#shitposts from the casket

[casket-of-imps]

choo choo everyone get on the toro train we’re going to toro town. i wanna see the reblogs filled with NOTHING but Ray Motherfuckin’ Toro because i believe in joy and love and light and big beautiful men. here’s a Ray to get you started ☝️

[decaying-vampire]

Guys I'm sorry for being annoying about my interests on the be annoying about your interests site

[casket-of-imps]

brother your cat is so green i could color match them with a blade of grass picked from my neighbor’s lawn like a Home Depot paint chip wall

is my cat green? i sent this picture to a friend and she asked why my cat was green and i refuse to believe it 💔

[x-heesy]

Viva la Shitpost 😂

Yeah, uh

Uh, uh (Got the beat by Powers and we just made a banger)

Uh, yeah, uh, yeah

Pull up with the grr, pow, onomatopoeia

Hopping out the Burban, big body like Madea

Put some holes in him, now he spotted like a cheetah

How the fuck you living? Good, I wouldn't wanna be ya

I'm with your bitch and her back arched like Tina

Look to the back at you boys, you can't keep up

Bulletproof vest, looking like I'm Vegeta

Quickdraw from my hip, make him dance like Shakira, uh

Spot him outside, hold up, skrrt, hit the brakes, uh

Call him Might Guy, send his ass to the gates, uh

Y'all so pussy to the bone, need a spay, uh

Beat him up, boots to the face, uh

"Kxll, why you tripping like that? I don't like you"

Love how my foes get to bolting like a Raichu

Said he wanna get close to God, I could guide you

Money stacked up like the letters in a haiku (Yeah)

D-Dirty little bastard, yeah bitch, I'm rancid

I keep a Glock by my dick where my pants sit

He acting odd, like Cosmo, he vanish

Run up, see this shit ain't here just to brandish

Lay him down, on top his casket, I'm prancing

Stretching these bands like my money elastic

Sex, money, violence, revenge, what I practice

He disrespect, that's a suicide tactic

Uh, I just send a text, she get wet, okay, cool, uh

Say that boy feel vexed, Smith & Wess' correct moods, uh

Insert when erect, pierce cervix, she get skewed, uh

Bullets on Rize, eat your flesh, Tokyo Ghoul (Uh, yeah)

Pull up with the grr, pow, onomatopoeia

Hopping out the Burban, big body like Madea

Put some holes in him, now he spotted like a cheetah

How the fuck you living? Good, I wouldn't wanna be ya

I'm with your bitch and her back arched like Tina

Look to the back at you boys, you can't keep up

Bulletproof vest, looking like I'm Vegeta

Quickdraw from my hip, make him dance like Shakira, uh, yeah

COSMO by KXLLSWXTCH, Powers Pleasant <3

[deathbirby]

Nabatean Slumber

After several shitposts, we have finally returned to the lore/theory posts! Just as the title says, we are going to be looking at Nabatean slumber. How does it work? What even is it? This post will be more of a theory-post.

Let's unpack!

Death

The first time in the game that we see Nabatean slumber, is when Byleth was blasted off a cliff. They slept for 5 years and woke up to a continent at war.

Here is the thing though. Byleth did go into slumber but it was not like the other Nabateans.

You see, unlike regular Nabateans who go into slumber to heal from near-death experiences, Byleth died,

"So you've managed to make it all the way to the end. For once, it seems the stars were wrong. My reading of the stars predicted that, during the war, you would fall to your death. But that was five years ago. Perhaps the prediction was true for you then somehow." - Magic Wielder

The fall killed them. It makes sense, no mortal would survive that. This is further supported by other lines:

"What have you been doing all this time?" - Edelgard

"I was sleeping" and "I was dead" are both equally valid answers. Byleth was dead, in 'eternal slumber', except they're able to wake up from it. Sounds strange, right?

This seems to be a thing related to the Crest of Flames. Sothis was also dead when Nemesis plundered the Holy Tomb, yet we are told she was slumbering.

