#the reference in question is myself. I'm referencing myself right now

[factual-fantasy]

24 Asks! Thanks ya'll! 🐼

@holly-opal-2 (Sorry for the late reply!)

Aw <:( I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope that doesn't happen again.

Also of course they are! :}} I have always considered them as such 💞

Thank you! Happy (late) Valentines day! :DD

@stargirldrawsx3

Man, I feel you there. I'm sorry you weren't able to study. I hope things go well for you 🙏

@narrator-girlart

I saw Markiplier play it some weeks ago, but mostly forgot about it.. I was surprised to see it gain such traction on Tumblr. Maybe I'll have to go rewatch those videos and figure out why people love it so much :00 (I cant remember the events of the game 💀)

@dreamweave01

That could work!! :DDD

(ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!😭😭💞💞💞 )

Yeahhh.. I have been battling some health problems for almost a year now. Trying my best to work on it but thing's aren't going so well. <://

Thank you very much though, I hope the same for you! :))

@milk-powrit

Tom Nook is an angel, the "only good landlord" he's been called. And I agree! This might explain why though I didn't read all the way through- just skimmed over it and thought "yeah I think this has the right points"

@necropencil (Referencing this post)

AAA THANK YOU!! :DD

(I am also slowly going insane thanks to Wheeljack XDD)

@badlyblurry

XDD Well its like they say, great minds think alike! Also thank you so much!! :DDDD💞💞💞

AAAAA thank you!! :DD Or- you're welcome? <XDD

@shyzonkstudentlawyer

Oh wow, welcome back! :DD And thank you! I'm trying to try to work on my health and make improvements where I can manage it.. so far things have uh.. Well, it could be worse I suppose!😅

Also AAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU!! :DDD I'm so glad to hear you like what I've made! :DDDD

Now for you questions...

When it comes to the Welcome Home stuff, just imagine our world through a puppet/sesame street style show lens. They have the same food but its all colorful and has silly names. Their trees are like ours but they're crazy colors and grow fantasy fruit. Their technology develops like ours but its all colorful and silly. Etc, Etc-

Now for TADC... I hadn't actually thought about it <:0 maybe Sneemos jester hat things would flail around :0 I haven't thought about it otherwise though😔

Lastly, PFFF XDDD

(Item-dying woes post in ask)

😔You feel my pain.. I feel your pain........

@wolfie-777

:000! You heard it here folks! I'm silly!

She always looks lovely! :))

@tearsofsolace

AAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! :DDD🥰🥰💞💞💞💞

@eggswastaken

XDD That I did!

..Well, I actually got into it back in 2020-- but recently I have dragged myself back into the fandom a bit. 😂 The biggest obstacle I have to rejoining the fandom fully is just making time to sit down and rewatch the show.

I have such a hard time switching tasks and just doing something 💀 but hopefully I'll get there soon! <:)))

@minnesotamedic186

@little-goober

Oh yeah, sorry! I have very bad memory 😅 I can only really remember people by their profile pictures.

Also thank you so much! :)))

Thank you so much!! 🥰🥰

@bluetootsiepop

My advice is to study references closely. When it comes to making faces up/drawing faces without a reference? Like if its an OC? I'm afraid I cant think of any advice <:( I struggle with that a lot too. 😔

(Also thank you so much!! :DD )

@ourlifestooshort

I have drawn them, but I don't feel comfortable sharing my ref sheets.. Sorry! <:/

I looked up Tailgate with no mask and I will never sleep well again 💀

Also feel free to tell me anything you want about the comics! I don't plan on reading them 😔 I only plan on rewatching Transformers: Prime.

@bitesyoubitesyouchomp

SCEAMSSSS THANKYOUUU 😭😭 THAT'S ALL SO SWEET IM IN TEARS💞💞💞

@beryl-shade

Imagine if my blood was blue XD I'd be a transformer!

[flying-fangirls]

Arthur's Story

Okay so now that Part 46 is out and we got that moment of John explaining what Arthur's train story meant to him, I kinda want to talk about this particular allusion myself. Arthur's retelling is mostly pretty close to the original, but I am going to get into interpretation/implementation stuff. So if you want to read the original story for full context, it's "Solitude" by Ben Ames Williams!

To start bluntly: I do not like the Lilly comparison /nm

I'm not saying it's wrong per se, but I do believe it's a fairly weak conclusion that misses out on a lot of other compelling potential.

Let's back up.

Where It Falls Short

Alright, so if you go and read it, you'll quickly see that the original short story, "Solitude," is ridiculously well-aligned with the tone and mood of Malevolent. There are ideas of cosmic insignificance, perseverance and despair, questioning morality and "goodness," and helping others in dark times. (it does have some of the weird hallmarks of early 1900s white dude writing, but otherwise I actually quite like this story! it's got nice vibes and pretty words)

Now, an allusion is a reference within a story to an outside piece of information, and its entire purpose is to add new depth. A good allusion considers the full context of whatever it's referencing, and uses that context to its advantage. It challenges the audience to work through that outside context and uncover some new perspective(s) on characters, themes, and/or plot— something they otherwise had not seen or considered before.

The thing is, when Part 46 applies the "Solitude" allusion to Lilly specifically, there's nothing new gained whatsoever. What does John tell us during this moment?

Lilly took care of him, showed him his first glimpse of humanity, and gave him a name— all good stuff! But also all old stuff, these details have all been said in the show before, some more than once. Since we know that the main point of an allusion is to bring something new to the table, then this implementation fails on that point because all it's done is simply rehash previously established perspectives on Lilly.

Not only does this take on the allusion fall short, the show's interpretation also limits our ability to understand it. This isn't a moment where the podcast shows us new information and lets us draw our own conclusions. This is a moment where John stands in for the podcast's voice, and he tells us what it considers the "right" interpretation. Even if we had formed our own interpretation about this allusion, the show has now essentially told us that those interpretations are "wrong" (which isn't an antagonistic move on the show's part, by the way! just the message it's unconsciously implying)

I agree that John's connection between the story and his experience with Lilly in Part 46 is a genuinely sweet moment! But unfortunately, because it neglects to take a new path, it's also a predictable moment that loses its strength among all the other sweet Lilly moments. And that takes away any chance for the allusion to impact the audience in a unique way, wasting its full potential.

Where It Misses Out

(now here comes the English major moment when I tell you why I'm right and you're not /j)

Alright, again, the Lilly comparison isn't wrong. I think it's totally legitimate to see this story about a woman helping an injured and lonely man, and think of Lilly! But personally, when I heard Arthur's retelling, I never once considered Lilly until the show told me to (12 episodes later). When I listened to Part 29 and the first half of the story, I admittedly was totally lost and dug through those lines over and over to find a meaning. And the only real interpretation that naturally came to me was a parallel to Arthur and John's journey. A man lost in a terrifying world, at the whims of forces much stronger than him, who has lost all of his loved ones to death or abandonment? Yeah, that's literally just Arthur and John.

And the conclusion in Part 39 only seemed to support that interpretation more— Moll abandons her entire life to follow Mat into the cold and dark, John and Arthur both (literally and figuratively) throw their lives away to help the other through the dark. We can even swap who's who here— either Arthur or John could be Mat struggling to survive as a "good" person, and either one could be Moll extending a hand to that person.

There's also a particular line that John says in Part 46 that feels completely out of place with the interpretation the show tells us:

He implies that Lilly did the same as Moll and shut out everything around them. But when Lilly takes care of John in the hospital, his development there isn't that she "drove out the world." Lilly brought the world closer to John, not further away— she helped him expand his focus outward, not close it off.

However, this line does fit extremely well with John and Arthur's dynamic! How often have we heard about these two's edges blurring, about their minds and emotions and internal selves blending together? How many times have these two expressed a love so codependent that it rejects everything outside of themselves? Heck, John's major emotional plot in s4 revolved around the desire to shut out the outside world and isolate himself together with Arthur.

Just like how Moll's arrival drove out the world for Mat, the arrival of John into Arthur's life certainly drove out the rest of the world, pulling him away from his job, home, and friends. Likewise, the arrival of Arthur into John's life most definitely drove out the rest of the world, removing him from the legacy of the King and literal world of the Dreamlands.

