#to sedrick with hate

[kingstarkingslay]

Follow-up to Remus’s emotionally vulnerable letter to his pet rock, Sedrick

Because of course Sirius found it. And of course he had thoughts. And of course he wrote a letter. To the rock.

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To: Sedrick Species: Sedimentary (Tragically.) Occupation: Therapist, Desk Goblin, Thief of Affection Date: The Day My Boyfriend Emotionally Cheated on Me With a Rock

Dear Sedrick,

I hope you’re proud of yourself. You, a fist-sized boulder with no legs, no emotions, no cheekbones, have somehow wedged yourself into the most sacred space known to man: my boyfriend’s delicate, overthinking, tea-scented heart.

Impressive. Truly. Bravo. Mazel tov.

While I was out here risking my emotional stability every full moon — applying salves to his shoulder, braiding his hair back because “it’s in my mouth, Pads, get it out” — you were just sitting there. Looking smug. (Yes, I know you don't have a face. I can still tell.)

You didn’t even flinch when he named you Sedrick. That’s not even a name, it’s a geological pun, and you sat there and accepted it like the emotionally manipulative mineral you are.

Let me ask you something, Sedrick. Have you ever held Remus when he was sobbing into your cardigan because he accidentally crushed a spider and now believes in karmic punishment? Have you ever listened to him spiral about whether lycanthropy is a metaphor, an identity, or just “a really bad skin condition?” Have you ever told him he's enough — scars and all — with nothing but a touch and a look and a "stop talking, love, I’m right here"?

No. You just exist. And apparently, that’s enough now.

I would throw you into the lake if I thought it would matter. But I know he’d dive in after you. And knit you another scarf.

So instead, I’m writing this letter. Like a sane person. Which I’m not. Because I’m in a love triangle. With a werewolf. And a fucking rock.

Yours in silent loathing, Sirius Black (emotionally textured, thank you very much)

P.S. If you ever roll off that desk in the middle of the night again and land on my foot, I will file you down into decorative gravel. Consider this a formal warning.

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[sapphic-circles]

Wait For Me (I’m Coming)—Chapter 11

Read on AO3

The guards accompanied Elphaba straight to her room, where they took their stations at either entrance as if she were a prisoner herself.

She sighed and sat heavily on the bed. Shouldn’t she be a little more concerned that people in the palace had attempted to kill her? That they somehow knew she’d been the cause of the Wizard’s death? She supposed she was concerned, but the annoyance overshadowed it.

There couldn’t have been a worse time for an assassination attempt. Oz, for her to have been in bed with Glinda…things could have been so much worse. She was grateful, at least, that Ellis hadn’t hurt her friend despite his co-conspirator’s goading. If anything had happened to Glinda again…

Elphaba couldn’t think about that. But she could agonize over what she would say when Mr. Sedrick finished questioning Glinda.

Surely, she had her suspicions. Glinda may not remember much, but she wasn’t stupid. She could already be putting together the truth, between how desperately Elphaba wanted to help her and the things she’d been saying.

Like I love you.

It wasn’t something Elphaba had ever said out loud before—not when Glinda could hear it, anyway. It wasn’t a secret that she loved her (of course she loved her first friend; her best friend) but for some reason, the words had always caught in her throat before she could say them, like part of her was scared to say it.

For a long time, she couldn’t understand why. It was normal to love your friends, wasn’t it? She knew that. But she suspected it wasn’t normal for your heart to race at the sound of their voice, or for it to nearly shudder to a halt at their touch. She suspected that Phannee and Shenshen didn’t blush furiously when Glinda’s eyes, so bright and lively for being such a dark shade, met theirs. She suspected they didn’t want her beside them at every possible moment, to be so close that their palms never left the soft home of her hand.

It didn’t matter to her that Glinda would never feel the same way. Elphaba would be content just to be near her, basking in her sunlight and loving her all the same, for as long as life would allow. To be Glinda’s friend was to be loved, after all, and even her platonic love could sustain the fields of pretty pink flowers that had taken root in Elphaba’s chest.

But that was no excuse, especially after everything they’d been through this week, for Elphaba to refrain from saying it. Glinda deserved to hear it, even if she didn’t remember their friendship. She deserved to know how loved she was.

Elphaba just wished she’d had time to explain.

She sat back against her pillows, stared up at the ceiling, and tried not to worry too much about Glinda. It wasn’t as if she’d done anything wrong or even suspicious, but Elphaba hated leaving her alone to be interrogated, especially after the night she’d had.

Elphaba leaned back against the pillows and gingerly rubbed her neck where bruises were already beginning to form. She was sure they were going to leave a mark, and between that and her arm, people were going to start asking questions. That is, if she even stuck around long enough to make another appearance.

Oz, she wanted this to end. She wanted to go back to school with Glinda, wanted her to be safe and happy and wanted that for herself, too. She wanted to go back to late-night study sessions in which little studying would happen because Glinda would get distracted and derail the both of them with her endearing whims. She wanted to go back to strolling around campus arm-in-arm, content just to have each other. She wanted those months when magic was an exciting thing, not a terrifying one, when she’d get to see that spark of delight in Glinda’s face after mustering just the slightest hint of it from the tip of her wand.

Elphaba was just beginning to drift off thinking about it when a knock at her door jolted her awake again, and she bolted upright to answer it. But when she opened the door, she didn’t see the who she was expecting. Mr. Sedrick stood alone in the doorway, and the only other person in the hall was the guard standing dutifully to the side.

“Where’s Glinda?” she asked, peering around the doorway to see if her friend was just farther down the hall. She wasn’t, though, and when Elphaba looked back at Mr. Sedrick, she finally noticed the nervous expression on his face.

“That’s what I came up to talk to you about,” Mr. Sedrick said. “She…she left, your Ozness.”

Elphaba stared at him. Surely she misunderstood? “What do you mean she left?”

“She ran out of the Palace,” Mr. Sedrick said. “I tried to stop her, but she was very upset. I hadn’t anticipated that kind of reaction from her.”

“What did you say to her?”

“Nothing bad,” he insisted. “I asked her about her relationship with you, why she’d come here with you. I didn’t accuse her of anything; it was routine.”

Elphaba’s chest tightened. “Did she say where she was going? Is she leaving the city?”

“She didn’t say.”

“I have to find her.” Elphaba tried to push past Mr. Sedrick, but he stopped her.

“Madame,” he said. “I understand you’re upset, but it’s not safe.”

“Get out of my way,” Elphaba growled, and she shouldered him to the side, ignoring his pleas for her to wait as she hurried down the hall.

Nausea filled her gut as her mind ran through the places Glinda might have gone. Neither of them were familiar with the city. What if she got lost? Or hurt? She wasn’t doing well; yesterday had made that apparent, and if she pushed herself too far again…

Elphaba pushed the palace doors open and glanced frantically around the streets. The cold had crept in at some point in the night, and a bitter breeze cut through her bare skin, but she couldn’t bring herself to go back for a coat. Then again, she doubted Glinda had left with one, either.

