#validation that theres something to this line of reasoning i guess?

[anxiously-going]

Does anyone else raised in church feel like hearing stuff about how "your identity should be in God/Christ" and being warned about being able to truly know what's in your own heart and being raised on the idea that "having character" meant "behaving in public the same way you do in private" messed with your sense of self and identity?

Genuinely asking because I am struggling rn

[fadeling]

helia week ✨ 04

if you noticed that i missed yesterday then no you didnt

day one | day two | day three

🌻 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 🌻

16. How did the Warden feel about the Anvil of the Void?

if you remember the last post where I talked about Helia's reaction to the archdemon for the first time and how it rips away all hope she didn't know she had, you probably won't be surprised to hear that this was the only time she struggled with doing the right thing. had a crisis of faith, you could say. (not religiously, just for her moral code)

because. on its face having golems seems reaaaallly fucking good for defence and power. there's even a whole aspect where people can sign up for it, it doesn't seem too different from the wardens in theory? but in practice she even hates the wardens, and when she looks at the avil and asks herself if theres a place for it in her ideal world... the answer is simply no. if there isn't a place for it then it shouldnt be used now and certainly not again. to use it validates its existence

if the world can't exist without things like the anvil, then the world is probably better off ending. but it's hard to destroy it and not feel like she's damned it, for better or worse

17. What was the Warden's reaction to seeing Shianni in the Temple of Sacred Ashes?

It Probably has more impact when The Tortured One is still alive and you can just have this conversation irl, but it was still kind of nice in its own way. I guess at that point Helia still hadn't gotten to see Shianni again, and at that time it very was possible she never would see her again. so I think the construct taking her form would be a larger representation of the family she had to leave. not being able to protect them, or protect them well enough, and then quietly confessing in front of her companions that she does hold that kind of regret in her heart. that may come as a surprise to them

it's definitely more of a personal spiritual experience but it probably frames things for when she finally does get to meet them again

18. How did the Warden feel about the Ashes? Are they religious or do they not care? And did they defile it or not?

I think Helia’s religious views are similar to Alistair’s but with the extra wrinkle that it's very important to people that elves are worshipping the maker and not the gods they’re barely allowed to even know about. It’s always been hard for her to put her whole heart into it, especially when she's aware there's an older religion out there cultivated by what Should be her people. Sometimes she’d like to believe, but the Maker as presented by the chantry is stifling and is much more interested in keeping her in line.

Andraste isn't complicated like that, though. At least not in the same way. When she's used as a symbol for oppression, she still existed as a woman who liberated. Remembering that makes it easy to worship HER if nothing else.

Regarding the ashes themselves, she was obviously willing to believe they existed somewhere. She was a real woman, so it stands to reason there could be ashes. The idea that she'd find them seemed asinine though, Helia only committing to it because they were kind of out of options.

But then there was Haven, then the temple and its trials. by the end andraste's ashes were there, right in front of her. I think she was already moved by the trials but actually looking upon them was something else. Even without the Maker, there’s something truly holy and reverent about her resting place... i think she offered a small prayer in thanks to the woman it belonged to, that it's her values she hopes to live by.

It was an honor to find it, and even more of an honor to take a piece of them. it's hard not to feel that she wasn't there, guiding her in some way to offer a sign of support. she doesn't really vocalize that feeling, though. after the experience with the archdemon it's certainly comforting

btw Eamon has no idea how lucky he is smh i hate that guy

19. Who are the people in camp that the Warden is closest with and why?

Mfw im about to list half the damn companions

Alistair is the big one of course. He’s a good-natured man in a way she hadn’t seen before. Duncan behaved well, sure, but I’ve already been over the issues she had with him. Ostagar was full of people being casually racist AND sexist which was pretty cool, so it was even more isolating. Then she meets this guy and the first thing he does is wrap her into a conversation, interested in her as a person and truly meeting her as if they were equals. Not that he’s perfect or that she wasn’t a little wary, but he felt genuine and kind. There’s no other warden she’d rather be stuck saving Ferelden with, and she means that with her whole heart. it's sad to know that he wishes he was the one who died as ostagar instead.

Morrigan is my girl best friend. I think they get along really easily since they have similar philosophies except Helia is like “i think love and support is good actually” and it breaks Morrigan irrevocably. Morrigan obviously comes off as shady, but Helia can’t help but trust her immediately. Duncan will never reveal his true intentions if it gets them where they need to go, but even when she’s duplicitous Morrigan doesn’t operate in the same way. She can’t help it she’s just simply too authentic. I like to think they’re both very protective of each other in their own ways

Leliana is my other girl best friend. She really understands the thrill and fun of being a rogue and she tells some awesome stories. They’re both very different in how they interface with the world, but they’re genuinely just compatible. Not much else to say. leliana teaches her how to use bows more effectively and utilize courtly intrigue should she ever need it

Zevran has the other half of Helia’s similarities. It’s like we’re lowkey twins haha yay. both of them are rogues who use daggers, are elves, have a face tattoo, and grew up with a fixation on the dalish. Helia treats him like a brother and i think it didn’t take very long for him to genuinely click into a similar vibe with her. Makes the idea of alistair getting jealous with how much Helia and Zevran relate to each other really funny

bloodkin is her mabari and hes a very special doggie! !!!!!!!!!

20. Is there anyone in camp who they do not like? Why?

Nah. She enjoys Oghren’s company the least but he’s ultimately harmless and kind of a pathetic animal so its ok. she doesn't interact with people more seriously than they're willing to interact with her, so she finds it pretty easy to tolerate him and pliantly go along with his bits. but i do think she really pities him and feels quite badly for him. sometimes she's lucky to get the odd genuine moment, and she hopes that one day he'll find himself comfortable in this world

[prismatoxic]

you get it. dont mind me, but this has been nagging for a few days when i saw mentions of chilaios has no 'canon basis' or along those lines or dont get why its even a thing and its really not that hard? like theres a ton of reasons why someone would gravitate this ship and for myself while i enjoy the height difference alot, its their deep mutual trust and respect that has me vice gripped. idk it seems like more ARE catching onto chilaios and its steady rising so its weird to still insist on its 'crackship' status

right??? it drives me insane. i don't know what the hell happened in modern fandom for people to dismiss ships with plenty of material to work with as having "no canon basis".

i guess it has something to do with fandom's increasing gravitation towards canon being necessary for shipping. in this fandom specifically you can certainly ship farcille by that metric, and like... god, i dunno what else. i assume they're just making shit up about how their ships of choice have a canon basis to make themselves feel better about it. bc at the end of the day, dunmeshi is not a romance, and the only kiss we ever see is from a relationship where one is in love and the other is like "aw, you're such a good friend." (kabru was real mean for that.)

either way, back to chilaios--back in my day (shakes cane), what they have was more than enough for a "valid" ship. so much so that no one would have questioned it except people who hated it. which... is probably true here as well, a lot of the time. like, dismissing a ship you don't like as being meaningless probably feels pretty good if you actually believe yourself.

you know what an actual dunmeshi crackship would be? (throws a dart at the wall) mithrun/dandan. makes no sense, right? they were in the same room maybe once, never interacted, and have no reason to interact. that's what a crackship is. it has no canon basis whatsoever.

crackships and rarepairs can overlap, and often do, but a rarepair can also be something with real canon interactions that just didn't take off in the fandom. chilbell probably still counts as one, though it does have fics and art, so your mileage may vary.

chilaios, then, with an entire fucking 14-volume-manga's worth of interactions, several of which were important specifically to the two of them, is not a crackship, and god knows it's no longer a rarepair either, if it even was back before the anime. (i know there was like, 1 fic on ao3, but the manga was being published for like 10 years so i assume the general fandom was just a lot smaller.)

calling chilaios a crackship is straight up just not true. not what that term means. they have the same amount of canon basis as multiple other popular ships, and imo they have the chemistry to back it up, but even that isn't necessary. all told it's a pretty standard ship. they're friends, there's tension between them but there's also a deep mutual trust, and there are very few chapters where they don't directly interact (either because the chapter isn't about the touden party or bc one of them isn't present).

sorry for rambling. i feel passionate about this, lmao... not even just because it's my otp but because misuse of fandom terms drives me up the fucking wall.

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

Sorry if this is more of a redundant question or related to one that you already did, but what is your opinion on people claiming that ships with little evidence or up to interpretation are "canon"?

