremely worrying.

The full context is:

"Pay the debts of the loser." "Rude entities like you get punished for the sins of others." "Aspire for the punishment of the moon." and Theodora's response.

.......

Anyway.

Postulating this to be the case, that would mean that for "Full Happiness" Ena to have become Worker Ena, then the Great Runas' wish wasn't impermanent (again, like it naturally faded over time or that it was incompatible with the nature of series Ena's wish), but was, well... more akin to the type of wish fulfillment loophole trickery that genies in other media are known for (not that I think the Great Runas tricked Ena, but that he fulfilled her wish exactly and other negative emotions eventually arising was just a consequence of lack of foresight on Ena's part in not specifying she only ever wanted to be happy).

Yes, Ena's sadness was removed, but there was nothing that specified a different emotion couldn't take its place.

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This reminds me of my analysis on someone's post about Worker Ena regarding how Meanie is specifically cream white/very pale yellow. How, with the way Anxiety is displayed on Meanie by default looks like shading and given how abstract and wacky the characters in ENA are, the shading peculiarly being completely absent on Salesperson's side isn't that odd.

It's not until the Purge Event that during the phone call with Froggy, Ena's sprite during the call visibly shows the "shading" creeping down her face, revealing that it wasn't just weird shading that only applied to the Meanie side, but was actually a whole third color.

And if Anxiety, as a third color, was cleverly disguised as being weird shading that isn't out of place for something as bizarre as ENA, then Meanie being cream white/very pale yellow rather than a stark white could be along the same lines. That Meanie being yellow-tinted isn't "just lighting", but is also something more that's cleverly disguised.

I stopped thinking this to be the case, but now upon theorizing that Worker Ena is Temptation Stairway's Ena and that the Great Runas' wish fulfillment is strictly still in effect, that perhaps there is merit after all in Meanie being comprised of formerly Happy and Sad (I'm still holding out on it out of residual skepticism, though).

Though, it wouldn't really be "Sad" since that side of Ena was removed.

Anxiety is blue-grey rather than a pure grey. It is not a pure blue like Sad was. Anxiety is not the same emotion as Sad.

Like I said, the Great Runas' wish fulfillment is still in effect: Ena is still rid of her Sad side.

But if Worker Ena really is Temptation Stairway's Ena, that informs the specificity of what T.S' Ena wished for. That it did not include her always and only being Happy, just that she wished to be rid of her sadness.

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But wait! There's more! This also ties into how Worker Ena being Temptation Stairway's Ena affects how Power of Potluck exists as it does.

Temptation Stairway was stated by Joel G. to be a "season finale". This on its own means that Power of Potluck is the first episode of the second season. Joel G. also says Temptation Stairway was "the end and the beginning of something".

There are several comments he replied to and two in particular caught my interest.

Given that Dream BBQ's trailers exist before Power of Potluck, and PoP Ena is along the lines of how she's already been depicted in season one, it's safe to say that he was referring to Worker Ena here.

And then... this.

"One of these characters will stay with the new look on [sic] the future".

Obviously this doesn't apply to Worker Ena since she looks completely different from Full Happiness Ena.

But we haven't seen Moony yet in Dream BBQ.

He said one of them will "stay with the new look", so there's little reason to believe he changed his mind— especially since we have not seen Moony yet to confirm whether that is the case or not.

Regardless, until more episodes and chapters come out, I'll still just view Worker Ena as "connected to blue/yellow Ena" but that's the extent of it. I'm not banking on this being The Singular Truth and then it warp my perception of Worker Ena into "oh poor Temptation Stairway Ena" when that hasn't been confirmed despite there being a lot that supports that theory.

It's too early to be making calls like this when there literally are only four episodes (three episodes in season one and one episode in season two thus far) and a single chapter of the game. Still think it's worth speculating on, though.

#absolutely incredible ane beautiful analysis #now that you mention the chronology of yhe ENA series and considering how they're listed on youtube... could it be possible #that DBBQ takes place between season 1 and 2 ?#also i never noted the potentiality that Worker Ena is the way she is because of Moony thats such a hot take !!#now im like “WHAT IF MOONY IS THE BOSS”#anyways on mobile so im trying to gather my thoughts #see originally i believed that Runas' wishes were a sort of catch 22 #“here's a mask to hide your sadness”#“you have to keep up with your body to keep it thin” <- (ref Moony why she wasnt different in PoP)#HOWEVER now with this it has me thinking.... what if Runas' way of granting Ena's wish is/was by setting her on this path of growth?#WHICH the DBBQ trailer song is called Anemoia which means “nostalgia for a time you never experienced”#which coincides with the multiple ENA at the same time theory because technically if each Ena is a unique experience #she wouldnt “remember” her past experience

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tfatwsbarnes · 23 days ago

Text

we can’t be friends | bob reynolds pt. 2

read pt. 1 here!

summary: bob and you now navigate the implications of your curse by the TVA

pairing: bob reynolds x variant fem!reader

word count: 4.6k

content: angst and yearning on both ends, they’re in LOVE! fluff and honestly just self indulgence at this point. it’s christmas but reader doesn’t celebrate it, reader also has to wear a dress, swearing, more heavy use of dialogue, reader is v emotional and still an avid tea drinker. touch starved babes, eventual kissing but not how you would expect. tva inaccuracies again.

a/n: mwah ty for the love on part one! not proofread hehe. also i confess to not seeing s2 of loki so i’m none the wiser to anything past the first season

taglist: @amandarobertsboyce @micro-kat @kurogxrix @gavin-isstupid - tysm for reading 🫶

You woke up with a splitting headache.

Days had bled into weeks since the exposé on your deep dark secret, that you were not an Earth-616 Variant. Your existence did not belong amongst the chaos of this New York in all it’s anarchic glory. It was the perfect sweet spot, tucked deep into the belly of the TVA library, you had spent countless hours — no, minutes? — peeling pages upon pages out of manilla coloured folders, to find a Timeline which you could simply dissolve into the background of.

Earth-616. Plenty of things wrong with it. A handful of things right with it. Including the sole reason you had been arrested, fought off pruning, escaped and arrested thrice more. Robert Reynolds. A little wounded, an exponential amount of skeletons in his closet and you adored every corner of it.

It took a lot of background work, to ensure you had chosen a place that you could escape the prying hands of the TVA and locate Bob.

Your memory so vivid of that time. The paper cuts, calloused fingertips from endless paperwork being handled from the start of the day until the very end, where Mobius M. Mobius had tracked you down within the confides of the TVA and banished you to your room to sleep before the trial.

The sickening drench of the colour orange wherever you looked. Unable to rest, you’d pad around the infinite halls before slipping into the same room you had been thrown into the first incident that you had been arrested. No longer coated in fear, but grieving a loss of the life you knew still existed within the realms of time.

Lights flickered in the darkness, an image pooled upon the screen in front of you: VARIANT Y1097 FILES. An ache in your bones at the title, a sadistic element to your viewing of your own life. You’d press the button with hesitation, eyes wide with wonder over a treasured lifetime.

