#very very long post about act 1 of stage/fright

[wintersoulwitch]

Stage/Fright changes and tweaks to Act 1

Following on from my initial Stage/Fright report after my first viewing and the post on changes/things I noticed the second time around, here are some things I picked up on my last visit on 01/03/25 where I watched both the matinee and the evening show because: A. I was able to get some cheap tickets B. I am insane

So, now I'm more familiar with the cast I realised that the violinists are Becky Bainbridge (Bloody Belle - also Anna Francolini's understudy) and Christina Tedders (the "stage hand" who gives flowers to the celebrity guest and helps deconstruct the set during La Terreur de L'Asile rehearsal - also Miranda Hennessy's understudy). Damnnnn what a talented bunch!

Theatre Sketch

More special effects have been added since I last went - when Reece smashes the woman’s head in he now gets sprayed with blood in the face. He was absolutely covered from nose to chin (fanservice for the Varney lovers).

And his voice is more exaggerated - it was a posh sounding southern accent before, now it’s a lot deeper and theatrical and a bit reminiscent of Edward Tattsyrup.

Audience Address

The very first time I saw the show Reece introduced it as "Stage-slash-Fright" and did an air chop to show the slash. They ditched that pretty early - but it's stuck in my brain and when I tell people about the play I often go "It's Stage-slash-Fright because the first act is Stage and the second act is Fright"

Steve leans more into the "Chekhov's Pun" gag: SP: A firearm will be discharged and there will be liberal use of wordplay throughout... so that's Chekhov's Pun... Oh, come on!

Doing that Patented Pemberton Playing to the Crowd 😁

(BTW On both shows on 01/03/25 Steve kinda slurred the word "firearm" and it sounded a bit like "fire alarm." I don't know if that was deliberate or not, but it reminded me that there was a fire alarm at the end of the show on 20/02/25 and another during the interval 21/02/25. Both were false alarms but the theatre was evacuated on 20/02/25 as it happened after the lights when up at the end and lots of people in the audience thought it must be part of the show!)

(Which reminds me of another thing... At the start of the matinee on 01/03/25 the show started the usual way - with a loud scream and jumpscare noise as the lights are cut. But then nothing happened. And the nothing dragged out a bit too long... and people started laughing nervously... and eventually one of the crew [I don't know her name or role in the show but she's one of the people who supervises R&S at the Stage Door] popped her head out of the curtains to say there was a technical fault and they needed to restart the show. And of course everyone started laughing and saying they didn't believe her and this must be R&S fucking with us)

Now I know the cast more I can see that as well as Gaby French, Mark Extance is also there in usher's uniform to hold up a 'No Masturbating' sign. I was in the Stalls during the matinee, and saw him pop through a side curtain. I was in the Grand Circle for the evening show, and the signs were almost impossible to see from up there - which was a shame because it gets a big laugh!

BCDR Part 1 

After my first viewing I wrote that Tommy didn’t see Len drink from his hip flask - I think that was just a timing slip up during previews, he does definitely sees Len drink.

In the first preview I saw they'd extended the "Shelby and Drake / Drake and Shelby bit" but they've cut it back to the TV show version.

During the vent sketch, Tommy moves his lips while Len/Vincent Vomit is speaking, as if he's a bad ventriloquist.

On one of the 01/03/25 shows, Steve swallowed the beer after the vent sketch instead of doing the spit take. He still did the joke about wanting to get the front row and it still got a laugh.

Len's solo mime bit with the coat on the hatstand has been extended. The "hand" is a lot more aggressive with Len - squeezing his face and pulling him in for a kiss, tickling him under the armpits, and grabbing at his crotch. Oh and now when Len points to his (imaginary) wedding ring, he mouths "I'm married."

Kidnappers 

This is the scene with the celebrity guest so it changes every time, of course, but here are the beats in more detail:

Len fiddles with the double doors for a long time, some lovely physical comedy with Steve trying to open them, running to and fro past the window, getting a ladder and then Tommy just strolling up and opening them easily

When Len goes to retrieve the hostage, a figure in dressing gown with their head covered runs past the window. They're then hit with a spade "off screen" with accompanying sound effect while Reece is on the phone with their boss ("Spengler" who I think is voiced by Mark Extance) saying that they know how important it is that the hostage isn't harmed (BTW I don't think I mentioned this before but Tommy refers to the hostage as "the commodity" - lil Psychoville nod 🖤)

When they get the hostage on stage they are sat on a chair with their hands "tied" and a pillow case over their head. When they realise they've got the wrong house (Spengler tells them they should be at a bungalow) and therefore the wrong hostage, Len peeks under the pillow case, pretending to look, and covers his face and gasps.

They've previously established "no names!" which is why Len has to do charades to act out their name (running list of celebrity guests and charades here) which is obviously just an excuse for Steve to do some filthy mimes (let me see, so far we've had boner... dick... cum... wee... ass... knob... lesbian tennis... dominatrix... and on the first night I saw he mimed "In" by making a circle with one hand and repeatedly jabbing into it with two fingers and Tommy went "UUURGH WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LEN??" which was hilarious)

Once the celebrity's identity is revealed there's a running joke of them listing off parts of their CV and Len will introduce his running gag of getting a name wrong - usually a show the celeb has been in, sometimes a character name or catchphrase, or in the case of Gary "Spandau Ballet" Kemp, getting the lyrics to a song wrong. The celebs seem to enjoy using this section as an opportunity to mention stuff that R&S have been in and have Reece go "Never heard of it." This section finishes with Tommy saying "You're not on Graham Norton now!"

Spengler rings them and Tommy holds the phone in one hand, trying to unlock it, while holding the gun in the other hand. The guest says "Are you going to get that?" and he snaps "I know how to answer a phone!" On the matinee show on 01/03/25 the phone was left ringing for ages and Reece was doing lots of camp arm movements and lip purses while he was fiddling with the prop. Then on the evening show that day he did a full on Ollie Plimsolls style triple hop across the stage which made Matt Lucas crease up.

Then the celeb has to pretend to be the Live In Lover of Lady Linda Lockwood (who I think is voiced by Anna Francolini) and this is where the improv section kicks off. The celeb will respond with varying degrees of annoyance/laughter as the pimping escalates

They're asked to read from notes written on a sketchbook. Starts of simple enough "Yes, it's me, how are you my love?"

"He’s Spanish!" Len remembers. so the celeb attempts a Spanish accent... Then "I've just remembered - he grew up in Newcastle!" (or Liverpool or Swansea) and after the (usually terrible) accent Tommy says "No, no... He grew up in Newcastle"

Lady Linda Lockwood asks what his pet name for her is... The celeb reads "sweaty pig" off the sketchbook, then Tommy grabs it and flips it over and the celeb tries again - "sweetie pie."

The celeb then has to read a Wikipedia page that mentions Philip loves flamenco... Lady Linda Lockwood says she wants to hear him dance flamenco down the phone.

After that, she says "If only you had your trumpet..." WELL GUESS WHAT there just so happens to be a trumpet. "Darling, you have been practising!"

Final bit of pimping, Lady Linda Lockwood asks the celeb to sing their special song... the one that starts "I love you, you love me..." and the celeb has to improvise the rest of the song

By this point Reece is probably corpsing badly

It's all for nothing because Philip the Live In Lover of Lady Linda Lockwood turns up safe and well. Spengler says they'll ransom the celeb hostage (even though he's never heard of him either) and he'll be there in 15 minutes. Tommy goes to "move the van" and leaves Len and the hostage together.

Len (cough cough Barry Baggs) says he's hungry and tells the celeb to stay there while he goes to find food in the kitchen. Len pats the knee of the hostage and says "I love you, Mr [insert celeb's name]"

The hostage then has to find somewhere to hide. They open the big wardrobe at the back of the room and it's full of people in a lovely Sardines callback. Honestly delightful. Gaby French is even wearing an outfit that looks like Katherine Parkinson's red ensemble from the ep, Mark Extance is in a grey suit and steps out and says "Sorry, we're a bit too full"

After a bit more dithering with various degrees of panic and running across the stage depending on the celeb (Martin Freeman - absolutely manic, opening the prop hamper, trying to hide behind the sofa. Matt Lucas - couldn't be arsed. Closed the wardrobe. Stood there for a few seconds. Went back to the wardrobe) they will return to the wardrobe which is now empty of people and only contains a single black man's shoe.

Len will return with some celery (which was possibly a leek when Michael Sheen guested? Not sure if it was an actual leek, or he just questioned it - reports differ) and OH NO the hostage has gone!

Of course this is when Tommy comes back. Len says "Don't hurt me!" and Tommy says "Why would I hurt you?" realises the hostage has gone and jabs Len in the eyes with an accompanying comedy sound effect (like "sproink!")

Tommy harangues Len about leaving to stuff his face and Len shouts "It's only a stick of celery!" On the 25/02/25 show Steve really hammed up the delivery "Issonlehastickasellaireh!" which was the first time I saw him make Reece corpse 😁 He corpses every show now but I think they were still taking things seriously at that point so it was a delight

Then Tommy and Len have a bit of an argument, Tommy saying that Len is a liability ("no I'm not, I'm a pisces!") and that he's put up with him for years and would be better off on his own, and points a gun in Len's face. Len is saved by mispronouncing the celeb's show/character name and the celeb bursts out of the wardrobe to angrily correct him

The celeb then gets sent upstairs and has an opportunity to say one last thing (The Actor Kevin Eldon did "spaghetti bolognese" and triggered Reece to do the hokey cokey, Julian Clary called them "a pair of heterosexual cunts," Michael Sheen said "I've never been so humiliated in my life... And I've worked with David Tennant!", Matt Berry said "As Gino D'Acampo once said - get me a cornetto or I'll fuck your girlfriend")

BCDR Part 2

In Brown Bottles now the fake legs have neon green high heels and fishnets.

The ending has extended a bit - the ‘Len?’ section at the end is more drawn out, it feels like Tommy is really hoping/expecting for Len’s ghost to respond. The first time I saw it the ghost lamp flickered and Tommy said "Len...?" then the lights cut out and there was the Bloody Belle jumpscare scream as she appeared in one of the boxes.

Now the lights cut out and Tommy looks around and says "Len...?" He goes to turn on the ghost lamp and calls out again: "Len? Is that you?" a pause "I'll leave this here for you. So you're not lonely."

And once Tommy leaves the stage the 9 hamper starts wobbling and wiggling, the lid of the hamper opens up and then Bloody Belle appears on stage and screams!

Christ this has got longggg so I'll do Act 2 in a separate post

[thirstkanaphan]

Thirst Gets Lore-Pilled (Part 2/?)

I decided to lock in and immerse myself in Ateez lore! Thank you to @loving-that-officey-feel for being my guide and curator (their quotes are in italics). With their permission, I'm posting some of our interactions as I go through the different eras.

(Part 1)

Today I began my journey into the Fever era, which I know contains a TON of lore and I am starting with the very important FEVER Part.1 'Diary Film' Official Video.

um...can I just say, THIS IS AMAZING!!! The production values, the sound design, the editing, the acting!!! This is an incredible video.

So the diary film shows us the backstories of our boys and what leads them to use the cromer (which Hala!Joong offers to Hongjoong). Each of them have personal tragedies that made them feel alienated and alone until they found each other and their special warehouse/clubhouse (before that too was taken away).

Yes, Fever 1 is basically all the backstory of how they met and why they found comfort/companionship/support as a team, when otherwise the world around them (or their personal issues) was Not Good.

It's clear that KQ took inspiration from their IRL backstories. It takes a lot of bravery to use your personal traumas for art. Seonghwa's storyline really stood out to me. In his memory, he watches a young woman dance alone outside a convenience store. This girl lacks the fear and shame that holds Seonghwa back from being his true self.

I find it very interesting the choice of gender used for the manifestation of Seonghwa's deepest desires. He does not want her, he wants to be her.

Seonghwa picks up what she dropped: a bracelet that tells him to BE FREE! 😭😭😭

Yeosang's story was also incredibly sad and moving, but I immediately noticed the imagery of the white bird in a cage. White birds are a recurring motif with Yeosang, such as in The Real mv, and also in his concert stage for It's You. Yeosang is the white bird being freed from his cage.

Finally, Mingi's story stabbed me in the gut. MY SAD BOY!! The way he shuts out the world and can't trust others, even after he's shown friendship and love from the other boys.

I commend them for their absolute BALLS for the fact that when they chose their little fictional pirate guy's issues... they just... more or less gave them their real-life traumas, just a couple fictional steps to the left: Hongjoong: abandonment issues, Seonghwa: rules and ristrictions and perfectionism and Cannots, Yeosang: parental disapproval like WOAH, San: connection and belonging, Mingi: depression/anxiety (and financial issues), Wooyoung: stage fright, Jongho: helplessness that comes with injury and the fear of losing a dream because of it.... Yunho's the only one I'm not sure where that fits in with his real life backstory. Since I'm pretty sure all his relatives are alive and well? But I could see Absurd Sense of Responsibility (+dash of Catholic guilt) and still roll with it

I wondered about Yunho! In his fictional backstory, he's dealing with the death of his brother. In real life, his brother is alive and well. I somewhat-jokingly speculated that KQ couldn't find any darkness in Yunho's backstory so they had to make something up...?