The podcast tries to push its Lilly interpretation into a mold that it simply does not fit. And in doing so, it completely misses the perfect connection between Moll/Mat and John/Arthur that already exists. "Solitude" offers a naturally perfect bridge between its story and Malevolent's, but Part 46 steers us away from that bridge and straight into the river where we're left without any strong understanding or impact.

Where It Could Go

Not only does a Jarthur interpretation of Arthur's story connect the allusion to the podcast well, it also gives us a new perspective to think about Jarthur with (again, the most important part of a good allusion).

Earlier I said that Arthur's retelling of "Solitude" mostly followed the story, and that's because he leaves out one key detail: Moll had spent most of her life trapped as the victim of abusive men who forced her to neglect herself and care for people who didn't care for her back. (Admittedly, I think it's weird the show ignored this specific detail, but most allusions do intentionally require outside work on the audience's part, so for now I'll hesitantly just say that was Guthrie's aim.)

If we consider this backstory in our interpretation, we can find a really fascinating view of Jarthur's dynamic. Both Arthur and John could be Mat: a man who has seriously harmed others before and is now left broken and lost in a dangerous world. Then we can have John as Moll: trapped by the King and the Dark World and Arthur's body, powerless to take control of his own self, forced to neglect his identity/values for others' wants. And we can have Arthur as Moll: stuck in relationships/lifestyles that restrict him, autonomy stolen by social expectations and eldritch beings with far more power than him. Both of them as Moll: escaping a past of abuse, but nevertheless still finding yourself in a position of supporting men at the cost of your individuality.

A Jarthur interpretation frames Arthur and John's pasts in a concept of abuse and neglect, which is not usually (if at all) how the podcast presents their backstories. It also forces us to reconsider the full scope of their dynamic with each other. Normally the show presents Jarthur as a messy, yet overwhelmingly restorative and supportive relationship. However, when we place Jarthur into the context of Moll, we are forced to stop and acknowledge how their dynamic still harms them both: They're codependent to a self-destructive degree, protective enough to harm anyone else who gets close, so closely connected that they lose a part of who they are for the other's sake. Neither one of them exist as a wholly independent individual anymore, both of them losing pieces of their minds, emotions, and bodies to accommodate for the other's needs.

While s4-5 John and Arthur are clearly at a point in their relationship where they openly express their love and gratitude to the other for "saving" them, this allusion presents us with a perspective on their situation without the rose-colored glasses. We have the opportunity to recontextualize their dynamic and remember just how much Arthur and John have lost for the sake of each other, no matter how loving and compassionate that sacrifice might be in their eyes.

Where I Conclude the Ramble

From the moment Arthur first told this story in Part 29, its ambiguous inclusion captivated my little overthinking brain. It was incredibly fascinating to mull over Arthur's words and John's reaction, and then to dig deeper into this obscure story outside of the podcast and uncover answers!

Which is why I think I'm so disappointed with the final answer that Part 46 told us. If anyone else has looked into "Solitude" outside of the podcast before, they likely saw the same well of potential depth to work with that Harlan Guthrie clearly also found. Yet, for some reason, the podcast offers a conclusion that barely scrapes the surface of that well.

Instead of giving us new depth to the story, a Lilly interpretation really just brings up more questions for us. Did Lilly neglect herself in some way when she took care of John? Was Lilly the victim of abuse at some point in her past? What parts of Lilly's past led her to this point? There's so much more information that we need for this layered allusion to make sense, but we never get that information, so all we're left with is a weak conclusion and wasted potential.

On the other hand, a Jarthur interpretation does answer questions for us, and it adds depth to our previous understandings of their dynamic. We better understand how John and Arthur's bad decisions lead them to their darkest moments, how lost and afraid they both felt at the start of the podcast, how they found relief and protection in the other. And we consider new possibilities of how John and Arthur's past circumstances abused them, how they were trapped in cycles that stole their autonomy, how they still cannot escape these cycles and keep throwing their lives away for others.

Part 46 told us a single interpretation to have for the train story, but there is no reason we can not (nor should not) look for other interpretations— especially when the story itself shows us evidence that points to a different answer.

(final disclaimer: I absolutely do not intend any of this as any sort of attack! this is just general literary critique to try and explain why I'm a little annoyed at a single line lol)

[infernaltenor]

one more niki analysis.

for now.

ok this one technically i've had in mind for MONTHS but couldn't figure out how to word it until just now because i a) read hot limit about three months ago and it hasn't left my head since b) the idol exploration event.

anyway. the actual crux of this is: niki's character is specifically written to be content, not happy. these often get confused imo. the second part of this is his contentedness isn't natural, it's forced. the third part of this is no one fucking notices, except for one rinne amagi, because of course he does. by no one, i'm talking specifically character-wise here; niki in game tends to get written off as childish or otherwise doing well, and that comes directly from his other unit members.

side note: i'm fairly confident in my own reading of "niki will pretend to not be bothered by anything, ever" and this is bolstered by a few different things; a) the honeycomb summer lyrics in my last post where there's a part of the intro, "hidden the true feelings out of habit / and now you're regretting it" (rinne amagi you slick bastard) b) hot limit. like the entire story. mostly because he was being troubled by multiple different things throughout it (work, idol activities, and his family last name/father's scandal) and the only person who noticed was rinne, and that's probably because he knew the damn guy for five years c) also in hot limit, the exploration into niki seeing himself as a burden because of his illness. why did they add this into his character and then not elaborate further? i don't know. if it never gets elaboration, i'll implode. anyway, it's a part of his character that he usually doesn't show, but he references it as "not wanting to inconvenience the people around him" REGARDLESS of if the people in question don't mind him inconveniencing them (rinne). in general, the only thing he makes a fuss about is food, likely because of his metabolism and the fact that he does become more of a danger to people when extremely hungry (he has bitten hiiro before.); i.e. the inconvenience for everyone else is a 19-20yro trying to bite them, not complaining that he's hungry.

i digress.

niki has referenced himself as being content with certain things before. for instance, in hot limit, it's phrased distinctly as "just getting to eat every day is a bliss to me - i need to be satisfied with that", which comes up again in his letter from the idol exploration:

"it feels like happiness is there to fill my stomach, too!" oh, is it? is it niki? is it now?

basically, what i'm getting at is niki's expectations for life are so incredibly low, so he's satisfied with getting to eat every day. that's it. just satisfied. side note: this is why i went insane when survival was added to his profile; the way he lives/talks about living, he's been surviving more than living. this is also why i think rinne and niki work so well as a pair, rinne's into living and niki's busy surviving. though, to be fair, rinne and niki's relationship is built on this crux anyway. rinne intends (hopes, maybe? his goal?) is to help niki with what he has identified as a problem. thank you rinne amagi.

(for the record, right after i read this, my live reaction was "WHAT IF I KILLED MYSELF". that's quite dramatic, and i won't, but i figured someone might get a laugh out of that.)

this isn't the first time that rinne has referred to niki (well, more so implied) as "not happy", as it happens in hot limit, too.

"that's why i'll grant his wish and make him happy" oh ok i see.

anyway. niki's fascinating, because this forced contentedness vs happiness is so interesting to me, because beyond rinne's own read of niki, it's easily bought by everyone else he knows. most notably, kohaku and himeru, as their impressions come off of reading niki quite differently to rinne's:

(i grabbed these screenshots after i finished the event for the time being. rinne's i grabbed before LMAO)

both of them appreciate and even look up to niki in certain ways, and they both like his focus on food. but what's interesting is how both of them see him vastly different from rinne; where rinne focuses on his low self impression, himeru thinks niki's perspective of the world is interesting, as well as i think he gives credence to niki being selfless, which kohaku sees him as both childish and reckless. i'm pretty sure both himeru and kohaku see him as more naive than themselves, which is a fair read. this also does line up with what happens in hot limit; while rinne is aware of the troubles niki's going through, himeru and kohaku are both surprised at the end.

niki's own effort, i think, to convince himself of being satisfied and content pays off, because the only person who notices otherwise is rinne. which, imo, is a whole other source of depth to their relationship; rinne probably saw niki working that out. he was 14 when they met, and likely the shiina parents leaving was recent (side note: i'm a certified niki's parents hater. i know we don't have much info on them, but i don't trust them after that burden thing), which is something i've mostly extrapolated by the contact he seems to have at 14 vs at 19, where they're pretty much never mentioned. yes, i know, niki chose to stay in japan. i just don't think you get through your parents leaving you in your native country at 14 while they gallivant around the globe and your communication with them steadily dwindles results in anything good.

ok. i'm sorry for the parent hating.

but unless proven otherwise i'm expecting them to be the source of these problems.

