#so of course i am very grateful for this...very engaging event... that made me feel things...

[fisheito]

before mirage of scales: I NEED YAKUYA EVENT

after mirage of scales: ah. um. i . i don't need yakuya event so much, anymo.re... hah..a...

[seventeenlovesthree]

Digi Dynamic Shipping Game

Send me two names among the following 12 and I’ll write a short analysis post about them:

Taichi Yagami | Yamato Ishida | Sora Takenouchi | Koushirou Izumi | Mimi Tachikawa | Jyou Kidou | Takeru Takaishi | Hikari Yagami | Daisuke Motomiya | Miyako Inoue | Iori Hida | Ken Ichijouji

Whether canon provides input on them or not.

Look, I've made the poll about these ship analysis posts in February 2024. And even though I had already seen The Beginning at this point, I am still entirely grateful that I took that long to get to this analysis, because I wouldn't have been able to take a screenshot like this. This is the first time that, through the course of me writing Digimon relationship meta, we got a significant boost towards a ship from official sources - and, dare I say it, they actually did a good job this time in my opinion?

But let's start at the beginning, shall we: Through the course of 02, Miyako's stance towards Ken changes drastically. At first, we see her gushing and swooning about him being that "smart and attractive" boy that is all over the media, as she is very prone to crushing on various people at the time. Then, upon finding out that Ken is the Digimon Kaiser, her view obviously changes to 180° - she curses him, gets, understandably, very heated up about the whole issue... And even when he tries to redeem himself after everything he has done, she is among those who struggle to accept him the most. She is torn, overthinks the whole situation a lot - but after seeing his actions and through the course of getting more chances to interact with him (and Hikari too), she grows more understanding, accepting. She still struggles to interact, awkwardly trying to engage in conversation, even though she may not feel very capable to do so - but as mentioned, she is actually trying and starts to discover more and more of his good sides.

Ken on the other hand, prior to his redemption arc, didn't really notice Miyako before - and only starts doing so while trying to repent for all his sins. He is often seen taken aback by her brash, loud attitude, unable to really respond to her, but, just like with the rest of the group, he is relieved to see her slowly but steadily accepting him.

As I haven't consistently watched 02 back to back for a while, I may have forgotten one or two scenes between them, but the overall verdict here AND up until Kizuna's events is: They are on good, friendly terms. We always knew more about Miyako's stance towards Ken than about Ken's stance towards Miyako - and yet, a good chunk of people, me included, still found themselves BAFFLED when 02's epilogue told us that these two eventually got married with three kids.

While it didn't feel completely out of place - we did know about Miyako's rollercoaster of feelings and her tendency to crush on people, including Ken, so there was some kind of subtext after all -, for the longest time, it didn't feel like the most plausible outcome after all this time. (Especially because one may argue that 02 used to push different relationships much harder, especially in regards to Ken's focus on Daisuke and Miyako's focus on Hikari. However, you gotta take that with a huge grain of salt, because Jogress compatibility was never meant to be equal to romantic compatibility.)

Digimon always had its fair share of problems with canon romantic relationship portrayal. There are certain ship teases and crushes that never went anywhere, there are official (or semi-official) relationships that didn't appear plausible... And then they decided to do something about Ken and Miyako.

In November 2023, The Beginning aired - and I don't exaggerate when I say that people who did ship Kenyako/Miyaken before absolutely rejoiced. And for absolutely valid reasons! Unlike before, the creators managed to capture the spirit of how 02 handled these two before - and it actually portrayed them in a believable way after all these years, while leaving them and the audience enough room to breathe. As pointed out in the post above (and in this one here), it wasn't exactly subtle, but it was still tastefully done without exactly hitting you on the head. What's the set-up, you may ask?

Through the course of the movie, Miyako is focused on Ken; to get his attention, to respond to what he is saying, to encourage him when he falters - and to actively flirt with him by the end of it. The girl who had such a hard time sorting out her feelings for this guy when they were still children/young teenagers seems to have come to terms with what she wants as an adult - and tries to pursue him now. In the meantime, she still acknowledges that Daisuke is playing a huge part in Ken's life, she even teases them a little about it... And it's all good-hearted, gentle and fun. Ken on the other hand, still seems to be a little oblivious and taken aback - but not exactly opposed to the attention. So the main takeaway here is: We're getting actual justification. We see them slowly but steadily working towards a potentially romantic relationship as they're already adults - and it's beautifully done, hands down.

Whether I think why and how they’d work.

Whether I think they'd work is still an entirely different story. Granted, we saw the course of the series now portraying Miyako as more of a career-oriented person, actively studying abroad and learning about other cultures - so we can be assured she won't JUST end up as a stay-home mom as depicted 24 years ago... And I think that is important because Miyako IS a person who, similarly to Mimi, cannot stay still, she needs to have goals to pursue. We also see that she IS into romance and her trying to get closer to Ken is, as mentioned, wonderfully depicted, because it absolutely fits her outgoing personality... However, it's still difficult to estimate how Ken plays into all this, because, on his behalf, we can only really guess how he feels.

To go into speculation mode again: Miyako and Daisuke actually have a lot of things in common, they're both loud and opinionated, they'll tell you when they don't like something, they're passionate about the things and people they like and may suffer from more or less elaborated inferiority complexes at times - and without trying to undermine Miyako's impact on Ken, you can absolutely see that Ken would have a point in actually liking Miyako back BECAUSE of Daisuke. Because without a doubt, Daisuke, as mentioned, must have had such a great impact on the person Ken grew into and chose to present himself as an adult... Long story short, Ken would not be Ken without Daisuke. And since Daisuke and Miyako have so much in common - you can see Ken has a type. He needs someone who pulls him out of his head, stopping him from overthinking too much. Miyako may be prone to overthinking too, whereas Daisuke just goes straight for what his heart tells him - but The Beginning!Miyako has learned to channel the overwhelmingly loud thoughts in her head. And that is something Ken is obviously VERY impressed and encouraged by. Probably even attracted to.

Again, I still believe the movie brilliantly depicted that dynamic between not only Ken and Miyako but also the role Daisuke plays for both of them, so... Yes, a part of me still thinks they would do brilliantly in a polyamorous relationship and I will stick to that - because these dorks need each other and play off of each other beautifully.

Either way, with or without Daisuke, you see Miyako and Ken being not only soft and supportive, but also both very career-driven as young adults. We have yet to see if Koushirou they manage to find a way to make gate-hopping work again, but I can see them trying to figure their relationship out through the course of the next years, finishing their studies, going on exploration dates, teaching each other languages and talk about coding and psychology and what-not... Ken will still be tied to very tight working schedules and there will most likely be arguments about prioritization - but that's also what Daisuke is there for to mediate between them. Hehe. And through all that, Miyako may eventually want to juggle the whole "career-woman with children" thing if they work out. I can see that for them, they just have to work on their prioritization - as mentioned!

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship.

Personally, I still believe Ken and Miyako should have been very clearly depicted as bisexual, both of them - but I am already glad that we got Daisuke acknowledged so heavily, that is more than I could have hoped for! I must admit that I have never been the biggest fan of Kenyako/Miyaken, simply because a.) I always wanted Daiken to be the first canonically confirmed mlm relationship in Digimon and b.) it always kinda felt a little one-sided on Miyako's behalf to me - but The Beginning really made me like their dynamic and the potential behind them there, so I can appreciate it a lot more by now. Again, my most preferred outcome would be an open poly-relationship with Daisuke, but I can absolutely appreciate the course this ship has taken at this point.

[krowbby]

For the character ask game: Sybil pls because I love her and want to hear your thoughts!

omg yes i love her

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you

How I feel about this character: I love her! I love that she's powerful and strong in her own way, not in the way that many Badass Women (tm) are just a normal male hero that they gender swapped with no thought. She's also a really interesting character as a member of the nobility in a book series that is largely anti-nobility. She's clearly neurodivergent with her dragon special interest ("And there were requests for donations, and talks, and things that added up to a heart big enough for the whole world, or at least that part of it that had wings and breathed fire."), and has some social difficulties that she manages with scripts (think: writing all those letters to Serafine while getting none back because it's What You Do with Old School Friends) but she's not incompetent in those matters. She seems to be pretty respected in society and she is able to negotiate favorable trade deals with the Low King. She is a soft power in the political sense, but also in the way that she is powerful in the story because of her softness. And of course, it's so nice to read about a woman who is the main character's love interest and is unapologetically fat, does not have a character arc revolving around losing weight, and in fact stays fat and is not made fun of it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Just Sam! I don't think she would have married anyone else if not for the events of Guards! Guards! I went looking for this quote because it's one of the reasons I relate to/love her: "It was clearly the room of a woman, but one who had cheerfully and without any silly moping been getting on with her life while all that soppy romance stuff had been happening to other people somewhere else, and been jolly grateful that she had her health." Absolutely iconic.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: We don't have many of them but all the interactions we get between Nobby and Sybil are so funny and so good! They're both very earnest people (in their own ways) and I imagine them having afternoon tea especially when Nobby finds out he's well, nobby.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Hard to say! I think I generally am pretty aligned with the fandom on here. I guess I'll go with that I've seen some criticism of Pterry's treatment of fatness in his books (especially with Agnes' self-criticism, villains like Cosmo) and while I do think there is some merit to that, the way he writes Sybil and Nanny in particular is such a breath of fresh air to me. There are some "jokes" related to her weight (the classic "her bosom rose and fell like an empire") but I think for the most part they are not mean spirited and there are just as many similar jokes for other body types that it doesn't bother me. However being fat and engaging with media truly sucks sometimes so I would never tell another fat person they don't deserve to feel some type of way about the treatment of a fat character.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I would have liked to see more of her as a mom. Even once young Sam is born, I still think most of how we see her is as a wife, not as a mom. It's not totally absent, but I think it would have been cute to see more!

My OTP: Sam/Sybil!

My OT3: I'm not a huge shipper in this fandom, but I will say that the only V/V content I've enjoyed has been with Sybil as a throuple so I'll go with that!

[outofcontexturi]

thurs 23rd Jan 2025 10:09am

maybe the purpose right now is to enjoy each day as it is rather than stressing about a future event that hadn’t happened or a past event that has taken place cause neither are here presently. Presently I am sat. Present with the world. The idea was to be as present as I could be. I need to stay present. The idle mind is a dangerous place to be left in. I am grateful actually. I can be present. I can be fine. Things always work out for my good anyways. I can remember all the jams ive been in but my god does my god get me out of them. That’s why I do listen to others when it comes to my choices. It’s always when I do listen to more people than myself that I get knocked off course. I trust myself. I have myself. Sometimes I will choose to be angry cause for me I have to feel all the emotions before I can let it go. That’s how I choose to process my pain. Everyday i get better. I finally have a tracker to show for it. Kervin was right. The mind was made to problem solve not to remember things. I’ll be real upon reflection, I’ve noticed that I have been thinking about whether or not people have been really thinking about me. I obviously care about the good people think of me. I have been doing this for years now. But it feels good to at least put it in journal form to read back on. I’m going to have a good day today regardless of what happens cause I fucking said so! I’ve spent so many years listening to the voice of other people and not the voice of the god within. I have been trying to change people and everyone knows you cannot change people who don’t want change. I change myself then. I change myself. For my betterment. I change. People are always gonna try and tell you who you should be and who they think you are, fuck them. Even family who think they know you because they live with you will tell you. At the end of the day it’s you who will sleep with the thoughts sha. It’s you who will wake up and choose what to do next. Choose your betterment and your happiness over everything. I get why they say you can’t help everybody. Some don’t want help. Some people actually want to be controlled. you see it every single day. In real time, on the news, on socials ; people everywhere wanting to be controlled by someone else. Have someone else tell them what to think, who to vote for, what to say, all to be in their favour. Why not carve your own path. That’s not to say don’t take any advice but don’t let the opinions of others control your life. I don’t care how many times I write this out in a different form I’m gonna keep saying it to drill it in to my head. I allowed myself to be jealous of other peoples perceived success and I was on social media too much. Looking at things that I want(ed) but seemed too far away from my clasp. It’s almost akin to self torture. Constantly engaging in the lives of others and not engaging in your own life before you. The month has been a slow month. December was also just chaos or atleast it was marked as chaotic for several reasons. Leaving Tiffany’s. Losing my AirPods. almost losing my dads work card. not celebrating my birthday. To then come into January with all those thoughts still pervading my mind and now not having a job. It being cold outside. Nothing in my 3D world was looking good. I found it very hard to meditate or impress my subconscious these past few weeks but im still doing it. Just with a lot more resistance. I’m doing it though. I do often ask myself whether I should be doing it or resting. I ask myself that often. Especially in the times of crisis or confusion. Do I carry on doing the system that I have set up for my success and my mind to achieve everything or do I try something else cause the immediacy isn’t showing up in my 3D? but I know I’m a persistent man. The hardest thing to do is ignore your 3D world when everything looks to be falling apart in front of you. No job. Running out of money. No cycling. Friends aren’t around. Lonely. But again the law of polarity states that these are extremes of two poles. People let the 3D world control their internal world. (Cont)

[storytime-reviews]

The Friend Zone Book Review

Kristen Petersen doesn't do drama, will fight to the death for her friends, and has no room in her life for guys who just don't get her. She's also keeping a big secret: facing a medically necessary procedure that will make it impossible for her to have children. Planning her best friend's wedding is bittersweet for Kristen -- especially when she meets the best man, Josh Copeland. The only catch: Josh wants a big family someday. Kristen knows he'd be better off with someone else, but as their attraction grows, it's harder and harder to keep him at arm's length.

