#so basically. stress

[cleardishwashers]

if somebody doesnt pick up my shift on sunday im ending it all

[idontmindifuforgetme]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[ainosgarden]

dr. sharp angles and dr. soft curves

(hidden angst explained in tags)

[wolfram-but-art]

some recent sketches i did without context

[bacchuschucklefuck]

they tried to rebrand as The Criminals but riz is literally the city council's treasurer and also turns out people in their late 20s don't really name their friend groups. so now they're The Intrepid Heroes

[gwinver-art]

:'>

[bixels]

Jesus man, relax.

[likesdoodling]

Been the victim of morbid inspiration yet again ~ this is a representation of Annatar's mental state/his ties to all the past preconceptions that are... Very messed up. from The Harrowing by Chthonion :D

(I was originally gonna do this with a vague image of Melkor in the background and have it be pre-redemption Sauron, but then decided I didn't want to go quite that dark- so this is the toned down version :D)

@chthonion

>:)

[tapakah0]

[redr0sewrites]

i will forever defend these two- NOT to start discourse but they are both so heavily mischaracterized by the fandom its INSANE like omg yes they are flawed but they are also trying their best PLEASE leave them alone 🙏🙏🙏

as usual im yapping in the tags if anyone cares

[strawberri-draws]

"Innocence died screaming, Honey ask me, I should know. I slithered here from Eden; Just to sit outside your door"

-From Eden, Hozier

aka: au where they grow old in the dungeon together in their monster forms.

[hmscritters]

[ 95 ]

Chomp! Time to wake up.

[purplecelestial-buddy]

Allow me to go insane about perhaps the entirety of chapter 28

First and foremost, we are in it since page 1.

The fact that we are watching this interaction develop from the pov of the guys (since we are watching Hirano from above, like Kagi would and we are watching Kagi from below, like Hirano would) is totally insane.

This exchange is kind of so funny because Kagi says Hanzawa is gone and Hirano, who I would argue is still kind of processing the... straightforwardness and "strengh" (that's the only word I have rn) of the hug request is standing there like "and what does that even have to do with us?" and to some degree this is very important to me because this is Hirano we are talking about. Marriage = civial law Hirano. The 10 secs rule cannot exclude hair because it's made from protein just like skin, Hirano.

I need you to understand that this man has one hell of a convoluted thought process and in other situations he has taken mere seconds to come up with some weird analysis just so he can win whatever debate him and Kagi are having. AND REGARDLESS here we head a head empty no thought Hirano, he's thinking of one thing and one thing only, that being the hug and how it will fit in the puzzle that is his relationship with Kagi. And the hand clenching. Gosh the hand clenching. If only I had a nickel for everytime Kagi closes his fist or grabs at stuff to physically stop himself from crossing the line I would be a millionare. The hand clenching even makes me wonder if he actually belives no one will see them. In fact this is such a funny scene in the sense that Hirano is completely focused in their interactions and Kagi is the one coming up with unexpected loopholes to validate his actions.

I always think back on the "that passion... is focused squarely on me" scene whenever I see this expression on Kagi.

In fact it's interest to see how his expression has changed along with his feelings, desires and expectations about Hirano.

Let's do a timeline:

This was the first instance in which Kagi ever thought about kissing Hirano:

This is the passion scene I was referencing:

And then there's Kagi now who always looks five seconds away from devouring Hirano.

So it's no suprise that Hirano looks uncomfortable. This is the same passion and drive he has always admired from Kagi but now it isnt a driving force used to put effort in basketball or to study so that they can remain roomies, it's being used to expose Hirano to as many romantic situations as posible in hopes that he can reach a conclusion, hopefully a romantic one. And that a very complex expectation because romance and dating are uncharted terriotory for Hirano so ofc he's even more cautious than he tends to be and gosh I'm projecting but I dont think people get how GODDAMN frsutrating and tbh scary it is to know people are expecting something from you when 1. you arent sure what that would even entail and 2. you arent sure if you could perfom even if you knew it.

