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theonemeathead · 1 year ago

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Sniper x Reader, "Lonely"

sniper x reader fluff bc he's my favorite obviously. tws for the implications of the word 'sheila', otherwise gender neutral :3. enjoy!

"Aw, that's game, mate!" Sniper laughed, heartily. You groaned, throwing your head back as your dropped the last steel horseshoe in your hand. That was the 3rd game you'd lost in a row. Today had been declared a ceasefire, so you had suggested taking the day to go camp with Sniper, your best friend. Truth be told, there's not a whole lot of good camping spots in New Mexico, meaning you were stuck in the middle of the dessert with nothing but whatever was packed in his campervan... and Sniper... by yourselves.

Now, you weren't one to crush. You prided yourself on holding your own, being 'independent'. But, base did get lonely, sometimes. Being surrounded by the same people every day for years could drive the sanest person crazy, especially the group you lived with. But, Sniper was different. He was kind and funny and honest with you. You admired his skill from afar, never really got in his way. You provided good company to him. So, when you had offered to go camping with him, alone... He felt his heart skip a beat. Your presence was different than the others; he liked being around you.

Kicking a rock, you sat down on a log next to the future firepit. The sun was setting, it was gonna be dark soon. Sniper bent down, grunting as his knees popped, to collect the stake and horseshoes from your previous game. He slid them back into the mesh baggie, throwing them to the side before walking over where you had unceremoniously thrown yourself down in a fit of frustration. The Australian crouched, beginning to build the basic structure of what would be your source of warmth for the impending night.

"No need to be sore, mate. You did good! I just did better."

You furrowed your brow, scowling at him. He snickered at your expression, clearly proud of his quip. Was it weird of him to find your annoyance so cute? You leaned to the side, taking a small rock and tossing it at him, the sediment bouncing off the top of one of his roughed-up cowboy boots. Everything about Sniper was so rugged, it almost hurt how stereotypically outdoorsy he looked. From his scratched aviators, to his sun-damaged skin, he sure wore that Aussie charm well.

"Oh, c'mon, sheila! I'm just givin' ya a hard time." You continued to stare him down, doing your best to try and look intimidating. You knew you didn't scare him, but everyone has their dreams. Taking the lighter from the pocket of his vest, he took some kindling and held the flame to it. You watched, silently, as the sticks caught fire, crackling into an uproaring orange flame. Satisfied, Sniper stood up, dusting his hands on his trousers before crossing his arms at you. "Not talkin' to me now, are we?"

"Nope." He chuckled, dryly. He reached up, taking his dusty slouch hat off his head, putting it to his chest and bowing slightly.

"How shall I ever earn your forgiveness?"

"Shut up... I'll forgive you when you start cooking supper."

"On it, sheila." And indeed he was. Half an hour had gone by and Sniper had brought his rusted pot of stew to a boil. It was filled with various game he'd hunted earlier in the day, ranging from coyote to rabbit. He had taken the edge of his kukri and sliced up some wild onions and some leftover carrots he had in the fridge, not letting them go to waste. Although it didn't sound appetizing, any food sounded like good food right about now. You both had been making small talk, conversing as the sun disappeared completely, leaving nothing but the glow of the fire and the occasional wheezey laugh. When came time, Sniper had been courteous enough to sneak a bowl and silverware for you from the dining hall. He only had plates for him, meaning he panicked slightly when you suggested this trip. He handed you the container, slopping a ladle full of dinner onto it. Immediately, you recognized it.

"Did you steal this from the kitchen?" You asked, slightly amused by the gesture.

"I mean—yeah. Didn't have another set of dishes, couldn't let ya starve." A small silence fell between you two. It was different than normal, it was almost awkward. You hadn't really thought about it, but you guessed Sniper had really never needed more than one of anything he had. You used your spoon to prod at the concoction, shuffling slightly as neither of you seemed to dare break the silence. Sniper had cleared his throat, grabbing a scoopful himself and sitting across from you. However, he didn't eat, but instead sat it on the ground at his feet as he took a stick, prodding at the open flame, absentmindedly.

"Doesn't it get lonely?" He froze. You stared at him, slightly shocked at how fast the words had left your mouth. They were in the air now and you couldn't take them back. And they stayed, too. Your words came out heavy, soaked in something Sniper hadn't experienced since moving away from his parents; Empathy.

"...'Lonely'?" He repeated back. He scoffed, shaking his head. Him, lonely? I mean, yeah, sure he wouldn't mind having a companion around, but he's always been by himself. Even as a kid, he was an only child. This was new and unfamiliar; This was uncharted territory. You felt you had touched a sore spot, something sensitive about Sniper. You feared you had caused him to retract back into himself, making him regret ever opening up to you at all.

"Yeah, well, I mean—" You started, eyes darting around as you conjured a response. "—Surely it gets a little isolating, doesn't it?"

"That's life, mate. I can't keep people around, considerin' my occupation 'n all."

"Well, what about me? You let me tag along." He sighed, swallowing harshly. You could tell you were beginning to fuel a fire, something that could quickly begin to spread and become untamed. Yet, still, you marched, like a moth to a flame.

"This is my job, you just happen to be apart of it."

"Oh." There was a slight pang in your heart. It hurt, how he was quick to make a statement like that. You stared down, your bowl still full and growing slightly colder by the second. He seemed to know he had said something wrong.

"Listen, uh—"

"I guess I thought we were, I dunno, friends or something." You grinded your teeth together, your jaw clenched tight. You felt naïve, even foolish. Without another word, you dumped your bowl back into the pot, sitting the dirty dishes next to the log you were sat on. You didn't even look at him as you began rolling out your sleeping bag. Sniper was never good with words and now he was stunned, stuck between saying something and saying nothing at all. You folded the top blanket back, as if you were about to crawl in. "I think I'm gonna hit the hay."

"Don't be like that, sheila. I didn't mean it the way I said it," he tried to reason with you. He took a deep breath. The one person that he felt comfortable enough to be around and he had forced them back; Pushed them away just like everyone else. God, couldn't he do one thing right? If not for himself, then at least for you. He hesitated to continue, the look in your eyes sending waves of guilt through him. It was now or never.

"I meant... Look, roo. I've always been like this, by myself. So, when you started stickin' around, it was different. It was change, and Aussies don't like change." You looked at him, quizzically. He sighed, his rough hands grabbing at the bark of the log he sat on.

"You should've just told me you didn't want me around th—"

"That's not what I'm sayin'!" He snapped. Your eyes widened, lips parting to retort, yet you couldn't find anything to say. You were dumbfounded by his outburst. He took his hat off, putting his tinted sunglasses around the brim, and placing it on the ground. He ran both of his hands through his short brunette hair, pulling on it slightly as if to soothe himself. "I don't know how to say it without soundin' pathetic."