[stage-of-sekai]

lesson O1: cel shading and how to achieve it.

Project SEKAI uses a unique shading method, which is a cross between rendering techniques and what is commonly referred to as "Cel Shading." Cel Shading was a term coined by animators before computer animation, who worked in "cels" or hand-drawn scenes. Because of the limitations of the time, the animators had to find a cheap and simple way to shade, resulting in the shading we see usually in modern animation.

Project SEKAI uses this style in combination with rendering tactics to create their iconic art style.

In this lesson, I'll be going over how Project SEKAI achieves that look by breaking down their Live2d models and card cutouts.

Cel Shading is the basis upon which everything in Project SEKAI is shaded. Commonly, this is seen in: Live2d models and card trims. Here are some examples.

In both examples, you can notice the more "simplistic" style of shading. Now, the real question is: "How is this done?"

To explain this, I'll be using the card trim on the right as an example.

Firstly, artists need to put base colors under their lineart. Base colors are the bare-bones, not shaded colors. This is to provide a guideline as to what areas need what colors. Below, you can see the same Nene card trim, but reduced to its base colors.

It is a bit sloppy, considering I made it myself, but the point is; there is still **some** shading blocked out where it's needed. For comparison, see below.

So, now the question is: "how do I even do Cel Shading from here? I've gotten my base colors down, now what?"

And, luckily, I can share that too! First, let's start by doing the most important thing, deciding where our light source will be.

In this card, it looks to be at the top right, coming down to shine on her.

The yellow is where I estimate the light would hit her. Now, we need to decide where our darkest areas are.

In this card, the darkest colors would be away from the light, meaning they would be to the left.

The red is where I estimate the darkest areas would be. The areas behind her arm would also be darker than the rest of the card, since they aren't being hit directly by the light.

This understanding of lighting will help me to place my shadows and highlights later!

After this, I'd suggest putting in a new layer on top of your base colors, and clip it.

Now, I would be sure to grab a reference. For this drawing, I will be referencing the original trim, as well as the full card. I will be using a reference window, but use whatever works for you!

Now, we can get started! First, I'm going to block out where the **lightest** areas would be. I will be loosely following the card trim as a reference. Using the places we previously determined would be hit by the light, I blocked them out with loose colors.

We know that these areas would be directly exposed to the light if it continued at the angle we previously determined. Now, as for the headband, I decided to block out a very light yellow color. This is because of something called ambient lighting. Ambient lighting is just when highlights have a similar color to their light source. This is seen a lot in photography, and sometimes, even in cards!

As you can see here, the light itself has a yellow tint, so the wall behind it will also appear yellow as a result.

We can also see it in Rui's newest card!

The light behind him is a reddish-pink, so that light bounces onto him, and makes the highlights appear that color. You can also see it on the railing and the building behind him!

Back to Nene, I then blocked out some of the darkest parts of her, based on our previous assumptions about the source of the light.

I shaded the areas of her dress according to how the bow was shaded. Since they were in almost the same place, we can use it as a guideline. We know that the dress isn't exposed to the light, since it is in front of the bow. As for the arms, we know the arm closest to her face would be fairly far from the light source, so I blocked out a shadow there as well.

Here, I adjusted some of the shadows, and I added some shadows to the dress. I blocked them all out in shapes, which I will go back and refine later.

I also added some shadows to the white fur on her dress. I paid specific attention to the edges of it in an attempt to make it seem "fluffier."

Here, I blocked out more shadows of her dress based on how the light would hit her. Now, we'll move on to the hair!

While it is messy, I wanted to ensure that the areas I placed shadows in would line up with my assumption of the light source. So, I toggled back and forth between the reference for the light source and the card itself to see where it fell. Now, with that, we are done blocking our our shading! I would suggest duplicating this layer to touch up everything to ensure you're satisfied with it.

The eyes will be a lesson by themselves, seeing as I didn't want to rush out two lessons in one and overwhelm people with so much information. This was a longer post than I anticipated anyhow.

If you have any questions, please feel free to shoot me a dm or an ask in the ask box! I hoped this helped at least a few people, and I will try to do weekly/bi-weekly lessons if I can!

If you found this helpful, please consider reblogging this post for more reach! I want to help as many people as I can!

[l0stfoster]

★ INTRO POST ★

(Last Updated: 6/13/25)

ーー

🔭 About Yours Truly!!

☆ Foster / Percy ( <- not my real name + friends & irls only ) ☆ 19yrs || enby & bi + aroace spec || they/them ☆ est || audhd & anxiety + bpd symptoms (no diagnosis yet, working on that) ☆ semi-freelance art & no set life plans ☆ strawpage, linktree, and carrd

// Tone indicator user cause autism // OCs, (S)KiDS, and Rick & Morty are my primary fandoms/content as of now. I also engage in EPIC, Fear & Hunger, and ROTTMNT every now and then. Expect Schedule I / Drug dealer yaoi as well. // DNI proship, racist/sexist/antisemetic/ Igbtphobic/ableist, nsfw, boundary breakers-- the basic shit. Just don't be a weirdo if you will // I'm not a system of any kind, but I occasionally say "we" when referring to myself. It's a weird force of habit. // Feel free to Buy Me A Coffee😏

ーー 🎃 Misc Info

☆ Inbox asks can be about anything— sharing headcanons, asking ab au's, general QnA nonsense, or just for ghits and shiggles. ☆ Ask spam is okay as long as it's got a reason behind it [like multiple separate questions, etc] instead of just aimless spam. ☆ My art can be used for pfps, layouts, wallpapers, edits, heavy referencing, and design usage w/ credit. I do not want my art REPOSTED anywhere off Tumblr if it's not by me but REBLOGS are completely fine, go wild. ☆ I adore reading the tags you guys leave, I highly encourage them /silly ☆ Please do not DM me sporadically!! If we're friends or you've asked then it's okay but I don't really like to talk to people one-on-one unless I've known them for a while.

ーー 📍Taggings List (May Update)

★ #my art -- Pretty much any and all of my art, usually includes rendered pieces and non-rendered ones. ★ #my wips -- Self explanatory ★ #my writing -- Also self explanatory! ★ #foster doodles -- My whiteboard or other doodles that I wouldn't consider full art ★ #foster animates -- My animations/animatics ★ #fosters ocs -- Self explanatory - ★ #foster talks, #yapping -- Posts where I yap a bit, sometimes I put them on inbox answers or art posts. ★ #foster answers -- Answering Asks ★ #foster reblogs -- Stuff I reblog ★ #moots my beloved -- Tag for whenever I interact with my mutuals/friends ★ #fav, #fav fav fav -- Posts I reblog that I love ★ #thugging it out (failing) -- vent/ranting tag ★ #autism is stored in the balls -- It's... It's my tag for pure autism brain hours. I used it once and it stuck I apologize - ★ #detroit: take responsibility, #dtr au - Tags for the Mouthwashing x Detroit: Become Human AU ★ #cursed tulsa au, #cursed tulsa - Tags for The Outsiders Cursed AU ★ CURSED TULSA MASTERLIST

ーー

🦔 Art Related Info

☆ Art requests open from time to time, I'll either post about them opening or it'll be displayed on the ask button. I do have the right to not draw what you ask for, so fair warning on that. ☆ Art Trades are semi-open, this is mostly for mutuals and I probably won't do them too often. ☆ I do commissions and have a VGen page for that!! My rules are pretty simple: no nsfw for minors, no mecha, nothing problematic. Things such as reference sheets and heavily detailed backgrounds vary as well. Let me know what interests you, and we can discuss!! If you can't find the kind you want on the VGen, just DM me and we'll talk. My discord is @/akafoster

[yewdales]

🏹 Hail and well met! My name is Jordan, and this is my new devotional blog! This post is both a community introduction and pinned bio. ➴

I'm an inclusive animist heathen, meaning that I follow a Norse pagan path centered on the natural world and our more-than-human neighbors. My own queerness aside, it's important to me that my practice is a source of love and welcoming for all walks of life, and I try to decolonize myself and my path.