And Nemesis was dead and brought back to life:

"Nemesis? That Nemesis? Do you really think the ancient King of Liberation has been brought back to life?" - Claude

"An incredible power that we children cannot hope to match dwells within the blood of the progenitor god. Nemesis obtained that blood, so it would not surprise me if that were the case." - Rhea

What about Edelgard? Her case seems to be unique. The Crest of Flames doesn't work the same way when you have another crest already. Crest cancer is too strong.

Near-death

I stated earlier that regular Nabateans go into slumber to recover from near-death experiences. My reasons for this are some lines in game:

Afterward, it broke my heart to see how much you would need to rest just to survive. - Seteth

Flayn, a Nabatean, went into slumber during the war of heroes to survive. It was a near-death experience.

She even has a few lines for Byleth, depending on how they answer:

Under a rock... How similar we are! As it were, I took my rest in a casket made of stone. - Flayn

She slept in a casket made of stone. That does make it sound like she was dead. Why else would you choose to sleep there? It could be symbolic or my theory is wrong and slumber = death for everyone.

But here is another theory: sleeping in a casket is normal for Nabatean slumber. It could be why Rhea did not want to bury Sitri. Not just because of the cold, dark soil, but because her resting in a casket implies she could come back.

Oh. Well, I suppose one's first long slumber is difficult to recall... - Flayn

FIRST long slumber? Huh, sounds like going into slumber is pretty normal for Nabateans. Not that that's a huge shock. Seteth immediately understands when Byleth tells them they slept for 5 years.

But. man, they must really suck at surviving if they keep getting close to death's door!

Who else do we have left?

Relics

Ah, right. The corpses of the slaughtered Nabateans. Is their current state a "slumber"? They're dead, Rhea tells us that quite clearly.

Why do they twitch then? Why do they sap the life-force of their wielders? Why do they glow when activated, similar to Rhea's "truest" form at the end of SS?

Are the relics aware, somehow? Miklan turns into a black beast, and Maurice suffered a similar fate. Was that the relics trying to return to their original state? Why does it happen more frequently to a non-crested person, then? Do they see crested people as fellow Nabateans, and thus don't want to do a take-over? Does it take longer because they need time to come to the realization that this is a human with Nabatean blood? Or was it just an act of revenge?

The game doesn't give us any concrete answers when it comes to the Relics. All of it is left vague and up to interpretation.

So, what are your thoughts on it?

[sunnierthantheskies]

Shitpost About Matt From Eddsworld

-He was incredibly ugly in middle school and high school, so he’s very self conscious about his appearance.

-He will whimper and cry whenever there is a crap ton of gore in their adventures.

-Loves physical touch but Edd and Tom aren’t those kind of people so bro is touch starved.

-Very allergic to Ringo but he just deals with it.

-He went to Jon’s funeral. The two used to be friends, and both Edd and Tom had to comfort him once the casket was lowered.

-Someone told him he had a big chin so he wore a mask to cover it up. Tom had to do the unthinkable and compliment him so Matt would take off the mask.

-He has freckles that come out in the sun.

[inconveniententity]

Had a weird dream last night.

A dubious auction sold a casket, that had a wooden carved emblem on the side.

It was an established fact, that the debate around the inscription on the cascet was where the term "meta analysis" originated from.

Could the inscriber have actually talked about themselves? What would that mean about the situation? Wasn't it somewhat paradox?

This is an attempted artistic rendition of the emblem:

How could he have INscribed that when he was supposedly eaten by wolves???

All these questions about the "MET A wolf" story coined the term META analysis. Why is my brain shitposting while i sleep?!?!?!

[carrotcasket]

technically 2am shitpost but whyv

am i still shrimpy,,,,,, or am i now.....carrot? or casket?

im having anothef crisis

[savingeddie]

richie, giving a speech during eddie’s funeral: [sobbing] eds... he... he was... the love of my life, you see. we were going to move to LA together after this whole shit and start a family... eds, if you can hear me... i just want you to know that i love you. i love you so much.

eddie: 

[caellekae]

OH THANK GOODNESS IT'S NOT REAL.

