#specific audience of 1 (myself)
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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Mahoyaku Mafia (KHR) AU
- Varia’s side; Former Partners -
#chat this has been in draft for. anyway i just wanted to post something#love cooking AUs only a specific audience understands#specific audience of 1 (myself)#summing it up... katekyo hitman reborn is a superpower mafia action shounen manga#varia's the assassination squad under the protagonist's mafia family#bradnero = 10051 + XS dumped together.#i cant explain this one else it will be a paragraph... someone please get it (crying)#mahoyaku#promise of wizard#mhyk#bradley bain#nero turner#mahoutsukai no yakusoku#bradnero#main family ahem grandvelle ahem soon to be head is arthur (sky) and-- shots#and if i say oz is reborn
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You can get me to make something I was on the fence about making by just saying you want to see it also
#I love making things for myself specifically but myself doesn’t always want to make#but if I know there’s an audience of more then 1? well. maybe I should then…
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🌟KIANAMAIART FAQ🌟
FAQ wahoooo!!

GENERAL QUESTIONS
Who are you?
I'm Kiana, I'm a queer, Japanese Jamaican woman, and a Director/Storyboard artist who works in animation. I'm currently at Disney Television Animation.
What are your pronouns?
I usually go by she/her but I don't really mind any pronouns~
Where did you go to school?
California College of the Arts (but I dropped out when I was hired at Disney)
How did you get hired at Disney?
My bosses found me on twitter. They liked my drawing style and asked if I wanted to take a storyboard test. I did, I passed, I got interviewed and moved to LA two weeks later to start storyboarding.
Your work seems familiar. What do I know you from?
I've been on the internet for a long time! It could be a number of things. As maimai97 on dA I had a comic about next gen Pokemon characters called Pokemon 25 Years Later. As kilala97 I had some popular next gen ponies and also had a Steven Universe gemsona named Larimar. I'm also @yamujiburo, known most for drawing Jessie x Delia (hanamusa) a lot. I also work professionally! I've worked as a storyboard artist and director on Disney Channel's Big City Greens, I was a storyboard artist on one of the Steven Universe anti-racism shorts and I was a storyboard artist on Pokemon: Path to the Peak. Most recently I've been on season 6 of Dropout's Game Changer!
What program and brush do you use to draw?
Default brush in Storyboard pro. Photoshop sometimes just for compositing or specific effects.
PPPIDWTBAMG QUESTIONS
What is this project?
This is a project that started off as a silly idea that has since grown into me creating a 10 minute pilot animatic.
What does "pilot animatic" entail?
It means that it's effectively a pilot/episode 1 of a (potential) larger series. It's fully voice acted but is not fully animated. It's an animatic, meaning it will be comprised of storyboards in video form.
When and where can I watch the pilot!?
Now and right here!
youtube
What would this series be rated?
Ideally like PG13/TV14! Or whatever they call it. Definitely more geared to a YA audience. Not completely kiddy but also not what most people would consider adult animation to be
What are you planning to do with the project now that the pilot has released?
Don't know yet! There has been a lot of studio interest and even offers, so I'm in the process of talking with them and seeing if I can find this show a home or if I want to try doing it on my own or if I want to even continue with it at all. I know you guys are curious, but even if I wanted to tell you I couldn't. Just trust that I will make announcements as they come~
You said Aika had teammates, will we see them?
Because of the studio interest and potential for more of this show, there's some stuff I'm still holding close to my chest. This is one of them.
Do the characters have parents??
Zira does! As for Aika and Eclipse, this is something I'm still developing and don't really know myself haha
What are the characters' sexualities?
Don't know right now. Headcanon away!
Is "Star Guardian: Guardian of the Stars" a reference to that vine?
Nope! It's more so a parody for just really long and redundant titles which I love. Similar to the title of this project, which is called "Pretty Pretty Please I Don't Want to be a Magical Girl"
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There is girls/queens/she/her in the way generally cis gay men talk about and to each other. That get used for anyone even if they dont like it.
More broadly its terms like guy and dude that get applied to everyone yes, its more queer specific communities where you get a lot of "slay queen".
General rule dont call people what they dont want to be called
yeah you're up on all of the latest preferred queer terminology but do you respond normally when a woman asks you not to call her Bro, Bruh, Dude, Guy, etc.?
#like ive been in 'all female' environments where everyonr calls each other guy and dude and#valling m that misgebdering in that circumstancr would be absurd#but 1. you just be more thougbtful around trans people in general#2. abyone says hey dont call me that you dont call them that. for any reason#theres a youtuber i like except they call their audience stinky a lot and I dont find it cute so I dont watch them much#doesnt matter if they mean it silly or affectionate. doesnt feel like it to me#theyre not talking to me specifically so in that case I remove myself#if i knew them personally id ask them not call me that.#dont need to justify. you get to say how people talk about you in this way. if they ignore you theyre assholes
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hi I went a little nuts about the new marinette design and came up with like 15 alternatives.
my initial goal was to come up with a. “””better”””” design, while still adhering to what seem to be the show’s limitations.
*Core Idea* Try to keep her design recognizably “Marinette” as depicted in the show. Anyway lemme know what your favs are thanks
some vague guidelines I made for myself below.
1. Black outerwear, white shirt, pink shorts/pants. (Color palette revolves around the black/pink/white palette, the new design shows her with tights of some kind so we can play with that a bit more. Shoes we can be a bit creative with.)
2. Keep it “age appropriate” per the G rating / 8-13 intended audience. This is vague but mostly just avoiding things that are too trendy or showing “too much” skin- to be clear I don’t have a personal problem with that but we’re playing by the shows rules for teens. Pretending I have an exec to pitch these to.
3. It seems like the show has pretty limited fabric sim - keeping the silhouette close to the model, can’t really have loose fabric, boxy/oversized fits or super unique/specific textures (knit vs leather can probably be implied but don’t expect too much accurate detail)
Please ignore that I drew 3 purse designs. I don't have strong feelings about them.
Some of these designs I think are pretty basic and mid, a couple I really like, and some I think are a bit unrealistic. fun exercise nonetheless.
#I could write extensive commentary but that’d take too long tbh#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain-cheng#fashion#ml redesign
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not to be emo and whiny again on main but i suddenly started questioning the universe, fell down a rabbit hole of history reddit and somehow went back to the topic of missing a particular 4 years of my childhood (the last time i felt genuine joy btw!)
