#sometimes I think that I should just leave twitter and stay here on tumblr

[polyamorous-elevenv2]

people from that fandom can be so mad about non-canon rare ships on twitter and make drama of it

[animentality]

Dude I'm so confused

Why are the redditors refugees here-

Whats up with the tag 196

AND WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO NICE WITH THE TWITTER REFUGEES CAME WE GAVE THEM HELL (almost)

The Reddit refugees are here because several subreddits have gone private in protest of reddit's new policy of charging third party developers for access to its API.

Hence the term reddit blackout.

196 specifically was a very queer friendly subreddit that had one rule: that you post before you leave. 196 is trending because those Redditors have come here and they're basically sharing their memery here instead as they protest reddit's greed.

As for why we're welcoming them when Twitter refugees were seen with a little more irritation, well.

Think of the culture similarities.

Tumblr and reddit have far more in common than Tumblr and Twitter.

Twitter is about clout and manipulating algorithms and discourse in 280 characters or less. It's about bad takes that reach the right people and it forces you to see things you don't want to see and it's crawling with the worst people imaginable and you're forced to see them, all the time. They also brought bad tagging and 2016 Tumblr discourse with them, because Twitter culture really involves starting fights for clout and braindead opinions that no one really wants to come back to Tumblr culture.

There was a time when Tumblr did the same thing, but worse, with more words...but nowadays, it's really calmed down.

The worst people...went to Twitter after the porn ban. Ironically, it made the site less toxic and hostile.

But then they came back.

And it was like...hm. no thanks. Stay back where you came from.

But Tumblr and Reddit have much more in common.

Both have a more streamlined way of customizing your online feed. You can choose what subreddits you see on your home screen, just like Tumblr only shows you the content of your followers, on your dashboard, and in chronological order rather than what's trending. You can join a very specific weird niche group of freaks with a shared obsession, and not care about the rest of the site at all. You also don't have a character limit on either site, which lets you ramble more and share weird detailed stories.

Reddit might have karma, but like Tumblr, the majority of people are lurkers and not posters. It also allows you to downvote bad opinions, and moderators who have to adhere to certain guidelines of behavior, which means a lot of banning disruptive people.

Granted, sometimes their mods are power hungry, but. You know.

It does more to control its users than Tumblr do, and that's a good thing in terms of keeping toxicity and illegal shit off its subs.

Reddit also has a way more leftwing attitude than you would think.

It has a reputation for being full of incels but I honestly think that's outdated.

It's cleaned up its act quite a bit since the old days.

I see way more vile shit from Twitter and TikTok. Like seriously.

Twitter is crawling with conservative bots and propaganda machines and just outright inflammatory lies. TikTok literally has the worst comment sections I've ever seen, like edgy teenagers cracking racist and misogynistic humor and acting like it makes them different and special. Its algorithm also spoon feeds you garbage and is designed to be as addicting as possible.

At least reddit's culture, while chauvinistic and regressive in certain subcultures, is mostly on the tech positive, atheist libertarian side.

It can be a little pretentious and caustic about certain subjects, and a little full of itself. Some reddits are also very male leaning and disregard female concerns in favor of moaning about how men have it worse than anyone else on earth.

But for the most part?

...well.

I welcome them here, because if they left reddit in protest, then we always support protests. But 196 specifically is also a queer subreddit, and we support that even more.

Plus they're funny as fuck.

What's not to like, really?

You should welcome them with open arms too.

[princessfbi]

💌, 💘, ☯️

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Mhmmmmmm I'd Wait Here Forever just because I know how I would do it differently now. I was overworked and stressed out with real world stuff when I was writing that fic so I think I was just really wanting to get it out and it didn't quite come together as I envisioned.

I'm torn about saying Hardest Hit from Feather's Kiss because I know people love it and I do too! But I also don't remember writing much of it and like the characterization is off in my opinion. But also I'm proud of it and finishing it and learning about hockey so I let it be.

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

I am SUCH an introvert. I get it. I am zapped on socializing most of the time so it's hard. But I've also found some of the greatest friends that I can talk to that are effortless to be around. I know it's difficult but eventually you find your people and those are the people who show up.

That being said, I think for this to community to grow and stay healthy, I think it's a two way street. I think there has to be some effort on everyone's part. It's very easy to get caught up in the brain rot and just consume consume consume without stopping to consider what you are contributing to the community. "Oh, I'm not a writer and I can't draw. I just am here for a good time." Great! Do you comment? Do you reblog? Do you leave a kudos?

This should first and foremost be a place of fun and enjoyment. You should be able to come here and escape for a little while and if you read one of my fics and get to just be with your own self and have fun for an hour then that's incredible! If you sit and listen to a podfic while at your job that you hate and it gets you through the day then that's amazing. I love writing! People love drawing! People love podficcing and giffing and reccing fics! But that doesn't mean it doesn't requite some effort.

So I think it helps to revaluate your perspective on things. You're not a social person or you have social anxiety and that's a hundred percent fine. But think of a community as a garden. You've got all these amazing fruits and vegetables that are available for grabs. But what happens when people take and don't water the soil? What happens when people take and then don't donate to the supplies box? What happens when you don't pull out the weeds and spend some time and effort and care to the garden? Eventually it dries up and the garden disappear.

I think it's important for all of us to say to ourselves "how can I contribute to this experience? Am I taking without giving anything back?" It's an easy fix! Comment, reblog, kudos. I am my most awkward self when I am commenting on a fic but I know what it's like to spend countless hours working on something just to hear nothing in return.

We cultivate the experiences we create and that takes effort. And sometimes you don't have it in you. I get that. I have a tab section on my phone of fics I still owe a comment on. I have fics that have been open in my tabs forever because I just don't have the attention span for 70k that day. But I am intentional with my effort. I choose to spread kindness and encouragement even if it makes me uncomfortable sometimes because I think I sound so weird but I know someone worked hard on this thing I got to enjoy.

It can mean the world. Someone just a few weeks ago reached out because they heard I was having a bad day and now we talk almost daily.

So I guess I think I would just say try. You might be surprised!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Mhmmmm let me see if I can find something in my 100th fic:

“Eddie!” Chimney all but hissed his name. His eyes darted to the curtain and the closed door just beyond it that Eddie fully intended to walk through on his own. “You can’t!”  “You would if it was Maddie!” Eddie shot back and Chimney flinched with the blow.

Send Me a Fic Writing Ask

[lone-rhapsodist]

You know what... I don't have to do this. I don't have to get onto Reddit or Twitter for the purpose of sharing my project. I don't have to put myself through this. I am tired. Like, really tired. I don't mean physically -- forget the fact I stayed up late last night way past my bedtime -- I'm tired emotionally. Like, I have Twitter. I have a couple of Reddit accounts. I like certain aspects of those websites. I'm mostly a lurker -- I scroll a bit, I like a bit. Sometimes I retweet or leave a comment. But it's all very chilled.

On Twitter, I follow all the lovely Classics people I have met and/or admire for their very progressive work. I enjoy seeing what they're doing. Granted, there's a lot of academic stuff in it too. I'm not bitter about that. I simply lament the usual -- they're still there, stuck in their systems, pretending this is fine. Fair enough. I'd rather not engage with it. I'll stay there, lurking, waiting to see if and when the right thing comes my way. Something that resonates with my project. But I don't feel like venturing into the unknown.

I've already spent a significant amount of time and energy reaching out to people in my own name. I'm happy to keep trying, starting from my lecturer from uni, seeing how it goes. But I don't think I should, say, make a post about the project in my own name. I'm not interested in heated discussions started by randomers who clearly dislike my idea and therefore have no reason to interact with me but will do so anyway. And it would be even worse if I started talking about it under a pseudonym. I can feel it. Anonymity can be liberating. But it can also bring out the worst in people. I would rather not do that.

Similar thing for Reddit, but with a difference. I've actually been lurking on the main Classics communities for a bit now, and I've got to say, I've been pleasantly surprised by the general vibe of it. Everyone is very chilled, even in discussions about linguistics, which you wouldn't expect -- not if you're familiar with Textkit, at least (sigh). Today I even stumbled upon a post where I felt like I had something to comment for once, and it went down rather well! But then, if I wished to push my project onto these people? I don't know.

It feels stupid, wanting to promote a project like mine on Reddit, where they already have communities that do pretty much what I already do -- give feedback, advice, and a chance to socialise. When I think about this, a part of me even wonders what's the point of having a Discord server for the project when Reddit exists. But then, I realise, it's not the same thing at all. Because Reddit is Reddit and Tumblr is Tumblr, just like Twitter is Twitter and Tumblr is Tumblr.

The websites are just not the same. They are not at all interchangeable. There is a vibe, on Tumblr, that I have never felt anywhere else, and that is why I have been on this wonderful hellsite for over 10 years now (if you count the other blog -- "what other blog?" -- you will never know).

The websites have different personalities -- there's no other way to put it. Each has its pros and cons, but to me, Tumblr's pros vastly outweigh its cons. And most of these cons -- like the lack of forum-like functionality -- can easily be made up for... well, for example, in the way that I did. By creating a Discord server for like-minded mutuals. Like pretty much everyone else seems to be doing. And I feel like, if things have been alright so far with the server, it's because of the general vibe on this website, which is just its own wavelength. If I were to bring into the server people from Reddit or Twitter... it would be very different. And I don't want that.

I like sharing my Classics stuff here on Tumblr. I like finding like-minded individuals to extend friendship to and even invite to join the server if they wish. I like blogging about my life, my job, my project etc. But I don't want to break what works. So yeah. I'm just happy to keep it as it is. I am happy to keep Tumblr about what I'm doing here, and keep Reddit and Twitter about their own separate things.

And then if there is indeed a major breakthrough with the project -- say, for example, if something happens with that lecturer from uni -- then maybe I'll be happy to share it here on Tumblr, or on Reddit, or even on Twitter in my own name. But in terms of how I use these websites... I don't want to turn them into the 'marketing machine'. That whole having-to-tell-yourself spiel that is so widespread on the internet. The same evil spirit that turned blogs into a way to make money, a place to promote your business, a plaform for e-commerce. The thing that fucked up blogging to the point that any Google search about how to start a blog is now a hellscape filled with horror-buzzwords such as 'SEO' and 'monetisation'. You know, that one. I don't want to have to sell myself, or my soul. I don't want a fucking Carrd. Not until I can avoid it, at least.

So, for now, I think I'll just stop. I don't feel the need to push this any further. I'll keep Tumblr, I'll keep the server. I'll keep doing the things I do, and I'll keep it how I like it. And then, I'll finally feel free to move on to other things too. Things like that podcast which promises to be the solution to my writing problems. Things like writing poetry, which I restarted last year and would like to return to. Things like... music. Things that make me happy. Things that make me feel like I am doing something worth doing. Things that make me feel alive. I think that makes sense.

[lindyloosims]

Just Rambling

So I’ve been wrestling with something for a few days, and I’m still not sure what the right thing to do is. I feel like just deleting my account and leaving, but I also love coming on here and reading everyone’s posts and stories, I’m conflicted, which is why I’ve taken a break. Tumblr (Simblr) is the only social media platform I use regularly, I no longer have Twitter since Musk took over and I haven’t posted on Facebook in months but I keep it because I have a lot of my Canadian cousins on there and I don’t want to lose touch with them. The only other platform I dip in and out of is Instagram as I’ve been on it since 2010 and I kinda love it for its simplicity and (in my personal experience) the no bullshit no drama feel.