I absolutely must include @loving-that-officey-feel's response, because it made me want to fling myself from the roof: Yeah, I feel like Yunho didn't really have much trauma going in so they just had to make that one up. ......though, oddly, if you project a little bit. Like, when I first got into ATEEZ I watched a ton of random variety content as it popped up and it took me a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally long time to get a read on Yunho as a guy. Because most the variety content I got recommended right at the beginning... was all filmed during Mingi's hiatus. And I don't know how to describe it, but Yunho is physically there and he's clearly trying hard... but it's like his personality was at like 30% of what it should've been so I just couldn't get a read on it. And then Mingi comes back and his personality dials right back up to 100% again because Mingi is back and he's going to be OK ....so two steps to the left of endlessly worrying yourself to pieces and wondering if you didn't Do Enough. Did You Fail Them??? about your best friend..... two steps to the left about a new fictional brother...... but that's entirely projection on my part

YUNGI!!! 😭 I'm going to be thinking about this for a long time!!!

By the end of the video, you start to see why they decided to take leap and travel into the unknown.

I have so much more left to explore with Fever: Part 1 but I wanted to post about this because I think it's a beautiful video and an absolute must-watch for any atiny who's interested in getting into the lore.

[drinkabletoxicdishsoap]

my idol jasmine au headcanons (if you even want to call it that) based on the idol jasmine au post I made earlier :3 sorry chat i love this au so much it’s now my baby

Idol Group AU:

This one is for all my jasazel fans out there (me) but I think that hazel and jasmine sing any romantic songs together

Whenever one of them(Jasmine, Hazel, Winn) gets stage fright before a performance, they all immediately come together in a big and huge group hug and encourage each other!!!

Whenever they finish a concert or performance, they all holds and bow while smiling at each other

They LOVE interacting with fans, especially kids :3 they hope people can look up to them

Jasmine is literally on cloud 9, like what do you mean I’m an idol, one of my biggest dreams, and i can get to do it with my friends ⁉️⁉️⁉️ no one is more happy than her

Hazel usually helps sign them up for any event or anything that lets them help out in their community

Winn is surprisingly amazing at writing lyrics, they’re the lyricist after all! They spend a lot of time writing lyrics

Jasmine is the composer! She spends a lot of time picking certain instruments and such that match the vibe that she wants her idol group to be! She sends what she makes to Hazel and winn for them to look over it

Hazel is the costume designer. She usually draws a lot of designs before she gets to the final draft. (If we’re doing Cosmo and Wanda in this au, I’d like to think she wishes to visit certain boutiques, museums, gardens, places, certain dates in the past, etc. to give a bunch of inspiration for designs!)

They don’t really plan choreography, they usually just go with the flow !!

Hazel and Winn design the merch for their group together

SO MANY GROUP HUGS AHHHHHH

Whenever they have concerts, the night before, they have sleepovers and hang out together! Play video games, do each others hair, and overall just have a lot of fun together <3

If we’re going the route of them doing 2D MVS like project sekai, Hazel is the one who draws the designs of the characters and all of the frames while Winn helps puts it together

Jasmine ends up getting anxious a lot of times and Hazel is always there to comfort her :D

Jasmine ends up overworking herself more times than not, and Hazel and winn always come together to pull her out of it :( they worry about her a lot when she ends up doing that

Solo Act Jasmine AU:

It took FOREVER for her to train her voice

At first she was so scared to post her songs and music videos she’s made, but winn and hazel kept encouraging her and she eventually did it

When Jasmine started popping off, getting famous, and companies asking her to join them, they had a week long sleepover, celebrating her!!

Hazel and Winn are THE FIRST to like whatever Jasmine posts! They’re her number 1 fans btw

They always buy her merch when it drops

They have meetups at the recording studio she goes to, to help write songs and such

Hazel and Winn help with costume design (same thing with the Cosmo and Wanda, if they’re in this au, same thing as above, wishing to go to certain places and dates in time for inspiration)

Hazel and winn are her biggest defenders online and offline

They get backstage passes and vip tickets to each of her concerts (it’s free dw)

She works very hard to become the best and biggest idol ever !! She’s always taking tips from her friends. It might be hard for her to accept criticism, but she does appreciate it <3

She does anything and everything to make sure she can meet with her fans and talk to them

Like I said from above, Jasmine ends up overworking herself more times than not, and Hazel and winn always come together to pull her out of it :( they worry about her a lot when she ends up doing that

Copying the sleepover concept from above to her, they definitely have sleepovers together the night before her concerts

She takes them on every single tour !! All included because she cares for her friends so much :D

anyways that’s all I can think of right now !! If I have more thoughts I’ll either edit, reblog, say something in the replies, or say it in my headcanon post about this au. But if you have any ideas, feel free to send them in my inbox :D

Thank you so much for coming to another yap session <3 I hope you have a great day/night wherever you are in the world

[lavalampstealer]

Okay, I’ve made a compiled dump of lore on my interpretations/versions of IEYTD characters (mainly Phoenix and Handler so far) so I can pin this and ppl won’t have to go looking for old posts. I’ll be updating this as I figure stuff out or if anything changes with them. Apologies if this is a little hard to read, I kind of word-vomited info here and I’ve tried to clean it up a little. Spoiler warning for IEYTD 1 and 2

Buckle up it’s gonna be a long one

First up: Handler, he/him (tumblr doesn’t have yellow text so orange will have to do).

He wears a sleeveless yellow turtleneck over a short sleeved shirt, square glasses, and a yellow headset. Originally a Field Agent for the Agency, he made quite a name for himself and was given the internal/honorary nickname of Agent Moray due to his knack for slipping away from Zor’s clutches while also leaving carnage in his wake (little did people know, he usually ran on pure adrenaline, fear, and general clumsiness that worked out in his favor). He eventually had to retire from field work and become a handler due to him breaking his right leg during his last mission and it not healing properly. Before he had to hang up his spy gear, he was selected to be an early implant tester for the Agency, and the one he got was a rudimentary version of the telekinesis where he could float things in place but not grab objects from afar. He has kept it and it has proved especially useful during his time as a handler for hovering important documents like dossiers and building blueprints/layouts nearby during missions. As for his actual work as a handler, he acts as support to Phoenix, mostly with work related things, but sometimes emotionally as well. He acts as an anchor for Phoenix and is there to bring them back to reality should he notice them getting that glassy-eyed, million mile stare every once in a while. He was very concerned for them in the fallout of Operation: Death Engine and after that he became more attached to them, resulting in him being devastated after Rising Phoenix. If there is anything between him and Phoenix, it leans more towards him being like a father figure than anything else. He usually works from his office in the Agency building (the one from IEYTD 1), but occasionally for more urgent/important/overseas missions, he opts to be nearby (in the crowd in Stage Fright, above Phoenix somewhere in Eaves Drop, outside the chateau in Party Crasher, etc.). If I come up with more I’ll add it to here, 10/10 character.

Next (and probably much longer): Phoenix, they/them.

During IEYTD 1, they had short hair and wore a long sleeve dress shirt and their cyan tie. They were able to do more action-intense missions (hijacking Zor’s sub, sneaking into a cargo plane to steal a car, sneaking onto a shuttle to the Death Engine, etc.) and were generally more aloof about their own safety and pretty much saw their job as just a fun game. However, in the aftermath of Operation DE, their left leg was badly injured and needed to be replaced from the thigh down, so the Agency provided them with a robotic prosthetic. It took them a while to get used to it, and while they can walk, run, and stand with it just fine, it’s a bit difficult for them do more intense activity like, say, hand to hand combat (although a good kick to shin usually has foes doubled over) or dodging projectiles. They also got their facial scars from the DE Incident, with the one on their left cheek coming from the beam that shot into their shuttle when the Death Engine fired for the first time. The other two are just general nicks and gashes from crashing back to Earth. Because of their robotic leg, someone in the Agency gave them the nickname “Tin Can” and it stuck (Phoenix pretends to hate it but thinks it’s amusing). After months of recovery, they were cleared for field work once again where they were given slightly easier missions that have most of the action happen while they’re seated (an exception to this is the implied fight with Gibson before Party Crasher because him being there was unexpected). This time around they prefer to roll up their sleeves because it’s more comfortable, allows for more movement, and it keeps them from getting singed/dirty, but they still wear a cyan tie (a new one since their old one was torn). Their hair grew out during their stint in Medical and they liked it, so they decided to keep it longer. Not much happened to them physically during IEYTD 2, but after Rising Phoenix they had their right arm replaced from the elbow down and got an updated leg (their og prosthetic was shattered in the fall).

I don’t have a design for them as they are in IEYTD 3 yet, so for now just imagine more scarring, longer hair, and a metallic arm from the elbow onwards.

Now, enough about their physical description, now it’s time for more on their mental state(s). After the DE Incident, Phoenix refused to actually dive into their emotions about losing a leg and nearly dying and instead preoccupied themselves with learning to use their new prosthetic and getting well again so they could return to field work. They don’t like to be alone with their thoughts for too long otherwise they start to spiral to a bad place so they’re always listening to some kind of music (a radio, headphones, humming/singing a song to themselves, or just replaying songs in their head). Handler helps them with this and pulls them back to the present every so often. Phoenix also once received an anonymous gift package that contained some very comfy and good quality earbuds (three guesses as to who sent them). They weren’t too surprised by Juniper’s twist of actually being evil (they had an icky feeling about the slimeball ever since they heard his tone in his call during their mission briefing for Jet Set). During Safe and Sound (and by extension, the tutorial), Phoenix gets a sinking feeling that Handler was never truly with the Agency and had betrayed them until Juniper revealed his act. Phoenix is furious with him for toying with them like that and mentally kick themselves for falling for it and for allowing themselves to get that attached to Handler (it’s like a taboo/rule at the Agency for handler and agents to not get connected (they don’t have the budget for employee therapy)).

More random tidbits about them and some other stuff that I couldn’t work into the above paragraphs:

- JJ carries a comb in his pocket at all times because he wants to make sure he always looks good (the smug look on his face undercuts the effect)

- JJ’s hair is more on the side of fluffy/soft but when he slicks it back it looks thinner and more wiry

- Phoenix’s color before getting their TK was a darker blue

- Handler’s favorite flowers were marigolds but after Jet Set, he refuses to have any near him

- Before becoming a handler, Handler’s color was more of an orange before mellowing out to a golden yellow after his retirement from field work

- Phoenix and Handler are injured in opposite legs, to which Handler teases them about them becoming an old man like him (he’s not old, about mid/late 40s-ish, idk)

- Phoenix is around 5’8 while Handler is a little under 5’6

- The Agency trains agents with the implant to use a sort of pointing finger gesture to use their powers but they can develop their own hand sign/gesture that better suits them. The pointer finger is generally effective for everyone but is limited in the sense that the user can’t pick up/float heavy objects. Once agents find a gesture that works best for them, they’re able to lift larger objects (like other people, crates, chairs, etc.). Phoenix has yet to find their gesture

- Background characters do not get a color and are either solid black if they’re with Zoraxis or black with grey or muted gold accents if they’re with the Agency

- Phoenix can and does use their powers in their daily life when they’re off the clock. They use them while cooking to hover ingredients nearby, picking out clothes so that they don’t end up wrinkled on the ground, looking through reports on previous missions to study Zoraxis’ preferred attack methods (explosions, guns, darts, etc.), to grab things from high shelves or faraway, etc. They’re really casual about using it and have to stop themselves from doing it when they go out in public (unless no one’s looking)

- Phoenix isn’t a bad cook, they just like to burn their food on purpose (they like the taste and it annoys Handler)

- Handler is a good cook and gets ticked off whenever Phoenix burns food

- Songs that fit Handler: From The Start by Laufey, The World We Knew and My Way of Life by Frank Sinatra, No More by Manfred Minnich, Nothing by Bruno Major, Slow Summer Swing by Essential Jazz Masters, The Lamp is Low by Laurindo Almeida

- Songs that fit Phoenix: Skeleton Song by Kate Nash, Cloud 9 by Beach Bunny, Leave Me Alone by IDKHOW, Debt Collector, Bad Luck!, and Pressure Bomb 3?!?! by Jhariah (Beginner’s Guide versions), My Way by Frank Sinatra, This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory (thanks @dieing-lilac for sending me some of these <3)

The songs are a mix of songs from ones that fit their general vibes to ones where the lyrics are accurate (to some degree) of their emotions (Phoenix’s especially). 10/10 songs go check them out if you can

Also the way that character colors work for my style/designs is that it’s an artistic choice to color characters’ details rather than their scars/eyebrows/tongues literally being something like blue or green. A character’s color is a reflection of their personality, characteristics, and general feel that I get from them, with the exception of if a character already has a canonical color (like John Juniper and Roxana Prism). Handler is golden yellow because he seems warm and he likes/liked scotch and marigolds, as well as his subtitle color in IEYTD 1 being yellow (albeit a different shade). Zor is red and gold because Zoraxis is also red and gold so it just makes sense that they would have the same colors as their corporation (also the cliché that red=evil, that whole thing). Phoenix is cyan because of their powers and it fits their personality more than red or any other color would. I don’t really have a reason for why Fabricator would be indigo other than her polaroid pic’s lighting looks dark blue/indigo and that it just makes sense to me. Solaris would be orange because of her love for lasers and because her name makes me think of a glowing ember orange. The more of an impact a character has on the story, the brighter/more saturated their color is (Ex: Daniel Sans would have a muted yellow-green and Anna Ulanova would have a muted maroon because they both don’t appear much but aren’t unimportant).