I believe you mentioned this somewhat with FranFlam, but what about with other ships that you like where this seems to be common with like Metadede? Or is it the case of "it's fine as long as they aren't attacking people who think otherwise"?

under the cut! nah totally valid q anon i love talking about stuff like this:

tbh i think kirby is just a series that should not have romance in it at all. innocent things like ribbon and kirby in 64 is like fine because i personally dont take kid relationships too seriously but like anything else i just dont think its the place for it. for metadede in particular, ofc i love shipping and i like to scream with other shippers and pick out things and see it in a shippy context but i absolutely dont think metadede is canon, will ever be canon, or even particularly Should be canon actually. im just gonna stick to metadede and franflam like your examples for this because you dont really see people trying to claim any particular (fanon) m/f ship as canon in this fandom but hey even tho i think a lot of us can agree nintendo makes some great games, nintendo is also a big soulless corporation that does not care about us. if youre someone desperate to find a cake in the crumbs on the floor in terms of canon main/major character queer rep, anything nintendo is absolutely not the place for that

to answer your question, that sums up how i feel about other people who try to make canon ship claims too. i try to think the best of people because the lines get really blurred when a lot of people just like making jokes about ships being canon vs Actually genuinely thinking that, but for anyone who legitimately does try to push their ship as canon its just kinda like Mmmm. that gets a thumbs down from me... its not like problematic in of itself (unless you try to claim that people who dont like the ship are homophobic by default or something. youre getting thrown in the grain silo and you probably need to go outside) so like technically i guess i dont care, but i sure do think its obnoxious as hell and also absolutely REEKS of "FRIENDS dont DO that!! people who arent dating dont DO that!!!!! so they must be dating!!!!" and then the thing in question is the two characters like holding hands sometimes. of course theres something to be said about Writer intent but cmon this is a series where people kiss each other on the lips platonically all the time i cannot take canon ship claims seriously. why is so much of peoples worth in a ship staked in whether its "canon" anyways? it just comes off as wanting a reason to lord over others why a certain ship is better than everyone elses. unless two characters make out in a cutscene complete with blushing afterwards prefaced by a lot of romantic tension through the entire game previously its not canon. thats my hot take lol. we have a rare series where canon romance isnt in your face and shoved down your throat every moment and yet some bad folks in the fandom will try to do that for you still. unbelievable

[lillys-shadow]

Also

Ive been feeling pretty down lately.

I wrote an essay detailing a bunch of problems I've been having and how they've been fucking over my life for like the past three years. And I used DDLC to contextualize some of it, mainly because it was hugely influential in my ability to like think. emotionally. So when I send it to mother and her response is along the lines of "So... a game made you trans. Are you sure this isnt just an ADHD thing?" (which A. I have not been diagnosed for ADHD, she just has a hunch that I have it because my brother and father have it, and i have some of the characteristics commonly associated, and B. what the fuck, I just spilled the shit thats been affecting my mental health the worst and your response is "are you sure you didn't just make it up" what the actual fuck) not to mention I told her that I am trans (properly this time, instead of just going "oh hahah i have gender dysphoria thats why i wrote this entire vent piece E.P about how your attitude towards gender has fucked over my self worth" like that wasnt enough. Theres literally a song called "fault" literally saying its her fault I dont want to talk to her about things. And then "waltz of the night" which says things like "summer, what if you could die. summer, wouldnt be nice" played BACK TO BACK. And the first song being about how "summer" is just a placeholder for *me* but the gender fuckery has taken hold) and I told her I go by Lilly (she/her) I EVEN SAID THAT I WOULDN'T BE MAD IF SHE DIDN'T USE MY PROPER LABELS (mainly to soften the impact but whatever) AND SHE STILL RANTED ABOUT HOW ITS UnFaIr ThAt I bE sOmEoNe ShE dOeSnT kNoW mE aS.

And its just like, what do I even do here. So I tried to clarify the problems and she responds with "you had a bunch of contradictions, btw no amount of money could make you look like a woman" without telling me any of the supposed contradictions IF YOU HAD OF JUST TOLD ME THEM I WOULDVE CLARIFIED WHAT I MEANT OMG and acting as if passing trans women dont exist (I know passing shouldnt be the goal and its completely valid to not pass, I just want to for dysphoria reasons i guess, and I mentioned that we probably dont have the money to start HRT or a psychiatrist or to get any sort of surgery (which the latter I probably couldnt get anyway). And THEN she has the FUCKING AUDACITY to set the email to spam so I cant respond. And says "You will keep believing what you want to believe despite the evidence" (without citing a single FUCKING source of evidence, at least I quoted Judith Butler and Philosophy tube in my ramblings (I wasnt even trying to prove anything either, just that I shouldnt have to fight ma on how other people who are not her should refer to me if they tell me i need her approval)) and its like what do i even do at this point. So I shut up and just try to ignore her presence (which is really bloody hard because she and I were regularly really close). And she still hasnt brought it up, its been a goddamned week and Ive been home alone with her for three days in a row now. not a single word. I cant bring it up cause Im scared shell get mad or Ill say something incorrectly and shell use it as ammo to further fuck over my dysphoria. And Im not sure but Im like 60% sure she said something like "and then i realised, hes probably just faking it" which I shouldnt be mad about because A. im not even sure it was said B. I dont have any context C. it was said over the phone at 2am. But it was the day after I had sent it, I was absolutely fucked mentally. Like I know its not fair for me to be mad at her for, but nonetheless it still fucking hurts.

I mean not too long before (maybe a month or so) I literally thought "what if mum still thinks of me as a boy" and 3 hours later I have the worst cuts I had given myself. And now I know how it is, I know she does, and theres obviously nothing I can do. And certainly nothing I should do. And the only real emotional pillar I have had lately is my gf and I dont wanna vent too hard on her, I obviously want her to be happy (if youre reading this i love you <3), so ive felt kinda trapped idk. I swear to god the moment I turn 17 im buying a van and leaving, idrc about the specifics, just not here. (ill prolly back out of that before I turn 17 but i dont really give a fuck a girl can dream).

I gave her a quote of something she said, that was innocuous but had caused me a great deal of pain (she had told her friend that I wanted to go for "book week" as catnus everdeen because "I like attention" which was false, but also from her perspective she was talking about my goddamned whining persistance. But I took it as a judgement on the crossdressing I was dabbling in at the time (which catnus everdeen really wasnt lol but hey younger me was younger)) and her responce was "You took that out of context and youve written how it effected you in a cruel manor." and its like. THAT. WAS. THE. FUCKING. POINT. I kkknowww it was out of context, but it still fucking hurt, I only talked about it because it legitimately hurt me regardless of the actual context, and so that she doesnt do the same thing this time. AND SHE IMMEDIATELY THROWS AWAY THAT LINE OF THINKING FOR but thats not faiiir its not myy fault you misintirrpret things and its like, no its not but could you still be mindful that your words can AND WILL fuck me over if theyre not handled correctly.

I just- eugh. It would have been fine if she had of just had a conversation yknow. Like if we had've talked it out and got to some sort of conclusion. Instead of you will never think *spam*. Like I get to sit here instead with an unhealthy caffeine problem, horrible gender dysphoria, a cutting problem (both sexual and not so), and the fact that the person I looked up to most doesn't want to talk to me about the thing that has pretty much ruined my life and the steps that need to be taken to rectify those things.

Also the crippling insomnia its 3:20 now for gods sake.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

content warning for grooming and incest

.

.

i think my older brother was grooming me when i was younger

i apparently am not knowledgable about what grooming is, because ive described traumatic situations regarding other toxic/abusive people in my life without thinking they were groomers but the people ive been talking to about it told me that it was all grooming behavior, like showing me porn (sometimes literal csem) when they knew how young i was and telling me that i was special or something along those lines.

so about my older brother, there was definitely emotional incest happening but i dont know if thats the same thing as grooming. i remember him being really attached to me in a way that made me incredibly uncomfortable. my family in general has a codependency issue and i grew up thinking that feeling suffocated by them was symptomatic of my selfishness so i dismissed my feelings as just me being selfish.

my older brother dumped his emotional problems on me (we have a 5 yr age gap jsyk) and told me that i was the only person in the family that he could trust. i dont want to say "i took care of him" but i always protected him from my abusive father and i was afraid of making my brother upset in some way. not necessarily because i was "afraid" of him but because he pressured me to, with all the trauma dumping and stuff he was doing and telling me i was the only person he could rely on. so like id do his chores for him when he slept in or id cover his tracks whenever he did something stupid. all of this had my father call us twins and he compared our relationship to a married couple on tv.... it made me feel sick to say the least.

skip forward a few years and my brother started to fucking stalk me. i entered high school by the time he graduated and i guess because he couldnt watch me in person he resorted to texting people from my school on instagram and he asked them about me. btw he was creepy with them too, one of them was a friend of mine and you can guess what happened to our friendship. not only did he do this but he randomly accused me of whoring around and texting boys instead of texting *him* like i was cheating or something. and when he did that i was furious but i was like "omg i would never ignore you i promise im not talking to boys..." just so he could shut up. he continued accusing me of this btw and it made me feel disgusting.

i also have these other memories... theres the times he asked me to move in with him (keeping in mind his obsessive behavior towards me) and theres this other time he showed me a song he wrote with his friend that mentioned how good of a sister i was or whatever. i also have this random memory of him getting mad at me because i didnt want to sit on his lap.

writing all of this was triggering but its been on my mind. if youre curious about our relationship now i practically cut him off. i committed the crime of calling out his toxic behavior and ever since then hes been aggressive towards me and talking constant shit about me to his equally as disgusting wife. hes always been obsessed with me and behaving in strange ways but i wonder if it was more than emotional incest... like grooming. what he'd groom me for i dont know but its like he wanted to be the only boy in my life, like he wanted to be my boyfriend. for a very long time i thought i was being selfish for finding him uncomfortable but now that im a little older and able to articulate my feelings better he was and still is a clearly abusive person. btw if any of this sounds familiar its because i sent anons to agirldying before, im just summarizing all of this again and adding new info so i can give valid reasons for why i believe he might have been grooming me since i was 10 to age 16.