Rating: ★★★

The Friend Zone is an easy enough story to get through, although I cannot say it was particularly engaging. There were of course moments I enjoyed more than others, and I do feel like the main characters came across as having chemistry. Lack of chemistry is a complaint I often find myself having with these kinds of books, so at least that was a plus. However, I cannot say that I especially liked either of the main characters, and Kristen in particular had very much of a ‘cool girl’ and ‘I’m not like other girls’ vibe. This came not just from her perspective, but Josh’s also, and it was irritating.

I can appreciate the struggles that she was going through, including the medical diagnoses, made certain aspects of her life difficult. But I must admit that I found it hard to sympathise with certain aspects of this due to the way she let it too often colour her relationships and impact on other people, without actually informing them of the issues which I felt would be relevant to their relationship.

I think my main problem with the narrative is that it felt very much the same – it dragged on by focusing on the same thing over and over again, until the main traumatic moment later in the novel. I also felt that some of the sex scenes were incredibly weird and uncomfortable to read, but maybe that’s just me.

I initially had issues with the magical pregnancy because I felt it defeated the purpose of the infertility issues and the struggles Kristen and Josh went through in order to be on the same page, only for a solution to arise from nowhere. However, on reading the author’s note, it became clear that Kristen’s medical journey closely mirrored what a friend of the author went through, so that was completely understandable. It was grating at first precisely because these kinds of story conclusions are rampant in both written and visual media, without consideration for character development.

Similarly, I disliked how the main traumatic event appeared to be constructed to create drama for the main characters, and further relationship issues between them. Again, this is another common lazy writing technique, however, I have since learned that the second novel in the series, in which this secondary character was already deceased, was written first. So I cannot accuse the author of that either.

Apologies to Jimenez for my original reactions to her content, it’s unfortunate that by coincidence her main plot points happen to mirror very common (and in my opinion, lazy) writing. That’s why we cannot simply discount a narrative because it doesn’t exactly fit into our own worldview – there are plenty of stories to tell, and even ones that we may not like may actually be reflective of reality for some people, and it’s not ok to discard their truth.

That being said, either way I felt that The Friend Zone was a bit too bland for me, and aside from my initial issues with some of the main plot points, I just didn’t really like the main characters. I might read the second novel though, because I am interested to see how Sloan’s story turns out after everything. 

Warnings: sexual harassment, sexism & misogyny, sex scenes, infertility, drunk driving, car accident, strokes, character death, emotional cheating

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

49%

Title: 49% 

Summary: If there’s one thing that Spencer hates more than rejection, it’s spontaneity. But sometimes the things (and people) we love outweigh the things that we hate.  AKA a series of events leading up to a weekend wedding between the BAU’s finest Dr. Spencer Reid and his partner in crime, Y/N. 

Word Count: 1365 

Warnings: none 

Author’s Note: I hope that you enjoy reading this! I really appreciate all of the support and kind words :) 

49%

Spencer Reid is terrified. Nothing could compare for the pure fear that courses through his veins in this moment. Not even the times he’d run into hostage situations without wearing a Kevlar vest or even in the most lonely parts of his life. He figures that he’s terrified because he has so much to lose. Never in his life did he have someone that loves him as much as Y/N does. And that terrifies him. Somehow, when Spencer is with Y/N he’s simultaneously a man numb with love and a little boy shaking with fear. He knows that he should have gotten over this fear of rejection years ago. He knows that Y/N would never intentionally hurt him. He knows that she loves him more than anything. 

So why? Why is he so terrified to ask her to marry him? Logically, there’s no reason for her to say no. They’ve been together for 3 years, which is long enough at their age to enter into an engagement. It’s not like she doesn’t want to get married; he’s seen her Pinterest wedding moodboard. She talks about their children, almost like they're already here. She wants to get married and she wants to have kids, but the question that bounces around in Spencer’s mind is does she want that with him? 

“Next!” the barista calls Spencer forward to the counter to order. 

“Hi, I’ll have an extra large black coffee with 6 Splendas, and uh, a large iced green tea with honey,” Spencer orders, pulling out his credit card to pay for the drinks. Coffee is probably not the wisest choice, but what can Spencer say the heart wants what the heart wants. 

Spencer awkwardly waits for his drinks, trying to ignore the small box that burns a whole in his pocket. He’d bought the ring a couple of months ago, right after a case that both of them almost didn’t come home, or worse almost came home in a casket. 

“Two drinks for Spencer!” a barista from behind the counter calls, telling him that his drinks are ready. Spencer takes a sip of his coffee, the sweet liquid burning his tongue. Taking a look at the time on his watch, Spencer decides that it’s time to head to the park. 

It’s a short walk to the park, but it seems like it’s the longest walk of his life. Maybe if he wasn’t so nervous or terrified, he'd be able to enjoy how beautiful was. Spencer might be a complete ball of nerves, but he’s a romantic at heart. He wants this to be a perfect start to their perfect life. He finds the park bench that he told Y/N to meet him at. He sits there, waiting for her to show up and waiting for their life to start. 

Spencer’s leg bounces up and down. He should have worn a different pair of shoes. These Converse are so old and ratty, he thinks. He thinks he looks ridiculous in his cardigan and corduroy pants, what was he thinking? He can’t actually expect that she’s going to yes to him. 

While his thoughts are occupied by the constant inner commentary of rejection and ridicule, he fails to her the leaves crunch behind him. His vision goes black when his eyes are covered by a pair of familiar feeling hands. Y/N’s laugh gives it away instantly, but Spencer’s constant vigilance does cause him to yelp in a high pitched squeal. 

“Spencer! It’s me honey,” Y/N says, wrapping her arms around his neck and peppering his cheek with quick kisses. It’s the kind of kisses that say “I’m happy to see you” and “You’re the only one I want to see”. It’s at times like these that he doubts his doubts; maybe he can have faith and hope and lean into the romantic side of himself. The side of himself that sees them walking in the park with a baby stroller, playing on the playset with their children, teaching their kids how to drive in the parking lot and sitting on this bench when their backs hurt all the time and their faces have a few more wrinkles.

“I’d know that laugh anywhere, Y/N” Spencer says, watching her move to sit next to him on the bench. 

“Ohh, thanks for the iced tea!” She says, taking a sip of the cold drink. Even though it’s barely winter, Spencer still can’t believe that she can drink iced beverages in any kind of weather below 50 degrees. He nods and kisses her on her cheek, which causes a small giggle to emerge. Spencer is still kind of surprised that his affections can elicit such happy responses from her. 

“So,” Y/N starts. “Why did you leave our house at 7:00 AM and text me to meet you here?” 

“Umm,” Spencer says, the nerves bubbling to the surface. You can do this, Spencer, he thinks. You can do this, she’s not going to say no. She can’t say no. At this moment, Spencer is really wishing he had his passport with him and a getaway car to jump in, just in case Y/N says no.

“Did you know that only 3% of weddings happen in a courthouse?” Y/N asks at a completely stunned Spencer. 

“Yeah,” Spencer says timidly, not entirely sure where this is panning out, but grateful to listen to his girlfriend. It beats the alternative, him saying something stupid and her laughing at him; him fleeing the state and ending up a magician in a Las Vegas casino. 

“Yes, courthouse weddings are a great alternative, they’re affordable and efficient for couples who just want to get married without all that fuss,” Y/N adds, looking at Spencer. 

She’s profiling you, Spencer thinks. Don’t make eye contact. He knows (and she knows) that the moment he looks into her eyes, he’s done for. Las Vegas here he comes….

“And 51% of marriages end in divorce,” Spencer tells her, before he can even think about what he’s saying. Great he thinks, the day that he’s supposed to propose to her, he’s talking about divorce statistics. 

“You know that I failed statistics in college, Spence?” Y/N asks him. 

“I think I remember you mentioning that,” Spencer says, now thoroughly confused as to where this is going. 

“I have an evil plan to seek revenge against statistics, so I think that it’s my life mission to prove them wrong,” Y/N finishes, pulling something out from her bag. 

Spencer can feel his heart beating in his chest. He’s even more terrified than he was before. Suddenly all those songs that Y/N made him dance to late in the middle of the night make complete sense. 

“But, I also think that it’s my life mission to spend the rest of my life with you, Spence. So, I know that it’s not alway the case for the girl to propose marriage, but I think that you deserve someone to propose to you,” Y/N says, very quickly. 

Spencer sits there on the bench with Y/N sitting right next to him, utterly speechless. Did she just….

“You want to marry me?” Spencer says, dumbly. 

“Of course I do, Spencer! Give me your hand, I got you an engagement ring and-”

Spencer, suddenly fearless, cups her face in his hands, effectively making her quiet. He works on the surge of confidence, leaning in and kisses Y/N on the lips. It’s like he’s kissing her for the first time in his life. It’s like his first kiss ever, but it’s the first kiss of all the kisses of the rest of their life. 

“So I’ll take that as a yes,” Y/N says, breaking apart from Spencer. 

Spencer lets out a laugh, completely forgetting why on Earth he was so scared to propose. 

“So you’re not the only one who had this idea, Y/N” Spencer tells her, reaching into his cardigan pocket. He hands her the velvet box and reveals the vintage ring that he picked out from the second hand jewelry store. 

“Spencer? Is this why you told me to come here? Oh God, I ruined your proposal!” Y/N says, embarrassed that she messed with Spencer’s plans, knowing how nervous he can get. 

“On the contrary Y/N, I’m sure that this is the best possible proposal,” Spencer tells her, as she lays her head against his shoulder. 

“Spencer,” Y/N says, suddenly serious. 

“Yes, fiance?” Spencer teases. 

“How would you like to be in the 3% of marriages? Like as soon as possible. Like tomorrow? I don’t think I can wait another second not being married to you,” she confesses. 

“As long as we’re in the 49%, I’ll do anything you want.” 

[umai-town]

~ The Offer of a Lifetime ~

🌸 Nights with demons are strange and eventful in many ways. All He wants is to turn you. Will you let him?~🌸

🌒 ~ The Offer of a Lifetime ~ 🌘

[ Various Demons x Human Reader]

Warnings - Manga Spoils Ahead, Some characters are not in the Anime so keep this in mind, Mild cursing, Light NSFW, Love interests, Stalking, Talk of the Cult, physical stuff, Turning demon, Bad luck man, And anything else you find in this reading!