She hated to waste time, but she took a few minutes to tear through the palace for something warm to bring for Glinda. Who knew how long it would take to find her, how long she’d be out in the blustery cold? Hopefully, she’d find somewhere warm to rest, but if not, Elphaba wanted to be prepared.

She clutched the cloak she’d found in her arms as she stepped back onto the street, holding the garment as if it might lead her to her friend. The streets were mostly empty, considering the time of night and the weather, so Elphaba hoped that meant the search would be easier. Glinda would stand out, after all, in her pink nightgown among the green of the city.

Now, where would Glinda go? The shops were closed. Hotels would be open, but Glinda didn’t have any money with her.

Elphaba shook her head, chose a random direction, and walked. She called Glinda’s name every so often to the annoyed stares of the night-owl strangers on the sidewalks, and whenever she saw someone standing or sitting still, she asked them whether they’d seen a pretty blonde woman in pink pass by. All of them said no.

The longer it took, the heavier the dread in Elphaba’s chest became. She should never have left Glinda alone with Mr. Sedrick. She should have insisted on her innocence. But then, this wouldn’t have happened if she’d just been honest in the first place. That’s all Elphaba was, wasn’t it? Mistake after mistake after mistake, constantly hurting the person she loved most. It was no wonder Glinda ran.

All Elphaba wanted now was to make sure Glinda was safe. Then, if she wanted, Elphaba would leave her alone. Just as long as she was safe. Oz, she hoped she was safe.

Elphaba must have been searching for over two hours before she rounded a corner onto a new block and stopped cold. There, sitting with her knees curled to her chest on a bench, was Glinda. She sat with her face buried in her knees and curtained by her hair, so she didn’t see Elphaba approaching.

Some of the tension in Elphaba’s shoulders eased at the sight of her friend, but she had to force bile back down her throat at the thought of facing her. She took a deep breath, stopped in front of Glinda, and said, “Is it all right if I sit here?”

Glinda’s head snapped up, and she quickly wiped some wetness away from her cheeks. But her face was still red and puffy, and a heavy darkness sat under her eyes. Did she look somehow gaunter than she had just a few hours ago, or was it an effect of the streetlights?

“No,” Glinda said quietly. “It’s not. Go back to the palace.”

Elphaba’s gut twisted. “Glinda, I’m so sorry. I’ve messed up so much and I understand why you’re upset. But please, just come back until morning. It’s too cold to be sitting out here all night.” She offered the cloak to Glinda, but she only rested her chin back on her knees and looked away.

“I said, go away.” Glinda’s voice shook, but Elphaba couldn’t tell whether it was from emotion or from the cold.

“Okay.” Elphaba’s voice cracked as the knot in her throat threatened to choke her. “Just—please. Take this, and I’ll go.”

She tried to wrap the cloak around Glinda’s shoulders, but Glinda swatted her away and surged off of the bench with a sudden burst of energy.

*“Stop* acting like you care about me,” Glinda snapped. “You—you kill me, and then bring me back and—and for what?” Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. “I told you how lonely I felt, and you just…you didn’t care, did you? You just didn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“What? No.” Elphaba took a step forward on instinct, desperate to dry Glinda’s tears and hold her and make her feel okay again, but Glinda took a step back in response. “No, Glinda, that’s not it at all. It was a mistake, and I’m so, so sorry, but I did it to keep you safe. I’m dangerous; you know that. And I love you. I was so terrified of hurting you again, I just…I fucked up. But it would never—never be because I don’t care about you. You have to believe me.”

Glinda shook her head and took another step back. “I don’t have to believe anything,” she breathed. “I don’t even know you.”

Elphaba stood still, her heart hammering the nausea so deep into her gut that she suspected it might never go away. This was exactly the reaction she deserved, she knew, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. And, Oz, why did Glinda have to be so stubborn? Why wouldn’t she just take the cloak?

Glinda trembled as she stood across from Elphaba, arms wrapped around each other as if that would provide enough warmth. The fire of emotion was evident in her eyes, but her lids seemed heavy, and she swayed slightly where she stood.

“Glinda?” Elphaba said softly. “You look weak, my love. Please let me get you somewhere warm. You need rest.”

Glinda shook her head again. “I don’t need rest,” she said, but the words came out so frail that the breeze all but pulled them away with it. Her breath shook as she drew it and pushed it out in small clouds, as if even the act of breathing took a great deal of effort.

Elphaba took another slow step forward, her heart racing in contrast to her steady, cautious movements. Glinda must have overexerted herself again, but this time, it looked much worse. If she tried to run away, Elphaba was sure she wouldn’t make it very far.

Or, she wouldn’t even be able to begin. Elphaba didn’t know how she knew it was about to happen, but she rushed forward as Glinda’s knees buckled to catch her before she hit the ground. She wrapped an arm tight around Glinda’s waist and supported her with her hip as she fought off a wave of fear. She couldn’t become paralyzed by panic when her friend needed help.

“Glinda?” Elphaba could feel Glinda still conscious, clinging to her for support but shaking so badly that she could lose her grip at any moment. “Glinda, I’m going to pick you up and bring you to the bench,” she said.

If Glinda heard her, she didn’t give any indication of it. Elphaba stooped to slip an arm under Glinda’s knees and lifted, struggling a bit considering her own lack of strength, but taken aback by how light Glinda was. Was that normal for her? Or had Glinda been losing weight without her even noticing?

Elphaba returned to the bench and sat Glinda down carefully before wrapping the cloak tight around her. “I’ll be right back,” she said before turning to search for someone who could help them. She couldn’t carry Glinda miles back to the palace, and the carriages didn’t run this late, and it would be another few hours before they did. They were effectively stranded, and Elphaba could barely repress the mounting feeling of déjà vu threatening to transport her back to the tower where she’d watched Glinda die.

She’s not dying, Elphaba snapped at herself. She’s just weak. She just needs rest.

Her heart leaped as a pedestrian turned onto the street, and she hurried toward them. “Excuse me!” she called. The stranger stopped and turned toward her. “Excuse me, is there a hospital somewhere close by? Or at least a shelter? My friend needs help.”

The stranger frowned and glanced around. “I’m afraid the hospital is on the other side of the city, but there should be…Ah, yes.” They pointed past the next street corner. “Two blocks that way, take a left, and there should be a hotel on the right side of the street.”

“All right,” Elphaba said. That would work, right? She hadn’t grabbed any money on the way out, but perhaps she could use her status. She’d have to try, at least. “Thank you so much.”

She’d only left Glinda’s side for a minute, but when she returned, Glinda had fallen asleep against the back of the bench. It wasn’t an easy sleep, though; her eyes flitted restlessly under her lids and her chest rose and fell with a rapid, feverish speed.

“Okay,” Elphaba said gently as she lifted Glinda back into her arms. “Come on, darling. We’ll find you a bed.”

