#there might be triggering things in here idek

[jimblejamblewritings]

Pet Soldier | 1

Summary: Bucky's past catches up to him, unlocking painful memories of his time as the winter soldier. The only thing that could make it worse was having to be on a team with a captured HYDRA soldier he wants to see dead. But her healing power is simply too invaluable to let go.

THIS IS A DARK FIC!

Warnings for the Series: 18+ only. Heavy Angst (eventual hurt comfort). Violence. Mentions and depictions of Non-Con and Dub-Con. Psychological Trauma. Not Canon Compliant. Manipulation. Hydra.

Important Warnings for this Part: Non-Con.

Pairing: eventual Stucky x reader, Stucky x hydra!reader

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: the title is pending. I had a strong desire to write for Marvel and specifically Bucky again. Idek dude. But enjoy!

A/N 2: I don't really know if anything about reader's race will be brought up but I like to always note that at the beginning because black readers deserve stories too so if hair or culture does start to get brought up, it doesn't just come out of nowhere.

Series Masterlist

Despite all the fronts he put up, deep down Bucky is grateful. Grateful that Steve doesn’t ever give up on him, that Sam took a leap of faith to help save him, that Tony had a change of heart, that the UN agreed to work with SHIELD instead of forcing SHIELD under them, and for a host of other things that would take him too long to name. He is grateful for his freedom back, a chance at normalcy. 

Of course, it isn’t without conditions. He has to be an Avenger. He had to go through deprogramming in Wakanda to at least eliminate his triggers — the Winter Soldier still makes spontaneous appearances albeit less deadly and usually from nightmares. And he has to help them with cases on HYDRA to the best of his abilities. Bucky considers those conditions to be easy. At least until the morning the team find themselves on the quinjet and heading back to Siberia. 

Zemo’s Sokovian cover story had been almost airtight but he slipped up eventually. He knew too much about HYDRA operations. It became hard for anyone to believe he acquired all the knowledge through research alone. Not that it mattered, whether he was HYDRA or not he had to be found. Only, now Bucky was added to the team in charge of finding their man just in case he was a part of that damned organization. 

“You good?” A voice shakes Bucky from his thoughts. 

Sam sits down next to him, having finally been released from pilot duty while Clint takes over. The man next to him nods stiffly. It had been a long time since Bucky was in Siberia. The last of his Winter Soldier years had found him at the base in D.C. while he was used to take out SHIELD. He had occasionally flown back to Siberia every now and then. It was technically his home while at HYDRA. But still, it had been months. 

“The last time I was here… They said they were bringing something to D.C. for me.” 

“You’re worried it’s still at this facility?” 

“I’m worried whatever it is might kill us or what use Zemo might have made of it.” 

The entire quinjet falls silent at his confession. It had already been decided that with the information he gave them about other winter soldiers, Bucky would be leading the mission. He knows the base, tries to prepare them all.

But steeling their nerves to fight unstable super soldiers is one thing. Trying to anticipate all the random death traps in a hopefully relatively abandoned facility — including something specifically for Bucky — is another thing entirely. 

With precision, the team seamlessly moves through the base. Steve is the first to pause when he sees it. The chambers holding the other winter soldiers are full like Bucky said. But each and every one of them simply stays in place despite the open doors of their cryo units. They watch the Avengers’ every movement. Only their eyes ever move. On the back wall of the room sits Zemo in a safe bunker. 

“If it’s any consolation, they will die quickly after this. A single bullet each. Self-inflicted. They’ve already been commanded to do so,” Zemo mutters. 

“Why are you doing this?” Steve’s questioning is firm. 

Part of him wants to know, the other part is just buying time for the others to assess how to get Zemo out of the containment unit. SHIELD wants the man alive. The Avengers feel obligated to try and deliver. 

“Because I never cared for the enhanced. Reckless, unstable, none of them righteous. No one should have ever continued after Captain Rogers. I thought the lot of them were corrupt. Although, I have found one who I may have a different opinion of yet. Soldiers, attack.”  

Despite the fact that he was no longer triggered by the words, a darkness flashed over Bucky as he watched the chamber closest to Zemo finally open. It had been the first thing he noticed when they originally entered the room. How the chamber door was closed despite all the other ones being open. He braced himself for whatever beast was going to come through. 

The team hadn’t seen Barnes in a rampage like this since his deprogramming. Even a nightmare fueled Winter Soldier was not as bad as what they witnessed right now. He didn’t hold back any punches, only using his metal arm. Despite the plethora of weapons on his body, Bucky didn’t use a single one. It was like he wanted the soldier underneath him to feel every ounce of anger in his fight. Like he wanted her to suffer. 

Bucky didn’t register the shouts of his name. The only sound to reach his ears was the sick crunch of your nose under his fist. It took Steve, Tony, and Thor to pull him off of you. Bucky only relented after realizing all the other winter soldiers were dead. You were the only one that could be convinced to surrender and there was a use to you being alive. They could finally have another source on HYDRA besides just him.

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There were no bars around your cell. That was the first thing you noticed about your new prison. Avengers Tower, you were sure one of the people said as they threw you into this so called interrogation room. You had immediately noted that there were no bars anywhere around your cell. Simply glass that you suspected was a two-way mirror around the whole perimeter of the room. 

On the other side of the glass, Bucky just glared at your seated form. They were interrogating Zemo in the other room and he didn’t care one bit. You were here. Reluctantly, Bucky pulled himself away from watching your figure when Everett Ross called his name.

The last thing he wanted to do was sit through a meeting where he had to explain that he was fully in control of his actions as James Barnes and not the winter soldier in Siberia. Unfortunately, Bucky didn’t get his way. He was given all of one minute to settle himself before they started demanding answers. 

“Y/N L/N. She’s not a winter soldier,” Bucky stated numbly. 

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose. “Barnes, are you telling me that you as you and not that freaky soldier thing harmed a civilian? 

“She was my primary handler.” 

Everyone’s mouths dropped open in shock. The only thing Bucky could muster was a dry laugh. 

“You picked the right one to save. She was there for all of it. Almost every torturous minute I spent in their clutches was thanks to her. If anyone knows anything about all of HYDRA’s sick plans then it would be her. Karpov’s right hand. Pierce’s left. The worst handler I’ve ever had.” 

“Was she there since you were taken?” 

For once, Natasha was hesitant to ask about his past. Bucky had gotten used to the jokes. He actually sort of liked them. It made him feel like a normal member of the team. But from the way he almost killed you earlier and this sudden confession, it left Nat concerned for her friend. 

Bucky shook his head. “Around the seventies, I think. Maybe a bit earlier or later. I don’t quite remember but she wasn’t there in the beginning.” 

“She looks a bit young then.” 

“She insisted on going into cryo every time I was put back under.” 

Ross’ eyes nearly bulged out his head. “I’m sorry, she willingly went into cryo? Barnes, if you don’t want to be here anymore then you don’t have to. But L/N might be the most valuable prisoner we’ve gotten from these missions. We can’t let you kill her yet and we can’t risk her escape without us at least having a chance to get her back. She’s staying at the tower for now. Just until her and Zemo are of no use anymore.” 

“As long as I’m not one of her guard dogs.” 

“Never,” Steve answered without hesitation. 

As if it pained him, Bucky stood from the table and walked back to the residents’ area of the tower. He’d watch your interrogation another day. But right now, he needed a lot of space. He didn’t want to even hear about what you discussed, telling the team such when he only asked about Zemo. It was a boundary they tried to respect. Unfortunately, the line had to be crossed a few weeks later. Fury stood in front of the Avengers trying to enjoy their breakfast.

“She refuses to talk. Zemo is willing to provide the location of HYDRA documents stored at the Siberian base and we have agents going there now. But he will only let them know if Bucky agrees to view the evidence with everyone else. It’s a fairly obvious ploy to ruin your recovery process but, for once, we don’t have the upper hand. He knows that and he knows he doesn’t have to be subtle.” 

“Fine,” Bucky said with a sharp voice.  

“I have to say, he already gave us one very important document as a sign of trust so to speak.” 

“And?” Steve asked. 

“The room she stayed in was a nice one for the higher ups. Dr. Myers believes it would be best to either gain her trust or make her think she has the upper hand.” 

Everyone noticed how Bucky tensed up at the mention of his therapist’s name. You couldn’t give him anything sacred to just himself. You had to take everything from him. Dr. Myers had been the best therapist he’s gotten so far. The first to truly help Bucky find coping methods that were healthy but also effective for him. He tried to take deep, slow breaths. 

“What does that entail?” 

“That she be allowed in the residence area. I’ve already agreed.” 

“Nick!” the entire team screamed at once. 

“We need whatever information she can give. We’re talking a potential end to HYDRA. I’ll put her far away from Barnes if needed. Almost everything can be restricted from her at first. She’ll have an ankle monitor or whatever tracking device you want on her. Hell, you can even give her a schedule so she never crosses Bucky’s path. But we need this inform—” 

“I want her room between Sam and ours.” Bucky looked over at his boyfriend, watching for a change in Steve’s face. “If that’s okay with you?” 

“Forget what I want. Are you okay to have her that close, Buck?” 

He nodded. “I’d feel better if I’m aware of her at every moment if she’s going to be up here.” 

“Thank you, Barnes,” Nick said with a nod. “Seriously.” 

“Just get what you need from her and then get her as far from my home as possible.” 

“It won’t be a few simple days.” 

“I’ve spent decades with that monster. As long as this takes less than that, I don’t care. Get what you need and then I want her to pay for what she’s done to me.” 

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You stared down as Tony fitted an ankle monitor on you. Everyone decided that now was the best time to let you move into the resident area. They’d be reviewing the Zemo documents retrieved by intel while you had a chance to get used to your new space. While the team understood it needed to be done, they weren’t happy about the changes to their space.

Anything dangerous had locks that could only be opened through fingerprints or FRIDAY’s voice commands so you couldn’t have access. They now had to wait for the elevator’s facial recognition to light up all the buttons for them because you only had access to about four floors in total at the moment. And cameras were everywhere that you were allowed to be. Small inconveniences for the information they were about to uncover but annoyances nonetheless. 

You listened intently as Tony explained the new rules to you. He expected a sneer or rude response but you still said nothing. You simply left your cell and finally tested the elevator. The first button you pressed took you straight to the living room. The place was nice. Although, with a billionaire footing the bill, you expected such. The kitchen was nice and big. Better than any of your previous apartments at HYDRA.

You’d enjoy cooking there, already making plans for a nice dinner. You didn’t even care that you could only open about half the drawers. You were basically told that you could get food whenever you wanted, sleep for as long or as little as you wanted, and take all the hot showers in the world. The least amount of work you’ve ever had to do in your life and the only caveats were strangers for roommates and eventually having to drip feed information. A trade you could reason with for now.  

In one of the meeting rooms downstairs, the Avengers and important players in SHIELD passed out cups of coffee while FRIDAY sorted through the videos they recovered thanks to Zemo. The AI was attempting to put them in chronological order and focus on just you and Bucky’s moments. They expected it to be a long day and a meeting that might have to take place over several. 

Zemo, handcuffed to the table, thanked Sharon for the cup of tea. Her face of disgust didn’t deter him one bit. Not when he was about to revel in the potential destruction of the winter soldier. He had seen every soldier’s tapes. He knew all of their handlers, their weaknesses, their documented missions. And Zemo knew that your interactions were some of the worst in his opinion. HYDRA had a talent for cruelty, he’d give them that. 

Steve looked over at his boyfriend, grabbing Bucky’s metal hand after he clenched and unclenched it for the fifth time in a row. Everyone knew that the nightmares were only a fragment of his memory and for the most part he had blocked everything else out. It wasn’t exactly as comforting as Bucky thought to get those bits of him back. 

“Whenever you’re ready, Buck.” 

“Just play the damn tapes. You’ll probably need subtitles. There was always a lot of Russian, French, and German.” 

“I will provide whatever subtitles may be needed, Sergeant,” FRIDAY responded before starting the first bit of footage: 

Bucky was pushed back into the mind wiping machine. You sat in a very nice chair, just off to the side so the scientists could do their work. It was frightening how unmoved you were by his screams. You simply continued to read out loud, asking every now and then if Bucky knew who he was. 

“Bucky Barnes,” he gritted out. 

Your eyes casted downward as you flipped the page. You began reading again while the machine went for a fifth time. Sweat clung to Bucky’s skin as the machine slowly quieted down. You grabbed the bookmark from your lap and tucked it into the book, closing it before looking the man across from you in the eye. 

“Who are you?” 

“Sergeant Barnes.” 

Karpov’s hand appeared on your shoulder. “That’s good enough for now. You may take him.”  

Various bits of cctv footage popped up on the screen, showing you leading Bucky through all the hallways of the facility. He stiffly walked behind you. You walked with determination to the garage. Without a second thought, you slipped into the passenger seat of a car that looked like it came from the 40s. Bucky closed your door before getting into the driver’s seat. It wasn’t a long drive. And the cctv never stopped, not even when they reached your apartment. 

“When you comply, you can stay with me, Sergeant.” You unlocked the door to a very nice apartment. “This is much nicer than your cell, isn’t it?” 

Wanda swallowed uncomfortably as you took off the soldier’s boots and directed him to the dining room. “Was she always this nice?” 

Bucky’s jaw clenched. “It was the game she liked to play. If I complied then she was kind. Even a simple mistake would earn her other side.” 

“For once, I’ll make dinner,” you told him. “But you know I hate cooking, Sergeant. You’re lucky the day has been hard on you. Otherwise, we’d both be eating sandwiches.” 

Dinner was a quiet affair. Without needing to be told, Bucky did the dishes while you enjoyed your evening in front of the television. It was a practiced routine, something expected of him. 

✭✭

You scowled as you leaned against the guard rails of your apartment balcony. It was a different apartment than the last videos, on a lower floor but with a bigger porch. The heavy rain soaked through the dress you wore. 

“It’s getting rusty.” 

Bucky looked down at his metal arm.

“If I have to replace it, you will get another punishment.” 

Bucky ran a finger over the plates and you just sighed. 

“Let’s go inside and I’ll work on you instead of Karpov.” 

That seemed to wake the soldier up. Like the guard dog he was trained to be, he opened the door for you and waited patiently for you to come inside. You weren’t the one to work on him despite your promise. The moment you reached the HYDRA base, Bucky was taken by guards and beaten before being returned to his cryo chamber. You continued past his cell until you reached Karpov’s office. 

“May I have a few days off?” 

Karpov chuckled. “The Asset is giving you trouble? I heard you put him back in cryo.” 

“I’m tired from all the healing. I cannot wield my powers effectively with constant use. If he is truly hurt and I am weak then I cannot heal him. He can’t keep coming to me for every cut or scrape without some time off.” 

“You’re right. We’ll grant you use of the chamber. You get a week. He is needed in Budapest in ten days.” 

You nodded before returning to Bucky’s cell. A second cryo chamber sat next to his. The scientists gave you all the necessary pills and prep work needed before guiding you into the cryo chamber. 

Fury sat up straighter. “She’s a mutant?” 

“Best healer in HYDRA. I think that’s why she was assigned to me. If the serum took two days to patch me up, she could get it done in ten hours. I was more effective because of her, had more work and missions that I could go on.” 

✭✭

Karpov stood in front of a board room, other HYDRA officials waiting eagerly for him to start. 

“L/N is perfect for the Asset in all forms. He is more efficient. The rampages have severely diminished. He’s scared when he can’t see her or doesn’t know of her whereabouts. The constant waiting for the worst case scenario only to be brought to her with a book in hand resets his mind better than a mind wipe and a week in cryo. I believe under L/N’s hold, he will only need to be on ice as a matter of life extension.” 

Smiles spread amongst the crowd. 

✭✭

Bucky was allowed a hot shower. Although, with the vastness of the shower rooms, an occasional chill still swiped at his skin. But still, the shower was hot and he had the room to himself. His eyes fluttered open at the sound of heels clicking against the tile. 

“If I want to admire you, soldier, I can,” you said as you leaned against one of the shower dividers. 

The cctv cut back to the one focused intently on Bucky’s shower. He said nothing, going back to washing the shampoo out of his hair. He looked down when two hands wrapped around him, tracing up and down his abs. 

“You’ve been holding out on me, Sarge.” 

Your right hand drifted lower and lower with a gentle touch. Bucky stiffened up slightly when you wrapped your hand around his cock. He paid you no mind, continuing to stare at the shower wall. You began moving your hand up and down his length, face and body mostly concealed by his broad shoulders and back. Little grunts came from Bucky as you pumped him faster.

“Maybe they should send you on more of these hard missions so I can come see you. I didn’t know you were so well endowed. I shall make myself more acquainted with this endowment tonight. I think I’ll enjoy it.”    

Bucky stood up abruptly, needing fresh air. Zemo be damned, he couldn’t relive it. Not memories like those. No one tried to stop him or Steve who followed him out. 

“Are you alright?” Steve tentatively asked his boyfriend. 

A soft grunt escaped his lips when Bucky didn’t say anything but merely crashed into his arms and silently begged for a hug. He and Steve stayed out in the hall until the first meeting ended. Pity wasn’t something Bucky handled well. Yet, every single person gave him a pitiful glance as they exited. Even Zemo couldn’t help but give him a look as he was escorted back to his cell. 

You sat on the kitchen counter, legs crossed and sipping someone’s premade smoothie that you weren’t sure what the flavor was. But you were hungry and the potato soup you were making needed time on the stove to cook some more.

It was demeaning that you only had access to baby knives and your potatoes took way longer to cut than necessary but you were going to get that soup you wanted. In the meantime, the smoothie that read property of Bucky on the side of the cup would satisfy you. 

The elevator dinged, alerting you of a new presence. One by one, the Avengers filed out, staring at the ankle monitor dangling on your ankle as you bobbed one leg up and down before meeting your eyes with a glare. All Natasha could see was red when you brought the straw back to your lips. They all could see the writing on the side of it. Yet, you still obnoxiously slurped up the drink that you’re sure had some raspberry in it. 

Before she could be stopped, Natasha’s hand struck you clear across the face. The little bit of smoothie left hit the floor before you could grab it.  

“Stay the fuck away from Barnes. Don’t you ever touch him again.” 

You stopped focusing on her to stare at the one person you knew in the tower. Bucky’s glare was worse than whatever Nat or the rest of the team could muster up. The timer ringing shook you from your impromptu staring contest. Without a second thought, you pushed past Nat to fix the bowl of potato soup you were craving. The Avengers watched you prepare your food without a care in the world. Your back wasn’t even tense. It’s like they didn’t exist. You set the bowl on the kitchen island. 

“If you’re going to hit me, please do it when I don’t have food in my hand. Those little baby knives add a lot of minutes to my prep time and I wouldn’t appreciate the effort being wasted. Otherwise, I will continue to steal what you’ve made like that smoothie.”  

You nodded when Natasha actually did take you up on the offer, grimacing a bit as you felt some blood trickle down your face. Your nose wasn’t broken despite the sound it made when Bucky had hit it, but it was still fairly bruised and a single slap had it hurting again. Carefully, you wiped away the blood with the back of your hand before grabbing your soup. 

“Sergeant Barnes, you have a new arm. The other one suited you better,” you said after lots of consideration. “They said I was on your floor. Lead the way.” 

Steve pushed the other man behind him, getting dangerously close to your face as he did. “He isn’t your guard dog. You don’t make demands of him. I will be escorting you.” 

“Carry on then.” 

The rest of the team watched as you followed Steve. It was almost like you were unaware that you were a prisoner. You followed behind him in the same manner that they watched you lead Bucky through the halls of the HYDRA facility.  

✭

part 2

✿✿✿

Hey guys! I am starting the journey of becoming a traditionally published author. It would mean the world that if you like my fics (or even just this one), please consider following me on my new social medias for support! 

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[because of the nature of this being a dark fic and the fact that I haven't written for this fandom in so long, I won't automatically put my usual taglist. Let me know if you would like to be tagged in the future]

[thurio-edau]

hey everyone! this is my birthday and i'm so happy to celebrate it. yep, june 12th. it was an average day but im still happy that my friends celebrated!

ok blake (half) face reveal

THIS PICTURE IS MONTHS OLD ISTG AND I LOOK 12 Y.O BUT I SWEAR IM 16 😭 BUT ITS THE ONLY ACTUAL PIC I HAVE OF MYSELF CUZ I NEVER TAKE PICS OF MYSELF OK AND I LOOK LIKE A FUCKBOY (idek if i look like a boy) BC I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE PICS SO MY FRIENDS SAID 'TAKE IT FROM THE MIRROR' AND I WORE A MASK CUZ IM SO FUCKING INSECURE

IM CLOSING THE REBLOGS FOR THIS CAUSE I MIGHT DELETE THE PIC IN THE FUTURE--

anyway.

the reason why this day is so important goes beyond just this. trigger warning for the things ahead, it's okay if you don't read it, i'm just really glad i could celebrate my birthday with such positivity! it's just that there are huge reasons why i'm really glad to be celebrating my birthday.

alright, serious story here.

the reason why it's so special is because i planned it three months ago. i planned my birthday. to end it all today. to end it before even reaching adulthood, i decided i couldn't go on and i was going to take my last breath. i couldn't take it. it was so heavy, it was a burden to live. and i decided my birthday would be such a fun day to end it all. before i graduate, before i become an age with irreversible responsibilities, before i have a chance to grow up. before i can have a life.

but i met life changing people. both on here and other platforms. it's like i have multiple found families :)

and with my friends on another place, we planned my future. yes, i will have a future. if i believe everyone deserves a chance to live, a chance to turn all this around, then that should apply to me too and i should also deserve a second chance. to LIVE. not SURVIVE. i have survived all my life and im so fucking tired of it. i only need to survive for two more years, then i can actually live. i haven't lived in my life. had a fucked up childhood, in a fucked up environment, in a fucked up country under fucked up conditions. and i have to change this if i want to live.

in two years i will immigrate. i will have a safe place, in a safe country, around safe people, and a safe university. i will have a safe family, a found family. i will have a safe future. i will see therapy for ptsd, bpd, sh and i will try to recover from ed. i will transition. i will be alive. i will come back to life as the actual person i am.

i just have to keep on for two more years. then i will take the international english exam to be able to immigrate and hopefully fly to my found family. my biological family will reject me, i know. but my found family won't. thank you so much for being here in my journey. i want to make it through and survive for two more years just so i can live. i have survived for sixteen years. i can survive for two more.

i have that strength.

i am strong.

i deserve to live.

i am worth going on.

i don't deserve to end it all.

no one deserves that. and i can survive.

i have that strength.

so thank you everyone <3 for helping me realize a lot of things. just by existing, just by leaving a single comment, just by sending a single message, you guys helped me save my life. you guys saved my life. and thanks to you, i am alive today. my three months of planning went to 'waste', but now i will have two years to plan a future. a life. a life worth living.

thank you <3

-ya boy, Blake.

[call-me-chips]

Long vent warning 🙃

So if you came here for my typical carefree content, don't feel forced to read this at all :)

Ik I won't care if you do or don't, but I just need to get this to someone

I see a lot of people talking about having no friends and having bad friends, and both are really bad and I'm not trying to put down anyone's experiences, but I feel like there's a different kind of hurt when your friends just don't like you. Like, they're good people, but they just don't like you.

Like, I have this one friend (J) where, he's the closest thing I have to a best friend (aka, we see each other once a week and seem to enjoy each other's company), but I really don't think J likes me

He always has an excuse for not hanging out. Always. My sibling and I wanted to go to a comic con and invited J and his girlfriend, K. He mentioned a few weeks before that he might not be able to go because he might have to babysit a child or something. Closer to the con, J said that he, infact, wouldn't have to watch the child, which we were happy about, but then immediately he said that he "wasn't allowed" to go to this con. The reason he gave was "My dad thinks comic cons are cults." Even though J's been to several cons, one of which was in the US (We're Canadian).

And just yesterday a group I was going to had a Halloween night, and J promised he would go. We all made plans to be there, but the night of, I texted him and asked him if he was coming, to which he responded with "I'm not allowed", even though he's at the age where that shouldn't matter at all

I asked him why, and he never got back.

Everything I want to do, everything we try to plan, he's got a reason to not go.

He says he likes me and likes hanging out with me, but I don't believe it. Every excuse he uses is bullshit.

And it really sucks because I truly thought he'd be a friend that sticks around. Every friend I've ever had has left the moment I got too close.

And it's not like I can easily make friends, as I've never gone to school and I'm not in college

My parents keep scolding me about how I have no friends and that "God designed people to need other people" and that I "can't live life alone", but I don't know how the fuck they just expect me to summon new ones.

I've exhausted all groups I'm in of potential friends. And it's not like I don't try to make friends. I've been rejected dozens of times

But I know I'm just about ready to stop reaching out to J. I'll just stop asking if he wants to do anything and see if he initiates anything. When he doesn't, at least I'll know for sure that he doesn't really like me xD

Slightly different topic, but I really feel like I can't ever open up to anyone (which is why I rant to strangers on the internet). Literally everyone I've opened up to has either left me or betrayed me with it

I shared my struggles with a licensed therapist, and she made me feel like my feelings were nothing. She told me it was a phase and refused to hear any more

I shared one of my phobias in a trusted friend group chat, and one of the dudes (W) sent me a gif of it, have me the worst panic attack I've ever had, and then W called me sensitive when I complained about what he did (I was crying non stop for 30 mins, couldn't calm down completely for the next couple days, and got triggered my a simple household item that has NEVER triggered me before. I mean like, I saw this simple thing, froze in place, started hyperventilating, and nearly had another panic attack)

And there are a few other examples, but the worst one is when I opened up to my best friend at the time (N). I opened up, shared my story, cried in front of her. She left me the following week. N suddenly started talking to her other friend more and I could barely get a moment alone with her anymore. We barely talk now

I'm just tired of people. Tired of trying. Idek what I'm supposed to do at this point. I only rant to strangers cuz it's a lot less painful if someone online unfollows you than if a friend leaves you

Anyway I think that's enough for right now, I got pretty carried away 😅

If you read all this, here's a cookie :3 🍪

[shinpiuserval]

ummm i wanna talk about one piece

ok so i found this template thingy and i wanna talk about it and go (somewhat) in depth about why i chose them [also plz no spoilers im still on wano] [also spoilers for people who aren’t caught up to wano]

my first favorite character was usopp; mostly because he was funny asf and he was my fav for a while before i watched one piece. but honestly if I ranked the straw hats he’d probably be last☹️ and that’s not to say he’s a bad character i think he’s okay it’s just that i haven’t really seen much of his character in the recent arcs. and ik that he did the whole thing with sugar but it’s just.. idk not that impressive☹️ it was accidental and that was cool but it just didn’t really wow me like a lot of other character. it might be because ive been reading the manga since fishman island but im not sure. he’s doing a lot of cool stuff in wano though so he might move up soon who knows!

my favorite straw hat currently is brook and i personally think that he is SO underrated. i love his backstory and just about everything about him. from his whole musical aspect to his relationship with kaboom and the fact that he’s a skeleton GAAAH it’s just all so cool. i love his dub voice actor too. i could go on and on about him but ill stop here

my favorite character of all time is probably perona and i really don’t have any particular reason i just think she’s really pretty and funny. i actually have a figure of her and I LVOE it hold on

isn’t she just darling!!! i like her and mihawk’s relationship, and just her in general. idk she’s just super cute

my favorite female character is bonney and honestly i don’t have an explanation for that either🌝 she’s pink and she’s pretty i like her! her backstory is super sad and i love it! im super excited to see her in egghead and i have a figure of her too

she’s so pretty!!!

my favorite backstory is brook’s but honestly id change it to kyros’s becuase it’s so cute☹️ well not cute but i really like it! not to say i dont like brook’s either; i love it so much it’s probably the only one that made me (somewhat) tear up.

i love this page with a burning passion it makes me slam my fish against my pillow and scream in fondness!! i love rebecca and kyros with my whole heart they’re adorable

my favorite ship is zosopp despite usopp being my least favorite strawhat😓 idek what started this but i love it

i love this panel

my least favorite ship is nami and sanji and MY GOD i cannot explain just how much i hate it. it just feels like a wendy and dipper situation plus it’s just not that really thought out in my opinion. the nami jokes themself got old SO QUICK. some of them were funny but it got insufferable after skypiea also im going to go into a rant about sanji himself🌚 OH MY GOD I CANNOT STAND THIS FUCKER. i know it’s all a gag but oda has seriously screwed him over so badly it’s hard to even find him enjoyable in any type of situation!! like i really love it when he’s interacting with children but aside from that i can’t stand him. whole cake was amazing and did an amazing job at showing his character but just for him to go back to being weird like 2 seconds after crying over his crew members made me SO ANGRY. i really do like whole cake mostly because of everything it’s about but it still irritates me to no end how much sanji is messed up!! don’t even get me STARTED on thriller bark or fishman island either OMFG I WANNTED TO PUT A GUN TO MY HEAD AND PULL THE TRIGGER IM SO SERIOUS I WANTED TO

my least favorite characters are moria and that fat guy from the skypiea arc i don’t care to look his name up. literally the only reason i don’t like him is the scene where he swallowed all the shadows and got really fat like it’s so scary and disgusting when he started making those gurgling and morbidly obese dog sounds it grossed me out SO BAD. and i don’t like the fat guy from skypiea because he’s really scary

an underrated character is smoker and honestly i would change it to pagaya, conis, or wyper because they’re all super duper ultra mega uber cool. i love skypiea

my favorite fruit is probably law’s or iva’s . law’s mostly because i love the backstory behind it (i love corazon) and i love all the abilities that it has; he made punk hazard super funny. and i like iva’s because i want them to to be real and change me😈 also it might just be because i love impel down

my favorite marine is smoker and i truly do not have an explanation to this whatsoever i just really like him. i have a figure of him too🌚

he’s a bit ugly but it’s okay❤️ i also really like his interactions with tashigi + him on punk hazard

my favorite antags are kaku and buggy!! i don’t have a lot of explanation for kaku other than he’s hilarious and i really like his face. i WILL get a figure of him soon trust🙏 and buggy’s been my favorite way before ive started watching one piece he’s hilarious and i love his design he is quite literally the love of my life if he was real i would do anything to hunt him down and keep him for my entertainment

my favorite fight was zoro and usopp vs jabra and kaku and it’s mostly because i find it tew funny and i find giraffe kaku adorable he is the light of my life

this is one of the best things that has ever graced my eyes also i just found zoro using usopp as a sword very funny. i also think that jabra and his whole character is super funny. i love to laugh can you tell

my favorite island is long ring long land and PLEASE PLEASE JUST HEARR ME OUT

my favorite arc is skypiea and it is honestly so underrated☹️ a close second is dressrosa!!! i can’t even begin to explain how much i love it. from wyper to eneru to god’s army, GAAAAAH I LOVE IT SO MUCH ITS SO OVERHATED FOR NO REASON!!! also im pretty sure its the first time we learn about haki if im not mistaken. i love kalgara and noland’s relationship i love everything about this arc its so perfect and i would rewatch it 10000000000 times anyone who skipped the skypiea arc bad things will happen

and lastly an overheated character in enel/eneru☹️ yes ik he’s annoying but he’s SO COOL his voice, devil fruit, and just personality overall are what made me fall in love with his character!! idk if he’s overhated but i think he is idk if it’s not him id change it to foxy he’s hilarious

ok im finally don’t thank you if you read all of this j love you bye

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas

before i start i just wanna say that i think ur doing something rly amazing with how u help ppl

ur so cool and i defo look up to u sm!!!!!

so

idk where to start again lmao

im the same anon who asked about the shitty friends and prom

but now theres more sadly :(

so mum and dad had the next door neighbours round and normally id love that dads friend (who for the purpose of this well call d) is rly great and happy and just generally a golden retriever type guy which is cool

and d's gf (who well call s) is also great and loves to talk to me about the horses and shit (cuz i have 2 but they own an andalusian stud farm which is so cool!!!!) and s helps me when idk what to do and shit (im 15) cuz even tho ive had z (my homebred one) since i was like 6 months im still by NO means an expert so having s and d rly help

i added the context cuz i rly look up to them and i wanted to show how much

they mean a lot to me

so they came round fri night and we had lasagne (my favourite) and it was rly cool

but

somehow we got onto the subject of trans ppl. idek how but here we r ig 🤷🏻‍♂️. so ik that mum is vaugly transphobic (she talks about it a lot) but i always thought it was just like she doesnt like us. but it turns out that both mum dad s and d all HATE trans ppl. like a lot. so i was just sat there. the ONLY person defending trans rights and stuff and d and dad were talking about sum else idk so it was just mum and s. but they kept on going on and on about it. like no matter what i said theyd still hate us. so i recorded it. lots of it. atleast a good 7 mins straight of them talking shit. so eventually i got up and had a mini little panic attack in the bathroom (love that for me) but it was ATLEAST 2 hrs of this atp. but mums best friends r all lgbtq+ supportive. theyd be horrified at all this and all she said. and i have recordings. on the one hand i want nothing more than to ruin everything for her (i already had reduced amounts if empathy but now i feel nothing at all for them which is a shame ig) but on the other hand i just wanna forget it... kinda (shes still my mum)

obvs im not coming out as gender fluid like ever but im pretty sure atp she knows im bi lmao (my best friends mum who crochets is already making me a pride flag LMAO)

but this leads me on to my other thing

i said i already had reduced empathy but now i feel nothing. or as close to nothing as i can get w them being my parents. but its weird cuz i can still feel like care i used to have. i just cant... get to it

u know what i mean?

but i can feel myself slipping into having no care for anything at all (im already depressed so numbness is quite normal but this feels... different?)

idk what to do

also i have LOADS of issues in my head and i told mum about them and she just basically said its cuz of my ADHD (im not even diagnosed shes just CONVINCED i have it) cuz she thinks that ADHD is already a chemical imbalance so this isnt too far off. but surely even if it wad from ADHD id still go to like therapy and shit cuz i still feel it no matter where its coming from?

but yh

that happened ig

oh and after i ended up talking to some friends and having a panic attack but my friends rly helped and said theyre always there for me but after i said i was going to bed (it was like half 11 pm atp but we have diff time zones (im british lots of them r american)) i ended up staring at the wall for 4 hrs dissociating and then had a panic attack (rly bad this time) cuz what do u mean i literally lost 4 hrs?

but yh

that happened ig

doesnt rly matter lmao

anywhore feel free to ignore this if its triggering or u dont wanna answer it ❤❤❤

Hi!

It definitely matters, and that sounds so upsetting. I wouldn't send the recording out, but I mean...idk it might be petty, but maybe the next time your mum and her friends are all around together, bring up trans rights. See how it goes? Only if you're prepared to hear her say mean shit, but it could be interesting to see if her friends can talk sense into her.

I'm so sorry though, that's devastating and I'm so glad you have friends to support you. Naming you three hearts anon!

[gncrevan]

i kind of completely missed my one year on (low dose) T anniversary, so here's a little list of what has + and hasn't - happened (some tmi but nothing crazy):

+ body hair, mainly arms and legs. i've always had a lot but it's longer, thicker, darker

- still waiting on that stomach hair. where's the happy trail i ordered

+ the second thing i noticed was bottom growth. took me a while but we're getting along now

- no voice change of any kind i am going to cry (pray for me that it happens on the higher dose, and soon)

+ sweat smells worse but

- i don't seem to sweat significantly more, which is a blessing bc i already have hyperhydrosis

+ some acne, especially some really mean cysts during summer. i never had a lot of pimples during puberty so this sucks, but i seem to have it under control now (neutrogena clear&defend moisturizer my beloved). what's interesting to me is that i used to exclusively get pimples on my t-zone and now it's mainly on my cheeks & temples

- luckily even at its worst, it's not been nearly as bad as i've seen on other people; the last thing i need is more inflammation in my body tbh (touch wood)

+ hair that has grown on my face: my lashes got longer, my eyebrows are coming back, the blond hair on my cheeks is longer, some single mustache hairs that are nothing to write home about

- honestly i don't want a full mustache or beard anyway, and i would have to hide it bc nobody in my house can know i'm trans, so it's better this way

+ i seem to have grown two centimeters, which feels odd to think about at age 31, but kinda fun

- i have not built any muscle; not that i can exercise, but i was still hoping to pick up some. rather i've lost strength due to illness

- my face shape hasn't changed, i was really hoping for some squaring of my jaw as that's one of my main dysphoria (and dysmorphia) triggers

- to everyone's surprise, i haven't suddenly started to love my body 🤡

i'm not super happy about the pace we're moving at, so i doubled my dose and already feel a bit better. i'm still really glad i started T, but it's hard not to compare my transition to others and see all the things that haven't happened and might never happen for me. i also really struggle with the reality that i might never get top surgery, and even if i could, i first have to take care of the partial colectomy and idek how that's supposed to happen, i really lack help in that department. surgery hangs over me as this big, heavy thing that seems so attainable for others and so impossible for me, given the body i inhabit. you can imagine it doesn't make our relationship better that i get to blame it for not only having grown wrong, but also keeping me from rectifying that mistake.

anyway—

i wish transition was very much exclusively this joyful thing that makes me feel complete, but i don't think that option was ever open for me. transitioning from an abomination into a person isn't as straightforward as switching between genders.

[ideas-4-stories]

I am still thinking about the buggy Anastasia au (also, I am not much of a writer, if this falls into the style of dming or a gay fiction podcast, that’s what I got in me, and tonight I’m a lil stoney baloney, that’s what else I got in me, so this will be a wall of text) and like, I had the intention of Buggy being out because I like trans fem Buggy and also mostly because the drama of the hunt for Dark King Silvers Rayleigh and King of the Pirates Gol D Roger daughter. They know she’s probably dead but they can’t prove it and they can hold onto that hope.

Shanks threw himself into the hunts for Buggy and can’t bring himself to believe she’s gone, he’s still doing his drunk pirate thing but, he’d do anything to find her, his crew would follow him anywhere to find her.

And Blue, starts to remember, as she gets brought along by Mihawk and Crocodile. She sees Shanks, just barely, and it triggers the beginning of her memories coming back, and sailing has been instinctive, since Buggy forgot and Blue began, so she’s becoming more of an active participant in her own kidnapping by the day. She’s commandeered a jacket from Mihawk, not his style at all but he’s been holding onto it nonetheless (it’s Shanks’, he hasn’t shared how or why he’s got it, or that it’s Shanks’ beside a somewhat bewildered comment to Crocodile, who honestly does not want to know about Shanks and Mihawks break up and thus did not ask) but Blue wears it because it’s comfortable and the sea is cold at night and it feels safe (and smells familiar, she can’t place how but it smells like the wind and the sun and Benn’s tobacco smoke and that smells like freedom and home to her, even now)

And, Blue didn’t believe it, that she might be Buggy, Blue was no one but a carnie and scared and alone and Buggy seems loud and flashy, but at a certain point, when she’s remembered more than anyone told her (Roger taught her and Shanks shanties, he started with Binks sake and Blue, Blues just always known the words, but, she’s humming along one night and it occurs to her, her dad taught her that, she knows it like breathing, that he smiled and sang and her other dad chuckled at him and loved it. She smiled and Crocodile asked what had her so happy and she tells him, and it’s just one of the several occasions he and Mihawk and a late night Blue-less meeting about) and she runs into someone else who calls her Buggy, that it must be true, and she’s still scared of it, but she stops trying to run from it all, because running home is far less scary. (Maybe the gang do run into Garp, he’s big and scary and a marine but he’s got a heart, and Garp the Hero’s known her since she was up to his knees, Ray’s and Rogers’ half feral brat who’s shy and anxious and has always been too clever for everyone’s good and he should arrest her, she’s a young and powerful pirate who’s only going to get stronger, but she’s Buggy and he wants to see her get home. Maybe it’a Shirohige or one of his crew, and pirate rivalry be damned they’ve missed her too. They get like 100% confirmation Blue is Buggy though. They haven’t gotten it from Shanks because Mihawk doesn’t wanna talk to him. Shanks is chasing them.)

Imma be honest idek for the timeline, maybe when Buggy and Shanks are like 18-19? Main ships Rayleigh/Roger/Rouge, she’s here and she also wants Buggy back, she just hasn’t come up, also I kinda lost the plot of the crossguild aspect but like

Anastasia!Buggy AU isn't something I needed, along with some other AUs that people have. For the timeline maybe if Roger is still alive, Buggy got lost around sixteen because that's probably the age she was when Roger was murdered, that's also something if Roger is dead, that would be a time that she could go missing.

Anyway, I love this so much! To me, Shanks and Buggy siblings in a way, so Buggy commandeered a jacket from Mihawk which was Shanks to begin with, is quite funny how Blue feels like she's safe in it. Because it reminds her someone safe and stuff.

There are so many ideas that can happen with this AU, like new characters that Blue met that can join in the Cross Guild, and maybe her circus has all her crewmates. They are just now fully a performing circus crew, that ain't pirates... unless they sometimes play as pirates

If you do more of these, I love to hear them!!!

[cazador-rp]

it has been a long time since I last role-played (literally years) and I used to do it on Twitter. My question is how does it work on Tumblr? Is the rp in the dms or public via this question box or what?

