#sir is this jenga

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

One thing I’ve never exactly understood. Why did the victory on Earth in books 53/54 correspond to a total victory over the Yeerk Empire? Most clearly, we never see the Council of 13 get defeated.

Short answer: Eva.

Long answer:

This is all kind of background to the main plots of the books, but. What we know happens is something like this.

The yeerks try to take Leera, under Visser One's leadership. They meet andalite resistance, leeran resistance, and Animorph resistance — ultimately they fail (#15 - #18).

V1 gets reassigned to Sleegab Five. Not many details, but it doesn't go well. Doesn't help that Marco has been actively discrediting her within the Empire (#30).

V1 gets rereassigned to Anati (#30).

Toby et al. launch a resistance on the Hork-Bajir Homeworld (#34).

V1 gets tried as a traitor (thanks, Marco) and slated for execution (Visser). V3 becomes V1. This corresponds with the Empire withdrawing from some failed attempts to take other planets.

Eva (after being rescued; thanks Marco) points out that the Yeerk Empire has few territories outside of Earth that aren't being occupied by andalite counter-invasions (#45).

Andalites have occupied Yeerk Homeworld, Taxxon Homeworld, and Sleegab Five, taking them back from Yeerk Empire (#46). Eva knows that the yeerks are trying to convince the andalites that their focus is on Anati, and that their actual focus is on Earth.

Ax persuades Andalite War Council that yeerks are concentrating on Earth, which is a mixed blessing — it gets the andalites to head for Earth, but they plan to annihilate it when they arrive (#46).

Yeerk forces further concentrate on Earth (#51). Eva speculates that they now have 0 other planets, if they've lost Anati.

Jake, Toby, and Eva plan to blow the biggest yeerk pool on Earth to convince the yeerks "Earth isn't worth their time". They know they're making the yeerks some other planet's problem, but need to prevent the andalites from wiping out humanity (#52).

The yeerks are so overcommitted to Earth that blowing the yeerk pool has the opposite effect. New!V1 instead lands the Pool Ship on Earth and throws everything at an open Earth invasion (#53).

Eva, Jake, Arbron, and V17* conspire to both draw andalite forces to Earth and conceal that fact from new!V1. Now all the andalites' and all the yeerks' eggs are in the Earth basket (#53).

Jake corners V1 and forces him to surrender. V17 reveals to the Empire that the andalites are here, and plans to use that chaos to escape with a splinter group. The andalites accept Jake's handing over the Yeerk Empire (#54).

Rachel kills Tom, preventing V17's escape.

Ax and Alloran manage to negotiate Earth remaining independent, even as the andalites take control of the Yeerk Empire.

[alexturntable]

"Like that, sir?" "You are doing amazing, sweetie"

[impossiblepearl]

I have nothing appropriate to say...

[pomegranatepip]

rafayel rage quit on me in pile parade because i didn't let him turn one of my cards into a catless cookie 😔

[cosmique-oddity]

Well this au is so interesting we all want to dream about what would our favorites characters be in pilot/mecha combination

And then we remember……ah yes……it wouldn’t make sense if they were all pilots and mecha

No plot about hot robot aliens in space hahah

I’m sorry- are Orion and Optimus different people in the Mecha AU, because you mentioned before that Optimus couldn’t feel jazz’s spark? Like the matrix didn’t know him. But if Optimus is well. Cypertronian. What does Orion have to do with shockwave? I’m a tad lost.

Ah well. This whole au is the game of improvisation. Someone writes Ratchet as Cybertronian, someone as a human. Someone says that Mirage is an alien, someone makes him a pilot. It's writing jenga. I was doing a bunch of memes with Bot!Optimus but I personally love him being a pilot much more~~

[wolfofcelestia]

Me: I'm gonna be a complete menace and pull out all the blocks on my first turn to make it really difficult for him

Sylus: My soul burns for you and only you, until the last flicker of starlight in the endless void of space dies out

Me: Sir, this is jenga

[ofeliaxoxo]

ok this is kind of a random one but i oddly enjoy the miami 2024 rayban jenga challenge video a lot because i think it encapsulates a lot of the essence of charlos (starting of course with the situation being a competition in a marketing video that they have to do). and it's like while it's clear that their marketing/pr video brains are fully on there are these little very truthful moments that bleed through regardless.

tumblr link to the video here https://www.tumblr.com/alexturntable/744232711497072640/carlos-sainz-and-charles-leclerc-a-jenga-match?source=share // youtube link here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDiRpaLdAvw

to be specific here are the moments i particularly enjoy (in chronological order through the video of course):

charles saying "i will start" and carlos' unnecessarily flirty "ah you want to start, eh? okay" like sir what was the reason (to be fair later on charles also has an unnecessary flirty "oh you like asking me questions, huh?" so they keep the unnecessarily flirtatious energy equal at least in the video)

i like how at the beginning carlos actively notices that charles removed the jenga block with only one hand so then he asks "is that a rule" and charles says "no we can use two hands" but of course carlos still has to do it the same way using only one hand. and then the moment charles uses two hands carlos is like Okay Now That Charles Has Done It I Will Use Two Hands As Well. and i like that he also verbalizes all of this for all of us so it's clear that he's locked in on what charles is doing and that he's perfectly capable of doing the exact same thing thank you very much. competitive over everything including how to move a jenga block… truly who else is doing it like them

the inherent comedy of charles' first question for carlos being "what is your go-to karoake song" and carlos' first question for charles happening to be What Is An On Track Moment With Me That Impressed You. immediately charles being put on the spot to give carlos a proper driving compliment absolutely love to see it.

and when charles eventually answers with carlos' ability to be on the limit straight away and says "i think it's a challenge you give yourself," carlos is like "yes i try to do it because YOU are also very good at it" and charles agrees and they say how much they push each other… always love to hear them acknowledge how competitive they are with each other specifically. i also enjoy the idea of charles being asked to say something carlos is good at and he thinks of something he himself is also good at. like i have many complicated feelings about that actually

charles describing himself as very intellectual and carlos being like mmm idk if i can agree with that and then charles immediately launches into complimenting himself as the best jenga player in the world. i snorted.

carlos being so amused at charles unexpectedly saying (jokingly) that his favorite part of the miami gp is the party on sunday night. i love carlos' expression in that moment you can so clearly see the surprised delight play out on his face as he processes it. charles basically surprised a genuine little breathy laugh out of him which was cute.

and then charles gives his serious answer by saying he likes the track (idk if i believe him on this one i feel like the drivers have generally said in the past that they don't love the miami track layout lmao but whatever charles does enjoy street tracks so who knows) and carlos goes "except for turn 1, no? you don't like so much" which i like because 1) carlos keeps him a little more honest and 2) i always enjoy seeing them display how much they know about each other racing-related or otherwise.

what's almost even better though is charles' reply because he responds "i've always been slow there" and carlos has a proper laugh about 1) successfully calling charles out and 2) a rare moment of charles himself admitting to being slow somewhere.