Glinda’s head lolled against her chest and came to rest just over her pounding, anxious heart. Oz, Elphaba prayed she could carry Glinda far enough. She had to do it. She had to.

Elphaba took a deep breath and set off toward the hotel, holding Glinda tight to her chest as if the cradle of her arms would keep her safe.

[blushedfawn]

I'm gonna be real with y'all I am TRUDGING through Dragon Keepers. I understand it's a setup book, but it's SOOOOO slow and there's hardly any drama like I can't keep myself interested and that's why it's taken me 2 weeks to get this close to the end

Spoilers kinda

-Sedrick: I was sympathetic at first but actually he is pissing me off and he's being such a little baby about everything AND stealing dragon parts like I hate him

-Thymara: queen. bestie. no notes

-Alise: I REALLY feel for her, she just wants an adventure and I think she deserves it poor thing

-Hest: HATE. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. DEATH. PLEASE.

-LIVESHIPS BESTIES CAMEOSSSSS I NEED MORE OF THEM!! I MISS THEM! TELL THEM TO COME PICK ME UP 😫😫

-Leftrin: I like him, I don't care about him

-Bird Keepers: cute, but I don't understand it and I don't really care

-Anyone else I cannot name and don't remember anything about, sorry. if not for the character descriptions on the digital book is have been even more lost

i heard the next book is actually worse so ... wish me luck I guess 🫢 and it's crazy bc this is my besties favorite quartet in the series .. 😭

[t-is-for]

hate to interrupt my queue but that last play by alex sedrick and the faafo five performance gave me chills

[dark-cynder49]

[Curious Anon]: your enderman ocs are so interesting! can we get more info about them please?

Alright well... Let's see...

Birdy

Originally an Oak Forest Enderman before moving to the Desert to blend in easier due to being Albino

Unable to teleport, doesn't really have any natural powers like other endermen

Found a shapeshifting crystal in a Desert temple that gave him the ability to shapeshift into a Stick Figure and control the sand around him when he summons enough will power

Hailed as the ruler to a large Desert Village, which he defends valiantly since they give him a home and don't mind that he's an enderman, as long as he protects them

Moss

Lives deep within the Taiga biome with his brother and sisters in a hidden village full of magic wielding villagers

Born into the life of a guardian, has as much health as an Iron Golem, with the powers of an Enderman

Also able to create small projectile blasts, but it uses up more energy

He's never interacted with anyone outside the village except for his group of friends and Birdy's villagers for trading

Well... He has a weirdly vast knowledge about technology despite never owning a phone. He must have met someone...

Rosco

Lives freely in the Jungle Biome, living on the tops of trees and having a soft spot for cats

Doesn't teleport unless he has to, very good at climbing and running on all fours

Likes to flirt with any cute male, though he hates commitment and never wants to settle down

Prefers watching Birdy's attempts like a soap opera

Sedrick

Cave dwelling Enderman, very sensitive to bright lights, but excellent night vision while also having echolocation

Spends most of his time reading in various places within the caves

Hardly ever leaves or grows hostile

Only comes to the surface when it's overcast or night to get books or hang out when Birdy drags him out

[thenugking]

For the Ask Meme for Sammy

5, 12, 1, 18, 9!

Have some Numbers

right THANK YOU sm for sending me an ask, sorry it took me 200 years to actually answer it!!

1. Basics! Name, age, personality, etc. What do they look like? Are they a new or old oc?

Samantha Cortez, 26 years old maybe?? I think she’s a few months older than Jazz (but in the same school year). Smart, kind and determined, but anxious and full of self doubt.

Her general existence is… nearly a year old now? In that when I started playing Jazz, I knew she had a best friend with this basic personality that she’d do anything for. She’s obviously got more fleshed out as time went on, particularly when I actually started playing her.

5. What was their life like before being iced?

Unideal. She went to the same shitty school as Jazz did, where she did much better academically and was “A Pleasure To Have In Class” but went through a lot of bullying as an Undiagnosed Autistic and often had her struggles overlooked because she was a Smart Quiet Kid. Definitely nothing drawn from my own experience here noooope. Jazz and Sammie were pretty much each other’s first and only friends.

After school, Sammie got a degree in Biology. She wanted a doctorate, but was absolutely unable to afford it, and ended up with a shitty lab assistant job instead and no real way to progress in her field without suddenly becoming very rich. She was the one who was initially interested in the advertisement of a life on Halcyon, hoping that starting somewhere new and smaller would help her distinguish herself in her career and find something more worthwhile to do than washing test tubes. Jazz encouraged her to find the confidence to leave Earth for good.

On family… She was raised by a single mother, who doesn’t always have as much time as she’d like for Sammie, and is maybe a bit too focused on praising her for academic successes than in checking that she’s happy, but is trying her best. She doesn’t always succeed, but it’s a much better relationship than Jazz has with either of her parents, at least. Sammie’s mum did have to die before they left for Halcyon though--Sammie wouldn’t leave Earth if she still had people she loved there. I haven’t put much thought into how it happens, sadly it’s just a plot device to let the story take place, but I think Sammie was around 17 or 18 at the time.

9. What do they think of the factions? Are they liked or disliked by any?

Sammie dislikes the Board, and Sublight, but is supportive of all the individual communities she meets. She wants the best for Edgewater and the Deserters, and for the Iconoclasts and the MSI, and does whatever she can to help them.

The factions have similar feelings about her as she does towards them, although the Board never got to the point of “shoot on sight” with Sammie. She’s at least not as loud about her dislike of them as Jazz is. She also really hates SLUG (or at least Sedrick) which is… a whole thing, but is quiet enough about that to get herself a fairly neutral reputation.

12. Did they save The Hope?

Of course! I feel like, if she’d never known Jazz, Sammie would have been slower to distrust the Board, and could potentially have started down their route, but even then it wouldn’t have lasted very long, because Sammie’s committed to at least trying to do the right thing, and there’s no way abandoning the Hope for the Lifetime Employment Program could be mistaken for the right thing.

Having had Jazz help her realise that authority can be really shitty sometimes, she never even considers working with the Board. And like Jazz, her main goal for the whole game is to get her best friend back. Spoilers it doesn’t work out any better for Sammie than for Jazz!

18. How to win them over?

Lol just tell her she’s very smart and brave and doing very well. Maybe give her a hug too. Or a pack of retro rockets.

Sammie didn’t always get a lot of positive encouragement growing up--she was already a Good Kid, she didn’t “need” it--and is plagued by self doubt. Being nice to her while respecting her abilities is a very good start. A Set Of Morals and a desire to do good really helps too! If you can’t manage that (as a lot of people in Halcyon apparently cannot), reminding her of Jazz also works in Ellie’s case.

[the-chick-of-the-air]

So-

I had my sister (who has not yet read the series) rate, name and describe a few of the characters based off fan art alone (100% credit to the artists, I got all the art off google so I don’t know all who made what I’m so sorry) anyway here’s her verdict:

Jude

Solid 9/10

Here name is like... Marissa, or...Daphne, like a strong feminine name.