#the way nothing has been the same post those 4 years of childhood-#i have lore..... but i feel like i can only share it with family/ppl who knew me at that time#or a very specific audience-#what am i saying#it's 1:30 am#i just went from reading about human history to#reminiscing my childhood#and im sleepy but also very much awake bc i kinda spooked myself with all the existential questions
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My video "A LAWYER'S EVIDENCE that Mike and Will become a romantic pair in Stranger Things" is out!
youtube
Many of you have followed me ( @teambyler ) or read my essays analyzing Byler (I've linked some of the most-shared ones below). I am actually also a LAWYER who has a YouTube channel called RONALD OFF THE RECORD, and I just released my big video on Byler! (I also have another YouTube channel with 45K subscribers that I mention in the video)
I'm prepared to put my professional reputation as a lawyer on the line to comment on a piece of science fiction, because goddammit this is important to me! It is not "delusional" to think Will and Mike will become a couple, and there is nothing wrong with you if want it to happen! This is a video essay I've been planning for at least SIX MONTHS, and I put a lot of work into it. Please share, and please leave comments. Enjoy! =D
0:00 Why this video 1:38 Hate for Byler on the internet 10:16 Case for Mileven 15:21 Case for Byler: Starting premises 17:56 If Will were a girl… 25:30 The evidence! 29:05 EXHIBIT A: The Snow Ball 31:34 B: Mike's reactions to El and Will being upset 34:21 C: Season 3 ending montage 39:16 D: Airport reunion 47:51 E: Rink-O-Mania argument 51:28 F: Heteronormativity, audience expectations 58:25 G: Throwing away the letter 59:55 H: 2nd heart-to-heart scene 1:05:43 I: Mike can't say he loves El 1:13:27 J: Platonic reunion 1:15:12 K: Will's role convincing Mike to say "I love you" 1:20:08 L: Effect of the "love confession" on El 1:39:54 M: The Painting Lie 1:43:22 Honorable mentions 1:45:27 Non-diegetic evidence 2:01:23 Actor statements 2:07:01 Season 5 information 2:10:34 NOT how you write an unrequited love story 2:16:07 Why Byler SHOULD happen (queerbaiting, etc.) 2:28:21 A more powerful story 2:35:45 A personal note
I'm now making this my new pinned post, so I'll list a few of my posts here for people to check out.
ADDITIONS: -28:00 On "We should normalize same-sex friends being affectionate, they don't have to be gay," I should have been clearer. HOMOPHOBIA is the reason for that stigma. Straight friends feeling like they can be affectionate in our society HAS to include normalizing LGBT+ people. -1:16:55 I should've said this more clearly: Will reminded Mike that who HE is, HIS unique qualities, make him worthy of love and make El love him, not dumb luck. And Will of course could convey that because Will loves the actual nerd MIke and everything he is. -1:17:06 Mike making El "not feel like a mistake" doesn't fit El, because she says that Mike looks at her "like I'm a monster, too". Nor did she "push you away because she was afraid of losing you". That's Will, not El. Mike felt love because Will was describing himself. -1:52:36 I forgot to mention that, in the original Nina opera, Nina's lover is ALIVE and DOES return. The Duffers changed the story so that Nina's lover does NOT return, to further suggest Mike won't return! -2:35:22 I'm kicking myself for not being more specific about Mike and Will being heroes in more than one way: I think the theme of bullying from s1 will return, with Will (and also Mike) having to face bullying for being boyfriends in Hawkins.
Some other @teambyler posts:
Mike was saying "I love you" to Will
Questions to ask if ever you have Byler doubt
How the Duffers have set Will up to have a happy ending in Season 5
The most heartbreaking way Byler can culminate (and how I predict it will) (I know this is less likely than an "escape from Camazotz" possession scenario, but I still want this to happen =D )
How the Duffers likely will make the general audience AWARE of Byler and CHEER for Byler
-teambyler
#byler#teambyler#video#lawyer's evidence#stranger things#st5 speculation#byler theory#byler analysis#Youtube
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i'm sure this has been articulated before and probably better, but i can't stop thinking about the fact that the main reason buddie fans hate Tommy (outside from the fact he is blocking their ship from becoming "canon") is because Tommy is getting the Eddie storyline they want. Or rather, the fandom idea of Eddie is being played out with Tommy's character arc.
This really clicked with me after I watched a nearly 4hr 9-1-1 recap youtube video created by a buddie fan. I genuinely think (the buddie of it all and their view of Tommy aside) it's a great video and worth a watch! Really articulates what makes 9-1-1 fun and lovable, the issues the show has (especially with copaganda), the bad writing with certain characters and character plot arcs, and genuinely had a lot of points I agree with/have been saying myself since I started watching 9-1-1. Even the buddie of it all, I could get on board with because I like watching people argue why they ship something - I don't have to agree with it or like the ship to be interested.
My main issue with the video (and why I can't stop thinking about it) is how the creator viewed Tommy and how (perhaps purposefully) bad-faith they have interpreted his actions towards Buck. Again, I don't care if someone doesn't like Tommy or has no strong opinions of him, but I prefer people's dislike to be based on reality and/or what the character actually did, and not through the rose-coloured glasses of a shipper lens.
When the creator of the video brought up Tommy as Buck's love interest, they mostly said they were rather cool on him and that we don't know a lot about him yet to really know the character (and given that this was published before S8, that's fair). However, they bring up the cafe scene in S7E05 and Tommy's "mmmm, not like that" line as "evidence" that Tommy's indifferent to Buck and this is where buddies and general audiences separate into different realities, because this moment is a) clearly supposed to be funny/romcomsque and b) demonstrates Tommy's dry wit and, dare i say, sassiness - a trait applauded by buddie fans with Eddie (and they use as proof as his "queerness") but condemned when a canonically gay character does it. The video creator themselves mentions numerous times Eddie's sassiness as a positive trait (and to be fair, they also mention that it's sort of Eddie's default trait because he's a nothingburger character - which I agree with), but when Tommy does it, it suddenly demonstrates that a character doesn't really like/care for their love interests (which given what we know about S8.... hilarious in hindsight, holy projection batman).
Anyways, that really clicked into place for me that the (outsized) outrage buddies have towards Tommy is because he is canonically demonstrating traits they want to see in Eddie/how they view (fandom) Eddie.
Tommy as a character is:
-a deeply closeted gay man when we first meet him, who participates in toxic masculinity as a means to protect himself and/or because he can't (or is unable to) fully articulate himself as a queer person.