Hi 💔,

I'm (again) so sorry about what you've been going through.

I'm honestly not too sure where the line is between grooming and emotional incest but I can definitely see how there could be some overlap, or how emotional incest could be a foot in the door to grooming, or vice versa. I know a lot of people tend to think that grooming can only be done by adults, I know even just by experience that kids can do it too, though unfortunately there's very little out there explaining it in that context.

Although it's about adult relationships, I still found this article that April wrote helpful in context of my COCSA, so I'm wondering if this could be helpful for you as well. It essentially spells out each step of grooming: targeting the victim, gaining trust, filling a need, isolation, abuse, and maintaining the relationship. You may be able to identify how your experience aligns with that structure.

I also just want to say, you don't have to explain yourself, you know? This string of traumatic experiences are distressing for you, and while it's perfectly okay to talk about it as much as you want, I think it's also important to acknowledge how much space you're allowing your trauma to take up. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. We believe you, no matter how much or how little you explain what happened.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[actualbird]

Hello Zak! Once again, you being interested in a thing and making content for that thing has invested me in the thing. The problem this time is that I would probably not enjoy the game, for the simple fact that I am a lesbian, and from what I’ve gleaned there’s a lot of romance with men. On top of that, I am not *quite* invested enough to watch a play through or go search for other fan content, so I basically get all my TOT info from your blog. I’m telling you this just to inform you that you could say anything on here abt TOT and I’d believe you. You could tell my Puppy Pierce is canon and I’d say “yeah, checks out”. You could hav just made up the one of the boys and then just pretended he was real and canon and I would never know. Use this info wisely (Also hope you’re doing well!)

hullo, kitkat!!!

last time u sent an ask it was something along the lines of "we share no fandoms but ur enthusiasm for things i know nothing about is entertaining" and now youve come full circle to a HILARIOUS new mindset of "im not playing this game (for very valid reasons, yes, it romance of a female main character (mc) with 4 men) but im interested enough to TRUST YOU ON ALL INFORMATION ABOUT IT"

before i laugh, i wanna say im very emo about u sticking around thru my fandoms of yonder, this makes me rlly happy and thank you :')

now im gonna start laughing because kjsbkJBKJSFKGHAHA god this is delightful but also you do know saying "use this info wisely" is gonna make me do the OPPOSITE

so heres what im gonna do: im gonna list out 10 things about tot characters. 5 of them are true and completely canon and 5 of them are untrue and/or headcanons ive made

u dont need to send another ask with ur answers as to what the truths and the lies are tho, i just wanna cause a ruckus. so now it's time forrrrr

canon or not?

luke pearce, in his childhood, often got stuck in trees because hed climb them excitedly and realize he has no idea how to get down

luke pearce ripped opened a steel fence with his bare hands

marius von hagen is claustrophobic and nyctophobic because when he was a child, bullies had trapped him in a cramped, dark space for a long enough time that those phobias developed and followed him into adulthood

marius von hagen "borrowed" a guitar from a street performer so that he could impress mc with his fucking non-existent guitar playing skills, it was painful for everybody involved, the guitar included

artem wing, in response to his mentor asking him a question meant to make artem think about his wants as a human being, submitted a 10 page essay answering the question

artem wing is a noted and respected contributor to several online information websites (they didnt wanna call it wikipedia in the game but it's basically wikipedia)

vyn richter created a makeshift zipline via archery to help him and mc escape an ancient prison of doom

vyn richter has two doctorate degrees, one in psychology and the other in public health

mc always slept on the top bunk bed in the childhood bedroom she shared with luke.

mc regularly gets stalked by scorned citizens she won cases against and sometimes that stalking escalates into physical assault

anybody who does NOT know anything about tot is very welcome to participate in this game by putting ur guesses of which numbers are true and which ones are false in the replies of this post!

just because theres two for each nxx member doesnt mean one is true and one is false :)

thanks for this ask!!!

EDIT: heres the answer key if u give up HAHA

[reyeslonestar]

Personally I wish that Mateo and Paul, especially Paul, have some more screen time but also just give us more of them. Why didn’t Paul or Mateo say anything during the intervention? Maybe because they didn’t want to offend Owen? Idk just a guess but i just am kind of over those two getting little to nothing if this makes sense. Marjan, too, but she gets a little bit more than them. Story wise, dialogue wise and most of everything else. Mateo had more screen time this week which I loved because he’s great, too and I’m glad we got to see a little bit more of his life outside of work. But they said nothing in the intervention and also they literally barely ever show Mateo doing anything on calls. Like where is he lol is he still a probie? How long does that last maybe I’m dumb as missed some part of that probie storyline and if I did my bad excuse this part lol but if I didn’t then???? And Paul was gonna climb the ladder in the last episode but Owen was like nah I can do it. Why not let Paul do it????? I know this is silly because some scenes are purposely structured to show how Owen and others like TK or someone else will react and move their storylines forward but this is getting kind of annoying. Does this make sense? Why create all of these diverse and interesting characters with so much potential and literally do almost nothing with them. Seriously I know we are just scratching the surface with Mateo and Paul and Marjan. We are lucky to be getting this much Grace and Judd, especially Grace with the car crash plot line because before we didn’t get much Grace aside from short calls either. I just want more and I know we’re slowly getting it but this is so annoying to see some of these characters being wasted and ignored for the most part

hi! yeah, I would love more screentime for that little trio - the actors have obviously put a lot of work into building that dynamic and I love it so much - now give us more @ lone star!! however, something that @howtosingit noted here about the screen time is that the ‘top 3s′ are almost exactly following billing order currently. its worth remembering that Brian, Natacha and Julian are lower billed actors, they are not going to have the same amount of screen time as Rob, Gina and Ronen. (personally I think its sus that Gina is lower than where she should be for that but I guess theres still time before the end of the season) of course we will always like to have more of the characters that aren’t Owen, but realistically the order does reflect the industry convention of how billing relates to screentime.

as for their dialogue during the intervention, i think it kinda does make sense  why they didn’t speak much:

a, Marjan and Paul don’t really have personal experience of seeing Owen off the rails, they’ve only really heard it second-hand from Mateo - Paul, Mr Observational, says during the rescue for the kid on the roof that he can’t notice anything apparently wrong with Owen and Marjan was obviously very underprepared for being asked to speak.

b, Owen kind of derailed the intervention before they got around to everyone being able to speak, so Mateo wasn’t able to properly give his thoughts.

(btw Mateo is no longer on probation, he passed his exam during s1 but I suspect he’ll always be probie to the firefam, it’s more an affectionate nickname than an indicator of his experience. he’ll probably still be probie until they get a new probationer, which might be a long time away skjdgjk)

I completely get your frustration at the lack of exploration of these really interesting characters, especially for the benefit of white male characters. I would love for them to really tap into the potential they have and understand that that would create a far more engaging show, as well as a more inclusive one. I have to admit though, this episode was not actually one that fuelled that frustration for me. I actually enjoyed owen’s storyline in this and I think it incorporated the other characters really well and also allowed them a couple subplots of their own.

I don't mind them using Owen as the main character when they give him interesting plots that actually develop his character - in the past, he’s been frustrating to see on screen because the narrative framing validated everything he did rather than challenging him, and so it became far more preferable to have him offscreen. I thought Owen taking over from Paul was quite interesting - it was a parallel to 1.04 when Owen went into the collapsed house instead of TK, and he did it for the same reason - to feel powerful after being confronted with his flaws. in 1.04 it was being faced with a man potentially losing his son reminding Owen of his own mortality, and this ep it was the team discussing his mental health over the radio. the reason why I liked this episode way more is the framing. 1.04 framed Owen as this hero, doing good things for other people and didnt really address why it was a stupid thing to do. 2x10 shows Owen as avoiding his problems by doing things that make him seem heroic but actually are just a symptom of his issues, especially when he started telling a child all about his problems go to therapy Owen istg.

but yeah, you make total sense. as much as I understand that the way the show works is a reflection of industry standards and conventions, doesn’t mean we have to like it or accept it as good enough. Im sure the fact that Carlos, grace, Paul, Mateo and Marjan are characters of colour is part of why the producers dont give them as much attention - film and tv production is built on the same racist structures that the rest of American society is (and like, the rest of the western world especially the uk, but trying to stay on track here) and lone star is not free from that. the fact that they have these characters is awesome, but now they need to use them properly and fairly.

idk if this reply really makes sense, but basically, yeah, we’d like more Mateo, Marjan and Paul and when we have to have the Owen plots, make them actually mean something for the character. 