She is strong-willed, but lovable, um...Feisty but unwilling to listen to a man.

Taryn

(Without missing a beat:) 3. That’s a solid 3. I hate her eyes- I hate her face, not to the artist, artist did an AMAZING job, she’s just...horrible, the whole person.

Her name is like...something tiny like...like tiny and feminine like Annete.

She’s a wuss. She’s a wimp like a man tells her what to do she’s like “ok daddy”. Like no backbone whatsoever. She stands to the side of the throne and just stands there looking pretty like that’s her job. Yeah.

Vivi

10/10.

Her name is like Ingrid. Or Astrid. Something cool.

She’s a boss. She don’t take no crap from no man. She’s like a seductress like “ooh, come hither~” you know? But when she gets them there, she chops off their heads. I like her!

Cardan

Ugh a sissy. He is a...7. He looks like a 7, I feel like that feels right.

His name is...(she’d heard his name once before) it starts with a C right? Conrad? Like Dom...Domitri? Conrick? Sedrick?

He’s basic. He’s like...he does his duty, but is kinda like...meh. He got no ~flavor~ like, he’s just like a normal character I guess? He has pretty piercing eyes, he’s like...staring into my soul, turn the photo away, ok? I’m scared, next!

Locke

Is that a dude or a woman?? Oh my- don’t tell me!...(I told her) oh it’s a guy ok, well then he.. is a 2. He’s very ~pretty~ if we are doing feminine pretty, he’s a 9, if we are doing like masculine then he’s a 2, 1 1/2.

His name is something faerie-like...like- HE’S the Sedrick! Or like...Winston. I don’t know!

He’s a Lolly-jolly kinda guy, he like hops around like “ooh-hoo, what-ith with you?” He’s chill, he hangs out in his bungalow all day. He eats his pizza- no he doesn’t eat pizza, he eats like shellfish (oh. My. God.) and drinks Mike’s hard lemonade... I don’t know, he’s confusing me- he’s sexually confused.

Nicasia

Oh wow. The hair- GAH! This is the queen- however the blonde one (Vivi) should have been queen. She is a 7. She’s very pretty but her attitude- that back arch? Takes her down like three notches.

Her name...I’m running out of names, her name is Lucinda. That’s good.

She’s just a b*tch. Don’t really like her. She’s snobby like...*cue various gagging noises* but also like...respect to the woman, power to her. Do the job a man couldn’t do.

The Bomb

Solid 11/10! Absolutely love her, the best kind of person.

I don’t even have a name for her, she’s too cool. I couldn’t even dare guess her name. I love her. Her name is like, Maze. She’s giving off solid Maze vibes. Does she- are those butterfly wings? Oh I thought they were knives ok not as metal- butterflies are metal though, they can eat dead bodies so she’s metal. Love the hair.

She takes orders but isn’t afraid to stand up ya know, like when she’s on the job and faced with conflict, she’ll do what she thinks is right. And she has the armor so she’s giving off warrior vibes. Like head solider. Dope.

So that was her take- I am SO ready for her to read this series good lord.

[myts3adventures]

At Wyatt and Andy’s birthday, Prue invited Tasha and Tasha invited her boyfriend, Sedrick. Prue hates Sedrick.

[roguelioness]

First Drabbles

I was tagged by the always-wonderful @galadrieljones to post some of the first drabbles that I ever wrote. Like gala, a lot of my very first fandom related writings are in notebooks that are now long lost, so I’ll stick to the fandom I currently write for - Dragon Age.

Tagging @long-liv-prairies, @kagetsukai, @shannaraisles, @rawrzimon, @wickedwitchofthewilds, @ladydracarysao3, @ma-sulevin, @thevikingwoman, @buttsonthebeach, @empresstress13, @kaoruyogi, @idrelle-miocovani, @ladynorbert and everyone who reads this!

The first few ficlets I haven’t ever posted anywhere. Many of them are small bits of scenes and dialogue from ideas I had, but they tapered out. Either I lost interest, or lost inspiration, or just never got around to working more on them.

My first ever drabble was for a half-elven Inquisitor, Callista Trevelyan. She was the daughter of Ostwick noble Bann Trevelyan and his elven maid Ashalle; when Callista was five years old, she looked too much like her father for anyone to doubt she was Bann Trevelyan’s child, so he reluctantly brought her up with his other children. She was never accepted, and it was actually a relief for her to wind up in Ostwick’s Circle. Her story was meant to be a love triangle with Cullen and Solas, which is why I stopped writing - I couldn’t find an ending that would be happy for all three of them. *shrugs* Maybe someday I will, who knows.

In the meantime, here’s a snippet from what I had written for her (below the cut):

She rose much before the first faint threads of dawn had meandered across the sky, as was her habit. It was the only time she to do the things she wanted to do. Slowly unwinding her limbs from the tangled sheets she crossed the room to enter the private alcove in the corner that served as her water closet. She filled the large bathtub with water - one of the few luxuries she’d asked for - and with a slow, tired wave of her hand heated it up. She stepped out of the thin, but surprisingly warm nightgown she wore, and neatly put them into the basket that served to hold her soiled garments. She slid into the water with a soft sigh, and tried to relax.

Relax. Not something that came easily with the title Inquisitor.

She reached for the elegantly designed bottle that held her cleansing fluid, something she’d created herself, meant to cleanse and soothe her skin. She smiled wryly, she was a woman after all, prone to all the womanly vanities.

She rose out of the water and dried herself with the towel placed nearby. She enjoyed this ritual she had in the mornings at Skyhold; they calmed her, calmed her thoughts and worries if only for a little while. Pouring the oil richly scented with amber and orange blossom she worked it into her limbs slowly, massaging it into the parts of her that ached. Dressing herself in a rich royal blue tunic and breeches of a warm brown she walked out of her room and down the stairs to the main hall.

She paused in front of the throne. She inevitably did. It was the most prominent piece of furniture in the room, after all. It was imposing and commanding, and for the thousandth time, she wondered the turn of events that lead to it being hers.

Her mouth twisted up into a mocking smile. Callista Trevelyan, head of the Inquisition, respected by Ferelden and Orlais. What would Sedrick and Paulette say if they saw her now? Her thoughts went to her mother as she chewed on her lip worriedly. Leliana had been unable to find anything of Ashalle. Her hands clenched into fists unconsciously. The last she’d heard of her mother was that she’d been sent away. By Paulette, no doubt. That snivelling little druffalo shit was always jealous of the mother-daughter bond she had with Ashalle. She took a deep breath, rolling her shoulders. Leliana was on it. She’d handle it, and if anyone could track her mother down, it was the Nightingale.