"Say what?" You crawled over to him, noticing how his breathing was shallow. You looked up at him, sitting on the ground on all fours. He trembled slightly, his eyes screwed shut as he seemed to be lost in thought. Without a second thought, you reached a hand out, holding his knee and rubbing comforting circles. You had never seen him so distraught before, so wrecked about something. He was Sniper, the one person who was supposed to always have a calm head and a steady hand. Yet, here he was, rattled. You yelped when he whipped his hands to meet your face, both of his calloused palms rested against either side of your skull. With one hand cladded in a fingerless glove, the other one slightly clammy, he gripped you firmly.

"I really like ya, roo. I don't think I could take it if you stopped comin' around. I don't mean to sound like such a drongo when I speak, I just have never... had much to say, or anyone to say it to." His eyes scanned yours. Hardly, did Sniper ever take off his hat and sunglasses. You took the opportunity to flick between his greyed eyes. He was so scruffy for someone who wasn't even thirty. Your slid your hands from his knees, up to his wrists. You took your fingers and wrapped them delicately around his rough skin, careful not to push on the watch on his left wrist.

"I like you too, Mundy. Even when you're whooping my ass in horseshoes." You smiled, gently rubbing your thumb back and forth across his knuckles. He scoffed, a big smile playing across his lips at your remark.

"You're still sore about that?"

"Maybe," you teased. "So, what's that mean for us, now?"

"Well, love, I reckon it means you're stuck with a wanker like me." He pulled you forward, planting a gentle peck atop your forehead. Sniper released you, ruffling your hair as he stood up, pouring water on the fire to put it out and grabbing his personal belongings. "Roll that sleeping bag up, we're sleeping in the camper."

"But, there's only one bed in there?" You mentioned, scrambling to your feet to do as he said.

"I'm aware, darl'."

#is this cheesey?#yeah...#do i care?#no #sniper tf2 x reader #tf2 sniper x reader #sniper tf2 #tf2 sniper #tf2 x reader #tf2 fanfiction #tf2 fandom

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kookaburra1701 · 2 years ago

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WIP Wednesday - Aristeia (working title)

Tagged by @dirty-bosmer thank you thank you

tagging: @thana-topsy, @expended-sleeper, @tallmatcha @gilgamish @nientedenada

Fandom: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Rating: T (blood and violence) Category: gen Genre(s): Adventure, Homer retelling Main characters: Borgakh the Steel Heart, the orcs of Mor Khazgur

Summary: When the chief of Mor Khazgur goes missing, male orcs from across the Reach show up to vie for the stronghold, causing chaos and disruption in their corner of Skyrim. The wives of Mor Khazgur must figure out how to deal with them while they wait for their chief's return.

I blame @thana-topsy for the Pavo Attius/Gat gro-Shargakh brainworms. Everyone go read Finding Mara and join me in the worm bin.

This is a pretty extended snippet, because the chapter's almost dooooooone~!

3rd First Seed, 4E 195 Borgakh did not need familiar landmarks to tell her they were getting close to the stronghold. She could smell it.

The daylight was waning as the mountains of the western Reach swallowed up the sun, casting long blue shadows over the land. Olur had spotted a clean spring for Borgakh to wash up, and there had been an untouched patch of wild winter radishes growing in the clay. They had picked all that they could fit in their packs and on Karagh’s saddlebags - all in all, a much more productive expedition than either of them had had for many months.

They crested the final hillock; Mor Khazgur dominated the shallow valley below. When she had been younger, Borgakh had often imagined the longhouse was a lazy cat asleep on a bright green rug, curled up against the rocks of the Druadach Mountains. When the stronghold’s goats were pastured in the glade, they played the role of mice scurrying about under the cat’s nose.

Now, there was no bright green rug, or herd of goats browsing the first buds of spring; the ground in front Mor Khazgur was a frozen mud pit.

Tents with various clan symbols painted on their roofs and sides crowded around the stronghold stockade with not even a semblance of order. The orc men who had arrived first had set up their lodgings without care for the foot paths, winter forage, or even well-tended herb beds outside of the walls. Later arrivals followed suit, until every bit of grass and brush had been ground into the dirt.

Then the thawing rains came and the winter snow had melted, and turned the broken mess into a mire.

Borgakh could hear shouting from the central bonfire of the camp, the one thing the orc men seemed to be able to work together to maintain. The stumps of the trees used to feed it stuck up from the ground where thick copses used to be.

“We should go around the side to the gate,” she said.

Olur continued to lead Kharagh down the slope to the main entrance of Mor Khazgur. “We meet our fates head-on, like Malacath commands, Borgakh. I for one won’t slink in like a thief to my own stronghold.”

Borgakh sighed, her stomach starting to knot. Coming home to Mor Khazgur used to be a source of comfort, a safe refuge from the harsh environment of the Reach.

Father used to be here.

Now every time she approached she had to run a gauntlet. Kharagh snorted at the mud, picking his feet up high with each step.

I don’t like it either, old friend, she thought and reached out to pat his neck. We’ll be through it soon.

Olur pulled up sharply, peering down into the crowd below. Borgakh followed his gaze, and saw what had caught his attention.

An orc leading a spotted mule and a human man were at the gate to Mor Khazgur.. They were surrounded by angry orc men. Borgakh could see some reaching for weapons.

“Pit, that’s Pavo and Gat-” Olur said before breaking into a ground covering jog, throwing Karagh’s lead at Borgakh. Borgakh swore and followed him, pulling a protesting Karagh behind her and loosening her knife in its sheath as she did so.

The mud was slippery and it was difficult going; Olur quickly outpaced her, breaking a trail through both the muck and the crowd. As he reached the knot at the gate, the shouting crescendoed and one of the orcs struck the human across the face, knocking him into the logs of the palisade.

The orc leading the mule was on the one who had struck the blow in an instant, his larger mass bearing the other to the ground with a thud that Borgakh felt through her boots. Olur had reached the man, and hauled him to his feet just in time as the orc men formed a circle around the grappling pair, stomping their feet and yelling encouragement and insults.

The orc that had assaulted the man was one of the newer arrivals; Borgakh did not know his name. It would probably not matter in a few minutes, not with the way Gat was driving his fist into his face.

Despite the blows he was taking from Gat, the other orc managed to get his axe free from his belt and swung it at Gat’s head. Gat intercepted the blow, and with a practiced twist jerked it out of the other orc’s hand and flung it away. Several of the onlookers were forced to jump out of the way as the axe flew by at eye-level.

Borgakh pushed her way to Olur and Pavo. Pavo’s brow was split and bleeding. The mule let out an anxious bray as the crowd grew wilder, adding to the din.

“We just came to trade-” Pavo was saying, swaying on his feet despite bracing himself on Olur’s arm.

“Can you get him inside?” Olur asked, transferring Pavo’s grip from his arm to Borgakh’s shoulder.

Borgakh, who had just grabbed the mule’s lead to prevent it from bolting, looked at him in annoyance. “How many hands do you think I-”

“Stop this at once!”

The authoritative voice cut through the noise and chaos, and in a few moments silence had descended on the crowd.

Gat landed another blow before standing, and turned to the stronghold.

Sharamph, Wise Woman of the stronghold, stood on one of the scaffolds that lined the inside of the stronghold defenses. She surveyed the assembled mass of orc men with a sneer.

