#too complicated for this 3 second segment and i need to be stopped

[undistortedworld]

been stuck on this one fucking animatic frame for multiple days now omg help

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

can i be honest? im a fan of azul but his dream felt like it lacked impact. there were some very interesting moments and its better than the prediction that he would already be rich and own the world

like really? azul becomes a famous athlete and bullies others, then he takes over night raven? i feel like his struggles with his own identity and food could have been further explored and he is based off of ursula, which should extend to vanessa, right? it was the perfect reason to give him a total makeover and show that he has to be comfortable in his own skin before anything else, even if his other ness was what made him a target of bullying in the first place

your thoughts and worries on book 7 post has affected my perspective and i cant help but feel like something is missing 🥲 maybe all the budget went into Jade and Floyd?

[Referencing this post!]

As I’ve previously expressed, I have a lot of my own complicated feelings about the direction book 7 is taking, specifically with how the OB boys’ dream segments are presented and resolved. Azul’s dream is no different; it felt very contrived due to the formula TWST insists on running with in every new installment. It’s becoming even more apparent with each update, and it is really grating on me.

But!! Before I get to what I believe are shortcomings with Azul’s dream, let’s review what Anon has to say.

I feel like, no matter what, there will always be people claiming that the OB boys’ dreams are “missed opportunities”. This is simply because these characters have much more deep and complex issues than the rest of the cast, so we will naturally scrutinize them more. TWST is basically only able to go with one angle when they tackle the dream, leaving the other threads unexplored. This will surely annoy or disappoint people who wish that TWST would have addressed a different issue instead, or perhaps something closer to their personal interpretation of the events. In Azul’s case, I feel like some people (particularly in the west, not so much in the east) see Azul’s weight concerns or relationship with food as a prominent part of his character, so they wish that book 7 part 10 had looked into that more. However, that was never a big focus in canon, so it follows that TWST would want to dedicate its time and resources to the most pressing thing (which would be more centered on Azul’s general self-confidence, greed, and how those tie into his sense of identity). At the same time, they probably wanted to avoid a lens that is too broad. Having the focus be on Azul’s “otherness” or being an octopus might veer too heavily into something way beyond the scope of the ~10 parts of the story he has to himself.

We also need to consider that these dreams are meant to be shallow interpretations of what the dreamer desires (according to Idia). Only the OB boys get to go more in depth due to bring dragged down into deeper layers of their dreams. Azul wants to be accepted by his peers and is insecure about his lack of athleticism (as one reason why he was bullied was due to not being able to swim as fast as other merchildren). So of course the surface level of his dream makes him a star athlete beloved by all. The explanation offered in the game is that Azul’s past of being bullied never happened, so he’s able to be popular and confident. The whole “his plan succeeds, he steals everyone’s magic, he takes over NRC” thing happens in the second layer of his dream, which, like all previous OB boys, is a dark display of what would have happened had they not been stopped. And finally, Azul being a bully is nothing new—we saw this behavior back in book 3 as well. He became the very thing he despised back when he was a victim, and now he continues to perpetuate that cycle of bullying in an effort to affirm confidence in his “cool” new identity. I think the dream was very intentional in trying to entice him with the promises of power and acceptance. That, in turn, shows us that the desire to be a successful businessman (the thing many of us thought would be his dream) actually hinges on Azul’s longing to be accepted. His struggle with his identity and how it depends on how others perceive him was portrayed. I’m just not sure if the idea was executed in the best way, since it sounds like the message may have gotten muddled along the way and it definitely requires some reading between the lines.

I noticed that you cited my original post where I detailed my concerns about book 7 and how that has influenced your own thoughts 💦 I hope that it just… informed or supplemented your opinions rather than suddenly altered them to be more “in line” with my own. I never want to be the kind of person who claims their interpretations are the “most correct” I’m not Riddle’s mom, okay?? 😭

About Jade and Floyd’s dreams, I feel like those are less heavily critiqued because they, by virtue of not being an OB boy, have fewer stakes and are predominantly there to be silly. It’s like contrasting Epel wanting to be big and buff to Vil literally murdering Neige; there is just no comparison. Even then, I wouldn’t necessarily say Floyd’s and Jade’s parts received “all the budget”… They seemed like pretty basic storylines to me, perhaps dressed up slightly better thanks to the new undersea assets and bioluminescence reveal.

My issues with Azul’s dream segment is how… ham-fisted several elements were. All of it, for the sake of sticking to the pattern already established earlier. It feels so unnatural and stilted because you just KNOW it’s written this way to fit the template 😔 For example:

Why did Jade become SO dumb when they were trying to figure out where Azul had moved the contracts? He’s supposed to be much smarter than how he is presented here. Wouldn’t his immediate thought be to check Azul’s room? But NO, Jade can’t come to that conclusion on his own because we need a contrived reason for each student to use their UM before the ending :/ so Jade has to waste time using his UM to get the truth out of his dream!self.

Jade and Floyd sitting around and going “………….” while they watch Azul make an ass of himself was such a time waster. Clearly you have enough brains to know what would trigger him, so why are you not acting on it???? Oh yeah, because we need to show more cool stuff in this dream like La Grotta!

Azul literally turns to the camera and tells his OB self, “Unlike you, I’ve changed.” It’s way too on the nose with what it’s trying to communicate. It breaks immersion and makes it so obvious the characters are outright stating their character development to make sure we all “get it”.

What was the purpose of Azul using his UM to get the mermobs to sign a contract to give all their power to him???💀 Bro can just say “excuse me, I forgot something back at the Coral Rush field” and they’d probably let him pass. But again, Azul isn’t allowed to do that because he MUST use his UM before the ending. Because Azul’s UM requires that another person willingly agree and sign a contract, his mandatory UM use before the grand finale feels particularly forced.

How many times do I need to listen to Idia/Ortho or other characters warn us about how we can’t have too many people dream hopping or else bugs might happen or Malleus might notice… It’s almost like the devs realize how long this is being dragged out for so they have to remind us every so often.

Not only that, but we get such poorly constructed explanations to keep characters behind while a new character goes with the main group. Why don’t you just leave them all behind once they’re awake then?? Oh yeah, because we NEED to drag along the current student into the next dream so everyone gets a cameo. It’s so inorganic how the characters are chosen to stay behind, Jamil just conveniently volunteers himself while we also listen to another spiel from Silver and Sebek about how their training makes them more stable than the twins to keep dream hopping.

Azul’s dream isn’t fantastic, but it… works (that’s the full extent of how nice I can be to it). It’s cohesive enough. But god, did I dislike how rigid it was and certain parts (like the twins being dum) rubbed me the wrong way… Nothing happens because it’s natural, it happens because the script demands it happens. To quote another post:

If anyone has played the first Ace Attorney game, this feels a LOT like that part in case 2 where Phoenix is too dumb to check the back of a receipt until Mia literally tells him to. The [characters have] to actively be made stupider because the scenario calls for it, and that really rubs me the wrong way.

[blazehedgehog]

Thoughts on Dr. Robotnik's Ring racers and the current version of SRB2 Kart?

I never dug too super deep in to SRB2 Kart because I very rarely play online games with randos and I had no real consistent group to play with otherwise. Like, I tried to play the few times Tracker hosted a server, but he lives in the UK and I'm on wifi so it just didn't really work out.

So I was kind of waiting for the singleplayer campaign mode. I could see the potential in SRB2K. "The Mugen of Kart Racers" has been an idea in the back of my head for literal decades at this point. But I did not care about time trials because there were no items.

I streamed about four hours of Ring Racers (obviously) a couple days ago:

And I've also seen a lot of SRB2 Kart diehards lose their mind over some of the changes and problems in Ring Racers.

As someone who has never really put more than, say, two hours in to SRB2 Kart, Ring Racers is... fun? Yeah. It's fun. I'd say I enjoyed myself.

But it's also got problems. Broadly speaking, the entire game is way too complicated for its own good. It's nice that they really sat down and thought very deeply about kart racer mechanics and tried to elevate things to a new level, but it feels like they overthought a lot of it. And I mean beyond the fact this game opens with a very wordy, 30-60 minute tutorial. Don't get me wrong, it needs at least some of that, because it's a very mechanically dense game, but that's also sort of the problem.

Like I literally just bailed out of a Discord conversation about this because I wanted to write it over here, but let's take, for example, the spindash.

The spindash mechanic has three primary functions in Ring Racers:

You charge up a spindash at the right time during the starting line lobby segment to get a boost going into the first lap

You charge a spindash to get through one of the speed barriers for secret shortcuts

This game has Sonic-style physics and there are slopes where, if you aren't already going fast, they are too steep of an incline to drive up. So you have to stop and charge a spindash to clear them.

What value does this actually bring to the table? What's useful about it?

The starting line lobby segment is annoying because even CPU racers will bump you into a FAULT state, forcing you to start in last place. Lobby segments are also different sizes, different lengths, so as a newbie like myself, that already puts me at a disadvantage. Charging a spindash for a starting line boost does not add anything you could not already do with Mario Kart's more traditional starting line mechanic. So that means everything around it is just to make the game less friendly to newbies.

Unless you are an ultra-skilled sickos player who optimizes ring consumption to the max, or you're lucky enough to have a boost item, you are never going to be setup to crash through a speed barrier. I certainly never am. I only touch them by accident and they always make everything worse for me when I do. I would never stop and deliberately use a spindash to clear one of these, and places in the map where I get owned are never near one for it to act as a shortcut to get me back in the race faster.

The only time you need to use a spindash on a slope is if you get blasted by someone else's weapon, and there's always this deep dread to that where it's like, if I have to spindash to get up a slope, the race is already lost. Getting slammed by a weapon can already be very devastating on its own, but adding the extra step of having to come to a complete stop, wait 2-3 seconds to charge a spindash, and then crawl up the incline? It's insult to injury.

So, then, in practical terms: what value does the spindash bring to this game? The shortest summary is it's a recovery mechanic that adds an extra step to systems that are tuned to be very difficult and maybe don't even need to exist. You could remove the spindash (and all the systems that depend on the spindash) and I think it would be a better game.

And there's a few systems like this in the game, like the ring tether system, the air drop, and so on. It's nice to finally see someone trying to meaningfully evolve the kart racer into something with greater depth, but I also feel like people who liked SRB2 Kart liked it because it was a very good one of those. And it had extremely friendly mod support.

I get the desire for what's happening here. People were unfairly harsh about how "SRB2 Kart is a bad name" and the developers wanted to both establish a fresher identity and push things in a new direction. But they're also kind of reinventing a lot of wheels and adding all of these extra steps, which will and is hurting the pick-up-and-play element of "it's just a good kart racer." If you roll up on a friend group with Ring Racers and say "hold up, you gotta play the 40 minute tutorial first", that's a killer, and that's still considering they've already trimmed the tutorial length once since it launched only a few days ago.

A kart racer with the depth of a fighting game is definitely an interesting idea and like I said, I was having fun in the stream, but it's just one of those things where the more I think about what the ideal form of this game is trying to be, the more I wonder.

And that's not even considering that some things that worried me about SRB2 Kart are still here, like how many very narrow and winding tracks there are. Sometimes you get what is effectively a rally racing track but there's 8 other hyper-aggressive cars on the road with you and they're all armed to the teeth with projectile weapons. Even in SRB2 Kart's time trial mode, when I was the only one on the track, it could be hard enough to stay on the road. Now that I'm being knocked around by other racers at the same time? It can borderline on feeling impossible.

Again, I don't hate this. It's just that there's a lot of weird friction in places I feel like it does not benefit from or need.

[arolesbianism]

So I know I said no stalien relationship charts tonight but I never said no dynamics infodumping tonight so erm

Behold. The basic dynamic characters and what very broadly they represent. Some additional notes under the cut 👍

So! To clarify some things, it’s important to note that while all of these can be used as their own independent word, they’re rarely used as such to describe a relationship unless you Really don’t want the person you’re speaking with to know more details, or you are like talking to your boss or smth and are trying to be professional. Even in these situations however, a few of these words are seen as a bit weird, although not unheard of, to describe a relationship with by their own. For example, the clash one is usually seen as more of a modifier to surrounding dynamics, with passion being a similar case. Also important to note that the ones for liking or disliking someone is used pretty conservatively generally speaking, with them mostly used for situations where one is particularly giddy or particular upset to be around someone very consistently. No one can like stop you from using either more liberally, but you’ll probably come off super strong if you do, which tends to turn people off. On the other hand, feel free to use deep or distant very liberally, even combined, as they tend to be the much more general and vague dynamic pieces, and mostly just are used as approximations for how much space the other occupies in ones head.

Now, for this next part, let’s use an actual example on how these pieces are put together and how you describe your dynamics with others in different situations

This is Busy and Dancer’s dynamic, with them having the fairly standard 3 ring dynamic that most good friends will have. More or less rings can be had, but more than 3 is very uncommon, mostly due to most digital spaces and jewelers not supporting more than 3 rings. Generally speaking, the center represents the most boiled down component of the relationship, and this will be the word you use if you are being super duper vague about your dynamic with someone. For these two it’s the pretty standard deep, as they are very close and spend most of their time together. The surface layer usually covers the way you’d describe your relationship to others offhand, so either a simplified version or an altered version that leaves out parts that might be too personal for you to want to share. You may also chose to include things you don’t fully see as part of your dynamic, but think are applicable enough that it’s worth note, such as the like segment that these two have. You also typically will divvy up the space on the ring according to the impression you’re trying to make, which for these two is that they have a very close relationship, and that when they do butt heads it’s affectionately.

The second ring tends to be where things get more complicated, as they’re generally meant to represent the “true” relationship of the individuals involved, and as such how that relationship is conveyed varies wildly from individual to individual. These two have taken a much more simple approach, taking what they see as the consistent cores of their dynamic and not bothering with any extra segmenting. Extra segmenting within one dynamic piece is a common practice used in second rings, usually to emphasize a piece, or to draw attention away from other pieces. Busy and Dancer don’t see much need to place extra emphasis, so they simply use the method of scaling them by relevance. With deep again being their most important piece to them, with clash and passion being the other two bits of consistency they settled on. So for their second ring dynamic, they are basically communicating a close relationship where they sometimes fight, but would still stick with eachother to the end.

Now the last important thing to note is that while it’s commonly expected that people who are particularly close decide on one dynamic circle that encompasses both of their feelings, this is not the norm for most dynamics, and most won’t even communicate their dynamic with the other at all until a second ring is established. Having a second ring with someone basically establishes that they regularly have had a noteworthy impact on your life, and that your relationship is complicated enough that you feel that you two do have a properly established dynamic. It’s generally seen as very important to be able to clearly communicate your dynamics with others that you interact with regularly, and while it’s not uncommon for people to stretch the truth or even flat out lie in their dynamics, it’s still seen as more socially normal than only using one or two descriptors for your dynamics. Most staliens from this society would find the word “friend” to be a frustratingly vague description of someone’s relationship with another person, even if their own words for describing relationships also tends to get kind of vague and interpretive lol.

