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justwinginglife · 11 months ago

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May I have a request for Hoshina with a s/o who have a ability to heal people? It's either injuries or even broken bones. She's a doctor (or medic) in the defense force, she didn't use ability unless its very serious. She's not even a kaiju.

Imagine when Hoshina was in life and death situation or brink of death dealing a tough opponent/Kaiju she saved him with her abilities and he woke up fully healed. She explained to him she have these abilities of hers, since she was born.

Very interesting prompt, sorry for the wait and thanks for being patient. It definitely was difficult for me to figure out how to work the healing powers into a universe that doesn’t have powers so I hope what I went with turned out okay. Also fun fact- this post could've been significantly better but it accidentally got deleted somehow and I had to start all over from the beginning and try to remember what I wrote and it was so devastating so the writing is definitely not as good as it could've been.

A Reason To Live

Your mother was a freak of nature and apparently it was genetic.

You’d been told she was already strong, already tough, already fast, like all the women on her family’s side, even to the point of being declared superhuman but it wasn’t enough for her. She’d lost her husband and all her children to the Kaiju and she’d never be able to repair that damage to herself, that feeling of never being enough, much as she tried to through lengthy experimentation and numerous scientific enhancements to her body. Eventually, the stress of being pregnant with the last child her dead husband would ever give her overwhelmed her heart and she passed on.

You were born as the result of all that experimentation and that, mixed with your already inhuman genetics led to an interesting development, one that had never been heard of before. You had the power to heal. And nothing else.

You thought it a useless power at first. You were so focused on being the failure of your bloodline. You had planned on joining the Defense Force, like your whole family had before you- anything to feel connected to them. But whatever it was that made them outstanding, you didn’t have it, you didn’t have their strength or their speed, and you were devastated at the thought that your bloodline would die with your unimpressive self.

Then, one day when you were walking home, you noticed a tourist standing on the edge of a bridge. Before you realized how desperately they were eying the murky waters below, they jumped. Unable to catch them in time, you cursed your own inadequacies again as you ran to pull their limp body from the river. As you dragged them to the bank, you realized they were still alive, but just barely. They were badly injured but had enough life in them to whisper their regrets, to murmur they actually did want to live. And it touched something deep inside you, awakened some ancient power, and you healed them like it was second nature.

Saving them made you realize that even though you couldn’t shoot a gun or swing a sword for shit, you could still make a difference. So you became a doctor, only saving your powers for the most serious of cases, but studying your ass off so hard you almost didn’t need to use your gift.

And for the first time in your life, you were content, you made peace with your strengths and your weakness, and you felt like you actually had a purpose. You almost didn’t even realize you were missing anything in life until you made the acquaintance of one Soshiro Hoshina. You had been okay just being content with your life but he made you experience more than just contentment- he made your life blissful.

You couldn't imagine what you'd do without him constantly making excuses to see you. He'd bring in officers, any officers at all, and claim they needed treatment for rug burns or paper cuts, anything he could do to see you, to be near you.

He'd bring you your favorite coffee every morning just to be the first one to say good morning to you and put a smile on your face.

He'd even wait for you to finish work so he could walk you home, saying that it wasn't safe for such a gorgeous woman like you to be alone at night.

Sometimes you were glad you were weaker than him, so you could rely on his strength. And he loved that you relied on him, he loved to provide for you, to protect you.

But on some occasions, today in particular, those familiar insecurities would crawl their way back up to the surface reminding you just how weak you really were.

Today he was hurt. Badly. And all you could do was sit and wait for them to bring him to you on the verge of death. You would have given anything to be able to fight by his side, to protect him so he wouldn’t even need your healing in the first place. Sometimes you were scared you wouldn’t be able to heal him, wouldn’t be able to save him, he'd be too far gone. Maybe one day he wouldn’t even survive the journey back to you. Then what would you do? How would you go on with your life? Could you find contentment again? You didn't think so.

He'd even smiled at you weakly when they first brought him in. He was always trying to comfort you when he was the one that needed comfort. You thought you might just die right there beside him if you couldn't see that smile again.

You cleared everyone out of the clinic, anxious to start treating him. No one knew about your powers but you didn't want to waste time trying to treat him without them, he meant too much for you to start with conventional methods. So you kicked everyone out and got to work healing him.

You thought this might be the day your powers failed you as he didn't seem to be responding. But then you heard a groan and his eyes blinked open. You sighed, the sound thick with relief.

"Love, I know you're a good doctor but this is something else." He lifted his arms and examined every square inch of skin, trying to process the complete lack of an injury anywhere.

"Guess you weren't hurt that badly." You muttered nervously, trying to figure out how you were going to explain this to him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Dearest, my life was flashing before my eyes, I think might've actually been dying. So whatever you did, you did a hell of a job."

"Well I'm just glad you're okay." You were eager to drag him away from the topic.

"You know... I saw you, out there. Out on the battlefield when I thought I was dying. Couldn't think of anything else. You're my whole world."

You bit back tears. "And y-you're mine. So don't go dying on me again, okay? Promise."

He chuckled. "Can't do that love, but I'll do my best not to die on you anytime soon. Now are you gonna tell me how you yanked me back from the Underworld?"

You bit your lip.

He ran his thumb over your lip, forcing your teeth to release it. "It's okay baby, it's just me. You can tell me anything."

You nodded slowly. "I know, I know, love. It's just... it's complicated."

He sat up in bed, wanting to give you his full attention and support.

You got in the bed with him, not wanting to look at him but not wanting to be far from him, so you snuggled up against his chest as you told him everything.

He was surprisingly very receptive to the whole situation. Even cracked jokes about being able to get into more trouble now that he knew you could save him like that, which earned him one hell of a lecture from you about staying out of danger best he could.

As much as you liked when he visited your clinic, you never wanted him to visit on a gurney. You weren't sure your heart could take anymore scares. After being so lost for most of your life, you finally found a reason for living and you'd be damned if you'd let that slip away from you.

He held you close the rest of the night and reassured you with many sweet promises that he would be careful and that he'd try not to do anything to endanger his future with you. Once you were satisfied, you fell asleep in his arms. It was a weight off your chest to finally tell him the one thing you'd been keeping from him and you slept soundly against him, knowing he now had every part of you.

He slept just as soundly, comforted by the thought of having every part of you for life.

#kaiju no. 8 #soshiro hoshina #soshiro hoshina x reader #hoshina #anime #oneshot #hoshina x reader #hoshina soshiro x reader #han's library

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fairyhaos · 2 years ago

Text

How To Fucking Write: a guide by fairyhaos

[masterlist]

this post details:

STARTING A STORY

PACING A STORY

hi gays and gals and welcome to "how to fucking write", a post (series) where i talk about how i brainstorm for writing, plan for writing, write the writing, and everything in between. nothing too serious here lmao, but i'm definitely planning on making at least a couple posts on this bc a) it's fun and b) i wanna help! so if you find this useful then pls lmk by reblogging + drop an ask if there are any specific things u want me to give my two cents on ^^

okok and now without further ado,,, let's look at the topics i'll talk about in today's post!

#1 - HOW TO START A STORY.

.. bullet point one : have an idea

the first big thing is that you need an idea. doesn't matter if you're a pantser and don't plan out your writing before you start. that's totally fine! but before you begin, you need at least an idea: maybe it's a vibe, a character personality, a specific journey you want the characters to go on. maybe it's a piece of dialogue. maybe it's the ending- the point you want to end up at after however many thousand words.

whatever it is, it's best to have some inspiration, some idea of what you wanna do. no point in writing if you don't know what you're writing, you know?

(of course, that brings up the issue of Having An Idea in the first place, but finding inspiration to write is a whole other can of worms we can open in another post.)

.. bullet point two : practice

okay, so now you have an idea. how do you put that idea to paper? how should you actually start your story?

it’s all to do with practice.

it’s the most annoying piece of advice in the world, but it helps so much. you just have to write lots and lots and lots, to find the way that works for you. whether you wanna start your stories with pretty scene descriptions, with dialogue, with dramatic one-liners. finding your voice, your style, what’s most comfortable for you, is really really important. and takes practice.

an example, though: for me, i prefer either a line of dialogue, or one-liners that a) help immediately establish a character’s personality or can b) introduce an interesting setting.

[chan + swingset] — one-liner example

[hoshi + silly] — dialogue example

but of course, everyone’s style is different. so i’d recommend playing around! find a list of one-word prompts and just write a few that inspire you, writing the beginnings. it’s important, also, that you’re having fun, because if you’re already struggling with starting to write, it’ll be even harder if you’re doing it while feeling stressed.