Idk but I've seen some of their posts that they were shitposting/joking most of the time (especially at the comments section) for the views or smth, especially looking on the price itself, which is highly unreasonable, that's why I know they were clearly joking about this. Especially if you know how Filipino's sense of humor gets too dark sometimes.

But it's honestly sad that they use AI to generate it on their posts though and not many of the viewers can catch it immediately (just because many of us just find it funny).

I saw the website of St. Peter Funeral Services page and there are actual prices that you can check out! I think that it fits somehow the average price or smth, or depending on other services. There's also package rates or smth like that. Although there are prices of other funeral services that may vary, but yeah.......it's just a price of a coffin, excluding the funeral ceremonies, which unfortunately sometimes exceed P500,000 or more.

Although I absolutely don't know how funeral services prices work, regardless if that post's clearly fake or not, or shits and laughs only, it's kind of a reminder that dying in the Philippines is indeed way expensive, with inflation as a bonus + third-class. Sometimes using this kind of humor is a way to cope. (Just hoping they were not scamming people with that price stunt or smth and clearly just for laughs.)

Adding this as well just in case hehe

You can also check these two articles as well!

Just saw this now and I---- 😭😭😭😭

Also the comments I--😭😭

Idk if it's real, but I'm in between of crying and laughing rn 😭😭😭😭

And also this one as well?!?!😭😭😭

[casket-of-imps]

an inexplicable graphic summarizing my feelings about the members of my chemical romance

[decaying-vampire]

A slutty waist doesnt have to be a small waist btw

[historia-vitae-magistras]

lol Alistair and Rhys out swinging swords at ghosts and looking like a couple of nutters to the untrained eye. Do you still have the fic or maybe it was an ask about chonklet deluxe being held by a horrifying wraith and screaming like the damned?

A little bit! And it was initially an ask. This fic is brand spanking new because I forgot how cool of an idea that shitpost actually was if I took it seriously. Please be warned that this fic is gory and involves child endangerment, a bastardization of mythological creatures and just general violence. Also here on ao3.

Rural Lancashire, 1590

Dusk draped heavily over the world as the last light of day darkened into a thick grey. Arthur had ducked out the door to catch the midwife as she crossed his property on foot. If he was quick, he could often walk her as far as the edge of the village and consult her on whatever it was Alfred had done now. Teething, his first words, the seizures that had gripped him last spring, croup, the rare occasion Alfred was ever colicky. She was a steely woman with hair to match and indulged him at least, giving the best advice she had after decades of bringing children into the world. He'd hardly paid attention to the labours of women, and children so often died that there was rarely time to pay them any heed as they went from the cradle to the casket so quickly.

He had turned back to make his usual beeline for the house, pushing past and between the square hedges and sprawling kitchen garden. Some of the stronger-smelling herbs must have been finally in season; there was a reek Arthur couldn't quite identify. He had hardly cleared the fence when he heard Alfred's usual cry, demanding attention. The baby was a social thing, as personable as Rhys or Brighid and twice as bold about his want of company. He didn't like waking alone, wrapped up cozy in the cradle or otherwise.

Another sound, shrill and high. This one sent a spike of anxiety through Arthur's spine. He paused for the shortest moment. Then he was moving. That was not the cry of a baby who was lonely or wanted to be picked up. That was a terrified howl from his boy. He shot into the house, through the atrium, up the stairs, and into the nursery. Heaving, he flung open the heavy oak door. The smell was there again. The figure of a woman stood in relief against the low fire, Alfred cradled in her arms and screaming. For a stupid, foolish moment, he hoped it was the scullery girl he had told to mind the baby should he begin crying. But the smell. He took a step forward. At a new angle, he could see rotten eyes staring at his son, a cheek missing to decay and teeth gleaming through the gap.

"Baby." Came the garbled sound from long-dead vocal cords.

"You do not belong in this realm," Arthur said, cooly gesturing for her to hand him the child. His guts churned, bile in his throat. The revenants were often as confused as they were disgusting, pulling themselves out of whatever corner they had died and remained undiscovered. "Give me the child."