i like that it's also clear that despite how good they are at the marketing/pr parts of their jobs charles still cares more about winning the jenga match than doing the actual marketing part of the game which is asking each other the questions that are on some of the jenga blocks. because he's not at all trying to get more of the question blocks at all he's just going for the easiest block to move. the funniest part about it is charles absolutely realizes this because he says "sorry i still don't have any questions for you" but that doesn't mean he's going to change what he's doing at all lmao

charles saying "carlos don't underestimate me." that's it i just like that he said that literally about a game of jenga lol

charles asking carlos the question "what is something people don't know about you" and carlos turning it into "charles what is something YOU know about me that most people don't" like he makes charles come up with an answer (not that charles' answer is at all a deep cut haha)

the way charles says "i think we are going to be too small to finish this" because the jenga tower is growing too tall for them to easily reach the top is sooooo cute i am pinching his face

charles starting to say "i think that's it, carlos, i think you are-" clearly about to say that carlos is going to lose when he moves his next block but carlos interrupts with "-the champion" and starts singing we are the champions. and charles giggles and goes "no, i don't think you are the champion" as carlos continues to sing. a very Them moment i think!

charles excitedly exclaiming that he finally has a block with a question on it but as he continues moving the block the tower gets too unsteady so he stops trying with that block and says "actually i don't think i want to ask you this question" i did giggle

then the block that he actually does manage to move they're both so excitedly impressed that he was able to successfully do it without the tower falling and that the game will continue. they're so caught up in the moment that charles almost doesn't realize that his block does finally happen to have a question on it. yay marketing! the question is the absolutely crucial "do you prefer instagram or tiktok" (i think charles is mostly just taking the piss but i am the tiniest bit intrigued about the way he goes "oh what a liar" after carlos answers "i'm not into tiktok that much recently." veryyy curious about their social media habits actually and how much they know about each other's habits)

i like that for carlos' next block he follows charles' instructions about where to best place it and asks for confirmation that it's where charles wants it ("like that, sir?") and charles gives him his classic "you are doing amazing, sweetie." the best part about this is not actually the giving and following instructions but rather the fact that charles tells carlos where to place it "just to rebalance everything" when it's like. if carlos put the block in a less optimal/balanced position it's more likely that the whole tower would fall over with his block placement and charles would be the winner. but no in this case we have a very revealing moment of charles unnecessarily making an active decision that increases the chances of the game continuing for longer instead of optimizing his chances to win. like yes of course he still wants to win but he'd rather the game go on for as long as possible first :( so he can keep playing with carlos :( and they can continue having fun and teasing each other :(

this makes it even funnier that literally with charles' next block the tower falls over and he loses. his dramatic scream of "no!" at the same time carlos shouts "yes!" is great and very true to them <3

wow this got so long so sorry for dumping this in your inbox!! i went a little crazy because i don't want to write my paper which is somewhat ironic because it's for my film course and yet so far today i have now written more in-depth analysis on a 5 minute charlos marketing video than on the 2 hour film i'm supposed to be writing this paper on. love that 4 me! but i hope this was somewhat enjoyable to read haha i had a good time writing it at least :)

OKAY i have watched the video and here are some miscellaneous thoughts

Immediately their fuckass shades…i know its for the video but GOD 

“Ive already started” girl help why does he say it like that…

“When did I impress you Charles?” “You impressed me at many occasions Carlos” - they use each other’s names in direct speech SO much

Yes omg carlos goes “you’re using two hands so I’m gonna take the freedom to use two hands too” and EYE think this is because he is micromanaging Charles he knows that Charles is a little imp in these videos so he’s setting the ground rules that if YOU use two hands i can legally use two hands!! No cheating!!

Sidenote i like the way they deliver all the questions in this very amiable and incredibly staged way which simultaneously reveals a pleasant willing to play along and gives the impression it’s their first time saying any of the words ever

I like carlos’s jenga choice at 2:50 where hes like ok difficult jenga time and charles is lowkey like aw come on thats going to be Difficult 

Also lowkey how long did this actually take to film because the jenga tower is so tall…

And at the end when charles goes NO and tries to stop the tower from collapsing and damning him to the contemptible position of Loser At Jenga its so serious and real to him for a split second

And now on to your excellent points

That little exchange at the start…im so glad they would constantly flirt all the time for my own viewing pleasure. Thanks guys love it<3

Yess omg the way theyre both like ok damn a serious and slightly thorny question. So carlos goes oh hee hee you have to answer this one i know you dont want toooo and charles goes yes lmao i dont want to haha! Stalling for time. I wrote him as entirely averse to communicating which im sure irl he isnt but i did think about these kinds of little moments where whatever bullshit is like charles please randomly say something intensely sincere and hes like Well Come On Guys Seriously Why Cant We Say Fun Things Instead

The way carlos instantly starts laughing before charles gets his answer out hes clocked it instantly he knows charles has picked something hes good at himself 

His laugh at the little party joke is so real because it was lowkey involuntary he was not expecting it…they make each other laugh augh

And the laugh he has at the being slow admission is much more an On Purpose Laugh. Hes not faking it but he meant to have it unlike at the joke which is fun to me how you can see that difference

Re their online habits i like the little giggle they have over the 45 minutes later joke…i can only imagine how fucking boring the posts they look at are. Wheres that post where someone compiled the tiktoks charles had liked and it was stuff like drink 10 glasses of lemon water and dont wank challenge to gain higher consciousness. Ngl i think thats the type of stuff most of them are enjoying. 

Actually can we talk about the way carlos constantly says sir. I put that in one of my little sequel fics but i felt like it was out of place because he wouldnt say it but now i feel vindicated because he Literally Does. i have more thoughts about carlos and playing obedience to add on to previous discussion and i will put it here. You know when a male friend or a boyfriend is like to you and your female friends Okayyy ill do what the WOMEN want jeez these women. FINE babe what do you want me to do. In a teasing way. Like the game is that theyll fully obey. But of course they are not in any way actually Submitting. Its a little stage play. The joke ultimately is that the women are bossy. And to me that is slightly what carlos is doing. Hes like Okayyy ill do itttt. BUT crucially despite the stage play of it all when you get right down to the miserable bones of it carlos IS an obedient man. I saw a post recently of him saying his father ‘allowed’ him to be more independent the older he got. So. well. Here we are. 

‘Just rebalance everything’ charles likes to play games and have fun…MAYBE we could webweave about this. Ok im going to proceed with caution i admit im not a charles scholar so dont get mad at me if you are and you hate this. BUT. “charles unnecessarily making an active decision that increases the chances of the game continuing for longer instead of optimizing his chances to win. like yes of course he still wants to win but he'd rather the game go on for as long as possible first” he wants to do it Properly he wants to Play the Game Right he wants to Genuinely Be The Best At the Game he wants it to go Perfectly he wants to Win A World Championship with Ferrari and Only Ferrari

TO SUM UP. thank you for this im obsessed it was very enjoyable to read. Procrastinating coursework is REAL thats genuinely my entire blog and all my fanfiction. The amount of work i could have been doing but have been hiding from…I loved this ask! I want you to analyse all the charlos videos i watch now. If you have any more papers to avoid never hesitate to send some of your thoughts my way

[clemeientene]

𝗕𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗖𝗛 𝗫 𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗗 || Yan!Hitman x Gn!Reader

[ 03 ] ✦ 𝒚𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒙 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓

previous chapter: 02 [ convinience & yapping ]

The freezer smelled like death, and not the poetic, cinematic kind.