-alluded to have been raised in an environment where he had to hide his queerness (as discussed specifically in S7E10 with 118 being a "regressive place" when he was there). Is pressured by both his biological family and his work "family" to maintain a certain idea of manhood, and by extension, stay closeted. Also served in the army, an institute infamous for being homophobic, and undoubtedly influenced his ideas around duty and manhood.
-unable to maintain relationships with women, even serious long-term ones as with Abby, and uses these relationships (either subconsciously or not) to maintain the illusion of his heterosexuality.
-tied with "traditional" masculine interests/hobbies/institutes. He was in the army, he likes monster trucks, fighting, craft beer, flies a helicopter, etc. He seems, on the surface, a guy's guy.
-now canonically out and was/is in a relationship with Buck and has served, vitally, as a closet key to Buck, ensuring that two firefighters on the silly weewoo show are, in fact, together.
-very clearly invested in Buck's well-being, both within and outside of relationship. Has demonstrated numerous times "going out" of his way to put Buck's emotional needs first and to value Buck in way others (Eddie) do not.
-one half of a groundbreaking queer relationship. Cannot be repeated enough, the fact that the show has a main character (beloved by fandom and the general audience alike) come out as queer in a long-running mainstream show is groundbreaking. The fact that Tommy is one half of this ship is so important both to the show and Buck's entire arc. It is important and groundbreaking.
These are almost all things/traits that buddie fans argue make Eddie queer and/or why buddie would be a groundbreaking ship. Which sure, but the reality is the showrunners, the actors, the show itself have maintained Eddie is straight, and (as articulated by the creator themselves in the video) most of what they project onto Eddie comes from the fact he is poorly written rather than because the show was planning on making Eddie gay in the first place.
I read through numerous comments for the recap video and for a following video from the same creator about whether they had been queerbaited (I wish buddies learned the term "ship-tease" because if one half of your ship is canonically queer, no you cannot be queerbaited and dismissing Buck's canonical queerness just because your ship is not happening is, uh, a problem), and numerous times buddies have mentioned how "groundbreaking" buddie would be as if all the things they mention about the ship hasn't already happened with Bucktommy on the show. Their issue is not that the show refuses to do this (and the amount of comments I read that said things like 'they'll never make buddie happen because the network is too conservative'.... for a show with a black lesbian relationship from season 1 and has already made half of your ship queer and made him fuck nasty on screen with his male love interest.... the mental gymnastics is too much), but the fact that the show HAS already done this, just not with their blorbo of choice.
My closing thoughts (for now, I have MANY!) is that in the follow up video about being "queerbaited by 9-1-1", numerous comments asked "if Eddie isn't gay, that would mean he's just emotionally immature, terrible to women, and not a great friend or parent. He would be the worst character on the show".... and like yes, that's the real character you are choosing to stan, not the fanfic one! I fully understand that Eddie is blank canvas for most buddies to pin their hopes and dreams onto (again, because he is poorly written and is essentially a nothingburger character), but no matter how you twist each bucktommy interaction, make bad-faith interpretations, project things that never happened onto Tommy, in the end, Eddie is still a straight boring character. And Tommy is the one who is canonically living out the character-arc you so desperately want to see on the show.
#bucktommy#<- intended audience#tommy kinard#i am signing up for my execution if i tag this#911 meta#it's more like 911 fandom meta#911 discourse#not included in this but i could rant for hours:#i do firmly believe that almost all buddie fans only care about the ship from the perspective of eddie and eddie's characterization#and do not give a shit about buck at all#otherwise all the comments about how “groundbreaking” buddie would be rendered null if they realized it already happened to buck!!!!#i have like 5000+ more pressing and important things to think about#but i could not stop thinking about that video and just how wrong they were about tommy#and i don't want to make a youtube account to comment so you all are getting... this
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Gesture: A Slim Guide - Five Fun Facts
To celebrate the publication of Gesture: A Slim Guide I've selected five facts from/about the book to share:
1. The cover is a deepcut reference to my first gesture research project
Gawne & Kelly (2014) is actually work from my honours project in 2007 - it took us a while to write it up for publication. In that experiment, participants watched a short video narrative and marked everything they thought was a 'gesture' without being given a definition. On the whole, people agree at a minimum level with Gesture Studies researchers about what a gesture is, but tend to include far more in their definition. The cover illustration from Lucy Maddox captures some of the key gestures from that video. Because we had no budget, I filmed the video of myself narrating the story.
2. Learning a signed language will affect the way you gesture in spoken language
Research on learners of ASL shows that learning a signed language affects the gestures of people who have spent their whole life speaking English. Gesture and signed languages are two very different uses of the same modality, but they influence each other in interesting ways.
3. You can make people imagine emphasis differently by changing the placement of emphatic gestures
Hans Rutger Bosker and David Peeters created experimental video clips that you can see here. They took inspiration for their experimental work from the classic McGurk effect in phonetics, where watching a mouth closing like a /g/ while a /b/ sound is played will make the viewer hear a /d/.
4. Dolphins and seals demonstrate the capacity to follow human pointing gestures
While there is evidence that many domestic animals can follow human pointing gestures, this is the only documented evidence to date that shows this skill in wild animals that aren't primates.
5. People still gesture even if their audience can't see them, but the way they gesture changes
Speech and gesture are so closely linked up that we can't help but gesture, even if our audience can't see us. Experiments show that changing the audience conditions changes how large or frequent gestures are, but nothing stops us gesturing completely.


The official launch party for Gesture: A Slim Guide will be the April episode of Lingthusiasm, stay tuned!
Book overview
The gestures that we use when we speak are an important, if often over-looked, part of how we communicate. This book provides a friendly, fast-paced introduction to the field of Gesture Studies. Gestures are those communicative actions made with the human body that accompany spoken or signed language. Paying attention to gesture means paying attention to the fuller context in which humans communicate. Gesture is absolute, in that every human community that has language also has gestures as part of that language. But gesture is also relative, in that it is far more heavily context dependent than other elements of communication. This book provides a broad introduction to current understandings of the nature and function of gesture as a feature of communication. This Slim Guide covers the ways gesture works alongside speech and the different categories of gesture. The way these categories are used varies across cultures and languages, and even across specific interactions. We acquire gesture as part of language, and it is deeply entwined with language in the brain. Gesture has an important role in the origin of language, and in shaping the future of human communication. The study of gesture makes a crucial interdisciplinary contribution to our understanding of human communication. This Slim Guide provides an introduction to Gesture Studies for readers of all backgrounds.
