#some of the stuff from the arg is literally insane

[halcy0ng1rl]

What do you mean in 2007 a bunch of NIN fans showed up to a sketchy location sourced from a series of websites for the year zero ARG where some of which were handed phones, were then called on said phones and told to go somewhere on a specific day and when that day came willingly hopped onto buses that took them to a random warehouse where they watched some guy give a speech and then were taken to a separate room to watch a NIN concert

[survey-program]

hey hey hey noelle! Play any fun games recently? Find any fun glitches?

Hi crazydoodles! Thanks for the ask!

I started playing Dragon Blazers III again with my dad yesterday! :3 I accidentally got softlocked while I was trying to do one of the sliding puzzles in the Ice Palace and wound up having to reload my save... At this point I feel like it's a tradition for the Ice Palace levels to have a softlock in them XD Come on, guys! Didn't you learn your lesson from the last two games? :P

I don't know what triggered it, but I glitched through one of the rocks and wound up in a part of the puzzle you're not supposed to be. The only thing I could do was slide up and down... It'd be easier to explain with a picture, but I don't want to get spoiled trying to look one up XP I'll have to go back and mess around some more after I beat the game to try and replicatete it. Then I can post a tutorial!

Other than that, it's just been the same stuff you know me for - Dragon Blazers, ARGs, Cat Petterz mods... I saw a pet mod recently that literally turns the game into a top-down shooter made ENTIRELY out of pets. This community is INSANE and I love it XD

[doctorwhoisadhd]

[ID: reply from @seveneyesoup: "okay i'll bite what the hell is blaseball (i looked it up on wikipedia i have a general idea of if but it doesn't like, tell me what it was like following the game at all) /end ID]

this is such a good question that the answer gets its own entire post!!!!! im gonna try to distill it for u as best i can here goes

very much colored by what team u were a fan of if u were like me and in maincord. because a) teams had different cultures / lore / players / etc and b) they also had different stuff happen to them. however everyone did experience the same plot

it was something you could open any hour of the day :) like if i was bored at 3am i could just open blaseball (provided games were running)

you ALWAYS had questions. there were not answers for 75% of them. sometimes it was because the question was never designed to be answered in the first place. other times it was because we just LITERALLY did not know. also, out of the 25% of the questions we DID have answers for, 10 of those percents required you to make a spreadsheet to answer it, and 5 of those percents required you to seek out a specific guy who can answer it for u. the rest could mostly be answered by going into maincord and asking. but crucially the only way to determine which of these a question was was asking anyway.

it was basically like if fantasy football was both. an arg and massively multiplayer and also fucking insane. we were making choices having no idea what anything did and i cannot tell you how many monkeys paw situations there were. we were straight guessing up in that bitch

bits were everything in the discord. goku got incinerated once. there was a bee wedding. my team (the fridays) suckered the mods into giving us a second emoji once. bits got beaten like winnie hess after season 24 day 3 (a dead horse). it was incredible

so many fucking spreadsheets. awesome

THE FAN MUSIC SCENE WAS THE BEST THING EVER. like i think blaseball was probably the SINGLE best fan culture in terms of fan music ever created. it was really, really, really absurdly popular, moreso i would say than fanfic

loring players was so fun everyones ideas were so different and cool. most players were queer it was super fun. VERY VERY queer space and very awesome. it was fantastic in that regard

anything you could imagine probably happened in blaseball.

when in doubt, its a pun. or some kind of wordplay (chances were if u were theorizing, if it was a pun then you were at least close)

the discourse was so bad sometimes though (like. necromancy discourse sucked so bad. like please stop taking it so seriously necromancy is inherently funny!!! also oh GOD yorkcourse that was the WORST. basically ppl were mad that the fridays lored our favorite player as an 8 year old boy considering players die in this game)

[bluerosesburnblue]

@oveliagirlhaditright I'm putting my Missing Link thoughts in another post because it would be too long, and honestly I have SO MANY thoughts about why the basic premise of KHML was a bad idea (completely separate from my own distaste for the "Ephemer is Xehanort's ancestor" stuff that might be in it)

Because you're right to mention Pokemon Go and it really, REALLY feels to me like it's just trying to ride the hype from the mobile ARG boom that started with Pokemon Go a whole eight years ago. Because KHML as a concept doesn't even seem to be utilizing any of the unique features of an ARG that make them appealing

There's two real franchise-based mobile ARGs that I ever remember hearing about: Pokemon Go and Harry Potter: Wizards Unite*. These two projects do make sense to me, as opposed to KHML because of the way that both franchises make use of the central concept of the augmented reality feature. They're additions to reality, which both series already played around with. HP takes place in our reality, but with a "what if magic was real and just hidden" premise, so it's insanely easy to make an ARG that's just "yeah, you're one of the people in on the secret magical society that always existed in the real world." Pokemon takes place in an alternate version of our world; every location in Pokemon is based on a real-world location. So that's also a natural progression for it, and it's easy to pretend that the "reality" you see in the ARG is just the Pokemon world. Other than location names and the presence of Pokemon, the Pokemon world is practically identical to reality

That is literally the central concept of an ARG. To make the game part of reality. And that just doesn't work with KH, a game about flying through space to reach Disney worlds. Sure, some of us might have wanted to pretend to be Keyblade wielders as kids, but did we want to be wielders in our small backyards? Not even imagining that they were another location, but the yards as they were? No! We wanted to be in the Disney worlds! Or Traverse Town! The central facet of ARG gameplay doesn't mesh with the functionality of a story-based canonical title. And so what do they do to force it to work? Complicate the lore with the Astral Planes, which completely take the "reality" out of Augmented Reality aside from... a map? Like, it might have worked with Quadratum depending on how much of "our reality" that ends up being, but that's not at all what they're doing

Additionally, ARGs are not conducive to story-heavy games! You're supposed to play them while walking around town, maybe stopping for a few minutes to take a break. Or you play them on work/school breaks. You need to be able to pick them up, play a bit for 10 minutes, and put them down. The typical gameplay cycle for most ARG players does not include 20 minutes just to watch cutscenes to get the Exclusive Lore before being able to do anything, and the people who like KH for the story aren't going to want to wait all the time for their mobile game energy to recharge before they can get their cutscenes (a thing that even KHUx did away with for story chapters after some time!)