So anyway, what happens next is very important: (but there's also the whole translation deal so... let's take it with a grain of salt(? (I'll put in italics all the comments/analysis that was biased by the mangadex translation)

Kagi makes his request, Hirano is squeamish and he begrudgingly agrees because that's isnt he kind of thing he "cant's say no to"

As in, he isnt allowed to stop each and every of Kagi's advanced even if they arent directed towards something he's comfortable with simply because theirs is a delicate situation and first and foremost he wants to keep Kagi close. And keeping Kagi close and remaining as roomies is heavily dependant on him not breaking Kagi's hard so he can't refuse all advances right? Because he's pretty much uncomfotable with all things romantic but he can't properly deny Kagi a relationship unless he knows how a relationship would work, right? (I think that fron here onwards the things would remain the same regardless of translation)

And I love that here Kagi inmediately panics and backtracks. Because many things can be said about Kagi, he's passionate, he's intense, he can come on to strong but he would never want to hurt Hirano. He would rather lose sleep and study than stop having his presence close, he would rather clench his fist and stand at the line than ever cross it. Because ven if he would get what he desired he would lose the person he loves the most.

And this whole thing was a kinda tense so when Hirano finally exhales so can we as an audience. And we proceed to get back to typical hrkg antincs of "but are you 100% sure that I'm not presurring you into doing this because I wouldnt want to do this is you arent on board" x "stop whining and going in circles, let's do this and get over with it"

And once again we get Kagi's pov of Hirano. And I dont know if it would be crazy to say that it feel different than the first one but for starters now we see more of Hirano, other than his face and you can see the uncertainty in his hands.

Then comes the hug which is honestly the one and only reason I started this whole ramble.

First, let's look at past hrkg hugs: We have the famous infirmary one. And I want to draw your attention at a few points; first Kagi grabs Hirano sort of by the shoulders, in the 2nd page at the 3rd panel of the sequence Kagi pulls Hirano into the hug, a futile attempt to make it feel more reciprocal I would say and then he squeezes Hirano.

Now, this chapter's hug has much more movement.

In fact it's six pages long

Its starts fairly similar, with Kagi sorta holding Hirano by the shoulders

and it goes down from there

This... this panel haunts me. This is not the face of someone that's comfortable. We can guess that the culprit might be Kagi's hand on Hirano's waist since it's much more lower than where he usually puts his hands.

And no one is comfortable with this so, Kagi soon realizes and again, he backtracks

We finish with the usual hearty squeeze, this time there's no need to get pulled for it to be reciprocal since Hirano relies/lays on Kagi.

And then of course we have the guilt and crisis of feeling uncomfortable ("repulsed" is one of the word choices being questioned)

I don't have much to say about the rest, Hirano gets thinking thoughts, realizes that maybe it can work out if he's the one doing the hugging and we all celebrate.

(also, I find it so funny that all of their "realization" moments have literally the same page composition. I wonder if it's a Harusono quirk of if there's deeper meaning. In fact, the line gets straighther each time so maybe it's all about how they are reaching an understanding of each other )

Then he have a much more comfortable hug and perhaps some of the most kira kira sparkly pages we've ever had

In summary this chapter is very important cuz:

1. We (Hirano included) see Kagi backtracking. This is important because Hirano has gone from not realizing the dept of Kagi's desires to being aware that Kagi will never push him to do anything he's not comfortable with.

2. Kagi says that he knows how much care, which surely lifted a heavy weight from Hirano's shoulders and will helps us in the future

3. Hirano basically learned how to say no and that he has a right to work things in his own way (can be debated based on the translation but I feel the point would still be something to worry over in general(?)

[askyofexplodingstars]

lil sebastian doodle page (ft my farmer)

[luxaofhesperides]

For ghostlights: baby Ellie + tired Danny + Duke the baby whisperer?

He has no idea how his parents did it. 

Babies are exhausting. Toddlers more so. Any infants in the strange stage in-between? Doubly so. 

Ellie is wonderful and sweet and cute and such a terror that Danny genuinely has no idea how his parents managed to raise not one, but two kids. For all their eccentricities and absent-mindedness, he and Jazz turned out pretty well. Ignoring the whole halfa thing because that’s more his fault than theirs even if Jazz says they shouldn’t have created the dangerous environment in the first place.

That environment is exactly why Danny refuses to let Ellie go to his house in Amity Park. His parents say they’ve disabled all the weapons and ecto-sensors since he’s had to reveal himself as Phantom, but he knows that things slip their minds and if they can’t guarantee that the house is safe, then Ellie isn’t going in there. Simple as that. 