My patron is Ullr, lord of archery, yews ᛇ, hunting, winter, and skiing. I've been worshiping and working with him for 4 years. I work with no deities other than him, and the rest of my practice is dedicated to non-gods. Ullr is a massively important part of my life, and I consider myself very fortunate for the relationship we have.

I'm especially working on improving my intuition skills and studying divination tools (runes and tarot). I've been practicing these for many, many years, but never with enough dedication to really learn them. That's changed over the past 6 or so months and I think I'm finally starting to get pretty good. I also do some energy work every now and then.

I'm not an expert in anything and consider that a blessing -- learning new information is what keeps me excited about life. I'm fascinated by the history of our beliefs and how we carry them in the modern world. Reading recs as always very appreciated. My personal recommendation is that you read Braiding Sweetgrass.

Feel free to message or otherwise strike up a conversation. Hateful or inciting messages will be deleted and ignored, but I enjoy sharing the love of heathenry with others. Community is an important part of my practice.

❆ This is a sideblog, and I follow from @dia-tribe ❆

Commonly used tags under the readmore.

#my post - Original posts by me.

#photos - Real-life pictures and videos; aesthetics.

#art - Original or credited.

#texts - Screenshots or quotes from credited books, articles, essays, etc.

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#reference - Informational posts.

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#hails - Prayers, poems, honors, affirmations. Magical words.

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#crafts - Artistic creations with a devotional twist.

#DIY - How-tos for alternatives to purchasing.

#recipes - Practice-adjacent food ideas.

#community - Promo posts, introductions.

#wishlist - Things I'd like to purchase from independent makers and artists.

#memes - Relevant meme/humor posts.

[multigenderswag]

Multigender Survey Results Dec 2023: Anything else relevant

Participants were asked "Share anything else about your multigender identity that you find relevant" and had the option to respond with long answer text. Some notable responses include:

As a m+f bigender person who uses he/she pronouns, I sometimes feel like the "he" refers to my female side, and the "she" refers to my male side

I am no longer religious/Christian, but the expression “God is Change” resonates deeply with me and my approach to gender as experience. I accept that my gender (holistically) is an amalgamation, something that breathes new life into itself repeatedly and often unexpectedly, sustained by its own willingness to grow past its bounds and taste richness anew. Teaching is part of my work, and as such I consider myself an eternal student: gender is just one avenue for discovery and learning for me.

I feel so boring but it is what it is, name wise I use one (completely feminine) with group A and one (completely masculine) with group B and hope and pray that they never interact

I identified as a 'tomboy' (gender wise) as a child and transmasc as a teenager. As an adult part of my being multigender is honouring these past versions of myself and acknowledging that who I was is an important part of who I am today.

I like to describe my gender like this: imagine there’s a house on a street. the house represents being a boy/male, and being *in* the house means you’re binary male. The road represents a neutral, non-male/female gender. My gender is like the driveway — both part of the road *and* the house

i think this is relevant-ish, but the way i experience gender kind of feels like. there's a man and a woman in my head at all times, not in a system way so much as a (this is very obviously stupid but i can't find another comparison to articulate it) inside out way. they're both always there, and they're both separate, but at the same time, they come together to make the same person, me! nonbinary is a label i understand and identify with, mostly to simplify the matter for others, but in reality, it kind of feels like a... superbinary of sorts. i'm 100% a man, and 100% a woman, but because the binary only "allows" you to choose one, nonbinary is technically correct, isn't it?

I'm multigender in the "one gender that fits into several categories" way than being multigender in a "has multiple genders" way

My gender is the intersection of butch dyke and trans man. I'm questioning things right now, but I'm somewhere in that region, with a foot in both at once. I've always been drawn to butchness and sapphicism as well as transmasculinity. I think most of my journey to understand my gender has been a balancing act between identifying as enough of a guy to feel comfortable in my skin but non-binary enough to not have to abandon my identity with butchness. Recently I've adopted the label multigender, and it's helped a lot. I'm only even a little bit a girl if I can be a boy first and foremost, and I could be just a boy or just a dyke but I would have to kill part of myself to do so. I'm trying to find a way to exist in my gender without blood on my hands. I think I'm getting there. It's hard but I'm getting there.

It is complicated but I love it

Yay I love multi gender people we are so cool. <3

A number of participants also referenced being autistic and how that has influenced their multigender identity, so it is possible that autism may be included as a question on the next survey.

[audreycecilemoore]

An Interview with Sophie Stava, Author of Count My Lies

You can read here or on my Substack

Psychological suspense debut Sophie Stava loves pizza by the slice, her Peloton, green tea, and building supportive writing communities.

In the very first line, Sloane lies and says ‘I’m a nurse,’ mirroring but also subverting a lot of cold opens for medical shows where the doctor hides that they are a doctor until they can’t anymore. It really speaks to how much medical shows are part of the zeitgeist that I immediately thought of House and Grey’s Anatomy and the Japanese medical drama, Doctor X. Are you a big fan of medical shows and did you want to hit on that or did it just feel like a natural way to open a narrative with a character so aware of pop culture?

Sophie: This is such a great question because it perfectly exemplifies how much of myself often seeps onto the page – without me knowing it. I wasn’t consciously thinking about medical dramas as I was writing, but I’m a huge fan of them (I’ve seen the first six seasons of Grey’s Anatomy more times than I care to admit), and drawing from those tropes felt really natural. In the scene, Sloane is looking to establish trust as quickly as possible; she wants her interjection in this minor medical mishap to be seen as helpful, rather than intrusive, so introducing herself as a doctor immediately sets her up as credible, both in Jay’s eyes, and the readers. We’re taught from such a young age that doctors and nurses are inherently trustworthy and their authority is likely reinforced by what we’re seeing on TV. Doctors are seen as heroes, both on and off-screen, and Sloane’s introduction plays into this.

Sloane and Violet mention loving Taylor Swift who has entered the book world with a smash, especially in romance genre titles. Who do you think is gonna be the next celeb to make big waves in our community? I'm kind of hoping for Britney Spears or Megan Thee Stallion or Rose from Blackpink.

Sophie: I’d love nothing more than to see Britney Spears heavily referenced in the book world – and I think we’re seeing a lot of nineties and early two-thousands nostalgia, so it fits! I could also see Sabrina Carpenter or Chappell Roan infiltrating the page.

Big ‘yes’ to Sabrina and Chappell. They’re both making some incredible waves right now.

I see a lot of writing advice pretty explicitly saying not to reference pop culture in contemporary works because it can make a book feel dated. In Count My Lies, you specifically mentioned the Eras tour and Taylor Swift friendship bracelets, which are a small slice of Taylor’s already long career. What do you think is the balance for making a book feel current while still focusing on that specific time and place that make a world feel lived in?

Sophie: It’s difficult for me to write without referencing pop culture because it’s so interwoven into everyone’s lives that it feels almost inauthentic to omit it. One of the things I tried to do to give my book a more timeless feel was use y references that span a wide variety of years – not just Taylor Swift, but Ben Affleck in Jersey Girl, or Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen – so it doesn’t feel specific only to the year it was written or published. I wanted the references to feel natural to the story, but ubiquitous enough that it enhanced the sense of character, rather than distracted.

I also think taking risks – going against conventional advice when it feels right – can pay off, as long as you’re willing to get feedback as to whether it’s working for your readers. I had some early beta readers comment that they really enjoyed the references, so I leaned into it. Had it been distracting, I would have reconsidered.

As an educator myself, I was cautious of Sloane wanting to be a nanny for Harper until we got the insight that not only had she done it before, but she actually had a degree in education. Was that a way to give her some credibility to the audience?

Sophie: Absolutely; Sloane is a liar, but she’s not a sociopath. I think part of the reason she inserts herself in the initial scene is that she has a real soft spot for – and understanding of – kids. She genuinely was concerned when she saw Harper crying. Sloane’s background also makes it understandable that Violet invites her into their lives and allows her to be around Harper; if Sloane wasn’t experienced, it would have been a much bigger risk on Violet’s part and likely unbelievable.

OK, what is the difference between mystery, suspense, and thriller? Every time I feel like I have a grasp on it, a new book comes along that does not fit in those definitions.