I think that’s all I have for now, but some of Handler and Phoenix’s characterization can’t really be accurately described without just showing them in their element, so I’m thinking of maybe writing a little story about how Phoenix joined the Agency, how their training went, how they got the implant, and how the events of IEYTD 1 and 2 went with them :) No promises though as I’ll have to find time to plan it out, but if I ever do it I’ll be sure to put it on wattpad or ao3 or something, I’ve never posted a story anywhere before so we’ll see how it goes

Enough of my rambling, I set you readers who made it this far free <33 also here’s something for having made it all the way to the end: 🍬

[goldenflowers]

Okay now I've come to ask you about Elenion! I want to know everything!!! What about them has grown and changed? Are they still a bard with a bit of stage fright? Did their origin story change at all? How's Gale? Are you hoping for anything specific from Act 3? (You don't have to answer all those questions, just giving some prompts 😊) I'm pumped that you're loving the game!!!

ooh okay, well first of all i hope the way that i always switch between using he/him and they/them pronouns for elenion isn't confusing. i actually use the mirror to swap them in-game sometimes too and i really love that that's a thing they let you do. oh and speaking of using the mirror, back when i first started playing i shared with you some screenshots of what he looked like but since then i ended up changing to a slightly different face preset from a mod i had installed--he basically just has freckles and shorter/smaller ears now, but that fits much better than what i started with.

also, while i was waiting to be able to replace my hard drive i actually filled out a whole character sheet i found on here just for the fun of it and was planning to post it later! maybe i'll also write out a character description along with it, so i can reference that if i need to.

anyway, gonna put the rest of this under a cut just in case it gets lengthy! (assuming the cut shows up in the correct place, anyway. i had this reply saved as a draft and tumblr keeps glitching and messing things up whenever i save the draft.)

so back when i first started playing, i had come up with a basic idea for what kind of character i wanted to make but a lot of it was sort of vague. and then as i played through act 1 i ended up coming up with different ideas that i preferred and decided to stick with. i didn't really change too much about elenion's personality! i think i told you before that they've always wanted to live up to the legacy of their father who was himself a renowned bard but they're very anxious and insecure, and that they're very reserved but also friendly and good at putting on a confident facade. that's all still true. however, i think i also told you that they were pretty normal and didn't have a traumatic backstory and that their father died after they moved away from home… well, i did change that a bit! i decided that their father actually died like 15 years ago when they were still a teenager, in an accident that they have always believed was their fault, and there was no way for them to save him or bring him back--so that's why they've continued to act the way they do for so long, and also why they very infrequently visit baldur's gate and are anxious about returning. they gradually distanced themself from their home and from their mother out of guilt and haven't visited in years at this point, always using their work and their travels as an excuse, so now having to be back in the city means having to face that.

something else that's important is that before getting abducted by mindflayers elenion would basically do a lot of historical and anthropological research in whatever places he visited as a way to gain inspiration for his writing, and he actually really prefers just doing research and putting on smaller performances over trying to be the glamorous bard that his father was, but before ending up on this crazy journey and becoming more comfortable with opening up to gale and the other companions he would've never admitted that to anyone including himself. right now he still plans to just keep doing what he's been doing after all this is over, but maybe he'll end up accepting that it is not working, isn't making him happy, and probably isn't how his father would've wanted him to spend his life. all of this is still a fairly simple story, but hey, sometimes simplicity works best!

gale is literally so sweet and is such a gentleman and i can't believe there are people who hate him. something i did in the game not too long ago was find tara on a rooftop eating pigeons and after she left gale was like "oh by the way, i was thinking about introducing you two over a homecooked meal in my super cool tower that has a really nice kitchen and a wine cellar, if you would like that!" …uh, hello, who WOULDN'T afkjghdsfs. i actually had him in my party during the big battle at the mind flayer colony and he very nearly tried to blow himself up, but elenion talked him out of it and now he seems like he really does want to live, so obviously i'm glad about that… only now he constantly talks about wanting to find this book about the netherese crown and try to use its power, which is concerning and i really hope i don't somehow accidentally convince him to become a god omg. i honestly can't really think of anything specific that i'm wanting to see in act 3, i'm just excited to see what happens and how everybody's stories end! though i know gale has at least one more really sweet romance scene coming up in act 3 because i've seen gifs of it, so i guess i can say i'm looking forward to getting to see it for myself. i also really want to know what's going to happen with lae'zel and the githyanki egg we found since in my game she's been carrying it around and seems pretty attached to it, like are we actually going to come across a more accepting creche to drop it off at, or is she just going to end up becoming a mother, or…?? but as for the main plot i pretty much have no idea what to expect!!

[caramelarchive2]

I'm gonna put a cut in because this is a personal (non-fandom, not particularly personal personal) post and it's very long lol. it's about the many many electives I've done thanks to the school system where I went.

my P-10 school changed principals a lot but when I was in year 5, and from year 6-10, we got to do either two or three (changing principals) electives per semester. as a result, I've done classes in:

Japanese (actually, we had to do it from year 1 to 6, and year 7 and 8 you had to have a language. I did it from year 1 to 10)

Drama (year 5, 7-10, except for the last semester of year 9 because that semester they split year 9 and 10 classes but they still put on a play with the year 10s. I'm still bitter I missed out on that. But it was insanely helpful for my anxiety. I've never had stage fright or been afraid to act, oddly, but I used to be terrified of public speaking. even one on one. I literally could not talk to boys for a period.)

Photography (I'm pretty sure I did at least two semesters. Actually, it's come in helpful for my art.)

Psychology (second semester of year 9 and I think all of year 10. It was so fun but I missed out on the crime unit and they got to look at dead bodies because the teacher taught us like adults if we behaved like adults.)

Computer science and robotics (separate electives, I put them together because they were taught by the same teacher. I would have enjoyed the subject matter if it was taught better.)

Coding (out of school, actually, but still on school grounds...)

In year 5, we didn't get to pick the electives, our whole class just did the same ones. Because we didn't have individual timetables until year 7. I put drama in the above section because I continued it, but the other three I did that year were...

Art (the teacher sucked. I hated the class actually)

Food tech (most places have hospitality but we just did food OR textiles. in this one, we alternated between cooking and doing food theory)

Woodwork (HATED. it was so loud and smelt really shitty and also it was very stressful. The machines in that room could cut off a finger. I was 11.)

Also, in year 10, they let us pick which sciences we wanted to do. I got to do:

Cosmology (best term of science all through P-10. I loved the teacher too.)

Forensic science (we actually happened across a real (minor) crime during the unit)

Genetics and Disease studies (again, same teacher, different electives. The classes were interesting and I got to write ethics essays but there was too much biology.)

Finally, the honourable mention, creative writing. I tried to get in every year and it was full, except for the ONE year I got in, where not enough people joined to run the class. I did get to participate in the one day school program "Write a Book in a Day" from year 8 to 10, and in "Camp Sojourner" in year 6, which was a week of writing after school, led by my teacher at the time. He also organised a monthly Sojourner magazine for short stories that I contributed to throughout year 5 and 6.

so, yeah. interesting fact about me.

[shinydelirium]

MLQC Season 2 Chapter 9 (Kiro) Part 1 [Diversion] & [Rescue] Translation [CN]

***SPOILERS*** THIS POST CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR CONTENT NOT YET RELEASED ON EN SERVER!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!***

There wasn’t much left in terms of Kiro scenes in Chapter 9 so it’s only going to be 2 parts. Next up to be translated is the infamous Season 2 Chapter 12 TAT

Enjoy~

[Diversion]

The carriage shook violently and soon it moved along the track again, faster and faster.

MC: What exactly is going on?

Looking through the window, in front is an underground tunnel located under the road passage.

Kiro: This car entered a downhill section. Even if it stopped, it will continue to move forward due to inertia.

The boy panicked with fright.

MC: Can you still use Evol now?

His face turned pale but nodded.

Teenage Boy: I’ll try my best….

He tried to raise his hands. His shoulders trembled with effort but the train still didn’t stop.

Teenage Boy: Ugh, I’m sorry….I really don’t have the strength��.what should we do next?

Kiro frowned, seemed to think for a moment, then suddenly turned his head and looked at me with an indisputable tone.

Kiro: At this current distance, it’s estimated that there will be less than fifteen minutes before the train arrives at the station.

Kiro: If there is no way to stop it, the consequences will be disastrous.

Kiro: So we have to split into two groups. You go to evacuate the people in the square. I will stay and figure out a way to stop the train.

MC: But—

Kiro: You are in charge of the entire process of the event. Therefore, you must know better than me how to arrange the evacuation.

Reason told me that what he said was correct, but I didn’t seem to be able to give him an affirmative answer.

After the nightmare of the last hunter game, I realized that I never wanted to leave him in danger alone.

I looked up, trying to persuade him to leave together, but found that Kiro was also looking at me with seriousness in his eyes.

Kiro: Please, MC. This matter needs us to complete together.

I know very well that Kiro is right. If we act separately, only then can the risk be minimized…

I nodded and finally made this difficult decision.

MC: I believe in you.

MC: If you find that the situation is difficult to control, you must leave immediately!

Kiro nodded with relief and immediately turned towards Ah Liu.

Kiro: Ah Liu, you take MC out of here first.

Ah Liu: …Every day, I’m being called on by people, but the contract doesn’t have such details.

Ah Liu whispered with distress all over his face but still grabbed my hand without hesitation.

Ah Liu: All right, girl, come on.

Before the dazzling white light completely swallowed me, I shouted out with all my strength.

MC: Kiro, you must show up on time!

The bright white light dissipated. I opened my eyes and found that I had returned to the square where the event is held.

Ah Liu left with a “take care” and hurried back. I stood in place, looking around at crowd in the distance.

The glass buildings reflected dazzling sunlight and no one seemed to notice me suddenly appearing here on the crowded streets.

I took a deep breath and patted my cheeks firmly.

The more dire the crisis is, the more I have to stay alert. I can’t let myself worry about Kiro. It won’t help at all.

What I must do now is try my best to evacuate the people and get them out of the dangerous area under the track.

By now, most of the people gathered in this area are fans and staff members. In other words, I need to find a way to move this group of people to a safe place.

But if the cancellation of the event is announced, everyone will be displeased; if the truth came out, it will undoubtedly cause panic.

Without effective diversion measures, a stampede is more likely to occur.

What should I do…?

My eyes inadvertently swept over the staff from far away who were wearing mascot costumes and distributing advertising pamphlets. An idea suddenly popped into my head.

MC: That’s it!

I immediately took out my mobile phone. Only then did I realize that there was more than a dozen missed calls and all of them were from the company.

I called Kiki’s number back and an anxious voice was soon heard on the other end.

Kiki: Boss, you finally called back!

Kiki: What happened? We couldn’t get in touch with Savin, you, or Kiro anymore! Are you trying to scare us to death!

MC: We’re fine. However, the event schedule has temporarily changed.

MC: Wasn’t there a commercial center about one kilometer away from the previous site?

MC: Kiki, you call right now to confirm if you can provide us with a venue.

Kiki: Boss, are you crazy?! Rebuild the venue now? We don’t have much time left!

MC: It doesn’t matter how simple it is. The event must be held in another place.

I emphasized again into the phone and at the same time, I quickened my pace towards the backstage area.

The square is still full of excitement, whether it’s the LED screen on top of the station or the commercial building, almost all large and small billboards are occupied by Kiro’s image.

But at this moment, I can’t give it up.

I inhaled deeply, pushed down the uneasy feeling, picked up the walkie-talkie, and summoned the staff to backstage.

MC: After some consideration, we need to change the venue for the press conference and add a new warm-up event as well.

After I finished discussing about the hasty plan, there was a moment of silence.

MC: I’m sorry to inform you at the last minute, but we must do this.

MC: I will explain the specific reasons to you later. I will bear all the losses and consequences afterwards.

MC: And so…

Willow: It seems quite fun.

Kiki: Now that the boss has made such a decision, let’s do it.

Anna: We believe in you.

There is a rush of warmth in my heart, but I also know that this is not the time to rejoice.

MC: It shouldn’t be too late so let’s hurry.

There are mascot costumes left over from the last event in the warehouse. Everyone put them on one after another, and then sneaked out of the backstage area.

After confronting the host with the final plan, the anxiety that was suppressed in my heart surged up again.

I don’t know if it will work….

The warm-up music on the stage soon stopped, and the fans who didn’t know what happened at the scene looked towards the stage inexplicably.

The host stepped onto the stage and announced with a mysterious air—

Host: Kiro’s new song release conference warm-up activity—“The Search for Kiro” officially commences!

Host: There will be many bear mascots appearing in the area and Kiro is in one of them. Whoever finds him first will get the chance to sing with Kiro on stage!

The host’s words caused everyone to erupt with excitement.

During that time, many bear mascots appeared in Central Square. Some of them held balloons, some waved to fans, and then ran in different directions.

Even though it seems like it’s going well, my heart is still very anxious.

Perhaps it’s because the reward is too tempting or maybe all the fans in the square became infected by the lively atmosphere.

Not far away is the train track and further away is the skyline of the city decorated by tall buildings.

As long as I avoid the area below the track and disperse the flow of people as much as possible, my plan will be successful.

I looked at the last set of costumes and quickly made a decision in my heart.

[Rescue]

Putting on the last bear costume, I grabbed a handful of balloons and peeked out from behind the door to observe the situation.

When people weren’t paying attention, I quickly ran out.

Fan: There’s also a bear over there!

The voice came from afar and my nerves tightened. I immediately held my head and ran forward without stopping.

The bear mascots were found one by one. There was no one left in the original area and the security guards also blocked the venue as instructed.

After a while, people gradually came to me.

Kiki, who was in charge of monitoring the position of each bear on the headset, yelled at me.

Kiki: Boss, everyone has been found. You’re the only bear left!

MC: ?!!!

Kiki: Let’s run for it, boss!