.. bullet point three (mostly just for longer fics)

maybe you don’t find a style, in the end. maybe you’re comfortable with all of them, which is totally fine! but then you look at your writing, and you think, “oh… this isn’t as good as i thought.”

and it makes you want to give up. what do you do, then? how do you carry on with your start?

just put words to paper. it doesn’t matter if the words are terrible, if you’re making up shit and using placeholders for description words or whatever. just carry on, get to a place you’re happy with, like the end of a scene, or maybe a dialogue exchange you really like.

because now, guess what? you’ve successfully created a first draft.

making first drafts is actually so important. seriously. first drafts allow you to fuck up, allow you to write terribly. they help you fumble and trip your way to the finish line (or at least a rest point) so that you can go back and do better.

even if your first draft is terrible, it’s helped you make your way to a point you’re happy with. now you have a vague idea of what you want, even if the description or characterisation or something is way off. because now, you can edit it, or even scrap it and use only a few words from that draft in your next one. or maybe, if you look back at it, maybe it’s even decent enough for you to use.

whatever it is, when you first start writing that story, think of it as ‘The Worst Draft’. because it probably won’t be as good as you want it, and it’s okay. just write, with no fears of it being bad, because that’s literally fine. it’s not set in stone. the backspace button exists. after your first draft is made, make another. and another, and another, because i promise, after that first draft, it only gets better from there.

#2 - PACING A STORY.

.. bullet point one : adding things

pacing is always really tricky. however, i do think that slowing a story down is easier than speeding it up, so here we go,,,,

finding out the exact way to slow down a story really depends on what type of story you're writing, but there are a few all-round things you can do which can help pretty much any setting.

if it's a scene with loads of dialogue, and things feel like they're jumping to the end topic too quickly, add descriptions. your readers are blind, writers, and they depend on you to be able to see what's going on. are your characters having a conversation on the street? take a break to describe what they see. are they in a coffee shop? maybe someone comes in with a huge noise, or their coffee arrives at their table. are they hanging in midair with nothing around them? well, describe the actions of the character they're talking to, then.

example: (from my seoksoo fic bc it's the only long fic i'm working on rn)

by adding character descriptions, movement, thoughts, instantly everything seems to have slowed down. it thickens time, allowing you to move at a more leisurely pace.

if it's a scene full of action, you can do the exact same thing. maybe there's a high-tension moment and something significant happens. slow down time there, describe something small in great detail. talk about the thoughts they're having.

and even if it's just an ordinary scene, describing is important. the setting, the characters' actions, their thoughts. it's okay to write too much. then you can delete things which make things feel like they're moving too slowly.

.. bullet point two : delete

not gonna lie, finding out how to speed up the pacing of the story can often be really specifically tailored to the setting of the story.

with stories that have loads of action (spy, apocalypse, etc) i'd recommend adjusting sentence length. you'll want short, punchy sentences, without loads of commas and clauses, but you'll also want to experiment with having those short sentences gradually get longer. it helps with tension and suspense.

it has to be short. running fast. something to elevate fear. quick, but also desperate, before they then spill over each other, picking up pace, all of the thoughts blurring together and going faster, and faster, and faster, and then-

then the penny drops.

people use the metaphor of music a lot, and it really does work that way. it needs to ascend to its climax: gently, cautiously, before sprinting upwards and only describing things like the barest emotions (the fear they feel, the panic, anger, anything) before everything reaches its peak and comes crashing down in a flurry of action descriptions.

but of course, the easiest way to speed up something is to delete. delete swathes of setting description. delete unnecessary dialogue. delete an entire scene and rewrite with only the things you remember (which can help make sure you only have the essentials in your scene, btw. very helpful).

it might take a bit of adjusting, rewriting, moving things around, but ultimately, quickening the pace of the story depends on the way in which you write things. be concise, be dramatic, and don't dawdle.

... and that's it ! if anyone has anything else they want advice on (how to structure, how to write dialogue, how to plan etc) then just shoot me an ask, because i'd love to help however i can :)

tagging: @selenicives who asked for this in the first place hehe ^^

#a guide by fairyhaos #ngl ive always wanted to try my hand as an advice giver soooo this is fun!#i really wanna help guys. like fr #fanfic #svt fanfic #svt fic #seventeen #txt #fanfiction #writing #creative writing #writers of tumblr #writing prompt #svt x reader #txt x reader #kpop writing #ao3 #ao3 writer #ao3 fic

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munsonsmixtapes · 1 year ago

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Hi! I would like to request, #33 "Why have you been ignoring me?" and #20 "Marry me." Like maybe Eddie is so nervous about proposing, he's been avoiding the reader until she goes to his trailer to talk to him.

I love your writing so so so much 💜💜

Hello, lovely! I always see you liking my posts and I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the support!

Eddie x fem!reader

cw: hurt/ comfort

Prompts used: 20. “Marry Me.” and 33. “Why have you been ignoring me?”

You and Eddie had been together for three years and from the beginning, everyone thought that you were going to get married. It was clear that you had been in love with each other for a long time and it was only a matter of time that you got together.

Little did you know that Eddie had bought a ring not long after you started dating because he just knew that you were the one. He had kept the thing in his desk drawer and was grateful you didn’t like the snoop or else he would have been fucked.

Eddie was usually very clingy, but lately, though, you had noticed that he had become more distant. He had been ignoring your calls and it had gotten to the point where you hadn’t seen him in over a week, which was weird since the two of you were attached at the hip, seeing each other every single day without fail. With that, you had no choice but to believe that he was going to break up with you. What else could you believe when he hadn’t even wanted to talk to you?

Because you didn’t want to give up on what the two of you had, you decided to go over to his trailer and find out for yourself. You had to know what was going on. That wasn’t like him and it was killing you not knowing what was happening.

You burst through the door that was always unlocked and made a beeline for his room. You stood in the door way and Eddie was quick to turn around from his desk, his face lighting up when he saw you, but quickly deflated when he saw that you had been crying.

“If you’re breaking up with me just say that,” you said, trying to hold back your tears but they just kept coming.

Eddie was quick to get out of his chair and head towards you to pull you into his arms. After that, the tears kept flowing while he let you cry, letting you get it out before you told him what was wrong.

You just couldn’t stand losing him. You couldn’t let him let you go. You were going to hold on tight as long as you could. You couldn’t let the best thing that ever happened to you slip through your fingers.

“Honey, what is going on?” He pulled back to look at you, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “I’m not breaking up with you. Why would you think that?”

“Why have you been ignoring me?”

“I-” he cut himself off, trying his best to explain what had been going on without ruining the whole thing. He didn’t have anything elaborate planned, but he still wanted to do it on his own terms. But he supposed that there was no time like the present.

Eddie pulled away from you and headed over to his desk. He slowly opened the drawer where he had kept the ring and pulled out the blue velvet box before turning towards you.

You noticed that he had something hidden behind his back and that his eyes were starting to tear up. He slowly got down on one knee and you let out a gasp as you realized what he was doing and covered you mouth with your hands as you did so. Eddie then pulled the box out from behind his back and opened it, the beautiful ring practically shining.

“Y/n, I’ve known you for quite some time and I have to say that I’ve never been happier. We’ve been together for three years now and I can confidently say that they’ve been the best three years of my life.” He was now getting choked up and it made your eyes water seeing that thinking about marrying you made him so emotional.

You couldn’t believe it. He had been proposing and now you felt so awful for thinking that he was going to break up with you. It had actually been the opposite and he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

“Marry me.” He said the words through tears and you couldn’t help but nod furiously. You urged him to stand up and he put the ring on your finger before you pulled him into a lingering kiss.

“Of course I’ll marry you,” you nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck, jumping into his arms. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you pressed your lips to his again. He slowly backed up to the bed and collapsed onto it, the two of you deciding to start your engagement off sleeping together, wanting to seal it by getting tangled up in Eddie’s sheets.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader

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likeadevils · 2 years ago

Text

1989 Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on 1989 in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also included a few other songs she worked on while writing 1989 and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process

Of all the albums in Taylor's discography, I think this is the one that improves the most when you listen to it in order. All of those things Taylor was talking about in the promo for this album-- how this is an album of her coming into her own, figuring out her values, learning to stand on her own two feet-- it all clicks into place. Listening to it in order has made me cry on more than one occasion, and it's also the thing that made me start this whole crazy process of figuring out the dates she wrote each song.

If you don't want to read the whole post, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

I’ve also added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date:

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but all available evidence points to that date

Speculation: This date is based on guesswork and is highly likely to change, or, all that is known is the general season.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

Without further ado...

Oct 6, 2012: Taylor seems to have been in a studio in London (Note: I have no idea where this photo comes from and I can not find a place that specifies if this is a music studio or radio interview.)

This Love: Oct 17, 2012 (Confirmed)

October 19, 2012: Taylor mentions wanting to work with Imogen Heap, prompting Imogen to get in touch with Taylor

Time Interview: Who’d be your dream collaboration, especially now that you’re taking more musical risks? Let me think. Imogen Heap! She’s amazing. Taylor: Someone asked me in an interview "Who would you like to work with?" and I said Imogen Heap. I get an email to my management, sent like "Imogen just saw that Taylor just said an interview that she would like to work together" She said "Why don't you come out to my studio." Imogen: I got a phone call [in 2014] saying Taylor Swift was in London, she'd love to work with me and the only date she could do (between 4 sold out 02 arenas!) was the day after we got back, Sunday. It was both unexpected and not at the same time as I'd heard Taylor was a fan a while back via this Time magazine piece but somehow didn't think it would actually happen.

Fall 2012: Taylor possibly writes a song with Harry Styles and Jacknife Lee (her producer for The Last Time).