Thank you if you answer

🦇❤️

Hi! 💞 as far as I've seen most roleplay here on Tumblr happen in public via ask box, you send/get sent any type of roleplay prompt or start of conversation (there are blogs who post rp memes and starters for people to reblog so that others can choose a prompt to send from the list, but it's not always required to wait for a prompt list, you can also send/get prompts and starters without having reblogged a post beforehand) and after the answer to that ask the roleplay moves forward through reblogs

Example: you send me an ask saying "Hi" and I answer to that ask with "Hello", at that point if you want to continue the rp you reblog my answer with your own continuation like "How are you", after which I reblog yours with my own continuation and so on and so forth for as long as we want

If a thread happens to get too long after a while (something that might happen, I once had an rp thread go on for months on another rp blog of mine, it was a monster of a thread) you can also make a new post starting with a "Continuation from" or something along those lines (personally I love to use, "Previously on [Name blog/Title rp thread]" but everyone uses what they prefer) with a link to the previous thread so that it starts anew and it's not too long anymore, and of course you can do that as many times as it's needed

As for roleplaying in private in the dms, to me personally it happened only once. The other blog wanted to try out some triggering themes but didn't want to write those things where everyone else could read them so we ended up roleplaying in my dms

I honestly have no idea if it's a common thing or not, but as someone who grew up roleplaying on F*ceb*ok where most rps happened in private chats (some did happen on public posts but no one wanted to risk posting things that might get reported/banned, especially with the group I used to be in where we would often indulge in dark themes, heavy angst, explicit torture and sometimes even NSFW roleplay between our characters) it's not that weird to me so usually it depends on what my roleplay partner prefers

It's very rare for me to feel embarassed or anxious about roleplaying something so I'm always ok with public rp (and yes, even public NSFW rp, though usually I put those kind of things under the read more thing)

Other than that I guess it can change from person to person, maybe some have a preference for private rp and others for public rp, I've seen some who only accept asks from mutuals and keep anon off, but usually each blog has their own rules posted for those things so it's easy to know

I've also noticed two different ways to divide between muse and mun, some people use the "/" when talking as the mun (ex, *Character does/says something* /Omg this was so fun to write XD <- second part is the mun and not the character, usually put a couple of empty lines under the rp) while others use tags (ex, *Character does/says something* *down in the tags #omfg I can't believe he did that #this was so fun to write tho #your answer was so good #idek wtf is going on anymore* and each reblog adds new tags of their own to talk outside the rp as a sort of conversation), personally I've used both depending on what my rp partner prefers (I adapt quite easily) so use whatever you feel is right for you

Now, I'm not a Tumblr rp etiquette professional so there might be things I don't know/forgot to mention/got wrong, but also it's pretty easy to learn once you get into the right circle, I remember the first time I started roleplaying (both here on Tumblr and before on the Book app) I was basically going in blind and just imitating what everyone around me was doing while barely understanding why they were doing certain things until I started learning by observing and got bolder with my own roleplay so don't worry if you don't understand/know everything right away and give yourself some wiggle room to learn and make mistakes here and there

I hope that was useful, and thanks for asking! I'm happy to be of even a little bit help 🤗💞

[m1nguz]

intro !?

HALLO im stephen !!!!!! im 17 yrs old and i make art n shiet

he him + any neos............

WARNINGS FOR MY ART! : bright colors / blood (sometimes) i will post trigger warnings for my art though when the time comes

DNI : nsfw + proship !!!!! fuck outta here !!!!! or rude people, just Get outta here

extra : i might ramble on here, but i mainly post my art. im happy to reply to ANYONE if they have any questions abt my art or something idek i MIGHT do requests/draw things that people ask me to draw but not commissiosn !!!! alos i havevery awful humor LMAOOO erm i might say some odd shit but i rpomise im only doing it for the funnies

oh yeah if i do something you don't like, please tell me 🙏 you guys are Awesome and i don't wanna make u guys uncomfortable 🙏🙏🙏

interests : im mainly into history and anything half life related, but my interests change very rapidly. so if my pfp is different, or im drawing things other than that, that's porbably why. also ya i do tend to mispell a bit, pls ignore it LOL i really DON'T wanna be made fun of for the way i type. i promise i know how to spell, im hustr lazy

also yeah my style is very Southern so erm ya

im sorta new to tumblr i guess, so pls bear w me bro... 🙏

anyway ya bye Explodes

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

You dislike Sophie? Any particular reason?

This is all my opinion, I'm not even concrete in it ngl, there's just lil things that irk me about her character. I also haven't read the books in a fatty minute, so maybe I'm just delulu. its also 2am so hehe

Similar to how I feel about Keefe, it really comes down to execution of her character for me. I don't have as in depth thoughts on her as I do about Keefe's character, but anyway-

I really really loved her in books 1-5. <- I just think this was the golden age for the books in general but I digress. She was very moral, sweet, and logical. She rushed into danger and questioned things, which landed her in hot crap sometimes. But there was always a REAL motive behind her desire to not listen to the authority figures. She was really relatable in the way she wasn't totally over-powered, still trying to find her footing in this new world etc

But then, at some point, I'm not really sure WHEN it happened, Shannon decided that every single one of her female characters needed to be a girl-boss. No exceptions. And this was when I noticed the shift in Sophie's character. She lost her distinction a bit imo. you could easily interchange any of her 'Girl power'-esque lines with any other girl in the series and I wouldn't blink. That's how little her 'confident character development' sticks out to me. Because it comes off as FORCED.

here's the thing. Sophie already was a girl boss character. It was obvious. From book 1, she was brave and selfless and moral and strong... I love her for that.

The issue is that the narrative became aware of it too. And started TELLING us instead of letting her actions speak for themselves.

This telling was greatly reinforced by characters like Ro who always has to comment on being bad ass. And like- Linh losing some of her original softness for the sake of being 'powerful' and I AM ALL FOR empowering stories and characters- but when they lose the original aspects of their personality for the sake of it?? That's not growth, it's erasure. Confidence and softness aren't mutually exclusive. And when Linh was first introduced, that was one of the shining aspects of her personality. But now, There's so little distinction between a lot of the girl characters now for this reason. They serve as a comment on society, they're vessels to embed a message into. And they lose their individualism within that. BC THE MESSAGE WAS ALREADY THERE. IT DIDN'T NEED TO BE EXPLICITLY STATED EVERY OTHER PAGE. *cough* sorry.

And sadly, Sophie's character got lost in the sauce with it for me. (And it does not help that the side cast of characters is so vast they kinda blend together as well)

What really got me though, was when she started making weird choices that felt like forced edginess. Like burning down the storehouse. She's done some crazy stuff in the past, but I was always on her side. but this time??? no.

THERE WAS VALUABLE STUFF IN THERE. That was pure shock value. Because wdym we've been scrambling for answers for the past several books, and when Sophie stumbles upon a storehouse stock full of Neverseen stuff she just... burns it to the ground?? Like wasn't Gisela's Arche-something in there?

Sophie had no issue letting Alvar go for some info in regards to Keefe, but then she get's his mom's book of plans and BURNS IT???

And I get her thought process behind it was "The Neverseen has taken everything from me, so I'm going to take something from them. I'm tired of always sitting back and just reacting and never being proactive." I GET THAT. But burning the storehouse was SO not the moment lmao. She's also traumatized and the Neverseen is very triggering for her obviously, which means she doesn't always have the clearest thoughts in regards to it. But BOI-

I might just be an asshole. Idek.

I made a previous post talking about how unfair she was to Fitz when they were dating. It's buried in my blog somewhere. But she was not a saint in that situation (neither was he.) but just like Keefe, the narrative doesn't hold her nearly as accountable as it does when it comes to basically everyone else.

I don't hate her at all, but yeah idek. I'm tired lol

[lady-lycany]

It's kinda funny to me, how people never can know, what to expect from me and my content, because of my personality changes. I mean yeah, I'm funny and joking 90% of the time. That's my main "me"... But sometimes, I'm on the morally good side, then something snaps and I lose all my progress of being good. Idek if I'm lying to myself or no (if I ever was good/bad whatever), or which part is stronger. Since I always have 2 different opinions to certain topics and agree with both at the same time to 100% lol

That's why I'm also thinking about changing my username here, even though I have this one, eversince I joined. I just don't know, if people might think it's an aesthetic & goodhearted & clean blog because of "lady"...

I love horror, I talk and behave rather masculine most of the time (even though I'm a cis woman), am to a certain level for sure into gruesome or weird things... But then again, yeah the Faoladh part of me is definitely feminine to the core‐ just in a strong and proud way... More at peace, loving to nature, thankful for the chance to live a life on this planet, respectful to all animals and the environment, protective but not violent out of fun... It's the part that makes me a better me (when it comes to protecting others that part of me can definitely get violent though, or also being mad, I mean, adrenaline is still the main trigger for transformations... Whether it's from good or bad emotions)

And yet, it's like multiple people living in my head simultaneously and depending on who holds the mic, this side is more present to others... Even though all opinions coexist 24/7

[veneralice]

ᴀʙꜱᴏʟᴜᴛᴇʟʏ-ᴅɴʀ! (ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇqᴜᴇꜱᴛ)

ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ꜱᴍᴜᴛ-ʀᴇʟᴀᴛᴇᴅ

at least until i get comfortable writing for other people again 😭 smut is one of the things i’m still awkward with because i’ve ever only written for myself and i love indulging in my tragic little romantic tales … so i still have to learn to write that stuff while a) being comfortable with it b) being able to write something enjoyable ansisndjwbje… please bear with me!!

ɴᴏɴ-ᴄᴏɴꜱᴇɴꜱᴜᴀʟ ꜱᴄᴇɴᴀʀɪᴏꜱ

i’m sorry but there’s no possible way for me to even consider this ……………….. i don’t want to put myself in a situation where i would glorify this or make it seem harmless because i genuinely believe it shouldn’t be. i condemn these kinds of scenarios in movies and other media, and i condemn them in my writing. sorry!

ɢᴇɴᴅᴇʀ-ꜱᴘᴇᴄɪꜰɪᴄ ��ɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ

this might seem like an odd one out but again, since it’s sadly become common to entertain r*pe fantasies, misogyny and alike in fanfiction, i feel like i should still mention it. this is a safe space for all genders and those outside of it, so i want to make clear that unless i’m like idek, writing horror or anything of the sort, i do not feel comfortable writing about these topics.

ᴋɪɴᴋꜱ

… I’M SORRY……. i dont feel like i will ever be able to write them 😭 not only would i feel unsure about presenting them in a healthy and safe-practising manner, i also have no clue how these kinks even FUNCTION …… maybe in the future . Perhaps .

these are my major ones, but if i ever do accept requests, you can always check in with me. particularly for content that is dark i would appreciate asking before requesting. trigger warnings will always be at the head of the fic, but i will also tag them appropiately (tag-system is here).

enjoy safely!

[deripmaver]

laurent is a good person - book 1 meta

one of the most amazing things about captive prince is how the reveals in book 3 recontextualize all of the scenes leading up to them, including about laurent himself. in book one, all we see is damen pov as he’s being abused and humiliated by this supposedly spoiled, vile ice prince. when the regent comes to damen and subtly (and not so subtly) insults laurent, calling him unfit to rule - well, why would he think anything different? laurent has insulted him, had him whipped within an inch of his life, and even attempted to (and later successfully lmfao) have him raped while drugged out of his mind. 

after book 3 we can reread most if not all of book 1 as a very traumatized boy who has finally been confronted with the man who killed his brother, leaving him alone with his abusive uncle, and who he clearly has made into a complete monster in his own mind. damen of course sees him as a complete bitch, but there’s textual/subtextual evidence that laurent is well liked, and that his behavior during book 1 was actually pretty out of character for him. i’d like to provide some examples of that now!!!!

“Laurent had stopped dead the moment he had seen Damen, his face turning white as though in reaction to a slap, or an insult. Damen’s view, half-truncated by the short chain at this neck, had been enough to see that. But Laurent’s expression had shuttered quickly.” Captive Prince, Chapter One

i couldn’t resist adding this one in hehe. laurent recognizes damen!! he’s come down, knowing his uncle has devised another truly horrendous and triggering “gift” and that he’ll lose support if he calls it our for what it truly is, only to find out that it’s fucking damianos of akielos sent to him as a sex slave. a jab at laurent’s trauma about auguste and also a jab at laurent’s frigid sexuality - which ofc is completely the regent’s fault. fuck that guy so much lmfao 

“‘It’s so rare to see you at these entertainments, Your Highness,’ said Vannes.” Captive Prince, Chapter Two.

this is right before the fight between govart and damen in the ring, of course. damen sees laurent as depraved and vile as the sexual sadism on display by the veretian court, and considers him to be a willing purveyor of it. this is wrong, of course, as said by vannes here. laurent has only shown up because he wants to humiliate damen lmfao.

“He did remember being supported by two of the guards, here, in this room, while Radel stared athis back in horror. ‘The Prince really . . . did this.’ ‘Who else?’ Damen said. Radel had stepped forward, and slapped Damen across the face; it was a hard slap, and the man wore three rings on each finger. ‘What did you do to him?’ Radel demanded.” Captive Prince, Chapter Four

this scene, to me, was the most telling lmfao. it’s right after damen is whipped. you could argue that radel is just a servant in the employ of the royal household, so is of course going to be loyal to the prince, but he seems genuinely surprised of the prince’s cruelty towards damen. not only that, but he slaps him and immediately assumes damen must have done something. which - i mean, technically he did lmao. not necessarily enough to deserve having the skin flayed from his back, but you know. if laurent was in the habit of torturing pets and slaves, why would the overseer react this way?

“The men guarding him were the Prince’s Guard, and had no affiliation with the Regent whatsoever. It surprised Damen how loyal they were to their Prince, and how diligent in his service, airing none of the grudges and complaints that he might have expected, considering Laurent’s noxious personality. Laurent’s feud with his uncle they took up wholeheartedly; there were deep schisms and rivalries between the Prince’s Guard and the Regent’s Guard, apparently.” Captive Prince, Chapter Four

laurents relationships with his guards are also some of the biggest indicators that he isn’t just a spoiled brat, but can insire a deep loyalty in his men. even if they do all want to fuck him. ah, sexual harassment. it’s also hilarious that damen immediately assumes they’re loyal to him because they want to fuck him - nice projection there, dude. we know a bit more about laurent and his guards thanks to green but for a season, but this little bit here is interesting.

“Laurent was indeed good at talking. He accepted sympathy gracefully. He put his position rationally. He stopped the flow of talk when it became dangerously critical of his uncle. He said nothing that could be taken as an open slight on the Regency. Yet no one who talked to him could have any doubt that his uncle was behaving at best misguidedly and at worst treasonously.”  Captive Prince, Chapter Five

idek what to say here. laurent my beloved <3333

“‘When someone doesn’t like you very much, it isn’t a good idea to let them know that you care about something,’ said Laurent. Damen felt himself turn ashen, as the threat sank in. ‘Would it hurt worse than a lashing for me to cut down someone you care for?’ said Laurent.” Captive Prince, Chapter Seven

this isn’t really relevant to my thesis lmfao i just love this exchange bc it gives SO MUCH information about laurent and his uncle in just three lines of dialogue. what has the regent done, who did he cut down just to hurt laurent? when and how did laurent learn that? p a i n 

“Laurent’s fussy horse began acting out again, and he leaned forward in the saddle, murmuring something as he stroked her neck in an uncharacteristically gentle gesture to quiet her.” Captive Prince, Chapter Nine. 

HORSEY NO- lmfao this scene just hurts so badly on the reread. especially later on, in book 3 i think, where laurent says something like “i provoked my uncle.” he’s really blaming himself for his uncle KILLING HIS HORSE, his horse that his murdered brother trained, one of the only living connections to auguste... all because his uncle could not let a single miniscule plan laurent had set go through without some kind of repercussion. literally all laurent did was do something to stop an innocent group of people from being abused, nothing to undermine his uncle’s rule, but because the regent is VILE he could not let laurent have even this. he’s so good with her, too. he must have known by this point and also known that there was no way to stop this. P A I N

“‘I know that you have somehow arranged this,’ said Erasmus. He was incapable of hiding what he felt, and just seemed to radiate embarrassed happiness. ‘You kept your promise. You and your master. I told you he was kind,’ Erasmus said. ‘You did,’ said Damen. He was pleased to see Erasmus happy. Whatever Erasmus believed about Laurent, Damen wasn’t going to dissuade him. ‘He’s even nicer in person. Did you know he came and talked to me?’ said Erasmus. ‘—He did?’ said Damen. It was something he couldn’t imagine. ‘He asked about . . . what happened in the gardens. Then he warned me. About last night.’ ‘He warned you,’ said Damen. ‘He said that Nicaise would make me perform before the court and it would be awful, but that if I was brave, something good might come at the end of it.’ Erasmus looked up at Damen curiously. ‘Why do you look surprised?’ ‘I don’t know. I shouldn’t be. He likes to plan things in advance,’ said Damen.” Captive Prince, Chapter 9.

this is the first in-text confirmation we have that laurent has a good heart beneath his layers and layers of trauma-induced lashing out. book one often skeeves people out because of its graphic and, honestly, yes, kind of sexualized depiction of rape, slavery, and depravity, but beneath it all you meet these two protagonists who are going to have all of their most deeply held views about each other challenged. laurent from very early on is shaken to his core when damen refuses to rape nicaise in the ring - it cracks the very foundations of the person he’d built up in his head as this horrible monster who killed his brother in cold blood. and damen keeps defying laurents expectations by being a good person through and through. on the other hand, laurent spends the first part of the book taking out years of anger on damen, but here for the first time we see him do something just because its the kind thing to do. yes, torveld is an ally against his uncle, but laurent has clearly been scheming with him for a while now, and he’s now overlooking his hatred of damen and working with him just because none of the slaves deserve whats happened to them. it’s such a sweet moment.

“One of the other men, eyeing them, approached a moment later. ‘Don’t mind Jean. He’s in a foul mood. He was the one had to stick a sword through the mare’s throat and put her down. The Prince tore strips off him for not doing it fast enough.’” Captive Prince, Chapter Nine.

HORSEY NO- pt 2. this is just another really sweet and sad detail - laurent being so upset that the horse’s death could have been more painless. it must have hurt so much to see her in pain, and to know that the only way for that pain to end was being put down as quickly as possible. i wuv him. im sad

that’s it, though there are still a few more chapters left in the book. this isn’t providing any new information, of course, the path of the three books is to show that laurent isnt the man we meet in book one, that he’s actually sweet, and earnest, and he’s been fighting his own battle practically alone against his abuser since he was fifteen years old. also, the reveal that laurent knew who damianos was from the start makes it clear imo that all of his violence in book 1 was supposed vengence, not... him being evil. he apologizes explicitly in-text, and also, all of the acts of violence he commits cause serious problems for him in terms of his future alliance which he then needs to fix. i just love how layered these books are, how there’s so much information in them that makes rereading almost more fun than reading them for the very first time!

[randomshyperson]

Sorry for your loss - “I will move on” #04

Read on AO3 || Serie Masterlist here

Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.

Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction pining, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, domestic Wanda, hurtful behaviors.

​ Tag list: @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia / @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5

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Chapter Four - I will move on

"And I guess that's about it." You say as you finish telling Agatha about your last few weeks. She smiles as she shakes her head.

"I have to say I am proud of you." She comments gesturing briefly with her hands. "Are you sure you don't want to add anything else?"

You shrug, unable to remember anything relevant that you haven't mentioned.

You told her about writing again, about trying to drive again. About helping Wanda to stay home without having panic attacks, and to go back to work. You had only managed to drive in the supermarket parking lot, but it was still progress, and Stephen was very happy to hear it about too. The only thing missing to get your life back to normal was your apartment. And you had already arranged with Wanda to visit later that week.

"I have two questions for you then." Agatha says when you confirm that you have nothing to add. "Don't you think it's time to try to reconnect with your friends?"

You hesitate, thoughtfully. 

"I don't know." You said slightly uncomfortable. "My friends weren't just mine. They were Nat's friends too. And then she died, and I isolated myself. And well, I guess they were in their own grief too, because none of them tried to look for me anymore."

"You took your time to heal." She says. "Maybe they took theirs too. And now might be the time to reconnect."

You sigh, looking away.

"Yeah, I'll think about it." You speak. You look back at Agatha a moment later. "What was the other question?"

Agatha hides a small smile.

"A sensitive topic for patients who lose their beloved lovers." She says and you frown in confusion. "Well, dear, I need to ask if you are trying to date again?"

You gasp in surprise, feeling your face heat up.

"W-what?"

Agatha lets out a giggle.

"I know this may seem insensitive at first, and that's more because of the sexist socioeconomic construct that treats widowed women as violated property that must belong to their lover for the rest of their lives than anything else but I need you to understand that it's perfectly natural to move on." She narrates and you just stand there with a shocked expression and your heart racing. "You are a single woman now, and you have sexual and emotional human needs. I'm going to help you work through any kind of guilt, because judging your progress, you seem ready to be in a relationship again."

"I...I don't..."

"Don't worry, honey." Agatha interrupts with a giggle. "I'm not telling you to go around fornicating." She jokes. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. But I don't think it's really your style at all."

You feel your face heat up, frowning at Agatha, but she continues to speak.

"Anyway, I'm saying that it will be good if you get back into romantic relationships with other people. Casual encounters, that sort of thing. You are allowed to love someone again, there's nothing wrong with that." She explains getting up toward her own desk, and then gives a mischievous little smile in your direction. "Not to mention that orgasms are great stress relievers."

You choke in surprise, but Agatha just smiles, turning to write the appointment report.

Your face is still very red when you leave her office.

//-//

"I'm going to make a gardener out of you yet, huh?" Monica joked as you finished composting, making you laugh lightly.

"Well, I had a good teacher." You joked back as you stood up.

You were at Wanda's flower shop again. It became routine for you to help Monica with the garden and the flowers. And as the days went by, you got used to being in the greenhouses while she was attending to customers and Wanda was working in the office. It took two weeks for Monica to start joking that you had become a staff member at the flower shop. You don't really mind helping out. Botany has turned out to be something surprisingly relaxing for you. The hours of Wanda's shift passed by quickly when you keep your hands busy with the plants and flowers, your anxiety long forgotten.

"Are you hungry?" Monica asks as soon as you return to the store's front desk, and she pulls out the " break" sign tucked under the counter. 

"Sure."

"Let's take a lunch break. See if Wanda wants to join us while I attend that boy." Monica says looking forward toward the window display. There is a boy clearly unsure about whether or not to enter the store and you exchange a chuckle with her before heading towards Wanda's office.

She is on the phone when she answers the door for you, and signals with her finger in her mouth for you not to say anything as she makes room for you to enter. As she mumbles in agreement on the call, you look around. She seems to be working on the organization of some big event judging by the whiteboard in the corner filled with notes, and you figure it's a party or some wedding, because you and Monica have been growing more flowers for this kind of thing lately.

"That sounds pretty good, actually." You listen to her speak as she jots down a few things in an agenda. " Don't worry, we have enough for the engagement party and the ceremony." 

The shelf on the side in front of the whiteboard catches your attention, and you walk over to the furniture next.

Wanda moves a little behind you, adding some stickers to the whiteboard. You keep looking at the bookshelf, distracted by the objects on it. There is a picture of the twins that makes you smile, some books, and other small pots of plants. You lightly caress the bonsai before looking down.

You run your fingers over the red flower on Wanda's bookshelf, trying to remember the name. Monica has taught you many things, but you don't know many as well.

"Anthurium" Wanda whispers behind you, as she turns off her cell phone and realizes that you are looking at the flower with curiosity. You murmur in understanding, turning to make comment that it is very beautiful, but your speech dies in your throat when you realize how close Wanda is. "What did you want?" She asks curiously and you are almost leaning your body against the bookshelf, trying to think clearly.

"I-I came to ask if you want to have lunch with us." You say while mentally telling yourself not to look at Wanda's lips.

Wanda murmurs in understanding, and you can barely breathe when she stands even closer, her hand outstretched to something above your head. She pulls out a small stick caught in your hair, and all you can do is stare at her with a racing heart as she bites back a smile, and tosses the stick into one of the vases on the shelf behind you.

"I'd like to join you, but I'm busy." She says and her gaze falls to your lips for a second before she turns her head away and walks off. You let out a breath, wiping your sweaty hands on your pants as Wanda walks toward the table in search of the notepad and pen she was using before hanging up her cell phone. "Can you please bring me something to eat? I'm starving. I just don't know exactly what I want..."

You smile as you see Wanda's thoughtful expression with pen and notebook in hand. You approach, putting the notebook down with your hand gently.

"Don't worry, I know what you like." You say simply, and Wanda blinks in surprise, smiling awkwardly. "I'll stop by that confectionery shop you like and also bring you a dessert, okay? You look stressed."

Wanda laughs lightly, her cheeks flushed. 

"Thanks, love."

The nickname slips so naturally from her lips that it takes a moment for both of you to realize what has just been said. Your gaze falls to Wanda's mouth the same minute that her pupils dilate. You are almost breaking the distance when Monica opens the door, not noticing the closeness of the two of you because she has her gaze on a piece of paper in her own hands.

You and Wanda immediately turn away, embarrassed.

"We have a big order, girls." She announces excitedly, raising her eyes to you. Monica frowns slightly at the guilty expressions and reddened faces. "Sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"No." You answer in unison quickly, surprising Monica again, who acquires an expression of suspicion and humor. You clear your throat and Wanda lets out a short laugh.

"We were just talking about lunch." You say. "And well, Wanda has a big order too. I guess you guys will need my help then."

Wanda turns to you again with this statement.

"What? No, I can't make you work for me..."

You interrupt with a laugh.

"Wanda, don't even start." You say. "I love staying here. And I'm happy to help, really. Don't worry about it."

"You sure make my shifts more fun." Adds Monica with a smile, making you laugh. Wanda looks at you intently.

"Are you sure?" She asks, and you smile as you nod in agreement. "We'll talk about it later. You can't work for free, and if you're going to help you need a schedule, and breaks and chores."

You laugh, nodding.

"Yes, boss." You murmur playfully and Wanda pats your arm, making you and Monica laugh. 

"Let's get our lunch now, I'm starving." Monica orders as she turns to walk out the door. You murmur in agreement, and quickly kiss Wanda on the cheek before following the other woman. Wanda has a foolish smile on her face until you return with her lunch many minutes later.

//-//

You call Carol Danvers the day before you return to your apartment.

Things go much better than you expected, but it's not surprising, because you usually expect the worst case scenario. 

Carol is very happy to hear from you, and you are happy to know that she doesn't hate you for not calling before. You talk for a few minutes, but she can't talk much on the phone because her shift is about to start. You are surprised to learn that she is working in a nightclub downtown now, unlike months ago when she worked in a rock bar in Queens. 

 She tells you that Bruce was traveling because of his internship, but that he would be in town for the weekend, and invites you to visit her at work. You hesitate because you are not sure if you are ready to go to a club, but you accept as you think of Agatha's words about reconnecting with your friends again.

You are the one who drives to your apartment the next day, after you and Wanda leave the flower shop. Your heart is racing the whole time, but Wanda rests her hand on your thigh to calm you down, and as the minutes go by, you can no longer tell whether you are nervous about the trauma or something else.

Parking in the small condo cluster, you take a deep breath. Wanda gives your thigh one last squeeze before she pulls her hand away and gets out of the car, completely oblivious to the way your entire body trembles at her touch. Shaking your head slightly to push that kind of thought away, you step out of the car.

Your hands are shaking wildly as you take your keys out of your pockets, just as you reach the second floor, after you have politely waved to the people who recognized you on the way to your apartment. 

"Hey, breathe." Wanda asks softly beside you. And you take a deep breath, and it helps. And then you turn the key, and go inside.

It is exactly the same as the last time you were here, many months ago, on the day of the accident.

Your mother cleaned it up, of course, but it is still the same. Everything is in the exact same place, even the shoes that Nat left lying in the corner of the bookshelf. And you felt your chest tighten when the flashes of memory began.

You walked around, looking at the surroundings while Wanda followed you. A few tears streamed down your face, but you said nothing.

You were in the kitchen when the first sob escaped your throat. Leaning your hands on the counter, you dropped your keys and tried to push away the memories that were clear in your head.

It was as if you could feel Nat in the room. Seeing her in the armchair, laughing at your jokes, or being a disaster in the kitchen on nights when you tried to eat something homemade. Her books mixed in with yours on the bookshelf, your wedding and graduation pictures on the mantelpiece. 

You moved away from the counter quickly, however, as Wanda looked at you intently, unsure whether to approach or not. Walking down the hallway, you stopped in front of your bedroom door. 

And you stood there. Long minutes staring at the wood. Unable to move.

Feeling arms around your waist, you sighed, your body relaxing considerably.

Wanda hugged you from behind, and waited. You were crying again, and you only stopped after a while. Taking a deep breath, and lightly stroking Wanda's hand to ask her to let go, you waited for her to let go of you to open the door.

Wanda waited for you outside. You just walked around the room, your face wet as you breathed with difficulty, your arms crossed as if you were afraid to touch anything.

When you came out, you took a deep breath once more. And then you said you needed to call your mother.

That's how you spent the rest of the day packing up your apartment together with Wanda, your mother, and Pietro and Monica, who came to help after Wanda said you needed more people.

You came back the other day too, until the only things left were larger pieces of furniture.

"Are you sure you're going to sell?" Your mother asked you in the parking lot as soon as you left there in the late afternoon. Wanda had just gone home with her brother and sister-in-law.

"That was her apartment, Mom." You say as you put the boxes in the trunk. "I could never live here without Natasha."

"It's a good property." She comments, making you chuckle lightly.

"I'm sure the next owners will love it."

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, dear. It's just a nice apartment, not the kind of thing you get every day and..."

"Are you wanting to keep it by any chance?" You interrupt, irritated at your mother's lack of sensitivity. She sighs, and you frown.

"No. But maybe someone else wants to."

It takes a moment for you to understand what she is implying.

"You know Nat didn't talk to her family."

Your mother looks away.

"Actually..." She begins and you close the trunk with a confused expression, "I've been seeing Melina since January."

You blink in surprise, and then let out a dry laugh.

"I am speechless." You say in shock. "You...are you serious? Wow, I...wow."

You lean back against the car, impressed and annoyed. Your mother sighs guiltily, stepping in front of you again.

"Look, I know I should have had something, but you were so..."

"Sad? Yeah mom, my wife died, I had a right to be."

"That's not what I meant."

You sighed, rolling your eyes.

"Yeah, I know." You grumble. "But it sucks that you kept it from me. What the hell does Melina want anyway?"

Your mother looks away for a moment.

"She wanted to see you actually." She says and you let out a wry laugh. "I know how ridiculous it sounds, but her daughter died and you were the only remaining connection to Natasha."

You push your fingers against your forehead lightly, thinking you are starting to get a migraine from this conversation. 

"You know what, Mom?" You say. "Since you two have become such good friends lately, tell her that her chance to connect with me was lost the moment she didn't attend the funeral." 

Your mother sighs, but you are already turning to get into the car. She follows you a moment later, sitting in the passenger seat.

You drive in silence back home.

//-//

Over the weekend, you almost canceled your plans with Carol.

Your mother was giving you the silent treatment for the way you refused to talk about Natasha and Melina, and you were very irritated by the whole situation.

Grumbling about how ridiculous it all was, you agreed to have coffee with the two women the following week, and your mother's mood changed considerably, the complete opposite of what happened to you.

But you forced yourself to smile, and got up from the couch to get ready.

Around seven-thirty at night, you arrived at the place, which was already very busy, neon lights peeking through the windows along with the loud music. 

"My goodness, look at you!" Greeted Carol cheerfully as soon as you met her at the counter. She turned around to hug you tight, and you felt your chest swell with happiness. You had missed your friend so much.

"You got a haircut" You comment in the same excitement, smiling at her. "I missed you, Danvers."

She smiles, mumbling that she missed you too. She asked you to sit on one of the stools at the front of the bar, and you did so while she went back behind the counter.

You updated each other a bit as she served some customers, and a while later, Bruce arrived.

"Banner I can't believe you are wearing a suit in a nightclub." Carol teased as she greeted her friend, making you chuckle slightly as Bruce explained that he didn't have time to look more casual.

"It's good to see you." He said to you as he hugged you, you repeated the words, then sat at the bar.

A few drinks and laughs later, Carol's shift ended, and she sat at a table with you two.

Between telling your friends about your progress in therapy, and hearing how Carol had left her previous job after punching a slacker client in the face, and learning that Bruce was working as an aspiring scientist, and lecturing around the country, the three of you had enough beers for the direction of the conversation to make your cheeks flush.

"I swear to you, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!" Carol told you, making you and Bruce laugh at her excitement. 

"Now you're going to say that the next second you saw the next most beautiful woman in the world?" You teased wryly, and Carol laughed as she told you to shut up. "Are you even dating this Gamora girl?"

Carol hid a smirk, taking a sip of her beer.

"Actually." She began. "We're living together."

You widened your eyes in surprise, and then laughed.

"My god, Carol Danvers in love!" You teased making her laugh as she flashed you her middle finger. "No, but seriously, that's amazing! I'm happy for you, Carol."

"Yes, yes." She says smiling, "But what about you? I know you and Nat were like, madly in love or whatever cheesy stuff you put in your books, but it's been months. It would be nice if you met someone new."

The topic is quite sensitive, and the mood at the table changes because of it. But you are far more embarrassed than upset, and you lower your gaze to your bottle before answering.

" Oh, well, i..." You begin half-heartedly. Your stomach does a flip-flop, because you are thinking of a person. "There is someone, I think. But I don't know if we're both ready to take that on yet."

Carol makes an agreeing noise with her mouth, and then has an insinuating little smile on her face.

"Do you still remember how to be with a girl, champ?" your friend teases, and you nudge her shoulder shyly as she and Bruce laugh.

"Aren't those things like riding a bike?" The other man asked timidly, getting a wry look from Carol.

"You know, Bruce, your innocence is admirable." Carol teases making you laugh. 

"Don't be mean." You say poking her lightly in the ribs, but Bruce doesn't really care. It's been that way since college when he told you guys he was asexual. The whole thing was funny because Carol has always been very, very sexual. And they have been teasing each other about it for years.

"Ah but I won't be, I promise." She assures. "Actually, I'm much more interested in hearing about your new girlfriend."

You laugh shyly, drinking some of your beer.

"I don't have a girlfriend."

Carol laughed, her gaze running around the room before returning to you. 

"Well, that blonde girl has been looking over here for a few moments. I have a girlfriend, and Bruce doesn't like sex. I guess you're the one who's going to have to talk to her."

You widened your eyes at your friend's words, looking forward quickly.

A blond woman was indeed staring at your table.

"I don't think that's a good idea." You mumble clumsily, and Carol gives a little laugh.

"That's too bad, because now that you've looked, she's going to come here." Your friend warns, and you choke on your beer when you see the girl actually getting up from the countertop.

"Carol, help me." You awkwardly whisper but your friend just laughs, and then the stranger catches up with you all.

"Hi." She greets sensually, looking up at you. You swallow dryly as your friend holds back a giggle. "Would you like to dance?"

"I-I..."

"Use your words." Carol teased lowly next to you, making the girl laugh at your clumsiness. 

"Don't be shy, I don't bite." The girl added maliciously. " Unless you ask me to."

You feel your face heat up with embarrassment, and you spread your mouth open, not knowing what to say next. Carol murmurs impressed.

"Sorry, sweetie, she used to function better than that." Carol interrupts the interaction, taking pity on your distress. "I think she's taken. But if it's just a dance, we can all enjoy it together."

The girl bites her lips, seeming to consider. She takes one last look at you, and then accepts the invitation.

This is how you end up on a dance floor, trying to escape the hands of a stranger. 

You remember how to dance, and the drink helps a lot. But there are hands running over your body before the woman turns around and starts rubbing against you in rhythm with the music. You feel your breath catch, the excitement of having so much intimate contact after so long reaching you completely.

"Are you sure you're taken?" She whispers against your ear, and you give a short laugh, feeling your head spin.

"Yes."  You half-heartedly assure her, using all the rest of your drunken control to push her hands away from you. 

The woman didn't mind, stealing a short kiss on your cheek before dancing away, swaying her hips.

Carol threw her arms around you next.

"Wow, you really are in love!" She enthusiastically shouts to be heard between the beats of the music. You laugh with flushed cheeks, saying you need to take some air.

Your friend continues to dance, pulling Bruce close, and the man laughs awkwardly as he puts his arms around the blonde. You chuckle at the scene before turning to go outdoors.

It is easier to breathe outside. 

Your first action is to take your cell phone out of your pocket, and check your notifications. Your heart melts when you open a message from Wanda. It is a picture of her and the boys, lying together between a comforter. The caption reads "movie night, doesn't even look like they were jumping on the couch two minutes ago".

You stare at the picture for a few seconds after sending a heart emoji to Wanda. And then you gasp softly, realizing. You really are in love with her. Like in romance movies, and fairy tale books. But also like the real thing. Because you love Wanda's company, her sharp jokes, the way she talks and behaves and cares for everyone. You don't want to be in a bar, or meet another girl. You want to be wrapped in a comforter with Wanda and the kids.

Trying not to panic at this conclusion, you put your cell phone back in your pocket, deciding to go back inside to say goodbye to your friends.

//-//

You are trying to find a way to tell Wanda how you feel. The problem is that you are insecure, because you have no idea if she is ready for a relationship again. You don't even know if she likes women.

With so much suffering in the past months, you also don't want to face a broken heart. So you decide to wait and see how things will turn out.

It is something about the way your life is completely intertwined in Wanda's now, in the same way that she has wrapped herself around your heart that makes you sigh when you think about it everything.

You are distracted while you work, and Monica smiles because you have a smirk while tinkering in the gardens, which is clearly not related to the plants. She doesn't say anything, because it's the same way Wanda smiles when you bring her coffee, or when you two come back from lunch. She can only be excited to think how it will be to organize your wedding.

It is at lunch after group therapy that Wanda invites you to her father's wedding anniversary party. You hadn't met him yet, and a party was a good thing, because you wouldn't have all his attention on you, and it lessens your anxiety considerably.

The party will be at Wanda's father's country house, and you will be able to cross the "take a trip" goal off your therapy to-do list.

In the meantime, you prepare to see Natasha's mother.

It is a Thursday, and you set aside your lunch period for this, because you really don't want this meeting to last more than an hour.

Your mother and Melina are already in the restaurant when you arrive, and you nod politely to the woman when you sit down at the table, signaling that she doesn't need to get up.

"So, what did you want?" you ask snidely, earning a scolding from your mother. Melina doesn't seem to mind your aggressiveness however.

"Let's order something to eat first please." Your mother says before the other woman can respond. You roll your eyes, not disagreeing.

After the waitress takes your orders and leaves, you cross your arms impatiently.

"Look, I know it's hard for you to hear from me after all this time..." The woman begins.

"Hard for me?" You cut her off with irony. "No, Melina. I was not the daughter you abandoned. It was just hard for Nat not to have you around. I simply don't like you myself."

"Honey" Your mother warns, but you let out a dry laugh.

"No, really." You continue firmly. "What do you really want with me?"

Melina sighs, straightening herself in her chair.

"Your mother told me that you intend to sell Natasha's apartment." She says. "I don't approve of such a decision."

You stare at her for a moment, and then let out a laugh.

"I should have known you'd only show up for the money." You say feeling your stomach turn with anger. Melina rolls her eyes, but doesn't deny it. Your mother looks surprised that you are right.

"I gave that apartment to Natasha..."

" I beg your pardon?" you interrupt angrily, your loud tone attracting the attention of the next table. "You gave her the apartment? Are you listening to yourself now?"

"We don't need to get carried away." She asked with irritation in her eyes, drawing a nasal laugh of indignation from you. "You know I'm right."

"No, Melina." You retort seriously, lowering your tone. "Clarify for me how you can possibly think that putting an apartment full of debt in your daughter's name to escape the state, making her work two shifts to pay for everything, sets up like giving an apartment to someone?"

"You are manipulating the facts." She hits back and you nod in disbelief, closing your eyes momentarily. "I had financial problems, and Nat didn't object when I suggested..."

"She was 15." You cut in. "You forgot that little detail right? You also forgot about going to the guardianship board to emancipate your 15 year old daughter just so she could take on a debt of yours?" You asked angrily. "Oh, did you forget about Nat working in a diner throughout her teenage years to pay for everything?"

Melina clenched her jaw, glaring at you angrily. You really weren't in the least bit of patience for this conversation, and it was a good thing the waitress arrived with your orders, because you were about to turn the table.

"I am not hungry anymore." You grumble as soon as the waitress leaves and you look down at your food, your stomach turning. Then you look forward. "When I sell the apartment, I will talk to your lawyer and if you are entitled to anything, you can rest assured that it will come in the mail. Now do me a favor, and never look for me again." 

After saying these words to Melina, you exchange a quick glance with your mother and get up, walking to the exit.

//-//

You are pretty upset about the whole Melina thing, but your mood improves almost immediately when Wanda invites you to visit her. 

Actually, she needs help with the kids, because she's busy with a rich lady's wedding that required priority on the flower project, and the summer vacation started that week.

Monica was helping Wanda with the whole design, so you and Pietro would take care of the kids.

It was quite fun to do it, because you loved children. Pietro even had the bright idea of setting up a little lemonade stand outside Wanda's house, and while the other women were working, you and he took the kids outdoors.

"Don't you think a million dollars is a lot of money for a glass of lemonade, Billy?" you ask the boy as you watch him put several zeros on the price cardboard. Pietro laughs as he helps his daughter pin up her hair.

"I don't know." The kid tells you without stopping drawing. "I'm a kid, I've never paid anything."

