#two of my professors this semester
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#i regret my major saur much bc it isn’t profitable but like#some of these lit professors are so brilliant like#and so world conscious like#two of my professors this semester#*three actually#who ive had previously and adore#im like in awe of#they have such a deep nuanced understanding of people and culture and writing#and it’s so fascinating#the things you can learn from just reading#and there’s just an openness to learn that is so present and abundant in people who love reading and writing#ye#need to get on my reading game fr#one of my professors#has read so many memoirs like#of people from all different backgrounds and walks of life#and bc of that she just has this innate ability to understand#and yeah just cool#look up to these ppl fr fr
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Approximately 7 months ago, during my spectral theory class, I learned of the word sesquilinear and haven't gotten over it since.
Sesquilinear is the property of being linear in one argument and being conjugate linear in the other. In contrast to being bilinear, i.e. linear in both arguments. The root "sesqui" means one and a half, which, tbf, is reasonable enough.
(Side note: this is a property of inner products, which I learned about years ago? But I don't recall my previous measure/functional prof ever using it? Idk maybe just a language thing.)
But I think the word is just so funny? It sounds *silly*.
My perspective has only been moved into sillier territory by one of my friends adding "sesquilinear" to the "potential leopard gecko names" list that's taped to our office wall, shortly after we covered inner products in one of our shared classes this semester.
Idk when he added it, but he was there when I first noticed so I commented it seemed rather mean to do that. Then I recalled that he didn't actually like leopard geckos so okay, makes more sense now. Still mean, but makes sense.
Consequently, if I'm tired or otherwise a little out of it and hear sesquilinear, I cannot handle it and will have to stiffle giggles.
This hit recently during my linear algebra class when we defined bilinear, which shouldn't really have set it off since 1) literally not the same word 2) I wasn't even that tired. A little bored if anything. Otoh, same prof for spectral and linear. So I just sat and continued taking notes while grinning and smothering my giggles. Unknown if the professor noticed.
#im very glad to take linear this semester because its the first theoretical linear class ive taken and i can already tell its super useful#but its extremely funny to take it (with the same professor!) after spectral theory#an analysis class that is sufficiently high up that many major departments dont offer it as a class regularly#(my prev two institutions didnt and its every other year here. there were 6 students last semester)#also taking it concurrently with functional analysis (someone else is in both too lol)#i am like. physically incapable of taking classes in a nice normal order I think. though its been a domino effect situation for a while#seven stories#spectral DEs linear
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If anyone asks me how life is going, I'll just show them this video and not elaborate further... Yes I keep posting I'm sorry
Warning: local toad crashes out in the tags
#posting again just to crash out#yes i know it has not even been 12 hours since my last post#...a lot has happened in the span of a few hours.#remember that proposal? yes the stupid proposal that i have been yapping about for the past 2 months#revisions were supposed to be due in a month#and all of a sudden the professor thought it would be a good idea to shorten the deadline; and now it's due in two weeks#meanwhile in another course—i have to write an article. we just submitted our titles last week.#and now i have to complete a minimum of 5 analyses for that same article in less than a week#i also have a group assignment due tuesday; it's nowhere near done because the data keeps on getting messed up#and my body is also showing tell-tale signs of a cold! and i basically nearly fell asleep on the toilet just a few minutes ago...#I SWEAR IF I GET SICK WHEN I'M THIS BUSY I'M GIVING UP COMPLETELY...#have you ever wanted to drop out. would it be better to drop out of uni or drop out of life ahaha ahahahahaha#frick#cow#monkey#dog#pig#baby chicks#i want to cry#i want to hit someone with a coat hanger#i want to hit MYSELF with a coat hanger#AGHHHHHHHHH#next semester will be even worse#and then the next#okay enough ranting#if i'm already dying this semester will i even be able to survive the next HELP#googling the nearest mental ward#i'm an overachiever and this semester makes me not want to achieve anything#ok im running out of tags bye#yapping toad
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just in class, being completely normal when my professor clicks to the next slide in her presetation and

wait a damn minute.


THE CAST OF THE 2009 NBC SITCOM COMMUNITY??? what are they doing in the middle of a presentation about culturally responsible music pedagogy 🤨🤨🤨
(read like that one neil gaiman falafel tiktok audio)
#I know it’s bc the slide is titled ‘building Community’ but I was still NOT expecting the referebce#I lost my mind in the middle of class#not super outwardly but I was like 😨😨😨 at the screen for the next five minutes#I talked to my professor afterwards and she loves the show 💯#that’s TWO of my professors now that I know are community fans#(I have like 16 professors this semester so that’s not a huge percentage but still!!!)#anyway later she put up a gif of snoopy and I said ‘oh my god! it’s snoopy! that’s my friend!’ out loud and the whole class laughed lmfao#I know I know I’m so cool and funny haha Laugh Harder.#okay I think my tags are disproportionately and annoyingly long enough I’ll stop jow#community#nbc community#community nbc#abed’s uncontrollable queue-mas
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plans for tomorrow include:
Doing my weekly bird survey (HUGE win for job experience and volunteer hours)
taking a BATH!!!!!!!! i got cool and fun bubble bath stuff that i’m gonna use!!!! very hype!!!!!!