No, this was the real kind—the kind that clung to your nostrils like an ex who wouldn’t move on.

The air was cold, icy, and filled with the metallic smell of blood that had already begun to congeal in places it definitely shouldn’t be.

The bodies? Well, there were four of them, all in various states of “oops, I’ve been brutally murdered.”

And here you were, in your pink apron, standing in the middle of it all like some kind of cursed housekeeper.

Mr. Zy, your extremely problematic employer who somehow made "mildly bleeding in a corner" look attractive, was watching you work. Silently. Like a cat watching a mouse. Or, more accurately, like a hitman watching his cleaner expertly dispose of the evidence while he dripped blood onto the tile.

You sighed, rolling up your sleeves. Alright, let’s do this. Time to educate the masses.

Step One: Assess the Situation.

Four bodies. One industrial-grade freezer. Blood pooled across the floor, already freezing in some places. Messy. Not the worst you’d seen (Greg’s office still haunted you), but still, not great. The key was efficiency—minimizing cleanup, maximizing disposal.

Step Two: Positioning Matters.

You tilted your head, eyeing the bodies critically. “Alright, we need to stack them properly. You can’t just throw corpses in like Tetris blocks, or you’ll end up with dead guy Jenga.”

Mr. Zy exhaled smoke, watching. “Stack?”

“Yes, stack. Unless you want to play ‘guess which limb this belongs to’ later.” You gestured dramatically. “You think the people who do this professionally just throw them in like a kid cleaning their room? No. There’s a method.”

He gave a slow blink, unimpressed. But he didn’t argue.

Step Three: The Art of Disguise.

Now came the fun part. You bent down, avoiding the literal puddle of human juice, and started working.

Blood had already begun to freeze, so you chipped away at it methodically while maneuvering the bodies into the most space-efficient arrangement.

“See, the trick is layering. If you freeze them right, they don’t stick together like a human popsicle pack.”

Mr. Zy watched, silent as ever.

Does he just stand there for fun? Is this entertaining for him?

You glanced up. Oh. Oh.

His deep blue eyes were focused on you, his expression unreadable, and was he leaning against the wall like some tragic villain? His slightly grayish hair was tousled just right, and the way the cigarette balanced between his fingers—ugh. Disgusting. Unreasonably attractive. Jail.

“Why are you staring?” you blurted, more annoyed at your own thoughts than anything.

“I listen.”

“To what?”

“You.”

You paused mid-cleanup, brain buffering. Oh.

That was… that was new. People never listened to you. You mostly yapped into the void while people either ignored you or, in Greg’s case, actively walked away.

But this guy? This guy was different.

And somehow, that was worse.

There was something deeply concerning about how casual Mr. Zy was about this. Maybe it was the fact that he was still slightly bleeding, yet somehow more interested in watching you work than tending to his wounds.

Maybe it was the way he rolled up his sleeves like he was about to make sourdough—except instead of dough, it was a guy named Darren who probably owed money to the wrong people.

Or maybe it was the fact that he was doing this barehanded.

“You’re not even gonna—” You gestured vaguely at his entire existence. “—I don’t know, put on gloves?”

He flexed his fingers, looking at them like he was considering it for a whole half-second before shrugging. “No need.”

“No need?” You repeated, incredulous. “No need?! Sir, that is a whole dead guy. He has bacteria. Diseases. Maybe a life insurance policy.”

Zy ignored you. Instead, he reached down and, with terrifying ease, grabbed one of the bodies by the arm. There was a sickening crunch-pop as the frozen shoulder joint gave way like an overused stress toy.

You grimaced. “Great. Love that sound.”

You weren’t sure what was worse—the sheer strength required to do that or the fact that he didn’t even look mildly inconvenienced by it. Like, yeah, I can snap a dude’s arm off with my bare hands, no big deal, wanna get coffee later?

But you had work to do. And at the end of the day, bodies were bodies, and a job was a job. You rolled your shoulders and cracked your knuckles. Time to educate the masses again.

Types of Disposal & Their Uses

Chop & Drop (Dismemberment 101)

The classic. Cut them up into smaller, manageable pieces. You glanced at Zy’s lack of tools and sighed.

“You ever use a bone saw, or do you just Hulk your way through everything?”

He gave you a look. “Hulk.”

Of course.And then, to prove his point, he literally grabbed a leg, twisted, and—oh.

Oh, there it went.

The femur just snapped. Like it was a breadstick.

You blinked. “Okay. That’s illegal.”

“Everything here is.

”Fair.

The Acid Bath (Not As Cool As It Sounds)

Melting bodies in acid? Overrated.

Takes too long. Too expensive. Plus, who the hell has that much hydrofluoric acid lying around? Breaking Bad really did a number on people. You didn’t even suggest it.

Grinder or Woodchipper (Extreme Mulching)

Messy. Too messy.

The last thing you needed was stray human confetti flying around.Zy, to his credit, looked vaguely intrigued by the idea.

You pointed a warning finger at him.

“No.”

He tilted his head.

“No.” He exhaled smoke, noncommittal.

Burn Baby Burn (Fire Solves Most Things)

Fire worked. But fire also attracted attention. You didn’t need the Veygrove fire department rolling up, finding four half-melted skeletons, and collectively deciding to quit their jobs.

Frozen Goods (Tonight’s Special: Not-So-Fresh Meat)

Now this? This was a winner. Freezing bodies slowed decomposition. Kept the smell to a minimum. Plus, a well-packed freezer meant no leaks. You just had to—crack—do some creative folding.

Zy tossed a severed arm into a garbage bag like he was throwing out last week’s leftovers. You sighed. This man was going to give you an aneurysm.

At some point, Zy leaned against the counter, watching you work with that same unreadable expression. You could feel his gaze, like a sniper scope trained on your existence. Finally, he spoke.

“You’re good at this.”

You huffed, wiping your forehead. “Yeah, well, someone has to be.”

Then—

“Why?”

You froze. Not because of the question itself, but because of the fact that he asked.

Mr. Zy never asked things. He observed. Lurked. Occasionally made unsettling eye contact. But outright asking?

That was new.

You exhaled, considering your answer. “Because people are messy,” you finally said, tying off a garbage bag. “And if no one cleans it up, it just stays messy. That’s how you get caught.”

Another pause. Then, slowly, he nodded—like you’d passed some kind of secret test.

And just like that, the conversation was over.

Final Thoughts:

Bodies = Gone.

Floor = Clean.

Mr. Zy = Distractingly Hot Even When Covered in Blood. Again.

You didn’t say that last part out loud, obviously. You had some shame.

But still.

You stole a glance at him, rolling your eyes as he lit another cigarette. “Can you at least bandage yourself before you drop dead?”

He looked at you.

And then, in the most stupidly attractive way possible, he just muttered, “Not dead yet.”

Your brain short-circuited.

Great. Fantastic. Amazing. You were never going to survive this job.