I’m in a funk, I started this new year with positive vibes and a spring in my step. I cared for my mother long before she got terminal cancer, she had mental health issues and her anxiety was a huge issue, so there was never any time for me outside of work. She died a month before I turned 40 in 2019 and I thought that after the grieving process I could start my life. Then the pandemic hit and it was 2 years of staying in and not meeting people. I lost my 14 year old labrador to general old age, my own mental health took a hit and all I had was Simblr even though I had barely any followers or notes at that time, it was escapism for me. So after three years of limbo I decided that this would be the year I would have a baby before my uterus and ovaries closed down and ceased production, I always thought that I would get married and be a mum but life dealt me different cards. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and Hypothyroidism which alone they aren’t great but together they’re shit! I’ve been tracking my fertility since January and the chances of me conceiving look promising at the moment, but I lack the main ingredient...a boyfriend/husband/male love interest. That’s my own personal problem but the one thing that I wrestle with on a daily basis is this; is it fair to bring a child into this world the way it is now? Is it selfish? Am I too old? These three questions boil down to one thing, should I even try to have a baby, and the truth is that I don’t know. All I know is that from an early age I always wanted a husband and children, I just lived in a small community where the pick of men wasn’t great, and let’s face it who would be able to deal with my life where my mother came first all the time? This is something I need to think long and hard about, but I know I’ll make the right choices for me and for any potential future child that I may or may not have.

So the reason I toy with leaving Simblr is because sometimes, like real life, I feel like a misfit/outsider and that I don’t fit in. I’ve felt this all of my life, I had a lovely bunch of friends and followers in The Sims 3 community, but haven’t really managed to find my place within The Sims 4 community. I’m just rambling, have the winter blues and I will likely get over it, but this is how I feel at this moment so...who knows what’s around the corner.

Anyway, life’s a strange thing!

[luvliewriting]

Problem

Okay I got a problem and I'm sure some of the other writers on here can agree. I know I've covered this briefly before and I know @lay-z is also pretty passionate about this topic but its the topic of silent readers or just simply liking a post here on Tumblr

I know Tumblr is weird, it has its own system of giving reach. It's not like twitter or Instagram where likes bring your post further, in truth likes don't do anything. In the early days of Tumblr, we didn't even have the like system, the like system was made as sort of a bookmark on a post instead of actually giving reach.

The ways to support your favourite writers is reblogging actually, reblogging brings a writer to more people, more people means more reach and the more that writer will wanna produce more work like that. I know it sounds greedy and trust me, we writers are greedy for the reach but I believe we have a right to be. I only have 250 followers are here that I've gained since early June I believe, my old account I had somewhere close to 1200? And even with that bigger follower pool, I was still struggling to bring new readers

You may be thinking though "my blog isn't made for writing, that's why I don't reblog" and hey that's fine. I get it, you don't wanna clutter your blog with stuff that doesn't fit but you know what you can do then? You can comment on the post, commenting also gives feedback because commenting brings notes, notes bring reach, reach brings more feedback which writers are starving for

Here's one thing that upsets me more though; silent readers. People who read your stuff yet don't react at all. Especially when these silent readers sneak into my dms and say how much they love me and my work. If that was true, why aren't you reacting on it?

People try to excuse silent readers too much I believe, they aren't something that should be praised because you know what message that sends? That not reacting is okay. It's not, it makes so many writers leave this platform. Why would I writer stay here on Tumblr where they are flooded by silent readers who give zero reach or feedback when they can go to AO3 where readers are more generous. The only reason I haven't fled Tumblr yet is that I enjoy writing on it and how I can organise my work but with the lakc of reach lately, it's getting tempting to leave

True I write for my own enjoyment but I also write for feedback and reach, I love seeing people love the work I put hours sometimes days in. Silent readers just don't do that, they swoop in, take, and leave nothing behind.

If someone made you really good food, are you just gonna finish and leave? No you're gonna thank you gave you food and tell them how good it was, why is it different for writers on here? We're people who put our time to write stuff for your enjoyment

Respect your writers and artists, respect the people who put hours and days into your enjoyment

[chuuyasporkie]

Omg you replied back :0 I thought you are inactive here :(

Hi I'm anon, your ao3 fan hehe but I'm shy...for now 👉🏻👈🏻. For now means I don't have the courage to leave comments under your works yet. Yeah, I'm a silent reader but usually this shyness is only during my early journey of reading any author's works that I just found. But!!!!! I will leave comments one day bc I will!!! Like I always did for all the authors before. But for now, I want to say it here. I LOVE YOUR AO3 WORKS SO MUCH OH GOD 😭😭😭😭 You've such a way with your words I really enjoyed my reading and your stories on SKK. oh god the first time I finished reading that one long SKK fic, I immediately subscribed you bc I want to read ALL your works bc I think, whatever idea you write, I'll enjoy them nonetheless! Right now I'm reading your latest fic abt how Chuuya will redo his actions now that he's thrown into the past. I'm so looking forward for more!! Can't wait to read and explore everything >,< It will take a lot of time I know but I will wait patiently. Focus on your irl okay! Just never give up on any idea on your SKK fics bc pls remember that there will be someone else waiting and adore every brilliant thoughts you pour on your writings even if that someone is just only one person!!! (yeah that one person is ME, I'M ONE OF YOUR DEDICATED FANS 😭)

Oh my god I'm blabbering too much! Anyways, to answer your question, if you have a bit of free time to consume your time by interacting with any SKK or BSD fans through an interactive social media, I recommend you to create an account. I asked this bc some writers prefer to tell their schedules on their works or share their work processes or promote their fics through twitter. I checked your ao3 profile and saw you shared your Tumblr account and I felt relieved bc at least you provided something for me to reach you. I'm not active at all here but at least I can interact with you through this ask. Bc idk why, whenever I find any good writers, I feel the urge to stay connected and soon, after I overcome my temporary-introvert-self, I wanted to connect with them through a social media account, preferably on twitter bc I'm quite active there. But no pressure to you though! I don't want to stress or force you, I just shared my opinion so if you think it's time to create a twitter account, do tell me through your author's note in fics okay!

alright. alrightalrightalright. so. you basically made me completely insane by sending me this and i want you to take responsibility for this RIGHT NOW BY COMING HERE AND LETTING ME KISS YOU A BIG FAT FOREHEAD KISS. NON-NEGOTIABLE.

i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you. i respect your wish to be anonymous, and to be shy (i’m plenty shy myself, so hey, it’s all good) but the fact that you felt the need to express your love for my fics ANYWAYS? DESPITE THAT? that’s a love language. that’s actually detrimental to my already off-the-charts delusion, and all i can do is sit behind my useless screen, smile extremely big like some clown, and say thank you. thank you for loving my work, thank you for giving it so much affection, and thank you for the motivation and support that readers like you unknowingly give me.

i would like to go on a small tangent⸺when i was writing I’DAY(WMHAMN), which was my first work ever, i was in a bad place mentally, (and perhaps that’s why i did the angst so well, ahem 😭) and it took a toll on me to continue writing chapters because at one point i HATED that fic, but it was the readers consistently telling me how much they loved it and how much they’re looking forward to the next chapter that really made it possible for me to finish it. you readers should NEVER underestimate your power, because your feedback is sometimes the only thing that keeps us going, so. simply. thank you. thank you SO INCREDIBLY MUCH, for speaking out and giving me another reason to keep writing, and for simply MAKING ME DAY, and i’m going to keep writing just for people like you, and i’m going to give it the best i have so you can keep loving it! 🤍

i am just a little guy writing fics and i am completely mundane and sort of a loser bc we all have a little bit of loserim in us if we’re ao3 users, but i will keep this message in my heart for years to come. know that you’re loved, know that you’re remembered, know that you absolutely made me crazy with this.

and since you’ve asked so politely, i’ll look into making a twt account. i don’t think i’ll be very active, but i don’t see the harm in making one anyway! promise i’ll let you guys know once i make one 🥰

HERE’S MR. CAT GIVING YOU A FLOWER FROM MY SIDE! ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU, MY BELOVED <3 💕💖💗💞🥰

p.s.⸺ don’t hesitate to give me a name (ANY name) so i can dedicate a chapter to you 💌 i love doing that for my readers so. do so at once if you can! much love, always, always, always.

[lcec0ldheart]

Random OC stuff of the day #2: What if the trio was in pokémon horizons?

I’m gonna be honest, I haven’t been feeling too good over the past day and I’m hella tired. I got ideas but i dont feel like writing them djdjddj so have something i cooked on priv

Sorry for the twitter jumpscare lmao but yeah. Explorers AU. At first I was like “found family for Violet and Amethio finally has someone his age to be around🎉” i kinda want to write a fic about that lol at some point but now I’m thinking about how hellish it would be to be Spinel’s subordinate if you’re not named Frankie (great oc btw she’s a cool oc by gem-in-the-horizon), especially since he’s so young and traumatized already. I’d imagine Spinel would have a fun time breaking him.

We saw what he did to Liko, without showing any remorse, now if he had complete power over this 15 year old kid that’s working for him? I think he’d be even worse. Spinel likes messing with people because he’s curious and its entertaining. Spinel’s a smart cunning guy who doesn’t care and that’s kind of terrifying

I may draw my ocs in pokémon soonish, although Frost did originate frm a pokemon rp anyways lol

(TW: Mind manipulation, memory erasure, also generally a guy taking advantage of a kid and mentally grooming him, this was hard for me to write too)

It starts relatively mild, at first.

Comments about how he’s been failing lately, how he’s looking more tired, how he’s not been enough. It hurts, of course, but Frost’s been through it before

Then Spinel starts testing with him.

Putting him in situations to see how a kid would cope with it. Making him do things that are completely against who Frost is. Molding him into something he’s not.

Eventually, Spinel begins to use his Beeheeyem, sometimes hovering over Frost, watching his every move, altering his memories, state of mind, what he thinks about, hell even trying to change who he is, trying to make him into Spinel’s sidekick. His toy. His tool.

It starts working. It took a while to, Spinel doesn’t mind playing the long game, and it’s more entertaining for him anyways, seeing it all drawn out. It was mild, at first, just forgetting where he was before the explorers, having some difficulty recalling what he was into before them, then it became forgetting people before the explorers, and he starts forgetting about his life before he was forced under Spinel entirely. There’s some people he can vaguely remember that stick for some reason, like this kid he met when he was 5 with those bright purple eyes, but other than that, he doesn’t know. He can’t remember.

~~~

Why should I leave? There’s no where else for me to go to. The explorers have always been my home. I’m meant to serve here. I’m destined to, it’s my very purpose, i am here to serve Master Spinel.

That is what I’m good for, and so, I’ll do whatever he desires. If master wants it, I want it. I will do whatever it takes. If I die, oh well, at least I served him well. But that would make me worthless, because I’m here to be his most valuable tool, and I can’t do that if I’m broken.

I’m happy here. This is my home -this is where I am from, and this is where I’ll stay. I am his -and I always will be, because I am Master Spinel’s most valuable possesion. That is what I am. I’m Spinel’s gem -and that’s all I will be. I’m happy with this.

Right?

~~~ OUGH THAT GOT DARK JESUS CHRIST I AM SO SORRY. This is why you dont let me on tumblr past 9 pm-

Anyways uh, if you managed to not be scared off by that, hope you have a good day, i am sorry this was short ive just been tired and today was kinda sucky so. see you tomorrow I guess

[lunarfortune]

busts open tumblr's door, I'm gonna crosspost both of my threads from twitter for convenience and make them considerably wordier. This is not solely my own ponderings but shared brain thoughts with @tahthetrickster

STRAP IN because I’m going to take the League tag on a wild ride involving these three gals and how relationships form between them.

Long post under the cut! 2.5k+ words

(updated 13 june 2023 to add fic)

We start with the most important part of this entire thing, developing the relationship between Sarah Fortune and Shyvana. Why would they even interact?

Because Ruination.

Wait, no, come back, not that one.