“The wives of Mor Khazgur are still in seclusion. Fighting over the Chieftainship before it has ended is an affront to them and the Code!”

“I apologize for the disturbance, Wise-Woman,” said Gat, ignoring the other orc who was just now staggering to his feet. “I have no desire to fight for the leadership of Mor Khazgur, merely to extract the Blood-Price from the one who insulted my blood-kin.”

“And are you satisfied?” Sharamph asked.

Gat now looked over at the orc he had bested. Blood was oozing from his nose, and smeared around his mouth. Borgakh guessed he would wear the bruises of his defeat for a fortnight at least.

Gat looked over to where Pavo was leaning against Borgakh, holding a hand to his head. “Yes, I am satisfied.”

“If they aren’t competing for the right to be chief, then send them away! They have no business here.” Ansug gro-Yufethz, one of the first to arrive and declare his intention to fight for the right to be Chieftain of Mor Khazgur, stepped forward, and addressed Sharamph. “If you allow unrelated orc men in your stronghold during seclusion, then what meaning does that word have?”

“He is not an orc, and he has come to trade,” said Sharamph, indicating Pavo. “We need supplies after the winter, and the miners of Kolskeggr have always trusted our smithy for their tools. If you deny him entry you are only weakening the stronghold you wish to lead.”

Ansug narrowed his eyes and glared at Pavo, but after a moment relented. Borgakh was relieved - he was the largest and most influential among the candidates for Chief, and if he agreed, the others were likely to do so as well.

“Very well. The Imperial can enter for trade. But the orc must stay outside!”

Sharamph nodded once and disappeared behind the pointed timbers of the stronghold wall.

“Gat, I don’t like this-” Pavo said as Gat returned to his side.

“I’ll be fine,” Gat said, quickly removing a pack and a bedroll from the mule’s back. “I’ve slept in rougher places than this, you know that. I’ve got rations and our tent, and there’s no elves slinging firebolts at us. What more could I want?”

“But-”

“Olur, I think Juniper lost a few nails from her near-hind shoe in the mud.” Gat interrupted Pavo. “Will you be able to take a look while Pavo trades with Shuftharz?”

“Of course. Take him inside, Borgakh.”

The heavy gate swung open as Borgakh clicked to Karagh and Juniper. Pavo was standing on his own now, and Gat put a hand on his arm and bent down to whisper something in his ear. Pavo nodded and Gat gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder before hefting his pack and bedroll and disappearing into the crowd.

As she passed through the threshold of the gate, Borgakh felt tension she had not realized she was carrying leaving her neck and shoulders.

“Ghamorz, get the packs from the mule and bring them inside,” Sharamph said to the orc that closed the gate behind them.

“Do you really think Gat will be alright out there?” Pavo was already turning around and was staring at the closed gate. He opened his mouth to say something more, but was interrupted by Sharamph gripping his chin and turning his head in order to cast an experienced eye on the cut over his brow.

“This will need cleaning,” she said. “Come with me.”

“Thank you, ma’am, but I should really see to Juniper first-”

“Borgakh will see to your animal. Your goods will be safe in the longhouse, but your blood is still flowing; much more and Gat will be compelled to extract more from that idiot to make up the difference.”

#mor khazgur #fic: aristeia #borgakh the steel heart #skyrim fanfiction #skyrim #tesblr #wip wednesday #kb writes #orc posting hours #it's not easy being green #orc #hot orc summer

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drstonetrivia · 2 years ago

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Chapter 2 Trivia

Let’s get that fluid!

The ultimate forager made sure to rinse the dirt off his hands before eating. Perfect stone world table manners!

Senku trusts Taiju's stamina, but obviously doesn't trust his identification skills. Senku had prepared a comparatively larger basket for the inedible plants before he'd even started sorting.

Senku uses the word "primeval" here, meaning "earliest time in history", which going by the previous chapter meant ~2M years ago.

In fact, proof of salt production only appeared ~6000BCE during the Neolithic period (=beginnings of agriculture rather than hunting and gathering) which makes sense, because you'd want to preserve the harvest you worked so hard on!

Despite 2/3rds of Taiju's previous haul coming back poisonous, he doesn't hesitate to try the grapes.

Why sour? It's October, the end of the grape harvest. Either the seasons are later, or, more likely, the grapes haven't gotten enough sun to ripen because of the forest canopy.

The only things Taiju and Senku have in common here are the fact they were both conscious and near a source of nitric acid.

I wonder if anyone else happened to have these extremely unlikely odds work in their favour...

Nitric acid made from bat guano doesn't drip from the ceiling. It's actually formed on the cave floor where the droppings can decompose into nitric acid, if it's kept moist. Normally it would seep directly into the rock layer, causing erosion.

This truly is the Cave of Miracles.

All the birds shown here are either in flight, or taking off. Could they have seen the beam coming, but no humans could? They all seem to be adults despite getting petrified during nesting season, where are the babies?

Do the eggs/embryos also get petrified?

The kanji on the bottle say "daiginjo," which is the highest-quality, premium grade of sake. To call your product daiginjo, 50% of the original rice grain has to be polished away (lesser grades require less polishing).

You can make wine like this but it's not recommended. I won't go into details, but 70% of fermentation is done in the first few days, and after those few days an airlock is recommended to not contaminate it. 3 weeks seems a little long for their method, but I've never tried!

Taiju has a cup, but Senku gets a clay wine glass? Why didn't Senku make a set for them? It's not like Senku can take advantage of any of the benefits of a wine glass in this situation.

It's been speculated that the Mesopotamians were using distillation for perfumes and aromatics rather than for drinking alcohol. Either way, distilling alcohol to drink only came about in the Middle Ages (~13th century) where, unsurprisingly, it was lauded as beneficial medicine.

Either the distilling setup broke a second time, or they decided to upgrade sometime during the winter.

Another early technique: ice fishing using a spear.

Evidence has been found showing this method being used over 2000 years ago by natives in North America. Improvements have been made over the years, but Taiju is shown using the most basic form of it (no bait or shelter).

Taiju seems to think Yuzuriha hates beards, I wonder if that's true...

I also wonder if Taiju will grow a beard again in the future or not.

If the whole bird species was petrified, that means this bird is the only one of its kind alive right now. Is Sparrow Ishigami ready to bring back all of sparrowkind?

Senku's comment here includes the 6 months he spent surviving alone, as it's only spring.

(Senku breaks out spring 5738, Taiju breaks out 6 months later on Oct 5th 5738. This scene is during spring 5739.)

Senku says Taiju can pick who they revive next, but there was really never any doubt. Yuzuriha is their mutual friend, and Senku doesn't seem to have anyone other than Taiju that he'd want to revive.

They also can't revive their parents...

I really love these early chapters where everything they do requires a lot of effort and it's all being shown.

#dr stone #2 #chapters #trivia

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incorrectlooneytunesquotes · 10 months ago

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Daffy: I have an aunt Blanche. Bugs: What? Daffy: Oh, that was aunt Blanche in Dubuque. Tina: Since when do you have an aunt Blanche in Dubuque? Daffy: Sthinthce when do you have an aunt Blanche in Dubuque? Tina: I don't. Daffy: Stho where's the big cointhcidence? You know, Tina. Sthometimes you makes no sthense.