Featuring - Akaza, Gyutaro, Muzan, and Doma!

- He stubbled upon you 100% on accident

- Unlike most humans he admired you, he could see you were strong willed and he could feel how much he threatened you, Showing you were willing to fight him [ Not as a slayer just a normal human]

- For that reason alone he offered you the "deal of a lifetime" of becoming a demon, and he was shocked by your reply

- "I am not sure~ Ill have to think about it." It was not a Yes or No, meaning he still had a chance with Turning You

- He kept you around as his "Plus 1" and you stood by his side watching his life as a demon. [ So you could choose a answer based on what you seen]

- Akaza never planned anything, He always did what he wanted when he felt like it

- He was truly free of All human responsibility, You loved the idea of freedom of death and Pain

- When he would go out killing you watched closely, You rather enjoyed watching him do his thing

- "Are you ready for this power?" or "Don't you want to live forever with me?" are questions he would ask you every other night. You always teased him with your reply's of "maybes" And "What if's"

- After a while of this you fall for the demon and his power

- You finally give him a "yes" one night while you were both out and about, While he was Raiding a small village

- After his Raid he brought you all kinds of gifts to express his joy of being able to finally turn you, Which he wasted no time in doing so

- Once you turned Demon you joined him in his Raid to display your new found power and he showed you the "Perks" of Being demon

- The only reason he knew of you was because Daki [His sister] was threatened by you and your Charming looks and growing popularity

- Originally, She sent him to "take care" of you one night while she was taking care of her own, that alone was a sign to him

- He hardly gets away from his sister to make his own time and decisions, so as soon as he got this change he took it

- When he first saw you he was took back at your stature, he looked down at the fact of your power was gained simply because of your looks, he wanted to see more than that

- So When you first met him face-to-face, you were disguised more-so than scared because of the way his body was shaped, not because of his actual looks

- You sparked his interest, there was no getting rid of him now

- He now spent more time on his own following you every chance he got, his sister was in rage by this, he didn't care either

- After a while you took notice of him and became comfortable with his company You noticed he wouldn't leave you alone till you said something

-You even started to engage in conversations with him at night when you were alone, Him telling much about the life of a demon, you were interested

- After months of this, you fell for his personality and you and him both messed around with his sister, you enjoyed each other

- He later offered turning you into a demon, You say Yes almost imminently, Thus he did so [ This made his sister more than Pissed]

- Now you and his sister fight for dominance in the Red District, Him supporting you of course

- He now calls you his One and Only~ At your side ever chance he gets

- As soon as he laid eyes on you, he knew he wanted to turn you

- He didn't care if you wanted to turn willingly or not, he was going to have it his way or no way at all

- You met in in town one day while you were struggling with carrying some bags to your home, he helped you and walked you home [ it was late at night after all]

- He charmed you with his words, his looks, and with empty promises, Like the devil in disguise he was

- You ended up meeting him more often on small dates and outings, after a while it seemed off, the mood got weird the more he talked

- He stalked you, that is the only reason he knew so much about you and your humanly struggles, that explains the feeling of being watched you get daily

- You end up trying to cut ties with him because of this, but it only made matters worse for you [ he made sure of it ]

- After a while of not seeing him, bad luck seemed to follow you. Money issues, you lost your job, your mental and physical state got worse

- You find yourself at his feet much later as he prayed on your pain

- Giving you the "Offer of a Lifetime" So you will no longer struggle as a Human but rise as a Demon [ the cost? being by his side at all times]

- You agree, he turns you, and you become more than you could ever imagine

- You were grateful for him, you worshiped him for his "Blessing" of power and everlasting life

- From then on you were by his side, becoming his "Favorite" and all demons below him treated you like a Queen/King

- You loved every second of it, as he loved every second of you

- Douma was very picky when it came to turning humans to demons

- He looked for specific factors in what even made a human a tenth of what a demon should be

- That was until he saw you for the first time, he fell face first for you, worshiping the ground you walked, the breath you breath

- Never in his many years of life had he ever seen a human so charming, determined, and willing to give him their everything

- Your dedication to him only added to his feelings for you, thus he began to give you much more attention than anyone else

- He always had you by his side, he let you touch him, he even began to sit you on his lap and hold you close when he could

- He would tell the members of his cult to treat you at the same respect as they did him This was Something he had never done for anyone before

- One night after he made love with you, he gave you the "Offer of a lifetime" in becoming a demon and being with him forever

- Forever with Douma, that was music to your ears~ And you told him yes with no hesitation

- He was happy and wasted no time at all in doing such, raining nothing but pure bliss over you afterwards

- You ruled along side him for what felt like ages, You enjoyed him and everyday with him was different never the same

- You two were a true Power couple, and all demons below you knew it, he made sure to show you off as much as he could to the others, Especially Akaza

[im-immortal]

2021 Writing Wrap-Up

Here we are, at the end of another year, and of course I started more WIPs than I finished. But what else is new. I’m proud to say I didn’t experience any real bouts of writer’s block, although I did have a pretty big life-changing event right in the middle of the year that halted the process for a few long months. But I came back with more inspiration and motivation than ever before, and everything has worked out for the better, so I’m choosing to be grateful. I finished one WIP, started and finished another, and kept up with my longest and most popular WIP! Also, not only did I turn 30 this year, but I got fucking engaged ?!? So that’s pretty awesome. Anyway, I’m very proud of the couple of things I finished this year, and just as proud of the progress I made on some WIPs. And who knows, maybe 2022 will be the year I finally finish at least one of my longer WIPs? Here’s to hoping.

A list of all the works I posted/updated this year:

lost in the sauce: 47k+ words; 10/10 chapters Ideally, this fic would’ve been finished last year, but I managed to finish it before the first month of the year was over, so that’s an accomplishment in my eyes! Also, I immediately moved on to the next part of the series, which I feel turned out even better than this one. I still can’t believe how much positive feedback I received!

In Toto Corde: 6,823 words; one-shot This wasn’t a new fic, but it was a rewrite of one of my favorite fics that I wrote years ago. I’m very proud of it, even though it’s not popular at all. And I love the plot so much that by the time I finished the rewrite, I already had ideas for a sequel, which I’m heavily into and working on steadily. It will definitely be much longer, but I’m hoping to post it sometime next year.

thirsty: 219k+ words; 46/46 chapters My most popular fic... possibly ever. And damn, am I proud of it. This was so much fun to write, and I really dove head-first into the universe. It’s also probably the most smut I’ve ever written in such a short amount of time. I still can’t believe I managed to start and finish it in the same year. I’m already working on the next part in the series, with way too many damn ideas for future parts. 

Let us always find each other: the mermaid & the man / the bandit & the criminal / gamers I’ve been writing these little AU ficlets for a while and posting them exclusively to tumblr, but this year, I decided to officially post them as a collection. The mermaid AU was inspired by the time I spent in San Diego during the spring, and I was downright itching to write it by the time I got home from spending days on the beach and in the rainy/humid weather. Then the criminals AU, which was just for fun, and the gamers one was even more fun, an idea that had been sitting in my head for some time and that I miiiiight turn into a full-fledged story one day. I had way too much fun coming up with the mechanics of the MMORPG!

what we gotta do: 20,282 words; one-shot I don’t know where exactly this idea came from, but when I searched for “fuck or die” fics in the tag, I found a shockingly low amount, so I decided to take it upon myself to change that. It’s probably one of the most depraved things I’ve ever written, but I’m honestly very proud of how it turned out, and even more proud of the feedback I received on it. And of course, as I am prone to do, I already started a sequel because I had so many damn ideas floating around in my head before I’d even finished it. So hopefully I can finish the sequel and post it sometime next year!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You: 433k+ words, 89/? chapters And of course, my current baby! Easily the most popular fic I’ve ever written. Also the most fun! I didn’t get a chance to update quite as much as I would’ve liked to this year, but that seems to be changing as I get back into a routine with it and head towards the climax and final resolution. For the last 2 years, I’ve been saying, “this will be finished by the end of the year.” LOL I clearly overestimate myself. So I won’t make any bold statements like that this year, I’ll just cross my fingers and hope for the best and keep on writing.

To everyone who’s read my fics, shown some love, or just helped bounce ideas around with me... thank you endlessly! Happy New Year and I’m very excited to see what 2022 brings for us :)

[ironwoman359]

You Don’t Own Me (You Don’t Even Know Me)

Chapter 4

Navigation: Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5, Ch.6

Summary:  As the son of a Baron, Roman Sanders always knew that when he married, it would be due to a political arrangement rather than true love. Still, when he is sent away to marry an older, more powerful Earl, he is determined to make the best of his situation. Despite the Earl’s indifference towards him, Roman forges ahead and prepares to become the best husband he can possibly be, making new friends along the way. But when his fiancé’s demeanor turns from cold to cruel, Roman must shift all of his focus to survival, and find a way out of his marriage before it’s too late.

Ships: Logince, side Moxiety and Dukeceit

Content Warnings (overall): arranged marriage, abuse, attempted sexual assault, murder, poisoning, character death, hurt/comfort, angst Chapter 4 Warnings: possessive behavior, verbal and physical abuse, angst, allusions to abuse and murder 

Word Count: 4067

Read on AO3: here!

A/N: Co-written with @5-falsehoods-phonated​, check out his masterlist here and check out mine here! 

---

“And when I tried to get down, Remus spooked the pony and it bolted, with me still clinging to the saddle for dear life.” 

Virgil snorted, then immediately brought his hand up to cover his smile. 

“You wound me!” Roman said dramatically, placing a hand on his chest. “Eight-year-old me was certain that his life was going to end, and you’re laughing?” 

“I can’t help that the mental image of you dangling off the saddle of a pony and screaming your head off is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week,” Virgil replied. 

“Be nice, Virgil!” Patton scolded, even as he fought back giggles of his own. “I’m sure it was very scary at the time!” 

“You’re telling me,” Roman agreed. “I wouldn’t set foot near the stables for a month.” 

“I can’t believe that after all that you somehow grew up to be a competent rider,” Virgil said. 

“Well, I probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for my older brother Remy. He started taking me with him when he went out on his rides; I felt a lot safer riding double with him than I did by myself.”

“Your brothers sound wonderful,” Patton said, smiling. 

“Oh, they’re the absolute worst,” Roman said. “But also I love them more than anyone.” 

“I hope we’ll get to meet them at the wedding!” 

Roman’s smile went brittle around the edges, and he forced himself to nod. 

“I hope so too,” he said quietly. 

Patton’s brow wrinkled, and Roman knew that look, that was Patton’s “I’m worried about you” look, and as much as he had come to view Patton and Virgil as his friends, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to get into the whole “my twin brother ran away from home to escape noble life and I haven’t seen him in years and might never see him again” topic with them just yet. 

“Well this has been great,” Virgil cut in suddenly. “But it’s getting close to midday; I need to get back to work, and you need to get to your little lunch date.” 

“Excuse you, it is a perfectly professional business meeting!” Roman protested, and Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Sure it is. That’s why you meet with Logan every single day and always perk up or get this silly smile on your face whenever you mention something that he said, most of which has nothing to do with business.” 

Roman gave Virgil a deadpan look. “Do you really want me to retaliate right now?” he asked, glancing pointedly at Patton. 

Virgil’s cheeks flushed pink, and he waved Roman away. 

“Go on, then!” he said. “Go have your perfectly professional business meeting.” 

“I will!” Roman said primly, but as he stood to leave, he shot Virgil a grateful smile, and Virgil nodded in return. 

After parting with Patton at the house’s entrance, Roman made the short trek down to the library alone. He hadn’t been sure how he would manage living at the Howard Estate at first, but his life had settled into a predictable yet comfortable routine since the engagement banquet. 