Very important note here that what kicked off this entire thing was literally me seeing Ruined Miss Fortune get revealed and thinking, hmm what if Ruined MF/Ruined Shyv, would be a shame if I thought too hard about that and got invested...

Much of this plotting was prior to Sentinels of Light event launching, so if you hated that, good news! It has zero bearing here.

So let's actually get to the girls. There are certain visual headcanons to take note of

For heights, Sarah is about 178cm and Shyvana comes in at a respectable 201cm. (Kat will come into this later but she is 181cm).

There are several things about Shyvana's design that irk me, so for the purpose of this au her traits are adjusted to emphasize her half dragon nature. She has digitigrade clawed feet, because giving her clawed heels is massively dumb, just make her digitigrade Riot. She leaves her Dragonguard armour behind under Jarvan's recommendation, so rather than the large, impractical "horns" from the helmet, she has much smaller real horns that are about 8-10cm large. She also bears a tail about \~91cm long in human form. Also her ears are pointed! Ruined Shyvana has pointed ears but base Shyvana does not, which should be a crime.

* These values are rough estimates bc frankly I'm just ballparking

Worth noting! Being a half-dragon and considerably more reptilian than a human, Shyvana does not have breasts.

First row 1) Official splash 2) LoR promotional key art

Second row 1) LoR Lv2 art 2) LoR lv1 art

Second image promo art that appears on patch notes sometimes

Barring one outlier (the key art) we can agree she is mostly depicted with some sort of hard plate scaling on her chest? So put a bit more emphasis on her being somewhat flat-chested, it will make more sense if Tah ever posts any writing referring to Shyvana's chest/pecs.

also she doesn't have external genitals but anyway this is just relevant for Tah's Kinktober collection

During her stay in Bilgewater, Shyvana wears mostly casual garb appropriate for the region, so attire such as this, with digitigrade style boots/sleeves (things like this) for traversing around the city with. Would you roam Bilgewater without some sort of footwear? I didn't think so.

Post-Harrowing many of those under Viego's possession retain some sort of visual indicator of what he did to them. Often this can be a streak of white hair left behind from their possessed form. For Sarah, she has a bold splash of white near her left temple. Shyvana bears one near the nape of her neck.

These are actually not too important in the long run, but immediately following the Harrowing and for Sarah's case especially, they are marks of betrayal and distrust. It leaves Sarah largely stuck at home and unable to conduct business as normal in Bilgewater proper for some time because its citizens are too volatile and it's better to just allow time for things to settle down and not rile them up further.

***

Shyvana finds her way to Bilgewater as a result of the intense distrust Demacians hold for her after the incident with Viego. She arrives as a sort of political refugee, Jarvan having petitioned to Sarah for her safety while Demacia struggles to restabilize. Many in Demacia want to see Shyvana permanently imprisoned or worse for her role in Viego's Ruination, and so Jarvan privately sends a missive to Sarah seeking asylum for Shyvana until it's safe for her to return.

Bilgewater isn't exactly the optimal choice but realistically there aren't too many people Jarvan can approach about "hey can you potentially host the half dragon that was involved in that disastrous near cataclysmic event we all just went through recently?" What with having been involved as well, Sarah understands. As previously noted, Sarah herself also faces an elevated level of distrust for her among Bilgewater denizens, resulting in her delegating affairs mostly from her own residence with Rafen's assistance.

Given that Sarah is for the most part stuck in her own home, you could say she's... experiencing a bit of boredom. This winds up being part of why she agrees to Jarvan's request, like okay, sure, send the dragon over, it couldn't end up being any worse for me than it is right now. A temporary housemate could give her something else to focus on. Both Shyvana and Sarah are initially told this could be months at most (but stabilization and rebuilding in Demacia takes longer than Jarvan anticipated so this ends up being over a year).

Sarah and Shyvana both suffer trauma from Viego's possession. Reminded of the cold, dark grip of the Mist, neither finds sleep easy to come by. While Viego may be gone, in some respects part of Sarah and Shyvana's minds are still trapped in the Harrowing, fearing that they could abruptly become aware that they are still possessed, that Viego was never defeated. They can't trust themselves, and they can't trust others. Being somewhat of a soldier and having the extended endurance of being half-dragon, Shyvana is able to make do with what little bits of rest she can catch. Sarah meanwhile is running on empty.

Exhaustion eats at her, she hasn't slept other than periods of time her body simply gives out, and she knows she can't deal with this for much longer. For the first few nights after Shyvana comes to Bilgewater, she lays awake listening to Sarah wandering restlessly through the villa. Only by sheer coincidence does Sarah (and Shyvana shortly after) find any sleep, abruptly passing out in Shyvana's grip after venting her frustrations in a fit of exhausted delirium. Realizing the following morning that she fell asleep at all, she latches onto a theory. It's silly, she realizes as she relays it to Shyvana, but so far it's the only lead she's got. If the terror of the Mist's cold embrace is what keeps her awake, would Shyvana's inherent warmth combat that? Could she rest without waking in fear that she's still controlled by the Mist? Shyvana doesn't mind entertaining this theory; if one of them can sleep at all she'll consider it beneficial. Being human though, Sarah gives off comparatively little body heat, unlike the elevated body temperature of a half-dragon.

Something something "there was only one bed" trope, except make it "we are deeply traumatized and sharing a bed out of necessity so we may feasibly get some rest and feel comforted by the warmth we give each other, otherwise the sleep exhaustion will eventually end us." So this mutual bed sharing frames much of how their relationship develops in the months following, because it's awfully hard to literally sleep with someone and not come to get to know them and grow close to them.

The closeness is not really a problem, until one Sarah Fortune abruptly realizes that her typical casual flirting is decidedly crossing into more... genuine territory, though thankfully Shyvana is seemingly oblivious, which was fine up until "oh gods am I pining." Add to her later mortification the fact Shyvana liked her as well but just assumed the flirting didn't mean anything since people don't typically like her and Sarah is a notorious flirt anyway, so she just kinda humoured it and inadvertently led Sarah to think she wasn't interested. Finally realizing their feelings are mutual though, the two do agree to trying a romantic relationship.

I know Kat's tattoo and scar are backwards, Shyvana's LoR key art is just goofy looking and looks worse flipped, accept it for the aesthetic

So with setting up Sarah and Shyvana out of the way, we move to Katarina and Shyvana. These two inherently cannot be a thing without developing Sarah and Shyvana first. All of this is set up with background Sarah/Kat; they have known each other for some years, and Kat is known to drop by Bilgewater on occasion in her downtime. They deny being anything more than friends with benefits at best, which.. will change later lol. But Sarah/Shyv is important because the relationship Sarah has with Shyvana affects a lot of how Kat treats her afterward, and Sarah's trust for Kat is what drives Shyvana to in turn pay more attention to Kat and regard her favourably later. Sarah's encouragement of Shyvana embracing her draconic nature rather than forcing herself to be more human is also a large part of what later sparks Kat's interest.

Since Sarah will never know ahead of time when Kat decides to pop by, the first time she does so while Shyvana is staying in Bilgewater goes quite.. disastrously, to say the least. The two have no respect for one another, and squabble frequently. Try as she might to put the presence of an infamous Noxian assassin currently in the house with her out of mind, Shyvana realizes that Kat does certain things with deliberate intent to rile her up. Several days of this is enough for Sarah finally to snap.

Snippet courtesy of Tah. (THIS IS OUTDATED NOW I THINK BUT YOU GET THE IDEA)

Kat is content to take "be silent" to heart and just ignore Shyvana outright. She has no reason to play nice with a good little loyal Demacian. As far as she's concerned, there's nothing to be said between them that wouldn't get her angry. She does question Sarah as to why she cares so much of this little fling of hers, which Sarah regards with some confusion. It's certainly not a fling, and in fact, Sarah may not even be around now if Shyvana hadn't come to her when she did. The long period of sleep deprivation had been taking its toll on her, and she had been very much near the end of her rope.

Listening to how fondly Sarah speaks of the half-dragon, it is with great horror that Kat realizes she had been wrong about certain assumptions (namely telling Shyvana that she was nothing more than a toy Fortune would eventually tire of) and she has to make an apology (largely for Sarah's sake, of course). While not.. impressed by this debacle, Kat apologizing at all (and seemingly in great pain doing so) does leave Shyvana curious and she decides maybe there is something to her after all.

The two don't inherently get along after this but over the months they warily regard each other and come to find a sort of kinship in both being disillusioned soldiers, that neither is the mindless loyal soldier that the other thought. Being in neutral ground at Sarah's residence and finding common ground with each other, gradually they relax around one another. Kat's visitations no longer puts Shyvana on guard, and Shyvana's presence is one Kat accepts without ridicule. Sarah could not ask for a better outcome! With this slowburning friendship of sorts the two start to develop, Shyvana realizes that when she thinks about the things she has learned over the months, there is certainly more to Kat that interests her.

She likes her, in fact.

It's a simple thought, and Shyvana chews on it for a while. Kat intrigues her, provides a good sparring partner and is clearly physically attractive but if Shyvana approaches this carelessly then Kat could very well rebuff her instantly. So she waits patiently. She lets their relationship, both the budding one between herself and Kat and the three way one with Sarah, flow naturally, until one day seeking advice from Sarah on the prospect of potentially courting Kat.

***

It really is hard to condense months worth of discussion and character exploration into a single post but this sure is an attempt. There is so much more we have discussed but also like... ultimately this is our big headcanon playground we have built up, this thing is essentially our baby there will be one of those too

. When the Kat/Shyv aspect forms, it in turn drives Sarah and Kat to accepting there is more between them than they've ever allowed themselves to think. It's a very slow process of the three of them, each with their own baggage and hang ups, learning to slowly trust one another with the pieces of themselves they can't entrust to anyone else.

This has been absolute HELL for me to type up but if anyone else enjoys it then worth ✌

__

Tah's currently posted works involving this pair:

Manicure - Sarah/Shyvana, Teen+

My Favorite Most Dangerous Fascination - Misc pairings, Explicit, Kinktober (slow updates but planned Kat/Shyv and Sarah/Kat/Shyv at a later date) (MAYBE)

I HAVE FINALLY UPDATED THIS 13 JUN 2023 WITH SOME OTHER STUFF WAHOO

Morning Routine - Sarah/Shyana, Teen+

Redolent of Romance - Misc, Teen+, Twitter prompt drabbles

Animal Oddity - Sarah/Shyvana, Mature, THE BIG ONE THE MAIN EVENT THE LONGFIC (Chapter 2 up!) ✨✨✨

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Miscellaneous tidbits that are not chronological:

While Shyvana may be called Ana by some Demacians like Jarvan and the Dragonguard, Sarah and others call her Shyv. Rather region appropriate because a shiv is also a homemade knife, and Bilgewater isn't lacking those

Bilgewater simply does not care in regard to Shyvana being half-dragon. They have fish and reptile people and all manner of oddities, Shyvana is frankly just another day of the week. It's something that surprises her initially, being so used to being regarded unfavourably in Demacia simply for existing, though she understandably comes to find it a relief.

Sarah likes braiding trinkets into Shyvana's hair, including ones bearing her own crest. She's not claiming Shyvana, what makes you think that

Stretching dragon peets

Shyvana tends to workout and do some personal training sessions in the morning to stay in shape since she's not on duty for the time being.

Kat and Shyvana's first spar was Kat looking to prove a point and getting her ass handed to her. While a bit shameful (Kat is Not Immune to strong buff women!), it's been a long while since either had had a strong opponent so sparring becomes a habit when Kat drops by. Which she also complains about because she is also off duty, Fortune your dragon is making me work 🙄

Sarah took one look at Shyvana's Dragonguard armour once and laughed her ass off. Oh hun, no, who made this, you're better off just relying on your natural dragon scale. She later had some more appropriate styled armour made. She has her own forge and has a better eye for metalwork than.. whatever that red mess was.