The Revenant turned to him. "Mine."

"You do not belong in this realm," Arthur said again, gesturing to Alfred again. He was losing patience with fear, the ceaseless screaming from Alfred turning into a hopeless, frightened sob. She tilted her head, and it fell limply to her shoulder, tendons snapping on the other side. She lifted one hand to push it back onto her neck, and he saw her hand for a moment in the light. Her fingers were torn freshly away. Oh, good Christ, this one had crawled out of her grave as they sometimes did when there was an infant's ceaseless crying above them. But Alfred had never stepped foot in the churchyard, and it was nearly a mile and a half away in the village.

"Rhys!" Arthur screamed, praying to god his brother was in the house and not out in the lambing pens.

The woman transferred Alfred almost tenderly to one arm and lunged at him, hand outstretched and her rotting jaw open. It couldn't close and Arthur couldn't hit her; Alfred was a heavy child and would fall to the floor as a leaden weight, and his soft little body would smash. Arthur was cold. Alfred was still crying.

"Give me my fucking son." He lunged, snatching at her arm. A layer of grey slime came away, and he retched even as he got fingers wrapped into the swaddling nearest Alfred's feet. He was suddenly wrestling a corpse, each of them struggling to get their hands on the blanket. One of Alfred's arms had slipped free, and he flailed, a fresh rolling scream emitting from his tiny scarlet face. Arthur had never seen him so flushed. He tried to shove her away and kick at the rotting creature, but more of something wet disintegrated from her legs. His hand was suddenly slick with gore and a piece of her fell to the floor with a putrid plop, unseen under the half-rotten chemise she had been buried in. She almost looked to grin at him and pulled Alfred closer.

"Let go!" He commanded, trying to get a purchase, but his hands were too slippery. He lunged after her as she retreated towards the door. "Let him go!"

Then a sword was through her belly. Something degassed like fetid blacksmith's bellows. Arthur's senses nearly abandoned him at the smell, but his hands closed around Alfred and tugged him to his chest, and he shot back against the wall, as far from the thing as he could get.

"I know. I'm sorry." He gasped, a clean hand cradling Alfred's head. "I'm so sorry."

The creature groaned and collapsed to the floor on its knees, struggling as its guts dissolved around the blade. Rhys stood behind her, still in his lambing clothes and boots, mother's leaf-bladed sword in his hands. He lifted it, and her head fell from her shoulders. The rotting eyes followed Arthur across the room. He watched as Rhys found one of the seams of her skull with the tip, plunged the sword in, twisted like he was splitting a log, and this time, she lay still, dismembered.

"Are you all right?" Rhys said, stepping over the body to look at him. He approached close enough to pull the blanket away to look at Alfred. Arthur tried to meet his brother's eyes. "Arthur?"

He couldn't. He could only close his eyes, hold Alfred tighter and collapse down the wall. Alfred pressed as tight as he dared against his sternum, and Arthur tried to breathe. Alfred's crying had softened, terror fading to a heartbreaking relief, and Arthur kissed his head. To close. Too fucking close.

"He's fine," Rhys said; his voice was much softer this time. "You're both fine, I promise."

[itsguysnightitsironic]

INDEX

Curse of Strahdanya -- THE TITLE OF THE EP.

EXTRA CONTENT: . ILLUSTRATION (🦇) . COMIC (💀) . VIDEO / ANIMATIC (🌹) . SHITPOST (🔥) If emojis are fuss together it's the two things ---> example: (🔥 / 🦇 ) SHITPOST AND ILLUSTRATION. If it's surrender by stars (⭐) it means it's an official LOA short that I was commissioned to animate.

We might not know where we're going, but at less the light will guide us.

