#this post is just speculation with no point and maybe it doesnt mean anything but. still

[lepidxpterxphxbia]

Neighbourly episode 40 spoilers

Hey so like.... Why did the narrator have a brick in his house(s) to begin with. Like maybe he just happened to have a brick in his house to beat someone to death with. But that seems kinda unlikely and it really begs the question.... How many times has this happened before? Has he had to beat people to death and try to keep them from shutting the podcast down before? Who?

[falseficus]

if i may play the devil's advocate for a moment -- it doesn't really bother me that most of the fan posting around disco elysium on this site is more focused on the emotional aspects of the game than the political ones. i mean, firstly, it's well-acknowledged that fanworks tend to fill the gaps of unexplored potential in the original work -- ie, envisioning darkness in lighthearted works, re-imagining dark works as lighthearted. a lot of the emotional or relational aspects of disco elysium are left ambiguous, abstract, or at the very least dependent upon player choice and interpretation. this renders them fertile ground for speculative art. by contrast, the game's political statements are, if you have the context to analyze them well, complete. there simply isn't much more to say.

beyond that, those political aspects are also leagues ahead of many other pieces of media in terms of their complexity, nuance, and real-world analysis. that's part of what makes the game so great, and i do think may fans understand that. but, to be honest, being capable of engaging with those aspects of the game (just glance at reddit, and you'll see that many fans don't even reach that level) does not mean that fans are capable of generating that level of work themselves. like, it's simply more mental work to come up with a piece of creative art/writing that expands upon the superb worldbuilding and commentary of DE than it is to write about harry and kim getting goopy nasty. people know how to do the latter because it is a commonly exercised muscle of fandom. the former is almost academic.

that doesn't mean people *shouldn't* engage with the political aspects of the game generatively/creatively. but also... like... maybe it's better this way. seriously, look at reddit, guys. the DE subreddit is full of people *attempting* to engage with the game politically, and the analysis they're putting out is hot steaming dookie. i lose brain cells every time im forced to read another take that earnestly assumes the game positions moralism as the Right and Good Choice for Revachol. on tumblr, analysis is generative, practiced through art/fanfiction... and if i had to see the type of shit i see on reddit on tumblr in the form of fanart, id kill us all.

so anyway, i dont think the fanwork hyperfocus on relationships/emotion indicates that people aren't properly understanding the political points of the game, but simply that those points are much harder for fans to process in a generative way. their underrepresentation in fanwork doesnt particularly indicate anything about the way people are actually receiving and understanding the themes of the game.

except for the people inexplicably clogging the tag with jean viquemare. they do not understand the game and will not see the light of heaven

[stargazelasagna]

excited for the spring update? any speculations or predictions?

HM HM HM OKKAYY SOO I DO HAVE SOME THOUGHTS... BUT IDK keep in mind I might be a littttle behind on some updates... have to get caught up i do!! but haven't just yet so.. gulp gonna do this ol thingamajiggy n hope it works!

I might ramble a bit... who knows? I'm not proofreading this because i'm lazy! i should also preface this by saying that i am by no means very good at theories or figuring this stuff out on my own LOL so take everrrything i say with a grain of salt and probably dont base anything on what i say cause i'm sure itll be wrong LOL i also havent looked at what anyone else has said either so im sure that doesnt help very much HONESTLY IM SO SO SO VERY EXCITED i think i went to like half of my welcome home oomfs and was like "CLOWN GAVE AN UPDATE CLOWN GAVE AN UPDATE!!" and i lowkkkey was soo excited i had to take a breather LOL my first initial thoughts was that somethiing might happen to Julie this time since on the kofi theres sooo many things that point to her and her siblings but looking back now with a bit fresher eyes (and now that im not jumping around and running around my room) i wonder if its not really about her at all i was looking through the kofi again and i've noticed that whoever the update is mainly about (or at least whoever has something happen to them) they dont usually get anyy postings whatsoever about them... unless clown has deleted some stuff on their kofi n i just dont rememeber and or im getting the dates wrong LOL so to my relief or perhaps denial im going to keep telling myself that nothing happens to julie whatsoever because shes slowly becoming my favorite character and i would hate for anything bad to happen to her LOL so i guess im not really saying anything but something at the same timeeee LOL since most of it is pretty obvious if you've seen the kofi that we are going to see more of julie and her familyyyy... maybe perhaps before she left the cave??whooo knows ehehehe BUT IM SOO EXCITED

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

For some reason Ive been thinking about the shipwar recently, specifically about this thing that I remember elriels saying a few months ago before I had everyone whos shipwar posts ended up in the anti-tags blocked. Apparently SJM said that she wanted to do something different for Elain in some interview and they were taking that to mean that she didnt want to do another mates-plotline and basically using that as confirmation for elriel. And I think thats interesting because it shows that there are people out there who think of her as a fated-mates writer, while I very much think of her as an angsty-edgy-shadowey-bad-boy-love-interest writer with the mates-stuff just being an additional thing that she likes.

Like, I dont know about the main character of throne of glass and her love interest (although Ive heard sjm basically did the same thing as in acotar where the first love interest gets replaced) but in acotar and the first crescent city book we get the following endgame romantic dynamics: traumatized female main character with her angsty edgy shadowey bad boy love interest, traumatized female main character with her angsty edgy shadowey bad boy love interest (jock flavor), traumatized female main character with her angsty edgy shadowey bad boy love interest (fratboy flavor)

And Ive seen some people argue that Azriel doesnt really fit in with the IC or even the entire night court, in response to anti-elriels pointing out that it would hardly be different if its just another plotline where its these two in hanging out in a house in velaris and having sex and growing closer, which is a good point, but imo it doesnt really change their fundamental dynamic thats been setup so far; Elriel is just another interation of Traumatized Female Main Character With Her Angsty Edgy Shadowey Bad Boy Love Interest, and if this thing about SJM wanting to do something very different with Elain is true and shes not just going to bend the characters into something completely different (which could still happen, I feel like not enough people take that into consideration in this discourse), then Elucien is really the only pairing that she can write. Unless she wants to do something truly crazy i guess, like introducing a brand new character or pairing her off with a woman

Idk, Im not invested in the ship war because i really havent found any of sjm's canon romances compelling, but I am rooting for elucien because if they get together that means we might finally leave the night court next book. Which, I actually havent decided if Im gonna read that one, I know im not gonna pay for it if I do get it, but I guess I should wait to do that until Ive finished the books that are currently out lmao. Also, ive seen some people speculate that next book is not gonna be Elain's book but that Nesta is gonna get a second one, which I find pretty believable considering the stuff ive heard about hofas, and in that case it seems like its gonna be primarily about like, prythian's past and maybe reviving the dusk court, neither of which are plotpoints that sound at all interesting because we barely know anything about present day-prythian and the courts that we have now, like how are we talking about the fucking dusk court when the dawn court has been 100% irrelevant so far

[destinyc1020]

Errr. I think anon is missing the point and doesnt understand the buying market 😭"Not an attractive package" doesnt mean studios dont like it. It just means they literally passed on this round of buying and are just waiting for other factors before giving an offer. Maybe there looking for more funding streams or a writer or a script or other factors ( again Im operating purely on speculation) remember films are more than just actors.

