#source: a crap guide to d&d

[fore-seer]

laurent attends a regular magic school (gone wrong)

[incorrect-esmp-quotes]

Nowls: I've never had a student score zero in everything.

Shelby: What do you mean?! I chose the perfect spell for every situation!

Nowls: Well, you answered "fireballs" for every situation.

Shelby: What do you mean, person within fireball distance?

[youtubeminuscontext]

A chaotic evil will lie about not fucking your dad again and then burst into his bedroom the second you blink like a really slutty weeping angel.

JoCat

[unhappy-sometimes]

a 2024 writing retrospective (for sxf fanfic)

ignore the fact that i’m a few days late. i’ve been unbelievably busy the past couple weeks.

in this post i’ll go over the fics i wrote in 2024 think of it as an extremely extended author’s notes. i love to talk and will do so when given the chance.

i’ll start from my latest fic and work my way backwards. spoilers for everything i’ve written in 2024.

(Very) Stupid

Something that I try really really hard to maintain in my writing is believability, specifically when it comes to writing characters. Characters acting out of character is one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves: if I wanted to read about someone’s oc, then I would’ve read a regular book. That being said, I think a lot about how Twilight would actually act like if he were in love. I had an interesting conversation with @cantareincminor forever ago about how he’s so emotionally constipated that it’s kind of difficult to write Twilight in love without making him a bit ooc. Right now in canon it’s hard to imagine him falling head over heels for anyone (in my opinion, anyway).

That being said there are moments in canon where he acts flustered in situations that could be interpreted as romantic. So, for right now, my hypothesis is this: if and when Twilight falls in love, he’s going to be an absolute fool. He’s going to do his usual overthinking and overanalyizing, so much to the point that he starts hesitating over the smallest things.

(Very) Stupid is how I imagine all of that unfolding, although for the sake of comedy I did push things to the absurd. Sometimes Twilight does things in canon with such certainty of “Yes, of course normal people do this, I’m nailing this normalcy thing” that he fails to realize he’s being kinda ridiculous. I also wanted to take that element and incorporate it into a fic.

I also wanted to try subverting expectations (ooh fancy literary term) by having them do romantic things that lead them nowhere. I tried to cram in as many tropes as I could—feeding each other with a fork, only one bed, first kiss—but do so under the guise of Twilight completely missing how dumb he’s being the entire time. He only realizes his feelings until after their first kiss, specifically when Yor surprises him with a quick peck on the cheek. This, of course, was deliberate. I figured that it’d make the most sense if Twilight would only realize his feelings in a situation where he wasn’t the one initiating a (somewhat) romantic gesture because he theoretically wouldn’t be overthinking it. Instead, Yor just sneaks in when his guard is down <3

Endings are usually the hardest things for me to write and (Very) Stupid was no exception. I almost had Twilight pass out at the breakfast table when he kisses Yor but then I realized I’d made him faint in almost every fic I’ve written this year and that felt like a cop out. But I figured it out and I don’t mind the way the ending turned out :D

Also, kind of a random reference, but the title is slightly inspired by VERY NICE by Seventeen lol

Holy crap I’ve written so much for only one fic so far. My apologies in advance.

21 Eden Street

I won’t go into too much detail for 21 Eden Street because it’s still ongoing, but I just wanna brag about how fun it is to write hehe. It’s really enjoyable to write pure crack and come up with stupid and insane ideas with Cantare. You don’t need to have seen either iteration of 21 Jump Street to understand what’s going on. Honestly, we’ve taken very little from the source material and treated it more like a loose guide and a basis for brainstorming.

Don’t worry, we haven’t abandoned it! Cantare is waiting on me to finish writing my chapter (hehe sorry, Cantare!) and soon it’ll be back up and running.

Seeing things

Ah, Seeing Things, my beloved <3

This fic has the least amount of hits out of everything I’ve written (which is not surprising to me) but I hold it very dear to my heart. There’s not a specific reason why other than I just really enjoyed writing it. I also spent a ton of time making supplementary drawings and a whole hype campaign for it, too, so I kinda am obligated to feel some sorta way about it.

Anyway, the way this fic came about is simple; I just had the things I am most afraid of happen to Twilight. Yes, I’m scared of serial killers and my loved ones dying like everyone else, but something I am absolutely terrified of are hallucinations. That and doppelgangers.

Not being able to tell reality apart from fiction activates the flight or fight senses in me. Real life can be scary, yes, but reality is bound by the rules of reality. Literally anything can happen in fiction. The most horrific, awful things are possible in fiction and if those things suddenly become possible in reality???? Girl I am GONE. Passing away. Curling up in a fetal position in the nearest corner. I don’t know if that makes any sense. If I ever start seeing things that I can’t be sure are actually happening or not, I am choosing to die right then and there. Doppelgangers as a concept are also really scary to me. It’s like stranger danger but times a thousand because you can’t tell who the strangers are anymore.

In my initial draft, there wasn’t nearly as much of a tension between Twilight and Yor. If I recall correctly, by then I’d written to nearly the end and realized that for Yor this whole experience has been Loid acting just a little more weird than usual. It might’ve been Cantare’s suggestion (just assume everything after Guy’s Night has been beta’d by Cantare and you’ll be mostly right) but I realized that Twilight probably would start to suspect the people around him were screwing with him. I added the scene where his room was messed up and it all fell into place hehe.

I don’t like writing gore or the like because I feel like typical gore quickly starts escalating into levels of pain that the average reader has no possibility of comprehending and it loses its efficacy. Instead I tried feeding into Twilight’s paranoia, adding things that in isolation are just weird but when put together are unsettling. I shamelessly stole the fourth room hallway from Impossible Landscapes, a Delta Green campaign that I highly recommend you check out if you enjoy surreal horror. I purposefully kept some things vague, like the things Anya sees in Twilight’s mind, the way Handler’s face gets warped, or the description of “the watchers” because I felt like going into detail would lose the unknown-ness of it all. That and I’m lazy heehee.

In some way, canon Spy x Family does deal with ideas of doppelgangers and paranoia. Spies are constantly afraid of being listened in on, they don’t know if they can trust anyone, and they always have to keep an eye over their shoulder. For someone who is always a little scared of being spied on (I cover my phone and laptop cameras for that exact reason), that kinda sounds like torture. Seeing Things was a fun way to crank that paranoia up to a hundred. It was especially fun writing the museum scene because I tried thinking of things that are just ever so slightly off, things that theoretically could exist but clearly don’t.

I also threw in other things I’m scared of, like being watched, being followed, the dark, and the bathroom at night just to be extra mean to Twilight <3

Anyway, I’m rambling and this analysis post will be a novel if I keep this up.

Guy’s Night

I do recognize the insane tone shift going from Seeing Things to Guy’s Night.

What is there to even say about Guy’s Night? I got the idea from Psych (the Last Night Gus episode) who got the general basic from the Hangover movies. I wrote it all out in a few days, one of which I was sick in bed. I don’t know what to say.

Looking back on it, I don’t love the way it turned out. I’m glad I wrote it but where I usually don’t mind rereading my stuff for fun I do kinda cringe at Guy’s Night. It relies on a lot of contrivances which I tried masking with humor but it’s still a bit obvious. If you make a timeline of the previous night’s events, it only kinda makes sense.

It doesn’t help that I went into it with no plan whatsoever. I just sat down and said what happens happens. When I wrote in chapter one that something had happened between Loid and Yor, I didn’t know what that was. When I wrote Loid saying “we need to see what’s on that camera film” I was right there next to him saying “buddy, so do I because I have no idea.” When wrote Franky saying that his friend Marko might have answers, I was hoping he would too because I, like everyone else, didn’t know what was going on either.

The ONE thing I DID know was that Twilight got a tattoo the night before. That was it. That’s all.

I don’t typically plan out everything when I write but I usually have a good idea. For Guy’s Night, I had a bad idea in that I had no idea. It kinda shows. Sorry.

That being said, it was incredibly fun writing their drunk shenanigans and banter. The dynamic between Twilight, Franky, and Yuri was so goofy that I’ve seriously debated writing a sequel of sorts. However that’s incredibly unlikely. If I ever do write a sequel, it’d be a Girl’s Night with Yor and a combination of female characters, probably Sylvia and Fiona.

After Peace (and Glimpses of Happiness)

A quick heads up: I don’t go into detail but I do discuss mental illness in this segment.

I am incredibly proud of how After Peace turned out. Not only did it receive a really good reception for being my first fic ever, but it also helped me work through some things in my own life. It’s important to give some context.

I wrote After Peace shortly after graduating college. I won’t go into specifics, but college was really, really difficult for me. I had been so excited for this next step in my life after graduating high school but instead it turned out to be one of the hardest experiences of my life. Depression came out of nowhere and stomped me into the ground.

I used to have very high expectations for myself; I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life and I was taking steps to work towards those goals. Then my mental health tanked and suddenly everything just felt so difficult and pointless. I’d sleep all day and then hate myself when the sun started to set because that meant I’d wasted an entire day doing nothing when I was supposed to be working towards something. But I just couldn’t do it anymore.

That’s something I’ve noticed that a lot of media gets wrong about depression sometimes. It doesn’t always make you feel sad. Sometimes it just sucks everything out of you—sadness, happiness, anger, everything. I stopped drawing, stopped listening to music, stopped eating, stopped exercising, stopped doing everything that I enjoyed because it felt like the equivalent of doing the dishes. Everything was a chore, even the things that I liked.

What really changed things around was when my poor roommate, who was sick of me sleeping for twenty hours a day, dragged my sorry self to the free counseling services on campus. It’s doesn’t fix everything, but having someone who cares about you and you care about can really help your mental health.

Anyway, let’s not forget I’m talking about an anime fanfiction here haha.

After Peace really did start out as a couple of doodles but as I started to write it, I noticed that there were a lot of similarities between myself and Loid. No, I am not a former spy turned grumpy hermit, but I did once have great aspirations and now have to settle for what reality offers me. Realizing that worth comes from simply existing was something that I had to understand in order to begin my recovery process.

I’ve always found it kind of sad that if you took away the goal of world peace from Twilight that you’re basically left with nothing. He doesn’t really have hobbies, no real friends, and he never takes a day off. That’s hardly sustainable. Would he really be happy when there’s nothing left to do? I’d like to think so, but I wanted to see what would happen if he wasn’t.

I mentioned this in the end note, but After Peace was also influenced by this comic I was working on years ago that had the similar premise of “grumpy man learns to enjoy life with the help of a young girl” (very original, I know). I doubt that I’ll ever release that comic in the capacity I once intended, but it does live on in my secret second tumblr account of you ever manage to find it.

Anyway, I was worried about writing After Piece because Anya plays a big role and I am Not Good at writing children. It was hard striking a balance between making Anya likeable but still realistic. I don’t interact with children often and, as a youngest sibling, I don’t have much experience with them. Anya has so many layers—being a test subject, being a telepath, being a child—that it was hard managing them all. But I’m okay with how she turned out.

There is a slight problem in that she basically disappears once Yor shows up D:

I debated having Yor in the fic at all but then I realized that without her the emotional climax would have to rely on a four year old’s emotional intelligence and then decided right then and there that Yor had to be in it haha.

Yor’s whole deal with accidentally killing the wrong person was kind of a last minute addition. I do wish I was able to explore that more, but I also feel like she’s emotionally mature enough to forgive herself more quickly than Twilight would. She ends up serving a bit of a role model to him. It was also nice to be able to write them interacting with the truth out on the table and for them to be honest with each other.

Pacing was something that I was very concerned with. Looking back on it now, I’m still worried that things move along a bit quickly. However, I am reminded of some advice my graphic design professors gave me: “Good design is when nothing more can be take away.” And, because I was writing this as fast as possible, you best believe I was taking things away if I didn’t need them. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of dwelling on Twilight’s thoughts for too long so I instead opted for showing him progressing through experiences instead. I think it worked out.

However because I took so many things out I decided to start Glimpses of Happiness, a supplementary fic to After Peace that fills in the cracks, so to speak. I wanted to have more moments between Twilight and the other characters, like stargazing with Anya and growing close to Yor. Right now there’s only one chapter, but I have plans for at least a few more. I also thought it was important to highlight that mental health recovery never truly ends. Just because Yor and Twilight had a nice chat on the roof doesn’t mean that things are suddenly okay. It’s a long process that sometimes never ends and I wanted to show that.

Of course, I can’t talk about After Peace without addressing the Midwest allegations. As I said, yes, this fic was inspired by my childhood in the American Midwest, even though I was nowhere near any mountains. The Midwest is a silly place full of nothing to do but go to your local Walmart for fun, but I think it served a good enough setting for Twilight to chill out and slow down. If I really wanted to do full Midwest, I’d have Twilight watch a tornado touch down on a cornfield from his truckbed, but that feels sort of out of place.

I feel like there’s more to say but I can’t think of anything and I doubt anyone’s actually gonna read all the way down here anyway. But yeah, that’s After Peace.

Oh, and the A.M. AM by Damien Jurado Youtube video currently has nine comments that mentjon falling from a five story building, which I think is really funny.

So now what?

Against my better judgement, I’m still writing. I have a couple projects in the works, especially one big big big one that hopefully I can start publishing soon. Keep an eye out for that.

In the meantime, thanks for a great year! I hope 2025 holds more great things in store for us all!

-unso ^. .^<

[nani-nonny]

Reunion with dialogue 22 & 25 as teen leo is heavily injured

Oooo! Mwehehehe >:D

I like this prompt, right up my alley /lhj

Reunion F!Leo referred to as Leo and Teen Leo referred to as Leon :D

22. “Shit. Shit, that’s a lot of blood.”

25. “You scared us all back there. I... Including me.”

Leo barges through the large sliding doors of the lair’s medbay, followed by the other teens. They were close behind, matching his steps so accurately they could have been stepping as his own two feet. Anxiety and nerves etched their expressions, desperate for Leon to be okay and hoping that Leo can save him.

Leo had only intended this to be another one of his visits. He brought old gear that the teens were enthralled by, despite it being the same equipment used from this present but aged and worn from years in the apocalypse. He didn’t get it but he was willing to give.

But he didn’t expect the kids to be coming home from a mission, bloody and bruised and shocked.

They looked relieved that he had appeared so suddenly, as if it were a miracle that he came at the right time. They struggled to find the right words to tell what had happened, but Leo was quick to register that they were all injured but not as much as Leon. He didn’t need explanations when he picked up Leon from the beaten snapping turtle, and he didn’t need anyone to tell him how badly Leon got hurt from how cold the slider felt in his arms.

Leo had snapped into motion, had beelined straight for the medbay, right where they are now.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Raph asked with a limp, rounding the hospital bed that Leo lay the younger on.

Mikey clung to Donnie’s side with shaking hands, the softshell’s gaze hardened on the unconscious slider lying in the hospital bed. Mikey’s eyes are teary, frowning and worried for his older brother’s life.

Leo ignores their questions as he freezes momentarily when he sees the amount of blood staining his front. It’s too much. And without realizing it, he worries under his breath, “Shit,” he swallows and scans Leon’s front. He searches for the source of the blood, but with so much, it’s hard to see the wound. He curses again, a little louder than he realized, “Shit, that’s a lot of blood.”

Mikey’s grip tightens on Donnie, and the softshell shows no sign of discomfort. Instead, the softshell glares, “You can save him, right?”

Leo ignores Donnie’s question and guides them out the medbay, quickly and leaving no room for disagreement. “Get out, now, I need to start immediately.”

The three boys don’t push back, but they try to get better looks at Leon as they are moved by the elder. They trust Leo, but fear and anxiety makes it hard to stay away. They know they can’t help Leo, they know they can’t help Leon. But they wish they could.

Leo closes the doors on them, locking the medbay shut and immediately gets to work. He makes a mental note of the blood that transferred from his hands to the doors, realizing there’s too much to be wasting time.

“Leon, if you can hear me, just know im going to help you,” Leo assured aloud, making sure his voice is heard through Leon’s unconscious state and from outside the doors.

It took almost two hours. Two hours to stop the bleeding, close the wound, patch up said wound, and ensure Leon’s vitals remained stable. It was touch and go, fear spiking within the elder slider when the younger’s heart stopped. CPR was performed twice, and only sent the surgery back when the wound opened and a new flood of the younger’s blood spilled.

But now, everything is okay.