The entire decision to make KHML an ARG, to me, feels like corporate checking off a box of "style of game that got popular in recent memory" and trying to copy it rather than thinking of the gameplay as a medium in and of itself to tell a story. Nothing about the ARG concept works with what KH is at its core, and I honestly feel like they unintentionally admitted that when it was announced that you'd be able to play it without leaving home. What is the point of making it an ARG at all if you're going to remove literally the only benefit that it has as a medium, as opposed to something that could benefit the story you're trying to tell? We are a long way from the days of TWEWY making revolutionary use of the DS technology to have its gameplay tell a significant part of its story

In an ideal world, I think that KHML should have been an MMO like we thought KHx was going to be back when it was announced. They wouldn't have to mess with the lore to make it work, other players running around would help to "populate" Scala ad Caelum in a natural way, people could form "families" with their friends to further the bloodlines narrative, and MMOs can function on the drip-fed narrative style that they wanted. It doesn't even have to be a big-budget MMO like FF14, because I actually do like KH3's artstyle and KHML's simpler usage of it (it manages to be distinctive and colorful, working in hallmarks of Nomura's hand-drawn style while still being more detailed than the PS2-era). It could just be... basically what it is now, but they add in new Disney worlds every couple of months to keep the story going

And now here we are, with a game that was supposed to be out by the end of 2023 still missing (lol) and only having had two betas by the near-midpoint of 2024 because they're having developmental issues that I would personally guess have to do with the game's self-defeating nature. I find it very frustrating

*Adding in, Wizards Unite literally ran for less than three years (June 2019 - Jan 2022) before shutting down so even being tied to a big-name franchise couldn't save it. I have a strong hunch that the Covid-19 lockdowns played a huge part in killing the ARG boom so it's doubly insane to me why Square Enix thought trying to bring it back was a good idea

[annimator]

Looking back, October really felt like a great month for me fandom-wise and by the looks of it, November’s gonna be just a great :D

So, what happened that made October really great for me?

Well…

(I put it all under the cut cuz I’ll be spoiling some stuff for Disventure Camp, Inanimate Insanity, Heartstopper, and Whitepine. They’re all pretty great imo and I don’t wanna spoil stuff that happens in these shows/series for people that seem interested in them :p)

• i LOVED Heartstopper S3. I was rlly excited to see how they’d adapt Volumes 4 & 5 for the show and it delivered because NICK AND CHARLIE SAYING THEIR FIRST “I LOVE YOU”S TO EACHOTHER WAS SMTH THAT I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE IN LIVE ACTION AND IT IS GENUINELY MY FAVOURITE MOMENT FROM THE WEBCOMIC. JOE AND KIT WERE SO INCREDIBLE ALL SEASON TOO

• I also rlly loved Darcy’s plotline for the season as someone that’s Nonbinary. Same thing with Isaac���s

• I was genuinely so fucking happy over Sahar and Imogen’s relationship getting more and more romantic. I cant wait to see what’ll happen to them in S4

• I STILL HAVENT FUCKING RECOVERED FROM INANIMATE INSANITY S2 EP 17. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

• FAN’S LAST WORDS BEFORE HIS “DEATH” STILL FUCKS ME UP. AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON PAINTBRUSH BURSTING INTO TEARS AFTER SEEING LIGHTBULB FUCKING DIE IN FRONT OF THEM.

• THE ENDING SCENE. KNIFE AND SUITCASE BASICALLY ACCEPTED THEIR DEATHS AND THIS ONE PIECE OF FANART I SAW ON TWT ISNT HELPING

• but on a lighter note, I still can’t believe the II fandom managed to complete an ARG that took 3 days to be made within less than an hour lmao.

• OMG DC’S TOMJAKE SPIN-OFF WAS SO FUCKING AMAZING I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

• I like to think that the series as a whole is just ONC’s apology for making TomJake shippers wait MORE THAN A YEAR for them to actually become canon /j

• the cuteness aggression I get from these two are rivalling the ones I get from spiderbit and fitpac, and I’m saying this in the kindest way possible

• Those scenes from Ep 2 with Jake and Tom in domestic bliss genuinely added a decade to my lifespan. Their kiss at the end of the episode was great too. And what Gabby and Ellie said to each other immediately afterwards might genuinely be my favourite lines from the both of them

• The spinoff’s first season ending with Jake proposing to Tom genuinely got me (internally) screaming out of pure joy. I genuinely didn’t expect to get this obsessed with them when I got into DC since they weren’t even the ship that got me into watch in the series. (*cough* gabellie) Also ik this episode was released last Saturday but idgaf lmao

• a lot of double greetings were posted during October too! Literally most of the tomjake double greetings had them kissing and that implies that people paid extra for that to happen lol.

• Speaking of, the first Jaiden double greeting came out on my birthday >:D I haven’t really mentioned them much in my Disventure Camp posts, but they share the title of being my favourite DC ships alongside tomjake and gabellie! Their dynamic’s pretty cute and James’ confession to Aiden during the S2 finale is genuinely one of my favourite scenes of the entire series

• also Disventure Camp: Staff Stories’ last episode was released during October lol. I prefer Ep 3 more, but Derek and Trevor’s backstory was pretty interesting! Still can’t believed the episode ended like THAT lol

• S4’s contestants were also introduced, and it’s making me SO EXCITED! I’m personally rooting for Hannah, Benji, Marissa, Zaid, Tristian, Jade, Natalia, Alessio, and Isabel! So I will be very sad if one of them ends up being first boot :D

• WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT- New Whitepine episode came out and I really liked it a lot! Ivory and Serapter’s friendship is rlly sweet. Wonder why Clown wants Ivory to not bring up the whole murderer thing…

• oh yeah I also had a dsmp relapse because of Jack’s stream lol

[th33y31sw4tch1ngsp4wn]

[OOC] FACTS!

I'm currently bored and thought that hey, some facts would be nice for anyone that wants them and I got a ton of ideas so like, yipper :3

SP4WN FACTS -

SP4WN is like a really sheltered child, they don't actually know much outside of their home, they think their house is the only thing in the world and accept that CR34T0R is a god of some sorts since they don't understand the fact their house has black walls to protect the illusion.

If sp4wn met any rblx staff, she would think they are really cool and probably ask a ton of questions, trying to understand them and their role, but come off as weird and creepy because of the weird questions she'd ask sound insane to others.

The only animal sp4wn has seen was a rabbit, r0d3nt, and a cat as of recently (maxwell)

None of sp4wn's body parts are actually attached to them

R0D3NT FACTS -

R0d3nt was originally going to be black instead of white

CR34T0R FACTS -

CR34T0R hates anything that has more control then themselves (This includes any Roblox staff- literally- they hate all of them with their entire creations souls)

W4TCH3R FACTS -

Besides Annie and Sugilite, W4TCH3R is the only one to not be made by cr34t0r

H0LD3R FACTS -

H0LD3R was (in lore) created to be a vessel for 3y3 due to cr34t0r realizing a defect with 3y3 being it couldn't communicate. But, cr34t0r forgot about the auto-added sentient script and h0ld3r naturally found out about everything going on.

Annie FACTS -

Annie works for an unnamed company that hunts for anomalies, she stubbled upon TH3 3Y3 1S W4TCH1NG while looking for anomalies and has currently put it under possible anomaly that needs more observation.

While Annie can do more to prevent the story happening, she just makes it worse and speeds it up.

Sugilite FACTS -

Sugilite thinks the entire thing is fake and a joke and constantly worsens sp4wn's mental health when they interact

3Y3 FACTS -

The 3Y3 is always watching =3. Besides the stuff from H0LD3R, 3y3 still can't communicate and uses sp4wn's diary to communicate usually.