Jacknife Lee: “It was out of my field of expertise and interest, but I was intrigued and my girls were thrilled. Taylor was nice and very professional. She knew what she wanted and there was no fucking about. She was seeing Harry Styles at the time, so he came to Topanga on her recommendation. She wrote a few songs with him, and it was the same thing – quick. But this time it was more directed by the management and label. They were after something specific. I wanted more acoustic and gentle, almost Americana, and they wanted bombast. They got what they wanted, and that was the extent of my foray into teen-pop territory. It was fun.”

All You Had to Do Was Stay: Jan 10, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor is photographed outside Conway, and then tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh..." Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording All You Had To Do Was Stay. Taylor: I had a dream that my ex showed up at my door, knocked at my door, and I opened it up, and I was about ready to launch into the perfect thing to say [...], Instead, all that would come out of my mouth was that high-pitched chorus of people singing, 'Stay!'...and then you go to say something else, and it's just like 'Stay! Stay! Stay!' And I woke up, I was like 'Oh, that was mortifying. But that's kind of a cool vocal part.'

January 11, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside Conway again

How You Get The Girl: Jan 15, 2013 (Confirmed)

Taylor posts a picture of her playing a guitar in the studio, captioned "Somewhere in LA..". Later, Taylor confirmed that she was recording How You Get The Girl. Given what was going on in her personal life, she likely wrote this sometime in the fall/winter of 2012, but all we know for sure is the date she recorded it.

February 9, 2013: Tweets "Grammy rehearsals last night, studio today, who knows what tonight holds! (I do. Laying around watching TV and eating candy.)"

March 6, 2013: Taylor is photographed outside a studio in LA

March 23, 2013: Posts a picture of her playing guitar captioned "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina"

I Wish You Would: May 28, 2013 (Inferring)

Taylor is photographed out for lunch in Rhode Island with Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff on May 27, before leaving for her show in Phoenix, Arizona the next day Taylor: "Max Martin and [Karl Johan] Shellback [Schuster] were the last people I collaborated with on [2012 album] Red, and I wished we could have done more and explored more. So going into this album, I knew that I wanted to start with them again. Then I thought, “Wouldn’t it be amazing to work with Ryan Tedder?” And then I was with Jack Antonoff and Lena Dunham at the beach, and we started talking about our favorite ’80s music. All of this started happening organically, and I found myself gravitating toward pop sensibilities, pop hooks, pop production styles." Jack: "We were hanging out at her house in Rhode Island and we were talking about John Hughes movies, and a lot of the music that inspired [them], and just this general culture of sound in that time period that was really larger-than-life in an anthemic, positive way. These songs could be at the end of films that were really, really beautiful and said a lot. That actually ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would' which is going to be on her album. We first worked on that song together and realized we kind of have a good thing. Taylor: “This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so we were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes "I made this amazing track the other day. It's so cool, I love these guitar sounds." And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said "Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, like send it to me" And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called "I Wish You Would", because Jack wrote back and said "I love that".”

June 7, 2013: At the CMA fest, Taylor is asked if she's started writing for her next album yet

“It's starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward, usually. Um, so, yeah, I basically... I like to, I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because I... at this point I kind of know that whenever I write in the first year is going to get thrown away, because, I'm going to like it, but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point, at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go, creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before, and, uh, y'know, It's harder to call people you don't know, and it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels, but, that's the goal at this point."

June 20-21, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

July 15, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview to Rolling Stone

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head.” “I really loved collaborating [on Red],” she says. “You work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is.” “I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

July 18, 2013: Taylor unfollows the three backup dancers that left her tour for Katy's, meaning Bad Blood was likely written sometime between July and November 2013.

Sweeter Than Fiction: Summer 2013 (Speculation)

Taylor wrote this one over email, and then it was recorded in New York (partially in Jack's living room, partially in an actual studio)

August 25, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez hang out at the VMAs, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

August 25, 2013: Taylor gives a brief interview on the VMAs red carpet

"But I think [songwriting is] about to start to kick into full gear. I'm about to go into the studio. It's about to get really intense."

Out Of The Woods: September 14 2013 (Inferring)

On September 14, Fun cancelled their show. Taylor was likely either flying to or from Charlottesville, where she had a show for the Red Tour. Jack: "When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things [sometimes turn into a great song]" Jack: "So 'Out Of The Woods' was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is." Taylor: "This is a track that Jack Antonoff sent me, and I was actually on a plane, I got it and I got on a plane and I'm listening to it, and I'm just like listening to it and mumbling melodies cause the song came to me immediately like, in full [...] I think what I should start by playing you, is when I got the track, what I sent him like an hour later, and it is, me.. um, me singing what came to me, which ended up being the finished version of the song, or at least really close to it."

September 20, 2013: In a brief interview with USA Today, Taylor says she plans to work on her next album between the next few legs of the Red Tour

"I’ll be in the studio, figuring out what comes next. I really like to take two years to make a record, and I’ve been writing and doing stuff for the last year. This is kind of the year that it goes into overdrive, and it’s all I think about and I become obsessive over it and I’m hard to talk to"

September 22, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to New York Magazine where she talks about her plans for TS5

These days, Swift is thinking a lot about her next record. While on the Red tour, she’d been writing songs and stockpiling ideas: reams of lyrics, thousands of voice memos in her iPhone [...] she plans to spend much of 2014 writing and recording the new album, a prospect she finds exhilarating and terrifying. “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.” Swift hopes to collaborate with new songwriters and producers. But she planned to begin, she said, by heading back into the studio with Max Martin and Shellback. “I want to go in with Max and Johan first, just to figure out what the bone structure of this record is going to be. “I have a lot of things to draw from emotionally at the moment. But I have to draw from them with a different perspective than on Red. I can’t say the same things over and over, you know? I mean, I think it’s just all the more important that I don’t ever allow myself to coast. At the same time, there’s a mistake that I see artists make when they’re on their fourth or fifth record, and they think innovation is more important than solid songwriting. The most terrible letdown as a listener for me is when I’m listening to a song and I see what they were trying to do. Like, where there’s a dance break that doesn’t make any sense, there’s a rap that shouldn’t be there, there’s like a beat change that’s, like, the coolest, hippest thing this six months—but it has nothing to do with the feeling, it has nothing to do with the emotion, it has nothing to do with the lyric. I never want to put things in songs just because that might make them popular, like, on the more rhythmic stations or in dance clubs. I really don’t want a compilation of sounds. I just need them to be songs.”

September 28-October 5, 2013: Taylor and Selena Gomez are in the same city, and Taylor potentially writes Wildest Dreams.

October 12, 2013: Taylor gives an interview to the Associated Press

Swift: I think the goal for the next album is to continue to change, and never change in the same way twice [...] How do I write these figurative diary entries in ways that I’ve never written them before and to a sonic backdrop that I’ve never explored before? It’s my fifth album, which is crazy to think about, but I think what I’m noticing about it so far is it’s definitely taking a different turn than anything I’ve done before. AP: You said recently you’ve been working on songs for the new album for about six months. What can you tell us about what you have planned? Swift: It’s too early to tell who are going to be my predominant collaborators, but I do know that my absolute dream collaborators were Shellback and Max Martin on the last project. I’ve never been so challenged as a songwriter. I’ve never learned so much. I’ve never just been so excited to show up to the studio every day, just because you never know what we’re going to put together. I’ll bring in ideas and they’ll take such a different turn than where I thought they were going to go, and that level of unexpected spontaneity is something that really thrills me in the process of making music. ... What if we did this? What if we made it weirder? What if we took it darker? I love people who have endless strange and exciting ideas about where music can go."

October 14, 2013: At the NSAI, Taylor talks about reinventing herself for different albums

"I’m making my 5th record now, so I think you have to change things up, you have to explore different corners of music as much as you can. Cause I really, it’s been a big goal of mine to never make two albums that sounded the same. I really want my fans to be able to be like "Oh that song? Clearly that's from the Fearless album", "No that one, that one was from Red" and so I’m in the process of doing that thing all over again for my 5th album and it’s amazing to be in the studio and to be songwriting again, and be honored for songwriting tonight"

Blank Space: October 26, 2013 (Inferring)

It looks like she’s wearing the same outfit in this behind the scenes footage and these candids Taylor: "I was going into write with Max Martin and Shellback, who are two of the primary collaborators on 1989, and I... was preparing all these things, and I, I think Blank Space was like the third thing I played them, and they just stopped and they were like "NO, this is the first thing we're working on today." [...] I had the idea for the chorus and I had the hook, but a lot of the verse was gibberish." Taylor (On what song took her the least amount of time to write): "Blank space, cause I'd written a lot of the lines down already in the year preceding the session"

October 29, 2013: Tweets "Sitting in the studio writing the next album (!!!!) and wanted to thank you for the American Music Award nominations!"

November 1 : While promoting Keds, Taylor is asked about her next album

"What I go through is going to be the story that I tell. I think lyrically, I always try to tell my fans exactly what’s happened to me in the last two years, and that’s the thing they can expect. Everything else, they won’t be able to expect. Having been in the studio with this one, I’m just like… oh, this is going to be fun"

Bad Blood: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

The backup dancer drama seems to have kicked off in mid-July. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

New Romantics: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Unfortunately, Taylor doesn't really talk about this song. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Wildest Dreams: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Selena reportedly told a fan she was there when Taylor wrote this, and I've noted above all the times Selena could have been with Taylor in 2013 (Here's my personal ranking of how likely each date is). Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013.