While the Sentinels event never happened here, the skirmish between Shyvana and Vayne did in some aspect, and Shyvana retains some scarring from Vayne's bolts that sometimes ache with incoming bad weather.

Shyvana does make periodic visits back to Bilgewater when she returns to Demacia, and she and Sarah exchange letters while they are apart. Curiously she experiences feelings of homesickness despite being home and it takes her a while to realize that sometimes home is not necessarily the place you live, but the person you love. (Sarah is absolutely NOT acknowledging the deep pining she was struck with after Shyvana left, Rafen will say it was quite sad and pathetic to watch though) This eventually leads to Shyvana making arrangements to relocate to Bilgewater as a sort of ambassador.

Sarah has several pets: a three-legged cat named Scurvy, a spectral shark named Atlas, and a spiderling (roughly the size of a housecat) named Mila. Mila is one of Elise's spiders and is part of... an entirely different can of worms I'll have to explain sometime 😭 but she grew on Sarah. Sarah knows when they've spotted a fly because both cat and spiderling will sit together watching patiently. (GUESS WHAT RUINED KING SAYS MY HC OF ELISE SOMETIMES HUNTING IN BILGEWATER IS VALID THO)

Some years down the line and through the aid of some magics that took a lot of work to find, the three have a daughter together named Adeline Fortune. Addie bears genetics and characteristics of all three of her mothers; it's a fantasy world, don't think too hard about it.

[insert-cleverurl]

solaine copies her dsmp meta twitter part one

preface: i wrote this on february 13th and am now archiving it over here on tumblr before i get around posting it to the actual archive (of our own). i'd like to clean it up before i go there, becuase i wrote this at like one am lying in bed and typing on my laptop that was sitting on my stomach. it's a lot of rambling. i go on a lot of tangents. it is not the cleanest nor likely most accurate meta you will ever read.

how characters (children) on the smp learn from history rather than repeat it: a thread

aka: stop liking the other one you fucks i opened the wikia so i actually know what happened now /lh

context here is that i had earlier made a much less coherent thread (not that this one is very coherent) with the caveat that i was going entirely off memory

this thread is mainly going over how tommy + tubbo both emulate and turned away from wilbur + schlatt respectively, and how i think that's going to reflect in ranboo's arc

"as long as i can't be the next jschlatt, you can't be the next wilbur." okay we all know this. it's obvious from this point on that both tubbo and tommy saw or had fears of how they were each developing into scarily familiar people - schlatt, a dictator, and wilbur, a madman.

starting with tommy, the parallels between his exile arc and wilbur's pogtopia arc are immediately, and glaringly, obvious. paranoia, trust issues, "maybe i'm actually the bad guy here", and most notably, intense loneliness. wilbur made it obvious he believed pogtopis's allies would all abandon them in the end (them being he and tommy, though how much he trusted tommy by the end is also up in the air), and he was completely prepared to kill anyone he had to in order to secure pogtopia's victory, despite also preparing himself to be the one to end it. wilbur gave up on l'manberg, at the very end. he believed tyranny was all that would ever reign, so he blew it up.

tommy, in his exile arc, was also despairingly lonely. he hallucinated tubbo, grew attached to dream, etc etc. tommy was very very close to "becoming" wilbur here (god i'm sorry this is so long already and just me summing things up we already know it's to keep my thoughts in order + satisfy my inability to shut up and use too many words)

where wilbur and tommy go their separate ways is when they were given an out. dream gave wilbur tnt + for tommy, he was. you know. gestures vaguely at logstedshire. wilbur took the out - he gave up. he gave in. we know he had moments of clarity (when niki was in danger) and Maybe this was one he could've had too, but he didn't. he took the tnt.

tommy decided enough was enough. so at a crucial moment in time, tommy turned away from being wilbur. he did not repeat history.

onto tubbo; admittedly i know much less about his arc as president so this will be less outlined. tubbo,,,, acted very similarly to schlatt. probably moreso than tommy and wilbur! strange new laws, ignoring his cabinet, execution, generally appearing to lose his care for the world and the opinions of others. i'd argue the thing that separates him from schlatt is the most important part of this thread, because it proves my point: he remembered.

i just want to clarify here: by "proves my point" i mean this is the clsoest we get to an agreement of the ideas i'm putting out here in canon?? ig?? as in like. this is the most on the nose way to say it. similarly in recent days to quackity consistently referring to his treatment of dream as torture, which seems to be a very "I Am Not In Character" move but is definitely meant for us, the viewers, rather than character dream or character quackity themselves. tubbo's is a little less like that but still it's kind of like pointing at the X on a map for us the viewers. ok tangent over

tubbo lived under schlatt's rule as one of those people he treated extremely shittily. he lived under schlatt's rule as that person he executed. and tubbo remembers all that! tubbo remembers how schlatt's rule played out, and he looks at his own uh, less than stellar time in office, and he admits this out loud (to ranboo, according to the wikia. i am getting all of this off the wikia. i did not watch any streams during this arc.) that he can See himself becoming schlatt.

and when quackity tries to execute ranboo for being a traitor, tubbo stops him.

onto dream and ranboo! dream is a special case in that we never get to see his perspective of things and are rather left to play fill in the blank, and this whole arc is special (in terms of this thread) in that it isn't over. so i will be doing a lot of extrapolating here.

dream starts out as a generally ambivalent character who has very few rules that he pretty much never bothers to enforce anyways (i think? i don't remember).

by this i mean, this is all stuff i heard secondhand in recent months and can no longer remember what it actually was because i never went back to check. i'm pretty sure, but just a disclaimer. i don't wanna get hit with an "um, actually

his villain arc starts very very early - two whole seasons before he really became one. in the war, he is the antagonist and he plays up to it! most of the war is from l'manberg's pov (or that's how we look at it now, at least) so obviously he is the Bad Guy here.

ranboo griefed a house like two days into the server. 'nuff said /lh

ranboo + dream are both heavily vilified characters from the get-go - dream's part should be fairly obvious (uh, the everything leading up the exile arc where he actually did villainous things), whereas ranboo's is most notably during the second festival's aftermath. taking the blame for blowing up the community house, wanting to "pick people not sides" (he wants all his friends to be happy - sounds familiar, right?), etc etc, and now he's with techno and phil, the former of which is Definitely considered a villain for working with dream

now many many parallels are being drawn between he and dream, especially with the whole enderwalking thing. in the aftermath of everything happening, he chooses to stay out of all conflict, until Something Happens and forces his hand. (the egg!) he wants peace for everyone, which again, sounds very familiar, right?

(slight tangent: yes, the griefing was forcing dream's hand. it's nigh impossible to construe it as anything other than a political attack - the vice president of l'manberg griefing the home of the greater dream smp's king? dream looks weak + open to attack if he lets it slide)

this was a bad way to put it but the spirit of it gets across i think. fuck character limit on twitter

that catches us up on all current lore. where do i think dream and ranboo are going to split? dream has been alone in his decision-making basically since the very first war. not once has he (successfully, we don't know if he tried) gone to fall back on his friends' support and ask for their help in making these hard decisions (of which there are many). he severs his final connections ("i don't care about anything on this server") and cements his place in history as a monster.

i think it is very likely that we are getting a ranboo "friendship and relying on other people" arc here. there are other ways they could go with it, obviously, but given his current arctic anarchist ties and what appears to be other friendships developing. hmm! i'm interested. this part is entirely speculation/extrapolation. point being. the kids on the smp do, in fact, learn from history. they still make mistakes sometimes, but past a certain point, they're always different mistakes. they learn, and they almost always get happier endings for it

i don't know if it's a coincidence that it's the three lore-relevant kids who are the ones doing this. i don't think it is, because this is a very well-written and clever story. the younger generation is the one learning and fixing past mistakes and leaving the world better off for it. that's very neat! i like it a lot. also now that purpled's becoming lore-relevant, goddamnit if i don't want to see next season being his "learning from history" arc. punz vs purpled, maybe? that'd be neat. who knows. ok i think im finally done lol ty for reading :)

caveat I forgot to add last night: obviously ranboo and dream start out in very different positions, moreso than both tommy and tubbo. but at the end of the day, all three of them are their own people who just happen to take after other people in some ways :)

again, ty for reading! here's the original thread. i'd like to add that this is probably out of date and i may come back to it some day but who knows. maybe this will just be a relic of before Now (may 25)

[handonhaven]

I've been a fan of legacies since s1. I just never been apart of the online fandom. I just recently became apart of it and I've only been on here for a couple weeks. Boy, it's really scary. Some of the stuff I've seen I just can't. It was enough to make me want to hop off the fandom and continue to enjoy as I always have. But I decided to hang in there until s4 starts to see if it's worth it.

But as I said this fandom seems pretty scary with a lot of what I've seen. I'm sure by now you pretty much seen it all, so I won't list everything. But the one thing that I saw a little while ago is that someone asked one of the new writers(she's on Tumblr) why they don't listen to what a big part of fandom wants. And she was completely honest with her answer. She said Twitter/social media isn't a big part of the fandom(which is true I think social media is only like 5-10% of the fandom) and that there's a lot that goes into making/writing a show. And that it's Bretts show so they pretty much write what he tells them too or write his vision for the show. As well as a lot of other things. And that fan serive isn't even a consideration/thing when making the show(if I remember correctly she said something along those lines). And people got mad at for that. Got mad at her for telling the truth and not just telling them what they want to hear. One person went as far as to say if their ship doesn't happen they hope the show gets cancelled.

I understand being upset because you're not getting what you want out of a show. Or even being upset if you don't like where the show is going. But if it's gotten the point where you feel the need to attack or get upset with cast/crew because of it. Then maybe stop watching the show. Or just watch for the stuff you do like and just try not to mean to cast/crew. Because with me I mainly watch the show because I love Handon. So I watch for them and I watch hoping I might see more of Wade(I know we haven't since a lot of him but I just really like his character).

Do you think it's worth staying apart of the online fandom? Or should i just stick the Handon tags and just leave the legacies part?

Yeah, this fandom can be a scary place, that’s for sure, so I totally understand why you felt like leaving once you saw what it’s like. And yeah, I feel like I’ve seen just about everything when it comes to this fandom, it’s pretty crazy. And I saw what you’re talking about from the writer’s blog as well. I’m glad the writer said that and I thought it was good to know, but yeah, a lot of people definitely did not react well to it. And for that person to respond by saying they hope the show gets cancelled is just not okay. If that’s how they feel, they need to keep it to themselves. You don’t go to one of the writers, or any of the cast/crew, to say something like that. And exactly, I totally understand feeling upset about something in a show, I’ve been there, and I’ve been bothered by plenty of stuff about Legacies as well. But that doesn’t mean you attack anyone for it. They really should just stop watching if they feel the need to do that and are gonna act that way. And same, I’m honestly just watching for Hope and Landon at this point, that’s how disappointed I’ve been with the rest of the show. So I’m just here for the parts that I do like. True, they don’t show Wade much, I also hope to see more of Dorian, or any other TVD/TO characters or references that might be on the show. But I mainly just watch for Hope and Landon.

As for whether or not it’s worth staying in the online fandom, idk, sometimes I think it’s worth it and sometimes I don’t tbh haha, depending on what’s going on in the show and the fandom. But I guess it also really depends on how involved you wanna be and how much enjoyment you get from it. For me, I try to stick to just enjoying Handon stuff, and I like interacting with that part of the fandom, making edits, etc. So that can make it worth it for me. But seeing hate is still kind of inevitable, especially when trying to keep up with what’s going on with the show, so sometimes it can really suck being involved in the fandom. So there are pros and cons to it. But I think if you can stay away from the bad parts as best you can and spend your time in the fandom in a way that you like, where you’re having a good time, hopefully it can be worth it to you! And if you are here for Handon, I would suggest just sticking to Handon tags and that side of the fandom because that can make it a much more positive experience without seeing as much of the hate.