[la5t-res0rt]

Truscum arent shitty they literally just believe being trans should stay medicalized. Are you trans? Do you know how serious that is? I’m guessing not.

bro thats so shitty though actually and heres why

some people literally cant transition because of money reasons or they live at home or come from families that arent supportive or the healthcare isn’t readily available there are so many reasons why people dont quote stay medicalized unquote and to go against them is transphobic

the gender experience is so vast and varied that not everyone feels that they need to go through medical transition and social transition is enough and that is a valid trans experience as well and to go against that is transphobic

the notion that youve made in your transmed and truscum posts nasti is that there is some sort of line that people get booted out of in favor of other trans people which is just not true and yes im still pretty sure this is you nasti but if you’re not youre welcome to tell the world that you’re transphobic anyway moving on editors note I wanted to add that going through transition isnt like being on a list for organ donation but I couldnt fit it in there

hormone therapy isnt even exclusively for trans people it’s also prescribed for things like menopause and erectile dysfunction its something that can be prescribed by any old endocrinologist and theres no line or shortage and if someone told you that theyre lying to you

yes there are things that need to be accounted for usually with therapy so i have been told but ive never met anyone who was denied hormones for any reason outside of normal reasons why people cant get live saving medications like the cost of health care in this country

finally another thing gender itself is an experience that is individual as there are people on this planet no one experiences everything exactly the same and trying to mandate that there is only one right way to be trans is so fucking stupid especially of that one way is paved with sadness and strife when many people love being trans and love their bodies and love experiencing their gender in their own ways

policing that is TRANSPHOBIA busted out the capitals again

transphobia is a huge issue yes and maintaining that it needs to stay medical is incredibly harmful to many trans people and it is transphobic to deny these people of their trans experience and it doesnt matter if youre trans or not thats transphobia period

your transness doesnt erase the cruelty or ignorance that is instilled by being transmed and truscum

the person who does most of the writing for this blog is not trans themselves but has sought insight on this issue from trans contributors which they are very thankful for and they are always open to hear more from anyone who wants to share in dms

much love to my trans followers i swear im almost done with this mess

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

[ohimtherebabey]

on the chanting in the new video

my translation and an explanation of that translation. this is going to be a decently long post and im almost positive that im incorrect but im having fun so! keep reading, if you would like. 

so. i would like to start by saying that this is completely speculative and i’m almost positive that i’m wrong but i’m going to detail what i think the chant was and my reasoning for it anyway! 

i’m a classics major, and as such i’m (unfortunately) intimately familiar with latin and ancient greek. i’ve seen multiple people theorize that the chant is in latin (and that’s very valid and would make sense), but to me, it sounds like greek. i immediately took special notice of the word “archaea.” in latin, archae would be “ancient” or something in that neighborhood but in ancient attic greek, it would be more like “beginning.” so i’m working off the assumption that theyre talking about a beginning rather than something ancient. again, it would be completely reasonable to assume that the chanting is in latin and that theyre talking about something ancient.

so now i have ἀρχἠ (archae) squared away. but i was thinking about it as,,,, i don’t know what. i definitely wasn’t thinking about it like a noun, which is what it is. maybe i was thinking about it in an english sense as in the prefix archae-. i don’t know. so i get hung up there for a while, during which i try to figure out what that first word in the chant was.

i’ve already seen several posts about what people think that first word is and theyre all really good guesses. ive seen “arsit archae” which would be along the lines of the “the ancient has burned” in the latin 3rd person perfect. valid guess. makes sense. i’ve also seen a post guess that that first word was “arsare” (? i think thats how it’s spelled; not a word that ive ever used in latin before). which in the infinitive form as arsare would be something like “to raise the ancients.” totally valid guess. if you take “arsare” and make it a singular imperative as “arsa,” it would become something like (you) raise the ancients! as a command. ive seen a post speculating that it’s “hastae iacio” instead of “archaea.” this translation would be something along the lines of “i throw a spear.” 

but those are all in latin. and i try to avoid latin as much as i can (i really hate latin. i hate greek too but). so im going to approach this as someone who knows greek and has conveniently forgotten that they also know latin. like i said earlier, i’m assuming that the second word in the chant is ἀρχή (archae), beginning. i tried to think of plausible words that would pair with “beginning” in english and then work backwards into greek. i started with “return to.” but in ancient greek, that would be ἐπανιέναι (roughly e-pan-i-EH-nai). which is entirely too long and sounds nothing like the chant. 

(i’m also working under the assumption that the first word is a command because of how ancient greek declines imperatives. but im ultimately wrong, which i figure out after many minutes of wracking my brain and realizing that the letter θ exists and will be a pain in my ass)

eventually, i begin to think of ἀρχή as a noun, which i should have done from the beginning, because it’s a noun. as such, i realize that i should maybe include the definite article. so ἀρχή becomes ἡ ἀρχή (roughly “hey archae”) so that takes care of the second syllable of the first word of the chant. so now im looking for a one syllable word that could work, which tells me im probably looking for a preposition. in terms of prepositions that sound like the first syllable of the chant, there are none that are an exact fit. so i look for the closest match. which i find in the preposition ἐκ (ek), which becomes ἐξ (eks) when it appears before a word beginning with a vowel. the preposition means “out of” or “from.” this is where things get really difficult and upsetting.

the preposition ἐκ must be followed by a genitive. but in the genitive of ἡ ἀρχή (roughly hey archae) becomes τ���ς ἀρχῆς (roughly tehs arkhehs), which invalidates the need for ἐξ as the preposition because τῆς does not begin with a vowel. ἐξ would supply the ‘s’ sound at the end of the first word of the chant. and also τῆς ἀρχῆς doesnt sound like the second word of the chant either. so this is where i accept that while “from the beginning” would have been a really cool chant, i’m probably wrong. unless gerard didn’t learn a grammatically correct chant. but that seems unlikely, knowing how dedicated they all are to their art. 

so now i start thinking in terms of modern greek, which i do not know. after some research, i learn that modern greek has the word άσε (roughly ah-seh), which sounds like the first word of the chant and is a second-person singular perfective imperative of the verb αφήνω (roughly a-feh-no), meaning to “leave” or “let go of.” which is. really good and fitting for the general theme of everything they’ve been doing. think about it. “let go of the beginning.” that goes pretty hard. modern greek also has the word αρχή. so theres some pretty compelling evidence that it could be “let go of the beginning” or something along those lines, if the chant is, in fact, in modern greek. but thats unsatisfactory to me. like. i just feel in my heart of hearts that they--overdramatic theatre kids that they are-- would not do a cryptic chant in modern greek. 

so. like i said, i’m probably very wrong, but i had a lot of fun thinking through this (and avoiding my homework to think through it). and i think it would have been really cool for them to have done something in ancient greek, but im a classics major so. 

if you stuck through this post, thank you. and while you’re here I would like to direct you to this post, which posits (with very compelling evidence) that the chant is in kurdish. 

[fanguuuhhhrl]

Im kinda obsessed with I-Land right now. I love 23 boys and if possible i would like them all to debut but the elimination is in 30 minutes so im going to post my top 12 picks before it airs (kind of in order, kind of not, im biased, this is based on an unsure mixture of skill and personality, could change but most likely not):

1. Sunoo- BITCH!!! WTH!!! I JUST LOOK AT HIM AND MY SEROTONIN LEVELS BURST THROUGH THE ROOF!! He is a puppy!! He is amazing. If you didnt know anyone yet and you put all 23 boys in a line up. He will draw your attention with his sunshine smile :)))) he is so heartwarming. Most people be like "i have no filter" but they just be mean, but this guy is different, he literally has no ability to hide what he thinks but it never comes off as anything negative. He says "Me! I can do it!" but it's just endearing and never comes across as trying to show off. He says "there was a little bit of friction" and when the members look at himshocked, he looks at them shocked too.... theres no dull moment when he's in frame. It's so amazing how pure a person can be. But know that i am not just rooting for personality but for talent. his voice... His Voice!!! Vocally geonu and heeseung really slayed the butterfly performance but if you ask me, "save me" had a more emotional attack. His facial expression is just brimming of feelings. His voice is so raw. Also You know that part in save me where he transitions from head voice into chest voice really smooth??? You'll know what im saying if you see it. thats so fucking satisfying that i had to replay it so much. I definitely replayed the save me performance more times honeslty. And the way he dances!!! It might not be That refined yet but that's the charm... it's so raw and full of emotions... so like him. I can see myself stanning this group long term if he debuts with them.

2. Jungwon- tf i love this boy so much. his visuals already stood out to me when they were entering i-land, then his voice stood out to me in the first challenge... he did that hard ass choreography without any audible changes to his voice that i had to rewind that multiple times (more than the editor already did) then the moment i saw him dance the center in episode 4??? BOY???? BOY!!!! that was my breaking point... i can't believe im saying this about men but i already knew i would die for him... plus he is so sweet :((( his eyes are just so naturally cute but i was so shocked in the last challenge when he was able to pull off that fierce ass look.... i am devastated... im about the same age but my parental instincts are at work here. plus SPOILER ALERT to those who plan to watch he won first place in both the first and last challenge can everybody say jungwon ace

3. Geonu- my feelings for him are much like jungwon :((( except theres more parental instincts... and i say this despite being younger than him but whatever age is just a vibe... HE IS SO LIDDOL :((( i want to be his mom :(( at first, personality wise, it's hard to notice him bc he's a little calm and laidback... but its the little things that draw you to him :((( his glasses and hoodies just seem a little bit big on him and that just makes me smile for some reason... he cries silently when people are sent to the ground and he gets along well with the people... i noticed him first together with jungwon in the first i land challenge because they had the most stable performance. but i've never been more attached to him than when he sang butterfly (favorite bts song anyone??)... i honestly thought they could debut then and there and i wouldnt bat an eye... also it's so funny that the one thing i identified him with during the early episodes was the fact that whenever the camera pans to him, he just has the dead eye stare and parted lips (think: pokerface but confused) especially with the huge ass glasses but in the end the poker face thing that stuck to me became the thing that worked against him i cri