Random FACTS -

In the baseplate I have made, I do have a Telamon and Shedletsky design for no real reason, and a Builderman and Retro Builderman in the works for no actual reason besides it is fun to make them.

In the baseplate, there is morphs of the all the models for no reason, literally. This has a different baseplate than what I use for the ARG's videos I don't know why they are there.

The Future version's of the characters are available for asks if you guys want, just clarify your ask is for the future version of the character, the ones that do have a future are SP4WN, CR34T0R, H0LD3R, W4TCH3R, and Annie

All of them have cannon pronouns and ages, some of them do act based on their age, others just don't.

Anyways here is Telamon and Shedletsky

Shedletsky is heavily bandaged for no real reason besides he PWNS a bit too much and doesn't properly heal himself ANYWAYS THAT'S ALL FOR THE FACT'S, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THIS INFO!!!

[lancerious]

Opinion on the current yt shorts arg that's happening rn

Oooooooh boy here we go

So I'm assuming this is referring to the Skibidi Toilet stuff, not sure what else you'd be referring to lol. I literally haven't watched a single vid from it, mostly because I don't like short-form content and short-form content generally drives me insane. I barely have a clue what it's even about, let alone all the lore that comes with it. If MatPat ever makes a theory vid on it I guess I'll know some of the lore lol, but until then I'm completely in the dark and want to stay in the dark :P.

Truth be told, my opinion on the whole thing is that it's really dumb. Like out of all the things you could make a cool ARG on it's about FREAKING HEADS IN TOILETS? That's just stupid and it's clearly only made to appeal to a younger audience, which is obviously working.

To sum it up, don't know, don't care. If I don't know how bad it truly is, I don't care about it much.

[labomen]

I think this is my first actual post on this site but this is important to me. Hi, I'm the Head ARGhivist of the mentioned statement remains server when we were solving the ARG. I wrote a real time timeline of events in my ARGhive and after it ended I went a bit more insane and literally saved everything I could. This includes archival raw copies of the websites that basically only have broken navigation links, offline copy of the original german usenet messages, a backup archival copy of the linked fan documents above and more.

If you know how to use GitHub, Sebastian (one of the RQ IT folks who did a fantastic job of making everything work as intended!) put together a repo with all the clues and some behind the scenes stuff (I think I saw a website directory) including a way to run the terminal-spoofing MUD (multi-user dungeon) from the end stages of the ARG after I asked about that via email. Not sure how to add links on mobile here yet but you can find the official repository at this first link.

Below I'm going to post links to the accessible archival copies I have on the gdrive. All you have to do is open the link and then open the html files in your browser as a tab. Worst case download the whole folder and follow the step above if it being on the cloud fucked it up somehow. I might make a thing to simulate the website experience later but this is an ok solution for now.

List of webpages:

Everything Bonzoland related. (Yes this includes the infamous 3AM!Bonzo. Yes I specifically woke up at 3 am local time to archive this when I could've messed with my system time.)

Colin's Code Collection AKA UCRLNA with one version of how the actual gibberish code looked for everything except maybe the 1.0 version of Linux (fun fact: Linus Torvald's listed email address in that code is no longer useable. I archived the context of how I know that.)

All the OIAR Pages + the endscreen. Note that the endscreen is missing the upside down banner and the broken video at the bottom is just the Protocol trailer with Sam's interview.

Magnus Institute Database Website that lead to the endscreen

Just for good measure I turned the @strangehauntsuk Tumblr into a pdf (I tried copying the webpage. Modern generated websites are hell to read. Yes I'm a bit salty about that.) It's a bit janky but you can see all the text and I included all the pictures as seperate files in the folder.

If you want to see how insane we actually were during the ARG times, feel free to poke around my ARGhive.

I'd say I'm sorry for the long post but I have a feeling people will enjoy the resources. Hope this helps and have fun! Just remember to take breaks for Human Needs because not even I was running purely on Beholding back then. (Accidentally gave it a good shot though. Was assigned forced half-day off from archiving by the. Dread Powers That Be /lh Something something supernatural job security and benefits package lol)

"the magnus protocol had a whole ARG beforehand? what?"

yes! it did!

"oh so I need to have participated in this whole big thing to actually understand the podcast?"

not at all! from the official post-mortem put out by RQ, "while the ARG was not something that was necessary to participate in to understand the magnus protocol, it was designed to contain a wealth of background story and context that would enrich any player's listening experience."

"a wealth of background context that would enrich my listening experience 👀👀👀 how can I learn about this?"

SO glad you asked. sadly, many of the materials made for the arg have been taken down since the game ended 😔 (ex., the official OIAR, magnus institute, and bonzoland websites. though @strangehauntsuk is still up!), so we're a bit low on primary sources, but in terms of learning about what happened:

for a starting point, I would really recommend this video by @pinkelotjeart

it's super accessible, it was made in real time as the game progressed and follows the solving and revelation of clues as they happened, it hits all the major points of the mystery and moments of community insanity while eliding some of the nitty gritty puzzle grinding, 10/10 would recommend.

here's the official summary put out by RQ, and I'd recommend reading through this once you've already gotten a basic handle on the flow of the story and the basic connections between major clues and events. it's got some fun behind-the-scenes info and lays out the thought process behind the puzzles in simple terms

here's the full masterdoc of all puzzles and resolutions put together in the statement remains discord server. masterdoc my absolute BELOVED, masterdoc my bethrothed, masterdoc my soul mate. I'd recommend this as a second port of call after the above video as it either contains all details about the puzzles about or links to other expanded docs that do.

here's the narrative summary doc that lays out all the plot and lore discovered in three pages of plain prose. if you just want to get to the good bits as fast as you can and get blasted directly in the face by contextless lore bombs, this is the doc for you. if you don't want to start with the video, I'd say this is another good entry point.

once you've got the lay of the land, some of the game materials that I found particularly interesting include:

the in-universe east germany expat usenet forum, with all content translated into english. most of it is irrelevant space filler with occasional extremely sus lore, but I still found it fun to read through. love to soak in some fictional forum drama.

chdb.xlsx, the spreadsheet of the names of all the children the protocol 'verse magnus institute was studying/experimenting on.

klaus.xls, a (very corrupted) spreadsheet with what looks like the classifications of a bunch of old OIAR cases.

once you start poking around in these documents, you'll find a bunch of links to others with further information, the materials I've included here just contain what I feel to be the most relevant details to getting a broad feel for the whole game. once again, huge shout out to the statement remains server, I was barely in there as the arg was in progress and only ducked my head in every so often to find links like these. true mvps of the fandom.

[jeweledstone]

I had a dream last night that could honestly make for a good creepypasta/arg

This dream was basically about an old edutainment game from the 90s that was marketed towards kindergarten and 1st graders. Most of the “plot” focused around the game’s mascot/main character, an anthropomorphic cartoon cat literally named “Cat” (very creative, I know). Cat would be present in every portion of the game guiding the player through whatever lesson the game was trying to teach (usually related to basic spelling and grammar or math).