Order links
Bookshop .org (affiliate link)
Amazon (affiliate link)
Booko page (for Australians)
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celebrity gossip 2 ー ken sato.
the moment when japan's "it girl" decided to confess on live television, too. PREQUEL. PART 1. sfw, fluff. scenario & situations r made up! enjoy reading <3
"wait, okay. no, gods, wait," you rambled. you and your two best friends, tamayo and shau, were currently watching ken sato's interview in 'evening, darlings'.
shau laughed at your obvious nervousness. "just sit back and enjoy the show, [name]!" they exclaimed.
the flat screen showed ken sato in a black shirt that fit him so perfectly, while his iconic smile was visible on his face. "and may i just ask, my darling, of what your favourite thing about coming back to japan is right now?" the interviewer asked, placing their elbows on the arm rest of their chair.
"mmh," ken sato leaned back and had his hand on his chin. "without a doubt, playing for the giants. it was my childhood dream, you know." he started.
"of course. we've yet to interview mister shimura on his thoughts about his team's recent win and overall thoughts now that it includes you." the interviewer answered.
ken sato nodded. "oh, yeah, it's definitely better now," he joked, receiving heartful laughs from the audience and from the interviewer. "but, really, the team is what actually made me better myself. they're great, lively, amazing people filled with talent. in the fields and out, they've really showed me that people can be genuine, and i appreciate that." the interviewer had an awed look on their face.
"he's really such a great baseball player, no?" tamayo commented.
"i know!" shau chimed in. the two discussed the giants' recent game while you were in between them, wherein each player showed their strengths, highlighting ken sato's swift home run the moment he became the batter. you blocked out their conversation because for one, you didn't know shit about baseball, and two, you had ken sato's second interview for 'evening, darlings' aired in front of you right now.
"i came to japan for my father, too. he has been my greatest supporter since i was a kid alongside my mom, and it was about time i thanked the old man." ken sato smiled. "and, of course, you can not miss the japanese cuisine." the camera focused on him alone, showing his sly smirk while he winked at the camera, making the audience scream, and you, internally.
the interviewer and ken sato continuously talked about any topics that the former threw in, but now, the topic was about ken sato's social life. more specifically, the topic was about his answer during his last interview there.
"if it matters that much, i like [surname]." ken sato said, his thumb swiping underneath his nose to try and cover up a forming smile.
"[surname]? the [name] [surname], japan's "it girl"? that matters so much, darling!" the interviewer squealed.
yeah, that.
it seemed like their yomiuri giants talk had ended, for shau wrapped their arms around you and pressed their cheek against yours. "and once again, japan's "it girl" is the talk of the town," they smiled while watching the interview with you.
"i don't even know how i got that title." you laughed.
tamayo wrapped her hands around you as well and leaned her head on your shoulder. "'don't know', my ass." she said, making the three of you giggle. "ah, i could never imagine ken sato admitting that he likes me on national television." she added.
"he does not like me." you said, wiggling out of their bear hugs.
"'does not like me', my ass." shau said, making tamayo laugh and you playfully rolled your eyes. "shush, now! the topic's juicy!" they said, turning their attention to the tv.
"so, my darling, do you remember your answer when i asked you if you had a special someone in your life?" the interviewer asked.
"ah, yeah," ken said. "i like [surname]."
what the fuck.
while the two girls squealed almost as loud, if not louder, than the audience did in the studio, you were a hot mess. you were smiling sheepishly from ear to ear, face and ears all flushed from embarrassment as your eyes stared up at the flat screen.
"there is absolutely no way." tamayo squealed, hitting your shoulder after each word that she said.
"my darling!" the interviewer said, trying to catch the attention of everyone.
"yes, darling?" ken sato answered. the interviewer obviously liked that response, undeniably with the huge grin on their face.
"you are such a flirt, mister sato." they said, playfully making a hitting motion with their hand. "am i your celebrity crush now?" they said, laughing, and earning some laughs from the audience as well.
"ah, no. not at all. it's still [surname]." he answered cooly.
what the fuck.
the audience and the girls beside you collectively lost their shit once more, and right now, your face felt so hot that one might get a third degree burn upon touching it.
the camera focused on ken sato, making the viewers see his features so clearly. dear god, was this man handsome. "i have yet another question, ken." the interviewer spoke.
"fire away."
"from your guest appearance here, darling, you've left quite an impression on our audience. i think you might be their brand new eye candy." they said.
kenji laughed and ran his hand through his hair. "i'm flattered, but then again, i get it." he said, winking at the camera.
"will the audience ever stop squealing at ken sato?" tamayo said.
"as if you weren't just squealing with me a minute ago." shau replied, and you laughed heartily at this. "[name], how are you so composed right now!" they commented.
you looked at your two friends with a flustered face then put your face in your hands out of pure embarrassment. shau hugged you again and rocked you back and forth while tamayo just laughed at you. the interview finally ended with a wave goodbye from ken sato. while talking to your girls about what happened, your phone played your ringtone as it lit up, showing you an incoming call from your manager.
"excuse me, ladies," you told you girls and they just nodded as you went out of the room for privacy. "hello, hanabi. is something the matter?" you greeted.
"good evening, [nickname]. you seen the interview with ken sato?" she said in a teasing voice. you audibly sighed as a joke and the two of your shared a laugh. "crazy stuff, huh? anyway, i'm just here to inform you of recent additions to your schedule this month." she said.
"additions?" you echoed.
"mhm, nothing too big. the photoshoot in paris, france scheduled this thursday is still on the go," they started. "and you are to guest in 'evening, darlings' the following week on sunday, aired on tuesday."
you had a surprised look on your face. "woah, what? right after ken sato's stunts?" you asked.
"yup! perfect timing, i think it's to stir drama by hearing your side of the story. whatever their intentions may be, we can use this to our own advantage. i figured that engaging with his romantic advances would be good for you. it would be a good opportunity to switch your target audience, too. and i don't think it'll be that hard to convince you, knowing that you fancy the guy," she murmured the last part quickly as a way to tease you and you just laughed.
"but, seriously, i fear that you've been too sexualized, and i know you're just more than how the media portrays you, but then again, so is everyone else in the industry," she said sadly, and you felt touched that she didn't want that kind of fame for you and actively wanted to change that. she really was more than your manager, and you were glad to have her with you.
