#this is so yay...

[kkoct-ik]

hey! idk if it's okay to ask, it's okay to ignore this. how did you come to terms with being trans and decide to transition with the identity confusion? i'm not sure what i have going on specifically but i'm struggling with that. like if a part has dysphoria/ids as trans but another one doesn't, how do you know if you're trans? it isn't uncommon for parts to have different genders, isn't it? i imagine it depends a lot on the individual but i'd like to hear if you have any thoughts on the matter

oh im glad you asked this!! i actually have a lot to say on this from my experiences. im so happy to answer this

overall i think people can do anything. if by 'being trans' you mean express yourself, literally just do it. you dont have to justify yourself or have a 'legitimate reason' to shift your identity or presentation or experiment. youre always growing, always changing, humans are complex and awesome. dont shy away from being colourful and multifaceted.

that said i do know medical transition with dissociative stuff is kind of a hot topic because of its 'irreversibility', and i do have things to say, so ill ramble about my experiences with being a pwdid who has chosen to medically transition.

to contextualise myself ive been 'trans' since i was 12/13(?). this is when i first started presenting myself as male and using a new name. since then ive gone through a few different male primary identities but i've stayed pretty consistently ftm. when pitching myself to healthcare providers, i can pretty easily tell them that ive been unwaveringly socially presenting as male since i was 12.

that said when it came to my 20s and the prospect of actually booking those appointments and securing masculinising hrt i kind of had an identity crisis. because although my primary identities have been male for a long time, theyve also always been very kinda miserable and felt kinda wrong and disengaged (which makes me believe a lot of my binary maleness is a way i reject myself. which made me think, if the gender dysphoria is a dissociative symptom, won't healing my trauma get rid of it..?). moreover when ive been in certain female parts ive felt comfortable and happy, so clearly girlhood in general is to an extent grounding to me. but still, the notion of being seen as and treated as a woman makes me feel bad, even when in female parts. my pronouns are definitely he/him.

so i had no idea 'what' i was. i really felt the possibility that down the line id have a totally different gender, and maybe not be 'trans' at all, so i worried about healing my trauma and then regretting medically transitioning.

what i ended up doing was just a lot of introspection into my identity. i decided to accept that i was allowed to make choices and exercise my autonomy for my present self, without being paralysed about a possible future. i knew if i just kept waiting and being afraid, i was going to remain disconnected from myself, forever wondering if transitioning could have made me feel better. i reckoned even if i did detransition in the future, i would still respect my past decision, because i was going to put a lot of thought into this decision and make it for myself and my happiness with the information i have now, as i should.

i ended up frequenting the actual_detrans sub for a bit to make sure i was open to the possibility to changing my mind in the future, and also so i could be assured i wasnt just operating under sunk cost fallacy by locking in and medically transitioning because i felt like being 'wrong' wasnt an option. i also reflected on my identity as a whole, and figured collectively, im definitely nonbinary in some sense (luckily, im at a point in recovery where i am relatively integrated, and thus can piece together my 'big picture' and come to this conclusion. this will probably be harder for others...). when considering all my parts: i enjoy regarding myself as a 'girl', a 'man', and in a masculine/butch way. so i took that when working out how to become 'myself' without worrying about using singular or binary labels.

i decided from that point that i would enjoy the effects of testosterone, but dont necessarily want any surgeries done. i dont hate any part of my body, but it does feel strange, and i want to grow into it in a masculine way. my teenage female puberty never really felt 'real', and i was very estranged from my body. looking at myself, i still felt prepubescent in some sense. so a second puberty, one that i was actually ready for and chose, was appealing to me. for me hrt isnt about fixing anything i deem wrong with me, and is more about showing myself i can be me and feeling more at home within myself.

and as a progress report. since starting hrt (9 months ago) i really have found all the changes really joyful, and ive finally started feeling like i own my identity, body, and myself. i see myself as adorable and cute now. since the voice drop and hairiness i feel like an even happier 'girl' and more comfortable as myself. ultimately im really glad i didnt stay paralysed with my 'what-ifs', and im also glad i didnt lock myself into a conventional transition timeline (ie incl. surgeries) without pausing and taking the time to assess who i am what it really is i want out of this care. i think i made a really good call.

so yeah. i hope!!! my ramblings help at all. i do understand the struggle. hopefully me breaking down my process can be assuring or illuminating. i believe in you anon and i hope you work things out

[daftpatience]

this messed up vintage cat sewing pattern has tormented me since i saw it & like some other folks have done in that post - i tried my hand at tweaking the pattern to resemble the illustration (and my personal tastes) a little more. i've ended up with this. i bestow it upon you nice folks now 👐

(update 2, added instructions & it's also on my Kofi!)

go forth and make weird little beanbag kittens! pls show me if you do!

[noknowshame]

bringing it up again for the millionth time but I'm still obsessed with the way that hannibal lecter is canonically aware of the narrative not because its ever explicitly stated but because the author who created him genuinely believes this to be true and stopped writing the book series because he's afraid of him

[orangesavannah]

Anyone done the Pietà pose for Mouthwashing yet? No? Well.

[zazrichor]

D E V O T I O N

[sidecast]

i looove the miku trend. nomadic horselord hungarian miku be upon you

[itseghost]

"Unbidden, an image of Jayce smiling in bed earlier this morning comes to mind. Viktor's hand on his cheek. His slightly chapped lips. His bedhead. Stubble. His smile lines. The shape of his jaw."

___

one of my favorite little scenes from coming home (but not to you) by @lesbianherald :) haven't done comics in so so long but really wanted to give it a shot lol

[reasonsforhope]

If you're feeling anxious or depressed about the climate and want to do something to help right now, from your bed, for free...

Start helping with citizen science projects

What's a citizen science project? Basically, it's crowdsourced science. In this case, crowdsourced climate science, that you can help with!

You don't need qualifications or any training besides the slideshow at the start of a project. There are a lot of things that humans can do way better than machines can, even with only minimal training, that are vital to science - especially digitizing records and building searchable databases

Like labeling trees in aerial photos so that scientists have better datasets to use for restoration.

Or counting cells in fossilized plants to track the impacts of climate change.

Or digitizing old atmospheric data to help scientists track the warming effects of El Niño.

Or counting penguins to help scientists better protect them.

Those are all on one of the most prominent citizen science platforms, called Zooniverse, but there are a ton of others, too.

Oh, and btw, you don't have to worry about messing up, because several people see each image. Studies show that if you pool the opinions of however many regular people (different by field), it matches the accuracy rate of a trained scientist in the field.

--

I spent a lot of time doing this when I was really badly injured and housebound, and it was so good for me to be able to HELP and DO SOMETHING, even when I was in too much pain to leave my bed. So if you are chronically ill/disabled/for whatever reason can't participate or volunteer for things in person, I highly highly recommend.

Next time you wish you could do something - anything - to help

Remember that actually, you can. And help with some science.

[mlm-blues]

listen you NEED to borrow that book from the library. i know youve got like 10 other books lined up to be read but you need to go to the library. remind the library that it's loved and cherished

[lembowe]

i don't remember what originally inspired this but!!!! i think siffrin would be really happy to see other weather

[ptr-sqloint]

[classjezter]

Hundred days - Skystar animatic

[sableleatherywingsopeninthe711]

my job under siege by zant's foul army

[tawnysoup]

You both jump in place for a bit, grinning.

[eydilily]

promises

[b1adie]

☆★ BOOTHILL — HONKAI STAR RAIL 2.6 ★☆