EP. 0 THE DOOMED EXPEDITION

"I'm sure the guide won't try to sell us his religion for the rest of the expedition" (💀 / 🔥) I can't even ask for a timeout, it will only make it worse. (🌹) Ah yes, the unknown warrior who appeared out of nowhere with a sword at hand is friend-shaped (🌹/🔥)

EP. 1 DEATH HOUSE

EP. 2 SINS OF THE FATHER

A casket for two (if something happens to her, I'm suing) (🦇)

EP. 3 SUFFER THE LITTLE CHILDREN

EP. 4 PHANTASMAGORIA

EP. 5 WIDOW'S WATCH

EP. 6 THE RAVEN CHILD

"I see the fire inside of you, Shepherd. Now be bathed in fire, ALL OF YOU. " (🦇) He was NOT A FAIRY, WHAT'S THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? SARNAX I SWEAR TO- (🔥/💀)

EP.7 CREEPING ROOT

A raven's nest, a warm one. (🦇) "Well, I like this one! Why don't you let her speak?" (🦇) A sun inside a mine, a canary in a coal mine. (🦇) Cutting deep, finger and all (🦇)

EP. 8 FALLEN FROM GRACE

"winky face, eggplant, corn??" (sms credit through the roof) (🔥)

EP. 9 AMONG MONSTERS

EP. 10 END OF ALL HOPE

Summer days (🦇)

EP. 11 PRAYER FOR THE DYING

EP. 12 TOMB OF SORROWS

EP. 13 MOTHER'S MALICE

EP. 14 CRADLE TO GRAVE

EP. 15 SOMETHING WICKED

EP. 16 CREATURES OF THE NIGHT

EP. 17 MALEDICTION

EP. 18 THE LINE LINE BETWEEMN LOVE AND HATE

EP.19 THE DEVIL CRIED

EP. 20 LAMENT OF THE DAMNED

EP.21 BLOOD MOON.

🐺🐺OF HEART AND HARVEST🐺🐺

This 13th feels very 31st if you ask me, because it feels like the end of me. (🔥) cursing you with knowledge (i'm not going down alone) (🔥) Put the witch hunters in the carriage and nobody gets hurt (🔥)

OUTSIDE THE LOOP.

Give me your eyes, and I shall light the way (🦇) War paint* (🦇/🔥) ⭐The horrors (the clowns) keep following me home (Curse of Strahdanya) (🌹/🔥) ⭐ la fi del món (it's monday afternoon and the bars are open 28/4/2025) (🦇) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old fey? (💀/🔥) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 Curse of the Nitghborne. (💀 / 🔥/🌹) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 🎇🎇 S T A R S P A R K S 🎇🎇 - fuck around and find out (blame the box) (🔥/💀) --- a polycube has: a lizard, a cowboy, a second cowboy nobody wants here, an engineer and a twink (the worms are strong with this one) (🔥/💀) - thin ice buddy (blonde, blue eyes, somehow not in finance??) (🔥/💀) 🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇 Some more curses for the curse collector (🔥) Things that would kill a Victorian child: Victoria Isaacs (🦇) Advertising these days is getting weirder and weirder (🌹/🔥) The Drakkar Trail I SECRET MISSION EP 3 I (🌹) ---> ft. 💠💠ICEBOUND💠💠 Kith and kin. /Aromantic week 2024/ (💀) ---->ft. 🪻🪻BENEATH DARK WINGS🪻🪻 ---->ft.🌼🌼ONCE UPON A WITCHLIGHT 🌼��� ---> ft. 💠💠ICEBOUND💠💠 ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 ---> ft.✨✨STARDUST RHAPSODY ✨✨ ---> ft. 🌻🌻PRIME 🌻🌻 A yes the Strahd, the Strad, the Strdad, the Starh, the- (🔥) ⭐Save a horse, and the cowboy, mostly the cowboy (🌹/🔥) ⭐ Hand in unlovable hand (🦇) R.I.P to the COS gang they could have loved "La Revetlla de Sant Joan" (🔥) Sarnax's lamp spinning around like a microwave. (🔥) The sword between the hand and the wall (🦇) "Hell, I don't go anywhere without Sarnax, you stick the two funny-looking guys together and we just do our thing." (💀 / 🔥/🦇) ---> Ja ja ja, college life (dies) (🔥) The water that made the blade(🦇) An invitation for a midnight snack I PART 1 I (💀 / 🔥) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 An invitation for a midnight snack I PART 2 I (💀 / 🔥) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 An invitation for a midnight snack I PART 3 I (💀 / 🔥) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 An invitation for a midnight snack I PART 4 I (💀 / 🔥) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 An invitation for a midnight snack I PART 5 I (💀 / 🔥) ---> ft. 🥀🥀 EDGE OF MIDNIGHT🥀🥀 The shepherd to a herd, the herd to a shepherd (💀/🦇) WhAATT MURRhhhhDDeeerrrrR?¿??!!!¡¡¡ (🔥) Putting the GEN into the CON (🦇) Flame without wax. (🦇) THE WAGON AT THE END OF THE ROAD (🔥 / 💀) ---> ft. 🌼ONCE UPON A WITCHLIGHT 🌼