This means that they live somewhere else now. Danny had thought about it, during the hours Ellie was asleep and he was awake, exhausted and worn down to his bones, and took Jazz’s advice to accept Vlad’s offer of buying a house for him. Except he argued Vlad down to an apartment in a city of his choosing where he wouldn’t stand out too much and he would be safe, or as safe as he can be, from anyone trying to hunt down ghosts. 

So here they are. Standing in the empty living room of their new apartment in Gotham. 

Gotham may not be very safe as a city, but it’s good for two ghosts trying to pass as normal. 

Danny sighs yet again, and looks at the space he’ll need to fill. At least Vlad is footing the bill. It’s the least he can do for creating Ellie. Frostbite was the one who was able to stabilize her, though it was almost too late and resulted in her reforming as a baby, just one and a half years old. Jazz is the one who’s choosing most of the furniture, thankfully, so it’s something that Danny doesn’t need to worry about it.

It’s a new start to their lives and it feels so empty. So overwhelming. How did his parents do it? How do any parents do it?

Ellie smacks a small palm against his cheek and babbles lightly.

“I know, Ellie,” Danny says, giving her a tired smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll have this place looking good in no time.”

He adjusts her in his arms, then heads towards the bedroom. It’s the only room that has any furniture, and all that’s there is a bed, a crib, and a bookcase. There are a few boxes on the floor, labeled ‘bedroom’ and ‘clothing’ and ‘books’. Most of it came from his bedroom in Amity Park, but he’s pretty sure he caught Jazz sneaking a few things in before they closed the boxes and loaded them up into the car. 

“Can you be good for five minutes?” he asks Ellie. 

She babbles again and smacks his shoulder.

“I’m taking that as an agreement. Just let me open these boxes and start unpacking before you start causing trouble, okay?”

Ellie makes another sound, but it seems agreeable so Danny carefully lays her down in the crib and gets to peeling off the tape on the boxes. The opens the one labeled ‘bedroom’ first, finding blankets and sheets folded and stacked in vacuum sealed bags. One of them is his old childhood blanket, the one he carried around everywhere that was faded with age, barely blue, with white bunnies decorating it. 

He was so small when he had this. It makes him oddly emotional to unpack it and pass it on to Ellie, draping it over her so her pudgy little hands can grab at it. 

This is no time to cry, though! He forces himself to focus and makes his own bed, shaking out the sheets and fluffing up the pillows. He’ll worry about washing everything later; Vlad made sure to get an apartment with an in-unit washer and dryer, which means he was actually sensible while apartment hunting for Danny. 

He doesn’t mean to flop onto the bed once it’s made, but he ends up there anyways. He’s barely gotten a full six hours of uninterrupted sleep since Frostbite deemed Ellie healthy enough to leave his care. The drive up to Gotham was long and wore him down to his bones.

He doesn’t mean to fall asleep, but he does, drifting off as he wonders, distantly, when Jazz will be back from getting them dinner.

Ellie wakes him up at dawn with a loud cry. Danny jolts awake, heart pounding in his chest as he panics because Ellie isn’t here, she’s supposed to be in his arms, where is she? And then he sees the crib, where Ellie is staring at him through the bars, and he nearly collapses with relief. 

“Morning, El,” he says, voice rough from sleep, as he picks her up. She just stares up at him, then leans forward and rests her head against his shoulder.

It’s quiet moments like these that make his heart melt. Ellie’s had a hard life already; he wants to give her a better one, this time around. 

A quick check of the time on his nearly dead phone shows that it’s barely past six in the morning, and Jazz texted him a few times. All about furniture, saying that she didn’t want to wake them and that food is in the fridge. 

It’s only the mention of food that makes him realize how ravenous he’s feeling. Danny makes a beeline for the kitchen, ignoring everything else, and pulls out the boxes of take-out Jazz left stacked in the fridge. He devours it like he’s been starving for weeks, then gives Ellie her Ecto-Jello, the only food she’s allowed to eat until Frostbite gives the okay for solid, human food. 