[vern-a]

1) the game itself. Its minecraft. Weve seen the amazing and creative things people do with minecraft. People have gone around country censorship laws on books with minecraft. Schools use it for education. Its available to anyone with a device and 10 eur (mobile ver). It helps connect people, giving a fun space to interact with others. Immense parallel play grounds. Huge diversity for play styles. Neurodivergency friendly - no eye contact or body language processing required.

Qsmp has many mods that make the game prettier and also - accessible. Warp stones and plates have made lovely community hubs, the brazilians made cute little bus stops that take you places, multiple players have made freely accessible experience farms so other players can always use these teleportation devices.

2) the server (+admins). Its whole premise is removing language barriers. In-game real-time translations are available in SO many languages. People can talk comfortably in their native language, other people see the translation in THEIR native language and reply the same way. No middle language.

As the server has progressed, more and more accessibility accommodating changes have been implemented. Whenever there is even a small complaint about accessibility the admins are ON that shit.

3) The community. Speaking of admins they really make sure the streamers are having fun. Besides the lore, the admins tend to show up as diverse characters to simply hang out and provide company.

There could be a segment about streams themselves too! Hanging out in chats, putting streams on to feel companionship, improve your day and so on.

Quackity has picked out such kind people to play on it. The streamers are all about communication and making sure everyone feels comfortable. They hype up the communitys fan content and have made a big interconnected cross-banning network to keep their chats polite.

The communities of the streamers are very kind too (yes there are bad apples- this post is about positivity instead). There is support all around for language learners, people who delve into experiencing the different cultures, artists (includes EVERY art form) and the people who are just here to simply have fun.

4) QUEER ON PURPOSE. WE HAVE SO MUCH QUEER REP. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY ARO/+/ACE PEOPLE IN ONE PLACE. SEE THIS POST AND THIS ONE!!!!

5) the LORE! The whole storyline is based on companionship, community and love. Even if you cannot trust someone, you will still help them because there are more powerful things trying to kill or torture you and everyone you love. You will extend your hand to your mortal enemy as many times as you need to have them safe again.

Create mod nerds are making farms and factories for first the benefit of others and only second for bragging rights of being the richest on the server. They only want to be rich to give it away to others. There are stockpiles of resources, community resource chests, players carry around things they dont need in case someone else might. Badboyhalo didnt have to spend days grinding armour for the kids but he did it anyway.

In the qsmp world, where the federation and code entities (i know its complicated - its still relevant) and mysterious eye creatures and the world itself wants to kill you, its so easy to become hostile or apathetic but no one does. Because love and care prevail above all else.

Even if you think youre beyond saving - possessed, killing your friends, killing their children; losing grip on who you remember yourself to be - people will still turn to rehabilitation first. They WILL love you. They DO love you.

Specific examples i hold dear: characters with memory loss or inability to tell reality from dreams. How others treat them. Fit believes in phil 100%, even if the things phil describes seeing fit cant see. Fit and pac paused their date and took phil with them to their date location to make sure their friend wasnt alone. Etoiles patiently reminds badboyhalo about his memories, the places theyre in, the people around badboy, without judgement or frustration. As many times as badboy needs. Bagi was all laughs about it at first but she saw the way etoiles acted and mirrored him.

Its so gentle everyone is so gentle and caring. ON PURPOSE. They CHOOSE to love and choose to do it so INTENTIONALLY. And they will OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT TOO

Its late and im bad at talking. I have gone off topic. Love is spilling out of me and i can scoop and scoop but it will not make sense or be contained.

Plus minecraft is masterful at resource renewing. That also. Tubbos factory is flourishing with plants thanks to his daughter and is fully powered by renewable resources.

Yeah.

Qsmp. Its solarpunk.

Qsmp is so solarpunk

[wolfjackle-creates]

Bring Me Home, Chapter 2 Part 3

A little shorter this week. I had my graduation ceremony over the weekend and the opportunity to hang out with my sister-in-law for the first time in a few months! (She and my brother moved states a few months back.) If you scroll down a bit, you'll be able to see how I decorated my graduation cap! I love how it turned out.

But you don't care about that. It's Wednesday! Time for a WIP Wednesday segment!

Story Summary: Tim and Danny are both neglected by parents who care more about their work than their families. They deal with this by spending too much time online and find each other playing MMORPGs. They keep up their friendship as Tim becomes Robin and Danny becomes Phantom and don't bother keeping secrets from each other.

First, Previous

Word Count: 1k

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Unable to get Tim’s attention, Conner asked, “Who’s Technus?”

Danny shrugged. “One of my rogues. Tuck thinks he’s the ghost of Nikolai Tesla. He’s interested in controlling all technology and will make himself a giant mechasuit cannibalized from any electronic he can find in, like, a half mile radius. Super annoying.”

Tim hummed. “You didn’t tell me about him being Nikolai Tesla.”

“It’s a new hypothesis of Tuck’s. He’s been trying to research all the ghosts that come through as part of our profiles on them. That involves trying to figure out who they might’ve been in life. We’re hoping it’ll help me deescalate confrontations to cut back on property damage. Thanks to my parents talking about how evil all ghosts are, no one trusts Phantom and I get blamed for everything.”

Tim reached out and squeezed Danny’s shoulder. Practically everything Danny ever said about his parents made him like them less. To change the subject before he learned something else that’d make him want to attack Jack and Maddie while they were under the same roof, he asked, “So why does ectoplasm harm electronics anyway?”

Danny seemed to lean into his touch. “Well, ectoplasm is complicated. It is generated in this dimension but doesn’t really belong here. It comes about through death and leads the way to the Ghost Zone. At least… that’s the hypothesis I think is the most likely. I’ve only really been studying it for a few months since my own accident, though.” He shook his head. “Anyway! When it interacts with things on Earth that aren’t trying to get to the Zone, things get weird. Especially with non-sentient things that can’t will the ectoplasm to act in a specific way. Even animals can exert some control over ectoplasm. But electronics can’t.”

It was only a few minutes more before Danny had completely disassembled the phone. He then grabbed another pipette and adjusted the volume and added ectoplasm to certain pieces. Then took a third size and did it all over again.

“How on earth did you find out how much to add?” asked Bart. “You’re changing quantities constantly.”

“Trial and error. Long and tedious trial and error. We tried dipping sections in the ectoplasm to start, but that generally fried the tech and mutated its function. Wires do do best with submersion, though. No more than a second or two for small ones. Even after we stopped submersion, we started by adding way too much—spreading it over the entire chip. But that also didn’t work. Realized just half a microliter applied to the connections was best. The camera, speaker, and microphone need more. Those get ten microliters apiece. And we just kept trying different amounts until we had something that worked. We ruined four phones before we started testing each component individually.”

Conner let out a low whistle. “Well we’re glad you have. Thanks for helping with this.”

“Of course. Anything for Tim.”

Tim’s face heated as Cassie laughed. “Yeah, our Tim has a way of winning people over, doesn’t he?”

“I think I won him over, actually.” Danny hung the pipette back up on the holder. “All right, now just to put this baby back together. Who’s hungry?”

“Me!” called Bart. “It’s been ages since we’ve last eaten.”

“You’ve got an accelerated metabolism, right? We’ll stop by a store and get some extra stuff if you need anything overnight or tomorrow.”

“I like you,” said Bart. “You should come with us when we leave. Join our team.”

Tim buried his face in his hands, did none of his teammates know the definition of subtlety? Offering Danny a place with the Teen Titans or Young Justice was the first thing he tried.

“Thanks for the offer, but as I’ve told Tim, I can’t leave Amity. No one else is capable of responding to ghost threats.”

Conner shook his head. “Looks like your parents have it under control.”

Danny laughed. “Oh hell no. They’ve got a lot of inventions and most of them do something. But it’s not always what they expect them to do. And dad’s aim is terrible.” As he spoke, he continued to reassemble Tim’s phone.

Tim couldn’t help but admire how expertly Danny’s fingers moved over the pieces. And before he knew it, Danny was handing the phone back to him.

“Should work now. Turn it on and double check.”

Tim took it and held the power button until the WE logo appeared. Sure enough, once the screen loaded, so did a dozen missed phone calls and even more missed texts.

Bruce, Dick, and Barbara had all attempted contact multiple times. Even Alfred had called once. He winced and immediately called Bruce back.

“Hey, B,” he said as soon as the call connected. “We’re all fine. Just crossed an area that messed with our tech.”

“How did it mess with your tech?” Bruce demanded.

“It’s normal in this area. But I’ve a local friend and he fixed my phone. He’ll take care of Conner’s, Cassie’s, and Bart’s after we grab some dinner. So if anyone else is worried, tell them we’re fine and they can call me in the meantime if they have questions.” Tim made sure to use civilian names so Bruce would know they were no longer in costume.

“Who is this ‘friend’?” asked Bruce.

“God, B, it’s fine. I’ve known him for years. We game online together when we can. Have since we were kids.”

“Hn.” Why was it so much harder to read Bruce over the phone than in person? It was so annoying. “I see. Where are you currently?”

“We’re in Illinois. Will probably stay here a day or two with Danny and his parents. And then we’ll come home and share everything about our trip.” Aka, submit an official report about the outcome of their mission.

“Very well. I expect to know all the details. And I want twice daily check-ins until you’re home.”

“Fine, fine. Will do. Bye, B.” Before Bruce could demand anything else, Tim hung up on him. Next he shot texts to Dick, Alfred, and Barbara assuring them he was fine and his phone was working again. Replies came instantly and he ignored them all. “All right, that’s done. Let’s go eat.”

---------

Next

I think this is the first time I've had an actual scene break to stop the segment at. I usually just go until I see a change in the conversation, but I've got my <hr> marker at this point and there's gonna be a scene change! (So I won't have to repeat a paragraph or two next time I post.)

You get a different explanation for ectoplasm in this fic! Wasn't planning on that, but it happened and I like it.

Hope you enjoyed.

Tag List Part 1

@gremlin-bot, @bonebrokebuddy, @britcision, @lady-time-lord-, @welcometosasakiworld, @akikkobara, @phoenixdemonqueen, @dolfay, @skulld3mort-1fan, @we-ezer, @markus209, @sjrose1216, @onyxlightdragon, @dragonsrequiem, @jesus-camp-the-sequel, @spidey29phangirl, @kyrianclawraith, @evilminji, @introvert-even-on-the-internet, @emergentpanda-blog, @lexdamo, @v-inari, @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit, @longlivethefallen, @undead-essence, @xye-chan, @liandrin, @seraphinedemort, @kisatamao, @schalensitzbucket, @caelestisdreamer, @runfromthemedic, @nutcase8691, @channajen, @tonicmii, @ambiguouslyominous, @vythika96, @addie-lover-of-stories, @ironicvixen, @violetfox2, @pickleking8, @mysticalcomputerdetective, @ark12, @mygood-bitch99, @squirrel-wolf, @satisfactionbroughtmeback, @sometimesthingsfallapart, @automaticsoulharmony, @d4ydr34min9, @revnantdpxdclover, @midigeria, @raginblastocyst

[nat-20s]

 Part 8 of the wonderful! Au: the boys answer some questions! Up to you to decide if they actually clarify anything!

(also on AO3)

~*~

Martin: Hey everyone! I know what some of you are thinking right now: it's not Tuesday, why is this episode in my feed? I know significantly more of you are thinking: I don't consistently keep up with podcast releases, how much free time do you think I have, buddy? To answer your queries: this is a bonus episode! We're answering listener questions to clear the air and/or have fun. Also, I don't know, around 20 to 40 minutes a week, as that is the average amount of time per episode? Maybe during your commute? My husband's omnipotence has been gone for five years, we just have to guess at that sort of thing now.

Jon: For legal reasons, that last statement was a joke. In fact, to cover all of our bases, we do not guarantee that any of our responses are genuine.

Martin: Just because we say we'll answer things doesn't mean we'll answer truthfully. Though, honestly, I think we might make it more enjoyable if we do tell the truth. Like, I don't necessarily have a fun lie prepared for our first question from konspiracyking97: "What's their fuckin deal anyway?"

Jon: Is this referring to the oblique references  we've made about being from a parallel reality and only ending up here as a consequence of ending one apocalypse and potentially starting another or the general premise of the show?

Martin: Oh, it's gotta be general premise, yeah?

Jon: In that case, I'm Jon, the other voice you're hearing is Martin, we're married, and we talk about things that are..nice? Good? Usually generally but occasionally rather specifically pleasant.

Martin: That pretty much covers it. It's not a complicated show. Uhh, next question comes from Shane: are either or both of you aliens? Nope!

Jon: Well..

Martin: No. We are 100% human people from Earth, we are under no definition extraterrestrial.

Jon: Eh..

Martin: Okay, first off, I know the tone of that 'eh' and "not fully human" is not synonymous with alien, so even if 100% is being a bit generous, we're still from the same planet as our listeners.

Jon:..

Jon: But. We sort of aren't though. Technically speaking.

Martin: No no no no no. I don't care if it's parallel, Earth is Earth is Earth, regardless of whatever nonsense metaphysics might be occurring.

Jon: So what you're saying is that if you got sucked through a portal and landed on an Earth where dinosaurs were still the predominant species, you wouldn't consider yourself to be an alien?

Martin: Nope!

Jon: I'm certain that they would consider you an alien. All of their mammals are probably shrew sized.

Martin: Sounds like a them problem.

Jon: Sounds like a-?! You know what, no, this will be an off the record debate, for now, I suppose I concede that the two Earths and our physiologies are similar enough that we might, maybe, not count as aliens.

Martin: Thank you. Anyway, our next question is from anonymous, and asks, "Is all of this an ARG?"

Jon: A whomst?

Martin: Alternate reality game. It's a method of storytelling that's interactive with audience, and usually has, I dunno, a certain suspension of disbelief to it where it pretends to be something actually happening in the real world until a dramatic reveal. A lot times it was used as a marketing gimmick, but others have done it just for fun. I can show you some examples after the show?

Jon: So it's in essence a more involved creepypasta?

Martin, delighted: Aw, babe, I'm never going to have a handle on what pop culture you are and aren't aware of, huh?

Jon: We were born within a year of each other, and I've told you that I was a deeply morbid teenager, you should probably be able to intuit some of things, love.

Martin: This coming from a man who has yet to see "It's a Wonderful Life", but has seen every film in the "Banjo Cannibals" franchise, including the Easter special. Jesus doesn't exist in the Banjo Cannibals universe, why does it have an Easter special?

Jon: The movies are rather shoddily translated from Russian, so I'm fairly certain the Easter component of that special was invented wholesale in the English version.

Martin: You say that like it answers more questions than it raises.

Jon: Yes, because it does. Oh, and to answer anonymous's question, no, this isn't an ARG. From my understanding of it, if it were, it'd be a poorly constructed one, as there's no real game element to any of this.