You laugh, looking forward. You and Pietro are sitting on chairs placed on the grass while the children play around the lemonade stand. 

When some of the neighbors buy the lemonade, you tell Billy that a gold coin is worth a million, and he doesn't argue.

The temperature rises considerably throughout the day, and around two in the afternoon you and Pietro decide that it would be good to take the kids swimming.

"Call the wives please." Pietro says to you as you stand in the living room after you two walk back in and put everything away, and he is helping the children put on bathing suits. You feel your face heat up at the innocent insinuation of Wanda being your wife, but you say nothing and he doesn't even seem to notice.

You knock on the door, then enter the office, and smile at the two women inside, who seemed to be concentrating on their own papers.

"Let's go for a quick swim girls?" You ask, ignoring the way your stomach gets butterflies when Wanda looks up at you. 

Monica lets out an excited exclamation.

"Yes, please!" She says. "This room feels like an oven!"

You and Wanda laugh, and you make room for Monica to walk past you. 

"Any chance you have a bathing suit in my size?" You ask Wanda next, and she bites back a smile, thoughtful.

"Let 's find out."

//-//

It is only upstairs that you realize that you have never been in Wanda's bedroom before.

All the times you have been here, you were reserved for the living room, the kitchen and the office. Except for the times you were in the twins' bedroom, and well, when you used the bathroom.

You stood still a bit past the entrance, not knowing exactly what to do with your hands as Wanda searched the closets for a bathing suit for you.

"You know you can look around right?" Wanda commented with playfulness in her speech, making you chuckle shyly.

Stepping forward, you twiddled your fingers together nervously as you looked around. You smiled at the decorations, and especially at the pictures on the dresser. 

"Damn, I think I only have one pair." Wanda grumbled as she closed the closet, turning to you next, a swimsuit in her hands. "Do you want to wear it?"

You smiled wryly.

"Not if it's the only one you have." You say. "Don't worry, I'll keep my T-shirt on."

"Don't be silly, it's really hot outside. I'll lend you a bra." 

Wanda leaves her swimsuit on the bed and walks over to the dresser behind you. You step aside to give her room to open the drawers.

You look quickly away from the underwear drawer, feeling your heart race at the intimacy of this moment. It only gets worse when Wanda hands you a black sports top, which she is glad to have found.

"Thank you, Wands." You mutter as you accept the garment. 

You widen your eyes as Wanda begins to unbutton the shirt she is wearing, but before you have a heart attack, she flashes you a small smile and picks up the swimsuit from the bed, turning toward the bathroom as she uses her free hand to keep the shirt closed.

You take advantage of Wanda's exit to quickly take your shirt off, put on the top and then the T-shirt over it.

A moment later she returns, and your breath catches in your throat.

"This swimsuit has a tie in the back, can you help me with that?" Wanda asks distractedly as she tucks her hair into a bun. You swallow dryly, trying to keep your gaze off her exposed legs. 

Wanda stands facing the dresser, watching you approach through the mirror. You ignore your uncompensated heartbeat as you stare back at her, and let out a shy smile as you lower your gaze when you notice her flushed cheeks as you stand right behind her.

Raising your fingers to the height of her back, you gently touch the skin exposed by the opening of her swimsuit. The contact makes every inch of the woman's skin shiver in front of you, and she sighs softly, the sound making your stomach turn.

You risk looking forward again, at your reflection, only to find Wanda's mouth ajar, her eyes dark. You risk dragging your fingers further inside the fabric, making her choke lightly.

Completely mesmerized by the way Wanda's body responds to your touch, you raise your other hand, trailing a finger up from the length of her coccyx to the opening of her swimsuit, watching Wanda close her fists as her cheeks redden.

You can hear the sounds of her uncompensated breathing, but you can also hear the muffled laughter from the distance downstairs, and that motivates you enough to ignore the trembling of your fingers as you zip up Wanda's swimsuit.

"W-we should go downstairs." You whisper in a hoarse voice, ignoring the urge to rip off Wanda's swimsuit. 

The redhead swallows dryly before slowly turning toward you. Your faces are so close that you can feel her breath on your cheek.

"I..."

"Mommy why are you taking so long?" Billy's muffled scream coming from the backyard through the window makes you and Wanda jump in fright. 

Pietro and Tommy repeat the same sentence next, and you clear your throat, taking a step back. Wanda can't keep her gaze on you as you both walk down to the pool outside.

You can only distract yourself from the feel of Wanda's skin on your fingers because you play in the pool with everyone, and these thoughts are pushed to the back of your mind for the rest of the afternoon.

It is only when you have to leave, after the children have had a bath, and are dressed in comfortable clothes in front of the television, and you have hugged Monica and Pietro goodbye that these thoughts come flooding back when you have to repeat the gesture with Wanda.

You disguise yourself, smiling politely at the couple standing behind the redhead as you let your arms circle her waist as you hug her. Resisting the urge to close your eyes and sink your face into Wanda's neck, who has her hands on your shoulders, you hold back a sigh as you pull away.

"See you on Monday." You murmur in a husky voice, and the redhead nods, her gaze falling quickly to your lips.

You think you'd better get in the car before you lose control of your body.

//-//

Startled slightly, you opened your eyes with difficulty. Someone was calling you, but it must have been very late, because you couldn't see anything in the room but the blinking light on your dresser.

Grumbling, you stretched your arm out to reach for your vibrating cell phone and answer the call.

"Hello?" you asked in a voice hoarse from sleep, closing your eyes again.

"Hey, sorry to wake you." It was Wanda, and her whiny voice made you open your eyes quickly, worried. 

"Wanda? Did something happen?"

"Yeah." She agrees, sniffling softly. "I just... I'm so sad. The whole fucking time. Then Tony came over and started saying these things and now I'm crying and I can't stop. I'm sorry, it's not your problem, I shouldn't have called and..."

"I'm coming."

You think Wanda tried to say something to stop you, but you ended the call as you stood up.

"Where are you going?" Your mother asked as soon as you came downstairs, and you were startled to find her awake, but you didn't ask as you noticed the laptop in your lap.

"Wanda." You mumble simply, looking for your keys.

"Kitchen countertop." She informed and you muttered a thank you as you picked up the item from the mentioned spot. "You know, if you're going to start leaving the house at dawn to see her, it might be best to move in with her."

You chuckled awkwardly at the comment as you put on your shoes.

"Try to get some sleep, work will still be there in the morning." You tell her to change the subject, and your mother sighs, turning her attention back to the screen. "You don't have to wait up for me."

"Oh, I figured." She teases last making you roll your eyes in embarrassment before opening the door to leave.

//-//

You didn't have to knock on the door, because as soon as you parked the car and got out, you had a view of the outside garden porch, and you could see Wanda sitting on the rocking bench, looking at the ground.

You sighed, opening the garden gate to enter the backyard.

Making a noise with your feet so as not to startle her, you felt your heart squeeze as she wiped her tears away quickly, turning her head to the side. You sighed, taking a seat on the bench in front of her, rocking it slightly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You asked a moment later, and from the redhead's silence, you figured not. But she nodded next, looking down at her own feet. "Tell me what happened then."

It takes a moment, but Wanda speaks. She tells how Tony Stark showed up at her door at three in the morning, saying that he blamed himself for his brother death but that this was a good thing now because it was exactly what he needed to change his life and stop drinking, and that she punched him in the nose, saying that this was always his problem, everything was always about him. Tony promised that he would be someone decent now, that he was going to change, and Wanda just pushed him away, telling him to go change somewhere else.

"I feel like the worst person in the world right now." She grumbles as soon as she finishes narrating. 

"Why?"

"Tony has been an alcoholic since he was fifteen, and he's finally getting better. I think he was in need of someone to help him."

You shook your head, letting out a short laugh.

"And why is that your problem?" you retorted, surprising her. "Wanda you are under no obligation to suppress your feelings to make others feel better. You have every right to feel angry with Tony. And to not want him in your life again."

Wanda takes a deep breath, burying her face in her hands for a moment, as if trying to believe your words.

You bit the inside of your cheek, deciding whether to speak what you wanted to.

"Wands?" You called after her, and she looked at you. "You said you were sad. Do you want to talk about that too?"

The redhead looks away from you, a weak smile on her lips. 

"I don't know how to talk about it really." She starts by looking down at her feet. "I never did."

You wait, stretching your leg out and lightly tapping your feet together with her on the floor. Wanda smiles at the movement, and then bites her lips.

"I think it started when I was a kid." She counters thoughtfully, her gaze straying to the yard around her. "Ever since mama died, or maybe before. There's this sadness, stuck in my chest. And no matter what I do, it won't go away." 

You listen intently, waiting for Wanda to finish.

"When I was younger, Papa worked all day and Mama took care of me and Pietro. But she got sick, and granny came to live with us to help. I was ten when she died, and Pietro's anxiety got worse." She swallows dryly, as if the memories are choking her. "Granny didn't know how to help my brother, so I took care of him myself. And when we were in high school, she got sick too. And well, Dad didn't know what to do really, so I took care of her at home while he and Pietro worked to pay for the medications." She adds, and sniffles lightly. "I just remember being tired. All the damn time. I'd go to school, and come home, and I'd eat, and play, and watch TV, but I wasn't really there. I started to think that's how everybody else felt, because I had a normal life, and I had no reason to feel sad."

You frown slightly, but bite your tongue to keep from interrupting.

"Grandma died just before I graduated, and I barely had time to miss her, busy with college applications, and taking care of the funeral at the same time." She counters with a wry laugh, as if realizing how unfair it was that she was left to take care of everything by herself. "And then I met Vis, and he was sweet and kind and he was everything anyone could want. The perfect boyfriend, perfect friend, and brother and husband. So I choked down that sadness, because it wasn't fair that I was with someone so amazing, and I wasn't satisfied." She recounts as she lets the tears flow. "When the twins came, everyone told me that my life was complete. That children were exactly what everyone wanted, and that I had the perfect life. So I kept that image."

Wanda raises her hand to wipe away a tear that ran down her cheek, but others kept falling next.

 "With Vis's death, everything started to fall apart on me." She says after a pause, biting her lips slightly to hold back the crying. She lets out a nasal laugh next. "But I wasn't going to let that happen, so I gathered the pieces together. I put a smile on my face and continued to be the mother my children needed. And then I met you."

You frown in confusion, but Wanda does not look at you. She runs her hands through her hair, shaking her head slightly.

"You came into my life at its worst possible moment. And all you did was make me feel better again." Wanda declared with a sigh, and you felt your cheeks heat up, looking away to your feet. "You don't expect me to be happy, or polite, or sociable. You don't care that I get cranky and irritable, that I wanted to skip work or eat junk food." She counters, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I feel like I can breathe again, because when you look at me you don't judge me like everyone else. You just listen, and observe. And take care of me."

You sigh, impacted by the intensity of the confessions. You think that if you keep quiet long enough, Wanda can hear your heart beating fast.

The redhead takes a deep breath, twisting her fingers slightly before speaking again.

"That's why I called." She counters in a sigh. Her eyes fill with tears again, but she doesn't let them fall. "You've been the only person who makes me feel this way. And when Tony came along I felt I was drowning into those terrible thoughts again. I needed you to pull me back up."

You raise your head to Wanda, but she is looking down at the floor, her cheeks flushed. You smile, rising to sit beside her.

"I will." You whisper as you interlace your fingers, looking forward. Wanda stares at your entwined hands before leaning her head on your shoulder.

"Thank you." She murmurs a moment later. 

"Don't mention it." You reply in the same tone.

You stand like this for many minutes, Wanda wiggling your fingers together. You are about to close your eyes when a childish voice startles you a little.

"Mommy?" it's Billy, dressed in adorable teddy bear pajamas, scratching his eyes sleepily. "Why are you out here?"

Wanda looks at him in surprise. 

"Come here dear." Wanda asks signaling with her free hand for Billy to approach. The boy yawns, walking over to you two. You mess up his hair as Wanda releases her hand to sit her son on her own lap.

"Why are you here, Y/N?" The boy asks sleepily, making you and Wanda smile at how cute he looks. 

"I am a friend of your mother's, Billy, I come whenever she needs me." You reply with a smile, trying not to be affected by the way Wanda looks at you.

"You should come more often, y/n. Mom is happy when you are around." Billy declares causing Wanda to let out a surprised exclamation, and you feel your heart race.

"Oh, really?" You tease with a little smile, and Wanda pushes her shoulder against yours lightly. "I promise I'll visit more often then."

"You can live here!" Billy exclaims excitedly next, making you laugh in surprise. 

"Don't be silly, Billy." Wanda adds embarrassed. "We don't have a room."

"She can sleep with you mommy." Billy retorts as if it's obvious, "Daddy's not here anymore, and your bed is too big, because it fits Tommy and me together!"

You swallow dryly, surprised and embarrassed at the way Billy is casual above all, but mostly worried that this comparison might have hurt Wanda. But she lets out a little laugh, shaking her head.

"It's time for bed, enough of this talk" Wanda warns the boy next, getting up with him on her lap.

You accompany the two of them into the house, waiting until Wanda comes downstairs after putting Billy to bed.

Billy's words in your head were still echoing when Wanda suggested that you sleep in her bed after she came downstairs, and part of you wanted to, but you figured that night wasn't the best time. So you slept on the couch, and left after breakfast, ignoring how warm your chest felt at the image of the table with Wanda and the twins having coffee.

//-//

Your first stop after leaving Wanda's house was the cemetery.

Taking a deep breath, you stared at the memorial stone in the ground. The small photograph of Natasha carved into the stone. 

"I miss you, pchelka" You whispered softly, leaving your hands in your pockets as you looked down. Your chest hurt less than the first time you came here, but the pain was still there. You imagined that it always would be. "I won't ever stop. But I want to live again. I hope you won’t be mad at me, from wherever you are, and understand that."

Part of you knew that Natasha would be happy for you. It was one of the reasons you loved her so much.

Kneeling down, you pulled out of your pocket the items you had left in the car's glove box a few days ago, planning to do this since the day of the bar.

" This belongs to you." You whispered, after digging in the grass next to the headstone, and pulling out of the small wrapping your wedding rings. You placed the metal in the dirt, along with the daffodil seeds you brought with you. Using some of the water from the bottle you had in your hands, you watered after burying the items. "Rest in peace, my love."

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 310: A Tale of Two Kacchans

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Deku was all, “hey, you know what sounds like a good decision? Abandoning my studies at the safest place in the country so that the bad guy who wants to find me and kill me has literally nothing standing in his way of doing that.” All Might was all, “I fucking knew you were going to say some bullshit like that so whatever, but I’M COMING WITH YOU and I’m also going to invite the Hawksquad to come with us, mostly so that I can steal Jeanist’s car.” Jeanist was all, “okay fine you can borrow my car, All Might, but only if you wear jeans.” All Might was all, “okay sure” and he wore jeans and also sunglasses and a leather jacket and it was pretty rad. Anyway so now they’re out there fighting crime and hunting down the LoV and stuff, and absolutely none of it is going to end well, I’m just letting you know now. But I guess we’ll let them enjoy it while it lasts.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “happy belated Kacchan’s Birthday makeste, here’s the flashback you really wanted at long last,” and proceeds to pull the old vestige flashback out of the kitchen drawer and upend its contents all over my Friday afternoon without the slightest bit of warning. OFA III is all “WHAT’S UP I’M JUST SOME GUY, HELLO,” and okay?? Hello yourself. OFA II, on the other hand, is all, “okay yeah I have different hair and stuff, but I’m like 98% sure I’m either Bakugou or his goddamn twin, I mean look at me.” Which, yeah. I looked, and he really is though you guys. Anyway though, so he and OFA II basically just showed up in the First (who goes by Yoichi now)’s prison cell one day all “HEY THERE, WE’RE HERE TO SAVE YOU, APPARENTLY, ALTHOUGH WE SEEM REAL CONFUSED ABOUT IT TBH BUT HEY.” And so they saved him, and Yoichi was all “hey nice to meet you do you want to join my super-exclusive Saving The World Club”, and so they did, and then the chapter ended lol. I would have said yes too.

oh my sweet lord?? I didn’t realize we were getting a color page this week, but LOOK AT THIS

this could have been a fucking volume cover. I’m almost mad that it wasn’t, lol but I mean fkldjslklk just look at it??! Horikoshi out here spoiling us and making sure we’re well fed since next week the manga is on break for Golden Week. well this will certainly help to tide me over. hot damn look at those colors

so now it’s raining on some dumb building in the middle of somewhere

is this where the Hawksquad has set up camp for the night? or are we actually cutting back to the League? that’d be unexpected (but not unwelcome)

ffff nevermind dammit it’s just more random citizens under attack

feels like this is the third or fourth scene we’ve had of civilians being Under Attack since this arc started. I mean no offense, but I think we get it by this point. it’s the end times, etc. etc. we’re well aware that things have gone to shit

so apparently these two guys are facing off against a girl with a mutant quirk. and she’s telling them that she’s not a monster and she was just scared, oh shit. I believe her btw, you can see it in her face

but these assholes don’t believe her at all and they’re pointing what looks to be some type of support item gun at her

you know what’s interesting, is that this kind of random quirk discrimination is the exact kind of thing PLF and the like were swearing up and down they’d put a stop to with their glorious revolution. it’s almost like those guys were completely full of shit. huh

so yeah, fortunately for this woman someone is stepping in and intervening before she can be blasted to bits by this trigger-happy asshole for absolutely no fucking reason

looks like a hero actually stepped in and saved her?? but no that can’t be, heroes are the ones that ruin everything and make everything worse, or so I understand. lol where did all of this sarcasm come from out of nowhere dlkdsjlk I’m sorry guys I just suddenly got swept up in the hypocrisy of certain people’s philosophies out of the blue idek

anyway so it is of course Deku saving her, and now he’s trying to talk thess jerks down all diplomatically instead of just kicking their asses, which is certainly a choice

MOTHERFUCKER I’M

fucking impossible to miss the real world parallels here. shit. this woman nearly died for her crime of Walking While Having A Mutant Quirk huh. and meanwhile Deku is just letting this guy scurry away and even letting him keep that fucking bazooka of his, like, ????

fucking hell she’s crying!!

lmao this chapter is actively trying to make me mad now huh. that’s some genuine righteous anger I’m feeling on behalf of this fictional ferret lady whom I only met two minutes ago. girl you are not the one who needs to explain herself here!! you didn’t do anything wrong holy fuck. everything about this situation sucks so much

fkKJKLMMMHFGH

“I’m sorry I made you upset, please enjoy this panel of tiny!floating!Deku hefting this lady’s massive beach umbrella up for her like the fucking gentleman he is” well okay then thank you sir

and JUST LIKE THAT the tension is broken and I’m entirely incapable of taking the rest of this conversation seriously because Deku’s trying to be all calming and authoritative, but now the illusion has been broken because I know he only comes up to like her knees

“well thanks again for saving me young man. I’ll leave you to it, I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do like protecting your Lucky Charms cereal from all those greedy children”

oh hey All Might

you wouldn’t have just let that guy with the bazooka just walk away to commit more attempted murders would you?? man

OH MY GOD DEKU IS IMMEDIATELY DITCHING HIM AGAIN

I ~CANNOT STAY HERE~ oh, well, sorry to keep you detained I know you’re busy

dfslkjlk oh my god

fucking told you Deku didn’t pack any food lol. it’s literally all notebooks in that bag you guys. he couldn’t just leave them all in his dorm room when he left, because what if someone tried to read them and came across one of the pages where he absentmindedly doodled Kacchan’s name surrounded by little tiny hearts oh gosh

AWWWWW

I needed this Horikoshi. thank you for this wholesome soul-cleansing interaction after all of that bullshit earlier

so now Deku’s climbing up this tall building to eat his lunchbox more dramatically. Tokoyami would be proud

and Banjou is saying that society right now is just like in The Good Old Days (read: bad old days) when quirk society was even more of a mess than it is now

which is exactly how AFO likes it, no doubt

so now Deku’s having a whole conversation with Banjou seemingly out loud lol, weird. and he’s basically saying that they don’t have any clues as to where TomurAFO and the League are hiding right now, and none of the Tartarus escapees they’ve found knew anything either

mmmmmfmhm, marge simpson noises

but you think you can?? you, alone, by yourself?? you think you stand a chance?? I just need you to think this all through a bit more kid

Deku it is NOT JUST YOUR RESPONSIBILITY ALONE, PLEASE REALIZE THIS ALREADY. YOU MAY BE THE CHOSEN ONE, BUT EVEN THE CHOSEN ONE NEEDS HIS FRIENDS BY HIS SIDE GODDAMMIT

and of course my pleading is all in vain, because he’s a fictional character who can’t fucking hear me, and also because I’m pretty sure there’s only one character who is going to actually be able to get him to hear reason here. I’ve been saying it, and I’ll keep saying it lol. so until then I guess I’ll just have to be patient

anyway so it appears we’re segueing into another flashback??? HORIKOSHI PLEASE GIVE ME SOME BAKUCRUMBS BEFORE THE TWO WEEK BREAK, I BEG YOU

dlKSDJLFKWJELKGHSLGKLEKJLFKHLGK

YES, THANK YOU, I KNOW WHERE THIS FUCKING IS LOL, IT’S NOT LIKE I’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH FINDING OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE REST OF THIS SCENE OR ANYTHING LMAO. BUT ANYWAYS DON’T MIND ME, YOU WERE SAYING??

oh my god oh my god I’m not readyyyyy, but also FUCK YEAH I AM SO FUCKING READY LOL LET’S DO THIS

YOU GUYS

I’M ABOUT TO STEP IN THAT ROOM AND YEET ONE OF THOSE FUCKING CHAIRS AT YOU ALL

NOOOOO

I’M ABOUT TO GRAB BANJOU’S GOGGLES AND STRETCH THEM OUT AND SNAP THEM BACK SO THEY SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF HIS FOREHEAD!!! IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES!!! I’M ABOUT TO MOVE TO JAPAN AND GET A JOB WITH DOORDASH AND FIND OUT WHAT HORIKOSHI LIKES TO ORDER FOR LUNCH SO I CAN BE THE ONE TO DELIVER IT SO THAT WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR I CAN FINALLY ASK HIM “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” IN PERSON

AHHH NO EVERYBODY SHHHHH STOP TALKING!!!!

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THAT PERSON SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS IN THE BACKGROUND TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, OH WAIT, THAT’S ME

(」゜ロ゜)」 щ(゜ロ゜щ)

LOL THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! LOOK AT YOU!!! YOU’RE NOT KIRISHIMA OR SHINSOU OR IIDA IN A WIG OR ANYBODY LOL. YOU’RE JUST A DUDE. BROOOOO ABOUT FUCKING TIME, WHAT’S GOOD

I CAN’T SCROLL DOWN AHHHH BUT I HAVE TO BUT IT’S TOO INTENSE AHHHHHHH

I CAN SEE THE TOP OF HIS SPIKY HEAD, IT’S FINALLY THAT TIME AHHHHHHHH OKAY I’M GONNA DO IT HERE GOES

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IT’S HIM. IT FUCKING REALLY FUCKIGN IS HIM OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. WHY AM I SO SHOCKED LMAO I’M THE ONE WHO’S BEEN SAYING THIS THE WHOLE DAMN TIME LMAO. OH GOD. O H MY FUCKING GOD

well okay then sir. so are you an ~ancestor~ or a Kacchan from another timeline or so what’s your deal then

YOICHI WHO IS YOICHI

YOICHI ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT’S UP. LMAO WHO IS YOICHI

(ETA: I’m going to punch myself in the face lmao. he’s Yoichi. he, the First. that’s his name. name reveal at long last what what!!)

MORE IMPORTANTLY SHOULD I BE IMAGINING NOBU’S VOICE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE LMAO I AM ANYWAY BUT YEAH

(ETA: I actually think he’s going to end up being voiced by Nobuhiko whether he ends up being Kacchan or not, just because it fits right in with the general “identical in almost every way” aesthetic he’s got going on.)

TUMBLR HOW WE LIKING OUR ANGSTY ALTERNATE UNIVERSE KACCHAN?? EVERYONE HATED YOU SO MUCH BEFORE THEY EVEN MET YOU, BUT THEY FORGOT TO CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT YOU MIGHT BE HOT LMAO WHAT A TWIST

“some bright-eyed brat” oh come on. IT’S GOTTA BE HIM LOL

oh my god you all are probably TIRED AS FUCK of all my screaming but I’M SORRY IMMA HAVE TO DO IT ONE LAST TIME BECAUSE...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

that face. that expression!! THE FACT THAT HE’S OUT HERE OPENING DOORS WITH HIS FEET, LIKE HOLY SHIT!! JUST ADMIT THE JIG IS UP ALREADY

and so they really are the ones who busted First out of his jail cell huh

so how did they know you were in the room?? why did they come and break you out?? and how, pray tell, did they know to get you to transfer OFA to them?? hmmmMMMMMMMM

oh MY GOD

you guys. oh my god. it’s too much. every last bit of it lines up exactly with the Bakuverse theory sdkjfj I’m short-circuiting. it’s really fucking happening oh my lord

HELLO SEXY ALTERNATE UNIVERSE KACCHAN WITH HIS SEXY FUCKING SCAR, FUCK YEAH WE REALLY ARE EATING GOOD THIS CHAPTER

HELL YEAH WE’RE GOING. WE’RE GOING FULL SPEED YOU GUYS. LMAO I’M SO FUCKING HYPED RIGHT NOW I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF WEFKJLDKFFFF

SO, EVERYONE, LET’S RECAP. -- ACTUALLY NO, I STARTED TO WRITE UP A LIST, BUT I IMMEDIATELY REALIZED IT REALLY JUST NEEDS TO GO IN ITS OWN THREAD. SO I MADE IT AND POSTED IT, AND NOW I’M FINISHING UP THIS HOT MESS OF A RECAP POST. SO NOW WE’RE BACK TO THIS ONE FINAL PANEL OF DEKU EATING HIS KATSU ALL SERIOUS

YES SIR. YES SIR, WE GOING, FULL SPEED AHEAD, WHATEVER, IDK WTF IS HAPPENING BUT YES!!

lol, anyways so as I said in my other post, mysterious sexy guys with tragic pasts are what bring us together as a fandom, so whatever your thoughts are on the rest of it, let’s just rejoice in that. it’s what we deserve

[lveclouds]

↬ break my heart (what’s wrong with secretary kim au)

↬ pairing/characters: vice chairman knj x secretary reader x ceo jungkook (the other members will also make appearances), some ocs

↬ genre: fluff, heavy angst, enemies to lovers, slow burn (slower than flash the sloth from zootopia), kdrama au, mutual pining, strong denial of feelings from both joon and reader, love triangle (i’m so sorry bc it’s going to be very messy)

↬  tw: mentions of childhood trauma (as seen in the show), heavy swearing, joon is kind of a jerk in this fic oops-  and there may or may not be a love triangle in this, and oc drinks with two of the members (slight alcohol content) , mild physical violence (oops) , and the use of the word w**** but no nsfw content is involved, mentions of child neglect, mentions of depression (very brief), mentions of death in the family (very brief) , dysfunctional family (namjoon’s parents are jerks and so is his brother), mentions of a toxic relationship)

 ↬ disclaimer: i do not own the original story! all rights go to the original creator, jung kyung yoon and the writers at tvn + jimin , taehyung and jungkook are around the same age and hoseok and tae live together

 ↬ rating: m, ec21 (see trigger warnings)

↬ wc: 47k (idek how my one braincell managed to write this much)

 ↬ summary: “why would you care if i’m struggling or not?! you’re nothing but a narcissistic asshole who cares only about himself! i do everything you request of me, even if i’m near passing out from exhaustion, even if i have to lose sleep because of a meeting!” you hissed, fighting back frustrated and angry tears. namjoon had the audacity and the nerve to look appalled. “what? surprised that i’m not confessing my love to you?” you sneered. “do you really think that?” think what?” “that i don’t care about you? that you’re just my secretary and nothing more?” his voice was surprisingly soft and gentle, sad even, but you refused to buy into his act. “yes, yes, i do.” namjoon’s light brown eyes glimmered with unshed tears. “then maybe you should just leave, if you really hate me that much.”

 ↬note: hi my loves, so this is officially the LONGEST fic i’ve ever written. when i was first drafting it, i did not plan on making it this lengthy, it just kind of happened? the word count kept increasing every time i worked on it lmao anyways i hope you all enjoy it regardless! + i’m sorry that this took a million years for me to post, school’s been a pain and then i had a small case of writers’ block:(( also, shoutout to my friends at bangtan university, heartsforbts, bangtan inn, etc. i love you all so so so so so so so much and thank you all so much for encouraging me to write this monster of a fic:’) + thank you to my irl friend for all the boosts of serotonin, for blasting kpop with me and for sending me random videos throughout my day, (this fic is dedicated to you, ilysm!!) + also this fic doesn’t exactly follow the original plot of the drama, so things might turn out different ;) + this fic has taken me a million years to write lmao and i’m thinking of writing a sequel to spare y’all the reading lmao + this is the first fic in my bangtan and kdramas series!! 

  p.s. this fic does have a playlist, and you can listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1H30ku0nQPdiraPgaG2Unp?si=4cd27a68505a4e5a (p.s. thank you to @kithtaehyung​,  @sugakookcafe​, and @ddaechwita​ for sending me songs ily angels sm<3) also this fic may or may not have references to other dramas hehe <3

   march 15th, 2019

 you loathed parties, and yet, here you were, standing amidst a sea of people in a massive banquet hall, already feeling drained. light chatter and soft laughter filled the air, and soft pop music was playing. you felt extremely uncomfortable in the long rose-pink dress that was a loan from your older sister, and the pearl white heels you were wearing were making your feet ache. you had spent hours on your makeup and hair to look presentable, but after stepping inside the banquet hall, it became clear to you that your efforts were only in vain. you sighed, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, taking a light sip of your second glass of champagne, the taste of crisp apple and sugar lingering in your mouth.

  this social event, or banquet, as the media called it, was to celebrate the partnership of kim holdings, the most prestigious business in seoul with a prominent company in spain. but in hindsight, it was just an excuse for seoul’s rich and famous to mingle. and while most would kill to attend one of these exclusive events, you would do anything to stay away from them. attending a party with the rich and famous wasn’t all glitz and glamour. it meant dealing with the countless rumors and whispers, about what family you came from, what your family did for a living, and vice versa. you were no stranger to such things, for the moment you started working for one of the most famous figures in seoul, kim namjoon, rumors surrounded you.

 “is she the vice chairman’s girlfriend?”

“look at her, she looks like she’s pretending to be someone she’s not, poor girl.”

“she’s probably going to be fired soon.”

 you paid them no attention, for you knew none of them were true, but they did sting sometimes. according to various news outlets, namjoon was infamous for changing secretaries, which was why it was such a shock that you had become a permanent presence by his side for nine years. those nine years were difficult and there had been times where you felt like giving up, but because you didn’t want to disappoint anyone, you worked your ass off to get to where you were now.

  the air inside the hall was a bit stifling and smelled strongly of perfume and men’s cologne, and you could already feel a headache coming on. you heard soft footsteps approaching you, and you turned to address them, a plethora of pleasantries forming in your brain. but upon seeing their face, you immediately relaxed, feeling the tension in your shoulders loosen, just a bit. “jungkook, it’s nice to see you!” said male grinned, a friendly smile gracing his handsome features. “it’s nice to see you as well. how are you?” “i’ve been better, work’s been keeping me busy.” “hope namjoon’s not overworking you.” you scoffed. “when does he not, honestly?” jungkook winced slightly. “i’m sorry.” you waved off his apology. “i’ll live, anyways, enough about me. how are things?” “the company’s doing well, and-” “no, i mean, how are things with jieun?” the smile on his face fell slightly. “we broke up.” “oh, i’m so sorry, i shouldn’t have asked.” you apologized. jungkook shook his head. “it’s okay, you didn’t know.” “why did you end things, if you don’t mind me asking?” a sad smile tugged at jungkook’s lips. “she decided we’d be better off as friends, and honestly, she’s probably right. we were having some problems anyway. besides, i can now focus more on work.”

  jungkook was one of the youngest people to enter business and to have singlehandedly built his own establishment from the ground-up. not only that, but he was as humble and gracious as the media portrayed him to be. “where’s jimin?” park jimin was his hard-working and often clumsy secretary, who was usually by jungkook’s side. “i let him take the day off, he’s been overworking himself too much lately. it took some convincing, though.” you laughed softly. “i bet it did.” jimin was also notorious for being extremely stubborn and would’ve refused to take even a single day off, even if he was near exhaustion.

  “how’s your love life?” you scoffed. “non-existent.” “oh, come on, you mean to tell me no one has caught your eye yet?” you shrugged. with constantly having to fulfill namjoon’s every request, you hadn’t had time to start dating, nor had you really given it any thought.

 “i don’t have time, i’m practically married to my job at this point.” you sighed, taking another light sip of champagne. “i’m thinking about quitting.” jungkook’s chocolate brown eyes widened at that. “what?” “work’s been a pain in the ass lately, and honestly, i’ve been enjoying it less and less these days.” “that bad?” you nodded. “he’s an asshole for overworking you all these years.” “yeah, well, i kind of signed up for it when i became his secretary.” you mumbled.

  “well, you know, if you wanted, you could always come work for me. there’s always an open space for you.” you shot jungkook a grateful smile. “thanks kook, maybe i’ll consider your offer.” “well, if you do, just say the word and the job is yours.” “are you threatening to take my secretary away from me, jeon?” an all too-familiar voice said from behind him, tone void of any emotion. you fought the urge to roll your eyes as namjoon walked up beside jungkook, his tall and lithe figure towering over the younger, light brown eyes cold and unforgiving. “of course not, sir, i was simply talking with miss y/n, there was no threatening of any kind.”

 namjoon said nothing, only raised an eyebrow in question. then, he turned to you, expression unreadable as always. “let’s go.” you bid jungkook goodbye with a small smile and followed after your boss, annoyance coursing through you.

  the silence in the limousine was stifling, and you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. “something on your mind?” namjoon asked. “yes, i actually meant to bring this up earlier, but never got the chance.” he gestured for you to elaborate. “ah, well, i was thinking of quitting. it’s been an honor to work as your secretary, but since i’m so busy, i don’t have time for anything.” “and what would that be?” “i want to date, get married, have kids one day, and i can’t do that if i have a job that requires me to be away from home for long periods of time. i can’t go on business trips for three weeks if i have kids, i have to be home to take care of them.”

  the tension in the air thickened like fog, and after a long pause, namjoon’s gaze slid towards you, lips pursed tightly. “you want to quit?” you nodded, subtly wiping your sweaty palms on your dress. “i mean, i’ve been working for you for nine years, surely you’re sick of me. so, i think it’s time you start looking for a new secretary, my replacement, i mean.” namjoon didn’t say a word the entire ride back to his house, and as the chauffeur pulled out of his driveway, you couldn’t help but feel as if things were never going to be the same again.

   (a month later)

 it’d been nearly a month since that awkward talk in the limousine, and namjoon hadn’t bothered to bring up the subject of you quitting. naturally, you still worked just as hard as you did when you first got hired, making sure that his schedule was organized, and fulfilled every request namjoon had, even if it meant running around downtown seoul like a madwoman, clutching two cups of coffee and a box of the expensive pastries he liked. your feet always ached afterwards, but you couldn’t complain, after all, it was your job, and you could at least prove to him that you were capable.

  you sighed, ignoring the painful ache in your neck from staring at the computer all day, sending out emails to other companies, setting up appointments and meetings for the coming months. “are you okay?” jung hoseok, the chief section head asked, worry creasing his brow. “i’m fine, just exhausted.” hoseok frowned, the expression unusual for his usual sunny demeanor, but didn’t press further. “well, let me know if you need anything.” you shot him a grateful look, which he returned with a bright smile, and waved goodbye to you as he disappeared around the corner.

ignoring the now dull ache in your neck, you typed furiously on the pristine white keyboard in front of you, determined to finish the email you’d been drafting to the ceo of a well-known company in france for hours now.

   namjoon leaned back against his gray office chair, letting out a tired sigh. he’d been in and out of meetings all day, and he was sure he could’ve gotten carpal tunnel from typing for nearly six hours, sending a stern email to an incompetent employee. for the first time in years, namjoon let his mind wander, exhaustion taking over his will to continue work.

  namjoon thought of the talk he had had with you in the limousine a month ago, where you had explained to him that work was getting in the way of you having a “normal” life, and that you were wanting to quit. he hadn’t known what to do or how to react when you’d suddenly blurted it out to him, out of nowhere. and as a result, namjoon had barely gotten any sleep that same night, wondering what had made you decide to stop working for him.

  you hadn’t mentioned anything besides the fact that you simply wanted to date and get married, and despite his intelligence, namjoon couldn’t figure out if there was something you were hiding from him. “i think it’s time you start looking for a new secretary, my replacement, i mean.” as soon as those words left your mouth, namjoon was rendered speechless. you had worked alongside for so long that he hadn’t even considered the prospect of hiring a new secretary. 

how am i supposed to find a replacement on such short notice? she’s the most competent secretary i’ve ever had, and she has the nerve to suggest that she leaves all because she wants to date? “ridiculous.” namjoon mumbled, sorting through the thick file of papers on his desk, scanning them carefully, pushing away the thought of you leaving from his mind.

   some thirty minutes later, there was a soft but firm knock on his door. “come in.” he called, not bothering to look up from the report the resources team had sent his way. namjoon heard the all too- familiar click of heels on the marble tiled floor, and immediately knew who it was.

 “vice chairman, you have an appointment regarding the acquisition of the department store at three. and here are the files you requested about the company in madrid.” you said, placing a thick manila folder on his desk. “do you need anything else?” namjoon shook his head, and you gave him a small smile, bowing slightly before turning to leave the room.

  “would you accompany me to the appointment?” surprise flashed across your face, but it was brief, and namjoon barely caught before you recovered and smiled politely, nodding. “of course, sir.” and with that, you turned and walked out of his office, heels clicking with each step.

  namjoon sighed, tossing the report he’d been reading to the side of his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose. it wasn’t even lunch, and he could already feel a migraine starting to form.

   “did the vice chairman scold you again? you look like you want to be anywhere but here.” taehyung asked, resting his chin on his hand, cerulean eyes glinting with amusement. you gave him a half-hearted glare, which made the former chuckle. taehyung was the head of the resources team, and was also in charge of ensuring that all the reports they made were accurate. “he’s making me go to the appointment with the department store.” “ah, seriously? he can’t just make someone else go with him, like his driver?” you sighed, arranging a loose pile of papers on your desk, stacking them neatly. “beats me. i would’ve said no, but he’d probably throw a fit or something.”

 taehyung laughed, running a hand through his thick, curly hair, which he’d started to grow out a bit more. “did you get a perm?” “yeah, hoseok hyung told me i look like a poodle.” “well, you’re a handsome poodle, at least.” taehyung rolled his eyes. “yeah, tell that to my mom, she also insulted me when i came home looking like this, she’s so cruel sometimes.” “i love your mom, and for the record, i think she’s just being honest.”

 taehyung gasped in mock disbelief. “y/n, how could you? i thought we were friends.” you bit back a laugh at how dramatic he was being. “i’m sorry tae, i didn’t mean to offend you.” he sniffed, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes. “you’re forgiven if you go out for drinks with hoseok hyung and i.” you sighed, knowing that if you went, you would be the one dragging their drunk asses home. “fine, but if you two drink too much, i’m leaving you and hoseok to rot on the curb.” taehyung pouted. “you’re so harsh, y/n.” “well, i wouldn’t be if you two weren’t such lightweights.” “we are not lightweights! we’re just carefree.” you laughed. “keep telling yourselves that.”

   the appointment was fairly boring, and you were sure you had zoned out during the entire thing, but no one seemed to notice, not even namjoon, who was usually very perceptive and observant. on the way back to the company, you noticed that namjoon kept rubbing at his temples, as if he had a headache. “everything alright, sir?” said male nodded. “just exhausted, it’s been a long day.” you hummed in agreement, avoiding his gaze and turning towards the window, city-goers and pedestrians blurs of color as the limousine glided down the street. the silence in the car was a bit uncomfortable, and you fought the urge to fidget, instead folding your hands neatly in your lap, trying to keep them from shaking.

 you had no idea why you were so anxious, for accompanying namjoon on his business meetings was a normal occurrence. maybe it was because the last conversation you had with him, it had ended quite abruptly, and namjoon hadn’t bothered to express his thoughts towards you wanting to leave. the silence stretched on for the rest of the way, and you fought the urge to talk, swallowing against the bile in your throat.