Letting out a small sigh, she shook her head to get rid of the melancholy thoughts and found her way to the kitchen for the two honey cakes she always had to help with the bitter tasting elfroot-and-spindleweed concoction she had each morning. She was trying to get the others into it as well, but no one save Vivienne was willing to brave the taste. Picking up the trough of hot pear cider and two mugs, she walked up onto the battlements. Here, she offered the night guards a warm drink. Which she was sure they welcomed, but more importantly it gave her the chance to talk to them, to get to know some of the people she was defending, the people who put all their faith into her. Being around them gave her the strength and the courage to face the day, with all its trials and tribulations.

Cullen found her on the battlements of the right tower laughing with the guards, and a warm glow enveloped him. He knew she did this for herself, but she would never know how much it meant to the soldiers. They knew she cared about them, and all her small kindnesses only strengthened their loyalty to her.

He approached her, his face grim. “Inquisitor,” he spoke. She turned to face him, the smile on her lips disappearing as she saw his expression. He hated that, hated knowing that the news he had would cause her grief. “Might I talk to you? In my office, perhaps?” She tilted her head in acknowledgement, and lead the way to his office. He followed, closing the door behind them as she turned around to face him. He handed her a scroll. “The people we lost at Haven. I’m sorry.”

She took the scroll from him, reading through it, and looked up with a face writ with raw grief. “I should have done more, Cullen. I should have save more of them. I failed Flissa, and Minaeve, and all the rest. Corypheus came for me, and how many died for that?” She absently rubbed her hand across her eyes to wipe away  unshed tears.

“Inquisi - Callista, it wasn’t your fault. How could you have known? None of us knew who he was at the time. None of us knew what he’d do. You saved so many of us. And so many of your friends, too.” He did something completely out of character and wrapped his arms around her, his head resting on top of hers. “You nearly died, offering up your life to save the rest. Callista, you did all you could. It is not your fault. “

She leaned into him, taking a deep breath, then pulled away to look up at him with a shaky smile. “Thank you, Cullen. I needed that.”

He let go and took a step back, giving her a comforting smile. “I only speak the truth.”

Her smile grew less shaky. She sighed, and rolled up the scroll. “I should talk to Josephine about setting up a memorial to Haven, with the names of all we lost. It… it’ll help with everyone’s grief.”

He nodded. “I’ll convene the war council later today.” She smiled and placed a gentle hand on his cheek.. “I’ll see you at breakfast, Commander.”

He watched her leave, feeling overwhelmed with the range of emotions coursing through him. She is a mage, he told himself. Surely, he needed to be wary, after Kirkwall, after all he’d seen…

Then he saw her laugh with the scout outside his office, and the sound, clear, rich and warm, drove all thought out of his mind, save one.

Maker help me. I’m in love with her.

Solas walked into the communal dining room, his eyes immediately seeking the Inquisitor. Not that he’d ever admit it. She had caught his interest from the minute she walked out of the Fade, the sole survivor of the explosion at the Conclave. He’d felt some guilt over all the lives lost, but at the time, they were all just shemlen to him. Undeserving of the land they stood on, akin to weeds. But now… now, the waters were murkier. Being around them, day after day, their lives, loves and desires so like the Elves of old… he reined in his train of thought, gave up on the Inquisitor, and sat at the table next to the Varric.

“Morning, Chuckles,” the dwarf quipped “what’s got your nug? You seem irritated and the day hasn’t even started.”

“Good morning, Child of the Stone. I trust you slept well?”

Varric snorted. “I have a name you can use, Chuckles. Or at least come up with a better nickname.”

Solas grinned “Since you don’t seem to want to use mine, I thought it improper to use yours.”

Varric muttered something indecipherable beneath his breath and stuffed some bread into his mouth.

The noise in the dining hall fell in intensity, and Solas knew that the Inquisitor had arrived. He knew, from memory, she’d be weaving around the tables, stopping here and there to talk to the men and women who gave their lives to the Inquisition’s cause. It was well known that the Inquisitor treated everyone with kindness, and while some of the traditionalists scoffed at it, the majority admired that their leader felt like one of them. He could admire that. He did admire that…

He looked up as she walked over to their table, rising slightly as she sat down. “Solas,” she laughed “how many times have I told you not to rise and interrupt your meal? We’re friends, you and I, and shall stand on no such formality.” Was it just his imagination, or did she emphasize “friends”?

He looked at her, hating the stiff smile on his face. “But of course, Inquisitor.”

She sighed, and turned towards Dorian, who was seated next to Iron Bull. She grinned mischeviously, and Solas felt something twist inside him. “Dorian, I stopped by your quarters last night to borrow a book, and didn’t find you there! Are you well?”

Dorian turned slightly pink, and Iron Bull guffawed. “Nah, boss, our Tevinter mage here was busy last night.”

She grinned, cat-like and wide, and winked at him. “I can see bull riding most definitely suits you!”

The mage from Tevinter ��turned red, and retorted “Well, at least some of us are capable of having fun, Inquisitor!”

She laughed and nudged him with her elbow, then leaned in close to his ear and whispered something, to which he smiled and nodded.

She is never that free and easy with me. Solas hated it, wanted to hate her for it.

Just then, one of Cullen’s messengers came by with a message for her. Solas frowned at the thought of Cullen, and wondered why.

He heard her quietly reply, please tell the Commander I will be there shortly, and Solas clenched his jaw for a brief moment before remembering his surroundings.

“Nothing serious I hope, Inquisitor?” he asked smoothly.

She replied distractedly “Hmmm? No, I don’t think so. It appears some of our people are missing in the Fallow Mire. Leliana will be giving me more details, but it looks like a party will be heading that way tomorrow.”

Iron Bull slammed his tankard on the table. “I’m ready anytime, boss!”

Solas inclined his head gracefully. “I hope you know that you can call on my services at any time, Inquisitor.”

She smiled, a serious look in her eyes. “Thank you. Iron Bull, I’ll let you know, but Solas I’d like you to join the party. I have a feeling we’ll need another mage.”

He nodded, and watched her walk away, enjoying the sway of her hips. Varric piped up, “She does have a nice behind, our Inquisitor”.

“Oh really?” Solas replied coolly, “I hadn’t noticed.” Giving a curt nod to the others at the table, he rose. “If you’ll excuse me, I must prepare for the journey.”

Varric put a hand on his arm, stopping him for a second. He spoke quietly, directing his words such that only Solas could hear them. “Callista’s good people, Solas. Don’t do anything reckless.”

Solas looked at Varric disdainfully. “Me? Do something with her? She’s not my type, Varric. She is not of my kind.” With that, he walked away.

Was it really so bad she wasn’t an elf?

[fat-sadgirl]

When We Meet Again

Prologue: The Ending

Sedrick had enough of the world and finds home in Olivia’s arms. At least that’s what he knew he wanted to believe in. But things were slightly getting out of hand since Olivia wanted to go home to her family after she ran away and lived with him. He wanted to believe that he is the only home she needed that time. But knowing that Olly had always have a soft heart for her family, she decides to go home and reconcile with her family instead. Sedrick knew that this day would come but deep inside, he did not want it to happen so suddenly. Olivia became his world and with her going back home to her family means the end of the year they spent together in that cheap apartment they had. It was small but walls were filled with pictures and memories they shared together, and with each corner, it held their secrets and dreams as they thought tomorrow will never end. One time, Sedrick know that there will be a time, that it will be their last ‘Good Night’ and dreaming on the same bed. He kisses Olivia. Olivia knows him well and thought that it was bothering Sedrick for a while now. She leans in and kisses him.