#daffy duck #bugs bunny #tina russo #source: 3rd rock from the sun

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lighthousenewsnetwork · 4 months ago

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HOGSMEADE—In a casting decision that has left both wizards and muggles clutching their Sorting Hats in confusion, HBO has officially announced that award-winning actor John Lithgow will take on the role of Albus Dumbledore in its upcoming Harry Potter series. The move has been described as “bold,” “unexpected,” and “a potential threat to the structural integrity of Hogwarts.” Lithgow, known for his roles as a deranged serial killer (Dexter), a deranged alien (3rd Rock from the Sun), and a deranged Winston Churchill (The Crown), is expected to bring a fresh, theatrical, and potentially unhinged energy to the beloved Hogwarts headmaster. “We’re excited to reimagine Dumbledore in a way that HBO viewers expect: morally complex, occasionally terrifying, and with at least one brutal dragon fight per season,” said an HBO executive, adjusting their unnecessarily dark and moody Hogwarts scarf. “This won’t be your grandfather’s Dumbledore—unless your grandfather is an eccentric Shakespearean actor with the ability to make eye contact feel like a personal attack.” A Dumbledore Like No Other According to sources, Lithgow has already begun preparing for the role by studying the movements of large, mystical birds and yelling cryptic Latin phrases at his mailman. “My Dumbledore will be deeply wise, but also a little unpredictable,” Lithgow explained in a press release. “One moment, he’ll be calmly explaining the meaning of life to Harry. The next? He might be performing an interpretive dance about the fleeting nature of time. Who knows? That’s the magic of HBO.” Rumors from inside the production suggest that Lithgow’s Dumbledore will take the character in bold new directions, such as: Delivering every piece of advice as a Shakespearean monologue, complete with dramatic pauses and unnecessary swordplay. Staring at students in total silence for minutes at a time, just to see if they crack. Turning the phrase ‘Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire?!’ into a full five-minute Broadway-style number. Making Snape deeply uncomfortable by maintaining an unwavering, slightly manic grin in every scene. One unnamed crew member described Lithgow’s Dumbledore as “like if your wise old mentor was also possessed by the ghost of a Vaudeville comedian.” Fan Reactions: Shock, Awe, Fear The internet, as expected, has responded to the casting news with a mix of excitement, horror, and elaborate fan art featuring a Dumbledore that somehow looks both regal and completely unhinged. One Twitter user wrote: “John Lithgow as Dumbledore? I have never been more confused, yet at peace.” Another posted: “I just know his phoenix is going to have an unnecessary but deeply moving soliloquy about death.” Others remain skeptical. “I’m just not sure he has the… Dumbledore-ness for the role,” said longtime Harry Potter fan Margaret Witherspoon, adjusting her Ravenclaw scarf as if that gave her credentials. “I mean, can he even say ‘Sherbet Lemon’ without making it sound like a threat?” The HBO Effect: Grittier, Darker, and 300% More Existential Dread HBO executives have promised that this version of Harry Potter will be “darker and more mature,” because nothing says magical childhood adventure like an extended subplot about wizarding tax fraud and a 20-minute flashback to Dumbledore’s tortured youth. “We’re leaning into the emotional complexity of the wizarding world,” said lead writer Derek Holloway. “For example, we’ll finally explore the question: If Hogwarts is such a prestigious school, why do they have zero trained counselors for children dealing with, you know, regular near-death experiences?” Sources confirm that Lithgow’s Dumbledore will also have a grittier wardrobe, described as “somewhere between ancient mystic and a man who’s been living in a cave for five decades but in, like, a cool way.” There are also talks of replacing his half-moon spectacles with something “more intimidating,” possibly a single, jewel-encrusted monocle that radiates power.

What’s Next? With production set to begin soon, the world is bracing for what can only be described as the most wildly theatrical interpretation of Dumbledore yet. Insiders say Lithgow has been spotted wandering the set, dramatically whispering spells under his breath and practicing the art of looking simultaneously wise and completely unpredictable. As for the cast, reactions are mixed. Former Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe, who has expressed zero interest in returning to the franchise, was reached for comment but only muttered, “Oh, good luck,” before disappearing into the mist like a man who has seen too much. One thing is for certain: Whether this will be the greatest Dumbledore portrayal of all time or a complete fever dream remains to be seen. But either way, Hogwarts will never be the same. HBO’s Harry Potter series is set to debut in 2026. Fans are encouraged to prepare by rereading the books, rewatching the movies, and slowly coming to terms with the fact that Lithgow’s Dumbledore might just break the fourth wall and start lecturing us directly. https://lighthousenewsnetwork.com/john-lithgow-to-play-dumbledore-in-hbos-harry-potter-brilliant/?feed_id=15110&_unique_id=67bfa009bc322

#Entertainment #TVNews #Dumbledore #HarryPotterReboot #HBO #HBOHarryPotter #Humor #JohnLithgow #Satire

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beautifuljellyfishnightmare · 1 year ago

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#mentalhealthawareness ,

#mentalhealthmatters ,

#mentalhealthrecovery ,

#endthestigma ,

#mindfulness ,

#personalgrowth ,

#daringgreatly ,

#selfcarematters ,

#youtube

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thepwnshark · 2 years ago

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4 or 5 last night

I woke up a shitload and have lost my grasp on the first one by now. The second, Ramsey Dustin amd myself were travelling on foot across this hostile teritory absolutely covered in megafauna. We were trying to make our way to some kind of signal we were picking up. We tried to go north then west over a plain, but had to turn around due to a massive congregation of what were effectively dinosaurs. There were also very odd high tech drones surveying the area with lidar, which we hid from in the thock shadows of the valley south of the plains. Few options remaining, we chose to go due west over the mountains and then north to the signal to try and skirt everything. Soft transition to #3, we have reached the signal. There is a secret military base under an alpine lake, Im not totally sure how we got in, but were in. Making our way deeper into the facility. There's something really off about the place though. Very clear and present haunted vibes, but hard to place exactly. Nearing the lower levels, it becomes apparent that the facility is flooding. The source of the signal we were looking for is in this odd control room, with a strange transparent elevator in the next room over. There was an EMP ready and waiting to be discharged. Somehow all of the creatures (drones too obv) above had some electrical component, and setting it off would clear the surface for anyone left still trying to survive. They werent my friends anymore, but 2 random men with me. One of them went to the elevator and started on their way up and out the water column. I initiated the detonation sequence. In seconds computer screens in the base started to flicker and then get all wonky, like holding a magnet to a CRT, then shut off. I turned to the other guy who stayed and choked out "oh god, we're going to die down here in the dark." But for whatever reason, power there stayed on. The 3rd guy came back in the elevator, and I woke up as the sun hit my face.

This one was very short lived, I had taken some Acid and was at an STS9 show sitting up high in the back at red rocks. Too tired to dance though, just sitting and enjoying them play.