There he was. Hair a little shorter, but face all the same. Swamped in anxiety and self-deprecation, but his eyes poured with love whenever you watched the scenes between you two unfold. You two led a simple life in that Timeline, nested in New York City, adopted an all white mountainous feline, Sierra and even introduced the likes of therapy to Bob.

If you hadn’t come across the advertisement for Wonder Inc. taped to a lamppost just two blocks down from your apartment, you and Bob would be tethered for that lifetime. Your eyes welled as they always did, to the sight of your greyed hairs, thinner as Bob’s was cut short to maintain thickness on the top. Laughter lines plenty, hands spotted with age; you died first. The end of your tape concluding that you craved the simplicity of life with Bob Reynolds. No matter how you found it.

Your name was called. And for a moment, you felt the panic creep up the back of your neck. Sight blurred from being unfocused, you blinked back into the moment to see the man you had been daydreaming your lost life with.

If you could have, you would’ve smoothed the wrinkle set between his brows with worry.

“I lost you there.” He mumbled.

You always lose me.

You conjured up a smile, “Sorry. What were you saying?” You peered over your shoulder — as you always did — awaiting that familiar orange glow and TVA guards tenfold.

“It’s OK.” Bob started, “I was just mentioning that Yelena returned your files back to Valentina’s office.”

You visibly tensed. Back straightened, throat bobbed from a hard pill to swallow. Valentina Allegra de Fontaine was malice incarnate, she taunted you from the sidelines, her own version of a puppet with strings because one act of defiance, and she would be the one to make the call.

It had been two weeks since Bob had excavated the skeletons of your TVA file, it had led to a sudden bloom of friendship — to that you were thankful for — you routinely walked side by side to the kitchen in the dark mornings of December, shoulders brushed against the fabric of your clothes, subtle stolen glances at side profiles whilst the other was busy in their mind. To say it alarmed the rest of the team was an understatement. They thrived on the jest that Bob repelled you to the complete opposite side of the room, his heavy efforts not going unnoticed.

Now? You were practically joint at the hip.

It was a blessing and a curse. A curse that rained down as Valentina, heels clicking against the refurbished floor, pencil skirt to match the blazer as she sauntered into the kitchen with her sights set on you. Prepared to do anything, you turned your full attention to her pursed purple stained lips, a twitch in her right eye as she began to smirk with intent.

She spoke your name like it was a death sentence, “You didn’t happen to cross paths with a particular file during your admin work, did you?” You had shaken your head with vigour, fingers clenched around your designated tea drinking mug enough that you might’ve crushed it into dust. Valentina tilted her head, palms smoothed over the counter, “I’m missing a file. A very important one. I think we both know what I’m talking about.”

Yes. For two different reasons. One: Bob had stolen it in partial innocence — he sat beside you, sweat on his brow — and two: you wanted that file. The manipulative, devil in nature that brandished a white streak of hair, could publish your documents at any given time. Unleashing a relentless force, a sequence violation, and you would be right back where you started in the shackles of the TVA.

Hands tied, Bob — riddled with guilt — set Yelena the task of returning the file that Alexei had kept to use as a comically large bookmark. With a light snort after Bob questioned her capability of not being caught, Yelena slipped the dog-eared file back with nonchalance to her skill.

You would earn those files back. One day.

“Did I say something wrong?” Bob asked when you didn’t reply to his statement. He thought he had done right by restoring the cracked peace between you and Valentina. Visibly unravelled in nerves, you offered a warm smile and Bob softened.

“No. Thank you, Bob.” You meant it. Although the slight grit of your teeth said otherwise. Quick to change the subject, you added, “I hope you’re not a Kleptomaniac at tonight’s Christmas Gala.”

You, personally, didn’t celebrate Christmas. The Watchtower decked out in tacky decor with vintage LED lights that John Walker had torn from a building near by, just because he liked them. The team weren’t incredibly enthusiastic about the festivities, but, Valentina made it clear it was vital to your image as the New Avengers. Secret Santa gifts were a must!

Bob deflated. Socialising wasn’t his strong suit. A ticking time-bomb, he preferred to reside in the shadows whilst the rest of the team played the socialites role. However, he wasn’t getting out of the Christmas Gala — taken by Walker and Barnes to be fitted for a suit.

Things were different though.

He had you now. Things were different within two weeks, fourteen days, because of you. Suddenly, he felt anchored, validated in that odd feeling that clawed its way out from his stomach whenever he caught glimpses of you avoiding him. There were multiple versions of you, and multiple versions of him that belong together, written in the scripts of your lives. You existed, in your form that had Bob stumbling over his words, palms clammy when he caught the underlying note of your perfume, eyes lingering on you in meetings and, yet, he couldn’t have you.

Bob would tolerate the Gala; because you were there.

The question came as it always did.

“Is there a version of me that, that loves socialising?” Bob cringed at your expression. Rules had been set out. Rule one: Don’t ask about Bob Variants. That was it. But, you found a way to tell him in subtle blinking. One for yes. Two for no.

You blinked twice.

At least you still loved him in every timeline.

“I’ll see you later for the Gala.” You dropped from the barstool, and as you walked out of the kitchen, you called over your shoulder, “Don’t forget your Secret Santa gift!”

The sky grew black and snow began to cascade from the heavens above whilst the aristocrats of New York filtered into the Watchtower for the black tie event. Bob fiddled with the cufflinks of his suit as he waited beside Bucky who had helped him briefly to tie his bow tie. Failure to succeed, Bucky had unclipped his fake one and swapped with Bob to salvage any embarrassment bestowed upon the younger male.

The rest of the team trudged through from their rooms, freshened up to satisfy Valentina’s command. Yelena beelined for Bob, wearing a floral suit with her hair slicked back, a growing smile shown as she approached him.

“Look at you.” She patted his shoulder.

“Oh, thanks, Lena. I—You look cool.” Bob warmed in his face as Yelena posed from his compliment. He went to laugh, the joyful feeling caught in his throat and exchanged for a stammered, teenage whine when you entered the mouth of the foyer to greet guests. “Shit.”

There you were, confidence unshaken as you approached the rest of your team, figure exposed in a dress you hated but wore to keep Valentina’s threats at bay. Two wobbling Christmas trees clipped atop of your head, face beaming at your chosen family.

If you had a visible aura, it would be a glowing gold, Bob thought. Every part of you as beautiful as the next feature he stared at upon your face. His throat bobbed, a gentle elbow to his rib and he caught Yelena staring back at him with a brow quirked; he was quick to collect himself.

Your eyes trailed down Bob’s frame and back up to his face, his ears reddened as you pinned him under your playful gaze. You couldn’t kiss, that you were sure of. But, you’d ruffle his feathers a little for the sake of indulgent flirtations. Fingertips pinched the bow tie askew around his collar, his lung sucked in a breath from your closeness as you straightened it out. The closeness made Bob considerably dizzy. Months of longing to even sit next to you, had now flipped him on his head and shown him what closeness he really craved.