 You had done your job. You had done it well. Time to pack up, go home, and maybe pretend that your boss wasn’t stupidly attractive even when covered in the remnants of several unfortunate individuals.

But then, in the middle of your I should leave before my brain betrays me plan, something unexpected happened.

He reached into his pocket.

You tensed immediately. Because, let’s be honest, when a hitman reaches into his pocket, the reasonable response is to assume violence. But no—what he pulled out wasn’t a weapon. Wasn’t a knife. Wasn’t even more bullets.

It was money.

And then—oh God—he pulled out something else.

A sticker book.

You stared. "No way."

Mr. Zy, the most feared hitman in Veygrove, casually thumbed through his sticker book, flipping past pages filled with sparkly unicorns, motivational quotes, and tiny cats wearing sunglasses, before peeling one off with the precision of a man assembling a sniper rifle.

He handed it to you.

You didn’t even look at it yet. You were too busy processing.

“So,” you said slowly, “let me get this straight.” You gestured to the money in one hand. “This is extra?”

A nod.

“For what?”

A pause. Then, gruffly, “You did good.” You blinked. “I always do good.”

Another nod. As if he was acknowledging a fact.

Then, still casual as ever, he pointed at the sticker still sitting in your palm.

“That,” he said, “is also extra.”

Your brain broke.

“You just… carry a sticker book? Everywhere?”

“…Yes.”

The silence stretched.

You squinted. “You’re telling me—”

“Yes.”

“—you’re walking around with a loaded gun, a bloody knife, two extra magazines, and a freaking sticker book?”

“Yes.”

You opened your mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “Do you have multiple sticker books?”

He exhaled a thin trail of smoke, looking at you like he was considering whether or not to answer.

“…Yes.”

Jesus Christ.

You finally looked down at the sticker. It was a cartoon frog giving a thumbs-up. Below it, in cheerful font, were the words: "Nice job, champ!"

“…I don’t know how to react to this,” you admitted, half-laughing, half-spiraling into an existential crisis.

He didn’t react. Just flicked his lighter shut, stuck the cigarette between his lips, and—God help you—had the audacity to look hot while doing it.

Then, because apparently you weren’t already malfunctioning enough, he added, "I apologize."

Your brain rebooted. "Huh?"

"For being bad at my job."

"Hm."

He gave a lazy shrug. "Made a mess."

"Well....Mess comes with the job description.." [Fuck, I fumbled.]

Another slow drag of his cigarette. He exhaled smoke. "Doesn't mean I like it."

You stared at him. This was… a weird moment. A rare moment. Mr. Zy, the terrifying, unkillable, oddly considerate hitman, was sitting here, looking down at the floor with a slight crease between his brows—like he actually cared that he’d made things difficult for you.

And if that wasn’t strange enough, he wasn’t done talking.

“By the way,” he muttered, flicking ash to the side, “don’t shut up.”

You blinked. “What?”

He tilted his head slightly, his blue eyes—so deep, so unreadable, so ridiculously distracting—meeting yours with actual intention. “I like listening.”

…

What.

WHAT.

Most hitmen—hell, most people—probably wanted their employees to shut up. To be quiet, efficient, and obedient. But noooooo, apparently this one had decided he liked your constant yapping.

You squinted at him. “Are you feeling okay?”

A slight eyebrow twitch. “Yes.” “You sure? No brain damage?” A slow inhale. Slow exhale. “Yes.”

You crossed your arms, lips twitching. “So… just to confirm. You, a very scary hitman, are telling me, your very unscary cleaner, to continue talking?”

A long pause. Then, very simply, “Yes.”

Your entire existence felt thrown off balance. Because, sure, you were used to dealing with his general weirdness—his silent lurking, his casual rage murder, his questionable fashion choices (seriously, why the pink apron?)—but this? This was new.

And frankly, it was dangerous.

Because it meant he was paying attention.

And if he was paying attention, that meant he was listening to everything you said.

Which meant that one day, inevitably, your simping was going to slip out.

You needed to leave. Immediately.

“Okay, well!” You clapped your hands, stuffing the extra cash into your pocket. “That’s great, boss. Love that for me. And for you. And for our very strange professional dynamic. But if I stay here any longer, I might say something really stupid, so I’m gonna—”

“Say it.”

"No."

His gaze narrowed slightly, as if considering pushing the matter, but then he just shrugged. "Next time."

Your soul left your body. NEXT TIME?

You needed out. Right now.

Grabbing your supplies, your stupid sticker reward, and what was left of your self-control, you bolted.

And as you did, you could feel his gaze still on you, as calm and unreadable as ever.

God help you.

[squib-fandoms]

JUST A COLLECTION OF LADS SCREENSHOTS THAT IVE TAKEN OVER THE PAST WEEK TO THREE IDK LOOOL

GOT BOTH THESE CARDS BACK TO BACK!! I FEEL SO LOVED BY THEM BOTH HEHEHE! BOTH WERE SO CUTE!!

MY SMILE UGLY AS HELL BUT THANK YOU CALEB HEHE <3

Stuff below cause it's kinda long, and there's suggestive content

IM SOBBING CALEB PLEASE UWWWAAAGHHH </3 JUST SOME ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING CALEB LINES!! UUUWAGH I WANNA DO FANART!!

LMAOOOOO!! This was during the last event, with the subway surfers and jenga games. I had like...only done Zayne's story and this was one of the lines! wish he'd pound me more idk

HELLO SIR?!?!?! i mean shiii DOCTORS ORDERS IG!! I shall examine every inch of you carefully Dr. Zayne🫡

[chiskz]

[ ▶️ ] . . . SKZ 사우나 (SKZ SAUNA) #1 & #2｜[SKZ CODE(스키즈 코드)] Ep.37 & Ep.38

┏ ♡𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @alyszaen , @smh-anon , @neohyxn , @stealanity , @alixnsuperstxr , @juliawritingblog , @rizzshimura , @elizalabs3

[xxx] - editors' notes ┛

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

└ Ep.37 ┐

♡ Aesthetic

When Felix enters the sauna, Chichi immediately quietly enters behind him and they sit inside together, a little pressed together as if that would somehow help them survive the heat [two boiled eggs].

CHICHI: I can't make it!

She called out and left the sauna on all fours after about a minute.

Changbin: If you can't stand five minutes in the heat, how can you stand seeing me on stage?

There was an awkward silence... [*cricket sound*]

As Seungmin was putting a mask on Hyunjin's face, Ichi reached over and took Hyunjin's hand gently.

CHICHI: Today I will be your manicurist, sir.

Hyunjin lifted his head up for a moment.

Hyunjin: Are you sure? Yours are always unpainted.

CHICHI: A good cook doesn't eat his dishes!

She assured quickly and took a cotton swab with liquid to wipe his nails first, then got down to her choice of nail polish.

CHICHI: Should I file them first?

She asked others, but more herself. Seungmin glanced at her from above the bowl with the mask.

Seungmin: No, because you'll still wipe his fingers...

CHICHI: Maybe it's a good thing, less work.

She replied as if nothing ever happened and got to work, and Hyunjin just looked at her with eyes big with fear [stressed ferret].