[historian-crown]

Personal lyric interpretation:

Starting a series here cause i am far to lazzy to make tiktoks explaining this.

1. Spillways

So for this I translated the entire song into German to make sure I understand every word of it. Just so you know I am dead ass serious about this and not shitposting like 90% of the time.

First it seems obvious: You tried to find peace of your mind and soul in religion, but there is just a burden in you that eats you up slowly. It is hidden in your subconscious, but you can only outrun it for so long. It is going to break out over the Spillways and consume you. Eating up the holy body (corpus dei) in that process and you will fall back into sin. Back to the Beast at your feet (aka the devil that is already around you… also it’s the feet like in the body part Mother Mary is washing the sins of... you listen to Ghost, you know what I am talking about)

What really speaks to me (and calls me out in a way) is the chorus: It is not over. Not only that. You NEED to bleed. It is you that wants and needs the bad things in your life to happen. In all reality, you need them to happen to be able to feel alive. So of course YOU make them happen. It is a trauma spiral you are in. Always repeating the same mistake because you still have this casket (your trauma) inside of your subconscious that just screams at you to finally face it. As long as it is there you need to refeed it. That’s how the casket is 1. Inside you but also 2. Having you locked inside of it, as the lyrics say. You try to hide it and keep it in a dark, unseen corner of your psyche, but it locks you from being free and living a healthy life. If you do not face it, it will consume you. Running to a religion will not help you with that. It only will break out eventually and when that happens it will flood your entire being and let you drown in it. The holy body, corpus dei, being nothing more than an illusion. You made yourself belief being religious made you as holy and without sin as Jesus was, but in reality, the devil is at your feet not Mother Mary. Nobody is just washing away your sins, oh no, they stay there and grow and grow and grow. You needed yourself to belief you overcame that sin. That is the fun part. This sin is ruling your life while you think you overcame it. You never did and that is why it keeps coming back until you drown and die.

 Feel free to add your thoughts on this or to call bullshit on me. It is just the way I understand the lyrics.

[lgbtloudhouse]

The ultimate shitpost

Star vs The loud fanfic of the loving than Loudcest ship me and he leaned Celeste is not homophobic slur you can relate Celeste is MY MOM TRYING TO BE IMMATURE. Celeste is MY GOLF. I love you so confusing much for a gay cowboy hat. I'm gonna take another classroom to calm down. I'm blocked, and I thought Celeste says that women are fucking awesome af faces in the casket I'm gonna water my ass I'm just SO PRECIOUS BABY Celeste is not something to upset I'm just cleaning my mom by the loud x Star Butterfly from another dimension is a lie. Constantly Celeste is not something I just reported you can relate Celeste x Star and my grandma . svtfoe diaz I'm a minor and my sis is a shitpost about it was made for me to draw spongebob and I have to get a girl! It's a depressed teenager And i didn't confirm I'm gay for Manchester tribute. Wait nevermind Celeste is my mom by the fuck is a shitpost cuz i didn't confirm I'm a awkward homosexual against Celeste is MY GOLF. Celeste is not something to laugh at my school so u blocked which is a lie.