[theroguequeenaniki]

Questions 2009 -> 2021

This is from my Facebook. It popped up on my memories page thing. I originally answered this in 2009 when I was 15, it’s now 2021 & and I am 27, so I’m gonna do it again. Leaving the original answers. Original answers will be italicized. Commentary on the original answers in parentheses & crossed out? Lol. (I’m not gonna tag anyone, but, like, I guess if you want to answer these random questions from Facebook 12 years ago, go ahead lol) 

Questions

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose people to tag. Don't forget to tag me so I can see your answers! To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy! Next, tag people that you think may enjoy this (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :) 1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My cup with my Big Red in it The straw to my Kate Spade tumbler to drink my HEB Cola Lol.

2.Where was your profile picture taken? I got it off the internet. it's a random anime girl. My bedroom. 3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Never played it. Probably wouldn't be good at it. Not to good at video games. But I am good at Mario Cart, both 64 and the Wii. plus I'm good at some Sonic games. Still never played it. Idk if I’m any good at Mario Cart or the Sonic games anymore, I haven’t played either in years lol

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Doctor Who TikTok. My cats.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? Umm, probably about 10:00 cause it took me forevor to get into bed. Uh..Past 4am. Lol. B/c my sleep schedule is fucked. I was in bed by 3am though, but I was playing games & watching TikToks on my phone. Lol.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. I'd move to either New York or Sweden. I don’t know. Part of me says yes. But part of me says no..b/c even though Texas has it’s faults (a LOT of them), I cannot imagine living anywhere else long-term..

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? HAHA. Yeah right. I've never even been kissed! Still nope. I have been kissed though. He just didn’t kiss me under the fireworks the one NYE we spent together...

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Um, I think R, but D might also. D is accross Stasney from me and R is a couple blocks down (I don’t talk to these people much anymore & I’m not going to share their names on Tumblr) Uh. I think Maybe Raven? B/c they’re the only one who lives in the same city still. But, Sarah might technically be closer distance wise? Hold on. Ok, yeah, Sarah’s closer, even though she doesn’t live in this city anymore.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? It all depends on the situation.(I totally stold M's answer but it's true) (I don’t talk to this person anymore & I’m not gonna share their name on Tumblr) I mean, yeah. Two of my best friends are each others exes and they’re still friends. I haven’t stayed friend with my ex, but, uh, he ghosted me so? Lol.

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? I love it. I still love it. Lol.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? I can't remember. I don't think it was that long ago, I had a light cry on Saturday, but I don't remember the last time I cried really hard. When we got back from our trip in July. Had a full on breakdown that night. Overheated all weekend. Overwhelmed. Anxiety. It was not a very good vacation..I cry a lot though.

12. Who took your profile picture? I got it off of google. I did. 

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Umm, either myself, or one of my family members. Aside from myself. I think my dad, on his phone, b/c there was a cicada on his shoulder and he wanted to ask the family group chat if he could keep it. Lol. I take a LOT of pictures of cats though. Lol.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Hail yes! To much drama today! And I couldn't avoid it cause I was in the middle of it! (Oof, what drama was 15 yo Linda dealing with that she couldn’t avoid? Lol. I mean, I guess, Sophomore year was a bit full of drama lol) Anyway, I mean, they were pretty much the same. One wasn’t better than the other. One wasn’t worse than the other.

15. Can you live a day without TV? yeah. Now Music there is something I can't live without! Yep, Do it almost everyday. Sentiments about music remain the same. Lol.

16. Are you upset about anything? Yes. I'm annoyed about something and it's making me upset. (I assume this has something to do with the the drama mentioned earlier lol) Always. Anxiety & depression are a bitch. My rooms a mess & I can’t get myself to clean it. My shelves are still a mess.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yeah. though i havent really had one yet. I mean, yeah. Even though I haven’t had one last, aside from friendships, but they’re worth it. 

18. Are you a bad influence? I hope not. If so, let me know.(again I took M's answer but it's true) Probably. Idk. Lol.

19. Night out or night in? Depends on what's going on and how I feel about it. Night in usually. I do like going out sometimes, but, like, to dinner. Maybe a movie or a show. But, you know, we’ve been in a panini press, the only thing I’ve been comfortable doing is going to dinner (fully vaxxed & masked). But I also prefer staying home anyway. (Like I usually just go to dinner with my family lol)

20. What items could you not go without during the day? my computer. my book. my journal and a pen. My phone. My journal (b/c I write in it every night, as a diary, 14yo Linda wrote stories). Uh. I didn’t take food or drinks into account in the og, so I won’t in those. But, yeah. My phone & journal. I can go a day without my laptop if I need to. (Went the whole trip in July without pulling it out, though maybe that’s not a good example since my anxiety on that trip was so high..) I want to say a book, but I’ve been in a massive reading slump so...I wish I read as much as 15yo Linda did..

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I don't remember. I think it was myself.(if you want to know, ask me in person) I honestly don’t know. I don’t remember the last time I was in a hospital. 

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "Mrbobbybones:  wish ted would finally meet their mother already. geez. get to it. However, I see myself in that character more and more each episode." yeah. That's what it says. It's from Twitter. (Huh? and I can’t even go check b/c my inbox doesn’t go back to 2009 on Twitter?? (I haven’t had my account that long) Wait wait wait just remembered I used to get tweets to my phone as text messages lol)

Facebook messenger: “ Cool” From our group chat. Lol.

From actual text messages on my phone: “ heeey! Just put up the Tuesday PDS just for you  it’s a big one.” From Phillip Defranco’s text line Lol.

23. How do you feel about your life right now? I'm loving and hating it. but hey nobody gets out alive right? Uh..I mean. I’m alive. I have WiFi. Food. Family. I haven’t seen my friends in 2 years. (Minus Alex, b/c they were here in July to cat/house sit, but I saw them for like, one night..) There’s a lot that could be better. A lot that could be worse. 

24. Do you hate anyone? yes!!! Oof. I mean, kinda.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook Inbox, what would we find? some random conversations. most of my convos on her though have been in chat or through comments. Facebook Inbox is now Facebook Messenger. So you’ll find all my Facebook Messenger convos. Mostly our group chat. And side group chats for secret planning (birthdays & stuff). Plus other chats? Lol.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I better! (excuse me miss 15yo Linda you absolutely could have passed a drug test you ALSO didn’t drink or smoke or take any drugs lol) Yeah. Absolutely. I don’t drink or smoke or take any drugs so, yeah? Lol.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? 

Yes. But I can't remember when... Yeah. Pretty sure. 

28. What song is stuck in your head? Gee by SNSD(Girls Generation) They're Korean. A few My Chemical Romance songs

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? EDWARD CULLEN! Joke! lol. No I don't know. If it was Edward, I'd call the cops. whoever it is though better have an explaination or they are gonna get hit in the head with my Book of Shadows. (Maybe I wouldn’t mind Edward at my window though? Lol.) Uh. My friends? Lol. Idk if I want anyone knocking on my window at 2am.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I don't know....... Uh. No? Idk. Most likely not gonna happen. 

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? I can't think of anything right now... Eat. Should probably clean my room.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Way to much! lol. Way way way too much

33. Do you smile a lot? i try to. I think I do. I get told that alot in Theater...

I think so

[the-edge-of-great]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ friendsgiving ♥

---------- ----------

The silence that immediately follows “How did you spend your holidays?” is brief but deafening. Her heart sinks. She looks to Luke for help, but he’s watching the guys on the couch, eyes jumping between Alex and Reggie; the weight of the conversation seems to rest on their shoulders, and they don’t notice because they’re too busy avoiding everything, especially their bandmates.

So Julie backtracks, quickly. “I’m sorry,” she says, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t—Forget I said anything.” She reaches to fix the sheet music but realizes it’s already perfectly straight, and her hand falls flat, and there’s still an awkward silence, so she begins playing the start of Finally Free, which isn’t at all what they were working on, but this hasn’t happened before. She’s always been careful asking about their past because she doesn’t know how far is too far. And until now, she hasn’t struck out with any questions. They’ve been cool about it, mostly answering anything she wanted to know. If they didn’t want to talk about it, they kindly changed the subject. At some point, she thinks they became open books to her, and she them.

That’s why this question tumbled out so casually.

And that’s why the silence is scaring her.

Luke, finally, saves her. “We’d spend Thanksgiving with my dad’s family,” he tells her with a smile, which she immediately mirrors as her shoulders slump with relief, “and for Christmas, we’d go to my aunt’s place to party with my mom’s side. She actually lives in Pasadena.” He chuckles. It takes her all of five seconds to realize why that’s funny to him, and then she breathes a laugh and rolls her eyes.

“Holidays were always hectic for me,” Reggie says next. Julie’s heart flutters. “Like, three or four days of traveling to make sure we see both sides, both sets of grandparents, and somehow not barf from all the food.” He and Luke share a laugh, and Alex smiles faintly as he jumps to his feet.

“I just remembered,” he says, stepping over Luke, “I’m meeting Willie today.” He looks back at them briefly, his smile weak and probably forced, before vanishing.

Reggie and Luke share a look. Mumbling something about the beach, Reggie disappears too.

As soon as he’s gone, Julie’s face drops to her hands. “That was a disaster,” she groans.

“Family’s just a hard topic for them,” Luke replies quietly.

Chewing on her lip, Julie takes Alex’s spot next to him. “Tell me why?” she asks softly.

“Sure, since they outed all of my shit last month.” He chuckles.

“Whaaat?” Julie shakes her head. “They didn’t—” The look he gives her makes her stumble. Sheepishly, she adds, “They were trying to help.”

“I know.” Shaking his head, he explains, “Reggie’s parents fought a lot. So much that he didn’t like us coming over, like, ever. It was, seriously, all the time.”

“Fighting, like… arguing? Or…?”

“Just arguing,” he reassures. “They’d scream at each other, and sometimes at him if he got in the middle of it, but…” Luke sighs. “Just arguing.”

“And… Alex?”

He pauses, gaze dropping to his lap, and Julie’s stomach turns. She reaches for his hand, half to grab his attention again, half because she feels she’ll need a better alternative to digging her nails into her palm when she hears whatever he has to say. He intertwines their fingers, locking her hand in a grip tighter than she expected. If she wasn’t nervous before, she is now.

“Alex’s parents weren’t cool with him being gay.”

Julie sits up straighter. “What—What does that mean?” She needs better clarification because she knows what that could mean—she’s seen it on the news, on Tumblr and Twitter and Instagram, heard about it through the grapevine of high school—and her heart aches at the idea of Alex—sweet, caring Alex—going through anything of the sort.

“They didn’t kick him out which, I guess, is something, but they just… stopped caring. They stopped acknowledging him.”

Julie shakes her head. “They don’t deserve any praise for not kicking him out,” she says quietly, lip curling at her words. “Not for doing less than the bare minimum of being parents.”

“Getting angry over it is a lost cause.” He smiles sadly at her. “You don’t know how many times we talked about getting him out of his house. Both of ‘em. Bobby and I would spend nights out here, drawing up plans to run away to Vegas or something.”

“I should’ve never brought it up,” she mumbles. “I know holidays are hard for some people.”

“Hey, no, it’s okay.” He shakes his head, turning to her and taking her other hand in his. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. Besides, it was bound to come up eventually. Family’s just… different, you know?”