Martin: Hmm. Well, sometimes the game component is just trying to figure out what's going on with the story, or if there's any deeper content, and people are definitely doing that with this show.

Jon: That's not by design though. It's more a side effect of us having poor brain to mouth filters, I'd say.

Martin: Harsh, but fair. Oh, this next one is from Zac, no K, who asks, "Are you two actually even married?"

Jon, flat: We are, but it's under false names because this whole thing is an elaborate insurance scam.

Jon, incredulous: Yes, obviously, we're married. What did you hear in this podcast that would make you wonder otherwise, and how do we rectify it?

Martin: Clearly we need to up our quota for how "disgustingly in love" and "horrifically sappy" we are per episode. Which segues nicely into the next question from Gwen, "What's your favourite wonderful thing you've brought so far?" My answer: my husband. He's kind of my favourite in most things, you know?

Jon: Boooooo

Martin: Why, what's your favourite thing?

[Jon reluctantly sighs]

Jon, indulgent: being married.

Martin: A: serves you right for trying to pretend you're the less horrifically sappy and romantic one even though earlier today someone put a love note in the lunch they packed for me-

Jon:- Lies and slander! I have never, in my life, done that, even once.

Martin: Oh, sure, not even once. And you definitely don't reserve the lilac sticky notes specifically for my lunches because you know I like the colour. 

Jon: I..I don't.. you're rather ruining my image here.

[Martin snorts]

Martin: Can't have the audience think that you are, on occasion, an incredibly doting husband-

Jon: -A title I would argue we both share-

Martin: - which is obviously why, even with it being your favourite thing you've brought, being married to me is just a small wonder-

Jon, audibly rolling his eyes: As I already explained-

[A Pause}

Jon: Actually, you're right-

Martin: Wait-

Jon:- I really should have brought it as a larger wonder-

Martin: Wait-

Jon: though I should warn you, I think I'd have far too much material for just one little segment-

Martin: No no no no no-

Jon:- In fact, I think I might have too much material for just one little episode-

Martin: Joo-oon-

Jon: I might have to do a whole series! Where would I even start? I mean I could talk about how every day I get to watch the early morning sun highlight your curls when I get up first, or hear you quietly humming and shuffling around the kitchen when you do, or I could talk about how the lunch notes only started in the first place as retaliation to the notes you would leave on the mirror for me to find, or how every time I get to see you at ease in a way that you aren't with anyone else, it takes my breath away, or I could talk about how cute I find the lines between your eyebrows that you only get when you're thinking something petty, but you know it's petty so you don't want to say anything-

Martin: Okay, okay, Christ, I give !up I surrender, and will cease my teasing on this particular topic.

Jon, probably making the :3 face: You don't have to stop. I mean, I could also discuss how very, very attractive I find your voice when it takes on a teasi-mmph!

[There's a pleased hum, then a pause.]

[The audio quality is slightly changed, as if the recording has been stopped and then started later]

Martin, giddy: Uh, heh, anyway, Eric asked what the least favourite thing we've brought was, and because of Jon's attempt to embarrass me live-

Jon, overlapping: It's definitely not live-

Martin:- on air, I'm gonna say it's my husband.

[Jon scoffs]

Jon : If the past few minutes are any sort of indication, I'm going to go ahead and saying that you are lying.

Martin, sighing contentedly: Maybe a bit, but how was I supposed to resist when your indigance gives you that adorable little nose scrunch? In reality, my least favourite thing was probably, um, mini golf? Which, I still don't think is inherently bad, definitely superior to regular golf, but when it's the only thing a next door two year old wants to do with you, the charm begins to wear off a bit.

Jon: Wow. A rather scathing review of a toddler.

Martin: Not so much a scathing review of a toddler as it's a scathing review of minigolf's inability to keep its appeal after the third time in the same week.

Jon: Mmm, the sound effects rather quickly go from part of the atmosphere to part of the irritation, don't they?

Martin: So what's your least favorite thing we've covered here?

Jon: Oh, love, I'm not going to pretend to have nearly enough memory of what we've covered so far to have a least favorite.

Martin: Really? Nothing that you regret or rescind?

Jon: Well, regret, certainly. It was one of the weeks where you went first, and your second item was mutual aid funds, and what they can do for marginalized communities, and I had to follow it with fucking Slapchop.

Martin, poorly suppressing laughter: In your defence, Slapchop, or whatever offbrand we have, is pretty useful, especially when either your scar or my arthritis is acting up.

Jon: I'm still not convinced you didn't somehow see my notes for the recording and decided you get revenge for the first year that we knew each other.

Martin, no longer suppressing his laughter: Yep, you got me! This marriage wasn't an act of insurance fraud, but it was a near decade long con to humiliate you on a podcast that about twenty people listen to. I'll draft up the divorce papers immediately, and then we can finally go our separate ways. 

Jon: I'm glad you've at last admitted it. Such a weight off of my shoulders. Goodbye forever then.

Martin: Right.

Jon: Right.

[A beat.]

[There's a pfft from one of them, before both dissolve into giggles that lasts a good 30 seconds.]

Martin, slightly out of breath: I can't believe we're the kind of people that talk this much about speciality kitchen gadgets.

Jon: Sorry about that.

Martin: God, don't apologize. I'm, like, deliriously happy with our varying degrees of useful cooking ware filled life. If you had told 25 year old me that one day he'd be debating the merits of getting a tortilla press with his husband, he'd have wept, I tell you.

Jon: Funny, if you told 25 year old me the same thing, he would've said "You don't know the future,piss off" and then quietly have a bit of a panic at 3 am that night.

Martin: I bet you were insufferable in your mid-twenties.

Jon: First of all, who isn't, secondly, I was fresh out of Oxford, and third, I was insufferable in my late twenties, as you can attest to, and I'm insufferable now, as you can further attest to, so extrapolation would indicate that, yes, I was insufferable back then.

Martin: Probably a different kind of insufferable, though.

Jon: There are different kinds?

Martin: Of course! You used to be "prick boss" insufferable and now you're "smug in a way that I can't admit I find hot or it will go straight to your head" insufferable.

Jon, in the aforementioned smug tone: Oh, really?

Martin: See, see! Straight to your head.

Jon: Well straight is probably the wrong descriptor-

Martin: Oof, 4 out of 10 joke, babe.

Jon: That would be a far more convincing rating if you weren't grinning right now.

Martin: It's a genuine review, I'm just well known to be a sucker.

Jon: You and me both, darling.

Martin: Okay, if you're pulling out darling, you're clearly in too giddy of a mood to be focused on recording. Last question, from Jess, "You two mentioned meeting at work, but how did you actually end up together?" That's easy, Jon pulled me out of a hell dimension and then we went on the lam together to Scotland.

Jon: If that's not the way to tell a cute boy you like him, I don't know what is.

Martin: All right, that wraps up this bonus episode, and as the old saying goes, hiding from murderers in a cottage is more conducive to romance than suggesting you gouge out your eyes together.

Jon, cut off: Hey-!

[carriagelamp]

Since it’s Pride Month, I decided this year I wanted to raid the library for a bunch of different queer books to read. Mostly graphic novels in this case, because I’ve had a hard time settling into much reading lately... thought hopefully now that it’s summer and I finally have my second shot I’ll be able to relax a bit more and dig into some heavier novels again. For now, enjoy some light, queer reads that I indulged in this June.

A Wolf Called Wander

A beautiful novel I had been hearing lots about. This story follows the young wolf Swift, who grows up knowing that he and his pack are the mountains, and the mountains are them. It’s in those mountains that he grows and learns and loves… until disaster strikes and he finds himself viciously torn apart from his family and forced out of the mountains that have always meant home to him. Forced to survive on his own. Swift then begins a gruelling journey that makes him face injury, starvation, and the everpresent danger of humans as he seeks a new place he can call home, and new people with whom he can form a pack.

This is all based on the true story of a tagged wolf known as OR-7, following the unbelievable route he took through Oregon and northern California! It was a very neat read, and I’d definitely recommend it if you enjoy stories told from an animal’s perspective because this book is a master class in it.

Bloom

I decided for June to try to read a handful of different queer books, and this was one of the first graphic novels I picked up. It is a super sweet story and the art is lovely. It’s about Ari, a boy who has just graduated high school and is now desperate to move away from his small town and his family’s struggling bakery, to join his band in the city where they hope to make it big. An agreement is finally reached: Ari’s father will let him leave, if he can find someone who can replace him in the bakery, which is how Ari meets Hector, someone who sees artistry and peace in baking. For anyone that’s read Check, Please, it gives off those types of vibes!

Boule et Bill: Bill est Maboul

Another book of Dupuis comics, because I can’t get enough of them! This one I just stumbled across and ended up reading on a whim but it was very cute. Geared younger than the others I’ve read, but still quite funny. It’s the charming hijinks of a young boy, his dog, and the family they live with. Each page or so is a different stand alone joke, a bit like Calvin and Hobbes except expanded beyond a single strip.

Chicken Run: Chicken Pies for the Soul

This was a ridiculous urge I got and had to follow. I recently rewatched Chicken Run (which is, of course, one of the best movies ever made) and felt the need to see if it had ever been novelized. Well, I found something better than a novelization! This is a chapter book with “advice” and stories written by the various characters, post-movie. It really does a good job with grasping the different characters’ voices and making something simple and funny out of it. It was very cute (and available on The Internet Archive if anyone else feels like reading something ridiculous!)

Doodleville

I picked this up on a whim and honestly, I shouldn’t have bothered. It was not very impressive. Very mediocre, awkward feeling artwork, and a story that only slightly manages to redeem it. The concept was kind of neat, and I did like how the ending came about, the rest was rather… plodding. I did not like the main character at all, her friends felt very Intentionally Quirky Aren’t We Cute :3 in a way that just tries too hard, and… yeah. Meh. It technically gets the “queer graphic novel flag” but it’s so in-passing that it feels rather excessive to give it that.

If you are interested, it’s about a world were doodles actually exist as living creatures that can be drawn into existence (the rather unsettling implications of which is never fully explored). This is all well and good, until the main character draws a monster and takes it with her to her art club... where it begins ravanging not only her doodles, but those of her friends. Together they need to work together to figure out how to stop this menace.

FRNCK v4

Phenomenal. I adore the FRNCK series, and book four wrapped up the first “cycle”, revealing several of the big secrets dogging the series so far, and changing how things are going to be able to run in the future.

If you haven’t seen me talk about it before, FRNCK is a graphic novel (a franco-belgian bande dessinée) about a young orphan, Franck, who’s chafing under the constant parade of uninterested foster parents that visit the orphanage he lives in. Determined to learn about his mysterious abandonment instead, he flees the orphanage… but finds himself tumbling through time, landing among a family of cave-people who rather reluctantly take him in and ensure this modern boy doesn’t die in the strange, dangerous new surroundings he finds himself in. You can get these ones in English as e-books, so if you want a really kickass graphic novel series to read please try these.

Haikyu!!

I’ve heard so much about Haikyu!! that I finally gave in and picked up the first book from the library. And I gotta say, it’s well worth the hype! This series really does capture the best parts of a good sports manga -- which is to say the team is filled with interesting, enjoyable character who all need to learn to pull together, boost each other’s strengths, and cover for each other’s weaknesses. Love me some found family tropes and this series oozes it in the best possible way. And then you also get some very cool action scenes as it makes high school volleyball seem like the most intense thing on earth. I can’t wait to continue it

Queer Eye

I haven’t been keeping up with Queer Eye but I was watching it ravenously when it first came out, and this seemed like a very cathartic book to read… and it really was. It had the same gentle, loving encouragement as the show. It doesn’t expect you to change your entire life, but to learn to embrace who you are, and take small steps to enhance those things. There a segment written (presumably) by each member of the Fab Five, explaining the mentality behind what they do on the show and how you can grow in those areas too. It’s very zen.

Spinning

I got this graphic novel out at the same time as Bloom, but it was the one that interested me less of the two... though that’s just because I have less interest in “real world” slice of life as a genre and this one is meant to be autobiographical. If you’re into that, you’ll probably love this because it really is stunning. Very pretty, and the format and pacing is all really well done. It’s a coming of age story for Tillie as she grows up dealing with a crosscountry move, complicated friendships, a burgeoning attraction to girls, and attending competitive figure skating classes.

This Place: 150 Years Retold

A stunning and heart-wrenching graphic novel told by a collection of different First Nation’s authors/artists, recounting oral histories about the 150 years since the colonialist formation of the country known as “Canada”. In other words, this is a post-apocalypse story, but one that really happened and that entire peoples are still fighting to survive. It’s very eye opening and beautifully told. Very strongly recommend the read, especially if you’re at all interested in history.

Torchwood: Serenity

Whoops, not technically a book. I had thought these were technically audiobooks at first, but rather they’re audio dramas that were played on the radio. Still, I decided to include one because I’ve been listening to them like a person possessed and they’re too fun not to at least mention. Let me indulge in my obsessions.

If you don’t know Torchwood, it’s a BBC series that spins-off from Doctor Who, focusing on the enigmatic and flirtatious Captain Jack Harkness, who is running the covert organization known as Torchwood, which is tasked to protect humanity from and prepare them for alien contact. It’s goofy and campy but also more adult and heavy than Doctor Who tends to get, so it is (in my opinion) a really fascinating series. Though it also has content warnings coming out the wazoo so maybe make sure it’s for you before delving in.

Serenity specifically is possibly one of the best Torchwood stories I’ve ever experienced. The Torchwood team concludes that there’s an undercover alien hiding in the idyllic gated community Serenity Plaza, and so that means it’s up to Jack and Ianto to go undercover as a happily married couple and flush out the alien without being discovered first. Even if it means being sickly sweet together, pretending to care about the local neighbourhood barbecues, and actually caring a bit too much about the Best Front Lawn competition. What is truly magical about this one, is that it manages to make it a Fake Dating AU despite the fact that Jack and Ianto are actually dating in canon. But they’re both used to dating as a pair of alien hunters with insanely dysfunctional lives, and who now need to figure out how to deal with domesticity. It is marvellous.

Wilderlore: The Accidental Apprentice

A middle grade novel that felt a bit like a cross between Harry Potter and Pokemon. It’s about orphan Barclay Thorne who wants nothing more than to be accepted in the rule-bound village of Dullshire, and live up to his apprenticeship as a mushroom farmer. He certainly wants nothing to do with the fearsome Beasts who live beyond the village, deep in the Woods or the sinister Lorekeepers that bond with them. It was, after all, a Beast that had killed his parents all those years ago. But when he finds himself at the very edge of the forest, hunting for an elusive mushroom, he is suddenly unable to avoid any of that. Not when a wild girl and her bonded dragon appear to summon a horrible Beast and end up getting Barclay bonded to it instead. Now, if Barclay ever wants to be welcomed back into his home, he has no choice but to venture into the Woods and find a way to sever the bond imprisoning him to the massive, monstrous wolf now imprinted on his body as a living tattoo.