Anon made my point amazon has more money spend so more space to take a risk. Whereas WB dealing with financial uncertainty need hits so maybe more cautious with what the pick up and maybe need more safeguards.

Remember Amazon often doesnt have international distribution, so you often need an int'l distributor. In addition sony, universal or WB may offer a longer theatrical window.

Remember challengers starring thee zendaya guess what amazon/mgm made it available on VOD within a month after release. Many producers want longer theatrical windows. My comments was not a diss to tom or anything 😭😭😭

I assume you're talking about this post?

I don't Anon was trying to be negative about the project, but I thank you for adding more additional good points about the buying process when it comes to projects. I also totally believe that producers "leak" stuff out to the public to see what the response from the general public is, and if it's mostly favorable, that gives them more confidence to go ahead with said project. 😄

I also agree, we need to go back to longer theatrical windows. Give films (especially smaller films) a chance in the theaters.

[castlebyersafterdark]

Millie’s sharing nice, curated photos of herself with the Enola 3 cast and crew and meanwhile during ST5 filming she couldn’t be bothered to post anything but a couple of selfies of herself… I see lol

twas about to defend but then remembered noah did a post where he detailed only being allowed to share 10% of his year and still popped some ST in there even though it would be much more restricted to share than enola. it makes me wonder so much what is going to happen in the series because we may never know cast truths, but the show might point towards something about why millie seems less excited about it now. i really hope its not disappointment with el's storyline because i'm unable to untie that from byler atm, and that would mean that she doesnt think an independence arc for el in the way it was done (as we theorise) was satisfactory, which is a shame.

Right on - like I hinted at, it's nice to get anything at all from those in the cast, shouldn't be expected or thought we're "owed" however - you can't help but compare things that are shared, are able to be contrasted, compared. You speculate on things. Choices. Omissions. Of course we're going to jump to sensible conclusions.

They're still under lock and key, things yet to be shared. So little allowed. Much to be dished and dropped post show. I know social media isn't everything, as I do repeat. We can't help but observe what's out there, though.

I actually don't have a problem if someone has had enough and wants to leave a former job behind. Is "over" the show. Like anyone who's move on from something. As a fan - you never want to hear something you're passionate about trashed by someone who made it, or hear there was negativity in making it. Minimal so far, time will tell.

Certainly highly plausible that there was displeasure in the storyline, her character arc, etc. Hey, maybe the oft-feared ending did happen to Eleven and mbb wasn't a fan. Maybe she's salty about the broken romantic arc. Maybe she's no longer the biggest focus and that bothered her. Maybe there was bad blood on set. Maybe she was simply just... bored and preoccupied. All probable.

Hey. Maybe we all read too much into everything - but look where we are and what most of us round this corner do. We spend a lot of time analyzing and speculating and observing and jumping to conclusions and feeling confident in our conjectures, for the most part. I just think dismissing any of these more negatively laced notions is silly, just as dismissing the mere possibility that the boys might have had or have something more is silly. Probabilities, not impossibilities.

[rantarang]

i think gossipping about celebs is kinda trashy. its parasocial, you could say anything and it would be wierd. especially if youre trying for scandal. obviously its expected, its just how i feel about it.

now. lets say you have a irl moment where you see someone do somdthing and you tell it to the web. is that rumor? is it able to harm that person?

text only, stories about a stranger is so limited in harm it might as well be fiction. i dont see anything wrong about speculation. just dont make it the strangers problem ever and its all good.

stories about a friend. well if you were involved in the situation, its your perogative, i think as a reader id like to assume you know your friend well enough that a text post about them wont be hurtful, if they later read it.

stories about a fictional character, go ham, you can say anything, it wont matter to the character.

stories about yourself? do what you want! you already have your permission and i presume happiness?

with all those out the way, egg jokes are as ok as any other speculation about humans and their quirks. they can fall under rumor, good natured fun, or mistakenly innappropriate just like anything else we say about other people.

I remember when being gay was more of a scandalous thing fir a celeb to be. speculating on their sexuality was sometimes viewed as homophobic, both because you might be outing them, but also if the interest was purely spectacle and scandal around the person being a bad bad secret bad gay

thats where i first remember hearing " just because a man does x doesnt mean hes gay!" as some kind of protectiveness of the celebs image in a homophobic landscape.

but all it did was raise the question, well so what if he was? so what if she was? and i think deflating the scandal in that way might be more effective in protecting people than the denial of a gay or trans person existing.

all this to say. i see where people think rumor is cringe, but i think focusing on egg jokes like theyre uniqe rumor points to how transpeople are viewed as a bad things to be. and maybe the right approach is destigmatisation of being trans. tell the scandal interested, so what if theyre trans,

tell the "transvestigator" so what if theyre trans.

and let the people simply telling their stories on the webb do their best to exist as themselves and take part in being humans who feel things about eachother.

[nalyra-dreaming]

People took my anon that was pointing out that maybe we should hold off from saying that assad was casted for diversity points (🙄) like people in this fandom have been saying for over half a year now until we actually see where they are going w the changes that they've made to armand's background and then they really ran with it, I mean swarming on people who replied to that post with their own speculation with just such glee and mocking them, "x character doesnt believe in y you idiot" (because literally NOTHING about character's backgrounds have been changed in the show adaptation??? its speculation, if you hate the theory nobody is impacting the writing of the show by posting on tumblr). and then somehow assuming i was talking about an insanely specific ethnic group and then going actually some of them were slavers too!!! you know nothing about history!!!! as if my ask had ANYTHING to do with central asian history and wasnt about the here and now reaction of a small slice of fans to assad being armand. this is why people in this fandom dont want to point out weird patterns of behavior in this fandom, or even speculate on what they think will happen in later seasons, because your words will get so twisted that you arent even discussing the same thing anymore.

Presented without comment, except that I have noted in the tags of that reblog that I too had wished the tone was different…

It‘s very often the tone I‘ve noticed. People have unlearned to respectfully disagree on certain things. A lot of discourse on this show boils down to that imho, which is ironic, because especially this show is not black or white, pun not intended.

[maschotch]

I saw this convo, https://maschotch.tumblr.com/post/679479069637738496/very-interested-in-hotch-and-reid-both-being, and I kinda realised that though Hotch and Spencer have both been abused by family members and abandoned and let down constantly, there's this kind of moment, maybe after 100, where Hotch is just, done.