Once he’s got her burped and cleaned up, Danny looks out of the kitchen and realizes that Jazz was very productive while he was asleep. The living room isn’t empty anymore; a dark green couch is against the wall, a low, rectangular coffee table made of dark wood in front of it. Two armchairs are on both sides of the couch, and a television has been installed, fixed into the wall. 

Jazz is asleep on the couch. Her legs hang off an armrest and she’s drooling slightly. 

Her phone is charging on the floor, so Danny takes it and snaps a picture of her for later teasing, then sends it to himself and writes a note to her that he’s going out with Ellie to explore the neighborhood.

He’s finally feeling more settled, energized from sleep and food.

In the warm dawn light spilling in through the windows, Danny looks down at Ellie and thinks that they’ll be just fine after all. 

. . .

Four months ago, Danny had hope. He was optimistic. 

Gotham was a fresh start, a new lease of life for Ellie. It is Danny’s attempt to be a single parent, sacrificing college for Ellie, and he’s planning to go out and beat the gangs black and blue if they start anymore shootouts in the next year.

He had just gotten Ellie to sleep. She was actually peacefully taking a nap.

And then a drive by shooter raced down the street, gunshots echoing down the road, and Ellie work up crying. She still hasn’t stopped, despite how Danny rocked her, soothing her as best he could.

They had been outside when Ellie fell asleep, her head on his shoulder. He had been catching up with Sam and Tucker when the car drove by, people ducking and crying out to avoid the bullets. Danny instinctively covered Ellie and made them both intangible, saving them from any stray bullets, but they ruined her nap and he needs to make them pay for that. 

“Shh,” he soothes, “You’re okay. We’re both fine. It’s okay, El, it’s okay.” 

Her little hands clutch at his back, twisting the fabric of his shirt, and she lets out a heartbreaking wail. He pats her back, hurrying down the street to get back to his apartment building, ignoring the looks people were giving them as they passed by. 

“I know it was scary, but you’re alright. You’re always safe with me, El.”

Ellie’s cries down down a little, but they don’t stop. She whimpers, burying her face against his shoulder as he finally reaches their apartment building.

The door’s locked, which wouldn’t be a problem except Danny can’t get his keys from his pocket. He knows he has them! But his pocket refuses to relinquish them and he has to stop every few seconds to pat Ellie’s back, trying in vain to calm her down. 

“We’ll be inside in a second,” he tells her, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice, “as soon as I can get these freaking keys!”

“Hey, you alright?”

Danny startles, whirling around so fast it makes Ellie go quiet, clinging to him so she doesn’t get flung into the air. There’s a guy standing before him in a gray hoodie, looking at him with clear concern. It speaks to Danny’s level of constant exhaustion that he hadn’t clocked someone sneaking up behind him. 

The guy offers an awkward smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you or anything. Um, do you need me to open to door? I live here too.”

Danny wonders for a moment if this someone dangerous, someone hoping to hurt Ellie, but she starts to cry again and he steps to the side. “Please. I can’t get my keys.”

“I’m Duke, by the way. I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”

“Danny,” he replies, watching as Duke pulls out a large key ring, jangling with the amount of keychains on it, and easily opens the door. “I’ve been here a few months, but I’m usually inside. Or walking around in the mornings with this little monster.”

“That would explain it,” Duke says as he holds the door open, letting Danny in first. “I’m usually in classes at GCU, but I decided to take a mental health day after my lab, so here I am.”

Danny walks in and waits for Duke to follow, making sure the door closes properly behind them. “Thanks. How is GCU? What do you study? I was thinking of going there myself once she gets a little older and can go to school.”

“Oh, I’m majoring in English and Human Services.” He goes to say more, but Ellie wails again and Danny winces.

“I’m so sorry. That drive by woke her up and it’s really rattled her.”

“Hey, no need to apologize. I get it, Gotham is rough to kids.”

Danny tries rocking her back and forth, but it doesn’t help. He resigns himself to another hour of her crying before she exhausts herself, and makes for the stairs, going up to the fourth floor. Duke holds open the door again, then follows after them. It makes Danny wonder if Duke is planning to do something to them, then decides he can beat Duke in a fight, so it’s fine.

Duke doesn’t try to hurt them or steal Ellie away. He opens the door to their floor and stops before they do. “I’m in here,” he says, “If you ever need me to open more doors.”