You patted his chest, “Handsome.”

Bob croaked, “Your dress—Good.” He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head with a nervous laugh, “I meant—”

“—I know. Thank you, Bob.”

“Ugh.” Yelena’s voice cut through the atmosphere, her right cheek filled with a striped Candy Cane, it left her mouth with a pop as she waved at you both, “This is disgusting. Are you guys falling in love?”

“What? No.” Bob was quick to cover tracks.

Then John Walker chimed in, “Oh yeah?” You both stared at him, oblivious to his next sentence, “Then why did I catch you two stumbling out of the Cleaners Cupboard two weeks ago? Huh?”

You looked to the comical Turkey hat on his head, eyes narrowed, “Your hat. Much better than that beret.”

Walker tightened his lips and Bucky — the voice of reason — stepped in with his hands up to settle the situation growing arms and legs. He had considerably aged in the presence of the Thunderbolts* turned New Avengers; grey hairs sprouted from the roots at his scalp.

Ushered by Bucky to enter the room where the highbrow, intellectual snobs resided in — Walker grabbing you in for a quick headlock — all beady eyes behind false pretences stared at the group with a few members missing, Ava and Alexei already mingling in their own way.

Yelena leant close to your ear, “Ten dollars goes to the first person to have a drink thrown over them.”

“Deal.” You mumbled, all of you dispersing into the crowd — Bob flipping between you and Yelena before subconsciously pulled in your direction.

Exercising your capability to talk the ear off of people, you used this to your advantage. Gesticulate in your manner, you became off-putting to the people you were made to socialise with. Faces screwed, and pearls clutched, most attendees would shuffle along — some skipping you completely — as you began to explain in depth about gruesome subjects that would make their eyes water.

Valentina Allegra de Fontaine watched you from afar, not to your knowledge, but she always did.

And she wasn’t impressed.

Once ridding a trio of politicians with some hard hitting trivia, you and Bob had made it to the long table displayed with hearty food for the buffet. You plucked cheese from the charcuterie board and grinned back at Bob who couldn’t bring himself to take food without permission.

His hands wrung, head swivelling to watch others around him. Self-conscious because, really, he didn’t belong mingling like this. He hadn’t said two words in the time you had pushed away five groups of strangers and it made him begrudgingly feel a little silly. But — again — you were you and it was becoming apparent that you balanced Bob Reynolds out. Where he lacked, you made up for.

Maybe there was a Variant of him and you that were the opposites of your personalities.

He would ask another time.

Head turned back to you when you offered a block of cheese in his face, Bob politely declined and you threw it into your mouth, satisfied and unaware of his own self-loathing.

“You look beautiful.” Bob blurted out. His own eyes wide as you stopped your chewing to stare through him and into his soul. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, “That is what I meant to say to you earlier.”

You took a hard swallow to rid your mouth of cheddar, “I think I like when you compliment me.”

Warmth spread across his chest like wildfire. A newfound sense of confidence as a lopsided smile graced his face in your confession. God, he wanted to fucking kiss you.

“Yeah?” He couldn’t believe his boldness.

“Look at this!” Alexei cut through any remainder of a conversation with his imposing voice. His tall stature loomed over you and Bob with a grin as wide to bare his teeth. Brows furrowed, you peered up to see a twig of green and white foliage hung above your heads. He feigned a gasp, “Mistletoe! Now—It’s Christmas rules. You must kiss.”

You dropped your gaze to Bob in a panic. The sudden softness shared between you replaced with perturbation. Hands reached for the branch and Alexei moved it higher above with ease. The sudden race of your heart could’ve been heard at the other end of New York when you felt heads turn to stare in anticipation. It could’ve been the worst outcome that you would be unable to explain to the team after enforcing rejection upon a silly tradition.

Bob felt the anxiety radiate off of you and he felt helpless. Gawping like a fish out of water, Bob couldn’t think of a solution to the problem. Alexei was determined in his bid for humiliation.

“Dad, you’re embarrassing them.” Yelena pointed out in defence from her comfortable position on a chaise lounge. Champagne dangling from her hand.

“Nonsense!” Alexei argued, “Do you fear kissing? Just a little peck.”

You shook your head with vigour, “No. We—I can’t do that, Alexei. Can you please take the Mistletoe away from us?” Alexei frowned, not understanding your point as he hovered it above Bucky Barnes, who was close in proximity to you. Bob’s eyes almost popped out of his skull as you called in frustration, “No, Alexei! Take it away completely!”

Albeit a little befuddled by your sudden outburst, Alexei persisted and held the foliage above you and Bob again. Earning a groan from your throat as you pinched the bridge of your nose. You looked to the glass in your hand, immediate in your action as you poured it down the front of your dress.

“Hey!” Yelena shouted, “That does not count!”

You stared at the reddened stain that seeped into the woven fabric of your dress, tears prickled your waterline as you looked back up at Bob who went to reach out to comfort you. The room felt hot, your clothes tighter than when you had first wiggled into them. Hushed tones of alarm over your actions made your face warm from your neck to the very top of your head.

Throwing Alexei daggers, you turned on your heel, bottom lip wobbled as you shoved past Bucky who tried to halt your advances out of the door.

Bob was hot on your heel, and Bucky managed to grapple his forearm, “What the hell happened?”

“I—I don’t know.” Yeah, he did. “I’m just going to make sure she’s OK.”

Bucky nodded and let Bob go.

Foot wedged between the closing doors of the elevator, you followed the leg up to see Bob prying them open. He huffed as he stumbled in, dusting off fake dirt on his suit jacket to retract any attention away from your silly outburst. You wiped at your tears, chin tucked to your shoulder to try remain hidden in your vulnerability.

It was torturous. Everyday a reminder that flayed at your skin, that you caused the greatest loss of your life. And now? You had to live within the same Watchtower as him, aware that any wrong move would unravel your hard work. Any moment of weakness, and loneliness in the shape of a TVA beige jumpsuit and shock collar would be your punishment.

Valentina Allegra de Fontaine would make sure of it.

Bob pressed the button to close the doors, “Cleaners Cupboard?” Where it all began. He peered at you with a sympathetic look, his fingers twitched at his sides to soothe you by his touch.

“Sure.” You smiled meekly.

It took no time to reach the Cleaners Cupboard, Bob held the door open for you and gestured for you to walk in first as if you were entering The Ritz. He followed you in, door clicked shut and he pulled the toggle to illuminate the tiny shack of a room. Your face glowed under the light, tear stricken but a little humorous with the miniature trees that wobbled on your head.

Throwing his shyness overboard, Bob reached for your hand, gentle in his tracing of your wrist before settling his finger between yours.

“‘M sorry.” You mumbled like a scolded child.

It turned out that this Variant of Bob had a strike of confidence in your moment of weakness.