Passing pedestrians hurried along and crowds gathered in front of the intersection, but the red light did not change.

Damn, it’s a red light….

I looked around anxiously, standing on my toes looking for a gap in which I could pass through.

Fan: I saw the head of a bear! Over there!

Realizing that my appearance in the crowd was too conspicuous, I quickly crouched down and moved aside.

I sit on a small stone bench on the side of the road, praying that the people coming and going can block my body.

A hand suddenly grabbed me from behind and held my hand tightly.

I’m sorry, but I can’t be discovered now!

But the stranger held my wrist, drew me towards him, and took off my headgear.

I suddenly raised my head and the strong sunlight made me squint my eyes.

Kiro: How long were you going to hide before you noticed me?***Changed some wording***

--It’s Kiro!

He lifted the brim of his hat, lowered his head, and there was a bright smile hidden in his blue eyes behind the glasses.

I was shocked, unable to believe that the person in front of me was the real Kiro.

Obviously the moment I saw him, my heart almost jumped out of my chest but there was an uncontrollable feeling in my eyes.

This person always falls from the sky when I need him most.

Always comes to me when I am least confident.

Always…

Kiro: A minute and one second isn’t bad. I came to the appointment on time.

Perhaps seeing the tears forming in my eyes, the smile on Kiro’s face was replaced by astonishment.

Kiro: Ah…do-don’t be sad. The superheroes in the movies tend to show up at the last minute.

MC: I’m crying out of happiness!

I took a deep breath and tried to stop the tears from coming out.

MC: How did you recognize me among so many people?

Kiro: Because you’re easy to recognize.

Kiro raised his eyes slightly and framed me with his fingers like a camera, using a very exaggerated tone.

Kiro: After all, this one is the best-looking bear in the world.

He motioned for me to get closer, looked around, and whispered in my ear.

Kiro: (soft, teasing whisper) Fugitive little bear, we should run away.

Before I could react, he pulled his hat down, then held my hand tightly and ran towards the end of the street.

We went through the gaps in the crowd and ran up the sky bridge.

A little girl licking a lollipop raised her head, pointed at Kiro and yelled in surprise.

Little girl: Ah! You’re the mister who sings very well.

Kiro: Shhh, this balloon is for you. Keep it secret, okay?

We turned the corner and took a shortcut from the alley.

An old woman with a cane and reading glasses at a newsstand widened her eyes at us.

Elderly woman: Are you Kiro? Real people really are more handsome than on TV! When I was young, you were my favorite!

Kiro: You’re still very young now!

MC: Ma’am, please don’t tell anyone that we passed by here!

Kiro relied on rhetorics and charisma to smoothly open up a large part of the crowd.

The rays from the sunset pour into the street little by little, and we continued to run.

MC: I can’t run anymore….

My physical strength was almost gone. I was so tired that I was panting and I couldn’t keep the bear’s head from slipping.

Kiro straightened the bear’s head and pointed in front of us.

Kiro: Kiro’s escape plan was a complete success!

I came back to my senses and looked at the stage.

The crowds continued to gather and the clock in the distance gradually rang. There’s not much time left.

My heart beats rapidly in my chest and I suddenly felt nervous as if I was about to go on stage.

I took off the bear headgear and said to Kiro incoherently.

MC: The stage has been set up temporarily so it may not be that sturdy. Be careful not to fall off when you’re on it.

Kiro: Okay.

MC: The band, lighting, and sound effects are not in place yet. Kiki said that the host hasn’t arrived….

MC: So there may be only one microphone to use on stage…

Kiro: I know.

MC: So no matter what the result….

Before I could finish, Kiro suddenly held up my face.

His fingers traced my eyebrows and gently smoothed out my brows that had been creased together because of my distress.

Kiro: Leave the rest to me.

Kiro: I assure you, they will only have Kiro in their eyes.

After he finished speaking, his tone was determined and confident. The corner of his lips is painted with a smile that was brighter than the sunset.

Kiro: Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone down.

Kiro turned around, swiftly propped his hands on the edge of the railing, and jumped onto the temporarily constructed simple stage.

His figure quickly attracted everyone’s attention.

He threw his hat aside, walked briskly to the middle of the stage and grabbed the microphone.

Passerby: Is that….Kiro?

Fan: Aaahhhh, it’s Kiro!!!! It’s really Kiro!!!

An instant of monstrous screaming and shouting came to my ears.

There were people running into me, passing by, following the dazzling figure on stage, looking for the place where he was.

Mom: Aaahhh---Kiro!!! I will always support you!!! ***The original text was “洛洛(Luo Luo)” but I decided to stick with “Kiro” since it’s easier to follow XD. I guess this means Kiro has a canon nickname :)***

Little girl: Mom, you’re hurting my ears! Can you calm down?

Little girl: And mom, what exactly is a star?

Mom: A star is a person who can shine.  A person who can illuminate others.

Mom: That nice man you see standing there….

Hearing the conversation between the mother and daughter, I couldn’t help but smile. My eyes couldn’t help chasing the radiant figure on the stage.

The cool evening breeze blew his hair, turning his hair into a pulsating golden color.

Even though the weather was heading towards the end of autumn and into the beginning of winter, there is a hazy heat wave between the stage and the shouting audience.

This wave swept through the restless drums, unstoppable, and easily enveloped everyone’s emotions.

The world in my eyes is gradually blurred by the exciting music and drumbeats. Only Kiro on stage is very clearly and deeply burned in my heart.

I was unable to look away.

-End of Part 1-

Continue to Final Part

[ink-flavored]

The Rules of Possession - HHSH

I know I don’t post a whole lot about my fan fiction here, but I just spent an hour and a half writing the rules of possession for Haunted House Sweet Home, and I’m VERY proud of myself, so YOU ALL HAVE TO SEE IT NOW!!!

And if you’re a reader: don’t worry, no spoilers! Just foreshadowing~

Possession

How possession works

Everything that contains a soul has a place to keep it – a body, for instance. When an angry spirit dies, they can (oftentimes unintentionally) force open rifts between life and death and tie their souls to the objects of choice. In doing this, they have created an unstable container to house themselves. This teetering on the edge of both worlds is what gives them power to possess at all, as well as perform curses, sacrifices, and other occult rituals.

When a spirit possesses a host, their soul has to have a place to go. They can’t possess objects they aren’t attached to, because they never had souls in the first place – you can’t host a soul without space for it to “live.”  In a human host, the body is the “container” for the soul – a soul that’s already there.

So how does a spirit fill a space that’s already occupied? Trick question: they don’t.

[Continued under the cut]

Possession is one soul superimposed on another. It’s not so much replacing a soul that already exists than overpowering it, and forcing it into submission while the intruding soul takes the driver’s seat. The intruding soul has complete power over the body, but the host they’re possessing is still able to comprehend everything that happens to them during the possession. Unless the intruding spirit makes a conscious choice to subdue their host’s memory of the event, they will remain conscious and aware the entire time, unable to do anything but watch.

But possession isn’t immediate. It’s a slow process that, if interrupted, can fail very easily. This is why so many spirits don’t try to possess their intended hosts until they’re alone – less opportunity for distraction.

Stages of Possession

Stage 1. Lure Think about a predatory fish luring in prey with their bioluminescence. The poor things don’t even realize they’re being tricked until it’s too late. This, more or less, is how the beginnings of a possession begins.

The spirit’s soul can resonate with another, imperceptibly unless they’re also a spirit themselves. Like a dog whistle, the spirit sends out a siren call to their host’s soul to draw them in. The host won’t even realize they’re being lured, but they might perform strange behaviors – reaching for something without intending to, standing in place for minutes without knowing why, and even talking to themselves.

This is the most delicate part of a possession. If the host in distracted in any way from the spirit’s lure, it breaks like a thread, and they have to send out another. If the first stage of a possession fails, it’s very likely that the host will recognize and resist the next attempt. Most possessions are decided at this stage. Many never happen at all.

Stage 2: Coercion The host has either become immobilized by the lure, unable to resist, or has ignored all odd signs and chosen not to resist. At this point, the spirit can begin its overpowering of the host’s soul, and work to impose their own.

Just like in the first stage, the spirit resonates with the host soul, but this time not to draw it in, but to order it to make room. The “siren call” becomes caustic – a dissonant note to the first stage’s peaceful harmony – and the host soul recoils. This self-protective measure actually becomes the way for the intruding spirit to get their foot in the door, taking advantage of the soul’s distress to take its place in the host’s body.

As for the host themselves, they also will not notice this battle taking place – especially not if they’ve been immobilized. Though they might feel anxious for reasons they can’t describe, or feel like they’re being watched. Once the spirit has partially entered the body, they might notice they can’t move their limbs, that their limbs are moving without their intent, or that their voice sounds different. Sometimes, the sprit attempts to fight back, which creates a headache-like sensation in the host body.

It is extremely difficult for this stage to be interrupted, because it happens in seconds. And if an interruption is attempted, it might only distract the host from their peril, and allow the intruding spirit to leap straight into the third and final stage…

Stage 3: Domination The host soul is caught in the spiritual equivalent of a headlock, and the intruding spirit now gains complete control over the body. Until the usurper decides the possession is over, the host is helpless to the whims of their possessor.

Instead of constantly fighting with the host soul, the spirit pastes themselves over top of it, in order to create the “superimposed” effect discussed earlier. The two souls don’t become one, exactly, but it’s impossible for the host soul to fight back without injuring itself. Glue two pieces of paper together, and try to tear one without breaking the other; that is what being possessed is, and why it is impossible to force a possession to end from the outside – or from the inside.

While in control of the body, the intruding spirit keeps the power of their own mind, meaning that they can superimpose their own memories into their host as though it were a lived experience. In stronger cases, the superimposition of the memory – especially a strong one, like the spirit’s memory of death – can cause lasting damage both in the host’s mind, and potentially on their body. The line between life and death shrinks when a host is possessed, and a spirit may unintentionally (or intentionally, in some cases) harm their host simply by sharing a memory, or existing inside them for too long.

On the other side of the same coin, the spirit can choose to block the host’s mind from comprehending the possession. Using a similar technique to the one used to share memories, the intruder can overlay their host’s mind with white noise, preventing them from seeing, hearing, etc. anything to do with the possession. This is a permanent effect – when the spirit leaves the body, the host will have no memory of what transpired during their possession. Sometimes, spirits like to extend the filter to include the memories of becoming possessed, so the host is completely ignorant of their situation. This, of course, does not erase any damage done to the body during the possession.

After a Possession

The aftermath of a possession for a victim, especially for one that is able to remember their possession, is a deeply traumatic one. Many suffer bouts of anxiety for days, if not weeks, as well as persistent paranoia, and, in rare cases, hallucinations. Often, the body is as jumbled as the mind, and becoming suddenly unpossessed can involve sweating, shivering, migraines, vomiting, muscle spasms, and even fainting. This is all in addition to any injuries they may have sustained during the possession – either from actions of the intruder or from superimposed memories.

Repeated or Long-Term Possessions

Being regularly possessed, or possessed for long periods of time, exacerbates all of the above side-effects, and comes with a new set of its own.

The host soul will gradually become more susceptible to possession, and this is the reason that becoming unpossessed is so much worse for repeat victims – as the soul becomes weaker, it also begins to rely on that second presence to stay stable. If the soul is thrown off-balance, the host body is similarly affected.

A repeat victim of possession will, feel unable to fill their own body, as if something inside of them has gone missing. This is the impact of the soul growing dependent on the intruder, and if they are conscious during their regular possessions, they feel whole for reasons they can’t explain, even if the intruder is committing horrible acts.

The victim will also start to confuse the memories of their repeat-possessor with their own, confuse their name with their possessor’s, or even start to identify as the possessor. This is exclusive to hosts who are aware of their host during the possession. Hosts who have their memories blocked do not experience this, as they have no knowledge of their possession.

The longer the victim  is possessed, or the more frequent their “sessions,” as a host, the worse these symptoms become. Many die “of fright.” In reality, their souls have wasted away to nothing, and when the intruding soul leaves, they leave behind only a husk.

[act-addict-actors-matchups]

@cinnamon-bunni said,

Hi, can I get a matchup please? I'm an ambiverted infp-t leo. I'm extremely quiet at first, out of shyness and that I don't really know how to talk to people. I can come across as passive or indifferent too, but really I'm not good at expressing myself. I try to make up for it by being extra polite but I tend to zone out a lot. Once I'm out of my shell I become really hyper and talkative depending on the other's energy level. I'm told I have a sense of humour and a little snark too. (1/2)

I love physical affection but I'm not good at initiating things; I prefer to make stuff for friends to show I care. For interests, I love drawing, needlefelting and animals. I like to try and befriend cats when I'm out and share random animal facts;; There aren't many things I don't like but I'm camera shy and have super bad stage fright, ironically;; tysm in advance 💞 (2/2)

✧ Thank you so much for requesting a matchup, love. As an Aries, I really love Leo’s lol. I hope the matchup is to your liking and am sorry it took me so long to get it down. 💓

I’d match you with: . . .

➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; Cats. That’s it. That’s the post. That’s how you two first met each other. Jokes aside, you were on your way to meet up with your friends. That is until you got distracted by bunch of kitty cats. Just as you were about to reach your hand to pet one of them, it started to run towards the opposite direction. The action made you pause because normally you’d be able to befriend any cat without a problem. That talent was something you had pride in and you always made sure to rub it on your friend’s faces. Out of curiosity, and for the sake of your pride, you followed the cat until your eyes caught a glimpse of light purple locks. In the middle of bunch of stray cats were a young man dressed very casually, petting and playing with the cats, an energetic smile present on his face. He was wearing a dark green hoodie with a yellow triangle pattern at the front and a pair of blue jeans rolled up above his ankles. He also tied a yellow lumberjack shirt around his waist and wore a pair of white Vans with a camouflage pattern. If you weren’t irritated by how many cats were around him, you would have thought he was attractive. Very, very attractive. With a huff, you were about to turn back and continue walking until you felt something soft rubbing against your legs. Glancing down, you were surprised to find an Abyssinian cat rubbing its head and softly purring. The irritation you were feeling was thrown out of the window as you bent down to pet it. You were happily petting the cat until an amazed shout pulled you away from your trance. “Woaah, a cat with triangular face! I wanna pet it too!” Before you knew it, the man who was surrounded by kitties were right beside you, his orange eyes sparkling with excitement as your hand made contact with the cat’s head once more. “Go ahead. It’s not like I own it anyways.” You mumbled with a shrug of your shoulders. He thanked you and called you a nice stranger girl before starting to pet the cat as well. Everything was normal until he started to meow. It got even weirder when the cat meowed back at the male. You raised an eyebrow at the male’s action as you slowly started to back away. But what the male said stopped you in your tracks. “Waaa, he says he likes you! I’m so jealous.” With a glance at the boy, you asked how did he know what the cat was saying and as a response, he said he could talk to cats. Of course, like every sensible and rational person you didn’t believe him. Before you knew it, you were giving him a bunch of reasons how it was impossible to talk to animals. What you didn’t expect was for him to not hear a single thing you’ve said and talk about something entirely else. With his friendly but really eccentric personality, you couldn’t help but talk back to him. After spending some time together surrounded by cats, you learned that his name was Misumi Ikaruga and he was an actor at Mankai Company. You had to admit, he was an oddball but in a good way. Without you noticing he even convinced you to go and watch him act at the theater. After checking the time, you realized that you were going to be late to meeting with your friends, you quickly stood up. Giving him a one last wave, you turned ahead and started to walk towards your destination after making a mental note to buy a ticket for Summer Troupe’s next play.

➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; Misumi is probably one of the most friendly guy you can come across and he doesn’t really mind if you’re quiet at first because he can literally talk for hours about anything and everything. He doesn’t judge people or anything for that matter so it’s impossible for him to find you indifferent. He’s like the sun honestly, so I bet before you know it, you’d be comfortable enough to be your true self around him. He’s extremely energetic so good luck matching his energy level. Don’t worry about not initiating physical affection because Misumi is able to initiate it enough for the two of you. Sometimes, when he's passing you by he will kiss your cheek, then run out the door. Other times he'll surprise you and give you a kiss in the weirdest places. Your back is turned towards him, he will hug you and rest his chin on your shoulder or head, depending on your height. You prefer to make stuff for people you care about? Please, please, PLEASE make him a triangle. He will keep it by his side and treasure it until his last breath. It might even have equal value with his triangle ruler that his grandfather gave him.

➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Well aside from your regular triangle hunting, befriending every single animal you’ve come across has became your ritual at this point since your boyfriend is basically an animal magnet. Like, you’d be walking together and cats, dogs or even birds would follow you two. You’re extremely lucky in that department since you love animals very much. If the weather is bad, two of you would do triangle crafts together. He absolutely loves your artistic abilities and how you can make the best triangles. Yes, you’ve even superpassed Kazunari in his eyes. A big accomplishment if you ask me. Onigiri making is also something you regularly do together. Not gonna lie, he makes the best onigiris in the entire world. He might even superpass Omi when it comes to onigiri making. Well, aside from typical Misumi activities, he’d also take you on normal dates like park & beach walks, moon gazing at night, cat cafes and so on. Honestly, everything you do together is fun. You make him feel loved and wanted, something only his grandfather did. Having someone like you there for him made him realize how lonely he had felt, please just protect this precious boy.

➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Misumi’s birthday is on June 6 which makes him a Gemini. Leo x Gemini love match is an equation that hits off right from the very first time these two individuals converse with each other. The charm and intelligence of the Gemini attracts the Leo like a moth to a flame. At the same time, the confidence and conspicuousness of the Lion is enough to blow the the Twins away. Both Gemini and Leo signs know how to flirt and are extremely compatible with each other from the word go. They love to talk about all the topics in the world and their communication is free-flowing, intellectual, fun and without any barriers. The immense loyalty of the Leo makes the Gemini feel comfortable in their own skin. On the other hand, the Twins has no problem in catering to the Lion's need for flattery and admiration. Leo gets a lot of attention from Gemini, and thus gives everything to their relationship in turn, which makes their equation tick from the very beginning. This is one of the most compatible pairings in the zodiac chart and if the minor friction is handled with maturity by both the parties, the Leo and Gemini compatibility relationship can last a lifetime. A lifetime, which will be filled with love, happiness, and success.

[snazzamazing]

Stupid random theories, headcanons, and unpopular opinions of mine

Btw, these are all long so sit tight

My mangle theory :

I cant be the only one here who thinks that mangle was taken apart by little kids. It wouldn't make sense that little toddlers would be strong enough to pull apart a metal robot. That's because the kids didnt break her, william did. Mangle seems like he was an inspiration from funtime foxy because sister location happened before AND a lot of times, "toy foxy" is often referred to "funtime foxy". Due to this inspiration, mangle had the ability to record voices and things just like funtime foxy. Why am I pointing this out? Well, why would mangle randomly have static noises and a broken radio sound? It's her recorder, it's broken. He recorded many things and then recorded something that someone didnt want anyone to find out about. That someone would be William afton. William is always suspicious and doing evil things.Let's say that, oh idk, maybe William murdered someone, some person called the cops on him, (which explains the police messages n stuff in the radio) William killed that person and his the evidence of the murders. At least that's what he thought. Mangle was somehow recording the whole thing. William had no other choice but to take her apart and destroy him. But then William thought that it would to suspicious to have mangle be randomly broken the next day and so he fixed mangle up in way where it looks like shes fixed, but one tug hes broken and the kids are there to blame for. All of this might be a stretch I know, but apparently in one of the fnaf 2 minigames where theres a mangle Sprite, in the files or sources codes or WHATEVER IDK, there's a hidden message that says "he was here" or something like that. THAT CAN SUPPORT THIS THEORY errr headcanons? Idk I should go sleep lol

Micheal headcanon:

I always wanted to believe that Micheal was the older brother/Bully and that the bite victim was a different character. Why? Because I want more..character for Micheal. He went to sister location because he wants his torn apart family to be back together. He went to save Elizabeth and he never forgave himself for being the one to 'kill' his brother and all that failed. I wanted Michaels story to be exciting and emotional because of his past and the whole family thing

I also always liked to think that Micheal started working out to gain some strength before becoming a technician because he knows that the robots are strong and dangerous. That way things can be more action packed with Michael punching through pipes and walls, and holding back animatronics trying to grab him, and just...cool stuff

Fnaf headcanons:

Freddy has a nice deep voice and that's his real voice. When it comes to preforming during the day, he talks in his "family friendly" voice which is all goofy and fun (kinda like Patrick star's voice) The animatronics are a lot different on stage. It's as if they play as characters and they change their voices sometimes (like Freddy). Chica acts like this ditzy cute country gal, Bonnie is a laid back chill bon, foxy is just more ...pirate, and Freddy is a fun loving silly lead singer

Nightmarriones pupils change shape to Express his emotions. (Sad=tear drop pupils, sick=swirly pupils, angry=skull or fire pupils)

Lefty has his own voice instead of a whispery girly voice because he is his own character. He may look like the rockstars but he was made differently. The rockstars were built by some factory or company and they have advanced technology which gives em the ability to have emotions, personalities and to do tricks. Meanwhile lefty was built by henry in a shed or something. Henry only focused on programming him to find charlie and he had to make lefty look like the rockstars to blend in and not be suspicious. Other than that, lefty was a total rush job. Henry only wanted Charlie therefore, Henry didn't care to give lefty a personality, emotions, an EYE, or stablness.

In the afton family, the mother is sweet, kind, caring, and over protective while william is outgoing, silly, and isnt afraid to do anything (before he went insane). Usually kids have similar personalities to their parents soooo I like to think that Micheal is more like his mom but looks like his dad and that Elizabeth looks like her mom but acts like her dad. Why? Because I always saw Michael as a hero, he cares for others and he wants to save his family. He is sweet and protective like his mom. Elizabeth is rebellious and sassy. In the sister location mini cutscene with William and Elizabeth, she disobeys william to see baby and that's a rebellious move. Elizabeth likes adventure and crazy things so she wont follow the rules any time soon.

Funtime chica does all the rockstar's make up. When months pass by, the rockstar's paint would peel or chip and so ft. Chica would repaint their lipsticks, eye shadows, cheeks, etc. And they look fresh and new afterwards

Even though puppet and Goldie (and all the other animatronics) have been through so much shiz, they still try to keep their cool and enjoy life

In the rockstar crew r. Bonnie is the creepiest. Yeah, he seems chill and is self centered, he is the only rockstar who is most likely to murder someone if he's told to do so (this isn't counting ucn where they all kill). All on Bonnie's songs are so creepy and he sings about killing you in unique ways. Stuff like making slivers (or slippers) out of you, flaying your flesh, smashing your face into concrete, ending your life, and stabbing your heart with his guitar. He's definitely into gory stuff

Springtrap has two different personalities. Most of the time he's himself, spring bonnie. A kind fun loving bun who completely changed his personality after becoming springtrap. He is know constantly scared, upset, and afraid of Williams next move. He hates being an evil monster but it's not something he can control due to William still having control over him. When the slringbonnie side of springtrap gets mad or upset that's when hes weak and William takes control and becomes the evil side of springtrap. Springtrap is very aggressive and very strong. Slringbonnie tries to fight back Williams spirit, but as time went on and when the kids got sent free, spring bonnie got lonely and gave up which let William take full control over him. Sprjngbonnie is gone, its William now (which explains scraptrap)

Idk if this is a theory or headcanon but fnaf 1 bonnie is blue. Yes, he is known to be purple and everyone says and draws him purple but he's blue. Maybe it's the certain blue color he is but due to lightning it makes him look very purple. When he's in more darker areas, bonnie is very blue but when he's in the light areas, hes purple. Let's not forget how every single version on bonnie is blue (except for extras like spring springbon and bonnet etc.) Exept for fnaf 1 bonnie. That doesn't make sense if one of the originals would be purple but all the other versions are blue. One more thing, in the silver eyes, they mention that bonnie has blue fur ;) this was a dumb rant sorry

Shadow bon is evil and can shape shift cause hes a goopy shadow boy and shadow fred is his lil assistant

After fazbears fright burned down, William got to take control over springbonnie(trap) and roamed the streets at night. He roamed dark allies and probably killed whoever slighted him. It was a long walk but he was just trying to get to his destination, fred bears diner. Because of the fires, the springtrap suit was more ruined and unsturdy and so it was time for a change. Somehow William got out of the suit but he's weak without one so he picked an old spring bonnie suit, scraptrap. (According to the fnaf minigames there are multiple spring bonnie suits so that why spring trap looks different)

I got more headcanons but this post is already to long :p

My Unpopular opinions:

Am I the only one here who's not way into the whole Michael AI theory?? Like it kinda makes sense but at the same time, making a whole new robot son with advanced technology IN THE 80s does not give the fnaf-y feel?? Ya know what I mean? Like it doesn't fit the theme? Also the ai thing is in the books and the books are a different universe from the games sooo idk why matpat still connected them?? Hsjsbsjsjsn fnaf is just waaaaay to confusing. Also please dont get mad at me for this opinion cause matpats ai thing is just a theory, its not canon

Foxy isnt super great. Dont get me wrong, I love foxy and he's an amazing character but I don't get why he got so much attention and hype

Bonnet and lolbit should just be canon already. They're not canon characters but they're included in sooo many things in fnaf so might as well make em canon

Funko needs to make a fnaf 2 figure set where you collect t.chica,t.bonnie,t.freddy, puppet, one of the withereds or shadows and you collect them all to make a mangled mangle figure. I would DIE for a fully formed noodle fox figure, how cool would that be?

Scraptrap design is perfect. I know that we all make peanut and Jimmy neutron jokes but honestly I love his sharp teach, creepy eyes, AMazInG voice, and his stabby arm. Sometimes in some angles, he can look heck a creepy

SCRAP BABY LEGITIMATELY FREAKS ME OUT SHES SCARY

butter sock

[scattered-imagination]

STATUS: OPEN AND READY TO RP

Romantic Relationship: single and open to applications

Friendships: open to applications!

Name: Hayden Pickett

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Relationship: single as a pickle

Species: Siren

Appearance: blonde hair, green eyes, olive toned skin, 5'6"

Personality: quiet, shy, withdrawn around strangers, funny and silly with friends, dark secret is that he has a dirty/dark sense of humor, gets stage fright; struggles with self worth, anxiety, and a little bit of depression, wants to make friends and go on dates, but anxiety makes him go nyoom to the nearest dark space, loves listening to music and aspires to be a singer or song writer one day, anything to do with music, fiercely loyal, you can insult him but he will kill you if you mess with his friends

The only times he uses his siren voice

1. When he absolutely has to

2. When he gets surprised or scared

He has had crushes but never acts in them.

Hes super passionate about music and any form of art. His guilty pleasure is Watching English murder dramas such as "midsomer murders"

His motto is others before himself. He is in no way naive or stupid, he just appears to be.

He wants to be in a relationship so badly, but he gets nervous, shy, and doubts himself. So he has never had a long term relationship, but he has gained some friends from the failed dates.