“Thanks. Um, actually, I might need help opening mine?”

Duke just smiles and makes his way back to them, following them farther into the hall until Danny stops in front of his apartment. 

“If I could just get my keys,” he starts.

“Here, let me hold her for a second so you can get them,” Duke offers. Danny wants to insist that it’s fine, but Ellie cries directly into his ear and Danny, at the end of his rope, passes her over. 

Like magic, Ellie settles as soon as she’s in Duke’s arms. She sniffles and hides her face away, clutching to Duke’s hoodie, but she stops crying. They both go still, surprised, and stare down at her. 

“Seriously?” Danny says as he finally pulls out his keys, “Are you trying to say that I’m the problem?”

Ellie babbles lightly, and Duke turns his head to futilely hide his grin.

He grumbles as he unlocks the door and pushes it open. Ellie is acting as if she’s never been upset before a day in her life, making herself at home in Duke’s arms. 

“I can’t believe this. Betrayed by my own blood.”

Duke laughs as he follows Danny into his apartment, lightly patting Ellie’s back. “It’s always the smallest, cutest ones that do this.”

“Yeah? Do you work with a lot of kids or something? Used to being betrayed by the little ones?”

“I don’t work with kids per se,” Duke says, “But my foster family is a hot mess and the youngest of them likes to keep us all on our toes.”

“Family,” Danny says in a tired, fond tone.

“Family,” Duke agrees.

With his door open and Ellie calm, Danny’s ready to just lay face down on the floor for the rest of the day and not deal with anything else. He moves to take Ellie back, holding his arms out, and Duke tries to pass her over.

The key word being tries. 

Ellie tightens her grip and kicks at Danny. She refuses to be taken away from Duke, making him awkwardly try to pry her off his hoodie. Danny really hopes Duke doesn’t notice how she goes slightly intangible to make his hands fall through her arms and legs. It shouldn’t be noticeable, but it’s hard to focus on anything but a kid that clings to you, so Danny holds out for Duke’s goodwill and silence.

“As nice as it is to meet you, you need to go back to your… parent?” Danny nods when Duke looks at him in askance. “You need to go back to your parent. Okay? Come on, kid, he’s waiting for you.”

Ellie shakes her head, makes a frustrated noise, and then turns and reaches out a grabby hand towards Danny. 

She still refuses to be taken from Duke when Danny tries to pick her up again, so he settles with just letting her hold two of his fingers. 

“I’m so sorry about this,” he says to Duke, face burning. This is why he hasn’t been going out and being social since he moved in; Ellie is a handful even on the best days, and Danny doesn’t want someone to judge him as unfit to parent her and have her taken away.

Duke shakes his head, stepping closer. “It’s all good, man. I don’t mind. It’s not like I had any plans today. I’m already skipping my classes, might as well spend it with you two than sleep all day.”

“Are you sure? I’d be happy to invite you in, but I know Ellie can be a lot and not everyone wants to spend their day off with a baby.”

“I’m sure. Besides, I’d just be down the hall anyways. It’s no skin off my back, man.”

“Well,” Danny says, stepping to the side to give Duke full access to his open doorway, “Come on in, then.”

Ellie keeps them connected, one hand in Duke’s hoodie and the other holding Danny’s fingers, and though her cheeks are still red from how hard she had been crying, she’s calm now with her eyes shining with mischief. 

As the door closes behind them, Danny realizes that this is the first time someone he’s not related to has been inside his apartment. Not even Vlad has come in, always choosing to invite Danny and Ellie out for lunch instead. 

It should make him nervous, but Duke is calm and easy going and kind. 

He’s making silly faces at Ellie to make her laugh, completely at ease with her in his arms, as if he’s done this a thousand times before. 

Gotham is a second chance at life for Ellie. It’s a sacrifice for Danny, to be alone and without friends or family around. He’d been ready to give up everything for Ellie, to focus solely on raising her, but with Duke filling his apartment with laughter, he thinks that he can make a life here too.

All he needs to do is take that first step, reach his hand out, ask Duke to stick around.

He can do this.

[arolesbianism]

Been working on some first run Chou sprites for funsies, here’s a handful of the ones I’ve done so far