He doesn't have anyone to be proud of him. Sean could care less, Haley's dead, and he never lets the team get close enough to feel proud of him. He's working towards an end goal of, survive the case, finish the paper work, get home, sleep, repeat. Sure he's got Jack but the kid is still to young to really understand the concept of being proud of a parent. But I do think there is a point where he's working to make himself proud, of everyone he's saved, every case that's been successful, of keeping Jack on a safe path and for keeping the team together. I think he knows that as much as it hurts that no one is really proud of him anymore, at least he can be proud of how he's helped others. And none of the team will tell him this, but they're all proud of him too, in more ways than he'll ever understand.

Whereas in contrast, Spencer still does everything to get the love and pride of everyone around him. His team adores him and everyone is so proud of how much he's grown, especially Hotch. He still has his mother who raves about him to other people she knows, who's still as proud as a mother can ever be. It's like he's kinda realised that hey, my dad's not here, but fuck him cause he's missing out and I'm getting the better end of the bargian. I've got a found family that loves me and helps me, I still have a mother that is proud of me, I know what it means to trust and love and feel good, which is something that William never expected Spencer to have.

I dunno, I'm very tired so maybe this is nonsensical rambling, but just a thought.

Will.

no i totally agree… spencer excels for praise and attention.. hotch excels because he expects nothing less..

thats a lil bit what i was trying to get at in the last part.. spencer knows what it’s like to really be loved, he knows what that warmth feels like. he may think its conditional and he may feel like he has to prove himself first—like he’s only deserving of love when he’s successful—but his push to do better comes from that desire. the affirmation that comes from his superior intelligence is all he felt like he had growing up. it was his one quality. so he hones it and practices it and puts it to use the best ways he knows how.. there’s some internal pride for saving lives, but it’s the validation that others give him that he seeks.

meanwhile hotch takes it even further.. it’s not that failure means he doesnt deserve love, it means he doesnt deserve to live. he has to succeed to prove his value, to do something worthwhile. i doubt he was ever praised as a child and it’s likely that anything done to draw attention was almost always negative. this is all speculation bc im emo ab him but this is why i think he’s like this.. i don’t think anyone’s really been proud of him. not in a way he believes, anyway. he minimizes his victories and obsesses over mistakes, but whatever standard he’s adhering to is internalized. it’s not something he thinks others are placing on him, it’s the adopted mindset of his own parents and their harshness that he never managed to shake away from

maybe im misinterpreting it or exaggerating it or just making shit up, but i just think its so interesting that the two perfectionist characters have such high standards for themselves for different reasons. they attribute their worth to their performance, but one expects warmth and the other expects rebukes.

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[maxthesillyy]

yeah im trying to be civil about this considering. i mean one. it doesnt really matter and two. nobody actually enjoys arguing online 😭 im trying to make this as not-an-argument as possible. although i do have some more points to say.

When you brought up how “Nathan didn’t ACTUALLY kill Rachel because he’s surprised to see what he thought was Rachel” I think this could be a SUPPORTING point on why Nathan didn’t kill Rachel, but definitely not a proving point as you use it here.

Max has very similar build to Rachel, and not only does Nathan see just the clothes at first, but it’s still possible to be genuinely surprised at first to see someone you thought you killed. Especially when you deal with all of Nathan’s issues. It doesn’t prove anything.

Plus, regardless of this, Jefferson himself said Nathan overdosed Rachel. Nathan killed Rachel bottom line— on purpose or not.

Continuing on that, for discussion sake, Jefferson also says that Nathan did it an attempt to mimic what Jefferson was doing.

Of course, this could be because of his inflated ego or because of how lowly he views Nathan, but we also know that Nathan was desperate to get approval from his “father figure.” The idea of Nathan “handling” and photographing Rachel when Jefferson was away, or even having done it all by himself (I have an upcoming post about this idea to elaborate if you’re interested. Not making it just because of this, but more of just analyzing for analyzing’s sake), to try and gain his approval really isn’t far fetched at all.

The only thing I can think of that could go against this (Nathan trying to follow in Jefferson’s footsteps + Killing Rachel) was when Nathan said he didn’t WANT to hurt her in his voicemail. However, not only does “not want to” not equal “didn’t at all.” But it’s also honestly just really hard to just take his word for it in general.

Now, I’m heavily paraphrasing off another user (arcadiabaytornado) here when I say this, but I really agree with it: Nathan only confesses to what he did when Jefferson is coming for him— or, in the Sacrifice Chloe ending, when he’s arrested for her murder— He only decides to confess when he’s beyond screwed. He waited until he was in such deep shit that the consequences of his actions no longer mattered. It’s hard to believe he really felt THAT sorry about it when he only waits until it doesn’t affect anything anymore.

I honestly could go on and on about this one topic but this isn’t really the point, and I want to mention your next point.

You say Nathan’s eyes are dilated like it’s a fact but, with the art style, it’s definitely not that clear.

The photo and a close up for reference:

His eyes do look a bit odd but that could either EASILY be attributed to the art style, or by just the fact that it was pitch dark outside and the flash of the camera caught Nathan’s naturally-dilated-to-see-in-the-dark eyes.

Or maybe even that it was decided by one or both of them to get Nathan on some drugs for the photoshoot to make it more realistic— Or maybe even Nathan took some drugs after he overdosed Rachel as he was rightfully freaking out. Or maybe Jefferson edited it in later on.

I’m just trying to say you should’t see one little detail or possibility and decide to make a fact out of it.

Loose strings is an understatement here. There’s almost a million different things all of these could mean. What you said is more of just your own speculation or even headcanons. Which is fine, truly, but you’re calling them straight facts and telling me to get educated.

I do agree Nathan is a well written character and does go into the darker side of mental health, but he’s also a character about privilege and the nuances of bad people.

I understand you might find comfort in your interpretation of Nathan, and I think that’s fine— good even— but not so much when you’re stating your own speculations as pure facts.