Leon has been asleep for two hours post-surgery. And not once did Leo allow the others to come in, afraid of the off-chance that Leon might spontaneously scare the crap out of Leo again with another moment of cardiac arrest. And not once had Leo’s eyes shift from the sleeping younger slider. He didn’t want to miss anything.

And it proved to be fruitful when movement was made.

Leo stands at Leon’s bedside, eyes wide with relief when Leon finally stirs awake.

The elder slider forces a large smile, hiding the smile of relief as he leaned into view. He greets happily, “Hey, Champ! Welcome back to the realm of the living!”

Leon frowns as he squints. The lights weren’t on, not since Leo turned them off to tell the younger sleep. But the squinting could be from the pain, and Leo was quick to over a pill, a bag of chips and a water bottle.

“Does it hurt?” Leo asks as he props Leon’s body up slightly with a small pillow.

Leon doesn’t respond, still squinting but opens his mouth slightly, waiting for the pull like a baby bird.

To this, Leo snorts, “Here, bub.” The elder carefully slips the pill into the younger’s mouth and aligns the water bottle to carefully pour water in.

Leon swallows slowly, painfully it seems from the wincing, and closes his eyes when he finishes.

Leo offers a few chips and says, “You need something in your system. And this is all that’s in here.”

Leon eats them slowly, only about three chips but it was fine. Leo would feed him more food later, and better food at that.

But for now, seeing Leon alive and somewhat well was all he could ask for.

And the relief was so large that Leo fell on top of the neighboring hospital bed. His hand raises to his forehead, massaging the stress that accumulated. He sighs with deep relief and in a shaky voice admits, “You scared us all back there. I... Including me.”

Leo remains silent after, not expecting Leon to say anything. He closes his eyes and takes a much needed deep breath. “I’m too old for scares like these, Champ. Take it easy, okay?”

A small hum from Leon was enough as an answer.

[totallycorrectjediorderquotes]

Shaak Ti: Impressive, you know.

Shaak Ti: I mean, I’ve never had a student score 0 in everything before.

Fives: What do you mean? I chose exactly the perfect action for every situation.

Shaak Ti: Well, you answered “Blast 'Em” for every question.

Fives: What’s your point, General within shooting distance?

[incorrecttwsted]

And now we know why he needed those test answers :3c

[incorrectuminekoquotes]

Virgilia: Impressive, you know. I mean, I’ve never had a student score 0 in everything before.

Beatrice: What do you mean? I chose exactly the perfect spell for every situation.

Virgilia: Well, you answered “fireball” for every question.

Beatrice: What’s your point, person within fireball distance?

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

The unplanned fourth part to my apparently-a-series on Essek Thelyss in the context of real-world espionage (parts 1, 2, and 3), today we look at an aspect of his story that doesn’t always apply in a D&D world: how do you prosecute espionage? 

Psych! That’s not the real question. The real question is: do you prosecute espionage? The answer is a) not as obvious as it might seem; and b) going to differ between D&D and the real world, because D&D governments are storytelling tools and IRL governments are...not.

The benefits of prosecuting espionage are obvious: the interests of justice are served, the person responsible can be punished appropriately and in accordance with the law, the full extent of their crimes are revealed (including potentially exonerating other suspects), counterintelligence gets to chalk up a win, and other people thinking about committing espionage themselves are hopefully discouraged. But there are a surprising number of arguments in the “against” column.

Some agencies that identify enemy assets want to leave them in place for their own purposes. For about 20 years during the Cold War CIA reserved the right to just plain not tell the Department of Justice if they had proof someone was engaged in espionage because they wanted the opportunity to turn them as double agents, feed them misinformation, etc. rather than outing and punishing them (President Gerald Ford ended this arrangement by executive order in 1976). This isn’t necessarily a good idea IRL, but it forms the bread and butter of RPG espionage storylines and is definitely something to think about in a D&D context.

In the real world, ideally someone can only be found guilty of a crime and punished accordingly after a trial, and an agency often finds itself with sufficient evidence to doubt a person’s trustworthiness but not enough hard proof to take to court. In those cases agencies may decide to leave that person in place but cut off their access to classified info. Ironically, sometimes this means promoting them - moving the person into a higher-ranking job in a different area that just so happens not to deal in secrets. Sometimes the asset realizes they’re close to being rumbled and goes along with the effort, maybe taking retirement early or changing jobs before they can be pushed, and the whole matter will quietly lapse without anything so formal as a trial. Sometimes someone makes a mistake and sidelines a loyal, competent employee. That’s a judgement call.

In the real world, ideally someone can only be found guilty of a crime and punished accordingly after an open trial. Given how severe the punishments are for espionage, civilized countries do try to stick to that even though holding such a trial carries risks. Providing proof that someone stole secrets generally requires talking about said secrets, which means revealing classified info in court, which may negate trying to keep the information secret in the first place. They may also not want to reveal in court how they figured out that person was a spy, especially if it was a double agent or cryptographic source that fingered them. In D&D-land where monarchs are common and still wield judicial power, fantasy rulers may hand down whatever punishment they please based on whatever evidence they (or the DM) will accept, so this isn’t as much of a concern.

Even a D&D monarchy that doesn’t have to worry about revealing secrets in court might think twice before publicly punishing a high-ranking spy, though, because the only thing more embarrassing than failing to convict a major spy is succeeding. A government having to admit that its people were compromised, especially high-ranking people, is a body-blow to its standing both at home and abroad. It damages trust in the government, makes the public feel unsafe, and makes allies hesitant to share information lest their secrets be leaked as well. Lower-ranking government employees may think, “My boss is selling secrets, why not me too?” or “Why bother to follow security protocol when some mole will give it all away?” Every decision and contribution made by the asset becomes retroactively suspect, even those that had nothing to do with whatever secrets they leaked. The foreign nation to whom they passed information inevitably gets drawn in as well, negatively affecting those relations. And of course everyone involved looks very, very bad.

All of which leads me to say I think there’s a chance - maybe not a good chance, but a chance - that Essek could privately confess the affair to the Bright Queen without major public repercussions. Leylas Kryn could simply declare him a traitor and order his public execution without justifying herself, but it would raise a lot of questions and none of the answers would help her or the ruling dens; Den Thelyss allowing Den Kryn to unilaterally execute a high-profile member - a child of the umavi - without explanation would stoke ferocious rumors about what Essek might have done and cast a major shadow over the entire den. But publicly declaring what Essek had done also doesn’t do the Dynasty any favors. It makes everyone involved look very bad - how could they miss a spy at the highest level? so close to the Bright Queen herself?? who can be trusted??? - especially Den Thelyss, which might lose its place among the ruling three as a result. Publicly outing such a high-ranking Kryn official as compromised might set off the Dynasty equivalent of a Red Scare, too, since the Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount mentions the constant and well-justified Dynasty fear of agents sent by Lolth to destabilize the Kryn out of sheer spite that they got away from her.

By the time Campaign 2 ended the latest clash between Empire and Dynasty had been settled and neither side seemed to want to stir it up again right away. The fact that both stolen beacons have been returned also bolsters the case for letting the matter lie. A confession from Essek clears up remaining doubt on the Bright Queen’s end - while he doesn’t know every Empire agent in the Dynasty, he can tell her exactly how the beacons were stolen and who else was involved, probably clearing the names of many currently under suspicion. Essek would have to resign as Shadowhand, of course, and leave the Dynasty (at least for a couple centuries), but he never seemed interested in being Shadowhand and he wants to go exploring anyway. Den Thelyss definitely wants the whole affair swept under the rug and would go along with whatever story made that happen. Other than Verin I don’t get the impression many people would miss Essek except as a lost opportunity. I hope they’d give him long enough before leaving Rosohna to pack up his cool leyline-weathervane though. He could totally mount that on Yussa’s tower. Or Allura’s!

And that concludes this particular train of thought re: Essek Thelyss in the context of IRL spies and espionage. Again, all of this is only as relevant to the campaign as the players decide it is, so don’t go giving people crap for being “unrealistic” about their versions of how the beacon trade went down. Frankly the last thing you should want here is realism, because “realistic” espionage is a callous world of deception, manipulation, and general human pettiness with no sense of narrative flow.

None of what I’ve talked about is an excuse for Essek’s actions. But it is a reason. It’s why and how a person entrusted with precious national assets could get into a headspace where it seems reasonable, even necessary, to trade them away to foreign enemies. It’s how a person of otherwise decent character & beliefs can end up committing terrible crimes. It’s why that person might sincerely regret what they’ve done, and not just because they fear punishment. The Warmind Rasputin paraphrases Octavia E. Butler saying, “Misdirected by accident or intent, intelligence can foster its own ecstasies of growth and decay.” In other words: sometimes you get too far into your own head. Without an anchor to reality, without perspective, your own mind gets twisted up. Sometimes you just need a friend (or seven) to grab your arm and say, “Breathe.”

(This accidentally turned into a series on Essek & IRL espionage: Parts 1, 2, 3, 4)

[hardygalwrites]

Whumpmas in July ‘22, Day 1: (re)Introduce Yourself

Day 1 of @whumpmasinjuly (click here for the complete itinerary)

Helloooooo everybody, lovely to meet you! You may technically consider this as a reintroduction post (for reasons I will soon disclose), but this is also technically a pure introduction post, seeing as I never bothered creating an introduction for myself under this URL :]

You may call me HardyGal or simply Hardy. I used to be an active member of the whump community under the URL @shsl-whump from 2018 to 2020. I then suffered something of an early life crisis and transferred all of my content to a completely new URL, @agentangst, in 2021. By the end of 2021, however, decided to withdraw from the whump community for the sake of my mental health and focus. Both tumblrs are now deleted, and I transferred most of my whump content here, to my main writeblr, at the start of 2022.

With all of that history out of the way, even after pulling back from the whump community for a bit, I still love writing whump. Heck, I was able to be a completionist for Whumptober 2021 last year! So maybe think of this as me tentatively dipping my toes back into this lovely community built around making our beloved characters suffer :3

I love all kinds of whump, but I have a particular affinity for character focused whump. That is, whump that serves to really get at the core of a character or at certain aspects of a character - a tortured man reflecting on how he probably deserves his suffering, a survivor of many terrible things mourning the loss of being able to just live life normally, a broken down leader still struggling through every hardship because that is his duty... just for a few off the top examples.

On a related note, I am big for hurt/comfort. Like, oh hell yeah, I’ll beat the absolute hell out of my favourite characters... But building them back up again, guiding them through a recovery, is just as vital to the whump experience as the actual whump, at least for me.

As far as specific whump tropes go, my top five favourites would have to be:

Captivity/Kidnapping

Whump of those in positions of responsibility (leaders, nobles, older sibling types), particularly those new to that position

Torture (and gosh if that doesn’t make me sound like a psycho lol)

Whump of the "strong cinnamon roll” - the one who is overtly emotional, prone to tears or displays of fear, and yet still remains steadfast and stubborn despite that fear

Team whump

You can expect... well, very inconsistent updates and posts, but when I do update/post! you can usually expect some form of whump from me. Even though this writeblr is not specifically a whumpblr, that’s usually what I tend to write. Even if I’m not writing whump, I am at least writing angst lol

Most of my protagonists are dudes, and my settings vary from espionage/spy type stuff, to fantasy stuff, to urban fantasy stuff... Anything that happens to catch my fancy as far as writing goes :)

Other random stuff about me uhhhhh, I wish to be a voice actress someday! My favourite colour is blue! I was born in one country and raised in another! I have been using the name HardyGal since I was middle school age! I play D&D and Call of Cthulhu!

My Team SA37 series was conceived on my old whumpblr and there are a crap ton of pieces from that series that I have not yet re-published and I hope to get back to the series some time! I am working on way too many projects and have way too many ideas!

*gasp*

Anyway, let’s maybe consider this the end of my introduction. I’m sure I’ll have the chance to elaborate more on myself as this month goes on, assuming I can keep up ^-^’

(bear image source)

(’whump’ image source)

(quill image source)

(question mark image source)

[iamtrebleclefstories]

maybe it’s wrong to say I love you - part three Part Three: This Love

this love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead

In honor of Nina’s ( @doc-pickles​ ) birthday, enjoy Part 3 of this fic that has taken my whole heart. It’s a super long, monstrosity of an update, but I hope it’s everything you never knew you needed. It might be my favorite thing I’ve ever written. Let me know what you think in the comments!

Find parts one and two on my Master List

-This love is good-

-This love is bad-

Since deciding to stay in Seattle two days ago, Alex hadn’t had a chance to apologize to Jo for what he’d said. He hadn’t seen her around the hospital and was beginning to worry that maybe he’d caused her to run. Tired of acting like a wuss, Alex finally made his way over to L&D where he knew she spent most of her time. It wasn’t that far or out of the way for him since the NICU was on the same floor, but he didn’t venture to that side more than a couple times a week.

As Alex was nearing the L&D doors, he heard a couple whimpers coming from a supply closet on his left. He paused and pressed his ear to the door, trying to figure out what was going. Realizing that there was definitely someone inside the room crying, Alex knocked quietly and let himself in.

“Hey, I just heard some crying outside and I wanted to make sure everything was okay,” Alex scanned the room for the source of the cries. He locked eyes with teary-faced Jo. “Jo.”

“What are you doing here?” Jo’s eyes red from crying. “I thought you left for Baltimore.”

“I decided to stay,” Alex stepped closer and crouched down to where she was seated in the corner. Jo looked at him expectantly so he responded. “I couldn’t leave things the way they were. I didn’t mean what I said the other night. I’m sorry. We matter. You matter. Our friendship matters. And I don’t know about you, but I’d really love to have my best friend back.”

“I’m sorry too,” Jo sniffled. “I was just… I’m going through something and everything just kind of came crumbling all at once. Part of it was me being pissed as hell at you, but the other part was me just projecting my own issues.”

“Are you okay? Is it Paul?” Alex sat down next to her on the floor. “Because I swear if he got out early and tries to come find you, I’ll—”

“No it’s not Paul,” Jo let out a watery laugh. “It has nothing to do with him.”

Alex watched as Jo began crying again, her chest heaving slightly as she fought with whatever was plaguing her thoughts. Unable to resist this time, Alex placed his arm around her shoulders and brought Jo into a hug for the first time in over three years. He waited patiently as Jo broke down in his arms, rubbing her back and shoulders comfortingly.

There was something about being in Alex’s embrace after so long that made her finally give into the emotions she was feeling. Maybe it was because despite their rocky history, Jo knew she was completely and utterly safe to be one hundred percent herself around him. She felt secure enough to truly process all of the changes she’d experienced in the last seventy-two hours.

“I’m pregnant,” Jo shared quietly after minutes of silence. She felt Alex’s body tense slightly and hesitate in his movements before nodding, a signal for her to continue. “I found out four days ago. I’m about eight weeks.” Jo paused and let her eyes flit over to Alex’s face. His eyebrows were raised in surprise, but he nodded at her to keep going. “I—uh, I’ve been suspecting it for a couple weeks now. I’m a fetal surgeon. I’m surrounded by pregnant women every day.” Jo huffed a laugh. “But, I think I was so far in denial that I didn’t want to recognize it. Anyway, I took a blood test four days ago and it confirmed my suspicion. That’s why I was a mess when we spoke two days ago. I’d been holding onto this secret all by myself and didn’t know how to handle it, so I just yelled at you, because I knew I couldn’t talk to you about what was going on in my life without breaking down exactly like I did a few minutes ago.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Alex asked, concerned. “Does the father know?”

“You remember that douche-bag ex-boyfriend I mentioned?” Jo laughed ironically. “Well, after the argument you and I had, I called him. I thought you were leaving and never wanted to see me again, so I might as well call Jason and see if I could fix things. We were gonna have a baby.” Jo took a deep breath and wiped a couple straggling tears. “When I told him that I wanted to keep the baby, he wasn’t happy. He said that he wasn’t going to put his career on hold and neither should I over a mistake. So, I suggested getting him in the OB program here. We could work together again and raise the baby together… That's when he yelled at me. He wanted me to have an abortion and I said no. Then he said, ‘yeah go ahead and have the baby. You’ll be having it alone in Seattle. Don’t call me again, or try to contact me for help.’ And he hung up.”

“I’m gonna be a single mom,” Jo bit her lip as she tried to hold back some tears. “And I’m okay with that. I’ve come to terms with that. I’m ready for this. I’m ready to be a mom. Sure, the timing could’ve been better and I never pictured it happening this way, but I want this baby. I want to do this. I’m just… I’m scared. What if I’m not good at it?”