He shook his head, “You don’t have to apologise.” A squeeze to your hand and a drop of his head to meet your eyes, “It hurts you. I know it does.”

You remained silent.

Bob took a step closer — which you had thought would be impossible in such a tiny room.

“I know it hurts you, because, without witnessing what you have witnessed, it somehow hurts me,” He took your hand and placed it on his chest to feel the thrum of his heart, “Right here.”

Fingers flush against his warm chest, you watched your hand for a moment before returning Bob’s eye contact. You were exposed at the core of your emotions, hard exterior cracked as your own demons shone through.

Sobered by his sudden assertiveness, you let your jaw slacken, his judgement clearly clouded by his own harboured feelings. Yet, you found yourself still as Bob brought you to him. Bodies now flush, desperation clung in the air just to be able to touch each other in a tender moment.

“I want to kiss you.” Bob nudged your nose with his, his breath touched your lips as his eyelids grew heavy with the lust for a simple kiss. It was easy to slip into submission, throw caution to the wind and allow yourselves the indulgence of each other.

You leant into his touch, his thumb smoothed against your jawline. A wicked form of torture as the TVA would have you pruned from existence the moment their screens flickered from the kiss. It was the hardest motion you had made — moving away from Bob — your forehead pressed to his shoulder with a groan muffled.

“We can’t.” You pulled back and Bob tracked your face, eyes occasionally dropping to the plump of your lips. You continued, “I can’t go through umpteen loopholes with the TVA again. In fact, I don’t think even Mobius would be able to salvage my reputation.”

“Mobius?” Bob queried and you waved him off. Long story, he guessed.

“If there was a way, Bob, I’d have kissed you the moment I met you. Trust me. My impulsive control is award-winning.” Your shoulders deflated, defeated by your own imprisonment, “If there was a way we could kiss and not have our lips touch, that would be the solution to all of our problems.”

Bob leant back on the heels of his feet, his fingers thread between yours as he mulled over your throw away comment.

If a lightbulb could’ve blinked above his head, it would have.

He straightened his posture with urgency, his hand left yours as he turned on his heel to search through the cluttered shelves. You watched over his shoulder, his frantic rummaging made your expression drop to medium concern. Bob was mumbling to himself before he drew out a long rod of Saran Wrap; gleeful in his findings.

You stood still on the spot as he turned back to you, desperately ripping at the relentlessly fiddly plastic, chucking the roll onto the floor and presenting you with the shortened Saran Wrap as if it were a precious reward.

“Wow. Nice.” You blinked and Bob rolled his eyes playfully.

“Think about it. If—if there was a way that we could kiss where our lips don’t touch.” He pulled at either end of the plastic wrap, “It’s a loophole. I found a loophole for us.” He smiled, suddenly feeling insecure, “That’s if you—if you would like to kiss.”

You shot Bob an incredulous look, “Are you kidding me?”

Oh no. Bob felt his pride falter. He had misread your signals. You snatched the cut Saran Wrap from his grasp, immediate in your action to pull it taught against your lips before yanking Bob in by the neck. He yelped from your sheer force, his hands flying out to the side as you planted a hefty kiss against his lips — a thin loopholed barricade between you — whilst your arms wrapped around his neck to hold him as tight as possible.

Wide-eyed, Bob whimpered out, his brain short-circuiting after computing that you were kissing. You and Bob. As it was written in the stars for every version of you two out in the universe. His stiffened body relaxed, a satisfied, low hum elicited from the back of his throat as he melted into your touch. Your index finger came to twirl the locks of hair at the nape of his neck, goosebumps rose on his arms before he let his hands guide themselves to your waist.

It was everything you had been anticipating. The ache of longing foretold in every arrest, punch to the gut from a TVA guard, and nights spent in a cell awaiting your trial. Headaches from research trying to find Bob Reynolds without his own Variant soulmate, where you could slip into his life without ever pressuring him to fall deeply for you. If adoring Bob from afar was meant for your lifetime within the Sacred Timeline; then you’d spend everyday relishing in his presence.

This, however? Was so much more.

You pulled back, the sudden creep of anxiety began to creep its fingers over your shoulder. Bob followed your lips, his eyes closed as he almost cried out to you to never stop kissing him. Perhaps, you began to panic, Bob hadn’t found a miraculous loophole and you waited to hear the all too familiar noise of the TVA storming the Watchtower.

Ear perked as you peeled the wrap from your mouth, Bob plucked it from your fingers and placed it to his mouth, the plastic moulded to his lips as he pressed them against the corners of your mouth. You could’ve been distracted if it weren’t for the burning fear that you had made a grave mistake. Then, as if miracles existed, there was no sudden rush from TVA guards. You remained against Bob, your hearts joint in quickened pace, relief drowned your senses.

Bob had found a loophole.

“You have,” Bob kissed you, “No idea,” Another plastic wrapped kiss, “How badly, I’ve wanted to do this.”

You grinned into his lips, “I think you’re showing me now.”

Bob hummed, one last kiss to savour you in the Cleaners Cupboard before he pulled back and peeled the Saran Wrap off of his lips. Hair slightly wild from your grabs, you both shared a laugh at the absurdity of your situation, your hands smoothing the tufts of hair back into place. It was ridiculously unreasonable, but the pair of you would celebrate your wins.

There was an invisible string attached to the pair of you after all.

Bob scratched at his brow, “I—Uh—Can I give you my Secret Santa present?"

“Bob.” You were monotonous in your tone, “The hint is in the name. Secret. But, OK. You funnily enough, were my Secret Santa, too. I left your present downstairs and I don’t fancy going back in my wine stained dress to fetch it.”

“Later.” Bob waved it off, “Just. . . Wait here. I think you’ll like it.”

You nodded and hastily, Bob pulled the plastic film across his lips to press a chaste one to yours before he exited the Cleaners Cupboard to retrieve your Not-So-Secret Santa gift whilst running on a high from kissing you in the very cupboard he found out that you were essentially soulmates until the end of time.

Arms folded, you leant your head back in disbelief. If it was acceptable, you may have let out a scream of gratification.

Immediately distracted, your eyes dropped to the warm orange glow that slid from the bottom of the door you hid behind. Brows pinched, you smiled in curiosity; awaiting Bob on the other side with his gift in hand.

“Bob?” You called, “What the hell did you get me?”

Bob returned to the Cleaners Cupboard, peering from behind the largest Monstera plant he could find in all of New York City. An ode to a reference that earned him the knowledge of your cold shoulder two weeks prior. He had played over the joke he would tell you when he handed it over, tinsel wrapped around the stem of it.

With minor struggle, Bob twisted the doorknob to the cupboard, “Alright. Here you go—” The emptiness of the room made Bob stop at the threshold. Eyes drifted down, he caught a glimpse of the headband you had worn with the two Christmas trees glued to it.

Bob felt nauseous.

