#trying to deal with Things

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

(stupid little thing we wrote last night that is too short to put on ao3: )

“Sunshine, give yourself a little credit.” His voice has a strange, tinny quality. It reverberates the words lightly. “What you’ve done so far is no small feat.”

You squirm under his gaze. He watches you as one watches an ant climb a concrete wall, as if your behavior surprises him. You feel the capillaries behind your skull buckle under the pressure. 

“That’s nice of you to say,” you murmur quietly. “But staying alive doesn’t really take much effort-“

“Everything that you do takes effort,” he tells you firmly. There is no room for argument in his tone. “Blinking takes effort, twitching your hand takes effort, speaking takes effort, learning and breathing takes effort. Staying alive takes effort. The fact that you are still here is no small feat,“ he squeezes your shoulders at this, “no matter what others may have you believe.”

You stare at him with wide eyes. He has not broken eye contact with you throughout the entire tirade, and you search his optics with a rawness you yourself cannot comprehend. 

He meets your disbelieving gaze steadily, refusing to take back his statement, daring you to tell him otherwise. 

You flounder for words like a fish plucked out of water, like a suffocating man given a full breath of air. The concept doesn’t fit. The refutation sits at the well of your throat like a stone, solid and unmoving. You are without words.

His optics keep the same brightness. You can make out the soft light of your reflection in them. 

A small, teetering noise. Once, twice. The stone plunges deep into your chest. Your heart constricts, then seizes. You can’t get enough air. You are gasping, hiccuping, between quick breaths of oxygen. Something hot and wet and ancient spills down your cheeks.

You haven’t registered the Attendant moving closer until his arms are already around you. He pulls you to him, wrapping you gently in his embrace, and you are overwhelmed with emotion. You want to recoil, to vomit, to cough so hard that everything spills out, organs and viscera and feelings and all. 

You want to move closer, to bury your face under the crook of his shoulder, just beneath his curved ruff, and take in the soft scent of butterscotch and chamomile and bittersweet coffee, and let his segmented digits smooth out the fistfulls of ugly rumpled emotion balled up by years of experience. 

Sun tucks you further into him, one hand protectively cupped behind your head. He makes a soft shushing noise, rocking you back and forth. You want to let go of him. You don’t him to let go. You don’t deserve this, don’t deserve either of them, and you wish with all your selfish heart that they never find out. You don’t want to lose this. You have to, you can, but you don’t want to have to. 

You start babbling then, a waterfall of half-coherent sentences tumbling out of you in garbled strings. You love them, you love them and you love them so much it hurts, and you love living so much it aches, and you know it’s not okay, you’re not okay, but you don’t know what you’ll do if everything falls out. You can’t go back. You can, but you don’t want to. You can, but you don’t want to.

And they hold you close, and they rub circles over your back, willing away your persistent storm clouds with the cyclical motions of their hand. You don’t know if you can tell them that it’s no use, that those clouds are yours, that there is no blue sky beneath them. There hasn’t been for a long time, and you don’t know if you can handle shooing them away if nothing comes after. And they smile like they always do, and your matted lashes stick together, and they hold you against them with a tenderness that you don’t know and cannot name. 

They will make the sky for you, they tell you. They will be the heavens above your head, brightening with blues and purples and oranges and yellows, and you will be a star, like you always have been in the sky that is their own.

You plead yourself with your whole heart to believe them.

[a1sart]

if there's one thing this last episode has affirmed for me about Alastor it's that he FUCKING HATES being reminded that he's not the most powerful creature in hell.

Like, he hates being ignored by Carmilla when she says she doesn't care why he was gone

He hates Lucifer ON SIGHT

He threatens to KILL Husk when he dares to mention that Alastor is working for someone more powerful than him

and now this.

Alastor freaking out because he almost died. Something almost killed him. He can fucking die. There is something more powerful than him out there. And it's not something he can ignore or brush off because it almost killed him.

Alastor hates the reminder that he's not as powerful as he tells people he is. He isn't indestructible, he isn't invincible. And he fucking hates that.

[egophiliac]

once again, don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12

(eventually I will get back to being less scribbly, whoops)

[eruhamster]

There have been multiple times where I've seen people are like "haha Hua Cheng made up a story about being kicked out so Xie Lian would take him in haha so silly" so I just wanted to point this out.

He was quoting himself from when he was a little boy.

He was scared to just outright say who he was, but he kept trying to jog Xie Lian's memory (though ofc being a ghost with a photographic memory, he may not have remembered that normal people don't remember things from 800 years ago). He was constantly quoting himself. He showed Xie Lian the palm of his hand with the intention that Xie Lian see his totally fucked up fate and realize who he is.