Wonderland: Fall 2013 (Speculation)

Another one Taylor just doesn't talk about all that often. Given that it's produced by Max Martin and Shellback, and Taylor was in the studio with them pretty much non-stop from October-November, we can assume that it was recorded sometime in the Fall of 2013

Nov 20, 2013: Taylor posted "While in the studio, I came to the realization that my bangs are long enough to use as a sleep mask on long flights. Then I remembered I don't ever use sleep masks on flights. So really, I just need a haircut"

November 25, 2013: Taylor and Scott Borchetta have a meeting to talk about her plans for TS5 and are both asked about the next album at the AMAs

Taylor: “We got a lot already. There are probably seven or eight [songs] that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.” Scott Borchetta: "Well earlier today we got together and she played me seven new songs, and she’s just on fire. The level of desire and passion that she has just to keep getting better, she’s an artist that just really never wants to just say ‘Well okay this is good enough’. It’s always gotta be better. She’s in amazing creative place right now." By the end of November, Taylor had likely recorded This Love, All You Had To Do Was Stay, How You Get The Girl, I Wish You Would, Out Of The Woods, Blank Space, Bad Blood, New Romantics, Wildest Dreams, and Wonderland. That’s 10 songs total, 5 of which were likely recorded in the past two months, and 7 that had been made since Taylor and Jack had their conversation about 80s music in May.

Dec 21, 2013: Taylor briefly talks to Billboard about TS5

"I’m really loving collaboration right now [...] I see it as a bit of an apprenticeship. I want to be around people who love writing songs and have done it for years. Every time I’m in a studio I’m learning, like how to build a drum track, and getting a new perspective on things. It’s so thrilling to keep learning on your fifth album. As soon as [an album] comes out I’m figuring out what the next one will be. It’s gotten to the point where each one is a reinvention, which is what I like best. I like it when it sounds new and people don’t know where you’re going to go next."

Say Don't Go: Jan 1, 2014 (Confirmed)

Diane Warren: Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song […] from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience [...] She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.” Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

You Are In Love: Jan 2014 (Inferring)

This song is copyrighted for 2014. Taylor has said a few times that Clean, Shake It Off, and Style were the last songs written for the album, meaning You Are In Love was likely completed in January or early February. Given Taylor's busy schedule in late January and early February, I'd guess this was written at some point in early January. Furthermore, I'd guess it was sometime after the 9th, when she returned from looking at house in New York.

I Know Places: Jan 22, 2014 (Confirmed)

Taylor: "I sent this voice memo to Ryan Tedder because I'd always wanted to work with him, and finally we scheduled some studio time. So I always wanna be prepared, I wanted to send him the idea that I was working on before we went into the studio just in case he wrote back and said "I can't stand that, I wanna work on something else, think of something else" So I just sat down with the piano, put my phone on top of the piano and just kind of explained to him where I wanted to go with the song, how I saw the melody sitting in and we ended up recording the song the next day and it ended up being on the record called "I Know Places" So this was the voice memo that I sent to him the night before we ended up finishing the song"

Welcome To New York: Jan 23, 2014 (Confirmed)

Ryan Tedder: "I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week. I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day."

January 26 2014: Dianne Warren says that she recently wrote a song with Taylor

"I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song [...] I'm excited about the [song] that we did, it's pretty cool Dianne in 2016: “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

January 26 2014: Taylor loses Album of the Year at the Grammy's to Daft Punk. She tells a few different stories about what the rest of the night looked like for her-- in some she goes home alone, in some she has some friends over-- but in all of them, this is the night where she decides that she's gonna name the album 1989, and she's not going to let her label tell her to put any country songs on it.

Clean: Feb 9, 2014 (Confirmed)

According to Imogen Heap's blog post, Taylor had the first verse and chorus by the time they got into the studio, and then wrote the second verse and bridge during the session. Taylor's part was wrapped up in 9 hours, ending at 8pm, while Imogen stayed up until 4am because she didn't want to stop working on it. Taylor: ""Shake It Off" and "Clean" were the last two things we wrote for the record, so it shows you where I ended up mentally. “Clean” I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date— it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. [...] The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean." Imogen Heap: I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises to [“Clean”], played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals [for “Clean”] during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great.

February 15, 2014: Taylor posts "It was a studio Valentines Day with Max and Johan!"

Shake It Off: Feb 15, 2014 (Confirmed)

Lover Diaries (From Feb 22): "This week I’ve been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something UP and light. We worked at it for a few hours before I just started singing “shake it off, shake it off.” And then the best way I know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording background vocals. I think it’ll end up being the first single and Max said it’s his favorite song he’s ever been a part of." Taylor: "The problem was, I had all these lyrics, and I didnt have, like... writing session was coming up and I'm just like "I'm not getting a melody, I'm dead, I don't know what I'm gonna do." The thought terrified me, so I just sorta sulked into the studio and I was like "Guys, I have like an idea but its like, lyric, but I... and I know the vibe I want-- I want it to start off and the second the song starts, I want it to be the song where like, if it's played at a wedding, and there's this one girl who hasn't danced all night at the reception, all her friends come over to her and there like "You have to dance, come on, you have to dance on this one!". That's what I wanted. So I was like "Shellback, can you just go to the drum kit and try to play that?" Taylor: "There's one thing that I've always said to Max, is like "I don't like horns" I just always had a thing about it, I was always like weirdly scared of it, or intimidated by horns, I don't know what it was? It's a weird, like, nerdy studio fear of mine. I was like "No, no horns!" and I don't.. I don't even know, I don't have a reason for it, I love songs that have horns on them, I was just like "I don't think I can pull off horns." Strange. But, he goes over to the mellotron and he starts playing this horn sound. I'm like "What are you doing. Don't do that." and he's like, "No, I think this is cool" and I'm like "No it's not cool, and where are your chorus chords, because, that, you're just playing three chords over and over again and I can't make a chorus out of them, why don't you go to like a chorus chord that starts off the chorus, where is the one, like why don't you go--" and then there was this moment, where I thought of the whole chorus, and it's over the chords that I had just told him are not "chorus chords", which is a ridiculous thing to say."

February 18, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering Conway Studios

Style: Feb 19, 2014 (Confirmed)

Niklas Ljungfelt (guitarist): I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music. Taylor: I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.

March 2014: Taylor's interview with Glamour is published (likely conducted two months beforehand)

TS: Working on this album has been unbelievable [...] I'm already in love with it. It's so different. CL: What's the new sound? TS: On Red I did three songs with Max Martin Shellback [...] I think we'll be doing a lot more than three songs together on the next album [Laughs].

March 26, 2014: Taylor is photographed entering a music studio in New York

"Slut!": 2014 (Unknown)

Taylor: The song “Slut!” is a song we wrote for 1989 and in it, I kind of cheekily play on the discussions at that time of my life around my dating life. And that’s not the only time on 1989 that I’d done that, I’ve done that on “Blank Space” and when I came down to having to pick songs for the album, I think I though, “Okay, well, I’m going to choose ‘Blank Space’” and, unfortunately, had to make some tough decisions in terms of what to put on the tracklist. But I love this song because I think it’s really dreamy. And I always saw 1989 as a New York album, but this song, to me, was always California, and maybe that was another reason it didn’t make the cut, because sometimes, thematically, I just had these little weird rules in my head. But I’m so happy it’s finally going to be something you guys hear, because I have always been proud of it, I’ve always wanted it to come out into the world and now it is, so yay!

Suburban Legends: 2014 (Unknown)

Taylor hasn't talked about this song, and it was produced by Jack Antonoff, who she didn't schedule time in the studio with in the same way she did with Max Martin and Shellback, so there's not a lot to work with.

Is It Over Now?: 2014 (Unknown)

Similarly to Suburban Legends, Jack produced this, so there's no obvious point in time to point to. She has spoken briefly about it though. Taylor: “Is It Over Now” is a song I wanted to end the album with because I think it’s kind of a fun play on words of like, “Is the album over now?” I always saw this song as sort of a sister to “Out Of The Woods” and “I Wish You Would,” I kind of saw those songs as similar, so, unfortunately, when we were making these decisions of what to put on 1989 and what to leave behind, I had to make some tough choices, and now it doesn’t matter anymore because you guys are going to hear all the songs. I’m so happy this song is out. I really love the “let’s fast forward to three hundred takeout coffees later,” that session, I just feel like head banging to every time it comes on. Hope you agree.

May 30, 2014: Taylor writes in her diary:

So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I’d chosen for the album cover wasn’t good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. It woke me up. I couldn’t shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I’d been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut … It wasn’t good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wondering if I’d have to do an entirely new photo shoot … I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the “cover.” I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the Polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It’s a Polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull swear shirt on. You can see my red lips, but the photo cuts off my eyes. From some reason unknown to me, it’s the most intriguing photo I’ve seen. I think it’s the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not.

August 23, 2014: Taylor is photographed walking out of a studio in LA (Note: I can not find a place that specifies if this is a recording studio, dance, photography, radio, or television studio.)