What made it “creepypasta” material was that it was implied that Cat had somehow become self aware over the years after the game came out and had grown tired of having to “learn” the same basic grade school lessons over and over for 30 years to the point of near insanity. He showed an extreme resentment towards the other characters/teachers in the game (sometimes even attempting to kill them) and would say cryptic things to the player like “Please tell me what it’s like to grow up (insert player’s name here).”

Might draw some stuff related to this dream later if ya guys wanna see that lol

[a-flickering-soul]

do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness

i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known

putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two

ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!

Kylo Ren

Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry

Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.

A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.

A random headcanon:  I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).

General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.

 Armitage Hux

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!

Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it

A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple

A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.

General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.

[felixcosm]

Decorations:

check on pinterest for diy halloween ideas, they usually have a lot of kid stuff but if you dig around a bit you can find some cool ideas

cheap acrylic black and orange paint can turn ordinary household items or old toys into diy decorations

farmer's markets and plant shops often sell tiny deco pumpkins for very cheap

you can cut out spooky/witchy/occult images from magazines or old books and hang them up or make a collage poster

you can paint anything to make it look more spooky if you have black paint. old books, statues, jars, paper rolls - its easy to make paper mache with craft glue and toilet paper

if you're completely broke and cant buy ANYTHING, you can still use what you have: forage for leaves, acrons, pine cones out in nature, use white rags, marker and some string to make ghosts, draw or trace spooky designs on paper and color it in, dry flowers, use tea bags or coffee grounds to paint, you can even use halloween themed junk mail to cut out the pictures printed on them

Witchy decorations, you dont have to be wiccan or whatever to make an altar just for fun and a lot of witchy diy projects use what people find in nature as well

Costumes:

mandatory jeff the killer costume :3 (no this isnt propaganda i promiise) white hoodie, black pants, a kitchen knife

use your sick ass cloak!! its great for that witchy feel

paint or draw sigils on your arms (i prefer hands especially) or body

sexy vampire

bedsheet ghost

a witch (you can literally look like anything or just look super goth)

a goth

rejected addams family member

zombie (tear up some clothes and you can paint circles under your eyes)

Music:

GOTH MUSIC BABY

The Black Parade Album from MCR

Metal/Funeral metal/doom metal

Aurelio Voltaire

Eliza Rickman

Oingo Boingo

The Paper Chase (Now You Are One Of Us album specifically)

Creature Feature

Get Scared

Hollywood Undead (for that edgy teen feel)

FNAF Music

There are a lot of good Pov: You are in an 80s slasher playlists on youtube and spotify

Insane Clown Posse

Myuuji for spooky piano music

Set It Off

The Dresden Dolls

Nero's Day A Disneyland

Ethel Cain

Avenged Sevenfold

SKYND

GHOSTEMANE

Danny Gonzalez Spooky song series

Rusty Cage

Lemon Demon's Spirit Phone album is a MUST

I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Nicole Dollanganger

Kim Petras

Spooky Mood

Creepypasta narrations (MrCreepyPasta is the best but I'm biased, there are other narrators you can check out)

Ambiences (Myuuji has creepy ambiences on his channel, MiracleForest does creepy ASMR ambience videos)

Watch found footage, slenderverse series, ARG videos, lets plays of horror games, the classic movies like Halloween, Friday 13, Elm Street

Play horror games (vgperson has free horror rpg games, itchio also has free games (I love JOHN DOE), plus you can find a lot of game rips or just watch a lets player)

Hot beverages are a must. They dont have to be pumpkin spice, a sprinkle of cinnamon is enough if you like it simple

Goth makeup 🖤

Have a jar or a basket of candy just because

Burn as many candles as you can because lifes too short not to make use of them even if theyre really nice looking

Paint your nails halloween colors

Listen to horror podcasts (Storage Papers, Nine to Midnight, WTNV, Hello From The Hallowoods, NoSleep (featuring our beloved David Ault lol), Shadows at the Door)

Halloween doesnt have to be perfect, you can celebrate it literally any way you want whether thats full blown or simple! Hope this helps 🖤🧡

does anyone have advice for making halloween season fun again. time sensitive question

[lmanberg]

Why do I always have multiple things in my asks. We may never know. On todays list: Tommy + Ranboo twitter interaction, c! Techno and more thoughts Sapnap

1) I know that the thing on twitter between tommy and ranboo is (most likely) a bit, but... is it just me or does it feels like there’s at least some real emotions behind this? From both of them? Might just be me though

2) Why is c!Techno so unbelievably queer-coded. Seriously he has no right to be Heavily Queer-coded Villain™️ as much as he is (also: not really a villain, but you know.) Also what is this gay ass pining after c!Phil. ”Historians say they were great friends“

3) I know I have talked about Sapnap before, but he just has too many vibes of ”man. men look nice. i would like to date on of them. i am not gay though.“ People that say that george and dream are just oblivious (/j)

(Also am I allowed to ramble about something other that tr//thing in your inbox? Because I would like to ramble about the arg wilbur did)

- 🎻

1) Tommy talking about Ranboo to Tubbo has a very strong parallel to Quackity talking about Skeppy to Bad. It gives very big “friend in denial about being a third wheel” vibes

2) You are so right. c!Techno is literally just “I am in love with my best friend but he’s an immortal being and I don’t think he’d ever return the feelings”. Just confess your feelings king, the guy chose your insane ass to live with out of everyone.

3) I swear my eyes have been opened about Sapnap recently. He totally seems like he’s got a crush on Dream or something. There’s so many offhand comments that are just... not jokes. Like “what if I want to date you, Dream?”. That was not a joke, he said it seriously. Shame Dream ignored/didn’t hear him, I’d like to have heard his response.

(And yeah, I don’t mind if you send other stuff. I don’t know anything about Wil’s ARG though, so I won’t be able to comment much lol. Some other blogs may know more if you want someone who does lol)

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Twitch Streamer AU???

(I planned on pushing out a FEW AU asks, but then realized I don’t even have so many. There’s going to be a FNAC event, but that will be an event, not a specific AU ask, so- I guess this is it! Very cursed AU, thank you very much Anon Small warning for mentions of blood, I think? Nothing too bad.)