I honestly can’t decide how I felt about this one. I feel like it’d be a really fun read for maybe a grade 5 to 7 student? I was a bit more meh about it. It was fine, but it was very hard not to draw unfavourable parallels to Harry Potter. But for a kid who’s never read Harry Potter? Or even an adult that has but is looking for something different to scratch that itch, this might be a good book to try. I’ll probably try reading the second book when it comes out.

[reyloandotherfandoms]

When I first saw that Chris Terrio had given an interview “explaining” TROS, I wasn’t going to read it.

But then, I thought, hey! Let’s see what the corporate spin is on this disaster!

1.  “...it’s about taking the ideas that came from ‘VIII’ and trying to complicate them and develop them and to have some new surprises.”

Umm...the ideas from VIII were plenty complex. They didn’t need to be “complicated”, they needed to be explored. And if you were trying for new surprises, you failed utterly. Everything about this movie was completely predictable to anyone who’d seen the other eight movies. Okay, moving on.

2.  re: Rey Palpatine. Terrio argues that this reveal is in dialogue with “The Last Jedi” rather than just a ret-con of it.  What dialogue? The idea that the Force isn’t tied to bloodlines, that people can be strong no matter their ancestry, was a major theme of TLJ, and it was echoed even at the end, with Broom Boy. Saying that Rey actually did get her powers from her genetic heritage is directly opposed to that theme, not in dialogue with it. Unless, of course, that dialogue is nothing more than a taunt of “In your face, Johnson!” So that statement is some bullcrap. Next one.

3.  Terrio added that anyone who thinks he and Abrams ignored the direction of “The Last Jedi” or countered it rather than developed and deepened it...are “not understanding how writers think.” That’s an interesting statement, since what I’ve seen from this fandom is an enormous amount of creativity and intelligence, including fanfiction that is far superior to many works of published fiction. There are also innumerable meta that explore the story structure of the ST and of the three-trilogy body of work as a whole, written by people who know what they’re talking about. I agree that somebody doesn’t understand how writers think, but I don’t think it’s the fans.

4.  “We wanted to show all the characters growing in some way.“ One of my biggest problems with this movie was the static nature of the characters. They had basically no arcs whatsoever, except for Ben, whose arc has been building from Episode VII and who regresses immensely before making the final push to become Ben Solo again. So you failed at that, dude. Big time.

5.  “ Luke stopping Rey from tossing a saber away....That moment for us was about Luke having learned something and ... he will not let Rey make the same mistake that he did.” Unpopular opinion incoming -- I actually agree with this statement. That’s how I read the whole Luke interaction when I saw TROS. In TLJ, he was still too into his own head, still a bit of the whiny farm boy from Episodes IV and V; here, he actually seems to finally be wise. My issue with this particular Luke segment is simply that it was rushed too quickly (which was no different than the rest of the movie).

6.   “ As J.J. said, that it would almost be weird for Palpatine not to be in some way in this movie.” No, it wouldn’t, because he was canonically dead.Threats to peace can come from anywhere, and there were any number of big bads in the EU that could have been used here, if you didn’t want to go with an original character.

7.  “We probably could have written a whole movie that was just a lead up to Kylo Ren going to get the wayfinders...Where he now is the king, and he had to sort of earn the throne. And now, how will he perform as Supreme Leader?” Innumerable amounts of people would have paid such good money, multiple times, to watch that story, if it were done well (and probably if it were done in a mediocre way, to tell the truth). You left something really interesting in the Idea Trash Can.

8.  “I think Rey has to keep asking herself who she is and keep declaring who she is in the course of this movie, and that changes. At the beginning of the movie, Rey is a different person than she is at the end,” Actually, she’s not (see point #4 above). You may have intended for her to wrestle with her Palpatinian heritage, but then you never gave her time to do so (never even wrote it into the script, apparently). She struck me as frustratingly indifferent about it, to be honest. So, that’s another big fail for you.

9.  “I don’t think we think of it as she’s going to live there,” Terrio said. “We thought of it as just paying her respects and sort of undoing the original sin at the end of the third movie, which is the separation of the twins.“ Then that’s another big fail, because everyone I’ve talked to about that ending believes she is going back to live there. That was the message we got from the way it was written, shot, and edited. It says the exact opposite of what you’re claiming it says. So either a) you’re spouting bullcrap because you realize it was a horrible ending; or b) J.J. Abrams is an utterly incompetent filmmaker.

10. re: Rey Skywalker  “In the end, we thought that the final victory of the Light and the final act of self-affirmation for Rey was to declare that despite her blood she is a Skywalker. At that moment, the Skywalkers truly win the family saga.” Um, you people had a whole-ass actual Skywalker with a complex backstory and a tremendous fan following -- remember him? Yeah, the guy who sacrificed his life to save the woman he loved, the woman who was essentially his parents’ “replacement child” for him. He died and then was never mentioned again, and there is no indication that even his soulmate ever mourned his passing. That is not a win for the Skywalker family, not by any stretch of the imagination.

11. re: the Force Ghosts at the end.  “Spiritually, it’s not a crazy idea that all the Jedi would be standing with them, but it might’ve been a bit of a visual shock to see all these new characters on Tatooine who weren’t part of the story of Leia, Luke and Rey.” The Ben Solo erasure is breathtakingly astounding. I just can’t even with this. AN ENTIRE MAJOR CHARACTER FROM THE FRANCHISE’S MAJOR FAMILY DIES AND IS COMPLETELY IGNORED. It is absolutely shitty storytelling. But then again, I’m probably way off base here, since I “don’t understand how writers think.”

12. re: the specific Force Ghosts they chose.  “But, the twins never got to Tatooine together. So, the idea of seeing the twins together after the sabers are laid to rest felt like it was something that was very moving to me and J.J.” First of all, the twins were on Tatooine together in Episode VI, so jot that down. (Seriously, did these people even watch any of the other movies? Sure doesn’t seem like it, from the amount of canon that got exploded or ignored.) Second, I’m glad it was a moving idea for you and J.J.; how nice that you were able to share those feelings with each other. However, this movie isn’t about you. It’s about the story. And within the context of the story, it made no sense for Rey to go bury the sabers on Tatooine in the first place, no matter how great you all thought that Force Ghost thing felt. That, in short, is what was wrong with the entire movie -- it wasn’t about the actual story, at all. It was about making pretty set pieces and cool-looking battles. It was a shallow veneer that hid a hollow core.

Ugh. Enough. Had to have my say but am going to go write some more positive fanfiction now. Because what we need in the world is hope, not melancholy, and we sure didn’t get it from TROS.

[intheseautumnhands]

Fandom! The umbrella academy!!

This is relatively length even before I start rambling, so I am going to put in a jump just to make it easier. :D

Favorite character: I was going into the ‘but I love them all’ on a matter of habit and I mean like. I do but in this case that does not stop me from having a stand-out favorite and it’s Diego. Because “caring but it comes out with a layer of Anger on top” is a type for me. (Allison is a very, very close second, though.)

Least Favorite character: Eh... most of my feelings on the side characters are just ‘meh’? Really the amount I care for anyone but the Hargreeves sibling and Grace is extremely low. I don’t like Reginald as a character in that he’s clearly the biggest villain hanging over the show, but I’d rather read fic featuring him as part of the kids’ lives and backstory than most of the side characters, so it feels weird putting him as least. ... honestly, probably Dave? I could at least see a mild appeal to some of the S2 love interests. I just don’t care with Dave.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Hargreeves sibling poly pile, Allison/Luther/Diego, Diego/Vanya, Ben/Five, ....somehow Allison/Grace crept up there while I wasn’t looking and now I keep writing it? (But to be fair these slots tend to rotate a lot. I have, again, little interest in side characters, but I am down for pretty much any ship combo for the seven of them, and most of the ones with Grace.) 

Character I find most attractive: What is attraction. Probably Allison?

Character I would marry: Honestly every one of them seems like a nightmare to be in a long-term relationship with. And that’s why I love them and want to write about their relationship disasters! But it’s true. Maybe Luther. He honestly seems to have the most chill.

Character I would be best friends with: Again, Luther seems to have the most chill, and also needs friends. Alternatively Vanya. Who also needs friends. Though they kind of all do. But I doubt I would be able to be friends with most of them, and I might with pre-canon sad lonely mouse Vanya.

a random thought: I know this is probably going to just make the season more complicated if they do it and it’s unlikely but I am fucking dying for some universe clash in season 3. Please give me Umbrella kids meeting their Sparrow-verse selves/the Sparrow-verse versions of their siblings I want it so badly.

An unpopular opinion: The problem with this fandom is it feels so segmented I don’t know what’s unpopular? Loving Luther and not being too big on S2 doesn’t seem that unpopular among people I follow, but does in the larger scheme of fandom.

my canon OTP: Allison/Luther. Also Agnes and Hazel were genuinely cute and I enjoyed their screen time.

Non-canon OTP: Hargreeves messy, complicated poly pile is all I want.

most badass character: *gestures at all of them* This is the problem with superhero lineups. (I want to say Allison, though.)

pairing I am not a fan of: *gestures at all the other canon ships* I did not mind Lila as a character and feel likes she provides a really interesting “oh shit, we could have been raised by someone who seems to have been even more batshit? ...but also maybe more caring in some way? complicated feelings about roads not taken!” mirror to the main characters that could be used in interesting ways. But I really did not like how the Diego/Lila plotline went down at all. Also Dave just... bores me, please let’s be done with him.

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): *gestures at season two and sighs* Who didn’t. (Five made it through mostly okay I guess? And Allison feels the least off-base to me, though I wish yet another marriage hadn’t been such a major part of her plotline.) Vanya probably got it the worst, followed by Diego and Luther, who both have highlights to their moments, but overall just... eh.

favourite friendship: Allison & Klaus’ moments together are some of the best, in either season, and I do love them. I really love tiny Vanya & Five’s bond, as well. Not fleshed out, but I love the hints that Five was also close to Ben and hoard those scraps to build my canon, and also will ride the Allison & Ben friendship train forever even if canon tries to disprove it. ..... And just everyone. Look, I’m here for the siblings interacting. I don’t care whether it’s friendship, antagonism, shipping, whatever. I’m on this ride for the dysfunctional family times.

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: Can Grace please be my robot mom too.

[ionlycareaboutyou]

prompt: kind of a niche ship but could you write some richie n seth fluff pls? i love your fics!!✨

omg i love this ship. i’ve written them vaguely (richie/seth/stefon threesome fic) but never on their own? so this was a v fun challenge for me. i hope u like it, u’ve inspired me to write more for them!

cw for this being set in IT ch 2 canon, so eddie is like. dead and gone for good, unfortunately, and it is discussed. i picture this fic being set around 2017. i promise this fic isn’t just richie angst, there’s fluff! just gotta get through some sad parts first.

When he moved back to New York City, Richie felt like his 29-year-old self again. He still does sometimes. The NYC comedy scene and the LA one are distinctly different, despite all the NYC expats who move to LA to star in films or do voice acting or settle down and have a few kids. It didn’t feel right to go back, though. LA was all shine and sun, several layers of sky blue paint over decades worth of grime. At least NYC was honest in its grime for the most part. At least New Yorkers were able to joke about their greasy ass pizza and subway rats instead of all trying to be Instagram influencers. 

The real truth was that Richie had friends in NYC. In LA, he had none. And what he needed was friends. 

The funny thing about reconnecting with an old friend is that sometimes, even though it seems like a lot has changed, they’re still the same person, deep down. 

Seth is still a workaholic--the same workaholic who Richie met back when he hosted SNL for the first time. He still stays up til 4 AM sometimes, drinking dark, bitter coffee for the caffeine rather than the taste, darting in and out of cubicles, asking if anything new has cropped up in the past few hours that’s monologue worthy. He still wears those ratty sweatshirts during the day and changes into suits for the evening. He does shave more consistently, Richie will give him that. He still laughs high pitched and loud when a joke really gets him, and he still laughs at his own jokes, even, stumbling through them sometimes with tears welling up in his eyes. He still loves to drink tequila and whiskey and anything really that brings heat to his cheeks and more of that laughter bubbling out of his chest, though he tells Richie he doesn’t drink as much as he used to--he’s far too old for it now, and the hangovers are intense.

(“I do wanna do a day drinking segment with Rihanna, though,” he confides in him once over lunch. They’re eating greasy pizza, and Richie feels like he’s in heaven, because the shit in LA doesn’t even begin to measure up.

“Rihanna? Do you have, like, connections to her or something?”

“No! I wish,” Seth frowns at his slice of pepperoni. “Do you?”

Richie hoots out a laugh. “Dude, you are severely overestimating me if you think I know Rihanna. Good luck on your quest, though.”

“Hey, maybe Rihanna’s got a thing for raunchy comedians who wear the same shirt three days in a row and own like, two pairs of sneakers and refuse to buy new ones. I don’t know her personally, either.”

Richie flicks a piece of mushroom right at Seth’s face. He laughs in that way he does, and Richie’s chest flutters.)

And maybe it’s the fact that Seth is still Seth--still blue-eyed, New Hampshire, toothy grin Seth--that makes Richie fall for him. And he’s not even surprised by it. He thinks he’s always sort of had a piece of his heart reserved for Seth, even when he moved to LA. He was the first one to send him a congratulatory text when the news broke that he got Late Night, and he was always happy to wander around his too-empty LA apartment and shoot the shit with him for hours long phone calls about everything and anything and nothing at all. Seth was the first to welcome Richie with open arms back to NYC. They were the sort of friends that never truly fell apart, even when they went a while without speaking to each other.

It all comes tumbling out eventually, why Richie is back in NYC. Seth never really poses the question, but when Richie calls him one Tuesday night at 3 AM, eyes unfocused and hot with tears and chest heaving with hyperventilating sobs, the answer becomes clear to him. 

He’s still awake, of course, sitting in his office and staring at the writers’ Slack chat when the phone rings. “Are you awake, man? I’m sorry if I woke you,” Richie says into the phone, warbly.

Seth manages to talk him down from it when Richie admits he had a pretty vivid nightmare. He doesn’t judge him for a second or wonder why a 40-year-old man is so shook up by one. He simply talks slow and soft into the phone, telling him it’s okay and grounding him as best as he can. “You can tell me anything, Rich, you know that, right?” His voice is so goddamn sweet Richie wants to sob all over again.

So he tells him everything--well, rather, a condensed version of everything. He tells him he had friends as a kid back in Maine, really close friends, and they met up again after drifting apart, and he tells him that he saw his best friend in the world die right in front of his eyes. He’s careful with his words, but something tells him that even if he did explain all the clown shit, Seth would listen and comfort him all the same, even if he was confused by it. “I feel so bad for dumping this shit on you, dude,” Richie says, fighting back the tears that he’s finally managed to quell. “It’s just--”

“Shh, hey, it’s okay,” Seth assures him, “I can’t fucking imagine. I’m so sorry. I know that sounds really lame, to say I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t really fix anything.”