When Chichi finished Hyunjin's she sat down with Bang Chan and Jeongin with a sheet mask [all of them busy...]. She opened it with her teeth and, at the mirror, put it on her face, correcting it carefully with fingers.

CHICHI: Wow, it's really soft... How do I look?

Lee Know: Like a ghost.

He answered at once without even raising his head from above Han's nails. Ichi lowered her eyebrows. She squeezed out the rest of the serum from the package and approached Lino from behind, then began to massage it on his cheeks. Minho turned around immediately and hurriedly put the nail polish down on the floor, then pulled his towel off his head and started chasing her with it. Chichi squealed with laughter until she finally hid from Minho in the sauna. He, however, was fine with it - he sat down on the floor and leaned with his back against the sauna door so she couldn't get out. Chichi's face turned dark at this point...

In later scenes (after Chichi has already been released from the hot prison), Changbin can be seen in the background painting her nails just like his - he painted the nails of both of her pinky fingers pink, which they showed proudly in the scene where the members talked about what they received during their little spa time [perfect match of pink SKZ members!].

♡ Pillow Jenga

Lee Know: Let's do it by age, so Chichi begins!

Chichi laughed nervously and rubbed her fingers together.

CHICHI: Ah, what should I do...

She pondered a moment looking at the bottom row of Jenga pillows. She crouched by the tower and tried to pull out the middle pillow very carefully, but still a little too fast - the tower tilted and fell apart instantly. Chichi opened her mouth wide and froze as loud sounds rang out in the background - sounds of laughter, embarrassment, disbelief and disappointment.

Seungmin: How can you lose by being the first! After all, then how can it be the easiest!

Felix came up to her and crouched behind her embracing and shaking slightly.

Felix: How could you, how could you!

Chichi stood up and embarrassed faced the wall pretending to hit her forehead against it [total failure...].

Lee Know: It's time for punishment!

He opened the sauna door especially for her, and she went inside for three minutes without a word of objection.

I.N: I actually feel sorry for you.

He said that when Chichi lost in the second round as well. She looked at him hunched over near the sauna, from which she had only just emerged after her second punishment. Jeongin took her hand and took her with him to the cafeteria, where she could choose whatever she wanted on his private bill [the kindness of the youngest knows no limits].

└ Ep.38 ┐

♡ Consonant Game

Chichi was very focused, most of all of the members. Games that required knowledge of Korean were still stressful for her, and she was afraid that when she made a mistake the hate for her lack of knowledge of the language would return.

During the next song of the second round, Chichi did not speak at all, all the while silently looking at the given letters and moving her mouth mute. When she heard the hint that it was their choreographed song, Chichi jumped on Seungmin squealing loudly.

CHICHI: Red Lights, Red Lights!

Seungmin: Red Lights?

Bang Chan: Red Lights?

Everyone looked at the staff, who confirmed the answer, then their gaze immediately fell on Chichi.

HAN: She saved our food!

Changbin: Chichi, we apologize for everything!

He yelled pretending to cry with emotion.

Seungmin: She loves tonkatsu so much that it moved her brain cells.

After a successful game, everyone sat down to eat. When Hyunjin told a story from his childhood, Chichi also opened up and put down her chopsticks.

CHICHI: When I was young I had the opposite problem, it was impossible to get me to eat at all. I was able to not eat for days, because I just didn't feel hungry. Until one day I smelled something in our kitchen, something I hadn't known until then. When I went there it turned out that my mother was making tonkatsu. That was the first time I really craved food, I must have eaten about three plates. Since then I kept asking for it all the time! [this time she didn't have to - delicious tonkatsu on the Stray Kids table!]

Bang Chan: Who was the funniest person today?

I.N: Felix and... and Chichi.

Chichi stuck out her lower lip [the biggest loser of today].

Seungmin: She was condemned to the sauna practically all the time today.

HAN: I wonder why you chose the sauna and not the cold room.

Chichi looked at him and put down her chopsticks again.

CHICHI: Why didn't I do what?

She blinked in surprise.

CHICHI: I had the choice?!

Lee Know: No, we had the choice. You didn't.

He nodded and continued eating, while Chichi threw the soy sauce package at him.

Chichi was the last to get her key from Felix, as she didn't answer any previous questions in order to stay as long as possible and eat tonkatsu. She only left the dining room with Hyunjin and Felix.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

[pampanope]

Hello, how are you doing? I’ve come with more questions >:3

1. Since cannonly Graves’ died in MW2, how is he alive? Did some cute girl/boy/enby necromance him or something? Or was it something more reasonable and realistic. Hell, was he even in the area when he was supposedly killed.

2. Is MW3 cannon in the ShadowDadlderverse? I hear it’s really really bad and not many or everyone considers it to be not cannon. This question goes hand in hand with the former

3. How did Graves’ feel when he realized that his dad wasn’t a hero? Did his finding out happen to coincide with Bell? Or is Graves still blind to what Addler did to Bell?

4. Since the Shadows are notably close in their verse, they most likely have game night. What games and movies do they play while together? What games and movies are banned?

5. Since I cannot go five questions without asking about fantasy and dnd, what would Graves character sheet look like? Class, race, backstory, spells, weapons, etc.

6. why is last name Graves? Is it his mother’s last name? Does like 7-11 call him Phillip A. Grave when pissed or something?(i definitely need to dig into the gas station man)

7. What is relationship with Laswell? And maybe if you’re feeling extra extra dangerous, maybe say what you picture Laswell’s wife to look like.

8. Also how old do you think Graves is? He can easily be seen as like 25-41. Or how old you think he is in your Au?

I know I am definitely asking some pretty deepish questions when it comes to your Au, but I like to learn. I especially like to learn about characters. And since your interpretation of Graves’ is currently scratching the itch I am internally inclined to ask these questions.

Stay safe!

Okaay here i gooo

1. I rly believe that tank was an unmanned vehicle that Graves controlled remotely while Soap ran around frantically XD hurling insults and a Shadow thumping him on the shoulder when he got carried away.

2. The only canon a peel off of mw3 and slap onto the Shadowdadler verse is that Makky is at large and Graves flew off into the sunset|

3. It depends on how he found out. If Graves knew what his father did at an early age, it’s be less of a shock. If Adler was honest about why a masked man was lurking somewhere nearby, told his son that he hurt one person for the sake of millions, it’d be better than if he tried to hide his actions. It wouldn’t surprise me if adult Graves grew to have a similar mentality as his father.

4. Game night’s full of multiplayer games (snash bros, mario party, MvC, etc). There’s a DnD session off to a corner. Ruined jenga towers litter the floor. A circle if Shadows play charades. Monopoly is DEFINITELY banned, too many fights break out. Any high shakes gambling on card games is also prohibited (there Shadows who are talented at card counting and sleight of hand). Any and all genres of movies are watches, with the exception of the Star Wars sequels. Those are unanimously banned.