Lastly I remember being responsible for watching someones house or animals maybe, or having to go fix something. I remember trailing a bag/sled thing behind me. Riding a snowmobile up a heavily snowpacked mountaon road. It was springtime though, so despite there being a lot of snow it was sorta extra wet and melty. Lots of sun coming through the trees. I remember passing the house I was meant to stop at, address was 15788. Passed it up to the cul-de-sac, and wiped the fuck out trying to turn around. For some reason ditched the ride, walked back to the house with my bag sled, and I think I woke up for the last time while I was on the side porch.

#dreams

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kahran042 · 2 years ago

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A metric ****tonne of new Jonas Corbin's Guide to Life quotes!

Chloe: Say it! Alicia: I am a tough…whispers bitch. (Source: 13 Going on 30) (Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey)

Sarah: Here, Lauren. I got you this book. It’s called “New Hampshire's Best Lesbian Hikes.” Lauren: Now I can walk and kiss girls at the same time!! (Source: 3rd Rock from the Sun) (Sarah Reinholt, Lauren Reinholt)

Connor: No need to apologize. You’re stupid; I’m rude. See you tomorrow. (Source: 3rd Rock from the Sun) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: Give me one good reason why. Chloe: I’ll give you five good reasons. counting her fingers as she curls them into a fist One, two, three, four, FIVE! Jonas: Those are good reasons. (Source: A Charlie Brown Christmas) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Nate: Who would care about a loser like me? Jonas: Losers like us, that’s who! (Source: A Very Potter Musical) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Principal Mazlish: Jonas Corbin, why do I get the feeling this has something to do with you? (Source: Aaahh!!! Real Monsters) (Viktor Mazlish)

Mia: I'm Mia, and I'm back to answer more of your letters! Our first letter comes from Claudia Thomas of Clear Lake, Iowa. Claudia writes, "Dear Mia,"- that's me! "Dear Mia, I live in a two-story house and my room is upstairs. Every morning when it's time to go to school, I jump out the window. So far, I've broken my leg seventeen times. You have any help or suggestions for me?" Well, Claudia, I do have a little suggestion for you. USE THE STINKING STAIRS! THE STAIRS, EINSTEIN! "I'm Claudia! And I jump out the window because blah dee blah dee BLAH!" JUST USE THE STINKING STAIRS! MAN! ARE YOU SURE YOU BROKE YOUR LEG? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU FELL ON YOUR HEAD AND BROKE YOUR STINKING BRAIN! heavy breathing (Source: All That) (Mia Thompson)

Principal Mazlish: I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them! Jonas: But you did make the rules, they’re called “Mazlish's Rules”! Principal Mazlish: Darn right! And I stand by them! (Source: Amphibia) (Viktor Mazlish, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: It’s no big deal. Jonas, narrating: This was a very big deal. (Source: Amphibia) (Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Aren't you even a little bit scared? Nate: Why should I be? Science is on my side. (Source: Arthur) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Monica: You can stay up when you're Jonas' age, Samantha. Samantha: But I'll never be Jonas' age! He's always gonna be ten years older than me. (Source: Arthur) (Monica Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Jared: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think it’s too late for violence. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Jared Murphy)

Chloe: I have a hypothetical question. Suppose a kid at school called me a nasty name… should I kick him real hard in the shins? Mark: No, I don't think violence would be justified. Chloe: Here's another hypothetical question. What if I already did? (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Samantha: They say Santa knows if you've been good or bad, but what if someone had been sort of BOTH? I mean, suppose some kid TRIED to be good… at least, well, most of the time… but bad things inexplicably kept happening? Suppose some kid just had terrible luck, and she got blamed for a lot of things she did only SORT of on purpose? Jonas: Who exactly might we be talking about? Samantha: This is a purely hypothetical case, Mr. Smartypants. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Samantha Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: looks up at the stars I'M SIGNIFICANT! (A few minutes pass) Connor: …screamed the dust speck. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Connor Urquhart)

Adrian: I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Connor: I won't be sorry to see this day end. Morgan: You say that every day. (Source: Daria) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Thom: Connor, do you have to look at everything in such a negative light? Connor: Could you possibly be referring to the harsh light of reality? (Source: Daria) (Thom Anderson, Connor Urquhart)

Marissa: …I should get back before Thom and Kyle kill each other. Donna: Yeah. You wouldn’t wanna miss that. (Source: Daria) (Marissa Anderson, Donna Corbin)

Colin: I love your hair. Morgan: What? Colin: No…I- love the…air. (Source: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog) (Colin Gardner, Morgan Urquhart)

Jared: Why are you going to be on the news? Did you get locked in the monkey cage again? Nick: Hey, those chimps tricked me! The big one took my corn dog and I had to go in there and get it back! (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Thom: I’m not cool, alright? Why do you think old people like me so much? (Source: Drake and Josh) (Thom Anderson)

Jonas: Excuse me, but I know when a girl likes me! I’ve imagined it a thousand times! (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jonas Corbin)

Teacher: You were supposed to hand in an essay on current events. Nick: Yeah, which I did. Teacher: No, this is today's newspaper with your name written on it. In crayon. (Source: Drake and Josh) (Nick Murphy)

Jonas: opens his bedroom window and looks out YOU HEAR THAT, FOXWOOD? JONAS CORBIN'S TIME HAS COME! SO LOOK OUTSIDE- falls out of the window (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jonas Corbin)

Mark: looking at a picture of himself Who's that good-looking guy? Connor: Get some glasses, Mark. (Source: Ed, Edd n Eddy) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Kiera: (eating a sandwich) Mmm. Chloe: What kind of sandwich is that? Kiera: Peanut butter egg and jellybean. The week after Easter so rocks. Chloe: I need to start making MY lunches. (Source: FoxTrot) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Mark, I don't even know HOW to play Wayfarer! Mark: That's OK- you can read the instructions while I'm setting up. Chloe: Where are they? Mark: In my big bookcase upstairs. Chloe: Could you be a little more specific? Mark: How so? Chloe: Top shelf? Bottom shelf? Middle shelf? Mark: Look, if time's a problem, you can skip volumes 18 and 31… (Source: FoxTrot) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Zane: Jazz, if you were Sarah, what would you want for your birthday? Jasmine: Hmmm. Am I mad at you? Zane: A little. Yeah. Jasmine: Diamonds. Big ol' rocks. Zane: What if you weren't mad at me? Jasmine: Hmmmm… Diamonds. Big ol' rocks. Zane: Never mind. (Source: FoxTrot) (Zane Kessler, Jasmine Kessler)

Kiera: Okay, well, I guess I just never think of money as an issue. Chloe: That's because you have it. Kiera: That’s a good point. (Source: Friends) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Nate: That's a mean question! I'm not answering that! Chloe: Come on, it's just a question. If you had to punch someone in the group- if you HAD to- who would you punch? Nate: I'm not answering that. We're all friends. Why would I punch anyone? Chloe: It would be Jonas, wouldn't it? Nate: Yeah, but I don't know why. (Source: Friends) (Nate Kellerman, Chloe Seaver)