“It’s okay. I haven’t--no one really knows. I mean, my friends know, they were there, too, but...God, it’s so fucking complicated.” He lays his head back down on his pillow and exhales a shaky sigh, feeling mostly back down to earth. “I guess I just. I picked up my phone and dialed you because I needed to know everything was...you were okay and I wasn’t still in that fucking dream.”

“I get it. You don’t have to worry about that. You know I keep crazy hours anyway.” They manage to get a chuckle out of that. “I hope this doesn’t sound insensitive, but I’m glad you were with him in his final moments, I’m sure he was very glad to have you there.”

Richie swallows the baseball-sized lump in his throat. “God, I sure fucking hope so. He was…” he stops himself. He hadn’t told the other Losers what he wanted to say about Eddie and how he felt about him, but he was certain they knew. Seth is completely detached from this whole situation, but maybe putting out what he’s been harboring in his chest for so long will take some weight off it. “He was the first person I really fell in love with.”

“Oh, Rich.” Seth’s voice is soft and sad. 

“I know that’s a lot to tell you, and like, I haven’t even really told you, or anyone that I’m gay, but I guess here it is, this is so damn...ungraceful,” he rambles with a shaky little laugh, “But I guess I’m not really graceful anyway.”

“It’s okay. You know it doesn’t bother me at all, right? God, I sound like--every straight dude in the world right now. I’m totally cool with gays!”

“Well, maybe a little,” Richie says, unable to not give him a little shit, and he’s happy to hear Seth laugh on the other end. “But thanks. I’m glad you were the first person I told.”

“Well, when I tell you about the dudes I hooked up with in college, I know you’ll be chill about it, too.” Seth says, then adds, “Oh, guess I just did.”

“You what? Seth middle-name Meyers.”

“It’s Adam.” 

“Not the point. You what?”

“Dude, haven’t I told you like a million times about my crush on James Spader? Do you know how many times I’ve watched Pretty in Pink? Too many times. That’s not even the best Hughes film.”

“I thought that was like--a joke! You always said you wanted to grow your hair out like that!” He’s smiling against the phone, really truly grinning at this whole mutual coming out situation, and he’s so happy to be smiling again.

“Well, yeah, I do, but also, like, he was hot, okay? Him being bald now is the greatest tragedy of my life.” Seth says, laughing even more. 

“You know, I haven’t gone bald yet. I’ve got plenty of hair. It’s unwashed right now, but feel free to run your hands through it. We can roleplay. I’ll be...fuck, what was his name? The Pretty in Pink guy?” Richie hasn’t seen that movie since it came out. 

Seth answers very quickly. “Steff.”

“That’s it! I’ll be Steff, and you can be...Andie! That’s her name.” 

“Steff wasn’t the love interest, though, remember? He was the love interest’s asshole friend.”

Richie hums. “I’m kind of an asshole. Not as pretty of an asshole as Spader, though.”

“I think you’re perfectly pretty.”

“Thanks,” he smiles again. His stomach knots itself up, then un-knots. Seth Meyers, the man who’s all blue eyes, New Hampshire, and salt-and-pepper hair is calling him pretty. What a world.

After he hangs up and manages to catch a few hours of sleep, he’s not surprised when he gets a call from Seth a few days later asking if he wants to grab a drink, and there’s a different tone to his voice. He can’t quite place it, but it almost sounds nervous, like he doesn’t want to screw this up. He doesn’t screw anything up, though, and when they make their way back to Seth’s apartment, pleasantly buzzed, and end up on his couch, lips on lips, Richie isn’t really surprised, either. He smiles into each one.

--

They seem to divide their time in between either apartment, not quite ready to have the “hey, let’s move in together” conversation. It’s only been a few months, and they’re taking their time. Richie’s never let himself take his time before.

Most nights, they’re tangled up in whatever bed they’ve fallen into--tonight, it’s Seth’s, and Richie has managed to get him home at a reasonable time, around midnight, even though the show filmed several hours before. (“The news and the president don’t stop,” Seth has explained to him before, “But God, I wish they would.”) He’s running his fingers through Seth’s hair, which is surprisingly soft once all the product is washed out. Richie never gets tired of touching it. “You’re halfway to Spader, I think.”

“Yeah? I’ll see if makeup and wardrobe approve of me growing it out any longer, or if they’ll force me to cut it.” Seth sounds sleepy, but even in the dark Richie can tell he’s smiling.

“I’d like it,” he says, and presses a kiss to the line of Seth’s jaw. “Isn’t that enough?”

“For me? More than enough.” Seth brings him in for a proper kiss, long and deep and warm, hands wandering and stroking skin, unhurried and sweet. 

When they pull apart, it comes tumbling out, as things seem to do. “I love you.” It’s the first time Richie has said it. He’s known it, without a shadow of a doubt, for a while now. And he thinks Seth knew it, too, even if it went unsaid. He understood that Richie was working up to this sort of thing, to opening himself up and allowing himself to cry and feel and say things like that. Like I love you. And now it’s come out, like it was always bound to, and Richie feels Seth smile against his temple.

“I love you, too.”

“More than James Spader?”

Seth laughs. “Much more.” He pulls him in for another kiss, and they say “I love you” many more times that night, and almost every night afterward.

[deltaengineering]

Summer Anime 2019 Part 1: no more intros

Araburu Kisetsu no Otome-domo yo. / O Maidens in your Savage Season

❓ There’s an outbreak of puberty in a high school literature club and things get really awkward really fast.

✅✅ This doesn’t pull any punches with the horny content and it’s hilarious.

✅ I like the characters as well, they seem to have a bit more to them than normal but they’re still likeable.

✅ Nice looking and well directed.

♎ Mari Okada’s trademark blunt writing is still there, though it works better here than it usually does. She really has gotten a lot better since she started writing more personal stuff instead of just vague supernatural seishun feels.

 Dr. Stone

❓ A mysterious disaster turns everyone on earth into stone. Several millennia later some shounen characters are the first ones to awake and they do some caveman chemistry.

✅  The idea is pretty novel by Weekly Shounen Jump standards.

♎ I have to say that for a WSJ joint, the writing is fairly tolerable as well. It’s still dumb, but not insultingly so.

❌ But in the end, it’s still WSJ and you’re still just watching a bunch of terrible looking meatheads doing basic science on the level of a YouTube primer and shouting about how awesome that is using assorted catchphrases.

❌ And it’s on the same day as another shounen-ass shounen, to which it is inferior. More on that later.

Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru / How Heavy are the Dumbbells you Lift?

❓ Doga Kobo x bodybuilding

♎ This is possibly the least surprising anime of the season, because all you need to know is what the Japanese bodybuilding meme is and what Doga Kobo usually does. Well, there’s no loli this time at least.

✅ Not surprising + Doga Kobo = looks good

♎ It’s not exceedingly funny but it’s competent enough at comedic timing.But some one-note jokes (such as Akemi being thirsty for muscle) get old.

✅ Doesn’t rock my socks off but it’s alright for the time being. Pretty competent and with room for improvement with more characters.

Enen no Shouboutai / Fire Force

❓ A boy with a hero complex becomes a firefighter. Since this is a shounen universe by the author of Soul Eater, this is rather literal: Get ready to punch fire demons.

✅ You ready for some DUMB ANIME SHIT? Because this is a lot of that, in a good way. In particular is gets the tone right and is neither too clowny nor too grim. Mostly.

✅✅ Looks amazing. The production is top notch and the fire is especially impressive - it better be, because there’s a lot of it. The design is also good.

❌ Shounen writing rears its ugly head again. I don’t expect subtlety, but a dozen flashbacks to Shinra’s not-very-complicated backstory plus his incessant insistence on being A HERO are not a good sign at all. At least this time the blah is limited to the thematic core instead of everything.

✅ I was entertained for now, but I’ll have to see if the good production values can keep it up and make up for the simplistic core in the long run.

Granbelm

❓ Average girl becomes magical, summons a mecha and gets involved in a magical mecha fighting ring.

✅ This looks pretty neat, seeing as it is made by the Re:Zero team.

✅ Since it’s an original, there is much less LN jank in the writing though.

♎ Still feels mostly like a mashup of very generic anime tropes - reminiscent of Mai-Hime, of all things. It might go somewhere, but might just as easily not.

♎ In particular, it might start copying Re:Zero’s derpier aspects. It already has a fondness for the ragefaces.

✅ Since it’s not in fact isekai, it is allowed to throw shade on isekai.

Joshikousei no Mudazukai / Wasteful Days of Highschool Girls

❓ Some highschool girls chat about boys and whatnot.

♎ There really isn’t much to say about it, to be honest. The characters are okay but very archetypal, it looks average, and the humor is neither amusing nor particularly annoying. It seems to have a severe lack of personality - especially compared to Maidens, which is this show with the safety off.

❌ It is, however, just far too long. These kind of mild 4koma antics wear out their welcome at full length and without anything else it becomes tedious. All the segments feel disjointed and random anyway, so there’s really no upside to yawning through 24 minutes of it.

Kanata no Astra / Astra Lost in Space

❓ Several anime characters get lost during summer camp on a distant planet and have to find their way home in an FTL spaceship they stumble across.

♎ Speaking of archetypal characters - you couldn’t put together a more anime cast together if you were making a parody. You got your spiky-haired protagonist, dim genki girl, big boobed shy fujoshi, sparkling ikemen, brooding rival, androgynous twink, glasses wearing supergenius, a tsundere and a loli. They work very hard to establish this too.

✅ Apart from this ridiculous assortment of memes, Astra leaves a solid impression. The scifi universe isn’t completely nonsensical, and the concept has potential.

✅ It’s well put together too, with good direction and high production values.

❌ The only real negative is that Astra can’t shut up about its protagonist’s backstory. There were about as many repetitive flashbacks in this episode as in the first episode of Fire Force, and it’s only not as bad because Astra’s was double length. If this remains persistent, it may be more annoying than it’s worth.

Katsute Kami Datta Kemono-tachi e / to the Abandoned Sacred Beasts

❓ In a grimderp version of the American Civil War, nobody stops to think that turning people into murderous animal hybrids might not be a good idea and might leave some grudges after the war is over.

♎ Looks average at best. If it’s trying to be Fullmetal Alchemist, I have some bad news for everyone involved.

❌ This definitely can’t be taken seriously, because it’s so contrived and on top of it the tone is all over the place. It can turn from graphic massacres to funny hijinks to inhumane experiments on a dime. To work as intended, it would need a far more delicate hand on all levels.

♎ That said, by the end of it, when there’s a pileup of tragic betrayals and one CAIN MADHOUSE turns out to be a moustache-twirling villain with a cackle to match, it comes close to being the entertaining kind of schlock.

♎ Since this was only the setup, it might be worth it to find out what the actual plot is like going forward.

The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II: Rail Zeppelin ~grace note~

❓After getting punked in the fourth Heaven’s Feel, Waver decides he wants to try his luck in the viper’s nest that is the Clock Tower (if you did not understand any of that, this show is not for you)

✅ Fate has the moneybags and moneybags make shit look good

❌ I would like to watch a dark comedy about the backstabbing and incompetence at the Clock Tower - The Death of Kayneth, if you will. However, there are only the mildest traces of this in Case Files and it takes itself far too seriously.

❌ Since I bounced off this show the second time now (there was an episode 00 a few months ago) I don’t know if I want to give this show even more chances to prove to me it’s not heartachingly dull. It’s not really funny and there’s barely any action.

♎ That leaves character drama. I do like Waver but not enough to watch him mope about his bro Iskander being dead all day. The rest of the characters are a mixed bag and evidently not good enough to keep the show going on their own.

Maou-sama, Retry!

❓ 💩

💩💩 100% of all the isekai shit and nothing else. This is highly derivative and amateur even by the standards of highly derivative amateur isekai LNs.

💩💩 Looks like absolute garbage even at ep 1. I should be happy that no talent is going to waste here.

💩 The least offensive aspect is that our MMO-reborn haxlord picks up a tiny Ramrem for casual dadfeels. It still sucks and there’s another show this season that does this better.

Sounan desu ka / Are You Lost?

❓ Comedy short about girls stranded on a remote island learning basic survival skills.

❌ One girl is hypercompetent at survival, the others are not. Hope you think this is comedy gold cos it’s all we got.

❌ show bad

Tejina-senpai / Magical Sempai

❓ Girl with breasts is an enthusiastic amateur magician and is so bad at it that every attempt ends in some compromising position.

❌ We can only afford one joke per comedy short, okay? Do you think we’re made of money and/or talent?

❌ This one is quick on the draw with the segments at least, and crams in 6 instead of the usual 2-3. So it’s theoretically less tedious, but in practice it’s all a blur of unfunny either way.

❌ show bad

Uchi no Ko no Tame naraba, Ore wa Moshikashitara Maou mo Taoseru kamo Shirenai. / If It's For My Daughter, I'd Even Defeat A Demon Lord

❓ Handsome young adventurer finds an orphaned devil child in the forest. Dadfeels ensue.

✅ So this is the one that does Maou Retry’s core aspect better. And it does it quite well, in fact; it’s cute and wholesome.

✅ Basically it’s Sweetness and Lighting with JRPG questing instead of cooking. That show was alright.

❌ However, to make up for being good at something, know that it has absolutely nothing else. The setting is off-brand JRPG mush and not even attempting otherwise, the production values are pedestrian.

♎ Apparently this turns into a fantasy version of Usagi Drop down the line. I’m not one to mark it down for that now, but that doesn’t sound too great. However, it’s questionable if 1. the anime gets there 2. the anime goes there and 3. I watch the anime enough for the problem to even arise. It’s not that good.

[freevoidman]

Okay I’m reading through Porg’s update so some of y’all can save your braincells and here are some great highlights (under a readmore bc i couldn’t help but tear into a few things she suggested):

Flat out ignoring that Vergil had changed by the end of the game as a result of V and Urizen’s separate experiences.

In trying to make V and Urizen their own character, she throws out the idea of Vergil being manipulated by the Qliphoth/Urizen (??? somehow??? even though the tree is implied to be non-sentient i believe???), with V being a Devil hunter looking through the remains of Mallet Island (which was completely blown up, turned to rubble, and then swallowed by the sea, so... that can’t happen), finding the cane which makes him youthful and not sick but... having the cane makes it so he can only kill demons through the cane??? for some reason??? And he needs the Qliphoth fruit to heal himself and free him from the curse???

How did she make V’s backstory even more confusing and complicated how the fuck did she do that

Almost immediately after bringing up the cane, she instead changes it to be one of the rings he’s wearing because she wants her “precious V” to use weapons other than the cane, which makes all the prior paragraphs about the cane’s curse and only using it pointless. She’s the one writing this fic, why can’t she edit her own work so it’s more cohesive?

Despite saying that V should be a Devil Hunter, she doesn’t explain why someone who is supposed to be killing demons would form a pact with at least three to fight demons. Her rewrite dismisses Visions of V, and she even states later that the manga is a waste of time as it won’t ever be translated into English (which 1) is not a limiting factor to reading it as many people have translated it already and 2) doesn’t dismiss it’s value at building up V’s character, who she supposedly likes the best).