    “you look awful, was the appointment really that bad?” hoseok asked, concern furrowing his brow as he handed you a bottle of water, which you took with a grateful smile. “i don’t even remember half of it, i spaced out the entire time.” you mumbled, taking a another sip of water.

hoseok frowned. “are you sure you’re okay? if you’re not, taehyung and i can cover for you.” you shook your head. “i really appreciate that, but it’s not necessary. i’ll be fine, besides, i’ve gone through worse before.” hoseok didn’t look too convinced, but eventually just sighed and nodded. “okay, but if you change your mind, just tell me.” “besides, taehyung will probably start having a mental breakdown if he’s at work for too long.” hoseok scoffed. “please, he’s just trying to go home as early as possible. once he starts whining and moping about the same damn thing for the next thirty minutes, it’s over.”

  you chuckled, ignoring the painful throbbing in your head, and leaned back into the comfy leather of your office chair, closing your eyes. “y/n, seriously, i think you should take the rest of the day off.” “you know i can’t do that, hoseok.” “why not?” “do you honestly think the vice chairman will let me do that?” “he should! if he’s so intelligent and observant, he should be able to recognize when one of his employees is overworked, let alone his own personal secretary.” hoseok huffed, sitting down at his desk a few feet away.

  suddenly, the phone on your desk rang, shrill and loud, causing you to almost fall off your chair as you scrambled to answer it. “secretary y/l/n, you’re needed in my office.” “y-yes vice chairman, i’ll be right there.” you said, trying to keep your voice as even as possible.

 hoseok mouthed “good luck” as you nervously made your way to namjoon’s office, trying not to trip on your own feet in the process. you gave him a grateful smile over your shoulder. you took a deep breath before knocking softly on his office door. once you heard the authoritative “come in”, you braced yourself before stepping inside, making sure to close the door as gently as possible behind you.

  “you called, sir?” namjoon addressed you with a slight nod, and you exhaled softly before making your way over to his desk. “i wanted to talk to you about your behavior in the car earlier.” your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “i’m not sure what you mean, vice chairman. i told you, i was just exhausted.”  “why did you avoid eye contact then? did i do something to make you uncomfortable? was the drive unpleasant?” you shook your head. it’s nothing you did sir, i just didn’t get enough sleep the other night, so i am a bit exhausted. i apologize for the misunderstanding.” namjoon’s light brown eyes narrowed, as if he doubted that you were telling the truth, but merely pressed his lips together and nodded. “that’s all, then.”

  you inclined your head in thanks before speed-walking out of his office, not bothering to look back. hoseok looked up from his computer, worry evident on his face, and you managed a small smile, hoping it was reassuring enough to convince him that you alright, and slumped onto your office chair, feeling even more exhausted and defeated than before. “was it bad?” hoseok asked, voice hesitant and soft, as if he were afraid someone might overhear. you shook your head. “he asked me why i was acting so strange earlier.” hoseok’s brows furrowed in confusion. you sighed, explaining how you had purposefully avoided eye contact with namjoon, all because you had been reminded of the time when you tried to talk to him about quitting.

 hoseok’s hazel eyes went wide. “you were thinking of quitting? what’d he say?” “nothing at all, which is why i’m always on edge, i’m scared he’s going to bring up the subject again and then i’ll be forced into an awkward conversation with him. again.” hoseok gave you a sympathetic smile. “well, at least he hasn’t fired you yet?” “not helping,” you hissed. “sorry, i just don’t know what to tell you, you really put yourself in quite the situation, huh?”

 you groaned. “no need to remind me, i’m very much aware.” “what she’s trying to say is that she’s doomed.” taehyung supplied cheerfully from the other side of the room, earning a glare from hoseok. “tae, shut up and quit being a pain in the ass.” you shot hoseok a grateful look, and he returned it with a soft smile.

  though taeyhung had been joking, he was right, in a way. you would now have to avoid every possible circumstance and situation in which you would be forced into having a conversation with namjoon, and as his personal secretary, that would be nearly impossible.

 you sighed heavily, feeling your migraine worsen by the second, and buried your face into your hands. work was going to become even more awkward and unbearable, all because you had been so adamant in quitting all those months ago.

 you still stood by that, however, quietly filling out applications for other jobs when the vice chairman wasn’t looking over your shoulder, and keeping them in a locked drawer near your desk. the conversation you had with jungkook at the banquet still lingered at the back of your mind, and you kept wondering if deciding to work for his company would be the best decision for you. jungkook was kind, humble, unfailingly polite, and actually let his employees come and go as they pleased. 

you knew the work environment would be much better, but your heart always ached at the thought of leaving hoseok and taehyung behind, who were the only friends you had at the company, for they had never thought of you as someone who was trying to sleep with namjoon, unlike the rest of the assholes that occupied the six-story building that overlooked the entirety of seoul. you ignored the ache in your neck and the migraine pounding at your skull and set to work for what seemed like the millionth time that day, all an attempt to distract you.

  hoseok yawned softly as he stretched, feeling all the tired muscles in his body pop. “i’m ready for drinks, work has been a pain in my ass all day.” taehyung mumbled, gathering the stuff on his desk and shoving it into a worn leather bag. hoseok hummed his agreement, shrugging on his gray suit jacket and sliding his backpack over his shoulders.

  “y/n, are you ready to go?” “mn, i’ll meet you two there, i have some things to finish up for the vice chairman, so you two can go ahead.” taehyung huffed. “seriously? that asshole can’t give you one night to yourself?” you reached out and smacked the former on the arm. “could you be any louder? you’re going to get our asses fired.” taehyung scoffed. “please, i could easily find another job with a decent boss anywhere.” hoseok rolled his eyes, but he knew the former wasn’t lying. taehyung’s father, who happened to be the ceo of a major electronic company in daegu, wouldn’t have to do as much as lift a finger in order to find taehyung another job. 

he had many connections within seoul, all of whom were prominent figures, so hoseok doubted that taehyung would have a hard time searching for work elsewhere. hell, the man could even work in switzerland if he wanted, all he had to do as say the word.

 “damn these rich people.” you grumbled as you gathered the pile of documents on your desk, placing them in a navy blue folder. “i’ll just run these to him and then we can leave.” and before hoseok or taehyung could respond, you got up and swiftly walked to namjoon’s office, knocking firmly on the door.

 as soon as you disappeared inside the office, taehyung sighed. “what’s with you?” “i’m worried.” “about what?” “about y/n. she hasn’t been sleeping or eating properly, and i’m scared that the vice chairman is overworking her again.” hoseok frowned. “speaking of, have you seen her eat anything today?” “besides gulping down a water bottle in less than two seconds, no.”

 hoseok pinched the bridge of his nose. “this girl is driving me crazy.” that earned him a slight shove to shoulder, and he glared at taehyung. “what was that for?” “you’re still hung up on her, aren’t you?” hoseok felt his face flush. “s-shut up, i am very much over her.”

 during their freshman year of college, hoseok had had a huge crush on you, and had spent the remaining four years helplessly pining, too afraid to make a move. taehyung rolled his eyes. “you know you’re the worst liar in the world, right?”

 hoseok huffed. “i am not.” “yes you are, you always go into a state of total denial and your eyes get super wide.” he turned to see you walk out of namjoon’s office, an amused smile tugging at your lips. “whatever, at least i’m honest.” you laughed, quickly organizing the things on your desk before shrugging on a light beige sweater and sliding your purse over your shoulder.

“let’s go!” taehyung cheered as they walked out of the building, cerulean eyes near- glowing as the night greeted them, cool and inviting.

   minutes later, you were seated at a table towards the back of your favorite barbeque place, the smell of meat and alcohol filling your senses. you poured yourself another shot of soju and gulped it down, feeling it burn your throat. “ah, i’ve missed this.” taehyung declared, finishing off his own shot of soju, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “missed what? drowning our sorrows in alcohol?” hoseok mumbled as he turned over a piece of meat on the grill. the former rolled his eyes. “if that’s how you want to put it, then yes.” you huffed a laugh, reaching over to grab a pair of tongs, the metal cool against your skin, and went to help hoseok grill the meat.

  “y/n, what’s the deal with you and the vice chairman anyway? everyone in the office keeps whispering about you two, as if you’re sleeping with him or something.” out of the corner of your eye, you saw hoseok tense, grip tightening on the pair of tongs he was holding, and tore your gaze away after a few seconds. “nothing is going on between us. he’s the most arrogant and selfish person i’ve ever met, and hardly takes others’ feelings into consideration. his rotten personality ruins his good looks.” the corner of taehyung’s lips curled into a slight smirk.

  “oh, so you admit he’s attractive?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. you felt your face flush scarlet, reaching over and smacking taehyung on the shoulder. “shut up.” you hissed, causing the aforementioned male to burst out laughing. “i hate you.” you mumbled, and felt hoseok pat your shoulder sympathetically as taehyung’s cerulean eyes danced with amusement. “aw, love you too, y/n.” “whatever.” you huffed, fighting the urge to smile.

  all the stress and fatigue from work seemed to fade into nothingness as you downed shot after shot of soju, not caring if you wouldn’t be able to remember anything the next day, nor the migraine that was inevitable, especially from the amount of alcohol you consumed.

  by the time you stumbled out of the bar, arms wrapped around hoseok and taehyung, feeling as if the world was spinning, the streets were filled with the usual late night pedestrians, loud laughter filling the air. luckily, you had been conscious and aware enough to text jungkook, who had become somewhat of an emergency contact everytime you went out drinking with your friends.

  sure enough, jungkook’s sleek black sports car pulled up at the curb some ten minutes later, looking almost invisible in the dark of the night. jungkook stepped out, casual in a black leather jacket, loose, white shirt, dark jeans, and chunky boots. his blond hair, which was usually styled to perfection, was messy and windswept, as if he’d ran around the block. jungkook greeted you with a small wave, a fond and exasperated smile tugging at his lips. “did you idiots really go out drinking? and on a work day, no less?” he scolded half-heartedly, chocolate brown eyes glittering with amusement. “no one likes a nag, jeon.” taehyung slurred, eyes nearly fluttering shut as he spoke, dark lashes brushing his sharp cheekbones.

  jungkook rolled his eyes, but made sure taehyung didn’t fall flat on his ass on the curb as he helped the very drunken male into his car after making sure that you and hoseok were in safely as well.

 you couldn’t help but sigh in content as jungkook lifted you into his arms with ease, the silver bracelets on his wrist clinking with the movement. “thanks for taking me home, i’m sorry you had to drag my drunk ass all the way back here.”

 you felt jungkook chuckle softly as he unlocked the door to your small apartment, gently nudging the door open with his foot. “it’s fine, i don’t mind. besides, it’s not as if i have anyone waiting for me at home, despite these looks of mine.” though his tone was light, you couldn’t help but frown, despite your drunken state. “you’ll find someone, kook. any girl would be lucky to have you, you’re one of the sweetest guys i know.” color crept onto jungkook’s cheeks, and a shy smile tugged at his lips. “thanks y/n, you’re the best.” you waved your hand dismissively. “no need to thank me, jungkook.” you muttered, and felt the world go dark as you finally passed out.

  you woke the next morning to a pounding headache and the loud ringing of your alarm, which made said headache even worse. groaning, you rolled over and scrambled to turn off your irritating alarm, burying your face in your pillow and exhaling softly. drinking with hoseok and taehyung entailed one of two things: getting insanely drunk and stumbling in the streets, or having to drag said males home. 

you didn’t get intoxicated often, as you were usually the designated driver, but when work got too stressful, you tended to let go completely and drown in alcohol. while it wasn’t the best decision, you never regretted it, as doing so made you forget about your asshole of a boss and the veritable mountain of paperwork you had to complete each day.

  sighing, you reluctantly got out of bed and trudged towards your bathroom in order to try and get rid of any evidence that you’d been out drinking the previous night. after a quick shower and changing into your usual clothes for work, which consisted of a gray pencil skirt, a white blouse, and a pair of simple nude heels, you headed to your small but cozy kitchen to make a cup of coffee before heading out.

  you sat at one of the many stools that occupied one side of your small kitchen island, sipping on your coffee, and letting your mind wander. last night had definitely helped take some of the stress you had been bottling up inside fade away, even if said feeling was temporary. the bitter smell of coffee invaded your senses, and you took one last sip before putting the mug in the sink. it’s going to be a long day, you thought as you headed upstairs to retrieve your bag.

   taehyung loosed a sigh as he typed furiously on the expensive desktop that took up a third of his desk, ignoring how his head pounded. “tired much?” hoseok quipped, scanning over a report at his own desk across from him, tone light and teasing. “shut up, you were drunk off your ass last night too, don’t act like you weren’t.” the older male scoffed. “i never said i wasn’t, i just recover faster than you.” “and yet you got tipsy after a single shot.” taehyung shot back. hoseok rolled his eyes, carefully putting the report he’d been reading off to the side. “you can insult me for my low alcohol tolerance later. you should focus, because if the vice chairman sees you slacking off, he’ll be pissed.”

  taehyung glared at hoseok, and said male just plastered on a cheerful smile. “have you seen y/n?” the smile on the older male’s face faded a bit. “no, why?” taehyung shrugged. “no reason, i was just wondering if she got home safe.” “i don’t know, i was too drunk to even think of texting her.” hoseok admitted, color staining his cheeks. “i mean, i wasn’t much better.” taehyung chuckled, turning his attention back to the report he’d been typing.

    minutes later, you walked in, looking surprisingly refreshed for someone who’d been stumbling in the streets hours prior. “hey losers.” you beamed, a teasing smile tugging at your lips. taehyung and hoseok merely glared in response, which managed to get a soft, fond laugh out of you. “hungover much?” “my head’s been killing me all morning.” taehyung whined, rubbing at his temples. “felt a little dizzy when i woke up, but that’s about it. i guess i didn’t drink as much as i thought. you?” hoseok asked, sifting through a pile of papers.

  you hummed thoughtfully. “had a little bit of a headache, but i guess it’s worn off.” suddenly, taehyung and hoseok shot up immediately, bowing their heads. “what’s going-?” “good morning.” you froze. shit, you thought as you stood up, trying not to trip on your feet as you did, inclining your head in greeting. namjoon’s handsome face was expressionless and cold as usual, and he only nodded in acknowledgement as he walked to his office, shutting the door firly behind him.

  as soon as he was gone, the three of you practically collapsed into your chairs, breathing sighs of relief. “i swear, that man is scarier than death itself.” taehyung shuddered. hoseok nodded his agreement. “tell me about it, he scares the shit out of me. i swear, my lifespan shortens everyday because of him.” you scoffed. “if that isn’t the understatement of the year.”

   namjoon had been trying to go over the final plans for the department store for the past hour, but he couldn’t seem to focus, no matter how hard he tried. to make matters worse, his head and neck were killing him. namjoon groaned and leaned back against his chair, the leather almost comforting against his back. he’d never had days where he couldn’t focus, especially if it regarded work, but they seemed to occur more often nowadays, and would rather give up his entire fortune than admit it.

  he sighed, gaze drifting to the massive window that occupied the entirety of the right wall, and felt himself frown. you were laughing about something that jung hoseok, the chief section head had said, eyes crinkling at the corners. he felt a slight surge of anger, and immediately scolded himself for it. stop getting angry at useless things, get it together. namjoon thought, clenching his jaw in frustration. he had never felt any sort of romantic attraction towards you, so why did the sight of you laughing with hoseok frustrate him so much?

   you were in the middle of drafting an email to the ceo of a well-renowed phone company in japan when your phone rang, cutting through the seemingly impenetrable silence of the office. cursing under your breath, you answered it, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?” you said, trying to keep your voice as quiet as possible. “y/n?” “jungkook? what’s wrong?” he chuckled. “does there have to be some tragic event going on my life for me to contact you?” you felt your face flush scarlet. “no, i just- you don’t usually contact me.” “fair enough. anyways, are you free? after work, i mean.” “i think so, why?” “could you come by my house later?” he blurted, and you felt your eyes widen in surprise.

 “well, that was very abrupt.” you teased. “ah, sorry about that, i didn’t mean to startle you.” jungkook said, tone apologetic. “it’s okay, kook, i was just joking. sure, i’d love to, i’ll head over as soon as work is over.” “great, i’ll send you the address. see you later, y/n.” “see you.” you mumbled, ending the call and tossing your phone back into your bag.

  taehyung looked up from his computer, cerulean eyes bright with curiosity. “who was that?” “jungkook, he asked me to come by his house after work.” the corner of his lips curled up in a small smirk, and you felt color rush to your cheeks. “what?” you hissed. taehyung had the audacity to look smug. “nothing , nothing, just happy for you. I mean, you’re going to the house of one of the most eligible bachelors in seoul, that’s all.” “taehyung, how many times do i need to say that i’m not looking to date right now?” said male pouted. “y/n, you’ve been single for six years now! isn’t it about time that you start looking for love?” you sighed, running a hand through your hair. “tae, i know you mean well, but i just don’t feel like i can handle a relationship right now, especially with work constantly holding me down.” “i’m sorry, y/n, i shouldn’t have said anything.” you shook your head. “it’s fine, tae, really. besides, you are right about me being pathetically single for nearly five years now.” you joked, turning back to your computer, trying to focus on the email you’d been drafting for hours.

  “jungkook is a great guy, and i would’ve considered dating him, but he just got out of a relationship a month ago, so it wouldn’t be fair to him if I pursued him romantically.” you added, sighing in relief when you finally sent the email, falling back against the soft leather of your office chair.

  “fair enough, besides, he’s got a lot going on right now, with the company and all.” hoseok interjected, flipping through a file. taehyung scoffed. “please, if jungkook has enough time to pick our drunk asses up from the sidewalk, then he can date whenever he wants. he just chooses not to.” you rolled your eyes at their incessant bickering, and start to sort through the pile of papers on your desk.

 you waved goodbye to hoseok and taehyung as you walked out, the cool night air washing over you. a small smile tugged at your lips as you jungkook leaning against his car, scrolling through his phone, the light emitting from the device illuminating his handsome features.

  “jungkook!” you called, causing jungkook to look up, and within seconds, a bright smile etched his features. “y/n!” “you didn’t have to pick me up, you know. i could’ve taken a taxi.” “it’s late, and i figured it wouldn’t be safe for you to be out alone.” he mumbled, color flushing across his cheeks, and you couldn’t help but laugh fondly at the sight. jeon jungkook, one of the most influential figures in seoul, was blushing. “you’re the sweetest, kook, seriously.” you said bemusedly, reaching out and ruffling his hair affectionately.

  “chivalry isn’t dead after all, huh?” you teased as jungkook immediately opened the passenger door for you before you could, and that adorable blush colored his cheeks once again, and you smiled. “thank you, kook. you put other men to shame.” “i-i’m flattered, but i’m really not that g-great of a guy.” “jeon jungkook, you are one of the sweetest and most respectful guys i have ever met, and don’t you dare think otherwise.” you reprimanded gently, and jungkook’s eyes widened, and you couldn’t help but think of a deer caught in headlights.

 “thank you?” you laughed, feeling the stress from work fade away as you climbed into the car, shutting the door gently, jungkook following suit. the ride to jungkook’s house was a comfortable one, and you enjoyed the soft pop music that played in the background while you talked to him about how work was stressing you out, and just how much of a piece of shit namjoon was.

  jungkook frowned when you brought up namjoon, eyebrows furrowing with worry. “are you sure you still want to work for him? the offer i gave you at that banquet still stands.” you sighed, leaning back against the expensive leather of your seat. “i know, and i would love to work with you, but hoseok and taehyung are there, and i don’t know if i can just leave them behind so suddenly.” jungkook hummed thoughtfully. “yeah, that’s fair. if i was working with you or any of my friends, i wouldn’t want to leave either.”

  hoseok sat slumped on taehyung’s couch, the latter sprawled out next to him, eyes fixed on the huge flat screen in front of them. a movie had been playing for the last hour or so, but hoseok hadn’t been paying any attention to it. all he could think about was driving over to jungkook’s house and seeing just what the hell he had called you over for. not that he didn’t trust jungkook.

 hoseok knew that jungkook would never hurt or harm you in any way, and he also knew that you would probably kick his ass if he tried anything. he sighed deeply, which caused taehyung’s gaze to shift over to him, eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “you okay?” hoseok shook his head, and the former sighed. “it’s about y/n, isn’t it?”

 hoseok exhaled softly. “yeah, how’d you know?” taehyung scoffed. “we’ve known each other since high school, i can read you like a book. so, what’s wrong?” “honestly? i’m not sure.”

“are you jealous that jungkook invited y/n to his house something?” he slumped farther on the couch in defeat. “maybe.” he mumbled, shifting his gaze towards the tv, not wanting to see the smug look on taehyung’s face.

  “hyung, look, i know that i’ve told you this a million times already, but you can’t keep pining after her from afar. you might as well just confess, you know, get it out of your system. i mean, you’ve had a crush on her since college, and you never told her how you felt. don’t you think it’s time to do that?” taehyung suggested, voice gentle. hoseok sighed in defeat, as he knew that his friend was right. he needed to stop pining after someone who would never reciprocate his feelings.

    you were sprawled out on the massive couch that took up one side of jungkook’s spacious living room, a bowl of popcorn in your lap. jungkook was next to you, looking impossibly soft in an oversized black hoodie and sweatpants, digging into a cup of ttteokboki, doe eyes fixed on the massive flat screen, which was currently playing kimi no wa, a japanese animated film you adored. “how’d you know i love this movie?” you asked. out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the blush that crept up jungkook’s cheeks, and smiled. 

“taehyung may have emailed me an entire list of all your favorite things when he was drunk.” jungkook mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. you shook your head, laughing softly. i’m so going to kick taehyung’s ass later if he told you any of my deepest, darkest secrets.” jungkook grinned, chocolate brown eyes twinkling with mirth.

  “why, do you have any secrets i should know about?” he asked, voice light and teasing, raising a perfect eyebrow in question. “you’ll have to find that out for yourself, jeon.” you winked, and jungkook laughed, practically falling back against the couch.

  “i’’m glad we got to do this.” jungkook beamed, the smile on his face growing impossibly larger. “me too, it feels like old times.” you agreed. when you were in high school, you and jungkook would sneak out to each other’s houses and binge watch movies all night, forgetting about any responsibilities. “also, it’s jimin’s birthday this weekend, and i was wondering if you would want to go.” you smiled. “of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

“you can bring hoseok and taehyung with you, i’m sure jimin would love it if they attended.” “i’ll let them know. and thank you for the invite, kook.” said male shrugged. “well, as i am the one who’s in charge of organizing the whole thing, it seems fit that i would make sure my friends are there.”

 you smiled, giving his shoulder a slight nudge. “you’re the best, kook.” said male returned your grin tenfold, the soft glow from the tv casting shadows on his sharp cheekbones.

   “cat got your tongue?” yoongi asked, as he took a sip from his glass of red wine. namjoon didn’t bother to respond, just glared at him in return, and the asshole just smirked. min yoongi was the president of his company, and also happened to be one of his only friends. “seriously, joon, what’s going on? i haven’t seen you this pissed off since freshman year in college when some moron tried to pick a fight with you.” namjoon sighed, swirling the red wine in his glass. “it’s my secretary.” yoongi raised a dark eyebrow in question. “what about her?” “a month ago, she told me she wanted to quit.” yoongi blinked, the only sign that he was the least bit shocked. “i’m sorry, she what?”

  namjoon sighed, draining the rest of his wine and setting the glass on the table in front of him. “it also took me by surprise when she told me. at first, i figured it’s because her salary wasn’t enough or that the workload was overwhelming, but now, i’m not so sure.”

 yoongi hummed thoughtfully. “maybe she’s finally gotten tired of you, i mean, she’s worked for you for what, nine years?” namjoon looked at his longtime friend in disbelief. “are you trying to help me or irritate me?” the former held up his hands in mock surrender. “it’s just an assumption, no need to get pissy about it. don’t worry, you’ll figure something out, you always do.” yoongi reassured him, and namjoon just sighed in response and poured himself another glass of wine.

    you woke up to unfamiliar surroundings, slowly sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. well, for starters, you were lying in what was the comfiest bed known to man, with navy blue sheets that were velvet soft, and the rest of the room was significantly bigger than your entire apartment complex, and probably cost more than your entire life savings.

  the next thing that registered in your brain was that you were wearing nothing but a light gray sweater so large that it was practically a dress on you and came up to about mid-thigh, leaving your bare legs on display. you blushed at the realization that you were probably wearing jungkook’s clothes, and quietly slipped out of bed, making your way downstairs.

  you padded to the kitchen, which had a modern but chic style, and found jungkook standing at the stove, making pancakes, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips, humming softly. you felt your face burn at the sight of jungkook’s bare torso on full display, and tore your gaze away. “m-morning.” you stammered, and mentally slapped yourself for sounding so flustered. jungkook looked up, his handsome face breaking out into a smile that you’d seen countless times, but the sight was still heart-wrenching.

  “morning, did you sleep well? i hope you don’t mind that i’m making pancakes.” jungkook beamed, waving the spatula in his right hand enthusiastically. “i did, the bed was very comfortable, felt like sleeping on a cloud.” the blond male chuckled as he flipped over a pancake. “glad you liked it, the sheets were a gift, by the way.” “oh, from who?” you asked, sitting down on one of the stools that occupied the large kitchen island.

  “my mom. she gave them to me before i left for college, thinking that i would need the most expensive sheets for my dorm.” jungkook went on, laughing amusedly. “at least she gave you something before you left, my mom was so eager to finally be able to kick me out.” you mumbled. “well, if it makes you feel any better, my dad was the same way.” jungkook said sparingly as he placed a plate full of pancakes down on the counter.

 you couldn’t help but stare at his toned torso and the tattoos that covered the entirety of his right arm, a colorful array of words and drawings. “y/n?” jungkook asked, snapping you out of your trance, and you felt color rush to your cheeks as you avoided his gaze, focusing on the plate of fluffy pancakes in front of you.

 you heard jungkook chuckle in amusement as he settled down on the stool in front of you, reaching for an empty plate, the silver bracelets on his wrist clinking with the movement. “c-can you put on a shirt or something?” you muttered as he handed you a plate with two pancakes on it. the amused smirk on his face made you want to punch him as he shook his head. “it’s hot, and i sweat easily.” before you could protest, he gestured towards your plate of pancakes. “eat it before it gets cold.” he grinned, and you just glared at him before digging into your breakfast.

   taehyung hummed softly to himself as he typed up an email to send to his fellow team member. out of the corner of his eye, he saw you make a beeline for your desk. “y/n?” he called, and you froze in your tracks, like a deer in headlights. “are you alright?” he asked, fighting back the laugh that was threatening to burst out of him at your startled expression. “i’m fine, just tired.” hoseok raised an amused eyebrow as he stacked a pile of papers together.

  “how was your date with jungkook?” taehyung asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. you rolled your eyes and shot him a half-hearted glare. “first of all, it was great, and second, it wasn’t a date.” you mumbled, plopping down on your office chair, sighing. hoseok scoffed. “you really expect us to believe that jungkook inviting you over to his house wasn’t a date?”

 taehyung bit back a laugh at your baffled expression. “uh, yes?” hoseok rolled his eyes. “please, that guy definitely wants you.” you glared at him. “jung hoseok if you don’t cut that out i wil strangle you.” said male just grinned. “kinky.” you groaned and threw your hands up in exasperation. “i can’t believe i’m friends with you morons.” taehyung chuckled. “but you love these morons.” you shook your head. “sure, keep telling yourselves that.”

   “all jokes aside, did you get home safe?” taehyung questioned, and hid a smirk at the blush that colored your cheeks. “i-i might’ve spent the night.” out of the corner of his eye, he noticed hoseok tense, as if he was bracing himself for the worst. taehyung thought nothing of it, though. “oh, i see. so, what happened?” your face flushed scarlet at his suggestive tone. “nothing happened you pervert, we watched a movie, i fell asleep and he carried me to one of the guest rooms. that’s all.” taehyung huffed. “seriously?” you threw your hands up in frustration. “i told you nothing happened! now, can we please drop this and start working before our boss yells us at us?” you hissed, and taehyung rolled his eyes. “fine.” he mumbled, turning back to his email.

    namjoon tried not to roll his eyes at the blubbering employee trying to discuss further plans for the department store. the meeting had dragged on longer than he’d liked it to, and so far, namjoon had felt that it was a waste of his time. everyone attending,he noted, were beginning to nod off in their seats, and for once, namjoon couldn’t blame them. if he didn’t have a reputation to uphold, he’d probably be dozing off in this bore of a meeting as well.

 thankfully, the employee finally finished their rambling, and namjoon sighed. “i think that’s enough for today, you’re all dismissed.” he announced , and turned to walk out before anyone could say anything. yoongi, who looked as if he was going to doze off at any second, followed suit, as if he couldn’t wait stand to be around them for much longer.

 “that meeting was a fucking disaster.” yoongi grumbled. “that’s the biggest fucking understatement of the century.” namjoon agreed, fighting back an amused laugh. “i have never wanted to pull my own hair out more than when i decided to attend that pointless meeting.” yoongi lamented, letting out a tired sigh. “tell me about it, that moron didn’t know what he was talking about.” namjoon grumbled, inclining his head in greeting at the employee who greeted him with a polite smile as he walked to his office.

“i’ll see you later, joon, my secretary’s calling, he’s dropping off some documents i need to look at.” namjoon nodded as yoongi gave him a slight wave before turning around and disappeared down the hall. the former sighed and stepped inside his office, already dreading the amount of paperwork he needed to look over and approve.

    hoseok sighed, taking the file from the blushing mess of the girl before him, who had approached him with the most obnoxious smile he’d ever seen. “can i help you?” hoseok asked nonchalantly, opening the file he’d been handed, feigning interest in the papers inside. “i-i was wondering if you’d like to get coffee with me?” she asked, voice lilting, and hoseok groaned inwardly.

  “i’m flattered, but i have a girlfriend.” the lie slipped easily off his tongue, and hoseok ignored the uneasiness that pooled in his stomach and gave the girl a polite smile. said girl looked a bit embarrassed, cheeks flushing red, mumbled something under her breath that hoseok couldn’t quite catch, and walked away, heels clicking on the smooth tiled floor.

  hoseok loosed a breath and leaned back in his office chair, feeling even more exhausted than he had that morning.

   you took a deep breath to soothe your nerves as you knocked softly on namjoon’s office door, ignoring the way your palms were getting clammy. you had no idea why you were so nervous, you had gone into namjoon’s office many times. maybe it was because you were going to attempt to talk to him about that conversation a month ago. after thinking it over, you knew that there was no point in avoiding the subject forever, and knew that the memory of the conversation would probably eat you up inside.

  the firm “come in” could barely be heard through the thick wood of the door, but just loud enough for you to hear, and you stepped inside, steeling yourself for what was about to happen. namjoon sat at his desk, which took up little space , considering how spacious the office was, typing away at the large desktop. you envied how calm and collected he seemed, even after several hours of work.

  “is there something i can help you with?” namjoon mumbled, not bothering to make eye contact with you, the soft clicking of his keyboard practically echoing in the large room. “i-i wanted to discuss something with you.” you blurted, and felt your cheeks grow hot at how blunt you sounded. “well, as you can see, i’m quite occupied at the moment, can it wait?” namjoon sounded bored, dismissive almost, and you fought the urge to leap across the room and deck him in the jaw.

  “i’m afraid it can’t, its urgent.” you said, swallowing down your annoyance. namjoon sighed, clicked a few keys on his computer, and finally looked up at you. “out with it, then.” he muttered, leaning back in his chair.

  “do you recall the conversation we had almost a month ago, after the banquet?” namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “vaguely, why?” “well, i wanted to talk to you about what i said.” “regarding?” he asked, drumming his slender fingers on the smooth wood of his desk.

  “my working here.” namjoon raised an eyebrow, as if daring for you to elaborate, and you would’ve liked nothing more than to punch him in his irratingly handsome face. “i know that i said i wanted to quit-” “get out.” namjoon’s cold and icy tone cut you off abruptly, making you jump back in shock. “i-” you started, but the cold stare namjoon was giving you told you that it was better if you just did what he said.

 you mumbled an apology and practically ran out of the room, stomach churning with anger and pure annoyance. you must’ve looked furious, because as soon you reached your desk, hoseok’s hazel eyes were wide. “what?” you hissed, immediately regretting it as the former flinched, as if you had slapped him.

  “judging by the fact that you look as if you’re going to snap my neck, the conversation with our boss didn’t go well?” hoseok inquired, raising an eyebrow, and you sighed, practically collapsing onto your chair, managing a weak nod. “he was such an asshole about it, too.” taehyung, who had been not so subtly eavesdropping on your conversation, scoffed. “what did you expect? our boss may be successful, but he’s always been a complete prick.”

 you huffed a laugh. “and how would you know that, tae?” aforementioned male shrugged. “my dad’s been in meetings with him before, and his opinion on our beloved boss is quite negative.”

 “well, i now know that your dad’s opinion is quite accurate. he really just told me to the get the hell out of his office.” you seethed. “jungkook’s job offer doesn’t seem too bad after all.” you mumbled, and taehyung and hoseok’s eyes went wide. “he offered you a job?” hoseok asked, stunned.

  you nodded. “yeah, he actually brought it up during that banquet i attended last month, and i told him i would consider it. and, at first, that was a lie, because i thought, working here isn’t all bad, but after the confrontation i had with that asshole today, well, maybe i should just take jungkook up on his offer.”

  “so, you’re really leaving us?” taehyung asked sadly, and your heart ached. “not yet, i’m planning on staying here for just a few more months, and then i’ll leave. besides, it’ll give me a chance to spend time with you losers before i transfer.” at that, taehyung’s expression brightened, his usual boxy smile tugging at his lips. “be prepared to spend every waking minute of every hour with us.” said male singsonged, cerulean eyes twinkling with mirth.

  hoseok rolled his eyes half-heartedly and started to rearrange the things on his desk, humming softly to himself. “so, with that being said, are you two up to watch a movie tonight at my apartment? you know, just like old times?” you suggested, and felt a smile tugging at your lips when taehyung and hoseok nodded, their expressions eager.

    jungkook sat at his desk, absentmindedly twirling a pen between his fingers as jimin, his clumsy but ever loyal secretary, rattled off his schedule for the next few weeks. he was only half-listening, as another part of his mind was wandering off. “sir? are you even listening to me?” jimin asked, and jungkook hid an amused smile at the slight whine in his voice. “sorry, mr. park, i lost focus for a second.” he teased, and his secretary just rolled his eyes in response.

 “first, are you sure you’re alright? you’ve been spacing out all day. second, how many times do i need to tell you that i hate being called mr. park. you wound me, sir, i had thought we were close enough to drop the formalities.” he huffed, and jungkook couldn’t help the soft laugh that rose out of him. “i’m alright, just exhausted. and sorry, it’s a habit.”

 jimin sighed in defeat, pushing his glasses up with an index finger. “alright, well, if you don’t need anything, i’ll leave you to do whatever it was you were doing before i came in here.” “wait, jimin?” “yes?” his secretary asked, looking over his shoulder. “can you send an email to y/n for me?” jimin raised an eyebrow. “kim namjoon’s secretary? why?”

 jungkook’s face grew hot at the knowing smirk that was curling at the corners of jimin’s mouth. “i-i need to meet with her today. it’s important.” and before jungkook could insist that there was no romantic intentions involved, jimin just nodded, that stupid smirk still on his face, and walked out of his office, closing the door gently behind him. jungkook groaned and buried his face in his hands. he had a lot of explaining to do later.

    your eyes widened in surprise when you saw that jimin had emailed you. curious, you clicked on the email and scanned over it.

 good morning, miss y/n. this is secretary park, from golden closet inc. i just wanted to inform you that my boss, jeon jungkook, wants to meet with you today if you have some time to spare. please let me know as soon as possible.

 p.s. jungkook’s a coward because he had to ask me to email you instead of texting you, you know, like a normal person.

  you laughed at the formality and the added message at the end, and began to type out a reply.

  good morning, secretary park. i have some time to meet with your boss today, specifically around 10:30 or so. thank you for letting me know!

 p.s. jungkook’s always been a coward

 you bit back a smile as you hit send, leaning back in your chair. “did you find hoseok’s middle school photo again? that always makes me laugh.” taehyung asked as he got up to make copies of a document. hoseok, who was making himself a cup of coffee on the other side of the room, turned to glare at said male. “do you ever just shut up?” he hissed. taehyung’s answering grin was anything but apologetic. “nope.” hoseok just rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath that none of you could quite catch, and walked back to his desk, coffee mug in hand.

   jungkook rocked back and forth nervously on his heels, ignoring the blatant stares from the employees at the sight of their ceo in the company cafe, of which he seldom went to. he wasn’t sure why he was so nervous, for this wasn’t the first time you were meeting him outside of work. jungkook sighed and pulled out his phone, turning it on and scrolling absentmindedly through instagram, in an attempt to soothe his nerves.

  suddenly, a quiet hush filled the air, and jungkook looked up to see you walking towards him, radiant in a gray pencil skirt and a pale purple blouse that tied at the front, pearl white heels clicking on the smooth tiled floor. jungkook ignored the way his heart skipped a beat at the sight of you, and plastered a bright smile on his face, hoping you couldn’t tell that he was a nervous wreck.

  “hey, jungkook, why’d you want to meet up? not that i mind of course, any opportunity to get away from work is a blessing in disguise.” you beamed, and jungkook huffed a laugh.

 “i’m going to have to report you to your boss and tell him that his secretary is slacking off.” he teased, and you scoffed, rolling your eyes. “please, his ego is too inflated for him to even notice that i’m gone. besides, we had a disagreement today, so i doubt he even wants me around right now.” what’d you fight about? jungkook wanted to ask, but decided that it was none of his business, and you seemed like you didn’t want to talk about it anyway. “should we go?” jungkook asked, offering his arm for you to take.

 you smiled, and hooked your arm through his. “lead the way, jeon.” jungkook rolled his eyes at the use of his last name, which caused a laugh to rise out of you. “what?” “you’re the worst, you know that?” your smile only grew. “but you love me anyway.” you singsonged, eyes twinkling with mirth, and jungkook sighed.

  “why is everyone staring at us?” you asked, voice dropping to a low whisper, and jungkook shrugged. “beats me, i guess it’s because it’s not every day they see the ceo of their company just hanging around the company cafe.” you laughed softly. “i see.”

 a blushing girl with bright, pink hair shyly walked up to you, head dipping in greeting. “h-hi, i was wondering if you’re dating him?” she asked, and before jungkook could politely tell her no, you cut in. “i’m not, don’t worry. but, if we were, wouldn’t we make a good couple?” you winked, and the pink haired girl’s blush deepened as she managed a small nod.

  you beamed. “thank you.” and with a small wave, you tugged on jungkook’s arm and practically dragged him away. “what was that about?” jungkook asked once they were out of earshot. “you looked uncomfortable, so i decided to be nice and spare you the awkward conversation.” jungkook chuckled. “thanks, i guess.” “don’t mention it, it’s the least i can do after you’ve had to drop my drunk ass off at home countless times.” “do you really think we’d make a good couple?” jungkook teased, and bit back a laugh at the way you blushed profusely. “no comment.” you mumbled, and jungkook smiled as he was led to the elevators.

   jimin looked up from the pile of paperwork he’d been sorting through, and saw jungkook walk out of the elevator in the hall that led to the office, arm in arm with you. he noticed that jungkook was looking at you with an expression on his face that he’d ever seen before, and hid a smirk.

 he looked utterly fond and smitten, and jimin couldn’t wait to tease jungkook about it later. jimin plastered a casual expression on his face as you stepped inside the office, jungkook not too far behind. jimin inclined his head in greeting, and you smiled, waving.

  “jimin! it’s so nice to see you!” you exclaimed, and jimin couldn’t help but smile back. “hi y/n, it’s good to see you too. how’ve you been?” “ah, well, work’s been keeping me busy, as usual. what about you? jungkook being a pain in the ass?” you teased, eyes twinkling with mirth. jimin snickered. “you know it.”

 “i’m right here, you know!” jungkook huffed, nearly whining like a petulant child, and you laughed, reaching out and ruffling his hair affectionately. “sorry, kook, you’re just so fun to tease.” said male rolled his eyes. “yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”

  with that, jungkook turned and walked to his office, and you and jimin watched as he left, giggling softly to yourselves. “he’s really petty, huh?” jimin remarked, though his tone was fond.

you scoffed. “that’s an understatement. jungkook may be one of the most famous figures in korea, but he’s still a big baby trapped in a grown man’s body.”

 “anyways, i should get going before the baby throws a tantrum. see you later, jimin, and let me know when you can have lunch with me so that we can catch up on things.” jimin smiled. “i’d love to.” “great! i’ll let you when and where, obviously. it was nice to see you!” you beamed, matching his smile with a grin of your own.

 jimin watched as you bid him goodbye and walked to jungkook’s office, unaware of all the envious eyes of the female employees that were watching. he rolled his eyes at what they were probably thinking. they probably assumed that you were a golddigger or simply someone who had been successful in flirting with one of the most prominent figures in seoul.

 jimin scoffed and glared at the crowd of female employees that had gathered near the door of jungkook’s office. “ladies, if you all have time to eavesdrop and wait for something that’s never going to happen, then you can get back to work. now.” he snapped, and almost immediately, they all scrambled back to their desks, mumbling apologies under their breath.

  jimin rolled his eyes and turned back to the veritable mountain of papers on his desk, sighing. here’s to another late night, he thought glumly.

    “wow, i guess being a rich ceo does have its perks. this office is gorgeous.” you gushed, taking note of the large glass desk, the couch that took up a third of the space, and the bookshelf that was lined with all kinds of novels, from classics to science fiction. “i didn’t know you were a fan of classics, jeon.” you joked, and hid a smirk at the color that stained jungkook’s cheeks.

 “you never asked.” he muttered, and plopped down on the chair at his desk, sighing. you huffed a laugh and sat down on the couch, leaning back against the pristine leather.

  “so, why did you want to meet with me today? you usually never call me during work hours. is something wrong?” you asked hesitantly, for you were a little nervous of what his answer would be. “i’m not sure, honestly. i guess i just wanted to see you.” he mumbled, color staining his cheeks once again, and you smiled amusedly. “aw, did you really miss me that much?” you joked, and jungkook’s blush deepened. “s-shut up.”