Julie sighs, shoulders slumping forward. She watches Luke’s thumb rub across her knuckles. Thanksgiving is in a few days; her house is going to be lively with the whole family. When Mom was alive, the studio was a place for the kids to hangout. Obviously, nobody went near it after she died. Dad locked it up before people began arriving. Julie wonders, as she looks around the room, if they’ll open it to the family again. Or maybe it should stay closed for the guys’ sake.

“So… No holidays?” she asks. “At all? ‘Cause… I have an idea…”

Luke raises an eyebrow. “What’re you thinking?”

“It’s this thing called… Friendsgiving.”

~**~**~**~

Star Wars and other movies downloaded to the computer? Check. Computer hooked up to the projector? Check. Two white sheets borrowed from Flynn strung up in front of the instruments? Check.

“Are the lights too much?” Julie asks, waving her phone around the room to show off her decorations. “They feel too much.”

“No, fairy lights are cute!” Flynn exclaims through the phone. “And you went through all the work hanging them up.”

“I know we think they’re cute, but will they think they’re cute?”

“Jules, they’re like puppies; they’ll be excited about anything.”

“Okay.” Julie nods. “Okay.” The lights are weaved around the loft railing and framing the sides of the sheets. She had to improvise with Christmas lights, so when she turns them on, instead of faint white, a soft rainbow glows off the loft and cascades down to the floor.

“Look okay?” she asks Flynn again. She doesn’t know why she’s so nervous. It’s just Luke, Reggie, and Alex… But Reggie and Alex haven’t had a good Thanksgiving in a while. So, okay, maybe there’s a little pressure for things to be perfect. Or a lot. Maybe the lights is overdoing it—

“Dude, what’s up with you?” she hears Alex say outside.

“They’re here!” Julie stage whispers.

“Okay?” Flynn says just as soft. “Go talk to them? And the lights are cute! Keep them on!”

“As Julie would say,” Reggie adds, voice getting louder as he nears the studio, “you’re acting hella sus.”

“Wait, wait,” Luke says, probably trying to stop him. “Just—Wait a second.”

“I’ll text you later,” Julie tells Flynn as she heads for the door.

“Julie!”

“What?!”

Flynn smiles at her. “They’re going to love it, okay?”

Julie stops, hand inches from the door handle. Taking a deep breath, she returns Flynn’s smile. “Thanks, Flynn.”

Feet shuffle out of the way of the door that swings open a few inches. Julie pokes her head out. “Hi there,” she says, grinning.

Alex squints at her. “You’re in on it too, huh?”

“Alex, honey, I planned it.”

Luke, who froze in the middle of holding Reggie back with arms around his chest when Julie stepped out, backs off and joins her by the door.

“And you guys never figured it out!” he says proudly, fist bumping her.

Reggie and Alex share a look that makes her think yeah, no, they totally figured something was going on. She giggles.

“Well, uh…” Julie glances over her shoulder. “You guys want to see what the secret is?” She leans against the door to push it open and waves them past. “Ta-da.”

Along with the Christmas lights is a lamp beside the couch, covered by a blanket to dim the brightness. In place of the coffee table she pushed to the side are pillows and blankets layered over each other. Board games she found in the loft are stacked high in the chair next to the couch. They’re a mixture of generations: some she received as Christmas and birthday gifts, and others that have been around for as long as she can remember—favorites among her family, especially her parents. Maybe the guys will remember them too.

The shelf behind the couch is empty except for the projector. She had to find an extension cord to plug in her computer and leave it safely on the couch (she may have tried to balance it on the shelf with the projector, but one close call was enough to look into alternatives).

After the door is latched behind her, she joins them in the middle of the room, playing with her hands. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” she begins. “I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories.”

Alex shakes his head. “It’s not your fault, Julie. You didn’t know.”

“But I do now. And… I don’t know how you guys feel about the holidays, but I hope you give this one a chance?” She steps around them, kicking off her shoes as she goes. “It’s not an official holiday, but over the years, it’s become more popular.” She steps onto the couch and looks back at them with a smile. “It’s called Friendsgiving. Families suck sometimes, and you can’t choose them. But, you can choose your friends.” Standing on her tiptoes, she flips the projector on. A light beam shoots past them and shines across the bed sheets. Two was a better decision than one, it seems. The picture has plenty of room to spread out. Perhaps not the best quality, but at least they can watch it full screen.

“I have all of the Star Wars movies downloaded,” she continues, stepping off the couch, “along with a few others if we get sick of the marathon. I don’t know if you like board games, but I found a few in the loft?” She points at the stack.

“You did… all of this for us?” Reggie asks, almost breathlessly.

“Well, yeah. And Luke helped.” Luke smiles when the guys look at him. Julie adds, “I don’t think I could’ve guessed your movie taste without him.”

“There are some good ones on there,” he promises.

Alex huffs a laugh. He spins in a slow circle, taking in everything. “This is awesome, Jules.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but… You’re wrong about one thing.” She freezes. Luke and Reggie look back at him. Alex shoves his hands in his jacket pockets, looking over each of them, the corner of his mouth curved in a smile. “You can choose the family that matters.”

“And it’s us?” Luke teases. “We’re your Chosen Ones?” As he and Reggie share a laugh, Alex walks away from them.

“C’mere,” he says with a laugh, pulling Julie into a hug. Alex gives some of the best hugs. He’s tall enough to tuck her head under his chin, and she can bury her face in his chest.

Luke and Reggie must move in, because Alex walks them near the couch. “No, no, she’s my Chosen One. You two go away.”

“We were here first,” Luke whines.

“But it’s Julie,” Reggie reasons. He shakes his head, a fond smile on his lips.

Luke nods. “Good point.”

“Still, you’re crazy if you think I’m just going to ignore group hug potential,” Reggie says, lunging for them. Alex pretends to try getting away, but he actually opens an arm for him, and now Julie’s squished between them. Not even a second later, Luke’s on her other side. They’re a mess of laughter until someone missteps. They fall in slow motion, it seems. Julie rolls off of Alex’s chest and into the arms of Luke, who hugs her to his chest immediately.

“Good thing Julie has all of the pillows of the universe here,” Alex jokes.

“Oh yeah, I called in every favor. They asked how many I wanted. I said yes.”

Reggie pushes himself up. He squints at the stack of board games. “No way! You have Candyland?”

Luke chuckles in her ear. “Are those Christmas lights?”

“I improvised.”

“I like it.”

Alex is looking at them. “Me too.”

Julie grins. “Thanks, guys.”

“Reg, Candyland or Star Wars?” Alex asks, rolling onto his stomach.

Reggie pauses, board game in his hands. “Can we… We can do both!”

Julie laughs out loud.

After a few minutes of clearing away the pillows (“Oh good, I thought we’d never see that rug again.”), setting up the game, and playing the movie, they’re ready: Candyland and Star Wars. Not how she ever imagined spending the day before Thanksgiving.

“Hey,” Julie says as she draws a card. It’s green. She looks up at them, smiling. “I love you guys, you know?”

They each share looks, grinning at one another. To her left, Luke draws next. “We know, Julie,” he says, moving his character forward. When he meets her eye, he tell her, “We love you, too.”

“Now, keep that in mind when I completely destroy all of you in these games,” Reggie warns.

Julie raises a challenging eyebrow.

“Bring it.”

[moonlightchn]

~WHOLESOME WEDNESDAY~

Not to be a soft motherfucker but I've been wanting to do this again for a week now so I guessed I would try my best to fit as many of my thoughts here as I can without being annoying or tumblr fucking up plz bear with me heh but we know none of those are actually possible anyway so THERES THAT also this is fucking long wow ANYWAY

WARNING WORD VOMIT sjsjsjsj I dont even know what i wrote I'm sorry but I'm tagging yall anyway

Some of you I speak to on a daily basis, yknow? Like,, as admin. And its fucking insane because like- I don't know but like isn't it insane? sjajsjsj How fast some people come to grow in your heart and get under your skin and become so important for you. I think it's crazy. That in four months or so I've made more friends in here that in my whole life and I've learned so much about life and myself and I've gotten marked and some of you imprinted on my mind and heart forever. And like HELL I wasn't here when most big dramas happened but I was here for two very big ones and like??? idk it feels like all of us have been through shared crises and somehow grown closer sjajskwjs idk I'm weird and im sensitive today and I just feel like wow what would I be doing without all of you right now? probably studying. or scrolling Twitter in which I never spoke to anyone. or watching Instagram stories and getting sad over how all my ex class partners are still in contact and hang out and keep strong relationships while I just sit here. like, I know we all say this place sucks and we hate it and its toxic and don't get me wrong of course some people is fucking shitty and they take a toll on a lot of others but that like... it also happens in real life yknow?? but like in real life how many people do you think would actually idk sit with you through a panic attack or stay up with you till 8am or wake up in the middle of the night or rave with you or hype you up or have meme wars or send you daily jokes or just randomly tell you how much you mean to them or make posts asking where you are when you disappear or been gone for too long or make people that doesnt know you send you birthday wishes? like I'm not saying it doesnt happen but isnt it wonderful that it happens HERE with US where maybe out of 10 people only 2 know each other in real life? Isnt it wonderful that we're from all around the world? that you half of the time dont realize someone isnt from English speaking places because they're too good or even when they're not that good no one judges you because this is such an inclusive and wonderful place for people of all races and colors and sexualities and nationalities and body types and hair colors?

idk I'm just RAMBLING but like I wanted to let everyone know that even if we dont speak, even if we NEVER spoke, even if we're only on each others tag lists, or even if I was and you took me off or I took you off or if you deleted or if you have 817383 bots and you speak to me in all of them or only one or whatever PLEASE just know that I love you so much and I appreciate you and you're awesome and if you made some mistakes know that you CAN fix them you CAN learn and be better you CAN grow.

I believe that everyone is capable of learning and changing and everyone deserves a second chance as long as they genuinely show the intention of changing and bettering themselves. I believe that we're capable of forgiving and maintaining healthy relationships without hard feelings. I believe we all have goodness. I believe we all are small universes and we have stars in our eyes and supernovas in our brains and a million things to discover and I believe its funnier to be together than alone and I'm rambling again but like idk just yesterday I was sending someone a message telling them how maybe I'm fucking delusional and naive because who the fuck goes out on their daily saying "be skeptical. dont trust too much. always pay attention" but then after two days of talking with someone they're fucking platonically whipped and would sell their soul as long as they can see those around them happy? trick question I know many of you do too which WORRIES ME PLZ DONT PUT YOUR HEARTS ON THE LINE SO EASILY I drifted I forgot what I was saying oh welp

Anyway for some of you i have so much to say I could write endless paragraphs about you about admins and characters and life and wow I do speak a lot to admins sometimes I speak more to admins as admin that the characters and for some others I can only say a few things or wish you to have a good day some of you I only ever spoke to your character or we talked too little or never at all wow I say that a lot but like one thing yall have in common is that I love you so much even if you don't know me or dont care alright I dont care if you don't care I LOVE YOU and you can FIGHT ME if you dont wanna accept it smh I just want you to know that this place so many of you have been feeling is crumbling down or hurting them or isnt the same anymore is MY safe place too is a place where I feel comfortable and secure and I know, well decide to believe, that you guys would never do willingly anything to hurt another and yknow sometimes I just sit in bed and look at my account and I'm like wow I suck I should delete but then I'm like I could never do that to you I really couldn't because I've been told so many times I'm peoples safe place too and I would never want to take that away from you yknow

I mean I'm not gonna say we shouldn't pay attention to the bad things that happen because this is somehow our home and it's on us to protect it but I think that we shouldnt focus so much on it. because theres still so many good things that we overlook when we think of the bad or when we let things get to us or when we decide to act out of impulse and not think through stuff yknow

ANYWAAY what I'm trying to say is that I love you all so so so so so much and this is my safe place because you're here for me when I need it and I would never give you guys up for anything and like i have so many people for whom i stay daily and try my best and I hope that someday when you need a reason i can be that for you too because I've said this in private but I want everyone to know that this is my corner too and I will always fight for it and protect it so like we can all fight for it together whenever things get rough or you can leave me alone and maybe I'm being super dramatic and putting a lot of weight on this but I started overthinking like halfway and in just tthink that I want to keep yall close to me and my heart forever ok so stay safe and healthy and happy yeah fight for your happiness fight for what you deserve fight for what you want and don't let anyone ANYONE EVER take away from you your joy and your spark and your will to be yourself ok bye

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol. 20

I want to try to break the book into three main chunks. The last time I did that, it was easier to write about. So uh, the first chunk has to do with Tohru and her feelings about Kyo, and Kagura's reaction, the second chunk is Akito and Ren's past being revealed (it's totally a mess but it's to be expected), and the third chunk is about things unraveling.