Peter: I’m older. Colin: I’m younger. Peter: I’m taller. Colin: I’m shorter. Peter: I’m smarter. Colin: I’m…not falling for that. (Source: Full House) (Peter Gardner, Colin Gardner)

Connor: Tell me something I don't know. Morgan: Yesterday, I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet. (Source: Full House) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Richard: Am I the raddest, baddest dad a kid could ever have? Jonas: You were until you said that. (Source: Full House) (Richard Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Richard: Now you can have your ice cream and chocolate milk, but no cookies. Samantha: Boy, are you strict! (Source: Full House) (Richard Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Kathleen: You can’t just sit here in the dark, listening to music. Connor: Well, I could have if you hadn’t turned on the lights and turned off the speakers. (Source: Futurama) (Kathleen Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: My back hurts from sleeping for eighteen hours. Brad: For you, that would be considered a work-related injury. Jonas: Shut up. (Source: Garfield) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Mia: Look, Brad, look! Look! Look! Look! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Brad: ALL RIGHT! WHAT IS IT?!! Mia: Made you look. (Source: Garfield) (Mia Thompson, Brad Thompson)

Donna: (looking groggy) Oh, boy, what a night. I ate too much, I drank too much, and I danced half the night. You're lucky you're a kid, Jonas. You don't have to put up with all that. Jonas: (yells) RUB IT IN, WHY DON'T YOU?! (Source: Garfield) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Robert: I'll never understand you. Connor: I like that. Connor Urquhart: Boy of Mystery. (Source: Garfield) (Robert Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Mark: I think we’re lost. Connor: We don’t get lost, we go exploring. (Source: Generator Rex) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Principal Mazlish: Mr. Kellerman, I need one minute of your time. Nate: I’ll give you two because you scare me. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Viktor Mazlish, Nate Kellerman)

Mark: I'm madly in love with you. Lauren: Well, good luck with that. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Mark Seaver, Lauren Reinholt)

Jonas: Who wants to hear a joke? Connor: Not me. Jonas: Yeah you do, here goes. (Source: Gravity Falls) (Jonas Corbin, Connor Urquhart)

Justin: Despite my best efforts, NASA rejected my application letter three times. Each letter said the same thing: “We thank you for your interest, but you’re twelve.” (Source: Gravity Falls) (Justin Seaver)

Connor: If there's no pot, I'm going home. (Source: Grey's Anatomy) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas (to Samantha): No offense, you know that you’re my sister and that I love you, but let’s face it, you’re a nightmare! (Source: iCarly) (Jonas Corbin)

Morgan: What’s up with you? Connor: What do you mean? Morgan: You have been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game? (Source: iCarly) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: The only thing I give for free is attitude! (Source: Jem) (Chloe Seaver)

Morgan: Clowns are not normal people. (Source: Junie B. Jones) (Morgan Urquhart)

Brad: You should be ashamed of yourself. Mia: You're right. I should be ashamed of myself. But I never am. (Source: King of the Hill) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)

Richard: I know Samantha is very sorry and didn't mean it. Samantha: Very sorry. Richard: See? Samantha: But I did mean it. Richard: Samantha! (Source: Lilo and Stitch) (Richard Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Chloe: Why is your mom so mean? Kiera: I guess when you find something you're really good at, you just stick with it. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Mark: Guys, Halloween isn't a date on the calendar. Nick: Yeah, it is. It's the 31st. Mark: No, Halloween is in your hearts. Every time a little kid cries in fear that's Halloween. As long as you carry the spirit of destruction and vandalism in your hearts, every day is Halloween. Jared: pointing to a calendar No, look, it's the 31st. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy, Jared Murphy)

Mark: What's the matter, Mom? Valerie: What does it say on this jar? Mark: "Valerie R. Seaver." Valerie: Well I'm glad someone around here can read. The jar holds fourteen pickles. I had three yesterday, two for lunch today, and one and a half for snack. And now there are six and a half pickles in this jar. Simple math indicates… Mark: Are you counting the one in your hand? Valerie: Okay, false alarm. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Mark Seaver, Valerie Seaver)

Valerie: At what age did you just accept that your life is a piece of rotten garbage and always will be? Donna: Twenty-two. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Valerie Seaver, Donna Corbin)

Connor: Am I in hell? Morgan: No, Connor. If you were in hell, you’d be on a throne and the devil would be packing. (Source: Married… with Children) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Connor: Mark always seems like Mr. Slickster Cool-guy, but he’s actually hiding his emotions under a very thick layer of Axe body spray. (Source: Modern Family) (Connor Urquhart)

Mia: Sorry I aggravated you. But just so you know, a lot of people think I’m adorable. (Source: Modern Family) (Mia Thompson)

Everett: You know, I raised two fully functional daughters. Nina: You have two daughters I don't know about? (Source: Modern Family) (Everett Chapman, Nina Chapman)

Valerie: Chloe likes to win. When she was 8, a little Girl Scout friend of hers bragged she could sell the most cookies. Damned if Chloe didn’t walk the neighborhood till she got blisters on her feet, and won by 10 boxes. Best part is, Chloe wasn’t even a Girl Scout. (Source: Modern Family) (Valerie Seaver)

Jonas: Mia! Were you following me? Mia: Yes- I mean no- I mean, maybe! (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) (Jonas Corbin, Mia Thompson)

Alicia: I'm so frustrated, I could just kick something! lightly taps vase with her foot, barely making it rock (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) (Alicia Ramsey)

Adrian: I am a father. Kiera: Terra's a ferret, Adrian. Adrian: She is my blood! (Source: New Girl) (Adrian Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt)

Morgan: Feeling better? Connor: The yelling’s on the inside instead of the outside now. (Source: Paranatural) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: When people get too close to me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know how I really don't care about them. Jonas: Fascinating. Chloe: Glad you agree, Joseph. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: I can't go because I don't want to. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Connor Urquhart)

Kiera: Terra, this has been a very bad week for me. What can you do when everything seems hopeless? Terra: licks Kiera on the cheek Kiera: That's good advice! (Source: Peanuts) (Kiera Bernhardt, Terra)

Nick: I'm gonna have to think about that. Mark: Great. Then I'll never know. (Source: Pelswick) (Nick Murphy, Mark Seaver)

Kiera: Chloe's been suspended! Jonas: For what? Kiera: Violating school code number 74. Jonas: Um, "don't ever have fun doing anything, ever"? Kiera: That's 73. It's the dress code. Jonas: Foxwood has a dress code? (Source: Pelswick) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Jared: It's a stop sign, Nick. It doesn't change to green. Nick: Oh… oh yeah. (Source: Pelswick) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Stephen: Adrian, don't you think you're being a little harsh with your sister? Adrian: No. I know what boys are like. I'm one. (Source: Pelswick) (Stephen Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)