   “but all jokes aside, i’m glad you called me out of work. my morning has been shitty.” at that, jungkook straightened up in his chair a bit, concern flashing across his face. “why? what happened?” you sighed, feeling defeated and exhausted. “my boss happened.” “what did that asshole do this time?” he asked, and you nearly flinched at the uncharacteristic coldness in jungkook’s voice. “well, i tried to have a civilized conversation with him over the conversation i had we had over a month ago, and he practically dismissed me immediately and told me to get the hell out of his office. i mean, he could’ve just said outright that me talking to him was going to be a waste of his time.” you laughed bitterly, feeling your face grow hot.

 suddenly, you felt yourself being pulled into a warm embrace and you practically melted into jungkook’s arms, feeling your body go pliant as he held you, rubbing comforting circles on your back as you sobbed softly. “i feel so pathetic for crying over him and for not having the courage to speak up for fear of losing my job. my mom-” you blubbered, burying your face into jungkook’s firm chest and bunching the fabric of his expensive suit in your hands.

  jungkook didn’t seem to mind that you were potentially wrinkling it, as he just shushed you and held you tighter. “it’s ok, y/n. and you’re not pathetic, not in any sense of the word. none of what happened is your fault.” he whispered, and you nodded, loosening your grip on jungkook’s expensive suit jacket, but didn’t pull away. jungkook’s heart ached as he listened to your soft sobs and held you as if the world was ending.

   thirty minutes later, you were wrapped in a warm blanket and a warm cup of coffee was being pressed into your hand, and you managed to shoot jungkook a grateful smile as said male sat next to you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “i’m sorry for just breaking down like that, i don’t know what came over me.” you blurted, and he shook his head. “don’t apologize, you must’ve been shaken after what happened.” “still, i-” jungkook cut you off with a look that said ”if you don’t stop apologizing, i’m going to be pissed” and you immediately shut up.

  “seriously though, thanks for comforting me.” jungkook smiled. “of course, i’m always here for you, you know that, so don’t hesitate to call me.” “thanks kook, you’re the best.” you said appreciatively, and jungkook’s grin widened, color dusting his cheekbones.

    jimin smiled at the sweet sight of you asleep on jungkook’s shoulder, and quickly sent an email to hoseok and taehyung to let them know that their friend was okay, but would probably be taking the rest of the day off, and leaned back on his chair. “everything alright?” a voice asked, and jimin jumped in surprise as he saw jin standing in front of him. “how long were you standing there?” said male shrugged nonchalantly. “not long.” he said, tone casual, and jimin fought the urge to roll his eyes at the blatant lie. “to answer your question, everything’s fine, jungkook wanted to meet with a friend of his, that’s all.” jin’s light brown eyes narrowed in suspicion. “what?” he asked, quite bluntly at that, and jimin mentally winced at how bitchy he sounded.

 “nothing, it’s just that i’m not sure if you’re lying to me or not.” “lying about what?” jimin asked, mind wracking for lies he could tell to protect you and jungkook. “are jungkook and that girl dating? they seem awfully close.” “they’re just friends from what jungkook told me. and why does that matter, anyway?” his tone must’ve been a bit too defensive, because jin raised his hands in mock surrender. “calm down, i’m not going to go to the press if that’s what you’re worried about. i may be obnoxious, but i’m not stupid.” jimin sighed in relief and ran a hand through his messy hair. “sorry, i didn’t mean to get all defensive.” jin waved off his apology. “it’s fine, i’m not going to press charges or anything.” he laughed, and jimin rolled his eyes. “yeah, yeah, now stop bothering me.” jin scoffed. “please, you know that you enjoy my company, everyone does.” and with an overexaggerated wink, he walked away, humming softly to himself.

  jimin smiled fondly, shaking his head in mock exasperation, and went about sorting through the files on his desk. suddenly, a quiet hush fell over the office, and jimin frowned as he looked up to see what had everyone so silent. he froze once he saw what, or rather, who it was that caused everyone to shut up. kim namjoon, the vice chairman of kim holdings, was standing at the entryway of the office, and he looked furious. shit, this isn’t good. jimin thought, a shudder of fear coursing through him as he practically scrambled off his chair and went to greet namjoon.

  “h-hi, sir, what brings you to the office at this hour?” he asked, plastering on what he hoped was a friendly smile, and namjoon just glared at him, light brown eyes glimmering with pure annoyance and anger. “where is she?” “who are you referring to, sir?” the former just chuckled darkly. “don’t bullshit me park, you know exactly who i’m talking about. where the hell is my secretary?” before jimin could reply, he heard a small voice say ”vice chairman? what are you doing here?” he froze at the sound of your voice, which was slightly hoarse, and jimin mentally winced as he realized that you’d been crying.

  before he could say or do anything to prevent a scene from breaking out, namjoon had already stormed over to you, grabbed your wrist, and started to drag you out of the office. “ let me go!” you exclaimed, eyes filling with tears, and jimin’s heart broke at the sight.

  “hey! asshole! she told you to let go, are you deaf or something?!” jungkook yelled, and the expression on his face was one that jimin had never seen before, one of pure fury and hatred. “i don’t remember asking you to interfere, jeon. this is a matter between my secretary and i. now, run along and leave us be.” namjoon leered, and turned to walk away, and before jimin could even blink, jungkook had leapt forward and grabbed ahold of your wrist. “i said, let her go, you prick.” he hissed, chocolate brown eyes glittering with malice.

  namjoon was unfazed as he laughed patronizingly. “what are you going to do about it, jeon? call your dad and make him press charges against me?” he taunted, and in a flash, the older of the two fell onto the floor, grunting in pain, grip loosening on your wrist, and you immediately ran over to jungkook, throwing your arms around his neck and sobbing.

  jungkook returned the embrace, but glared at the tall male sprawled out on the tiled floor, pinching his now bloody nose, dark eyes gleaming. “get the fuck out of my company, you’re not ever welcome here.” namjoon clenched his jaw in anger and looked like he’d rather strangle jungkook for giving him a direct order as if he was his boss, but just slowly stood up, turned, and stormed out.

   jimin ran over to you and jungkook, unsure of what to do, hands hovering in the air awkwardly. “a-are you two okay?” “i’m fine, but she’s not.” jungkook breathed, scooping you up into his arms, carrying you bridal style. “i’m going to drop her off at her house and make sure she’s okay. if i’m not back in an hour, tell everyone to go home.” jimin barely managed a nod before jungkook walked out of the office with you in his arms, and he felt the tension in the air loosen a bit, and jimin let out a long, shaky breath. he wasn’t sure what he had just witnessed, but jimin knew that things weren’t going to be the same after today.

    you sat pale-faced on your couch, tucked into jungkook’s side, his arm wrapped around your shoulders. “i’m so sorry you had to witness that.” he mumbled tone apologetic, and you shook your head. “it was shocking, to say the least, but not unexpected. i mean, he’s always been like that.” “like what? a complete asshole?” you let out a soft laugh, despite your current state. “yeah, that, but he’s always been weirdly protective of me, in his own way.” jungkook scoffed. “yeah, if you count forcibly dragging you out of my company protective.”

  “yeah, we’ve always had a weird relationship, i guess.” you murmured, snuggling deeper into jungkook’s side, resting your head on his shoulder. “do you mind if i take a little nap? i’m a little exhausted from today.” jungkook shook his head. “no, i don’t mind, go ahead.” his pulse quickened at the small, grateful smile you gave him before closing your eyes. “ok, but don’t blame me if your shoulder hurts later.” you laughed, and a few seconds later, you were fast asleep, and jungkook finally allowed himself a small smile.

   you woke to a worried hoseok and taehyung, who immediately pulled you into a hug. “we were so worried! don’t you fucking dare do this to us again! you nearly gave us a heart attack!” taehyung scolded half-heartedly, while hoseok nodded in agreement. “i’m sorry, i didn’t have a chance to call you.” you apologized, and said males just ruffled your hair affectionately.

  “it’s ok, y/n, just don’t do anything like that again because if you do, we will have no choice but to stalk you.” taehyung declared, and hoseok rolled his eyes. “can you be serious for one day in your life?” the former shook his head. “nope, it’s not in my vocabulary.”

 hoseok ignored him. “so, what happened, exactly? we tried to ask jungkook, but he said that we should hear that from you.” at the mention of jungkook’s name, you perked up. “jungkook? where is he?” you asked, looking around for said male, and hoseok handed you a folded piece of paper. “he told us to give you this once you were awake.”

  you carefully unfolded the paper, and saw that it was a note to you, written in jungkook’s elegant but slanted scrawl.

  hey sleepyhead, if you’re reading this, you’re probably awake by now, which means that i have gone home. i’m sorry i didn’t leave without saying goodbye, but i felt like you needed to be alone for today. and besides, i can’t leave jimin alone for very long, or he’ll start freaking out, you know how he is. i texted hoseok and taehyung, and they’ll be here to look after you later. don’t hesitate to text me if you need anything. please take care of yourself for me, ok?

 jungkook

  sighing, you folded the letter and placed it on the coffee table. “well, jungkook had jimin email me that he wanted to see me, and so i did. then, a few hours passed and then he showed up.” “who showed up?” taehyung asked, cerulean eyes glimmering with curiosity.

 “the vice chairman showed up, tried to drag me out of the company, and then he and jungkook started arguing, and then the next thing i knew, jungkook was hugging me and our boss had a bloody nose.” taehyung and hoseok’s eyes widened. “jungkook punched him?” they asked in disbelief, and you nodded, wincing at the memory. “he did, and then told our boss to the get the fuck out of his company.” taehyung let out a low whistle. “damn, jungkook’s got guts.”  

  “more like a death wish. if everyone weren’t so afraid of our boss, there’d probably be a video of him getting beat up on the internet right now.” hoseok mumbled, tone grave. “well, i’m just glad that no one got seriously hurt. who knows what our boss would’ve done if there weren’t any witnesses.” you shuddered, and taehyung shot you a sympathetic look.

 “how the hell am i going to show my face at work? the vice chairman was so pissed when he saw me, and i can’t imagine what he’s going to say if i continue to show up at work. i mean, i’m his secretary for fucks sake, i can’t just avoid him!” you groaned, burying your face into taehyung’s shoulder, and said male patted your head, as if in comfort.

 “well, on the bright side, he hasn’t fired you yet.” taehyung chirped, and you smacked his shoulder gently. “cut that out!” hoseok reprimanded, and the former just pouted and started to rub comforting circles on your back.

   “you could call in sick?” hoseok suggested, but you shook your head. “there’s no way he’d believe that. i’ve never called in sick in the nine years i’ve worked for the guy, and not once have i ever taken a sick leave.” “maybe you should?” taehyung interjected. “i mean, this could be the perfect opportunity to finally get some rest.” hoseok nodded. “i agree with tae, you haven’t gotten proper sleep in months, so you could really use this time to relax and try to get your mind off work.” you hesitated. i don’t know, i mean, where would i even go? i can’t just crash anywhere here, the vice chairman will know immediately.” hoseok threw his hands up in exasperation. “seriously? what is with this guy and his stalker-like ways of keeping tabs on you?”

 “do you know anyone who would be willing to let you stay at their place for a while? i mean, hoseok hyung and i would be happy to let you stay with us, but that’d probably the first place that the vice chairman would check, he knows you’re friends with us.” before hoseok could voice his agreement, you held up a hand, stopping him from doing so. “look, guys, i appreciate you two trying to find a way to wipe me off the face of the planet, but if i run away, won’t that show that i’m a coward? i know that working there from now on won’t be easy, but i don’t want him to think that i’m someone who runs away when things turn upside down.”

 taehyung let out a dramatic wail and buried his face in the crook of your neck.“ you’re so brave!” he fake sobbed, and you laughed, patting his back gently, and hoseok looked on with a fond yet exasperated smile on his face.

    jungkook braced himself before knocking firmly on namjoon’s office door, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind that was screaming at him to run away. he felt shitty for lying to you about his whereabouts, but what namjoon had done was a new low, and jungkook knew that he wouldn’t be able to forget it until he properly confronted said male about it.

   when he heard the authortative “come in”, jungkook wasted no time in swinging the door open and slamming it behind him. namjoon looked up from the files he’d been scanning over, and almost immediately, a look of pure annoyance flashed across his face, and jungkook resisted the urge to smirk. “what the hell are you doing here?” namjoon hissed, eyes glittering with hatred.

 “i’m not here to gloat or do whatever it is you think, i just want to talk.” jungkook replied, holding his hands up in mock surrender, and namjoon scoffed. “you really expect to believe that? after you gave me a bloody nose?” “look, i didn’t mean for things to get so out of hand at my office, but i let my anger get the best of me, and i apologize for that.” jungkook placated, mentally wincing at how genuinely apologetic he sounded.

  namjoon let out a long, suffering sigh. “very well, let’s “talk”. he gestured for him to take the seat across from him, and jungkook did just that, making sure to lean back and cross his legs as soon as he was seated, in an attempt to seem nonchalant.

  “can you explain to me why you gave me a bloody nose?” jungkook bit back a laugh at the pure venom in namjoon’s voice, and shrugged. “beats me, perhaps you should ask that inflated ego of yours.” jungkook said coolly, and the older male glared daggers at him.

  “watch your tongue, jeon.” jungkook rolled his eyes. “what are you going to do? cut it off?” he taunted, and namjoon’s scowl deepened. “if you’re not going to be serious, then you can show yourself out of my office.” he seethed, and jungkook inwardly sighed. “okay, fine, i honestly don’t understand why you were so pissed off when you found out where your secretary was.” he blurted, and namjoon raised an eyebrow at his sudden boldness.

  “if you’re implying what i think you are, then you must have a false sense of reality. y/n was supposed to be at work, and instead, she was spending time with you, of all people. i had a right to be angry, after all, i am her boss.” jungkook curled his hands into fists, resisting the urge to lunge forward and give namjoon another bloody nose at the utter contempt in the latter’s voice.

  “as correct as that may be, you had no right to barge into my company uninvited and nearly injure your secretary from how tight you were holding her wrist. you could’ve snapped it in half.” jungkook snarled, blood boiling at the way namjoon rolled his eyes.

  “please, she doesn’t seem that fragile, and even if i did break her wrist, maybe it’d teach her a lesson for choosing to fuck around with the ceo of a rival company instead doing what she’s supposed to.” jungkook couldn’t take it anymore. he practically leaped out of his chair, lunging forward and slugging namjoon in the jaw, causing the latter to fall to the ground with a loud thud.

  “how dare you insult her? she’s practically your slave! she works around the clock for you, with no complaints, and yet you still have the nerve and the audacity to look down on her? even after all the bullshit that you make her do? she’s fucking exhausted and overworked, and yet you still overlook all she’s done for you? if i were her, i’d want to get the hell away from you too. i mean, no one can genuinely enjoy working for you, right? as smart as you are, you can be quite dense, you know that? don’t you dare lay a finger on her, for i will see to it that she’s transferred to another company, and don’t think i won’t hesitate to do so. go fuck yourself, kim namjoon, and i can’t believe i used to look up to a pretentious asshole like you.” jungkook growled, and not bothering to spare his former friend a second glance, turned on his heels and stormed out of the room.

    namjoon sat on the floor of his office, holding his jaw, shocked from what had just happened. jeon jungkook, the entitled brat, had the nerve to show his face in his office and punch him, of all things. he gritted his teeth in anger, ignoring the sharp pain that shot through his jaw at the action, and managed to brace himself onto his chair.

  he wasn’t sure why his body felt so numb, for he’d only been punched in the face, but the hit had taken him by surprise that he’d fallen to the floor in an awkward manner and had just barely managed to sit up. namjoon rubbed his now aching jaw and made a mental note to make jungkook’s life a living hell.

   suddenly, his phone buzzed, and namjoon sighed, pulling it out of his suit pocket, and answering it without a second thought. “hello?” “joon?” he sighed in relief at the familiar voice. “yoongi?” “thank fuck, joon, i’ve been trying to get ahold of you for two hours now. where the fuck are you?” he asked, evident concern in his voice, and namjoon sighed.

 “i’m in my office.” he mumbled. “then why the hell haven’t you texted me, or called me to let me know that you’re not, i don’t know, lying dead in a ditch somewhere?” yoongi scolded, and namjoon just let out a defeated sigh. “i was occupied, jeon jungkook came to see me.”

 yoongi barked a laugh. “jeon jungkook? the ceo of golden closet inc? came to see you? why?” “i’d rather not talk about this over the phone.” namjoon griped, and he could imagine yoongi smirking over the line.

  “alright, fine, i’m on my way.” he said, and then the call ended. namjoon closed his eyes and slumped against the cool leather of his chair. he was fucking exhausted and in dire need of a nap.

  jungkook ignored the stares he was getting as he sauntered into his office, closing the door behind him. he sighed and buried his face into his hands, feeling a wave of regret crashing over him. he was the biggest idiot of the century, if not of the entirety of korea for barging into kim namjoon’s office uninvited, and for physically harming him. if the media caught word of what he’d done, they’d never let him live it down. jimin is going to kick my ass, he thought, wincing at the image of his secretary yelling at him, and trudged over to his desk, nearly stumbling as he sat on his chair, mind swimming with thoughts.

  a soft but firm knock sounded at his door minutes later, and jungkook exhaled deeply, knowing immediately who it was. jimin didn’t wait for an answer, for he swung the door open, his expression unreadable, and jungkook braced himself for the lecture he was about to receive, as if he were a student who had just been caught vandalizing school lockers.

  “jungkook.” he said, and while his tone held no visible anger, jungkook knew jimin well enough that that tone meant he was beyond pissed. “jimin.” he gulped nervously. “i-i can explain.” jungkook stammered, which earned him a glare from the former.

  “how could you be so reckless?! do you have any idea what would happen if the press found out about this? your reputation would be ruined and cameras would be following you everywhere! you would have to wear ridiculous disguises in order to not be recognized or some bullshit like that! for fucks sake jungkook, can you just not play the hero for once? i know you care about y/n, but punching her boss in the face twice isn’t going to help anything!” jimin was practically fuming, and the tips of his ears were red, and if jungkook didn’t feel so guilty, he would’ve thought that steam was coming out of them.

  “i’m sorry, i know it was stupid of me-” jimin scoffed. “that’s the biggest fucking understatement of the year, jungkook. you fucked up. big time. and since you got yourself into this mess, you’re going to get yourself out of it. fix this, or i will kick your ass. and don’t think i’m not capable. i didn’t train in kendo and taekwondo for eight years for nothing.”

 jungkook swallowed against the bile in his throat, feeling dread pool in his stomach, very well aware that despite his short stature, jimin could easily (and would) kick his ass if he wanted to. with one last icy glare, his secretary stormed out of his office, turning on his heel and making sure to slam the door behind him, the noise echoing in the spacious room.

  jungkook groaned and buried his face in his hands. how the hell would he get himself out of this one? suddenly, his phone rang, shrill and obnoxiously loud, and jungkook sighed as he answered it. “hello?” he asked, not bothering to sound enthusiastic. “kook?” almost immediately, his heart warmed at the sounded of your voice. “y/n, hey, how are you holding up?” “i could ask the same thing about you.” you mumbled, voice impossibly soft, and jungkook felt his heart ache with regret and guilt. 

“you heard what happened, huh?” he asked sheepishly, and heard you laugh softly. “yeah, i did, hoseok and taehyung are in the company group chat, and everyone was talking about it there.” “y/n, i’m so sorry, i shouldn’t have done that, i let my anger get the better of me, and i already got yelled at it by jimin.” he rambled, and felt his face flush with embarrassment. “it’s okay, i know you were just trying to protect me, in your own way.” you sighed, and jungkook could imagine you running a hand through your hair.

 “look, just promise me that you won’t go to the company anymore? if we’re going to see each other, it’s going to be at either your house or mine. i know it’s still risky, but i’m not going to let this situation affect my friendship with you.” you sounded determined, and jungkook, despite himself, smiled. “so rebellious.” he teased, and bit back a laugh when you scoffed. “jeon jungkook, you have the worst timing, you know that?” you scolded, but jungkook could hear the amusement in your voice, and laughed. “i’m aware.”

  “i have to go, hoseok and taehyung are attempting to make me dinner in the kitchen and i have to make sure they don’t burn my apartment down.” jungkook laughed at that, knowing that the possibility of that actually happening was unlikely, for hoseok and taehyung were actually good cooks. “okay, talk to you later?” “yeah, see you, jungkook. take care, alright?” jungkook felt his grin widen. “yeah, you too.” after the call ended, he leaned back against his chair, feeling a little better then he had just minutes ago.

    you tried not to roll your eyes as hoseok and taehyung bickered about whether or not cucumbers belonged in kimchi, and shoveled a spoonful of fried rice in your mouth, chewing thoughtfully. the day had been exhausting, and you were more than ready to crawl into bed and enter dreamland as soon as your head hit the pillow.

  “do you think cucumbers belong in kimchi? tell hoseok hyung he has no taste for thinking they don’t.” taehyung asked, snapping you out of your trance. you shrugged, gulping down your glass of soda. “i don’t really care either way.” you said, and taehyung pouted. “you wound me, y/n, i thought you would take my side after all we’ve been through together.” he fake sobbed, and buried in his face in hoseok’s shoulder, who just rolled his eyes and patted the former on the head. “there there, it’s not your fault that y/n likes me more.” hoseok teased, hazel eyes twinkling with mirth, and taehyung only sobbed louder.

   you shook your head, smiling fondly, and went to wash your dishes. before you could even put soap on the sponge, a warm hand caught at your wrist, and you looked up to see hoseok. “let me do that, you’re clearly exhausted. i’ll take care of taehyung, you just go and get some sleep.” he said softly, and before you could protest, the sponge was pulled out of your grip and were being gently shoved to the side. you sighed in defeat and shot hoseok a grateful and reproachful look, and he just smiled in response.

  after a quick shower and changing into a loose, white shirt and gray sweatpants, you crawled into bed, sighing in relief when your head finally hit the pillow. the day had been truly exhausting, and you were so glad that it was finally over. you felt yourself slowly drifting into dreamland, and before you knew it, sleep took over.

   taehyung took a long sip of the coffee hoseok had made for him, lost in thought. yesterday’s events had felt like a fever dream, and he was still in disbelief that they had even happened. he leaned back in his chair, watching the office bustle with activity, and the soft whirring sounds of the printer and copier in the background, as well as the rustling of paper and typing of keys.

 despite the chaos that took place just twenty four hours ago, everyone was acting as if it had never happened, going about their day as they normally would. taehyung supposed he should do the same, after all, what had happened didn’t involve him in any way, nor had he been there to witness it, but from what you had told him, it wasn’t pretty.

  our boss is probably fucking pissed, taehyung thought, wincing inwardly at the image of the vice chairman barking orders at them. the coffee he’d been drinking suddenly tasted too bitter, and taehyung set his mug down on his desk with a sigh. he looked longingly towards your empty desk, wishing that you were there to talk to him, but earlier that morning, you had decided to take the day off and would come back to work the next day.

 taehyung couldn’t blame you. the company was probably the last place you wanted to be, especially after the disaster that occurred the day before. he stretched, feeling his joints pop with the movement, and set to work in an attempt to distract himself.

   hoseok kept sparing a glance at his phone every few seconds, waiting for a text which otherwise never came, and bit his lip anxiously. even though he knew that you were safe at home, hoseok couldn’t help but worry. after all, you were pretty shaken up from yesterday, and he hadn’t wanted to come into work, but you had shoved him and taehyung out the door, along with a threat to strangle them if they didn’t get “their asses to work.”

  hoseok knew that you were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, and there was a small part of him that was screaming at him to forget about you and focus on work, but he just couldn’t. not when there was a possibility that the vice chairman could drop by at any moment. hoseok shook the thought from his mind as he feigned interest in the papers on his desk.

  silence fell over the office, and hoseok ignored the slight chill that coursed through his body as he forced himself to look up. the vice chairman didn’t bother to acknowledge anyone as he strode right for his office, closing the door firmly behind him, and hoseok let out a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding.

    you sighed and wrapped the blanket taehyung had lent you before leaving for work tighter around you. your day had been absolutely miserable and unproductive, with you lounging around in the house in your pajamas and binge-watching dramas. and because you had no pets or a significant other, you were all alone, and that simple fact made your spirits deflate a bit.

  you wished taehyung and hoseok were here, and you regretted forcing them to go to work, and you wished that you could call jungkook to keep you company, but you felt that you had caused him enough trouble, especially after the fiasco of events that happened yesterday.

  though the weather was quite pleasant today, cloudless and sunny, your mood hadn’t improved. you slumped down on your couch and closed your eyes, deciding that a nap would be the best thing for you, and soon drifted off into dreamland.

    namjoon drummed his fingers on his desk, trying to quell his annoyance. you hadn’t bothered to show up today, and instead, it had been one of the interns who had covered for you, and they had done a terrible job, messing up the reports twice and lying about his schedule. and because his patience had worn thin, namjoon had just told them to take the rest of the day off, and that he would handle things himself.

  so far, things had gone surprisingly well, and he had been on time for all his meetings, thanks to yoongi having the memory of an elephant’s. despite that, though, namjoon was still irritated that you hadn’t bothered to message him personally to let him know that you wouldn’t be coming into work today, instead of just calling the receptionist.

 he pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation just as yoongi sauntered in his office, laughing in amusement. “what’s bothering you now?” namjoon glared at the former as he plopped down on one of the chairs, crossing his legs and raising a questioning eyebrow, as if to say ”well, are you going to tell me or what?” namjoon sighed. “have you ever had your secretary not bother to show up for work?” yoongi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “i’m not sure i’m following.” yoongi trailed off, and namjoon resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

  “she didn’t show up for work today.” namjoon blurted, and yoongi just looked at him in disbelief. “i’m failing to see how this is an issue, joon, i mean, you literally work her to the bone on the daily, don’t you think she deserves some time off?” namjoon narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “are you defending her?” he asked, and the accusatory tone in his voice, yoongi blanched, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

  “i’m not, i barely know her, but i’m just saying that getting pissed over something like that is kind of… well… pathetic.” namjoon pursed his lips tightly, resisting the urge to yell at him, but deep down, he knew yoongi was right. why the hell was he getting so worked up over something so trivial? besides, this was the only day you had ever taken off of work, and namjoon supposed he could give you a pass this time.

  namjoon exhaled softly, feeling defeated and overall exhausted. “you’re right, i’m being pathetic.” yoongi’s expression softened slightly at how weary his friend looked. “hey, don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? i’d be kind of annoyed if my secretary took off without notice.” he admitted, and namjoon gave him a grateful look.

   as the taxi rumbled down the street, hoseok leaned his head against the glass of the window and sighed, skyscrapers and neon signs blurs of color in his vision. “what’s with you? worried about y/n or something?” taehyung asked, and hoseok fought the blush that threatened to creep onto his face as he scoffed, turning slightly to face the former. “no, i’m sure she’s fine.” he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but taehyung just laughed. “hyung, please, it’s alright to admit that you’re worried about her, you know, i am too.”

   hoseok sighed in defeat. “ok, fine, i’m worried about her. happy?” even in the darkness of the taxi, he knew that taehyung was probably sporting the most smug grin in the world. “yes, yes i am, actually, thanks for asking!” he beamed, and hoseok rolled his eyes.

  “i know it seems like all i do is think and talk about her, but after what happened yesterday…” hoseok trailed off, unsure of what to add, and luckily, taehyung just hummed in agreement. “yeah, i get it, i mean, she’s probably still shocked over what happened, and honestly, if i was her, i’d be too.” hoseok gave the latter a grateful look and turned to look back out the window.

   you watched as raindrops splattered against your window, sliding down the glass like tears, and clutched the steaming mug of coffee in your hands tightly. it’d had started raining a few minutes after you had woken from your nap and decided to make yourself a cup of coffee, and the change in weather had only worsened your mood.

  you turned away from the window, taking a slow slip of your coffee, the bitter taste of the drink lingering on your tongue as you padded over the couch, gently settling down on one of the cushions, sighing. you had just set your mug down when a soft but firm knock sounded at your door, making you jump in surprise.

  “who is it?” you called as you practically dragged yourself over to the door, feeling extremely worn out. “if i say my name, i might get mobbed.” a voice said, teasing and familiar, and your heart skipped a beat upon realizing who it was, and went to unlock your door.

  sure enough, jungkook was standing in your doorway, a plastic bag full of takeout boxes in one hand, and a stuffed shiba inu in the other, and immediately, you felt your spirits lifted. he was still in a suit, which meant that he must’ve come straight from work, and his blond hair was messy and damp from the rain.

  “surprise!” he exclaimed, lips widening into a bright grin, and despite your current state, you couldn’t help but match his grin with one of your own. “jungkook, what are you doing here? and what’s with the food and the stuffed animal?”

 “oh these?” he asked, gesturing to said items in his arms, grin widening. “these are for you, thought you could use some cheering up, you know, especially after everything that happened yesterday.” color bloomed on his cheeks, and you fought back an amused smile as you took the food and stuffed animal from him.

  “thank you kook, this is so sweet.” you beamed, walking over to place the bag of food on the kitchen counter. jungkook’s blush deepened and he fidgeted nervously in the doorway.

 “are you going to come in or do i need to drag you?” you teased, and jungkook laughed. “i felt like i was invading your privacy by showing up here unannounced.” he said sheepishly as he stepped inside, shrugging off his shoes and placing them neatly on the mat outside.

 you scoffed. “please, you know that you are always welcome here, invited or not. also, did hoseok and tae put you up to this by any chance?” you asked curiously, and jungkook shook his head, padding over to the couch and plopping down on one of the cushions.

 “they don’t even know that i’m here.” he sing-songed, and you rolled your eyes. “so what, you just decided to show up to my house out of the blue like some stalker?” you teased, and jungkook laughed. “i just wanted to make sure you were okay.” he mumbled, and you felt your heart warm.

  “well, if im being honest, my day has been quite disastrous.” jungkook’s brows furrowed in concern. “why?” you shrugged, hugging the stuffed animal to your chest. “i guess it’s because of what happened yesterday. i know i sound like a broken record at this point, but somehow it’s affected me in a way that i honestly don’t understand. i mean, i wasn’t physically harmed, but for some reason, i feel like that what happened was partially my fault.” you admitted, cheeks flaming with half-embarrassment and shame, and jungkook’s expression grew irrevocably soft.

  “i’m not the best with words, but all i want you to know is that what happened between me and your boss was all because i was reckless and so caught in my anger that i took it out on him, and while he may have gotten mad on your behalf, i don’t think that anything was your fault, so please don’t blame yourself.” jungkook said, tone impossibly gentle, and you felt your heart swell with an overwhelming sense of gratefulness. you truly didn’t deserve jeon jungkook as friend.

  “thank you, kook, and honestly, that’s one of the kindest things someone has said to me in the last twenty four hours, so i really appreciate what you said.” you said, a small smile tugging at your lips.

   jungkook returned your grin with one of his own, eyes crinkling at the corners. “so, do you want to break in the food? or?” he asked, and you giggled, moving to take the take out boxes out of the plastic bag they’d been stored in. “you read my mind, jeon.”

yoongi observed his friend, eyes narrowing in suspicion at the almost awkward way namjoon was carrying himself, and the tense set of his shoulders as he rattled off commands to the resources team, who were hanging on his every word and hurriedly jotting down notes, as if namjoon was reciting some philosophical quote. he frowned, wondering if it was because of the absence of a certain secretary, or simply because the older male was just plain exhausted.

  yoongi quickly schooled his features into neutrality as namjoon’s gaze shifted towards him, and feingning interest in the files that had been placed in front of him nearly an hour ago. the meeting regarding investments had dragged on for longer than he’d liked it to, and he was trying not to nod off during the presentations. he’d never been one for attending said meetings, but since namjoon insisted that yoongi be there, well, the younger male couldn’t exactly refuse. after all, the older was his boss.

  once the meeting was over, yoongi tried not to show that he wanted to get the hell out of the room, and casually sauntered over to the door, eyes shifting to the side to make sure namjoon wasn’t looking, and sure enough, the former was deep in conversation with a female employee, and yoongi took the opportunity to slip out of the room, unnoticed.

   as soon as he was in the safety of his own office, yoongi let out a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding, feeling his shoulders relax a bit, and practically collapsed onto his chair, completely drained. trying to avoid awkward confrontation was harder than it looked, and yoongi felt put out from the ordeal.

  he sighed, racking his brain to try and find a way to talk to namjoon without it being awkward, and came up with nothing. yoongi leaned back against his chair and closed his eyes, deciding that perhaps a nap would help him.

      namjoon smiled tightly as the employees filed out of the conference room. as soon as the door closed, he sighed in relief and flopped down onto an empty chair, feeling his neck throb with a dull ache. the day had been quite long, and while namjoon knew it was inevitable, as it came with the job, but it never failed to drain all the life out of him.

 yoongi had been acting strange the entire day, not bothering to drop by his office as he usually did, and purposefully keeping his distance at the meeting. namjoon rubbed at his temples, feeling a migraine starting to form, and breathed a long, suffering sigh.

you braced yourself before stepping inside the office, preparing for the worst, and made it over to your desk without anyone whispering or looking at you, and as soon as you reached your desk, hoseok looked over at you, concern evident on his features.

 “you ok?” he asked in a low voice, and you nodded, giving him what you hoped was a convincing smile. hoseok didn’t look too convinced, but he didn’t press further, instead wordlessly handed you a bottle of water. “just in case.” he mumbled, and you shot him a grateful smile.

   “where’s tae?” you whispered, noticing that the raven haired male was nowhere to be seen. “that idiot will be running late today. he forgot to make the powerpoint that’s supposed to be presented at the meeting two hours from now, so he’s probably scrambling to get it done as we speak.” hoseok grumbled, rolling his eyes, and you bit back a laugh.

  “also, jungkook dropped by my apartment yesterday.” you said nonchalantly, and the corner of hoseok’s lips curled into a small smirk, and you felt your face grow hot. “not like that you asshole, he came by with food and a stuffed animal to check up on me, that’s all.” that stupid smirk never left his face as he sifted through a pile of papers on his desk. “whatever you say, y/n.” he sing-songed, and you glared at him.

  “you’ve been hanging out with taehyung too much.” you chided, and hoseok chuckled softly, shrugging. “it just kind of happened you know?” “yeah, yeah, whatever.” you griped, and hoseok’s grin just grew wider.

   the meeting went by fast, and taehyung was sure he was rambling about pure nonsense, but his boss’s expression never changed, save for the slight furrowing of an eyebrow here and there, but no reaction whatsoever, and taehyung took that as a sign that the powerpoint that he had thrown together was decent enough.

  taehyung exhaled softly, relieved that the meeting had somehow gone smoothly, despite his last minute powerpoint, and turned to walk out the door, eager to get back to his desk, but froze when his boss finally spoke.

 “kim taehyung?” he said, and taehyung ignored the pounding of his heart as he turned to face his boss, plastering on what he hoped was a convincing smile. “yes, vice chairman? is there something i can do for you?” taehyung mentally winced at how much he sounded like a kiss-up, and awaited for the older’s response.

 time seemed to trickle by slowly, and namjoon finally cleared his throat, breaking the silence at last, and taehyung tried to school his features into neutrality, trying to seem as composed as possible. “you’re close with my secretary, correct?” namjoon questioned, and taehyung tried not to show any signs of shock on his face at the sudden question.

  “correct, sir, y/n and i have been friends since college. why do you ask?” “i was just curious, you can go.” he said, waving his hand dismissively.  taehyung blinked, the only sign that he was the slightest bit confused, and quickly mumbled something under his breath before fleeing the room.

  he must’ve looked surprised because as soon as he sat down at his desk, you looked over at him, eyebrows furrowed with concern. “tae? are you alright? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 “i just got out of a meeting with the boss, and he asked me if i was close to you.” your eyes widened by a slight fraction, and hoseok looked on curiously. “what? why?” taeyung shrugged. “beats me, he didn’t explain why.” “that’s so weird, i wonder what he’s putting in his coffee lately.” hoseok chuckled, gulping down the water bottle on his desk.

  “yeah, and he hasn’t called me in his office at all today.” you added, and twirled the pen in your hands absentmindedly. “well, whatever the reason is, let’s just be thankful that he didn’t fire you right on the spot.” taehyung mumbled, and you scoffed. “yeah, i’d like to see him try to function without me around. i mean, the man can’t even organize the stuff on his desk, i have to do everything for him. i feel like a babysitter more than a secretary sometimes.” you sighed, and ran a hand through your hair.

  hoseok frowned. “so what, he just orders you around all the time?” you laughed softly. “well, yeah, i mean, that’s kind of his job?” “yeah, but he goes overboard half the time.” taehyung added, reaching for a file on his desk.

    namjoon chewed his lower lip nervously as he drummed his fingers on the smooth wood of his desk, mind swimming with thoughts. he wasn’t sure what prompted him to ask taehyung such a pointless question. why did he care if he and his secretary were close or not?

 he sighed, resisting the urge to run a hand through his hair in frustration. namjoon wasn’t sure what was wrong with him lately, as he usually wasn’t this scatterbrained. yoongi had also noticed that he’d been acting weird, and namjoon knew he was probably holding back from saying anything to avoid stressing him out more.

 get your shit together, namjoon, investors from spain are going to be visiting the company tomorrow, and you need to make sure they walk out knowing that they won’t regret investing in the company. namjoon thought to himself, feeling put out from the long day, when the phone on his desk rang, causing him to let out a long, suffering sigh.

  “yes?” he asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “sir? someone is here to see you, is now not a good time?” you said, and namjoon could hear the slight nervousness in your tone.

  “i’m not particularly busy right now, so, who’s here?” there was a slight pause, and before namjoon could say anything, you blurted, “well, erm, it’s jungkook?”

 namjoon froze in his seat, and felt his blood run cold at the mention of the younger male’s name. “why the hell is he here? give him the phone.” he hissed, and heard slight rustling on the other end.

 “hello namjoon, bet you weren’t expecting me just to show up uninvited, huh?” jungkook taunted, and he could hear the smugness in his former friend’s tone. “i think we should skip pleasantries, don’t you?” namjoon said, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible, despite the anger that was bubbling in his stomach.

   jungkook chuckled lowly. “i think that would be best. so, do you have time to talk to me, or are you too busy busting people’s asses for not getting their work done?” now it was namjoon’s turn to laugh. “very funny jeon, and just for that, say what you need to and leave.” “what, right now? what, you’re too scared to talk to me face to face?” namjoon curled his hands into fists at the younger male’s mocking tone. “no, i just think that seeing your face will ruin my appetite, i’m getting dinner after this, you know.” he smirked, and could imagine jungkook’s eyes glimmering with annoyance.

  “fine.” he griped, and then mumbled something that namjoon couldn’t quite catch. “do you remember the banquet and the brief confrontation we had?” namjoon clenched his jaw as he hissed, ”vaguely, why?” “oh no reason, just thought i’d let you know that i offered y/n a position at my company.” jungkook said, and had the audacity to sound casual about it, as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb in namjoon’s life. “you what?” he seethed, grip tightening slightly on the phone.

  “geez, no need to get so worked up about it, she didn’t accept, but did consider it. anyways, that’s all i wanted to tell you, have a nice night!” jungkook exclaimed with fake enthusiasm as the line went dead.

 namjoon practically slammed the phone down back on his desk, anger crashing over him like a tidal wave. how dare jeon jungkook show up, uninvited and unprompted to his own company, and then proceed to mock him like some entitled brat? namjoon resisted the urge to slam his hand down on his desk in pure anger, and instead took a deep, bracing breath in an attempt to calm himself.

   “what did you just do, kook? he’s not going to forget that, you know.” you said, surprised at how even your tone was. said male scoffed. “believe me, i know. your boss is the type to hold grudges for a long time.” taehyung’s cerulean eyes narrowed in suspicion. “how would you know that?” jungkook sighed, the tension in his shoulders loosening a bit. “we used to be friends, a long time ago.” you could’ve sworn the noise in the room got sucked out at the sudden revelation.

 “what?” you blanched, while hoseok and taehyung just looked on curiously. jungkook’s lips curled up in a bitter smile. “it’s shocking, i know, me being friends with an asshole like him, but before our falling out, your boss wasn’t all that bad, i guess.”

 “care to elaborate?” taehyung blurted, and hoseok smacked him lightly on the shoulder. jungkook bit back a laugh, shaking his head slightly.

 “it’s okay, hyung, i don’t mind, besides, you guys are my friends and deserve to know what happened between your boss and i years ago.”

   jungkook took a deep breath, exhaling softly before he spoke, ignoring the racing of his heart as he began to relieve memories that had been lingering in the back of his mind for years.

   spring 2013

  jungkook bounced nervously on his heels, awaiting his interview. he adjusted his tie for what seemed like the millionth time that hour, making sure not a strand of his hair was out of place, and that his blazer and button down weren’t wrinkled, even though he knew his mom had ironed them to perfection.

 they’d just moved to seoul two weeks ago, and after things had gotten settled at their new house, his mom insisted that he start at the local academy as soon as possible. jungkook was beyond nervous, as he’d heard that the students at the academy were extremely intelligent. jungkook was scared that he wouldn’t live up to their expectations and be kicked out immediately, but since the school had called him for an interview, he hoped that there was a chance they’d consider him for enrollment.

  suddenly, the door to the nearby classroom opened, causing jungkook to jump in surprise, and a tall male stepped out, who looked no older than nineteen, dressed in a school uniform that was well-tailored, as the pants molded to his long legs perfectly.

  said male greeted him with a polite, friendly smile, and jungkook couldn’t help but notice the dimples that were indented in his cheeks. “you must be jeon jungkook, correct?” he asked, and his voice was deep yet soft.