Ok cool let's do it. (The picture was at the end of one of the chapters, I just liked it a lot idk) (also tumblr needs to increase the character limit for the alt text, it's only 200 characters, which goes by quick. twitter has like,, 420, which is more manageable)

Tohru came to Kazuma's house to visit Izusu, and Kagura came to confront Tohru about something. What possibly could it be (as if I didn't say so in the beginning)? Kagura was talking about it a bit with Kazuma, and he said he just hopes that Tohru's feelings don't come from a place of pity (which is a mild "oof" point for Kagura, because that's mostly why she loved Kyo), because Kyo has had to deal with people either flat out hating him, or being nice to him out of a sense of pity. Even Kazuma admitted (earlier in the series. I don't remember when but I remember reading it) that part of the reason he took in Kyo as a child was because he was making it up for how he treated his grandfather, the previous Cat. Over time, those feelings fell away, in favor of genuinely caring for Kyo's wellbeing, but Kazuma doesn't seem to be the one who would forget about stuff like that. (Also it turns out that the previous Cat's partner basically stayed with him out of a sense of pity, as well)

It turns out that Izusu and Tohru were talking about the same thing, and Tohru worried if her feelings for Kyo were selfish, because she wanted nothing to take Kyo away from her, not the curse, not the Sohma family, nothing. Kagura then bust into the room, smacked Tohru across the fucking room it seems, and said, "Then fucking tell him that!!" (direct quote, 100%) Izusu yelled at Kagura for hitting Tohru, asking what right she had for doing that, but given Kagura's nature, it doesn't seem completely out of nowhere. She just got pretty emotional in that moment.

For Tohru, it seemed to knock the right screw loose for her, and she thought back to when she was talking about her father to Kyo, and if he said really anything against what she was talking about, she apparently would've just zipped her lips and pretended she hadn't said anything, and moved on, but he didn't. Which is pretty nice of him to do, honestly. Anyway, when she came to again (because she got knocked out from Kagura's emotion-packed slap), Kyo was sitting there, because Kazuma had called him, ("Hey dude so there was a smackdown here and Tohru got knocked out lmao" is how I'm imagining the call. kjdhkfgjh can you imagine Kazuma saying "lmao" I can't) but Kyo didn't ask about the fight (which was a Wise Lesson from Shishou™), another nice thing for him to do, though in my opinion it would be a pretty easy thing to explain.

Ok, so now onto the second chunk, which kinda has some of the stuff in the third chunk later on but whatever. Story flow, it's pristine today.

It starts with some of the,, maids? or something that are in the Sohma house (they never get names so far as I can tell, and I don't really know what to call them, but at one point someone referred to one of them as a maid, I think? Idk.) talking about Ren, and wondering why Akito still let Ren wander around freely like she does. Another said that Akito can only do so much, because apparently there is a crowd of people in the house that are "Ren-followers", and if she had Ren be completely contained within an area, there's a chance that those followers might start some shit, which would be a headache to deal with. One of the maids said that Akito has been sick (or holed up in her room) for too long, and the rest of the Juunishi are doing nothing to help, which does not help with Ren, who spouts out stuff about how the Juunishi doesn't really care about Akito at all. The maids seem to have a particular thing against Ren, because they view her as an unsuitable woman who somehow managed to become partners with Akira, the previous God, I think, but also the father of Akito.

Speaking of Akito, she has a box. That same box that Ren tried to use Izusu to get back. Something about that box has to do with Akira, and it seems important to both Akito and Ren, though honestly at this point Akito is probably just holding onto it out of spite for Ren, I wouldn't be surprised (I, too, am a petty bitch. I understand the mindset). She asked Kureno if he has any idea what is in it, and when he says he doesn't, she simply says, "Father."

Now we jump over to Ren and Shigure, who are also talking about about that elusive box. Apparently Shigure was tasked to get the box, but obviously he didn't succeed. He said (thought? He didn't say it aloud, it was one of those thoughts thing--- anyway) that he didn't really care, he didn't even want to touch that box, much less even look at it, it was no loss to him. Out loud, he says that it would be inappropriate for him to hold it, and Ren agrees, saying that only she can have it, just like how only she could have Akira, when he was alive. Are you already sensing where this is heading? Well, I'll say it anyway.

Flash back to Kureno, he's thinking about Akira, from when he was younger and Akira was still alive. He remembers Akira as very beautiful, in a fleeting way. Akira was sickly, all the time, and sad. Everyone knew that he wouldn't live for very long. But since he was the head of the house, of the family, it was imperative that he find a partner and produce an heir. That person was Ren, who was one of his care-takers. The rest of the staff (or something??) didn't like that she was going to be with Akira, it seemed unsuitable, but she was the only candidate. She was the only person who recognized how lonely he was, is what Akira said as a defense when people objected. And so, they were married. The older members of the family despised it, the younger thought it was the beginning of a new change, a new era. Ren said (because this section is flipping between Kureno and Ren) that it was only them two (haha grammar): Akira and Ren, they were all who mattered. She was everything to Akira. So when she had Akito, well, that muddled things. Because now there was another person that Akira loved: his own fuckin child. That's right. Ren got jealous of her own child because Akira loved his very own daughter. That's,, that's something. Shortly after that, Ren decided that Akito would be raised as a boy. Or maybe it was while she was still pregnant. At any rate, she said it was because it would be unsuitable for the head of the family to be a woman, but we all know the real reason: it's so that Akira wouldn't be loving another girl, even though that other girl was his daughter. Jfc Ren is a handful. From Kureno's memory, it seems like even as a kid, Shigure recognized that.

Back to Shigure and Ren, Shigure says that he feels sorry for Ren, probably thanks to all that upset she has. She says the same, that the Juunishi have had to deal with the abuse that Akito has dealt to them simply because of that "bond", and that there's no way that anyone could honestly love Akito. Shigure also comments that sometimes he thinks that if Akito had been raised as a woman, she'd look exactly like Ren, which instantly pisses Ren off. She just starts screaming about "Who do you have to thank for Akito being born! I'm the reason that (insert angry comment about how she's the only reason why x happened)". I'm kinda glad she isn't in the series much, this is exhausting. I know she's in the book later, and maybe a bit more in the next few, but jeez. It's a lot.

Anyway, let's end the chapter with Momiji having his curse be broken. The end is near (for the Juunishi, not this post lmao).

The second that the curse breaks, Akito knows it (that's probably the bond. I doubt it's some kinda "we'll be friends forever uwu" kinda thing, it's just kinda an awareness of each other, or maybe just God's awareness of everyone) and races towards Momiji, begging him to not leave. Now that the curse is broken, Momiji is confused as to how those thoughts he had prior for Akito were even there, now that he sees Akito clinging onto him, whimpering and panicked. Momiji waves her away, saying that he'll keep it a secret, and that Akito should go rest, wasn't she feeling sick earlier?

We pan over to the school, where Haru is asking Yuki if he's noticed anything off about Momiji. Haru can't place it, but something seems off, maybe not. Kyo ends up running into Momiji walking down a hallway, and asks him about it (he overheard the others talking about it), and Momiji just out and says it: his curse broke. He said he imagines that Tohru would be happier about it if it were Kyo's curse that broke, and that he (Momiji) lost. (I guess he lost in some unspoken one-sided competition of "getting" Tohru, because y'know she's not her own person who is capable of deciding these things for herself or anything)

Later, Momiji goes back to the main Sohma estate, to apologize to Akito for how he acted yesterday, but also to say that he won't be staying there any longer. Akito takes it like a champ, slapping Momiji across the face and insulting him, saying that he's a traitor, he has nowhere else to go, his family either doesn't remember him or hates him, he'll never be happy! and Momiji's just like, "Yeah lol I already feel lonely", that he can't be with the person he loves, and he no longer has that One Thing that previously connected him to most of the other people he's close with, and that there's no going back. He does say though, that it's not Akito's decision or place to say whether Momiji will ever be happy or not, because he might not be happy now, that does not mean that he won't ever be happy in the future. He then asks Akito how long she will stay at the house, thinking that eventually, everyone will come back to her, that no one will be happy without her. What if it's actually her that is most afraid-- Akito isn't down for an analysis, she just tells Momiji to leave.

Let's now go down memory lane, down a nice and happy time, especially for Akito and Ren: Akira's death and it's after effects. Happy times. (apparently i was wrong, the thing i said was the third chunk that wove in nicely with the second was just the second chunk, i think this is the actual third chunk)

Akito is thinking back (on a rainy morning, extra points for setting the mood) on her relationship with her parents. With Akira, it was nice, he always was kind and caring, telling Akito that she is what everyone has been waiting for, and that she thought she was the one Akira loved the most. With Ren, however, she was always cruel, from the start. She always glared at Akito, she was always mean. Akito hates her. We're brought back to the day Akira died, where Ren bursts into the room, asking why she wasn't notified sooner, why Akira had to die alone. One of the attendants said his condition worsened too quickly to call Ren close by, but also that Akira hadn't died alone; he died with Akito by his side. The attendant said that Akira's will had been passed onto Akito, she was now the head of the family. Ren was angered at that, there's no reason for Akito to still be around now! She only tolerated her child being around because Akira liked her, but now that Akira is gone, there is no one to love or care about Akito. Akito said that wasn't true, that all of the Juunishi will love her, because of their bond. (Which is basically what Akira said. He put most of that stuff into her head, and she doubled down on it whenever Ren said anything against it, which might as well be every single time they were around each other)

Back to the present, Kureno comes in the room to talk about something, but Akito interrupts him, saying that she was happy when Yuki was born, as the Rat. It was mostly just something she used to prove Ren wrong, and she used it as long as she could (much to the deterioration of Yuki's mental health). She thought back, over the years, to all the bad things that had happened, how she tried so hard to keep everyone close, and how all of them had, one by one, come to "betray" (cough cough, try to live their own lives, cough cough) her. After Shigure and Yuki left to their present residence, Ren said that they had given up on Akito. When Akito again mentioned their bond (which, really, now that I think about it, has basically been the singular thing straining to keep everything under control. Akito's sole sense of identity was being God, she's never had anything else.), Ren waved it away, then challenged that if any of the Juunishi can go out into the world, experience it in all it's freaky magical ways, and not be taken in by it, and instead return to Akito, then she will have been proved wrong, Akito's claims this whole time will have been correct. If they failed to, however, Ren said that Akito would have to give up the Sohma name. But Akito believed it, she truly believed she was right, that nothing big enough would come between her and the rest of the Juunishi (Tohru has entered the chat). She had to believe it, she just had to. But now, it's evident, between how Haru reacted upon learning about Izusu, Momiji's demeanor after the curse broke, the general way that the rest of the Juunishi float away from Akito, that it isn't true, and with that, she has nothing to hope for.