Streamers, youtubers, content creators. Some people are all of these, some people are none, and some are just one- because each of them needed a very different talent. Those who could do seemingly everything were few and far between- And they ruled the entertainment scene! Thankfully though, the main three as most called them, were also always out for new content to watch. Thus they boosted those that they saw potential in. With some taking the boost and then going off to do their own thing- And some becoming good friends. It always started with a letter. Mike had the habit to do things on stream, as long as no personal details were not visible on them. He used a false email which he regularly changed, and he generally kept himself as safe as possible. Opening emails on stream could be rather fun, even if it was a risk. Sometimes it encouraged people to send bad things- So to prevent the worst, nothing would be downloaded and all emails containing images would be put into the spam bin. Better safe than sorry, the internet was full of terrible people. This day so far had been successful. And by successful it meant that Mike was SCREAMING. “I HATE SUPER MEAT BOY. I WILL COMMIT VIOLENCE AGAINST MEAT IN A MINUTE. I HAVE A BIG F-CKING STEAK IN THE KITCHEN, AND I WILL THROW IT AGAINST THE F_CKING WALL. I WILL GET A HAMMER.” The chat was going wild, cheering. The chat’s phrase of today was “tender Mikey” and it didn’t help at all. “I DID. NOT. HIT THAT! I DID NOT!” A donation popped up, with a robotic voice. ‘Oh hai Mark!’ “NOT FUNNY! NOT F-CKING FUNNY. I’M SUFFERING HERE AND ALL OF YOU SUPPORT IT. YOU’RE ALL F-CKING MONSTERS HERE, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. AND I’M NOT F-CKING TENDERIZING THE MEAT WHEN I SLAP IT AROUND, I’LL RIP IT INTO PIECES AND CONSUME IT RAW!” Standing up, he genuinely went to get it- And fifteen minute later he had slightly calmed down, his hands and room slightly bloody. The chat was still celebrating and donating- another thing that never failed to make Mike BEG them to stop and use the money for something GOOD and SENSIBLE, LIKE THEM-FUCKING-SELF- but he had gotten out most of the energy. “Alright. Alright everyone. ENOUGH. I gotta stop you HERE. It’s email time.”   A celebratory jingle played, as Mike booted up the website, opening the inbox. Memes, storytime, I’m-not-fucking-reading-that-and-you-know-it, and- One of the emails caught his- and the chat’s- attention, however. Sender: Fazbear Entertainment Topic: Challenge Needless to say- once again the chat was out of control and this time there was NOTHING Mike could do to stop them. After opening the email, Mike slowly took a deep breath and looked into the camera, between concerned and honored- But that wouldn’t be enough to rip him from his carefully maintained persona. So he audible scoffed- albeit him being unable to hide an excited grin. “Alright bitches and bastards in the audience- we’re firing SuperMeatBoy up again. You won’t be catching ME losing to a pink son of a bitch anytime soon!” After the letter- provided it was accepted and responded to, the production happened. The deal was that a teaser was dropped on the big channel- The entire video itself was put on the smaller one, attracting the viewers over and hopefully make them more likely to want to see the other works the creator had put out. It was a win-win overall, the big channel being able to vary their content, testing the water for new things- and the smaller channel getting a boost and a lot of tips from very experienced creators. Henry and Dave were very generous people. Jeremy was sitting there, taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm. So far, everyone seemed to be rather kind, even if Jeremy was basically a complete nobody. Hell, he never wanted to be anybody. He just wanted to stream himself baking, for those who never had someone baking with them. Because baking could feel stressful, especially when you were missing ingredients or- many reasons, actually. Not only baking, but cooking too- Sometimes playing games on request, but not much in terms of requests ever came in. And now he was here in an actual studio, soon to be seen by an insane amount of people. A cooking competition. Sounded silly- you couldn’t really FIGHT in something like that… But… Henry and Dave had promised it would be fun. And they were nice. With and without the cameras rolling. Speaking off- There they were, approaching, their assistant coming along. He wore a weird phone-head, to ensure his privacy. Or something. It was kinda weird, but he had just accepted the answer he got. “Why, there you are, Jeremy! Would you like to see the equipment we have prepared?” Henry warmly asked, reaching down with his hand to help his guest stand up. “We have gotten a few extra things, just in case.” As they entered the studio, Jeremy’s invisible eyes went WIDE. “Woah- that looks really nice! I love it here! This is high quality stuff-!” “Fantastic!” Pleased Henry opened his arms in his typical theatrical manner- Before being abruptly interrupted by Dave jumping in, halfway over Henry’s shoulder. “ARE YA READY TO GO!? CAMERAS ARE READY!” “Ah- I- I guess- but-“ “YOU HEARD HIM, BOYS! GET IT ROLLIN’!” “W-wait, I don’t even have-“ “Everyone! Welcome to NOTHIN’ AT ALL!” Henry swiftly fitted in, continuing on with the intro. “Todays challenger is the man, the legend, the baker and occasional chef- Jeremy from Baking With Jeremy!” “Wait, what- that’s seriously your channel name, pal?” A bit offended Jeremy looked into the eyes of the people behind the camera. “U-uh- you guys here- I mean- he has literally called his channel Henry Miller! I- uhm- I-“ Snickering Henry put a hand on his guest’s shoulder. “You are very right about that. Say, are you nervous about losing?” “… n-no. I mean- maybe a little. This place here is big and very professional and I’m not used to many people looking at me…” Taking a deep breath, he gave off a nervous smile for the audience. “… yet, I know- it’s a good thing! And as long as everyone has fun, everything will work out!” “Awwwww, look at him!” Dave said, pleased. “You’re so right! We’ll be havin’ fun!” “But also, I will win.” Henry pointed out. “That is when I have the most fun.” Slightly playful Jeremy smiled. “K-keep that attitude, that will make it even easier to blindside you!” Simon whistled, clearly bemused as he held the camera in place- And Henry smirked. “Sure. Anyhow, the stakes are-“ “Steaks? We’re makin’ steaks? I thought we planned on-“ “Dave. I swear to god.” Henry looked at him from the side, before shaking his head. “What is on the line is easy to see- we have roughly an hour to cook the best meal. If Jeremy wins, we will donate 5000 to a charity of his choice!” “And if the young pal loses, he’ll be joinin’ our channel!” Dave chirped. This was news to the brown-haired boy. “W-wait, we never agreed to that-“ “GET TO YOUR STATIONS!” Someone in the back announced. “WHO’S TODAYS FAVORITE?” Simon checked the stream. “The chat says Jeremy is a clear winner. Nobody trusts Henry to keep his two braincells together for long enough to not forget the salt or something.” “Excuse?!” Not only Henry was APPALLED by the chat, Dave joined right in. “Ya guys have NO taste. I’ll be clearly winnin’… but hey, maybe ya peeps don’t know that I plan to cheat!” Surprised Jerry looked over to Dave’s cooking station. “How… how can you cheat at cooking-“ Before he could finish his sentence, he shrieked as Dave pulled out a flamethrower. “HELL YEAH BABY, I AIN’T WAITING 30 MINUTES FOR SOMETHING TO COOK IN THE OVEN, I’LL BE DONE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES MAX!” “W-WAIT THAT DOESN’T SEEM SAVE-“ Henry just raised his hands, cheerful. “Ready… set…” The Phone Guy made eye- well, rotary- contact with Jeremy, slightly raising a fire extinguisher that was by his side. … alright, it seemed the people here were well-prepared for this scenario. So instead he focused on the ingredients in front of him. Almost manic, Henry’s voice rang. “GO!” And… … that was it! Some joined, with amazing results- Mike rubbed his face. “Who thought that was a great idea. I fucking hate this.” Dave next to him on the couch just grinned. “It’s amazin’ what these websites all offer to sell. You won’t be BELIEVIN’ what’s in this box!” “I’M NOT OPENING IT.” “YOU WILL. OTHERWISE IT’LL HUNT YOUR DREAMS. I’LL PUT THIS BOX NEXT TO YOUR BED. YOUR TOILET. ONTO YOUR DINNER TABLE. INTO THE FRIDGE. I’LL ORDER MORE OF THESE BOXES.” “Jesus CHRIST, calm DOWN-“ “I WILL FIGHT YA TO THE DEATH OLD PAL-“ - and some people just went back to the usual pattern, with the occasional raid from Fazbear Entertainment. They asked first, of course. Each of them fulfilled their own niche, each of them had caught Henry’s and Dave’s attention in one way or another. Henry and Dave however- Well, Dave was the varied creator. Henry liked his niche. He played horror, investigated ARGs, read stories about real and fictional crimes against humanity. The world was a terrible place, wasn’t it? Yet he reveled in it. Aside from that he showed extra effects, he built machines and thought everyone one or another thing about creating special effects at home. From dry ice to genuinely ridiculous chain-reactions, Henry showed them it all. Blood too, multiple forms of it, depending on how and where it would be used. Sometimes breaking it off with more light-hearted one-off games and listening to what his community wanted to see… but the most comfortable he was with horror and analysis. He was a youtuber, a streamer, a content creator… … and one thing more. It wasn’t easy to find the code. But his intended audience were a very small amount of people. A small number of strangers. There was no way to know if anyone ever made it to more than one show, but Henry did not care. It wasn’t for them that he did this. Him and William moved down, down below the set, into the lowest regions of the house. The workshop. Nobody really question why you added what to your home if you were a creative person. Even less so if you were a famous, eccentric creator. Yes, the free reign was what he REALLY loved about his job. Maybe he should build his studio somewhere else- But like this it was so much more thrilling! Wordlessly both of them put on their suits. It would hide their identity perfectly- especially the animal heads that contorted their voices a bit. Enough. Today’s participant wore a mask too- another phone head, differently made, different style, but to hide their identity too. However, the voice was in no way muffled. Panicked the person dragged on the chains keeping them attached to the chair. “H-HELLO!? HELLO!? S-SOMEONE- IS SOMEONE HERE!?” A noisy one! Delightful! Both Fredbear and Springbonnie stepped out of the shadows, one form each side. While Springbonnie put his hands gently on the shoulders of the whimpering person, Fredbear stepped in front of the camera, bowing. “Ladies and gentlemen-“ The low voice sounded more like the one of an animal than from a person. Yet it was smooth and comforting. “- I welcome you to yet another installment of our show. I am Fredbear, and over there is my wonderful assistant, Springbonnie. Today we have brought a simple stranger, a nobody who might not even be missed. Thusly I encourage you to truly be creative with your ideas. And while your votes roll in, maybe I point out that next time we will have another little game-show, with quite the effects. We might even get a real bull! You will not want to miss it.” The board above the camera blinked up, as a bitter fight of votes started, everyone wanting to see something else. Three tiers to vote on! Foreplay (light injuries), main course (heavy injury leading to death) and of course what to do with the body. Below it was a little measure for “face reveal”. Some of their viewers really enjoyed seeing the expressions during and after. It came with a risk to Fredbear and Springbonnie, as the victim being recognizable meant their general area of activity was more obvious- thus it was incredibly expensive. They knew there was every now and again law enforcement mixed up between the genuine watchers. It was thrilling too- Yet Fredbear wanted to keep this game alive as long as he could. Thus it was important to hide what they could. Fredbear was a creator first and foremost, an entertainer second- And there was nothing that attracted an HONEST, an UNRESTRAINED, a PURE audience quite like violence. Once blood spilled, humans degraded and it was wonderful. Behind him, the victim began rattling even more erratic. “WHAT- WHAT IS THIS?! LET ME OUT- PLEASE- LET ME OUT- PLEASE- I- DIDN’T DO ANYTHING-“ Burying his hands into the shoulders of Springbonnie downright cackled, enjoying the mania that always accumulated in these situation. “Be still, new friend! The audience HATES too much whining, y’know? And at least you could die with your tongue still intact, wouldn’t that be nicer than having to swallow the thing? Once it almost killed someone, boy, that sure was a bother!” His voice was changed to a cartoonish, upbeat pitch- “While the votes come in, how about we quiz today’s friend… maybe if you are smart enough, they will want you to live! It happened before… o n c e.” Fredbear took out a long scalpel, the face a morbid grimace. “Surprise us!”