Nate: It’s called polarity! You can’t have two positives or two negatives. Kiera: Oh, you can have two negatives. Just look at my parents. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Nate Kellerman, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: Care to come with us? Connor: And spoil my carefully calculated air of selfishness and unconcern? Not until the last second, thank you very much. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Jonas Corbin, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: Mark, are you crying? Mark: No, I'm sweating through my eyes. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Mark: Promise me something, Nick- NEVER BREED. Nick: I'll try. (Source: Pinky and the Brain) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Jared: Aw, what?! I wanted to be player one! Nick: Jared, I'M player one. YOU'RE player two. Jared: I don't wanna be player two! He just digs with the sucky pickaxe. I want the one with the shovel. Nick: Jared, they're exactly the same! Jared: Then why don't YOU be player two? Nick: scoffs I'm not using that stinky pickaxe. Jared: HAH! SEE?! (Source: Regular Show) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Zane: After what happened to Aya-chan that last episode, I couldn't sleep for days. Sarah: Zane, have you talked to a psychiatrist about this? Zane: He didn't understand. (Source: Rugrats) (Zane Kessler, Sarah Reinholt)

Jonas: If you wanna be a winner, you have to learn the four Fs of leadership: Fearlessness, Fairness, Firmness, and Control. Nate: "Control" isn't an F. Jonas: Well then it's…three Fs and a C. Chloe: Sounds like your report card. (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson)

Mark: You know what makes us a team? Nick: We all wear the same color tank tops! (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Jared: Um, Nick, Mark just gave half the peace sign to Principal Mazlish back there. Nick: Which half? (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

singing at a school assembly Nate: Foxwood High… Kiera: We hold you in our heart… Brad: And when we think about you- Jonas: It makes me wanna fart! students laugh Principal Mazlish: It's "I hope we never part"! Now get it right or pay the price! (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Nate Kellerman, Kiera Bernhardt, Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Viktor Mazlish)

Mark: I'm sorry I ate your Skittles. Chloe: I’m sorry I pushed you off the bench. Mark: It's okay. Wait. When did you- Chloe: pushes Mark off the bench Mark: I deserved that. (Source: Sam and Cat) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Brad: Have you asked Kiera out yet? Jonas: Well, technically not yet, but in my mind, we already have children. (Source: Saved by the Bell) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: If someone is standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can’t decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. (Source: Scrubs) (Connor Urquhart)

Mark: Hey, idiot. Jonas: turns around Mark: Heh. I said "idiot" and you turned around. (Source: Scrubs) (Mark Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure. (Source: Seinfeld) (Jonas Corbin)

Adrian: I never think of myself as being a ferret owner. Terra's more like a friend. (Source: Snoopy Come Home) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Alicia: I’m going to start being more assertive, if that’s okay with everyone. (Source: Someecards) (Alicia Ramsey)

Chloe (to Connor): ♪ Here he is, the biggest douche in the universe. In all the galaxy, there’s no bigger douche than you. You’ve reached the top. The pinnacle of douchedom. Good going douche, your dreams have come true. ♪ (Source: South Park) (Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Tell him off, Alicia! Assert yourself! Alicia: That's my ice cream cone. Chloe: Great, now let him have it! Alicia: You can have it. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants) (Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey)

Kiera: Jonas…I'm not perfect. Jonas: See, you have to say that because you're modest, which is just another aspect of your perfection. (Source: Stargate SG-1) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Nate: You should've done this earlier! Jonas: In my defense, I forgot. (Source: Steven Universe) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I thought you didn’t like to play the hero. Mark: Doesn’t mean I don’t know how. (Source: Teen Titans) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Lydia: Morgan! I'm going to try to beat the world record of most spaghetti eaten in one hour. Wanna be my official witness? Morgan: Um… (Source: Teen Titans) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Kiera (about Samantha): Her threats seemed pretty legit for a five-year-old. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Connor (to Mark): You know, I appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Connor Urquhart)

Stephen: Kiera, we need to have a talk, as father to daughter. Kiera: Oh, don't worry, Dad. Adrian already had that talk with me. Deborah: faints (Source: The Adventures of Pete and Pete) (Stephen Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt, Deborah Bernhardt)

Kiera: Your sister is something else. Brad: We're still trying to figure out what. (Source: The Angry Beavers) (Kiera Bernhardt, Brad Thompson)

Principal Mazlish: Miss Beaumont, do you have something you would like to tell me? Jadyn: Do you want the truth or my side of the story? (Source: The Brak Show) (Viktor Mazlish, Jadyn Beaumont)

Chloe: Being awesome makes me hungry. (Source: The Goldbergs) (Chloe Seaver)

Chloe (about Jonas): He annoys me so much, I just want to kiss his stupid face. (Source: The Goldbergs) (Chloe Seaver)

Brad: What'd you do, Jonas? Jonas: Something stupid, but I don’t want to talk about it. Chloe: Good! We don’t want to hear about it. (Source: The Lion King) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Jared: Oh, Mark, it's just you. Nick: We were afraid it was someone important! (Source: The Lion King) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Mark: Chloe? Chloe: Yeah? Mark: I miss Connor. Chloe: I don't. (Source: The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: I would never say this to Jonas' face, but he is a wonderful person and really smart. Alicia: Why, why wouldn’t you say that to his face? (Source: The Office) (Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey)

Susan: We're off to the Parent/Teacher conference. We'll bring back dinner. Jessica: What are we gonna have? Paul: Well, that depends on what the teachers say, if you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad… uh, let's see… poison. Jessica: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad? Jadyn: Poison pizza. Paul: Oh no! I'm not making two stops! (Source: The Simpsons) (Susan Beaumont, Jessica Beaumont, Paul Beaumont, Jadyn Beaumont)

Paul: You can’t say that about my kids! Or at least two of ‘em. (Source: The Simpsons) (Paul Beaumont)

Richard: Uh, I'd like some flowers. Valerie: What kind of flowers? Richard: You know, pretty ones, not dead. Valerie: We have some beautiful long-stem roses. They're $55 a dozen. Richard: One, please. (Source: The Simpsons) (Richard Corbin, Valerie Seaver)

Kiera: Why don't you let people see the good in you? Connor: Because when people see good, they expect good. And I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations. (Source: The Vampire Diaries) (Kiera Bernhardt, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: If being cool is a crime, then you can call me- Brad: A law-abiding citizen. (Source: Tiktok) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Jonas: Can someone tell me why my five-year-old half-sister is such a savage? (Source: Tiktok) (Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: Someone needs to explain…no, seriously. Someone needs to explain…why in the world…is my hedgehog so CUTE?! (Source: Tiktok) (Chloe Seaver)

Adrian: I wouldn’t need to learn how to manage my anger if more people would manage their stupidity. (Source: Tiktok) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Kiera (looking at the stars): Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Jonas (looking at her): Yeah, I guess so. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: A bad reputation is better than no reputation at all. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Mark: How do you keep an idiot waiting? Nick: I don't know, how? Mark: I'll tell you later. Nick: Okay. 30 minutes later Nick: Wait a damn second… Mark: laughing (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Chloe: eats shrimp Mark: Cannibalism. Chloe: I will punt you through a window. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Valerie: Who spilled orange juice in the kitchen? Mark: Not me. Chloe: Not me. Justin: Not me. Valerie: What, so the orange juice just spilled itself? Mark: I never did trust that orange juice. (Source: Tumblr) (Valerie Seaver, Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Colin: Are you ever going to listen to me? Peter: Yes. Absolutely. Colin: When? Peter: When you're right. (Source: Tumblr) (Colin Gardner, Peter Gardner)