“Jo, you’ve never not been good at something,” Alex looked at Jo for a moment in awe. She really was the strongest person he had ever met. “For what it’s worth, I think you’ll be a great mom.”

“I have my first appointment tomorrow,” Jo sighed. “That’s why I was in here, crying. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I never pictured myself going to my first prenatal appointment alone. I could ask Mer or Bailey, but they both have a lot on their plates right now. They don’t need something else to worry about.”

“Why don’t I go with you?” Alex suggested.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Jo made a face and pulled away slightly from his embrace in order to get a good look at him.

“I can go with you,” Alex repeated. “Just tell me what time and exam room you’ll be in and I’ll be there.”

“I don’t know, Alex,” Jo shook her head. “Just because I cried in front of you doesn’t mean you have to feel like you have to go. I can handle it by myself. I’m good at being alone. I’ve gotten used to it.”

“But that’s the thing. You don’t have to be alone. Not anymore,” Alex took her hand in his own. “You’ve got people now. So many people who give so many craps about whether or not you’re okay. You’ve got me and I mean it this time. I know I haven’t given you much reason to trust me, but I want to be your friend again.”

“Alex…”

“Listen, you told me once that you pictured doing this with me, so let me go with you. Not as your boyfriend or whatever, but as your friend. You shouldn’t be alone. You were there for me when I got shot. I didn’t know that back then, but I know that now. I want to be there for you,” Alex’s mouth curved into a crooked grin. “Besides, if I don’t go with you the nurse is gonna give you that stupid pitying look and ask if ‘you wanna discuss your options.’ I’m doing you a favor.”

“You know, I really hate that you know me so well that you knew exactly what to say,” Jo let out a short laugh, “Fine. You can come. My appointment is tomorrow morning at 8am. Meet me here. Don’t be late.”

—————

-This love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh-

8 Weeks

“You came,” Jo stared at Alex in slight disbelief as he walked up to her outside the OB/GYN wing.

“Of course I came. I told you I’d be here,” Alex gave her a shy smile. “You okay?”

“Nervous,” Jo shoved her hand into her pockets. “Just because I want this doesn’t make it any less nerve wracking or scary. I’m just glad I’m not alone.”

“I’m glad you told me and I get to be here with you,” Alex grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. “Did you already sign-in?”

“No not yet,” Jo shook her head. “I haven’t walked in yet. I was waiting.”

“Well, I’m here so, let go,” Alex held the door open and walked closely behind Jo as she went up to the front desk to check in for her appointment. Once she was done, he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her over to a set of chairs in the corner.

After a few minutes, a nurse stepped out and called her name, “Josephine Wilson.”

Jo stood up and looked back at Alex expectantly. He stood up and gripped her hand in his own, walking back towards the exam room with her. The nurse gave her the same instructions that Jo herself had listed off to patients countless times.

“Alright, just remove your pants and get settled onto the exam table, legs in the stirrups. If you want, I’ve left a gown on the table for you to change into. Dr. Hopewell will be in shortly.”

Jo nodded and began removing her scrubs, handing them to Alex who folded them and placed them on the chair next to him. She donned the gown and slipped her panties off swiftly, tucking them in between her pants. She took a shaky breath as Alex helped her up onto the table, “Thank you. For coming. It means a lot. It’s nice to not be alone.”

“There’s no place I’d rather be,” Alex pressed a kiss on the hand that was being held firmly in his own. “You are and always have been my best friend. You were there for me in my darkest moments and you celebrated with me during some of my happiest ones. There’s no way I’d want to be anywhere else rather than here with you, right now. And if you let me, I plan on being here for you for the long run.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. A young woman in her thirties walked in, a surprised look on her face, “Dr. Wilson. And Dr. Karev. It’s a surprise seeing you here.”

“Dr. Hopewell,” Jo smiled shyly. “Call me Jo. We work together and you’re about to see all my lady-bits so might as well drop the formalities.”

Dr. Hopewell chuckled, “Well, Jo, call me Amanda.” She got into position and fired up the ultrasound machine as Jo placed her legs up in the stirrups. “I have to say, I didn’t expect to see you on this side of the table.”

“Neither did I,” Jo mumbled. “But life happens and you roll with the punches.”

“So I take it this was not a planned pregnancy,” Amanda asked.

“Definitely not,” Jo huffed a short laugh. “But it is wanted.”

“Okay,” Amanda smiled and looked over at Alex. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I—uh, I’m not the dad,” Alex stuttered. “I’m just here to support Jo.”

“Alex is my best friend,” Jo looked up at Alex to see his face of surprise at her admitting that she still saw him that way after so many years. “He didn’t want me to be alone for my first appointment.”

“That’s really kind of you Karev. If only there were more friends like you,” Amanda gave him a small smile before turning her attention back to Jo. “I don’t mean to pry, but I just want to have all the facts straight so that way I can best support you during this pregnancy. Is the father out of the picture?”

“Yes,” Jo answered, biting her lip. “It’s just me.”

“Alright,” Amanda nodded. “You know that means that I will be available to you should you ever need my help. You also need to surround yourself with a great support system. You need people that will help you when you need help, even when you’re too stubborn to ask for it. Single moms are notorious for believing that they are not allowed to ask for help. Don’t fall into that trap. Find your people, your tribe. Although, I see you are off to a very good start considering that Dr. Karev is here with you today.”

“She’s got people,” Alex gave Jo a crooked smile and turned back to Dr. Hopewell. “So, are we gonna see this baby or what?”

“Yes! Alright, Jo, we’re doing a vaginal ultrasound today. I’m going to stick the transducer inside you now. It’s going to be cold and you might feel some pressure or discomfort, but never pain. If it hurts let me know and I’ll stop,” Amanda smiled encouragingly. “Okay, I’m starting now.”

Jo winced slightly at the intrusion of the transducer and tried her best to stay relaxed. She felt Alex run his free hand through her hair, providing a welcome distraction as Hopewell looked on the screen for the fetus. Amanda moved and adjusted her position a few times before an image finally came up on screen, “Aha, there it is. There’s your baby.”

Jo watched in wonder as she saw the tiny blob on the screen. She felt Alex squeeze her hand again as he laughed, “Hey, would you look at that. There’s a baby in there. A tiny Baby Wilson.”

“Woah,” Jo let out and smiled. She looked over to Amanda who’d been taking some measurements. “Can we hear the heartbeat?”

“Of course,” Amanda reached over on the machine and punched some buttons before a steady, quick sound exited the speakers.

“Oh,” Jo gasped and lifted a hand to cover her mouth as she listened to her baby’s heartbeat flutter through the speakers. Tears collected in her eyes at the sound. “Hey, baby.”

“Jo, you’re gonna be a mom,” Alex grinned down at her and wiped a couple tears that had trickled down her face. He felt his own eyes grow watery at the sight and sound of the little life currently developing in Jo’s womb.

Fifteen minutes later, Jo and Alex were walking out of the exam room, each with an ultrasound photo in their hands. Alex beamed as he looked down proudly at the picture he was holding, “I’m gonna put this on my fridge.”

“You are way too excited about this,” Jo rolled her eyes.

“Of course I’m excited,” Alex wrapped his arm around Jo’s shoulder. “I’m going to be an uncle!”

“An uncle?” Jo raised her eyebrows. “Who said that you’re going to be an uncle?”

“I did,” Alex replied simply. “I better be an uncle. Actually, I better be the godfather.”

Jo’s eyes shined in amusement, “We’ll see.”

“We’ll see?” Alex made a face. “Oh, hell no. You want to continue having an appointment buddy, I want to at least be Uncle Alex.”

“Fine. You can be Uncle Alex,” Jo laughed.

“Thank you.”

—————

-These hands had to let it go free, and-

-This love came back to me, oh, oh, oh-

11 Weeks

“You okay?” Alex lingered in the doorway of the bathroom of the frat house as he heard Jo puking into the toilet.

“No,” Jo groaned and lifted her head to see Alex’s look of concern. “I’m sorry. I know I came over to help you furnish this place since obviously neither you or Cristina are capable of doing it on your own and now I’m here monopolizing your bathroom.”

“Jo, it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize for having morning sickness,” Alex walked into the bathroom and crouched down by Jo, pulling her hair back. “I thought you’d gotten past the morning sickness already, though.”

“So did I,” Jo retched.

“Ew, morning sickness Jo?” Cristina entered the bathroom.

“Uh huh,” Jo nodded weakly, leaning her head against Alex’s chest. “I think I’m okay. You guys can go. I’m just going to rinse my mouth out.”

“Okay,” Alex motioned for Cristina to follow him out of the bathroom.

Cristina and Alex wandered into the kitchen and waited for Jo to come out of the bathroom. Cristina stared at the eight week ultrasound photo on the fridge that had given away the news of Jo’s pregnancy when she saw it hanging after showing up unannounced. She eyed Alex suspiciously, “You’re really invested in this.”

“Of course I am. She’s my best friend,” Alex scrunched his face in confusion.

“Are you sure the kid isn’t yours?” Cristina raised an eyebrow.

“Already told you it isn’t,” Alex shot Cristina an unimpressed look. “She’s eleven weeks pregnant. She’s been back for seven. I think you know how to add. Besides, it’s not like that between us. We’re just friends.”

“Just friends my ass,” Cristina scoffed. “I’ve been back for two days and I can tell you are still as in love with her as you were the first time.”

"Okay, yeah i love her. So, what?" Alex shrugged. "I think I always will, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna do anything about it. She's pregnant and she's moved on and she doesn't need me complicating her life with feelings. Maybe one day it will be different, but right now, this is the way things are. So, I'm just gonna be a good friend to her and I'm gonna be there for whatever she and this baby need."

"Who are you and what have you done with Evil Spawn?" Cristina mused.

"Shut up," Alex rolled his eyes.

Cristina was about to open her mouth to speak again when Jo walked out of the bathroom. Cristina shut her mouth quickly, gaining a strange look from Jo. Jo narrowed her eyes at her two friends,  "What?"

"Nothing." Cristina and Alex answered in tandem.

"Well, I'm going to Mer's house. I probably won't come back tonight, so try not to burn the house down while I'm gone," Cristina nodded at the pair and made her way out the house.  

“Don’t tell Mer!” Jo yelled after her.

“I won’t,” Cristina yelled back.

"She should've just moved in with Mer and Derek," Jo commented as she watched Cristina walk out the door. “Doesn’t she have a room over there?”

“Yup,” Alex chuckled. “I don’t pretend to understand them.”

Jo forced a smile as she felt some dizziness. She closed her eyes for a second, hoping that Alex wouldn’t notice the shift in her demeanor. Of course, she should’ve known that Alex was overly attentive of her every change in mood.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked as he led Jo to take a seat on the staircase since there wasn’t any furniture in the house yet.

Jo took a couple deep breaths, “Somethings wrong. Alex, something is really wrong.”

“Are you in pain? Are you bleeding?” Alex searched frantically for any sight of blood or tenderness in her abdomen.

“I need to go to the hospital. I need an ultrasound. I need to see my baby,” Jo’s breaths grew shallower.

“Okay, Jo. Calm down. Think rationally. You’re a fetal surgeon. You know what things to look for in case something is wrong. You’re probably just dehydrated,” Alex tried to soothe her.

“That’s my point, Alex. I am a fetal surgeon. I know exactly what can go wrong. I have every worst case scenario running through my head right now and that scares the crap out of me because I didn’t know you could love someone so much. If something goes wrong, I can’t help this baby. I can’t operate on myself,” Jo placed a hand on her still flat stomach and wiped a couple straying tears with the other. “So please, don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I ask you to take me to the hospital. Something doesn’t feel right. Please, I just want an ultrasound. I need to make sure my baby is okay.”

Alex saw her distress and conceded, "Okay. We'll go right now."

By the time they’d arrived at the hospital, Jo had begun bleeding. She was shaking with fear as Alex helped her out of the car and carried her into the ER. He bypassed the front desk and placed her on an empty bed, ignoring the confused stares from the likes of Owen and Bailey.

Alex flagged down an intern and barked orders, fear evident in his voice, “You! Drop whatever you’re doing. Get me a portable ultrasound right now!”

The terrified intern scurried over to do as Alex had instructed. Alex leaned down to press a light kiss on Jo’s forehead as she clutched his hand tightly, “Hey. You’re okay. Whatever happens, you’ll be okay. Do you want me to page Hopewell or Herman?”

“No, we don’t call the big guns until there’s something to worry about,” Jo shook her head. “You do it. I trust you.”

“What’s going on here?” Owen asked as he walked up to Jo’s bed.

“Is everything alright, Wilson?” Bailey rushed over to Jo’s bedside.

“I think I might be having a miscarriage,” Jo trembled.

Bailey’s eyes opened wide, “Oh sweetheart.”

“Where the hell is that damn ultrasound?” Alex growled in annoyance.

“Right here!” The intern Alex had tasked with retrieving the ultrasound machine finally came back with the device in hand. “Do you want me to—”

“Just give it to me,” Alex grabbed the machine and got it ready. He had Jo pull up her shirt and he squirted the gel on her abdomen, placing the probe on her stomach. The doctors let out a collective sigh of relief when they heard the heartbeat flutter through the speakers. “It’s okay, Jo. You see? The baby is okay. He or she is in there having a party.”

“Oh thank God,” Jo let out a quiet sob, feeling Bailey smooth her hair down in a comforting manner. She placed her hand on the screen. “Hi baby. You scared the crap out of me. Don’t do that ever again, please. I already love you so much.”

Alex felt all his worries dissipate as he spoke to Jo’s stomach, “God, you really enjoy freaking us out, don’t you?”

“You’re having a baby? My baby is having a baby?” Bailey asked, a smile on her face.

“Yeah,” Jo nodded and wiped a few tears away. “I’m having a baby.”

“Congratulations,” Owen smiled sincerely. He turned to look between Alex and Jo. “So are you two back together or..?”

“Oh, no. I’m not the dad,” Alex laughed awkwardly. “I’m just here as a friend. She was at my house to help me pick out furniture when she asked me to take her to the hospital.”

“Hmm,” Bailey raised an eyebrow, partly unconvinced, partly sure that those two would be together again eventually. “Well, I’m going to call OB down to give you a full work-up. They’ll take blood work and everything.”

“Yes, I’ll make sure that we figure out what’s going on. The baby looks fine though, so I’m not sure why you’re bleeding,” Owen spoke to Jo. “I’m also going to set you up in a room overnight. I know that’s not common but I also know that if I release you, you’re going to want to come in tomorrow morning to work and that’s not going to happen. So, you’re staying here.”

“Fine,” Jo huffed. “But only because I know I need to take it easy if I want to keep cooking this baby for six more months.”

“I’ll stay with you,” Alex said as he wiped the gel off of her stomach and put the machine away.

“Alex, you don’t have to. I’ll be okay on my own,” Jo placed a hand on his arm.

“I know you will. But you don’t have to be. I want to stay with you,” Alex insisted, covering her hand with his own. “Let me stay with you.”

“Okay,” Jo‘s lips twitched slightly.

Bailey and Owen watched from the side as Alex fretted over Jo and yelled at interns to do their jobs right. The two exchanged a look and Owen spoke, “For someone who isn’t the father, he sure is acting like it.”

“He’s in love with her,” Bailey shrugged. “He’s been in love with her practically since day one. He hasn’t said it, but he could care less if that baby was his or not. She’s his person. He’s still going to love her. He’s still going to be there for her and protect her. That’s who he is.”

——————

-Lantern, burning-

-Flickered in the night, only you-

13 Weeks

“Guess what!” Jo grinned as she walked into the attendings’ lounge.

“What?” Cristina asked as she looked up from the medical journal she’d been reading.

“Look!” Jo lifted up her shirt to reveal the tiniest beginnings of the curve of her stomach. “I’m starting to get a bump!”

“Hey baby Wilson,” Alex beamed and walked up to place a hand on Jo’s abdomen. “It’s good to see you.”

“You’re such a dork,” Jo rolled her eyes. “Anyway, that’s not the only reason I came in here this morning. I also have the results back from the prenatal screening. Baby seems to be completely healthy.”

“That’s great,” April said from her spot by the coffee machine.

After Jo’s scare that had her in the hospital a two weeks ago, everyone found out about her pregnancy rather quickly. After all, gossip made its way around the hospital like wildfire. It wasn’t a surprise when Jo woke up the morning after the ordeal to find Meredith glaring at her from the doorway of her hospital room. Once the initial shock and round of questions wore off, everyone had gotten excited and supportive rather quickly.