#ALSO gonna do more schoolwork#which is less exciting#but i’m doing like. moderately okay at getting ahead on stuff#not an entire week ahead like i was hoping#but it’s better than nothing!#i’ll at least get all of my discussion posts done and at least one additional assignment#aiming for two but WE SHALL SEE!!!!!!#i truly just have too much shit to do this semester#and like. that’s fully on me for taking double the ‘full time’ amount of credits#but like. 🤷🤷🤷🤷#it’s going fine so far#i THINK that all of my professors are normal - which is a huge relief#but they haven’t actually graded anything yet so that remains to be seen#having a picky professor literally just ruins my life for two months so let’s HOPE that’s not the case this time!!!!!!#i’ve definitely cracked the code for doing well under any professor who grades by the actual rubric#but there’s always a professor here and there who grades by the rubric in their head instead#and they are truly my greatest enemies
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also i hate to admit it and i swear i DO understand the importance of them but fellas i fear i may be steadily morphing into a humanities hater
#the lack of required humanities teaching is likely directly related to why things are so fucked up stupid right now and they are SO crucial#but it is a fact that now every time i think about writing an essay i get slightly nauseous#specifically avoided taking any humanities classes this semester & ONE of my classes has an essay and im genuinely nervous abt it#i'm not a math whiz but at least it's more justifiable to be bad and hateful of numbers. shit has me- the chronic rambler- scared of words#im so. so sick of final projects. just give me a fucking bubble sheet i'm so serious it is significantly less stress and effort#why do professors act like writing a 5 page essay for 4 different classes is easier than filling out a piece of paper & leaving in an hour#and why does it feel like most of my peers AGREE. WHY WOULD YOU PREFER THAT#I GET THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE GET TEST ANXIETY BUT THAT IS LIKE TWO HOURS OF STRESS VS TWO WEEKS TO A MONTH OF STRESS I DONT GET IT#this is not a tangent because humanities classes will almost always have an essay instead of a test and it will almost always be an essay.#eye twitch. but as long as everyone else is happy about not having to circle things on a piece of paper i guess. its okay. its fine#anyway my other reasonings are that shit really is boring im sorry i cant. i cannot get into it i really do try my best#and also all the classes are annoyingly early which just really does not help their association in my brain#sigh. the humanities play a very important role in education and society as a whole and they deserve to be mandatory. get them away from me
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They brought minister of economical development to read us a lecture and the urge to send him a special note (they accept questions to the lecturer in written form) is almost unbearable...
#also this bitch is the only 9am lecture in the whole semester#and im stuck between two professors in my seat#FML#juju's grumbles
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#one of my silly little goals this year is to talk more about my accomplishments even though they aren’t super recent#I’m tired of resigning myself to being a burnt out former gifted kid. I studied at Oxford for a term.#I taught a college class. I TA’d for two other college classes. and volunteer TA’d for the department’s hardest course offering#because I was already being used as a TA that semester for a different class and the professor still wanted someone to run review sessions#I had professors fighting over me to do work and research for them! I had departments fighting over me! I did summer research!#I was the first person in my department in nearly a decade to ask to do a senior thesis. for fun.#I ran programs and clubs and I was a writing tutor for the writing center AND the resume lab/career center#I was the only person in my writing professor’s tenure to earn a 100 on my research paper for that stupid fucking class#in high school I was second in my class and did it while writing one-act plays for production and doing district choirs and acting#I’m so so so tired of beating myself up and falling to my knees and doing penance for the past 4 years.#I fumbled some stuff at the start of my 20’s. I’m an adult with ADHD that no one clocked while I was growing up.#I was supposed to go to St Andrews for an MLitt and then the pandemic happened and I had to withdraw.#I just need to get over it and stop agonizing over every misstep I’ve made since college#otherwise I’m never going to make it out of my 20’s alive#so yeah. for those of you who don’t know! I am a silly cumdrunk braindead good girl PART-TIME#the rest of the time I’m clawing my way back to the high standards I set for myself from first grade onward#my stuff#ignore me i’m rambling
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mom asked me why my grades were down this time. the real answer is because of the professors and i told her that (they taught us the wrong portions and like. not what came in the exam. so the entire batch didn't cross 40 above in anything. mine came between 35-40 for every exam). she said that im making things up and then i called my friends in front of her and they vouched for me too that i was telling the truth.
and then i asked her if she could survive in this type of environment in uni and she said 'no'.
since then, she's been real quiet about marks.