Sophie: Oh god, you and me both, but I’ll give it my best shot here. I typically think of mysteries as a clear ‘whodunit’ from the get-go: there’s a case to solve, a murderer to identify, something amiss that needs to be discovered.

Suspense and thriller get a little murkier for me; usually I find thrillers to be a little more fast-paced than their suspense counterparts, with higher stakes and more imminent life or death circumstances, while suspense novels are a little bit of a slower burn with a bigger emphasis on character study, though both should build tension and give the reader a ‘what’s going to happen next?’ feeling.

Ahhhh. And that’s why Count My Lies is a suspense, not a thriller.

Violet rewards Harper for good behavior with M&Ms. What snack would you like as a reward for getting things done?

Sophie: I love bougie drinks from bougie coffee spots – half-caf cappuccinos with oat milk, matcha lattes, fancy green teas. Or an In-N-Out milkshake; it’s the best shake out there and I’ll die on that hill.

I don’t know; you ever have a Burgerville chocolate hazelnut shake? It’s pretty good.

One of my favorite lines was ‘I know that I have secrets from her, but I hate that she has secrets from me.’ This moment of hypocrisy is just so human and is fairly common. When delving into Sloane's POV, was it easy or challenging?

Sophie: I’m a terrible liar, truly, but that said, I found it really easy to write from Sloane’s perspective. To me, she has such a relatable motivation for lying: she lies to ingratiate herself to people, to be liked, to be accepted. Her lies are certainly reproachable, but my hope is that readers empathize with why she’s doing what does. Because I liked Sloane, and I understood her desires, it was really clear to me how she would act in the various situations she encountered, which made the writing process easier. My characters aren’t ‘me,’ but usually I find something in them that I can really identify with which helps me slip into their head.

A Millennial pathological liar feels right in a lot of ways. I feel like our generation is constantly trying to find ways to reinvent ourselves from our fashion to our careers to even our home life. Was that a major theme you were trying to hit on?

Sophie: Definitely. I was really interested in the idea of how people use social media to manufacture the image or persona they want others to see, rather than to depict what is actually going on in their lives. In some ways, there’s this shared societal understanding that everyone is curating their posts to create this falsified version of themselves, but at the same time, it’s almost as if we then disregard that understanding and accept the curated feed as real life. Sloane’s lying – to her – feels like an extension of that; she thinks people will be more interested in the made-up details of her life than the truth, and she’s been proven right, more than once.

At one point you tried to debut with a sci-fi thriller. Do you think you’ll ever go back to sci-fi?

Sophie: Funnily, I never *meant* to write a sci-fi thriller. I don’t typically read sci-fi or watch it, for that matter, so it was surprising to me that that’s how the book developed. But while I’m not a big consumer of sci-fi, I do love speculative TV and movies. I’m a huge fan of Black Mirror, Severance, Stranger Things, The Leftovers, to name a few – because I think it’s so interesting to see a ‘what if’ in an otherwise very grounded reality. And that’s how that book developed, with the questions: ‘what if there was a pill that could allow you to body swap?’ So would I ever go back? Probably not intentionally, but I never know where an idea might lead me!

What’s your favorite sci-fi thriller and who is your favorite Star Trek captain?

Sophie: My favorite sci-fi thriller is either Dark Matter or Project Hail Mary. I’m a big audiobook fan and both were edge-of-your-seat listens. I’m also incredibly excited for The Once and Future Me by Melissa Pace which debuts later this year. I don’t watch Star Trek but my husband, who has watched too many times to count, says that the only right answer is Jean-Luc Picard.

Sophie, I’m gonna have to fight your husband on that one. The only answer is Spock, who was promoted to captain in Wrath of Khan, the greatest Star Trek film of all time.

Sloane and Violet are both people pleasers and very hungry for love and affection but in different ways. What made you choose this aspect to make them foils?

Sophie: I think people-pleasing and the need to belong is such a universally shared desire. Evolutionarily, we’re a social species; if you’re not part of the pack, you’re in danger. Obviously, those same threats aren’t in play in the same way today, but I think the instinct remains. Even though their circumstances were different, both Sloane and Violet grew up feeling unseen and isolated. That upbringing makes them desperate for connection and that desperation drives their decisions in the novel – and because that desire to connect felt so universal, to me, it made them both deeply empathetic characters and natural foils.

What's your zodiac sign and do you think you match the stereotype?

Sophie: This is funny because on one hand I put so little stock into horoscopes and on the other, I’ll tell you: I’m a Scorpio and I absolutely fit the stereotype. But I think that’s what is so fun about horoscopes - it’s easy to find yourself in the various descriptions and predictions.

There's all kinds of advice out there in regards to the writing process, but I've found that the best thing to do is experiment with a lot of authors' processes until you find a combination that works for you. What's your process like?

Sophie: I’m firmly in the pansters writing camp – it’s nigh impossible for me to outline a story before I start writing. Usually, I start with a "what if" or a tiny seed of an idea that I’m interested in exploring. I typically have a few scenes in my mind that I'm transcribing, if you will, and as I write, more and more scenes become clear until the whole story emerges.

I strongly ascribe to Stephen King's theory that writing a novel is like going on an archeological dig: the first draft is often finding the bones and discovering what is under the surface. When you're working with the right beta readers, the right agent and editor, they're able to say, "keep digging," and with each draft, the story becomes clearer and the writing tighter.

We talk a lot in writers spaces about how you have to read modern authors to be part of the conversation going on in our genres. What books are your book in conversation with?

Sophie: I’d like to think there are strong feminist undertones in my book and an exploration of the expectations of women in the current climate, which I’m seeing a number of authors doing in their work as well. I think Chelsea Bieker’s Madwoman and Rufi Thorpe’s Margo’s Got Money Trouble both do that, albeit in different ways, but I think in each, you get a sense of societal pressures and how women are responding. I also think Count My Lies is in conversation with thrillers like Listen for the Lie, where humor is successfully mixed with suspense.

Some authors focus on food, others on clothes. What's your favorite way to show time and place?

Sophie: To throw back to a previous question, I really love infusing my work with pop culture references as a way to orient the characters. While it does run the risk of dating your work, our real lives are so inundated with music and current events and celebrities and movies and shows (at least, mine is!), that it feels inauthentic to not have my characters speak to them in their lives, too. I think taste in shows and music, brands, etc. really speaks to someone’s identity – or at least, it can – so I love incorporating it into a character as a way to bring them to life.

What's next on the horizon for you?

Sophie: The manuscript I’m currently working on is another slow-burn psychological suspense, but it leans into the early days and challenges of motherhood. It shares some similarities with Count My Lies – it deals with some of the same themes of connection and how far people will go when they’re desperate – but with an entirely different cast of characters.

Are there any debut mystery, suspense thriller writers you wanna give a shout-out to?

Sophie: Yes! One of the best parts of debuting has been connecting with other debut authors. I was part of a Simon & Schuster Spring 2025 cohort as well as a thriller debut group and I’m incredibly excited for their books: The Three Lives of Cate Kay by Kate Fagan, Broken Country by Clare Leslie Hall, The Manor of Dreams by Christina Li, Tilt by Emma Pattee, The Persians by Sanam Mahloudji, The Belles by Lacey Dunham, Doll Parts by Penny Zang, We Don't Talk About Carol by Kristen L. Berry, and Julie Chan Is Dead by Liann Zhang.

I loved The Three Lives of Cate Kay and The Manor of Dreams. I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for the others.

Thank you so much, Sophie!

Where to buy:

Waterstones

Amazon

Kobo

Barnes and Noble

Mysterious Galaxy

[luna-loveboop]

Small question, if you don't mind me asking, why'd you change your url ? :)

I do not mind at all!

So there's like. Several reasons. My old username was Luna-lovegreat. I chose that username for a few reasons, explained here, but one of those reasons is that it lightly referenced my favourite hp character, Luna-lovegood. I love Luna-lovegood because she was one of my autism role models as a kid, and she taught me a lot about learning to love myself and be who I am, no matter how wierd. I also chose to have that url because of wordplay- Luna means moon, and I love the moon. Luna-lovegreat, as in my love for the moon is great.