Patton brought breakfast to his room every morning, and after Roman insisted several times that he preferred the company, Patton now stayed to eat with him most mornings. After breakfast, Roman changed into his riding clothes and the two headed down to the stables together, where Virgil was waiting for them with Angel. Roman took his morning ride, and Patton and Virgil did whatever it was they liked to do when they were alone together. 

When he returned, Roman helped Virgil groom Angel, and the three of them often fell into easy conversation with one another. At midday, Roman took his lunch in the library with Logan, and he spent the afternoons on his own, exploring the mansion or indulging in his creative hobbies. All in all, his days were mostly pleasant, until dinnertime, of course. 

His nightly dinner with Lord Howard was, to his disappointment, the most boring and uncomfortable part of Roman’s day. It became clear to Roman after a few attempts of engaging with his fiance that Lord Howard wasn’t even slightly interested in talking with him; what he wanted was somebody to talk at. Roman sat, night after night, and listened to the earl rant about frustrating business partners, idiotic city officials, and even tiny annoyances like a scuff on his boot or a fly in his office. It was difficult to not feel like an emotional punching bag, and Roman always left dinner exhausted from playing the polite, doting fiance that Lord Howard expected him to be. 

Roman stepped into the library, and smiled when he saw Logan sitting at a table beneath a window, the afternoon sun casting golden beams of light through his long hair.

At least there were more positives than negatives to living at this estate. 

“Ah, Roman,” Logan said, smiling as he approached. “Excellent timing, I was just beginning to review my weekly report for Lord Howard. Would you care to assist me?”

“Always,” Roman said, sitting down across from him. 

They poured over the receipts and summaries and work orders together, and Roman couldn’t help but marvel at the sheer amount of work that Logan did every single day. 

“Honestly, Logan, you do almost too much for the earl. Especially considering what he pays you.” 

Roman had seen the payroll receipts for all the staff, and he couldn’t help but be a little insulted on the servants’ behalf. One of the ways Lord Howard kept costs down was clearly at the expense of his staff. 

“While I may agree with your sentiment, the fact of the matter is that if I did not do all this, the estate would fall apart,” Logan said. “And regardless of any...personal feelings about his lordship, there are far too many people who depend on him and his estate for me to consider stopping.” 

Logan paused, frowning as he scanned a document, then sighed. 

“For instance, his lordship neglected to sign off on a shipment of new armor to the city guard, despite my reminding him to do so three times in the last week.” 

He scrawled something along the bottom of the document and set it aside, and Roman raised an eyebrow. 

“Was that Lord Howard’s name you just wrote?” 

Logan fiddled with his glasses, and he glanced around the room before answering. “This is...not the first time that his lordship has neglected his duties on what he perceives to be minor issues. I, uh...take the liberty of correcting such oversights for him.”

“You can forge his handwriting?” Roman translated, and Logan nodded sheepishly. “That’s amazing!” 

Logan blinked, looking up at Roman in clear surprise. “I...it is?” 

“Are you kidding me?” Roman exclaimed. “Of course it is...you’re so talented, Logan, really. I’m not exaggerating when I say you’re wasted as a secretary.” 

“Oh...well, thank you, Roman,” Logan said, his cheeks flushing slightly pink. “I must admit, you also have far more potential than his lordship would care to acknowledge.” 

“I’ll get him to see sense soon,” Roman insisted. “Then maybe together, we can make some real changes around here!” 

“I wish I shared your optimism,” Logan said with a sigh. “But I am glad to share your company, at least.”

It was Roman’s turn to blush, but before he could think of a reply, the sound of footsteps caught his attention, and he looked up to see Patton approaching their table. 

“Sorry for interrupting, Kiddos, but I’ve been asked to fetch Roman here and get him ready.” 

“Get me ready?” Roman asked, and Patton nodded. 

“His lordship requests your presence at a business meeting he has in an hour with other estate holders. I’ve been instructed to dress you for the event and bring you to his lordship.” 

Roman forced down the twinge of discomfort in the back of his mind at the earl choosing an outfit for him like he was some sort of doll, and grinned as he got to his feet. 

“You see, Logan?” he said. “This is our chance!”

“If it is a meeting with other nobility, then I’m afraid I won’t be present,” Logan said. “Lord Howard does not wish for...commoners to be present at such negotiations. He instructs me on what measures need to be taken afterwards.”  

“That’ll be the first thing we change then, once I make him see reason,” Roman said. “You’ll see, this is going to be the start of something great!” 

“I hope you are right,” Logan said with a small smile. “Good luck, Roman.” 

“Thank you, Logan,” Roman said as he followed Patton out of the library. 

I’ll certainly need it. 

--- --- ---

Roman fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair, shooting a glance over to the earl to make sure he hadn’t noticed. The silky fabric that his pants were made of stuck uncomfortably to his skin and made his legs itch horribly, but he had been in similar attire before and had had plenty of practice in the art of keeping his poise while screaming internally. Thankfully, even though he was seated right next to Lord Howard, he had yet to draw his attention. Howard had been too occupied bragging about his various business exports for most of the meeting to pay much attention to him. 

Even through his discomfort, Roman had been learning a lot about his fiance, dutifully keeping mental notes on everything he heard, from which parts of land he had inherited to which ones he had bought or negotiated into owning. Overseas businesses and local investments both let his power reach farther than one might first suspect, and all that put together was what kept the Howard Estate with its acres of land, sprawling mansion and extensive grounds and highly specialized staff all running smoothly. 

It was a lot to manage, so it made sense that Lord Howard had Logan figure out most of the work and only signed off on the most important things himself. Having someone as competent as Logan run things in the background so the true estate head could make the actual appearances as the business leader was a strategy many nobles used to keep their properties under control. 

Craning his neck to look up at his fiance from his lower seat, Roman furrowed his brow in thought. He wondered just how much Logan did that the earl never saw anything about until he reaped the benefits of it. Sure, Logan was extremely capable, but relying entirely on one person to manage everything seemed a bit foolhardy to Roman.

Tuning back into the conversation, Roman perked up as another lord gestured stiffly at a stack of documents in front of him, smooth calculation clear in his tone of voice. Negotiations were something Roman had always prided himself in handling, and handling well. He had often spoken circles around his own father in their practice debates, and it was rare that Roman participated in a discussion without gaining something in his own favor. 

As neither party at the moment looked particularly stressed, Roman figured with a slight twinge of disappointment that such measures shouldn’t be needed this time. He would have liked to show off just a bit and make Lord Howard see what a useful asset he could actually be in their marriage, but he supposed that could wait until a more appropriate opportunity.

“I have most of the influence in this field anyway. Signing your bit of land over to me now would cause fewer problems for you in the future; especially if I don’t have to take it by force when I’m looking to expand.”  Punctuating his statement with a firm tap to the papers, the opposing lord sat back with a satisfied smirk.

The icy glare Lord Howard fixed him with was enough to wipe the smirk fully off his face, however, and he tilted back slightly as the earl leaned forward to fold his hands smoothly in front of him. 

“I’m not in the habit of signing away what’s rightfully mine, Lord Rilken, Baron of Vilvik.”

Roman flinched slightly at the way he practically spat the other man’s title…a title he shared, and had never once felt insecure about until this very moment. The way he spoke to these men, these people in positions of power, like they were nothing but dirt to be brushed off his own much more impressive riches- it was enough to make Roman want to run all the way back to his own estate and beg for another way, plead to wait for someone else to ask for his hand or to find someone himself. He stiffened in his seat and shook the irrational thoughts away. 

No, this is how one played the game when negotiating important matters. Put up a cold and intimidating front until the other person backed down or bent to your own suggestions. If anything, Lord Howard's act was admirable; it almost immediately shut down any arguments, even if it hardly held any semblance of tact. Realizing this would be a good opportunity to show his skills, Roman leaned forward and placed his own hands on the table in front of him, gaining the attention of the opposing business owners quickly.

“It might prove advantageous to you both to simply form a partnership and share the land and business potential it holds. With as much power as the both of you hold over this branch, you’d be able to expand much faster and reap more benefits than you would if you spent all of your time attempting to take control over the others’ sections.” Pleased with himself, Roman glanced over to Lord Howard, expecting at least to have impressed him since he hadn’t really had the time to explain all that he had been trained in and what he could bring to the estate with their union. 

However, as he met Lord Howard’s eyes, ice ran through his veins. The earl was glaring, staring him down like a particularly resilient bug that he could hardly wait to smash beneath a steel-toed boot. The room went so quiet that Roman could swear that the other nobles were holding their breath, and glancing around in his peripherals, he saw everyone sitting around the table gawking at him as if he’d just committed high treason. Had he really said something so wrong? Was this not what was customary, nay, expected behavior of the soon to be co-owner of the estate? Shrinking down slightly as his ears burned red, he finally lowered his eyes as the earl turned away. Roman heard him take a deep breath before saying in a deliberately controlled voice:

“You must forgive my fiance, he hails from a country estate you see; he isn’t accustomed to the way things work here yet. If you would be so kind as to excuse us for just a moment so that I may explain a few things?” Not waiting for an answer, the earl stood and held out his hand for Roman to take. “If you would step into the hall with me, dearest?”

Recognizing the order under the request, Roman stood quickly and took Lord Howard’s hand, wincing at how tightly he was gripped and practically dragged out of the room. The door was opened just a bit too forcefully to calm his nerves in the slightest and he watched as Lord Howard seemed to barely refrain from slamming it back closed, instead closing it with deliberate calm before whirling around to face him and jerking his hand out of Roman’s to tower before him.

“Let me make this perfectly clear, you do not speak out of turn in these meetings. You do not speak above me or-”

“But I didn’t! I was only-” Roman didn’t register what the dull smacking sound echoing in his ears and making them ring was until pain bloomed and spread from his lower jaw to his entire cheek. Raising his hand to his face in disbelief, he felt a bit of wetness and looked to see blood on his fingertips. Fear and horror twisted in his gut as he realized one of Lord Howard’s rings must have caught on his cheek and opened a cut. His jaw ached and his teeth felt numb; the blow had been hard enough to rattle them in his skull. Romans looked up and flinched as he saw Howard’s hand still raised to strike should he choose to speak again, and he shrunk in on himself in an attempt to seem too small to expend more energy on.

“You,” The earl spat, “do not speak above me, or make suggestions on my behalf. You are not here to offer up useless opinions that were not asked for or needed. You were brought into that room to sit obediently and look pretty on my arm and that is the full extent that your role will ever be. Have I made myself clear?”

Roman hesitated for just a second too long, and Lord Howard reached down to grip his chin, tipping his head so he had no choice but to look his assailant directly in the eyes. “My dear, I believe I asked you a question, and I expect an answer.”

Biting back a whimper Roman nodded as much as he could with his face trapped in the steely grip. “Yes my lord, I understand perfectly. I apologize for overstepping, it won’t happen again.”

The answer, as demeaning as it had felt to say, seemed to appease the still seething man, and Howard dropped his chin and stepped back with a wolfish smile. 

“Very good, see to it that it doesn’t. Now, I believe we’ve been here long enough. If you’re done blubbering, you may join me.”

Startling a bit at the choice of phrasing, Roman hesitantly reached up to touch his face, wincing as he realized there was more than just blood on his cheeks. Taking a deep breath, he carefully wiped the tears away before plastering on a small smile and moving to stand just behind the earl. He was loath to go back into the room like this, humiliation and blood reddening his cheeks, but he didn’t dare speak up for fear of more punishment. As Lord Howard opened the door and moved back to his place at the head of the table, he hardly spared Roman another glance, and Roman had no choice but to meekly follow. 

Sitting down, Roman realized most of the people at the table were staring at him like one would a fresh kill, their expressions a mixture of pity and approval while they averted their eyes. Sinking down even lower as the meeting resumed, he realized this was to be the second part of his punishment. He was to learn and remember his role as Lord Howard’s betrothed and eventual husband. Sit still and look pretty, step a toe out of line and be punished, and make sure everyone in the room knew that the power held over him was just as absolute as the power the earl held over everything else. 