4. Jay- hold on folks this is going to be a long one. Jay has such a powerful personality that at first made me hesitant about liking him... idk he just seemed like the guy i would not vibe with in real life, but the longer time passed, the more he became one of my favorites and i root for him now like crazy. at first it was funny when they kept rejecting him for the vocal parts, but the more it went on, i was so sure that if it was me, i would have cried and dropped then and there, but it was so amazing watching him push through that and he didnt even lie about how he felt. his unique determination is such a breath of fresh air, a little heartwarming and oh so inspiring. i honestly learned a lot from just watching him. the time he went to the ground was so crucial to his development as a person, leader and performer. it was so mindblowing when he became the leader at the ground and even adapted heeseung's teaching methods. you know that meme "improvise, adapt, overcome?" he is the exact personification of that. what i loved about him the most is that even with his steely determination, he didnt enforce or project that on the other grounders, he just shared it with them. he understands when they need rest, encouragement or massages. he was such a caring leader. Skill wise- i can't say anything. He already proved himself so many times. Great dancer and potential vocalist. The mnet specials also show how much sweeter he is than the show shows him to be. He takes care of everyone, and has more of mother duck than street gang vibes (and he knows how to cook!!). And at the end, while he seems to be mostly self- oriented about debuting, he ends up spending most of his time teaching others and helping them improve. I just love him. Debut Jay 2k20!!!

5. Sunghoon- tf this guy is so cool and laidback that i didnt even pay much attention to him during the early parts but he just keeps crawling into my heart because so many members love him so damn much??? and he just goes along with them?? they want me to do triple axel while average people can't even do a single axel on a trampoline?? ok imma give them a double axel tho. jake is challenging me to arm flexing? yeah why not? k wants me to dance?? yeah lemme just spin 50 times. jay wants to shower together?? weird but im not strongly against the idea. ej wants to scare people? count me in. someone needs a hand to hold?? ok here's my warm hand to the rescue... everyone just wants to be his friend that he birthed my favorite sunoo scene "im cuter than him [jake]" and he was just like "yeah ok i guess so" sksjsk sunoo is that how you ask someone to be your friend jshdk??? and can i just say? as a figure skating fan, he has automatic +52536 points... and when the judges said he's the most natural performer out of them??? i vibed with that hard.. he dances well so naturally and he takes your attention without even seeming like he's trying to. that dance performance with k and jungwon?? i thought at first that his energy wouldnt catch up but damn boy my eyes were just trackingnhim the entire time unintentionallu that i had to rewind and he was just as great as all of them... with the additional benefit of being a stunt boy!! and though it might seem effortless, we saw that he practiced so hard for it. overall a 100/100 boy with a naturally charismatic personality that bleeds into his performance... as a fellow 02 liner i would also like to apply as his bestfriend thank you

6. Heesung- what can i say except he's a perfect boy ok thats it why are you still reading... jk... ok lets talk about him... skill wise?? I cried during the butterfly performance. i marvel at his vocal stability. his voice is so crystal clear. his dancing is so clean. his skills are superb but most of all, theyre already so refined. there's nothing more i could ask for. personaloty wise... i also have a lot to say... despite his celebrity status, it's awesome how he can make the other trainees comfortable with him. he's kind and soft and lovely.

but because i am me, i have to overanalyze people so idk skip this if you dont like that. for someone who's experienced being an academic achiever... i sure do vibe with his personality a lot... you know when there's a group activity and you're so sure you can lead it well but you don't want to? half because you dont want to come off as a show off and half bc you genuinely still have self-doubts, and you're scared of falling short of expectations. Also, you feel that if it all fails, you'll be responsible so you have to feel that everyone approves you before you can take leadership and show your entire thing. And the moment you feel validated and take the reins, you start unconsciously projecting your perfectionist attitude on people??? yeah... i love that despite being an almost perfect person he still has issues most people can find relatable and that, in addition to the talent makes me want to root from him. (im also going to take a stab and guess that his mbti is probs ixxp) i'll be honest tho, because its like 100 percent sure now that he'll debut, im not super attached to him??? i love him tho but he's just not in any danger so i can just let my support for him chill. i think amidst this, bc most of the trainees depend a lot on him, i mostly hope for him to take care of his mental health

7. Daniel- awww danielll... i went into i-land not knowing anyone's ages so i had a brief whiplash feeling when someone said daniel is 15... it's because he's so emotionally mature?? like he's such a supportive and caring person that it barely struck me the that he might be the youngest?? he already caught my attention when they performed "any song" bc they just seemed like they were having fun and doing their best without the pressure of whether they would win ir not, and for me that attitude is something you'd see from more experienced performers. and during the second ep when he just felt the need to comfort everyone bc he's got such a high score?? i loved that an i was so bummed out when they eliminated him. the save me performance was definitely a cherry on top that i just had to love him more than i already do... he may be young but he's as ready to debut as everyone else.

8. Jake- jake is just one of the people who showcased so much growth between ep 1 and ep 2. he already had the right attitude when they performed crown and he just had to improve skills and stage presence, and improved he did. despite being one of the trainees with the shortest training time, he was the one teaching the others by the end it just supports my theory that he might have been an ace as well if he just had the same amount of training as everyone else. im also truly in love with his mischievous antics. he seemed like an introvert to me at first but he came out of his shell and i love that. also i just crave more moments of him and sunghoon's friendship (they both seemed like introverts who found someone they could be extroverts with in each other) i am 👌this close to storming i land and demand that they let me join their merry little band of 2002 children

9. Niki- dance skills= 100 he's just so good it's unreal... it's insane... everytime he's on screen i hear boss musicand i cant even imagine him being younger than anyone, let alone taki. i get why some people dislike him but honestly i think it's just because they don't see him as a child... but he is. i was honestly a bit mad for him when they kept guilt tripping him into leading all of them, and i understood his tjought process when he thought he just kept failing everyone and when he thought things just kept backfiring on him. he is held on such a high pedestal and i dont think he deserves that kind of burden. as for me, it would just be a waste of talent to let him go. his attitude could still improve, as we'd seen when he eventually volunteered to help everyone. i also felt bad when he said that he's scared he might not be voted bc some people dont base on skills and i love him and i just want him to kmow that he's loved

10. Taki- what the hell can i even say?? he's the kindest softest boy ever. he tries to see the good in people and is very hardworking... he listens to people well and actually follow them, so he improves a lot... he knows people think he's cute and he tries and tries and tries to look fierce if the song calls for it... he is amazing

11. K- i really can't say anything, he really stands out during performances. also very pro at dancing. his choreography??? *chef's kiss* and i think the younger trainees depend a lot on him, besides heesung and so he's good at keeping the team together.

12. EJ- im really hesitant about the last person to be the twelfth i lander because it could almost be anyone and i wouldnt be too bummed out bc theyre almost all equally talented... the thing with ej tho is he already gets along well with the i landers and has harmony with other members. (plus see above: im a sucker for the 2002 line) i think its a tiny bit unfair to base it on this bc the others didnt even get a chance to show what they can bring to the group so im torn.

bonus: i wouldnt feel too bad if it were jaebeom (he has great voice, the producers think he's not too stand out bc he's weak at dance, but the i land is already so full of people whose expertise is dancing, so i think there should be someone who's specialty is singing), kyungmin (i really appreciated how hard he worked during the last test and it actually paid off, i honestly noticed him there even if he was always at the back. i also loved his determination and i was so touched when he and jaebeom were talking and he said "there's really nothing to do but believe in the impossible right?" it's just that the i landers were already ahead of him in terms of skills so he failed the votings) and hanbin (i've watched his cover videos and he's really good at dancing and stage projection. like i was honestly wondering why it wasnt showing in the performances :((( and he hadnt even had too much screentime to actually See what he's capable of.

[geekkatsblog]

GREY'S ANATOMY 16X15 REVIEW

Wow, is the first thing that comes to mind with that episode, it's the first one I enjoyed so much in years. It wasn't like the old Grey's good, but I certainly enjoyed it. Now with that being said, onto the reviews.

The craziest ones first.

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Deluca

Oh boy, where do I start?........ Deluca ran out in a blizzard to have collect a liver WITHOUT GLOVES and ended up with frostbite. He is currently clearly having some mental issues and I hope that they're able to treat that soon before he's fired. Sure, he saved a kid's life and before that he saved Suzanne's life but what happens when his luck runs out? His hands are going to be out of commission for a while and I hope that he gets some help by then because something is definitely up with him and the way he's acting with the people around him is becoming harsh, which means the problem is getting worse.

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Meredith/Dr Haynes

Lumping them into one section seeing that were together for most of the night. Haynes is definitely enjoying having conversations with Meredith. In a way if they were to get together this would be the best way to do it. Too many relationships in Grey's start with sex first talk later and it worked for Meredith with Derek but it didn't for pretty much everyone else in the show, not everything is like the Mc Dreamy situation.