Family:

Father-Scott

StepMom- Delphi

Oldest Brother-Callum

Oldest Sister- Absidee

Older Brother - Micthell

Younger twin sisters- Tate and Talia

Background: hayden was raised by his father and oldest brother after his mother left when he was 2 years old. Hayden has always been quiet, ever since he was born in the Atlantic ocean off the coast of England. Because of that he was bullied, mocked and teased by children and adults alike. His father had enough when Hayden came home one day with a black eye, busted lip, and several broken ribs. He moved the family onto the coast of England to avoid the harassment of his son. That's where he met Delphi , who defended Hayden and his siblings from nosey neighbors. Soon, when Hayden was 7, Delphi and Scott got married. When he was 15 they had twin girls.

Now Hayden wants to become a song writer or singer, but he is so nervous and shy. He works 2 jobs to try and get himself used to crowds and the music industry.

He works in a coffee shop during the day, where they have an open mic and he watches the musicians come in and do their piece.

He works at a radio station during the night, helping ste up playlists, discovering new songs, and generally being a good little gopher.

He loves swimming, but doesnt go as deep as he used to due to fear of meeting other sirens and putting up with abuse and harassment again.

He and his family are very close and he cherishes them...though his older siblings can be nosey and overprotective and his younger sisters are very opinionated.

Likes: music, any string instrument, rain storms, animals especially stingrays/manta ray's, movies such as nightmare before christmas, Musical Broadway's such as Dear Evan Hansen and Lion King, piano, game nights, dancing, singing, thunderstorms.

Dislikes: crowds, confrontations, strangers, people stereotyping him cause of his siren heritage, fire/heat, loud noises, singing or dancing in public, earbuds (he prefers big chunky headphones), ignorant people, people insulting his friends and family, small spaces, shouting and yelling.

((Feel free to reblog this or post an RP starter with me tagged. I'm so in love with this character and I would love to RP with people~ just be respectful and kind please))

[fanfeline]

The Danton Case - Complete Notes

More like disjointed amusing moments, but whatever.

Here is a complete post of my notes through all 5 acts of Pryzybyszewska’s Danton Case! I really enjoyed doing this, and I hope you all did as well. Let me know if I should do Thermidor as well....

Act I

Robespierre: Well, this is too much. I look like a gigantic withered cauliflower.

Note: this is his first line in the play.

We’re not going to talk about Eléonore trying to give Maxime a blowjob we’re just not

please don’t make me

please

Eléonore and Robespierre have a really weird relationship in this; he barely tolerates her existence, but keeps being very physical with her and it’s very uncomfortable to read.

“Child, I do not love you anymore - I am literally indifferent to you!”

I don’t even know what to say about Saint-Just in this he’s barely human

Saint-Just [glumly]: Are you delirious? Robespierre: [bursts out laughing, which does not necessarily reassure his friend]

Robespierre has strange names for people

Eléonore is “lioness,” “viper” etc.

Camille is “calf” “wonder child” “talented baby” and a bunch of just…random stuff

Danton and Co. have really weird code names that are never explained

Danton himself is C Three. No idea why.

Louise absolutely despises Danton with her whole heart

[Camille Desmoulins rushes in, very excited]

Again, this is how he enters the play

Danton: Stay. Well, Camille? Have a drink. Well, what have you done now?

Everyone wants to be a dictator and tyrant!! cause that’s how it went.

Act II

Collot: let’s kill Camille!! Robespierre: ...no.

Paraphrased, but barely

Camille: Danton, I will not allow even you to make such jokes. Danton [grips and squeezes him]: What, you won’t allow it?! [squeezes him stronger] You still won’t? Camille [swooning]: Mm-n-mm…oh!

Camille [more softly, clasping his hands nervously] Georges: send me to die. I want to die for you. Danton [gives a friendly laugh] Better write, instead of dying...what use is your corpse to me?

yeah no one actually has any respect for Camille in this play

Vadier [a veritable mimosa as far as his self-love is concerned]

[sparks fly from Danton’s eyes]

he has laser eyes, who knew?

Danton: And you still won’t take your mask off, thought I see through it to every line on your face?! English blood, no doubt….[Robespierre reacts with an Irish look, knowing that it is not worth correcting such remarks]

Robespierre: Oh, yes: I’ve made a fatal mistake. Danton is a source of the plague.

[Camille rushes in, ill-tempered, throws off his cloak and hat, falls on the sofa and assumes a depressed pose.] Lucile: Well…? [when her husband makes a demonstrative gesture] Oh, my spouse! We’ve done something foolish again?!

Robespierre: He [Camille] simply must have his melodrama!

Camille’s sitting in front of him. They’re the only ones in the room.

Robespierre and Camille fight brutally, and to be honest it really hurts to read.

Act III

Actually, both Robespierre and Danton want to be king. Who knew?

Collot [starts to his feet]: Who asked you to interfere, you...underling?! Lindet: Thank you for that honorable title, hangdog. [Collot throws himself at Lindet, restrained by those near him.]

Lindet seems to spend the rest of the CPS meeting ringing a bell and begging people to shut up.

Robespierre: Which of us will go drown out that miracle-making thunderous bass (Danton)? My drawing-room contralto, perhaps? Or Saint-Just’s low-pitched tenor?

Robespierre is very musical in this play, whistling “the entire chromatic scale” in Act I for no reason and then doing this in Act III

[Lindet vehemently rings the bell]

Saint-Just (looking for paper): Nothing doing without the secretary…. [attacks the cabinet, breaks fingernails]

smooth, dumbass. lmao

[Delacroix has the familiar Satanic expression of a fellow conspirator]

Camille [shakes]: Don’t dare mention him (Robespierre)! [leans towards him (Danton) across the table] I’ve spent my life on my knees before the two of you. I’ve worn myself out in your service. And you both knew slyly how to exploit my blindness. From now on I am a free man. I don’t care what happens to me… but I’ve broken with both of you, rotten idols, forever. [turns away]

His newly-declared independence lasts approximately 1 page before he collapses sobbing and pledges his allegiance to Danton again

Again, Danton is uncomfortably physical and abusive with Louise.

She hates him so much… there is no healthy relationship in this play.

ahhhh shit it’s time for the “trial”

Robespierre: I request - the right - to speak!

Most characteristic line yet, if you ask me

Why is Courtois defending Danton? Or does he just hate Robespierre that much?

Act IV

[Camille is standing by the window, crying]

This is roughly the third time this has happened in this play

Philippeaux is just yelling at a very depressed Camille it’s not fun to read Camille: Have pity...and help me, or I shall perish!!! [throws himself on the bed] Philippeaux: You will die in five days, Desmoulins. [Camille goes numb. His crying stops like a switched-off radio]

ngl this made me...very upset

Figure II [stretches out his hand]: Camille, no irony is intended: we thank you in the name of France. [Camille, consoled, returns the embrace and smiles] Philippeaux: Camille - that’s the Comte and Vicomte d’Estaing (royalists). [Camille withdraws, horrified.]

Everyone’s sitting on each other’s beds and it just reads like a massive sleepover for these few lines (ignoring the fact that they’re imprisoned and will be dead in 5 days)

Lucile tries bribing the judges, and is rather disappointed when they don’t take her bribes.

And then Legendre walks in and Lucile is like “you know what? New plan. Hey Legendre you’re a butcher right? Go murder Robespierre!”

Lucile?!?!?!?

[But the essentially gay tone does not change]

That’s a decent summary of Pryzybyszewska

[It is likely that Desmoulins will provoke deadly French laughter deriding both him and his party]

Fouquier-Tinville is already so done with everyone

Robespierre (to Eléonore) [extends one hand to her; he leaves the other on his forehead]: I am sorry. I’m going insane.

Robespierre forgot to eat for like 36 hours and honestly? same

also he’s an authoritarian dictator now i guess

[Robespierre breaks into sonorous, pleasant laughter and disappears]

Act V

[Desmoulins is standing on the table, at which Philippeaux is reading]

This is the stage setup at the beginning of the act. Camille is still Camille.

Danton: Ah, that is exactly the point! Ha, ha! Maxime has done me a very good turn by having systematically concentrated power in his own hands for years: all I need to do now is to take from him… a ready-made dictatorship!

...What?

Camille’s trying desperately to convince Danton to spare Robespierre’s life after all of this he’s still trying to save his friend whyyyyyyyyyyy

[Danton stretches his hand towards the candle] Camille [nervously]: No!!! Georges, please don’t put it out!... Danton [with outstretched hand]: But why? Camille: It’s so horrible here… please leave it, I implore you!

Look, I hate Camille’s infantilization in media as much as the next person, but ahhhh my heart

Camille [after a while, shyly]: Georges….

Danton starts to like...feel himself up and monologue dramatically while everyone else is asleep it’s a real weird page and a half

also he calls Robespierre a “red Irish monkey”

Camille starts screaming and talking in his sleep, begging someone (Robespierre, I wonder?) for forgiveness

Philippeaux: But what did you have against saving that boy - whom, without any reason, you have driven to suicide?... Danton [gives Camille a contemptuous look]: Should I have gratified Robespierre, do you think? For that matter, it will be better for Desmoulins himself to die than to prostitute himself again.

[Depressed silence again. Robespierre slowly places his elbows on the table, and his forehead on his joined hands.]

same

This is roughly the part where Robespierre begins to collapse mentally - continuing well into the next play, “Thermidor”

Fouquier: [bangs the table with a file because Danton is opening his mouth again]

Danton actually manages to turn the whole crowd against the Committee - the mob starts calling for immediate acquittal and protesting the mockery of a trial

Fabre: Thank God it’s the end. I’m barely alive anyway.

Pryzybyszewska makes very clear that the whole trial is corrupted and rigged against the Indulgents

aaaaaand cut their hair, exit stage, we never see them again

Saint-Just and Robespierre have a long conversation about oppression and dictatorship that takes several rapid and interesting turns

Robespierre: Maybe it is madness.

Saint-Just [over his shoulder]: It is not madness, it’s despair. [He turns round. Speaks nonchalantly, but clearly] Shoot yourself. [He stops by the window, aimlessly looking at the yard. Robespierre slowly falls onto the bed, lies down.]

I….what?!?

Antoine, what?????

Robespierre: *lies down for the first time in god knows how long* [He (Barère) rushes into the room. Robespierre, brutally wakened, lifts himself on his shoulder with a slight hiss of fright. In a second he gives the intruder a deadly look which totally puts Barère out of countenance.] Barère: Oh… I’m sorry. May I?… Robespierre [motionless, sits on the bed]: You’re asking that question somewhat late….

[Saint-Just comes in with a helpless shrug of his shoulders]

[Saint-Just watches him with glowing eyes]

[Both gens de la haute main (Robespierre and Saint-Just) look at each other as if mutually hypnotized by their appearance. A long pause of perfect immobility.]

Robespierre [tense all of a sudden. Dead silence in the room.] Do you hear?... Saint-Just [sulking]: What? Robespierre: The crowd is coming back. Saint-Just: Requiescant in pace.

[cockiestmageeorzea]

-Dere

Post is kinda long so I’m putting Khasar and Ryusuke under a cut.

Noxaelius:

DEREDERE

[] You tilt your head when you’re confused. [] You love sweets and cute things. [] You are often confused and lost in conversations with your friends. [] People often call you cute. [] You care a lot about your friends. [] You embarrass yourself a lot with silly question or statements. [] You like bright, soft colors. [] You enjoy listening to cute, sweet, gentle songs. [] You add things to the end of your friend’s names. [] People often say “aww” when you’ve done something clumsy/silly. [] You like anime/movies about romance, love and friendship. Total: 0

TSUNDERE [] You come off as tough and confident on the outside, when you are actually soft and emotional on the inside. [] You often hide your true feelings for someone. [x] You are caring but deny it when someone tells it to you. [x] You are protective. [] When someone bugs you, you tell them right away strongly, but are still worried that you’ve hurt them. [] You are easily embarrassed. [] Compliments make you feel awkward and you always deny them. [] You tease and bully the one you love to hide your feelings. [x] You can be violent at times. [] You may hurt people a lot, but regret it right away. [] You never cry in front of others. Total: 3

YANDERE [] You are often loving, caring, sweet - until someone upsets you badly. [] When angry, you normally hide it until the time for revenge is right. [] You can at times, be obsessive. [] People have said you are “two-faced”. [] People tell you that you’re nice, but can be creepy at times. [x] You scare the crap out of your friends when you get upset. [] People find it weird to see you anything other than gentle and smiling. [] When you’re upset, sometimes you still smile, even when saying something harsh. [x] You can get very violent. [] You love to help people, but often love to help yourself more. [] You like colors like dark blue or light red. Total: 2

KUUDERE [x] You don’t show your emotions to others. [x] When you become close to someone, you slowly open up. [] Although you don’t show it, you are easily made happy. [] You care for others a lot, still you don’t show it. [] People think you are mysterious. [] You can be shy. [] You aren’t very loud, rather silent. [x] You know who to trust and who not to. [] You choose which friend you can trust wisely. [] You like simple colors, like light purple or white. [] You are rather mature. Total: 3

DANDERE [] You are a shy person. [] You are quiet and don’t speak up for yourself. [] You look down instead of straight forwards when walking. [] You sometimes go to extreme levels just to get out of public speaking. [] You have stage fright. [] You are stoic and not very open. [] You hide yourself with your hair at times. [] You speak very quietly in case you say something silly or you sound weird. [] You are afraid of meeting new people. [x] You are a hard worker. [] You do not have as many friendships as others, but those you do have, you’ll cherish it very much. Total: 1