“Tomorrow is just another day,” she said.

“But, tomorrow… muuli na kas inyo,” he hesitantly replied to her, not giving her a straight look in her eyes, “Di na tika mataparan, how could I hold you when you have nightmares?”

Olivia smirked and blushed. How she loves it when Sedrick cares about the little things about her and mentions it to her without her knowing that he actually observing her every mood.

“Ikaw man gihapon akong ‘home’. Di nana mag bag-o. Okay?” she smiled.

Sedrick hugged her and he just didn’t want to let go. He got up and reached to his laptop and turned it on and played their favorite song. Turned off the light switches leaving the plain yellowish Christmas lights they got last December. 

“Kahibaw ko miss na kaayo nimo sila Mommy nimo, but please promise to let me know if you need me again”, he then went back to Olivia’s side and gave her the big spoon. Olivia likes it when he holds her like that. In a way, she feels safe and comfortable.

He always have the ways to make her comfortable. He lets Olivia use the two out of three pillows they only had when they sleep. While Olivia plays his music and lets him smoke a cigarette or two when he feels down, inside the room, “Just make sure the smell comes off right after”, she warns him. He likes it when Olivia takes good care of him. They are each other’s safe zone.

“You remember the night we went out?” Olivia blurted out as she gives a flirty look at him.

“Of course, you told me nga crush ko nimo,” he jokingly said.

“No. Not that oy! When we actually went to the club. You said you hated clubs yet, you came along with me and my friends. We left early kay boring na, then we just stayed sa living room ‘til my mom woke up and just told us to get breakfast sa fastfood nearby since she needed the place quiet kay naa siyay online class.” Olivia explained so hard that she even had the hand gestures that Sedrick focused on while she was talking. Sedrick finds it funny about her. She really have this energy that when she talks, everybody said that they would really pay their attention to everything she says without her asking for it. “then we stayed up all night ‘til the morning kay we just talked.”

“Grabeha ba sa imong memory, babe” Sedrick actually got lost while listening to her since all he did was pay attention to her hands.

“Basta oy, mao na to. I just remembered that we have been through a lot and it will be a great waste if we lost everything.”

Sedrick went up, turned down the volume of the music and suddenly asked her to get dressed. “Let’s go out, and do it again. I have time.”

She laughs and just find it cute that Sedrick was actually looking like a vintage gentleman asking her to dance.

“Well, are you asking me out on a date?” Olivia asked.

“Do you accept my invitation?” he replied.

They got dressed and were both getting ready, left Cheerio water and food while they were gone and headed towards the road.

They started walking to the nearest convenience store and got their favorite chocolate milk drink and some cigarettes, they started to just smoke some outside the store and only cars and other street noises were heard.

“This is nice…” Olivia said.

“Babe, Naa ra ko iingon, remember what you said gaina?” Sedrick was actually looking like he really thought about what he was about to say.

Olivia turned to him as she lights up another cigarette.

“Kanang…”

Suddenly, Olivia’s phone rang and it was her sister calling since Ann couldn’t sleep thinking about it. “Babe, hold that thought. Gatawag si Ann, basin emergency.”

Sedrick let her talk to the phone since he knew the strong connection between the siblings, also since her sister is sick. For a minute, he went back to his head thinking really carefully what he was about to say to Olivia and if he is sure enough to let her know about it. Sedrick had only known Olivia for more than a year, but she had been his anchor for that time and he became her sailor when she got lost. Finally, the phone call ended.

“She was just so excited about me going home and I told her that we are going to grab dinner after her dialysis session tomorrow.”

“Yeah? Sure. Tomorrow. I’ll come with, right?” Sedrick was kind of shy to ask her since he knew that they might want to spend dinner together.

“Of course, babe. She’s looking forward to see you, too. Actually, she asked about what you promised her the other day. About the dinner? It’s going to be your treat!” Olivia said, smiling.

“Yeah! I actually remember now. Okay, kaon ta ugma.” Sedrick said.

Olivia paused, “Babe, unsa gani to imo ingnon unta?”

Sedrick suddenly felt shy and had his tongue backwards. He is not really good with showing and expressing emotions. Especially, when this is this serious. “Sunod nalang to babe”

The rest of the night went quiet as they proceed with just looking at the road, then walked around the city. When it’s finally time to go home, Sedrick lied to her side. “One more night in this room, please?”

Olivia had appreciated all the sweet gestures Sedrick has been doing for her lately and one more night with him will be fine. She know that he doesn’t want her to go but he’s letting her because he loves her. She never wanted to leave him, too. 

They switched back off the lights, left the dim lights, put Cheerio to bed and snuggled throughout the night.

“Every day ending by your side is worth going home to.” Sedrick whispered.

Olivia just stared at him, leaned in to kiss him as she whispered back, “You are my home.”

[sapphic-circles]

Wait For Me (I’m Coming)—Chapter 13

Read on AO3

Elphaba and Glinda’s return to the palace was quite a bit noisier than they’d hoped it would be. Mr. Sedrick was, to Elphaba’s complete lack of surprise, furious with her for leaving.

“What kind of leader puts herself at risk of death for one person?” he complained. “Madame, we cannot have you galavanting around the city when we don’t know how many people may be involved in this conspiracy!”

Glinda took Elphaba’s hand and squeezed it almost subconsciously.

“I’m not a leader yet,” Elphaba argued. “Let me be very clear, Sedrick. If you try to stop me from helping my friend, I’ll leave, and you’ll have to find someone else.”

She hoped he wouldn’t call her bluff. She still needed to be here if she was going to use the Grimmerie, but she couldn’t let anyone separate her from Glinda again, either.

Mr. Sedrick’s face turned red, but he gave a sharp nod. “Very well, Madame.” When he turned away, he muttered under his breath, “Great Oz, the Wizard was never this unruly.”

“That was impressive,” Glinda whispered. “I could never talk back to someone like that.”

Elphaba watched him stalk down the hall and relaxed slightly. “I’ve had a lot of practice,” she said. “We should probably let Fiyero know what we’re doing, and then I’ll gather what we need. Do you think you can make it up the stairs to my room?”

“I think so,” Glinda said. “Can I lean on you?”

“Of course.” Elphaba offered her arm, and Glinda wrapped hers around it. She hated how frail Glinda had become, but there was still something so soothing about the warmth of her body sinking against Elphaba’s side.

Thankfully, the bedrooms were only one flight up and not too far down the hall, so Glinda wasn’t too exhausted by the time they reached the landing. Elphaba led her to the bedroom, where a guard still stood at the door, and she ignored him to let Glinda into the room.