DONT FW NATHAN DEFENDERS 😱… they dont even know the character theyre defending

[hysokaz]

Don't you think Hisoka is most likely pan? This doesn't invalidate your point tho

short answer: nah, not really. but that doesnt matter much, hes gay coded, or queer-coded at the least, and so long he is the harm is still done

long answer: nah, not really. i think hisokas sexuality is a lot more complex and different than what would count for usual sexuality. controversial opinion: i dont think he feels sexual attraction at power, per se. not like allosexual people usually do (i think thats the right term? feel free to correct me). i think his sadomasochism is very psychological rather than sexual, if that makes any sense. his bloodlust and urge to fight is what would fill the usual hole of sexuality (something tells me thats poor wording .................. )

i dont know whats in his head, really. all i know is that he likes to entertain himself, i cant think of anything hes done that couldnt be tied to him wanting to help himself or entertain himself in some way. i dont believe that he is self punishing, i think pain feels good to him but i could not tie it to anything as we dont know his past, but if i had to say it could be some sort of abuse. or a broken psyche, i could go in detail about how certain types of childhood abuse rewire your brain, and how it could very much so lead to sadomasochistic behaviour. but thats pure sexuality, i think pain fills that spot. romantically, i cant see it either. i dont think he loves like most people either. he doesnt get in relationships. i believe hes described the relationship he and kurapika had in yorknew was give and take, i forget what he got out of kurapika, but kurapika got phantom troupe info. illumi its... give and take whatever, i guess. help. money, most likely. death. he wants illumi to kill him. i think thats the closest hes going to come for love-- he doesnt love chrollo, even though they have the second “strongest” bond in his life. i dont think he wanted chrollo to kill him. i dont think he wanted to kill chrollo. from what i can see, i think he just wanted to break him. but with illumi its diffirent

he wants death. from illumi. people might want to bring up his relationship with machi as some kind of proof for something, but i just want see it. i think he wants to be her friend, and heres where i go into speculation. if youve ever read the (non canon) oneshot of his past, he seems to have a very similar relationship with a girl named abaki, though its a not more normal and more innocent. (heres my analysis post on the oneshot: warning, its long)

heres him with abaki:

its so...normal. but he does seem to care about her, in some way. and its definitely weird, cus he doesnt get anything out of it. the talks, i mean. theyre very... normal. he doesnt want to hurt her. he saves her life

and its not like he was planning on killing her later or something. he completely abandons the circus troupe without saying a word after a fight that i wont spoil in case whoevers reading this wants to read the oneshot

i dont think he wants to hurt machi either. lets pretend this is canon, it helps understand his character somewhat. it would explain his relationship with machi, he seems to be intrigued by her. maybe hes reminded of abaki. he seems to want another friend like that. sure he says weird things, hes hisoka what do you expect, but hes never tried to fight machi or hurt her (im...pretty sure, if not, then, lol my bad). but i dont think thats romantic. i just think hes very lonely. 

back to illumi.

if i had to pick “something” then i dont know, hes just gay. hes gay because the closet bond he has to a living breathing person is a man. illumi. but this is behind layers and layers of “not normal”. hes just not normal. in the way hes unusual. wrong. but thats the point. and probably far off from what youre asking

but back again, i guess, i just dont think it matters, yknow?

hes gay coded. queer coded. whatever. the fact that the strongest coded character is often read as a sadomasochistic nonce who wants to kill the main character of the show, a 13,14 whatever year old, is harmful. it doesnt really matter that you could (obviously) make an argument that gon/killua are gay coded (because i mean obviously) because that doesnt erase hisoka out of existance. you cant have a caricature and a normal character and get away with being harmful like that.

i think its just important, instead of arguing what or what hisoka is or isnt, is to look at what he shows in canon, how its read, and why togashi decided, consciously, to do that, and why he decided, consciously, to not make any statement about how hisoka has been read for years on end. 

tl;dr: nah, mostly because his sexuality and romantic attraction are deeply disconnected from what normal labels define, mostly because of his relationship with illumi. but it doesnt matter either way

[skellfamily]

this is SUPER rambly and basically just speculating upon wild speculation upon more speculation, but I had to type out my thoughts on this

Sans and Papyrus are implied to be from another universe. Their home is apparently a place they can’t easily return to, with people who arent found in the Underground, and Sans eventually gives up on seeing the people he knew there ever again. It’s probably not just the surface, either, as Sans seems to view going to the surface as a separate thing from “going back” to his home (also Papyrus doesnt recognize the sun, so unless he was a baby when they came or he has serious amnesia, it wouldnt make much sense for them to be from the surface)

Sans and Papyrus are also implied to be connected to Gaster. so if they’re from another world, then the Gaster they knew logically wouldnt be UT Gaster.

But. this bothers me. the game gives us precious little info about Gaster...why would it then turn out there are actually TWO Gasters, one of whom we havent been told anything about?? The stuff we learn about Gaster is about UT Gaster - he lived underground, he built the CORE, he was Asgore’s royal scientist, his experiments went wrong and led to his demise. 

Gaster’s relation to the skelebros is obviously supposed to be important. They’re some of the only characters in the game he’s implied to have a connection to. so where does UT!Gaster fit into things then, if he’s NOT the one who knew them - and yet is the Gaster we have been told all about? what would be the point of having UT!Gaster? what would be the point of having the skelebros be connected to Gaster? it doesn’t make much sense to me.

(i suppose it’s possible they met Gaster after arriving in the Undertale timeline but it seems unlikely to me. The machine in their basement was likely a creation of Gaster’s, given the blueprints. that machine is also implied to be related to how the skelebros ended up in Undertale in the first place, which is why Sans wanted to fix it so badly. I also assume the reason Sans met Alphys is cause he sought out the Royal Scientist’s help in fixing the machine, which if correct would mean Gaster was long gone by the time he came around. on that note, there used to be a tweet from Toby where he says: “Neither of them could fix the machine, no matter how hard they tried”)

There are some things that just make sense when looking at in terms of building a story - why are these things there, what purpose do they serve? how are they supposed to connect together? For example, the biggest reason I think Gaster is closely related to the skelebros isn’t because there’s some smoking gun that proves anything - there isn’t, in fact we only have a few subtle hints showing a connection (like the fact they both can use Gaster Blasters). it’s because: why would Toby make a mysterious skeleton character, and give us hints that he is connected to two other mysterious skeleton characters who have a super vague backstory...and then not have them be related somehow?

So while it would be perfectly sensible for there to simply be an alternate dimension Gaster from whatever universe Sans and Papyrus came from (I’ve made a post wondering about this before actually), I dont feel it makes much sense from a narrative standpoint. what’s the purpose of having multiple Gasters? what’s the purpose of Undertale Gaster, and why do we learn just about him, when the Gaster who is tied to Sans&Papyrus should be more important to the story? 

but maybe i’m looking at it the wrong way. maybe UT!Gaster and the skelebros’ Gaster can be one and the same. what if Gaster left the Undertale universe, and was able to have kids elsewhere? either his ultimate fate - being shattered across time & space - actually happened later, after he arrived in the other dimension

or perhaps that did happen while he was in Undertale, but a piece of him was able to make a life in another world? after all, Gaster doesn’t seem dead-dead despite the incident or the fact that the Gaster Followers talk about him like he perished. he’s alive enough to reach out on Twitter, talk to us during the vessel creator scene, and to make the “SURVEY_PROGRAM” that is Deltarune. 

if I’m right about this, I think Entry Number Seventeen might take place shortly before the event which brought the skelebros into Undertale, and the “YOU TWO” are in fact Sans and Papyrus. Gaster’s text in the entry is shaking heavily, which is indicative of pain or a strong emotional state. considering that and the dangerous sounding nature of the experiment he’s describing, it seems likely that whatever followed probably wasnt good - for him or the ones present.

idk, i definitely could be thinking about this way too hard. alternate universes do complicate matters, and i have a tendency to turn thoughts over in my head a million times. but this has been on my mind for awhile and i just had to talk about it!!