When I joined tumblr, I was much less aware of the environment around hp and how bad it truly is. Supporting my queer friends is extremely important to me, and I quickly realised that having a username with a blatant reference could hurt them and make them feel less safe around me. I care about my people (and I'm not too certain of my identity myself), so I decided that I would change it if I found one that made me as happy :))

This is still my blog, and I don't want to change my username much, but I did want to get rid of something I knew was making my trans friends uncomfortable. When I saw this post,

I got really excited, because I LOVE booping people. I boop my dog and my friends and my horses, and the ask games that boop people are my favourite tbh. It literally just seemed like the perfect solution to me, to replace the word great with boop. This gets rid of the hp reference and replaced it with something that makes me just as happy :)

It also mattered to me that I kept the words Luna and love, because I LOVE THE MOON SO MUCH!!! Sorry for yelling fidjdjdjfjdjjf I really love the moon ':D

Keeping the Luna-love part means that it still references my favourite thing off the planet hehe. I also wanted to keep the beginning very similar so it was easily identifiable- and I won't change my pfp for a while so people can still recognise it's me. My header right now also says 'formerly Luna-lovegreat'. I had this idea months ago, I've been planning it because for some reason I got anxiety about if anyone would recognise it was still me.

To be clear no one forced me into this- no hate comments or anything was made, just me growing and learning socially- and also getting excited at the idea of boops

I'm very very autistic, and have trouble grasping social stuff, so I'm extremely grateful to everyone who talks to me about it and help me understand. I know I've rambled now lol, but if I accidentally have said anything offensive as always let me know because I can't tell :P

So yeah. I really wanted to do something to make my blog an even more safe space, so taking out the hp reference seemed appropriate. I really hope this helps my queer friends be more comfortable- I stand with you and I love you all so very much. Never forget how loved and precious you are, and don't let anyone hate on you.

And again. Boops like it has the word boop in it, I LOVE boops.

In honour of my new url, here's Stitch-

Boop!!

Small reminder that you matter and I love you <3 bye, thank you for asking

[cinnamontails-ff]

11 for the ask game!

also happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy birthday! 🎉

Aww thank you! Always such a treat to see you in my inbox ❤

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

This is a super interesting question! I don't talk about this much because I prefer to keep my private life private, but research is actually my day job. I spend a lot of time reading research articles and working toward publishing my own, and while I'm happy with my job, it's made it something I strongly associate with "work" rather than my creative endeavors.

When I was writing fanfiction, I did pretty minimal research -- also because I realized early on just how much lore there is to DnD and how much time and effort it would require to really catch up on everything. For "Magistrate's Advocate", I went through the wiki so I'd be able to reference the political setup of the city of Baldur's Gate, namedrop a few noteworthy institutions and buildings, but it was all pretty low-key. Luckily, the fandom has been incredibly kind about newcomers like me, and I've really ever gotten one snarky "Well, actually" comment on my fics (and that one turned out to be misinformed, according to my DM friend :D).

Now that I'm back to original fiction, I have to be more involved with my research. The project I'm working on features alchemy, which is honestly fascinating to read about (and confusing. But mostly fascinating :D). I learned that alchemists back in the day were obsessed with mercury because it's the only metallic element we know of that's liquid at room temperature. They were convinced it's a sign that mercury is this incredibly special element, acting as a sort of in-between between liquids and solids, and that they could transform it into other metals with the right kind of reaction. And even though alchemy isn't really recognized as a science anymore, it very much laid the foundation for modern chemistry, so it's fun to look at it from the perspective of a contemporary scientist.

Still, I know myself and I know there's a limit to how much research I'm willing to do for a story. And you know what, I just recently read a traditionally published novel (meaning, it went through multiple levels of people fact-checking, editing etc.) and when it came to the sections that referenced my field of study, it completely dropped the ball. Like, fumbled really, really badly. Things you could check with a single google search had very clearly not been researched, and the resulting paragraphs were ... well, comedic at best.

At the end of the day, unless you're writing nonfiction, research mostly helps to situate yourself (and your readers) in a given framework. It helps you learn about the necessary background and the vocabulary people use, see what kinds of questions are usually posed in that particular context. The answers are always up to you and your story.

(questions from here!)

[squarebill]

Continued from here So, the Little Golden Books thing reminded me of a Little Golden Book I had read involving Winnie the Pooh. Not that surprising - there are many Disney properties (and others!) that get turned into Little Golden Books. But maybe I was thinking about it because I was thinking of the silly little blurb in the newspaper (the one that pulls up when you type WEIRDMAGEDDON into the computer). It talks about how Soos gets his head stuck in a clay honey pot. So silly! This is obviously a Winnie the Pooh reference as Winnie the Pooh is often getting his head stuck in honey pots. It's cute and silly, but also... Kind of odd? But that's Soos for you. And then, I was thinking... Wait. Soos is the one who fixed the thisisnotawebsitedotcom. FIXINIT1 also cuts to a supercut of scenes with Fixin It with Soos (unrelated, but that cuckoo clock looks like Bill?), the L IS REAL 2401 password that you can put in the computer leads to Soos making a little "Doo doo doo" to the Mario theme, the "BOOBERRY" code pulls up a question mark symbol with a rant by Bill that's titled "The Meaning of Life." The question mark symbol has always been associated with Soos. And I thought to myself, well... Maybe I should just... Go take a look at Winnie the Pooh's wikipedia page.  Now We Are Six (1927) - Hmm. Okay. That could be nothing, though. Ashdown Forest. Valley of Ashes??? Coincidence, probably.

Ahahaha. Little triangle/pyramid thingies in the background. But hey! Triangles are a common shape! It's fine. And then, I read this on the wikipedia page From the front lawn the family had a view across a meadow to a line of alders that fringed the River Medway, beyond which the ground rose through more trees until finally "above them, in the faraway distance, crowning the view, was a bare hilltop. In the centre of this hilltop was a clump of pines." Hilltop. Clump of Pines. Okay, okay, maybe I'm just stretching here.

OKAY MAYBE I'M CONSPIRACY-ING TOO MUCH! (Found in the newspaper picture) In the Milne books, Pooh is naive and slow-witted, but he is also friendly, thoughtful, and steadfast. Although he and his friends agree that he is "a bear of very little brain", Pooh is occasionally acknowledged to have a clever idea, usually driven by common sense. <- Sounds like Soos. Pooh makes it a habit to have "a little something" around 11:00 in the morning. As the clock in his house "stopped at five minutes to eleven some weeks ago", any time can be Pooh's snack time. <- Around 11:00... like how Alex Hirsch is apparently supposed to go through a maintenance update at 11:30 AM? And the clock being stopped... Like how in FixinIt with Soos, Stan notes that the new and improved cuckoo clock seems to be permanently set to 1:50. Again, maybe stretching here. Maybe not. Now, here's something that gets interesting. That I think might be a theme we've seen thus far with the Book of Bill and now, perhaps this as well. A. A. Milne's U.S. copyright on the Winnie-the-Pooh character expired on 1 January 2022, as it had been 95 years since publication of the first story. The character has thus entered the public domain in the United States and Disney no longer holds exclusive rights there.  Winnie the Pooh is in the public domain. Along with the Great Gatsby (which was referenced in the Book of Bill). And what else? Remember Alex had a display set-up of Bill infecting other books? Books that were in the public domain. I'm not through yet. If you scroll down much further on Winnie the Pooh's wikipedia page, there's this: 1960: Shirley Temple's Storybook on NBC: Winnie-the-Pooh—a version for marionettes, designed, made, and operated by Bil and Cora Baird. Bil missing a letter L. Marionettes are basically puppets. I decided to take a quick detour to Bil Baird's wikipedia page and...

IS THAT THE INSPIRATION FOR BEARO?! Baird grew up in Mason City, Iowa. <- MASON?! "Flannel Mouse" the Villain "Ronald Rodent" OKAY! Back to Winnie the Pooh - Winnie the Pooh has inspired multiple texts to explain complex philosophical ideas. Benjamin Hoff uses Milne's characters in The Tao of Pooh and The Te of Piglet to explain Taoism. Similarly, Frederick Crews wrote essays about the Pooh books in abstruse academic jargon in The Pooh Perplex and Postmodern Pooh to satirise a range of philosophical approaches.[90] Pooh and the Philosophers by John T. Williams uses Winnie the Pooh as a backdrop to illustrate the works of philosophers, including Descartes, Kant, Plato and Nietzsche. WAIT, WAIT. WINNIE THE POOH?! PHILOSOPHY?! PLATO?!