To be honest... Hua Cheng doesn't really lie to Xie Lian. He lies by omission sometimes, but he does not outright lie. And I feel like people are missing something by apparently not being aware that Hua Cheng was trying to tell Xie Lian who he was, without telling him.

That's why he started trembling and laughing when Xie Lian recalled the story of the suicidal boy that Xie Lian told 'live for me!' - The entire time, he thought Xie Lian forgot about him. Until then.

[queerasflux]

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

[juney-blues]

when you're part of a group with structural power over another goup, you really do gotta just learn to say "i am not exempt from 'fuck 'em' when relevant" whenever someone expresses frustration with you or people like you.

[clumsypuppy]

who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️

ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday

[uisceb]

Endlessly baffled every time I see people water down Glinda’s actions in Defying Gravity to “oh she was too cowardly or too selfish to stand by Elphaba,” as if she didn’t spend that entire sequence from Chistery’s transformation onward doing everything in her very limited power to keep Elphaba safe.

Like the second things start going wrong, Glinda’s entire focus switches to “keep Elphaba safe at all costs.” This girl does not have any magic. She does not have any physical survival skills. She probably has no idea how to throw a punch. She can barely run in those heels. Her one power is her charm and her ability to work a crowd. She is desperately trying to get Elphaba to come back with her not because she agrees with what the Wizard and Morrible are doing, but because she thinks maybe if she can just smooth things over, Elphaba will be forgiven, and she’ll be safe. 

In that regard, there’s a very obvious selfishness to Glinda’s actions - she lacks perspective; she lacks scope; she prioritizes Elphaba over what we as the audience would understand as the “Greater Good” and over her own morals about what’s going on with the Wizard’s agenda; she’s visibly horrified by what happens to Chistery but her first instinct is to comfort Elphaba above all else, despite having no understanding of what's happening.

I am the last person who’s ever going to argue that Glinda isn’t selfish, because she very clearly is, it’s one of her defining characteristics, and it’s one of the main things she has to learn to overcome in order to actually become “Glinda the Good.” This is in no way me trying absolve my very selfish girl who very much made the wrong decision.

But it does kinda boggle my mind when I see the argument that Glinda betrayed Elphaba or is a “fake friend.” Especially because ultimately she comes to the conclusion that the best thing she can do for Elphaba in this moment is to let her go. She knows she would only hinder Elphaba if she were to go with her, she knows there’s no happy ending for them if she tries to run away with her (I think in that moment she might even suspect there’s no happy ending at all). Elphaba is going through her own personal revelation which is beautiful in its own right, but it’s also impulsive, and there’s a certain level of unsustainable grandiose fantasy to it. Glinda almost lets herself be swept up in it for a moment, but her rational side kicks in, because, of the main trio, Glinda really is the most grounded in reality.

I’ve seen a lot of weirdly smug people out there proudly saying if Fiyero was there he definitely would’ve gotten on the broom with Elphaba - and honestly, I think they’re probably right. But it’s not because he’s somehow morally superior to Glinda, or that his love for Elphaba is more pure. Our boy is depressed, he’s nihilistic, he’s lost, and truly doesn’t have any attachments to anyone.

He was genuinely moved by Elphaba’s fearless convictions and he fell hard and fast for her, so I agree he’d be on that broom in a heartbeat, he quite literally has nothing to lose, and everything to gain. He’s found himself wanting to believe in something for the first time because Elphaba brought that out in him, his whole world revolves around her. And that’s very romantic, but because of that, the stakes are much lower. For him, leaving everything behind wouldn’t be a sacrifice, it would be freedom.

Glinda’s gone through the world much differently, much more carefully. She doesn’t have Fiyero’s sense of nihilism or detachment, she’s lashed herself tight to the reality of the world around her. Where Fiyero has been regularly kicked out of schools and freely wandered from place to place experiencing new things and getting into trouble on purpose, Glinda has never stepped outside the predictable comfort and safety of her bubble until meeting Elphaba. She lives in constant fear of failure and being looked down on. She is forever clinging to this persona she’s created because she’s terrified of what will happen if she’s anything less than perfect.

She has constructed her entire existence around being an icon rather than a person - in the beginning, she literally doesn’t know how to be her own self, she’s just barely learning, because of Elphaba. And it scares the shit out of her. 