Now That We Don't Talk: Summer 2014 (Speculation)

Seeing as Taylor said she didn't have time to figure out the production, I imagine this came fairly late in the process. Taylor has a habit of adding songs right up to the deadline-- with Folklore and Evermore, she added multiple songs a week before the album came out. The latest she added songs to albums while signed to Big Machine was September, though (both Forever & Always and So It Goes...), so I assume that's the absolute latest she could've added a song to 1989. Taylor: "Now That We Don’t Talk” is one of my favorite songs that was left behind, it was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process and we couldn’t get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time and figure out what we wanted this song to sound like. I think it’s the shortest song I’ve ever had, but I think it packs a punch, I think it really goes in. For the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point.

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

#txt*#timeline*#taylor swift #OH MY GOD ITS OUT ITS OUT ITS OUT I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING THIS FOR THREE YEARS AND IT'S DONE #!!!!!#as always let me know if you want further sourcing on anything/if you spot a typo or something

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disarmd · 4 months ago

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okay this is not cleanly any of the prompts from the fic ask game? but my proposal for how I'd identify your anon fic. I think a disarmd hallmark is really living in the tension between instinctive kinky impulse and metacognition/potentially unpleasant self-awareness? I think there's a line somewhere in Dwelling that's like "sex usually felt regular to do but then excruciating to talk about," and, yeah. yeah! the potential gap between what kink feels like to do and to define!!

so like, the pov character stuttering between hornily subsumed and uncomfortably lucid? zooming in to all sensation and desire and then right back out to idle observation about the room or a numb body part or somebody else's weird expression? Anyway it's the realest thing in the world and I'm obsessed w it.

if there's a question in here it's maybe about contrasting Dwelling with Monaco LN Bodyworks which both have so much kink-you're-not-talking-about and intimacy without security (huh maybe THAT'S the de-anon clue, I also said that about Shiny and New), but with background radiation shame vs nuclear meltdown levels. Do those fics feel linked to you? xoxox

[fic ask game] this is the most interesting message in the world, i've been thinking about it all morning and i almost don't want to reply right now because i just want to keep chewing on it forever. god damn!!! the way you've read me to absolute rights but also articulated everything in the most brilliant way and put words to things that are extremely accurate but i wouldn't have been able to describe myself.

living in the tension between instinctive kinky impulse and metacognition/potentially unpleasant self-awareness this is so so so so so so interesting, and you're right, that's absolutely how i write. i have read stories or blog posts or whatever by authors who really enjoy the intellectualization of kink - and in what is entirely uncharacteristic of me, because i like intellectualzing absolutely everything else, i just never have any interest in trying to apply reason or causality to things involving sex or kink. i don't know if this came through at all, but one thing i thought about when writing bodyworks was never having the story/narrative suggest that carlos "needed" to be spanked - but that's a whole other topic so i won't start rambling about it now. the point is, yes, exactly what you've said, i totally do write kink coming from the instinctive horny place contrasted with moments of uncomfortable lucidity. i feel like you've given me such a gift with this ask, because i've often wondered if there are strong themes that come through in my writing and i genuinely feel like i've learned new things from you, <3

re the section in dwelling:

The thing about doing kinky things was that they didn’t really feel that kinky at the time, usually. Like Dylan had wore all of his ex-girlfriend’s clothes once, including her panties and bra, and it hadn’t really felt like much at the time, just kind of a funny thing to do, but then way afterward, one night when he was at a party, someone said something about crossdressing and he realized that he had done that. Technically, that’s what he’d done. But it hadn’t felt like that at the time. Things usually felt normal to do and excruciating to talk about.

i love that you pointed that out because i really do think that's my actual thesis statement on kink, and as you've said it's shown up a lot of times in various things i've written. (also, i ended up rereading some, and i really do love that story. i was actually thinking last month about how much fun i had writing absolute idiots in hprf and that's what inspired the lando pov in taking care, haha, i was like, oh, i wouldn't mind playing around in the mind of an idiot again.) although i obviously talk and write about kink and sex a lot, so not something i actually find excruciating.

so i completely agree with everything you've said and will start off by saying, yes, for sure, you're absolutely correct. For me, the story i actually thought of as being like Dwelling was Green Thumb. In that -- so for Dwelling, my premise was what if the ot3 had the failiest kinky sex, like originally i had imagined them doing like full suspension bondage and being the worst you can be while not actually putting anyone's life at risk. like just endless of dylan and mitch bickering while connor is in a situation. so in my head, that was in the domestic-flavoured kink realm, like obviously dwelling was literally curtain fic (god i love tropes so much) just written insanely because that was fun for me. and i had Green Thumb in my head in the similar category of domestic-flavoured kink. humans in their homes doing fun weird stuff in fun weird ways. Perhaps a garnish of dynamic play, but you'd probably call the "active" characters tops as opposed to doms.

Whereas in Monaco LN Bodyworks, i thought of it instead as kink-flavoured kink and the dynamic aspect was the primary thing i was thinking about/orienting the fic around. my dom lando agenda, let me tell you all about it. where dwelling was about relational security, to me lando and carlos already had such a strong foundation to their friendship that bodyworks kind jumped in with that already established and was then more about carlos's journey of self-awareness/self-acceptance with a lens or commentary more on masculinity/stereotypical gender roles. so like security in self, about self. (vs. the idiot op3 being actually very capable of doing weird sex stuff, happily, but not being able to talk about where they were going to put their clothes WHEN THEY ALREADY LIVED TOGETHER).

As well, though, all the other things you've mentioned - intimacy without security (and vulnerability in general), not-talking, shame either as background radiation or full nuclear meltdown (oh my god i'm so obsessed with how you framed that, YOUR INSIGHT) are all my favourite things to play around. so i totally see what you're saying in terms of the linkages!!!

#god everything you said was so smart and perceptive that i feel stunningly incoherent and i'm not sure if any of that made sense #but i'm absolutely obsessed with everything you've said #and it's very very very cool that you've been willing to read things i've written in different fandoms #and have given me the incredible kindness of your insight and analysis #i feel so seen!!!#replies #selfsong

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seresinoldhag · 7 months ago

Text

scorch.

so, uh. a while ago, i was writing a pretty long slowburn with hangman that i loved but missed the timing and never finished. this is a major, almost finale, chapter of that story that i believe is good and i just wanted to post it somewhere, maybe someone will enjoy it. i've adapted it so it can be read without any context. some bits might instigate your imagination, even. lost pieces of the puzzle. the real thing ended up being over 10k words. you can either only read this part, or finish the whole thing on ao3. enjoy! jake seresin x f!reader. all you need to know is this is angsty, and they are not together.

It's all suffocatingly domestic, and you're trying not to think about it.

He's lying on the couch by your side while you read the dated paper of rules for the apartment complex, empty boxes of Hawaiian takeout covering the coffee table. Your hair is damp, your towel is inexplicably sitting on his shoulder now. He used your lemon-squeeze-scented soap. You made a comment about his predictable Axe deodorant. He helped you figure out the TV settings.

The words start blurring in front of your eyes when your thoughts take over, anxieties about how familiar his company has become, and how you could dangerously get used to this routine swarming your mind. It's not fair, you've already let him go. Why can't your heart live by your words?

"Who was your first movie crush?"

You lower the single page to look at the screen across from you, blessed by Natalie Portman's adorable smile in V for Vendetta.

"Obi-wan Kenobi."

Blonde, light eyes. A little shorter. So, he's not not your type. "Nerd. Why?"

"He was mouthy but still kind. I bet yours had something to do with an enticing pink wig?"

You smile again at the famous face that prompted the question, turning to him with teasing eyes just as enticing - even if you didn't know - as his teenage obsession.

He shrugs. "I'm a simple man."

"Don't I know it?"

Leaning back on the sofa, your eyes return to the page, and Jake's head remains turned to you.

He thinks back to earlier when Rooster teased you about your decision to stay and join Mitchell's program. How quickly you got in the man's face after he called out your 'work addiction'. As usual with the two of you, teasing became concern, and then a fight. "You need a break, Scorch. It's fine when I can keep an eye on you, watch your back, but-" "You do not watch my back." Jake couldn't be sure if he was shielding his eyes from the sunlight or the burning ire emanating from you. "I am as good as you, by your side. I don't need a carer." Rooster seemed less defeated and more disappointed. "You know that's not what I meant." He glanced at Jake. Too long to be accidental. "Can't live off of distractions, you gotta hold onto something real at some point."

He hopes he never forgets the first time he saw you choose not to say anything back.

Feeling needy for your attention, Jake steals the paper from your hands, reading aloud some of the strict rules for 'being a good neighbor'.

"Geez, guess I don't have to worry about your safety." He feels the chill creep up his neck when you glare in his direction. He is used to it. Your distant attitude doesn't discourage him anymore. Too late to protect his heart. "But are you…safe here? I mean, are you gonna be okay alone?"

When he turns his face again, you tilt your head to the side, as if it was weird that he'd even ask. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? Have you ever lived by yourself before? I don't mean on base or with a roommate, actually alone." Seeing your mouth open and close again, he sits up, stretching his arm on the back of the couch. "Maybe you could stay with Penny a few days of the week."

"Where is this coming from?"