Must admit I enjoy the interactions but, I'm still not at shipper level yet. The bonding over their past spouses and raising kids ......☺☺☺. He had me going at first when he said Christina never mentioned Meredith, but turns out she just calls her the twisted sister, fair enough, I wouldn't be surprised if Christina had planned to set him up with Mer since the first time they spoke. On another note his passion for his patients is very admirable, hes not Alex Karev level yet. But I like him.

Meredith is trying with Deluca more than she did for Maggie when she was in her slump🤔🤨. She really has no plot right now, the show at this point might as well be called anatomy. She's trying to help Deluca, but only gets abuse in return, I really am praying that he is sick if not........😡🤬.

Then theres her and Haynes budding friendship. But that's pretty much all for Meredith.

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Jo and Alex

WTF, Alex better be dead or I'm going to be disappointed, he never even went to his mother's house and has been ghosting everyone......... excuse me what? I'm not seeing any proper valid excuse for the nonsense that is this plot. Why are they doing this? All of his progress is regressing. Next week is his final episode and it better have a valid explanation.

Jo is understandably a reck, I kind of enjoyed her sass though. I'm honestly confused. (Did he go after Izzie cause that would really be insane.) I understand they wanted to make it as painless as possible for Jo, but how is this better? She's heartbroken, they would have been better off if he'd died instead. I'm curious to know where the hell he is though.

But at least we got to see her have some support even if Link is a wreck as well.

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Teddy/Owen/Koracick

This story line definitely was the biggest WTF moment I was not expecting that from Teddy and more importantly the stupid Owen, Teddy, Koracick triangle starts again, but this time with a side of Amelia like OMG please stop🙄. Props to Teddy for being able to add up dates or having intuition or whatever her reason was for knowing. Although she could have discussed first instead of having pent up feelings that have now been released in the form of a huge mistake.

Poor Koracick at the end of the day Teddy and Owen will probably patch up the relationship and he'll be left once again heartbroken. I wish he had, had the strength to reject her. He's always the scape goat when her and Owen are having issues.

Owen, actually was being a good spouse and got cheated on but I guess Karma comes back around. He, just saved a baby and mom and asked Teddy If she wanted to ski for this episode. But I'm sure he's going to have a major storyline soon along with the others in this mess.

This love triangle just got even more complicated, especially if Amelia and Owen starts to catch feelings again.

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Richard

I'm actually perturbed by him tonight. Is he retiring? Better not be if he wants to stop preforming surgery, fair enough but he needs to be the intern director or something I can't have him leaving too after Karev, he can't give up too.

He found inspiration from a new intern. I thought she was going to be the new Dr Bailey for him. But nope she's not even a doctor. Her story was touching, but was she really going to cut into a patient with only barely having been in med school. How did she think that was going to work out? And poor Richard he was finally starting to get that teaching spark in his eyes again, only to find out she wasn't even a registered doctor. At the end he talked to her about never giving up, gives her his sethescop and says he no longer need it, like I said before they better not get rid of Richard as well, and where is Catherine? For someone who fought hard enough to buy a whole hospital for him to have to be around her, she sure is absent.

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Miranda Bailey

She spent the whole time helping Joey study for his GED and then took him on a tour of the hospital to see job options and it was just adorable, their banter is hilarious and is it me or is he going to be a surgeon. He was so interested in them saving the baby and the mom.

And as expected she has decided to adopt Joey however it happened like I didn't want it to..... really fast. So fast that she didn't even bother to inform her husband and I know Joey and Tuck were playing video games and getting along but does he understand that he's about to have a new brother?

I knew a Ben and Bailey fight was coming and I guess now it has (they've been too happy and no couple in Grey's stays happy for long. Luckily it seems like an easy fix.)

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Link

Link is ultimately depressed and it's sad because that means that he really did truly love Amelia,he should have taken some personal days as well because being depressed at work is never a good idea. I really hope that they aren't trying to set him up to be with Jo, I like their brother sister support system.

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Nico and Levi

Now I love my boy Levi, but sometimes I feel like being a surgeon is not for him. He fainted in the OR twice, cried when he had to give the patient bad news and then lost a patient, I hope he gets it together soon before he kills someone.

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Now as for his love life Idk what the hell happened. Nico took a 360 turn. Maybe he's bipolar as well, because I am lost. He's being such a douche, sure Levi's almost child like innocence and need to over share can be annoying at times but he deserves an explanation, he ditched his family for you because he pretended to be a fully open gay. The least he could do is give an explanation. Can't believe the way they're relationship is turning. I think this may be the beginning of the end for them. I hope not, they were good together.

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Jackson

Barely raised his head up from carrying on the work of Mark Sloan to fight with his new girlfriend Vic. Which I'm sure is not over they apologized but, that 2nd fight is coming soon.

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Maggie

No plot really besides being salty about no longer being chief, saving 2 lives, then confirming to Teddy that she's not crazy for thinking that Amelia's baby is Owen's and apparently giving her the courage she needed to cheat on Owen with Tom.

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Ending notes/ questions

• WHERE THE HELL IS ALEX?

• What's going to happen with the hot mess that is Teddy/Owen/Koracick/Amelia/Link.

• Is Deluca really mentally unstable and becoming like his dad? And is he going to be Ok?

• Is Richard retiring? (He better not be if his hand is shaking then fine stop surgery and teach instead, but you do not get to leave too Richard)

• Will Ben and Bailey come to agreement with adopting Joey? And will they agree to just him or adopt the others as well? (It seems strange that after the whole thing about having to keep them together they would just split them up and leave it like that.)

• What's going to happen with Meredith and her love triangle/not love triangle.

• Will they finally give Maggie's character something to do besides supporting people. She had like one or two 5 minute plot for like the past few seasons.

• What is wrong with Nico, he suddenly changed for the worst in 2.5 seconds and Idk where they're taking his character.

• Is Jo going to fall into the slump again like she did when she met her mother? I hope not. It's her time to shine now.

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Excited for next week's episode it's looking like Drama and emotions the whole episode. My favorite types.

[yourlocalmusicalprostitute]

Cry to Me Ben Hardy x Reader

Howdy again! I'm here with a gift for the incredible @owensgrxdy ❤ I saw that you enjoy movie soundtracks & since we share that in common I went through some of my favorite movies which landed me on this song! Its from Dirty Dancing and I really suggest you give the song a listen.

Few things before you read: this is a good old fashioned (lover boy) friends to lovers troupe, theres a kissing scene & mention of sex, but I wouldnt say this is 18+. Still read with caution, if that kind of stuff bothers you please dont read **i cant do cuts im on mobile stop judging me**

Doncha feel like cryin'

Doncha feel like cryin'

C'mon baby, (c'mon) cry to me

Had it really been twenty-three days? Twenty-three entire days that your apartment grew colder by the minute.

Google advised you on day eight that it takes three months to get over a major break up, so you began to keep tally on the wall paper of your mind.

For twenty-three days your body only knew work and your couch. A shower weasled its way in there only a few times. You hated to admit that, but you can't step foot in your shower without thinking of every thing that occurred in it. All of the roaming hands, pleased noises, muscles tense then relaxed.

You shifted on your couch. The memories placed a sad pit in your stomach. You'd give up everything just to have him back. Maybe not even him, just the comfort of him, if that were even possible.

A few loud knocks landed on your door. You knew it couldn't be him, but you still held the hope. Quickly, you stood and walked to the door. Just before opening you adjusted your more than oversized shirt and gave your armpits a sniff. You were good to go to open the door.

But you hesitated. If it were who you wanted it to be he would clearly see the mess you were. Frankly it was embarassing. The man walked out one week before Christmas, all things he wanted to keep already packed. He had to have it planned for a while.

You took a step back. There's no way you're answering the door now, your mind talked you out of it. But the knocking happened again. It was freezing out, you couldn't leave him there, so you opened the door.

It was just Ben.

"Oh...hey, what are you doing here?" Ben rarely showed up unannounced.

"You weren't answering any of my calls." Ben let himself in. It was infact freezing. He trudged snow in with him.

"Yeah, sorry. I-I've been busy." That was true. You were busy moping and you could tell Ben knew by the way his eyebrows raised at you.

"Well, I haven't seen you in a month. I brought wine," Ben looked around and saw the bottle you already had open, "but I guess you've had some already."

"It's been twenty-three days actually." You took the bottle of wine and sauntered toward the kitchen. Ben followed and leaned onto the island.

"What?" He asked and you sighed.

"It's been twenty-three days." You informed him again and allowed him to follow you back to the couch.

The television was the brightest thing in your space. You had a few christmas lights up, but many of them weren't lit. You could never figure out how to fix them, but your ex knew. Another reason why you wanted him there with you.

"Well that's much too long. I should've came sooner." Ben brought his feet onto your coffee table. You slapped his knee, he moved them reluctantly.

"It's fine. You were working."

"Yeah, but I never fail to make time for you, and you need a friend right now." You didn't intend to scoff at Ben's words, but you did.

"What I need is a machine to just erase everything in my brain." Ben shook his head at you.

"I'm sorry he hurt you. He's such a dick. Anyone that can walk out on you like that has no idea what they're giving up." Ben always knew what to say.

For the first time in over three weeks you cracked a bit of a smile. You moved closer to Ben and lay your head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you Ben. He left and I...I just felt so alone, which is so stupid because you're my friend, you're always right there. Always one call or text away." You stopped talking to take a breath. Tears were beginning to form along your water line. Sitting there with Ben made you realize you hadn't really allowed yourself to cry.