“Go ahead and lie down,” she said. “I’ll talk to Fiyero. Do you want him in here while we do the spell?”

Glinda hesitated. “I should, shouldn’t I?”

“It’s up to you,” Elphaba said. “I want you to be as comfortable as you can be. So, if you want this to be private, I’ll tell him.”

“Okay.” Glinda nodded. “I do. If I freak out again like I did the other night…I’m just not ready for anyone else to see that.”

“All right,” Elphaba said. “I’ll let him know, and then I’ll be right back.”

Luckily, finding Fiyero wasn’t a difficult task. She found him pacing a hole into the floor of his room, but he skidded to a stop when he saw her.

“Elphaba!” He spread his arms wide as if demanding some sort of explanation. “What the fuck have you two been up to? I leave you alone for one Ozdamned day and someone tries to kill you, and then you just leave? No explanation? Of course, Sedrick wouldn’t tell me a thing because I’m a suspect, but—”

“Fiyero, calm down,” Elphaba said. “We’re both okay. Mostly.” She took a deep breath. “Something is wrong with Glinda, though. Something must not have gone quite right when I brought her back, and it’s affecting her pretty badly. I’m going to try the spell again to see if I can fix it. I just wanted you to know, in case anything happens.”

Fiyero stared at her in disbelief. “You’re going to carve yourself up again?”

“No.” Elphaba huffed. Why was everyone so hung up on that? “That was for something else. But Glinda isn’t dead this time, so I…I don’t really know what’s going to happen.”

Fiyero paused. “What’s wrong with her? Is it bad enough to risk making things worse?”

“It’s bad,” Elphaba said. “She thinks she’s missing something, some piece of her soul. She’s getting weaker so quickly, Fiyero. We didn’t come back last night because she completely gave out in the middle of the city. I have to try this, and she agrees.”

Fiyero heaved a sigh. “All right,” he said. “Are you doing it now?”

“As soon as I gather what I need.” Elphaba tapped a nail nervously against her palm. “She wants it to be private,” she said. “She’s just…it’s the memory thing, I think. I’m sure she wouldn’t want me there either if I didn’t have to be the one to cast the spell.”

“Yes, she would.” Fiyero ran a hand through his hair. “I know this isn’t the time for this, but I don’t think…I’m just not sure she and I work the way we thought we did.”

“Fiyero…”

“She trusts you,” Fiyero said. “Even now. Am I wrong?” He didn’t pause long enough for Elphaba to answer, as if he was already certain what she would say. “It’s all right. I think I’ve known I’m not what she wants for a while now.”

“She doesn’t feel that way about me,” Elphaba said quietly.

“My point is,” Fiyero said, “if she does, then you have my blessing. But please be careful with this. I don’t want to lose either of you.”

“I’ll do my best,” Elphaba said. “I’ll let you know how it goes when we’re done, okay?”

“I’ll be here. Unless they decide I want to kill you, I guess.”

“Funny,” Elphaba said, but it did garner a small smile from her.

She found the pointed hat where she’d last seen it on a bedside table in the infirmary, and she gathered the same candles she’d used before. She doubted that would make a difference, but she figured it would be safest to do things exactly the way she had last time.

Elphaba returned to her room to find Glinda dozing on the bed, and a too-familiar-as-of-late rush of anxiety pulsed through her. How long would it be before the only thing Glinda could do was sleep?

Hopefully that would change after today. Elphaba laid out the candles, lit them, and sat at the edge of the bed. She cupped Glinda’s cheek and called her name softly until her heavy eyelids fluttered open.

“I’m awake,” Glinda said drowsily. She tried to pull herself up into a sitting position, but Elphaba stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“Stay down,” she said. “I don’t know what this will do to you when you’re awake; I don’t want you to pass out and fall over. I won’t be able to catch you.” She handed the hat to Glinda. “Why don’t you try holding on to this?”

Glinda took the hat and furrowed her brow. “Is this part of the spell?”

“It requires something important to you,” Elphaba explained. “This was all I had. I hope it still works, even though…”

“It’s something I don’t remember,” Glinda guessed. “Why would my Granny’s hat be so special?”

“You gave it to me, actually,” Elphaba said. “I won’t lie to you. It started as…a cruel prank. But you made it better; so much better. It’s how we became friends.”

Glinda ran her fingertips over the ribbed fabric of the hat. “I hope I remember that soon.”

“Me, too.”

Elphaba got up to close the curtains around the windows and balcony, shutting out as much light as she could before sitting back down beside Glinda. “I’m going to hold your hand,” she said, “and I’ll recite an incantation. And, if it works, I’ll be back in that dark place from your nightmare. Hopefully, you’ll just stay awake out here. But if not…”

“I’ll be with you,” Glinda said. “Right? I won’t be there alone?”

“I don’t think so.” Oz, Elphaba hoped her assumptions were correct. If Glinda got lost in the dark again, would Elphaba even be able to find her?

She wasn’t dead this time. That had to mean something.

Glinda took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said. “I’m ready.”

Elphaba nodded and took her hand, wrapping both of her own tightly around it. She bowed her head and pulled the words of the incantation from where they’d been seared into her memory after repeating them before.

She felt herself falling, the same sensation as if she were falling asleep just before jerking awake again, but when she opened her eyes there was only that thick, inky blackness. She couldn’t see a thing, but she felt that Glinda wasn’t there with her—a small mercy for her friend.

“Glinda?” Elphaba said. It was her strange mental voice that echoed through the dark, and she tried again to focus on speaking with her physical body. “Glinda? Are you still awake?”

“Yes.” Glinda’s soft voice met her ears, sounding distant but clear. “Did it work?”

“It did,” Elphaba said. “I’m going to look around. Tell me if anything starts feeling wrong, okay?”

“Okay.”

Elphaba took a deep breath and stepped forward.

It felt different this time. She wasn’t going to find Glinda at the end of a tether; she was wandering blind, literally, and looking for something she wasn’t even sure she could see or feel. Would she know it when she found it? If she found it?

She took the direction she thought she’d taken to find Glinda before, but it was hard to tell with nothing to use as landmarks. She walked steadily, keeping an eye out for any discrepancy in the dark, keeping an ear out for any noise whatsoever.

At some point, Elphaba felt she was getting nowhere, so she turned to another direction. And then another, and another, until she had no idea which way she’d come from and still hadn’t seen any sign of…well, of anything.

“Glinda, can you still hear me?”

Elphaba stopped. Her voice didn’t come out of her body, but she could have sworn it should have.

“Glinda?” She tried again, but again, she couldn’t project her voice beyond the dark. A hint of panic sparked in her chest, but she pushed it away. “I think I’ve gotten myself lost,” she murmured to herself.

Oz, she couldn’t tell at all how far she’d walked or which turns she’d made. She could almost feel the darkness pressing against her, keeping her chest tight and shortening her breath. But it was just an illusion, right? This wasn’t her real body; she could breathe just fine back in her room.