5. I’d die if Graves was still the leader of a mercenary group but classed as a bard XD high charisma definitely. Still human. Idk enough about DnD as a whole to say what spells he’s gonna use but I like ghe idea of him boosting his part members that do the fighting

6. Ok so in one of my Dadler comics, Adler fights off and kills enemy agents that wanna target him and lil Phillip. He buries them in their backyard. Phillip learns one day that there are dead bodies there. Learns that they had to die for him to keep living. He’s looking at graves. The memory would stick with him. Lol 7-11 calls Graves Sir when the commanders being stubborn ir reckless 🤣 (funny, the Lt. can be just as stubborn and reckless)

7. Oh! I like her and the role she plays. I liked the sneaky sneaky part she had~ Her wife? I picture her a bit taller than Laswell. She’d be a brunette, soft featured, a bit tanned, down to earth and honest about her thoughts and feelings, something Laswell appreciates as someone used to subterfuge.

8. I got Graves at a solid 40. A tiny bit seasoned to be out in the field, but still young enough to be effective. He ages gracefully 🥰 hehehe

[prettypinkporkchop]

Quil x reader where quil imprints on them but he thinks they have a boyfriend already so he's just going through it like complaining to the pack and shit like that but one day reader asks him out and he's just so confused

DALTON (Ross Lynch)

MACIE (Florence Pugh)

This guy's eyes refuse to leave yours.

"Uh, sir?" You say awkwardly, trying to reach behind him for the bread.

He coughs and then smiles, chuckling awkwardly. "Sorry! I'm Quil!" He greets.

Hey, he's cute. Weird a stranger is greeting you, but you let this one pass.

"Y/n." You smile.

"Hey, I didn't know which bacon you wanted, so I got the hickory smoked." Your cousin, Dalton walks to you.

Quil moves his gaze, shifting his feet.

"Yeah, that's fine. Nice to meet you, Quil!" You wave.

Dalton smiles at him, and you two walk away. After you guys check out and get in your car, Dalton looks at you with an eyebrow raised. "Well, wasn't he a cutie." He smirks.

"Ayo, back off." You laugh. "I didn't even get his number or anything." You frown.

----

Quil slumps down on his couch. His arms are crossed and sighs. Embry pauses the game on the controller and looks at him.

"What's up with you?" He asks.

"I imprinted on a girl at the store."

"Good news, buddy!" Embry pats his knee.

"UGH, No. After I introduced myself, her boyfriend came up beside her.

Embry hisses and then sits back on the couch. They sit in silence for just a moment. "Hey, I mean, you imprinted. She's gonna come back. She will fall for you. That's if she hasn't already." Embry bumps his knee on Quil's.

Quil just shrugs and then sits up, grabbing a controller. "C'mon. Let's just play the game."

-----

Life is already easier since moving in with your cousins in their house. You're helping pay rent, and you're grown away from your family and old life.

Right now, you and Dalton are playing Jenga while Macie cooks in the kitchen. You offered to help but she gave you the stink eye, lol.

"You guys forgot the Mac n cheese!" Macie calls out.

"Marcie, you go!" Dalton hollars back to her.

All of the yelling made you bump your fingers in the jenga tower, making everything fall.

"Really?!" You groan.

"I'm over this. Want to go finish decorating your room?" He smiles at you.

"Yes!" You jump up. Before you make it into the room, something hits your back. You turn and see your car keys on the floor.

"Go get that Mac n cheese, girl." Macie snorts.

-------

"Well, what if we go for a drive?" Embry asks Quil.

"Can I listen to sad love songs?" Quil asks.

"Ya know what, if that'll make you feel better." Embry replies.

The two guys get in Quil's truck. The gas light turns on. "Bro, I need gas." Quil groans.

"Just go to the gas station. I'll get snacks you get the gas." Embry buckles up.

-----

Dalton runs outside of the gas station with coke and peanuts. You stare at him, squinting in confusion and keep pumping the gas.

"Dude, what?" You laugh.

"I saw this old lady on tiktok from Texas talk about this combo. I'm finna try it." He laughs, getting inside the car.

A truck pulls up at the pump next to you.

Two guys step out and you notice the driver is Quil!!!

"Quil!" You call out and wave.

He perks up and smiles at you. He walks over to you. The other guy follows and awkwardly looks at you. "Funny seeing you here!" Quil says.

"I know! How weird! Hey!" You wave at the other guy.

"Oh! That's Embry. He's a good friend." Quil smiles.

"I'm y/n!" You smile. "Anywho, Quil! If we are going to keep bumping into each other, I need your snap, or insta, or number." You laugh, pulling out your phone.

Dalton opens the door and steps out, waving at Quil. "Aye! It's that store guy!" He laughs.

Quil shakes his head at him, waving. He looks down and grabs your phone. "I don't have social media but I've got a number." He smiles.

Embry grabs Quil's shoulder. "I'm going inside." He says, walking away.

He hands your phone back to you. When you grab it, your fingers touch. You feel a spike of tingles run through your hand. Your fingers stay there and your eyes slowly look up to see Quil looking at you.

"I- yeah! I'll be texting you. Thank you!"

Dalton opens the door again, leaning out. "Alright, let the guy go, love. We have shit to do." He says while laughing.

You wave Quil bye and get in the seat, breathing out.

"I take it. You got his number?" Dalton asks, shoving a handful of peanuts in his mouth.

You nod your head quickly with a smile.

"You got rizz."

-----

Quil: is it weird that I'm coming over when you're alone?

You: no! It's all good.

You put the last dish in the dishwasher and sit on the couch, waiting for Quil.

Your cousins are at work and you thought it was a good time to invite Quil! Obviously, you asked them, and they were good with it. Especially, Dalton! He's hyping you up.

After waiting a bit, Quil comes over, and you sit him on the couch. He seems awkward and tense. You're beginning to wonder if he even wanted to come over. What if he doesn't want to be around you?

"So, Embry seems cool. How many friends do you have?" You ask, smiling.

He rubs his hands on his jeans on his knees, shifting a bit. "There's Jacob, Paul, Sam, Jared, and Embry. We're really tight. Always together." He chuckles.

"Oh! Awesome! Have you always lived on reservation?"

"Yup! We all have."

"Nice!"

-----

Quil in wolf form walk up to the rest of the pack in the woods.

"How'd it go?" Paul asks.

Quil growls and huffs. "It was weird! The whole time I was there I just kept thinking about her boyfriend."

"Kind of weird, she had you over there alone." Jared says.

"Why can't my imprint story be so easy?!" Quil whines.

"Mine wasn't." Sam chuckles.

-----

Dalton plops on your bed. "How'd it go, babe?" He asks.

"Not good. He was awkward. He didn't seem interested." You sigh.

Dalton rubs your back. "Girl, he's probably just nervous!"

"Doubt it. I offered food and everything. All he did was sit there and answer questions I asked. He didn't even want to stay long."

Dalton hisses and pulls his hand back. "Yikes..."

"Yeah, I know."

"Macie's good at this stuff. Let me go get her." He takes a deep breath in, "MACIE!"

His scream startled you. You thought he was going to get up and get her.

She runs inside, sitting next to you guys. "What's up?"

"Bitch, explain." Dalton tells you.

You repeat what you had said to Dalton, and Macie thinks for a moment.

"Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't think you like him. Maybe he thinks you're playing with him." She shrugs.

You consider what she is saying and Dalton is nodding.