[charkie-ee]

HDBSJDHSJHSSHSHJSHSHAJAHSJAHDGJSHSHDJDJSKCHSimnotrespondingsuperlateyouareNDKDJSJKSKFHDJDJDHDJDKDJFJJFJFJFJFJDHAKSIJGJDKFJDKD

yup! turns out everything is ok! sleeping was weird after the first few days but im all good now.

is so funny that you can hold 3 different conversations thru tumblr. like thats awesome. we’ve been talking about several things from drawings to lore to…whatever this post turned into, and i am so here for it. tumblr: the place for multitasking.

and yes i am quite literally ‘lmao’ at all of them.

HELPPPP FHDJDHJDD ah yes instead of going to my room to read your posts i am actually just going in there to do lots of drugs. tons of them. like um. yea. because thats what people do. ahaha. i would know, i am a person. totally. 100% all human being here. i say as my skin suit is falling off

yo followers‼️ you best get ready for this insane lore we’re totally gonna drop soon‼️‼️ you’re asses better be fully equipped with arg gear‼️its gonna include my whole lobotomy + other stuff i got in 3rd grade‼️ its coming very soon‼️ definitely‼️ this is certainly not a LIE‼️

awhhh!! thats so sweet!! sometimes when i’m at the store shopping/out and about in the world— ill see a specific color of red that looks exactly like the background color of your pfp. i’ve named it ‘semifontos red.’ creative name, i know.

also 🫵 fellow tea drinker. whats your favorite kind. 🫵🫵🫵

(i’m a heavy chai drinker, and and a black tea, earl gray bitch. BUT! occasionally i add some green teas into the mix)

aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! i need you to stop being the #1 nicest tumblr person i’ve ever met on this website, or i might explode again from happiness. ditto my friend, ditto indeed. you’ve filled the last few months of my life with indescribable joy, and every time i open the app, i cant help but smile because i know ill see your posts on my dash. your just as silly as i am, and i even start giggling before i read your posts because i know they’re gonna be good. thanks for being my parasocial pal <33

holy shit u right— tbh i kinda forgot abt that. sigh. he should get another thoracotomy? gastrectomy? both of those??? again. that’d be peak comedy, and you know what they say, third time’s the charm

yes, i agree, we may have become mutuals via slimecicle getting another chest & stomach surgery, but i dont think we’d be talking back and forth and exchanging drawings of our little silly sonas if it weren’t for bisexual purga(y)tory post. so for that, it will always have a special place in my heart.

yup, i repeat, if you have STUPID EYES that CANT SEE without GLASSES/CONTACTS you could instead buy ONE NINTENDO SWITCH or TWO EXPENSIVE GAMES FOR NINTENDO SWITCH EVERY YEAR if you give up on your eyes. INVEST NOW!! BUY TODAY!! just DONT TELL ANYONE THAT *I* SAID THAT!!!