"I just didn't want to come to you like this, crying." You finished talking and Ben took hold of your hand.

"Please don't ever hesitate again. Cry to me all you need, I'll turn the world upside down to make you feel better." The sincerity in Ben's voice was richer than it had ever been.

You looked up and Ben's eyes were red too. "God, I'm sorry." You let go of Ben's hand to bring your own to his face. Your thumb caught a tear and wiped it away.

When you went to move your hand away, Ben's came up. He held your palm against his cheek. Then, in the swiftest but most gentle motion, Ben moved his head to press a kiss on your palm.

Surprisingly you gasped, but didn't move. Ben kissed your palm again, then your wrist, and traveled further up your arm. "You're beautiful," Ben kissed your upper arm, "you're valid," he then kissed your collarbone, "I love you," you weren't stopping him, he kissed just below your ear, "I'll do anything for you." That's where Ben stopped.

Your breathing had quickened without your knowledge. Ben had never been so intimate with his kisses before. He had kissed your hand or cheek when greeting you, but this felt as if he had been wanting to kiss you that way.

The two inches of air between his mouth and yours grew thicker. "Would you really do anything for me?" Your question was barely audible. It seemed like if you made in sudden movements that your mouth would collide with his.

"Of course. You're my.." Best friend. Ben was going to call you his best friend, but he didn't want to say that. He didn't want that title anymore.

"Best friend." You finished for him and he nodded slowly. Neither of you had moved. "Would we still be best friends if I kissed you?"

Ben raised his eyebrows at you. "I suppose, can't know for sure. I mean we haven't done...it."

His lips are a little thinner than yours so at first it seemed as if your lips were cradling Ben's. As the kiss went on Ben grew more confident, his hand found its way to the nape of your neck which sent your mind spiraling.

Ben used his thumb to rub lovingly on your cheek as you kissed. You don't remember when exactly, but his tongue was now tangled with yours. He felt so amazing. The urge to wrap your legs around him grew more intense as the seconds passed. You were going to, but Ben pulled back.

Fear immediately swam through your body. Ben was searching your eyes for something and you prayed he could see that you wanted this. You wanted him. Even though you felt as if you never knew how badly you wanted him until now.

"You just broke up with him. I can't do this. I don't want you to regret it." Ben felt as he was on fire. He waited ages to get you where you are, but he couldn't move forward if you weren't completely on board.

"God Ben, why didn't I choose you? Am I crazy?" You and Ben laughed for the first time since he arrived.

"Maybe a little, but that's okay." Ben's tongue darted between his teeth as he smiled and you groaned.

"Stop being cute Ben, you're killing me." He laughed more, this time hiding his blushing face between your neck and shoulder.

You were still best friends. Best friends that spent Christmas day having sex, eating, watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas, then more sex.

[conchstellations]

watching the 1990 LOTF movie!! my reactions:

hello all!!!! i was bored at midnight again so here it is: me watchin the 1990 movie, for the first time, hell yeah!!!!! here we go!!! its got the other movie to live up to, so im excited for a comedy lmao!! tl;dr at end if u want!!! its kinda long btw lmao

- castle rock entertainment??? piggy u better watch out bro

- fuck is that the pilot???

- k this isnt a big thing but why are they in water? the plane left a scar in the earth, they were on land.

- okay, again, me nitpicking. but idk, to me, they dont look 12?? maybe its just cause theyre all dressed up n that but they dont look like 12 yr olds to me like the last movie

- why tf does ralph (?) have a glowstick lmaooooo

- why are they all together. where is my conch. wher are my stupid ass choir outfits. maybe im not there yet and they have them, but i want my stupid cloaks!!! jack would not stand for this!!!

- why TF is the pilot alive???

- am i supposed to know whos who by now?? did i just miss that?? which ones ralph? which ones jack?? wheres simon???

- conch??? the conchs main job is to bring them together, and here theyre already together so???

- piggy already makin me love him gosh piggy is child

- okay so im guessing brown hair kid is ralph

- piggy protecting conch rights

- i do like piggys sass... very iconic

- okay whAT??? is that blonde kid supposed to be jack?? first off, jack has red hair. second off, there is no way in hELL THAT MY basTARD child jack merridew would let ralph win the election just like that??? wheres my choir??? wheres my c sharp???

- okay jack would for sure call piggy shitbrain nvm

- mY CHOIR WOULD NOT ACCEPT THAT SINGING. 

- wheres simon????

- r they fuckin cookin lizards??? nvm look away simon pls dont be in this

- is thAT BITCH supposed to be Simon?? hes got a lot to look up to. also why the FUCK is the adult alive. taht ruins the whole purpose of the entire book

- was that a dream??? sorry im dumb af lmao

- alrght simon is kind of an adorable hild and he likes lizard maybe hes valid?

- idk.. for some reason this ralph isnt like, giving me ralph vibes?? hes just not bring like ralphish u know??

- now im getting a little bit more of our beloved lil bitch ralph..

- okay wtf is going on lmao

- “SHOVE THEIR DICK IN THE CONCH” had me laughing for a solid fucking 30 minutes. william golding who??? whoever wrote that line is the new icon

- ‘EAT SHIT AND DIE”  okay wtffff im so confused but also vv entertained

- for some reason jack’s character is like 100% off, but also somehow 100% on point “thats exactly what i meant” like holy shit. like idk hes not jack but just sometimes he radiates “jack if he was allowed to swear and was less of a lil bitch” energy

- ok simon and lizard?? valid

- i swear to FUCKING GOD i will kill that child!!!

- im gonna cry. wtf. why would you kill his lizard. even this movie’s jack seems like he thinks thats fucked up and hes a psychopath. also, lemme say, at this point, i think most of the book characters would beat the shit out of someone if they were mean to simon like that, bc the choir were his friends, and ralphs tribe respected him, sooooo

- why tf is it simons job to take care of the adult that shouldnt even be there? liek wtf hes grieving asshole

- no fucking duh hes scared of everyone but simon i would be too 

- honestly kinda glad they let ralph say fuck he deserved it

- “back off man im sick of ur shit and sos my gang” fuckin got em

- let me guess pilot dude is the new beast???

- honestly wtf is goin on lmao

- okay piggys actor actually made me sd when he was crying about his glasses so good job

- simon comin through with the glowstick. also, good job simon

- well at least the lord of the flies looks terrifying as always

- are samneric putting on warpaint this early?? bc i WILL NOT stand for that shit. i am a samneric STAN Ok??? they were two of the tHREE left when simon died who didnt become cowards and go savage. they wree LOYAL to ralph until they were LITERALLY tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then they helped ralph!!!! so fuck u. samneric are better than that.

- oh simon :(

- im glad they actually kind of (?) shwed simon like with the pig head bc last movei it was just ike them flipping the camera from pig to si so idkk

- ok that was a pretty ralph move to bring up the fire 24/7 lmao

- piggytits?? tf

- simon with hus fuckin glowstick lmao

- awe, simon

- okay HOLY SHIT. the sounds of what i assume to be them fucking stabbing simon are horrific. and then that cut to simon’s fucking mutiliated corpse?? holy SHIT. like as much as im complaining, thats the gruesome shit i expect from this book. i was expecting them to shy away from it bc its so awful, but im SO glad they didnt, bc that gave me fuckin chills. finally, something i can praise them on. thats the lord of the flies i expect. 

- i feel bad for ralph.. good job

- ok good. samneric came back. good job again.

- ok. nvm. the disrespect to my loyal children. alright.

- okay that child screaming as hes being whipped?? wtf.

- ok that line of piggy being scared that the russians will take them nad make them go into the olympics? gold. 

- piggys laugh is so pure

- why the fuCK are they finding instruments lmao

- poor piggy

- did roger just wolf whistle at ralph what the fuck is going on

- holy SHIt this movie does not hold back on the blood. but, wheres my conch explosion?? if ur gonna show him getting hit u gotta show the conch exploding. although, the conch means like nothing in this movie lmao

- okay wow piggys dead body cool cool cool

- ralph fucking YEETED that kid to the ground lmao

- okay, ralph crying?? good acting

tl;dr/conclusion/my thoughts: hooooo boy so i see why everyone likes 1960 one better. 

first, lets start with the obvious: why this isnt lord of the flies. because its not. if this wasnt telling me that its lord of the flies, i would think of it as that, really. first off, the conch. the conch represents civility, it brings them together. its important. when piggy dies, it dies, representing how all civility is now gone. i maybe saw the conch three times this movie. didnt do anything.

second, the pilot, captain whatever. the point of the beast to me is that they made it up. sure, the corpse was real, but it didnt pose a threat, it was simply a corpse. they made it into what it was, therefore proving that they are the beast. sure, the pilot here was harmless, but he grbbed a boy’s foot and was therefore making himself a possible threat. maybe its not a big deal i guess.

third, the characters. the point of lord of the flies is that they are rich kids who havent gone through anything. theyre the perfect, spoiled kids who havent done anything wrong. half of them are in choir. chOIR. in this movie, lets take jack for example. they said he stole  a car and got sent to military school. no. the point of jack is that he was a perfect kid. leader of choir. he was manipulitive and got even ADULTS to trust him. its part of hs character, showing that this perfect choir leader kid went fucking insane to prove how literally everyone can be evil. also samneric???? the direspect!! they were loyal to ralph until they were tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then, after roger like beat the shit out of them, they were STILL loyal. fuck you.