Elphaba tried to take stock of her body, just to reassure herself that she was even still alive. She tried to feel her hands around Glinda’s, tried to feel the breath in her chest, to hear the ambient sounds of the palace.

She didn’t feel any of it. Nothing at all to indicate that she still had any connection to her body.

The vast darkness seemed to completely enshroud her, shutting her out from the world and holding her hostage in a sea of nothing. Where was she? Where was Glinda? How could she find her way back? She hadn’t even found what she was looking for yet.

And she wasn’t going to, she realized. If that small missing part of her friend was really somewhere out here, the chances she’d come across it were slim to none, and the chances she could reunite them even slimmer. This wasn’t never going to work, and now Elphaba was so completely lost that she wasn’t sure she could even get back out of this place.

This must have been how Glinda had felt. The profound and utter loneliness could crush a spirit to dust, and Elphaba had no idea how Glinda had remained as intact as she was after days of existing like this. She hadn’t even known anyone was coming to rescue her. She could have been stuck here forever.

Elphaba’s heart ached as she wandered through the dark. She’d saved Glinda from this fate, but for what? To fade back into death, to end up here again in the end?

No, she couldn’t let that happen. She’d known this spell might not work, but that didn’t mean there weren’t other options. She just needed to wake up and find them.

But that seemed easier said than done. “Glinda?” Elphaba tried again. “If you can hear me…I don’t know, pinch me? Bring me back, somehow, please. I don’t know if I can do it on my own.”

It felt like she’d been looking for the candles for hours. Could they have burned out? It couldn’t have been that long since the spell began. But she kept walking despite the way the darkness choked her and pushed down on her shoulders, threatening to force her into collapse.

It was tempting. Oz, was it tempting. The sensation was so different from when her body had failed her last time; that had been literal weakness, and this was something else. The longer Elphaba slogged through the weight of the dark, the harder it was to believe she would ever leave it. Harder, even, to believe she had ever been anywhere else.

She barely remembered casting the spell. The memory of it was so hazy that she couldn’t be certain it had even happened. Could she have dreamt it? Perhaps she was dreaming right now. Or, maybe, the entirety of her life had been one long hallucinifying dream.

She didn’t want it to be a dream, though. She wanted it to be real—at least the good parts. She wanted Glinda to be real.

Elphaba rubbed her temples. What was she thinking? Of course her life was real, and she couldn’t let this place make her forget it. Glinda needed her. Glinda needed her. It was that thought which kept her grounded enough in reality to keep going for far longer than she could tell, praying for the slightest glimpse of light in the dark.

When she finally saw it, she almost couldn’t believe it. She thought she must have been imagining the tiny yellow pinpricks in the distance, so far away that they almost seemed to vanish when they flickered. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, expecting the lights to disappear, but they didn’t.

Elphaba’s heart leaped and she surged forward with a sudden burst of energy. All she could think about was how wonderful it would be to feel something again, to see anything. And hopefully what she would see first would be Glinda’s soft, sweet face.

When she woke, it wasn’t where she remembered being. Rather than sitting beside the bed with her hands wrapped around Glinda’s, she lay on her belly, enveloped on all sides in warmth. The surface she lay on rose and fell gently like the waves of a lake, and it wasn’t until she opened her eyes that she realized she was wrapped in Glinda’s arms and lying atop her chest.

Elphaba had no idea how she’d gotten there, but she wasn’t going to complain. She shifted to look up at Glinda, who had been sleeping but stirred now beneath Elphaba’s movement. Her eyes opened blearily at first, and then widened when she caught sight of Elphaba.

“Elphie!” Glinda gasped. She gathered Elphaba tighter in her arms, squishing her against her chest until she could feel the blonde’s heartbeat racing against her cheek. “Oh, Oz,” she breathed, “are you okay? You stopped talking back and it was like you just…went limp. I didn’t know if I should get the nurse; I was so scared moving you downstairs would make it worse, so I was just waiting, and waiting, and Fiyero didn’t know what to do either, and I—”

“Hey,” Elphaba said gently. She reached for Glinda’s hand to squeeze it comfortingly. “It’s all right, my sweet. I’m sorry it took so long.” She swallowed hard as she remembered her original goal, now that she wasn’t so desperate to escape. A knot formed in her throat and tears pricked at her eyes as she looked at Glinda’s gaunt face. “I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered. “I couldn’t find what we were looking for.”

Glinda let out a breathy laugh. “I know,” she said. “I haven’t felt any better. But that’s all right; I just—I just wanted you to be okay. You were gone for almost a whole day.”

“A whole day,” Elphaba murmured. That was too much time wasted. She cupped Glinda’s face and ran a thumb over her cheekbone, uncomfortably prominent over her sallow cheeks. “How much worse do you feel?”

Glinda hesitated, then pasted a smile onto her face. She may have thought it was convincing, but Elphaba knew her too well to be fooled for even a second. “It’s not too bad,” she said. “I’m just…tired.”

“Glinda, please don’t lie to me.”

Her smile faltered. “I don’t want to worry you.”

“I’m already worried,” Elphaba insisted. “Please. I need to know how much time we have before…” Before what? She didn’t know, but she didn’t want to find out.

“I went to get Fiyero for help last night,” Glinda said. “It didn’t take me that long to find him, but I barely made it back here. He got me something to eat, but I couldn’t keep it down, either.” She paused, then said quietly, “I don’t think I have much longer.”

“Shit,” Elphaba said under her breath. She peeled herself off of Glinda, trembling on arms and legs weak from disuse, and stumbled toward the Grimmerie on the nightstand. “I’ll find something,” she said. “There’s got to be something.”

“Elphaba…” Glinda lay a fragile hand on hers as she feverishly flipped through the pages of the grimmerie, and she froze at the contact. Glinda wasn’t trying to stop her, was she?

“Don’t do that,” Elphaba begged. “I won’t give up on you; please don’t give up on yourself. You can make it through this.”

Glinda took a deep, shaky breath. “Okay,” she said. “But, Elphie, if we can’t fix it—”

“We will.”

“If we can’t,” Glinda repeated. “I just…want you to know that I’ve really enjoyed the time I’ve gotten to spend with you. Even though I don’t remember the before.”

Elphaba’s heart stuttered, her hands shaking on the page she’d yet to flip. Her gut told her that if she were ever going to confess her feelings, to lay them bare for Glinda to see, now may be her last and only chance. Every inch of her begged and pleaded for her to lean forward just a little, to brush her lips against Glinda’s and leave soft, ardent kisses on her cheeks, her forehead, her jawline. She wanted to show Glinda how much she loved her, how special she was.

But she couldn’t. Even a Glinda who remembered her wouldn’t appreciate that kind of intimacy from her, and she wouldn’t allow herself to selfishly risk making her friend uncomfortable in what could be the last days of her life.

So, instead, Elphaba forced herself to smile back at Glinda, forced out a “Me, too,” and forced down the breaking pieces of her heart that cut her insides like glass before flipping as calmly as she could back to the beginning of the Grimmerie.