“Okay, so what’s the verdict?” Meredith asked. “Am I getting fifty dollars from Avery or not?”

“I’m the one getting the fifty dollars. It’s definitely a girl,” Jackson crossed his arms over his chest in confidence.

“Nope,” Meredith shook her head. “It’s definitely a boy. Jo is such a boy mom. She gives off boy mom energy.”

“Okay everyone say your last minute predictions before I open up the envelope,” Jo chuckled.

“I say boy,” Callie took a sip of her coffee.

“Girl,” Bailey narrowed her eyes. “Yes. A girl.”

“It’s gonna be a girl,” Cristina flipped through the pages of her medical journal. “Alex is the godfather. There’s no way this kid isn’t going to end up being Evil Spawn’s worst nightmare. It has to be a girl.”

“I second that,” Derek laughed.

“No, I think it’s a boy,” Richard placed a hand on his chin.

“A boy,” April pitched. “No, a girl. No… yes… a girl. Final answer.”

“I say a boy,” Arizona smiled.

“I’m gonna go with a boy as well,” Owen nodded with Arizona.

“What about you Evil Spawn?” Cristina asked. “What do you think the baby is gonna be?”

“I don’t really care to be honest,” Alex shrugged. “As long as my godchild is happy and healthy, I could care less… but I kind of hope it’s a girl.”

“Alright, stop messing around and open the envelope,” Meredith urged.

“Okay,” Jo took a deep breath and tore the envelope open, carefully removing the paper from inside. She unfolded it and gasped. “It’s a girl!”

“Pay up Grey!” Jackson held his hand out as Meredith grumbled and retrieved fifty bucks from her purse.

“It’s a girl!” Alex grinned brightly and wrapped Jo in a tight hug. “You’re having a Baby Girl Wilson.”

“You should name her Cristina,” Yang shouted across the room. “Cristina Wilson has a nice ring to it.”

“No way,” Jackson shook his head. “Her name is gonna be Avery Wilson. I’m the one who said she was gonna be a girl first.”

“You could always go with Robbin,” Arizona smiled. “It’s a sweet nature-y name.”

“If she names the baby after anyone, it’s going to be me,” Meredith rolled her eyes. “I’m the one who kept in contact with her and helped her all those years. Besides, she has so many options if she names the baby after me. There’s Meredith, Mary, Merella, Greyson, Greysie, Mere, and I could come up with a lot of really obscure ones if given the time.”

“Love the suggestions, but not happening,” Jo laughed at her friends. "I'm not going to name her after one of you and have the rest of you hate me for it later."

“Exactly. Jo’s not going to choose between one of you guys to name her child after,” Alex smirked. “Not when we all know that the baby is going to be named Alexandra after me, her Uncle Alex.”

“Shut up,” Jo shoved him playfully. “You’re lucky I’m even letting her call you Uncle Alex. I could revoke that privilege.”

“No you can’t. Because if you did, then I wouldn’t show you the stash of chocolate pudding you’ve been craving in the lounge fridge that no one else is allowed to touch.”

“You got me the pudding I’ve been craving?” Jo gasped.

“Sure did,” Alex opened the fridge to show her the stocked shelves full of multiple boxes of chocolate pudding. “There’s a sticky note with your name on the boxes so that no one takes them. Make sure you ration it wisely.”

Jo stared at the open fridge in joy. She threw her arms around Alex’s neck and hugged him tightly, “You are the best!”

“God, he’s whipped,” Cristina commented to the rest of the doctors quietly observing the pair. “He’s so whipped he doesn’t even realize it.”

“I mean, are you really that surprised?” Meredith shrugged one shoulder. “It’s Jo we’re talking about.”

“I always liked those two together,” Richard leaned against the wall. “I never understood why he married Stevens. Not that she wasn’t a great girl—because she was—but Karev and Wilson were always different.”

“Sometimes it takes you awhile to find your way back home,” Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith. “They’ll figure out eventually.”

“A hundred bucks says they’ll cave and get together after the baby is born,” Jackson placed a bet.

“One-fifty says they get together before the baby is born,” Callie pitched in.

“Two-hundred says they get together before she hits the thirty-week mark,” Arizona grinned.

“Oh please,” Cristina rolled her eyes. “It’s Karev and Wilson. Knowing them, they’re gonna end up having crazy monkey sex for a couple months until someone cracks and word-vomits all their feelings.”

“Two-fifty says they’re going to do it first and have feelings later,” Meredith stuck her hand out in a challenge.

“You’re on,” Jackson shook Meredith’s hand.

Oblivious to the conversation going on around them, Jo and Alex continued lost in their own little world as Jo opened one of the pudding packs. Jo let out a moan, “Hell yes. This is exactly what I’ve been craving.”

“Glad you and the baby are enjoying it,” Alex smiled at her proudly.

“Ooh! I almost forgot to ask, are you going to come with me to look at more houses today after work?”

“Yeah, I’ll go with you,” Alex reached over to take a spoonful of her pudding, gaining a glare from Jo. “I don’t know why you’re so focused on trying to buy a house. Your apartment is really nice. It’s twenty minutes away from the hospital and five minutes away from me.”

“It’s a fifth floor studio apartment that has no elevator,” Jo scoffed. “I don’t exactly love the idea of having to carry my baby as well as groceries up five flights of stairs.”

“Good point,” Alex nodded. “Well, I’ve got surgery in twenty minutes, but I will see you later.”

“Sounds good,” Jo stuffed her face with another serving of chocolate pudding.

By the time the end of their shifts rolled around, Jo was utterly exhausted. Being in her second trimester, Jo was hoping that she’d gain some of her energy back soon. She’d seen plenty of moms that bounced back from various states of exhaustion once they made it past the twelve to fourteen week mark.

Jo was slumped against one of the benches outside the hospital when she heard Alex’s voice behind her, “Someone looks like they need a nap.”

“What I need is a foot rub. I just got out of a TTTS procedure and I don’t know why but my feet are burning,” Jo cast a sideways glance to Alex. “I just got off the phone with my real estate agent and guess what?

“What?” Alex asked as he sat down beside her.

“The house that I was considering has been sold.”

“Crap. Really?” Alex frowned. “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Jo shrugged. “All of the other houses in my budget are an hour and a half away from the hospital so that’s not going to work. I guess I’m just going to have to stay in my studio apartment.”

“Why don’t you just officially move into the house with me and Cristina? You’re there all the time anyway,” Alex suggested.

Jo looked at Alex strangely, “You do know I’m having a baby right?”

“I’m not stupid,” Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. Don’t worry. I’ll help you with the crib.”

He obviously was not understanding what Jo was trying to say. Jo stared at him dumbfoundedly, “That's not what—Are you sure? I don’t think Cristina is gonna like having to live across the hall from a screaming baby in a few months. I don’t think you’re going to want to sleep across the hall from a screaming baby either.”

“Jo, I’m serious,” a genuine expression on Alex’s face. “Move in with us. Cristina is barely home, she’s not gonna care. If anything, she’ll be happy because now her rent is gonna go down.”

“I don’t know… it feels weird,” Jo wrinkled her brow in thought.

“Why would it be weird?” Alex asked honestly. “Jo, it’s a frat house. Mer always left that house open for whoever needed it and as long as I own it, I’m gonna do the same. It’s your home, and you’ll always have a place there if you need it.”

“You’re absolutely positive about this?”

“Yes, Jo. I’m positive,” Alex held her hand gently. “Move into the house. I want you there.”

Jo looked down at their interlocked hands shyly and sighed, “Okay.”

——————

- Your kiss, my cheek -

- I watched you leave-

16 Weeks

“Ugh,” Jo groaned in frustration as she threw another failed attempt at knitting a pair of baby booties at the wall of her bedroom, feeling hot tears running down her face.

“You okay?” Alex popped his head into the room only to see Jo laying there on the bed with tear-stained cheeks.

“No!” Jo cried. “I can’t get this stupid thing right. I am a maternal fetal surgeon who can perform complicated procedures on tiny babies in the womb but I can’t even knit a damn pair of booties for my baby.” Jo covered her face with her hands and let out a muffled shout. “I’m sorry. It’s the hormones… so many damn hormones.”

Alex cautiously took a seat on the bed. He placed a hand on her knee causing her to flinch, “Okay… but you’re not in pain or anything right?”

“No,” Jo shook her head, face still covered.

“Then what is it really? Because you can blame it all on the fact that you can’t knit to save your life, but that’s not really gonna help anyone,” Alex’s face twitched up into a grin. “Are you upset about something else? Are you craving something? Because I can run down to the store and get it for you.”

“I’m horny!” Jo shot up into a sitting position, more tears leaking from her eyes. “I’m really freaking horny but I can’t have sex because no one is gonna sleep with a pregnant lady and I just want to have sex Alex, but my baby’s father is a son of a bitch and he’s living across the country and wants nothing to do with us.”

Alex gingerly placed a hand on her back, patting it lightly as she let another frustrated cry into his shirt. With wide eyes and an unsure expression on his face, he decided to make a suggestion, “We can get you a vibrator?”

Jo whipped her head around to look at Alex who shrugged like a dumbass. She let out a huff and flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. He really was an idiot , Jo thought. She attempted to keep her focus on her breathing and the marks on the ceiling when she felt Alex’s hand make its way to her slightly curved belly. He rubbed small circles on it for some moments when she spoke up again.

“Alex.”

“Hmm?”

“I need you to leave.”

“What? Why?” Alex paused his movements to look at her strangely.

Jo groaned, “I need you to leave because I’m very horny and you’re still… very, very sexy and you just—you have to go before I jump your bones.”

Alex raised his eyebrows in amusement, looking as though he wanted to laugh. He really was trying his hardest to be a good friend, but he couldn’t help how funny he found the situation. Thinking of possible ways to help Jo out, Alex slowly moved his hand up from her small bump to her sensitive breasts, pinching her nipples slightly. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “You sure you want me to leave?”

“I changed my mind. Please stay.”

Alex smirked smugly and placed a pillow behind Jo’s back, making sure she was in a comfortable position.

His hand reached underneath her oversized tshirt and brushed against her heat, eliciting a quiet gasp. His fingers found the waistband of her underwear, and he tugged them down as she lifted her ass, letting him pull them over her butt and down past her thighs. Then, lifting one leg at a time and tossing it somewhere on the floor behind him.

He took a moment to collect himself and stare down at her—because God, it had been years since he’d seen her this way and he wanted to savor this moment—before pushing her legs further apart, giving him much better access.

Alex could tell just by looking at Jo that she was already wet. She squirmed impatiently, giving him the perfect view of her glistening skin. Alex held back a groan. Everything within him was crying out to relive those old stolen moments in on-call rooms, the back of his car, and the occasional (but very few) times they were in this very house alone.

He decided to start with his finger, placing it against her and rubbing it up and down and side to side, feeling the dampness beneath his fingers and taking in the feel of her soft, warm folds. He made sure to stroke every inch of her, over and over, concentrating on making sure it was pleasing to her. He could tell by the slight hitches in her breathing that it was.

Jo had almost forgotten what it was like to be touched by Alex. She’d almost forgotten the feel of his thick fingers inside of her. She’d almost forgotten the way he could reduce her to a puddle of incoherent mumbles with just his hands. She was reminded of the stark power and dexterity of his hands as his finger explored her most intimate region.

Alex added a second finger and began to rub her faster and harder, this time going up to her clit and drawing his finger over it. At his touch, Jo made a kind of muffled sound. He went back to rubbing her, alternating his strokes between hard and soft, between slow and quick, repeating the process over and over, never staying with a rhythm for long enough that she would get used to it, listening carefully as her breathing became more shallow and her body quickly grew wetter until he was having trouble staying on her because of the slick.

Finally, he decided, it was time. Alex stroked his fingers downward, but instead of going back up as he had been doing, he slipped a finger inside her, pushing through the wet heat and taking in how amazing she felt around him. God, he had missed this. She was always so tight and hot, and he wanted to stay inside her forever.

His dick ached in his pants at the sound of her soft moans, but this was not about him or what he wanted. This was about Jo. Alex concentrated just on her, moving his finger in and out, pushing in as deeply as he could, slowly at first and then speeding up as he went on.

Jo groaned as he fucked her. “Yes,” she gasped, and closed her eyes. Her hands were fisting the comforter on either side of her. “Yes, Alex. Don’t stop.”

She didn’t need to tell him; he wouldn’t have stopped if his life depended on it. Not with the noises she was making.

He added a second finger, plunging both of them in and out of her, as deep as he could get them. She moaned again, her hips starting to grind against his hand, head tilted back in pleasure.

A feeling of pride spread through his whole body. Watching her starting to come undone and knowing he was the reason, was something else he didn’t think he could explain if anyone asked.

Alex thrust into her harder, curling his fingers up to reach the parts of her body that made her burn with desire. With his other hand, he let go of her leg and reached over and placed his palm firmly on her pelvis, positioning his hand in such a way that he could stroke her clit with this thumb.

Jo moaned, a strangled sort of sound, her hips jerking harder, and Alex did it again — stroking over her clit and curling his fingers deep inside her at the same time. He marveled at the obscene sounds from her mouth and her pussy. They were everything, but he wanted more.

Finally, he added a third finger inside of her and pressed down harder on her clit, and there it was. Jo moaned, and then she cried out, her back arching as her muscles clamped around Alex’s fingers inside her, “Oh my God… Alex...Alex! Ah!”

Alex continued thrusting his fingers in and out of Jo as she rode her climax. He watched as her body shuddered and as she was reduced to a series of whimpers. When Jo finally came back down from her high, Alex removed his fingers. He waited as her chest heaved up and down in an attempt to restore her breathing to normal.

Jo looked up and locked eyes with Alex. He stared at her intensely as he reached his hand back down to collect the wetness between her thighs. Jo let out a few soft whimpers at his touch. Jo felt her heart rate pick up as she watched him bring his hand out from between her legs and toy with the slick juices coating his fingers.

A mischievous smirk made its way onto Alex’s face. Alex brought his hand to his lips. He groaned as he sucked every drop of Jo’s release off his fingers slowly, trying to savor the taste of her. It took everything within him not to lean forward, bury his face between her thighs, and fuck her with his tongue so that he could taste her from the source.

Instead, Alex bent down and pressed a light kiss on her mound—causing her hips to buck up—before standing up. He looked at Jo with a shit-eating grin, “Feel better?”

Jo was struggling to come up with words as her body still trembled with the remnants of her climax. She nodded lamely and breathed out shakily, “Yeah.”

“Great,” Alex’s grin increased as he walked towards the door. “Well, glad I could be of service. I’d stick around but I’ve got a surgery scheduled for 7am tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Jo’s jaw dropped in shock at Alex’s casual exit. She took a moment to process what had just occurred and found herself growing aroused at the thought of it. She’d forgotten just how well Alex knew her body. She’d forgotten how good it could feel with him. She’d forgotten what it was like to crave him so badly that she felt she might combust. She didn’t know what this meant, but the one thing Jo knew for sure though, was that she was completely and utterly screwed.

——————

-When you're young, you just run-

-But you come back to what you need-

17 Weeks  

It had been a week since Alex had… assisted Jo. And ever since that day, Alex or more specifically, Alex’s fingers were just about the only thing Jo could think about. Her body thrummed with desire and frustration whenever the thought popped into her mind—which was often.

She’d blame it on the pregnancy hormones; making her crave sex, not sex with Alex. But after days of trying to satisfy her own needs and being unable to excite herself at the thought of another man, Jo realized that it wasn’t sex she wanted. What she wanted was sex with Alex. Lots of hot, dirty, delicious sex.

She wished the ground would swallow her whole to be completely honest. Not because she was embarrassed. No, Jo had never once felt embarrassed about desiring Alex. There was no need to be embarrassed, especially when she knew the desire was reciprocated. The reason she wished the ground would swallow her whole was because the little piece of shit—Alex—knew full well exactly the effect he had on her and he was doing absolutely nothing about it.

Well, absolutely nothing wasn’t entirely true. Alex had noticed Jo’s desire practically seeping out of her pores and had started taking every opportunity he could to be a damn tease. He’d brush his fingers against her at home, he’d flex the muscles in his arms and hands. He knew what the hell he was doing to her and would follow each display of teasing with a proud glint in his eye.