Also, for someone who complains about DMC5 being a rehash of DMC3, she’s sure doing her best to change it to a rehash of DMC1 (Vergil being controlled by an outside force, bringing back Mallet Island, bringing back Mundus [the cane is supposed to be tied to Mundus]).

V apparently can’t be human because she wants to give him a devil trigger, despite having 3 familiars and his own strength. Okay I guess?

Also it’s really fucking sick how she describes V changing, because it’s apparently V fusing with Nightmare? Devil May Cry has never been one for body horror but she straight up says she was inspired by “The Thing (1982), The Fly (1986), Bloodborne, and Resident Evil 7″ for the transformation imagery and I wanted to nope the fuck out of there real quick.

Her segments of actual fiction writing and dialogue are really bad it’s almost like a parody Youtube skit.

She switches between prose and script writing randomly, it’s really odd. She does it primarily with Dante i’ve noticed? Here’s an example I wrote of what she does:

“Hey, don’t stress out about it will you?” Says John following a few steps behind VINCENT: Don’t get your panties in a twist

And that just happens... randomly? Like, there’s no indication why she’s doing that it just happens.

She straight up writes notes in her fic about the controls for character actions in-game what the hell--

She also shamelessly puts in a link to artwork that clearly isn’t her’s (and I highly doubt she got permission to post about) to try and show what V’s Devil Trigger would look like. I couldn’t find it because I don’t know how pixiv works, but that’s just a shitty move, especially with how she treats artists on tumblr when they draw art of Vergil.

EDIT: Porg has now straight up copy-pasted the art into her fic without the artist’s permission which is, we all know, fucking theft. While it is good artistry, is just a weird mashup of Vergil’s and Dante’s. It’s not all that unique and I don’t understand why she had to reference a bunch of body horror shit when all the Devil Triggers in game are essentially just a large flash of light and a seamless transition between forms??? It’s good art, I’m not trying to bash the artist, but... Porg, you could’ve been a little more original here rather than just ripping off another artist’s designs...

Everyone in her fic acts super casually to seeing Vergil alive in the Qliphoth and it’s like... honey, no.

Vergil acts WILDLY out of character holy fuck. Like, I know I should have expected that but this is NOT how Vergil would act in the slightest. She’s pretty much writing an OC.

Building off of this: EVERYONE acts OOC and... it’s not exactly cringey, but it is perfect proof that Porg doesn’t know what she’s doing and hasn’t properly analyzed the characters.

Dante acts weirdly... detached? There’s no sign of him acting like his normal goofball-y self, and he’s much more serious than normal. He actually acts more like cannon Vergil than himself, actually. (He also knows CPR apparently? Which... is a skill he would really never bother learning, so...)

Nero doesn’t act nearly as emotional, and acts calmly for some reason. You can’t feel any of his emotions behind his dialogue, only through the adverbs added to the tags)

V is too informative. He knows way too much about random shit that... no one should rightfully know. I’ll mention it more later, but... V doesn’t act like himself and I don’t really know how to explain it.

Vergil is essentially her OC. Seriously--he’s not as brooding or snarky, he’s far too open and apologetic, there’s practically no sense of rivalry between him and Dante. Weirdly, he acts more like canon V than fic!V does, despite the fact that Porg wants to establish V and Vergil and separate characters. His actions also make no sense when put alongside his canon personality. We aren’t reading anything about Vergil, we’re reading about Porg’s weirdly idealized version of him.

I’m going to make a break in the post here because I feel like this is the part that needs the most attention:

Porg goes OUT OF HER WAY to dedicate a GIANT portion of this chapter to her own OC: Nero’s mom. There are several long paragraphs of establishing the relationship between her OC and Vergil, talking about leaving Fortuna, how they were ‘happy’ and then saying that after a hurricane (inspired by hurricane hugo, you’ll see later) she got separated from Vergil, never reconnected with him, GAVE BIRTH, died from a demon attack with Nero staying near her corpse, and then Nero was found by humans and taken off the mainland to be taken to an orphanage on Fortuna. She wanted a massive amount of time to be taken out of the fun parts of playing Devil May Cry to establish a relationship that would never come back and essentially turn into a 15 minute soap opera inserted into a game about having fun killing demons.

Alright back to the noted highlights.

Porg confirms in her fic that the universe of Devil May Cry happens in the US, and that Fortuna is an island along the southeast coast and I want to fucking rip my eyeballs out at this point.

The ONLY REASON why she is doing this is because she lives in Florida. I know she does, and she just wants to imply that this is all happening near her home turf. How anyone who lives in Florida thinks an island like Fortuna can exist is beyond me though, because playing through 4, most of the buildings are inspired by Italian designs, and no one in the states would build an entire island with italian designs. I’ve been to Florida multiple times--there’s no buildings there even REMOTELY designed to match Fortuna.

EDIT: I have been informed that Porg actually lives in Pennsylvania, not Florida, which makes both more and less sense. Why Florida? Why not a hidden island up on the east coast? Why does this have to be taking place in the states at all Porg???

Yeah, let’s take Nero off the MAINLAND OF FLORIDA after a DEVASTATING HURRICANE and send him to an orphanage on an ISLAND which would’ve been hit the hardest by ANY hurricane. TOTAL SENSE. 

She tries to make her own timeline for the series using actual real world dates and events and it’s terrible (she references Hurricane Hugo in 1989, and confidently states that 3 took place in 1990, despite all evidence for the actual dates of events being fan theory established through circumstantial evidence).

There’s so much horror movie inspiration here--not cheap horror, but really twisted shit that... doesn’t fit with Devil May Cry’s tone at all? In the slightest? She references Jacob’s Ladder, plus all the other body horror media I wrote above.

Straight up just tears Vergil’s arm off which sure, I guess we gotta make THAT a parallel between Nero and Vergil. They can have a father son moment over being physically maimed.

In the scene immediately before this, Urizen picks up Vergil by the head and roots around Vergil’s memories (somehow???) to show him all the ‘bad moments’ in his life to traumatize him. She describes it as the audience getting flashes of him falling to hell, charging Mundus, being Nelo Angelo, etc. 

This causes Vergil to cry and beg for Urizen to stop. Then Urizen rips off his arm. So. Yeah. Another point for the OOC!Vergil/OC-taking-Vergil’s-place board.

Also this point ALONE made me realize that Porg does not know how much time, effort, and money needs to be put into making assets. Like, the entire fic she was stressing that everything be done in 5′s HD Graphics--including the ruins of Mallet Island, so I have to assume she’d want these little snippets in HD too, which would be a massive money hole creating these assets for one scene that lasts maybe ten seconds total.

I know I stated it in one of my earlier posts, but most of what she’s writing would fit better with a sequel for the reboot series, not DMC5. It would make her OOC writing of Vergil make sense, all the horror movie inspiration and body horror shit would fit better there, especially all the crappy dialogue too.

She somehow made Griffon even MORE annoying than in cannon.

BTW if I had to listen to poetry while fighting the final boss of a video game, I’d sooner turn my PS4 off. Not that poetry isn’t cool and all, but it cheapens the final fight and distracts you. It wouldn’t work.

EDIT: I realized this point made no sense without context, sorry. Porg made the Book of Urizen (the poetry book by William Blake referenced multiple times by V) either weirdly prophetic or made it out like Blake had inner knowledge of demon powers or... something along those lines, and V magically has the knowledge that reciting poetry from the book about Urizen will... harm him? Weaken him? Open a gate to hell (she mentions a portal appearing near him)? It’s very unclear, but she essentially rewrites Urizen as the final boss, and makes it three stages (V [Griffon recites some verses, which is what the first point was about], Vergil and Dante [this is where Vergil gets his arm ripped off btw], and then Nero) with all three of them reading poetry from the book to deal the “final blow” to Urizen. I’d much rather have Vergil be the final boss than have to go through a three-stage boss fight while every character I play as recites poetry to kill the boss.

She mentions Dante using Sin DT against Urizen but I’m pretty sure with her fuckery of the game’s events Dante can’t GET Sin DT? Because there’s no fight between Nero and Urizen where he’d intervene?

COMPLETELY IGNORES VERGIL’S DEVELOPMENT OF WANTING TO TRAVEL WITH HIS BROTHER THROUGH HELL TO ELIMINATE THE QLIPHOTH FUCK OFF.

Also she changed the lore of the Qliphoth so that it sprouts semi-naturally around every 500 or so years? So... shouldn’t leaving the Qliphoth roots be fine now? Since it’s natural?

Nico acts like growing back arms is totally normal

Wrote an INCREDIBLY shoe-horned in moment in the van with Dante filling Trish and Lady in about finding Vergil and everything that happened where, once again, Trish and Lady act almost completely nonplussed that Vergil is alive after 20+ years in hell, with about 9 of those ten years being trapped under Mundus’ control and corrupted by the Demon King

Seriously why is no one surprised in this fic that Vergil survived? Dante has a brief moment before finding him, but everyone finds out and accepts it like flipping a switch (once again--ESPECIALLY DANTE, which is NOT how the grieving process works)

Porg states that the ending is trash because the twins are fighting in hell, but completely ignores that most of Dante and Vergil’s lives have been built on conflict and they like fighting demons, especially Dante. Both of them were happy and doing what they love.

She also completely ignores through this entire thing that Dante was really fucking depressed in the novels leading up to 5 but hey I don’t even know if she can read.

I can vaguely agree that Trish and Lady were sidelined and they should’ve had a bigger role. However, I can’t fault the directors for not doing this, because they were already developing three playable characters with their own unique fighting styles. She writes all this shit about the story, writes notes about controls and mission layouts, but forgets that it takes a lot more than pressing a single button to code a game.

She just doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Seriously, none of these things are cohesive or edited properly, and despite her saying she wanted better for Vergil, or Nero, or Dante, or V, she writes all of them incredibly out of character and doing illogical actions. I just... I don’t get it.

The best part is--I can’t even tell her about these things, or give constructive criticism. She moderates the comments on her fic and isn’t afraid to delete anything she doesn’t agree with or can’t make a ‘passionate rant’ about.

[queenofnohr]

Aeaean Spring Breeze - Ch. 4: Like Iron, Like Steel

Dreamwidth version here

---

[we begin with a storybook segment]

Once upon a time......

—There was a man who was like iron. He had a strong will and a tenacious spirit. A hero who loved the gods, and was beloved by the gods. A warrior who departed for home after a long, long war.

......He was tired. Tired of war, tired of thinking. Tired of killing. And it was the same for his men. Fighting so much for so long had worn away at their very souls.

Witch: Then it would be better if you became beasts.

……And perhaps it was. Being able to simply live without thinking. It must be very fun to be a beast.

It was only a single man. One man who stubbornly refused such a fate.

Man: —I must return home.

Not, “I want to return home.”  “I must return home.” The witch refutes the man’s words.

Witch: Why do you need to return? Everything you want is right here.

Man: It’s not. Penelope isn’t here.

The witch is at a loss for words. Out of everything in this whole wide world. It was for the sake of a single woman. He would risk his life to go home for one single woman.

Witch: —I can’t. I won’t let you go, how could I let you go?

Perhaps it was because he was the first thing she’d ever felt an attachment toward. She wanted this man, wanted to show the world she had him. In some respects, it was the mismatched desire to own him. In that way, the witch was still a witch. ……If she could just be with him. If that wish was granted, she would be okay.

[end storybook segment]

Mash: I’m not picking up on…… anything, in this room. Arjuna: So it seems. No signs, no fire, no ice. Orion: Then should we go ahead? Circe: Hm...... Odysseus, try tossing that stone. Odysseus: Like this?

[he throws it]

Arjuna: …...I’ll amend my previous statement. There isn’t any fire or ice, but there does seem to be invisible beams set up. Odysseus: ......You’re sharp. Circe: The eyes of a Great Witch can’t be fooled. Arjuna: So…… What should we do? Should we go back down the previous path and try to see if there’s another route? Odysseus: That would probably be a futile effort. If we take into account the layout of this labyrinth, even if we follow other branching paths, they’ll likely just lead us back here. Jason: ……Huh, looks like there’s a button on the other side of the room. It’s like it’s screaming “Please push me!” Arjuna: Then, shall I try shooting it? Jason: Wait—

[Arjuna shoots it]

Arjuna: ……There’s something repelling my arrows…... Jason: Can you warn us before doing something like that!? What if it exploded!? Orion: Ya’know, I’ve been thinking this for a while but…… Arjuna kinda acts like an accelerator rather than a brake…… Like, instead of stopping us from acting rashly, he tends to take the lead when it comes to rushing in…… Arjuna: Preposterous. I’m the picture of serenity. In fact, it’s my role to keep the rest of you calm. Orion: It’s pretty scary to have a catalyst with no self-awareness…… Circe: Hm, hmmmmm, how about this……?

[lasers appear after Circe uses her magic]

Circe: Alrighty, now we can see them clearly. Jason: Okay, we can see the laser trap. Then all we have to do is run and press the button, right? If we do that, then we should be able to clear the room. Circe: *sigh* Looks like it can’t be helped. ......’Kay, then you guys wait here a sec. Odysseus: Are you going to be okay? Circe: Huh? What’s with that look? Are you gonna say you’re worried? Odysseus: A little. Considering the traps so far, I doubt the solution would be so simple. Circe: ……Yeah, I think so too. But for now I’ll put up a defensive barrier and give it a go. Now then, let’s go, Master!

> Take ca—

Circe: Huh?

[Circe explodes]

Circe: Gyah!!? Ouch ouch ouch ouch! What the hell was that!? Orion: The second Circe entered the room, it’s like all the lasers entered attack mode and homed in on her…… Circe: Th- This sucks! It broke through my boosted defenses like they were nothing! Even some of my clothes and hair got singed! Odysseus: ......Are you okay? Circe: I’m fine! But what are we supposed to do? We’re not gonna be able to get through like this! ???: Oh my, not with that attitude you won’t.

> That lovely voice…...!

Euryale: Hello, everyone. It is the goddess who both walks with and is clad in with loveliness, poise, and purity— That’s right, it is I, Euryale. Now then, what are your complaints? Odysseus: I have no complaints, but I do have questions. Euryale: Oh, you’re scary. Like a hunter shooting prey. So this is what it means to be a warrior who puts intellect before heroism. And it is because of this that you are a hero of humanity. I wonder how you’re different from savage warriors.

> Why are you doing this?