“I’m pleased to know some people still know how to keep common folk in line. Truly, the disrespect-” Roman’s ears rang as someone close by whispered to another just loud enough for him to overhear, making him want to sink down even lower and let the floor swallow him. 

The meeting continued on for what seemed like forever, but unlike before, Roman didn’t absorb a single word of what was said. The voices of the other lords washed over him as he sat as still as he could, hands clenched in his lap to keep them from trembling. When at last Lord Howard stood, Roman almost stood up next to him, but caught himself just in time and sent a questioning glance up at his fiance. 

Lord Howard’s lips curled into a smile, and he held his arm out to Roman in invitation. Roman swallowed down his revulsion and stood, slipping his arm into the earl’s and schooling his face into a pretty smile. Lord Howard covered Roman’s hand with his own, and Roman’s skin burned at the touch. 

“Well gentlemen, this concludes our discussion for the day, I do thank you all for coming.” 

One by one the nobles stood, nodding to Lord Howard as they filed out of the room. Roman’s cheeks heated as several of them swept their eyes over him as they passed, their gazes lingering on the bruise blooming on his face. When at last, every one of them was gone, Lord Howard turned his attention to Roman, all false pleasantries gone from his expression. 

“I trust that after today, any...confusion about your role here has been cleared up?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous. 

“Yes, my lord,” Roman whispered, and the earl smiled. 

“Good. Now go clean yourself up. Dinner is at seven o’clock sharp, and I expect you to look presentable.” 

“Yes, my lord,” Roman repeated, and as soon as Lord Howard dropped his arm, he practically bolted from the room. 

He hurried through the corridors of the mansion, head down and eyes stinging. When he finally reached his room, he all but slammed the door behind him, and collapsed to the floor, his shoulders shaking as he released the sob he’d been holding back for the past hour. 

He let himself cry, for how long, he wasn’t sure, not only for the sting on his cheek and the shame that came with it, but for every doubt, every grief, every pain that he’d pushed down and bottled up over the past month.  

After everything he’d been through, everything he’d sacrificed, was this really his fate? Chained forever to a man who only saw him as something to own, to display, to use... 

Roman lifted his head slowly. 

“Remember all that we've taught you, and you'll do fine." 

His father had taught him everything he knew about business, about politics, about matters of the state. He knew how to act with decorum, how to spot an opportunity, and how to charm a room while negotiating, all thanks to his father’s teachings. 

But now, with tears running down his face and a bruise blossoming on his cheek, he remembered another set of lessons. 

Lessons his mother had given him as a teenager, after time had run its course and he was no longer the slightly awkward, gangly kid he had once been. 

“You’ve grown into a handsome young man,” his mother had said to him on his eighteenth birthday. “Your father believes that when you are married, it will be purely for political reasons. You need to know that this may not be the case.” 

Roman had tried to forget the lessons his mother had passed down to him, had told himself that he would never need them...but here he was, sobbing on the floor, the first of what he knew would be many marks on his skin if he didn’t tread carefully. 

Roman learned everything he knew about running an estate from his father, but he learned everything about acting from his mother. Thanks to her, he knew how to conceal his emotions, how to smile when his stomach rolled over and how to sigh when his skin burned. He knew how to mold himself into the perfect husband, because if he did not let himself be molded he would find himself broken before it was too late. 

“Too late for what, mother?” the younger him had asked, eyes wide and horrified, and she’d smiled in a way he’d never seen before. 

“Did I ever tell you the story of how your grandfather died?” 

Roman knew what situations were most likely to result in “accidents,” what weapons were easily concealed and what poisons were difficult to detect. He knew how to pluck a nose hair to bring tears to his eyes and slap his cheeks so they appeared flushed. He knew how to appear calm and collected when he was suffering, and how to appear stricken with grief when all he felt was relief. 

He had been preparing for marriage his whole life...every kind of marriage. And now that he knew the kind of husband that Lord Howard really wanted, he knew exactly what kind of husband he was going to be. 

Even if he wouldn’t be one for very long. 

--- --- ---

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[woagdiscourse]

Dating as a c!Quackity Introject : My Experience

1 : briefly explaining myself and my polycule 2 : the story of my relationship 3 : how does source effect this relationship 4 : what is it like dating in - system, what is a in - sys polycule like?

disclaimer : this post is not discourse-related, and i invite any other plurals / headmates to talk about their relationship experience. introject or not

sect. 1 : who am i?

i'm quackity from las nevadas, and i use he/it/clove/spade pronouns. i am an autism symptom holder, companion headmate, and willogenic headmate. i don't mind sharing this information, as it is not relevant enough on our main blog to be linked back to there.

i have two husbands and a queer platonic partner, all within the same system as myself. my husbands are sapnap and karl, and my queerplatonic boyfriend is charli / slime.

sect. 2 : the story of my relationship / polycule

our system formed me and sapnap somewhat intentionally- with permission from our primary fragment manager. we were formed "vaguely" because of karl.

while karl had no active part in this aside from missing us, others in the system thought he deserved to not have to miss us. and thus : me and sapnap were formed as companion headmates. our trio are all companions to each other, and our relationship is 100 % healthy.

i want to reiterate that me and sapnap were not formed specifically for karl to date. when we were formed, he only vaguely knew we were engaged in source, and karl made it abundantly clear when re-meeting us that he was happy to just be friends.

we started dating soon after me and sapnap formed, because in the midst of re-meeting each other, and a mess of source-related feelings that have since been resolved, we figured out and / or developed romantic feelings.

i'll admit, it didn't take very long for the three of us to call each other fiancés- hell, we still call ourselves the fiancé sidesystem, though we may be changing it to the engagement sidesystem.

before it's asked : we did not have a wedding in innerworld. we did, however, have our own "ceremony" to make the marriage official.

sect. 2.5 : charli

charli formed because the brain was attempting to help me cope with feelings of missing my best friend. since i was formed, i've dealt with issues of missing charli and las nevadas

to spare you the details of how we got together - as those are irrelevant - we did become official partners a month or so ago.

sect. 3 : how does / did source affect our relationship?

of course, because exomemories affect us all individually, they're bound to affect our relationships.

me and my husbands' relationship started with an awkward and difficult conversation. while karl has never had as many memories as me and sapnap, he was still a vital part of the conversation. we explained our "drama" to him, and the three of us have since resolved the conflict.

we were and still are very lucky that we all have the same events of source. me and sapnap remember the events of me leaving as similarly as two people in outerworld remembering the same event would, and we're grateful for that because it makes the explanation of emotions a little easier.

as for me and charli, our source relationship has less of an impact on our current relationship because of the differing natures of the relations. i like to make the comparisons using fandom terminology of "best friends to lovers" for me and charli, as it is best for our polycule to treat source events as though they happened here.

as of now: exomemories serve as a sense of reminiscing / history between us, as most [if not all] source-related conflict has been resolved.

sect. 4 : what is it like being in an in-system polycule?

this is probably the only part anyone actually wants to read, but this is my post and i get to decide what i want to say and when. /lh

dating within our own system presents a unique relationship dynamic, in which we are literally inside each other's heads. this can be for better or for worse.

while we can often hear each other's thoughts, or communicate in vague notions, direct communication is still important to us. if we do something that is considered a "fuck up" or is uncomfortable by one of our partners, we're usually able to tell immediately as those feelings will "cross over" to ourselves. however, it's still important to communicate- as those "crossover feelings" can often be mistaken for others, especially if we're multitasking.

even with our arrangement, we place high value on direct communication. this communication can manifest in outerworld as typing to each other in discord, or in innerworld as simply having a conversation before dinner.

personally, i much prefer in-system relationships. they're easier for me, as well as my partners. however this is down to personal preference

i'm aware this adds no real value to the conversation, but i do appreciate anyone who read the entire post. thank you :] /gen

[lyricalporcupine]

Talking about how much they love the other to friends/family pls 😊

Here ya go! I did both Yasha and Beau and there is a time skip. I also got carried away with Beau’s part so oops lmao

~~~

“You’re such a fucking sap,” Molly cajoled.

Yasha smirked and shoved her friend, causing him to stumble a bit on the street. He laughed as he regained his balance and turned around to face Yasha, walking backwards without regard to the other people.

“It’s true, darling,” he drawled with his own smirk.

Yasha felt herself flush and knew her face was red to the tips of her pointed ears. “She makes me happy,” Yasha said simply with a shrug and soft smile.

“Ugh,” Molly exclaimed, turning with a flourish that allowed Yasha close the small distance between them to allow them to walk side by side again. “Why?”

Yasha’s soft smile grew. “She’s strong. She’s really funny. She’s smart as hell. She’s honest,” Yasha said with a chuckle, “even if it hurts.”

“She’s an asshole,” Molly countered, to which Yasha laughed.

“I like that she’s an asshole,” Yasha said with a shrug.

Molly smirked at her. “You would.”

Yasha bumped his shoulder and he bumped hers in return.

“Anything else,” Molly asked after a few moments. “What else attracts you to the grumpy one?”

Yasha was silent for a while, hands shoved into her coat pockets. She was quiet for so long that Molly figured she wasn’t going to answer. But then, softly, Yasha said, “She makes me feel safe.”

Molly stared up at his friend. He knew exactly what that meant for her and how important it was. He finally realized that, to Yasha, Beau meant something so precious to her. Something Yasha had been looking for for years that Molly himself had tried to give her. Beau, to Yasha, meant home.

He huffed, his breath drifting up in front of him as steam in the cold air. He linked his arm through Yasha’s and pushed into her side. “You love her.” It wasn’t a question.

Yasha gave a small nod. “So much.”

Molly heaved a dramatic sigh. “Does this mean I can’t tease her anymore,” he asked with a pout.

Yasha chuffed. “She’d probably think you were sick if you didn’t bicker.”

“Well I am all about keeping up appearances,” he said with a self important sniffle.

Yasha laughed outright. “You’re an asshole,”’she said with all the affection she could muster for the tiefling. Which was quite a lot.

“Yes, I am,” he agreed happily. Then he smiled up at her. “But you like assholes. Remember?”

Yasha smirked down at him before kissing him on his horn. “Yes, I do.”

~~~~~~

It was a rare event that Beau visited her parents. She hated doing it, mostly because of her father. But she went, at least once a month, just to see TJ. Beau’s disdain for her parents wasn’t his fault and Beau hoped, that by spending time with him that he wouldn’t pick up their shitty attitude. As the years trudged on, TJ, thankfully, didn’t seem to be anything like their father.

Instead, much to their parents’ chagrin, TJ had instead picked up his sister’s mannerisms, quick wit, and snark. And as a pre-teen, it was only getting worse. Or better, if you asked Beau, who encouraged him.

Despite this, their parents would allow TJ to visit his sister for a week or so, mainly during the summer while school was out. He’d pack a bag and all but run to her car when she showed up and throw himself at her.

Now they sat on the floor of Beau and Yasha’s living room, playing a racing game TJ brought with him. They were neck and neck, tied in their wins. This was the last race and as

Beau was poised for a victory, Yasha walked out of the bedroom and kissed the top of Beau’s head, which caused her to completely forget the game and crash into a wall as she turned her attention to her fiancé.

“I’m meeting Molly,” she said as she checked her purse. Yasha wore a sun dress, something she didn’t often wear, and turned to smile at Beau and TJ when he turned to look at her after crossing the finish line. “I’ll be back later. I was thinking burgers for dinner?”

TJ’s face lit up. “And milkshakes,” he asked hopefully.

Yasha smiled and walked over to ruffle his slightly curly and very shaggy hair. “Only if you let Beau win,” Yasha teased.

“Oh, nevermind then,” he said and turned back to the tv.