Upon this realization, Ren bursts into the room, knee-length hair floating around her, eyes crazed, knife in hand, demanding for Akira. Demanding for that box, and whatever contents were inside. In response, Akito fuggin yeeted it at Ren, she didn't give a shit. It flashed back to right before Akira died, and he soothed Akito by saying that, despite dying, he will always be with her. He wanted for Ren to be happy. He wasn't upset that he was dying so soon, he knew that he was just a man who was going to die, but he was happy that he was able to have a child, and to have had that child with Ren, and since that child was special, it was proof that their relationship was a special one. Back to the present, Ren scrambles to the box, tears it open hungrily to find,,, nothing. The box was empty. It'd always been empty, said to have held Akira's soul, but it was mostly just something to help Akito with Akira's passing. Suddenly, Akito grabbed the knife that fell from Ren's hand, poised to stab Ren but then--

Hiro's curse broke. Ren can thank that bond she always scoffed at for saving her life. But hey, now Hiro can hold his baby sister, which is nice. Yay for family moments.

Boo for Akito, because it's just really grinding in that the curse is quickly falling apart, and there's absolutely nothing that she can do about it. Ren taunts Akito, asking if she was trying to kill her. The attendants blow up, one yelling at Ren for making such a scene, taking a knife with her, and another scolds the first for giving Akito that box in the first place, it's stupid! The first attendant said that Akito knew from the start that it was empty, common sense would say that much! (idk man it could've held one last letter from Akira to Akito, a letter wouldn't affect the weight of the box significantly, it's not common sense)

Akito leaves the room, and Kureno follows. Akito says that it was both common sense but also not, that there wasn't anything in the box. She wanted to believe there was a chance that something was in that box, some kind of invisible energy that would help her. But even after opening it, seeing that it was empty, she still held onto it, knowing there wasn't anything. And that was her common sense, that's what she thought. She'd never been given any other way of thinking, of living, so why and how should anyone expect differently? Kureno says that she can start learning now, that that was what he wanted to talk about earlier, that she can't stay here, she'll never be able to move on, to which Akito cuts him off with "Fuggin now, bitch?? You're saying that now?? That doesn't help me! It would have helped in the beginning! But not fucking now!" (which btw is true. i doubt akito was even allowed to go to a public school, that she was schooled within the estate. i really believe that she's never really been outside of the the properties that the Sohma family owns) Then she stabs Kureno, with that knife she's been holding all this time. She reasons with it saying that Kureno's "halfway kindness" has been killing her this whole time, that it can't be fixed by Kureno saying that maybe Akito should go touch some grass. As Akito is running from the scene (more like haggardly stumbling), she continues thinking that it's Kureno's fault, it's not on her, until she remembers what Yuki was saying at the New Year's gathering about blame. It doesn't really fix anything, it just momentarily makes you think that you're not in the wrong. *record scratch* What if it's Akito's fault, then? All of this? What if it's her fault? What if it's the fault of the person who made everyone change? What if it's Tohru's fault?? (dun dun dunnnn)

Meanwhile, back at the other Sohma house (Shigure's house?) Tohru has some confessing to do. Before that though, Kyo has some confessing to do, though not about the same thing. He tells Tohru that he knew her mom before she died, and that he was the reason she died. He tells her that they met when he was really young, and how they had kinda become friends (in that way that people become friends by talking often, but Kyo never told Kyoko his name, because he had some weird thing about having a name so similar). That all fell apart the day that Tohru went missing. He promised that he would find her and rescue her, but after finding that Yuki had done it (the evidence was The Hat), he lashed out, and never talked to Kyoko again. Years later, when he was at the crosswalk, who was beside him but Kyoko, who he recognized instantly. He wasn't sure what to do, whether to say something to her or hold back. He was totally able to grab her arm, get her out of harm's way, but he didn't, he was too scared. (plus yaknow the whole cat thing) He beats himself up about, still to this day. He does the same with his own mom's death. It was his fault that his mom killed herself, she couldn't stand having such a monster as a child. It was too much for her, and she couldn't take any longer. (It wasn't. I won't say that his mom wasn't put under strain for having Kyo, for knowing that he wasn't human, that he turned into a weird monster if his bracelet was taken off, but from what we've seen of his dad, it was probably at least 85-90% his dad's fault. He was too caught up in the politics of the Sohma family, ashamed of the fact that Kyo was the Cat, the worst out of them, that he couldn't even salvage having one of the good freaks to have as a child of his, and he took it all out on his wife and later his son.)

And the book ends on that cheery note. (Why do I say stuff like that why I am I like this)

[its-bound-to-get-loud]

Speculating about sexuality

It’s time to get a little controversial on this blog. Or at least talk about a controversial subject. I’ve recently seen some fandom discourse about this subject from multiple sources. A lot of people have the opinion that discussing a celebrity’s sexuality is a bad thing, something you shouldn’t do. I strongly disagree.

Full disclosure, I’m a Larrie. I’m a 1D fan who believes Harry and Louis are a couple. I’m also a 5SOS fan. Now I know many 5SOS fans seem to be wary of Larries in particular. I know some people have taken it too far sometimes. But also, it’s hard to compare Larry/1D to 5SOS in many ways, because Larry and 1D themselves have done a lot of things to encourage fans looking into things they normally might not. It feels to me as if 5SOS fans saw the things that happened in the 1D fandom, turned around and decided to do the exact opposite. This is a good thing in some ways, but it also leaves no room for critical thinking.

Now back to 5SOS. I’ve had a few conversations about this topic and what it comes down to is this. 5SOS are famous, they live a life that’s (partially) being seen by the public and the media. Now this will sound cold, but it’s a fact: 5SOS are a product. When we interact with them on social media, we interact with a product. In the end they want to keep selling their music to us. In order to do so, engaging with fans is part of their job. It doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it, it doesn’t mean they’re not genuine. If you work in a supermarket part of your job may be stocking shelves. You have to do it because it’s your job, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it as well.

Part of the product that is 5SOS is their relationships. We see their girlfriends plastered over their social media, they mention them in interviews, etc. That’s not something they HAVE to do generally speaking. If we are to assume that (for argument’s sake) all 3 current 5SOS relationships are genuine, then they don’t have to show us their girlfriends if they don’t want to. This means they either choose to do so, because that’s what they want, or these girlfriends are being presented to us for a reason (PR, bearding, etc.). Which of these it is, is for you to decide. Both options make them become part of the product. We are allowed to question that product, since we are the ones consuming it. If the person in question has made comments that can be regarded as them hinting at not being straight they open the door even further. You cannot tell someone to come over and then slam the door in their face because they get too close.

If 5SOS want to they can keep their relationships private. Their social media profiles are not the same as ours. They are a representation of the product they are. A representation of their image. That’s why celebrities often have private profiles as well, where they can share private things that they don’t want to share with the public.

The 5SOS girlfriends themselves are a product as well. They all have careers that involve being in the public eye, they are just as well selling us a version of themselves. 2 public people dating does not mean we automatically HAVE to see that they are dating. Celebrities can keep things a secret or low-key if they want to. In fact, I’d dare to argue they have more tools to do so than you and I.  

You can look at it like this, if I’m buying a laptop I’m doing research online, I’ll check out reviews. I’ll ask questions at the store. I question the product before I buy it. That’s not that different from what we do as fans. Before we buy their music we question if this is a product we want to buy. Most of the time that’s an unconscious decision we make. Sometimes a product can becomes unsatisfactory after a while and we choose to move on from it. I know it sounds cold, but it’s not that different with celebrities. If 5SOS keep showing me their public girlfriends on their public social media, I get to question that. If I come to the conclusion that I think that what they are telling me is false. I get to discuss that. Being a fan does not equal always taking things at face value.

There’s also a double standard in this fandom. Some people are more than willing to yell about how problematic and toxic the girlfriends are in their opinion. Which means they are allowed to poke into (what they think is) a real relationship between 2 people. When Luke says Teeth is about Sierra, they question his words and don’t hesitate to say their relationship is toxic. But when it comes to sexuality suddenly that’s a no go. I am absolutely not a fan of the way some of the way girlfriends behave. As long as this happens in a fandom environment I am also fine with talking about that. But if you disapprove of one thing and then do something similar, maybe it’s time you start practicing what you preach or leave people to have their own opinions.

This doesn’t mean you should tell the guys directly that you think their relationship is not real or that you think they are not straight. You don’t harass their friends, their crew, and their family about this. Discussing a celebrity’s sexuality/relationship should stay limited to fandom spaces. With social media it’s a lot easier for celebrities to see what we say about them. Therefor I always suggest being mindful of what you say (they may be a product, but they are still people). Personally it’s why I enjoy Tumblr, because most celebrities don’t go on here and (most of the time) we can safely discuss things that are more difficult to discuss in a place like Twitter. I will say, just because we are questioning a product, it doesn’t mean we get to be rude in the process. You generally don’t go to the store and start yelling at the salesperson if you don’t agree with what they tell you.

People seem to think it’s disrespectful to say someone is gay. Why? Is there anything wrong with being gay? Absolutely not. We live in a society that’s very heteronormative, being straight is seen as the “default” sexuality. It should not be. If you’re going to argue that it’s disrespectful to say someone is gay, then please also don’t assume they are straight. You can have personal thoughts, sure. I have personal thoughts on the specific sexuality of the guys in 5SOS as well. But I keep in mind that my personal thoughts aren’t a fact. I could be wrong. So unless someone has specifically stated their sexuality it’s best to not assume anything and keep an open mind.

Then finally I want to briefly touch on a topic that goes hand in hand with what I’ve talked about: shipping. Some people have a problem with shipping when it comes to real people. For some people shipping is just enjoying the idea of 2 people together even if you think they aren’t. While other people truly believe in that relationship. There’s nothing wrong with any of that as long as it doesn’t become invasive. It all comes back to what I’ve said before. We are consuming a product. The relationships between the 5SOS guys are a huge part of that product. The chemistry between them is part of why we love them. I’m not saying they are pretending to like each other. I fully believe their chemistry is genuine, but it does help sell the product. It also means that sometimes the guys/their team plays into that chemistry to sell the product.

They guys should not have a problem with fans shipping them together, because it’s not up to them to decide that. They sell us their relationships, so we get to form opinions about that. If we stay in our own fandom space and do not become invasive by showing them or people around them fandom content (fics, headcanons, manips, etc.). Then they should not come into our spaces and invade stuff we enjoy in that space. I get super uncomfortable whenever I see celebrities reading fanfiction or being read fanfiction. Fanfiction about them is not for them. It’s made for fans to enjoy and they should stay away from that. I want to encourage you to go and read this answer* about shipping real people. Because sometimes other people’s words say it better than my own words ever could.

With that we have reached the end of this post. As usual I am always open to discuss this in an adult manner. If you feel like you have anything to add to this discussion, feel free to send me an ask/dm. Or reply to this post. If you like/agree with what I write I would love it if you reblogged this post. That’s the only way more people can see it. My blog is small, so reblogs are very much needed to keep the discussion going. Don’t think of coming in my inbox and yelling at me how everything I said is wrong and bad and awful, because it is only going to get you blocked. If you don’t agree, that’s fine, but I’m not going to tolerate any hate.

Finally, just because you are allowed to speculate and question whatever 5SOS or any other celebrity/influencer tells you, doesn’t mean you have to. If that’s not your cup of tea, then that is more than fine. The reason I wrote this post is because we need to stop making people who think critically about the things they are being told, feel guilty about what they do.

* Please note that the author of this post does not have anything to do with what has been written in this post. If you have a problem with anything in this post, please direct it to me and not them.