Euryale: ...... ...... Rather than answering that, I’ll tell you how to get through this room. Jason: (She dodged the question!) Euryale: The trick to this trial is to synchronize your breathing with another. Two of you must step in time and synchronize your breaths as if dancing to avoid the lasers. I wrote down detailed rules. Here, read and memorize them. Circe: Th- This is really complicated. Euryale: It’s complicated, but not impossible. Just believe in your goddess. Orion: ……That’s the least trustworthy phrase in the entire world…... Euryale: What did you just say? Orion: *silence* Odysseus: …...Goddess Euryale. I have a question. Euryale: What is it? Odysseus: Until now, if there was a trick to solving a room, there was also a hint to help solve it…… Why wasn’t there a hint this time? Euryale: No reason in particular. Don’t get carried away, human. Those hints are both the kindness of a goddess and her fickleness. Whether or not I give you a hint is all on a whim. Asterios: Euryale, I found the lost sign! Look, look! Euryale: Ah, wait. I’m broadcasting right now, so don’t come over! ......Anyway. That’s why! Jason: In other words, it’s just a run-of-the-mill mistake on your end. Arjuna: ......Hmmm. In that case, the problem is who Circe will sync her breathing up with. Master is out of the question. We cannot put them in harm’s way. Then, out of those remaining…... Jason: Syncing my breathing with Circe? The Great Witch? With me? ......That’s impossible...... Orion: I’m with Jason. Georgios: Arjuna and I have different places of origin and are from different eras. ……Isn’t Odysseus the best choice for this task? Circe: ......Absolutely not. Georgios: Why? Circe: I don’t really have a reason, but I still don’t wanna. Teaming up with Odysseus for this is totally unreasonable. It’s like the gods are toying with me! Orion: Well, that goes without saying. She admitted herself she does whatever she wants…… Circe: Totally! Jason: Oh my god. Master, say something.

> Circe, even if you don’t want to, it can’t be helped

Jason: Right!? Circe: Ugh...... W-When you put it like that...... It’s not like I’m trying to be unreasonable, damn it.

> Is there anyone besides Odysseus?

Circe: Hmmmm…… First of all, Jason and Orion? Hard pass. Totally out of the question. Jason: What was that!? I didn’t wanna team up with you anyway, but “totally out of the question”!? Orion: Yeah, that’s super whack! Circe: Medea. Jason: Urp. Circe: Artemis. Orion: Oof. Circe: Arjuna and Gerogios…… Hmm, it feels like I’m already out of sync with the two of you…… Georgios: How harsh. But I do agree with you.

Circe: So that leaves…… Hmmm…… Just like before...... It comes down to…… You, I guess…… Odysseus: Seems like it. There’s no need to feel embarrassed, though. We’re dead, after all. Circe: I mean, you’re right, but…… It’s totally more complicated than that! Odysseus: It’s for the sake of getting through the labyrinth. ……You probably have a good reason to hate me. But I’m asking you to please bear with it for just a little bit. Circe: ......That, right there! That’s the exact sort of thing I hate! Do you get it!? Odysseus: It seems like you hate my existence. Circe: ......Ugh. I’m SO glad I put that limiter on my emotions. If I hadn’t, we’d probably have killed each other by now. It feels like this is going nowhere, but whatever. Let’s get this over with, Odysseus. Just follow my lead. Odysseus: Very well. Circe: ……Keep close to me. Odysseus: Like this? Circe: That’s too close, idiot. Move away a bit. ‘Kay, let’s go. Let’s see…… Step here first. Odysseus: .....We were able to avoid it, however narrowly. It’s just as the goddess said. Circe: We’re still going. Left! Right! Center! Crouch! Jump! Stay close and turn! Jason: So breathing in sync was the correct answer after all. Circe: Quiet, peanut gallery! 1, 2, 3...... Turn here! Mash: It’s like a ballroom dance. Circe: This is pretty frantic for a dance! Odysseus: Naturally. If a goddess has something to do with all this nonsense, then of course this laser trap is serious business. Circe: Crouch! Odysseus: Rahhhh! Jason: Ha, ha, ha, seeing Odysseus so frantic is pretty unexpected— ……Oi. Some of my beautiful golden locks burnt off. Wait, this trap is seriously lethal!? Circe: Why else would we be jumping around like our lives depended on it!? Georgios: Be that as it may, it really does look like you’re dancing. Smile, you two. Odysseus: In this situation......!? Circe: As if we can smile like it’s nothing! Crouch now!

[They do smile for Georgios]

Circe: We made it! Switch off! Arjuna: The lasers disappeared. Let’s move.

[something rumbles]

Arjuna: Hm?

[an alarm sounds]

Circe: All of that and we still have to fight!? Odysseus: It’s simply the whims of the goddess. Our move will be to counter-attack.

[battle, and after Odysseus gets some of his memories]

Odysseus: Mm. This is...... Circe: More of your memories? Odysseus: Correct. I’ve regained another portion of my memory. But the question of why I was summoned here still remains. Putting that aside— ......Circe. You’re Circe. Circe: So you’ve finally remembered? That’s right. I’m Circe, the Great Witch of Aeaea Island. Odysseus: Those words are finally sinking in. ......It’s been a while. Circe: Your memory came back, and while it’s an unfortunate feeling, I’m not really shaken up. Fufu. Odysseus: ......Did you use magic again? Circe: Again? Odysseus: You did it a couple times while I was on Aeaea Island. Circe: Huh, really? What did I use it for? Odysseus: ......You don’t remember? Circe: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I don’t remember at all. Odysseus: ......To be frank, it might be too much coming from me. Circe: Just tell me! Odysseus: Hahahaha. Forgive me. I was joking. Circe: ...... ......? Odysseus, now that you’re here again, what do you think of me? Odysseus: Let’s see. You’re a proud Great Witch who has acquired all manner of knowledge. ……I’d like for you to break your bad habit of turning people into beasts. Circe: Hmph. I always choose who I turn carefully.

> You do!?

Circe: Gah, Master! Arjuna: If I may speak frankly. ......Circe would change anyone into a pig, regardless of who they were. Georgios: Yes, I think so as well. Do you have any standards? Circe: I do! I have standards. But, I won’t tell you what they are. Odysseus: ……Yeah, I’m aware. I know what your standards are. Circe: !? ......I’ve never told you, though. Odysseus: Indeed, you haven’t. I might also be wrong. Nonetheless, I don’t want to say it, so I’ll keep it a secret. Circe: ......Hmph.

> (Those two have a secret……!)

Mash: (It makes your heart race just a bit, doesn’t it senpai?)

> I don’t want you to turn anyone into a pig……

Circe: ......Oh no, Piglet, it’s my— Policy, I guess? Just a kind of feeling. Jason: You just do it to whoever annoys you enough!

Georgios: Hmm……

[Georgios snaps a photo of Odysseus]

Odysseus: Another photo I presume, Georgios? Georgios: You had a nice expression on. Odysseus: I’ll take that as a compliment. Now then. Let’s go confront the goddess who stole my memories and made this Singularity. Then it’ll be case closed. Hopefully. Circe: ……That’s right. Let’s go! Odysseus: ......Though, I’m hungry. It seems like a stray Servant’s fate is a lack of mana.

> What should we do?

Odysseus: Forming a contract would be the quickest way, but...... Arjuna: I would advise against that.

> Should we form a contract?

Odysseus: ……No, let’s stop that train of thought there.

Odysseus: Although this is a Micro-Singularity, a goddess is involved. You shouldn’t form a contract thoughtlessly with a strange Servant. Arjuna: You think yourself unworthy of our trust? Odysseus: Indeed. Circe: Then, do you want to supply your mana with food? And by that I mean……! Everyone: Kykeon. Circe: That’s right! Jason: Kykeon, huh……? Circe: What’s with that look of disgust? Odysseus: I don’t hate it. On the contrary, it’s quite nostalgic. Circe: Really? If that’s the case, I always have ingredients to make kykeon on me! Jason: What in the world would possess you to do that…… Arjuna: Then let’s take a small break while Circe treats us to kykeon.

---

Ch. 3 ← → Ch. 5

[just-some-random-blogger]

Blooming Day

Chris Evans x Dancer!Reader Characters: James Corden, Chris Evans  Summary: You were half of the well-known dancing, coed duo ‘Sky Rocket’ that went viral for being able to pop and lock on top of pirouettes and waltzes. Tonight, you were a guest on The Late, Late Show with Chris Evans. Word Count: 2k+ Warnings: Fluff, sarcasm, lots of lols, screaming, sass, not so vivid dancing descriptions, really cheesy ending (nice), etc.

A/N: Don’t you just love AUs? And don’t you wish you would be the guest with Chris Evans if he goes on the late late show.  ALSO I CANT BELIEVE I WROTE AND FINISHED 3 FICS TODAY! ARENT YOU PROUD OF ME MOM!!!!! ANOTHER ALSO, blooming day is so bop yo

“Welcome to the Late, Late Show.” James said to no one in particular as he unbuttoned his suit jacket and turned from his cue card to the two of us on the couch. James was his normal preppy self wearing a signature blue suit.  “This is both your first time here. Congratulations, you’re no longer virgins.” the host spoke, turning to the audience that then broke into laughter just as the two of us did.

“Wow, I popped my cherry with Chris Evans.” I spoke, immediately regretting saying that, “OKAY COOL, I REALLY JUST SAID THAT. This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to be on TV next to attractive people.” I then turned to the host, overlooking the semi-bearded hunk in a dirty brown plaid suit I was literally brushing shoulders with. “Could you not be so darn cute?”

James turned to me, mouth dropping and curving into a soft smile. He then burst into a high pitched giggle, waving me off with occupied hand, “Stop it.”

I scrunched my face up and chuckled softly, “Sorry.”

After a few moments of giddiness, James wiped his forehead with both his left and right fingers and turned to the man beside me, “Hear that Chris. She said I was attractive.”

Chris chuckled, “I don’t doubt that.”

“Oh my gosh,” James said, biting his fist. “Chris Evans everyone,” he called, making the room burst into applause and the said man burst into laughter.

“Now,” James started, turning to the audience, “if you don’t know who she is, you’ve been living under a rock.” He then turned to me, calling my first name, “... is an amazing dancer in a sibling duo called Sky Rocket.”

I nodded and chuckled, placing my cheeks in my hands, as the crowd cheered loudly. “Aw, yeah, thank you.”

“And your partner couldn’t be here today.”

“Ah, yes, yes. He only sprained his ankle, but today was his check-up, so...”

James turned to me, “Only sprained his ankle.”

I gave an airy chuckle, “Yes, it’s a very minor thing when you’re a dancer, which is why you really need to properly warm-up and get the blood pumping. We sprain ourselves a lot, and usually it only takes hot and cold compress to get everything back to normal. His ankle however got twisted and really swelled, so he had to wear a soft cast.”

“In other words suck it up, bro.” James said, turning to the camera, making me break into a bubbly laugh. I slapped my lap, “Exactly, he has no right to get injured! He should’ve taken care of himself more.”

“Well said, well said.” James nodded in agreement. “Now, could you tell us a bit why out of all the words in the world, you decided you would like to call yourselves Sky and Rocket.” The two of us on the couch laughed at that.

“Because they can, James.” Chris said making me call out a prolonged “Ooh.”

I gave a big grin, “Yeah, well that,” I motioned to Chris and chuckled at James’ reaction, as did everyone else, “that is true. Uh, but we actually wanted to be called Mikado at first. It is both a Japanese term for emperor, and a really bright and pretty shade of yellow, and we wanted to be called something that represented something both great and bright. But we ended up going with Sky Rocket because it’s a very literal and figurative sense.

“My brother and I love space, and well sky can be the representation of the grace ballet requires, and rocket the quickness of hiphop.”

The two men to my side nodded at my answer.

James looked at his card, “You and your brother performed at so many award shows this year.”

“Oh my gosh, we did. It was amazing.” I gushed.

“What were the backstage secrets you found out along the way?“ James asked making me laugh. 

“Aww, sorry honey, that’s a secret.”

After making a face and laughing, at this point, James cued for a commercial break and I shifted slightly in my seat.

“You know I’ve seen your videos on youtube and I think you’re amazing.” Chris spoke, turning to me, making my jaw drop and my hands raise to my chest.

“Oh wow.” I said in a deeply surprised tone, “Thank you so much. That-” I nodded my head, “that means so much to me.”

“You couldn’t have said this a while ago, Chris?” James said turning to us as one of the producers on set motioned that we were going back live.

So as we shared a laugh and the audience applaud again, James reintroduced us for the viewers just tuning in.

“Now Chris, the internet is having a mental  breakdown, trying to figure out what the hell,” James spoke, breathing in sharply, giving himself a second before he continued. He then started fanning his face, as if he was at the brink of tears, only causing the two of us, Chris especially, to laugh, bemused.

“... what the hell is going to happen at Avenger’s: Endgame.”

The crowd went wild and Chris chuckled, tilting his head to the side.

“Well,” he said, straightening his posture, “after the devastation the Avenger’s faced after Thanos’ invasion, they regroup, try to pick up the pieces, and see who’s left of them, going on to,” he motioned, “to put and end to Thanos’ reign and bring back what he had destroyed.”

As James nodded, I gave a face and turned to the man beside me. Raising my hand, I spoke, “He literally said nothing, and I already hate it.” 

With that being said, everyone clenched their stomach laughing, Chris especially. Before he could defend himself, I chuckled out and raised my hands as I explained, “You were literally just like, ‘the bad guy hurt us and we’re going to try and hurt him back, hopefully enough so that we save the earth.’”

Chris couldn’t help but lean back and clutch his left breast at how much he was laughing.

James on the other hand nodded and pointed his cue cards at me, “That’s true.” He pursed his lips and allowed everyone to settle back down.

“I’m sorry!” Chris whined, “This is what Marvel does to you!”

“That,” I said, “or you just suck at explaining.”

“Wow,” his jaw slacked into a smile, “thanks.”

“Alright, now since we have a professional dancer with us tonight,” James said, placing his cue cards down on the table, “I thought it would be fun if we danced to see just who is really the dancer between us. Are you guys ready to get crushed?“ James asked us, making both Chris and I laugh.

“I’m trying not to get injured, but okay.” I said.

“Let’s go and play Dancing Machine.” James pointed to the camera, and the band did their segment. At this point, all three of us got down from the elevation and moved to the stage below. Once the band was done and the three of us were set, I really got to see just how large Chris was beside me. He towered over me with his broad shoulders and well formed pants over his obviously equally mannered legs. And as I was in between the two men, on my other side, James was shorter and softer. It was an adorable contrast.

“Before we start this though, I know Chris has a secret weapon up his sleeve.” James said, turning to the tall man, “Chris, you did tap dancing when you were younger, right?“

He chuckled, “Ah yeah.”

“Oh my goodness, really?“ I gasped in enthusiasm. “My brother and I did a year of tap dance, and well, he’s much better at it because he thrives off of meticulousness and all that complicated stuff, whereas I’m a more of a go with the flow kind of person.” I explained quickly, then circling on of my hands around, “can you show us something?”

The crowd cheered and James called, “Yeah, what she said.” making me chuckle and hide my face in my hands.

“Sorry! I just got excited because I didn’t know he could dance!”

Chris then rubbed his nape and turned to his feet, “Gosh, I haven’t done this properly in a while. I can’t believe I’m going to embarrass myself in front of a good dancer.”