"Valid." Dalton says.

-----

It's been a week since Quil came over. You guys have been texting, but you have to text first.

You: Quil!!!! Do you want to come over?

Quil: I can.

You sit back and wait. You can't sleep, and your cousins are passed out in their rooms. There's so much going through your mind.

You grab a think blanket and put on your house shoes. You step outside on the porch, not wanting to wake up your cousins.

You need to talk to Quil about how you feel and what's going on. You saw how he looked at you in the store. There's no denying that.

You see Quil, shirtless, walking onto your steps. The porch light is on. It's a hint of green.

"You okay?" He asks.

You pat the chair next to you. He sits down.

"Quil.. do you like me?" You sigh, closing your eyes.

"W-what? Can I even answer that?" He asks.

"What? Yes?" You look at him.

His eyes scan you. "I do." He sighs, covering his face.

"Do you want to go on a date? Maybe it'll help you feel more comfortable around me."

He looks up from his hands, and his eyebrows are furrowed. "So, you're gonna cheat on your boyfriend?!" He gestures to the door.

"Huh?" You have the biggest look of confusion.

"The guy you were with at the store and the gas station." He says, looking down.

You start giggling when you realize what's been going on. "Quil!" You slightly shove his shoulder.

"That's my cousin, Dalton. And his sister lives here too. Her name is Macie." You start laughing.

He leans back and chuckles at himself. "Maybe I should've asked instead of assuming. I feel embarrassed now." He laughs.

The door opens, and Dalton walks out with his comforter around him. He's Yawning and looks half asleep. "What's all that laughing?" He asks. When he realizes Quil is there, his eyes widen. "Oop! My bad!" He winks. "Have fun, girls." He walks back inside.

You and Quil burst into laughter. His hand touches your arm, and you look at him. You lean over and kiss his cheek. He instantly blushes and looks down.

"So, date?" He looks back at you with the cutest smile.

[forgiveyourwaywardson]

salmondean have a spat over going to chick-fil-a because Sam doesn't want to support homophobia (note: he doesn't like know anything concrete about chick fil a and why exactly people boycott it he just vaguely knows that the company is anti gay and he's uncomfortable with eating their chicken). dean is like you hungry and Sam is like yeah and deans like ok we'll grab something and then 2 minutes later he pulls into the drive thru and Sam is like what wait wait no turn around and dean is like are you kidding me. this culminates in dean buying an anti-gay chicken sandwich and Sam gets nothing and makes dean go to the Wendy's drive thru afterwards, which dean does, because he is a pushover. they have this tiff Once and then Dean never tries to bring Sam to chick fil a again because he doesn't want to have to think too much about gay people lest he have realizations. the Jenga tower you know how it is

However. dean goes once on his own. when sam isn't there so dean's like thank fuck i don't have to hear his GLAAD speech about my chicken sandwich. and he pulls into the line at the drive thru. and while he's sitting there waiting to get to the speaker he suddenly sees Charlie's face float up in his memory and he's like Wait A Second. Fuck. Would Charlie Be Mad At Me. and then he realizes that he's now rolled up to the speaker and the person on the other end is like sir can I take your order and he panics over whether he's going to order at the homophobia restaurant or leave the line and ultimately he simply says Uh. A Coffee. and the attendant says Unfortunately sir the coffee machine is broken at the moment and dean's vision whites out and he says Uh A Coke Then. and the attendant says Is that all sir? and dean says Yes and then he pulls up to the window and he buys his coke and he drives away and he never tries to go to chick fil again

[starmergeddon]

To someone who doesn't live in the UK and has only a very basic understanding of the different parties involved, pray could you provide a very brief rub-down of the election situation? Also a side question, where exactly did Rishi Sunak and the Tories in general fuck up? I've been getting a lot of British politics posts on my dash and I was curious. You seem like a reliable fellow to ask :)

Btw you really don't have to answer this ask if you don't want to or if it's too much work. In that case, could you point me in the right direction for some online resources I can refer to? Thank ye very much, cheers!

for context, I recieved this ask the day after the election, and somehow managed to miss it for 3 weeks. oops.

if you don't know how British elections work, here are three youtube videos from Jay Foreman which I recommend: how elections work, how elections don't work, and the bit that isn't elected at all

very long post under the cut...

the british political parties

like the US, the UK is a two-party state. unlike the US, the UK has more than two relevant political parties. here they are, in order of seats won this year:

Labour Party (411 (63.2%) seats, with 33.7% of votes)

won this year's General Election.

led by kid starver, queer harmer Keir Starmer, namesake of this blog.

was the Big Left-Wing Party. has recently become the Big Party which Doesn't Stand for Anything, Really, Except for Winning Elections and Hurting Transgender People, due to Starmer's leadership.

oddly patriotic. wants to establish "Great British Railways" and "Great British Energy". Nobody really knows yet what they mean by this.

former leader Ed Miliband is the man in my pfp, pictured failing to eat a bacon sandwich. Some speculate that this photo was the reason he lost the election in 2015.

Conservative "Tory" Party (121 (18.6%) seats, with 23.7% of votes)

tonight's Big Loser.

led by fishy, dishy Rishi Sunak, but not for long, because they're electing a new leader on Halloween.

was the Big Right-Wing Party. is still the Big Right-Wing Party, but is now also an Embarrassment.

they were in power for 14 years until this election.

Directly responsible for this country's decline over the past... 14 years.

their colour is more of a dark blue, but Tumblr doesn't let me do that.

Liberal Democrat Party (72 (11.1%) seats, with 12.2% of votes)

returned to its rightful place as the Third Party.

led by Sir Ed Davey, who spent the election campaign bungee jumping, playing Jenga, and paddleboarding.

is the Centrist Party that Nobody Really Cares About.

somehow is more left-wing than Labour.

Scottish National Party (SNP) (9 (1.4%) seats, with 2.5% of votes)

tonight's Medium-Sized Loser.

led by John Swinney, who was also their leader like 20 years ago.

unsurprisingly, is the Scottish Independence Party. is also more left-wing than Labour.

their colour is yellow, but Tumblr doesn't let me do that.

Reform UK Ltd. (5 (0.8)% seats, with 14.3% of votes)

Fascist Cunts.

led by Nigel Farage.

not actually a political party, for some reason.

enough said. (for now)

Green Party (4 (0.6%) seats, with 6.7% of votes)

the one I voted for.

co-led by Carla Denyer and Adrian Ramsey.

the Actually Left-Wing Party. Their slogan is "real hope, real change" which sums it up.

Plaid Cymru (4 (0.6%) seats, with 0.7% of votes)

the SNP, but Welsh. (it's pronounced "Plad Cumry")

led by Rhun ap Iorweth. (pronounced "Rune app You're weth")

their colour is dark green, but Tumblr doesn't let me do that.

None of these parties run for election in Northern Ireland, which is part of the UK, but not part of Great Britain. NI is an entirely different situation which I don't know about.

so what actually Happened? Now that the scene is set, I'll go through the events that transpired, from the conservative landslide in 2019 to the conservative demise in 2024.