"th-thank you, hanabi. really." you said.
"it's nothing, dear! anyway, you'll have your rest days from monday to thursday, and on friday, you have a duo photoshoot for a sports brand called, 'royals'" hanabi added, talking quickly with her reason being to save the two of your time.
"oh, interesting. i think tamayo had a photoshoot with them before. which model will i be doing it with?" you asked her.
"there's no model, [nickname]."
"huh?"
"you're doing it with ken sato."
p.s., huge thank u to @shauu for allowing me to use their name <3 !! also, the cuisine joke from paragraph 9 is a reference to ambessa medarda from arcane when she said that she wanted to try piltover's local cuisine (the men) :^P
taglist: @lunaryasha @vrxouei @m00nd0v3 @despacito-uwu16 @lovingyeet @moon-shampoo @hashxu @manjimeowmeow @sylvirmist-s-cottage @warlike-morning @beabadobeee @procastinatingbitch @zagreustomb @ttulipwritezz @/everyone else untaggable :(
#ken sato headcanons#ken sato imagines#ken sato x reader#ken sato#kenji sato#ultraman rising#ultraman netflix#ultraman
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any art tips about writing funny scenarios? i feel like i understand drawing but ive been in a total writing rut, especially when it comes to comedy :/
I think the main thing to consider is What Is The Punchline.
Something I see often in beginner joke-writing is having too much after the punchline. You don't need to have character A dunk on character B, and then have characters C, D, & E all reacting to it. UNLESS the reaction is the punchline. Remember how funny vines were? A lot of that came from them being only 6 seconds, and often cut off at the end. The Abruptness can absolutely add to the timing.
The other main thing is that comedy = contrast. Yesterday was April Fool's Day, and something I was seeing a lot of people do (myself included) was make some kind of "announcement", and then say some variation of "haha sike!" The thing is, this only works if your audience could have realistically expected you to make that kind of announcement in the first place. If an artist who has been staunchly and vocally against AI art posts an AI image, then... that's not really a joke? Your followers will be confused, not only because you're acting out-of-character about an issue that's politically charged, but also because you're still using AI art.
My own version of this joke was to redraw an old comic, which is something I love doing! I love revisiting old media I used to like, and I love redrawing art to track my improvement. My followers (hopefully) know this about me. The twist was that the comic I redrew was voltron, specifically klance, because I have the experience to know this would give a lot of people a lot of whiplash. Even after almost 9 years, just simply seeing the characters was enough to send people careening into a weird spiral of nostalgia and fear for my sanity, because of how controversial the show and its fanbase had become. But since most of the controversy was because of extremely-online drama, it was ultimately harmless (and people that are genuinely still into the show got some new art for it teehee!) I'm going to use a recent comic I did as a another example.

^ this is a comic about Ace Attorney, but honestly you don't really need to know anything about Ace Attorney except that "7yg" is a shorthand the fandom used for "7 year gap".
Panel 1: Setting the expectation. it's during the pandemic, so it's normal for people to have hand sanitizer on them. A precedence has been established.
Panel 2: Additional Context. Phoenix rummages through his pockets, which tells the audience he has a lot of stuff in them, and that he's identifying objects more by touch than by sight.
Panel 3: Anticipation
Panel 4: The punchline! Oops, it was lube! Small bottles of lube DO look & feel very similar to bottles of hand sanitizer, but people-- especially during a global pandemic-- do not typically carry small bottles of lube on them. Personally, I think Phoenix Wright could be the kind of person to have lube on him (for any number of sexual or non-sexual reasons), but the audience doesn't necessarily need to know that about him. Part of the joke is the nonchalance in his reaction; all you need to know is that Phoenix himself is not that surprised or embarrassed about having lube with him, or about having just dispensed some of it into his friend's hands.
Comedy is hard to explain!! It's also not very funny to explain. It really takes a lot of practice, and everyone has different tastes in humor/context/expectations anyway, so you're never going to make everyone laugh. Knowing your audience will definitely help.
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How can I make money writing fiction?
I'm gonna be straight with you. There is no guarantee that you'll make enough as an independent writer to make it worth your time. You very well might -- I make a liveable wage as an independent writer -- but many don't. Most writers I know also have a job. And luck plays a big part in it.
If you're interested in going forward in spite of this, you have two main options for monetisation open to you, and you are going to have to pick one. I call them the sales model and the sponsorship model, and you are going to have to pick one.
The sales model involves writing stories and selling them to readers. You can put books up on Amazon or Smashwords, sell them direct from your own website, enlist the help of a traditional publisher to handle that for you and let them decide where to sell, whatever -- the point is that your money is made from the sale of books to readers. If you go with a traditional publisher, you're using this model (though they will give you some of the money ahead of time in the form of an advance). Most indie authors also use this model, publishing through draft2digital, Ingram Spark, direct through Amazon, whatever. I've never relied on the sales model and can't give you any advice on how to do this, but Tumblr is full of indie authors who probably can.
The sponsorship model involves soliciting small amounts of money from various readers over time. This is ideal for web serials, and it's what I use. I use Patreon, which is designed specifically for this purpose, but you can use other sites such as ko-fi. This model involves providing regular content for free, with bonuses for those who support you.
"Can't I do both? Sell books and have a Patreon?" You absolutely can! I know several indie authors with a Patreon. I sell my completed books as ebooks and will eventually sell them as paperbacks. But your time and attention is limited, and so is your audience's, and you're going to have to half-arse one of these in order to have enough arse to whole-arse the other. You're going to make a lo of decisions that benefit either the sponsorship model or the sales model, not both. So pick your primary income source early and commit.
I can only advise on writing web serials and using the sponsorship model, so I'll go ahead with that assumption. If you want to make a liveable wage doing this, not only will you need luck, you'll also need patience. This is not a fast way to build a career. at the end of my first year of doing this, I had one single patron, and they were a real-life friend of mine. When I reached an income of $100/month, I threw a little party for myself, I was so happy. It had taken such a long time and was so much work. I reached enough to cover rent/mortgage after I'd been doing this for more than four years. It's a long term sort of career.