 “y-yes, that’s me.” jungkook stammered, bowing awkwardly. “nice to meet you.” the tall male chuckled, waving off his politeness. “there’s no need to be formal, after all, i am not that much older than you. how old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

 “f-fifteen.” the male smiled, dimples indented in his cheeks, humming in acknowledgement. “ok, jungkook, follow me.” he said, and jungkook took a deep breath before following the male into the classroom.

 the classroom was spacious, with desks arranged in neat rows, and the chalkboard behind the tall male was pristine. the room also had a bookshelf in the corner, full of classics and even romance novels. at the front of the room, a large desk took up a third of the space, and the male who’d greeted him was sitting behind it, in the process of slipping on a pair of glasses, which made him look even more intelligent.

  “i’m so sorry, i realized that i had forgotten to introduce myself. i’m kim namjoon, but you can just call me namjoon if you like.” namjoon smiled, dark brown eyes kind, and jungkook felt the tension in his shoulders loosen.

  “n-nice to meet you namjoon.” jungkook mumbled, hating how meek and soft he sounded, but namjoon didn’t seem to mind, as he just laughed softly.

  “there’s no need to be nervous, i know that the school looks a bit intimidating, but once you’re actually a student, it’s not as bad as you think.” namjoon’s smile was so open and reassuring that jungkook couldn’t help but return it with a grin of his own.

   “wait, so you went to the same high school?” you blurted, and jungkook nodded, a sad smile tugging at his lips. “yeah, we did, and that’s actually how we became friends. he interviewed me when i came in for the admission interview, and two days later, i found out that i got accepted. when we first met, he had this aura about him that just screamed reassuring and friendly, and i guess i got fooled by that. we were close for a while, a year at most, and then i met jieun, and when i went to tell namjoon that we were together, i thought he’d be supportive, but he-” jungkook’s voice cracked, tears welling up in his eyes, and you immediately ran over, throwing your arms around him and rubbing comforting circles on his back as jungkook’s body shook with soft sobs.

  you shushed jungkook and stroked his hair gently, heart aching at the broken sobs that emitted from him. you felt a small surge of anger at namjoon for making jungkook feel this way, and hugged the latter tighter, while hoseok and taehyung looked on in concern.

  after jungkook’s tears had subsided, he gently pulled away from your embrace, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “sorry for getting tear stains on your shirt.” he croaked, chuckling softly, and you waved off his apology. “it’s fine, kook, don’t worry about it.”

  “wait, so caused the falling out, if you don’t mind me asking, that is.” taehyung mumbled, color blooming on his cheeks, and jungkook smiled weakly. “it’s alright, like i said, you are my friends and deserve to know what happened and why we are constantly at each other’s throats.”

  you carefully sat jungkook down on your office chair, to which he gave you a small, grateful smile, and exhaled softly.

   fall 2014

  jungkook felt his heart pound rapidly against his chest as he bounded up the stairs to the school. jieun had finally admitted that she liked him back, after a semester of mutual pining, and now they were happily dating, and jungkook couldn’t wait to tell namjoon the great news.

 he found said male at his locker, in the process of shoving textbooks into his backpack, and jungkook couldn’t contain the grin that spread across his face as he drew closer.

  “hey hyung!” he beamed, and the older male turned to look at him, chuckling amusedly. “why are you so chipper today, kook? something happen?” namjoon asked as he slid his philosophy textbook, which was about half the size of a dictionary into his worn blue backpack.

  “jieun and i are dating! last week, she finally admitted that she likes me back! isn’t that great?” jungkook blurted, and immediately, the warm smile from namjoon’s face faded, quickly replaced with one of disbelief.

 “what did you just say?” namjoon said, voice deadly calm, and jungkook furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, wondering why the older didn’t seem as happy as he thought he would.

 “jieun and i are dating?” he repeated, and jungkook flinched as the older nearly took his locker door off its hinges as he slammed it shut.

  “how could you?” namjoon hissed, and jungkook immediately felt dread pooling in his stomach. “i-i don’t understand, why are you being like this?” namjoon laughed bitterly. “you know, for someone so smart, you can be quite dense sometimes.” jungkook’s heart was pounding wildly against his chest as namjoon just looked at him with unreadable eyes.

  a blanket of silence fell over them, and jungkook’s mind raced for an explanation as to why his friend was acting so strangely. then, after some agonizing seconds, it hit him like a punch to the solar plexus. “y-you like j-jieun, don’t you?” namjoon clapped in mock admiration, chuckling darkly.

  “glad you finally realized it, jungkook.” namjoon sneered, and jungkook flinched at the uncharacteristic coldness in the older’s voice. “i-i can break up with her, i-” he was cut off my namjoon shaking his head, a bitter smile spreading across his face.

  “don’t bother jungkook, because i know you, and you’re just going to crawl back to her anyway because you’d feel guilty about hurting her.” and with that, namjoon slung his backpack over his shoulder and without looking back at him, turned on his heels and walked away, leaving jungkook with a heavy heart.

   “seriously? the guy got so worked up over you dating the girl he likes? i know it sucks, but you can’t get all that you want in life, doesn’t he know that?” hoseok grumbled, throwing his hands up in exasperation, and jungkook laughed softly.

 “i don’t blame him for reacting the way he did, i mean, if i were in the same position as him, i’d probably be pissed off too.” jungkook admitted, and leaned back against the chair, body slumping in exhaustion. “but he could’ve also tried to be supportive instead of turning on you immediately like that.” you seethed, and jungkook reached over and placed a calming, reassuring hand on your shoulder. “it’s ok, y/n, please don’t go after him. i can’t risk you losing your job because of me.” he mumbled, and your heart ached at the sadness in his voice.

 “but he-” jungkook shook his head, cutting you off abruptly. “it’s not worth the risk.” “and you wanna know the sad part about all of this? even though i resent him for lashing out at me, some part of me is still holding on to the slight hope that we’ll be able to reconcile one day.” jungkook confessed, smiling sadly.

  you threw your arms around jungkook again, pulling him into a fierce and tight hug, to which he leaned into, burying his face in the crook of your shoulder. “i’m sorry for dumping all my baggage into your lives like this.” jungkook sniffled, voice slightly muffled by the thin fabric of your blouse, and hoseok and taehyung shook their heads. “kook, we are your friends, dumping baggage into each others’ lives is what we do.” taehyung said, slight humor in his tone, but you could tell that he was sincere, and you looked at him over jungkook’s shoulder and gave him a grateful smile.

     jungkook stumbled into his apartment hours later, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. he felt so relieved and almost at ease for finally telling his friends the truth about why namjoon and him hated each other so much. and while it’d been painful to relive the painful memories, he was glad that his closest friends knew.

  jungkook sighed, undoing his tie and throwing it onto an empty chair, his gray suit jacket joining it, and padded over to the bathroom to take a much needed shower.

 minutes later, jungkook emerged from the bathroom, feeling refreshed and more comfortable in a loose shirt and sweatpants, drying his hair with a towel. he hung it on the hook on the bathroom door before practically collapsing onto his bed, sighing in relief.

  the day had been exhausting, more so than usual, and after he’d spilled his heart out to his friends just hours ago, jungkook was in much need of sleep.

  his phone buzzed, snapping him out of his thoughts, and jungkook groaned tiredly as he reached over and grabbed it from the nightstand, squinting slightly as his eyes adjusted to the bright screen in front of him.

  his heart skipped a beat when he saw that he’d gotten a text from you, and immediately scolded himself. stop acting like a middle school boy with a crush, he thought.

 hey, i just wanted to make sure that you’re okay, you know, after all that happened today.

 i’m fine, he typed, just a little tired, that’s all.

 get some rest kook. also, can you come over tomorrow?

 jungkook ignored the way his heart sped up at that, and typed out a reply.

  yeah, of course. is everything ok?

  everything’s fine, i just thought we could have a movie night again, you know, like last time.

 jungkook felt his face grow hot at the memory of you falling asleep on his couch, and when you had emerged from the guest bedroom in nothing but the sweater he’d lent you, it had taken all the self-restraint in him not to blush.

  ok, sounds great! want me to bring over some chicken and beer?

 hell yes! you know i’m always down for chicken and beer :)

 jungkook chuckled softly, sent a smiley emoji in response, and carefully placed his phone back  on the nightstand. yawning, he crawled underneath the covers and drew them tight around his body, feeling sleep overtake him.

   namjoon was still reeling from the day’s events when yoongi knocked on his front door. sighing, he went to answer it, not bothering to say hello as the younger moved past him, clutching a bag full of takeout from that restaurant not too far from his house, along with two bottles of soju.

  later, when the food was laid out on the massive coffee table that took up a third of namjoon’s living room, yoongi finally asked him why he’d been acting so strange lately.

namjoon carefully laid his chopsticks down before replying. “it’s jungkook.” yoongi’s dark eyes widened almost interceptibly, the only sign he was surprised. “what about him?” he said, shoving a handful of rice in his mouth, causing namjoon wrinkle his nose in slight disgust.

  “he showed up at the company today, unannounced and told me that he offered y/n a job.” yoongi nearly choked on a piece of samgyeopsal. “what?” he coughed, and namjoon held out a bottle of water that he’d grabbed from the fridge earlier, and yoongi took it immediately, uncapping it and taking a long swig.

  “he had the nerve to say that to me, over the phone, of all things.” namjoon grumbled, picking up his chopsticks and shoving a piece of pork in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

 “are we talking about the same jeon jungkook? that wide eyed kid who practically worshipped the ground you walked on in high school?” namjoon sighed, managing a small nod.

 yoongi let out a low whistle. “damn, this kid’s got some guts.” “more like a death wish.” namjoon muttered, taking a long sip of soju, letting the bitterness burn his throat. “how long has it been?” yoongi asked, downing the rest of his soju. “i don’t know, five years?” namjoon pondered, and then leaned back on the couch, sighing.

  “it’s been nearly five years, joon, i mean, know what happened sucked, but the kid isn’t together with her anymore. besides, don’t you think you two have been at each other’s throats for too long? it’ll take time, but jungkook’s a good kid, he’s just trying to figure out how to cope with the pent up hatred he’s habored for you for years, that’s all.” yoongi said that last part casually, shrugging nonchalantly, as if he’d just talked about the weather. namjoon didn’t reply, just reached for his abandoned bottle of soju and downed the rest.

    taehyung munched happily on his bowl of popcorn as goblin flashed across the flat screen that had been bought with hoseok’s first paycheck, heavily engrossed in the drama. the latter, however, seemed distracted, as per usual, and because he didn’t want to pry, taehyung pretended not to notice how hoseok barely touched his popcorn, not bothering to focus on the show at hand.

  finally, after a long stretch of silence between them, taehyung, without looking away from the tv, awkwardly cleared his throat. “something on your mind, hyung?” hoseok jumped, as if taehyung had bit him, and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “ah, it’s really not that important.” he mumbled, and taehyung rolled his eyes, reaching for the remote and reluctantly pausing his drama, turning to look at the older male.

 “alright, what is it?” hoseok sighed, as if knowing that trying to hide his feelings was useless. “i don’t know, honestly. what jungkook told us has been stuck in my head all day. i feel like he left something out.” taehyung resisted the urge to roll his eyes. instead, he said as gently as he could, “what do you mean?” “well, i don’t know, i guess i just have an inkling that jungkook didn’t tell us the whole story, like he left some parts out. like how did he realize that our boss liked his ex? or that he was even interested in her? or why didn’t namjoon say anything to jungkook about liking her?”  

  taehyung let out an amused laugh. “what?” hoseok muttered, color blooming on his cheeks, and the former grinned. “do you want to interrogate him or something?” “n-no, i just feel like there’s more to what jungkook told us, you know?” taehyung hummed in agreement. “yeah, i see where you’re coming from, i mean, jungkook’s a private person, so he usually keeps things like that under wraps. i bet it was difficult for him to tell us what happened, so maybe jungkook left some stuff out because he didn’t feel ready to reveal the whole truth.” he added with a shrug, and hoseok just slumped down onto the couch, feeling defeated.

    jungkook braced himself as he walked into work the next day, hoping jimin wouldn’t strangle him or worse, and hesitantly made his way over to his secretary’s desk, rocking back and forth on his heels nervously.

  jimin didn’t bother to look up from the pile of paperwork on his desk as he greeted him. “good morning, sir.” he said, tone unfailingly polite as always, but jungkook could hear the slight annoyance in it. “look, jimin, i’m sorry for the way i’ve acted lately. i know it was reckless and i let my anger get the better of me. feel free to yell at me or whatever. i know i deserve it.”

 jungkook waited for the stern lecture and harsh words, which otherwise never came. instead, jimin merely sighed, finally looking up from the papers on his desk, dark brown eyes glimmering with unshed tears. “you’re right, you do deserve it, in fact, i should yell at you right now. but, i guess i have to apologize to you too.”

 jungkook felt his eyes widen in shock. “apologize for what?” he asked, sounding as confused as he felt, and jimin took a deep, bracing breath. “i overheard the conversation you had with y/n and her friends.” jungkook blanched. “what? how? you weren’t there.” jimin shook his head sadly. “no, i was, you just didn’t see me.” “you followed me?” jungkook breathed.

  “i was just making sure that you weren’t going to something reckless again, and you did!” jimin was yelling now, and thankfully, the rest of the employees pretended not to notice, feigning interest in their daily tasks. “why the fuck did you call namjoon and threaten him like that, with witnesses of all things! do you know how much the media would love to report on shit like that if word got out? your reputation will be tainted, and i will have to try and save your sorry ass. i will have to spend all night calling every single news station in korea to beg them to not publish the articles and talk about it! do you know how much stress i’m under as your secretary? i feel like a glorified babysitter half the time because i’m so worried that you’re going to fuck up again! i hate seeing you suffer, so why do you make it difficult for me?” jimin sobbed, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, and jungkook felt like the biggest asshole in the universe at the sight.

   “i know you were trying to protect y/n and all, but you should’ve just let her go with namjoon. it would’ve saved me the headache.” jimin went on, managing a bitter laugh through tears, and jungkook winced.

  jungkook hesitantly walked over to jimin, swallowing against the bile in his throat, and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the latter to flinch, but he didn’t try to brush it off.

 “look, i know i’ve been quite the asshole lately, and i’m sorry for that. my emotions have gotten the better of me, and going after namjoon was the last thing i should’ve done. but i couldn’t have let y/n go with namjoon, god knows what would’ve happened if i did. i’m sorry for always making you look after me like child who can’t go two seconds without doing some stupid shit. you’ve put up with me all these years, and i’m so grateful for all that you’ve done for me.” jungkook placated gently, and jimin sniffled, looking up at him with watery, puffy eyes.

  “why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye?” jimin whispered, voice slightly shaky, and jungkook gave the former a sad smile. “you’re probably going to hate me after this, but i’m-” before he could finish, jimin had flung himself into his arms, causing jungkook to stumble back a bit as he tried to steady himself.

  “don’t you dare finish that sentence, jeon jungkook, or i swear to god i will break your legs.” jimin scolded half-heartedly, and jungkook chuckled softly. “does this mean you forgive me?” jungkook whispered, hugging the other male tight, he felt jimin let out an amused laugh.

 “of course, you asshole, why do you think i’m putting my pride behind and hugging you?” he joked, and jungkook rolled his eyes. “then let go then.” jungkook mumbled, and jimin looked up, shooting him an icy glare. “jeon jungkook, shut the fuck up and let me hug you, and if anyone thinks you’re gay after this, i will personally walk up to them and politely inform them that you are by far the straightest male i have ever had the displeasure of meeting.” jimin hissed, wrapping his small arms around jungkook’s waist, hugging him tight, and the latter huffed a laugh at his empty threat.

 “even though you’re a pain in my ass, the thought of working for someone else is well-” “unbearable?” jungkook grinned as he handed jimin a water bottle.

 jimin snorted as he took a long swig of water. “in you dreams, jeon.” he mumbled, and jungkook laughed. the former sighed in mock exasperation. “now, if you’ll excuse me, i have to go through a shit ton of documents.” jimin gave a mocking bow as he sauntered out of jungkook’s office, and the latter rolled his eyes.

    you practically fell back against the soft couch cushions of jungkook’s living room couch, trying not to spill the bowl of popcorn in your lap as you laughed. jungkook was telling you about the way jimin had started yelling at him, crying, and then practically threw himself at him, as he put it, and you had burst into a fit of giggles as you imagined the sight.

  “that’s so cute, so he just pulled you into a manly embrace after he yelled at you?” you teased, and quickly dodged the piece of popcorn that jungkook threw at your head. “shut up, there was nothing manly about it, he was like a weeping teenage girl who’d just broken up with their ex.”

 you snorted. “jimin’s always been the one for dramatics, you know.” jungkook huffed a laugh. “tell me about it, i nearly cracked my head open when he suddenly hugged me like that, i could’ve hit my head on his desk.” he muttered, shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth, causing you to wrinkle your noise in slight disgust.

 “what?” jungkook asked through a mouthful of said popcorn, and you playfully shoved him on the shoulder. “you’re so gross, you know that? did you parents teach you, i don’t know, manners?” you scolded half-heartedly, and jungkook rolled his eyes. “please, my parents were too busy trying to keep the company from going bankrupt that teaching me proper decorum was the last thing on their minds.” “did you just say proper decorum?” you asked, letting out a disbelieving laugh, and color bloomed on jungkook’s face.

 “yeah, and? what about it?” he said sulkily, and you bit back a smile as you reached out and ruffled his hair affectionately, the strands soft against your skin, causing jungkook to stick his tongue out at you like a little child.

  “no reason, you just sounded so pretentious.” you joked, and jungkook pouted. “i am not pretentious, you take that back.” he whined, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “i’m sorry kook, it’s just so fun to mess with you.” jungkook pretended to dry a fake tear, slumping down onto his couch. “you wound me. y/n, i thought we were friends.” he sobbed, and you rolled your eyes in mild exasperation.

 “ok, ok, you big baby, i was just teasing you.” you placated gently, wrapping an arm around jungkook’s shoulders, pulling him closer to you. said male sniffled and leaned his head on your shoulder, soft blond hair tickling your neck, and you smiled.

   the next day, you took a deep breath before knocking softly on namjoon’s door, bracing yourself as you swung it open and hesitantly stepped inside. you hadn’t spoken to him in days, and constantly avoiding him wasn’t going to help anything, and thus why you were now standing awkwardly a few feet away from his desk, fidgeting nervously with the thin gold bracelet on your wrist.

  “y/n, what brings you to my office? i don’t think i asked anything of you.” namjoon said, tone neither angry nor sarcastic, just deadly calm, and that alone made you even more nervous.

  “i’m well aware of that sir, but i just wanted to apologize.” one of namjoon’s perfectly shaped eyebrows rose in question. “what for, exactly?” he asked, and you were taken aback by how genuinely curious he sounded, and waved the thought away. don’t be ridiculous, you thought. he’s probably just trying to get a rise out of you, like he always does. you reminded yourself as you exhaled softly, squaring your shoulders.

  “for not informing you of my sudden absence a few days ago and for everything that happened afterwards. i’m sure i caused you a lot of stress, and i apologize sincerely for that. it won’t happen again, and i’m sorry for how imcomptent i’ve been.” you atoned, the words tasting bitter in your mouth, but you forced what you hoped was an apologetic smile on your face, awaiting namjoon’s response.

   the silence in the room was deafening as the minutes seemed to trickle by slowly, and you couldn’t help but rock back and forth on your heels, fidgeting nervously with the thin chain of the dainty necklace that dangled at your throat, the metal cool between your fingers.

  finally, after an unbearable amount of silence, namjoon awkwardly cleared his throat, snapping you out of your trance. “i’m glad that you had the decency to apologize.” immediately, you felt that familiar surge of anger course through you at how condescending he sounded. “excuse me?” you croaked, and namjoon rolled his eyes. “you didn’t bother to show up for work, then you practically avoid me, and worst of all, you left work to go fuck around with that brat.” he snarled, and you curled your hand into a fist, knuckles turning white.

 for the past nine years you’d worked for him, you had always refrained from speaking your mind in fear of getting fired. you hated not speaking up for those poor employees that got yelled at for a small mistake or even for just looking at him, hated that you’d been so scared of an asshole like the man in front of you.

  you hated how he’d talk down to other businessman as if they were lesser than him, and the way he’d practically look down on certain people. most of all, you hated the way he was currently referring to jungkook, who was the sweetest, most loving guy you’d ever met, unlike the complete prick sitting before you.

  fuck this, fuck him, you thought, anger coursing through you. you’d held back from saying anything these past nine years, but enough was enough. “don’t you dare speak him of that way.” you hissed, and felt your blood run cold at the patronizing laugh that rumbled out of namjoon’s throat.

 “oh? and why shouldn’t i? he’s not your boyfriend, is he?” he sneered, and you gritted your teeth in annoyance. “no, he’s not, and even if he was, does that matter?” namjoon had the audacity to scoff. “it doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean i approve of you fucking around with the brat.”

  “i am not sleeping with him or whatever it is you’re implying. do you really think that lowly of me? that i’m some whore? is that what you see me as?” you seethed, trying to keep your voice as even and calm as possible. the smugness on namjoon’s face quickly turned into one of genuine surprise, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit satisfied.

  “i hate to disappoint,” you drawled, tone dripping with fake politeness. “i’m not the whore you think i am. jungkook and i have never been romantically involved, and even if we were, it is none of your business. i’m fucking exhausted of having to look after your pathetic ass all the damn time. for fucks sake, you can’t even tie your shoes properly! you know, for someone so intelligent, you do seem to be lacking in the manners and personality department.” you sneered, and couldn’t help but smirk in satisfication at the way namjoon’s face paled slightly.

  “jungkook is my friend, and i will not tolerate you slandering him. how dare you talk about him like he’s some spoiled brat? you don’t even know how hard he’s worked to get to where he is today. you, on the other hand, grew up with a gold spoon in your mouth,am i right?” you taunted, and saw namjoon’s jaw clench slightly.

  “now, if you’ll excuse me, i have important things to attend to, sir.” you snapped, and before namjoon could do or say anything, you turned on your heel and stormed out of the room, not bothering to look over your shoulder to see his reaction.

   as soon as you reached the safety of your desk, you reached up and clutched at your chest, letting out a deep breath, trying to soothe your pounding heart. hoseok looked over with wide, curious eyes, mouthing, “what happened? are you okay?” you gave him a small, confirming nod, and gestured that you needed water.

  said male immediately got up and snatched a bottle of water from taehyung’s desk, ignoring the cry of protest from the latter, and handed it to you. you gave taehyung an apologetic look as you uncapped the water bottle and took a long swig of it.

   “i finally confronted him.” taehyung’s cerulean eyes widened. “you what?” you sighed, leaning back in your chair. “it’s kind of a long story. i decided that avoiding him wouldn’t solve anything, and when i apologized, he insulted jungkook and i, and i couldn’t take it anymore, so i might’ve snapped.” hoseok let out a low whistle. “well shit, y/n, i never thought i’d see the day.” he admitted, and taehyung nodded in agreement.

  “me too, i mean, i remember when you were still an intern and could barely make eye contact with him.” taehyung mused, and you felt your face flush scarlet. “shut up, it was my first day and i was a nervous wreck. besides, i didn’t even think he’d consider me as his secretary.”

  “so, what are you going to do? did he fire you?” taehyung blurted, and hoseok smacked him lightly on the shoulder, hissing at him to shut up, and you couldn’t help but laugh in amusement. i’Ill just continue to work here until he decides that he’s had enough of me.” hoseok reached out and squeezed your shoulder reassuringly. “well, just know that tae and i are always here for you.” you gave him a grateful smile in return.

    yoongi eyed his longtime friend curiously, looking for any signs of distress, and the only telltale sign was the slight clenching of his jaw. “what’s gotten your panties in a twist today?” he asked nochalantly, and namjoon let out a long, suffering sigh. “you seem to be more on edge than usual.” yoongi commented, and the aforementioned male winced slightly.

 “yeah, is it that obvious?” yoongi shrugged, taking a long sip of red wine. “not really, i just noticed because you know, it’s not like we’ve been friends for almost eleven years or anything.” he mumbled, and namjoon rolled his eyes at the slight sarcasm in his voice.

  “it’s y/n.” he said finally, and yoongi raised a curious brow. “really? again?” “she’s been inconveniencing me these days.” namjoon grumbled, and yoongi bit back a smirk. “how so?” the former sighed, crossing his long legs over the other as he swirled the wine in his glass.

  “she’s been avoiding me, and today, we had a little disagreement.” namjoon mumbled, taking a long sip of his wine, and sat back in his armchair, shoulders tense. “little? from the way she stormed out of your office, i don’t think it was just some petty arguement.” yoongi said thoughtfully, and namjoon sighed in exasperation. “i hate that you can tell how i’m really feeling.” yoongi let out a light chuckle, despite the situation. “yeah, well, when you’ve been friends with someone for nearly eleven years, you tend to pick up on a few things.”

  “i’d never seen her that upset. sure, she’s gotten stressed over running late to a meeting or an email, but she just….” namjoon trailed off, gently drumming his fingers on his wine glass, a soft tinkling echoing in the living room, and yoongi titled his head, considering.

  “snapped?” yoongi interjected, and namjoon gave him a small nod. “yeah, i guess, in a way. she yelled at me, even.” yoongi hid a grin at the thought of you yelling at the latter. though he’d never formally met you, he’d always admired you for constantly putting up with namjoon’s bullshit, and  found it amusing how stubborn you could be.

   “so, what, she just yelled at you for no reason?” yoongi asked, clearing his throat awkwardly to hide the amused laugh that was threatening to burst out of him, and namjoon winced.

  “well, not exactly, you see, i may have insulted her and jungkook.” yoongi groaned in exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose. “are you kidding me, joon? can you really not be nice for like five seconds? what’d she even say that made her get all pissy at you anyway?”

 namjoon grimaced as he recalled the harsh words he’d uttered you without a second thought, as he’d been blinded by his anger and annoyance at jungkook. “she actually came into my office to apologize for her sudden absence and for not informing me about it, and then i accused her of skipping work to hang out with jungkook, and i-i may have, called her a whore, without even meaning to.” he mumbled, barely audible but just enough for yoongi to hear, feeling his face grow hot with embarrassment.

 at first, yoongi said nothing, and the silence in the room was deafening. the raven haired male simply reached for the half empty bottle of wine on the table next to him, pouring the rest of its contents into his glass. yoongi swirled the contents inside for an agonizing minute or two, and namjoon fidgeted awkwardly in his seat, the leather cool against his bare arms.

  after what seemed like forever, yoongi calmly finished the rest of his wine, setting the now empty glass on the table next to him, regarding him cooly. “so, let me get this straight, you practically insulted your secretary and jungkook, and then she yelled at you?” namjoon fought the embarrassed blush that threatened to creep onto his cheekbones, and managed a weak nod.

  yoongi sighed, sounding merely exhausted, and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “joon, i know that this is probably the last thing you want to hear from me right now, but you can’t just say things like that and expect her to just ignore it. i know you and jungkook aren’t exactly the best of friends, but it’s obvious that y/n is super close with him. so, honestly, i think the best thing to do would be to apologize, and then try and go a little easier on her, yeah? i mean she’s worked for you for you nine years, can’t you give her a little leniency?”

  namjoon pursed his lips tightly as he pondered yoongi’s suggestion. while that was the last thing he wanted to do, it seemed like the most practical, and he did consider himself to be a practical man. he sighed, knowing that this was a battle that would never end unless he put a stop to it somehow.

  “i-i don’t know how to apologize.” namjoon admitted, feeling his face grow hot with shame, and didn’t dare look yoongi in the eye, instead focusing on the white carpeting of his living room. yoongi sighed. “do you really not know how to say sorry to someone?” namjoon shook his head, feeling as if he were to shrink into himself at any moment, and after a few beats of silence, yoongi said “i’ll help you”, and namjoon barely felt himself nod in acknowledgement as he stared off into space.

   you sat curled up with hoseok, taehyung, and jungkook on your living room couch, feeling defeated and a little exhausted from the day’s events. hoseok had cooked kimchi fried rice and ordered samgyeopsal to go along with it, and the three of you were now lounging on your couch, lost in thought.

  “why does everyone look so exhausted?” jungkook asked, concern furrowing his brow. hoseok sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “namjoon happened.” he mumbled, and immediately, jungkook’s expression morphed into a mixture of annoyance and anger.

  “what’d that prick do this time?” he hissed. as hoseok filled him in on what happened, you watched as jungkook’s shoulders tensed with every word, and resisted the urge to run over and throw your arms around him.

  “what an asshole. he really has no consideration for others.” jungkook seethed, curling his hands into the leather of the couch. his dark brown eyes softened as he fixed his gaze on you. “i’m so sorry he said those things to you.” you waved away his apology. “it’s fine, i’m honestly used to him being an asshole on the daily, so how he acted didn’t surprise me in the slightest.”

  taehyung huffed, slumping further down on the couch. “still though, it doesn’t excuse the fact that he practically insulted you and jungkook.” said male scoffed. “please, it’s not the first time i’ve been called an entitled brat or whatever insult he comes up with.”

  “still, though, why does he have to be so……” hoseok trailed off. “condescending? jungkook supplied, and the former nodded. “exactly.” “did your relationship with jieun really affect him that badly?” taehyung asked, and jungkook laughed bitterly. “i guess, since he got pissed off enough to end our friendship and push me out of his life.”

  you glared at taehyung, who immediately held his hands up in mock surrender, cerulean eyes alight with fear, and you sighed, shifting your gaze to jungkook, who just looked plain exhausted, and gave him a sympathetic smile, to which he returned with a small grin of his own.

  hoseok, sensing the tension in the room, clapped his hands, the loud noise echoing in your small apartment, and plastered a bright smile on his face. “so, how about we forget about all this depressing shit and get drunk off our asses instead, yeah?” jungkook smiled, a real, genuine one this time, eyes crinkling at the corners, dark brown eyes twinkling with mirth. “why not?”

   hours later, jungkook was close to getting a migraine, head pounding, and very much tipsy, insides practically buzzing with soju, stumbling slightly every time he took a step, struggling to stay upright. he knew that the hangover the following day would be hell, but at the moment, jungkook couldn’t bring himself to care. he usually didn’t drink, especially on a work night, but after the day’s events, all jungkook wanted to do was drink until his mind felt numb. while it was the least practical thing to do, the last thing he wanted to be right now was practical.

  jungkook stumbled into your small kitchen, barely managing to keep his eyes open as he did, gripping the marble counter next to him tightly, willing the world to stop spinning. out of his peripheral vision, he could see hoseok and taehyung passed out on the couch, soft snores escaping their mouths, and you were passed out on a nearby armchair, cheeks flushed.

  he groaned and forced himself to walk over to the living room, blinking back exhaustion, and somehow collapsed onto the blue carpeted floor, feeling his body practically sigh in relief at the soft surface underneath him, jungkook let sleep pull him under minutes later.

    taehyung woke up with a migraine and to the bright sun shining in his eyes, causing him to groan and bury in his face in one of the couch cushions. his body felt like jelly and the migraine that was currently pounding in his head was going to bother him all day.

  sighing, he looked up from the cushion, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and looked around the room. hoseok was passed out next to him, clothes and hair rumpled, snoring softly, jungkook was curled up on the floor, suit jacket thrown to the side carelessly, his feet bare, and you were asleep on a nearby armchair, blouse and skirt wrinkled, dark hair a wild mess.

  taehyung winced as he forced himself to sit up, ignoring the pounding headache he was currently sporting, and bent down to retrieve his suit jacket, which he’d probably removed at some point during the night, and shoved it on.

  he got up and padded over to the kitchen, legs feeling like concrete, and managed to pour himself a glass of water and finding the painkillers. taehyung groaned, opened the painkillers, popped one in his mouth, and gulped down the glass of water. after carefully putting the glass in the sink, taehyung trudged over to the living room to wake up his friends.

  taehyung started with hoseok, who was surprisingly easy to wake up, and made sure that his friend was up and taking painkillers before going to wake you. you groaned, fidgeting around in the chair, and taehyung couldn’t help but smile fondly.

 “y/n” he sing-songed, shaking you gently, and your eyes slowly fluttered open. “huh?” you mumbled sleepily, and taehyung chuckled. “headache?” he asked gently, and you shook your head slightly. “surprisingly, i don’t. there is a slight ache, but it’s nothing close to a migraine.”

 taehyung smiled, reaching out and ruffling your hair affectionately, telling you to go and freshen up, and you shot him a grateful smile as you disappeared up the small staircase that led to your room. sighing, he padded over to jungkook’s curled up form, nudging him slightly with his foot.

  “kook?” he whispered, and said male grunted in response. “get your ass up and take some painkillers. you look like shit.” taehyung joked, and jungkook slowly sat up, hand immediately reaching up to press at his temples, groaning. “how much did i drink last night? my head’s killing me.” taehyung shrugged. “beats me, i passed out before you. but judging by your current state, i’m guessing a lot?” jungkook sighed. “remind me never to drink again.” he mumbled, carefully standing up and awkwardly shuffling towards the kitchen to take some painkillers. taehyung rolled his eyes half-heartedly and went to prepare breakfast.

    hoseok sat at the kitchen island with you and taehyung on either side of him, and jungkook sitting at the very end, shoveling the pancakes that taehyung had made earlier into his mouth. you grimaced at the piece of pancake that stuck to his mouth afterwards, and hoseok rolled his eyes playfully. “didn’t your parents teach you, i don’t know proper table etiquette?” you joked, looking surprisingly refreshed for someone who’d just drank seven bottles of soju last night, and hoseok glared at you half-heartedly.

  “i’m hungry, okay? leave me alone.” hoseok grumbled, cheeks flushing with color, and taehyung giggled. “ah , you’re so cute hyung!” he beamed, and hoseok glared daggers at the younger. “call me cute one more time or i’ll cut your dick off.” he growled, and taehyung just smiled smugly in response.

  “would you two stop being at each other’s throat for at least a day? i swear, you idiots can’t go five minutes without wanting to bicker about the stupidest shit.” you scolded, but your tone held no heat, and taehyung snickered. “it’s how we show our love for one another.” hoseok supplied cheerfully, and you rolled your eyes. jungkook only looked on in amusement, holding back his laughter as he gulped down his glass of orange juice.

  “remind me to never drink that much again.” jungkook muttered as he gently set down his now empty glass and headed for the bathroom to freshen up, and hoseok couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “do you need more painkillers?” taehyung called after him, and jungkook waved a dismissive hand. “i’ll be fine.” he said over his shoulder, and disappeared into the bathroom, softly shutting the door behind him.

  as soon as he was gone, taehyung immediately leaned in, bracing his elbows on the counter, lowering his voice as if he were afraid someone would overhear. “so, what’s going on with you and jungkook?” you felt your cheeks burn as you scoffed. “tae, would you quit that? there’s nothing going on between us.” said male pouted. “but y/n, this is your chance to find true love!”

  you rolled your eyes fondly. “look, i appreciate that, but i don’t think he’s ready for another committed relationship, especially after jieun. besides, even if he was, i don’t think jungkook likes me in that way, and i’m not sure if i do either.”

  hoseok scoffed. “you two are the most oblivious people i’ve ever met. do you even know how jungkook looks at you? how smitten he looks?” you blanched. “i-” aforementioned male just held up a hand, cutting you off and sighing. “i get that you don’t want to pressure jungkook about him dating again, but i mean, it’s not like you’ve flirted with him or anything. you’ve respected that he was in a long-term relationship and gave him time to heal. and he’s also not trying to make any moves on you. and like taehyung said before, it’s been a while since you’ve dated y/n, i mean, you deserve to be happy, you know?”

  your heart warmed at how sincere he sounded, and moved forward to hug him. “thank you.” you mumbled into the soft fabric of his t-shirt, and hoseok chuckled softly, returning your embrace. “just telling the truth, no need to thank me.” after you pulled away, you let out a soft yawn and stretched. “i’m going to go get ready.” you mumbled and disappeared up the small set of stairs that led to your room a few seconds later.

   as taehyung moved to put his plate in the sink, hoseok blurted, “what was that about?” the former’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “what?” hoseok sighed inwardly. “why’d you ask y/n if there was something going on between her and jungkook? you know there’s not.”

 taehyung rolled his eyes. “oh that? you know i was just messing with her, right?” hoseok blanched. “i-” the former held up a hand, cutting him off. “look, i know that you don’t exactly approve of y/n dating a conglomerate or whatever, but jungkook’s a great guy. he’s sweet and would treat her the way she deserves. i don’t see why you’re so against it.”

  hoseok felt his face flush. “i never said i didn’t approve! i just…” he trailed off, and taehyung raised a curious brow. “just what?” hoseok sighed. “it’s nothing.” he mumbled, and taehyung didn’t look too convinced, but he didn’t press further, only gave a philosophical shrug and disappeared down the hall. hoseok, left alone with his thoughts, buried his face in his hands and groaned.

    namjoon didn’t bother to look up from the veritable mountain of papers on his desk, even as you placed yet another dictionary sized file in front of him, clearing your throat awkwardly. “do you need anything?” he shook his head minutely, and heard you bow slightly and walk out of his office, heels clicking on the smooth floor, the door closing softly but firmly behind you.

   as soon as you were gone, namjoon sighed, tossing the report he’d been reading off to the side of his desk, rubbing at his temples. his last conversation with yoongi had been all he could think about lately, and had gotten little to no sleep because of it. the older male had never been one to sugarcoat anything, as he was usually blunt and spoke his mind, which namjoon appreciated.

   however, though, yoongi’s advice this time around had been confusing and to namjoon, a little out of character for him, as the younger wasn’t usually one to have “deep” conversations and often took namjoon’s side when it came to disagreements. in fact, his advice had made him even more confused and conflicted than ever.

  unfortunately, yoongi was the only friend he had, as most of the people he interacted with usually thought of him as a conceited asshole and extremely intimidating. then, there was the irrevocably doomed friendship with jungkook, who had also made it clear that he had no intention of forgiving him for what occurred in the past. finally, there was his family, who he usually avoided contacting when he could help it.

  his parents weren’t exactly the worst, but they weren’t the best either. his mom had tried to be there for him, especially when he’d gotten kidnapped at age six and had had suffered from trauma, but had gotten too busy with work and often neglected him. next was his father, who hadn’t even made any attempts to have any sort of “normal” relationship with him, as work was the only thing he seemed to care about these days.

  then there were his siblings, who he hadn’t spoken to in years. aera, his older sister, was the head of an airline company in singapore, and had somehow managed to establish some sort of presence in said country, despite not being a native. she was kind, or at least, tried to be, tending to namjoon’s wounds when he’d fall from the swings at the nearby park, or when he’d trip and fall on his face, due to his clumsy nature. then, she’d gone off to college in europe, and had never come back. for all he knew, aera was probably lounging on the beach somewhere, sun-tanning.

  finally, there was his older brother, sung-ho, who he’d always had a rocky relationship with. when they’d ended up going to the same middle school, namjoon had always felt as if he were living in his brother’s shadow, coming in second during spelling bees or scoring lower in tests, teachers favoring sungho over him, always praising him with sweet words that dripped from their mouths like honey.

  on top of all that, his parents seemed to dote on him the most, making sure the best doctors took care of him when he’d get sick, and constantly fussing over him, giving him second helpings of food, and other things that namjoon longed for his parents to do for him.

  they might as well have acted as if namjoon was a complete stranger instead of their biological son, for he felt invisible during his entire childhood, and could only rely on himself. no one seemed to care that he was crumbling and that the trauma from that awful kidnapping had affected him greatly. namjoon blinked back tears as he curled his hands into fists, knuckles turning white, and wished he could just will himself away.

  that awful day still haunted him, and the terrible memories still lingered in the back of his mind, no matter how much namjoon tried to forget the incident entirely. namjoon took a deep, bracing breath, willing his hands to stop shaking, and finally let his tears fall.

   jimin sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair as he typed out another email to the electronic company in spain, the text on his sleek computer screen a jumble of words.

 companies had been emailing him all day, demanding to know whether or not golden closet inc was going to invest in their products, and jimin was trying to assure them that their contracts would be sent to them soon, and that they only needed a few more days.

  jimin sighed tiredly and leaned back in his office chair, feeling his body practically wilt like a malnourished flower, and felt the ache in his neck pulse slightly. he was beyond exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to rush home and fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

 unfortunately for him, jungkook had several meetings scheduled today, and as his secretary, jimin had to be there for all of them. and while he knew that jungkook would let him have the rest of the day off, no questions asked, jimin also knew that a part of him would feel guilty for leaving jungkook to deal with the narcissistic assholes that often attended said meetings, and would try to rush back to work anyway.

   jimin ignored the now dull ache in his neck as he stood, grabbing the thick manila folder of reports on his desk and heading to jungkook’s office, fighting back exhaustion. this time, he waited for the soft yet authoritative “come in” before swinging the door open and letting himself inside the enormous yet somewhat cozy space.

  jungkook was sat at his massive desk, flipping absentmindedly through a report, eyebrows scrunching together in concentration, a thin black pen in between his fingers. his blonde hair was a little disheveled and wind-swept, but the perfectly tailored gray suit he had on fit him like a glove.

  jimin sighed, walking over and placing the file he’d been holding gently on the desk. jungkook looked up from the report he’d been reading, a gentle smile tugging at his mouth. “morning, jimin.” he beamed. jimin narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the strangely chipper tone in the former’s voice.