Today though, the situation seemed more charged than before. Today, Jo was stuck in an OR with Alex. One of her placenta previa patients had been experiencing some concerning pain for the past week. After various testing, Jo decided that delivering the fetus as soon as possible was the best course of action for everyone’s safety. Being that the mother was only thirty weeks into her pregnancy and the baby had been diagnosed with a heart defect in-utero, Jo knew that she had to have a peds surgeon ready to treat the child as soon as possible. She’d hoped for Arizona, but well, you don’t always get what you hope for.

That’s how she found herself standing over Alex’s shoulder in the NICU as he worked on the premature child. The mother had fared well and all but demanded that Jo go up to the NICU to personally evaluate the baby. So there she was, watching Alex’s large hands practically engulf the preemie as he held the little boy closely and adjusted some of the wiring.

I'm going to hell. Jo thought to herself. There is a sick baby and all I can think about is how big Alex’s hands are. Jo gulped quietly as Alex’s fingers twitched slightly. Yup, definitely going to hell.

After seeing that the baby was fine and taking a few pictures, Jo hurried back to her patient’s hospital room, “Hi Brenda. Little Gideon is doing great. Doctor Karev is there monitoring him, but it seems as though he is stable. I took you some pictures if you’d like to see.”

“Yes! Thank you,” Brenda answered teary-eyed. “I wish I could hold him.”

“You’ll be able to soon,” Jo comforted. “And trust me when I tell you, he’s in the best hands.”

“You understand, my worry, I mean? On top of it all, I’m doing this all alone,” Brenda motioned to Jo’s stomach. “How far along are you?”

“Seventeen weeks,” Jo replied. “And yes, I do understand. I’m also doing this alone. Just a little over a month and a half ago I had a scare myself. I started bleeding more than normal. But do you know who I was with when it happened and who helped me? Doctor Karev. And if my baby or I  were ever in any danger, he’s the first person I’d ask for. He’s the first person I’d trust to take care of us.”

“He’s good right? And I don’t just mean a good doctor. He’d obviously have to be a good doctor to work here. I guess what I want to know is, is he a good person?” Brenda leaned forward.

Jo chuckled at the woman’s question, “Yes. Alex is one of the best people I know.”

“Okay, okay, I think I feel a little better now,” Brenda nodded her head. Brenda looked lost in thought before she blushed lightly. “He’s really hot isn’t he? Dr. Karev? And this whole gig with the babies doesn't hurt him either. Please tell me you’ve hit that.”

“Brenda!” Jo laughed along with her patient.

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that,” Brenda smiled bashfully. “I just… Well, if I worked with that every day, I would’ve jumped him a long time ago.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jo shook her head in amusement. “I know this is unprofessional since I’m your doctor, but for your information, I have hit that before.”

Brenda gasped in excitement, “Really? When? How was it? Did it happen more than once?”

“It was fantastic,” Jo sighed as her mind became distracted with thoughts of she and Alex’s past hookups in this very hospital. “It was years ago. And yes, it happened more than once. It happened quite a few times.”

“I'm sorry. You are my doctor and I’m asking you about your sex life and you’re four months pregnant which I know means that you are really… frustrated right now and I am definitely not helping you,” Brenda winced apologetically.

“Definitely not helping me,” Jo huffed and shook her head, trying to get the horribly obscene thoughts out of her brain. “Anyway, Gideon is okay and Dr. Karev is taking great care of him. If we’re lucky, he won’t need to go into surgery to correct his heart until he gets a little stronger.”

“Thank you, Dr. Wilson,” Brenda called out as Jo walked over to the door. “Oh and Dr. Wilson!” Jo turned to face Brenda who had a bright smile on her face. “You should hit that again.”

Jo rolled her eyes, “I’ll think about it.”

The rest of the day, Jo was practically itching to get home. She checked the schedule on the board and saw that Alex would be home an hour after her and Cristina was on call tonight. As soon as her shift was over, she rushed to her car and drove quickly to the house. Immediately upon arriving, Jo went upstairs to the bathroom to shower and shave. On the drive home, Jo had resolved her decision to finally ask Alex for the one thing she’d been craving more than anything. So now, she was sitting on the side of the tub attempting to shave—a task she had been severely neglecting ever since her bump appeared.

Hearing Alex’s car pull up in the driveway, Jo toweled off quickly, throwing on an oversized t-shirt and hurrying down the stairs. She sat on a chair beside the staircase waiting for Alex to walk inside. Jo had been fidgeting and bouncing her leg anxiously when the door opened to reveal a confused Alex.

Jo jumped up from the chair, “We have the house to ourselves.”

“What?” Alex’s face scrunched up in question.

“We have the house to ourselves,” Jo repeated. “But I want you to know, that just because I’m about to jump into bed with you does not mean I’m some pregnant slut who has no morals. Because I do have morals. I have lots of them. But I’m also very, very—”

“No more talking,” Alex shushed her.

“Huh?”

Alex ran his hands down her body’s curves to grab her thighs, wrapping her legs around his waist and picking her up effortlessly, gaining a startled gasp from the woman in his arms.

“Yes! Oh, thank God!”

He carried her up the stairs and into her room. The delicious rub of her body against he drew a groan from the back of his throat. In retaliation, he grazed a hand back up her body, slipping under her shirt and over the curve of her waist, groaning as he realized that she was completely bare underneath.

Impatient as ever, Jo pulled back from the kiss and yanked her shirt over her head. Alex pressed her against the nearest wall and reverently ran a hand over the newly exposed skin. Her breathing was labored. While he was distracted, Jo moved on to his shirt. Her hands lingered on his muscles as she slowly exposed each one. Her thighs clenched tighter to hold herself up as Alex raised his arms and he pressed his pelvis into hers. The movement earned him a stuttered gasp so he did it again.

Jo tossed his shirt carelessly to some lost corner of the room. Their lips met again in a desperate kiss, skin pressed to skin. Alex’s hand slid up her back, holding her to him. As he pulled them from the wall and moved to the bed, his other hand found its way to her breast and got his first handful of cleavage.

He thumbed her nipple. Jo whined and Alex repeated the motion as he lowered her to the bed. His mouth left hers and pressed more kisses across her jaw, down her neck, and paused at the juncture with her shoulder when she moaned and thrusted against him in response. Her fingers speared into his hair to hold him in place. The other hand guided his back to her breast to squeeze.

Her hand then returned to run down his chest. Her nails trailed over his nipples and she nipped his neck as her fingers reached the button of his jeans. With one motion, she opened his pants and slipped her hand inside his pants to cup him without anything in between them.

Alex sifted down the bed, pressing kisses down her body. He dragged his lips across her skin, kissing every inch of skin until he reached the juncture between her legs.  

“Alex,” Jo whined when he paused.

Alex chuckled and pressed a conciliatory kiss to her hip bone. He settled back between her legs, kissing along the soft, exposed skin of her thighs. Jo’s hands curled into his hair and tried to direct him to her center faster. He laughed against her skin and bit her thigh in retaliation.

“God,” Alex breathed out, dangerously close to her hot center. “I’ve been thinking about this all damn week.”

“So have I,” Jo replied shakily.

Alex’s hands ran up and down her thighs as he pressed kisses along her bump and pelvis, “You’re so beautiful.”

“Alex, I swear to God, if you don’t—” She never got to finish her threat, cut off when his mouth found her pussy. “Oh, fuck, Alex!”

He used his fingers to spread her open as he lapped at her entrance, pressed into her, taking his cues from the way her hands in his hair, the sounds she made, and the movement of her hips. His tongue swirled up to her clit, varying speed and strength. He started with a single finger, slipping it into her wet warmth with ease. At her encouragement, he added a second. After a few sample thrusts, he crooked his fingers to find the spongy flesh that made her keen.

Alex groaned against her, adding a third finger. Jo tensed under him as he built her right up to the ledge and then stopped. Jo whined as he distanced himself, watching in fascination as her pussy clenched around nothing. His thumb grazed her labia and Jo jerked at the sensation.

“Alex,” Her plea conveyed in a single word.

He let his thumb strum her labia again, “What do you want, Jo?” He rubbed his cock against the bed, hoping the friction will relieve some of the building tension. He lightly stroked her again. “You’re going to have to be specific.”

“Make me come.”

“More specific,” Alex teased as he leaned forward and let his breath exhale across her skin.

Emboldened by Alex’s urging, Jo huffed at him, “Make me come with your mouth. Use your fingers until I gush around you, and then fuck me until I come again.”

Alex’s attention flew directly on her clit, teasing it with his tongue as he thrust three fingers in and out, pressing against that spot that made her see stars. Jo dragged his other hand up to clench around her breast as she chanted, “Yes, yes, oh, God, Alex, there, there, fuck, Alex, I’m coming!”

She shuddered under him, coming with a spasm around his fingers. He pulled his fingers out and sat up. He yanked her by the thighs toward him. He lifted her legs up, wrapped them around his waist, and thrust himself deep into her, groaning as he felt her still clenching around him.

The moment he was inside her, it was like a once black and white world exploding with color. It was electrifying and consuming, to the point that neither Jo or Alex really dared to move out of fear of ruining this perfectly good moment. This feeling that neither one of them had experienced since the last time they were joined this way over three and a half years ago.

Jo’s thighs clenched to hold her in place and Alex leaned forward. Her insides fluttered as Alex slid both hands under her and lifted Jo so she hovered over him, gravity forcing her down on his cock. With each thrust, she rocked against him, rubbing against all of him. She whimpered and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Alex turned so he could sit on the edge of the bed as Jo rode him, desperate and needy. His hand slipped between them to rub against her clit as he got close to orgasm. Jo grabbed his face and sealed her lips to his in a messy kiss that tasted like her, as she climaxed again and he fell over the edge with her.

They both collapsed back against the bed, sweaty and breathless. Alex ran a hand up over her back in soothing strokes as Jo tried to catch her breath. He wasn’t not doing so hot on the breathing himself, but the softness of her skin was soothing, as is the scent of her that surrounds them along with the musty aroma of sex.

They were silent as they came back down from their highs. Neither one brave enough to voice their thoughts even though they both had the same exact thing running through their brains: holy crap.

Not because it was bad. Definitely not because it was bad. It was because it was good. Really good. Too good. It was too good, too much, too overwhelming, too intimate. It wasn’t the kind of sex you had with a one night stand or even a friend. No, this was the kind of sex you had with the person who knew you better than anyone. This was the kind of sex you had with a lover.

But Jo and Alex wouldn’t admit that. No, admitting something as cataclysmic as that would complicate things. It would put a strain on the friendship that they were still trying to carefully rebuild. So, Jo filed the feelings she was feeling away in her brain as a result of the pregnancy hormones, while Alex blamed their history and unfinished business on the sudden onset of his desire for more than this.

There wasn’t any room for feelings. Especially when neither one of them wanted to give this up. They could do it. They could separate the emotion from the action. They could be sex friends. Yes, that’s exactly what they would be: sex friends.

——————

-This love is good-

-This love is bad-

-This love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh-

21 Weeks

“Hey, you okay?”

Jo looked up from her spot on her bed to see Alex standing in the doorway, arms crossed and a concerned expression on his face. She shook her head slightly, “Not really. I’m sad.”

“Well, you know I wouldn’t mind cheering you up,” Alex wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he walked closer to the bed. “Take your mind off things for a while. I could do that thing with my tongue that you really like.”

Jo chuckled, “No, but thanks for the offer. I could really use a friend, though.”

Alex removed his shoes and laid down beside her, propping himself up on his elbow as she turned on her side to face him. Alex reached to hold her hand, “What’s going on?”

“I felt the baby kick for the first time today,” Jo’s lips twitched into a small smile. “I’ve felt her flutter before but today was the first time I actually felt her kick. She’s kicking right now if you want to feel.”

Jo positioned Alex’s hand over her belly and waited for her daughter to kick again. Seconds later, Alex was  met with a strong kick against his hand. Alex gasped excitedly and leaned down towards Jo’s stomach, “Hey baby girl Wilson. You’ve got a strong set of legs right there.”

Jo’s eyes widened as she felt another series of strong kicks, “She likes you.”

“She does, doesn’t she?” Alex turned his attention back to the spot where the kicks were coming from. “Like mother, like daughter I guess.” Alex felt a slap on his head. “Hey! It’s the truth. Anyway, be good for your momma okay? No more scares like the ones you gave us a couple months ago. And try not press on her bladder too much. Just focus on growing and getting strong. Uncle Alex can’t wait to meet you.”

Jo felt a couple tears slip down her cheeks. She was still getting used to seeing Alex like this. Sure, even before he’d always been sweet and kind to her, but this softness was definitely something she felt privileged to see. Before, he’d been more cocky and callous, arrogant and closed-off. However, peds had changed him. He lived and breathed for the children he took care of. Jo could see that clear as day. And there wasn’t one moment that went by where she didn’t feel immensely grateful for the opportunity to know this side of him as well.

Alex straightened and laid back down on the bed next to Jo, bringing her close. He ran his hand along her back and spoke, “You gonna tell me why you’re sad?”

“I just…” Jo sighed. “Feeling her kick today just made everything real. I’m having a baby and I’m going to be raising her alone.” She paused and her eyes watered. “I felt her kick today and my first instinct was to call Jason. I don’t even know why. I kind of hate him if I’m being honest. He’s one of the worst guys I’ve ever been with and that’s saying something because I have been known to have... questionable taste in men. But I felt her kick and I just—I couldn’t stop thinking about how she will never know her father. She’ll never have a father to take her to daddy-daughter dances, or protect her from the monsters under her bed, or intimidate all of her boyfriends. She’ll never have a father that shows her an example of how she should expect to be treated and respected and cared for and loved. All she’ll have is me.” Jo sniffled and wiped a straying tear. “I think back to my own childhood and think of the rejection I felt. The rejection I still feel. I never want her to feel that. But sometimes, I’m afraid I won’t be enough. That even with all my love and support, she’ll still feel like something—or someone is missing and that she’ll blame herself for that.”

“When I was a kid, all I wanted was for someone to care. It didn't matter who, just that they cared," Alex started. "My mom was sick, so most of the time, l was taking care of her and my siblings. And my dad, well let's just say that even when he was around, he might as well not have been. For a lot of time I resented him, still do if I'm being honest. But that's because even though my mom was supposed to be the one in charge, I was the single parent." Alex placed his hand on Jo's stomach again and was rewarded with another set of kicks. "This little girl is never going to know anything but love and care. She already has it so different than you or I ever had it. She’s got people in her corner and she hasn’t even been born. You may be a single mom, but that doesn't mean your family is any less whole. You can't control now she'll feel, but don't ever think that you aren't already a good enough mother."

“How the hell do you always know exactly what to say?” Jo wiped a few tears off her cheeks.

“Guess I’m just fluent in Jo Wilson,” Alex shrugged, a smile on his face.

“I missed this,” Jo whispered after a few more minutes. “All those years I was gone? I missed just talking to you and hugging you and laying down next to you. And now that I’m here and you’re here, I don’t ever want to leave again. I know I’d be okay if I moved, but I would never truly be happy. I know that now more than ever. I’d miss you too much.”

“I’d miss you too,” Alex pressed a kiss on her forehead. “But it’s a good thing I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, because I plan on seeing this little girl grow up. Which reminds me of something actually.”

Alex reached to grab a bag he’d set down on the foot of the bed when he’d laid down next to Jo. He opened it and took out a green onesie that said, “ My uncle is the coolest.” He showed it Jo with a big smile on his face, “Ta da. Figured I’d buy this for her now, since I already know she’s going to prefer me to everyone else.”

“Oh my god, Alex,” Jo’s hand flew up to her mouth and she let out a laugh. “I love it. This is her first onesie.”

“Really?” Alex raised his eyebrows. “Huh, well, everything else is just going to have to try to measure up to the awesomeness of this one.”

“Shut up,” Jo grinned and rolled her eyes. “I really do love it. But why do I have a feeling that she’s actually going to like you more than she likes me?”

“What can I say? The Wilson ladies love me,” Alex smirked.

“We sure do.”

——————

-This love left a permanent mark-

-This love is glowing in the dark, oh, oh, oh-

24 Weeks

“What’s up with you?” Meredith asked as she peered through the doorway of the nursery Alex was currently painting. “Are you surprising Jo with a nursery? Is this why you called me?”