[sleepdepravity]

Wait fuck re: previous tags when scrolling through my previous posts i found that i had previously listed tennis player as possible survivor i dont mean to gaslight anybody its just that as i played a little further and saw more of him i changed my mind i guess. The number of death flags increased exponentially.

Actually while im on this topic i might as well lay out my thoughts and speculations on survivors and non-survivors because right before chapter 2 murder me and my friend had a discussion on that.

Ill get tennis player out of the way first since hes already dead now and so its not terribly interesting to lay out my thoughts. Before he got for real murdered i had speculated he was likely to die based on his character design and his personality. He doesnt make for a good survivor because he’s currently too morose and chill about death, and thats not particularly interesting for last trial shit (and i already know who the mastermind is so theres no chance of him being that). His character design also clashes with everybody too much (this is the point my friend made, which after she said it i do agree with). The reason that’s important again has to do with what you want for last trial atmosphere. Especially when you have so few people at the end of the game, having him makes him stick out too much.

Entomologist: like i’ve said before, he’s too nice. Unable to survive due to the tasty tasty sadness that comes from when he dies. I’m divided about whether he would be a murderer or a victim, because on one hand i could see the story making him a murderer for further tragedy, but on the other hand, the story *would* honestly have to tie itself into knots in order to get this guy to do a murder.

Akkido: i honestly have a sneaking suspicion she might be secretly related to caregiver. Its hard to shake. If it’s true, it makes either one of them a good candidate for survival just from the sheer delicious narrative of one family member dying and the other one having to survive withoit her. But all of this is quite baseless. In any case, i think she won’t survive, but this judgement is really sort of shaky and based on gut instinct more than anything else. At best the most i can say is that i dont think she could fit the final trial atmosphere well enough. If the game ended with the typical 6 survivors instead of three, then i would consider her able to survive, but 3 really changes up the qualities necessary for survival.

Maid: super dead. Super ultra mega dead. Shes too cool and collected to survive and her gimmick in particular (subservience) does not help her survivability stats. Though, she is another one who i would consider for survival if there were 6 survivors, but maybe thats just because i love her and want her to live :(

Astronaut: on that note, he is also super ultra mega dead. This dude has been piling up death flags like. Mega crazy. I cant say for sure whether its late game death or early death (he *is* a suspect for the current murder) but he is for sure going to Die. Death flags include: being a particular combination of good and stupid that you could potentially expect from a shonen protag and being so so so supportive to shuichi.

Supreme leader: also collects death flags but for the opposite reason. His character archetype plays the role for creating tension within the group, which is very important, but it can only last so long because it will outstay its welcome. Yes, togami plays this role in the first game *and* survives, but he also makes a significant turn in character, in a sense and was less of an antagonizing force and more of like. A balancing role. I guess he could be a good survivor if it was 6 people, but i think he would also need a similar turn in character at the end. It really would not leave a good taste to have him in the last trial, in my mind.

Robot: good candidate for survival. Even though his design is non-standard, it is not so far that it would stick out too much. Although he is a good boy, it also isnt so far as to be death-flaggy good like entomologist. He has also recently shown some cleverness and also has good shock reactions (and a sense of righteousness?), and i frankly think both of these qualities are good for last trial atmosphere.

Witch: will die mostly because of her personality not being strong enough to keep up at the last trial.

Artist: will die for similar reason. If it was six survivors, i may say that she could survive, but i’m also kinda waffling on that. (Unrelatedly, I think she’s got an mlm scheme going.)

Child caregiver: could survive. Although much more stoic, she does give off an intensity that i think could play well with the last trial. She doesnt have as good of shocked reactions as keebo, but i can imagine the last trial not necessarily needing that for the atmosphere.

Anthropologist: honestly, this guy totally throws me off. Ive thrown him in the dead pile, mainly because i dont think his personality will suit the last trial. So far, he’s also been much more one-note than most of the characters, though it’s true that could change any moment i guess. His, uh, attire and….um….bdsm-y vibes also i think would fuck up the last trial atmosphere too much. Too quirky.

Inventor: possible survivor, though i guess out of all of my guesses she’s my least likely…? Her talent has a lot of utility, which sort of helps her case for at *least* surviving for a while. Her quirkyness is not necessarily so much that it could get in the way of atmosphere, unlike the anthropologist, just because as much as she is loud and perverted, that sort of thing could potentially be toned down somewhat in a serious situation without it being unbelievable for her character. I also think she would have good shocked reactions. I think im calling her my least likely guess because i also think the last trial requires some amount of tension about which of the other two is the mastermind (barring any story stuff im not aware of i guess) and im not sure if a player could ever believe she could be one.

Oh, i feel the same (from what i’ve seen so far) and i guess in this hypothetical, while you could sort of touch on these qualities in the one chapter that he’d be alive, you wouldnt really get the deep character development that (i assume) will come (at most its something like a realization he can have thanks to kaede that will be a bittersweet conclusion to his life). But sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the sake of playing a spunky lesbian piano girl

[houseki-no-suffering]

on ch 82 and what the hell is the deal with phos

super long wall of words ahead, you've been warned. also, im not qualified to discuss the emotional effects of trauma, so please correct me where im wrong and don’t hesitate to add on this post

contains an analysis of phos’ character arc, explanation on why and how they snapped and what might happen to our child next:

1. genki phos 2. post winter phos 3. laphos 4. on trauma 5. on snapping 6. speculations about the future

so, first things first, I could not help but notice the sheer number of parallels between this chapter and other significant points of the story. it seems to me that parallels are becoming more and more frequent as the moon arc goes on, and that’s not just because there are simply more chapters to draw parallels from as the story grows in size.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in the story, or even that the turning point has been reached, (aechmea telling barbata to fix phos for the umpteenth time is most likely going to give phos the last treasure, but ill get to it).

so, to try and understand what in the seven hells is going on with our baby at this point (the fandom collectively adopted phos since chapter 2, sign the papers if you haven’t already and donate to the fund to send phos to therapy) let’s retrace phos’ character journey.