"'S just we're all leaving, Mitchell can be a total fucking headcase sometimes and you have no close family so I'm worr-"

Your face falls almost instantly and he cuts himself off, sighing and bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose, predicting your next sentence.

When you speak, it's not as confident as he was expecting. "I can take care of myself."

"I know that, Scorcher." His exhausted gaze finds you strangely open. "I'm just thinkin' it'd be nice if you didn't have to watch your own back for once."

Hand to his own heart, maybe a little subconsciously.

Then you do that thing he loves - when you know you're being kind of a jerk so you start apologizing for your words before they even come out - scrunching your nose and wincing. Like you're so sorry to hurt him but it's all you know. A vicious cycle.

A confession of your crimes against his tender nature.

"Before you say somethin' dumb," He raises a finger comically. "I didn't mean anything by it."

Gaze dropping to your lap, you sigh.

"No, really, I don't want-"

"Scorcher."

He knows how much of him you don't want. It doesn't change much of anything. He's been here before - after giving all of him, noticing the other person get overwhelmed, so he starts compartmentalizing. He'll adapt and make it fit until there's absolutely no more space.

Along the way, your silences with Jake became heavily meaningful, and it's something you feared. The unspoken is now easily interpreted. You're known to each other.

Feeling highly exposed under his unrelenting gaze, squaring your shoulders, an exit pops into your head.

"Should we, uh, maybe talk about earlier? You know, with Bob." Jake tries his best not to wince, embarrassed of his little jealous fit in front of the entire squad. "Not the lowest moment of my week." He concedes. Your body stiffens next to him, but when your voice comes out, it's empathetic. "Ejections fucking suck." "I meant you. You were definitely the worst thing that happened to me this week." Forced to punch out during a standard exercise. Two lonely nights at the hospital. A stupid argument with a squad mate over his bruised ego on everyone's last day. None of this would've happened if you hadn't brutally rejected him on the beach that morning. "You nearly died and you're cracking jokes?" "What do you care?" His nose is high up, cocky smile rubbing in your face that you've lost the right to treat his accident with sincerity after failing to show up in his hospital room. "Right?" "Jake, I-" He doesn't really want to do this right now. "I'm kidding. And I was kidding with Bob too."

"Of course." Innocently resting your chin on a closed fist but mocking him. He stares back, firm - if not a little flustered. "Okay."

"It's Floyd…"

"Which means?" Mouth slightly open, daring him. "He's handsome, smart, nice…Tragically not quite you, I know, but not bad at all."

Jake tsks. "Doesn't make sense for you."

"Oh?"

Although responsive, the striking green does not have the same livelihood they once held when he looked at you. The possibility he's simply no longer interested makes you feel what you think is your heart breaking, which in turn makes you sick at yourself. You fought for this.

You analyze his every move, struggling to not choke on your own mental back and forth.

"Yeah, he's too obviously good, can't get in your own head about cracking him - what he's got hidin' underneath. So boring."

If there's any snide in his voice it's forced for the sake of humour. Your inhale is choppy.

"I wasn't…trying to crack you."

Lie. That's definitely what you were doing, rummaging through the pieces that construct him so you could see if any of it could fit you. Of course he doesn't believe you either.

An exagerated sigh, throwing his head back and watching the ceiling. "Love it when we keep saying the opposite of what we mean to each other."

You're getting sick of Jake catching up, seeing everything exactly for what it is and not walking away, so your words come out through gritted teeth.

"What do you want me to say, Seresin? I had a feeling and…I like being right."

Jake tries not to dwell too much on the meaning of that. On your unwavering and selfless faith in him, but most importantly on the extent of your stubborness. You confessed to it a couple days ago, at the beach, caring more about being so sure of the disastrous fate of you and him than the fact he was willing to be with you despite all that you had against it.

"Seems like you had a lot of feelings you didn't tell me about."

When his gaze shifts to you again, he's met with that staple unsettling look, but it's different tonight. It doesn't feel aimed at him.

After an afternoon of beers and goodbyes at Penny's bar, Rooster is the last one to drive away with a waving Natasha on his passenger seat.

"Did they work out?"

Jake asks in a hopeful manner. Maybe they could, if we couldn't.

"I'm not sure, I-" Was so caught up in us. "I didn't ask."

"Damn, you are a terrible friend."

Your eyes drag away from the distant jeep.

"If you wouldn't have done the courtesy of nearly dying, I could've focused on other people more."

"Don't make up excuses, especially when it was your fault."

"Your ejection wasn't my fault! Are you insane?"

He takes a deep breath and inches closer. "I wasn't dehydrated, I didn't pass out. I had a panic attack."

Recognizing vulnerability in his eyes, your stomach sinks further, and you know you won't be able to say the comforting words you wish you could say or ask him what happened with a straight face.

"Can't blame a panic attack on me." You're short of breath, thinking back to the heated argument you and Jake shared at the beach about everything. About being in love, and how you couldn't possibly let that happen. He seemed...off after. You could never imagine how it'd end up.

"Hm, you're right." He circles behind you to the passenger door of your car. "I'll just say you're the bane of my existence and blame you for everything, generally speaking. Does that loosen the rope around your neck?"

You can't help but miserably giggle, climbing into the driver's seat. Your head is pushed against the headrest, fingernails scratching your nose as you try to understand what to do with the warmth pooling in your chest.

"What is this? I mean, aren't you going home?"

He's rummaging around the glove compartment, purposefully making a mess. "My brother's picking me up tomorrow morning."

"I thought you had sisters."

"And a brother."

A deck of questions opens itself in your head, biting your lip to stop them. Getting to know him more would be counterproductive at this point.

"So where are you spending the night?" He raises his head suspiciously. "It's just, Pete already worked out an apartment for me and I could use some help. There's a couch I bet is comfortable enough. Unless you-"

"My stuff is at the base."

"Mine too, I still need to get the keys with Mav." Seconds go by with him looking at you, your teeth biting the inside of your cheek, trying your best to make this look like an innocent invitation. A favor. The slick sound of the seatbelt being pulled sets you in motion, driving off with a burning confusion in the pit of your stomach.

Quickly, you crumple the paper in your hands, collect the empty boxes and strut to the kitchen, quiet.

The bitter laugh that comes out of him is muffled by his hand coming up to wipe his face and rub his eyes.

"Relax, I'm happy to be your guinea pig." He regrets saying it halfway through the sentence, not knowing how to get you to stop running in the other direction. He mumbles under his breath. "You're such a dick." finished work on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61256968

#jake seresin x reader #jake seresin fanfiction #tgm fanfiction

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blackwall-my-tiny-husband · 1 month ago

Text

Thursday Bangers 5/22

Lyric game started by @woundedsoul12 and this week's Banger brought to you by @fiberpunk027

Rules: Free from a blurb or drawing based on the weekly lyrics prompt. It doesn't have to include the prompt just whatever you're inspired to write, write it! Then tag some friends so they can play as well. It doesn't have to be finished on Thursday just post it whenever you can (you have a whole week between Thursdays)

The night we met by Lord Huron- “I don't know what I'm supposed to do // Haunted by the ghost of you // Oh, take me back to the night we met”

This is another installment of the everyone lives we save davrin fic pt5? (Also I’m sorry for this in advance!) here’s the others: pt1 and pt2 and pt3 and pt4 sorry it’s grown so much

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Neve had been forced to be the one to tell Zalan and Taash to stop the wagon, jolting their little convoy to a halt. Bellara was sitting there, hands clasped in front of her chin like she was praying this was real, that the elf they’d seen between buildings was in fact Davrin. Assan only looked confused, he must not have seen what Neve had pointed out to her friend.

She hopped out of the wagon, helping Bellara out, the griffin fluttering down after them, looking around before he seemed to hone in on the same spot as the detective. Zalan and Taash both joined the pair as they headed down a little side road towards the cottage they’d seen. Bellara felt her heart racing, thankful her friends were around her, she was half afraid she might stumble and fall because she was so nervous that somehow what she’d seen was just her imagination. She couldn’t feel her legs and just moved on instinct like floating through a dream.

But as they got around a corner of a barn she could see him again, his broad frame easy to spot even at this distance and Bellara felt her heart speed up. Assan was staying close to her, he must sense how her heart was stuttering in her chest. His eyes were on her, and she was grateful he hadn’t seen their warden yet, she didn’t need him running ahead and attacking the man. Bellara’s gaze swept back to where Davrin had been chopping wood and she froze midstep, Assan bumping into her.

Davrin had put the axe down and was smiling at a woman handing over a tiny baby to him. He was smiling and bouncing the child in his arms like it was natural. The veil jumper was sure that the world was tilting, her fingers were suddenly cold and she was pretty sure her stomach and heart had both dropped out of her body and into the earth. He pulled the baby close and the woman was fishing in her bag for something and Bellara was hit with something she, in all her weeks without him, did not even consider. What if he was gone and had found a new life? They’d assumed he’d been too hurt, too broken to find his way back to them. Or that he’d lost his memory and didn’t know how to find his way back.

But what if it was something else entirely? What if he’d found a life here in this quiet little village. What if he’d found a joy that his life as a warden, that his life with the lighthouse crew, that his life with her, had never given him. And he had chosen to stay here. And not contacted anyone on purpose. What if them coming here ruined his easy peace and they were intruding on something that they should not have.