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Kazui T1 Cover - Yowamushi Montblanc

How many of these until you're all tired of it? Well, we still have twelve to go after this one, so. Today's cover analysis focuses on Kazui's Yowamushi Montblanc! Very pretty souding song!

I can't bring myself to hope for it to be true As I'm still not strong enough In our contract meeting Once again I will fall into you Each and every of my pondering Translates into only so many words I loved you, but it's become too ponderous Is that all there is to it?

(Translation)

The singer of this song has romantic feelings towards another person, but they struggle to confess to them. They don't think they're strong or brave enough to do it, so they 'can't bring themselves to hope.' Every time they meet, the singer falls in love all over again, but their thoughts (ponderings) aren't fully expressed (only so many words), so their love becomes too heavy to bear (ponderous = heavy). In particular, they're afraid of the other person's reaction to those feelings, imagining that they will react with disdain.

"You should just die this very moment"

Thus, Yowamushi Montblanc is about a person who is too afraid to reveal their own feelings, with 'yowamushi' meaning 'coward.'

...

Yep! That's Kazui! Alright, end post everyone, take care!

...

Okay fine I'll talk about it a bit more.

[Cat] All those things I wanna do that I can’t say out loud I gotta keep it inside and act The beating of this heart… see… it’s no longer about good and bad… it isn’t I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream

Yeah, honestly, if you had told me Yowamushi Montblanc was Kazui's Trial 3 song I would not have batted an eye. The theme of being too afraid to reveal his own feelings is extremely prevalent in Kazui's story, regardless of what those feelings exactly are.

(gay gay homosexual gay)

Hell, the guy even straight up calls himself a coward in half.

[half] So many things I wish I hadn't known, I'm just a coward

In the song, the singer hides their feelings until they start drifting away from their love interest.

Who was it that I loved? I can't remember despite all that time I spent Now it's just fading away, out of my sight Although I'm sure it's still somewhere right here I can just forget about it it will disappear my own reflection [...] Yes, you are in my thoughts hanging in the air but you are slowly fading away, completely And I can no longer tell you anything

This vaguely fits the lyrics of half, which commonly reference drifting away due to indecision and fear. Who Kazui is talking to in half is honestly a pretty good question, but for our purposes, it works particularly well if we assume he's singing to the bartender.

[half] Only if your heart would change but that’s not possible Please tell me what I should do, my heart will float away and disappear

Finally, the titular Montblanc is referenced in this lyric:

It's fine for it to be true since I can't go back Or I will get scared again This mont blanc is so sweet I want to drown in its sweetness with my bare feet

The 'sweetness' likely refers to the idea of a relationship with the love interest, since the video has a lot of sweets as imagery of the singer's desires. And the snow of the mont blanc would be the sugar.

So 'scaling up the sweet montblanc with bare feet' would be revealing their feelings to enter a relationship and thereby taking in the sweetness unfiltered. The imagery of scaling a mountain makes it clear it would be demanding, but since the singer enjoys touching the snow with bare feet (touching the 'sweetness'), they would enjoy the process of putting effort into the relationship. Does that make sense? Again, it's not too hard to relate this to Kazui wanting to reveal his true feelings as well.

However, there's a bit more symbolism if you want to go into 'is this even intentional' territory, which I do. The mountain known as Montblanc is the highest mountain in the Alps and in all of western Europe, which again shows how demanding it would be to enter the relationship. However, the most common route up the mountain, the Goûter Route, is "simple and requires few technical abilities, but [...] it is also physically demanding, and may be totally exhausting to those with limited athletic ability." It's ranked PD, which I'm sure we're all aware is the second lowest difficulty for climbing mountains; not effortless, but very doable. Therefore, it is something most people can do without much difficulty, though naturally some people will struggle more due to physical limitations.

This makes sense in the context of the song, where scaling the mountain means engaging in a relationship. Society says being in a relationship is something most people should be able to do without much difficulty, but the protagonist does struggle with. There are several societal issues that converge in that point, but that's the main idea; the singer might feel insecure that they can't fulfill societal expectations.

...

Yep! That's him!

(T1) Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do? K: I'd like to live righteously.

(T1) Q4: Do you think that your family is proud of you? K: No. They must find me embarrassing.

Plus other stuff like this. Again, doubt I have to explain much further, Kazui's struggles to conform to expectations is another of his main character themes. One he shares with his prisoner pair partner, 08, who shall not be named lest I accidentally derail the entire post talking about her.

Anyways, that was that for Yowamushi Montblanc! Take care!

[emptymanuscript]

So, back to the beginning because that's pretty much how it works if you aren't doing a rolling draft.

The three big questions, in reverse order of importance:

WHAT am I trying to do in this part of the story?

HOW am I trying to do that?

WHY am I trying to do that?

->

Only a Mother has, up to now, started in a frame, The entire story is meant to be Barbette's recollection of her life to try and make sense of the tragedy that has just befallen her.

I've told it in frame to try and explain WHY the story is being told. However, as the last rewrite attempt showed, I think I'm highlighting the wrong elements.

I'm very firmly writing Barbette for herself right after the tragedy of 8th July 1907. I picture her as writing that first entry as she's finally going to bed after her world has upended itself.

BUT, the problem with that is that Only a Mother, by itself, is a comic story. She gets the happy ending on the impossible to align date of the final letter on May 10th 1859/1861/1873. Meaning that the opening frame is reflecting a mood that can't really fit at the end. It could work as a frame that breaks before the story is over, but it doesn't. It also works if I ever go on to write sequels OR if the audience is willing to do the intellectual work of aligning the future events of the other stories I'm referencing.

I am starting to think that is too big an ask, especially if I'm trying to get away from putting myself on the hook for more stories in the same line.

For myself and my own mental health, I need to not commit to more than I can do, right now. And that means Only a Mother has to work as a stand-alone with the POSSIBILITY of sequels but not the demand for sequels. And I think the frame works against that.

Ok, WHY do I have this frame? Because I want the audience to connect with the reference. My basic audience is a fandom and I'm trying to let them know that this is supposed to fit with what they know about the rest of the lore in the fandom.

That this Barbette Giry in the opening frame of Only a Mother, who spends the rest of the book as 14ish IS the same Madame Giry who just watched a lethal struggle between the people she helped raise - Erik (Daniel), Christine (Lottie), and Meg (her only biological child) - at the end of Love Never Dies.

... Which I can't really use in detail because Love Never Dies is very firmly still under copyright, even if the original Phantom of the Opera is free and clear.

So, is that the best use of my space?

I'm not sure. I don't think Only a Mother makes sense if it isn't Barbette as an older woman looking back on her childhood. I think that is necessary. My way in to Only a Mother for myself is the fascination of how decentralized Madame Giry is in a story that also always has her being one of the primary movers of the tragedy. None of the stories are possible without her interference and yet, she is always on the sidelines, forced to watch as witness as her deeds are rewarded with tragedy she can do absolutely nothing about.

And maybe that's really a much better target.

Because another primary point of the frame is for Barbette herself to say WHY the story is being told. It's her motivation for telling this story. It's her trying to work out for herself how she made this latest and greatest tragedy happen.

And I think I recognize in that as I type it that this is an essential flaw of my writing. The tradeoff for my excellence in "trusting the audience" which is a definite part of why I am as good a writer as I am, is that I often overburden the audience with work I need to do.

I think that's what I've done and continue to do wrong with the opening. I hint around the drama to create mystery and not have the character break the fourth wall. But Barbette is writing in her diary. And it's deeply unfair for me to make a mystery, set it as a primary scene - it is the opening pages - and then, purposefully not solve that mystery. That just makes me a dick.

So, let's reanalyze in the correct order this time.

WHY am I writing THIS scene?

To introduce the narrator and her reasoning for telling this story, what SHE is looking for in this story she is telling. It's her painting a target to shoot for. The audience gets to decide at the end if she hit it or not. She's looking to confess. She thinks she's guilty. She's trying to figure out exactly where her crime was and how she did it.

So, HOW do I need to write THIS scene to best enable WHY it is being written?

Barbette needs to be clear on her problem, mission, and target. She is essentially writing a recruitment essay. You: Audience, help me find my guilt so it can be condemned and I can feel some kind of order in my life.