“You little asshole,” Beau said with a laugh.

“Beau!”

“What,” Beau asked defensively. “He knows I’m kidding!”

“I know she��s kidding,” TJ echoed.

Yasha sighed and bent to kiss Beau. “Behave,” she said as she headed for the door.

An echo of “No!” followed her out the door.

Beau and TJ smiled at each other as he picked a new game and Beau set her controller aside, content to watch him play.

“Dad says you’re engaged,” TJ said as he got up and shuffled through his games. He looked over at Beau as she relocated to the couch.

“Yuppers,” she replied. “I was gonna talk to you about that, actually.” She smiled at him and asked, “Want to be a ring bearer?”

“I can’t be your best man,” he asked with a grin.

Beau laughed and raised up her arm, flattening her hand, palm down. “Sorry, you gotta be be at least this tall.”

He glared and flipped her off. She only laughed harder which caused him to smile. “Sure, I can be a ring bearer.”

“Excellent,” Beau said. “Yasha will be thrilled I finally asked.”

“When’s the wedding,” he asked as he finished picking a game and came to sit beside his sister, picking up his controller on the way.

“Next fall,” Beau answered. “Yasha likes the colors.”

“Neat,” TJ replied. “You and Yasha have been together a long time.”

Beau chuckled. “You sound like my friends. They think it’s overdue.”

TJ shrugged. “Maybe they’re right.”

Beau shrugged back. “Eh, we got there in the end. All that matters.”

“You inviting Dad,” TJ asked.

“Well if you and Mom are gonna be there, kinda have to invite the old man, too,” Beau said.

“I could accidentally on purpose break his leg so he has to stay home,” TJ offered.

Beau laughed. “Then you and Mom would have to stay home and take care of him.” She gave him a sideways smile. “Thanks for the offer, though, little brother.”

“Anytime,” he said with a laugh. “So, who asked who?”

Beau smiled and flashed her left hand and waggled her fingers until TJ turned to look at the small blue diamond on her ring finger. “She did.”

TJ looked at the ring then up at is sister. “She has poor taste.”

Beau’s mood fell a bit. “Like you’re some ring expert.”

“Not the ring,” he said. “You.”

Beau made a squawking noise and shoved TJ’s shoulder. “Fuck you!”

He laughed as he fell onto his side. “Fuck you, back!” He never paused in his game.

TJ eventually sat back and smiled. “So,how did you know?”

“How did I know what,” Beau asked.

“How did you know she was ‘the one,’” he asked, laying his controller down to air quote.

Beau smirked. “Really want to know? It’s sappy shit.”

TJ shrugged. “I mean. I did ask.”

“Fair.” Beau repositioned herself and draped her leg over the couch arm. “I always thought she was hot, ya know?”

“She is very pretty,” TJ cut in.

Beau smirked. “I’ll be sure to tell her you said that.”

TJ whipped around to face Beau, his dark skin turning darker with a blush. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

Beau laughed and gently nudged him. “Don’t be a shit and maybe I won’t.” TJ pouted at her and Beau laughed harder. “Anyway. She’s always been hot. And she’s sweet as hell. A literal fucking angel, ya know?”

TJ was nodded like he did, in fact, know.

“But there was a moment, so fucking small, that sealed the deal,” Beau said with a dreamy sigh.

“What was it,” TJ asked, finally pausing his game and turned to Beau, wholly focused on her and the story now.

“We’d been dating for a few months,” Beau continued. “And while out doing some errands, we decided, on a whim, to stop at this antiques store. Nothing there caught my eye,” Beau said before quickly standing and heading over to a bookshelf next to the tv. It held books, of course, but also a few knick knacks. Beau reached for a small clay figurine of a dog, one of a set of five, and turned back to TJ.

“She bought this set of dog figures,” Beau said, a dopey grin on her face. “She had been so excited to have found them. As excited as if they’d been real dogs.” Still holding the figure, Beau walked back over to the couch and sat down and handed the dog to TJ to look at. “You don’t really remember, cause you were still pretty little, but Yasha used to be really standoffish. She was quiet and didn’t talk much.” Beau smiled at her brother. “You fell in love with her immediately, nearly forgetting all about me when we came to visit.”

TJ blushed at Beau’s words.

Beau smiled warmly at him. “That was one of the first times she really came out of her shell.” Beau’s eyes slid shut as she recalled the memory, a large grin on her face. “She was so beautiful in that moment.” Beau’s eyes opened but she didn’t seem to really see TJ in front of her, still lost in her memories. Then she blinked and her eyes focused. “It was one of the cutest fucking things I’d ever seen. The way she lit up, little brother. Brighter than the sun.

“That’s when I knew I would spend the rest of my life with her.”

She smiled at her brother, who simply stared back. He finally handed back the clay dog and nodded. “You were right.”

Beau took the figure and cradled it to her chest. “About what?”

“It really was sappy shit.” Then he smiled at her.

Beau launched from her spot and tackled him, lightly pinching his shoulder as she sat on him.

They eventually came apart, laughing and sweaty from their tussle. Beau put the figure back on the shelf, grateful it didn’t break, and sat back on the couch. TJ went back to his game and they were content in their silence.

Finally TJ said, “I’m really happy you have Yasha. And I’m happy she has you, too.”

Bea smiled and ruffled TJ’s hair. “And I’m happy you’re here, too. We both love you.”

“Ugh,” TJ groaned. “Stop.”

Beau laughed and turned back towards the tv, happy with how her life had shaped up to be.

[dangermousie]

Look at those arms! MMMMM!

You know, I really like Gilina. Or, more correctly, I really like what Gilina represents, both in terms of Crichton’s development and in his feelings for Aeryn. Gilina is Earth Crichton’s dream girl: she is blonde, pretty, sweet, and plucky (she is no push-over). She is also a girl geek, and a techie and for our scientist, that’s quite irresistibly appealing. (Btw, let me take a moment to note how much I like that the show showed us that Crichton had a type in women, B.A. (before Aeryn): they were blonde and sweet and had a certain safe niceness to them. Aeryn is not blonde, not sweet, and not safe at all. And neither is his feeling for her). If Gilina was a girl working for a research institute on Earth and she and John met at some party, I can easily see them talking, dating, falling in love and getting married. And having a happy married life. And the John of ‘PK Tech Girl,’ despite some unpleasant encounters in the Uncharted Territories is still enough of the Earth John to be attracted to Gilina, to be at the very beginning of developing something for her. He is still enough of an innocent, with enough uncomplicated and sweet left in him, for Gilina to be his type. But of course, that is not the case any more when they meet again in ‘Nerve.’ When they meet again, Gilina has had a fairly uneventful PK tech existence. She hasn’t changed much. But she is not Crichton’s type any more. Not after Maldis and finding out firsthand that there are psychopaths that will just enjoy watching you die for the fun of it, not after Crais and finding out that no, if you only explain the truth, it won’t make it better. The person will still want to kill you even if they believe you, even if it’s wrong and irrational, and there is nothing you can do. Not after ‘Jeremiah Crichton’ (my least fave ep of the whole show, but whose theme of Crichton’s long isolation is well taken). Not after finding out the truth about Zhaan, or almost dying out there in space with Aeryn. Not after the mind and soul fuck of ‘A Human Reaction.’   Gilina is not for this John. Not any more. And it’s not just that in the meanwhile he’s ceased to see anyone but Aeryn. It is also that his character has changed. And that is only the beginning. When he meets her in ‘Nerve’ it is pre-Scorpius, pre-Aurora Chair, pre-everything in S2, 3 and 4 (I’d do a list but it would take too long to type). If Gilina met S4 Crichton, she’d freak and run away and rightly so. A digression, but I find it fascinating how John's non-Aeryn women reflect his change. We have his ex-gf on Earth who he was serious enough to apparently want to propose to, before they went their separate career way. She is sort of like Gilina only blander, less engaging (Earth Crichton strikes me as someone who's had things come to him too easily because of his intelligence or what not. His passion (for whatever) was never truly engaged to the full, and the gf reflects that.) There is also Caroline (who we meet in Terra Firma) with whom he had something or other, but she is rather like his Earth-ex and it's clear the Crichton of TF doesn't even have anything to say to her any more. From them, we progress to Gilina (about whom see above). In first half of S2, there is the PK Disruptor. Now, she is a lot more edges, more hardness. If she is like anyone, it's a female version of Bond. And Crichton sleeps with her, because hey, he's tried everything to get Aeryn to admit any interest, he's beaten his head against the rock and he's beaten it and beaten it. But she refused and she's conclusively walked out of his life for good (not even came to see him for the very last time, when he needed her most). And also, girl can kill him, good to stay on her good side. There is no Gilina sweetness in her, at all. PK Tech Girl Crichton would annoy her and be intimidated to be with her, not so much Crichton of that s2 ep arc. But interestingly, that is the last time he even looks at another woman, no matter the circumstances. Once Aeryn and he admit their love to each other at the end of S2/beginning of S3, that is it. Even at the second part of S3, when Aeryn is off with Talyn-Crichton, Moya-Crichton goes deep into his obsession with wormholes, not any girls at all, and he is just as obsessed with Aeryn as ever. Even after the end of S3, the beginning of S4, even after he tells Aeryn "I can trust you with my life. But not my heart" and he locks himself away, he still does not look at anyone else. He cannot. And even the drugs cannot knock her out from his mind. Which is why his last non-Aeryn woman is Grayza, who rapes him while at the same time telling him if he gives her the wormhole stuff she will help him find Aeryn (OMG, that bit is seriously the worst in the whole scene). I think the darker progression of these women-others mirrors the darker and darker universe. OK, digression over.   I find it interesting that in S1 we have a number of people (beings, whatever) whose life is affected, changed by Crichton and who are grateful for that and thank him for changing/opening/saving either explicitly, or it’s implied. But after S1 this slows to a trickle pretty fast and then stops almost entirely. Crichton is such an innately kind person, and one of the saddest things in the show is seeing this kindness leach away under the tortures (literal and figurative) he is subjected to. I find it so sad and so significant that in the S3 finale it’s Aeryn who brings up the fact that the command carrier has a lot of lives which John’s plan might end. Aeryn. Not John. She’s become more compassionate (she, who started out saying ‘I hate that word’) and he’s become much less. These are both reactions to their environment, to events they are in (When they initially meet, she is a product of an individuality-less, soulless scenario. Even if he is wrong in reading her at the very very first in Premiere during intros, he is not wrong in reading her potential, in recognizing she is a person, and even as early as Premiere she proves him right. I also love that for Crichton, she is always her own person, not a preconceived notion of what she should be. He loves her for being Aeryn, not for some idealized being in his head). And yet it is never completely suppressed, it is always there, however muted and downtrodden, however circumscribed. He had to jettison most of it in order to stay sane and to survive, but somewhere deep inside he is still the guy who, in a completely strange world, took the time to fix the eye-stalk of a mechanical critter thingy he didn’t know at all.   And of course, part of the reason he jettisons it is also because whenever he tries to save someone or make it better, it often ends up making the situation worse. I am thinking for example of S3’s lovely ‘Different Destinations’ which turns a beloved sci-fi trope on its head and he has to live with it and he can barely bear it.   And I love how the show never lets us forget the cost this takes on him, that he is not a power-hungry psychopath, a cavalier callous being only caring about his small group of friends. That coda to S4’s ‘We Are So Screwed’ where he is with Aeryn, and he breaks down, and he can’t help it, and he weeps for what he’d done, for what he almost did (and it’s going to be small fry in comparison with PKW) is just brilliant and heartbreaking and one of my favorite bits (and I love that she is there, and she silently comforts him, and he clutches her arm as a lifeline). And that is why I actually liked the drug storyline in S4. After all the stuff that Crichton been through, I am surprised he didn’t end up going on something earlier, just to deal with it all somehow (I love that the show brought up earlier that he has nightmares, feels tremendous guilt, and that was mid S2, I am sure they are much worse now). And it also made sense that when his number 1 obsession, Aeryn, told him to give it up, he did, as he’d pick her over anything. She’s his number 1 drug. Basically, he needs Aeryn desperately. She is what allows him to function, allows him to stay (relatively) sane, what holds him together. When he can’t have her, or doesn’t have her, he falls apart and needs something else to get through the days (wormholes in S3, lakka in S4). I do find it interesting that Crichton keeps his compassion, however tattered, but he develops absolute priorities, as a result of choices he shouldn’t have had to make. Most people don’t really analyze whether they will pick the woman they love or selling one’s soul and giving up something which earlier, to protect, you didn’t give up even when tortured or hunted or broken. They don’t have to. Crichton’s developed rigid priorities are a result of the environment where he had to confront those hierarchies in himself. Crichton’s earlier ‘purity’ and goodness and optimism exist in part because he is a product of a relatively sheltered life (compared to Uncharted Territories). But that early cleanness allows others to see a better or at least a different path for themselves and so they repay the favor later by pulling him out when he is on the brink of succumbing to all these horrors (which really do seem to be scarily disproportionately triggered at him). One of the things I love about Crichton is that even after he’s seen and dealt horrors, he has a certain moral absolutism to him (however broken it gets at times) and a pure refusal to give up, and strength even if only to make the least worst of two bad choices presented to him. Something untainted is always there, maybe a legacy of his initial idealism, and so he never breaks, not permanently, not irreparably, though he comes very very close. Throughout the show, even as that world bends and molds and twists him to its own parameters, he manages to make the world somewhat bend and mold and twist to himself.   Do you know what I really really wish for John and Aeryn and the kid after the end of PKW? A few years of total peace, where they can just travel the space in Moya, and John can do his research, and be with Aeryn and watch their child grow, without having to worry about saving his and their lives every other day.