She couldn’t breathe, they shouldn’t be here. Were her hands shaking? They needed to leave, she couldn’t be here. Zalan had seen her and stopped too, hand on her shoulder, he might have been asking if she was okay but the tinkerer hadn’t heard. She looked up at him, eyes wide and full of a new fear,

“What if he’s happy here? What if he doesn’t want us to find him? Want me to find him?” She whispered in a rapid fire stream of words, reaching out to hold onto the crow’s arm. Zalan looked to where Davrin was laughing at the child and then back to Bellara, understanding dawning over his face.

“Then we go find out, if we left now and you never find out it would kill you. Destroy you slowly and you’d always wonder.” He held on to her, supporting her. “You’d be haunted by the ghost of what might have been.” He added, looking back over to where the rest of the group had also halted, pausing for the veil jumper. She knew he was right, of course he was. But the fear was worming its way into her blood.

Zalan gave her a little tug, pulling her forward, moving a hand to the small of her back to guide her towards their friends. He instructed them to wait back, eyed Assan and sighed knowing there was nothing any of them could do to keep the griffin away from Bellara, he’d been tied to her hip since he’d returned from Tearstone. And then Bellara with bile in her throat was walking with the assassin to the little yard littered with wooden creations. She might barf and forced the crow to give her his arm to hang on to like a scared child.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

To be continued! This one will probably be rather long so here’s just one snippet for Thursday bangers (right before the next Thursday bangers too, made it right on time)

#dragon age the veilguard #dragon age veilguard #bellara x davrin #bellara lutare #davrin dragon age #everybody lives au #saving davrin au #my post #my writing

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magnifythesun · 1 year ago

Note

ianthony prompt: Anthony competing for attention for an oblivious Ian vs a protective cast over their papa ian hehe

heehee this one is cute, thanks for the prompt!!

(post writing note: trying to tread these character dynamics yet keep it feeling realistic is such a fun challenge! I hope I succeeded! this ended up being way more about the aftermath of a situation like this than examples of it happening lol but i hope you enjoy anyway)

When Anthony returned to Smosh, his first goal was to speedrun as many types of new videos on Smosh Pit and Games as possible. Try Not to Laugh, 2 Truths 1 Lie, Reading Reddit Stories, on and on the list went. His schedule was packed. Yet even during the chaos, Anthony started to notice a pattern.

When it was just him and the cast without Ian during a shoot, everything felt surprisingly comfortable. The big ensemble cast ones too, like the slapping video, great vibes all around (bit of a painful cheek though). They were all meshing so well, so quickly, and Anthony was eternally grateful that they were welcoming him with open arms. There was just one thing.

When a video was just him, Ian, and a couple other cast members, he was getting the strangest feeling. Not that they didn't want him there, he was pretty sure. That was the feeling he'd been afraid he'd get when he first came back. Rather, he got the feeling that they were constantly trying to pull attention away from him. Well, not the attention of the viewers. Just Ian's attention.

Anthony knew that he and Ian could get a little wrapped up in themselves sometimes. He couldn't really help it; with their long history together, they had a lot of inside jokes and an acute sense of what joke would break the other immediately. So they would share a glance and suddenly be laughing, giggling over some stupid joke like a couple of teenagers again, and it would be as if there were no other people in the room.

And each time, promptly, one of the other people there would interrupt, saying Ian's name, asking him a sudden question or pointing out something else so that Ian would look over there. Sometimes they'd even physically move Ian away, subtly of course. At first Anthony hardly noticed, but then it kept happening. And then he realized that often, it was accompanied by an almost pointed look at him by whoever was doing it.

Sometimes, they would get tag-teamed. For example, during a video of a light-hearted Mario Party competition, he and Ian were starting to 'yes, and' each other into oblivion, grinning and carrying on over some joke from a ten-year-old video, when suddenly Angela was pulling Ian's arm and getting him to react to something on the screen while Chanse tapped on Anthony's shoulder to show him a trick on the controller. Before Anthony knew it, somehow Angela had swapped spots with Ian on the couch. A little off-kilter, Anthony just bantered with Chanse for the rest of the video instead. To be fair, Chanse had a very similar sense of humor to Ian, so it actually went very well. Still, Anthony just couldn't tell why stuff like this kept happening.

He felt a little confused, and from that was a vague sense of hurt. Had he done something wrong? Ian never seemed to notice, so Anthony tried to push the whole thing to the back of his mind. Surely he was just reading too much into it.

On another video, Anthony, Ian, Arasha, and Courtney were facing off in Everybody 1, 2, Switch. When they went to pick teams, Anthony reached out a hand, ready to pull Ian to his side of the room, when Courtney suddenly popped up beside him, snagging his arm and raising it to the sky in victory.

"Anthony's my partner," They said gleefully, shooting a glance at Arasha, who was herding Ian to her side of the room.

"Heck yeah, dad and son team," Ian said, a little grin on his face as they high-fived. He shot a playful glare at Courtney and Anthony. "You're going down!"

"Dickbiscuit!" Arasha chimed in, looking like the cat who ate the canary.

"Gotta give them their father-son time, Anthony!" Courtney said, rather pointedly, and Anthony got that feeling again. Like there was a plot against him, but he wasn't sure why. It left a sour feeling in his stomach, and he felt bad about it. Anthony definitely didn't mind being on a team with Courtney instead of Ian, but why did it feel like she and Arasha didn't want him to be on a team with Ian?

It was time. He was at a point in his life where he'd rather just talk about something instead of letting the poisonous thoughts rot inside him. Right after they wrapped the video, he walked over to Courtney.

"Hey, could I talk to you over there?" Anthony asked quietly, trying to make sure Ian couldn't hear.

Courtney gave him an inquisitive look. "Yeah sure!" They headed to the little hallway behind the set walls. "What's up?"

Anthony shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Well, uh. Well, first of all, I may be totally misreading this."

Even as he spoke, he could tell he probably wasn't. Courtney's eyes had sharpened with understanding, and a slightly guilty yet defiant look was coming over her face.

"I've just been noticing—" He paused, thinking how best to say it. "Well, nothing specific, I don't think, but I can't help but feel like..." He took a quick breath and just got it over with. "Sometimes in these smaller videos with Ian, it feels like you guys don't really want Ian to talk to me?" He glanced at Courtney, stomach sinking as he continued, the worst fear coming to his tongue. "Or maybe you guys don't want me there?"

Courtney didn't look defiant at all anymore, now more gut-punched in a way that made Anthony feel terrible. Could he really have been misreading it all so badly?

"Or, maybe not!" He put his hands out placatingly. "I'm so sorry, I think I was maybe reading too much into things?"

"Oh god, well, no, um," Courtney stammered. "Look, I'm sorry too. You haven't been misreading."

Anthony's stomach dropped. They didn't want him here?

Courtney must have seen his expression and she reached out to grab his arm reassuringly. "Oh my god, not about not wanting you here. We're all really happy you're back, Anthony. This has been amazing."

The emotional whiplash was really starting to get to him. "Oh. Well, that's good!" He smiled weakly.

"We've just been," She paused thoughtfully, "A little protective over Ian, I think. There's an element of, you know, what if you decide this isn't for you after all, and leave again." She looked down, and continued quietly. "I think it'd wreck him, honestly."

Anthony's heart seized and he took in a shaky breath. "I can promise you," He said firmly. "That won't happen. He put a hand on their arm too, squeezing lightly to try and emphasize how serious he was. "This is what I want to be doing, full-stop. And running this whole thing with Ian means more to me than, than anything in the world."

Courtney smiled at him, a shaky, slightly teary thing. "I think, deep-down, despite our fears, we could see that. It's obvious every time you look at him."

Anthony dropped his arm and dipped his head, a little embarrassed. "Well, I can't help but be excited about it, you know?"

Courtney laughed, "I'm sure. There is one other aspect to the whole thing you've been sensing though."

Anthony looked back up apprehensively.

"With you around, he doesn't do the bits he's built up with everyone else as much!" She laughed again, clearly more at herself this time. "It's silly, but we're all a bit jealous!"

"Oh. Oh!" Anthony didn't really know what to say. He raised his hands up guiltily and said, "Whoops."

Courtney covered her mouth to try to laugh more quietly. They were still only separated by the wall of the set from the crew, and presumably, Ian.

Anthony started laughing too, rather relieved about the whole thing. He'd been so worried that there was some really big grievance the whole cast been hiding, an anvil dangling, ready to drop on his head. "It's just like you said, right?" Anthony said as he caught his breath. "Gotta give them their father-son time!"

"Exactly!" Courtney beamed at him.

Anthony smiled, but he felt compelled to continue. "Look, I just want to reiterate. About the leaving thing."

"Yeah?" Courtney said.

"I just," There was a dragging pain in his chest like the words were being pulled out of him. "I love him, you know?"

He'd said it before to Ian, that he loved him, best friend to best friend. But there was something about saying it now, to Courtney, secretly behind this set wall like this. It was haunting almost, like a specter sneaking up behind him to tilt his world permanently on its axis. He wasn't unfamiliar with the feeling. It was often associated with something he needed to work out in therapy.

He shook it off, took a breath. "I never want to hurt him like that again. He means so much to me. I won't let us fall apart like that again."