So, WHAT is that actually?

A plea for help through emotional justice.

Yeah, there we go, that's the ticket.

To the blank page!

<gif of Theoden riding the line screaming encouragement at his troops>

[heavenlyhorses]

very stream of consciousness type shit under the cut re: feeling of voicelessness

I have a lot of thoughts on feminism. I'm writing a little incoherently right now, but I'm mostly just frustrated, generally speaking, with the concept and function of voice. Namely, the biggest struggle I experience nowadays is my lack of voice.

This lack of voice gets highlighted when the people around me use theirs indiscriminately: cumulatively, the comments I receive from my coworkers and crewmates have collectively worn on my patience. In the past year I have been asked about my supposed autism more times than I can find funny. I've also received enough comments about my appearance and fashion choices to fill me to the brim with barely concealed frustration. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being polite when I feel offended, and I utterly despise the fact that my job has put me through this year long period of not having a voice, intentionally. I don't think sailing is universally like this, but my experience on this classic yacht has shown me a crew culture that enshrines the right of higher ranked crew members to pick on the lower ranked ones. My captain has spoken to me multiple times and referenced this expected, soft skill of the deckhand-- the ability to take shit without flinching or resentment. One must wonder what this skill translates to, in terms of practical, applicable skills-- is it a superpower, to take abuse? I got to make friends with a fellow who'd worked on my same boat a few years prior as a deckhand for a season. He referred to his treatment on board as verbally and physically abusive. I would call myself lucky, and yet the environment I found myself when I joined ******* was hostile and disempowering. When I refused to drink at the same rate as the rest, one coworker promised to "break me". My moderate drinking was viewed as defiance. And I could go on, I'm so tempted to just enumerate out all the insane situations I've been in because of this position that have frightened, humiliated, and enraged me. And now that I've been promoted, does that little bit of power that I've been afforded translate to a voice, finally? When I sat down with my captain for that promotion conversation, I'd sat down and was fretfully explaining to him the complete lack of handover. For the preceding weeks, I could not extract a iota of information regarding jobs lists, concerns, etc from the first mate. He had written a handover up and intended to give it to the next mate-- I wasn't worthy of such information, despite being the only remaining deck crew member staying on for the winter. I tried to explain all this to my captain, only to be interrupted with a wave of the hand. "All that's over now. You're the bosun from this day on, now that he's left." As if that somehow fixed all those painful late nights at the bar spent listening to my own boss rip into me, 6 beers in. The criticisms amounted to: I'm smart, I evidently care enormously about what I do and I will undoubtedly go far, but I'm insubordinate. I dunno, maybe he's got a point about that, but my previous crewmates did not have this problem with me, and I remember quite clearly how me asking simple questions to clarify orders would anger my mate. I always thanked him, during these drunken performance reviews, for his patience with me, but I also remember the clanch of his jaw anytime I spoke. I think what I was thanking him for was mercy, for him not being as aggressive to me as he could have been.

And I guess I can return to the present, to the blissful present. I am dating my one remaining coworker, the engineer, I have nobody yelling at me, and yet I feel haunted by all this. When my captain last visited we had a dinner with the crew of a neighboring gaff rigged schooner, and I sat and smiled and laughed and politely listened as my captain playfully teased the other captain for having "been creepy" towards me. I eventually was asked by the offending captain if what he'd done was creepy or not, to which I replied of course not. Obviously. And at one point my captain went on a little rant about the unfairnesses I face as a woman on deck, listing out some comments and attitudes he'd heard that jsut went to show how tough it is for me, a woman working on the deck of a sailing yacht. How uh, feminist of him to speak up on this. And I sat there, smiling. Not saying a word.

[kaurwreck]

hi!! i recently read 55 minutes so i'm really curious if you had any takes on akutagawa's insane little monologue prior to the world ending. it feels like it's referencing something, but i haven't read enough japanese classical literature to pick up what it could be a reference to— if you don't mind being asked, i'd really like to know whether you had any insight on the matter.

for context, the quote in question is:

Akutagawa continued to walk, but even then, the end was near. No longer able to sustain itself, the island began to sink. The rumbling of the land would not even permit him to walk any longer. He dropped to his knees.

“Even if one were to bathe in the eternal wind and simply become foam in the great sea without ever knowing who they were—without even getting a farewell…,” Akutagawa muttered, facing the heavens as if he were reciting a poem, “…the heart shall not move, for it is nothing compared with the loneliness of passing…without you ever knowing.”

The Shell itself was almost hovering over him. The surrounding heat wave had already exceeded several hundred degrees Fahrenheit. No more than a puff of heat slipped through the corners of the tears in space, but his flesh instantly bubbled and burned away.

But even then, Akutagawa smiled. “Right now…that is the sole thing that brings me sorrow.”

I won't claim to know with any certainty, but I think the imagery and lyricism reference Endymion, a poem by John Keats. (In particular, Book III, although I'm only passingly familiar and haven't ventured very far into the contours.)

(Keats was English, not Japanese. But Akutagawa Ryuunosuke published Japanese translations of Keats in Shin Shicho, the literary journal he co-founded while studying English literature at the Imperial University of Tokyo.)

I won't attempt to explain Endymion when I'm scarcely knowledgeable about it myself, but it's a rich lens for deconstructing bsd!Akutagawa and his romanticism. It's also in iambic pentameter, the unstressed-stressed beat of which is similar to that of a human heartbeat— apt for Akutagawa's lament in that scene, which spills from his heart.

[dipplinduo]

(Me being sad that the thought I’ve been putting into headcanons for dipplinshipping and kieran himself are going down the drain due to the asks not being answered)

Nooooo anon don't be sad!!! It's always my intention to engage and interact with you guys, it's literally my favorite thing about using Tumblr and being involved in the dipplinshipping community. I promise you I am reading everything, and I want to read your thoughts! It just takes me a little time to get to them. <3 And to prove I mean that, here's some straightforward transparency:

I was working on Chapters 7 & 8 of S&S Dipplins over the past few days, and when I'm writing, it is a timeeee suckeerrrrr, so I've had less time for asks.

I've also been relatively active in the discord server (that's centered around discussions & supporting other creatives in general) and on AO3 when people engage with my writing on there.

Sometimes I'm contemplating how I'm going to be responding to asks, and may delay responding so I can give a more thought-out response rather than just posting it without interacting back.

I try to be mindful about the content that I'm posting. I often receive asks that reference other media I'm not familiar with, and I actually have a process where I set aside some time to screen the media myself so I can do my best to make sure nothing inappropriate, harmful, or insensitive is referenced in a way where it could cause discomfort to the community.

On a similar note, there are some cases where asks appear to be too inappropriate for one reason or another (in which case, I do not interact) or border a line where I need some time to reflect on whether or not I feel its appropriate to interact with publicly; I have a pretty big comfort zone myself, but I try to account for others' comfort, too. This blog is almost a month old now, and I'm still trying to figure out the overall tone of it as it experiences growth. Part of that involves figuring out how to be intentional with what content I'm curating, and that takes time.

For the asks that are about/related to my fic writing: sometimes I may choose not to respond due to spoilers (whether it be if someone correctly guessed something or got close enough for some spoilers, or if someone is reacting very immediately to a chapter I might've literally just posted. I tend to delay responding in these instances to wait for others to have time to read updates so they don't encounter unwanted spoilers on Tumblr).

I try to respond to asks in bursts, and often try to group them together when I can (e.g., answering a group of asks that appear to be related in theme). But even then, I can't quite get through them all in one sitting. This is a screenshot of my inbox at the time of writing this:

...and this number may fluctuate at times (e.g., sometimes people may send in more asks when they see I'm actively online and answering asks).

That being said: this response isn't meant to complain or create excuses for ask delays in the slightest - I am very lucky and privileged to experience this level of engagement from you all across platforms, and it's something I really want to handle with care. I know a lot of you have likely followed me because of the way asks function in this blog, and it's quite literally a charm that cannot operate without you guys. I'm just hoping this breakdown can clear some air so you can know that there are a lot of moving pieces, and it is never my intention to exclude anybody when they reach out and interact. You have all been wonderful to me and I intend to treat you with the same respect. <3

I'm answering asks again right now, and will be on the lookout for headcanons & kieran-focused questions!