1: genki phos

the phos who is too good for this world, too pure, the cinnamon roll who has no idea what the hell is gonna happen to them. oh joy.

hnk sets off as a coming of age story. phos is the youngest, they’re seemingly useless in a society that values usefulness above anything else so genki phos is initially driven by lack of purpose.

i’ve speculated already on the characteristics of the lustrous society, a society that emphasizes sameness over difference and that has no place for outcasts like phos and cinnabar. your value, in lustrous society, is dictated by how much and in which way you can contribute to the survival of the species, with elite fighters (the diamonds) being at the apex of the social pyramid and everyone else coming after.

additionally, while gems live in a highly interdependent and close-knitted society, such interdependence never takes into account emotions, loss, imagination, introspection and free-thinking. the society is extremely practical, apathetic, immobile, and everyone is expected to conform to that.

think about antarc: they’re the poster child of lustrous society: a 3 mohs hardness gem who managed to become an elite fighter out of sheer willpower, who’s blindly loyal to sensei, who sacrifices themselves for the greater good (the group’s interests > the individual’s interests), that does little if any introspection and that is happy about all of this and wants to leave it this way.  

phos isn’t like this at all.

since the very beginning of the series we learn that phos is an anomaly. and that’s okay, other gems have been anomalies, like padparadscha, cinnabar, even antarcticite, but while those gems found a way to tip toe to the margins of lustrous society to remain unobtrusive exceptions, or forge themselves into proper, useful members of the group, phos cannot do that. which is ironic, because we know that one of phos’ core characteristics is that they’re able to change and to bring about change in a world that is as immobile and still and stiff as… well.. rock.

like @ruddy-rutile​ pointed out in a past analysis, phos’ problem wasn’t so much that they didn’t fit in, but that they didn’t fit in the appropriate way: they’re emotional, they’re loud, they’re unreliable, they’re not apathetic. they’re kind. compassionate. imaginative. and imagination is something the other gems lack.

this fuels a deep sense of self-hatred that even at this early stages of the story is lying just beneath the surface and oozes out quite easily, like when phos wants to help ventricosus and mumbles that it’s no problem if they die in the attempt, they’re a good for nothing after all, what difference would it make if they dont come back. at least they were able to help someone, contrary to how they were unable to help cinnabar.

this is the leitmotif of the series: phos is a kind, selfless gem who cultivates a deep sense of self-hatred. the internalized pressure and need to feel useful turns into a necessity for change. they need to save cinnabar, they need to save ventricosus, they need to become a fighter, they need to help sensei.

contrary to most of the other gems, phos loves and loves openly and unconditionally, they’re self-less by nature and that selflessness is a barrier that hides the real reason theyre so ready to put their life on the line for other people: the fact that phos thinks that their own life isnt wort a scrap.

as someone who believes to be worthless, guided by shame and guilt just for being alive and fueled by a deep desire to feel loved and accepted (just like a child), phos is unable to cope with grief and emotion if not by guilt tripping themselves even further.

the fact that the amethysts were almost taken is their fault, the fact that cinnabar is suicidal is their fault, the fact that antarc was taken is their fault, same with ghost’s abduction. the only way phos knows to cope with this guilt is by doing what every other gem does: bury these feelings deep inside their head and throw themselves into work. be useful, like alexandrite, rutile or red beryl.

2. post winter phos

what was a story about purpose, about phos’ coming of age, reaches an end at this very point, with antarc’s death. phos has become stronger at this point of the story, they have agathe legs and gold arms and they have grief to cope with, trauma.

just like alex’s job is studying the enemy and red’s job is making clothes, phos’ job is the one they originally desired for themselves: to fight. because there is nothing as valued as a good fighter in gem society and probably young phos unconsciously hoped to overcome self-hatred by taking on the most useful job there is.

post winter antarc is a skilled soldier, so skilled that bort wants to pair up with them. phos has reached their old goal: through loss and maturity, now they have a place within their society, they’re accepted and appreciated, valued but not loved. because these gems are so, so bad at emotions.

and this is where ms ichikawa begins to fool us all. she had us think that this story would be simple, but now hnk starts its steep and unrelenting detour toward existentialism and phos begins their dance toward madness and bottomless grief.

post winter phos is a soldier, they can fight off lunarians, but theyre still blaming themselves for antarc’s death.

we already said that phos is a very emotional gem and they possess a fervid imagination (probably just like lapis). so what do they do? they start thinking. “maybe i can retrieve antarc if we collect enough pieces. if i can communicate with the lunarians. if i can understand why we’re fighting.”

thinking quickly turns into questioning: why are we fighting? why are we so weak? why am i different? what changed me? is it the new additions, is it just life experiences? can we change? how can we change? antarc told me i shouldnt shy away from life, so im gonna push myself further and further.

that’s when shiro’s arc happens and sensei seems to know something about it, something he won’t tell the gems. phos’ questions suddenly turn to him.

phos is pretty much paranoid at this point of the narrative: they have experienced loss for the first time. consumed by guilt and grief for antarc’s recent abduction (even if phos still doesnt know what death means, we’ll get to that in a while), phos cannot think straight. they can’t be questioning the one authority every gem recognizes, the person phos and everyone else wants to protect, their leader, father, teacher.

phos feels like scum just for even thinking about it, as loyal and young as they are. and yet once you start questioning one minuscule thing about the way you have always lived your life, more and more will follow. it’s a cascade effect and it becomes faster the higher the number of questions, until you’re left with nothing but doubts and you must take into your hands the responsibility to find out for yourself.

this is more or less what happens to phos. they feel awful for doubting sensei the first time, in chapter 27, so they spill their guts to cinnabar, confessing their sins. but what cinnabar says does anything but put phos at ease: of course phos is doubting sensei: he’s shady, everyone knows.

however, while cinnabar is a quiet outcast, extremely prudent (and cowardly if you want) in the way they decide to face life, phos is the total opposite. they just needed a little nudge, they were already on the edge of a cliff of doubts and existential fears. cinnabar’s words are the second, big step that sets phos off on their path to the moon.  

chapter 28 is when we see phos self-destructing because of this inner conflict for the first time, a pattern that will be repeated again and again the more phos loses sight of the truth, of a reliable something, a goal to cling onto and find direction.

it is ironic, because phos becomes a direction, a goal, the gems and the moon people’s hope (ch 59 and 72), but in doing so they have no hope left for themselves. let’s not forget that phos is very young by gems’ standards, not to mention in comparison to the moon people. how fair is to expect from a traumatized child to save the world and find answers to questions that run thousands of years deep and give phos nothing in return?

the pressure is enough to break phos and it does, quite literally, over and over and over again.