“She’s been stressed and I wanted to do something nice for her and the baby,” Alex explained as he continued to coat the walls with the light gray paint. “I read in one of those baby books that the parents left lying around in the NICU that light gray walls are supposed to calm babies and help them sleep through the night so I decided on this with teal, white, and light pink accents.”

Meredith’s jaw dropped in shock, “You decided on a paint scheme?”

“Well, I asked Kepner and Robbins for help,” Alex looked over his shoulder at his friend. “They picked out the colors and gave me pictures to go off of. I can’t paint it all by myself though, so I called you. I would’ve asked Cristina, but you know Yang isn’t going to spend her day off painting a nursery. Plus, she decided to go to that conference in Portland this weekend. Besides, you’ve got a daughter so I figured you’d know what little girls like better.”

“Alex,” Meredith sighed. “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to win her back? Because it doesn’t really work like that.”

“No, no, this has nothing to do with winning her back,” Alex waved his hand in protest. “Well, I mean it would be nice if I could win her back, but that’s not why I’m doing this.” Alex paused as he figured out what he was trying to say. “I’m just trying to be a good friend… all I can think about every time I see her, glowing and smiling as she holds her belly, is how much I screwed up. I screwed up so bad all those years ago and now she’s having another man’s baby.” Alex looked down at his hands. “All I’ve ever wanted is to be that man. To be beside her throughout the whole process, to get excited and plan for what’s to come, to cry as I hold our child in my arms for the first time. But I was stupid and I practically ripped her heart out, and now she’s too afraid to go any further with me. Because it’s not just her anymore. She’s got a daughter to think about now. Her daughter will always come first. And that’s how it should be. I just… I wish Jo was having our daughter.”

Meredith placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder, “You really never stopped loving her.”

“Nope,” Alex let out a breath. “And this… arrangement or whatever we have going on is great. Really. It’s fun and it feels like us. But I want so much more, Mer. I want everything with her and I can’t have everything because I was a dumbass.”

“Give her time,” Meredith ran a comforting hand between his shoulder blades. “She loves you. I know that much. Don’t try too hard. Just keep being Alex, and one day hopefully she’ll want more. Now, give me a paint brush so I can get started on the accent wall. We don't need you messing up the lines and smudging the paint."

Alex rolled his eyes and handed Meredith a brush, "Shut up and get to work."

Five hours and a few arguments later, Alex and Meredith were putting the finishing touches on the new nursery as they waited for Jo's arrival.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Alex fidgeted nervously as he stared at the completed space. "You don't think it's too much right?"

"Alex, calm down," Meredith chuckled. "She's going to love it."

"You think? You don't think she'll be upset that I did it all without her?"

"Are you kidding?" Meredith laughed. "Jo loves surprises. She's also six months pregnant and is a blubbering emotional, hormonal mess half the time. She's going to cry happy tears when she realizes there is one less thing on her plate. As a fellow pregnant, hormonal lady, I think this just might get you laid."

“Shut up,” Alex finally let out a laugh that settled his nerves. “Okay, get out of here. She’s gonna be here in a few minutes and see your car in the driveway.”

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving,” Meredith grabbed her things and headed towards the front door. She was about to step outside when she turned to look at her friend. “Alex.”

Alex looked at Meredith expectantly, “What is it?”

“I’m proud of you,” Meredith said, a playful smile on her face. “You’re acting very grown up.”

Alex could feel the blush make its way on his face as his lips curled into a bashful grin, “Stop it.”

“Let me know how it goes!”

Alex watched Meredith leave and moved to sit on the couch. He waited anxiously for Jo to arrive home. He jumped up when he saw her car finally make its way up the driveway. Alex was waiting by the door when she walked in, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Jo looked at him strangely. “What’s going on with you?”

“I have something to show you. A surprise,” Alex breathed out.

“A surprise?” Jo raised an eyebrow. “Ooh! Is it that ice cream that I’ve been craving all week?”

“No, it’s not ice cream,” Alex shook his head in amusement. “It’s upstairs.”

“Okay…” Jo observed him for a moment. “Well then, lead the way.”

Jo followed Alex closely as he guided her up the stairs to the bedroom that had been sitting empty for the past few months. Alex placed his hand on the doorknob, “So, I did something and I don’t know… maybe you’ll love it, maybe you’ll hate it. Anyway, I worked hard on it and I hope that it’s everything you could’ve dreamed of.”

Jo gasped as Alex opened the door to the guest room—now nursery. She stepped in and spent the next few minutes taking it all in. Tears collected in her eyes as she walked around the room and traced her hands along the edge of the walls, the crib, the rocking chair, the changing table, the twin bed in the corner for her to use during the first weeks after the baby was born, and the various other pieces that Alex had purchased in an effort to prepare the room.

“You did this all by yourself?” Jo asked after a few minutes of just staring at all his hard work in awe.

“It was my idea, but I had some help,” Alex shuffled his feet awkwardly. “Kepner and Robbins helped me pick the color scheme, Cristina bought the rocking chair, Hunt gave me the day off, Meredith helped me paint and put the furniture together. It was a team effort.”

Jo lurched forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, “Thank you.” Jo whispered tenderly and wiped a couple tears. “I can’t believe you do this for me. For us.” Jo placed a hand on her swollen stomach. “No one has ever done anything like this for me before.”

“I want you guys to have everything,” Alex’s flit back and forth between Jo’s mouth and eyes. “You deserve all this and more. Both of you do. I swear, as long as I’m around, my goddaughter is never going to want for anything. Because between you and me, she’s gonna be spoiled rotten.”

Jo was about to say something when they were interrupted by the doorbell. Alex straightened and walked downstairs, “I’ll get it. Why don’t you take a shower and relax? I’ll order takeout from that restaurant down the street while you get comfortable.”

Jo nodded quietly and made her way to the bathroom to get showered. For weeks now, Jo had been fighting with herself and her feelings towards Alex. Her resolve was slowly wearing down and in truth, it had been since the moment she’d arrived back in Seattle. Everything within her burned for Alex. And the sex arrangement they’d had going on for the past two months certainly did not help matters. Because as much as Jo tried to convince herself that it had to be the hormones making her feel this way, it was never just sex with Alex.

It had always been so much more—at least on her part. Every time she kissed him, every time she touched him, every time she laid in bed beside him, waiting until he fell asleep so she could leave, Jo found herself getting lost in the daydreams, thinking about what life would be life if she were just a little braver and gave into what her heart wanted more than anything.

Because it was true. She wanted Alex and a life with Alex more than anything. But Jo was afraid to allow herself to fall for him completely again because she knew how hard it was the last time when it ended. The last time hurt like hell. The last time, she ended up leaving Seattle. The last time, she lost a part of herself. The fear of things ending like they did the last time was almost always enough to reel her back in and sway her to decide against going any further with the man she was sure was the love of her life. This time though, she wasn’t so sure it would be enough.

Finishing her shower and burying those thoughts in the back of her mind, Jo toweled off and put on a pair of sweatpants and one of the old tshirts she’d stolen from Alex when her belly outgrew hers. She threw her damp hair into a half-hazard braid and made her way down the hall. Pausing in the doorway of the new nursery, Jo smiled again. Not seeing Alex inside, she walked out into the hallway and called out his name.

“Alex?”

“In here.”

Jo turned down the hall toward his bedroom, hearing the shuffling of a couple items as she neared the door, “Hey, who was that at the door earlier?”

Alex looked over his shoulder, “Oh it was the delivery truck. This came in a little late, so I’m setting it up now.”

Finally setting her gaze on what he was working on, Jo sucked in a surprised gasp. There in front of her very eyes, Alex was setting up the bassinet in his room.

Unsure of the meaning of his actions, Jo spoke, “What’s this?”

“Oh, I—uh, I bought it so I could help you when the baby is here. You know, in case you ever want to take a break or just need a goodnight’s sleep, I can help with the baby too,” Alex shrugged, looking up at her as if the words that he’d just spoken so nonchalantly were of little importance. “It’s a pretty cool bassinet too. One of the nurses in peds recommended it to me. You know Marissa? The one with five kids? She told me that—”

Alex’s voice faded into the background as Jo became lost in thought. This can’t be real. Guys don’t just do these things for their friends. Jo felt herself become increasingly emotional as she processed the significance of Alex’s actions. He’s all in with me. He’s all in with this baby that’s not even his. He’s here and he hasn’t left and he’s not going to leave because he loves me. That may have been the most startling realization. It really shouldn’t have been that surprising that Alex had never stopped loving her, not for one moment. But for some reason, Jo felt her heart swell at the knowledge that all this time, he’d just been waiting patiently for her to let him know when she was ready for more.

Realizing that Alex was still speaking, Jo looked back up at his stupid, perfect, beautiful face and opened her mouth to try express the rush of emotions that had just hit her like a thousand bricks. Rendered speechless, Jo did what she knew best. She showed him.

Jo interrupted Alex’s nervous rambling by placing both hands on his face and pressing her head against his own. She took a deep breath and stared deeply into Alex’s confused eyes. Mustering up what little courage she had left, Jo leaned forward and kissed him.

Despite his initial surprise, Alex reciprocated quickly. His arms wrapped around her body quickly, pulling her to him as closely as he could possibly get. Sure, they’d kissed before, but this was different. This kiss wasn’t just a result of built up sexual tension or lust. This kiss was pure love, passion, devotion, and emotion all rolled up into one. He was practically thrumming with awe at the sensation and demonstrated every ounce of his love for her in that kiss as he could.

When they finally pulled away, Alex looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face. He watched as Jo opened and closed her mouth dumbly a few times before interjecting, “You okay there? You look a little speechless. I mean, I know I'm a great kisser but it’s nice to get that validation every once in a while.” Alex smirked as his little quip eased the tension between them, immediately making Jo feel more comfortable.

“Alex,” Jo breathed out a laugh and felt tears prickle at her eyes. “Why would you do all of this for me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Jo looked at the sincerity in his eyes and left her own pool with water, “You didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Alex nodded. “I wanted to. Because… I love you, Jo. You know that.”

“I don’t deserve it,” Jo wiped a tear that had made its way down her cheek.

“Of course you do,” Alex’s hands found her stomach and rested comfortably on her bump. “You and this baby deserve all the love in the world. There isn’t anything you could do that would make me want to stop loving you.”

Jo let out a sob, “There’s something I need to tell you. Something that I’ve been wanting to say for months now, but I was never brave enough to say it. I want to be brave now.”

“You know that you can tell me anything,” Alex’s eyes bored into hers intensely.

“Okay… I’m, uh… I𑁋” Jo stuttered awkwardly.

“I don’t hear anything,” Alex chuckled as Jo struggled to find the words.

“Shut up!” Jo looked at him exasperatedly. “I’m freaking out enough as it is.”

“Okay, but𑁋”

“I’m serious,” Jo pouted, prompting Alex to laugh.

“Fine,” Alex schooled his expression and waited until she found her voice again.

“I love you,” Jo confessed, heart racing wildly inside her chest. “I’m in love with you, Alex. I’ve been in love with you ever since that first night when you kissed me in the rain outside Joe’s bar after we passed our intern exams. I’ve loved you since then and I haven’t stopped loving you. Yes, you hurt me more than anyone ever has, but you’ve also loved me more than anyone I’ve ever known. And it's not just a fleeting love, it's pure love. It’s a true love. It’s all the things I had always dreamed of as a little girl. I won’t pretend it’s been easy loving you, because loving you isn’t something I just fell into. It was a choice I made, a choice I continue to make every single day because loving you comes to me as natural as breathing. I can’t seem to let go of our past promises and dreams, so I want the chance to realize our forever. And I want to try, but I mean, actually try this time. No more messing around or pretending like we're content with just being friends. I want more with you Alex. All I know is I want you just because you’re you and we’re us. I want everything with you.”

Alex’s face soon mirrored Jo’s as tears began to fall from his eyes. He pressed their foreheads together, noses brushing against each other. He closed his eyes, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” Alex laughed joyfully. “I love you so much that sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe. Throughout my life I’ve been with a lot of nobodies, but you’re not a nobody. You’re my person. You’re the love of my life. And yeah, I probably sound like the stupidest, cheesiest, guy on the face of the earth right now, but I don’t care. I don’t care if I look like a fool. I’ll look like the biggest idiot on the planet if it meant that you’d finally understand how much I love you. How much I want you. How much I need you. I need you, Jo and I don’t ever want to be without you.”

Despite the tears currently running down her face, Jo smiled shyly, “So, is this what I think it is? Does this mean we’re trying?”

“Hell yes,” Alex kissed her soundly. “It’s you and me against the world from now on.”

They were interrupted by a round of kicks against their palms, causing the two of them to laugh. Alex knelt down in front of Jo’s bump, “I’m sorry, Baby Wilson. What I meant was me, your mom and you against the world.”

Alex’s response to Jo’s belly garnered another kick. Jo rolled her eyes, “Oh gosh. She really does like you better than she likes me.”

“She’s just jealous,” Alex smirked. “I have that effect on the ladies.”

Jo laughed, “Shut up.”

“Make me,” Alex challenged, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“You’re gonna regret having said that,” Jo warned as she pushed him over to the bed.

“You know, I don’t think I will.”

-These hands had to let it go free, and-

-This love came back to me, oh, oh, oh-

Were you expecting any of what just happened? Lol let me know what you thought and anything you like to see. Also, send me baby name suggestions!

[whoisbxcky]

Soldat Ex Machina

request: Hi lovey! I have a request for a Bucky imagine if you want to write it: on a mission Bucky gets turned back into the winter soldier and is super protective of the reader and he’s like you are my mission and won’t let anyone near her until he’s back and then he admits he loves you?

pairing: Bucky x Reader

word count: 4500 +/-

warnings: angst, descriptive violence, mild language warning, fluff as heck at the end, teeeeeniest tiniest bit of nsfw if you squint

author’s note: Now, I know what you’re thinking. 

“Toria, why has your one-shot request turned into 4500 words?”

And all I can say, is I’m weak for Bucky Barnes and natural selection is coming for me.

I loved this fic request. I didn’t know I needed soft(ish?) Winter Soldier until now. I hope I did it justice. Thank you so much to anon for excellent prompting. Peace and love. ~ Toria <3

“Alright, south-west corridor is clear, Buck. How’s the auditorium looking?”

You glanced behind you to do your fifth head count of the minute, confirming once again that all seven of the captive scientists were with you. The poor guys had been Hydra’s prisoners for weeks now, and your intel suggested they’d been forced to work on a new version of the super soldier serum during their time here.

Obviously, since two super soldiers were more than enough for you to deal with on a day to day basis, you’d been the first to volunteer to shut the operation down and rescue the hostages. As expected, Bucky was hot on your heels with an offer to assist, not solely for the opportunity to screw with Hydra, but also because together, you were a force to be reckoned with.

With a self-assured nod and a quick, reassuring smile at the weary men behind you, you turned your head once more, awaiting Bucky’s response.

“Auditorium’s clear.”

Bucky’s voice did not reach you over the coms, but instead, you found his head rather comically poking out from between the double doors leading to the room in question, a roguish grin plastered on his face on seeing your expression.

“Dumbass.” You muttered quiet enough that you were sure only Bucky could catch it.

You flashed him a grin as he winked at you, while the two of you guided the scientists into the room, scanning the perimeter for hostiles.

Satisfied the coast was clear, you let yourself drop rather dramatically onto a nearby table, checking the magazine of your Beretta nonchalantly as you called out to the scientists, who were huddled in the centre of the room, Bucky at their side.

“The medevac will be wheels down in two minutes, once on board it’ll take you fellas to our… Base of operations, if you will, for a once over. You’ll be back with your families before you know it.”

You glanced up, offering them yet another reassuring smile and meeting Bucky’s gaze, when suddenly, a loud crackle echoed around you in the vacant hall. You were on your feet again in seconds, eyes scanning around for the source of the noise.

“I wouldn’t count on that, Miss Y/L/N.”

A thick German accent came over the intercom system in each corner of the room, the voice practically reverberating in your skull it was so loud. You grimaced, stepping towards Bucky and the now even more terrified hostages as you responded in a bored tone.

“I find it exceptionally hard to take threats from a hunk of plastic. Why don’t you come on down here, and we can talk about it.”

You smirked then, cocking your pistol and spinning it thrice in hand. You glanced across to see Bucky staring incredulously at you, and you shrugged. A wheezing cackle followed over the speakers.