Nox ties with 3 in tsundere and kuudere but I wouldn’t consider him either...he doesn’t fit into any of them. He’s just...Nox-dere? His own type of dere. LOL

Khasar:

DEREDERE

[] You tilt your head when you’re confused.  [] You love sweets and cute things.  [x] You are often confused and lost in conversations with your friends.  [] People often call you cute. [x] You care a lot about your friends.  [] You embarrass yourself a lot with silly question or statements. [] You like bright, soft colors.  [] You enjoy listening to cute, sweet, gentle songs. [] You add things to the end of your friend’s names.  [] People often say “aww” when you’ve done something clumsy/silly. [] You like anime/movies about romance, love and friendship.  Total: 2

TSUNDERE [] You come off as tough and confident on the outside, when you are actually soft and emotional on the inside.  [] You often hide your true feelings for someone.  [] You are caring but deny it when someone tells it to you. [] You are protective.  [] When someone bugs you, you tell them right away strongly, but are still  worried that you’ve hurt them.  [] You are easily embarrassed. [] Compliments make you feel awkward and you always deny them.  [] You tease and bully the one you love to hide your feelings. [] You can be violent at times.  [] You may hurt people a lot, but regret it right away.  [] You never cry in front of others. Total: 0

YANDERE [] You are often loving, caring, sweet - until someone upsets you badly.  [] When angry, you normally hide it until the time for revenge is right.  [] You can at times, be obsessive.  [] People have said you are “two-faced”.  [] People tell you that you’re nice, but can be creepy at times.  [] You scare the crap out of your friends when you get upset.  [] People find it weird to see you anything other than gentle and smiling. [] When you’re upset, sometimes you still smile, even when saying something harsh.  [] You can get very violent.  [] You love to help people, but often love to help yourself more.  [] You like colors like dark blue or light red. Total: 0

KUUDERE [x] You don’t show your emotions to others.  [x] When you become close to someone, you slowly open up. [] Although you don’t show it, you are easily made happy.  [x] You care for others a lot, still you don’t show it.  [x] People think you are mysterious.  [] You can be shy. [x] You aren’t very loud, rather silent. [x] You know who to trust and who not to.  [x] You choose which friend you can trust wisely. [] You like simple colors, like light purple or white.  [x] You are rather mature.  Total: 8

DANDERE [] You are a shy person. [x] You are quiet and don’t speak up for yourself. [] You look down instead of straight forwards when walking. [x] You sometimes go to extreme levels just to get out of public speaking.  [] You have stage fright.  [x] You are stoic and not very open.  [] You hide yourself with your hair at times.  [] You speak very quietly in case you say something silly or you sound weird. [] You are afraid of meeting new people. [x] You are a hard worker.  [x] You do not have as many friendships as others, but those you do have, you’ll cherish it very much.  Total: 5

Apparently Khasar is mostly a kuudere with some dandere! Sounds sorta right.

Ryusuke:

DEREDERE

[] You tilt your head when you’re confused.  [] You love sweets and cute things.  [] You are often confused and lost in conversations with your friends.  [] People often call you cute. [x] You care a lot about your friends.  [] You embarrass yourself a lot with silly question or statements. [] You like bright, soft colors.  [] You enjoy listening to cute, sweet, gentle songs. [] You add things to the end of your friend’s names.  [] People often say “aww” when you’ve done something clumsy/silly. [] You like anime/movies about romance, love and friendship.  Total: 1

TSUNDERE [] You come off as tough and confident on the outside, when you are actually soft and emotional on the inside.  [x] You often hide your true feelings for someone.  [x] You are caring but deny it when someone tells it to you. [x] You are protective.  [] When someone bugs you, you tell them right away strongly, but are still  worried that you’ve hurt them.  [] You are easily embarrassed. [] Compliments make you feel awkward and you always deny them.  [] You tease and bully the one you love to hide your feelings. [] You can be violent at times.  [x] You may hurt people a lot, but regret it right away.  [x] You never cry in front of others. Total: 5

YANDERE [] You are often loving, caring, sweet - until someone upsets you badly.  [] When angry, you normally hide it until the time for revenge is right.  [] You can at times, be obsessive.  [] People have said you are “two-faced”.  [] People tell you that you’re nice, but can be creepy at times.  [] You scare the crap out of your friends when you get upset.  [] People find it weird to see you anything other than gentle and smiling. [] When you’re upset, sometimes you still smile, even when saying something harsh.  [] You can get very violent.  [] You love to help people, but often love to help yourself more.  [] You like colors like dark blue or light red. Total: 0

KUUDERE [] You don’t show your emotions to others.  [x] When you become close to someone, you slowly open up. [] Although you don’t show it, you are easily made happy.  [x] You care for others a lot, still you don’t show it.  [x] People think you are mysterious (sort of?).  [] You can be shy. [] You aren’t very loud, rather silent. [x] You know who to trust and who not to.  [x] You choose which friend you can trust wisely. [] You like simple colors, like light purple or white.  [x] You are rather mature.  Total: 6

DANDERE [] You are a shy person. [] You are quiet and don’t speak up for yourself. [] You look down instead of straight forwards when walking. [] You sometimes go to extreme levels just to get out of public speaking.  [] You have stage fright.  [] You are stoic and not very open.  [] You hide yourself with your hair at times.  [] You speak very quietly in case you say something silly or you sound weird. [] You are afraid of meeting new people. [x] You are a hard worker.  [] You do not have as many friendships as others, but those you do have, you’ll cherish it very much. 

Total: 1

According to this list, Ryusuke is more kuudere than tsundere...but I still think he’s more of a tsundere. If he has an interest in someone, he’s very unwilling to show it and will probably act like he doesn’t or deny it bluntly. And if someone calls him out on it, he might get embarrassed.

Didn’t get tagged by anyone. Just wanted to do it cause it seemed really fun!

Tagging: @nymeialillies (both chars) @lostbloodlines (both chars), @actualkomodo @mischiefandmystics @ffxiv-ignis

[zoekeating]

I found a narrative and that narrative became a song

As many of you know, four years ago my world exploded and disintegrated: my husband Jeff was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he died 8 months later and I became an only parent.

I spent a long time in a shell-shocked-limbo that I can barely remember (if I was weird to you during that time, I apologize!) and then I feel like I’ve been searching for the blown apart fragments of my life and trying to put them back together with tape but there are huge pieces missing and…what is the shape supposed to be again? I don’t know yet. It’s a process. I’m a process.

For the most part, I’ve been ok with that. But yeah, sometimes there is nagging voice in my head impatient for me to “bounce back”, “be resilient”, “overcome”, etc etc etc. It berates me to “get on with it”—whatever “it” is—so that then I can do the normal things that a successful artist does, like release a new album, something that seemed incredibly daunting in my new life.

So last year the folks at TEDMED invited me to speak. I thought about all the things I wanted to talk about. I could talk about the patient experience of health care. Or maybe I could talk about how I used to suffer from paralyzing stage fright until I discovered live looping—by recording short phrases of the cello and playing on top of them, I made a virtual cello orchestra to keep me company onstage and then I wasn’t afraid. I didn’t want to talk publicly about Jeff’s illness and death and what came after. I didn’t want to be defined by a story that was raw and painful and still bleeding.

I tried to write my talk about something else but as much as I didn’t want to be defined by loss, the biggest thing in my life was the gaping wound where my husband was. It would be insincere for me to give a talk about anything else.

So I started to write. I wrote iteratively in bits and pieces and as I wrote, a clearing appeared, and there was new music in it. As what I wanted to say crystalized into words, so did the music. I ended up making a talk and a song in parallel. In distilling my story, I found a narrative and that narrative became a song.

The act of finishing a single song made it seem possible for me to make another one, which I did after I gave the talk. And then I made another…

One theme running through all my music is the feeling of getting outside of things to get a bigger vista. I’m often looking for the musical equivalent of a bird’s eye view. It has been hard to get that kind of perspective of my life for the last few years. And frankly, it’s hard to imagine making something big, like an album, when you’ve lost your confidence, which I certainly had.

After I gave my talk, I could see that this process of looking at my personal story from afar, having an insight and then iterating on it, was very similar to how I make music. When I combine loops of cello together the resulting sounds and textures hint at new musical patterns to explore. When I wrote about what happened, thought about what I’d written and then refined it, the very process of doing that suggested new ways for me to think about it.

If I was to give another talk today, I might explore an idea I heard about during a subsequent performance that I had with Jad Abumrad, the founder and co-host of “Radiolab”. I was making live music for a talk he gave on the origins of the show in which he mentioned the idea of the “adjacent possible”, a term coined by the theoretical biologist Stuart Kauffman.

Bear with me for a second. Roughly, Kauffman’s theory as I understand it is that biological systems are able to transform into complex systems through incremental changes. Life didn’t start out complicated with something like a flying squirrel. First there were a bunch of carbon atoms, then those atoms combined to make molecules, then proteins, and then proteins made cells possible. Each step along the way created the possibility for the next step to occur, the adjacent possible. Kauffman’s idea has since been applied to social sciences, technology and creativity, describing how new insights can be generated by combining already existing ideas. The adjacent possible are the things made possible by what you are doing right now.

So for me, maybe the act of distilling my story at TEDMED created an adjacent possible for me, one where I’m able to make music again.

Here’s me talking about how music helped me think about life, love and loss, followed by a live performance of a new song called “Possible”. I’ll be releasing the studio version as part of a three-song EP on June 1.

Thank you, TEDMED.

Here is a link to the video.

(originally posted here on TEDMED)

[migleefulmoments]

Wow, the tinhats are on fire today. Bitching about it being disrespectful to have their sexuality defined for them (hypocrite, much?), actually saying Darren STATED ON RECORD that he was gay (wut, then why does he need a beard?), reading the minds of Darren's parents, apparently have direct access to Darren, Mia and Ben's bank statements to know how much money they have. These Emmys have really given them a fright and rattled their cages LMFAO.

I literally just wrote a post tagging them about that ridiculous post calling out someone for saying she is straight when she considers herself pan.  Whatever dude.  Getting angry over an anon calling you straight is f’ing pathetic when 1. you are nobody and there is no reason for anybody to give a shit about your sexuality and 2. you aren’t actually talking about your sexuality-pan or otherwise- on your blog. I mean if you had a blog that was about your sexuality then your sexuality should be respected but bitching because someone didn’t check your bio to see if you felt the need to proclaim your sexuality before posting about CC is pathetic.  Franky, I don’t fucking care who anybody except my husband sleeps with. I certainly wouldn’t feel the need to check a Tumblr bio to ascertain the sexuality of the owner of a blog whose sole reason for existence is to discount everything Darren says about himself, his sexuality, his love and to criticize every move he makes while blaming it on an elusive and every-expanding contract, the evil players in Hollywood, his inept yet all-controlling manager and the evil beard he hates but who controls his life simply to torture him and “get promotion”.   Oh, and she also exists to cyberbully Mia, a woman that she is so jealous of she spends her days creating and perpetuating lies to make herself feel better about her pea green envy of Mia. 

Basically the Emmy’s showed the world that Darren is deeply in love with and ridiculously smitten with Mia Swier.  It is really hard to defend your mantra that Chris is “captain of this ship” and supporting Darren with all his might because they have a LOVE for the ages and are in the fight of their lives against the evil of Hollywood when Darren wears his heart on his sleeve and declares his love so freely.  So let’s dissect their lies:

1. Did Darren state on Record that he was gay?  Well if he did it was in one poorly recorded livestream while telling a joke and he was off camera. He HAS actually stated with his mouth, while on camera, in clear language, and in written article after article, that he is straight.  He has elaborated on what it is like to play gay while being straight and he has talked about representation over and over. He has also said- out of his mouth, while on camera- that he is engaged to and loves Mia.  Back to the declaration “I’m gay”. Jordan Roth was Parascoping from an event viewing (Emmys?) and a bunch of guys were standing around. A pic of Taylor Swift in a bathtub had just broke the internet and he made a joke about it. Darren off camera makes a joke like “I see that everyday” and then something garbled is said amongst the laughing and over talking. CCers claim Darren says “but I’m gay” which seems odd that he would declare such a thing in that context, on a livestream. It isn’t a natural response to having just said you see “that sort of thing all the time” and WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE OUT HIMSELF LIKE THAT ON a LIVESTREAM?  Also I have listened to that audio a hundred times and I don’t hear “I’m gay”.  Oh, and Jordan doesn’t respond in the way one would if a closeted friend just screwed up and outed themselves. CCers hang on to that moment like it is a defining CC moment while disregarding and denying all of the times Darren has said he is straight and all the behavior that proves he is with in fact, the fiancee of a woman named Mia

2. Darren’s parents. I posted earlier that I believe the pics are “proof” that Charles doesn’t love or respect Cerina or Darren- he’s walking in front of them after all. He’s also reading his phone- another sign that means he doesn’t actually love or respect those he is with. NOBODY walks in front of someone they love and respect and NOBODY ever looks at their phone when they are with someone they care about and a picture isn’t a snapshot of 0.01 seconds of someone’s life...it is an entire story for strangers to dissect. The pics are are a “stunt” and not at all indicative that the group is annoyed that Paps are literally walking backwards in front of them snapping pictures. Nope they are statements about the disgust the person walking in front carries for the other members of the group. At least THAT is how Tinhatters have seen it every time pap pics of Darren and Mia are released and he’s in front of her or on his phone so it must apply here as well, right? 