“Suck it up, bro!” James called loudly making both Chris and I laugh. 

“Hey, no,” I said, turning to Chris, “It’s alright Chris, I’m sure you’ll do better than you expect.”

With that, everyone held their breath as Chris did a short routine. It was long enough to show what he could do and for the band to do a little background music, but quick enough that he didn’t have to go too technical.

“That was good!” I said clapping for Chris who then went back to us.

The audience thought so too, evident with their cheers. James butt in, “Yeah that was good,” he then placed a hand on my shoulder, “show ‘em how it’s really done though.”

I threw my head back in laughter as did Chris, while the rest cheered.

After the noise settled, I clarified, “I’m not a tap dancer, so I only know a few steps. Actually, I have this routine that has tap in it amongst other things. Can I just do that?”

James and Chris agreed in their own ways.

I smiled, “Okay,” I tied up my shirt dress, enough to make it look like a shirt, revealing the gold embellished black leggings I was wearing underneath. As I wiped my sneakers, I heard the shrill hiss of my manager from not too far. James burst out laughing then quickly straightened up, repeating what he heard from her. With his hands on his hips, he spoke in a high tone, “That’s Gucci, child.”

“It’ll be fine, mom,”  I teased my motherly manager, proceeding to disclaim that she wasn’t actually my mom. I then turned to the band, “It’ll kind weird to dance to nothing, so could I please get a 4 by 4 beat?“

With Reggie on the mic nodding, he lead the band into a 4/4 time signature and I counted and readied to dance with the music. In my head however, I was dancing to the chorus of Blooming Day by EXO.

And for four counts, I moved my hips, pop ‘n locked, twirled, and tapped to the beat.

Once I finished with a sharp and timely crash of a cymbal, the audience was left cheering.

“Amazing.” James said after I bowed and moved back to them. Chris turned to me and clapped, making my cheeks burn up at the sentiment.

“Okay, no pressure. Let’s move onto the game. Rules are simple, the band will play a popular dance song and we’re going to have to dance to it.” James raised his hands, finishing his explanation, “Winner has to buy the losers dinner.”

I burst into laughter at what James said. “Cool, I’ll just sit down then.”

“No,” James raised a finger, “Okay fine, loser has to-- winner doesn’t buy anyone dinner.”

“What about the loser?“ I asked.

“They lose! What else do you want?!” James yelled, making me recoil and chuckle.

“Gosh, alright, just checking.” I said moving away.

With that, the band started playing their own version of In My Feelings by Drake. We all started out simple, doing the windshield and I did a few sharp moves.

“You don’t know this song, do you?“ James called out as Chris coped what I was doing. Chris gave a look, “Gosh, no, sorry.”

“Well, then keep copying her then,” James said rolling his eyes exaggeratedly as he went down low and twerked.

The two of us laughed at that and I cheered for James.

I then joined in the craziness, and showed a few low-key sensual moves.

“Chris, you’re supposed to dance!” James burst out in laughter, stopping his ridiculousness, “Not oogle at the pretty dancer.”

Chris covered his face at that and I felt my face burn up at the comment, as well as my movements slower.

The next song was Havana by Camila Cabello, and so I bust out a few Latin dances I knew. As I did a basic cha-cha-cha, I then turned to James and asked, “You wanna dance with me?”

“We’re the same height, dance with him!” he pointed at Chris as I then argued back, “It’s actually better to dance if your partner-- “ “NO, I’M WINNING THIS THING BY MYSELF, DANCE WITH HIM!” he screamed, making me embrace myself and walk back.

“OKAY COOL!” I blurted out in panic. I then turned to Chris and asked, “Do you want to dance with me?“

“Sure,” he said softly, taking my outstretched hand, making the crowd go wild and James curl up all giddy.

I placed my hand in his, and the other on his shoulder, while his other hand was on my waist. I felt my stomach roll in butterflies. I kept to my toes, considering out height difference, and lead us with is a simple backward-backward forward-forward step. He looked down at out feet, and the inner dancer in me was fighting my reason to tell him to face his partner. I found myself compromising by complimenting him, which in turn meant he had to look at me.

When he did, he gave a bright smile. 

“Can we do a twirl?” I asked.

“Sure,” he replied.

So I counted, one two three and he twirled me around, just as the song ended.

The crowded cheered once more.

“That was good,” I said once again as the band started placing a random song with a quick beat.

The three of us then danced however we wanted and I whipped out my dancing shoes. I did one of my routines that was patterned to the same beat and did some spins and some sharp swaying movements, as I locked my arms at the right times.

After doing some more pre-rehearsed moves, I felt James and Chris move back to give me space. And up until I finished, the band played their tune and I gave it all I got. Right when I ended, I heard James and Chris react to my dance.

“Wow,” James said, introducing me one last time for tonight, along with Chris. The band played a fade off song as I hugged James and greeted everyone a goodnight.

“That was soooo much fun!” I huffed to my manager as I got backstage to change.

“You were amazing,” my stylist said as she handed me the clothes I would change into. “Chris was whip-POWED!” she added, doing a small kick in the air, making me laugh.

“Yeah, that boy could not stop looking your way.” my manager agreed as I laughed them off and changed.

“He said he thought I was a good dancer. What’s the big deal? So do a lot of other people.” I spoke after I changed into an slightly large shirt and denim shorts. I moved to get my makeup fixed by my stylist, who proceeded to squeal, “Yeah but all those other people aren’t Chris Evans.”

My manger laughed, “If you’re brother was here, he’d lose it.”

I rolled my eyes at them, holding back a smile

Once I was done touching up, we got ready to head out. By the time I was out, I saw an also dressed down Chris, on his phone, leaned against a wall.

He looked up from his phone and gave me a smile, “Hi.”

“Hi,” I said, hearing the door behind me shut though I didn’t close it.

“You forgot your copy,” he said, giving me a few pictures of myself, and him and I in the photo booth James has all his guests go to during the start of his show.

“Oh, thank you,” I said, getting the things from him.

“You were great out there. Seeing you dance in person was way better than behind my screen.”

I felt my cheeks burn at that, “Uh, thank you. Thank you so much.”

“So, I, uh, was wondering if... you’d want to go out dancing sometime?“

I bit my lower lip, trying to hold back a laugh, “Isn’t that a line in Captain America?”

He chuckled and turned away, “Maybe, but I’d like to actually go on this dance this time around.”

[nautiscarader]

2019 in animation - very selected summary

So, I dunno if anyone’s noticed, but this year was crazy strong when it comes to animation, both in terms of amount and quality of it. No matter what type you liked - traditional...

...3D...

...cell-shaded...

...hyper-realistic...

 - oh, wait, wait, no, my mistake, that’s clearly live-action. 

Anyway, no matter what type of animation is your favourite, this year gave you something. and I’m gonna go chronologically, listing those that I have been able to see. Keep in mind, day only has 24 hours, so I couldn’t see every new season or premiere (for example, I had no interest in OK KO, or She-Ra). Some spoilers below. And Gifs. LOTS OF gifs.

In January: we were still riding on the Spiderverse bandwagon from last year,, which culminated with an Oscar in February. And though as I’ve said, the movie would have worked better imho as a, say, Netflix series, as only two of the spider-people were properly fleshed out, I have to admit, it was a well-earned prize.

Then we were hit by the finale of Steven Universe, and while some complained about the another redemption of cosmic regime, it was an incredibly satisfying ending to a great cartoon... so much so that a whole movie and an epilogue series was made.

plus, it had a segment animated by James Baxter, so it’s automatic win..

January also blessed us with a reboot of another old-forgotten property, Carmen Sandiego, with her second season arriving in October. And it proved that reboots do make sense, but only if you actually do something with it. The story was fresh, creative, and yet, similar in its serialised form to capture the imagination of viewers. Also, grappling hooks for the win.

February was the month of dragons. Not only we got the conclusion of How to Train Your Dragon franchise, but Netlfix gave us second season of The Dragon Prince. While I still consider HTTYD 1 as the best movie of the franchise, as it cleverly told the story of a conflict without any obvious villain, HTTYD 3 was a satisfying conclusion, strengthened by the Homecoming special in November. 

TDP S2 on the other hand, did everything season 1 did, except better. For once, the studio finally broke their piggy bank and bought a new graphics card, so the choppy 15FPS animation of S1 is gone. The story got darker, more mature, yet whimsical, and it only made us hungry for more. Luckily, S3 was just around the corner.

March gave us season 2 of Craig of the Creek. I have to admit, I missed out on this cartoon in 2018, and it was a humongous mistake. CotC is quite possibly the most wholesome cartoon out there, telling amazing story about a boy, his friends, and his family, glorifying the mundane adventures in the creek to truly epic proportions. The family is especially important part, I do not remember a cartoon where bonds between family members were as well written as here. Definitely a must-watch if you have missed it as well.

On 8th of March, the International Women’s day, DC Superhero Girls 2019, aka My Little Pony But Humans And With Superpowers, started, and it was a blast. Creator. Lauren Faust, has once again proven that whatever she touches turns into gold. The shorts were funny, clever, and changed just enough of the DC universe to feel familiar, yet show us new, interesting scenarios. 

 In April, Missing Link had its premiere, showing that traditional, stop motion animation not only has place in modern times, but it can deliver spectacular scenes, though of course, we expected nothing less of studio Laika.

In May, one of Disney’s long-running series, Star vs The Forces of Evil had its finale, and that brings us to the first screech of the list. Many people complained about the direction the show has taken, some claiming it has gone off-track in S3, some saying it was S4 that dropped the quality. Some, like me, saw nothing wrong with it, but the finale let people dissatisfied. If anything, it was too short, and definitely could use an epilogue movie that would tie some of the remaining plot threads in something bigger than one single pan-shot. 

Rest in piece, laser puppies

Wait, they’re alive? Well, then... rest in piece, Hekapoo and her puppies.

This month also presented a first contender for this Summer’s line-up, Twelve Forever. The cartoon took us into wild, bizarre land of imagination, and offered quite a few very mature lessons about growing up and acknowledging one’s responsibilities. It also provided much needed representation, both in terms of colour and sexuality. 

Sadly, amidst scandals with its creator, the show was canned, though it’s also Netflix’s fault for not marketing it enough.

A-and maybe the show was just a tad too... creepy....

Also somewhere in May some Games might have been lost and some Thrones burned, but no one cares about it anymore. i think it was popular for a while, though.

However, 12 Forever was just a start. June gave us Amphibia, my personal top-bingeable cartoon of the year. Disney has hit a jackpot, giving us an incredibly creative fantasy show with rich mythology and enough emotional conflict to create fantastic storytelling. The only slight complain was the scheduling, as episodes aired daily, meaning the season was over by the end of the month. But honestly, the amount of humour and adventures with Anne in the forg world we got compensates that thousandfold. Book 2, coming in 2020, can only makes thing more interesting. 

Going for a hat-trick, in August we got the premiere of a cartoon that I was betting would be my personal favourite, Infinity Train... Until I learned of its schedule, even weirder than Amphibia’s. While Amphibia took a right turn, and gave us 20 episodes, a perfect amount for both plot and filler stories, Infinity Train... turned out to be a mini-series with just ten episodes, airing daily, two per night. And that, in my opinion, was a fatal mistake. Not only we now know that the story is not over, as Season 2 arrives in January, but the short episodes and its density gave very little time to leave an impact on us. If it was at least spaced out, then maybe I wouldn’t be so judgemental, but for me it was a blow that deflated the balloon I was clinging to since 2016 pilot. Still, there is more to come, and the story was more than interesting, so we’ll see if I get used to the pocket mini-story arcs.

September. Remember Steven Universe? That cartoon that ended? SIKE, HAVE A TV MOVIE. And by gods, old and new, what a phenomenal movie it was. A musical telling its own, contained story of betrayal, trust and finding yourself, based on Rebecca Sugar’s mis-adventure with a phone that reset itself... I have seen this movie at least ten times, and its OST is one I come back to constantly on Spotify. The songs are amazing, catchy, incredibly-well written, deep, and, as usual, send very adult messages about growing up and finding one’s identity, which SU was already famous for. Must watch.

Continuing the theme of reboots that actually make sense, Ducktales finished its second season after duck-bombs in March and May, with a heart-breaking story of Della Duck and humongous finale, extending DT’s universe to other Disney Afternoon shows. Season 3 promises even more, and DT is a golden standard of making a reboot that stays faithful to a more than half-a-century old material, while adding enough material to keep things fresh and funny for modern audience. What I’m saying is, Disney could really learn from Disney (pictured below).

But while some things start, some have to finish. October saw the end of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a show that has taken Internet by the storm in 2010 and...

...okay, cringy brony things aside, this was a clever re-imagining of the decades-old property, and its popularity, especially amongst the people outside the target demography is a proof of its quality. The ending was perfectly serviceable, nothing that stood out, in my opinion, but it definitely didn’t disappoint either. MLP FiM will live in history as the cartoon about pastel tiny horses that made adult men cry and gave them enough passion to create years of of visual crack. And porn. Lots of porn.

November:  Just In case if one season of human and elf adventures was enough, The Dragon Prince Season 3 arrived in November, and it provided a thrilling conclusion to its first smaller story arc. Though I wish the season was longer, and it dived into the history of Elves’ and Humans’ animosities, I would be lying if I said I didn’t binge-watch it all in one sitting, gripping my chair. 

Do you like Green Eggs and Ham? Yes, yes, I do, Sam-I-am. Question: how do you take a classic poem, made purposefully of limited vocabulary, and turn it into a thirteen episode series with a beginning, middle, and end? The answer: You add bunch of weird stuff and the mother of all complicated backstories... at least by the original’s standards. And here’s the thing: this is the first Dr Seuss’ adaption where it works. Somehow the writers were able to stretch each verse of the famous poem into a surprisingly emotional story about friendship, losing and restoring hope, as well as following your dreams. Plus, it gave us Fargo-esque team of Bad Guys. Come on. 

And just in time for Christmas season, we were blessed with Klaus, a clear contender for a Christmas classic in my opinion. This STUNNINGLY beautiful traditionally animated original Netflix movie is a very, very clever reinterpretation of St. Nick’s mythos, telling a deep, and very realistic story of greed and selfishness, and how can one turn their life around by changing their life, one present at a time.

We’re about to end the year, so HOW ABOUT SOME EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, KIDS? Yes, Steven Universe Future is here, and from the looks of it, Steven’s problems are just beginning, since they mature with him. The show’s too real, man. However, it also provided much needed levity, giving us a familiar taste. Nothing more to say, as the show is still airing, and it will surely give us more emotional moments.   

And that’s a wrap for 2019. As I’ve said, it is not exhaustive by any means, and from the looks of it, 2020 is gonna be as packed as its prequel. So yeah, the world might be on fire, but at least we got some nice cartoon to binge-watch.

Happy new year everyone! At least I have time until 6th of January when the first episode of Infinity Train Season two arriWHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S OUT ALREADY