“I admire your spirit, Miss Y/L/N, and you and Mr. Barnes have performed, exceptionally, so far. But I think now it is time to… Raise the stakes… A little bit.”

You could hear the cockiness in his tone, too self-assured for a man armed with a karaoke kit.

“We’re leaving. Now.” You murmured to Bucky.

He gave you a subtle nod in agreement as you both turned on your heels, guiding the scientists hastily towards the exit.

Suddenly, the way was blocked by a team of nine men all in black, armed to the teeth with automatics. No sooner had you turned to tell Bucky to cover you while you went on the offensive, than a loud crack resonated around the room, and before you could react, a small metal dart had lodged itself in Bucky’s neck.

He let out a grunt of discontent, yanking the syringe out and staring at it, dumbfounded for a moment, before it fell from his grasp and clattered to the floor.

“Bucky!”

You cried out, running towards him just in time to catch his weight as he lurched forward, eyes glassy and dazed expression fixed on your face. You gave a start of despair, rounding on your assailants with a snarl.

“What the hell is this? What have you done to him?”

A grating chuckle came over the speaker once more, and the voice from earlier was all around you, mocking, inescapable.

“Allow me to demonstrate… Žilánie.”

You stared at Bucky incredulously for a beat. This wouldn’t work, all the training Bucky had done in Wakanda had given him control over his Winter Soldier state.

“Ržávyj.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in horror and he pushed you away with a cry, hands gripping his head furiously. You could only watch in sheer terror as the unknown assailant continued to list off his trigger words, and Bucky, despite his best efforts, seemed to be submitting to their effect.

The dart.

Somewhere in the back of your panic-stricken mind, clarity rung through the chaos like the chime of a bell. Whatever concoction that dart contained, must have done something to his mind, made it… Accessible.

You fought back a retch, staring at Bucky with a look that was as much an apology as it was fear. Even on your best day you couldn’t beat Bucky. You were good, but you weren’t a super soldier. Right now, all you could do was get the seven men under your care to safety, and hope Barnes wouldn’t kill you in the process.

As the final words of the cycle were upon you, you looked around the room desperately for an escape. In the panic of watching the Winter Soldier reanimate before your eyes, you’d failed to notice the arrival of three more agents, blocking the door you had entered from. There was no way out.

You moved closer to the now-despairing hostages, muttering to them in a low tone, as calmly as you could muster.

“When I give the signal, you guys take cover. If I d-… If something happens, the medevac will be on the East side of the building-”

“Gruzavój vagón”

Your eyes snapped up in horror, fixating on the man who stood where your partner had once been. Cold, unfeeling eyes stared back, and for a moment, you dared not breath.

Bucky…

Settling your resolve, you gripped your Beretta. You may not make it out of here, but you still might get these men home to their families, at the very least. You’d barely uttered the word “go” to the men behind you before you were taking a shot at the nearest Hydra agent on your right, getting off as many rounds as you could before gunfire rained down on you like a hailstorm. You ducked for cover under a metal table, wincing as shots flew just centimetres from your head.

“Get the scientists, I want each of them brought back ALIVE.”

That damn voice again. You cursed, peaking around from your hiding spot to see a few of the armed men abandon their post by the door to surround the scientists, who had only made it as far as an overturned table, some ten metres away from you, in the ensuing chaos.

Crap.

You made a break for it, taking out a two more assailants with some strategically placed gunfire as you went. You were almost upon the five that were closing in on your targets, when suddenly you were thrown to the floor with a rather undignified clatter. Rolling into a crouch, you looked up to find a man the size of a bear towering over you, a gleeful yet sinister smirk on his face.

“Going somewhere, little mouse?”

You snarled, launching yourself to your feet and aiming a jab at his solar plexus. The man chuckled as your fist connected, apparently not at all phased by the assault, and proceeded to headbutt you, sending you flying back to the ground.

You groaned, gripping your head as you scrambled to get back on your feet. Before you were up however, terrifyingly strong hands gripped your throat, pulling you up off the group and hanging you there like a rag-doll.

You let out a strangled cry, frantically scratching and kicking to find some reprieve from the man’s monstrous grip on you, but every time you landed a punch, he’d simply smirk, obviously enjoying your struggle.

Prick.

Just as you thought your number may be up, you were forced to stifle a scream and a knife whizzed past your skull, embedding itself deep into your attacker’s eye socket. As the man dropped to the ground, his hold on you going entirely limp, you gasped, spinning on one heel in search of your saviour, and almost passed out yourself when your eyes connected with Bucky’s.

Except, that wasn’t Bucky. That was the Winter Solider. So, what in the hell was he doing taking out Hydra agents and saving your life?

Holding your gaze in those steel blue eyes for only a second longer, the Soldier turned, taking out two approaching opponents with unnerving precision and efficiency. You were vaguely aware of shouting off to your left, and you turned just in time to see one of the scientists you were supposed to be rescuing get taken down, the other six trying, but failing, to make a stand behind him.

You shot a last, weary glance towards the Soldier, who was currently in the process of disarming and… Oh… Dismembering… The three agents who had been guarding the entrance to the back corridor.

With a grimace, you took off running. Realising in dismay that your pistol had been lost in your earlier struggle, you grabbed a nearby stool, bringing it down with all your might on the head of the agent closest to you. As their comrade went down, in unison, the four others turned to you, eyes gleaming with furious blood lust.

“My bad.” You muttered.

You shot them a smirk, your eyes twinkling with malice as you prepared yourself. However, just as the man furthest to your left moved to shoot, a knife lodged itself into he back of his hand with a dull thump. Before anyone could react, including the man himself, the Winter Soldier was upon him, metal arm lashing out to strike him in the jugular, causing the man fall uselessly to the ground.

You scowled, as the other three sprung into action, and you moved to take on the assailant directly in front of you. But before you could get within striking distance, the Soldiers grip was on your arm, tossing you backwards. You rolled over your shoulder, landing in a crouched position just behind him, shooting him an affronted glare. However, he was not looking back at you, and had already resumed his one man-wrecking crew assault on the Hydra agents that remained.

Uttering a few, choice expletives under your breath, you glanced around, gaze coming to rest on the seven terrified men huddled behind an overturned table to your right.

Oh, yeah. Your mission.

You took the opportunity to close the distance between you and your targets finally, dragging each of the men to their feet and guiding them towards the now-unoccupied exit.

“Alright, fellas. This party’s getting a little boring. What’d’ya say we blow this joint?”

The captive scientists nodded fervently in unison, helping each other to their feet as you ushered the towards the exit. As you swung the door open, you came face to face with one of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents in charge of the medevac team, staring dumbly at him for a second.

“Uh… We just thought… You guys were taking a while.” He glanced down at you warily as you raised a brow.

“Ran into some trouble, better later than never, hey?” You murmured in a honeyed tone.

The agent nodded curtly, and cleared his throat, nodding towards the men huddled behind you.

“If you’re ready, ma’am.” He muttered, turning on his heel and gesturing towards the helo, freezing as you caught his wrists in your steely grip.

“I’m not finished here. Take the hostages back to Fury, we’ll find our own way home.”

And with that, before the S.H.I.E.L.D agent could object, you gestured for the exhausted group behind you to follow him, sprinting back into the building without a moment’s hesitation.

Once inside, you surveyed the scene in front of you, tallying the bodies that littered the floor.

You counted all twelve hostiles, noting with mild apprehension that some had bullet wounds in their foreheads where none had been before.

It was at that moment that movement in the shadowy corner of the hall caught your attention, and you froze, body trembling with both adrenaline and exhaustion. You took an instinctual step back as the Winter Soldier materialised out of the darkness, his merciless gaze fixated on you.

“We should leave. More will come.” He spoke in a tone entirely void of emotion, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand on edge.

“Why should I go anywhere with you, soldat?” You challenged; arms crossed as you narrowed your eyes at the man.

Yes, he had just saved your life. But this was still the Winter Soldier, and you were anything but an optimist.

The Soldier didn’t reply. Instead, he closed the space between you so rapidly that you barely had time to flinch as he took your arm in his cold, metal grasp, dragging you after him as he moved towards the exit.

You struggled against him, frantically trying to tug your arm free, but to no avail.

“What the hell are you doing?”

No response.

“Bucky.”

Nothing.

With a growl of discontent, you opted for a new tactic.

“Zachem ty eto delayesh'?” (“Why are you doing this?”) You snarled at him venomously, causing the Soldier to stop dead in his tracks.

When he said nothing, you tried once more, your voice softening substantially on seeing the confusion in his face. It almost looked like your Bucky when you hit him with a pop culture reference.

“Kto ya dlya tebya?” (“Who am I to you?”) You whispered.

You fixed him with a pleading stare, finally ceasing your incessant attempts at escaping his grasp. The Soldier turned to face you completely, his flesh hand coming up to grip your free arm as he looked you dead in the eyes. You swore you saw a flicker of something in their inky depths.

“Vy moya missiya seychas.” (“You are my mission now.”)

His voice was still entirely expressionless, and yet his words hit you so hard you might have stumbled backwards had he not had a vice-like grip on you.

There was a moments silence as you found yourself trapped in the Soldier’s gaze. Your mind whirled to make sense of his words, and your mouth hung open uselessly, unable to muster a response.

With a sigh, your companion muttered something about finding shelter, dragging you once more behind him.

However, despite his brutish mannerisms and the fact he was still, in fact, the Winter Soldier, this time, you found yourself complying.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Forty-five minutes and a lot of awkward silence later, the two of you were held up in a small, abandoned barn on the outskirts of the next town over. Bucky, or rather, the Soldier, stood in the doorway, lifeless eyes scanning the horizon relentlessly. You, on the other hand, were sat a healthy distance away, lent up against a metal trough, your whole-body trembling from a combination of the dropping temperature and furious trepidation.

What in the hell were you supposed to do with this situation?

Obviously, something had gone wrong with the Soldier’s programming, and as far as you could tell, he didn’t want to kill you. Which was good. However, he was still the Winter Soldier. That was less good. The real question, was how on earth were you going to get Bucky back in the driver’s seat?

You were brought out of your heavy thoughts by black-clad legs entering your line of sight, and your eyes snapped up in shock, your body instinctively tensing.

“You’re cold.”

The Soldier’s voice held no warmth as he made his observation, his vacant eyes fixated on you. You cleared your throat, running a hand casually through your hair as you shrugged.

“I didn’t plan on making this a two-day trip, if I’d known we were camping out I’d have brought my sweats.”

His expression did not falter for even a second, and you frowned. Not that you’d expected him to break into a fit of giggles, but, geez. Tough crowd.

Instead, you watched attentively he pulled his leather jacket off, carefully ignoring the way his muscles rippled under his shirt as he did so. Without a word, he dropped the jacket over your knees, which were currently curled up to your chest. You practically purred as you tugged the jacket tighter around you, the ghost of his body heat still present on the material.

“Thanks, comrade.” You murmured, eyeing him tentatively.

He turned on his heel to return to his post but stopped short when you cleared your throat once more. By the time he turned back to face you, your arm was extended, offering him a bottle of water you had stashed in your tactical gear.

“Consider it a peace offering.” You said matter of factly.

He gave you a dubious look, the most expression you’d seen on his face all night, you noted, as you settled down against the wall to rest. Nevertheless, he took the bottle with a curt nod of appreciation, before making his way back to the doorway, taking a drink of the water as he went.

Ten seconds later, and you found yourself wincing as the Soldier’s body dropped like a sack of potatoes to the ground, water bottle discarded at his side.

You didn’t feel great about using the sedatives you kept in your medical kit on the guy. Really, you didn’t, but…

You shakily got to your feet, draping Bucky’s jacket back over him as you gave him a once over for injuries. When you were satisfied that he was unharmed from the fall, you moved a little way off, leaning against a hay-bale as you watched him through bleary, sleep-addled eyes.

“Sorry, Buck. But I can’t risk losing you.” You whispered into the darkness, shuddering as the howling wind sent a chill through your bones.

This was going to be a long night.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The next morning, you woke from a sleep you’d never meant to have. You’d been dutifully watching over Bucky’s body all night; in case he woke from his drug-induced slumber. However, it was becoming increasingly apparent as consciousness returned to you, that at some point, you yourself had passed out.

Your breath caught in your throat as your gaze slid over to the pile of hay on which you’d left your teammates unconscious form. A pile of hay that was now unquestionably vacant.

Crap.

Within seconds, you were sprinting out of the barn, rounding off a list of expletives so colourful it’d make Cap’ blush.

Please don’t be gone, please don’t be gone, please don’t be-

You skidded to a halt as you approached the brow of the hill on which the barn was stationed, stifling a sob of relief as your eyes homed in on a familiar form sitting on the grass, his body silhouetted by the rising sun.

“Bucky?” You uttered in a breathy gasp.

His head snapped around to face you then, and as you tentatively made your way towards him, you could just about make out the tension in his shoulders, the crease in his forehead. That was Bucky alright.

“Y/N…” He murmured as you came to rest, knelt by his side.

You could see the confusion in his eyes, the worry in his clenched jaw. How long had he been out here, torturing himself over the blank pages in his memory?

“You’re awake…” You spoke slowly, almost as if in a dream. “How much do you remember…?”

Bucky swallowed hard, his gaze shifting from you to focus on the ever-rising sun, far off in the distance.

“I remember the words. Then… Nothing. What did I do?” His woeful tone made your heart ache.

You sucked in air, rubbing the back of your neck as you offered him a cautious explanation.

“Uh… Well… You kind of sort of, took out the entirety of the Hydra forces and saved my life…?”

Bucky’s head snapped back around, wide, curious eyes practically burning through your own as he processed your words.

“I… Didn’t hurt you?” He whispered, so low you had to strain to hear it.

You smiled, unable to mask the light pink hue in your cheeks at the memory. At the time, you’d almost crapped your pants. But now, after the fact, the realisation that Bucky, even under the control of Hydra, had chosen to protect you, made your chest stutter uncomfortably.

“Ah… No. The opposite in fact.”

Bucky’s face cracked with relieved, a soft smile playing on his lips, and you couldn’t help but notice how beautiful his profile looked, highlighted by the first rays of morning light. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, in which you both lost yourselves in your respective musings, you broke the stillness with a shy cough.

“Hey… Buck? When I asked you if you knew me, while you were… You know… You told me that I was your mission, what do you think you meant by that?”

Even in the blinding light of the sun’s rays, you noticed Bucky going an unmistakably bright shade of red, unable to meet your gaze. He turned his head away from you, studiously focusing on the scenery in front of him in mutinous silence. You let out a breath of dismay, scooting your body around his tensed form to kneel in from of him, crouching on the balls of your feet and forcing him to look at you.

“Bucky?” You called to him in a gentle, yet insistent tone.

You’re not shutting me out, Mr. Barnes. Not today.

He grunted in response, still unable to meet your incessant stare, but you noticed his features soften as he let out a sigh of defeat.

“I… Guess I wanted to protect you. Even then.” He confessed in a barely-there whisper.

You swallowed. Hard.

“But how? Why? With your mind under their control-”

“There’s forces stronger than Hydra’s science in this world, Y/N.” The uncertainty in his voice had all but vanished as he cut you off, replaced by candour that made your heart do that strange, fluttery thing again.

He finally brought his eyes away from the view behind you to meet your gaze with such sincerity, such intensity, that you found yourself unable to move, unable to speak, or even think. In that moment, there was only Bucky.

When you finally forced your mouth to summon an admittedly limited choice in words, your voice was distinctly horse.

“Like… What?”

Bucky held your gaze, his metal hand tenderly moving to grasp your flesh one, his cheeks flushed crimson. Despite his obvious reticence, there was no hesitation in his eyes as he spoke in a low, gravelly tone.

“Like being madly in love with the best person you know.”

After a beat, your mouth dropped open, eyes wide. All you could do was gawk at him then, totally floored by the declaration.

Surely, he didn’t mean you?

Surely Steve was more qualified for the moniker of ‘best person Bucky knows’?

Surely-

“I’m talking about you, dumbass.”

Bucky flashed you a wry smile, apparently reading your thoughts. You remained stock-still, your mind struggling so hard to process what you were being told, you could have sworn you heard the dial-up internet noise from within its depths.

Bucky Barnes was in love with you. Bucky. Your mission partner. Your best friend. Your… Your…

Almost as if under a spell, you found your body lurching forward of its own accord, your lips crushing against Bucky’s so hard you were sure you’d bruise. It would not have surprised you if fireworks had appeared on the horizon in that moment, for the joy, passion and sheer bliss that exploded in your core at the sensation of Bucky’s lips against yours.