  “why are you so hyper today?” jimin blurted, and bit back a smirk when color bloomed onto jungkook’s face. “i-i might’ve gotten drunk last night and was trying to play it off as if the hangover i’m currently going through isn’t killing me.” the latter mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, and jimin huffed a laugh, reaching into his pocket and placing some aspirin on his desk.

  “i could tell, you seemed really out of it this morning. i mean, you almost tripped over your own feet when you went to make some coffee earlier.” jungkook’s blush grew deeper as he grabbed the mug with said coffee in it and took a small sip. “shut up.” he muttered, and jimin chuckled softly.

  “where’d you even go last night anyway?” jimin asked nonchalantly as he put a pile of papers in a neat stack on jungkook’s desk, humming softly. “y/n’s apartment. and before you ask, it wasn’t just the two of us. hoseok hyung and tae were there too.” the latter supplied, and jimin gave a small nod in acknowledgement.

  “well, at least you’re still a pain in the ass, i guess.” jimin teased, and received a half-hearted glare in return. “get out.” jungkook scolded, but his tone held no anger, and jimin resisted the urge to burst out laughing as he gave a slight bow and exited the room.

    jungkook downed the rest of his coffee, grabbing the water bottle that he’d stolen from y/n’s apartment, popped some aspirin in his mouth, and grimaced as he gulped down said water bottle. wincing at the dull ache in his head, he threw the water bottle into the empty wastebasket beside his desk and sighed heavily.

   drinking in excess last night had proved to be one of the stupidest things jungkook had ever done in his life, aside from punching his former friend in the face twice. jungkook groaned as he remembered that he had a fuck ton of meetings that afternoon, and ran a hand through his hair, not caring if it got messier than it already was. he sighed inwardly and reached for the report he’d been reading. today’s going to be a long fucking day, jungkook thought miserably.

     you ignored the curious stares of your fellow employees as you went to make copies of the financial reports that namjoon had requested, the soft whirring of the machine filling the otherwise quiet room, and drummed your fingers softly on the table, humming softly.

  you weren’t sure why people had been giving you strange looks all morning, whispering to each other as if they were gossiping about a celebrity scandal, but you just chose to ignore them, for the matter was probably unimportant.

   you grabbed the copies off the printer and walked back to your desk, ignoring the hushed voices of everyone around you. hoseok shot you a concerned look, mouthing “everything ok?” and you nodded, giving him what you hoped was a convincing smile.

   hoseok didn’t look too convinced, however, but didn’t say anything, even as you got up and made your way to namjoon’s office, schooling your features into neutrality. once you were given the go ahead to come in, you swung the door open gently and shut it firmly behind you.

   you placed the copies on his desk, bowing slightly and moving away from it, making sure to put distance in between you and namjoon. said male scanned over the copies, expression unreadable, and gave you a slight nod, as if to say “thank you for not fucking this up.”

  you fought the urge to scoff as you turned on your heels and started to walk away, but stopped in your tracks when you heard a soft “wait.” “yes?” you asked over your shoulder, making sure to remain as nonchalant as possible. “i wanted to apologize.” namjoon blurted, and you sighed inwardly as you turned to face him.

  “for what, exactly?” “for how i’ve acted lately. i’ve been immature and rude and the things i said to you was not justified. i’m sorry for insulting you as well, that was extremely rude and out of line.” his tone seemed sincere, but because of how he’d treated you of late, you couldn’t help but feel extremely doubtful.

   you scoffed, and namjoon had the nerve to look hurt. “with all due respect, sir, you realty expect me to believe that your apology is not half-assed?” “i’m confused, what are you trying to say?” you rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest. “as intelligent as you are, you’re really dense sometimes, sir.” you drawled, fake politeness coating your voice, and namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

   “did you forget about how i’ve worked my ass off for you all these years? and how you practically dismissed me after i tried to have a mature conversation with you? and then you practically insult me and one of my friends. you expect me to just forgive you after all of the shit you constantly put me through?” you tried your best to keep calm, curling your hands into fists tightly, knuckles turning white.

   namjoon looked utterly speechless for once, and you bit back a satisfied smirk at the sight at the small victory. “have you been struggling? i know i’m not the best boss in the world, but you can let me know if you’re struggling or not. is the workload too much? or is the salary not enough? i can increase it-” “why would you care if i am or not?! you’re nothing but a narcissistic asshole who cares only about himself. i do all the bullshit you make me do, even if i have to lose sleep because of some stupid meeting!” you hissed, fighting back frustrated and angry tears. namjoon had the audacity and the nerve to look appalled. “what? surprised that i’m not confessing my love to you?” you sneered. “do you really think that?” think what?” “that i don’t care about you? that you’re just my secretary and nothing more?” his voice was surprisingly soft and gentle, sad even, but you refused to buy into his pathetic act. “yes, yes, i do.” you declared, refusing to break eye contact with him.

  namjoon’s expression was unreadable, and you could’ve sworn you saw unshed tears glimmer in his light brown eyes. “then maybe you should just leave, if you really hate me that much.” he suggested, tearing his gaze away from you and focusing on the pile of papers on his desk instead.

  you pursed your lips tightly, resisting the urge to get the last word in. instead, you turned on your heel and sauntered out of namjoon’s office, slamming the door behind you. you rushed over to your desk, shoving your belongings into your purse, frustrated tears stinging your eyes.

  out of the corner of your eye, hoseok and taehyung were looking at you with utter despair and worry on their faces, and you gave them what you hoped was a convincing smile, and didn’t bother to look back as you rushed out of the office, eager to get some fresh air.

     jungkook stretched, feeling his tired joints practically sigh with the movement, and slumped onto his office chair, mentally and physically from the long meeting he’d just endured. it’d been nothing but a waste of time and an excuse for asshole investors to complain about the simplest and most trivial things.

  jimin had tried his best to move things along quickly, politely telling the stuffy executives that jungkook still had other meetings to attend. they all responded with irritated glares, and jungkook wanted nothing more than to throw a chair at them. luckily, he’d been able to end the meetings earlier than expected, and thus no chairs were harmed.

  suddenly, his phone rang, interrupting him from his thoughts, and jungkook didn’t bother to check the caller id as he fished said device out of his suit pocket and put it to his ear. “hello?”  he mumbled tiredly. “jungkook?” it was taehyung, and he sounded uncharacteristically serious.

 “is something wrong? why do you sound so worried? did something happen?” jungkook asked, and he heard his friend take a long, slow breath before replying. “ let’s just say that when y/n went to drop off some files to namjoon, well, it didn’t go well.” taehyung mumbled, and jungkook immediately sat up straight, exhausation gone. “what’d that jerk do this time?” he inquired, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible, despite the anger that was pooling in his stomach.

   taehyung sighed, and jungkook could imagine the worried look on the former’s face. “he tried to apologize to her, and apparently y/n just… snapped. she started yelling at him and ran out of his office with tears streaming down her face. after that, she ran out, grabbed her stuff, and disappeared. i don’t know where she is, nor where she could’ve gone, and hoseok hyung and i are really worried. we assumed that she’d go to you, but judging from how you didn’t know what happened, i’m going to guess that you also don’t know where she is.”

  jungkook cursed softly under his breath, running a hand through his already disheveled hair, and told taehyung that he’d try and find you before hanging up quickly, along with a promise to text him if he was successful in doing so.

  he called jimin into his office, pacing back and forth while he waited, biting his lip anxiously. jungkook hoped that you had at least gone to a cafe nearby or something, and that you weren’t lying unconscious somewhere, or worse.

  he shook off the thought with a shudder, mentally scolding himself for thinking of worst-case scenarios almost immediately, and looked up as the door to his office swung open, and a confused but smiling jimin walked in.

  “did you need something, sir? you usually don’t call me at this hour, you’re usually sleeping or something.” jungkook ignored the light tease, and went on to explain what had happened, including the phonecall with taehyung, and jimin was pale-faced by the end of it.

  “i-is she okay?” he managed, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible, but jungkook could hear the slight undertone of worry and fear mixed in, and sighed. “i don’t know, not even hoseok hyung and taehyung know where she went.”

  jimin let out a soft stream of expletives that would’ve made his mother proud, and jungkook fought the urge to slump onto his desk and cry. “so, are you going to look for her? or do you want me to send out a search party?” jungkook fought the urge at the pure seriousness in jimin’s voice, for he knew that his secretary would do exactly that, with permission from him, of course. jungkook shook his head. “jimin, she didn’t get kidnapped, or at least , i hope she didn’t.” jimin winced slightly at that, and threw his hands up in exasperation.

 “then what the hell are we supposed to do now, then? wait for her to show up at your door or something? god, jungkook, what if she’s lying in a ditch somewhere or something?” jimin mumbled worriedly. jungkook took a deep, bracing breath. “here’s what we’re going to do.” jimin’s eyes lit up with hope and curiosity, and grumbled, “this better not be one of your stupid, risky plans or i will karate chop you.”

   you ducked into a cafe as soon as it had started raining, sighing as you stumbled into the warm space, the bitter smell of coffee  and the sweet smell of pastries invading your senses. you seated yourself at a booth towards the back, smiling politely as a waitress came by and gave you a cup of fresh coffee.

  you quickly rattled off your order to her when she asked for it, and as soon as the waitress was out of earshot, you buried your face into your hands and let out a soft sob. the soft pop music playing in the background did little to improve your mood, as the lyrics were melancholy and depressing.

  you weren’t sure where you were, for you had just hailed a cab and told the driver to take you to the farthest cafe he could find, and when you stumbled out of said cab with what felt like an hour later, you realized that you didn’t have a fucking clue where the driver had taken you.

  it was pathetic, you knew, to just run away like that, but you just couldn’t stand being in the same room as the guy you absolutely loathed, and the last words he said to you were still lingering in the back of your mind.

  you sniffled, removing your face from your hands and drying your tears with a napkin, just as the waitress came back with your order, which was a blueberry muffin and another cup of coffee. you managed to give the sweet-faced waitress a small smile, to which she returned with a bright grin of her own before she walked away and took her place behind the counter again.

   sighing, you dug your phone out of your purse and cursed softly under your breath when you saw all the missed calls and plethora of texts from hoseok, taehyung, and jungkook. they were all extremely worried and wanted to know where you were or if you’d been kidnapped, and you couldn’t help but laugh in slight amusement at their dramatics. your heart sunk down into your stomach when you thought of how worried and anxious you made them, and you carefully slipped your phone back into your purse with trembling hands.

   the soft chatter of the patrons in the small yet cozy cafe filled your ears as you sat back in your booth and let your mind wander. running off like that was guaranteed to get you fired, at most, and honestly, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. your boss was a piece of shit anyways, and while the pay was decent, there were a ton of opportunities that offered a lot more.

  however, the thought of leaving hoseok and taehyung stopped you from making that thought a reality. they were your only friends and some of the only guys who you trusted to take care of you when you drunk or tipsy, knowing that they would never try to take advantage of you. hoseok and taehyung were also some of the only people in your life who knew some of your deepest secrets and the sole witnesses of a dark time in college, when your professors were being pieces of shit and the assignments were getting to you, and they had comforted you, bringing you all your favorite snacks and watching all the cheesy rom coms with you.

    in short, you didn’t deserve their friendship, and while they constantly reminded you that it was the other way around, you knew that such was true. hoseok and taehyung had been there for you when no one else was, especially when your dad had passed away during you sophomore year of college, and you had spiraled immensely, and they were there to comfort you and hug for you hours on end, reminding you that you were brave and strong and that you would get through that period of grief. you smiled sadly to yourself as you remembered the late nights with the countless cartons of ice cream and takeout boxes, of the stupid jokes you’d shared and the shitty movies you watched.

    jungkook ignored the way his now ruined suit jacket clung to him as he ran through the torrent of rain. he decided to not take note of the pedestrians who were staring at him, probably wondering why one of the most influential figures in seoul was running, without an umbrella, no less, through a torrential downpour.  

 nothing mattered, all that did was finding you. after what seemed like hours, jimin was able to find your location, which was at a small cafe an hour out of seoul, and jungkook had wasted no time running out of his company and down the stairs that led to the parking garage, hopping into his car, starting it, and practically gunning it down the streets as he drove like a madman.

  jungkook broke three traffic laws, ran two redlights, and let out a stream of expletives that would’ve made jimin proud, and barreled down the streets of seoul, heart pounding wildly against his chest. all of that led him to his current state, soaked to the bone, expensive suit ruined, running through the streets like his life depended on it.

  his heart leapt with relief when he caught sight of you in the cafe window, seated in a booth towards the back, sipping calmly on a cup of coffee. jungkook practically tripped over his own feet as he went to open the door, and seconds later, he was standing at the cafe entrance, dripping wet with rain and breathing heavily, as if he’d ran a marathon.

   you stood up, eyes wide with shock, and jungkook wasted no time in marching over to you and pulling you into a tight embrace, wet clothes be damned, burying his face into the crook of your neck, breathing in the sweet smell of your perfume.

   “don’t you dare scare us like that again, jimin nearly had a heart attack when i told him what happened.” he grumbled half-heartedly, and felt you chuckle, your warm breath fanning out against his skin, the scent of coffee filling his nose. “i’m sorry kook, i just needed to get away from him.” you muttered, returning his embrace, ignoring the coldness of his soaked suit on your skin.

 jungkook squeezed your shoulder gently before pulling you, smiling sheepishly at you at your black blouse, which was now a little damp with rain, and you laughed, waving off his apology. “it’s fine, kook, don’t worry about it.” and said male grinned in response, shaking the water out of his hair softly.

  you huffed a laugh at jungkook carding his fingers through his hair as if that would get rid of the water entirely, and snagged a paper napkin from a nearby table, patting his hair dry. jungkook blushed profusely as you dried his hair, simply because of the close proximity.

   after all of that, you sat jungkook down at the booth, waving down the same waitress from before, asking for yet another cup of coffee, and this time, said waitress gave you a knowing smirk and hurried off before you could protest.

 your face flushed scarlet as you took a long sip of your now cold coffee, avoiding jungkook’s eyes, and said male huffed a laugh across from you. “what’s gotten you so flustered?” he teased, and you fought the urge to throw a napkin at him. “that waitress thinks we’re dating.” you grumbled, picking at your blueberry muffin, and jungkook chuckled. “is the thought of dating me really that horrible to you?” his tone was light, teasing, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty.

  “n-no, not at all.” you stammered, still refusing to meet jungkook’s gaze, and shoved a piece of blueberry muffin in your mouth, chewing slowly, cheeks burning, and said male just laughed in amusement and thanked the waitress, who placed his coffee on the table, smiling, and briskly walked away.

   jungkook downed the rest of his coffee, setting the now empty mug on the table, and studied you carefully, looking for any signs of distress. he’d saw how surprised you were to see him, as if you had doubted that he would be able to find you, and his heart had soared with half relief and worry. relief that you were safe, and worry that you were trying to pretend that you were okay.

  you seemed composed and calm, with your back ramrod straight and sipping your coffee carefully, but jungkook noticed that your hands were trembling slightly as you placed the mug down. he narrowed his eyes, considering, and schooled his features back into neutrality when you turned to him, expression unreadable, and sighed.

  “what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to sound as nonchalant and casual as possible, and you smiled sadly, shaking your head softly. “nothing, really, it’s just…. how am i going to tell hoseok and tae that i’m planning on leaving them?” jungkook swallowed against the bile in his throat at the thought of said males looking at you with sad eyes, and gave a philosophical shrug in response.

  “i know i’m not super close with them, but i think they’d respect your decision, at least, they would understand.” he supplied, and you ran a hand through you hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. “leaving them was what exactly held me back from handing in my letter of resignation.” you mumbled, slumping in the booth seat across from him, looking utterly defeated.

  “for what it’s worth, you’ll hopefully have a better boss and have more days off?” you laughed, reaching across the table and ruffling his hair affectionately, and jungkook felt his face grow hot, color blooming across his cheeks.

“also, i’m sorry for running off like that without contacting any of you first, i guess i wasn’t thinking straight.” you admitted, and jungkook waved off your apology. “y/n, never think that you’re at fault.” ‘but-” you started, but were cut off by the aforementioned male with a half-hearted glare in warning.

  “i know that you’re going to try and continue to blame yourself, but none of what has happened, including the incidents with namjoon have never been your fault.” jungkook reassured you gently, and you gave him what you hoped was a convincing smile, despite the fact that you secretly disagreed.

   in fact, all of what happened had been because of you in one way or another, and you hated being a burden to your friends, who you knew you didn’t deserve in the slightest. but since you knew arguing was futile, you just gave jungkook a grateful smile and reached for his hand across the table, squeezing it gently.

  “thank you, kook.” you mouthed, and when he beamed at you, eyes crinkling at the corners, and you ignored the guilt eating away at your heart.

    taehyung sighed in relief when he got the text from jungkook, confirming that y/n was alright, and that she had merely run off to a cafe an hour away from the city. when he’d broken the news to hoseok, said male had burst out sobbing, grumbling about how he was going to yell at you the second he saw you. taehyung could only laugh in response, knowing that the older would do the exact opposite.

   after hoseok had calmed down a bit, taehyung had handed him a bottle of water, of which the older male took gratefully, downing its contents. “she really knows how to give someone a near heart attack, huh?” hoseok chuckled, voice hoarse from crying, and taehyung rolled his  eyes fondly. “she sure does, but we love her anyway.” he added, and hoseok nodded in agreement.

  taehyung sighed, slumping tiredly against the worn leather of his living room couch, and let his eyes flutter shut. he wasn’t sure what time it was, nor did he want to know. he was beyond exhausted, and let himself drift into dreamland.

  you nervously walked into work the next day, worried of the rumours that would befell you, as you knew you had caused such a scene yesterday. taehyung and hoseok, who had insisted on driving you to work today, stood protectively on either side of you, your arms looped through theirs, and taehyung mouthed “keep your chin up, you’re better than they are.”

 you allowed yourself a small smile and adjusted your posture, raising your chin slightly, refusing to look at your fellow co-workers as the three of you sauntered into the office, not daring to break stride until you reached your desk. you gave hoseok and taehyung grateful looks, and they beamed back at you, eyes twinkling, and you couldn’t help but smile back, despite how nervous you felt.

   namjoon had yet to arrive, and you were dreading it, to say the least. you had practically yelled at him yesterday, and that fact alone was enough to make your stomach churn. he was probably going to fire you on the spot, and while that was what you had wanted before, you were planning on at least staying for a couple months before deciding to leave entirely.

  but because of the fiasco that you alone were the sole cause of; you doubted your role as his secretary would last any longer than it had to. you tried to distract yourself by working on a long overdue email to a corporate company, but to no avail. however, there was that petty part of you that felt satisfied at what you had said to namjoon, for he had done little to make your work life pleasant.

  he was narcissistic, cold, unforgiving, unsympathetic, and arrogant. all of the executives who’d been unfortunate enough to meet him had nothing but harsh words to say, but were too afraid to voice such opinions out loud, for namjoon held enough power in the business industry that he could end their careers with a single phone call. you shook off the thought and tried to busy yourself with work.

   namjoon sauntered into his office, not bothering to make eye contact with anyone, hoping that the dark circles under his eyes weren’t too visible. he’d barely gotten any sleep the previous night, due to the last words you said to him lingering in his mind.

 he was infuriated and confused that such words had affected him so greatly, or rather, why his own secretary was making him lose his mind. namjoon had never had any close, intimate relationships, despite his handsome looks, as people usually told him that his personality was his downfall.

 namjoon had also never known what it was like to love and to be loved, as his family was dysfunctional and didn’t give two shits about him. and because namjoon was expected to carry on the family business, romance was the last thing on his mind. intimacy and love scared him, and he wasn’t sure if intimacy was something he wanted. then again, there were the women who desperately pined for his attention, all lipstick wearing and low cut dresses, but he had remained indifferent to all their attempts.

  thus, namjoon deemed relationships, or romance for that matter, as a waste of time, and threw himself into his work instead, committing to the arduous hours, paperwork, and meetings. he’d never been one to fantasize about such trivial things either.

  then, namjoon met you. you were hardworking, stubborn, quick-witted, and slow to anger. you took his criticism in stride and always did your best to improve. you were also one of the first girls who didn’t try to seduce him, or rather, know who he was.

  you were aware that he had power and status, but not to the scale it was now. thus, you were hired as his secretary, and had remained as such for nearly nine years. namjoon was certain that your position was permanent, but that terrible night just a month ago had proved him wrong.

  when you had informed him that you wanted to quit, he hadn’t known how to react, and instead had lashed out, which probably only fueled your hatred for him. namjoon knew that you absolutely loathed him, for the look in your eyes was unmistakable whenever he made eye contact.

  while he was used to getting dirty looks and loathful sneers on the daily, it had never affected him this much. usually, namjoon would roll his eyes and smirk, but all of that seemed to vanish when you were looking at him with enough contempt and malice to make him shiver slightly in fear. for the first time in his career, you were one of the only girls who didn’t flirt with him, remaining indifferent but unfailingly polite. namjoon had never met someone like you before, so it took him back a bit.

   namjoon wasn’t sure why he would get annoyed at seeing you with jung hoseok and kim taehyung, smiling and laughing like there was no tomorrow. not to mention that his blood would boil whenever jungkook was with you. he had the gall to injure him, twice, in fact, and then threaten to hire y/n, knowing that you were one of his most competent employees.

  sleepless nights became more frequent than usual, with constant tossing and turning, and namjoon had begun to get frustrated and confused of why such things were happening to him, and tried to ignore that strange, aching feeling in his heart. even yoongi, who usually kept quiet about most things, at least, when it came to namjoon, spoke up about his strange behavior. namjoon’s mind was constantly swimming with thoughts, and he was sure he was going to get a migraine at any time now.

    namjoon didn’t bother to look back at anyone as he swung the door open to his office, stepping inside and closing the door firmly behind him. he plopped down tiredly on his chair, sighing heavily, and turned to the sleek desktop, powering it on and then proceeded to check his emails.

  namjoon scrolled lazily through his inbox, deleting the ones that were from executives he knew were two-faced and had no intention in actually keeping their promises to him. scroll, click, delete. scroll, click, delete. this went on for what seemed like forever, until his eyes burned from looking at the screen.

  he feigned interest in the papers on his desk, organizing them into a neat stack on the side of his desk, and then picked up the financial reports, flipping through the thick packet. as per usual, everything was the same, and his company was doing well, so namjoon just set said reports off to the side after a few minutes.

  a soft knock sounded at his door, and namjoon muttered a barely audible “come in.” you stood awkwardly in the doorway, hesitating. he ignored the familiar ache in his chest at the sight of you in a loose, white blouse that tied at the front with a beige skirt that showed off your long legs, and schooled his features into neutrality. “i have the weekly reports from the resources team, if you’d like to see them, of course.” you said, that overly polite tone making an appearance, and namjoon fought the urge to frown at the sound of it.

  “set the file on my desk.” he blurted, and mentally winced at his sharp and blunt tone. do you always have to sound like such a condescending asshole? namjoon thought frustatedly. you simply nodded and moved to gently place the thick folder that he hadn’t noticed until now on his desk.

   you stepped back, as if afraid that he’d lash out at you, and namjoon felt his heart sink down to his stomach. sure, he wasn’t exactly the nicest person in the world, but he wasn’t heartless, contradictory to what others usually said about him.

  “y/n, can we talk?” he asked, trying to sound as cordial as possible, and didn’t miss the way you hesitated before replying, biting your lower lip nervously. “what could you possibly want to talk to me about? i don’t think we have anything to talk about, especially after what happened yesterday. you’ve made it very clear that you hate me, and not to mention you practically dismissed me the first time i tried to have a civilized conversation with you.” you seethed, and namjoon flinched at the coldness in your voice.

  “but, since you asked so nicely,” you drawled, “i’ll listen. you have five minutes, sir, and don’t waste my time, i’m a very busy person, you know.” namjoon sighed internally. “you’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” you shook your head. “nope.” you beamed.

   here goes nothing, and don’t fuck up this time, namjoon, he thought, clearing his throat awkwardly before taking a deep bracing breath. you stood a few feet away, looking almost bored, examining your nails. “well?” you asked, raising a brow, and namjoon resisted the urge to scowl.

  “i know i haven’t been the greatest boss, i’m well aware of that. and i’m also aware that i can come off as a bit arrogant and uncaring.” you scoffed, not bothering to look over at him. “that’s the biggest fucking understand of the year. anyways, continue.” you muttered, waving a dismissive hand.

 “i also insulted you and jungkook, without knowing how close you were with him.” at this, you rolled your eyes. “i mean, i thought it was blatantly obvious. oh, and i know the history between the two of you, and to be honest, i thought it was kind of shitty that you decided to just drop your friendship with him entirely all because of some girl. i mean, i know that it hurts to find out that your best friend is dating the person you like, but you could’ve at least tried to be happy for him, at least, that’s what a decent person would’ve done, instead of cutting him out of your life completely. that’s a new low, even for you.” you chuckled darkly, and namjoon shuddered internally.

   “what will it take for you to forgive me?” namjoon demanded, unable to hide the anger and frustration in his voice, and you just let out a harsh laugh. “i don’t think anyhing you could say or do could make me forgive you, especially after all these years. although, maybe you could od me a favor by finally letting me go.” namjoon sighed, feeling defeated.

  “if i agree, will you stay for one more month?” there was a long stretch of silence before you sighed heavily. “fine, but if you cross the line again, i’m staying for two weeks.” you replied, voice curt, and before namjoon could reply, you turned on your heels and walked out of his office, firmly closing the door behind you.

  namjoon sat numbly in his chair, stunned. he wasn’t sure what response he’d been expecting, but it definitely had not been that. he sighed a long, suffering sigh, and ran a hand through his hair. you had made it clear that you were less than willing to forgive him for what he’d done, and now he had to think of a different approach.

   you were practically fuming when you took your usual seat next to hoseok during your lunch break, and said male looked over at you, concern furrowing his brow. “did he piss you off again?” he asked hesitantly, and you nodded, pursing your lips together tightly. taehyung looked on curiously, shoving a piece of sushi in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

  “he tried to make the shittest apology ever, which, by the way, was worse than those youtubers that do horrible shit and are forced to make an even shittier apology video.” taehyung grimaced. “that bad?” you scoffed. “even worse. i swear, that man doesn’t have an ounce of empathy in his body.”

 hoseok sighed next to you, turning towards you, and you couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under said male’s eyes, as if he hadn’t gotten much sleep at all. “look,y/n, i know that our boss isn’t your favorite person in the world and that he’s kind of an ass, but this whole cat and mouse game that you two have been playing has been quite exhausting to watch.” you looked at him in disbelief. “what do you mean by cat and mouse game?” hoseok rolled his eyes. “please, don’t act like you don’t know.” “know what?” you demanded, not bothering to hide your exasperated tone. “i hate to say it, but i think you like him.” you nearly choked on your ramen as the words left his mouth. “w-what?” “you like him, don’t you?” hoseok asked slowly, and you shook your head vigorously.

  “don’t be ridiculous! why would i be ever attracted to someone like him?” you cried, throwing your hands up in exasperation. taehyung shrugged. “hoseok hyung kind of a has a point. i mean, yeah, he’s an ass sometimes, but a crush is a crush.” you felt your cheeks flame. “shut up! i am in no way attracted to that prick!” you hissed, and taehyung and hoseok just gave you shit-eating grins. “whatever you say, y/n.” they sing-songed, and you fought the urge to whack both of them with your chopsticks.

   yoongi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation as namjoon told him of the day’s events. “joon, you’re one of the most intelligent people i know, but how can you be so stupid?” said male refused to meet his gaze, cheeks flushed with shame. “you’re really shit at apologizing, huh?” he mumbled, and reached for his half-empty glass of whisky, downing the contents and setting it on the coffee table.

   the strong liquid lingered in his mouth as yoongi contemplated on what to say next, eyes shifting around the room. after a moment, he sighed a long, suffering sigh. “namjoon, things are probably going to get worse if you keep acting like a domineering asshole.” said male sighed. “don’t you think i know that?” he groused, and yoongi rolled his eyes.

  “all i’m saying is that you need to find closure with her or something. also, didn’t you not want her to leave?” at namjoon’s flushed cheeks, yoongi bit back a smirk. “she’s the most competent secretary i’ve ever had, that’s all.” he mumbled, and yoongi fought the urge to scoff at how utterly obvious his friend was being.

  yoongi tsked. “well, at least if you do fuck up again, which, at this rate, i’m sure you will, you can always hire a new secretary, i’m sure there are many people willing to take y/n’s place.” namjoon scrunched his nose in disgust. “no one could ever replace her, yoongi. no one.” he muttered, and this time, yoongi couldn’t help the amused laugh that tumbled out of him.

  “you really like her, don’t you?” color spread across namjoon’s cheeks as said male refused to meet yoongi’s gaze. “don’t be ridiculous, you know i think relationships are a complete and utter waste of time.” he grumbled, and yoongi just sighed in exasperation.

     jungkook nearly crushed the water bottle he’d been drinking as hoseok filled him in on what had had happened earlier that day between you and namjoon, blood boiling. he clenched his jaw so hard it felt as if it would break, but jungkook could’ve cared less if it did.

  “that asshole really thought he could just woo her over with that pathetic attempt of an apology?” he seethed, and hoseok shrugged philosophically. “i dunno. besides, who knows what the hell goes through that guy’s head?” jungkook took a deep, bracing breath, practically slumping on hoseok’s couch, and said male patted him on the shoulder, as if in comfort.

  “kook, i know that this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but maybe you should apologize to him?” hoseok asked, voice hesitant, and jungkook felt his entire body tense at the suggestion. “why should i? he’s the one who pushed me away all because of some girl.” he grumbled, and this time, it was hoseok’s turn to sigh.

  “like i said, i know that it’s the last thing you want to do, but-” “there’s no way in hell i’m apologizing to that jerk. if anything, namjoon should apologize to me, ruining our friendship over a girl, for fucks sake.” jungkook snapped, and immediately regretted it when he saw sadness and hurt flash across hoseok’s face.

 the latter just gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. and before jungkook could blurt out an apology, something to fix what’d he’d done, hoseok got up and walked away, not bothering to look back as he disappeared upstairs. jungkook heard a door close firmly, and then utter silence. jungkook felt his face grow hot and buried his face in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. why do i always have to fuck up everything? he thought miserably.

     you had just slung your bag over your shoulder when taehyung ran up to you, breathless and panting, as if he’d just ran a marathon. normally, you’d start teasing him for being unfit, but as soon as you saw the tense and worried expression on your friend’s face, that thought completely vanished from your mind.

“what’s wrong?” you asked, trying to sound as calm as possible, despite the erratic beating of your heart. after letting taehyung catch his breath, said male filled you in on what had had happened, and by the time he was done, you felt your heart sink down into your chest.

  “where’s jungkook now?” you managed to say, despite yourself. taehyung shrugged. “i don’t know, but we should probably head out now before one of the most prominent figures in seoul becomes roadkill.’’ you glared at taehyung as you rushed out of the building, him on your heels.

    hoseok sighed, running a hand through his already disheveled hair, trudging over to the dirty mirror that was propped up against a pile of books, wincing at what he saw. his eyes were red and raw from crying, dark circles prominent, and his hair was practically a bird’s nest from how messy it was. he shrugged off his now wrinkled work clothes, of which he hadn’t bothered to change out of earlier, and put on a loose shirt and sweatpants.

   after he looked somewhat decent, hoseok hesitantly made his way downstairs, where he’d left jungkook after their small argument earlier in the day. his heart sunk at what he saw. jungkook was sobbing uncontrollably, face buried in the crook of your neck, and your arms were wrapped around him firmly, rubbing his back in smooth circles, as if trying to soothe a crying child.

  taehyung was standing awkwardly a few feet away, expression unreadable. hoseok grimaced at the tense atmosphere, and quietly ran back to the safety of his room like the coward he was. as soon as the door closed behind him, hoseok plopped down onto his bed and let out a frustrated sigh. i really need to stop running away from my problems, he thought, burying his face into his pillow, resisting the urge to scream into it.

    after jungkook’s tears had subsided, you placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. “are you okay?” you asked, heart aching at how red-rimmed jungkook’s eyes were. aforementioned male shook his head. “i’m fine, at least, now i am.” he croaked. “i didn’t mean to snap at him like that, i was just so frustrated about what happened between you and namjoon-”

  you felt your blood run cold, and jungkook seemed to realize that he’d messed up, because his eyes went wide, resembling a deer caught in headlights. “how did you know about what happened between us?” “i-” “it was me.” a voice interrupted, and causing you both to jump in surprise, turning to see hoseok standing awkwardly a few feet away, light brown hair disheveled. “you told him?” you blurted, trying to fight the angry tears that were threatening to spill.

  hoseok nodded softly, not bothering to hide the slight grimace on his face, and you felt your heart was going to spilt into two. you weren’t sure how to feel, for one part of you knew that he was just trying to look out for you, while the other was slightly angry that jungkook had found out. you just didn’t want to worry him, for you felt that you had troubled him enough these days.

  “i’m sorry for telling him, but he would’ve probably found out eventually.” “so what? you thought that it would be a good idea to tell jungkook without asking me first?” you hissed, feeling your face grow hot, and immediately regretted it when pure hurt flashed across hoseok’s face.

  “y/n-” he started, but you shook your head, squeezed your eyes shut, as if the sight of him was too much to bear. and without so much as a word or a glance back, you slid off the couch, grabbed your bag off the coffee table, and ran out the front door, slamming it behind you.

   you didn’t know where you were going, but all you knew was that you couldn’t be around anyone right now, not even jungkook, who had done nothing wrong. you felt hot tears slide down your cheeks as you ran, wiping them away hastily with the back of your hand.

  you hated feeling such an immense amount of guilt, for lashing out at hoseok, who was only looking you for you, and for being such a burden to everyone. the namjoon fiasco, or rather, fiascos, had been a constant occurrence, and you knew that all of your friends had been going through so much shit recently, all because of you.

 and because you loved your friends to pieces, maybe the best thing was to distance yourself for a while, and maybe, just maybe, things would get better. you couldn’t stand to trouble them any further than you had.

   taehyung dialed your number for what seemed like the millionth time in the past thirty minutes, running a hand through his already messy hair. and when the call went to voicemail yet again, he buried his face in his hands, trying to fight back worried tears.

 he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, as if in comfort, and felt himself relax, just a bit. “it’s ok, tae, just give her time.” hoseok said gently, and taehyung sighed, removing his hands from his face, sighing deeply. “i know, but i can’t help but worry about her.” he murmured. hoseok just gave the younger a sympathetic look and went to make coffee.

   you softly knocked on the door of your older sister’s apartment, wrapping your arms around yourself, trying to keep warm from the bitter cold seeping through your bones. it’d started to downpour as you got out of the taxi, and in a pathetic attempt to keep yourself dry, you had raised your arm over your head and ran as fast as your four inch heels could take you.

  your sister opened the door dressed in a worn college hoodie and sweats, a look of surprise that immediately turned to one of concern when she took in your soaked through blouse and skirt, along with your now ruined heels.

  “y/n, what the hell happened to you?” she asked as she ushered you inside, immediately grabbing a nearby kitchen towel and draping it over your shoulders. “hold on, i’ll get you a better one.” she said, and before you could say anything, she rushed off.

  you stood awkwardly in the middle of your sister’s living room, trying not to get water on the expensive rug she’d purchased with her paycheck last summer, wrapping the gray kitchen towel tighter around you. when your sister returned, she practically pulled said towel off of you, replacing it with a blue one that smelled like her shampoo, citrus and sweet.

   “what the hell happened?” she demanded as soon as you’d showered and changed into fresh, clean clothes. you took a long sip of the warm cup of coffee she’d made you a few minutes ago, sighing. “it’s a long story.” you murmured, setting the mug down on her coffee table, and your sister rolled her eyes. “i have all night, so start from the beginning.” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, raising an expectant eyebrow, as if to say, ‘well, go on, explain.” you took a long, bracing breath before you told her everything, including the events of the past few weeks.

   by the time you’d finished rambling for what seemed like three hours, malhee regarded you calmly, fingers playing with the worn sleeve of her hoodie. “so?” you asked nervously, and after a long stretch of silence, your sister let out a low whistle. “fucking hell, y/n, what kind of shit have you been through? and your boss sounds like a complete ass.” you winced, reaching for your now cold cup of coffee and taking a small sip.

   “work’s fine, i promise, my boss is just….” “an inconsiderate piece of shit?” malhee finished, clear disgust in her voice. “i-i guess.” “do you need me to give this asshole a piece of my mind? because i will beat the shit out of him if you want me to.” she seethed, and you grimaced at the image of your older sister punching one of the most influential figures in seoul.

   “please don’t, we don’t have enough money to bail you out of jail.” malhee sighed in defeat. “i hate when you’re reasonable. ”she grumbled. “anyway, enough about your boss, how are those guys you’ve been hanging out with?” she asked, eyes glittering with mirth, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes.

  “whatever you think is happening between us, it’s not like that.” malhee scoffed. “please, you mean to tell me that you have attractive men around you and you’re not dating one of them?” “malhee! what the hell!” you scolded, cheeks burning, and she rolled her eyes. “what?”

  “ i am not dating with anyone, nor do i have any plans to.” “seriously, y/n?? not even that jungkook dude you’re always hanging out with?” you blushed furiously. “no, not even him. besides, he just broke up with his girlfriend a month ago, so i doubt that he’s up for any dating right now.” malhee let out a long, frustrated sigh. “it’s been longer than that, surely he’s over her by now?” you just shrugged philosophically. “i haven’t asked, and honestly, i’m not sure he is, i mean, he really liked this girl.”

  malhee opened her mouth to protest when there was a knock at her door. she sighed and got up to answer it. you followed after her, curious as to who was knocking at your sister’s door at this hour, and you couldn’t help the look of surprise when you realized who it was.

    “vice chairman?” said male was standing awkwardly at your sister’s doorstep, fidgeting nervously with his hands, as if he wasn’t sure what to do with them. “h-hi, i’m-” “i know who you are, you’re the asshole who’s been making my sister’s life a living hell.” malhee said cooly but you could hear the evident disgust in her tone.  you immediately rushed over, gripping her shoulders tightly, trying to pull her away.

  to your dismay, your sister didn’t budge, instead, she stood her ground and looked namjoon dead in the eyes, expression hard as steel. “what the hell are you doing here?” she demanded, and the taller of the two visibly flinched at the coldness in malhee’s voice.

  “i-i wanted to apologize for-” malhee scoffed, cutting him off abruptly. “apologize my ass. you really think you can just muster up some bullshit apology and expect my sister to fall at your feet? she’s been working her ass off for her you nine years, and not once have you ever shown that you’re grateful. all you do is take advantage of her, you don’t even deserve her as your secretary. i’m surprised she hasn’t up and left yet.”

   she barked a laugh,  the sound cold and unforgiving. “what? cat got your tongue?” malhee sneered, and namjoon said nothing, just bowed awkwardly, turned on his heels, and left. as soon as your sister had slammed the door behind him, you removed your hands from her shoulders, pacing back and forth anxiously.

  “are you insane?!” you whisper-yelled, and malhee rolled her eyes yet again. “what? that asshole had the nerve to show his face and so i got rid of him for you, you’re welcome, by the way.” you ran a hand through your hair, letting out a deep sigh. “look, i know he’s an asshole and all, but he’s still my boss, and he can fire me whenever he wants.” you reasoned, and malhee simply said nothing, just marched past you into her living room. sighing, you followed after, wondering if she had just cost you your job.

    jungkook had drunk all of half a bottle of soju when his phone rang. he knew exactly who was calling before he picked up. “what happened?” taehyung sighed heavily. “she ran away again, to god knows where.” “fuck, i hope she’s okay.” he grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

  down the snow-white table, hoseok arched a brow, his silver earrings shifting with the movement. jungkook sighed and set the bottle down. he should’ve ran after you, done something, anything to keep you from running away again. but deep down, jungkook knew that trying to convince you otherwise would be useless, for once you set your mind on something, there was no going back.

   jungkook asked, “do you have any idea of where she might’ve run off to?” “i’m not sure,” taehyung admitted. “but,” he added, “she does have an older sister who has an apartment somewhere here. i’ve never been there, but i think hoseok has. ask him. is he there with you?”

  as if he’d overheard, hoseok arched a questioning brow, and jungkook held up a finger. wait. the older male nodded, pulling out his phone and tapping away on it, the blue light from the device illuminating his sharp features. “yeah, he is.” jungkoook said softly, and after promising taehyung that he’d call him once he knew something, he hung up swiftly.