Here are some general tips for succeeding in this industry, given by me, someone with no formal training in any of this who only vaguely knows what they're talking about:
Have a consistent update schedule and STICK TO IT
The #1 indicator for stable success in this industry (aside from luck, which we're discounting because you can't do much about that) is having a consistent update schedule. Your readers need to know when the next chapter is coming out, and it should be coming out regularly. Ideally, you should have no breaks or hiatuses -- if you're in a bus crash or something, that might be unavoidable, and your readers will understand if you tell them, but if you're stopping and starting a lot for trivial reasons, they WILL abandon you. You can't get away with that shit if you're not Andrew Hussie, and I'm pretty sure Andrew Hussie doesn't message me for career advice on Tumblr. If you find you need a lot of hiatuses to write fast enough then you're updating too often; change your schedule. A regular schedule is more important than a fast one (ideally it should be both, but if you have to pick between the two, pick regular).
2. Pay attention to your readership, listen to what they want from you
Your income is based on a pretty complicated support structure when you're using the sponsorship model. this model relies on people finding your story, liking your story, and continuing to find it valuable enough to keep paying you month after month. This means that your rewards for your sponsors should be things that they value and will continue to pay for ('knowing I'm supporting an artist whose work I enjoy' counts as a thing that they value, to my great surprise; there's a lot of people giving me money just for the sake of giving me money, so I can pay my mortgage and keep writing for them without needing a second job), but it also means supporting the entire network that attracts readers and keeps them having the best time they can with your story -- being part of a rewarding community. Because this is advice on making money, I'm going to roughly divide your readership into groups based on how they affect your bottom line:
sponsors. People giving you money directly. The importance of keeping this group happy should be obvious.
administration and community helpers -- discord moderators, IT people, guys who set up fan wikis, whoever's handling your mailing list if you have a mailing list. You can do this stuff yourself, or you can hire someone to do it, but if you're incredibly lucky and people enjoy being a part of your reader community, people will sometimes volunteer to do the work for free. If you are lucky enough to get such people, respect them. They are doing you a massive favour, and they're not doing it for you, but to maintain a place that they value, and you have to respect both of those things. My discord has just shy of 1,300 members and is moderated by volunteers. I'd peel my own face off if I had to moderate a community that large. If you've got people stepping up to do work for you, you need to respect them and you need to make sure that they continue to find that rewarding by doing what you can to make sure that the community they're maintaining is rewarding. Sometimes this means taking actions and sometimes this means staying the fuck out of the way. Depending on the circumstances.
fan artists. Once you have people drawing your characters, writing fanfic of your stories, whatever, treat these like fucking gold. Give them a space to do this, and more importantly, give them a space to do this without you in it. Fanworks are a symptom of engagement with your work, which is massively important. They are also a component of a healthy community, an avenue for readers to talk to each other and express themselves creatively to each other. Third, fanworks act as a bridge for new readers. When readers share their art on, say, Tumblr, it can intrigue new people and get them into the story. Your job in all of this is to give them the space to work, encourage them as required or invited (I reblog most TTOU fanart that I'm tagged in on Tumblr, for instance), and other than that, stay the fuck out of their way. These people are vital to the liveblood of your community, the continued engagement of your audience, and the interest of your sponsors. Some of the fan artists will be sponsors themselves; some won't be. Those who aren't sponsors are still massively valuable for their art.
speculators, conversers, theorists, livebloggers, and That Guy Who's Just Really Jazzed For The Next Chapter. Some people don't make art but just like to chat about your story. These people are a bedrock of the community that's supporting your sponsors and increasing your readership, and therefore are critical to your income stream. Give them a place to talk. Be nice to them when they talk to you. Sometimes, they'll ask you questions about the story, which you can choose to answer or not, however you feel is appropriate. They'll also want to chat about non-story-related stuff with each other, so make sure they have a place to do that, too.
that guy who never talks to you or comments on anything but linked your story to ten guys in his office who all read it now. Some of your supporters are completely invisible to you. You can't do anything for these people except continue to release the story and have a forum they can silently lurk on if they want to. But, y'know, they exist.
If you want to focus on income then these are, roughly, the groups of people that you will need to listen to and accommodate for. You can generally just make sure they have space to do their thing, and if they want anything else, they'll tell you (yes, guys, paperbacks will be coming eventually). Many people will fit into multiple groups -- I have some sponsors that are in every single one of these groups except the last. Some will only be in one group. A healthy income rests on a healthy community which rests on accommodating these needs.
3. If you can manage it, try to make your story good.
It's also helpful for your story to be good. Economically, this is far less important than you'd think -- there are some people out there writing utter garbage and making a living doing it. Garbage by what standards? By whatever your standards are. Just think of the absolute laziest, emptiest, hackiest waste-of-bandwidth story you can imagine -- some guy is half-arsing that exact story and making three times what you'll ever make on Patreon doing it. And honestly? Good for him. If he's making that much then his readers are enjoying it, and that's what matters. Still, one critical component of making money as a writer is writing something that people actually want to read. And you can't trick them with web serials, because they don't pay in advance -- if they're bored, they'll just stop. So you have to make it worth their time, money and attention, and the simplest way to do that is to write a good story.
This hardly seems mentioning, since you were presumably planning to do that anyway. It's basic respect for your audience to give them something worth their time. Besides, if we're not interested in improving our craft and striving for our best, what are we even writing for? I'm sure I don't need to tell you to try to write a good story. The reason I list this is in fact the opposite -- don't let "I'm not a good enough writer" paralyse you. The world is full of someday-writers who endlessly fuss over and revise a single story because it's not good enough, it's not perfect, they're not Terry Pratchett yet. Neither was Terry Pratchett when his first books were published. If you're waiting to be good enough, you won't start. I didn't think Curse Words was good enough when I started releasing it -- I still don't. I started putting it out because I knew it was the only way I'd get myself to actually finish something. I don't think it's all that great, but you know what? An awful lot of people read it and really enjoyed it. And if I hadn't released it, I'd have been doing those people a disservice.
Also, it taught me a lot, and based on what I learned, Time to Orbit: Unknown is much better. If I'd never released Curse Words, if I hadn't seen how people read it and reacted to it and seen what worked and what didn't, then Time to Orbit: Unknown wouldn't be very good. And it certainly wouldn't be making me a living wage, because it was the years writing Curse Words that started building the momentum I have today.
And Time to Orbit: Unknown as it is today has some serious problems. Problems that I'm learning from. And the next book will be a lot better.
So that's basically my advice for making money in this industry. Be patient, be lucky, be consistent. Value your community; it's your lifeline, even the parts of it that don't directly pay you. And try to make your story as good as you can, but make that an activity you do, not a barrier to prevent you from starting.
Good luck.