OK, these are getting epically long omg.

[kendall-coded]

hi guys! i have finished up my last event of the year and i just wanted to take some time to check in and review what i have been able to accomplish!

first and foremost, i would like to say that i will be taking a break from writing and possibly also a break from posting in general. i am not sure for how long, but at least for the rest of the year and maybe into early next year (definitely not for forever!) i am actually going to take a break this time, rather than saying i will take a break and then, you know, not doing it. i am going to be pausing my wips during this time (including all prompt fills that i still have in progress. they’re coming at some point guys, i promise!) the holiday season is not typically kind to me, so i just would like to be able to focus on one thing at a time and avoid any external stressors where i can. i typically write angst and more negatively-charged emotional pieces (as you all probably know by now lolol) and lately they’ve become just a little harder to produce. i would, as a whole, just like to avoid that general headspace during this time haha. regardless, thank you for all the support i have gotten this year, it is hard to wrap my mind around all of the kindness and i just want you all to know that it genuinely means the absolute world to me.

okay anyway sorry about the little feelings dump right off the bat, now for the fun stuff! i published my first (now deleted and buried) teen wolf fic on june 4, 2020 after freshly joining the fandom. over the course of 2020, i wrote 5 fics (then later deleted 4 of them lolol), totaling to about 52,085 words. i also rewrote and replanned my first big piece, which i posted the first two chapters of in december 2020 (i have included the word count of the other 10 chapters in my 2021 wrap up.)

this year gave me so many opportunities to learn and grow, and i feel like this is the best year i have ever had in terms of creative opportunity. this definitely has to do with the fact that i got to meet a handful of other people who have just generally made me better. i also managed to finally hone in on a style that i am proud of and comfortable working with. so, all of that said, i took some time to calculate a few stats for this year and, drumroll please, here’s what we’ve got!!!!

reece’s (sheetghosts) totally legit 2021 ao3 wrap up

this year i managed to:

- write a total of 252,520 words across 21 fics (a very drastic change from 5 fics totaling 52k in 2020 haha!)

- write and delete 15 fics, totaling 73,210 words (which would have put the original count to 325,530 words across 36 fics for the year…may they rest in peace.)

- bookmark 35 fics/series (i have not gotten to read as much as i would have liked this year ):)

- participate in 5 events (sterek big bang // we’ve become trees, hale week // if the moon walks out (the sky will understand), sterek reverse quickie // mark me like a bloodstain and inventing monsters, sterek week // buried like a dog (only posted to tumblr), and sterek secret santa // to be revealed later in the month.)

- write for two fandoms (only one small ficlet for a different fandom…teen wolf has me in a chokehold. but hey, it still counts!)

well, that’s a wrap on 2021!!! thank you to everyone who has supported me. we’ve become trees is almost at 500 kudos which just, like, rocks my world. the responses i’ve received for my works this year have been so unwaveringly kind and supportive. whenever i’m not having a good day, i go through and read my comments. i cannot truly say i’ve ever gotten a nasty one, for which i’m so grateful (also uhhhh knock on wood lolol.) you’re all the best and your engagement/interaction with my content has genuinely made me into a better writer. i have cherished all of your stories where you have shared personal anecdotes with me and how my works have helped you or given you a safe space. it is so surreal and it makes me feel so much bigger than i am. so, thank you all for an absolutely wonderful year and i look forward to what 2022 will bring!! i will see you all on the flipside <3

[fleurcareil]

#10: My ethics on nature interpretation

Going through my childhood photo books for inspiration, I noticed my mother’s handwriting that my first outing at 8 days old consisted of a stroller walk through the forest near the hospital where I was born. There are pictures of me as a baby sitting in between the plants in the garden or having the best of times with floaties in the sea. Later on when my parents lived in Tunisia, we would often walk through Roman ruins near our house, see picture below. Fast forward a few years, and we would encounter elephants on our way to the beach in Gabon, and watch baby sea turtles hatch at Ras al Hadd in Oman.

I’m immensely grateful to my parents that they provided me with unforgettable nature experiences as a child, as it formed who I am today and continues to drive how I live my life. I’ve made a career change once already - which made me come to Canada - to get involved with sustainability, and I’m on the brink of making another career change to start a new life as a nature conservationist / interpreter - which will get me to leave Canada again. Every week, I go for forest hikes or walk to the lake nearby, and in summer spend countless hours in the garden.

I’m acutely aware that many people don’t enjoy that privilege of access to nature for a myriad of reasons, including never having been exposed to nature as a child. My belief is that nature should be made accessible to everyone, especially to children and local residents so that they can experience nature as part of their regular lives and learn about the genius loci; why it’s a place worth preserving and protecting (Beck et al., 2018). Tourists are very welcome too as they can spread the word and generate a revenue stream to support free local programming. Nature for all!

As the course book describes, any site can be interpreted to evoke the cultural history and highlight natural features (Beck et al., 2018). By doing so, it reconnects humans to who we are as a species, reminding us of the important things of life - like most other species, we want to stay safe, eat well and be part of a community. Interpretation creates awareness that humans need to act in harmony with the natural environment in order to survive long-term, and that it requires giving back instead of only taking from nature. Even if interpretive programming is limited to only providing trail wayfinding signage, such as in Torres del Paine National Park in Chile, see picture below, giving visitors the opportunity to soak in the experience and let nature speak for itself, promotes contemplation and can strengthen people (Beck et al., 2018).

I feel responsible to encourage others to develop their relationship with nature while safeguarding the natural integrity of the place and sustaining biodiversity through nature conservation. I’ve recently become a land steward volunteer for the Bruce Trail Conservancy, and am looking forward to getting my hands dirty by removing invasive species this summer, while also aiming to get local residents engaged through e.g. a presentation at the local library and organizing community conservation events at the property. By creating learning opportunities about the outdoors and showing how anyone can contribute to a healthy environment, I hope that it breeds familiarity with nature to create a sense of stewardship (Beck et al., 2018).

The course content on privilege and looking at nature through the lens of history, made me realize that until now I was mostly focused on the environmental aspects of interpretation, and less so on the historical and cultural story of a place (Hooykaas, 2022). I now see that it’s my responsibility as an interpreter to ensure that past stories are not omitted from the collective memory, and that by including cultural heritage in programming it makes the space more meaningful; children and residents especially will benefit from celebrating local history. Similarly, the course content on science as a lens (Hooykaas, 2022), made me contemplate that although I like participating in citizen science, I’ve never been actively encouraged to do so at a conservation area. That’s a missed opportunity so I see it as my responsibility, even more so as an engineer by background, to engage visitors in how they can contribute to citizen science while furthering their environmental education (Wals et al., 2014).

My approach will likely be foremost centered around onsite activities, consisting of creating interesting hiking trails and signage that will highlight special features. Ideally a visitor centre provides visually attractive exhibits which also stimulate on a sensory level by e.g. letting people touch, hear or smell the surrounding nature. The course content on art gave me ideas how to incorporate song and dance into children programming (Hooykaas, 2022), and a vegetable demonstration garden would be a way to remind both children and adults where food comes from. Guided hikes such as I experienced in Les 2 Alpes in France, see picture below, are a great way to interact with visitors. I also like the idea of roving interpreters who answer questions to visitors on-the-spot outdoors (Beck et al., 2018).

As much as I’m not into digital content, I recognize the need to have a strong online presence in order to deliver the interpretive message to the larger public. Hopefully I can delegate to someone else to build an attractive website, send out regular newsletters & social media posts and create podcasts, not only to drive traffic to our conservation area but also to cultivate environmental awareness in those that don’t visit (Beck et al., 2018). I’ve come to realize I quite like blogging so this may be continued after the course to further hone my skills!

Most importantly, I would like my approach to interpretation to be successful in creating a place of personal growth where everyone of any age appreciates something new about nature (Beck et al., 2018). I’d like to offer free access for school trips and underserved groups, as I feel they would benefit most, however ultimately I want everyone to enjoy nature and hopefully inspire more thoughtful living on Earth. Everyone deserves pure happiness such as jumping in a field of poppies! 😍

Beck, L., Cable, T.T. & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage for a Better World. Sagamore-Venture Publishing.

Hooykaas, A. (2022). ENVS*3000 Nature Interpretation course manual. University of Guelph.

Wals, A.E., Brody, M., Dillon, J., & Stevenson, R. B. (2014). SCIENCE EDUCATION Convergence Between Science and Environmental Education. Science (American Association for the Advancement of Science), 344(6184), 583–584. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1250515

[mothdalf]

@finweanladiesweek

DAY ONE: Míriel Þerindë and Indis

I’ve depicted them both in their wedding gowns here, sort of two different moments in time linked together.

Under the cut is a VERY long head-canon/meta that eventually kind of turned into a fic, hidden in case you just want to focus on the art.

Indis is a Vanyar lady from the House of Ingwë, I like to think she was close in age to Finwë and they met when the Vanyar and Noldor first arrived in Valinor. They end up dancing and socialising at pretty much every event and are pretty good friends. That friendship has the potential to change into something romantic. But what’s the rush? They’re immortal. He’s a king, finally establishing a safe place for his people. There’s no danger here. No need to produce heirs. No need to marry the first person you dance with.

Míriel didn’t enter the picture until later. I like to think of her as half-Telerin hence her silver hair. Her parents were a Noldor nis and a Telerin ner who met during the great journey, her mother choosing to remain with her husband and the Teleri who lingered East of the sea. As a result Míriel was born on Tol Eressëa, and is quite a bit younger than Finwë and Indis.

Despite her typically Telerin looks, Míriel was a Noldor at heart and immersed herself in Noldorin culture and craft, soon settling on embroidery and weaving. She even journeyed to the House of Vairë to further her textiles skills and learn from the Vala and her Maiar.

I like the idea that many elves in Valinor follow a specific Valar, learning from them and acting as emissaries and ambassadors and links between them and the elves. Any elf can choose this (e.g. Celegorm and Oromë) but it is more common among the Vanyar. It just so happens that Indis is a devotee of Vairë.