so those are the MAIN reasons why it wasnt lotf. 

now, what i liked i guess.

the swearing was NOT lotf, and it didnt fit with the story, but ill admit that i laughed, so i guess thats a plus.

second, i liked how they showed the gore, i guess? sounds weird, hear me out. lord of the flies is a gruesome, violent, awful book. theres descriptions of death in detail, and im so glad they showed it. when simon’s body was there, literally torn to shreds? the shock of it, the true savagery you see that these boys murdered him SO violently, is amazing, because thats the essence of lotf. simons death shows how theyve lost all their civility, and showing such a gruesome corpse really brings that through. so good job.

and now, of course, the obvious: thats not the characters i pictured when i read the story. simon doesnt look like that, ralph doesnt look like that, jack doesnt look like that.

 where did the choir go, too? forgot to mention that, and i think that also adds into the whole, theyre supposed to be perfect kids and then become savage thing. also, the choir was a group. they voted for jack and went with him for a reason. 

so yea, thats that. dont know why people would read this lmao but thats my thoughts!!!! i just need to keep myself busy when i watch movies and to make sure i focused, i figured id just write down my thoughts as i went. if u wanna watch for free, look up lord of the flies 1990 google drive. 

;)))) and yea im posting this at 230 am lmao why not

[fortunatelycooltrash]

So people love to say that America doesn’t have free healthcare because the quality would sink and the waits would go up. Now, while those are valid worries despite being no excuse for the atrociously high prices of even minior procedures, I’d like to share some bullshit that I’ve experienced involving normal US hospitals and medical branches alike.

My root canal is going to cost 2500 dollars because it is not covered by most dental plans despite it being a completely necessary procedure that directly affects my health. Absorb that then absorb the fact this plan covers some of braces. The crown alone is costing over 1200.

I almost died in a hospital waiting room because my ‘stomach ache’ that was causing me so much pain I was sick with it wasn’t severe enough to qualify for immediate attention. Undiagnosed Appendicitis.

My nephew and sister almost met their end because an incompetent doctor misdiagnosed my sister with a URI. She had type A flu.

My cousins father had a doctor who refused to diagnose him despite him coming back constantly because of lethargy. Said he couldn’t find anything wrong. Her father was poor and had really bad insurance. Finally he went to another doctor and was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He could have lived if he had been diagnosed a year or two prior before it spead but by the time he got his diagnosis, it was too late. He died, I believe, a few months later but I was young so he might have made it a year or longer.

I suffered from chronic nosebleeds as a child to the point that blood didn’t even scare me anymore. The doctor told my mother that it was coming from wounds inside my nose and I was most likely picking at it and there was nothing medically wrong with me. My mother, knowing even as a child I knew not to waste her money, took me to another doctor. Severe Anemia. Still suffer from it too this day. Have to take those horrid tasting red pills🤢.

My aunt constantly butchering her budget because she needs her insulin and it’s cost keeps getting higher despite it remaining relatively the same. Luckily my state is looking to cap it at 100 though if that will actually go into effect isn’t determined yet.

My mom, bless her, repeatedly going in for her back aching only to be told pain was normal for someone of her weight and age. Nope, she is a nurse and turned people that were 300 pounds or more. She had completely blown her back and had a pinched nerve that was so severe she could barely stand without pain. The doctor that diagnosed her was surprised she could even walk.

My sister, having a grand mal seizure in the nurses office of a high school. They told her to stop faking. That bitch wasn’t even a real nurse so this one doesn’t count but I had to mention this because why the fuck wasn’t a registered nurse hired?

My (other) aunt having minor chest pain then suffering a heart attack in the waiting room because they had her wait so long since she didn’t seem serious. I’m sure that’s going to have lasting damage that could have been easily prevented.

My sister giving birth and getting a 28,000 dollar bill for a room and care for her and the baby. She was there for a day and a half. She didn’t even have a long or complicated delivery.

My mother being told she was completely fine to continue working despite having an off feeling about her third pregnancy(about 24 years ago) the doctor told her there were no complications and she could go on as normal. She miscarried her seven month along daughter three days later because her placenta was underneath the baby and tore. That doctor is still in practice.

The nurses in my mothers delivery room ignoring both her and the monitor. Which, if they had been looking at, clearly desplayed my older brother with his umbilical core wrapped tight around his neck. He lived because my moms main doctor walked in and had a conniption fit when he noticed the vitals dropping. He’s the doc my sis uses now. A good man.

(Same bro)My older brother turning blue everytime he cried being brushed off. Hole in his heart that has since closed.

When I was younger, I slipped in the shower and hit my head so hard against the metal lining of it(stall shower) that the skin split open and abscessed. My doc treated the abscess but did no further testing after a 4 hour wait. As we were leaving, I don’t remember much of this week my mom told me, I vomited and passed out in the parking lot. Had a concussion.

My brother being misdiagnosed with the flu, strep, and a few other things over the course of a few weeks before one doctor finally tested him for HIV. It was positive. Luckily he only had one partner. Unluckily, the partner was the one that gave it to him via cheating on him.

Me, almost dying of a violent case of strep throat because they said I had a sinus infection. My fever peaked at 104 then, blessedly, broke. I do not remember this as the memories of the days I was sick are incredibly fever burned but I remember wrapping blankets around me because I was so cold.

The strep attacked so quick and harshly that if I had lived alone it probably would have killed me since I wouldn’t have been able to get help and I would’ve kept trying to get ‘warmer’ and helped raise my temp over 106. You typically don’t come back from that one unharmed. If at all.

My older bro(cord baby) being told suffering from auditory hallucinations was a common thing(not wrong but they should have actually asked about his family history and idk, did more??) he had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He is medicated and much happier now.

Me breaking my gotdamn pointer knuckle and the x-ray person getting blurry x-rays that she used despite the fact that they weren’t accurate. Thank you bitch, now my abnormally short pointer finger clicks because it began to set wrong.

Theres a few more but I’m currently giving my bro a hard time for texting me a text meant for his bf so imma bounce for now. May add more later. The whole point to this was to show people that don’t want free health care because the ‘quality would go down’ or the ‘wait would be too long’ that the wait is already long enough for you to die anyway and the quality already sucks ass if you’re poor because they will not diagnose you correctly.

Or They will misdiagnose you then blame YOU when you sue(happened to my mom in that miscarriage one but because he hadn’t wrote a release back to work she had no actual proof he’d told her she could.)

Or They will overcharge you for things that have a far cheaper value simply because they can and you can’t do anything about it because you need that procedure or medicine to keep your health good.

I can understand things like heart surgery or transplants, you know, the big major stuff not being free because yeah that shit takes a fuck ton of resources and care so I get it, I do. I can reasonably say “Yup that should cost thousands.” I mean, I’m don’t even avocate for fully FREE healthcare, I just want a limit on their overpricing bull shit to where it matches with economic standards.

You can’t expect someone with an average 7-4 job that pays 10/hr(oooh ya, y’all think I’d go higher? Guess what, young people starting out their careers also get sick!) to drop thousands upon thousands of dollars for whatever. The sad thing is I can say ‘whatever’ and you can actually think of multiple things that aren’t that major or that resource draining yet still cost thousands.

Even someone making 15/hour couldn’t do that and I’d be hard pressed to say even 20-25/hr could do that. They may have it better and be able to pay it off faster but they’d still be in debt for a while or have to work years after their planned retirement to make up for the lost savings if they were lucky enough to have them.

I’ve also heard people complaining about it raising taxes but you’ll spend way more getting something done at a hospital then you’d spend on those taxes in a year.

Besides, if you’re so pissed about taxes then to even it out protest the stupid taxes. Your house? Taxed. Your inheritance that you gain but also leave behind to care for your family? Taxed. Your property that you bought 100% full price paid? Taxed every year. Your car? Taxed.

How bout getting pissed about those instead of getting pissy about people getting their health fixed? There are plenty of ridiculous taxes so I don’t know why people are so against having one that actually helps people.

Sorry for this rant, I know it’s not centered around my profile theme but I am majorly pissed off that I’m about to have to let a tooth rot out of my head because my insurance decided that: covering something cosmetic like braces? Yeah! Covering a completely necessary surgery that can actually harm/kill the person via infection if left untreated? Nope, that costs us more!

I can’t drop two fucking grand on dental surgery. It’s just not happening. I don’t know anyone who can do that shit. Anyone who gets pissed off about me posting this: go slam a hammer against your tooth until it cracks down the middle, exposing your nerve to the harsh unforgiving world then let it develop a cavity around it.

Afterwards, try to eat literally anything: hot, cold, hard, soft, it doesn’t matter. You’ll cry, I promise. Now imagine being told the only way to fix that is to cough up over two grand and if you can’t well then oh fucking well? Kinda hurts ya a bit. Not nearly as much as the tooth but still.

Hell, I know dental probably wouldnt even get covered if they made healthcare reduced or free but this whole situation has reminded me just how fucked you are if you get anything remotely wrong with you in the U.S