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I don't get why there are no resources for healthy expressions of anger. Are we as a society fundamentally opposed to people feeling anger? Are we afraid that if people get angry they're going to cause destruction so as an alternative we want anger to just not exist? Anger will go somewhere regardless of whether we want it to exist or not, and if a person who has good reasons to be angry, is not allowed to feel angry, they'll get eaten by self hatred and depression because that's what internalizing anger does.
It's also interesting that when abusers and people in power are angry, they can pretty much do whatever they like. Say no to them, they're having crazy revenges, they're tearing apart your stuff, they're starting wars, they're telling you how they're going to kill you in detail, no self restraint, no consequences, nothing. Anger is theirs to do as they please with and in response the society is just, too scared to do anything, so they assume that this specific anger is 'justified' and 'cannot be helped'. However when victims of something are angry, then they're labelled as 'unreasonable' and 'dangerous' and 'unable to move on from things'. Their anger is a problem that needs to be squashed, erased, there's apparently no justifications for these people to be angry, nothing that is reasonable or okay for them to do about it, they just get demonized and shamed for having a completely rational response to injustice.
Is that it then? Those who are able to act out on their anger, get justifications and obedience, but those who are helpless but angry for very good reasons, are just to be suffocated? Anger is allowed only for some parts of human society and it's the most violent, destructive and dangerous part of it too? Where is this getting us? Is the amount of injustice ever going to decrease if we defend injustice, and fight for it to keep going on?
If I look up ways to express anger, I get stuff like 'anger management steps', and 'letting go and moving on from anger', like excuse me. I didn't even get to express 1% of my anger and I need anger management? I have never had problems with controlling my anger, the struggle is to get it out at all! To integrate it into my personality, to hold people accountable without having to think about it, to show resistance when I'm being stepped on! What anger management? Why am I pushed to move away from anger, I haven't even arrived to anger!
Why is it assumed that every person who struggles with expressing anger is a maniac breaking things, enacting revenges, trying to injure or murder people, lashing out and doing harm to everyone around themselves. I can guess why. Because all of the resources are created for people who are letting their anger run wild without a cap and who use anger to get their way. The world is adjusted for people who are allowed to be angry, who were never pushed to the point where getting angry meant loss of survival, where expressions of anger would lead to torture. I am apparently not even considered to exist. I'm either a maniac or not a target audience for anger resources.
If someone's been traumatized out of being able to feel angry, people don't think it's worth having this person angry. It's very obvious this person has giant reasons for anger, so if we let them feel it, they could become 'dangerous', or 'just like their abuser'. You know, being angry at the abuser does not make anyone like the abuser, it makes them Normal. Rational. Having Self Worth. Human. Logical. Reasonable. Engaging in everyone's best fucking interest because you know that abuser is going wreck havoc forever and if nobody is even angry at them, it's giving them an even easier time. Anger is scary when it's in hands of abusers, in the hands of victims it is liberating, just, it puts things into perspective and back where they belong.
Now give me the fucking resources to get angry. I'm sick and tired of hating myself.
#anger#rage#surviving abuse#healing from abuse#abuse recovery#expressing anger#healthy expressions of anger#i got stuck in inability to express anger#and now i am developing self hatred again#i hate it here#get me out
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Do you wanna explore your characters in depth???? Do you want your readers to really enjoy learning about them instead of having them just... infodump about themselves via description??? Okay so here's what we're gonna do:
1: Create foils for them! What is a character foil? Just another character who will contrast with the one you want to explore. Let's say you have a dark and twisted guy, a real evil little fuck, grab it and give it a lighthearted foil, someone who maybe shares their goals but swings the other way alignment-wise, and make them interact A LOT and maybe fall in love and kiss? Idk, you do you, but really, using other characters to reflect what your character is not is super important.
There are different character foils tho, and even though they basically boil down to "complement my character", each one has its own unique strengths. You can have the classic mentor-apprentice in which the foil is an older or younger version of the character (figuratively), or the rivals, who just are... the contrary but not? idk, you get it, or even the comedic relief character, don't you waste a character ever! Use them to explore what another character lacks or needs :)
2: TRIOS!!!! Comedy works in threes and so do characters. Grab the character you want the readers to know about, put them in a group of three, and let them interact! The group can diverge from its normal surrounding cast and that's even better! Let the readers see them interact with people who are fundamentally different from what they're used to. You don't interact the same way with everyone and your character won't either, and that's super important cause it allows you to show traits that haven't been as explored!!!
Get your class clown and put them in a reunion with a parent and a teacher, or your rugged warrior and put them in a hospital with a dying old person and a doctor who can't save them, or... or...... Idk, you catch my drift! Just get them out of their comfort zone and let shit happen to them.
This technique is quite useful cause you don't have to have your character interact a lot! Maybe you just want the audience to see their reaction, so the other two characters can interact between them without output from the third, who will just think or move around in the background!!!
3: Bridge traits! I'm fairly new to these cause I literally learnt about them yesterday but it's quite an interesting concept. A bridge trait let's you trick the audience into judging a character because of the first traits they show and then pull the rug from under them when you add a new trait that totally challenges the view you have of them. These are quite useful when you want a bit of subversion, cause you can get an audience to think about someone a certain way through superficial prejudices and then BOOM, they have a depth they didn't expect and also which challenges beliefs about certain traits.
Okay, but I haven't told you what bridge traits are yet, so let me get to that. Basically, we're going to want to get a list of really shallow ideas about your character. Let's say we have a grumpy guy, a really rain-on-your-parade type of gremlin, and you want to make the audience discover that, in reality, they are mourning. Okay, so first we're going to build up the "they're just assholes" idea, make them look bad through misleading portrayal. Then, as you do this, add a moment in which the character acts a specific way which can be attributed to both a grumpy fuck and someone who's really going through it; that's the bridge trait, cause when the reveal is made and the perception changes, the fact that this trait existed before will ease your readers into believing your character's actions.
Idk if I've explained myself well enough, but if there are any questions I'll be sure to try and answer them the best I can<3
tl;dr: Explore characters in depth by giving them foils, putting them in trios, and using bridge traits.
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The (Ineffable) Art of Loving
The secret of GO lies in the pure beauty and profound depth of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship. Theirs is one of the most moving love stories I’ve ever encountered in fiction—without a doubt.
They weren’t made to love each other. And yet, they discover that they are.