So they meet in the House of Vairë. And they’re very different. Indis is philosophical, interested in the themes, and the music, and the history of Vairë’s tapestries; Míriel inspects the stitches with a magnifying glass, and has to be stopped more than once from teasing the fibres apart to see how they’re woven together.

Indis channels logic and a cool composure, very insightful and granted foresight in many matters. She’s mindful, and always present, finding pleasure in this very moment. Míriel buzzes with ideas, sometimes her head hurts and she can’t think straight because she HAS to work through this next project, move on to the next one, she can’t step away she can’t stop. And her composure can be obliterated by one blow to her pride.

But somehow the friendship works, opposites attract sometimes. And upon their return from the house of Vairë, Míriel invites Indis to Alqualondë. And after that they visit each other often, and share letters once Míriel has learned to write Sarati. And if those letters ever start to take on a more flirting tone- well there’s no rush for them either.

It’s on one of these visits that they run into Finwë, Indis introduces her new friend, and the rest is history. It’s only after this that Indis turns her keen insight on herself and has an “oh shhiiit” moment. And now her best friends are engaged and what is she supposed to do?

She helps Míriel dress for her wedding day, arranging jewels, combing her hair, lifting the heavy embroidered fabric of the wedding dress she worked for months on over her head, and finally placing her crown on top.

They’re happy. She’s happy for them. There’s no betrayal or tricks or seduction, just love. Besides it’s probably better Finwë marries a Noldor woman anyway.

So when Míriel announces that she’s expecting a baby, Indis is sure the dull foreboding she feels is nothing but jealousy from a deep part of herself that she tries to shut away. She watches and helps Míriel as she pours all her creative efforts into beautiful things for this baby. Toys and clothes and blankets and anything else she can think of. Indis teases that the child won’t have to repeat an outfit for at least 100years at this rate. They take a trip back to the place they met and work together at one of Vairë’s vast looms to make a tapestry mural for the nursery.

But soon the frenzied crafting starts to slow. And slow more. Until Míriel barely bothers to do anything. People who know her are worried, but she just takes her husbands hand and says that she’s tired, after all she is working on something special at the moment.

When Fëanáro is born Indis watches her friend scream and curse, and eventually weep with joy as she whispers to her husband “he’s the most perfect thing we’ve ever made”

Things do get better for a while. But Míriel’s eye starts to twitch when people congratulate Finwë on their son, until eventually she barks out “of course he’d get the credit! I only did all the hard work” in a rough, sarcastic laugh that’s so unlike her. She doesn’t go to any formal events after this.

She sobs to her husband that she’s frightened. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. She’s happy, except that she’s not. She finds no joy and no inspiration, she’s cold and tired and feels like she’s fading away.

Finwë suggests a trip away, so they go back to Míriels house in Alqualondë, and she doesn’t feel as watched, as judged, less angry and paranoid.

But the grief doesn’t lift. She can’t settle to work, she can’t find anything she wants to work on, her head is emptied of ideas and full of fog and she just wants to sleep.

Indis comes to visit them and finds Míriel in the nursery one evening, crying quietly. At first she won’t talk, simply saying that she doesn’t want to wake him, but the tears don’t stop and eventually she whimpers that she’s scared, and she’s disgusted with herself. Because she loves her son so much, but she can’t help but resent him. In some small dark part of her mind she’s angry with him, for taking her happy life away from her, taking her strength and her drive.

Indis takes her hands and pulls her to her feet and down the stairs to Finwë. “we’re going to Lorien. Tonight. Staying here isn’t helping her and she needs more than this.” She towers over both of them and there’s no arguing with her tone.

Irmo and Estë help all they can. Nienna helps more. Eventually Míriel calms. Almost eerily.

One night she calls Indis to the garden of Lorien. Míriel embraces her and kisses her cheeks and thanks her for her help. She holds her hands and tells her she’s sorry, but she’s made her choice.

Indis tried to change her mind. So does Finwë when he runs toward the sound of a raised voice. Not Míriel this time.

She asks Indis for a moment with her husband. And Indis runs to fetch Fëanáro.

She hands the baby to Míriel and asks how she can leave him, he needs her.

Míriel’s face crumples but her resolve doesn’t. “I’ve already given him everything I have”

She presses the baby into her husbands arms and kisses him before lying down on the stone bench and closing her eyes. Míriel sighs, finally feeling peaceful, and doesn’t breath again.

After the resulting uproar has died down, Indis doesn’t see Finwë very much. She visits occasionally and reads his letters about Fëanáro’s brilliant progress eagerly, but nothing is ever as it was.

When they meet again by accident on Oiolossë, it all comes back to them both. They’ve missed each other, they miss Miriel, but they don’t have to loose each other. So they fall in love, and she comes back with him to Tirion while they make a plan. Fëanáro (the equivalent of a 10yo) is wonderfully pleasant to her, he asks about his mother a lot, and shows her all the things he’s learning about and working on. He’s so like Miriel that Indis doesn’t know how Finwë stands it.

When they first tell him that they want to get married, he doesn’t think much of it, at least until he picks up on the gossip and controversy, it’s only then that he starts to realise that something is different.

Indis gets ready for her own wedding without her best friend.

Fëanáro doesn’t take the Statute well, and the problems start. He decides to move away to continue his studies. Indis is not invited to visit him when his Father is.

Finwë is terrified when Indis gets pregnant with their first child, but she’s not. “I am not Miriel. As much as some might wish that were the case.”

The relationship between Fëanáro and his half siblings is a whole separate post. But the things he says about her and her children hurt Indis.

Sometimes she wants to scream at him “I knew your mother! I was her friend! I lost her too! She would hate to hear you talk to me this way!” but she won’t. She can see how he feels and she understands why, but this doesn’t mean she takes the way he treats her children lightly, and he wishes Finwë would back her more in this. But she bares it, and she teaches her children to be kind.

This all changes with the incident. Fëanáro can lash out, he can say cruel things, but he has never threatened one of her children before. And he never will again if he wants to keep his head on his shoulders. She hears the Valar’s judgement, and knows she will comfort Finwë over his sons banishment, as much as she is grateful for it.

The rage she feels when Finwë decides to go with him is cosmic. But it’s when she sees Nolofinwë’s face that she snaps. She tells him with eyes sharper than any sword that if he chooses to go, he can never come back to her. No matter what happens between his sons, she will never forgive him for what he’s doing to her’s.

The news of his death makes her heart hurt in the strangest way. She’s closed herself off from him but the pain bleeds through. At least now he can be with Miriel, she thinks. He made it clear where his heart truly lay when he left. She laughs until she sobs, then composes herself to comfort her children.

She nearly sends Fëanáro to reunite with his father in Mandos when he insights her children and grandchildren to follow him across the sea. She nearly faints when Arafinwë comes back baring tidings of the kinslaying, the streets Míriel showed her around littered with bodies and the beach they would walk along in the evening wet with blood.

Indis stands beside her youngest son when he’s crowned and moves back into her old rooms in Tirion, abandoned when Finwë left for Formenos. After all, she’s been a ruling queen for longer than Arafinwë has lived. She’ll make a good advisor.

In Mandos Míriel is faced by the life she chose to leave behind. First her husband, and then her son. She speaks with Finwë for a long time, and many hurts are healed, but they’ve both made choices they can’t take back. Míriel stands by her decision, she chose to stay, at least in part so Finwë could move on, they make their peace with other, and she encourages him to return and make peace with his other wife. News of their son’s death stops him. He knows that he will remain, it’s with Fëanáro that his heart truly lies, not Míriel, whatever Indis may think. So he appeals for her to be allowed to leave in his place, every inch the king as he points out that the statute will remain unbroken.

She is allowed to see Fëanáro once before she leaves. There are no words for how she feels. So sad, so proud. She’s so sorry to leave him again, but she promises to watch over his sons.

Míriel returns to life, but she doesn’t return to the life she left. She stays close to the halls, and goes to a timeless place, but one she knows well.

It just so happens that Indis is a devotee of Vairë.

So much is different, and there’s a lot to work through, and it’s hard. But being back where they began, with a new life for each of them, is made easier with this reprise of their youth.

And if, as their friendship blooms again into a new form, Míriel eventually asks about the specific wording of the statute, and what it means for them being the two living parts of this three person marriage, well- there’s no rush to figure it out.

[ddarker-dreams]

Hii, i hope you're doing well!! Just wanted to let you know I absolutely love your writing! You've probably seen me in your notifs and since i feel bad for not commenting and sharing enough, i decided to just tell you outright how much i appreciate you!

You're not only a talented writer, but you're intelligent, observant and have a good sense of people and their emotions and personalities. I don't condone yandere behaviour either, but my morbid curiosity and fascination for the fictional representation is definitely real. I envy how well you understand the mbti personalities, i have a shitty memory and, for the life of me, struggle intensely to remember anything. It's wonderful how well you implement that knowledge into your writing and characterisation.

Sadly i can't really use the links you put since I'm using the app, but i guess the tags help to some extent. My absolute favourite is Venti, but for some reason I've become very interested in Scaramouche (someone i know i wouldn't be able to stand irl, unlike Venti) and really liked the content you made for him!! He seems like a mix of Ciel and Alois from Black Butler lmao

Alsooo i have a question!! If you have the time and patience to answer (if you haven't already talked about it), what kind of yandere would an INFP (-t) be? I'm INFP and, while I'm definitely not prone to such behaviour nor do i ever see myself acting like that for any reason or anyone (probably since I'm kinda detached and prefer to rationalise and am always in tune with my emotions and intentions, but that could just be me, as i said, i don't understand mbti very well, including my own type), i do have a picture of what yandere behaviour i could show and act on. I wonder how similar/ different it would be to your own opinion on it and what are some infp characters/ yanderes you know of, if there are such in the first place?

As i said, you don't have to answer that, my primary objective was to let you know i appreciate your work!! Thank you so much!! Have a wonderful day and stay healthy 💛💛💛

when i read the first few sentences of this i was like 👀👀 who could this be? there are these 4-5 people that i consistently see engaging with anything i post. if you’re one of those people trust me i recognize you and appreciate you with my entire heart 💖💖💖

wow wow what glowing compliments i’m?? thank you very much!! it’s not everyday that intelligent is the word used to describe me so i’m melting . i always want to learn more about people, i’m grateful that writing is a hobby that pairs well with that. memorizing things is awful so i get what you mean. i both fear and admire people that have excellent memories, my brain is always too overloaded to maintain information for long. even my notes from when i’m trying to remember look all over the place ...

venti is such a joy AHH i loved seeing him in the event story again!! what an in-depth character. he’s got so much going on yet acts none the wiser, it’s always so fun to see. tbh i don’t think anyone would like scaramouche irl (i sure know i wouldn’t), it’s probably for the best hat man would be shunned.

fiction is the best place to explore ideas! let’s see, an INFP yandere. i was surprised to see that kaneki from tokyo ghoul is an INFP, but now that i think about it, that’s pretty fitting. i’ve written some yan kaneki in the past so i have a rough idea of how a yan INFP might be. 

the defining feature of a yan INFP would be guilt. they feel guilty for what they’re doing to their darling, and they instill guilt into their darling to gain a foothold (whether on purpose or not). INFPs are generally introspective and in tune with their surroundings and the people around them. they would know their darling very well, perhaps better than they realized at first. they’d be very in sync with their darling’s little habits and ways without even needing to try.

i couldn’t imagine most yan INFP characters coming right out and making their various demands known to their darling. no, it’d be a long and surprisingly methodical process, with the yan INFP instilling little seeds into their darling’s mind. making them feel like they’re the only one who truly understands them, that no one has been as good to them as darling has. none of these things are likely to be exaggerations, so it comes off as all the more genuine; thus begins the process of emotionally ensnaring their darling.

of course, this is just a super general overview, so the nitty gritty details would all come down to each individual character and situation. i still hope this somewhat answers your question though!!! and thank you again for your kindness ❤️