Carelessly, he dropped the Monstera plant, the terracotta pot smashed upon impact. He replaced it in his grasp with the headband you had adorned just a few moments prior. When you two were kissing. Loophole kissing — he was so sure of it. Bob turned to look outward into the hallway and then back into the cupboard where he felt his heart clamp down in an iron vice.

The realisation hit and he called out your name softly.

#🔖 koolie writes #yup i’m sorry #bob reynolds x reader #robert reynolds x reader #bob reynolds x fem!reader #bob reynolds x you #thunderbolts fic #bob reynolds #marvel #mcu

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atlabeth · 7 months ago

Text

unadulterated loathing (pt 1)

masterlist

pairing: fiyero tigelaar x fem reader

summary: you are forced to partner up with fiyero on a history project. things don’t go as you imagine.

a/n: wicked was really good, i love jonathan bailey, and we're coming up on finals season which means im writing about how stressed i am. also halfway through this i realized reader is lowkey paris geller coded lmao. this got away from me so im splitting it into 2 parts, i had a lot of fun writing it so enjoy! also im high posting this so if there's any editing issues im sorry lol!!

wc: 5.5k

warning(s): reader is stressed to the max constantly. she is kinda mean to fiyero but he's into it so it's okay. mostly fluff

Your fingers were beginning to cramp.

You should have been used to this by now with Doctor Dillamond. You’d been in his class for a few months now, and you graded essays for him often. He often had a propensity for verbosity, but this lecture had been an especially hefty one in preparation for your midterm projects.

He would be announcing partners before the end of class—much to your dismay, for you worked far better on your own than with others holding you down—and you figured you would want to have as much of a head start as possible.

Great Oz, how you hoped you would be paired with one of your friends. Coralie and Ezura were your only contenders for top of the class—Elphaba had potential as well, not because of the magic she couldn’t control but because of the brain she very well could—and anyone else would frankly slow you down. Doing a large research paper with someone who didn’t care as much as you did would be a drag you didn’t care to go through.

Midterms were only the most important thing, for they set the track towards finals and affirmed your skill with your assignments, and your first midterm was potentially the most important thing for, when completed successfully, set you on the correct track altogether.

You tried not to think about it too much (though you failed almost immediately), for you were sure Doctor Dillamond would honor all the work you’d done for him by putting you with a suitable partner.

“I see some of you are getting restless, so I will cut class short today.” Your eyes snapped up from your paper to see the professor smiling, and you could hear sighs of relief around the room. “I’m sure you’re all eager to know your partners for the midterm paper.”

The sighs of relief turned to groans, and you had to agree. Assigned partners should have been considered archaic at this point in time.

Doctor Dillamond trotted back to the projector and, with a bit of difficulty, replaced the image with a piece of paper. Everybody in the class was paired off in groups of two—you immediately started searching for your name, squinting slightly to see despite your spot in the front, and the furrow between your brows deepened when you realized you couldn’t find it.

You searched instead for your hopeful options. Coralie was with Mayara, Ezura was with Nicholas, Elphaba was with Galinda—of course. You let out a slight huff of annoyance, not just at your disappointment but at the continued lack of your name.

Perhaps he’d merely forgotten. You didn’t know how Dillamond could have forgotten you, seeing as you were only his best student and literal TA, but things happened. Your anxieties only grew as you heard the beginnings of whispers throughout the room as your classmates saw their pairings, either excited or dismal.

“Class is dismissed,” Doctor Dillamond said. The room began bustling as students gathered their things, already talking with their friends or searching out their project partner—you heard Galinda squeal and saw her grab Elphaba’s hands out of your peripherals. You could only worry your lip between your teeth as you swept everything in your bag, hardly waiting a second before rushing up to Dillamond’s desk.

“You didn’t call my name, professor,” you said, managing a smile as you tried to act like it wasn’t killing you. How could he have not called your name? Was there something wrong? Great Oz— had you been somehow moved out of the class? Was your work not exemplary enough? Your assistance not assisting enough? “I don’t have a partner.”

His mouth opened, but you only found yourself continuing, the words practically tumbling out of you.

“Of course, if you intended for me to be on my own then I am perfectly alright with that!” Your smile widened as your fingertips dangled over his desk. “I— I prefer it, in fact, so if that is it then there is really no issue at all—”

“Mr. Tigelaar!” he interrupted, and your head turned on instinct to see the eponymous boy arm in arm with Galinda (who was arm in arm with Elphaba) just in front of the door. “I hope you are not about to leave.”

Fiyero flashed a look at his companions before offering one of those easy smiles he seemed to always have up his sleeve. “You dismissed the class. I believe I am part of your class, am I not?”

“You are,” he said, “but you were not assigned a partner. Surely you wouldn’t be trying to get out of the project.”

Your free hand clenched as the threads started to connect. Doctor Dillamond wouldn’t do this to you. Would he?

That easy smile remained on his lips as he turned to Galinda and whispered something in her ear. She giggled and pecked him on the cheek before she walked out, pulling Elphaba behind her, and Fiyero sauntered over.

“Of course I’m not trying to get out of it,” he said. “Whyever would you think so?”

“Your attempt at a quick exit before you could be assigned a partner,” the professor said. “But it is no matter, for your partner is right here.”

You blinked. He would do this to you.

Why would he do this to you?

“Well, pleasure to meet you.” He held out his hand. “Fiyero Tigelaar.”

You ignored him, for you couldn’t look away from Doctor Dillamond. Would it be mad for you to strangle a Goat?

“Professor,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady, “why?”

“Mr. Tigelaar’s grades in my class have not been satisfactory, as I’m sure he is aware.” Dillamond moved away from his desk, prodding the chalkboard with his head to move it out of the way. “I care about all my students, even if they seem not to care for my course. I believe a partnership for the two of you would be beneficial.”

Your jaw clenched. “So you’re forcing me to tutor him because he hasn’t got a brain.”

Fiyero chuckled. “Ouch.”

“Not tutoring, just working on your midterm together,” he said. “And if you end up teaching him a few things along the way, then we would all be better off, wouldn’t we?”

“Professor, with all due respect, this is ridiculous!” you exclaimed. “Why should I have to risk my grade, my midterm, my standing altogether at Shiz just to help him?”

“Should you perform the way that is typical of you, there should be no issues.” Doctor Dillamond gave you that professorly look and your teeth grinded against each other. How dare he try to take the moral high ground. “Now, the two of you better hurry off. You haven’t got forever to work on this project.”

“Professor,” you whispered, determined to not let up, “why are you punishing me like this?”

“I’m not punishing you, my dear.”

“Fiyero couldn’t care less about any of this,” you insisted. “I’m going to fail my midterm and it will be all his fault!”

“If you believe he can make you fail, then you haven’t got as much faith in yourself as I believed.” Doctor Dillamond looked at you. “Trust me—and yourself—that this will all work out.”

You stared back—it was rather difficult to have a staring contest with a Goat. “I don’t suppose I can change your mind on this?”