3. Laphos

lapis’ head comes at a time when phos was literally no longer able to manage this pressure.

it brings a waft of fresh air, it brings what emotional, kind phos needed to detach themselves from grief: coldness, rationality. and yet, it takes something away from phos as well: laphos is the phos that can no longer talk with cinnabar, the phos that brings cairn to reject the gems altogether and launch themselves into their kin’s killer’s arms. laphos is the gems and lunarians’ hope for a brief time, then it becomes the enemy.

i find it interesting how phos feels responsible for goshe and morga’s abduction too, even if phos was unconscious when it happened. phos has no clear boundaries between themselves and the rest of the world. they feel responsible for everything and guilty for everything. whatever they do will never be enough neither to make up for their past mistakes nor to find everyone a clear sense of purpose, safety, truth.

ichikawa plays with truth a lot. truth is that the lunarians are bad people and the gems must defend themselves, truth is that sensei is shady, truth is that the moon people are actually good, truth is that death is real, truth is that sensei is evil, truth is that cinnabar hates phos, truth is that the gems are evil, truth is that sensei is the only one that loves phos. who knows what the next truth will be, but can you call it truth, at this point?

if there is one point, i believe, that ichikawa is trying to make clear is that truth is subjective and that it changes, just like phos’ goal, the more knowledge you acquire and the more mistakes you make. truth is subjective but it must be sought after: you gotta keep fighting, you gotta move on even if you keep making mistakes, even if you cant undo your actions.

and another thing i think she’s trying to say is that you cannot make it alone. the moment phos tried to take it all on their shoulders, they moment they acquired lapis’ head, is the moment everything came crumbling down ten times faster than before.

and the most ironic part is that phos is still kind, even underneath that mantle of aloofness: they tried to do everything by themselves because they didn’t want to put anyone in danger, but in doing so they manipulated the gems just like aechmea. and aechmea knows and he’s been using phos for this.

4. Even more trauma

running after truth and after newer and more nuanced goals, phos has completely lost sight of themselves.

where do their alliances lie? what about their history? phos wakes up in ch 72 after the night raid and immediately breaks into pieces because they’re reminded of how cinnabar attacked them, the one gem they thought was their friend. one of the few truths phos had been clinging to.

phos wakes up after the night raid and asks the enemy “to the lunarians i look like a gem and to the gems i look like a lunarian. what am i?”

they break into pieces because they still believe they’re useless. they couldn't save cinnabar, they couldn't save antarc, they couldn't communicate with the earth gems, they couldn't even see adamant.

this is reminiscent of the very beginning of the manga: phos needs to feel useful, they need a goal, they need to be good at something. and just like they were ready to get lost at sea forever to help ventricosus they’re ready to die for someone else’s cause (not even phos’ own because they have no idea what to believe in at this point) just to be of use. after all, to phos, phos is nothing more than a scrap.

euc disagrees. ch 71 “we need you in our future” is a sentence that phos has probably ached to hear for centuries. “we need you. you are loved, you mean something, you are enough. you belong. we cannot build a future where you aren’t part of the equation. you matter”

and look at the way phos looks at euc. they can barely believe them and in fact they don’t. phos expresses some concern about dying (”after all, those less than 5 includes me”) but they still throw themselves into danger, they still take no care of themselves.

Phos’ self hatred and self-destructive tendencies run deeper than euc’s words could ever cut. those words meant well, but they were too little too late. phos thinks they don’t deserve this kind of hope, they  cannot understand it, cannot fathom a world in which they are true and so they will go on believing that they are alone and worthless. next time they go on earth, they’ll go alone and unharmed

it is ironic. they did so much, they went to the moon and back multiple times, put their life on the line multiple times, made more progress toward unveiling the truth about the lunarians and finding a way for them to be free of samsara than anyone else did in hundreds (presumably) of thousands of years. they did it by themselves. in barely three hundred years. that’s impressive. and yet it’s not enough for phos. in their mind, they just keep failing.

so what’s the big deal? they can sacrifice themselves, it’s the least they can do and no one will miss them after all. unfortunately, this is true, at least to some extent.

im appalled by how little even the moon gems care about phos. they’re so self-centered it’s almost funny.

even alex, who has gone through loss and grief if not as much at least in a way similar to phos cannot find enough compassion in themselves to be concerned about phos’ wellbeing after a few months on the moon.

ive heard people mention how this could be a result of the moon people injecting who knows what into the gems or manipulating them someway or another, but i believe that there was no need to. phos is an anomaly after all, their kindness is an anomaly. the lustrous are little more than self-centered children: they are able of little if no introspection and they cannot process complex emotions like grief if not by shutting off those emotions altogether.

the moon gems are still vaguely concerned about phos. in ch 76, when phos departs for earth for the last time, they do tell them to be careful and come back if things get bad, but they do little more than that. it’s little comfort and too little emotional closeness and by no means close to the huge amount of support and (emotional) assistance that phos needs at this point.

phos tries to make do with what they have: a will to end this war and the superficial words of what should be their family, but it’s not even remotely enough. and yet phos, just like any other lustrous, is very bad at introspection: they don’t notice or if they notice they repress it. what’s one more thing down the subconscious after all? it’s fine. phos can take it, until they can no more and they snap without having any idea that they will snap.

phos’ journey, which has made them increasingly more emotional, fragile and human (the last one quite literally) has also made phos even more alone than they were at the beginning of the story. more alone, with the same sense of worthlessness, the same urgency to be good for something or self-destroy, and so much more grief, trauma, guilt and repressed emotions.

5. snapping

“I mustn’t think of anything” phos reminds themselves in ch 76. because thinking never brought anything good and because euc would see right through it. 

once again, phos is repressing emotions. here they go, trying to be a cold blooded killer, ready to betray sensei again, the one person who has been good to them and that phos tried to hate with all their heart but just couldnt.

as ive written in a previous analysis, one of aechmea’s lowest blows was to tell the gems he was exploiting and manipulating to reach a salvation he doesnt deserve that if the gems want to acquire freedom they must do so by themselves. talk about coherence. 

but that isnt all, he sinks even lower than this: he makes phos and the others question sensei’s affection for them. he says that sensei’s love is fake, it’s synthetic, the gems should totally make him pray or destroy him, no remorse, no strings attached. it’s such a dirty move.

no wonder it confuses phos even more. phos believes it, or tries to, they say they want to break sensei into pieces, but after the night raid they realize that it cant be that simple. sensei never attacked them. he has always been good to phos. and phos feels even more worthless, more of a traitor for daring believe in love, in sensei’s affection, when here they are, on the lunarians’ side, ready to betray him again. 

how dare phos hope for anything? they dont deserve love, they dont deserve hope, they dont deserve happiness. they can try to give it to other people, they’ll kill themselves in order to do so, but they have no more hope and no love left for themselves, and they had so little to begin with.

as ive said, phos has little self-awareness and little introspection. i do believe that they had no idea they were going to snap until they did. even in ch 77, when sensei tells them he cannot pray, phos spends their last seconds of consciousness (before being attacked by all of the gems) to kindly ask him to pray. they dont care about themselves, but they dont reflect long enough to consider that reaching out to sensei like that could be interpreted as hostile by the paranoid earth gems. i think this is the first sign that phos is about to snap: they’re quite literally desperate.

tired beyond measure and forced to spend 220 more years in isolation, broken into pieces scattered all over the island, when phos comes to their senses again once kongo reassembles them they’re beyond despair. this war is taking the last toll on them and phos has no more energy to go on.