After a moment of stunned pause, Bucky’s senses seemed to return to him, as he eagerly caught your waist in his sturdy grasp, pulling you weightlessly into his lap so that your legs straddled him. The hand that had been holding your own trailed up your arm, coming to rest tangled in the hair at the nape of your neck, pulling you closer into his embrace, and you responded by snaking your arms around his shoulders, nails digging lightly into his back as lips gave way to tongues, and you and Bucky lost yourselves in each other.

When you were finally forced to pull apart for need of oxygen, you were both lightly panting, lips swollen and bruised and eyes heavy-lidded with passion. You rested your forehead against his own as Bucky rubbed light circles into your back, a warm smile crossing his lips.

“What was that for?” He whispered to you, his voice thick with desire.

You grinned, pulling away ever-so-slightly to meet his tender gaze.

“Well, I could have just told you I love you, too. But you know, actions speak louder and all that…”

Bucky let out a low chuckle, leaning up to press a light kiss to your forehead, making you grin as your cheeks reddened. This was crazy, to be sitting like this, doing this, with Bucky. And yet, nothing had ever felt more natural to you.

You gave a reluctant sigh, clearing your throat as you murmured to him.

“You know we should probably start heading back-…”

You trailed off, losing your sentence in confusion as Bucky slid one hand easily under your thigh, holding you against him as he stood and began to make his way back towards the barn.

“Uh… Bucky… What are you doing?”

He smiled then, the way Lucifer might have smiled before being cast out of heaven, before he playfully landed a kiss on your jaw, making your stomach flutter deliciously.

“If actions speak louder, then let me show you just how much I love you, every inch of you, inside and out, in fact.” He murmured against your ear, the warm tickle of his breath making your spine tingle.

You bit your lip, tangling your hands in his hair as Bucky’s teasing lips trailed from your jaw to your neck, and back up. After a moment of divine torture, storm blue eyes found yours, and you and Bucky gazed adoringly at one another. A silent promise was uttered between you, as the dimness of the barn consumed you both, that this marked the first day of a new beginning.

[korvusomnium]

I made another Jocat gif regarding fighters. You all liked my other one so much so I decided to upload this one! I made it a long time ago but well... here it is lol. Hope you enjoy it! If you guys haven't seen Jocat's hilarious video series "A Crap Guide to D&D" you really need to!

Source video

[mysticdragon3md3]

I'm so glad that Jocat made a meme template of his quote from “Crap Guide to D&D: Character Sheet” (https://youtu.be/IVAJrYOOtwI), because it's exactly what I needed to say: Don't worry about people who Unfollow your blog!  ;o;  People are just going to have diverging interests sometimes.  Your blog is for youuuuuuu!  Be as you as you want on it!  ;O;!!!  

Picture source:  https://www.folkspaper.com/topic/birth-of-a-new-meme-jocats-weak-a-bches-5703174576930816.html

[infiniteeight8]

Fic asks: 16 and 20!

Wheee, asks!

16: Do you stick to canon when you write characters and fics?

Oh, hell no. :D AUs are some of my favourite things to write, and they're usually also my most popular stories. In one fandom I was known for a centaur AU, and in another fandom I was known for an A/B/O AU.

On a less extreme front, I am also happy to throw out canon that doesn't make me happy. That thing that doesn't make sense or that invalidates a favourite plot bunny or head canon? Pssh, ignore it. I have no respect for canon.

20: Which fic have you put the most work into? Which fic have you put the least work into?

You'd never know it by how I post now, but I've written enough to make this a really tricky question just because I don't remember them all that well.

Doing "least" first, because I want to end the post on a positive note. LOL. Geez, there are so many little one offs I dashed off in a couple of hours. I could say any one of those, or one of the drabbles I posted on Tumblr and nowhere else, but no. I think I'll go with a Yuletide fill that I will not name here. My assigned person gave me no prompts at all. I don't do well with no prompts, so I sent a message to the mods. The mods put a crazy amount of work into trying to get my person to give me something to go on... and their responses to my questions were "no, no, I don't care". That is the one and only time I've ever totally phoned it in on a gift fic. Normally I bust my ass to give the person exactly what they want. This person wouldn't ask for anything, so they got something like 2k words of the most formulaic cliched crap. They never commented on it, and I don't blame them, but it was damn well their own fault if they didn't like it.

For "most" I'm going to say A Light to Guide You (Phantom Menace, Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan), which I wrote under an old pseudonym. It's not the one I'm most proud of, it's not the longest, it's not the most difficult plot... but it is the only one I ever posted as a WIP. HUGE MISTAKE. There was hiatus of something like a year between when I lost steam on it and when the stress of hanging a published WIP hanging over my head finally broke me. I went back and finished it just to eliminate that source of stress and it was really tough, because I had a whole plot planned out in my head which I completely forgot and I had to come up with an ending for a longfic I didn't really remember. People seem to like it despite that, though. <3

[awhitehead17]

A Peculiar Situation

Bruce & Kon, Bruce & Tim, TimKon, Humour, Coming Out, Fluff, Good Dad Bruce, High Kon. 

Summary: Bruce finds a high Kon while out on patrol, on the way back to the cave it seems that Superboy has loose lips and he ends up learning new things about his son and the half-Kryptonian. 

Enjoy! :D 

While on patrol Bruce has come to learn expect the unexpected. Considering how long he’s been Batman and has been patrolling Gotham’s streets, not a lot fazes him anymore.

This, however, is certainly new.

Standing on top of an abandoned apartment building, he was preparing to call it a night, it was early by his normal standards but he has a board meeting in the morning which greatly demanded his attention so he needed to go home and get some sleep to be ready for it. That’s when the whole building suddenly starts to shake.  

It only lasts for a few seconds but it was enough to put Bruce on high alert. Without even thinking about it he gets into a defensive stance and scans the surrounding areas for the source. It seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary and he can already exclude an earthquake from the list.

A puff of what looked like smoke soon gets his attention. He turns his attention to the east side of the building and sneaks over to the edge, grabbing some pellets out of his belt as he does so, before carefully peering over the edge of the roof to find the source of the smoke. Within the wall towards the ground there was now a gaping hole in the construction, like something had just gone through it, and the smoke had in fact been lots of dust.

After a few beats of waiting Bruce could eventually hear something moving from inside the building and if he had to guess it was what crashed through the wall in the first place. He grabs his grapple and silently makes his way down to the ground, making sure his movements were quiet and undetectable.

Bruce tenses and prepares himself for a fight as he spins around to face whoever is in the building, only to stumble when he finds Superboy coughing and sluggishly moving within the debris.

He freezes on the spot, baffled by the sight before him. What was Superboy doing in Gotham? Why did he go through the wall? What was wrong with him?

It didn’t go unnoticed that the boy seemed completely unaware of Bruce’s presence or the fact his movements were sloppy as he works to get the bits of debris off himself.

Figuring there was in fact no threat, only questions, Bruce loosens his posture and trails over to help the boy. He ought to leave him and pretend he was never there but he was in fact curious on why one of his son’s team mates were in Gotham without his permission. Tim had never said Kon-el would be stopping by.

Bruce moves a chunk of concrete away and the action finally gets Superboy’s attention.

“a’man? Wha’ you doin’ here?”

The boy’s speech was greatly slurred which was a cause of concern considering who he is but he sends the teen a raised eyebrow. “I could ask you the same question.”

Superboy pushes himself into an upright position and steadies himself, he looks up at Bruce and narrows his eyes at him, “Well, I don’t care, wha you think! I only care bout his heart!”

Bruce had no idea what the kid was on about. He was about to try and question the boy further when his comm went off in his ear.

“Hey B,” It was Dick, “Sorry to bother you but we’re in a bit of a situation.”

Instantly tensing up, Bruce is completely prepared to aid his son in whatever he’s gotten himself into.

“You see Ivy’s somehow gotten out of jail. While Robin and I were the closet we went to check it out, cause you know, that’s what we do.” He sounded both a bit breathless as well as distracted. “Anyway when we arrived Superboy was already on the scene.”

Bruce shoots Kon-el a look. The boy was now trying to stagger to his feet. When he stumbles Bruce puts out a hand to stop him from falling over.  

“Anyway, long story short, Ivy got bored of Superboy, pinched him with something and threw him away. Robin and I are just subduing her now. There’s no need to worry but if you see Superboy he may be in a state if you happen to find him.”

In a state may be putting it lightly. Knowing that his eldest and youngest have the situation handled, finding out how Ivy broke out was a case to solve later on, he turns his attention to the teen before him.

Kon-el was stood up right but was blinking really slowly and had a faraway expression on his face. After a moment he suddenly started to giggle to himself, a goofy smile stretching across his face as he stared into space. It didn’t take much to work out what was wrong as soon as he moved closer to inspect the younger hero.

Superboy was high.

Whatever Ivy had pricked him with, it was strong enough to have an effect on Superboy to make it appear like he was high. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, there was always something. Nothing was ever easy. There was no way he could leave the teen alone like this, not only would his own son be annoyed at him for leaving his friend but he would have Clark scolding at him for even considering it.

He’ll have to take him back to the cave and see if it passes, maybe he can try and do some blood tests while they wait it out just to make sure this wasn’t anything lethal. He’ll most likely just pass him over to Tim so he can deal with his friend.

Bruce reaches out and grabs Kon-el’s elbow, guiding him away from the debris and out of the old building.

“Where we goin? You kidnapping me?”

Bruce ignores him in favour of getting to the Batmoblie just around the corner.

“Your hands are big. Like huge. They’re massive, especially compared to Tim’s. His is tiny. And skinny.”

Okay, so the teen’s speech is improving but he’s rambling. He takes a moment to consider that the boy is on about his son’s fingers but quickly dismisses the thoughts. He didn’t need to have those. Once Kon-el starts rambling again he blocks it out.

They get to the car and Bruce unlocks it, he shoves Superboy in the back before climbing into the front. Once settled he starts her up and begins making his way back to the cave with his passenger sprawled out over the back seats.

“Agent A, are you still there?��

“Still here sir, what can I do for you?”

“I’m coming in with a guest, can you please prepare the med bay and potentially have some snacks ready for when we arrive.”

“As you wish.”

He signs off and for the millionth time thanks the lord for Alfred, the elderly man never asks questions. If it was more of an urgent situation Bruce would have reacted different which would have tipped Alfred off but as this is just a peculiar situation it didn’t warrant urgency.

“You’re Tim’s dad.”

Bruce ignores him still. He looks in the rear-view mirror at the teen and finds him drawing patterns into the seats leather.

“He loves ya you know. Doesn’t admit it, the little freak, but he does. He’s like you in more ways anyone can describe.”

Despite refusing to respond to him, Bruce couldn’t help the warmth that it fills him with hearing that.

“He deserves so much better, y’know. Been through so much crap yet he still fights. I love him and will always look out for him no matter what.”

Bruce hums, “You’re team mates and friends. It’s good to watch out for one another.” He wonders why Kon-el seems so fixated on his son while high.

“No!”

Bruce snaps his gaze to the figure in the back seat who was now sat up and was attempting to glare at him, was attempting because his glassy eyes made it hard for it to be serious.

“No! I love him, with all my heart and I will cherish and protect him. You hear me! I feel bad I was away for the year but I’m going to make it up to him! I promise!”

Bruce was at a loss for what he should do. Was Superboy implying that he and his son were more than friends? The seriousness in the teen’s eyes would suggest so but then there was the factor that he was currently high so that could change context.

“Tim says he’s not ready to tell you but I knows he’s worried on what you think. But I’m not! I don’t care because I love him. I will fight tooth and nail for that ass and challenge anyone who dares hurt him.”

The scales were certainly tipping into the relationship direction which had emotions stirring inside of Bruce because why didn’t Tim say anything to him? Why was he worried? His son shouldn’t have to hide who he was no matter what.

He’ll have to address the matter at a later stage because they were finally pulling up to the cave. He drives in and pulls into the garage part of the cave. As Bruce climbs out he’s greeted by Alfred.

“The med bay is ready sir, I assume you’ve had an eventful night?”

He shoots Alfred a look as he pulls down the cowl and opens the back door. Reaching inside he pulls the teenager out of the car and onto his feet, making sure to keep a grip on him so he doesn’t fall over as he stumbles.

Alfred merely raises an eyebrow at the appearance of Kon-el. Bruce does nothing to stop the elderly man taking the teenager by the elbow and guiding him over to the med bay where he helps him sit down on one of the cots.

As Alfred helps him settle Bruce wonders over to the computer and calls his son, seeing if he was still awake. While Tim shouldn’t be awake considering it’s his night off, Bruce knows his son and figures he wouldn’t have fallen asleep just yet.

He’s proven right because after the third ring his second youngest answers, “Hello? Everything okay?”

Bruce glances over his shoulder where Alfred was now feeding Superboy what looked like cheese crackers. “I need you to some down the cave. There’s been a… situation.”

“What! What happened who’s hurt and what do you need me to do!”

He chuckles at the instant panic and worry that laced Tim’s tone, “Relax, while I was out one of your friends decided to visit and had a very eventful run in with Poison Ivy tonight. I need you to look after them.”

There was a moment of silence before Tim answers again, “Uh sure… who did you pick up?”

“Superboy. Alfred’s currently feeding him.”

“Kon? Okay, I’m on my way.”

Bruce cuts the call and turns to the computer, powering it up so he could write a quick report of that nights interesting events. He types no more than a couple of sentences when a high pitch giggle cuts through the air of the cave followed by a loud shout.

“Timmy!”

Turning around, Bruce finds Kon-el stumbling through the cave over to where Tim was now descending the stairs. His son stops in what must be shock, sending him and then Alfred a look before looking at the meta human coming towards him.

“Conner?” Tim hurries down the stairs and is quick to catch up to the meta and to hold him up before he falls over.

Bruce watches in amusement as Tim fumbles to help balance the half Kryptonian as he gets embraced in a hug. He stands up and makes his way over to the pair, watching as Kon-el tries to kiss Tim’s cheek but keeps failing as Tim shoves his face away.

“Bruce what happened, what’s wrong with Kon?”

“Master Kent has had a run in with Miss Ivy tonight.” Alfred pipes up, coming to stand beside him. “It’s easy to say that he’s been exposed to one of her toxins that has left him high.”  

Tim stares wide-eyed at Alfred like he couldn’t believe him.

“There’s no need to worry though Master Tim, everything is fine with the young sir. Some food and rest he’ll be back to himself tomorrow I assure you.”

That explanation doesn’t seem to do a lot to help Tim relax.

“I love you Timmy. So, so, so, much. I really do.”

While his face flushes, Tim’s expression still softens as Kon-el speaks to him. The meta has now stopped trying to kiss him but was stroking Tim’s cheeks with sloppy but loving movements. He glances down at Kon before smiling softly, “Love you too Kon, now let’s get you in bed huh? You’re going to have such a headache in the morning.”

Even if Bruce didn’t know what he now knew of the couple in front of him, he could see how much Tim adores the teenager in his arms, helping him to stay upright as he’s unable to do so himself. As much as he wants to be annoyed with the presence of the half-Kryptonian he finds that he couldn’t be after seeing Tim with him.

Tim turns them around and starts walking back towards the stairs, Kon-el was mumbling in his ear but Tim was ignoring him for the time being. Just as he was about to get to the stairs Bruce calls out to his son.

“One moment Tim.” He walks over to him and Tim gives him an expecting look, waiting for the catch of his journey being stopped. Bruce reaches him and rests a hand on the shoulder currently not being occupied by a teenager. “I know that you think I’d judge but Tim, I love you okay. You’re my son and I’m proud of you. You don’t have to hide who you are from me.”

Tim gets that same wide-eyed look he had before as Bruce talks to him. His son’s face flushes red and his mouth opens and closes like a gold fish. Bruce gives him a moment to process what he had just said, it was indeed amusing to find his second youngest so speechless.

Making it easier for the both of them, Bruce leans down places a kiss to Tim’s hair before walking away, “Make sure you both don’t stay up too late. And make sure he drinks plenty of fluids.”

Normally he wouldn’t be happy about one of his kid’s partner’s staying in their room with them but he has a feeling Tim and Kon-el won’t be doing anything other than sleeping that night. He’ll have a proper talk about the situation with Tim tomorrow when things have calmed down.