“You’d be correct.”

You huffed and glanced away. “Fine. But expect those test scores to take an extra day.”

He let out a bleaty sort of laugh while you walked away. You considered it a credit to yourself that you held back the childish tantrum you wanted to throw as you moved back over to your desk to gather the rest of your things. You shoved your books into your bag with a bit more anger than necessary, and you heard footsteps behind you. You glanced over to see Fiyero sidled up beside you, leaning against the desk next to yours.

“Surely you won’t be this irritated at me the entirety of our project.” He still had that unbothered smile on his lips, and it made you want to hit him. “It might make this a much more miserable partnership.”

You let out a mirthless laugh as you shouldered your bag. “Don’t act like this pains you. You’re just going to ride my coattails the entire time.”

“You know, I hadn’t even thought of that,” Fiyero mused. “But now that you bring it up, I just may have to.”

“For the love of Oz,” you muttered to yourself before mustering the strength to look up at him. “I have a myriad of things I need to do today. Why don’t you go bother your girlfriend for the rest of the day, and then you can meet me at the library first thing tomorrow morning so we can discuss all of this.”

He shrugged. “Sounds alright to me.”

“Good,” you said. “Because I meant every word I said back there. I will not have you ruining all my progress thus far because of your absolute refusal to think.”

“It looks as if you could take a page out of my book,” Fiyero said. “You seem awfully stressed.”

Your lips tightened into a mirthless smile. “I’m stressed because of you, Fiyero, and we have hardly even interacted. I dread to think of my mental state after a week of working together. Now, good day. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You swept past him and walked out of Doctor Dillamond’s classroom. You felt his eyes on you until you turned the corner, and you had to resist the urge to look back.

Oh, how you loathed group projects.

The rest of your day was far more demanderating than it should have been, and you blamed Fiyero for it. You swore the clock went by half as quick and your lectures twice as long—it didn’t help that you were so distracted in chemistry that you nearly burned your eyebrows off from a potion gone wrong.

You’d practically thrown yourself onto your bed when you got back to your dorm, and you didn’t get up until your roommate got back and demanded to know what had gotten into you. She didn’t exactly give you the response you wanted.

“The prince is your partner?” Coralie sighed dreamily. “Oh, you are so lucky.”

“Lucky is not the way I’d put it,” you mumbled, words muffled by the sheets. You finally tore yourself up off your bed and picked your nightgown up from atop your dresser. You went behind your folding sheet and began to change. “And I didn’t know you had eyes for Fiyero.”

“I hardly have eyes for him,” she said wryly. “I just have eyes—anyone can see that he’s attractive.”

“It doesn’t matter how attractive he is if he makes me fail this midterm,” you said. You straightened your nightgown then folded your school uniform while you walked back into the open, passing a glance at your roommate as you placed it on your desk. You then settled on your bed with a huff. “I just don’t understand why Doctor Dillamond is punishing me like this. It makes me reconsider all those late nights spent grading papers for him.”

Coralie shrugged. “You’re one of his best students, Fiyero is probably one of his worst. I bet Doctor Dillamond figured you would be happy to take him on, what with how happily you take on everything else he throws at you.”

You grumbled as you laid back against your pillows. “I just don’t know if I can take him on. Fiyero seems to care more about flirting with every student at this school than any actual material.”

She gave you a mischievous smile. “Maybe he’ll turn the full force of his affections on you in return for your studiousness. Oh, how that would be a sight to see.”

“Don’t even put that idea into the air, Cora,” you scoffed. “Besides, he’s clearly involved with Galinda. Even if I was interested, which I’m not—” you emphasized with a pointed look at her— “that isn’t something I want to touch.”

“Well, you can’t deny that he’s dreamy,” she said. “He just showed up at Shiz and people started falling left and right. It’s more impressive that you haven’t.”

“Because I’m here for one reason,” you said. “His whole… thing doesn’t fit into any of it.”

“I know,” Coralie mused as she fell back onto her pillows. “You’ve told me your whole plan ten times over. I just think you should also try to enjoy your life instead of bulldozing your way through it.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile. “I’m enjoying my life just fine, thank you.”

Interestingly enough, Fiyero was going through something similar a myriad of rooms away.

He laid on Galinda’s bed, his head in her lap as she trailed her fingers through his hair. She’d been going on about something for the last couple of minutes, but he hadn’t really been able to focus on any of it.

“Dearest, did you not hear what I said?”

Fiyero blinked at the sound of Galinda’s voice. He hadn’t indeed.

“I’m sorry, beloved.” He absentmindedly reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze once he found it. “I was thinking.”

Elphaba laughed from across the room. She sat on her bed with a book in her lap. “That’s a first for you.”

“It is,” Galinda said, though with much more concern laced in her voice. Her hand moved from his hair to his forehead. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Just fine,” he assured. “What was it you were saying?”

“Just lamenting on how awful it is that we’ve been separated for this project,” she sighed. “I’m sure I could persuade Doctor Dillamond to put us in a group of three.”

“You can’t even get him to pronounce your name correctly,” Elphaba said wryly. “How could you get him to do this?”

“Well,” Galinda huffed, “maybe you could do it. He appears to like you more than me.”

“I’m sure that really hurts,” she said.

Galinda placed her hand on her chest. “It does!”

“It’s fine,” Fiyero interrupted. “I’m alright with my partner. She’s nice.”

“Nice?” Elphaba scoffed. “I heard her lecturing you the whole time we were out in the hallway.”

“She’s passionate,” he decided. “Besides, I don’t really care. I haven’t thought about it since she left.”

That was a complete lie. In truth, Fiyero hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you since you left. Very strange for someone who preferred to go through life with less thinking and more doing.

He honestly didn’t know why his mind was so occupied with you.

He’d always been aware of you, obviously—all your professors adored you, your name was always brought up when talking about top of the class, and he was sure you held the record for most time spent in the library at once—but he didn’t know anything about you other than your academic record. And for someone with such strong opinions, especially about him, Fiyero found himself with the strange need to know more.

He would be at the library tomorrow. Maybe not on time, but certainly there.

Fiyero would make this the beginning of a beautiful partnership, one way or another.

True to your word, you were in the library bright and early after a quick stop at the dining hall. You went through the effort of gathering everything you thought you would need—a myriad of textbooks and encyclopedias, your well-weathered notebook and another one for Fiyero because you doubted he had one, and enough writing material for the two of you.

You sighed. You had to do so much just to even the ground between your groups and the others. Coralie was always so prepared whenever you worked together.

Fiyero, to your surprise, was only ten minutes late. You already had your head buried in a book when he said your name and scared you witless.

Your eyes widened as they darted up to look at him, and he chuckled.

“Sorry. You were in the zone.”

“I just wasn’t expecting you,” you said. “You’re late.”

“Hardly.” Fiyero took the seat across from you, his eyes sweeping over everything you had on the table. “You’ve got quite a collection.”