“please,” they say “pray. do it for no one else but me. grant me mercy,” from one bodhisattva to the other. they’re still somewhat normal, but when sensei fails to pray again phos can’t take it anymore. desperation and rage, fueled by hopelessness, worthlessness, grief and exhaustion make phos launch themselves against sensei, which, ironically, it’s exactly what the story needs.

apparently, phos is human enough to activate sensei but not human enough to make him pray. however, when the two of them join hands, sensei can actually pray. maybe it’s because both phos and sensei are intended to be bodhisattva? maybe because human voice commands are not as strong as contact? i have no idea.

phos has snapped by the way, and it’s weird how they go from “If only you weren’t here” to “sensei actually loves me” in a couple of chapters. in a certain way, we’re seeing phos going back to their roots: they love sensei and trust in sensei’s love, they’re once again openly emotional and impulsive, they’re once again ostracized by the gems (of course, much more violently this time).

i have written about how, after ‘fusing’ with sensei for a brief second, phos doesnt speak for the entirety of ch 81. they look and act like a literal monster, a scared animal, which is ironic since we know that they’re now human. i hypothesized that they might be reborn and that’s why they don’t speak, they’re a literal infant, but in light of ch 82, i think they’re simply hurt beyond measure. 

they reversed to their old emotional persona, vomiting out all the emotions and pain and rage and hate they repressed during these 300 years. and yet they still don’t hurt anyone, not as much and as deliberately as they could at least.

they’re conscious enough to recognize the notebook and be reminded of their lost friends, realize how little the earth gems care for phos and for what they’re doing. and, i believe, when phos is rescued and comes back to the moon, they are, for the first time in the whole manga, enraged by the earth gems’ stupidity and sheer ungratefulness.

phos has been fighting for the wellbeing of everyone for centuries, putting their life on the line, never asking for anything in return and always believing that they were doing the right thing. and yet it’s not enough.

aechmea is a clever politician, and like every good politician he’s good at picking up changes and turning them in his favor. 

he notices that there’s something wrong with phos and with the way they feel about the gems. maybe he doesnt yet realize that phos is angry at them for being ungrateful, but he senses something so he provokes phos: “you said to leave you on earth last time. did you change your mind?” that is “i’m not your enemy. see? im doing what you want me to do. not quite like those people down there on earth. oh, wait, were those your friends? aw, such a pity. to think they attacked you after everything you’ve done for them. but they’re your family, right? i’ll send you back to them if this is what you want. see? i’ll listen to your wishes. i am grateful.”

look how intently he looks at phos as phos incoherently and obsessively repeats the same thing over and over: “he would have prayed. he would have prayed for me. he loves me. he would have prayed.” if you want, this is also a syìubtle way for phos to apologize: they still feel responsible for their failure, but aechmea must understand: phos did everything they could, it would have worked, it was the gems’ fault.

adamant put phos back together, showing phos that he still cares. he is the only one that loves phos, while the gems (all gems, phos doesnt care much for differences at this point) keep hurting phos even if phos is only trying to help. so they must be killed. to hell with them all. and, notice, phos doesnt include themselves in the ‘gem’ category: they’re no longer a lustrous. they’re a monster, a liminal creature.

with nothing left to believe in if not sensei’s love and a promise to make him pray and then die in peace, phos wants to destroy the only thing that they believe stands between them and finally being useful, but also between them and freedom (freedom from suffering, from guilt, from existing, from their pain, from being): the gems.

this isn’t the first time that phos wants to kill something: in ch 68 they spoke about crushing sensei to pieces. it’s heartbreaking how phos went from “if only the moon people weren’t here” to “if only sensei weren’t here” to “if only the gems weren’t here.” will it turn into: “if only i weren’t here?” who are phos’ allies? who does phos feel kinship with? who is phos? they no longer know, and they’ve not known for a long time.

aechmea has noticed and he’s quick to turn the situation to his advantage. he shakes phos’ hand, he’ll grant them freedom just like phos will grant the lunarians’ freedom. he’ll forgive phos for failing, for their sins, for the bottomless despair and guilt that phos has been living with for centuries. salvation, hope, that is all phos needs.

as @rinboz pointed out, phos’ gold in ch 82 takes the shape of a lotus seed pod, a direct reference to when antarc was abducted and the gold had turned into a lotus flower. 

through pain, phos had blossomed into a new character that day, marking the beginning of their long journey toward truth and toward discovering that there is no truth. the day the story changed from a coming of age manga to something much, much more intricate.

phos’ pod is empty, they have nothing left to lose, it’s a dead flower. this is the end of the journey that started with antarc’s abduction. when phos wakes up again, it will probably be with new memories and a new addition to their body, possibly red diamond. 

phos’ self destruction has reached its apex because it finally became so intense to extend outwards, to other people that, in their immense grief, phos wants to bring down with them. this might be a minuscule form of progress: anger is better than repressing emotions at least, but phos’ problems are far from being solved.

6. on the future

what will be of phos then? it really depends.

the fact that they’re finally showing all that sufferance and those emotions they tried so hard to repress is good, but aechmea is still there to take advantage of it. 

phos will never be free as long as they dont associate themselves with someone that truly loves them and as long as they cant find someone that can help them deal with their emotions. aechmea is just using them and only ichikawa knows what he meant when he told barbata to be careful with those 200 years emotions.

theoretically, phos was unconscious during the timelapse, but if there are emotions to treat carefully maybe they weren’t? maybe the change we’ve seen in phos this chapter depends on what they had to endure during that time. or maybe aechmea simply wants to make sure that his pet is easy to use.

i do believe we’re close to the end. i dont know if it will be the end of the series or just the end of phos as we know them. i could hope for something good to finally happen to them and for them to heal, but it would take a therapist or someone that loves phos. 

maybe euclase could side up with sensei, they seemed the most concerned about phos’ status and the most prone to believe them. maybe goshe and cicada could do something again, maybe rutile will fix padpa once more and padpa will talk with the earth gems (not very likely, but im throwing theories left and right at this point), or maybe barbata will refuse to follow aechmea’s instructions, at least in part, and try to help phos.

as always, im afraid we’ll have to wait. in the meantime, please hug phos. if you read up to this point hug phos. hug them now and shower them with love, because no one else will

[apuzzlingguy]

LMFAO

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go.

So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons.

"If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them.

"Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question.

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY.

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.  This was posted to reddit a while back and the user deleted their profile so I can’t give credit :(