Fiyero would likely play action hero if he was there for Defying Gravity, and that’s great, but Glinda is weighing a million things in her head, not least of which is “holy shit the person I love most in the world is in imminent danger and I have no magic and no strength to keep her safe, so I will beg and plead and insult and fight her tooth and nail to keep her with me inside my privileged bubble because maybe I can smooth this over, maybe everything will be okay if I just do what I always do and use my privilege to get my way.” She understands the rules of her world, so she’s going to play by those rules because that’s how you win the game.

Elphaba, of course, refuses to play a corrupt game at all, and Glinda gets angry - she lashes out at Elphaba because Elphaba has just put herself in such a dangerous situation, and Glinda is completely powerless to change it. Every little bit of control Glinda is used to having is obliterated.

Her “Maybe you’re not as powerful as you think you are” when Elphaba doesn’t grow wings is so desperate - the words border on cruel, but her tone is both painfully apologetic and above all filled with RELIEF because while her heart hurts for Elphaba, she’s terrified that Elphaba would hurt herself the way Chistery was hurt, and she’s cleaving to the hope that maybe if Elphaba isn’t as powerful as she thinks she is, Glinda stands a chance at undoing the damage, and protecting her. 

Glinda’s selfishness is just so fascinating to me because it’s so rich and so contradictory - she loves Elphaba so deeply and destructively that she fully paralyzes herself when the chips are down and it breaks them both. She fails to be what Elphaba wants her to be, and she fails to be a good person, but there’s no “fake friend” about her actions - she is acting on pure desperation to keep this person she loves safe in literally the only way she knows how, at the cost of everything else, including what’s right, which is something Elphaba could never abide by. Elphaba would never compromise her own morals, but at this point in the story Glinda is willing to compromise everything as long as Elphaba is tucked away in her bubble with her, and that difference in values is irreconcilable to both of them. 

So, realizing this, Glinda does the one last thing she can think of to protect her at this point, and wraps a cloak around her shoulders to keep her warm. That’s all that’s left.

She’s selfish and she’s cowardly and she’s brave and she’s loving and she fails Elphaba and she fails herself and she regrets her decision for the rest of her life and yes I am writing all this with glass under my tongue and between my teeth, she makes me insane.

[merrigel]

I want it back = I drag its dead weight forward

[tarvek-sturmvoraus]

bats: tim are you going to tell us anything you did while searching for bruce tim: not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly

[caramelldansenu]

[sesamestreep]

it’s wild to me that like every modern adaptation of Sherlock Holmes (and by modern I mean “made recently” not “set in modern times”) is like Hell Bent on coming up with a Reason™️ that Watson stays with Holmes and trots around with him on adventures all the time despite the inconvenience and the danger and all, and so it’s like “oh, Watson’s a gambling addict, he loves uncertainty and mystery” or “oh, Watson’s an adrenaline junkie, he gets off on being constantly in danger from criminals” or even like “Watson’s atoning for sins of the past of BEING IN THE WAR by solving crimes with Holmes now” or WHATEVER. And it’s like, girl, maybe he’s just in love! Did you think of that?? Maybe he’s got a crush and it’s making him do stupid things. Maybe he’s just got bad taste and his type is guys who don’t know how to refold newspapers properly but can identify different types of cigar ash by sight, smell, and taste. And wrote a monograph on the subject. Maybe he’s down bad is all. I mean, Keep is simple, stupid!!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Birthday to Fallen London; My favourite British people beefing it with bats simulator.

[dimeadozencows]

I redrew rambs sprites is there a power strip emoji

🔌 does this count

The descriptions I gave each expression are what they're called in the files :]

Like and subscribe if you'd shed a tear for a bloke who does fuck all

[qqueenofhades]

I'll leave you with this thought for the night, gallows-humor though it is: even the lowest-informed, misguided, confused, and sometimes let-us-say-it flatly moronic people in America like to vote and take it for granted that they can meaningfully do so on a regular and expected basis. So if the evil orange and company actually try to make good on this whole no more democracy and/or actual elections thing, I really don't see it working out well for them.

[leafyeyes417]

Not feeling up to a whole story but an idea, someone feel free to take it and run.

At some point, Amity gets noticed by the JL and the JLD moves in to try and shut down the portal. Unfortunately from what they can tell the portal has a link to something that prevents it being closed. Eventually they figure out the portal is linked to Phantom (though how idk). And as far as they can tell the only way to break the link and close the portal would be to destroy him.

Meanwhile Danny has managed to hide from JLD and stayed human because he is terrified after he saw them deal with Skulker easily. Not knowing that the JLD only were able to do so because Skulker has a tendency to slip out to hunt things from the occasional natural portal.