“I doubt you know your way around the library,” you said.

“I know my way around a lot of things.”

You leveled your gaze at him. Leave it to Fiyero to make everything an innuendo. “And is a library one of them?”

“I’m sure I could make it one.”

“If you bothered to think at all.”

“Darling, you know I’d never,” he said with a smile. “Now, what are we doing here?”

“Do you really not know what our midterm is?” you marveled.

“I have more important things to worry about,” he said.

You scoffed and shook your head. Ridiculous— it was ridiculous that you had to put up with this. Maybe Doctor Dillamond really did hate you.

“Our assignment is an extensively researched ten page paper on any great Ozian,” you said. “Anyone who has contributed to our society in a relevant way and made our lives better for it.”

“A ten page paper?” Fiyero frowned. “That seems a bit much.”

“Between the two of us, it’s just five pages each, and we’ve got two weeks to get it done,” you said. “I’ve written five pages in a few hours of inspiration.”

“Your life truly sounds thrilling,” Fiyero said. “We could do the Wizard.”

“Half the class is going to do the wizard,” you scoffed.

“Because he’s a great man,” he said. “There’s no shame in it.”

“There is absolutely shame in copying half the class,” you said as you pushed over a sheet of paper to him. “Now, I’ve already got a list going. Look it over; see if there’s anyone you like or anyone worthwhile you want to add.”

You looked back down at your encyclopedia, opened to your personal favorite choice, and continued scribbling down basic notes. You glanced up a few moments later to see Fiyero’s gaze hadn’t wavered from you.

You frowned. “Is there a problem?”

“You’re awfully prepared,” he said instead.

“I figured you wouldn’t be,” you responded.

Fiyero’s lips quirked in a smile. “Then I believe that means you deserve to choose our subject.”

Your frown deepened. “Really?”

“Are you always this suspicious of everyone?”

“Just you.”

“Then consider this an olive branch,” he said. He slid the paper back over. “Who’s your top choice?”

“…Ilara Mayfair,” you finally said as you pointed at her on the top of your list. “She was a historical linguist, responsible for half of what we know about Ozian languages and how they connect and differ. She’s…” you cleared your throat and shrugged, trying to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal, “she’s kind of my hero.”

“Your hero?” Fiyero’s eyebrows rose. “Is that what you want to do?”

“…It’s always been my dream,” you admitted. “I grew up helping around my parents’ bookstore and her mark was on nearly everything. I really admire it. I want to make that sort of difference in the world.”

“How noble,” he remarked. What surprised you was how genuine he sounded. “It’s impressive how much of your life you have planned out already. All Galinda knows is that she’s majoring in sorcery—she hasn’t really got anything else worked out.”

“What are you majoring in?” you asked.

“Undecided,” Fiyero said. “I was kicked out of my last school before I could declare, so I figure there’s not really a point in doing it here.”

“Not really a surprise,” you said.

“Really?”

“On your first day, you snuck off campus with half of Shiz to go dance at Ozdust,” you said. “That’s not exactly a good first impression.”

“I’d argue the opposite,” he said. Fiyero tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he focused on you for a moment. His gaze made you uncomfortably aware of yourself. “I don’t recall seeing you there.”

“That’s because I wasn’t there.” You looked back down at your encyclopedia to avoid his eyes. “I had more important things to do.”

He frowned. “Do you ever take a day off?”

“Of course,” you said. “There isn’t any class on the weekends.”

“I mean with this,” he said, gesturing at all the books around you. “It doesn’t seem like you allow yourself a single moment of respite. When you’re not in class, you’re studying. When you’re not studying, you’re doing work. When you’re not doing any of it, you’re probably dreaming of your future assignments.”

You felt your skin heat. Surely you weren’t that transparent.

“...I don’t dream of them,” you defended. “Not— not always.”

He laughed and shook his head. “You’re ridiculous. Do you know that?”

You frowned. “How am I ridiculous? You’re incapable of taking a single thing seriously.”

“And you’re incapable of not taking everything seriously,” Fiyero said. “It can’t be good for your health.”

“I plan to get out of here a year early,” you said, looking back at your books. “I can’t slack off like you do if I want that plan to come to fruition.”

“Oh, I’ve gotten out of every school I’ve been in a year early,” Fiyero said. “Sometimes two or three— Oz, sometimes I don’t even make it through the first semester.”

Your eyes snapped back up to him, widened in instinctual panic. “What?”

He burst out laughing, and it grinded every one of your gears. “Oh, I wish you could see the look on your face! It’s priceless— truly priceless!”

“You’ve been kicked out of every school you’ve been to and you think it’s a joke?”

Still laughing, he shrugged. “It is. Nothing bad has happened, and I’m still having the time of my life wherever I go.”

You just shook your head as you stared at him, eyes still wide. “Are you always like this?”

“Utterly charming?”

“Entirely insufferable.”

You didn’t understand how he laughed. Everything rolled right off him, like oil off a duck’s back, no matter how many times you insulted him.

“You know, there are other things to life than your studies,” he said.

“Not while I’m here, there isn’t,” you said. “It’s the whole point of university.”

“The point of university is to have fun,” he said. “You’ve seen how this place has perked up since I’ve gotten here, haven’t you?”

“Not really, no,” you said. “I’ve been more focused on other things.”

“Like?”

“Like my studies.”

“It’s like I’m talking to a broken record,” he marveled. “Have you ever had fun in your life?” His eyes widened comically. “Do you even know what the concept of fun is?”

“Ha ha,” you said dryly.

He tilted his head. “Do you?”

You frowned. “Of course I do.”

“Okay, then.” Fiyero leaned back in his chair. “Tell me about yourself.”

Your frown deepened. “We aren’t doing a research paper on me.”

“We’re working together on this,” he said. “Is it a crime to want to know my partner?”

A muscle worked in your jaw as you stared at him. He stared back, entirely unaffected.

“If I humor you, will you actually work with me through this?”

Fiyero held up his hand. “Prince’s honor.”

Finally, you broke. You folded your arms with a short sigh then glanced away. “Fine. I’m from a tiny village in Gillikin that you’ve probably never heard of. I’m here on scholarship with the plan to graduate, become a historian, and make a name for myself.” You looked back at him. “Is that good enough for you?”

“It’s excellent,” Fiyero said with a smile. “Dare I say I’ve learned more about you in one short day than I have in the entirety of my time at Shiz?”

You gave him a fake smile as you tapped your book. “Open your textbook. We have a lot to catch up on.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re not going to ask about me?”

“I mean this with all due respect—what could there possibly be to know about you?” You raised an eyebrow as you counted off on your fingers. “You’re from the Vinkus, you’re a prince, and you’ve never read a book a day in your life.”

“Oh, that’s not true,” he chastised. “I’ve read at least one—I just choose not to.”

“Well, how about we make that two?” You reached across the table and opened his book for him. “Unless that prince’s honor isn’t worth a thing.”