   “so, what’d taehyung say? where’s y/n?” hoseok demanded, but his voice held no anger, only immense worry. “he doesn’t know for sure, but he mentioned something about y/n having an older sister.” to his relief, hoseok’s light brown eyes lit up with recognition. “malhee?” jungkook nodded slowly. “yeah, do you know her?” he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

  hoseok nodded. “yeah, i do. y/n invited me over to her apartment for christmas one year, and her sister was there. she’s nice, though i didn’t really get to talk to her much, since she was holed up at work half the time i was there.” “what does her sister do?” “oh, she’s a nurse down at a local hospital.” jungkook hummed in acknowledgement. “she sounds cool.”

  hoseok shrugged. “yeah, i guess.” “have you ever been to y/n’s sister’s apartment? taehyung mentioned that she has one in the area.” when the older shook his head, jungkook tried not to look disappointed. “although, i might have an idea of where it might be, but i can’t make any promises.” for the first time that evening, jungkook felt his spirits rise, just a bit. “it’s better than nothing.”

    hours later, hoseok, taehyung, and jungkook stood in front of your sister’s apartment door, breathing heavily, as if they’d ran a marathon. they were near-exhaustation, half from searching all night and the other from running around the streets like madmen, asking random strangers if they’d seen you.

 and, just a few minutes ago, a short old lady with kind eyes informed that she had seen you run towards an apartment with a blue-painted door, and the three males had never ran faster in their life as soon the words left the lady’s mouth. so, here they were, standing in front of said door, contemplating on whether they should knock or leave.

   after a long stretch of silence, taehyung murmured “fuck it” under his breath and went to knock on the door. hoseok and jungkook held their breaths for longer than they should’ve, and the door opened to reveal a tall, dark-haired female wearing a worn college hoodie and sweats.

  “who are you guys, and why the hell are you standing near my door like stalkers?” she demanded, dark eyes glinting dangerously, and jungkook gulped nervously. though he had never met malhee, from the look in her eyes alone, he knew that the female promised hell if anything happened to you.

   “malhee? do you remember me? y/n invited me over for christmas one year? i was the guy who spilled hot chocolate all over myself.” hoseok blurted, cheeks coloring, and the look in malhee’s eyes softened, just a bit, twinkling with amusement and recognition. “yes, i do, you’re hoseok, right? and the two of you must also be y/n’s friends.”

  taehyung and jungkook waved awkwardly from where they were hiding behind hoseok, and malhee moved to let the three males inside. “i’m about to make dinner, do any of you want anything?” before any of them could reply, a familiar figure shuffled into the room.

  “malhee, who’s at the-” you broke off at the sight of your three friends standing awkwardly in the living room, looking sheepish. “what are they doing here?” you blurted, and it came out harsher than you meant it to, because hoseok winced slightly at your tone.

  “they were standing outside the door like creepy stalkers and i recognized hoseok, so i let them in. they’re those friends you keep talking about, right?” you nodded weakly, and malhee smiled, oblivious to the tension in the room, and went to make dinner.

   “we were so worried about you! why did you just up and run like that?” hoseok began, clear distress and relief in his voice, and you sighed. “look, i know it was a shitty thing to do, and i’m sorry. i’m also sorry for lashing out like that, i guess i was just so worked up over what happened with namjoon and i that i took it out on all of you. i’m sorry for always causing trouble, i-” you broke off as a soft sob escaped your mouth, and almost immediately, strong arms were around you, pulling you into a warm embrace.

   you sobbed, burying your face in the crook of taehyung’s neck, breathing in his rain and cedar scent, and felt him rub comforting circles on your back. hoseok and jungkook looked on sadly, moving to help malhee with dinner.

 after you had calmed down and your tears subsided, taehyung led over to the kitchen, sitting you down at one of the stools at the island, and you managed a small, grateful smile. before you could say anything, jungkook cut in, saying, “if you’re going to apologize again, then don’t say anything. we’re your friends, y/n, no matter how much shit we put each other through.”

  at the sincerity of jungkook’s words, you felt like crying again, for you didn’t deserve friends like them. within the past few weeks, you had put all of them through so much, and no matter how much you tried to apologize, they refused to accept them, insisting that you had nothing to be sorry for, much to your protest. you gave jungkook a grateful smile, to which he returned with a bright grin of his own.

  malhee cleared her throat awkwardly, setting down plates of pancakes, bacon, and cups of fresh coffee, snapping you back to reality. you felt your cheeks warm as you grabbed a piece of bacon and chewed on it thoughtfully, refusing to look at anyone.

  breakfast was a flurry of friendly and warm conversation, with hoseok nearly upending his plate from laughter, and malhee scolding him half-heartedly. you avoided prying questions from malhee about your love life, with hoseok, taehyung, and jungkook wincing.

  “will you quit asking me about my love life?” you hissed, cheeks burning, and malhee gave you a knowing smirk. “why not? i’m your sister, i’m allowed to be curious about these kinds of things”. you huffed in frustration. “fine, since you’re so curious, work has been too much of a pain for me to even consider dating, let alone a relationship. and even if someone did catch my eye, they’d probably start running for the hills when they find out that i’m a secretary for the kim namjoon. or maybe they’d stick around, thinking that i’m paid millions and try to leech off of me.”

  hoseok gave you a sympathetic look from across the table, and jungkook reached for your hand, squeezing it gently, as if in comfort. “i just- i’ve never had any luck with guys, let alone love. and, honestly, after all that’s happened these past few weeks, it just goes to show that i am not cut out for a relationship, at least, not now.”

  malhee nodded in agreement. “i’m sorry i’ve been so invasive.” you shook your head, waving away her apology. “it’s okay, you’re just worried about me, in your own way.” your sister’s expression turned deadly serious as she said, “if any guy tries to fuck with you, i’ll kick his ass.” jungkook, hoseok, and taehyung let out non-committal grunts in agreement, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes at their protectiveness. “thank you.” “no need for thank yous and sorrys between us, y/n, we just don’t want to see you get hurt.” you felt your heart warm and ache all at once, and felt lighter than you had in weeks.

    hoseok and taehyung bid their goodbyes as they left your sister’s apartment, promising to text you later, and as soon as the door closed behind them,  you whirled to face jungkook, who was sitting on the living couch, looking slightly nervous.

  “kook? what are you still doing here? shouldn’t you be heading back to get ready for work?” you asked, shuffling into the kitchen to clean dishes. malhee had had to run off to work as soon as breakfast had finished, and so that meant you were on cleaning duty. you didn’t mind, for you often cleaned up after your sister, despite her being the oldest.

  “i know, but i wanted to tell you something, and i wanted to wait until we were alone to do so.” he mumbled, cheeks warming, and you bit back a smile at how flustered jungkook was. “oh, okay, uhm, is it something i should sit down for?” you asked, carefully putting the plate you’d been about to clean back in the sink. when jungkook nodded, you exhaled softly, and seconds later, sat down on the couch opposite him, wringing your hands together nervously.

   you felt your eyes scan jungkook’s face, looking for any signs of a smile, wondering if this was all some elaborate prank, but to avail. said male’s expression was unreadable, but you could see the nervousness and wariness in his eyes. jungkook ran a hand through his dishevled blond hair, sighing deeply.

   “promise me one thing?” he asked, and you nodded. “anything, what is it?” “promise me that you won’t hate me after this.” you blinked back your shock at the bluntness in his tone, but promised that you could never do such a thing. “you might not say that after this.” he muttered, and you felt your heart slamming against your ribcage.

  jungkook took a deep, bracing breath, and you braced yourself for what was about to come. “I know this probably isn’t the best time to tell you this, after all the shit that has happened recently, but i just can’t keep this to myself anymore.” “kook, you’re scaring me, what is it?” you asked, trying to keep your tone as even as possible, though the frantic beating of your heart said otherwise. jungkook’s dark brown eyes glittered with sadness as he looked up at you, and your heart ached at the sight. “i hope that this changes nothing between us, i-i can’t imagine my life without you in it.” normally, you would’ve grimaced at the cheesy and overused line, but jungkook sounded so sincere and genuine that you couldn’t bring yourself to do so.

   “you know how i told you that jieun and i broke up so that i could focus on work?” jungkook asked, voice shaking, and you nodded solemnly. “yeah, why?” jungkook reached for your hands, holding them gently, as if they would break at any moment. the pad of his thumb brushed across your knuckles, and you felt your heart flutter stupidly at the gesture.

   “i may have lied.” you felt your eyes widen. “what? then why did you two break up?” jungkook hesitated, and you gestured for him to elaborate. “i-i realized something.” he stammered, and you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “realized what?” “that i like you.” jungkook blurted, and you felt your hands go limp.

  “y-you what?” you managed, swallowing against the knot in your throat. “i like you, i realized i like you. jieun saw that i acted differently around you, and after she confronted me about it, our relationship was over. she said that there was no use in being with someone who won’t even give her the time of day.” “but you liked her.” you croaked, and jungkook smiled sadly.

  “i did, but then i realized that my feelings for you were more than platonic.” “h-how long?” you asked, voice sounding faraway and distant, refusing to look at jungkook. “since freshman year of college.” jungkook admitted, color settling across his cheekbones.

   you felt confused and overwhelmed. confused as to why jungkook had lied to you about his reason for breaking up with jieun and how he’d developed feelings for you, and overwhelmed at his sudden confession. most of all, though, you weren’t sure how to feel. after all, your past relationship hadn’t been the best, and since then, pursuing an intimate relationship was the last thing on your mind.

  “y/n? talk to me, say something, please.” jungkook pleaded, and you slowly pulled your hands out of his grip, head swimming with thoughts. “i- i need some time to think.” you mumbled, and without looking back, you ran away.

  jungkook watched helplessly as he watched you go, heart aching. he’d just poured his heart out to you, and you’d told him to give you time. time for what? he’d wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to. it’d taken all the self-restraint in him not to run after you, to explain further, but because jungkook didn’t want to overwhelm you further, he let you go.

  he bit back tears, running a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down. jungkook wasn’t sure how he felt, for his emotions were all over the place. ignoring the aching of his heart, he managed to get off the couch and stumble out your sister’s apartment door, mind jumbled.

   you buried your face in your pillow and sobbed as soon as you heard the front door close. i can’t lose him, you thought despairingly, clutching the soft fabric of your pillow like a vice. jungkook was one of the only friends you had, save for hoseok and taehyung, who had always been there for you. he’d been there when your shitty ex, kangdae, had cheated you not once, but twice, and then turned around and claimed that he loved you. that relationship had ended with you kicking him out of your then shared apartment, and you running over to jungkook’s dorm, which happened to be less than five minutes away.

  that night, he had comforted and held you while you cried into his chest. the next day, jungkook emailed your professors to let them know that you wouldn’t be coming in for classes, and to send all your work to him. while you sulked around his dorm, practically drowning in sorrow and self-pity, jungkook took it upon himself to complete your assignments.

  when you’d found out through an amused email from your arts professor, which stated that a “an attractive young man took your seat in class today and then proceeded to paint a masterpiece of a painting”, you confronted jungkook about it, telling him to stop, and the male had refused.

   “y/n, let me do this for you. you’re healing.” he’d protested, and you had scoffed. “kook, i just broke up with my shitty ass boyfriend.” “so? i just want to help” he’d whined, pouting up at you with those god-damned doe eyes, looking as innocent as a young child. you smiled sadly at the memory, and resisted the urge to grab your phone, which had been thrown off to the side of your bed, to call jungkook and tell him that you felt the same. however, you knew in your heart that that wasn’t certain, and the last thing you wanted to do was pretend to love jungkook, only to rip his heart out in the end.

  you would never be able to forgive yourself if you did such a heinous thing, shuddering at the thought. all you needed to do was figure shit out, to know for certain if you really had feelings for jungkook or not. and if you didn’t, you would have to find a way to break it to him gently. sniffling, you reached for your phone, unlocking it and sending a quick text to jungkook.

 i’m sorry for running off like that, you didn’t deserve that:( jungkook’s reply was almost instantaneous.

 it’s ok, besides, i was kind of an asshole for dumping my feelings on you so suddenly, especially after the shitty day we all had. i understand if you need time to think things over, don’t feel as if you have to rush, take all the time you need. i hope that nothing will change between us. like i said, i can’t imagine my life without you. i know that’s cheesy and cliché or whatever, but it’s true. you’ve been an amazing friend and person to me, and i honestly don’t deserve you either way.

  you felt tears spring to your eyes at his words, and hastily wiped them away with the back of your hand. jungkook always told you that he didn’t deserve you as a friend, but you always thought it was the other way around. no matter how many times you fucked up, jungkook always forgave you, never blaming you for all the shit that had had happened. sniffling, you typed out a response, thumbs flying across the keyboard.

 i feel the same way, you’ve always forgiven me for stupid shit that i’ve done, and i honestly don’t know how you’re not fed up with me yet. his reply made your heart flutter stupidly, and you cursed under your breath at how easily you were swayed.

  i don’t i could ever be “fed up” with you.

  that simple text was enough to make your cheeks warm, and you rolled over, burying your face in your pillow, screaming silently into it. why, oh why do feelings have to be so complicated? you thought frustatedly.

   taehyung hummed softly to himself as he sifted through the thick pile of papers on his desk, eyes skimming over the colorful bar graphs that the resources team had put together. sighing, he put the papers aside and ran a hand through his hair. it’d been extremely difficult to focus, especially since just a few hours ago, shit had gone down, literally and figuratively.

  he rubbed at his temples, willing for the headache that was beginning to form to go away, when his phone rang. taehyung cursed silently under his breath, and, after making sure no one was watching, he answered it.

  “hello?” he asked, not bothering to hide the exhaustion in his voice. “tae?” it was jungkook, and he sounded tense. ‘’what’s wrong?’’ the latter sighed. “i might’ve told y/n something i shouldn’t have.” taehyung resisted the urge to groan in frustration. “what the hell did you do?” he ground out, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible. “i might’ve told her that i like her.”

  the phone nearly slipped out of taehyung’s hands at jungkook’s words, and he managed to stutter, “y-you did what?!” he could picture the latter wincing on the other end. “yeah, i know, i fucked up, but what else is new? i feel like that’s all i’ve been doing lately, making things even more complicated than they already are. i know it was the last thing i should’ve done, but i-i just wanted to get a little closure, i guess. but that still doesn’t excuse the fact that i practically shoved my feelings in her face like that.” jungkook rambled, and there was no mistaking the distress and guilt in his voice.

  taehyung exhaled softly, pinching the bridge of his nose in mild exasperation. “kook, i honestly don’t know what to tell you. but, i do have one question for you, what did she say? i mean, did she reject you? accept your feelings?” there was a long stretch of silence on the other end, and before taehyung could think of something else to say, jungkook awkwardly cleared his throat.

  “well, not exactly, she said she needs time to think things over.” jungkook mumbled, and taehyung hummed in understanding. “i see, so what do you think she’s going to do?” the former sighed. “i’m not sure, but whatever the outcome is, i have to be ready for it, whether my heart gets broken or not.”

  taehyung felt his heart sink down into his stomach at the utter sadness in his friend’s voice, and promised to text him later before hanging up. he sat in his office chair, bewildered, and tried to make sense of what had just happened.

   hoseok frowned at you and taehyung, who had been working quietly at their desks for what seemed like forever. they’d been acting strange the entire day, extremely fidgety and on edge, as if they were afraid that there was an impending storm or apocalypse.

   “are you two okay? you’ve been acting weird all day.” at that, your head turned to face him, and you gave him the most unconvincing smile ever. “we’re fine, hoseok, don’t worry, we’re just exhausted.” you reassured him, turning back to your paperwork, and taehyung let out a noncommittal grunt in agreement.

 “you two don’t look okay” he argued, noting the dark circles under his friend’s eyes. “we’re fine.” taehyung said, and it must’ve come out harsher than he meant it to, because he winced as soon as the words left his mouth. “shit, i’m sorry hyung, i’m just exhausted, i didn’t mean to snap at you.” hoseok waved off taehyung’s apology. “don’t worry about it, i know you didn’t mean anything by it.” the latter gave him a grateful smile before turning back to his plethora of papers on his desk, and hoseok let his shoulders slump slightly.

  jimin knocked softly on jungkook’s office door, hesitating slightly as he carefully pushed it open. he tried to grimace at how haggard the latter looked, blond hair a tangled mess, dark circles prominent under his eyes, and the way his shoulders seemed to slump.

  “are you okay? you look like shit.” jungkook laughed, the sound broken and a bit hoarse. “well, no, i’m not, today’s been quite the shit-show. first, i snapped at hoseok hyung, then had to go on a wild goose chase for y/n yet again, found her at her older sister’s place, confessed, and-” “wait what? you did what now?” jimin asked in disbelief, and jungkook merely sighed.

  “yes, you heard me correctly, i confessed to her, you know, told her how i felt, can’t live without her, all that cliché shit.” “and then what?” jungkook let out yet another broken laugh. “she didn’t exactly reject me, but didn’t say she returned my feelings either. in short, she told me that she needed time to think things over, whatever the hell that means.” jimin blinked, the only sign that he’d heard, and tried to process what jungkook had just told him.

  “and, to top it all off, i have another meeting in like two minutes. that’s the seventh one today.” jungkook groused, hastily fiddling with his hair, trying to make it look somewhat presentable. “i gotta go, see you later, jimin.” he said, and before jimin could reply, jungkook was gone.

    jimin stood, disbelieving in jungkook’s office, staring into space. the latter had just walked away as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb into his life. jungkook had confessed. now, jimin had had suspicions and a sort-of gut feeling that his boss liked you, but decided not to get his hopes up about anything, for he also knew that the two of you were close friends.

  however, at least, for jimin, jungkook wasn’t exactly subtle about his feelings either. he noticed it in the way the latter would look at you as if you were the only star in the sky, as his mother would say, and how a simple gesture such as handing her a plate of food seemed so intimate.

jimin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying his best to ignore the dread pooling in his stomach as he walked out. he had a feeling things would ge even more complicated than they already were.

   yoongi sat on the edge of namjoon’s desk, a leg crossed over the other, idly twirling a pen between his fingers as the latter rambled to him yet again, about how you hadn’t forgiven him yet, and that his attempt at apologizing had failed.

  yoongi sighed a deep suffering sigh. “didn’t you already tell me this?” color stained namjoon’s cheeks. “i did, but-” “but what? you forgot? or you’re pissed at the fact that she’s not falling at your feet like everyone else does?” namjoon scowled half-heartedly. “why would i be angry about something like that?”

  yoongi gave a philosophical shrug. “don’t know, you tell me. y/n seems to be all you can talk about these days. not once have you come to talk to me about how that business deal with those investors that visited a while ago has gone.” namjoon waved a dismissive hand. “it’s going well.” yoongi fought the urge to roll his eyes. “joon, seriously, do you have feelings for her or not?”

  the male in question’s shoulders visibly tensed, and yoongi hid a smirk, for he knew namjoon well enough to know that that was a “yes.” “you know, it’s okay to have feelings for someone, it’s normal.” yoongi began, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, and namjoon scoffed, though the blush on his cheeks said otherwise.

   “who said i have feelings for her?” “no one did, i was just curious.” yoongi added quickly, and namjoon rolled his eyes. “well, if you must know, i don’t have feelings for her.” yoongi fought the urge to pull his hair out from frustration. “whatever you say joon”, he said instead, not wanting to deal with the former’s stubborness.

    you loosed a breath before knocking firmly on namjoon’s door, clutching the thick manila folder in your hands, willing yourself to act natural and keep calm. as soon as you heard the authoritative “come in”, you stepped inside the big space, keeping your gaze on the floor, refusing to make eye contact as you neared namjoon’s desk.

 “here are the financial reports from the finance team that you requested.” you said, trying to keep your tone as cordial as possible, setting said reports on his desk, stepping back a few feet afterwards. “anything else?” you asked after a long pause of silence. “no, that’ll be all.” namjoon said finally, and you let out an internal sigh of relief.

  you bowed slightly and turned to leave, letting the tension in your shoulders loosen a bit, and managed to slip out of the room before namjoon could put another word in. exhaling softly, you walked back over to your desk, giving hoseok and taehyung a reassuring smile before practically collapsing onto your chair.

  “tired?” taehyung asked, eyes skimming over the paper on his desk, and though you knew he wasn’t looking, you nodded. “i’m exhausted, even though he’s barely given me any work today.” you mumbled, and hoseok shot you a sympathetic look out of the corner of your eye.

   “i guess the events of the last few weeks have really taken a toll on me.” you murmured, and taehyung looked at you with sad eyes. “i’m sorry you’ve been having a shit time lately, i feel like it’s partly our fault.” you shook your head profusely. “no, if anything, it’s my fault that you guys are constantly running around like chickens with your heads cut off.”

  hoseok glared at you half-heartedly. “y/n, seriously, none of what has happened was your fault.” “but-” you began, and the former cut you off with yet another glare. “even if what happened was your fault, which it wasn’t, stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your control, like with what happened with namjoon. it’s not your fault the guy was born with a spoon in his mouth, and that he constantly has a stick up his ass, but that’s besides the point.”

  you snickered at hoseok’s slight jab at namjoon, and started to arrange the pile of papers on your desk. “yeah, i guess you’re right, i just feel like that everything that happened was so sudden, you know?” taehyung nodded his agreement. “yeah, these past few weeks have been quite the shitshow.” hoseok snorted. “understatement of the century there, my friend.”

   jungkook pulled the black cap he was wearing down over his eyes, not wanting to be seen by any of the people in the company cafe, milling about, casual chatter filling the air. he fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it in an attempt to distract himself.

 jungkook must’ve spaced out at some point, because he barely noticed namjoon walking towards him, and how the chatter was reduced to quite whispers. he looked up and immediately tensed at the sight of the tall male sitting awkwardly in front of him.

  jungkook pocketed his phone, crossing his arms over his chest, giving the older male a once-over. “what the hell are you doing here? shouldn’t you be running a company?” he hissed, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice. “i could say the same about you, jeon.” namjoon said, regarding him calmly.

  he resisted the urge to deck the older male in the jaw, and instead gave namjoon a tight-lipped smile. “but i assume you’re not here to talk about me, are you?” when the latter didn’t reply, jungkook knew that he was correct. “you’re right, i’m not here to talk about you. i’m here to talk about y/n.” jungkook tried not to let his anger show as he asked,”what about her?”

  “she’s been acting strange lately, and i can’t seem to figure out why. i thought you might know, since you’re so close to her and whatnot.” jungkook couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief. “are you fucking serious?” namjoon’s shoulders visibly tensed. “yes.” he mumbled, cheeks coloring with shame, and jungkook fought the urge to pull out his phone and take a photo because holy shit, one of the most influential conglomerates in seoul, was blushing.

  “as smart as you are, you’re the most dense person i’ve ever met. why the hell do you think she’s acting strangely?” jungkook seethed, unable to hold back the anger in his voice. namjoon had the nerve to shrug. “hell if i know, maybe it’s because she’s finally realized what a piece of shit you are.” jungkook laughed, the sound cold and unamused. “that’s hilarious, namjoon, because i think it’s the other way around. i mean, i don’t make her a glorified slave all the time.” jungkook shot back, and reveled in the way the older male flinched.

  “i may not be the best guy in the world, but at least i’m not an arrogant asshole who thinks the world only revolves around him and uses his secretary to do practically everything for him, since he’s not capable of doing so himself.” jungkook added, giving his former friend the coldest glare he could muster.

 before the older male could say anything else, jungkook stood up, ignoring the blatant stares of the people around him, gave namjoon one last glare, and walked away, seething.

 his phone buzzed once he was out of earshot, and jungkook answered it immediately, phone to his ear as he walked to the parking garage. “yeah?” he asked, hoping he sounded calmer than he felt. “kook?” your voice was hesitant, as if you were afraid that he’d yell, and jungkook felt all his anger vanish immediately. “y/n?” he asked hesitantly, and heard you exhale in relief.

 “kook, where the hell did you run off to? jimin’s been running around like a chicken with his head cut off.” jungkook winced at the image of his secretary and friend being disappointed in him yet again. “i didn’t go anywhere, i just went to the company cafe. i’m downstairs.” he whispered, and heard you sigh again on the other end, this time, a frustrated one.

 “kook, before you decide to run off like that and give jimin a heart attack, the least you could do is tell him. and i know that i don’t exactly have the right to tell you this, as i’ve done exactly the same thing, but i just don’t want anything to happen to you, you know?” jungkook’s heart ached at your apologetic tone. “don’t apologize, it was stupid of me to just run off like that. i guess we’re both pretty dumb, huh?” he teased, despite himself, and couldn’t help the grin that tugged at his lips when he heard you laugh softly.

 “yeah, i guess we are. the biggest dumbasses on the planet, that’s you and me, kook.” you laughed, and jungkook failed and tried to hide his amused smile. “see you soon? drinks at my place?” “yeah, see you, kook.” you said softly, and then the line went dead. jungkook tried to hide the smile that was tugging at his lips as he walked to his car, feeling a bit lighter than he had before.

   “god, you two are practically made for each other.” taehyung groaned once you filled in him on what had happened, and hoseok merely grunted in agreement. you felt your cheeks burn. “would you two cut that out?” “cut what out?” taehyung asked, feigning innocence, cerulean eyes widening, as if he’d been caught vandalizing a building.

  you glared at him, and taehyung just smiled, eyes turning into crescents. “love you.” he sing-songed, and you rolled your eyes. “jungkook invited us over for drinks, wanna come with?” you asked, and when hoseok and taehyung nodded, giving you a thumbs up, you laughed, shaking your head slightly, as you knew they couldn’t refuse drinks.

    jungkook bit his lip anxiously as he waited for jimin to pick up, hoping the latter wasn’t too pissed off with him. jimin picked up after two rings, and jungkook held his breath. “park jimin speaking.” he said, voice pleasantly and unfailingly polite, and jungkook winced, as the tone the former was using was one he used when talking to other businessmen, friendly, but firm.

  “jimin?” jungkook asked hesitantly, and aforementioned male sighed, the sound almost resigned, exhausted, even. “what, kook?” he asked, tone exhausted and nearly exasperated, and jungkook grimaced. “i-i know i messed up again, and i didn’t tell you where i was going, and-” “jungkook, listen to me, okay?” jimin said gently, cutting him off abruptly. “when i found out that you snuck out again, like some rebellious teen, i was angry. angry that you went somewhere without telling me first, but then i realized that maybe i’ve been too harsh on you. i’m always nagging at you, like some mom with a stick up her ass, but it’s because i’m constantly worried about you. we’ve been working together for years now, and not only are you my boss, but you’re my friend, and while you’ve been a pain in my ass at times, you hired me, no questions asked, and gave me opportunities i otherwise would’ve never had. you’ve also been the best friend i’ve ever had. so, that being said, despite how much you’ve fucked up recently, i can’t bring myself to cut you completely out of my life. it’d be boring without your annoying ass.”

  jungkook let out a soft laugh, tears springing to his eyes, wiping them away hastily with the back of his hand. “so, i’m having drinks with y/n, tae, and hoseok, and since we don’t have work tomorrow, do you want to join us?” he heard jimin chuckle softly on the other end. “i’d love to.”

   jungkook was trying not to stare. you had swapped your blouse and skirt for a loose shirt that was two sizes too big, and sweatpants, hair tied into a messy bun atop your head, and he thought you’d never looked so beautiful. you also happened to be wearing one of his shirts and his pair of sweatpants, and though he’d lent you it, jungkook regretted doing so the minute you walked out of the hallway bathroom.

   he felt like such a cliche, practically losing it at the sight of you in his clothes. you weren’t even dating him, and yet the sight looked so domestic, so real. jungkook felt his cheeks burn and took a long sip of soju, trying to will himself to calm the fuck down.

  luckily, hoseok, taehyung, and jimin were too busy bickering over what ice cream flavor was the best to notice that jungkook was a complete mess beside them, and you were watching them, an amused smile on your lips. “how the hell can you like mint chocolate, jimin? you might as well be eating toothtpaste!” hoseok was saying, cheeks red from the alcohol in his system, clearly drunk, from the way his speech was a bit slurred. “shut up hyung! It’s not my fault i have taste.” jimin huffed, pale cheeks rosy.

  hoseok snorted, taking a long swig of soju, wincing at the taste. “whatever you say, jimin, just don’t come crying to me if you get attacked for liking the atrocity that is mint chocolate.” aforementioned male just rolled his eyes, downing the last of his soju.

  jungkook had barely taken a sip of his own drink before he winced and set it down on his coffee table. ever since he’d gotten piss drunk, jungkook decided to abstain from drinking heavily. you were currently scrolling through your phone, the soft blue light illuminating your features, and jungkook felt his cheeks burn, forcing himself to look away.

   get it together, jungkook, you can’t keep staring at her like some creep. besides, she hasn’t even told you if she feels the same. he thought, toying with the thin silver bracelet on his wrist.

  you snickered at the stream of messages your sister had sent you earlier that evening, ranting about her stuck up boss, slipping your phone back in the pocket of the borrowed sweatpants you were wearing.

  sighing, you snuck a glance at jungkook, who was staring off into space, fingers idly toying with the thin silver bracelet on his wrist. for some odd reason, you felt your heart clench at the sight of him, all tousled hair and light brown eyes. jungkook was attractive, he always had been, even when he was a doe-eyed freshman in college, but even more so now that he was much older.

   you’d always had a tiny crush on him, but it was never anything serious, as jungkook had started dating jieun come sophomore year. though you’d never spoken to her, she seemed nice enough and made jungkook happy, so you cheered them on from the sidelines.

  everyone had thought that they’d grow old together, but that had proved to be wrong when their relationship abruptly ended the start of senior year. your heart ached as you remembered the day jungkook showed up at your dorm, eyes puffy and red-rimmed, practically falling into your arms, sobbing uncontrollably. that night had been spent comforting him, binging his favorite movies, of which included kimi no wa.

  seeing jungkook irrevocably heartbroken was heart-wrenching, and said male had spent at least a week at your dorm, moping and stuffing his face with food. he’d apologized profusely later, even going as far as to buy you groceries. you’d accepted them, but not without saying that he didn’t owe you anything at all.

   a warm hand touched your shoulder, bringing you back to reality, and you turned to see jungkook, eyes twinkling with mirth, gesturing for you to look at something. you followed his line of sight and nearly burst out laughing at what you saw.

 hoseok, taehyung, and jimin were sprawled out on jungkook’s living room floor, legs thrown over one another, and you stifled a laugh. “they’re definitely going to regret that tomorrow morning.” jungkook whispered, trying not to laugh. “definetely.” you breathed, trying to will the laughter that was threatening to come out away.

   “I don’t know about you, but i’m exhausted. you can sleep in my room if you want, i’ll take the guest room.” you smacked his shoulder gently as you followed him quietly down the hall. “i’ll take the guest room.” jungkook shook his head. “it’s really okay, y/n, i promise. i’m not going to kill you if you spend one night in my room.” you sighed, the sound resigned and exhausted. “fine.” you mumbled, and jungkook beamed.

  later, as you were about to turn off the lamp on the bedside table, the door to jungkook’s room opened slightly, and said male poked his head in, a sheepish expression on his face. “sorry, did i wake you?” you shook your head, and jungkook stepped inside, and your breath caught in your throat. his bare torso was on display, and black sweatpants hung low on his hips, and you felt your cheeks burn, tearing your gaze away. “kook, what are you doing here?” you mumbled, refusing to make eye contact.

   jungkook furrowed his brows in confusion, wondering why you were so flustered, and then realized as soon as he felt a slight chill on his skin. he felt his cheeks burn, crossing his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling shy. usually, jungkook paraded around his house shirtless all the time and thought nothing of it, for he was usually alone.

 jungkook was in the middle of getting dressed that he suddenly remembered that he needed to tell you something, and rushed out of his room, not bothering to put on a shirt. “s-sorry, i guess i forgot to put one on. i’m sorry if i’m making you uncomfortable.” he mumbled. at that, you turned to face him, eyes wide. “no, of course not! it was just unexpected, that’s all!” you rambled.

   “a-anyway, i just wanted to say goodnight.” he muttered, and ignored the way his pulse quickened at the way the corners of your lips curled into an amused smile, dark eyes twinkling with mirth. “goodnight, kook.” you laughed softly, reaching over to turn off the lamp on the bedside table.

 despite the darkness, jungkook could see you curling up underneath the covers, pulling the duvet up to your chin. before he could stop himself, jungkook walked over to you, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. “goodnight, y/n.” he mumbled, and walked out before you could react.

   after jungkook had left, you laid in the darkness of his room, head spinning from that damned forehead kiss. to make matters worse, you were sleeping in his room, on his bed, practically surrounded with his scent. the faint smell of cologne and citrus had filled your senses as you’d laid down, dizzying you.

  because of his sudden confession, you hadn’t gotten much sleep since. a part of you felt like screaming into the void due to frustration, while the other was fantasizing about what a relationship with jungkook would be like. you felt your cheeks burn at the thought, mentally scolding yourself to get your shit together, and willed yourself to sleep.

   jungkook couldn’t sleep, not after what he’d done. he screamed inwardly, running his hands down over his face. what the hell were you thinking, you idiot, she probably hates you now. he didn’t know what had came over him, nor knew what had led him to do so. jungkook just hoped that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortbale around him after what had had happened.

   jimin woke up the next morning, legs tangled with hoseok and taehyung’s, head pounding. groaning, he carefully untangled himself from the still asleep males, ignoring the headache that was currently pounding against his skull.

  he trudged into the kitchen to find jungkook already up, flitting around the space. normally, jimin would’ve laughed at the sight of the latter in a frilly white apron, if it weren’t for the seething migraine in his head. “morning, jimin, did you sleep well? it looked like you were comfortable.” jungkook teased, waving the spatula in his right hand.

  jimin scowled and took a seat at the kitchen island, nearly slamming his head on the counter as he put his head down, the granite cool against his forehead. “rough night?” jungkook asked nonchalantly, and jimin groaned. “shut up, kook, you were the one who suggested we drink.”

  he could practically imagine jungkook rolling his eyes. “yeah, but you were the one who decided to accept the offer to drink, so that’s on you, park.” jimin looked up, glaring at the former, who just gave him a shit-eating grin before turning back to whatever food he was cooking.

   “it’s eight a.m. and you idiots are already bickering?” a voice said from the kitchen doorway, and jimin looked over to see you standing there, rubbing at your eyes. he nearly missed the way jungkook’s eyes seemed to light up when he saw you. “y/n, did you sleep well?” jimin hid an amused smirk at the way the former’s voice grew impossibly soft and fond.

   “i did, thank you kook. by the way, you really didn’t have to give up your bed for me, you know. i would’ve been perfectly fine sleeping on the couch.” jimin nearly raised an eyebrow at that. for the nine years he’d known jungkook, the male had never given up his bed to anyone, not even him. what an interesting development, jimin thought amusedly, hiding his smile behind the warm mug of coffee that jungkook had placed beside him at some point, taking a small sip.

   jungkook pouted. “but i wanted to, and besides, i would’ve felt bad if i let you sleep on the couch. that shit’s uncomfy.” you sighed, moving to give the former a hug. jimin watched in amusement as jungkook returned the gesture, wrapping his arms tightly around your small frame, reaching around to turn off the stove and place the spatula he’d been holding down.

  jimin felt his face grow hot at the scene, for it seemed so intimate; the way jungkook tucked his chin on your shoulder, closing his eyes in contentment and the way you buried your face in crook of his neck. not to mention that you were quite literally wearing jungkook’s clothes.

 he tore his gaze away and feigned interest in the iron chandelier dangling from the kitchen ceiling, admiring how the crystals twinkled in the early morning sun, casting rainbow light on the smooth, white walls of jungkook’s home.

  “jimin?” jungkook asked, bringing him back to reality, and he felt his face flush in embarrassment. “y-yeah?’’ he blurted, and said male raised a questioning eyebrow. “are you okay? your face is as red as a tomato.” “ah, i’m fine, just a little hungover from last night, that’s all. i think it’s the alcohol.” jimin winced internally at his shitty excuse, but it seemed convincing enough to jungkook, as the latter didn’t press further.

  “so” you asked, pouring yourself a cup of coffee, “anyone have anything going on today?” jimin shook his head. “nope, and neither does jungkook. i’m not sure about hoseok hyung and tae though.” you laughed softly, taking a small sip of your coffee. “well, since they happen to work at the same place that i do, i happen to know their schedules.” jimin felt his face flush scarlet from embarrassment. “i’m obviously free, since work is the last place i want to be. i’m surprised he hasn’t fired me yet.” you joked, and saw jungkook wince, just slightly.

   “what about a night in? i know we kind of had one last night, but no alcohol this time.” jimin let out a relieved sigh at that. “thank fuck, i was worried that i would be hungover as shit again.” jungkook snorted, shoving the former’s shoulder lightly. “says the guy who drank like six bottles last night.” jimin rolled his eyes. “it was three, you idiot. did you ever learn to count in school?” “i did, thank you very much.” jungkook shot back, glaring playfully at his secretary.

  “are you idiots already arguing? at this hour?” a voice said from the doorway, and the three of you turned to see taehyung and hoseok standing there, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. said males trudged into the kitchen, half-asleep, plopping unceremouniously next to you and jimin on the bar stools.

  “you both look like shit.” jungkook snickered, handing both of them cups of newly made coffee. taehyung sighed, flipping the former off as he took a long sip of his coffee. “shut up jeon, it’s too fucking early for this.” he mumbled, and jungkook just rolled his eyes. “tae, it’s 9 a.m.”

  “jungkook, i swear to god, shut the fuck up before i strangle you.” taehyung growled, but it held no heat. “kinky.” “kook i’m this fucking close to shooting you.” said male shrugged, piling pancakes onto a plate. “go ahead.” hoseok smacked taehyung lightly on the shoulder, causing the latter to cry out in protest. “cut it out, you shits are giving me a headache.” he grumbled, pressing his fingers against his temple. “hyung, do you need aspirin?” jungkook asked, already striding over to his medicine cabinet before the older male could reply.

   “i’m fine, kook, really.” hoseok started, but the younger male cut him off with a look that said”you better take some medicine before i shove it down your throat”, and the former managed a weak nod.  next to him, taehyung sighed and practically collapsed onto the counter, pillowing his head on his arms. you stifled a laugh and patted said male on the shoulder. “everything okay?”

  taehyung shook his head, mumbling something under his breath that you couldn’t quite catch. “do you need medicine?” you asked, and the former shook his head again. “i’ll be fine, i probably need to just take a nap or something.” taehyung muttered, and you rolled your eyes at his stubbornness. “kim taehyung, take some medicine before your headache gets worse.” “fine.” he huffed, standing up and shuffling over to jungkook, who just wordlessly handed him an aspirin and a glass of water. you shook your head, hiding an amused smile, and went to get ready for the day.

    namjoon drummed his thin fingers on the smooth wood of his desk, lost in thought. the morning hadn’t been anything out of the ordinary, just the same meetings and paperwork to approve and sign. for the first time in a while, he’d finally had had time to himself. namjoon sighed, running a hand through his hair, which he hadn’t bothered to style properly that morning. he considered calling yoongi, but he was probably stuck in some boring meeting, and the last thing namjoon wanted to do was annoy him further than he already had.

  the last conversation namjoon had had with you still lingered in the back of his mind, no matter how much he tried to forget it by throwing himself into his work, busying himself with boring meetings and the like. then there was that strange feeling he had, one that he couldn’t quite place. if it was guilt, or even contempt, namjoon couldn’t tell.

  the one thing namjoon did know was that yoongi was right, but that not he’d admit such a thing out loud. he was a massive idiot for even trying to deny the possibility of having romantic feelings for someone, especially if said someone was his secretary. however, namjoon knew that trying to deny it was futile at this point. he’d tried to brush his feelings away, throwing himself into work, but the attempt was only in vain.

  it was undeniable; the dread pooling in his stomach, the anger that surged through his veins whenever he’d see you with anyone, especially jungkook, and the way his seemingly cold heart seemed to thaw, slowly, but surely, whenever you were around. but because he was a fucking moron, namjoon tried to deflect those feelings by being his usual asshole self.

  he’d been the sole cause of the angry and frustrated tears that had streamed down your face that day, for your pain, and namjoon would be lying if he didn’t feel an immense amount of guilt after you had stormed out of his office. for the first time in years, namjoon let unshed tears fall, and buried his face in his hands. how was he ever going to try to love someone, when he couldn’t even love himself?

 namjoon’s body shook with broken sobs, and he wrapped his arms around himself, as if doing so would protect him the cruel reality he was living. his mother’s last words to him rang in his mind. you’re a failure, completely useless, you’ll never be like your brother. no one will ever love you. 

 a/n: AHHHH ok this fic is finally done!!! however, the story itself isn’t over! i decided to make a sequel fic!! i feel like the ending of this was shit but i hope you guys like the fic regardless! and i had so much fun writing it! i feel so bad that i held this fic off for so long, i was working on this fic for MONTHS+ anyways, i hope all of you are staying safe, and thank you for always supporting my stories<3 and i cannot wait to write the other fics in the kdramas and bangtan series!! 

tagging: @kithtaehyung , @suhdays , @ddaechwita , @sketchguk, @wwilloww @writtenwhalien , @sunshinejunghoseokie , @codeinebelle , @lovetrivia , @papillonsgf , @arcticguk , @jtrbluv , @honeyj00ns ,  @jungkooksbroski , @jksmoongf , @rapmooni, @ughseoks-main , @cafemiya, @monvante  @sweetheartjeongguk , @imyourhobiii , @blushingkoo​ , @kooksmos , @lurejoon , @bangtanhome , @joyfulhopelox, @mochi-molala , @kithtaehyung​ , @lovetrivia, @joonsrack , @nomseok , @taeyo95 ,  @missgeniality , @balenciaguks​ , @hobipaint​ , @ressjeon​ , @kookskingdom​ + anyone else who wants to be tagged<3