From the day 1, they struggle against their feelings — the attraction, the fascination, the longing. But despite five millennia of efforts before the Arrangement began, they can’t stay apart.
So, they make a choice. Perhaps not fully realising it was love at the time — but still, they chose each other.
“Love isn't something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn't a feeling, it is a practice.”
I think these words perfectly describe what Crowley and Aziraphale share. And I hope that Erich Fromm wouldn't mind if I'll quote his The Art of Loving to explore more deeply the nature of the bond that binds the Ineffable Couple, their real love.
First, they show concentration on the other
They have patience - and respect for the other's needs
They have faith in the other - put their lives in the other's hands
There isn't in them - or I haven't noticed - any narcissism to overcome.
They aren't the typical dysfunctional fictional couple that audiences are trained to romanticise. They're not some Ross&Rachel or Buffy&Spike. Their relationship is anything but dysfunctional.
Aziraphale and Crowley don't hurt each other out of whim or caprices or the tropes of longing streched thin by time and space, they hurt each other because they love too much: I can't give you holy water, it'll destroy you completely; you are so clever, but also so stupid for still believing God might do something for the humans, but She ignores all of us; and so on with other painful truths spoken when love has nowhere safe to land.
To love someone whose very nature is meant to oppose yours — who was literally made to be your enemy and has the precise office to cancel you out — as an angel and a demon, should be impossible. It's difficult even for us, ordinary humans with our different natures! It seems unthinkable for them. And yet... their bond is ineffable.
Across the centuries, we see them dance together and get their own rhythm, softening the edges. They adapt, adjust, and grow — in the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, not only gazing at each other, but looking together in the same direction too.
And they choose. Again and again, they choose.
“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?”
“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one “object” of love.”
“If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world, I love life. If I can say to somebody else, "I love you," I must be able to say, "I love in you everybody, I love through you the world, I love in you also myself.”
They love each other, and they love humanity too, even if it puts them at risk. To love, in a world of orders and oppositions, is dangerous, sometimes even lethal.
But they love anyway. From always.
“What does one person give to another? He gives of himself, of the most precious he has, he gives of his life. This does not necessarily mean that he sacrifices his life for the other—but that he gives him of that which is alive in him; he gives him of his joy, of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humor, of his sadness—of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in him. In thus giving of his life, he enriches the other person, he enhances the other's sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness. He does not give in order to receive; giving is in itself exquisite joy. But in giving he cannot help bringing something to life in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back to him.”
Here we have a crowd of exemples, when it comes to the sacrifice: Crowley saving Aziraphale from the Blitz, Aziraphale giving the Holy Water, knowing what it might mean... Moreover, every time they meet, every time they speak they risk their life.
And they are full of each other's life, having something that in many long-term marriages is only a dream: to know each other by heart, to carry the other always within oneself. In magic, books, sadness, anxiety, tone of voice, sarcasm, glances...
"He does not give in order to receive; giving is in itself exquisite joy.”
"But in giving he cannot help bringing something to life in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back to him."
“Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one’s integrity, one’s individuality. Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks through the walls which separate man from his fellow men, which unites him with others; love makes him overcome the sense of isolation and separateness, yet it permits him to be himself, to retain his integrity. In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.”
Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved." Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love." Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."
My favourite one. The first line isn't given to our ineffable pair, but we can find its echo in Adam. He's truly loved by his family, and because of that love, he loves Tadfield and the familiar world around him: he chooses love too, he chooses not to be the Antichrist, giving up unimaginable power in order to protect everything he loves.
Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love"
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Expressed e converso, in denial - by both of them
Mature love says: "I need you because I love you"
“Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a “standing in”, not a “falling for”.
“Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other from the center of their existence, hence if each one of them experiences himself from the center of his existence. Only in this “central experience” is human reality, only here is aliveness, only here is the basis for love. Love, experienced thus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves. There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each person concerned; this is the fruit by which love is recognized.”
But they are not whole — not yet: neither is one with himself, they flee from themselves. Each admires the other’s best, loves his uniqueness, and silently wishes he could accept it too: yellow is pretty — Aziraphale longs for Crowley to show openly his demonic and beautiful eyes and spread their yellow everywhere, and with this, the beautiful soul he hides behind dark glasses; Crowley, in turn, treasures Aziraphale's gentle heart and softness — that set him apart from other angels — and wishes Aziraphale wouldn't feel guilty or less angelic because of these. This is what goodness truly is, not blind obedience to orders, even from God, but compassion.
Still, they are more complex than humans. Crowley can't fully accept himself because he didn't mean to fall, he never truly understood the reasons of his demonic condition and so he couldn't fully accept it — yet he can't return to being an angel either, because they are "just pretendy good", not "properly good". Now he's only himself, less brilliant than his angel, not fully demonic, but perhaps still too much a demon to believe he could ever be fully loved by an angel. As a demon, he also feels powerless to protect the angel he loves from both Heaven and Hell, which means he can’t fully live this love in the open. The same is true for Aziraphale, who thinks he's not enough for Crowley's love, and struggles to accept himself also because he's still tied to a toxic and abusive Heaven - that has traumatised him but, even more, has deeply hurt his demon. And he couldn't do anything to stop it. He represents Heaven, somehow, and fears Crowley can't love him fully for that (even though he's the one who Crowley still calls angel).
They don't accept themselves, so they can't love themselves - and as a result, both fear they are not enough for the other, that they are unworthy of being loved (beautifully explained in this post by @dalliancekay), and they suffer for fear of abandonment too. Aziraphale because everytime they argue Crowley walks away (then returns, but...), except in the Final15, and Crowley is shaped by his trauma: he has already been abandoned, betrayed and metaforically killed (his POV) by Someone who claimed to love him.
But no love for another can be complete without self-love. Without it, love becomes fearful and needy. A love like this may be unconditional, but it stops being free, turns a relationship into a lifeline, the first if not the sole reason to go on. And no one can love wholly or safely without first loving themselves.
Actually, neither of them wants to be what they were institutionally made to be; instead, they belong to their own side, defined by human morality and human love. And they can't accept being anything else. So, I hope they might become everything they long to be on Earth ("we've come to a decision"?), finally free from fear, guilt and pain, so that they can simply love openly, safely, in peace 💞
“To have faith requires courage, the ability to take a risk, the readiness even to accept pain and disappointment. (...) To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern — and to take the jump and to stake everything on these values.”
#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#good omens meta#ineffable lovers#aziracrow#erich fromm#the art of loving#good omens thoughts
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