Connor: I feel weird, like someone took all my problems away and everything is good in the world. Mark: …That's called happiness, Connor. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Mark: See, the problem with getting older is you get in more and more trouble for decking your siblings. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: Why’s Alicia crying? Kiera: She thinks she stepped on a ladybug. Jonas: Thinks? Kiera: It was a red M&M. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Kiera: picks up Lilith Explain to me why you’re so cute. Lilith: Meow. Kiera: Fascinating. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Lilith)

Mia: Lovey-dovey bitch syndrome is destroying my brain. (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson)

Brad: Who would have thought you have a soft side, Mia? Mia: I don’t. Brad: shows her a picture of Jonas Mia: lips trembling Fuck. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)

Chloe: I’m short, which means that all my rage is concentrated. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver)

Lauren: No! You don’t get any pets after peeing on the carpet! Dandelion: climbs in her lap Lauren: … Lauren: starts petting Dandelion You're lucky you're adorable. (Source: Tumblr) (Lauren Reinholt, Dandelion)

Chloe: Do I look like I give a fuck about you? Jonas: You're holding my hand and gazing into my eyes. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Connor: punches Morgan in the shoulder Morgan: Ow! What was that for? Connor: I don't know yet, but I'm sure you've done something. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Connor: You're annoying. Morgan: But you love me. Connor: Doesn't make you any less annoying. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Chloe: Request for you not to be a bitch. Mia: Request denied. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Mia Thompson)

Morgan: Connor, you’re my brother and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart)

Brad: Please, Jonas…after everything we went through together. You can’t do this. Jonas: I'm sorry, Brad. Brad: I'm begging you, don't do it. Jonas: It has to be done… Brad: … Jonas: … Brad: … Jonas (placing a Draw-4 card): Uno. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: I’m much more than a pretty face. Chloe: Since when do you have a pretty face? (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Chloe Seaver)

Morgan: Sibling fights don’t end in apology. Connor and I just walk around the house and don’t talk to each other for a couple hours and then one of us will pop our head in the other’s room and ask if we want food. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart)

Nick: The fact that I’m considered an adult is both terrifying and hilarious. (Source: Tumblr) (Nick Murphy)

Zane: carves "Zane + Sarah" into a tree Sarah: What a nerd. adds "4-Ever" (Source: Tumblr) (Zane Kessler, Sarah Reinholt)

Mia: How come Jonas still doesn't understand that I like him? Jasmine: All you do is stare at him like a creep, and when you’re actually talking to each other, you’re mean to him. Mia: I'm not mean. That's me flirting. Jasmine: Oh boy. (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson, Jasmine Kessler)

Morgan: You need anger management classes. Connor: You need shut the fuck up classes. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Morgan: When I was six, my brother told me that old people sag because they’re being pulled to hell and I cried. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart)

Nate (bad at flirting): I like your name. Alicia (equally as bad): Thanks, I got it for my birthday. (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman, Alicia Ramsey)

Alicia: I have to do something scary today. politely asks for something incredibly reasonable (Source: Twitter) (Alicia Ramsey)

Mark: People be like “it cost $0 to be kind” like being mean isn’t free too. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver)

Nate: My problem is that I expect everyone to have common sense, and they don’t. (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman)

Kiera: Cat logic is so simple yet so effective. Don't like something? Smack it as far away from you as possible. Flawless reasoning. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt)

watching a movie Samantha: What's happening? Jonas: I don't know. Samantha: Why not? Jonas: You keep asking questions. (Source: Twitter) (Samantha Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Donna: Help me fold the laundry. Jonas: Why? Donna: So we can put it away. Jonas: Or we could just leave it in the laundry basket and pull it out as we need it. Donna: There’s a flaw in your plan, but I’m not seeing it. (Source: Twitter) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: I tell Lilith “I know” whenever she talks to me, but truthfully? I have no idea. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Connor: I hate to brag, but I can make a therapist anxious. (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart)

Nate: I swear I'm the only one here with a braincell… Jonas and Brad: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell! (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Principal Mazlish: We have a ten dollar fine for swearing on campus. Connor: Shit. Principal Mazlish: Pay up. Connor: hands him a twenty Keep the fucking change. (Source: Twitter) (Viktor Mazlish, Connor Urquhart)

Lauren: As an older sister, I can confirm we are the backbone of society and deserve financial compensation. (Source: Twitter) (Lauren Reinholt)

Jonas: Whoever said that all women are delicate and friendly obviously never met Chloe. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid. Morgan: Connor. Connor: internal rage (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Thom (watching the news): Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium. Kyle (covered in ink): Maybe the squid was being a dick. (Source: Twitter) (Thom Anderson, Kyle Levy)

Kiera: When I woke up this morning, I meditated, did 50 push-ups, drank green tea and went for a 30-minute walk. Jonas: When I woke up, I spent an hour just waking up. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Today was awful. Morgan (trying to be positive): Tomorrow is a new day! Connor: Is that a threat? (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Kiera (babysitting Samantha): Hey. Let’s play a game. It’s called “See who can be quiet the longest.” Samantha: Cool! My mommy and daddy love that game! (Source: Up) (Kiera Bernhardt, Samantha Corbin)

Connor: I’d ask why you’re upset, but I don’t care. (Source: Victorious) (Connor Urquhart)

Lauren: I'm a lesbian. Jessica: I thought you were American. (Source: Vine) (Lauren Reinholt, Jessica Beaumont)

Mia: I saw you hanging out with Jonas yesterday. Chloe: M-Mia! It's not what you think! Mia: I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH! cocks toy gun (Source: Vine) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Sarah: There’s only three things guaranteed in life: death, taxes, and a group of theater kids eating at Denny’s after their last production of Hamlet. (Source: Vine) (Sarah Reinholt)

Kiera: When playing Mario Kart, there's that one friend. Jonas: Alright! Let's do Rainbow Road! Brad and Chloe: … Kiera: Don't be that friend. Jonas: screams as the gang lock him in a closet (Source: Vine) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: Please, be nice to my siblings. I’m the only one allowed to torment them. (Source: Winx Club) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: I love when you pretend to be mean. Mark: Well, I’m not pretending, but thank you. (Source: Wizards of Waverly Place) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Brad: God, I love Nephilim, there is no one better. Jonas: Wrong, Kiera is the most amazing person in the world. (Source: YouTube) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Lydia: I wonder who invented the meatball. Morgan: What do you mean, 'invented'? Lydia: Well, some guy back in the fifteenth century must have said, "Yes, meat is good, but it would be even better in ball form." (Source: Zoey 101) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate? Nate: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for Photoshop’ pirate. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

#incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #my ocs #long post #really long post #don't click the keep reading unless you have time to spare

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