“Oh, it’s worth everything,” Fiyero said.

You raised your eyebrows expectantly. “Then prove it.”

“Very well,” he nodded. “I believe I can be serious for the next… fifteen minutes.”

“You won’t even get through a chapter,” you said. “Thirty.”

Fiyero frowned. “You set awfully high expectations.”

“Why do you think Doctor Dillamond forced me to help you?” you asked.

“Because you’re oh so nice and charitable?”

That got a genuine laugh out of you. If you’d been looking closer, you would have seen Fiyero’s smile grow, his eyes soften.

“Of course. Now, go to the glossary, find Ilara, and start writing. I know practically everything about her already, so you need to catch up.”

“I don’t have—”

You held out your extra notebook and fountain pen and cocked your head. “Don’t have what?”

Fiyero chuckled as he took them from you. “You’re prepared for everything, aren’t you?”

“Always,” you said with a satisfied smile. “Now get reading, my prince.”

He pressed his hand to his chest and bowed his head. “At once, my lady.”

You looked at the clock on the wall. Fiyero should have been here by now.

Granted, he was ten minutes late to your first meeting, but that was before he’d changed your expectations ever so slightly. Almost an hour had passed, and there was still no sign.

Of course, it wasn’t as if it hindered your progress. You kind of always expected him to fall short—if he showed at all, that was a credit to him—so you already had half the outline done. But a small part of you that you’d never admit to might have actually been looking forward to his presence.

You enjoyed the bout of verbal sparring he engaged you in. A lot of your classmates thought you were mean, and it never bothered you. Like you told Fiyero, you were here for one reason and one only, and the amount of people that liked you at university didn’t influence that at all. Your professors liked you and your grades were perfect—that was all.

But you couldn’t lie and say it wasn’t… nice. For Fiyero to take everything you said in stride, with a smile and a retort of equal measure.

It was nice. But that was all.

You were jarred out of your thoughts by someone calling your name. You looked up to see Fiyero sauntering over, bearing his usual smile and not much else.

“This is a library,” you said once he got closer. “You aren’t supposed to shout.”

He took the seat across from you. “I’d hardly call that shouting.”

“You aren’t meant to be loud,” you decided. “Why are you so late?”

Fiyero shrugged. “I lost track of time?”

“You know, we are partners,” you emphasized your last word, “so it would be helpful if you could try to put in the same amount of effort as me.”

“That seems impossible.” He gestured at your notebook with his head, your current page already nearly full. “You’ve got me beat on nearly everything.”

“It’s not that difficult,” you intoned. “I mean, just do some research outside of class.”

He stared at you expectantly, and you rolled your eyes. “I don’t know what I expect with you, honestly.”

“Exactly what you see, darling. Now,” Fiyero's gaze drifted over to the window, then looked back at you as he stood up, “what do you say we put a hold on things and enjoy this beautiful day?”

Your brows furrowed. “What, you mean do our research outside?”

“Is your work truly all you think about?” he asked in exasperation. “I mean leave the books and your notes and your stress here, and take a stroll around campus.”

“I’ve had my entire life planned out since I was ten years old,” you said. “Of course it is. I am not going to have some— some—”

“Some what?” Fiyero interrupted. He still looked remarkably unaffected by your outburst, that sideways smile of his infuriatingly charming.

“Some ridiculous, pompous, self-absorbed, lazy Winkie prince ruin it!” you exclaimed.

“Lazy,” he mused. “That’s a new one.”

“Of course you’re lazy! Why would we take a break when we have a project to do?”

Fiyero looked at you like you were crazy— no, like he was worried about you. He shook his head. “You really do have a one track mind.”

“When we’re in midterm season, yes, I d— what are you doing?”

Fiyero had started stacking all of the books you had on the table away from you, then he grabbed your notebook and your pen out of your hand.

“You need a break,” he said.

“I don’t need a break, and give that back—”

You reached for your materials but only just grazed his hand before he pulled them back and set them on top of the pile. “When was the last time you saw the sun?”

You scoffed. “I see the sun all the time.”

“Not from a window in the library or your dorm.”

You bit your tongue. Fiyero smiled and held out his hand.

“You need a break.”

You stared at his hand. He gave you a cloying look.

“It’s not a good sign that you’re this against self-care,” he said wryly.

You sighed and reluctantly placed your hand in his. “Fine.”

Fiyero grinned and he pulled you close. You yelped at the unexpected speed and you tumbled into his chest. Fiyero’s hand dropped to your waist, and for a moment all you could do was stare at him, wide eyed.

“Shall we?” he murmured.

You jolted away from him once you came back into yourself, your skin burning where he’d touched you.

“We shall,” you said, a bit too forcefully as you started walking a bit too fast.

Fiyero chuckled. He matched your pace easily, soon coming up beside you. “You’re already that excited?”

“Oh, shut up,” you bit out. “You’ve already gotten what you want. No need for more.”

He feigned naivety. “What would I possibly be doing?”

You shook your head with a huff. “I’m not entertaining that with a response.”

Fiyero simply hummed. You glanced over at him, still staying even with you, and then you let out another huff as you stopped. He didn’t miss a beat, pausing at the same time as you, then met your flustered expression with a smile.

“Yes?”

“You’re the one that wanted to do this,” you said, gesturing in front of you with a hand. “So lead the way.”

“Gladly,” he said. “I’m very good at taking the lead.”

Fiyero started walking and, though you had half a mind to take the opportunity and dart back to the library, you found yourself following him.

Cora’s words spun around your head as you and Fiyero walked together, about him turning the full force of his flirting on you in return for you being such a stickler for your midterm.

That was the embarrassing thing; you didn’t even think this was half of it, and he already had you blushing—and for what? It was as if you’d never even talked to a boy before.

You’d had plenty of experience back home. Village boys coming into your parents’ store to flirt at you, leaving notes in your desk in class, offering to walk you home at night—plenty of experience.

It didn’t matter that you denied them all and never went anywhere because you had a one track mind even then, and that Fiyero had done what no one else had and gotten you take a break simply because he asked nicely—

You sucked in a sharp breath as Fiyero’s arm suddenly pressed against your chest, stopping you in place. Your head snapped up to look at him, mouth already open with questions loaded, but he gestured with his head before you could ask any of them.

You’d nearly barreled right down the stairs from being lost in your head, without care nor consideration for actually taking the steps.

“Mind the gap, darling,” he said. “Wouldn’t want you damaging that brain of yours.”

“…Thank you,” you said once you’d regained the ability to speak words again. “One of us ought to have one.”

Fiyero laughed as he took his arm away. “Certainly.” He used it to gesture down the stairs. “Ladies first—unless you’re unsure of your ability to conquer them.”

“I’ll be just fine, Fiyero.” You started the descent, Fiyero right behind you, and you let out another short sigh.

There had to be something wrong with you. That was the only explanation for why you were acting this way.

Maybe you really did need to start getting more sleep.

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