speaking of glasses!!! i finally got a new prescription!!! yippee!! (round of applause.mp3 starts playing)

i might also be trying contacts? its a bit tricky because apparently my eye is more oval shaped than the traditional round shaped, (i think its called asigmatism) but its still possible! so ill see how it goes!!

ahhh, my bad my bad. sooo, if thats the case?

~~~~~~ - ~~~ = ~~~ ?

(explosions in the background)

oh. maybe not.

(also just to put it here i have seen your drawing request in my ask box and i am working on it dw!)

@semifontos

GRAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! (i crawl out of my grave but this time kill bill style)

IM STILL ALIVE!!! I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMI—

but it is done!!!! i did it!!!!! after years in training, various classes in alchemy, and many many engine failures!!!!!!! it is FINISHED!!!!!!!!!

behold, the SEMIFONTOS DESIGN:

im so so sorry that this took so long and might not be as high quality as my other art— but i hope you enjoy it!!

gonna be honest, a screw was loose on my glasses and my right lens fell out just as i started working on this again. so. if any lines look wonky you can file all complaints to my prescription glasses.

but, yea!! there it is!! i plan to start being more active! i swear! i just have a lot goin on rn!! may reblog/post some other things later. we’ll see how it goes. luv u pal & thanks 4 bein patient!!

[homestuckhomestuckhomestuck]

 Interesting timeline facts I can get from the Skaianet ARG draft papers- 

- Jane’s Dad was a clone of John’s Dad. John’s Dad was Jane Crocker (Nanna) and Stan Laurel’s (don’t even ask :v) genetic son on pre-scratch Earth (beta session). The surname “Egbert” comes from a man Nanna later married after fleeing the Condesce. The cloning happened when HIC was ensuring post-scratch Earth (alpha session) had functionally similar conditions to pre-scratch Earth- she impregnated Alpha John’s future wife with a Sburb ectobiology machine with Nanna’s son’s DNA, which is why Jane’s Dad and John’s Dad look identical through two different universes and parentage. Ectobiologically speaking, this would make Dad and John half-brothers. 

- when HIC was first on pre-scratch Earth just after Alternia was destroyed she cut off her hair and sawed off her horns to blend in and ran a bordello in the US Wild West, among other things????? I just mention this because apparently troll horns grow back. 

(beta session/pre-scratch Earth)

- Rose’s Mom and Dave’s Bro got recruited into Skaianet by Jade’s Grandpa at a young age and lived off of trust funds Jade’s Grandpa set up for them in the 1980s. This is why they have money, and probably how Roxy babysat Joey. 

- Nanna (Jane) is named after Calamity Jane, Calliope/Caliborn’s Cherub mom who “kept [HIC] on the rails of her designated global conquest to secure the future birthplace of her son and daughter” by opposing her from pre-scratch Earth onwards. Grandpa was just named Jake because “it sounded kind of like Jane, human names are stupid, and HIC doesn’t actually care.” 

- Skaianet was a front company used to speed along the development of technology on Earth by releasing Alternian and hoarded Sburb tech from meteor sites to eventually support the running of Sburb to end the universe and scratch into a new one by HIC. She planned to use the post scratch earth (alpha session) as a home planet for the rebirth of the troll empire in Universe C, which the kids were supposed to win for her and hand over, which was going just as planned until John’s Retcon. 

- Jade’s Grandpa is ridiculously irresponsible and doesn’t have strong character, there is a lot about Jake..... as puppet head of Skaianet, anyway the most relevant thing I could find is Hiveswap Joey Claire is born in 1980 and Hiveswap is in 1994 and Jade’s meteor hits the island in 1995, and Grandpa was totally oblivious to Skaianet’s sinister purpose until he finally found “the mysterious island in the pacific,” i.e. Hellmurder Island, ditched his newest wife (A. Claire) and children (Joey Claire and Jude Harley) and presumably did his sburb exploration shenanigans to save John and pick up Jade’s dead dreamself after discovering the frog temple and eventually died when Jade was young because of Tavros mind controlling Bec to redirect a bullet she fired as a baby. We got Grandpa’s full timeline, and man is it weird. 

Homestuck Storyline

- John’s Retcon signifigance in story is a little more explained. 

- HIC’s master plan was to get Roxy to revive the matriorb, take over post-scratch Earth and Universe C, groom Jane as Heiress, and Jake as Jane’s slave, and restart the troll empire in Universe C. John’s retcon “disrupted the course of events, breaking HIC's mental grip on her powerful servants, and turning the tide in their favor.” Epilogue indicates this probably means Jade and Jane. Other possibilities: Gamzee and Kurloz, just because clowns are frequently referred to as HIC’s powerful servants, and a large part of John’s retcons involved Gamzee looking completely baffled and stopping him from manipulating Terezi to kill Vriska. Implied this is what stopped HIC. Not sure how Aranea in [S] Game Over fit in.  

- It’s also implied John’s retcon power had something to do with Calliope predominating in an alternate timeline, which was said to be impossible barring “a highly improbable glitch in causality” aka exactly how the retcon power is described. This Calliope destroys the green sun and renders LE vulnerable to attack by Vriska w the masterpiece juju (i.e. what gives out the retcon power in the first place.) so ???? good job john, whatever this implies. 

- Gamzee’s timeline remains kind of unexplained. Already known: Calliope/Caliborn was born on a dying Earth C in Universe C, that means Universe C had to be created in order for Lord English to be born. Not known if Gamzee going around gathering stuff for Lord English only happened in the pre-retcon timeline where he was eventually killed in Game Over, and the post-retcon iteration of him stuffed in a fridge came back once Caliborn started in his null session and then eventually got killed by being combo smashed into Lil Cal by nebulous future/alternate human kids, who ALSO made their way there via the retcon power? Also implies the retcon power begins and ends circularly with the ‘Masterpiece’ juju- but since it’s already proved John doesn’t have to make stable time loops and can literally just have a clone of himself with the retcon power running around, I don’t know..... what happened............ still......... 

- Anyway Cherub mythology gets tied back into the beginning, same time HIC hits Earth so does Calamity Jane, to drive home the entire plot of Homestuck is a cascade of unfortunate events made to ensure Lord English’s existence, Calamity Jane’s son. She kept HIC in check to make sure she didn’t go too crazy but took over both Earths in a way to ensure Sburb would happen so Calamity Jane could meet her mate, and said “we both fulfilled our use” as HIC bled out stabbed through with an anime sword, and flew off into Skaia, to sometime after Earth C was next to a dying sun.

- Jake may never maintain a responsible relationship.

(alpha session/post-scratch Earth)

- Guy Fieri and Insane Clown Posse’s unexpectedly in-depth absurdist backstory as horrifying genetic experiment of HIC. Don’t even ask?? Implication Steve Bannon is deformed clone of Guy Fieri. Also implication “Guy Fieri” is a mispronunciation of “Guy Feferi” this just made me double take so.  