Courtney tilted her head slightly, narrowed eyes studying his. His breath felt caught in his chest. A moment, then, "Woah." Her expression brightened, suddenly mischievous.

Anthony blinked at her. "What?"

They grinned, "No, no, nothing, haha!" They had that funny wild look in their eyes that usually only came out for the cameras.

"What?" Anthony asked again, a slightly unnerved smile taking over his face.

Courtney shook her head. "No, um, you know? I think this changes things! Sorry about everyone, haha, we're just— well, you know, he's our guy, our 'Smosh single dad,' 'the dad who stepped up,' our 'single working mother,' whatever! We were all just a bit protective of him, but hey look!" She threw her hands out like she was pitching a deal. "I'll pass the message along, that you're, well, uh. That you, um. That there's nothing to worry about here! Just leave some Ian for the rest of us, yeah?"

Courtney started to back away, looking like they were going to bolt and Anthony was so confused. "Sorry about that by the way? I didn't realize I was stealing him," Anthony said.

"No you, well—" Courtney stopped. "Anthony, you do know that whenever you're there, Ian's like, fixated on you, yeah?"

Anthony had not realized that and he was not quite sure why his chest felt all at once like he had just performed a long, far too strenuous yoga session. He kept looking at her as if an explanation would be forthcoming, but Courtney was just looking back at him with wide eyes.

In this moment that felt like it resided somewhere on the spectrum of Wild West duels, Ian came around the corner.

"Oh hey," He said, and then frowned at them when they both jumped. "What are you two doing behind the set?"

"Hey Ian!" Courtney said brightly, and Anthony could hear that hidden relief underneath. "Great to talk with you, Anthony! See you later!"

Ian watched them leave and then turned back to him, suspiciously.

"Are you two plotting some kind of video?" Ian raised his hand to his chin, thinking. "Like, a prank video on me I'm not supposed to know about or something?"

That would be a great idea, Anthony thought a little deliriously. "I don't know, Ian, I guess you'll have to find out."

Ian narrowed his eyes. "I'll have you know I'm great at getting revenge."

"Oh, should I beware?" Anthony teased, the tight feeling in his chest easing up.

Ian scoffed. "Beware all right. I'll get Arasha on my side and then it'll be all over for you and Courtney."

Anthony grinned and walked over to him, slinging an arm over Ian's shoulders to guide them both out from behind the set. "You know, I keep hearing about Arasha's scheme prowess. Wanna show me whatever video that comes from?"

"Oh god, it's a whole series of videos," Ian said, already pulling out his phone. "Brace yourself, it's a wild ride."

#ianthony #asks #my fanfic #aaaa i really like how this one turned out!! i hope y'all like it too!#thank you for the ask!!#i have a grand total of five more in the backlog right now #thank you all so much for sending them! <3

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piracytheorist · 7 months ago

Text

So I came across this post which does make some interesting points about how the vocabulary we use to describe things in fandom has been influenced by the impact of capitalism, and how we also tend to treat things in fandom like they're products in a market and we are consumers.

But I also looked at the post linked in that post, and I read through the thing and I'm like. God. Thank fuck I read something like this now and not ten years ago when I made my very first effort to write and publish a fic.

I don't want to tag the person who wrote that, because I might very well be misunderstanding their point, but what I get from their words is "You shouldn't write exclusively for validation and if you find joy in what you're writing you won't be discouraged by people not engaging with your fics". Which, look. I get what they're saying. Spitting out fics like a machine just for the purpose of getting kudos and comments without you actually enjoying the whole process and art of writing is an effect of capitalism. It's overconsumption and degrading your art just for the sake of getting clicks.

But here are two important things: WHO gets to judge when a fic is written as a mass-produced word vomit for the sake of engagement? And are you wording that critique in a way that won't make brand new writers feel like they're falling in that category?

Like, I'm thinking about my experience when I first wanted to post fanfic. To be frank, in retrospect the very first fic I wrote and published was... very bad. Hilariously bad to the point that after a few years I wanted to forget I ever wrote it 😂 Now I am good with it, because it was my first effort and it's okay that it was bad. I got better.

But back then, it got one single review. And it was a negative one. One that practically went like "He wouldn't fucking say that" and to be honest? Yeah, he wouldn't fucking say that. But the review felt so disheartening to me. I tried sticking to my guns, I left the fic up for a while, then seeing that it didn't get any attention, with that single negative review on it, i deleted it. I didn't write a single thing for an entire year after that, and when I did, I felt inadequate. I started with small writing prompts and writing exercises, and my tag for those was "[url at the time] wants to be a writer". I wasn't acknowledging those efforts as genuine writing. I was only thinking of them as my "trial period" until I would be accepted in the fandom as a "good enough writer". It took me two more years to actually post a fic on fanfiction.net and on ao3 and feel like "Yeah. I'm actually doing something".

Which, you know, that all was par of the course. I don't feel like I was cast aside or mistreated by the fandom or anything (at least not in that regard...). It just happened that my very first stupid fic got a negative review. And I don't agree with leaving negative reviews on fics but it was just one comment and they weren't even rude so like, yeah, don't do that, but it wasn't the end of the world.

But if I had seen that stance back then? The whole "If you're getting discouraged by lack of engagement then you're writing for the wrong reasons"? Pals I would have completely given up. Because hey. I wrote a thing, it got a negative review, I deleted the thing and didn't write again for an entire year. I was discouraged by lack of positive attention, therefore I was doing it for attention's sake, therefore I did it for the wrong reasons, therefore I shouldn't write again.

Like, again, I get their point. My problem is with the way it's worded, and that it doesn't take into account that we cannot judge people based on that. If we asked Erika Mitchell if she wrote Master of the Universe for the sake of attention she'd be like "Oh no that's my baby!" and I'd be like "Of course it is, it transformed into Fifty Shades of Grey and made you a millionaire" but look me in the eye and tell me we can judge strangers like that. WHAT sets the line between "fic I love and poured my soul into writing it" and "fic I wrote without care just because I want to see those numbers going up", and WHO gets to set that line?

I mean, we could set a line with "Don't use LLMs like chatgpt to write fanfic" but I was once called ableist for saying that so

My issue is that this stance can make newbie writers who are just now posting their first fic feel like they're part of the problem. I think it's very important to point out that most writers want our things to be seen and loved; if we didn't care about that, we would just be writing them and never posting them, because posting your writing can be very vulnerable. That vulnerability can range from "getting hate from fandom bullies" to "getting doxxed and your coworkers seeing your explicit omegaverse fanfic" (which call me dramatic all you like; but there are careers where people can be fired and never find a job again if they're doxxed as having written a certain type of fanfics. I know certain people offline would make sure I never found a job in my career if they discovered my whump account). So yeah, it's a vulnerable choice that we willingly make because we want to share. Posting is about sharing. Why the FUCK would we post stuff, why would we risk all that vulnerability, if we didn't care about people seeing our creations, and if we didn't care about people telling us they loved them? I have written stuff I don't care about sharing, because I love them as they are and honestly can't bother getting into fixing all their mistakes and formatting them into presentable fanfics. That's what you do when you "write for yourself".

So yeah I don't think we get to judge when someone writes only for the sake of attention, and while I understand where that stance is coming from, it needs to be worded in a way that won't make new writers feel like THEY are the problem because the lack of attention on their fic is getting to them. Like, yeah, write for yourself, share for the world - if you want. It's practically impossible to ask of people to not care about the attention their creations will or won't get.

To be honest this whole conversation also included thoughts about interacting with fics through comments, which I also feel comes in a weird wording because I also used to be someone who thought my comments weren't enough. I wanted to comment but being new in fandom and a non-native English speaker I felt that whatever I said wouldn't be enough. Which is why now I'm saying "leave a keysmash, leave an emoji, leave a comment in a different language I can use a translator", because if that reaches even one person who is like I used to be, then that will be a net positive. My point is not to pressure people to comment, this honestly sounds ridiculous to me, if someone doesn't want to comment they just won't. The alternative of a keysmash or an emoji gives the opportunity for people who don't have the words/energy/time/spoons for a long-ass comment to still show their appreciation.

But then there's the "You can't demand people leave comments on your fics if they don't want to". Cool. I'm not. If they don't want to leave a comment they have the option not to and are not obligated to feel bad for it. BUT THAT IS DIFFERENT THAN SAYING PEOPLE WHO GET DISCOURAGED BY LACK OF ATTENTION ARE WRITING FOR THE WRONG REASON.

Because in the instance specifically mentioned in that post, people did love the fic. They did make conversations about it and they were positively inspired by it. There was attention for the fic. And it's honestly absurd to even imply that the author was selfish because that attention their creation got was hidden from them, or because they got upset that people didn't realize that feedback was important to the author. If we are talking about a community, there's no fucking death of the author here. If we want fanfics to be a part of a community, we can give back to the author, and that's not a fucking capitalist view I'm sorry to say. "Give and take" is a basic human instinct. If we're gonna talk with political wording, "from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs" is communism. People give what they can, and receive what they need. The problem is when they create without a need and demand more than others can give. That's capitalism.

Once again (too many times), I get what the original post is critiquing. But we can do that without going to the other extreme, no?

#fandom #fanfiction

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