3. There was also an argument that Cerina and Charles are pulling stunts,  pretending to be  “one big happy family” because “they love their child so much they would do anything”.  That isn’t how parental love works. Bad behavior, lies, and deception are not OK simply because you do it out of love.  I love my children to death but I would never outright deceive the world by literally participating in “stunts” over and over where I was putting on a performance that was counter to everyone’s best interest. I wouldn’t consider it “supporting my child” by doing anything that kept them in the closet or forcing them to lie over and over or colluding with them to pretend they are engaged to someone they hated. Ethics and morals still matter and doing what is right matters and supporting the good things-not the bad things- in our kids’ lives matter. But the CCers pretend that love matters more than anything...as long as it is about love then nothing else matters.  That is the Disney-princess version of life and love.  It doesn’t hold up in reality. 

4. Speaking of Makes No Sense... The idea that every time Mia is talked about, mentioned, in a photo or standing near Darren he is promoting her. WTF? “Promotion”.  Mia doesn’t even have social media...she isn’t promoting herself. Darren isn’t promoting her.  Stop being so f’ing jealous of her CCers.  It doesn’t look good on you.  

5. Ben...oh lord Ben.  That whole trope is entirely made up.  Ben might have stayed with them long ago but I follow him in IG and he is rarely in LA and never for more than a few nights. There is nothing to suggest he is even staying with them anymore.  Mia and Ben are clearly friends and Mia and Darren both  openly share their lives with her friends. Mia wearing Ben’s hat means absolutely nothing and Ben’s arm around Mia at an IHeartRadio event means they are friends and Ben supporting the bar means it is a fun place to hang out and he likes them.  Nothing more.  The whole story about them in bed and taking pictures on Valentine’s day 1854 is so pathetic and contrived... I just can't. Every time the CCers stomp their feet and yell “Ben Ben Ben HOW CAN YOU IGNORE BEN” I think of Trump and his pathetic attempts to prove that Mueller is a witch hunt...or Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingraham claiming they aren’t racist. It is just as desperate. 

There are a lot of comments today- made by single woman- about what a healthy relationship should look like. There is nothing about Ben and Mia and Darren except desperate CCers trying discount Darren and Mia’s engagement.  Hell, maybe both Darren and Mia are sleeping with Ben....a throuple if you will.  It doesn’t matter if they are because IT ISN’T ANY OF OUR BUSINESS.  Having been in a relationship for *cough *cough 24+ years with the same man, I can say that there is nothing about Mia and Darren- including Ben- that makes me think it isn't a healthy relationship. Long term relationships are hard work..not the stuff of Disney princess love and CC BS.  If Ben stays with them when he is in town, who cares? He is in town so little. I can imagine staying in hotels gets old and staying with friends whose home is filled with music and singing has to be a joy. 

I agree with you, the Emmys rattled the CC family... big time.  It is hard to ignore the look Darren gave her as he declared her “my darling Mia” and said the most romantic thing I have heard a man use to proclaim to his love ...well, EVER. It is hard posting the same pics of Darren and Chris talking on stage over and over and over and over and pretend that means they are in love or that it wasn’t 10 years ago. They have sunk to arguing that when we watch Glee we aren’t seeing Klaine on screen but rather that is CrissColfer and they aren’t acting..they are in love in RL.  Um, dude NO, those were characters. They were reading lines written for them by writers. They were following stage direction and hitting marks.  After the Emmys, the CCers were left analyzing WHERE Darren and Mia’s noses touched because their kiss during the excitement of hearing his name announced wasn’t perfectly coordinated.  Darren’s aim was a little off -apparently- they bumped noses and that proves they don’t kiss often. I MEAN THAT IS IRREFUTABLE PROOF THEY ARE FAKE.  There was also a proclamation that clearly Mia practiced on objects and other people so she could grab Darren’s face and plant one on him after his name was announced.  Making that kind of shit up is the epitome of desperation. They are running scared. Their entire fandom is based on lies, anger, hate and criticizing people who don’t care about them. So when it falls apart, there is no reason to be a CC Family. Their international friendships which are glued together by their hatred and envy of Mia, ceases to have a reason to exist. When it all falls apart, they have no reason to be so sanctimonious or self righteous and they cease to be internet “famous” as they have labeled themselves.  If they aren’t fighting for Darren’s very soul, they don’t matter. That just sucks. Of course I watch them double down on “how will NEVER marry her” and I know they are setting themselves up for a big fall...it’s a train wreck happening in slow motion. Of course he will marry her. He has said so publicly several times. Their friends congratulated them and showered them with love-ya know, people who actually know them.  I know the CC family will have a few days of anger and then they will regroup and talk about how getting married to one’s beard is the new “breaking up with one’s beard” and that Chris was supporting Darren with everything he had. They will hate the beautiful wedding song Darren and performs for Mia and then they will claim it was really a secret message for them-the people who are really listening- to proclaim his undying love for Chris. Chris will continue to ignore Darren and while most of Hollywood sends Darren and Mia love, the CCers will claim that the ONLY reason Chris wouldn’t send a social media post to Darren is because he contractually can’t. That alone is telling...there is NO other reason he would ignore Darren... I mean, that is the only thing that makes sense, right? 

[kholoudnine]

THE ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS

Hey guys!

So I have just come out of last weekend's book fest, am writing this at like 4am waiting for my sleep aids to finally kick in because I really should be going to bed now, and I thought It'd be a good time to start a blog post.

This past week has been crazy and just picking up more and more as it goes on. I've been ordering books, selling to stores(more to come on that little detail soon), signing up for signings in other states, booking meetings, and getting together more places to perform my art live. It's a work out for sure but the more I do the clouser I feel like I am to where I wanna be in life, so it's all worth a little lack of sleep. Although I have been making a commitment to sticking to a decent regemin for taking care of myself. If you read my poetry, you know I struggle with this daily, but if I wanna be at my best on stage and at signings and in my work, than it's an important step. It's also something I wanna encourage. For people not to just accept the narrative of being unhealthy and tired, if you're unhealthy and tired, strive to change that. I have so many ideas for blog posts and videos about how I've been going about doing that which I hope you'll enjoy and take something from. This post though, I wanted to talk about something that I've been asked for a lot lately, advice.

Now I knew when I started this that there would be people who looked up to me and people who want to know I did it and want to know what they can do for their dream and just wanna know more about my journey, the thing about that was just I thought all that as a little kid and I thought it'd be something that came from record deals and being rich and screaming stadiums, never did I think my self-published books and my open mic performances would draw so many people asking me for guidance through their own journey or draw so much curiosity for how I got where I am today (which for a time I thought wasn't very far). I've even been mistaken as a professional in the craft, someone with years of signings and publishing under their belt. This got me thinking, what exactly makes a professional, and what do I have to offer?

So for the people who ask me about my experience, I've pretty much been at this my whole life. It's been a constant uphill battle for me with anxiety and doubt and obstacles of all sort pushing back, but since I was a little child dressed as Hannah Montana and using letter stencils to write songs I was sure this is when I wanted. Something I need. That meant going to every free class I could find. The library funded a lot of my passion and education, with improv and acting classes, guitar lessons, computer courses, open mics, and workshops. I lived in libraries. I would read books about design and flip through adventures, I'd sit in the stacks learning about podcasts, I took photography and leadership in freshman and sophomore year of high school (for the gods' awful times I was in online school *shudders*). I still go to those classes now, the maker's space is going to help me tremendously in the next coming year. I'm so excited about it all still. For a long time with all those classes, I was still the quiet one. Even with all these teachers believing in me, I couldn't beileve in my own voice. I didn't think I could speak, and around my peers I was still weird, so I was quiet. Until JYPS workshop, that is when I was put on a stage for the first time in my teenage career. Working with the group definitely drove me to who I am now, instead of just being taught poetry, I was taught business, I was taught to stand on corners and give out flyers, to promote myself, to be confident and build connections, and I still go now. I'll be there this weekend, learning just like everyone else will be. This is where I found my voice. So as you can see, I've got experience, but I'm still trying to learn more. I don't really think I'll ever not be a student.

Knowing that, I will now give my best advice. I'm going to break it down into FAQ's because I do get a lot of questions, and most are more or less the same things.

1. How Do yoU Find Events?

I find all of my events through my mum and word of mouth. My mother started releasing books about a year before I did and she finds a lot of the events this year since most are ones she researched years prior. Other events I find through the library system and old fashioned word of mouth, it is not uncommon for people to come to my performances or see me at a signing and invite me to another somewhere else. Networking is key. Always remember to talk to people at these things as you'll never know who you'll meet. Do not be afraid to ASK "Hey can I preform here? Hey what signings are there in town? Hey Siri search local book signings?" You'll find something surely.

2. How Do You Find Inspiration?

Everywhere. My life, other books and art, music, dancing, etc. I've been dancing and gotten entire scenes in my head randomly or laying back and listening to music then I'll start replaying the song as a whole outline shows itself to me. It's really a magickal thing, being an artist. It does take practice for some to get to that level of spacey but you can always start by writing about what you know. Many scenes or emotions or characters in my books can be connected to my life in some way or another, maybe an altered moment, maybe a name I heard, maybe a character that reminds me heavily of a friend. Start with writing what you know, I will occasionally write out my thoughts like a novel when I'm trying to sort things out or I'm in a funk, find your thing.

3. How Do You Get Over Stage Fright?

You just do it. Get on stage, it's really the only way I've found to deal with it. A lot of people don't know this but I do have grand stage fright, to the point of running off the stage when I was younger actually. It still bothers me and I'm in constant management with it. If you don't get on stage you'll surely never get over it. Start small. For me going up and performing in front of people who don't know me, acting as a character who was not me, would help tremendously. Occassionally I'll still channel some more confident and emotionally showing version of myself for my performances, it's whatever works as a small step for you. Some people feel more comfortable anon like me, but others may want to start by preforming in front of people they trust and slowly work their way to strangers. Don't push yourself too far to fast, and don't worry about if you start by running off the stage, you get over it.

4. How Do You Self-Publish?

There are several ways to self-publish your books, the way I chose to go through primarily was Amazon. I put my books on their website (not signing their exclusivity contract) and then I can sell it other places. So I've also been trying to add my books to Lulu, I have previews up on Tablo and Wattpad, and I'm selling them to a local bookstore. Amazon prints my books so I do pay them to order the copies but I do not pay the same price as a normal costumer, since they are mine I only pay the cost of shipping and printing. You can find loads of other self-publishing routes with some diligent research, look around and find what's right for you, don't be afraid to ask other authors who self-publish questions at book signings, many are willing to help others.

5. What are the benefits of self publishing?

Since I self-publish my book I get to tell the story my way, without some of the hurtles trade might give me. For instance, my books are quite dark and do contain not only strong language but descriptive violence. When JK Rowling was publishing Harry Potter, Ron actually swore quite a lot, but because the publisher felt the book series would appeal so well to children, they had her change that about the character so as not to poke any parents. Prisoner Nineteen could bring a very wide audience (though I in no way compare my work to Harry Potter) but seeing as the characters are mostly quite young (the main being only fourteen) I could see it drawing in a younger crowd than would be expected for a series like it, because I published it myself, I don't have to worry about that. I market it as YA, and really leave it up to the reader (and their parents) what they feel comfortable reading. This for me is the biggest plus of self-publishing, you get no deadlines and complete creative freedom.

6. How Do You Write A Book?

I can't exactly tell you that. Everyone has a different way of writing their book, I've seen a million different writing styles and writing processes, it's really up to you how you write your book. As for finshing it, what helped me was having a clear goal and deadline in mind.

7. How Do You Balance Everything?

Chaotically. I'm definitely not going to lie and say this is all super easy. Meetings, school, art projects, volunteering, blogs, writing, signings, performances, and whatever else I have to do that week balanced on having a social life and not going crazy? It's not exactly easy. And occasionally you will probably freak out and/or cry from stress and anxiety, that does happen to me sometimes, but if it's what you want to be doing and I mean really want to be doing? Oddly enough, it doesn't feel like work a lot of the times. It feels great to be able to be doing something you actually love and want to be doing. If going a little bit crazy is a part of the process, eh, just makes for better writing and more theatrics. Did the sane man really ever make great art or great changes?

8. How Do You Get Your Stuff?

So usually this is directed towards my merch. Everything you see on my tables is customised and designed by yours truly (save for things like my lights or shell). I get an idea, I plan it out, and I then search all over the internet to find my supplies. (Honey really helps with this. Save money, create smarter.) Look on Pinterest or Tumblr or at other cons to try and think of something that fits your book.

9. How Do You Find The Courage?

Caffeine. Straight to the vein. I just get an iv drip before every apperence.

No but, really it's a lot of channeling your nerves into your work. Of deciding if this is really really really something you wanna be doing. If the answer to that is yes? You'll find your courage and strength. A support system doesn't hurt. If that can't be friends or parents, then you can find it in groups. Look around your local art scene. I'm sure somewhere there's a workshop or two, check on NaNaWrimo they do video chats, join a group on social media, find a pen pal, but nothing can really replace knowing people are rooting for you and knowing that you're working towards your dream goals.

10. How old are you?

I am eighteen years old and my birthday is June 24th, so. You're certainly not too young to do something and make decisions with your life. There is no "starting age" that's when you decide it is.

And to close, the thing that makes you a professional. I really didn't know, but a friend of mine posted online a few days ago "You are a rapper if you are rapping." This I think is true in all things. Especially in art, there is no point when you should ever stop learning, but you are what you are. If you sing, and you're serious about it, you are a singer. If you dance, and you're serious about it, you are a dancer. If you act, and you're serious about it, you are a dancer. If you write, and you're serious about it, you are a writer.