- I didn’t know if the files were implying Jake’s Grandma (alpha Jade) somehow also was involved in WWII like Jade’s Grandpa (beta Jake) was, or if the Condesce forced WWII to happen the same way to keep the timeline similar to pre-scratch Earth, but it definitely implied Alpha Jade had an affair with Charlie Chaplin-as-a-trained-assassin which implies Calamity Jane founded that on post-scratch Earth too, which is weird. Anyway that’s why HIC waits so long to kill Alpha Jade, to let events play out as identically as possible until Jane and Jake were in the medium. 

- Not gonna touch, and besides, not relevant to HS- WWII, Jesse James, Mark Twain, Charlie Chaplin, Jake’s relationships, lethally trained slapstick vaudeville performer assassinations, double crosses, and dueling between the forces of Calamity Jane and HIC, i.e. a significant portion of text devoted to the underground army of notable comics and performers vs Betty Crocker and the forces of scientific advancement (for purposes of ending the world.) Well now we have an incredibly convoluted explanation for why Colonel Sassacre and Mark Twain are the same person. 

- It just occurred to me this underground network of writers, entertainers, and comics is probably the word of god reason on how Alpha Rose and Alpha Dave got the backing, info, and into contact to start their anti-HIC campaign on post-scratch Earth- didn’t Alpha John also become a comedian later? Nothing much on him at all, though.  

- Just this: Alpha John fleed the Crocker compound when he saw Hitler’s severed head lying on a desk. This is apparently a carefully HIC arranged constant between pre-scratch and post-scratch Earth. Nanna (Jane) didn’t really seem to notice the head when she finally left. 

- Obama escaped to post-scratch Earth from pre-scratch Earth, which also the implies we are living on Post-scratch Earth and the meteor Apophis is going to deliver some kind of sburb technology and/or accelerate the demise of the Earth in 4/13/2029. Mentioned a lot, but curiously little info on Apophis, seemingly irrelevant to rest of story. 

Conclusion: I have no idea what the Homestuck epilogue is going to be, except  Aphophis might be involved, somehow. I hope the retcon power timeline to the masterpiece juju gets explained? I hope Vriska, Sollux, and Aradia’s fate is explained? Gamzee timeline? What did the masterpiece actually do?? MYSTERY

[hootpoop12]

Candy route thoughts! Obviously spoilers:

Lets start with candy cause I read that first and damn gonna be real. I did NOT like it. 

-I didn’t like the narrative pushing callie aside for John romancing Roxy. At least without an explanation. I’m not a callieroxy shipper but they have more chemistry and history. I am glad even John acknowledged how fast things were moving and poor callie being left behind.

-I really am not a fan of “Harry potter” epilogue style of everyone gets married in mostly het ways and has a bunch of kids. I did not give a rats ass about child Vriska, Tavros, and Harry. Like. Why were we given scenes of just Harry and Vriska flirting. Bizarre. That said this was obviously because Candy was meant to represent this sort of sickly sweet style of writing so no criticism there. Just not what I personally like. 

-DAVEKAT.....JESUS.......Not to fucking sound like Dirk but. Ten years. Ten goddamn years and they STILL have not broached the subject of their feelings for each other? There’s slow burn......and then there’s bad writing. Like.......This has slightly warped my view of Dave which my view of him is sacred cause he’s literally my favorite character of all time PFFT .............like was Dave...............really that much of a wuss to just...........not try? Dave has canonly been in a relationship with Jade and Terezi at this point......did he flip out at those two too or like did they do all the work in starting a relationship? I know that you might think “wow hoot doesn’t care Dave a grown to be a softer dude” but.....come on there’s being soft/emotionally intelligent and then there’s a guy who is in love with his best friend for a decade and says NOTHING despite tons of evidence saying it’s mutual. I know Karkat is equally responsible but Dave is my favorite so shut up lmao 

-Davejadekat: wow. That was some hot garbage, huh? Jade intersecting herself into that makes sense when they said her social skills were lacking but wow. She LITERALLY is the reason they both get married to someone else. Even when John lost it at her and dropped some fat steaming truth on her. She still married Dave leading him to just fucking settle. So dumb. 

-Dirk: Yeah that made me nauseous and when I went to work in the middle of reading I was pathetically in like. A panic/grief state. Don’t worry past me it gets so much worse LMAO 

-Jane......like............did the crown imbue her with condesce fascist ideals??? Where were the two nannas that could have easily shown a more sympathetic SANE side to Jane?? I’m at a complete loss over what happened to her and as I was reading I was like. Pouring one out for all the Jane fans thinking “I cant imagine your favorite character acting like that all of a sudden!” once again past me: You’ll fucking know in a few hours

-They did a good job of making Earth C just......feel wrong. All the subtle things of like how the characters reacted added up to make it seem super fucking ominous. Especially Roxy and Rose, like.....When they were all talking about baby names they seemed so out of it it was kinda creepy. One big complaint was how fucking repetitive John’s angst was? John would be hella depressed then Rose would be like hey this world is fake but that’s fine and he’s be like Huh! then back to the depression and then Jake would be like talk to your family and he’d be like Huh! and then he would talk to Roxy who would be like accept this fake bullshit world like the rest of us and he’d be like Huh! I mainly didn’t like Rose giving that speech though. Rose is one of the most contrary people who shouldnt like any fake reality but here is like welp I’m happy who cares.

-Johnrezi......WOOF. Ok it hurt but this is the one thing I enjoyed from the candy route. I know ya’ll are like Of course you enjoyed it you biased piece of shit but no listen. Amongst this fake garbage candyland.......they were fucking real. John keeping a selfie of her in his wallet was just..........peak angsty romance lmao All their conversation shows...........goddamn they care so much about each other? Even when Terezi ghosted everyone else.............she would respond to john and listen to his issues. I never thought Johnrezi would get this much validation but I am so glad I had one thing out of this route to look forward to. (Him tearing up that photo and finding the car....shit hurted yo.............)

-Finally my main issue which most might find to be my worst argument pfft how fucking STUPID shit god like? In Homestuck there were a lot of strange hi-jinks going on but it was like......Dave makes a bunch of funny weird items or Karkat makes a bunch of terrible time traveling memos.............The only time in the comic shit got like absurdist weird was when Dirk was telling Jake about the betas in their timeline. And that was funny! Just having one bizarre moment in a narration can be fucking hilarious and it was! Having like 50k of that bullshit was EXHAUSTING. Every time Gamzee was mentioned I genuinely recoiled, whenever Jane was being fucking. INSANE I would read a little faster, and the Obama thing with Dave near the end was just too much. I’m sorry but 95% of BOTH routes humor fell fucking short. Homestuck isn’t really funny anymore, sadly. All the economic and xenophobic jokes were ran a mile into the ground. This was kinda shown in that skianet arg that got dropped in January. I was a little annoyed by all the dumb stuff in it but like was willing to accept it cause it wasn’t in the actual webcomic. That shit was still sacred lmao