2019

the Conservatives don't have enough MPs who want to vote for their Brexit plan, so they call a snap general election. in the UK, our elections aren't at regular intervals. ONLY the Prime Minister decides when they happen, within a 5 year limit. this is important later...!

they win a massive landslide victory, with Boris Johnson as their PM. the SNP wins 48 out of 59 seats in Scotland.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn (affectionately known as Jezza) resigns, as does LibDem leader Jo Swinson.

2020

Keir Starmer takes over as Labour leader, and is immediately very boring. Labour gets more unpopular.

Jezza is kicked out of the Labour party, as are many of his supporters, on false allegations of antisemitism.

Boris finally "gets Brexit done" (this was his slogan.) The Tories get more popular. The Brexit Party changes its name to Reform UK, but they're still considered right-wing extremists

COVID happens. Everyone rallies round the flag. The Tories get more popular.

Boris gets COVID and nearly dies.

top conservative politicians hold parties in Downing Street, breaking their own lockdown rules, but shhhh! nobody knows about that yet! these keep happening until April 2021

The NHS begins to collapse a bit more than it already had, due to Conservative underfunding. The Tories get less popular.

Chancellor Rishi Sunak announces a program giving people discounts to eat out in restaurants. COVID cases spike. The Tories get less popular.

It's revealed that one of the top Tories, Dominic Cummings, broke lockdown rules by visiting family. The Tories get less popular.

End of year - Tories and Labour tied in the polls.

2021

the Queen's husband dies. She goes to his funeral, socially-distanced, alone. on the same day, more Downing Street parties are held.

not much else happens?? until December, when

people start to find out that the Tories were breaking their own rules by partying in Downing Street. Immediately, the Labour Party gains a 7% lead in the polls.

2022 - shit hits the fan

people are MAD about the lockdown parties. it's named Partygate and the police start to investigate.

Russia invades Ukraine. Boris tries to distract everyone by supporting Zelenskyy.

the police conclude their investigation. Boris Johnson becomes the first Prime Minister to have officially broken the law. as a firm punishment, he is fined.... £50. (so are Rishi Sunak, and lots of others.)

Everything gets expensive. Many people are now choosing between eating and heating their home.

Just after this happens, it's revealed that Johnson also gave promotions to a Tory who he knew had committed sexual assault. His cabinet revolts. He is forced to resign as Conservative Party leader. But because he is Prime Minister, he's the only one who can call an election, and he simply chooses not to! because he knows he'd lose!

The new Prime Minister is chosen not by the people, but by the Conservative Party members. people hate this.

Liz Truss beats Rishi Sunak in the final contest. She becomes Prime Minister.

The Queen dies.

Liz Truss crashes the economy. All hell breaks loose. The Labour Party now have a 25% lead in the polls.

The Daily Star starts a YouTube livestream - will Liz Truss leave office before this lettuce expires?

Liz Truss loses control of her MPs. She, too, is forced to resign, just 40 days after becoming PM! Because she doesn't have to call an election, she doesn't.

The lettuce won.

ONCE AGAIN it is up to the Conservative Party leadership to choose a Prime Minister... except nobody wants to be Prime Minister. Rishi Sunak becomes Prime Minister without being elected by ANYBODY

2023

not much extra happens, for a while. people are just sick and tired of the Tories

They decide it's a good idea to try and deport asylum seekers to Rwanda, because immigration is "too high".

Nicola Sturgeon gets bored of being a politician and resigns as SNP leader. Without a clear successor, the SNP destroys itself finding a new leader.

Nicola Sturgeon is also arrested on suspicion of having funnelled money out of the SNP to herself before she resigned! (she's cleared of suspicion, but the public gain a conception of the SNP being corrupt.)

Shit happens in Gaza. The Tories back Israel. Labour, having shifted massively to the right, also back Israel. People become unhappy with both of them, and still are today.

2024

A general election has to happen this year. The Tories are still 20% behind in the polls.

It's announced that the UK entered a small recession at the end of 2023.

Four asylum seekers are sent to Rwanda. They spent £700,000,000 on this.

Rishi constantly dodges questions about when the general election will be, simply saying it will come "in the second half" of the year. Most people think he means autumn.

He did not mean autumn. He calls an election for 4 July, but forgets to bring an umbrella in the process, and gets rained on.

Nigel Farage immediately takes control of Reform UK. (He's allowed to do that because it's technically a company, and as owner of said company he can do what he wants)

Reform UK surges in popularity, reaching 17% in the polls, just behind the Conservatives at 21%

Rishi leaves a D-day event halfway through to give an interview with a TV broadcaster, in which the multimillionaire claimed his childhood was hard because he didn't have Sky TV.

The Conservatives decide to cure their election woes by sending all 18-year-olds to National Service. (ie. military)

It's also revealed that many top Tories placed bets on the election being held on 4 July.

The Conservative Party loses voters to Labour on their left, and to Reform on their right.

election result analysis

where did it go wrong for the Tories? uh, everywhere.

where did it go right for Labour, though? depends who you ask...

voters decisively rejected the Conservatives, choosing either Reform, Labour, or LibDem instead.

however, they weren't enthusiastic about Labour instead. many Labour wins came about as a result of Reform splitting the right-wing vote in half.

polling suggests most people who voted Labour did so to remove the Tories from power.

Fewer people voted for Labour this year than in 2019, but they doubled their seats in Parliament. Our voting system is fucked.

The Green Party quadrupled its seat share. They have won in every seat they have targeted.

Five leftist independent MPs beat Labour in what were "safe" constituencies. One of them was Jeremy Corbyn!! What this shows is that people don't really like Labour, or that people really don't like Labour. They want something better.

The SNP is nearly wiped out in Scotland, despite getting 30% of the Scottish vote. Labour wins most seats in Scotland with 35% of the Scottish vote.

The "Party of Women" (which is literally just TERFs) got fewer votes than the Monster Raving Loony Party. Lmao.

19 people voted for Elmo in Keir Starmer's constituency.

More people voted for the Conservatives and Reform UK combined than they did for Labour. If Labour doesn't get its shit together, we could be in trouble.

what's happened since the election?

7 Labour MPs have already been kicked out of the party for voting to adopt measures to lift 1.6 million children out of poverty

pressure from Greens and independents led to Labour accepting the ICC's arrest warrant for Netanyahu and stopping some arms sales to Israel's genocide.

what happens next?

the Tories choose a new leader on Halloween. other than that? fuck knows lmao. what the 2019-2024 parliament tells us is that anything can happen. as mentioned before, we don't even know when the next election is.

where exactly did Rishi Sunak and the Tories in general fuck up?

you tell me

i also realise just now, after typing all that out, that you asked for a "very brief rub-down" of what happened............. yeah my bad

[jackslocket]

done.

oh my god this bitch is cheating on me

your bitch is cheating on you with my bitch. what r we gonna do abt this.

[a-sassy-bench]

me: i am wildly irritated at absolutely everything in the world all of the time, i want to throw every device that connects me to the outside world off of a fucking cliff, and my life is collapsing in on itself with the force of a jenga tower made of gold bricks.

my boss: so... you're not prepared for the meeting?

me: i am prepared to cry, sir.

.