#im not saying im right#but keep in mind we were told the syllabus has changed for the exam TWO HOURS BEFORE THEY STARTED#imagine the panic#the chaos#everything which happened#to the point where out HoD had to hold a meeting with the professors to ask what the HECK went wrong#and everyone in my class got 35 to 40s range#no one veen crossed 40 in anything#which made our HoD suspicious cuz our class gets really good marks everytime#and then when he found out#my god. the RAGE.#the TERROR.#but its so fucking unfair#they cant give grace marks#but they should#like they really should#i was so gobsmacked when i read 35/50 for immunology#i was like ayo wtf#then the prof said sorry guys we didnt have a plan for the syllabus which is why the wrong syllabus was taught#THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU START A SEMESTER THE MOMENT ONE SEMESTER FINISHES#no proper planning takes place which causes chaos#and in that process#ruins our grades
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ugh I thought I got over this thing in high school
#whenever I meet someone who I feel connected with I start like#thinking abt yhem all the time#I guess I haven’t felt connected to ppl in a while#like on a major level#but one of Chevys friends and his partner are rlly cool and I relate to them a lot#one of em is literally going thru what Chevy and I are going thru so it makes me feel like#bonded in a way#and I know it’s strange or unhealthy#but it’s cool when u can talk to someone u recently met like you’ve known them for years#and I’ve known yhis dude since last semester but we went to a party with those two and I just had such a good time#and I demonizing myself for feeling friendship? is that what’s going on?#I don’t feel close to people often anymore so idk if that’s an okay feeling#abd it’s not like I don’t have friends I do. my English professor says it looks like I have fans since im always surrounded by people all#the time#I want to be closer to people but I’m so afraid of being known
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noooooo i have to pack to move out
#by tomorrow 🤡#we shall see how two majors and a minor work out this semester lol#i'm in my “ i want to be a professor” era so hopefully i don't get humbled
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After finishing my essay, my summer courses will be over !!!
#my ramblings#excited for fall semester since two courses of mine are things i am really into!! (get to have one of my previous professors again too)#i am overly cautious about saying what my courses are publicly because. what if someone finds me based on syllabus and course title haha#though i will talk about some of the stuff i learn for sure#for the other courses i have i heard good things about the professors and i know one of them from a philosophy event#as cool as the courses i have for fall semester my brain needs to rest from academics for a bit between summer and fall
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I got accepted into my school’s litigation certificate program 🍾 I wonder if it’s because I told them even if they don’t let me in I’m going to follow all the steps of the program anyway
#so you might as well just give it to me?#my first sentence was that I have no interest in being a lawyer if not a litigator lol#also I’m getting some of the semester grades back and my crim pro (fave class) grade..may I just say..👏🏽🥳🥳🥳🙌🏽🎊🎊🎉#my two best law school grades thus far have been in criminal law!! idk man if I do the criminal clinic and like it enough#perhaps I will consider criminal law as main instead of side practice. sorry med mal :(#all my crim professors love me too including the one I have for evidence this summer idk we just always hit it off and are fond#maybe it’s bc they can tell it lights a fire in me#soliloquies
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stayed up until 5 AM editing jersey shore clips for my media analysis presentation only for all of them to be cut because of time ��
#🎙️#still professor said she loved my presentation so everything is fine ig#now one philosophy research paper due and a group paper and presentation for small group next week and i am free#(for two weeks until summer semester starts 🫥)
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when it’s Monday and your professors have already graded all of your work (due yesterday) and gave you 100% on everything despite the fact that some of it was very much Just Okay bc you blew off your discussion responses to see the incredible Fritz Lang film M (1931) starring Peter Lorre in a real life movie theater, and you realize that everything is going to be all right, actually.
#wow…#i was literally anxious for two weeks for fucking nothing lmaooooo#my professors are very sweet and going easy on me#EXACTLY what i need and deserve for my LAST FUCKING SEMESTER#thank goddddddd#i’m gonna work on this week’s assignments tomorrow#and now i can do it without being so fucking scaredddddd#truly thank GOD - this is crazy - they never grade so fast
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super fair @ sports. Baseball’s legit though huh
fun fact: despite having taught baseball history multiple times and developing strong feelings about the history of the sport, I have still never uh. been to a baseball game.
(if asked I support the Seattle Mariners and the Atlanta Braves, but I don't actually follow baseball. like many people I also have a soft spot for the historical Brooklyn Dodgers, but that's not even for the expected fandom Steve Rogers reasons; one of the books we read for the baseball class was Jane Leavy's biography of Sandy Koufax, which stuck on me more than The Boys of Summer (which we also read and which is also about the Dodgers) did.) (I am aware that this book and Koufax's career covers the move from Brooklyn to LA.)
#for those that don't know I co-taught it for two summers in a row but didn't develop the class#the things grad students do to get paid! though I was actually instructor of record#and I'm pretty sure that contributed to getting my current job#everyone expects an ancient historian or a classicist to have taught latin 101 (which I've done)#no one expects an ancient historian to have taught baseball and american culture#so that looks REALLY attractive to a small history department that needs their professors to be flexible#I'll probably end up teaching it again! though if I do I'll develop the class myself this time#since my approach would differ somewhat from my co-teacher's (who developed the original class)#also because I'd be teaching it in a history department rather than an english department (yes it was actually an english class!)#and teaching it as a full semester class rather than a six week summer class#bare minimum we do NOT do integration and the aagpbl in the same week#typeoneninja#bedlam replies#my world civ class got some baseball history in our 21st century module#I hope they enjoyed it. I have no idea if they did because it's fully asynchronous online
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